#the pieces of the puzzzle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

verbo-s-e · 10 months

Text

july 17, 2023 9:25 pm

a year ago today you followed me on instagram out of the blue. well kind of.

ironically, i may have unblocked you just to take a peek at what you were up to. reignite that glimmering flame below my tuchus. was not very successful in reigniting it.

i’m second guessing every decision.

every. single. one.

i finally cracked a big piece of the puzzzle. only took two months. but progress, not perfection, amirite?

so much of our relationship has felt heavy and wrought with deep layers of a lot of things. but the main one? you guessed it: gaslighting. such a fun word, isn’t it? i’ve been so stuck on the years of gaslighting already AND this whole ‘best friend’ bullshit.

how that one text message was dripping with insincere words of ultimate friendship. then to take it a step further — to say i ‘deserve better in a friend than what ive given you, and i will prioritize doing right by you. whatever that means.’

hmm. whatever that means.

does that mean going silent and i’m the one reaching out to you to set up our little ‘meeting’. does that mean me reaching out day of — going out of my mind with anxiety and every single emotion, only to hear from you an hour before we were to meet? does that mean only having 45 minutes to meet - to lay four and a half years of pain out on the operating table to sew up and fix? does that mean getting my vulnerability thrown back in my face? does that mean you needing to know so badly what my feelings were for you? how i felt about the two of you together?

what did any of it mean? truly, genuine question —

WHAT did any of it mean??

i was never your best friend. you never ONCE made me feel like i was your best friend. i was just the best friend to you. and honestly, i’m so fucking embarrassed that i let that go as long as it did.

i want to run over to your house, bang on your door and rip you a new asshole, here to timbuktu. let you really have it and know how much all of that was absolutely not ok. we both know i won’t.

instead i’ll cry at the series finale of sex and the city and eat my weight in buratta.

i hâte you.

#verbo-s-e #verbo-s-e blog

0 notes

yycryptidmartyryy · 10 months

Text

“oh yeah have you seen that gmod ARG called gunslingerpr-ITS NOT A FUCKING ARG DUMBASS THERES NOTHING FUCKING ABOUT IT THAT MAKES IT AN ARG THERES NO GAME ELEMENT THERESE NO VIEWER TO CHARACTER INTERACTION THERE ARENT EVEN ANY FUCKING PUZZZLES OR EVEN A CIPHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT ANNOUING CLOUT-CHASING COCKSUCKER HOLY SHIT EVERY TIME EVERY FUCKING TIME WITH THESE PEOPLE GET RIPPED TO SHREDS WITH MY IMPRESSIVE CANINES

0 notes

warondrab · 1 year

Link

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: 2️⃣Puzzzle Bundle!!!!!.

0 notes

leonardmccoyofficial · 2 years

Text

Putting boundaries in place feels bad and I don’t like it, but I know it’s necessary and helps me grow in the long run. I called mom like 7 times last night and she didn’t answer once, but she just called me high as a kite and wanted to talk about getting the chair taken out of the front yard and reminisce about Ms. Becky and it just made me upset. She’s still living in those times and I can’t get her to leave them bc she’s afraid, so she just makes both of our lives much more stressful and chaotic. Like it’s midnight and she’s just calling me for the first time today… when sherry calls she answers every time, but when I call it’s like it doesn’t even connect to her phone, but that’s not true bc I can see she’s active and on her device, just not talking to me. This shit makes me wonder about all of the psychological damage I’ve been on the receiving end of because of her just not wanting to be a parent. I think about coming home by myself every day since i was in the 4th grade bc she never wanted to come and get me from school, from any social event, from a friends house etc. I think about all the times she abandoned me or lost her temper and how all of this has shaped the scared, withdrawn person I have become. But I continue to give and give and give to her until I’m empty and she calls me a bitch and slaps me again. Until she makes like it never happened and we’re best friends, again… After jack used me for negro field day practice, i feel small and useless. Like I can put effort into anyone and they still won’t care, won’t see me. I’ve given so much of myself away in this lifetime that I hardly know who I am anymore and it’s so hard trying to come back to pieces of myself and put them together. It feels like I took a bunch of different puzzzles from different eras in my life and jumbled them altogether. Like trying to put them together will never work no matter how hard I try. I feel fake trying to reach out to people from my past bc of how far forward they have moved in comparison to myself, feels like I’m trying to hard for a connection that expired. Reaching out to new people is scary, not bc of rejection, but because of the potential loss. After things with Sachi going south recently, it feels like I’ve been playing a big game with myself. A nice round of “How Long Can You Keep This Shit Up?” Which I always lose bc the answer is always, not very long. But being told you’re manipulative and a bad friend by someone who’s been really close to your heart, is deeply hurtful and disappointing. I want to say I’m hurt, but it’s more like I can feel my heart trying to bury this and move on. Like if this is the way people are going to treat me then I should just retreat back into my solitude, where it’s safe. I’ve been feeling lonely but I always hear Hindz saying “you’re never alone, bc you’re always in great company” and it does help, it just hurts. I want to be vulnerable with people and know that it will be safe, but I keep trying and it keeps becoming something I regret later down the line. I’m starting to wonder, what’s wrong with me? Nina asked me if I think my being upset has anything to do with Dellar going mia and I didn’t respond yet. The answer is obvious, it plays a part, but it’s more an a chain of events I would have never expected to happen in my lifetime and it’s impacted me pretty seriously. It’s been rough recently because I feel like I’m always changing, but I haven’t been able to keep track of the growth and really give it any appreciation in the past few years bc I have to work so hard to maintain my life, maintain my few relationships. If I am honest though, it’s deeply hard still going, and trying to be positive in the past few months. I feel so stuck, like I’m wasting time and money and making no progress in much of anything. I feel afraid to go out and do things again, like my confidence is a helium balloon with no string, one slip up and it’s gone again. While that’s normal, it’s just been feeling like the tank is running low and I’m running out of balloons?

#steph talks

1 note · View note

pandaskull101 · 5 years

Text

The Boy and The Demon chapter 9 the Pieces of the Puzzle

Hello everyone i am back again sorry for the long wait i have been having some medical issues and bad case of writer's block. Anyway enough about me here is chapter 9 of the story i hope u enjoy.

Kevin never liked cars, driving, fixing, or perhaps building one from scratch he liked. Being a passage in one, not being able to do anything but waiting for the driver to reach the destination, was his least favorite. However, the situation he was in right now was beating his underlined claustrophobia. He thought that getting a ride from Double dorks mom and dad wouldn't be so bad, free rides wins over walking, oh how wrong he was. ‘This is what I get for choosing to walk than drive my bike. Man this sucks, they can at least turn the radio on. Anything would be better than this fucking silence.’ After a few seconds go by Kevin nerves couldn't take it anymore. “So um thanks for the ride Mr. and Mrs. Vincent I really appreciate it.”

“Hm oh it is no trouble Melvin now where do u live again.” Mrs. Vincent turned her head to the back seat to look at kevin who was behind the driver seat.

Fingers twitching he smiled at Edd’s mother “It's kevin and I live right across from you guys in the cul de sac,”

“Oh you are the Barr’s child then. I did not know you were friends with Eddward, how marvellous.” Even Though she sounded happy if you looked close you can tell what she said left a bad taste in here mouth that may ruin her taste buds forever.

“Actually mother,” Edd intervened seeing Kevin eyes become a dark swamp green color and his clenched jaw. “ Kevin and I have been friends for quite a while now actually. He was the one who escorted me to the nurse after someone had thrown a ball at my head.” Hearing Edd speak made Kevin relax a bit but not much.

“He seems somewhat well mannered than those two children you call friends. Honestly i do not know why you still associate with them, they will only bring you done in the long run.” cold, distant and harsh but smooth and strict. Mr.Vincent voice cut the air in the car like one of Nazz's katanas, sharp.

Licking his lip Edd responded “Father they are my friends my best friends in fact.”

Eddwards father didn't look at him he just faced forward eyes on the road oblivious of his son’s nervous fidgeting.

“Oh that reminds me, Your extra curriculum teacher emailed me a few days ago about your grades. In the email it stated that you have been lacking in your studies and your grades have been slipping do you know why?” Mrs. Vincent asked her sweet welcoming voice turning slightly cold and annoyed.

Eddward and kevin tensed both looking at each other knowing why his studies have been affected. Taking a calming breathe Edd answered. “ No I,”

“I think it is,” her voice cut him off the sweet tone gone replaced with a neutral tone of someone who know they are superior, “Because you are spend too much time with those two children, if not that than it is those useless contraptions you seem make for them.”

“But-but mother,”

“Eddward i have told you if you want to stay here you must keep up your grades both in school and your college courses, honestly you need to start making a effort all i have been seeing is work a toddler could complete with no studying to prepare it.”

“Yes mother i will work harder,” Edd spoke softly and sadly as he looked down into his lap.

Kevin having just seen his somewhat friend's parents put him down made him uncomfortable and anger, but what pushed him was the sadden look in his eyes. He wanted to say something anything to let them know that they are hurting him, but he never got to. In his anger he never noticed they had arrived in the cul du sac or that Double d was talking to his parents only when Edd opened the car door for him did he snap out of it. Getting out and stretching he looked around and noticed the retreating backs of Double d’s parents.

“Kevin are you okay,” his head snapped to the shorter man his face blank, “ I asked Mother and Father if I could walk with you to your house if that is okay with you of course.”

Shrugging his shoulders he slid his backpack on and started the walk to his house with Edd beside him. “So your parents don’t know you off people for a living,”

“No they do not know and i do not intend to tell them that i am an assassin i mean what would they think of me kevin.”

“Well to be honest they don't seem to think all that good of you dork. If you wanted my honest opinion i think they don't really much care for you, like to them you're more of a um pet.”

“Are you comparing me to an animal kevin.”

“What no i’m saying from what i saw and heard they don’t care for you like like,”

“Like how your parents treat and care you, no one parenting styles are the same kevin anyone with a child can tell you that. Furthermore my parents love me maybe not in the way your parents love you but they love me. See you tomorrow at school Barr.” with that Edd turned and walk back to his home leaving kevin in the middle of the street bewildered.

“Wait what”

Back to the Celtic Island

“Ian and Savannah vincent huh?”

“Yes,”

Rave narrowed his eyes at the duo next to him, “That's strange when you two walked in here you called her grace not savannah.”

Smiling kindly and gently she replied “Grace is my middle name,you must have a fantastic ear and memory to remember that.”

“Well it is nice to meet you as well. Kevin never said he knew another pair of Vincent's other than Eddward and his parents.” Rave almost missed the clenched jaws and twitch of fingers from the raven haired duo.

“Oh yes we haven't seen them in so long i wouldn’t be surprised that Kevin wouldn't remember them.” The red haired male said somewhat nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Mh hm so,” picking up some of his sea salt fries and dipping them in ketchup, “how do you 4 know each other if you don't mind me asking.”

“Charlie and i met during work and the wives met through us.” Ian not missing a beat to answer nicely and cleanly.

“Speaking of meeting people we have to go meet those people about the house so.” Charlie intervening in the unlining and sly interrogation.

“Oh right come on honey finish your drink and lets go.”

Downing her drink in one breathe, she stood and turned to face rave and nat,“Well it was nice to meet you Rave and Nathan i can’t wait to see you both again.”

With that the four took their leave, as the the two teens sat at the bar watching them. “Well that was strange right? Goldberg? Goldberg? NATHAN!”

“Huh what did you say sweet cheeks?”

Rolling his eyes Rave picked his shake up and sip through the straw“you okay you seemed out of it, like you were plotting and that is never a good sign.”

“No i'm okay just thinking is all.” Smiling, Nat slipped his hand into raves empty one and brought it to his lips and kissed it.

“Care to share those thoughts,” rave pulled his hand free from from the golden eyed teens loose grip.

“I can show you better than i can tell you beautiful,”

Rave never blushed so much in his life and nat never had so much food thrown in his face before.

Nazz's house

“And then he just walked away and left me in the middle of the street nazz. I mean what the hell is his problem i just said what i thought and from what i saw, they treat him like shit. Who treats their own child like a pet or a person who is not good enough to breathe next to them. Edd is hella worthy, he bust his ass in school and work as an assassin, doctor, and cleaner. Plus he is also taking college courses nazz college. We just started freshman year and he is already a step ahead of everyone in school.”

Nazz sipped her tea watching her best friend pace in her room ranting yelling and sometimes cussing about what happened with the beanie wearing Ed. “so what happened is that you were being a insensitive jerk to Edd and plus you found out that he has a lot on his shoulders and now you feel bad but still pissed off that he just shut you out right.”

Kevin stopped pacing he look at nazz, after a moment he collapsed on her bed and pick up her pink fluffy pillow and screamed his anger and frustration out. After a few minutes of muffled screams he lifted the pillow from his face. “yeah that's basically it i guess, i feel like i should apologise but i also feel like i shouldn't.”

Arching a blonde eyebrow she stood and sat on her bed next to him“And why is that don't you feel bad about what you said?”

“Of course i do but i know that by now he probably told his parents what i said.” He took a deep breath at this know full well that Edd very very likely told them, “I don't mind apologizing to Edd but i meant what i said about his parents and i will say it to their face too.”

“Well at least you want to make amends to double d,” smiling Nazz place her hand on his knee in support, “lucky for you he never misses a day of school and if you need any help to get him to listen i will gladly help.”

Placing his hand over hers he gave a small smile.“Thanks nazz,”

“So,” her sweet smile turning into a mischievous cat like grin, “it's Edd now i thought you called him double dork or dweeb or was it double dweeb?”

Kevin faced palmed and groaned out over Nazz's laughter.“Oh god not you too,”

#pandaskull101 #The Boy And The Demon #kevedd #kevedd fanfiction #chapter 9 #the pieces of the puzzzle #the pieces of the puzzle

21 notes · View notes