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secret-engima · 4 years

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Like,, I know u only know the fma and undertale fandom through absorption but like imagine, Edward Elric and Alphonse are the ones to fall down the hole instead of Frisk. Or, them having the save point/resets powers. Ed is Determination Personified u can't convince me otherwise. This Kid got trapped in a mine shaft with a pole through his stomach and was like,, yeah, I need u to pull it out and I'll heal myself with Experimental Powers and, with a hole in his back, fucked off to beat Up kimblee.

That would be terrifying and amazing holy cow. Imagine, also, if their Undertale adventure happened BEFORE the main plot of FMA. Like- when they did the Forbidden Alchemy and Truth yote them through his gate, something went sideways and wrong because of Ed’s sheer levels up Stubborn and so they both wound up IN the underground. Al with his body and Ed with … most of his? I still kinda want him to be missing that initial arm. Just cause.

Anyway cue Toriel finding the possibly covered in blood and crying children and her rushing to heal them and stuff and Al and Ed going on a grand Undertale adventure and TOTALLY doing at least two runs (neutral and then pure pacifist to make it right), Ed learning to abuse the HECK out of the save point system and determination over alchemy while Al … honestly I want Al to learn monster magic. Like- he and Ed obviously find a way to save the day but like- they totally figure out a way to use monster magic. Perhaps in a slightly more alchemic way but STILL something that isn’t “in the norm or rules” of basic alchemy.

Also also if I REALLY super wanted to AU this then it would JUST be Ed who falls into the underground and his brother Al isn’t his original little brother at all (he would be an only child in this au) but would be ASRIEL who Ed un-flowey-ed and turned into a human by like- using alchemy to build an inert human body (because that doesn’t break the Laws of Alchemy) and then using his own Determination to help build/stabilize Asriel’s soul and stuff it in there so boom. New bby brother he is monstrously overprotective of after they get back to his world which is like-a separate dimension from the Undertale dimension.

…. you know what that is amazingly interesting.

DARNIT I HAVE A NEW AU.

-Ed loses the only person in his life he loves and he is smart and desperate and has no sibling to even moderately hold him back. He studies under Teacher and he plans and then he-

-Makes the biggest mistake of his life.

-And he is going to lose everything for it, he KNOWS this down to his Soul as the thing called Truth laughs at his hubris and the gates yawn wide. But just before it can take him, just before it can UNMAKE him he-

-Refuses.

-His Determination burns and

-He

-Falls

-He wakes up, sobbing and in pain, the stump that was once his arm pounding with his heart. There is a face over his, a face that isn’t human, but he has no time to be afraid because the blackness takes him.

-He wakes up in an unfamiliar bed that smells like cinnamon, with a bandaged arm and the monster he will soon know to be Toriel sleepingly fitfully in an armchair by his bedside.

-He doesn’t take it well. He is a hot-tempered child prone to violence, he is a grieving child who does not take boundaries well. But … he is still a child, and he is hurt and grieving and scared. He spends months in Toriel’s care and he … loves her.

-He discovers save points day they fight in the basement and he screams-screams-screams with her dust on his hands.

-(there are two ways this AU might go at this point, one is that Ed snaps and goes on a Genocide run until he meets Sans in the Hall of Judgement(? I think that’s what it’s called) and there Ed has a change of heart and performs a True Reset, OR he just reloads the save point from before his fight with Toriel without leaving the ruins at all. Because I’m an Angst Lover™, my personal HC is the first option).

-Toriel can never get him to tell her why he sometimes stumbles into her room in the night and sobs apologies into her nightshirt, clutching at her with his one hand.

-His run after that is a True Pacifist run (yes yes I’ve read that has to be the second run after a Neutral but this is AU). He’s already got the blood of one mother (one run, one world) on his hands, he refuses to add anyone else’s). He meets the monsters of the Underground, and he is awed by their magic just as they are awed by his alchemy, and Alphys makes him a shiny new arm to replace his old one after they figure out that he CAN learn monster magic for some reason (the Gate, blame the Gate, humans in this world don’t have a Gate).

-And he learns things, and befriends people and sometimes he watches Sans and Papyrus and feels an ache that isn’t his arm and wonders why he feels like something is Missing™, like that should be a mirror of him and another when he is an only child. But he loves the brothers anyway, and he treats Papyrus like his hero, because he remembers this skeleton who was so very very SURE he could be a good person if he just TRIED, and he gives Undyne water because she may be scary and angry but she’s also kind of cool and he wants to be friends.

-But sometimes fighting is inevitable, no matter how much he refuses to kill and so when everything unravels and Flowey becomes his adult Asriel form … Ed fights. He fights and fights.

-But he does not kill

-He choses Mercy.

-And in the end, when Asriel insists he cannot rejoin the monsters as himself, Ed, being the stubborn genius he is, says, “Then be my brother.”

-And there among the flowers, using materials scavenged from the Underground and supplemented with magic, Ed makes an empty shell that looks a bit like him, but not quite. Younger. Gentler. He fuses magic and alchemy and pure unrelenting Determination to give this boy a second chance just like he was given one and…

-And the boy in the flowers opens his bright gold eyes.

-He wiggles his fingers in awe and Ed laughs until he cries.

-“What should my name be?” The boy (Ed’s little brother) asks shyly, “I don’t … think Asriel OR Flowey fit me anymore.”

-“How about Alphonse?” Ed asks, the name sitting easy on his tongue, “It’s a name from a book I read in the aboveground. I can call you Al!” And the boy named Alphonse smiles shyly and hand in hand they stumble up the path to the door that leads to the outdoors, to freedom and light and life-.

-They step over the threshold and the world crumbles.

-The Underground was magic, and magic had kept Truth from finding the wayward Edward, but once they were outside-.

-They tumble back through the gates on a burst of magic so strong Truth cannot stop them and steal anything more.

-They wake up on the bloodstained floor of Ed’s old family home.

-Winry’s grandmother (I forget her name atm) finds them when she comes to check on Ed, having seen the brilliant flash of light that came from the transmutation circle. She comes to … conclusions … when she sees Ed huddled there with a boy who looks like him but Not clutched in his arms, one arm now METAL like automail and an older haunted look in his eyes as he stares at her like he hasn’t seen her in a long, long time.

-She doesn’t ask. She just takes them home. When Winry asks who the other boy is, Ed says “That’s Alphonse. He’s my brother.” And something in his tone brooks no argument.

-It’s a small town, but the Elrics have always been Odd, so no one really questions it when Winry’s grandmother says that the boy’s father showed up late one night and dropped off a child from another woman (even Winry is told this story, though she … has suspicions as she grows older). Ed’s arm is explained as an alchemy accident, and if the “automail” that is a foreign design and strange makeup well … the Rockbells are eccentric mechanical geniuses. It’s probably just a new design.

-Roy Mustang knows none of these things when he comes looking for a genius alchemist. He finds the bloody circle like in canon, he talks to Ed about the military.

-Ed quietly tells him no.

-Funnily enough, the world still has a happy ending. Because Alphonse has never been aboveground save that one tragic time and he is curious about the world, so Ed and Al take to traveling, doing odd jobs with Alchemy to get by, and this somehow leads them getting dragged into the plot and probably Ed still joining the military just to get nosy people off his back.

-But the Homonculus are going to get a NASTY shock when they try their plot, because Ed and Al have already seen the end of that Run and they are not going to do it again and for all Alchemy is a known factor that Father can control.

-Magic and Determination?

-Not. So. Much.

#SE asks #oliverslewty asks #Secret Engima Rambles #NEW AU #aaaaaaaaa #Anthem for the Homesick verse

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mothermaidenclone-blog · 5 years

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Ad Astra or This Movie Was the Brad Pitts

Ad Astra was the worst movie I have paid to see since 2015’s Kill Your Friends, which is my least favourite cinema experience of all time. It was a dry and dreary story about emotionally stunted white men in a bleak and boring capitalist version of space, with jarring and superfluous Christian undertones. The plot and everyone’s motives were so non-existent that Brad Pitt had to narrate the whole thing in a monotone so flat and dead I literally screamed all the way from the cinema to the bus stop when it was over, partly out of a frustration so deep it was non-verbal, but also just to finally hear some pitch variation.

*Ad Astra spoilers follow*

There technically were women in this movie. Lots of women, particularly women of colour, occupied high ranking positions and were addressed by their titles, a touch I think is important and that usually tips the scales in favour of a good review for me. We were graced with Adjutant General Vogel (LisaGay Hamilton), Captain Lu (Freda Foh Shen), Sergeant Romano (Kimmy Shields), Tanya Pincus (Natasha Lyonne) and Lorraine Deavers (Kimberly Elise), as well as several unnamed female personnel (Kayla Adams, Elisa Perry, Sasha Compère and Mallory Low). I would like to particularly highlight Natasha Lyonne’s performance as apparently she was the only actor employed to play a human being and not a replicant. She was on screen for maybe twenty seconds, as is sadly the case with most of these women, but was a glorious breath of fresh air as the only character to simultaneously emote expressively and speak with inflection and enthusiasm. The only one! In a two hour movie!

All of these women appear to be respected and capable members of various illustrious teams, but are always outnumbered by men. There are two male generals alongside Vogel and Deavers is initially outnumbered 4:1 on her space craft by men. Tragically, whenever a team is being picked off, it is always the people of colour who die first. Not only is this obviously racist, it is just a disgusting cliché that we just don’t need to see anymore in movies. Deavers dies first when Roy (Brad Pitt) forcibly invades their vehicle, followed by Franklin Yoshida (Bobby Nish), an Asian man, and Donald Stanford (Loren Dean), a white guy, is the last to go. Roy cradles him in his arms and attempts to save his life. I hope it’s not just me that sees something wrong with the order of events there.

A similar scenario takes place in the lunar chase, which absurdly seems to occur in the same crapy looking buggies as the original moon landing, a confusing visual choice considering we’ve just seen a vast and impressive modern concrete moon base. The film takes the time to introduce us to Willie Levant (Sean Blakemore), a black officer who will be escorting Ray across the moon. As soon as we see he has a photo of his wife and child taped to his tablet screen I knew he was going to die - in the year 2019 I should not be able to predict that a black character is going to die because we saw a family photo. Can we just not anymore? Again, aside from the racism, that’s just shitty writing. I like to think that as a species, if we can conceptualise something as vast and seemingly impossible as solar travel, we can also move beyond basic and derogatory cinematic tropes.

I was most excited by the appearance of Helen Lantos (Ruth Negga), a woman of colour who occupies a position of power on Mars and introduces herself assertively using her full name. Also, her whole look was excellent. However, this brief release of serotonin was very short lived as she literally walks Roy down a corridor then is immediately cut off and superseded by a white guy with a man bun. Lantos does return later, but alas, as an exposition machine to give Roy some plot news about his dad. Even as she explains that her parents were murdered by his, Lantos falls victim to the dire, emotionless monotone that I can only assume was forced on the entire cast of this film. Then, she is an actual chauffeur and drives Ray to a manhole so he can continue his dad quest. A character brimming with original potential is presented as nothing more than a device.

The final woman to mention is the first one we see, Roy’s ex-wife Eve (Liv Tyler). We see the blurry, out of focus back of her head in the background of a shot before we see her face, and this is incredibly telling, because that’s all Eve is, the simulacrum of a woman. She could be anybody - so why she is Liv Tyler defies belief, I can only assume they held her loved ones hostage - her story is untold and entirely irrelevant. Again, she is only a device, although this time not for Roy’s forward momentum, but this time seemingly to emphasise that Roy is a total sociopath with no emotions whatsoever. We don’t learn Eve’s name for another twenty minutes, and it is an hour and twenty minutes before we hear her speak. Even then, it’s not a live conversation, because god forbid this film have too many of those, but a voice recording explaining that their relationship is over. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was, but everything she said was so generic I have no memory of it whatsoever. She is presented as a ghost, a blurry image on a screen, a memory fixed in time, not a real person with agency and personality. At the end of the movie we finally see her in real time, and that is when she has made the unfathomable decision to meet Roy for coffee. Even her face in that moment gives no emotion away, perhaps because Tyler had no idea how to act this entirely nonsensical decision. To our knowledge, she would not have seen any change in Roy, only received news that he survived a dangerous space mission, which is apparently enough of a reason to get back with this emotionless egg of a man?

I almost didn’t want to devote words to them, but I think it’s important to address just how dire Roy and his dad H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) are. This is their film, they are the reason that all of these women’s stories are passed over. It is made clear over and over again that both Roy and Clifford believe they are the only people capable of completing their various missions. Roy hijacks a ship and inadvertently kills everyone on board because he thinks that it’s his destiny or whatever to get his dad back, never mind that they were all highly trained space personnel who were arguably better suited to the mission precisely because it wasn’t their dad. Clifford straight up murders his whole crew because they are too “small minded” to fly off further and further into space forever on a mission that has yet yielded absolutely no evidence of their goals. A variety of talented human beings are destroyed because of the entitlement of white men, their delusional and unshakable conviction that they are at the centre of the universe and that no one else could possibly accomplish the lofty goals that kismet apparently calls them to.

The way they speak about themselves and to each other is absolutely psychotic. Roy’s solo musings include, “The flight recorder will tell the story, but history will have to decide,” and “In the end, the son suffers the sins of the father.” Clifford imparts his son with the delightful greeting of, “There was never anything there for me, I never cared for you or your mother or your small ideas.” In addition, they both physically flinch from human contact at various points in the move. Now, I totally understand that we live in a neurodiverse world and that many people experience emotions and social interactions in any number of ways, and that is a beautiful thing that makes our world so interesting to live in. However, that these men both abjectly state that they have no empathy is presented within the context of their megalomaniacal ideals that they must accomplish their god-given quests irregardless of how many people they have to kill along the way. It is a facet of their strangely two-dimensional, arrogant and narcissistic personalities, not one part of many complex features that make a complete and relatable human being.

Roy has to literally say out loud that he is a human being at the end of the movie; “I will rely on those closest to me…I will live and love,” which makes him sound more like a learning AI trying to pass a Turing test than anything else. The music swells as Clifford throws himself towards the surface of Neptune in an orchestral deluge that is unsubtly significant in this very quiet film, as though I’m supposed to start crying and think anything other than, “well thank fuck, it’s about time this murderer dies in the cold vacuum of space, I hope Roy stays spinning and screaming here forever too.” We are supposed to feel sympathy for them as the heroes of this movie, despite the fact that they show no care for anyone else throughout the whole thing and act entirely in their own self interests.

Overall, the women in this film are given about five seconds of potential as they introduce themselves variously as decorated soldiers and otherwise capable personnel, before being shoved to the side, or murdered, for Roy. This is obviously objectionable, but is made so much worse by the fact that Roy is an emotionless, entitled, empathy-less white man who doesn’t care if other people have to die for him to get what he wants. That is what these women are being passed up in favour of. I felt like I was watching a two hour long Voight-Kampff test. Space movies like this should be about what we can achieve if we work together as a species, not about how white men will still be the kings of dreary capitalism, even on the moon. We can do better than this.

And now for some asides:

What the actual fuck was the font at the beginning? I guess a red serif all caps should have alerted me to the fact that I was about to watch a horror movie.

As a lover of space horror, I was absolutely gutted that it was a bad CG angry baboon and not a cool gross alien. Also, what was that scene? “Hmm, we need to get rid of this loser because Brad Pitt is the best at space ships and he needs to be the captain. Uhh…what about…space monkeys? Yeah! Space monkeys on a deserted Norwegian ship. That makes sense.”

Can I just have a film bout those moon pirates fighting space capitalism please? I was more invested in them that anyone else in this garbage movie.

Credit for the Bradd Pitts joke goes to the talented and lovely Ed Cheverton

#ad astra #Film Review #movie review #feminism #sci-fi #scifi #science fiction #brad pitt #liv tyler #tommy lee jones #ruth negga #freda foh shen #lisagay hamilton #natasha lyonne

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