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eruscreaminginthedistance · 4 months

Text

Book recs based on stuff I read in 2023

Nonfiction

Under the Banner of Heaven by John Krakauer (2003) - it's outdated by about 20 years which leads to one hell of a jumpscare at the end, but I'd recommend it to anyone who's interested at all in Mormonism, high control groups, FLDS, and the history of abuse against women and girls in the LDS; it covers everything you need to know about the ways the LDS church has cultivated a paedophile/domestic abuse culture and it's fucking haunting and it's the most upset a book has ever made me

Black Tudors: The Untold Story by Miranda Kaufman (2017) - a really fun read; it's a collection of case studies of the real life Africans living or working in England during the Renaissance, with each chapter focusing on a different individual and what we know about them from parish records, legal documents etc. It's also a great primer on England's relationship with the slave trade and African nations from the 16th to 17th centuries. Also I listened to this on audiobook and the lady's voice is super soothing

Problematic gay rep

Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin (1956) - yeah okay turns out Baldwin is the GOAT of queer lit for a reason. I don't even like 20th century stuff but Baldwin can WRITE man I was sucked in! And David is the BLUEPRINT of problematic gay rep! I loved watching his awful decisions I hope he suffers eternally! It's a short and easy read and a classic for a reason do give it a chance

Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite/William Martin (1996) - I'm not sure if I'm deadnaming Martin here because I bought the book earlier this year and it was still being attributed to Poppy Z Brite so I guess it's being treated like an author pseudonym now? I think? Anyway, don't read this book unless you're a disgusting freak like me who enjoys torture porn. This book comes with every content warning under the sun and I had an AMAZING couple of afternoons reading this book. American Psycho, Jeffrey Dahmer and NBC Hannibal had a baby and Martin delivered it; it's a raw, twisted and angry scream into the void about AIDS, homeless queer youth, homophobia and cultural stigma, wrapped up in a bow made of intestines. I went into this book hoping to see people get tortured and came out of it quite melancholic with a lot to think about, and I accidentally got attached to the victim oops!

The Charioteer by Mary Renault (1953) - I was gonna make a non-problematic section just for this book but then I remembered all the rampant femmephobia xD and Ralph and Laurie would 100% be bootlicking gays against pride. This book personally isn't for me - it's a lot of love triangle nonsense - but I think the tumblr demographic is particularly primed for gay World War II love triangle stories, and it's a softer, happier love story than my other recs. Would recommend if you can get past the main characters being pick mes.

Manga

No Longer Human by Junji Ito (2019) - this is a story about being a bad person and ruining everyone's lives especially your own lol; I loved the original prose version, but Ito's spin of the story makes everything so much worse and if I hadn't literally read a book about irl paedophilia the month before I think this book would have put me in the angriest and most violent place I've been all year. Love gorgeous art? Love mental illness? Love despicable spineless main characters? Get on this

Other fiction

The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco (1980) - it took me a month to read this entire book. It's so self-indulgent and long winded and contrived and the big twist is laughable and I wouldn't have it any other way! It's just some old guy playing in his sand box with his little monk action figures and it's charming af. Plus the concept of a monastic murder mystery involving several orders of monks will never not be fun, and I'm biased towards the book cos my guess at the very start as to whodunnit was right >:) would recommend if you like Sherlock Holmes and long long diatribes about medieval Catholic geopolitics

Garth Marenghi's Terrortome by Garth Marenghi (2022) - this one's just a bit of a laff. The horror comedy ramblings of a man going stir crazy during COVID lockdowns. You don't need to have seen Garth Marenghi's Darkplace to understand the book but it is recommended if you can access it. Content warning for explicit man x typewriter

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (1962) - it's a modern day (relatively) witch story! Jackson was writing about and for all the weird autistic little girls out there with this one. It's a gothic murder mystery about two co-dependent sisters who are outcasts in their village. It was a great introduction to Jackson's work

#i've still got two more books to read before 2023 ends but I don't think they're gonna make the list so it's fine lol #books #reading #my reading #literature #bookblr #reading wrap up #book recommendations #book reccs

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queen-of-the-weirdos · 4 months

Text

Silence

You've always held your tongue. A skill I'm no good at. Until the times your careless words slipped up of your betrayals.

A simple song or poem a limrick your words I begged to hear. So that I might know all of you and love you more.

I came in like a wrecking ball. I never hit so hard in love. All I wanted was to break your walls all you ever did was wreck me

Perhaps I should have been stealthy like her. Play you like a fiddle have you eating out of her cloven hoof. You took the bait she got what she wanted and is building her new life on the ashes of mine.

And i despise her because some part of me must not have let you go. Because you were supposed to be my forever. This was my home. That room you will be screwing her in is the same room our baby was born in.

The livingroom once bright and colorful will be dark and stark and covered in dead things. She brings dark energy and will fill this house with it. But that is your choice.

It's going to back fire on you. You think this is what you want. I hope you don't regret it. You are getting what you want. Solitude.

What I can't get is how you are ok with the fact that she is actively using the man she chose over you for a place to live until I'm out of the way then she's breaking up with him and moving in to my spot. Just gonna trade one out for the other.

If you were willing to admit how shitty any of the ways you've treated me were or any responsibility for any of it I might feel differently but I've lost respect for you and the ability to trust you at all.

I knew we were different but my God it's so much worse than I thought. Cause even at my angriest I was still trying to honor our agreements. After everything you've said and done I still care if you aren't ok.

But the fact that you've rewritten history to the point that you are painting yourself as the poor little victim and me the one at fault.

Denying any wrong doing. Any lieing. What about the affair with Remi? What about the sex chat rooms and you stealing women's photos and using them to sex chat with dudes. What about how you couldn't get it up unless there were dix involved somehow. What about the multiple countless far more than I could count times you rejected me. What about the fact that you said no to everything. You never tried to be romantic. Or generous. Or spontaneous. Or give me access to your heart. I know I loved you fully. I know I gave you everything. I know i forgave you time and time and time and time again. I know I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep and you rolling over emotionlessly and going to sleep. I remember the sting of hearing the words 'I met someone'

I remember your crushing my dreams. Rarely buying me gifts or taking me on dates. Moving me across the country then going comatose emotionally for years. The texts I read between you and Remi. Seeing how ugly you talked about me. While actively pursuing a younger woman. Then doing it again with "her"

I pleaded with you. Warned you I didn't have many rails left. And you sped up the train.

I don't know why it's hard to let you go. It's fully gone now. You are NOT the man I thought you were.

You can have her. She can have my throne.

I will work on my anger. It's not your responsibility any more. I will work on my wounds. They are mine to patch.

The ironic thing is you've prepared me all along for your absence. You always did hold your tongue...

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