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zackattack2995 · 5 years

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School Reunion: a Hogwarts Mystery story

Word Count: 4,268 words

Zack and his band, The Motionless Witch, had just finished playing their last show of the tour they were on with Weird Sisters- who had personally invited Zack’s band when they found out it was the same kid they played a gig with at Hogwarts. “I knew Rock and Roll was in yer blood- kid!” Myron, the lead singer exclaimed to Zack while the two bands were hanging out in between shows. “Yea, I got kinda burnt out from Curse Breaking when I was in Hogwarts, and I needed an outlet.” Zack confessed. “I remembered playing with you guys at Hogwarts and I realized I wanted to start a band of my own.” “Hell, I’d say you’re close to surpassing us-mate!” Kirley, the lead guitarist told Zack. “Ah, you’re too kind.” Zack replied. “We’re just having fun, and we wanna do this until we can’t anymore.” Zack was exhausted after the show, and after saying goodbye to his bandmates: Matt on lead guitar, Tyler on drums, Ricky on rhythm guitar, and Kyle, the new bass guitarist, Zack picked up his black suitcase with skulls painted on it that held his spare clothes during the tour and apparated home.

Zack was wearing a black Weird Sisters shirt with a long sleeve fishnet top underneath, black shiny skinny jeans that had some holes in them, combat boots, and a black beanie he had thrown on. Zack’s hair was considerably longer than he had it during his time in Hogwarts and it was parted to the left side of his face, completely covering it. Zack had the right side of his hair tucked behind his ear. He had both his ears pierced with an earring that had a spiderweb design, and he had a black nose ring on the right side of his nose. He kept his trademark black eye make-up that enhanced his green eyes, and black lipstick that he started doing in his Sixth Year of Hogwarts. Zack could finally relax at home with the people he missed so incredibly much. Zack entered the house and saw his beautiful wife, Carmilla writing a manuscript for her new horror novel in the living room. “Hey DeathDoll, I’m home.” Carmilla put down her manuscript to focus her attention on the man she loved more than life itself. “Hi, babe! Welcome home!” Carmilla had decided after five years of touring as the bass player of Zack’s band, The Motionless Witch, that she wanted to become a horror novelist instead. Carmilla now had her blue hair tied in a ponytail by a black barbed wire hairband while still keeping the bangs that covered one of her silver eyes. She was wearing her black square thick rimmed glasses that she wore so that she could feel like an actual author when she writes. Carmilla got up from the coach and rushed over to Zack, she gave him a big hug and started kissing her Goth Prince. Zack embraced his vampire wife and kissed her back. “Daddy is that you?” a small voice asked. Zack looked and saw his daughter, Lilith, walking down the stairs. Lilith had black hair, like her father with blue streaks that appeared at the age of five, which her mother found to be adorable. She had heterochromia, with one eye that was green and one eye that was silver. Lilith was ten years old and would attend Hogwarts soon. “There’s my little demon!” Zack exclaimed as he picked up Lilith and did one quick spin before putting her back down. “I know you just got back, hon, but we both got a letter from Hogwarts today.” Carmilla said. “Oh? Really?” Zack asked surprised. “Yea I haven’t opened them yet, I wanted to wait for you to get home.” “Well I’m here now, let’s open them.” Zack and Carmilla both dug their black painted fingers into the wax stamped Hogwarts crest that sealed their letters and silently read its contents. “A school reunion, huh.” Zack remarked after reading his letter. “I guess that could be fun. It would be a way to check up on the gang and see what they’ve been up to for the last ten years.” “We should bring Lilith that way she can check out her school.” Carmilla said. “That’s a great idea, you’re so smart!” Zack told his wife. “Let’s go to bed, we have a big day tomorrow.” Carmilla instructed. “Alright, head to bed Lilith. Daddy and Mommy are gonna show you your school tomorrow and you’ll be able to meet our friends.” “Ok, Dad.” Lilith said, heading upstairs. “I know you’re tired from the show…” Carmilla whispered in Zack’s ear. “But how about a little encore with your biggest fan? I haven’t seen you in two weeks and I’ve been getting hot and bothered without you here.” “I think I can do three or five encores, just for you.” Zack said coyly. Carmilla purred and playfully bit Zack’s ear, Zack chased after his wife who started giggling as she ran upstairs into the bedroom. Zack furiously kissed Carmilla while she started playfully biting his neck, and Zack closed the door, locking it so that they couldn’t be disturbed.

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It was morning, and Zack’s black cat Jinx, was waking up the sleeping couple. It took a few nudges, but Jinx finally accomplished his job. “Morning to you too, buddy.” Zack murmured, Jinx gave a quick meow and hopped down off the bed. Zack rolled next to his sleeping wife and gave Carmilla a quick kiss. “I’ll be up in a minute, babe.” Carmilla whispered. Zack put on his Nightmare Before Christmas pajama bottoms and threw on a black hoodie and headed downstairs to make something to eat. Lilith was already at the table eating cereal. “Morning, dad.” Lilith said softly. “Morning, sweetie. Did you get enough rest?” “Yea.” “Ok, then.” Zack made himself buffalo wings to eat with ranch dipping sauce. Zack normally skipped breakfast, but he didn’t know when they would eat at the reunion- so he wanted to at least eat something before they left. “Alright guys, we gotta get changed soon.” Carmilla yawned, exposing her pointy incisor teeth, after coming downstairs. “Yea, yea, I know.” Zack replied. After he finished eating, Zack went upstairs to grab his outfit for the reunion. Zack grabbed one of his band shirts from his suitcase and threw it on. He put on a different pair of leather pants that weren’t quiet as distressed as the pair he wears on stage. Finally, Zack threw on a pair of black combat boots and a black leather jacket with spikes on it. Carmilla came into the room and started putting her outfit together. Carmilla put on a black leather corset with a long sleeve fishnet top. She had a black gothic Lolita skirt with white skulls on it. Carmilla put on a pair of black and white stripped leggings, and finished it off with black platformers. Finally, Carmilla put on her black spiky bracelets and put on her signature black choker with a silver bat attached. Zack and Carmilla head to the bathroom so that they can do their nails, makeup and hair together. Zack has both sides of his dark hair tucked behind his ears and has his black eyeliner added. Carmilla has her hair tied in her usual twintails with bangs that cover her left eye. Finally, she has her red eyeliner applied. “Alright, we’re ready to go.” Zack tells Lilith as he and Carmilla descend the stairs. Lilith is wearing a black long sleeve top with a white upside-down cross on it, a black skirt, and black combat boots. “You look so adorable!” Carmilla gushed. “You’re gonna make so many friends.” “You sure?” Lilith asked quietly. “Of course, you will.” Zack said enthusiastically. “I remember meeting my best friend, Rowan, before I even got to Hogwarts.” Zack recalled. “But don’t feel too pressured.” Carmilla explained. “I didn’t meet my best friend, Chiara, until my Fifth Year at Hogwarts. And I didn’t meet your dad until my Sixth Year.” “Yea, just go at your own pace.” Zack finished. And with that, the Ropers were off to Hogwarts.

The Ropers finally arrived at Hogwarts, and it seemed more crowded than usual. Carmilla was shaking like a leaf as she tried to navigate the different people crowding the West Lower Floor. Zack wrapped his arm around Carmilla and kissed her on the neck to calm her down. “I didn’t think there was gonna be this much people here.” Carmilla whispered. “Yea, I don’t remember this much people here when we attended.” Everyone gathered at the Great Hall and sat at the tables. “Oh my god! Zack is that you?!” a girl’s voice shrieked excitedly. Zack turned around and saw one of his oldest friends, Penny, race over to him. Penny was wearing a one-piece suit, had on a pair of red circled rimmed glasses, with her golden hair in a ponytail and has her usual braided parts of her hair tucked behind her ears. Zack stood up and hugged Penny. “Hey, how have you been?” Zack asked. “Oh, I’ve been great!” Penny retorted. “I’m the head journalist of Romours!” “Sounds very important.” “Nah it’s no big deal. I heard you’re in a rock band though… that’s pretty cool!” “Yea, The Motionless Witch. We just finished our tour with Weird Sisters.” Zack stopped his train of thought. “Oh, I almost forgot- Penny, this is my wife, Carmilla.” “Nice to meet you.” Penny said, shaking Carmilla’s pale hand. “pleasure’s all mine.” “And who’s this little one?” “That’s our daughter, Lilith.” Zack answered. “Hi, Lilith. I’m Penny… I was a friend of your Dad’s here.” Penny explained to Lilith. Penny turned around. “Oh, hey sweet pea!” Penny exclaimed. Rowan, who appeared to have not changed at all and seen carrying a little girl that matched his appearance, approached Penny and gave her a quick kiss. “Sorry, I’m late. Dumbledore wanted to talk with me about a couple things this year, and this little one started getting aggravated.” Rowan turned around to face his best friend. “How are you doing, man?” “I’m great. It’s good to see you again.” “Same to you.” “Oh, Rowan- this is my wife, Carmilla and my daughter, Lilith.” “It’s nice to meet you guys.” Rowan said as he smiled. “This one is Kisa, she’s very outgoing- much like her mother.” Rowan put Kisa down and she approached Lilith, who was hiding behind Carmilla, staring intently at Kisa. “I’m Kisa, it’s very nice to meet you!” Kisa stuck out her hand. Lilith looked up at her mother and father. “It’s ok, you can introduce yourself.” Zack told Lilith. Zack looked at Kisa. “Sorry, she’s very shy- much like her mother.” “I’m… Lilith.” Lilith said softly. Lilith slowly crept in front of her mother and shook Kisa’s hand. “Looks like you guys are already friends.” Rowan exclaimed. “Reminds me of when I first met you before we attended Hogwarts, Zack.” “Yea, I was just telling Lilith about that before we left the house.” “Well, we should probably sit down, Dumbledore is about to give his opening ceremony speech.” With that… Zack, Carmilla, Lilith, Penny, Rowan, and Kisa sat next to each other as Dumbledore approached the podium of The Great Hall.

“It’s great to see so many new and familiar faces today, as we celebrate a time of remembrance and strengthen the bonds we first developed while walking these halls.” Dumbledore exclaimed; his booming voice reverberated the room as he spoke. “I know some were unable to attend, but those of you who were able to, I’m happy to see once again. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so with that being said… for one last time, let the feast begin!” Dumbledore raised his arms in the air, and suddenly food appeared in front of everyone at the table. The sound of eating echoed the room and Zack started eating the country fried steak that appeared in front of him. In front of Carmilla was a steak done bloody. Zack, Carmilla, Penny, and Rowan talked amongst each other while they ate, and Zack noticed Lilith was starting to talk to Kisa more… although Kisa had to start the conversation. “There you guys are!” a voice boomed behind Zack. It was another one of his friends from Hogwarts. It was an imposing figure, but Zack knew this person had a softer side. It was Barnaby Lee, a fellow Slytherin classmate of his. Barnaby hadn’t changed one bit- except now his hair was slightly longer and was messy looking. Barnaby was carrying his plates full of food while his wife trailed behind with a bored expression on her face. “Oh my god, how are you doing Barnaby!” Penny asked excitedly. “I’m doing great.” Barnaby said with a smile on his face. “Hey, be careful babe. You’re gonna drop your food.” Barnaby’s wife, Ismelda warned. Ismelda wore a black dress with cobwebs on it, she had blood red lipstick, and her black hair was longer than when she was in Hogwarts, but kept it parted to the left side of her face. “Oh, right- sorry babe.” Barnaby apologized to his wife. “I swear babe, you can be such a handful.” Ismelda muttered. “But that’s what I love about you.” Ismelda pinched Barnaby’s cheek, and he grinned from ear to ear. “Hey, isn’t that Chiara and Jae?” Rowan asked. Sure enough, Chiara and Jae were approaching the group hand in hand. “Oh, my goodness, Carmi! You look absolutely gorgeous!” Chiara complemented Carmilla. “Oh, thanks Chi!” Carmilla beamed. “Do you know where the others are?” Zack asked Jae, who wore a dirty suit and robe, and a gold scarf. “I know Tonks is here somewhere. Bill and Charlie couldn’t make it. Not sure about Merula. Diego- Mr. Bachelor is throwing a party at his place, and I believe Ben and Badeea said they’d be unable to attend. Something about presenting art pieces to muggles.” “That does sound like them.” Barnaby responded with food in his mouth. “Wotcher! How’s the gang doing?!” Tonks asked, pushing someone aside to their annoyance, to sit next to Zack. Tonk’s pink hair was longer and down to her shoulders. But her wicked smile was unmistakable. Tonks was joined by Tulip who had her red hair cut shorter with small bangs parted to the right. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the big rock star in our group of misfits.” Tonks said, greeting Zack. “C’mon, I’m not that big of a deal.” “Modest as ever.” Tulip remarked, shaking her head. “Don’t mind her- she’s become all Miss Serious Assistant Manager.” Tonks told Zack. “I’ll have you know, I’m Assistant Manager of Zonkos! So, I can still have some fun.” Tulip argued. “Let’s go around and tell each other what we’ve been up to for the past ten years.” Rowan instructed the group. Zack explained that he was the lead singer of his band, The Motionless Witch. Carmilla explained that she wrote horror novels now. Tonks explained that she got the job as an Auror. Barnaby excitedly explained that he became a magizoologist. Ismelda told the group she became an executioner. Chiara explained that she was a healer who specializes in werewolf needs. Finally, Jae explained that he works as salesman that sells contraband items in Knockturn Alley. “What about you?” Zack asked Rowan. “Oh, I took up the position of teaching History of Magic here.” Rowan explained. “No way!” Barnaby exclaimed. “Wasn’t it your dream to be a Professor here?” Tonks inquired. “Yea, Dumbledore said that Professor Binns wasn’t quite garnering the student’s attention, so he wanted me to teach during Summer Break as a test run, and he liked the results.” “I couldn’t be prouder of him.” Penny retorted. “That means you’ll be teaching Lilith this year.” Carmilla noted. “Yea, you’ll be the best teacher ever- I know you will!” Barnaby shouted excitedly. “What about you, Penny? Didn’t you say you were a Head Journalist, or something?” Zack asked. “Well, it’s kinda complicated.” Penny started, before she could give an answer, an ominous dark shape appeared before her… it was Severus Snape. “A pleasure to see you again, Miss Haywood.” Snape remarked. “Actually, it’s Miss Khana now, Professor.” Penny corrected. “Please, as one of my best students- you don’t need to call me Professor anymore, Miss Khana.” Snape retorted. “I wondered… why is it that you didn’t pursue the field of Potions further, outside of your time in Hogwarts?” Snape asked Penny. Penny blushed, this is what she was about to tell the group, but now she’d have to explain it to her favorite Professor. “Well, you see… I was originally going to work in the Potions field, but there wasn’t any room in that field to grow- so I worked at Rumours! instead. I became a head journalist, but I still craft some potions on the side.” “Ahh, I see.” Snape murmured. Snape glanced at Zack and frowned. “Is that a picture of me on your shirt, Mr. Roper?” Snape asked Zack. Zack looked down at the shirt from his suitcase he threw on and looked back at his former Professor. “Why yes, it is, Professor. It’s one of my band’s merch and the kids have been loving it. You like it?” “Mr. Roper, I’ve always had a mixed relationship with you. There’s been times where I could see your full potential, and other times where I couldn’t think any lower of you. You’ve always wondered why I’ve been so tough on you… wonder no more. You never cease to astound me.” With that, Snape left the group to join the other Professors at the front of the Great Hall. “Well, that went well.” Tulip joked. Tonks started giggling, and the whole group followed.

After finishing their food, the group decided they wanted to explore the castle one last time. “Wait, honey- perhaps we should have someone watch after the kids.” Carmilla told Zack, referring to Lilith and Kisa. “Don’t worry, I got this.” Rowan explained. “Excuse me, Professor!” Rowan caught the attention of the Charms Professor and Frog Choir Instructor, Professor Flitwick- who looked as jolly as ever. “Yes, Mr. Khana?” “We were thinking about exploring the castle one last time, and was wondering if you could watch over Kisa and Lilith?” “As one of my fellow colleagues, and former star pupils, I’d love to!” “Thanks, Professor!” “Please, call me Filius.” With that, the group were off. The group chuckled and laughed as they raced across the halls, memories of their former exploits circled back as if it had only happened yesterday. Finally, Zack and Carmilla would give the group a look into a world only they knew: The Astronomy Tower’s observation deck. “This is where it happened.” Zack explained to the group. “This is where my life changed forever. This was right after I hung out with Tonks, Tulip, and Penny after Merula dumped me for Jacob- and I met the love of my life.” “I still replay that moment in my head.” Carmilla added. “along with other memories we shared here.” “Oh really? Like what?” Penny asked curiously. “Well…” Zack began. “This was the spot where I finally asked Carmilla out, because I knew she was the one for me. We danced here and had our first kiss.” “That’s so sweet!” Chiara cooed. “Jeez, well if it’s that romantic of a spot, then I guess this is where y’all had sex for the first time too- ain’t it?” Tonks asked jokingly. However, both Zack and Carmilla immediately blushed and looked away from the group. “We... didn’t…” Carmilla whispered. “We totally did not.” Zack stammered. “They totally did.” Ismelda whispered to Barnaby. “Blimey! That must’ve been really uncomfortable, Zack!” Barnaby exclaimed. “Would you guys just shut up?!” Zack scolded the group as they laughed at him. “Ok guys, I think we picked on them enough.” Tulip said. “We should probably head back to The Great Hall.” Rowan added. With that, the group navigated the spiraling stairs of the Astronomy Tower back to the Castle Grounds. “I can’t wait for our kids to start attending classes together.” Penny exclaimed. Before Zack could answer, a dark cloud shot down from the sky and struck Zack, pinning him against the brick wall of the castle. “Babe!” Carmilla shouted. The dark cloud cleared to reveal a woman clad in a black cloak. She had long messy brown hair with a blonde streak in the front of her hair. Her violet eyes filled with hate as she glared at Zack. “Nice, to see you- Merula. It’s been a while.” “I wish I could say the same about you, Roper.” Merula pulled out her wand and pointed it to Zack’s throat. The group all pulled out their wands and pointed it at Merula. “This doesn’t involve any of you!” Merula snarled at the group. “Just him!” “I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Merula. How is it following in your parent’s footstep, and becoming a Death Eater?” “Well, well, well, Mr. Rock Star- I’m flattered you kept tabs on me.” “kinda hard not to, you’re pretty sloppy compared to your folks.” “Well, none of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t made that choice.” Merula fired back. Zack became pale. Zack knew what she was referring to, but he couldn’t believe that it had that kind of domino effect. “You think I would’ve forgotten, but I didn’t.” Merula hissed. “And I’ll never forgive you. You took the one thing I had going in my life away from me!” “Merula enough!” Zack and Merula turned to see an unusual sight: Ismelda was in front of the group standing up to Merula. Ismelda had a serious look on her face and her fists were clenched. Ismelda’s whole time she was in Hogwarts, she let Merula push her around- but they weren’t in Hogwarts anymore, and Ismelda had enough of Merula. Merula cackled at the sight of her old friend defying her. “Look at you! Ever since you got attatched to Puffskein Brains, you’ve gotten soft.” “No, I just got tired of your bullshit.” “Whatever, not like you weren’t the first friend of mine to stab me in the back. Right, Lee? Karasu?” Merula looked back at Zack. “This isn’t over… next time we meet, you’re dead.” Merula warned Zack. With that, Merula turned into a black cloud and shot back up to the sky. Carmilla ran up to Zack. “Oh my god, honey are you ok?!” “Yea, I’m fine.” Zack told his wife. “I love it when you get all feisty, Izzy!” Barnaby exclaimed, hugging his wife. “I told you not to call me that in front of anyone!” Ismelda scolded Barnaby as she blushed. “Guys, I have to tell you something.” Zack told the group. He knew it wouldn’t be right to keep his friends in the dark, they’d be wondering what Merula was talking about and he wanted to be the one to tell them. “In the last Cursed Vault… R held you guys and Jacob hostage.” Zack explained. “I was forced to make a choice. I had to choose who got to leave the Vault, you guys or my brother.” Zack was getting choked up. This was the first time he had told anyone since he told his wife after Hogwarts. The group looked at him intently. “My brother looked me in the eyes and apologized because he knew. He told me the one regret he had was the fact that he couldn’t be the brother I needed him to be. I killed him by choosing to spare you guys!” Zack burst into tears. The pain of reliving this moment was killing him. Carmilla hung onto Zack and comforted him by resting her head against his chest. “I’m so sorry guys! I should’ve told you! I wanted to act like everything was fine- but it’s not… it’s been Hell! All the songs I’ve written have been about him in some compacity!” Penny walked over to her weeping best friend. “We don’t blame you, Zack. You were presented with an impossible choice, and you chose the best one you could.” The group followed and gave Zack a group hug. “Hang in there, Zack. Merula is just trying to play mind games with you.” Ismelda advised Zack. Zack wiped the tears from his face and smiled at his friends. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys!” The group returned to The Great Hall and all said their goodbyes. “Let me know when your next book is out, Carmi! I’d love to buy it!” Chiara told her vampire friend. “You’ll be the first to know.” Carmilla smiled back at her werewolf friend. Zack and Carmilla grabbed Lilith and waved goodbye to Rowan, Penny, and Kisa. “So, you excited to start taking classes with your new friend?” Carmilla asked her daughter. “Yea, she’s nice.” Lilith answered softly. “We’re both so proud of you, Lilith.” Zack told his daughter. “At least we don’t have to worry about Merula having a kid- Lilith definitely wouldn’t have gotten along with them.” Carmilla told her husband. “I wouldn’t quiet rule that out yet. I had my own share of enemies at Hogwarts. But if Lilith surrounds herself with great, positive friends- she won’t have to worry too much about that.” Zack mused. For the first time, Zack and Carmilla were looking straight to the future- not for themselves, but for their daughter. And the future was as bright as the stars they saw when they stargazed together for the fist time.

END

#harry potter #hogwarts mystery #after hogwarts #mc #carmilla noctem #penny haywood #rowan khanna #barnaby lee #ismelda murk #merula snyde #severus snape #albus dumbledore #filius flitwick #chiara lobosca #jae kim

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dillydedalus · 5 years

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what i read in may

how is it may lmao... anyway i went thru a bit of reading slump this month and i’d like to pretend it’s bc i had a lot of uni stuff to do (i did) but tbh it’s bc game of thrones infected me with Vintage* ASOIAF Feels & i didn’t really care about reading anything else

celestial bodies, jokha alharthi (tr. from arabic) quiet and evocative novel about a network of families in a village in oman, told over three (?) generations, but centred on three sisters, mayya, asma and khawla (but not as focused on them as i would have liked). interesting to get some insight into omani society, class relations (& especially slavery and the now-free slaves), gender, tradition and westernisation, but it’s also really lovely and sad. ultimately a bit scattered and vague tho. 3/5

the taming of the shrew, billy shakes (uni) academia and assorted shakespeareans like bending over backwards to explain why this is not misogynist but actually subversive/farcical/ironic/meta or whatever and that’s a fine & worthy endeavour i’m sure but the only valid reading of the taming is that kate is actively plotting to murder petruccio in every single scene so... that’s that on that. misandry stars/5

vinegar girl, anne tyler (uni) y’all i don’t have high expectations for hogarth shakespeare entries (tho shylock really won me over last month) but fuck this was bad. staggeringly BAD, both as a book and as an adaptation of shrew. it starts out with a completely declawed & detoothed kate, who on the scale of ‘timid wifey’ to ‘shrewish firebrand’ is uh ‘apathetic & slightly sour’.... which is a choice i guess. in the beginning i hoped we were seeing a kate who was repressing her rage (and there is one genuinely great line where the bianca annoys kate while she’s gardening and ‘kate stuffed a snarl of vine into the trash bag’ like okay anne that’s cool) and that the taming would be reverse, i.e. would free kate to feel & act on her rage. but instead... honestly i can’t even tell you what the arc was instead? there’s no real taming, kate (who is very stuck in her life and job) just chooses this green card marriage to become a little bit less stuck and i guess pyotr (petruccio) likes her the way she is, that is sour and Not Like Her Dumb Blonde Sister. and then in the end we get a speech about how men have it really hard bc they never learn how to deal with feelings (when kate throughout the book has herself struggled w/ social skills). can’t wait to rip this apart in class. 1/5 (ALSO how did hogarth have atwood on their roster and not give her the shrew wtf)

doctor wooreddy’s prescription for enduring the ending of the world, mudrooroo (uni) for my postcolonial australia course; it’s about the colonisation of australia and genocide against indigenous australians from the pov of tasmanians and an englishman who’s never seen a white man’s burden he didn’t immediately pick up (all based on real historical people). lots of interesting stuff in there (i’d love to read something about gender roles/gendered spaces in indigenous australian culture) but tbh it’s a bit of a slog (at 200 pages...) 2/5 embassytown, china miéville cool scifi novel about weird alien languages (the ariekei, who speak with two mouths at once and cannot lie - apparently their language doesn’t signify so...uh. linguistically not particularly sound at all but a) it’s a cool concept, b) they’re aliens so like whatever) and what happens when humans, not possessing two mouths and very much capable of lying, communicate with them. there is a lot of really original & fascinating concepts here but some problems w/ the execution (pacing/characters mainly) - not as much as with city&city tho. 3.5/5

the little prince, antoine de saint-exupéry (tr. from french) i wanted something short & bittersweet & this is it. anyway i have these vague & but very vivid memories of seeing like. a slide show of this w/ narration at the berlin planetarium when i was a kid & that is the best way to consume this story. 4/5

the year of the death of ricardo reis, josé saramago (tr. from portuguese) took me nearly 2 months to finish this & it’s under 500 pages which should already say a lot. i enjoyed this while reading mostly, and saramago’s style is beautiful, but it is a bit of a drag & reis honestly is not particularly sympathetic or interesting. the undercurrent of the rise of fascism is the best thing about the novel & makes the end really work but there’s too much tangential meandering about how old dude ricky reis is obsessed with a mucher younger girl and like... yawn. i will try again w/ saramago tho. 2/5

follow the rabbit-proof fence, nugi garimara (uni) story about three young girls with indigenous australian mothers and white fathers escaping from the residential school they were abducted to as part of the stolen generations, based on the author’s mother’s own life. it’s an impressive story of resilience and survival, but perfunctorily written. we’re also going to watch the film & that should be interesting. 2/5

everything under, daisy johnson i find it quite hard to talk about this bc there’s something quite vague and uncertain about it, something elusive. some things i will say: vivid, lyrical prose; the setting (oxford canal boat community) is great, the monster is genuinely creepy, and i really like the three (or 4?) narrative strands and how they interweave. i kind of wish i hadn’t known which greek myth it was a loose adaptation of (so i won’t say here) bc i definitely spent too much time trying to map the myth onto the book - and the ‘reveal’ might have been better w/o that knowledge anyway. 3.5/5

the sparrow, maria doria russell wonderful wonderful warm & human & tragic scifi novel about JESUITS IN SPACE!!! told in two timelines: in the first, set mainly in 2019 (which is great) music from another planet is transmitted to earth and emilio sandoz, jesuit linguist + multilingual (@hbo or netflix: cast oscar isaac please & thank), and his closest friends are chosen (by god?? MAYBE) to go on a secret space mission to make first contact bc jesuits.... have a lot of.... experience... with that. everyone is hopeful, curious, excited, and our guy emilio is literally radiant with god’s love or whatever. in the second timeline, 2060, emilio has been sent home by a second expedition, who have since gone radio silent, the only survivor, disturbingly (!) mutilated, broken in mind and body and unwilling to talk. all we know: the 2nd expedition found him in a brothel & he immediately killed the alien child who led them to him. so... what went wrong? (how could... first contact.... possibly go wrong...?) what did emilio do? was whatever happened god’s will? sorry i’m not super coherent about this but IT’S GREAT MY DUDES. also between this & canticle my scifi subgenre really just is ‘scifi but make it religious’. 4.5/5

on the whole, not a great reading month, but the sparrow... *chef kiss* & i’m currently reading the artifical silk girl (relatable hot mess in weimar berlin) which is.... AMAZING... alfred döblin who???

#*i say this as if i'm not constantly experiencing at the very least mild asoiaf feels but yanno #anyway i'm sure there's a ton of cool ways you can perform shrew that make it subversive #(play kate's speech as her hogging the stage/upstaging petruccio!)#but like.... let's not kid ourselves #the books i read #this is sloppy & mostly unedited bc i'm vibrating with stress #long post

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stormdoors78476 · 7 years

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All The New Shows To Screen Or Skip In Spring And Summer 2017

There’s a reason networks often save their weakest fare for the time of year when more people are less likely to spend their evenings indoors.

Of course, that’s not always the case, since “Game of Thrones” is scheduled to make it’s much-awaited return this July.

But when it comes to new shows, you can bet networks generally save the worst for last. In the coming months, viewers can look forward to some stellar series this spring (including ”The Handmaid’s Tale,” “American Gods,” “GLOW”), while they’re more or less better off embracing the warm weather and misplacing their remotes by the time summer hits.

APRIL “Girlboss,” April 21, Netflix

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With allegations that former Nasty Gal CEO Sophia Amoruso was accused of creating a “toxic” workplace, it’s easy to see why the lead character of Netflix’s “Girlboss” is so incredibly unlikeable. The question, however, is why would anyone want to spend a significant amount of time watching her?

“Girlboss” is loosely based on Amoruso’s memoir of the same name and tells the story of how she began her vintage clothing eBay shop, before it became what we now know as Nasty Gal.

The show stars Britt Robertson as 23-year-old Sophia, a college dropout who works menial jobs and yet can somehow afford a studio apartment in San Francisco circa 2006 ― and damn is it ever hard to watch. Sophia is petulant, whiny, and often just flat-out mean. What’s worse is that the series rarely gives you a reason to root for her. Characters don’t always have to be likable, but there has to be at least some reason to follow a person through their journey. With “Girlboss,” there’s nothing here.

“Great News,” April 25, 9 p.m. ET, NBC

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”Great News,” the new workplace comedy from executive producer Tina Fey, can’t be described as great or even good.

The show follows Katie (Briga Heelan), a wallflower of a producer at a cable news program called “The Breakdown,” and her overbearing mother (Andrea Martin), who manages to land a job as as the show’s intern. Hilarity ensues, right? Not so much.

The show’s jokes just repeatedly fall flat, though surprisingly it’s Nicole Richie as a super-hip if slightly vapid co-anchor who actually shines brightest.

“Genius,” April 25, 9 p.m. ET, National Geographic

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What do you really know about Albert Einstein aside from the fact that he developed the theory of relativity? National Geographic is willing to wager that you know very little.

“Genius” is an anthology series from executive producers Ron Howard and Brian Grazer about the lives of those deserving enough to be deemed as such, and Season 1 kicks off with none other than Mr. E = mc2 himself.

Based on Walter Isaacson’s book Einstein: His Life and Universe, the show stars Johnny Flynn when Einstein was a student in Zurich the 1890s, and Geoffrey Rush, as his older counterpart against a backdrop of the rising anti-semitism in 1922 Berlin, Germany.

“The Handmaid’s Tale,” April 26, Hulu

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Hulu’s “The Handmaid’s Tale” is by far the best new show debuting in the spring and summer season. Based on Margaret Atwood’s 1985 dystopian novel, if you don’t already have a Hulu account, you’re going to want to sign up for one today.

Set in the not-too distant future where a fundamentalist Christian regime rules over the former United States, now known as the Republic of Gilead, women have been stripped of their rights and any sense of life as they once knew it. Elisabeth Moss stars as Offred, a woman who is forced to bear children for high-ranking men and their wives, after environmental problems cause widespread infertility issues.

The series is a chilling reminder of how quickly the Republic of Gilead could become a reality.

“Dear White People,” April 28, Netflix

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If you liked “Dear White People” the movie then you should probably watch it again, because the 2014 film from writer/director Justin Simien is far better than Netflix’s 10-episode series.

That’s not to say the series adaptation is a failure by any means. The show is still a smart and sharp take on the complex issue of race relations, and is definitely worth checking out.

The series picks up where the film left off in the aftermath of a racist blackface party, which has left a campus divided. Episodes are told and then retold through different student’s perspectives, which requires some commitment by the viewers since that format can feel awfully repetitive.

“American Gods,” April 30, 9 p.m. ET, Starz

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“American Gods” is absolutely the weirdest and most mind-bending new offering this season. Starz’s visually-stunning new drama is based on British author Neil Gaiman’s 2001 fantasy novel of the same name and requires total suspension of disbelief.

In this America, gods live among us mere mortals. There are two types of gods ― old and new. The old are the ones you’ve read about in myths and were brought to America by faithful immigrants centuries ago, while the new gods have gradually replaced the old ones and were born out of our modern obsession with media and technology.

As war brews between the gods, an ex-con named Shadow Moon (Ricky Whittle) finds himself caught between the two sides.

MAY “Anne with an E,” May 12, Netflix

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Netflix’s “Anne with an E” is easily one of the most charming new shows. Yes, this is yet another adaptation of Canadian author Lucy Maud Montgomery’s beloved children’s novel Anne of Green Gables, but it’s far the best.

Amybeth McNulty stars as Anne Shirley, the young orphan who never stops talking and comes to live on Prince Edward Island with elderly siblings Marilla (Geraldine James) and Matthew Cuthbert (R.H. Thomson).

While you may have read the book a 100 times as a child, Netflix has managed to reenergize the story for modern audiences without betraying its source material. If anything, “Anne” digs deeper at some of the darker elements that Montgomery glossed over in the novel, and is a thoroughly binge-able experience for all ages.

“I Love Dick,” May 12, Amazon

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You may have already watched the pilot episode of Amazon’s new series “I Love Dick,” based on Chris Kraus’ 1997 novel.

The show stars Kathryn Hahn as a filmmaker in an unhappy marriage, who follows her husband (Griffin Dunne) to his writing residency in Marfa, Texas, and becomes completely infatuated with a professor named Dick (Kevin Bacon).

“I Love Dick” is the latest show from “Transparent” creator Jill Soloway and is an intentionally uncomfortable yet humorous examination of human sexuality and the female gaze.

“Downward Dog,” May 17, 9:30 p.m. ET, ABC

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From ABC comes “Downward Dog,” a sitcom about a dog named Martin and his owner Nan (Allison Tolman), a woman struggling to get ahead at work and make sense of her personal life.

The show is told from Martin’s perspective’s via his internal monologue, voiced by Samm Hodges. The series is inoffensive enough if you can stand to listen to Martin, who is the male incarnation of a droning Valley-girl in canine form.

“Twin Peaks,” May 21, 9 p.m. ET, Showtime

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Showtime didn’t provide any screeners for “Twin Peaks,” which is returning as a limited series 24 years after David Lynch’s original version ended.

Because of this, we can only tell you what you probably already know: Lynch will direct the entire series and you can expect to see many familiar faces, including Kyle MacLachlan, who returns as FBI Agent Dale Cooper.

JUNE “I’m Dying Up Here,” June 4, 10 p.m. ET, Showtime

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Showtime’s new drama “I’m Dying Up Here” is a look at the lives of stand-up comics trying to make it in Los Angeles in the 1970s ― and you’ll be tempted to heckle if you can muster the strength to make it through a full episode.

Yet another show based on a book, the series is inspired by William Knoedelseder‘s 2009 nonfiction work I’m Dying Up Here: Heartbreak and High Times in Stand-up Comedy’s Golden Era and features an ensemble cast including Ari Graynor, Melissa Leo, Clark Duke, Michael Angarano and RJ Cyler.

“GLOW,” June 29, Netflix

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Even if you’d rather do just about anything else than watch professional wrestling, you really shouldn’t discount Netflix’s new original series “GLOW.”

Inspired by the real story of the 1980s women’s wrestling league “Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling,” “GLOW” is one of the most enjoyable shows to debut this season.

Alison Brie stars as a struggling actress desperate to make it in Hollywood, giving one last shot at her dreams when she auditions for a series about female wrestlers. Featuring an outstanding and diverse cast, the series hilariously tackles issues of racism, stereotyping, sexism and sisterhood in the world of women’s wrestling.

JULY “The Bold Type,” July 11, 9 p.m. ET, Freeform

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Freeform’s “The Bold Type” is inspired by Cosmopolitan and its editor-in-chief Joanna Coles, and it’s the perfect show for summertime viewing.

Starring Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee and Meghann Fahy as three friends working at Scarlet Magazine, the show follows the young women as they navigate their careers and personal lives in New York City.

This show is exactly what you would expect from reading Cosmo ― not a bad way to curl up on the couch with a glass of wine.

“Midnight, Texas,” July 25, 10 p.m. ET, NBC

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The remote town of “Midnight, Texas” seems to be the supernatural center of the United States with witches, ghosts, assassins, angels, psychics and other creatures calling it home. But there is entirely too much going on.

Based on the trilogy series of the same name by author Charlaine Harris, “Midnight Texas” follows Manfred (François Arnaud), a psychic who can communicate with the dead, as he arrives in Midnight and befriends fellow outsiders like himself.

AUGUST “The Sinner,” Aug. 2, 10 p.m. ET, USA

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USA’s “The Sinner” is a different kind of thrilling mystery that finds Jessica Biel starring in a TV series for the first time since her days playing Mary Camden on “7th Heaven.”

Biel plays Cora, a young mother who commits an unspeakable act of violence against a stranger at the beach. There’s no question that she did it. The only question is why. Bill Pullman also stars as a detective obsessed with uncovering Cora’s motives.

As the series delves into Cora’s past and pieces together what happened that day at the beach, chances are you’ll be just as obsessed.

“Weekend Update,” Aug. 10, 9 p.m. ET, NBC

“Saturday Night Live” is on hiatus this summer, but Colin Jost and Michael Che will fill the void with “Weekend Update” ― a 30-minute, primetime version of the long-running segment. With “SNL” seeing some of its highest rating in years, Jost and Che will keep things going in August and make sure you’re on top of all the news that can be satirized. So basically everything.

“Marlon,” Aug. 16, 9 p.m. ET, NBC

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Marlon Wayans stars in what’s supposed to be an update on the classic family sitcom, but this isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.

“Marlon” is loosely based on Wayans’ real life as he plays a wise-cracking, over- protective yet immature father to two precocious kids (Amir O’Neil and Notlim Taylor). He also appears to share a too-close relationship with his ex-wife (Essence Atkins).

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