#this is my way of coping guys let me have this

[seresinhangmanjake]

Stolen Angel - Part 5

Demon!Jake Seresin x reader

Summary: You thought you were having a one-night stand with some random, normal guy. Turns out he’s a winged, demon-like stalker who has been obsessed with you for years.

Warnings/Notes: Jake is a little dark. Kidnapping. Manipulation. Obsessive behavior. Eventual smut and happy stuff. I’m sure there are typos. This used to be a different fic for August Walker, so if you see it, it’s fine. I wrote that one too.

Words: 3550

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

JAKE POV

Jake sighs at the knock on his door and sits up in his bed. It’s too early. Last night was long, watching you struggle to not verbally defy his every attempt to help you. But your wing was inflamed, which would soon lead to your back becoming inflamed, and he knows you’re intelligent but is it so hard to understand that not taking care of the injury could mean infection? Being here does not make you immune to such ailments and yet you puffed and huffed and barely held your tongue at his cleaning the area and applying a bandage with ointment. And just when you’d had a conversation with him about you being good. Terribly disappointing. You better shape up if you intend to get what you want. 

“What, Javy?” Jake calls at the second knock. 

Javy enters Jake’s room and leans against the door after closing it behind him. “So? You taking her?” he asks. 

“Possibly,” Jake says, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “There are stipulations, but she’s determined. She’ll do whatever she has to to get there.”

Javy raises a brow. “Does that explain her cozying up to you yesterday?”

A slight smirk sneaks onto Jake’s face. ‘Cozying up’ is definitely one way to describe what you were doing the day before, although your actions were nowhere close to how affectionate you’re capable of being. There is plenty of passion in that body of yours that a few soft touches don’t do justice, but for now Jake will take what he can get. 

“It does,” Jake confirms with a nod. “She’s my clever little angel, but manipulative attempt or not, it’s not like I’m going to push her away.”

“Oh no, of course not,” Javy snorts. “You? Do the respectful thing?” With a shake of his head, he lets out a low whistle to which Jake rolls his eyes. The sarcasm in his friend’s tone is wildly unappreciated.

“Do you honestly expect any better of me?”

“Not these days,” Javy says, “but is it so horrible of me to want you to see the error of your decisions and change? When I offered you a life here you were a different man.”

A different man. A weaker man. A man who had nothing left to live for. 

Losing everything he once cared about—that is what changed him, but who’s to say the man he is today isn’t who he was always meant to be? Maybe it burrowed inside of him long ago and was waiting for the encouragement to expose itself. And what is so wrong about that? That doesn't make him a bad man. 

He was a man who was missing the drive and purpose he needed. But then—despite being under the cruelest of circumstances—he found it. And when you find purpose you have to take hold of it and claim it any way you can before it’s ripped away from you. If Javy still can’t understand that then it must be the type of thing you have to live for yourself in order to grasp how it feels.

Jake’s eyes contain a challenge against his friend’s stare as he leans forward to brace his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands. “You try having Fate fuck you over, and then we’ll see the kind of man you become,” he says.

Javy sighs and crosses his arms. “I’m not denying the poor timing of your first meeting, but you coped with that for years, and now that you’ve snapped–”

“I haven’t snapped,” Jake snaps.

“Yes, you have. She was moving up in her life, finding some happiness, trying to make some friends at a new job, and then you took her,” Javy tells him, but not to chastise. That lecture was one Jake received weeks ago and Javy knows another won’t alter what has been done. “And you can’t keep her in The Tower forever. When this catches up with you—because it will—what do you intend to do?”

“She will love me by then.”

“You’re hoping she will love you by then,” Javy counters, “And you’re hoping when questioned, she’ll lie for you.”

Jake groans and shoots to his feet, running a hand through his hair. Gesturing in the general direction of your room, he says, “If she loves me then she’ll be lying for both of us because she’ll know it’s the only way we can be together.”

“And if she doesn't?”

“I'm not entertaining ‘if she doesn't’,” Jake says harshly. “She will. I’ll get rid of that stubbornness and she’ll remember why she wanted me in the first place.”

Javy pushes up from his leaned position, nearing the blond. “She wanted you because the two of you had some kind of carnal pull to one another, but–”

“It’s more than that,” Jake stops him. “We share more than that. She just refuses to see it.”

But you will. You’ll come to your senses. He knows that it’s more than sex, but it’s because of that sex that he believes something in you felt him over the years even though you did not see him. That’s why it was so easy to come together that night. You don’t sleep with just anyone. You’re picky and careful, as you should be, but you showed no reservations when giving yourself to him. You weren’t timid when he stripped you of your clothes; you were too focused on ripping him out of his. You weren’t embarrassed by your sweet moans and pretty cries. You were comfortable around him, and you will be again. 

When Jake realizes Javy hasn’t spoken, he shoves his thoughts aside and pays closer attention to the look directed his way. It’s a medley of emotions. Skepticism and concern. Cautious hope and pity and acceptance. Acceptance of what, it’s hard to determine. Impending doom, likely, since Javy’s so sure of its inevitability.

Finally, Javy blinks. His lips stretch into a thin line, then he says, “Be smart about this, Jake.” 

And Jake replies, “I’m always smart.”

“You're not,” Javy has no shame in telling him. “That's the problem.”

—

READER POV

“You can’t speak to anyone from your past, you can’t be seen by anyone from your past, you have to stay in my sight at all times, and you can’t do anything that would jeopardize our ability to return here on time,” Jake says. “You break any of these rules and I drag you back before midnight.”

Raising a brow, you cross your arms over your chest. “You think I can’t manage that? I’ve complied with everything you’ve asked of me for two whole weeks.” 

Everything down to accepting his cupping of your cheek one night as he nearly kissed you. He hadn’t though, and his reasons for pulling back instead of taking what he wanted as he’s so used to doing robbed you of four hours of sleep.

“I wouldn’t put it past you to go rogue,” he says. “But you can’t. There are actual consequences I can’t protect you from.”

Yes, you know. He has mentioned that often. “Consequences, Angel. There are consequences to not following the rules.” For the last couple of weeks, it has felt like hours upon hours of the same droning on, the same lesson as if your short-term memory is flawed. But then he’d thrown in “It's your first time, and there’s a chance you’ll forget everything I’ve told you the minute you touch foot down there. You’ll be tempted to break them.” 

That was what finally struck a cord of concern.

Of course, it had crossed your mind to break them, even though you’d known of Jake’s fate when he had done the same, but if he had to warn you of the temptation, you wondered how tempting it would really be. Would you be spending your precious, limited time there miserable because of the invisible chains on your wrists and ankles and the gag in your mouth as you try to resist the desperation to bond with the life you left behind?

“How tempted?” you had asked. 

You were taken aback by one look from him. A harshness was in the green, but you are no fool, and you could see exactly what it was concealing. A memory—pain. 

“Incredibly,” he’d told you. “At least, I was. And I paid for it.”

You hadn’t responded, but you kept his words in the back of your mind, ultimately deciding to trust in your strength. It was either that or risk never seeing home again, and that wasn't, and isn’t, an option for you. 

“I’m not going to do anything, Jake,” you swear. 

He peers into your eyes a little too long, but you let him search for the lie that isn’t there until he’s satisfied. He blinks and then gives a sharp nod. “Good,” he says. “Then close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close them,” he repeats. “You don’t need to know how to get where we’re going.”

Another thing to comply with. Rolling your eyes, you drop your arms to your sides. Jake pulls a blindfold out of his jeans pocket and folds it in thirds. 

“Seriously?”

He looks up and steps closer. “Close, your, eyes,” he instructs again.

With a sigh you do as he says, then he wraps the fabric around your head, tying a little knot in the back. 

“This is–” Stupid, you were going to say, but you’re cut off by the yelp that escapes your throat when you’re suddenly lifted into his arms, your legs and wings draped over his forearms. 

“Hold on Angel,” he says. 

Your hands clasp behind his neck. “Yea, no kidding.”

When he shoots up into the air, you have to tuck your head against his t-shirt to block out the rush and whirl of wind that’s quickly encompassing you. It’s all too fast, the pressure much too extreme that you feel as if you’ve gained thirty pounds in ten seconds. It’s the initial take-off of the rollercoasters at the theme park you went to as a child. The kind of feeling that locks your limbs in place. 

However, it’s not long that you’re going up before you begin to fall back down at a speed that suggests the man holding you can’t fly and you’re about to greet the end of your life. The sharp change in movement twists and curls your insides. Your lungs are confused, unsure whether inhaling or exhaling would better suit you at the moment. You don’t know, so you don’t breathe. 

Jake lands with a thud and sets you down on wobbly legs. One large hand wraps around your upper arm; the other slips the blindfold over your head and back into his pocket. You’re well-hidden behind a large tree as your eyes adjust to the bright neon lights that bleed from the city night.

Home. You’re home. You’re at the far end of a sidewalk by the docks that no one visits after six o’clock in the evening, but it’s still home, and you already feel yourself being sucked in by the central bustle of bodies and cars. 

You take a step forward, much weaker than you intended, and Jake’s grip on you tightens. 

“Not yet,” he says. “You need to shed your wings.” 

That detail had escaped you, the excitement too overpowering. But you keep that excitement from showing on the outside, just as you had when he’d told you a few days ago that removing the wings was possible for you, too.

Standing taller, you prepare yourself for more instructions.

“Close your eyes again,” he begins, his voice a deep vibration in your ear. “Clear your mind. Create an image of your wings and the feathers plucking free, falling to the ground one at a time until you have no more. Picture the bone and cartilage crumbling,” he says. “And keep doing that until you feel the loss of the weight.”

It takes at least a full minute, but you’re lighter. When you look down, your feathers coat the ground, a few layered with his. Like ash and snow. 

“Good,” he says, but his tone doesn’t match the praise. It’s the slightest bit wounded as if he’s grieving something he held dear. 

You turn your head. Your eyes flick to his and you find them glued to your back—your back which is now bare of the one thing that shows the world you’re something other than human. 

His Adam's apple bobs. “Let’s go,” he says. 

“Where can we?”

“Anywhere that keeps you from running into someone that would recognize you or would’ve been concerned about your sudden absence.”

That definitely knocks out work, the old late-night cafe you used to frequent, the park on third—too small. But as far as you know, everything else is fair game. And if it’s not, you’re sure Jake won’t hesitate to inform you.

—

The temptation he’d warned you about isn’t as aggressive as you anticipated. It’s there, for sure, but you don’t find yourself itching to be bold. There’s no one you wish to see, and you skirt the perimeters of the locations you choose because of the thought that you might fuck up and give him reasons not to bring you back in the future.

He should be thrilled with your behavior. He should be riding one of his ego trips from getting you to do what he wants without additional scolding, but that’s not what’s happening. Instead, he’s worse by the hour. 

Occasionally his eyes light up when you smile or chuckle at the places and things you haven’t seen for the month that has felt like a year, but between your grins and laughs, his face hasn’t once failed to fall. 

He has taken to trailing behind you. If both hands are not in his pockets it is because one is running through his hair or down his face. To your statements, he hums. To your questions, he mutters answers. He hates it, you realize. All of it. Almost as much as you hate the place he has forced you to exist in ever since he took you.

His mood is only exacerbated by your desire to go to your apartment.

“Can you hold this?” you ask as you raise the window. “Won’t stay up, and maintenance ignored all of my requests.”

Jake nods, placing his hand on the base of the sill so you can ease yourself through the opening. You do the same for him as he steps off the fire escape onto the ragged carpet of your living room floor. 

You take in the space, and it’s so…weird. Not a thing has shifted from the place you left it. The only additions left out of the memory you’ve kept in your mind are the layer of dust coating every surface and the slip of paper under your front door with Eviction Warning written in red lettering. And the smell. It doesn’t smell like you remember. You’re not immediately soaked in the scent of lavender essence left over from the half-burnt candle on the side table.

“Feels like I’ve been gone forever,” you say. You look over your shoulder at Jake. “Does time move differently there and I just didn’t notice?”

His hands are back in his pockets. His eyes are tired. “No, Angel,” he says.

Your sigh fades into a hum. 

As you move about the room, you measure it all with your eyes.

Your couch. You always sat on the right. That cushion is more worn than the other two. 

The lampshade is still crooked from when you last changed the lightbulb. Its poor alignment had caused a slight burn mark in the material from the shade leaning against the heat of the bulb, and yet, rather than straighten it out, you had twisted it on its diagonal axis so the mark faced the wall.

The TV remote is nowhere in sight, of course, because you were never the best at remembering where you put it down; a habit so frustrating you’re tempted to hunt for it now. 

Your coffee table still has the scratch in the middle from when you’d dropped your mug onto the wood, shattering it to pieces. That had pissed you off. You’d just bought it from the flea market.

A mug—you’d left one out that morning. You turn your head to your kitchen where it still sits on the counter. 

You walk over and grab it. There’s a coffee ring in the bottom, so you take it to the sink and wash it out, then flip it over to dry on a dishcloth. You weren’t a fan of leaving dishes scattered about, even for half a day, but you don’t know why it ever mattered. Since moving in, no one had entered this place but you, and well…him. 

Suddenly, something deep and thick descends upon you. Though the space around you appears to have frozen in time from the moment you disappeared, there are things that did not freeze along with it that you can’t ignore.

Like the food in your fridge and the special chocolate cookies in your cabinet that the grocery store rarely had in stock. Rotten and stale. What a waste. 

There’s a plant in your bathroom—a little one that relied on your sense of responsibility to keep it alive. It sits on a shelf in a dark purple pot you’d found on sale and now brittle leaves surely litter the tiles. 

And, oh god, the cat. You used to leave a bowl of tuna out for the stray cat that climbed the stairs to paw at your window. What about him? Is he ok? Did he give up after being ignored? How long did that take? Did he feel abandoned? Does he miss you?

Bracing your hands on the counter, your head falls forward. You close your eyes and take a breath, and then you open them and—Fuck, there’s a cheerio on the floor. You forgot the damn cheerio; that tiny ring of processed wheat from breakfast that has been hanging out here in limbo wondering if it’ll be trashed or devoured by ants because you were running late that morning and told yourself you’d throw it out later but you didn’t and so there’s a fucking cheerio on your floor. 

You can’t look at it, but then you don’t know where to look, or what to do. You don’t dare go into your bedroom. The sheets will be rumpled. Your underwear will be wherever it landed when it was taken off your body and tossed aside.

Shit, the laundry! You forgot to take it out of the washing machine. Mildew probably grew in the creases and folds. They'll have to go through the cycle again. You'll need detergent. You're out of detergent—used the last of it on the load that needs to be rewashed. Your favorite t-shirts are mixed in there somewhere. But it’s fine. You’ll do a quick wash, quick dry, quick fold, and put them in the drawer where they belong. How long could that take? An hour? Two? You have enough time, right? And while you're at it you really should set some tuna out and get rid of the spoiled food and fix the lampshade and find the remote and apologize to the plant and–

“We can pretend, Angel,” Jake whispers from behind you, making you jolt in your spot. You didn’t hear his approach—he keeps doing that—and he’s so close that his breath flutters wisps of your hair. “Forget everything, for a bit. Be the way we were that night.”

His disruption sidetracks you from the laundry, the cheerio, the cat, the plant, the food. For a second, you can barely process his words, but it doesn’t take long for the confusion to sort itself out.

You swallow. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to be human anymore,” you whisper, reminding him of what he has drilled into your brain again and again and again.

“You’re not,” he says. Then his arms are flanking your sides, palms pressing into the edge of the countertop. “But we look the part, don’t we?” Hot air is on your neck. You think you can hear his heart thumping. “Just tonight. Just here.”

Just here. Here, the last place you were before he made you into the creature you are. Here, the last place you can say that you were entirely you. Here, the last place you spent a happy moment. Your final happy moment. A moment that included him, back when you believed you were bringing home some guy. Just some guy. A beautiful guy. A human guy. 

You liked that human guy.

You miss that human guy.

Sometimes you wish he'd show up again. Save you and promise you it was all a nightmare.

“Why?” you ask.

“Don’t ask why,” he answers. “Just tell me yes.”

And because you don’t want to go back to thinking about what you’ve lost; because you’re uneasy and overwhelmed and numb and weak now that you're realizing home really isn’t home anymore but a ghostly echo of who you were, you don’t possess the mental wherewithal to care about your decisions. All you want is a memory—a good memory—within your reach. 

So you turn yourself right around, and you kiss him.

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #top gun maverick #jake seresin fic #top gun #jake hangman seresin fic #top gun hangman #jake hangman seresin x y/n #demon!jake seresin #tgm fic #tgm #jake seresin x you

[official-locke-writing]

Hey guys, I know I've been serious-posting quite a bit more than usual lately, I just wanted to talk a bit more about how (and why) I write my characters the way I do in terms of realistic portrayal and my take on mental health issues in fiction, mainly Creepypasta and Slenderverse.

It seems like some people take me for an able-bodied, mentally stable human being "looking in" on mental health who assumes that I know everything because I Googled some stuff. I can see where this view can arise, as I have never truly spoken about my disabilities or personal life much at all. It occurred to me that you don't know much about me, or why I am so passionate about things like this.

So, let me be transparent.

Yes, I have studied abnormal psychology as a focus in college, but that is not the source of my interest in exploring mental health in the fashion that I do. I have a literal shopping list of physical and mental health obstacles that I deal with daily, and being able to understand it better and connect with characters who share a more accurate depiction of the struggle feels more personal to me than a more standard "fanon" depiction of Creepypasta characters. It's how I like to write things.

I have Marfanoid Habitus Syndrome, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, childhood-onset Rheumatoid Arthritis that is in later stages now that I'm an adult, along with heart conditions like Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), heart valve abnormalities, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I deal with Borderline Personality Disorder and autism which can cause episodic confusion, emotional distress and panic attacks. I am not asking for sympathy by saying this. I just have these things, and it's a part of my life.

Needless to say, I know what it's like. I really do, which is why I have such passionate interest in rewriting Creepypasta characters to be the way that they are. I just thought you guys would like to know that my differing views on how I would like the characters to be should not, in any way, feel like an affront to your depictions. I may not agree with them, but whatever, y'know? It's the internet. Differing depictions should not equate to waging war about who is right.

I will address this specifically to the people who want to "call me out" on being ableist because I changed some mental health depictions regarding my Toby rewrite to be less noticeable: Mental health issues are not always the forefront of someone's personality nor behavior. I can promise you that people think I'm normal on first look because all of my medical conditions are "invisible." It comes with the package, and I think anyone with an invisible disability can agree with me that the original stories in the fandom are... incredibly strange and even a little offensive. I'm not a fan.

And I will state, I know this character is outdated and I am not bashing the creator, and I am well aware of their need to be detached from this character due to the poor writing, but Ticci Toby does truly belong to the fandom now, and the fandom has held up these pretty wild design choices. I'm looking to change that in my personal depictions and hopefully foster a healthier way of using these characters to cope.

I love you guys; I hope I'm making sense here and am trying to touch base with you all in hopes of clearing up some misunderstandings. I'm not participating in the erasure of disabilities; I'm participating in realistic writing.

#creepypasta #slenderverse #character design #blessed be the wicked

[gremnda]

Hello Ethubs nation :]

no text version

#gremnda art #this is the silliest thing i've drawn in a while and i am so happy w it #i just read a heavy angst fic with etho and bdubs #this is my way of coping guys let me have this #ethubs #hermitshipping #trafficshipping #ethoslab #bdoubleo100 #oo look at me go making ship art #guys im from dsmp fandom i feel like im committing an actual crime by drawing ship art #please be nice i will cry

[snixx]

babygirl if you knew how many homewrecker fantasies I daydream about on a daily basis it's gonna be so over

#girlblogging.pdf #good luck babe is NOT helping jesus #also getting caught giggling to myself over my silly little homewrecker fantasies. most mortifying ordeal EVER #and it's not even the way youd assume. like im aro i don't get crushes #they're entirely petty vindictive revenge fantasies #like LISTEN. i could pull my college ex friend's crush so easily #but let's not get into that. they're just fantasies im not gonna get with a guy just to piss her off im not there yet #i just get off on thinking about breaking up allos don't mind me #it's so funny im sorry it's how i cope with having to live in the most heterosexual college ever ok #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

so hard and lonely to be one of like five people in the entire world to see the truth (iron man 2 is a better movie than infinity war)

#why have i been thinking about this? #idk. consuming marvel content gets me through Many Tasks. but i do that a lot often so idk why this has been on my mind #but it has been. and it's true. i'm right. #i also feel like i maybe (unbelievably) am growing to appreciate iron man 2 even more #because it's a movie about a guy coping with stress by going apeshit on the self destruct button for his own life #which is awesome and relatable and more interesting than they will ever let anyone not named tony stark be... #anyway. i also just can't believe how pro infinity war people are #like even people who can talk normally about other movies and who don't think every mcu product is great before even seeing it #talk about infinity war like it not only was good but was a movie. like a real movie the way movies are movies #like people who i KNOW have seen other movies act like this #like we have to believe it to be an achievement because they put all the guys in it #no!!!!! no A's for effort!!!!!

[cosmobrain00]

well🙂

#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up #surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha! #so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what #who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life #like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me #looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her” #n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly #like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them” #n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt #no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself #no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up #< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys #fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!! #anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Brain: Hey what if I told you we'll be starting to develop a crush on that random human being?

Me: Okay! *distance myself from that person and make the relationship seem impossible in my mind until my feelings disappear*

#ways to cope with your feelings: drown them. #in a pool full of piranhas preferably. #just analyzing my own way of functioning and it turns out i have problems #*starts singing the brobecks while running away from my crushes* EEEEVERYONE ISSSS BEEEEETTER THAN MEEEEEE I THINK #no but fr i went from 'doing the unthinkable to be liked back' to 'they won't like me ever let's just drop this shit and run away' #that's why i relate to thins song yes i renounced to my own identity for a guy once #don't recommend it wouldn't do it again if you ever think about doing this slaps yourself ten times in the face and think again please #anyway that's it don't crush on real people they will break you down and let you die alone thank you goodbye #feelings #crush #crushes #being in love #mental health #mental illness #whispers from atlantis

[miutonium]

My friends are doing the artvsartist thing so i want to do it as well hhh

I'll be drawing the cutest thing ever for selfship but I can't for the life of me smile properly for a picture 😔😔😔😔

#i will disappear again but hi hi look at all of my brainrot in one collage #im so glad you guys encouraged me to be unapologetically cringe to my f/o #i cant imagine a life where i dont cry about utonium or jack #because idk i just find this to be my own way to cope with things irl and aaaaa im just glad i get to gush whatever i want #and have people around me encouraging me and hyping me up so like thank you for letting me be in your tiny selfship corner ;w; #asuka speaks #asukart #selfship #selfshipping #selfship art #selfshipping community #selfship community #self insert oc #self insert community #self insert art #si x canon #oc x canon #si x fo

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#hm actually that first tag may be triggering or smth so let's get this under the cut #how many tags does it take to do that i wonder #shall we try three and hope they will be enough or #i am very. thoroughly. sick. of wanting to die #it's just so EXHAUSTING guys #usually im more distractable than this but noooo it's been most of today #just there. existing. as a appealing possibility. #doesn't help that i have an imagination neither #so many possibilities! ha. (<- bitter) #tw suicide #tw sh #and i literally lost count of the number of times i harmed today. that hadn't happened yet #i did have two meals today! which probably didn't help the harming situation. but a net win imo #im just. sick of not being normal. #and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain. #there was one i thought briefly might send me to hospital but the bleeding did stop with pressure so it was fine #unfortunately one of my regular coping mechanisms/stims (playing the piano a particular song/way/whatever) is apparently becoming a trigger #for harm? i dont know why but this is very inconvenient probably if i care #my brain is a very messed up place to be in at the moment. i wish to check out of it permanently if you please #i did think for a while i might have to call lifeline again but the worst passed #and ha! when my parents ask how im going i am vague adn they think im fine #in reality? i am psychologically drowning and getting stressed over the fact that they rae returning home soon #realistically i will probably be safer as a result but also more stresses on all sorts of different points #woot woot #.....tomorrow's sunday oh no #if im feeling then like i am now i will not be able to go to church because i will not be safe to drive. #joy comes in the morning? i hope? #if i cannot go to church my brother will probably come and stay with me. don't know if i want that or if i don't. would probably entail #telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay. #if you get this far anyway yes you can probably tell i need prayers.

[fabcreature]

right at the beginning of music school is actually a fantastic time to think "really when was the last time making music or working with music made me happy?"

#don't worry about me this is just my bi-weekly crisis regarding school and my future and my entire identity haha yea i'm fine i'm cool #i'm frustrated bc i haven't actually made progress with music in so long and i haven't made anything i'm proud of for even longer #i'm studying music technology but i don't know shit about it and really i'm not that passionate about it either #there are so many projects that i have in the works that i actually do have to finish bc they're for other people but i just #can't get myself to work on it #my entire life i've been so fucking bad with comparing myself to others #and going to music school i am now surrounded by talented people left and right and i feel so fucking inferior #and i'm one of those people who never studied in school and well that's not rly an issue bc at this school u don't study the traditional way #however what this also means about me is that nothing has ever been difficult for me before and #i simply don't know how to cope with not knowing how to do something #i mean this isn't the first time that i don't know how to do something but #this is the first time that i can't just run away from it and ignore it #and i feel like i'm never gonna be able to graduate from here #i've literally had just two days of school so far and i'm convinced i can't do it #to be fair i was already convinced i'm a failure and a fraud before i started so #also during the first introduction lecture to the school. burnout got mentioned. very. very. very many times. #i'll let you guys know when it gets to me haha #i'm feeling good i'm feeling so good i'm feeling fine [crying my eyes out] #eg posts

[goldiipond]

so fucking brave having a major cc that is literally the most underrated character in a series with a dying fandom. imgoing to explode from how much i love don tpn

#skye's ramblings #DON DOES NOT HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH CONTENT FOR THE AMOUNT OF IMPORTANCE HE HAS IN THE STORY. IS THIS THING ON. CAN ANYUONE HEAR ME #ive felt like utter SHIT all day and ive been thinking abt him to cope hes so everything #scouring t/pn blogs that have been dead for years like seen that. seen that. you dont get him like i do. seen that. i hate that ship. seen t #some of this art i really need to rb though i just need to think of stuff to say. i try to leave nice tags on all art i rb #i could make more don art since i have so much trouble finding it but. aforementioned feeling of shit </3 #anyway other thing abt don i saw an image of a culte little plushie of him the other day and yelled. i didnt think don merch existed #i need to find it i dont know WHERE to look i cant buy it right now but it would be nice to know where it is when i can .. #such a cute plushie i must have him with me every second of the day. he was way smaller than my ray one so i actually probably coulf #anyway whatever im holding him up lets talk about him. ithink he is a silly little guy. whatever

[yourlocalxbox]

‎

#being so similar to everyone is fucking exhausting #i can only :3 for so long before i fall back into the 'default' style and then its like i lose any shred of identity i had #if i were to 'be myself' you wouldnt be able to tell me apart from anyone if you tried #and to most people thats a reason for them to not treat me with respect #im 'close enough' #id like to be a version of myself that doesnt constantly want to put a bullet through my head #but i cant stop and try and 'embrace myself' or whatever because i cant stop #putting on a silly face is a compulsive urge that i cant rip off #i feel disgusted with myself and my thoughts and words but i cant stop #the silly little 'haiii :3c im so cute' mask is attached to me and it feels like some sort of parasite at this point #an 'alt personality' if you will. the irony of such a comparison is not lost on me #considering i alone am someone's '''alt personality''' with barely any personality of my own #laugh. that was funny. laugh. #feels like a fucking nightmare just trying to talk to people. like a creature mimicking sounds it hears to try and masquerade as a human #every time i think i have a hold of something im doing it wrong. dont people make fun of their friends? but when i do it its all wrong #dont people use silly emoticons? but when i do it its all wrong. dont people talk about their day? their interests? #all of mine are the wrong ones. apparently im a freak. for what? thinking dead things are cool? doesnt everyone? or for coping with my own- #-harassment and exploitation in a way that may not be common but ismt hurting anyone? cant i laugh or take a little pleasure in it? id- #-rather have a good time than cry about it. why doesnt that make sense to anyone. am i just some mentally ill freak. #how am i constantly doing everything wrong by literally just existing. im not even DOING anything but im THINKING wrong i guess?? #im existing incorrectly?? okay. alright. #what fucking ever just let me fall back into a cute lil :3c roseboy persona so people can tolerate me again. works superficially at least #better than nothing i guess. people like cute things. im sooo cute guys love me #love me please just fucking love me i need to be loved #i would do anything to be loved you dont understand i need someone to worship me like they once did #at least when they ripped out my soul and took advantage of me and used me and lied to me they did it cause they loved me #id do anything to be loved like that again i dont care if it kills me i just want someone to love me again #if it hurts theyre doing it right isnt that how it is. love is supposed to hurt and love is supposed to take me over and leave me begging #love and obsession are one and the same and i long for the feeling of whichever one comes first

[sonego]

.

#am i gonna fight off anxiety attacks until i fall asleep or can i chill at some point lol #the whole rat winning the uc thing has made me so. fucking emotional in thenworst way #trauma is sooooooo fun guys #anyway i'm gonna see if i manage to gif to take my mind off things maybe listen to music #you.know usual coping mechanism #also took ice cream out of the freezer so when it's not freezing cold we're having that #me grasping at straws like remember what you learnt in dbt............uh yes cold is good #(this sounds like a joke but cold IS good not eating spectcally just in general but esp on your skin) #(so yesssss lets go confezione di gelato sui polsi bc i don't have avtual ice)

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

...

#i keep making cope art #which is probanly something i should have done for a while #but im still disturbed by what i make #it keeps taking me back to that night when i first made cope art and then swore never to again because i was freaked out by it #at the same time as mych as i gate it it feels like im letting go of feelings i wouldnt be able to put into words #also i realized that my manager was totally gaslighting me #now im debating letting my coworkers know his true colors or just leaving them to figure it out for themselves #like should i warn them? #theyre all convinced hes a great guy who pnly has their best interest in mind #which i learned the hard way is not at all the case #i also need to decide how im going to leave. like is it worth even putting in a “2 week notice”? #i dont plan on coming back after my shift this friday

[arolesbianism]

Let it not be forgotten how much I love Abby. She is the character of all time. 2 me. It's me and my needlessly in depth Abby hcs against the world

#rat rambles #wendy may be my favorite by a significant amount but I still spin around abby in my head at lightning speeds constantly #she is so. *explodes* #idk its just like. shes dealing with the weight of all of wendy's problems while also being one og the causes of said problem and thats #because she in fact did literally die only to presumably have to watch her twin grieve and be the reason that he got stuck in an endless #death cycle and despite her best efforts he does die over and over again and theres nothing she can do to truly save him #and not only that but before meeting the other survivors she was his only light in this fucked up bullshit and she probably knew that #and goddddd theres just so much to unpack there do you see the potential do you see why she makes me wanna bite someone #abby is a fully fledged character with complexities and issues to Me ok #yes shes a goofy kid still yes shes a silly lil guy but also shes a traumatized lil guy who is in a deeply fucked up situation #I just like the idea of contrasting abby and wendy's ways of coping with all of this #especially with how much wendy almost worships abby and their bond after getting contant'd #it just. sounds like a lot of pressure for anyone to deal with let alone a child #and who the hell is she gonna talk abt this stuff to most of the time she cant just get wendy to ask someone to die for a sec #also man being shown again and again that she has like no chance of being alive again is pretty messed up huh #she surely cant be the strong one forever. cracks her like an egg #both in a mental illness™ way and also in a trans way #anyways eepy time gn

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙rosé flowing l LN4˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: lando norris x nepo baby!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au

warnings: a lot of fluff as always with me!! tiniest innuendo at the end lol but literally not srs !

summary: in which the grid's nepo baby bff tries to keep her new relationship on the low but is sabotaged by her friends

a/n: idk if this is good i kind of dnt like it?? let me know hahahhhh😭😭 i feel like it's too diff to my other nepo baby one

request!!!: If you're up for it then maybe a lando version of the nepo baby fic instead of lance (*HERE*)

my masterlist

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by yourbff, lilymhe, and 512,097 others

yourusername night life 🪩..

view all 7,382 comments

yourbff hot hot hot

yourusername no u😘

user1 is that lando norris??

user2 yessssss the f1 drivers luv y/n

user3 who is she ??

user4 random rich nepo girl lol

user5 so pretty

maxverstappen1 im in your area

yourusername no way. let's go to dinner!!!!

maxverstappen1 👍

user6 rizz

landonorris 😘

user7 no response...

user8 he's not beating the norizz allegations anytime soon i fear ...

landonorris posted a story

liked by oscarpiastri, danielricciardo, and 282,023 others

user9 ??? who is she

user10 DATE night? first im hearing of this

user11 lando i cant cope with a soft launch rn

oscarpiastri 👀

landonorris 🤫

user12 lando u have RIZZ???? surely not

yourbff 💋💋

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by kellypiquet, maxverstappen1, and 771,684 others

yourusername 🍷

view all 11,029 comments

yourbff awww look at lil merlot 🐱

yourusername mr merlot said he wants a visit soon

yourbff of course anything for the baby

user18 the cat being named after a wine 😭

user19 MAX!?

user20 max verstappen superb rizz

user21 they're not dating guys kelly is in the likes

user22 booo

maxverstappen1 it was so good to see you!

yourusername 💘 always a pleasureee

kellypiquet pretty girl💋💋

yourusername love you sweet

pierregasly you're making the rounds y/n?

yourusername gotta make a point of seeing all my fav boys of courseee🏎️

yourusername posted a story

liked by pierregasly, yourbff, and 221,732 others

yourbff im gonna get so drunk

landonorris 😘

user23 drunk y/n incominggg

maxverstappen1 dont do anything i wouldn't do

user24 WYDDD Y/N

yourbff

liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 399,183 others

yourbff my best friend and her man are hot

tagged: yourusername, landonorris

view all 4,820 comments

user25 BEST FRIEND AND HER MAN???

user26 Y/N AND LANDO???

user27 is this y/n & lando dating confirmation

user28 omg it's happening guys

user29 how did lando norizz pull y/n y/l/n???!!!!

landonorris someone's in troubleeee

yourbff who? it aint me surely

landonorris 🤨

yourusername 😭 ur lucky tht i love u

yourbff aww i know im soo lucky i love you sooo much you're the prettiest girl in the world!

yourusername 🤡🤡

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, charles_leclerc, and 301,832 others

user34 omg hi pierre

user35 OMGG y/n & pierre reunion

user36 fav friendshippp

charles_leclerc hanging out without me i see okay okay

yourusername YOU SAID YOU WERE BUSY

charles_leclerc yea but 🥺

user37 charles is crying rn

pierregasly

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, and 829,174 others

pierregasly life the past few weeks

view all 12,924 comments

user38 omg is that y/n and her cat

user39 Y/N AND MERLOT

user40 are they dating ??

yourusername sending hugs from me & mr merlot 🐱

pierregasly i only want the ones from merlot

yourusername wow ok. i see

user41 wherever y/n is a full glass of wine follows

liked by yourusername

user42 waittt i kind of ship them

user43 imagine if they were dating 🥺

user44 some of these comments are so ick can a male & female not be friends anymore 💀

landonorris get u a man who looks at u like pierre looks at that ice cream

liked by pierregasly, yourusername, danielricciardo, charles_leclerc

yourbff posted a story

liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 96,914 others

yourusername STOP

user45 is that y/n

user46 is that y/n

user47 i swear that's y/n

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 712,384 others

yourusername been a minute 🍓

view all 8,183 comments

user48 HII Y/N

user49 LANDO AND CHARLESSS?!!!!

user50 she prob didnt make a grid post for a bit coz u guys harass her on who she's dating now 💀

charles_leclerc omg it's me

yourusername yup hi charlie 👋

landonorris wow i look sexy ngl

yourusername 🤨

user51 i wish i was y/n

user52 ikr she's so perfect

lilymhe hello my favourite nepo baby

yourusername I MISS YOU!!

lilymhe i miss you moree

landonorris posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername, and 593,173 others

danielricciardo medium launch ?

landonorris 😝

user53 lando is it y/n or not plz tell us

user54 major y/n vibes

yourbff she's majestic how the hell did you manage this

landonorris i honestly got no idea im just here for the ride or whatever i guess

yourbff respect it. at least you're aware she's out of your league

landonorris oh absolutely i am

lilymhe i want her

landonorris back off

danielricciardo

liked by yourbff, charles_leclerc, and 873,013 others

danielricciardo beach day!! 🏖️

view all 14,238 comments

user55 omg

user56 that's literally lando & y/n

yourbff you've rly done it this time

danielricciardo dont know what you're talking about 😇

yourusername you're done

landonorris 😭

danielricciardo i wont be taking questions at this time

yourbff convenient

user57 oh they are definitely dating right ??

charles_leclerc 🤨

liked by yourbff

user58 wait is everyone trying to expose them for dating fr

yourusername posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly, and 314,873 others

danielricciardo HAHAHA

danielricciardo this is basically a confirmation

yourusername i'll never trust you with a secret again

danielricciardo was worth it

user59 Y/N AND LANDO HAS TO BE REAL AFTER THIS

user60 suspicions confirmed

yourbff let the world know y/n!!

yourusername EASY FOR YOU TO SAY

landonorris 😘

lando.jpg

liked by daniel3.jpg, yourbff, and 365,927 others

lando.jpg 💛

tagged: yourusername

view all 8,173 comments

yourusername you are so obsessed with me

lando.jpg yes 🙌

user61 OMG 😨

user62 they're in love. fr

user63 that first pic omg

daniel3.jpg now do it again on main

lando.jpg all in good time 😃

user64 hardest launch of the century

user65 she's insanely gorgeous

yourbff freaking finally

yourusername 🤫

yourbff me & daniel take credit for this

danielricciardo 👍

landonorris you guys should focus on your own lives

landonorris posted a story

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 293,284 others

danielricciardo 👏👏👏

charles_leclerc 🥳🥳🥳

yourbff 🎉🎉🎉

pierregasly 🍾🍾🍾

maxverstappen1 🎊🎊🎊

user66 it's real

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and 728,023 others

yourusername i wanna be defined by the things that i love

tagged: landonorris

view all 9,185 comments

user72 omg this is so much to take in

user73 her feet on him 🥹

user74 THIS IS SO CUTE I CANT HANDLE IT

user75 new fav wag for sure

danielricciardo look at my children go

yourusername we're grown up !

danielricciardo no more sneaking around 🫶

pierregasly cracking open a bottle as we speak

yourusername celebrating the only way i know how 🎉

landonorris you know other ways y/n 👀.

pierregasly WTF???

yourusername 🤨

landonorris i love You

yourusername i love you !!!

yourbff 🥹🥹🥹

THE END 🧡

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 smau #f1 fic #f1 x reader #smau #f1 imagine #lando norris #ln4 #ln4 x y/n #ln4 smau #ln4 fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 x reader #ln4 x you #maddie's smau