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leonsgaythoughts · 5 years

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9 Months of Bliss... (1·10·19)

Today marks 36 weeks and 3 days of pregnancy. Only less than a month until Ian is expected to greet the world. I can't wait to meet him and watch as he develops his personality and traits. Everyday I wrap my arms around my expanding belly and contemplate how amazing it is that a living being is growing within. When he hiccups, flips, or presses into me, I am reminded he's there and enjoy every second of it. Even when I'm sore and can barely move or be touched, I love it. I love him, I love his father, and I love the fact I've been blessed to experience this miracle.

We've been excited since finding out in May and even beyond that; we knew we wanted to have a family together from the start. While Allen is the best possible person for me to have found, Ian has been the best possible outcome, enabling me to better myself as a person and find a fulfilling meaning to a previously dreary life.

First and foremost, I dedicate myself to motherhood and subsequently all the joys that come with it. I also find myself enjoying the little things more with my newfound life. And now, I can only hope for the best going forward with my ever-growing family.

...and Hormones (1·11·19)

Being my first pregnancy, it has not been without its tribulations. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so it's only natural these conflicting hormones can cause despair at seemingly random times. I can genuinely maintain the happiness Ian causes me, but therr are times I must cry and my mind drifts to unpleasant things like death and loneliness.

Recently I've realized a deep-seeded fear of myself passing, causing Allen to be alone. Even if he has Ian, I can't help but worry over how difficult he would take it and how seeing someone I love suffering so much would be heart-wrenching. I trust him to raise Ian should that every happen, but I know he wouldn't care for himself emotionally.

That aside, I also find myself with an intense lack of motivation for even simple pastimes like reading or coloring. I haven't drawn anything in months, despite having the overwhelming amount of ideas for it. Sometimes I can't even stand noises. Whether it's digital or people talking, I'll become irritable and allow that emotion to drive me. I've never been an angry person, but I can't seem to control myself from snapping over the silliest things. Knowing this, I find myself terrified of how I may act and feel post-pardem, but I guess I have to figure it out for myself and my family.

#pregnancy #hormones #writing #journal #diary #not so gay thoughts #ian #my life #personal #real life

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aeondeug · 7 years

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Hello! I'm a Gaelpol who is starting to feel drawn to Buddism. First, is Buddism an open spiritual path? Are Buddism and polytheism compatible? Can you recommend any introductory sources for learning more about the practice and history of Buddism? Last (and probably silliest) does a little 'Pocket Buddha' count as a legit statue? I was gifted one when I expressed interest, but I've read you're supposed to treat Buddha's statues a specific way and I don't know yet how to do that. Thank you!

Most forms of Buddhism involve initiation officially but that initiation is honestly rather simple and something you can do yourself. Namely you just need to take your Three Refuges. So in English you’d recite, with conviction, I take refuge in the Buddha, I take refuge in the Dhamma, I take refuge in the Sangha. Then, for the second time I take refuge in the Buddha and so on and so forth. And then again for the third time. In Pali, the liturgical language of Theravada Buddhism, you’d say Buddham saranam gacchami, Dhammam saranam gacchami, Sangham saranam gacchami, Dutiyampi etc. etc, Tatiyampi etc. etc. Now some schools, such as Tibetan schools, require more initiation than this and you’ll have to seek out a temple and monks for them. If you’re concerned about the sort you are looking into go to a temple and speak with the monks. The World Buddhist Directory here can help you find a temple or organization. A further note is that some schools of Buddhism like Dalit Ambedkar Buddhism are in fact closed entirely on ethnic grounds. By and large though they are open for anyone to join as Buddhism is a very heavy missionary faith that wants absolutely everyone to join it. However you go about this I highly recommend you find a temple, perhaps several, and speak with some monks. You can usually find someone who volunteers at the temple or a monk themselves to ask how you schedule talks with them. Monks tend to be bald and wearing orange or yellow robes, with the exception of Japanese Buddhism where the robes tend to be black.

As far as if Buddhism and polytheism are compatible...well Buddhism itself is a polytheistic religion. There are numerous gods mentioned in our cosmologies. However, unless it is certain schools or traditions these gods tend to be ignored entirely. For the same reason that you wouldn’t consider any random person you met on the street your teacher, you wouldn’t consider any random god your teacher. Some schools are entirely apatheistic and outside of folk traditions don’t bother with gods at all. Theravada is that variety of Buddhism. Others, however, concern themselves rather heavily with gods or godlike beings. The Pureland Buddhisms for example are focused around getting into the Purelands of godly Celestial Buddhas like Amitabha.

Now where it concerns other polytheisms...that really depends on the religion and person in particular. Hellenic polytheism actually has a major history wit mixing with Buddhism. You’ll want to look into Hellenism and Greco-Buddhism for that. A lot of people in general find bits of Buddhism relevant to and helpful to their lives. At least where Celtic reconstructionist polytheism is concerned I’ve found Buddhism to be very incompatible as a religion. While some beliefs might match up like the animism by and large there is a ton of schism between the overall points of the religion and what they value. Buddhism is pretty strictly “feelings are bad and happiness is just a lie that tricks us into suffering more,” whereas Irish polytheism tends to view feelings as a very, very good thing. As just one example. That is me personally, however, and do note that I consider Buddhism to be a religion in its own right. Not just a philosophy. It isn’t just a philosophy. It involves it, but it is a religion itself I believe.

Resource wise again I suggest finding a temple and speaking with monks. However for your personal study Buddhanet has a ton of resources of the introductory variety. Access to Insight meanwhile is a Theravada library. It contains most of the Pali canon, as well as writings by several monks. Both can be accessed for free online and thus very, very helpful. Temples also often given out introductory books for free (though it is good form to donate). Some many even give out more advanced texts for free. As far as a beginning text would go from the Pali canon, which is what I am familiar with, I would suggest the Kalama Sutta. I would also suggest reading the talks by monks about it that you can find at the bottom of the Kalama Sutta’s page. Please don’t feel daunted by the price of Buddhism related books in stores. In fact just don’t buy them in general. Some of those books you see in stores you can even find for free and legally so, if you really want them. Again either online with some searching or through a temple. Libraries, particularly college ones, will also often have copies of things. If you can make use of that. I am pretty anti-having to pay to learn to Buddhism.

As far as a pocket Buddha...well it depends on if it’s an image of the Buddha Shakyamuni or if it’s one of Budai. If it’s the fat guy you’ve got a Budai on your hands. The Buddha himself is rather thin in all his depictions. However I feel that any statue of him, or hell even pictures or book covers, can work as a Buddha Image. Traditionally your Buddha Images are blessed by temples and there’ll also be larger communal Buddha Images at the temples. For home shrines you need to find a designated spot to be your Buddhist altar area. Keep this off the floor and keep it clean. The Buddha Image, if not blessed, needs to be dedicated by you for its purpose. From that point on you must then treat this image as though it were the Buddha himself. You do not touch it with your feet or let it touch the ground. Nor do you approach it without bowing to it three times. Often times you’ll also want to say a devotional chant to the statue such as the Namo Tassa before you approach the image. Not all images of the Buddha though are Buddha Images. So you don’t have to follow this procedure with like random store Buddhas. Temple and home shrine Buddhas though you definitely need to. Specifics on how you approach the Buddha Image depend heavily upon which school you’re in. While they follow rather similar formats they all have their own weird little things that you’ll pick up through contact with the religion.

I hope this helps!

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