#telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay.

[tacit-semantics]

ah fuck it im having a bad day and talking about my projects always helps. oc and original writing rambling under the cut for anyone who might be interested, but also mainly for me

So both of the ocs ive got right now are intended as characters in short stories, and honestly exist more as a function of those stories as opposed to the other way around- as in, the stories themselves aren't particularly character driven, and thus these guys suffer a bit for it. all this therefore serves as a means of hashing out those stories too, neither of which is actually written. So it goes.

first off we've got Adam, who tends to refer to himself jokingly in story as madam-I'm-Adam (mentioned him in a different post a few days back), whose defining characteristic is being annoying as FUCK, partially on purpose. He stars as the main character in his story alongside his neighbor's dog god-dog the guard dog, a dog with a head on either end, who is also a very good boy. a really shaky excerpt goes:

"I found that this was much of what I expected. That said, while novelty wears off quick I have always been in it for the long haul; so even as I danced my fingers back and out of reach, I looked at God-Dog and I took him in and I read him for filth right then and there: see, he looked like me, and sounded like me, and moved like me, so I knew him whole and entire in the same way that I knew myself, and so I also knew within the moment that though he had a head on either end, neither was any good for conversation. 

Not that I was much good for conversation either, of course, nor was I all that likable, but at the  very least, and for all our similarities, our one big difference lied in the fact that I was raised right: I knew not to bite the hand that feeds me, and I knew not to bark up the wrong tree, and I knew not to mix my metaphors, because it only takes one bad apple to burn the bunch. "

You'll notice this is phrased weird. That's because Adam's whole thing is tongue-in-cheek pretension, in part because I needed an excuse for copious amounts of wordplay and in part because his core conflict is based in isolation and separation, from both other people and his environment, and somewhere along the line he decided to lean into and attempt to embrace his oddities, to... questionable success, though he's not entirely aware of that. He's also meant to be 15 though, so i cut him SOME slack. Another excerpt, because I like it (warning for bullying):

"“Adam,” [the various indefinite bullies] would tell me, crowded against the wall of my white-hot house while the white-hot sun, the great equalizer, beat down on us all, “We find you disturbing and off-putting, and thus are going to physically harm you as a means of expressing ourselves, which is good and encouraged. This is all simple cause-and-effect, understand, and the cause is that you are annoying as fuck.”

“That’s not believable child dialogue,” I would reply, “And that was exceedingly obnoxious, so I’d very much appreciate it if you got it over with and threw me in the old dried-up river.” 

And then they got it over with, and threw me in the old dried-up river."

The story itself is intended to be surrealist and cyclical; thus the naming conventions. It deals a lot in doubling and mirroring, as well as recognizing and connecting with another living being on the basis of the very thing that makes others reject you. It's difficult at first, but like. He keeps at it, mostly through attempting to feed god-dog in a number of increasingly obnoxious ways. Here's that particular excerpt (warning for emetophobia and mentions of feeding animals things that they should not be fed):

"To this end, I try to feed him: 

Raw meat, cooked meat, meat medium-rare; 

Blatant corporate propaganda; 

Hex nuts, once, after which I was so delighted by my own cruelty that I vomited into the old dead river; 

A particularly juicy bit about modern martyrdom that even I found a little too obnoxiously self-indulgent; 

Dog food, unopened, which made him look at me in such a way so as to imply that were his divinity any less metaphorical, I’d be dead where I stood; "

Yes, this whole thing is a thinly veiled metaphor. Yes, I get excited about it again every time i make the mistake of opening the document. No, i never managed to hash out the details.

Next up, we've got the unnamed protagonist of my thinly veiled ocd allegory story, a woman who upon moving to a new house, discovers a time loop in the attic. This one deals a lot in isolation. She has people in her life- a wife, family, etc- but struggles to connect with them, and generally views the world through a shaky, dreamlike lens. I should mention that the time loop itself is not considered strange by the standards of the world; a good chunk of the story revolves around her wading through various nonsense in an attempt to get it removed. If this sounds familiar, then well. Yeah.

This one was initially intended to be epistolary, though I don't think that would've panned out. if i remember right, i was reading catch 22 around the time i thought of this one, so if i was gonna write it it was going to include a lot of cyclical nonsense as a means of illustrating bureaucracy in a similar way, as well as to parallel the time loop ocd thing. Here's like the one bit of dialogue i actually did:

"“Hello!” I say with my careful, cheerful voice. Not at all put-upon, not at all strange. “There’s a time loop in my attic.”

From the other end of the line there’s an explosion of clacking keys, a flurry of long-nailed, slim-fingered convulsions, and I give the person a name, a face, a beehive hairdo and a manicure at six; it occurs to me, as I’m adding her long, beaded glasses chain, that I might have some internal prejudices that I need to examine. 

“Alright,” the lady on the other end says, and I feel a little twist of guilt. “Can you prove it?”

“There’s a time loop in my attic,” I repeat, somewhat taken aback. 

“Alright,” the lady on the other end says, and I feel a little twist of guilt. “Can you prove it?” 

“There’s a time loop in my attic,” I repeat, somewhat taken aback. 

“Alright,” the lady on the other end says, and I feel a little twist of guilt. “Can you prove it?” 

And on and on we go. "

Anyways, this character was meant to be very spacy, a little unnerving, and somewhat lacking in self-awareness. It's also very important to me that she's established as someone who was like, already sorta struggling. She's very much meant to give the vibe of someone, well. Stuck in time.

As for other original writing projects, I had a satire piece that I actually basically finished, but i don't like how it turned out- it was a cover letter (like the sort you make for a resume) but it specifically leaned into the over the top flowery language they expect of you. It was meant to mimic like, a 19th century love letter, the point being to illustrate how damn ridiculous some of the ways you're expected to interact with people in the corporate world can get. There was a lot of intentionally ambiguous language and the like, and the whole thing was just meant to be. Very over the top. Yes, I was writing an actual cover letter at the time. Yes, I was very bitter.

The issue with this one was that it just wasn't funny enough. Had a fantastic line in there about uhhhh longing for the gentle caress of the invisible hand that guides the free market or some bullshit like that though. Seriously, I loved this one conceptually because it would've functioned very well as satire. clarity of purpose, etc.

Anyways, I also do a lot of prose poetry, but my interest there lies more in the language itself so its mostly nonsense. I also highly doubt any of these will ever amount to anything, because try as i might i cannot figure out how to structure things in a way that makes sense. Then again, that might be due to a misunderstanding on my part in regards to the construction of the story itself, which in turn might be a result of my habit of researching everything to death and b) misunderstanding literally everything always anyways. So it goes. If you wanna hear more about any of these, please ask. I will talk about literally anything.

#tacit rambles #writing tag #i think. im gonna give god ol god dog a shot again. I get so excited every time but it never works out #lacking direction lacking clarity. Ill figure it out eventually

[tgablissortonn]

The Sweeney Todd trailer From the beginning, I think the use of colour and camerawork/effects is good. The first few seconds are a very dark street, which then fades into a scene with warm hues and undertones, the contrast showing they are two completely different places and times. The camera is also somewhat blurry, having a light haze effect. This makes the scene appear dream like, and it shows that it’s being played out in the past. The characters look to be a loving family of a couple with a baby and smiling expressions which creates an atmosphere of comfort accompanied with the colour and filters. This scene temporarily fades out into a woman clearly reminiscing on this past, suggesting the man in the sequence is named Benjamin Barker. The look of the woman with sunken and dark eyes, sharper facial features, a serious expression and a majority of her face being covered in shadows tells us that the future did not end up being bright as she completely contrasts the happy scene that was previously shown. It tells us the woman who knew of Benjamin Barker might not have had a good past with him, as she somewhat scowls his name. The quick cuts between the “man of power” stealing his freedom and the court could represent the confusion that Benjamin Barker would have felt in these points in time, from the warm scene with a child and a woman smiling fondly at him surrounded by plants and flowers to a completely dark courtroom filled of men looking at him with disgust. The scene then cuts back to the memory of his family once again after he is walked down a very dark corridor, symbolising he still hadn’t let go of it in that moment. After this introduction, the scenes are rarely colourful, other than when showing some kind of status or rare positive moment. The entire rest of the trailer other than these scenes are kept very dark with a similar colour palette for each scene. This could suggest that Sweeney Todd does not like to be off track from his goals. The sound design being very tension fuelled shows that he acts quickly on what he wants to do. The scene where Sweeney Todd attempts to bring people in to kill, they all seem to ignore him, which shows he may not have much luck, or it seems as if he isn’t present there at all, as everyone in the street walks past him without acknowledging him. All of the scenes are very fast paced, short and snappy, which suggests the little amount of time they took and that they possibly all happened in quick succession. Eventually, the music picks back up into gradually building more tension and ends when the blood splatters across the screen, showing that the movie could possibly have a violent ending. It symbolises the actions and times leading up to something.

Overall, I think the trailer suggests something sinister about Sweeney Todd but does not say anything explicit. It also shows that he had a ruined past, which is suggested to be the reason why he became how he was after that. I like that it keeps things vague, and it’s not even alluded to that Sweeney could possibly murder someone, yet somehow he still seems to have bad intentions, alongside Mrs Lovett, who also does not seem to be inherently as evil as she really is just by the trailer. Sweeney Todd does say vague lines that refer to death in a way but I think the trailer is good at keeping some level of secrecy in the fact the only mention directly of straight murder or harm coming to another person is only at the very end which leaves viewers on the edge wanting to know what happened. which I enjoyed. Ive personally never watched or read anything to do with Sweeney Todd, but I believe the plot is interesting, as it’s more simplistic and surface level than I imagined. With the dark tones and general gothic look I expected it to be something to do with the supernatural and less about a barber and a baker. The story has been told many times in many different types of media including books, dance, stage, movies and music. There have been many different types of media from 1847 to 2023. There have been claims that in 1850 Sweeney Todd was believed to be a real person, and it was argued that he committed murders in 1800, and reportedly there have been mentions of him since the 17th century. However, no sources have ever been found by researchers to substantiate the claims. Sweeney Todd first appeared as the villain of the penny dreadfuls The String of Pearls in which Sweeney Todd would murder customers as a barber and give them over to Mrs Lovett who would bake them into meat pies. In the 19th century, this would be a very odd concept and would have been very interesting to many people in the 19th century with the wave of creepy things and more penny dreadfuls becoming popularised.

#Youtube

[yesimwriting]

"(AH–i want to write a whole fic based on this line)" PLEASE DO??? omg i don't even have a breeding/possessiveness kink but i've been so hooked with that part, your mind>>>

a/n hehhe she's back from the dead (or is she?? lmao may disappear again right after posting? who knows, i def don't,, ive been writing i promise! i just get in my head and feel like my writing is bad and just dont finish anything lmao...if yall could see my drafts,, very full

oh!! also this anon is referencing a headcanon about pregnant with the darkling's baby (this post ),, more specifically this ask is about this line: "'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it."

also i feel the need to tell yall!! i dont have a breeding kink 👀or possessiveness kink--i mean who could--i--👀👀

anyways HAHA

Air as weighted as a bag of sand enters and exits my lungs with each of my uneven breaths. Relax...stress is the one thing everyone agrees I shouldn't experience. Not while I'm like this. At the reminder of why everything seems so precarious, my hand gravitates to the source of my complications. I rest my palm against my stomach, still unaccustomed to the hint of firmness that makes up the apex of my stomach. I'm not sure it'd be fair to call it a bump yet. It's just the slightest shift in my proportions, the prelude to an announcement that not even Genya could help me hide.

But for now, it's still relatively easy to keep what I now am private. Aleksander likes it that way, and I understand his reasons for keeping my pregnancy secret enough to be relatively indifferent to when the news comes out. Though on nights like these, I just want to rip off the corset Genya tightens around my torso each morning and tighten my loose dress. Let the entire world know that I'm pregnant--that I'm not without attachment.

Maybe that would be enough to prevent arguments like these. The silent types of fights seem to be the most brutal. The fights in which his mere presence is more violent than words ever could be. These fights have become rarer since I told him about my current condition, but there's one thing that no amount of understanding will ever rid him of. The type of jealousy born of a relationship meant to only exist behind closed door and in abandoned corridors.

"Darling." The quietness of his voice is severe enough to send a bolt of nerves straight through me. He'd never hurt me--with or without his child, I know that he'd never cause me physical harm. It's just his anger is so consuming, so unavoidable and draining. "Do not make this worse for yourself by attempting to delay the inevitable." He takes a step forward, allowing me to see his expression for the first time since he first wrapped long fingers around my forearm, pulling me away from someone who meant no harm. His expression is harsh, made of the shadows he controls. "You know what you did."

I swallow, letting my hand fall from my stomach. Different responses rise and die in the back of my throat. None of them seem like they'd diffuse the situation. I didn't do anything--that could either make him angrier at me or angrier at the poor guard that had been speaking to me. Nothing happened, is worse, and you're overreacting could be fatal. Besides...none of it feels as true as it should. Though everything I did was innocent in theory, I can't deny the fact that I had been irritated. I had...I'd felt forgotten, and with how busy Aleks has been, I couldn't think of a good way to do anything about it.

And then today, while I was feeling displaced and hormonal, and tired of being left behind...so I let myself entertain the idea of welcoming someone else's attention. It was nothing bad, no blatant flirting or forced laughter. Just the slight prolonging of a conversation. If the man escorting me had not noticed me trip...if he hadn't helped me regain my balance by placing a supportive hand on my waist, so close to Aleksander's child, I think I would have been able to ease him by being extra affectionate and feigning the need for a nap. If he had kept pushing, I would have made a joke about 'pregnancy brain' and then shifted the conversation to the discussion of our future. I'd have turned this into the conversation about baby names and how we'd turn the room that adjoined ours--the room that used be mine--into a nursery.

But I had stumbled in the garden, and one of the two guards required to walk with me when I want fresh air had saved from falling at the exact moment that Aleksander decided to look for me.

"I told you, I tripped and the guard did what you want them to do, he helped--"

"Do not speak of him." My mouth shuts, my lips pressing together into a cautious line. "Don't pretend that all you did was trip. I saw you two, you laughed with him." He crosses the distance he put between us, as in control as ever. A small part of me is shocked when the hand that comes to rest on my waist doesn't burn. "You let him touch you." Each syllable is punctuated, acidic. His fingers graze across the fabric of my dress before he spreads his palm across my stomach. "...You let him touch my child." All semblance of security evaporates from me for a brief moment, but dread does not take over. No, something sharp wedges itself between me and fear and it leaves my entire body hot. Hot in a way I haven't felt since the night I told him about what we created together. "Our child," he continues, moving his hand across the expanse of my stomach until he reaches its apex, "you'd think with a life we made growing inside you..." His other hand sneaks onto the small of my back, with the slightest bit of pressure, he pushes me forward, "You'd remember."

Swallowing back nerves, I force myself to not shrivel beneath his gaze. "Remember what?"

His hand trails up my back until he reaches my shoulder. I relax when he gives it a tentative squeeze, but then he allows his fingertips to trail across my collarbone and up my neck. A hint of warmth adds something behind his eyes, something secretly vulnerable. I exhale, relaxing into the path he's drawing across my skin as his thumb brushes my cheek. I exhale at the contact, a small part of me wondering what's eased him so. He's more nervous about his place in my life than I can understand; he's everything--powerful, attractive, caring in a silent way. And he's the one who keeps leaving earlier in the morning and disappearing until he comes back to me late at night.

I thought that the conversation we had after my pregnancy, the guarantee he gave me in a place by his side, we'd see each other more. But he's been so absent I can't help but feel that maybe he's starting to regret it. After all, he's talked so much of forever, of our family...and yet he brings up marriage only when it's convenient--

The firm squeeze against my jaw steals all of my thoughts. He tilts my head upwards, leaning so close to me that I can feel his breath on my against my skin. "You are mine in all ways."

Warmth spreads through me, more powerful than my nerves. And yet I can't loose myself in him the way my body yearns to. You are mine in all ways. His control is more absolute than anything. That's never bothered me before, never made me doubt...Why does it feel tainted now? Is it my hormones? Or--it's the way he's changed.

He notices, because he notices everything about me. "Something troubling you more than the trouble you're already in?"

The question isn't concern--it's an attempt to have all of my attention again. I tilt my head down as much as the grip on his hand will allow. "Yours in all ways, when you're not mine?" My voice comes out softer than I'd like, but at least the words are out. "I know what you're doing is important, but there's just so many people around you. All powerful and important and I..." My hand settles over my stomach, too aware of how permanent the situation I'm in us. "I'm just going to get bigger...and bigger...and more draining to be around, and you'll always have an excuse to disappear."

Aleksander frowns, face shifting from angry to something soft. It doesn't last. He lips tilt upwards, a malicious smile playing at his lips. "Dove, was this all a cry for attention?" An artificial sweetness poisons the air between us. He tilts my head upwards even more, forcing me to stare at him. "Foolish, foolish girl. You need me, don't you?" He pauses, looking at me like I'm something to be pitied. It might be the look behind his eyes or my tiredness, but I nod. "I stop doting on you for a moment so that I can prepare for our future--the future of our baby--and you manage to forget that you've captured every part of me--the good and the bad." Something in me eases at the reassurance. They're just words, and I know how little that means to him, but they help. "Trust me this once, and I will spend eternity proving you right for it."

I exhale, absorbing the tenderness he briefly offers. "I do." He's watching me carefully. "I will--I just think I'm hormonal, or something."

He hums once, pulling me even closer to him. "That's all you have to say?" Aleksander's breath is warm against already flushed skin. "You know I've been particularly patient given what you're doing for me, but you know what you did. You felt like i was losing my care for you, and so you decided to anger me--and now you'll have to deal with that." I feel myself frown. "Don't pout--you brought this onto yourself." He sighs. "Open." I know better than to push any further. My lips part on instinct. He maneuvers his hand so that he can press his thumb into my mouth. "Close." I shut my mouth, letting the tip of my tongue graze the pad of his finger. He pulls his hand away with no warning, letting a thin trail of saliva connecting his thumb and my bottom lip. "Good girl, I knew you still knew how to behave."

"I didn't--"

"Don't speak," he warns, voice dangerous again. "Are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it."

I inhale sharply, nerves pulsing through me once again. My silence seems to appease him, because Aleksander closes the distance between us. The hunger in him is clear, the kiss consuming everything as he walks us back, forcing me against a wall. He pulls away much too soon and yet much too fast. I'm panting, my lips are swollen, and yet all I want is more. "Aleksander--"

"How naive could you be, thinking I'd want you less like this...my baby, our child in you?" I swallow, nerves pooling in my stomach. "How could you think I'd want you less when the evidence of the fact that I fucked a baby into you is impossible to hide? When it becomes impossible to deny that you are mine and I am yours?"

His hand tangles itself into the root of my hair, when he pulls on it I can't fight the noise that escapes me. His lips are against my jaw, moving down my neck at a pace that's unbearable. He continues like this until all of me is burning for him and I no longer have the energy to attempt to suppress the moans leaving my lips. Aleksander lifts his head, a hint of something genuine coloring his smile. His lips press against mine again. I loose myself in his lips, the feel of them, his warmth, the way he knows where to brush his tongue. His pace is agonizing. Something in me snaps, I reach forward in a lust-filled haze, pulling at his clothes.

"Aleksander."

His hand leaves my neck in favor of gripping my wrist. He then straightens entirely, moving me off of him with a graceful ease. "Oh, Dove, you didn't think I'd be able to give you what you want after the way you've behaved today."

No. No. He's not implying what I think he is, he couldn't be this cruel to me...this upset. "I'll never do it again." He tsks once, shaking his head at my desperation. "I'm sorry, I truly am...and I'd be happy to show you how apologetic--"

He cuts me off my squeezing the apple of my cheek. "As amusing and fulfilling as it would be to watch you try to seduce me, it'd do me no well to spoil you now, especially when I have a meeting."

"Please--"

He takes my hand, tenderly pressing his lips against the back of my palm, over and over again until I am lost to the sensation. My breath hitches. "Consider this the first part of your lesson on patience." A pathetic, practically teary moan escapes me. He flips my palm in his hands before taking my middle and index finger into his mouth. The sensation and the way he's looking at me is so erotic my head is left spinning. He pulls my fingers away from his parted lips slowly, letting his tongue slide the length of them. "And no touching yourself--I will be checking when I return."

He can't leave my like this. Desperate and needy and likely without release for hours. "Aleks, please--"

"The more you beg, the more I know you need this." The cold way he releases my arm leaves my eyes stinging. He turns as if nothing has happened, leaving before I can think of anything worth saying.

#aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova #general kirigan #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #grishaverse #grishaverse x reader #the darkling x reader #shadow and bone show #the darkling #general kirigan x reader

[minithefutureawaits09]

To follow up on an earlier post

Link to AOS:

❤️Absolutely Smitten❤️

- TOS Spirk edition

A/n:

It gets pretty angsty so hold on.

Also know in this Fic, Bones doesn’t know the details about Tarsus IV that info is extremely classified and really, only select people know about it. So it’s really been swept under the carpet in this particular fic.

--

Spock heads down the hallway and to Jim’s quarters. Buzzing in as he always does.

....

No response.

So he tried again.

...

No response.

Now things were getting a little concerning. So when he buzzed for a third time and got no response he types in the override code for Jim’s quarters. Absolutely worried sick, and he realized standing there that...

Spock can’t feel their bond.

That prospect alone sends his heart racing even faster than his normal resting heart rate. Yet he swallows his panic as the doors open with their familiar squeak and he’s engulfed into a warm dark room. The doors squeak again as they closed behind him.

“Jim? My Jim, where are you? Are you alright?”

The worry while he can control it physically, slips into his tone. Eyes already adjusting for the darkness of the room, a small tribute to his Vulcan biology. His eyes adjust much quicker than a humans does.

“Go away Spock.”

Came the sharpest reply the Vulcan’s almost positive he’s ever heard. While the words themselves were not super harmful, the tone punctured.

On the bed was a small heep of blankets, he can only assume that huddled in all of those blankets was his Husband. He allows himself to frown and his brows to furrow. Jim never wanted him to leave whenever he was upset, always wanting him to hold close and not let go. So something, although going through his eidetic memory he doesn’t see anything.

“Jim, My-“

“I said Go. Away. Commander. Consider it an order from your Captain.” 

Something was really wrong then. Yet he would not leave Jim’s side. Whatever it was, he had made a vow until death did they part. He wasn’t leaving.

“Then you will need to fill out the insubordination paperwork shortly.”

He sees the blankets move, and he can only assume he is being looked at.

“I am not leaving K’diwa. I am your bond mate, and I am worried about you. You did not answer your door, I cannot feel our bond, and your tone is enough evidence that there is something bothering you. I vowed to care for you and I intend to get to the bottom of it, so if that means facing insubordination charges then I will.”

More ruffling of sheets and blankets, and now he can see his bond mate. The dark brown hair, and make out his eyes in the darkness. Hand reached out towards him, and the pain is so sharp at the horrible broken voice his beloved uses. Their bond floods open and he can feel all of the jagged edges of self hatred attacking Jim’s mind.

“S-Sp-ock-”

His feet move on their own and in moments flat Spock had Jim in his lap still wrapped in a couple of blankets but held firmly. He sobs begging apologies from his lips and promises to never leave him. Every broken sound that leaves him makes the Vulcan’s heart ache, and wanting to tear apart whoever caused these precious tears to spill.

He assures Jim that he did no wrong, that he did not feel any hurt emotions at his words. That there was nothing there other than his overwhelming concern for the person he values the most. That he will always be there. Always.

He sends all of the pure intense love he feel for the brunette in his lap and reassurance through their bond to Jim. Using their physical proximity as an easy way to tap into his beloved’s head in gentle attempts to soothe the hurt he can feel. Whatever caused this got him good, where it hurt.

Eventually he calmed and Spock whispers gently resting his forehead against his human’s,

“K’diwa, My James, will you tell me now what is wrong?”

... There’s hesitation showing in those hazel eyes staring up at him,

“I promise you, no matter what you say, I will listen to every word.”

...

“Is there a problem with how I eat, Spock?”

What? That was such an odd question. Yet with those hazel eyes hanging onto his every moment for his reply he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and answered,

“I have never seen it vary from normal that would produce the need for comment or medical intervention.”

...

“Do I hoard food, Spock?”

Spock instead of answering taps into their bond and catches just the thought of one event.

Tarsus IV

“Ha’su, does this have to do with Tarsus IV?”

He asks and Jim looks away ashamed- he knows he’s ashamed because he can’t hide it this close to Spock. Yet using one hand he guides his beautiful hazel gaze back to his own.

“My K’diwa, Tarsus IV is an indescribable horror you had to face at such a young age. I know you have tried your best to heal some of those wounds. I know this trauma will haunt you for the rest of your life, and it will always affect how you eat. A famine and genocide. Yes, I do notice you have a few non-perishable items around your quarters. However, I simply attributed them to the fact Humans need to eat more frequently.”

He runs a hand through those brown locks he loves so, so very much. He watches as those lips, a little swollen from his cries open,

“When food became such a struggle and for so long...I-I just—”

“Shh. You need not explain yourself to me. Your trauma and struggle with food is not invalid. It will never ever. Ever. Be invalid.”

This brings back a smaller wave of tears as his husbands arms wrapped around his neck rather then around his middle as they were originally.

“Did someone bring this up?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Bones. Though he didn’t bring Tarsus itself up, he just made a comment on my eating habits and it well...Lead to an argument. He doesn’t know the full story though. I just haven’t told him yet because I haven’t been ready to. He only knows what my records say. Which isn’t much because the federation wanted to keep it hush hush.”

Spock nodded. So he would have to make a trip to Medbay and have an informative discussion with Dr. McCoy.

“Please don’t be mad at Him. He doesn’t know,”

“I am not mad because he did not know. However, I will be having a conversation with him if you are amenable to that to inform him of it so you will not have to.”

He feels a gentle nod at his words. Agreeing with him

‘I love you, and thank you for not leaving me alone and being willing to talk to Bones for me.’

‘I love you too, my Jim. I am absolutely smitten for thee, and I wish you to never forget that. Sleep now,’

‘I won’t, I promise I will never forget...’

Sleep the brunette does. It’s almost mere moments and he feels their bond gently going dormant. It’s still several moments before he gently rests his husband down and goes to speak with McCoy.

—

(Bonus scenes because I feel like it)

—

“Oh my god,”

Leonard’s hand his over his mouth. He was sitting at his desk as Spock had advised him to do so. Shock and guilt coated over himself.

“I didn’t know, I swear-”

“He informed me of such. I am not mad Dr. McCoy. I simply wished for you to understand.”

“I need to go apologize-”

“He is resting, however I am willing to let you know when he wakes.”

“Yes. Right. Thank you, Spock. I promise, I never would of said anything if I’d known. The only thing in his files says is he’s a Tarsus IV survivor. Nothing more. I never even knew what it was until now.”

“I understand Dr. McCoy.”

And he does.

“I will leave you to process this, and to go attend to Jim when he wakes.”

Leonard nodded as Spock exited.

-

Spock was holding Jim as he yawns and those Hazel eyes open. He doesn’t say anything but he can feel the gentle buzz in his head from seeing that his husband was still here just as he promised he would be.

“Commander Spock to Medbay,”

..

“Medbay here, What is it?”

“The Captain is awake if you wish to see him,”

“Alright. Be up in 15 minutes.”

“Noted. Spock out,”

The transmission was cut.

His partner seemed confused, so Spock relayed the message.

“He wishes to apologize directly, and I said I would inform him of your awakening.”

A simple nod comes from Jim.

...

It was actually less than 15 minutes when Bones shows up. Normally Leonard would say something to get them apart, but given what happened he isn’t going to say a thing about Spock holding Jim.

“Jim?”

The brunette’s head turns to look at his best friend.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize for what I said.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed. Spock watches as those hazel eyes follow him.

“Jim, god. I never, I never would have said any- any of that if I had known. I promise you. I had no idea what sort of demon you deal with every time you go to eat in your head.”

“It’s alright-”

“It’s not though Jim. I shouldn’t have said those things in-”

“Leonard.”

The doctors name makes him fall quiet.

“Leonard, You didn’t know. I hadn’t told you...Yet now that you know, could we schedule an appointment to maybe..do something about it?”

“Maybe try some anti-anxiety medications?”

Jim nodded.

“You got it kiddo. Whenever you’re ready you just let me know alright?”

“Alright.”

Bones gives a nod to Spock who had been silent for this whole time. He knows that means to gently and lovingly encourage him to do so in the near future. He leaves but not before Jim surprised them both by pulling the doctor into a hug. They held on for just a few moments and even Spock could tell the world was alright once more. The doctor then left, and Spock went back to holding his partner. Humming as he gently guided him back to sleep, and shortly drifted off after.

#spirk is canon #star trek spirk #tos spirk #spirk au #spirk fanfic #spirk #s'chn t'gai spock #commander spock #tos spock #character: spock #kirk x spock #spock #jim kirk #james kirk #captain kirk #enterprise #comfort #angst #space husbands #tarsus #tarsus iv

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

#let me tell you bitch i SCREAMED...... #anyways im not sorry this was long #its literally the only cool thing thats ever happened to or about me so shrugs #Anonymous

[aonogifreactions]

Hug Headcanons: Revisited

a/n: ive felt like i should rewrite this for a while now. i hated seeing those stuped ~180 words, so.. thats why were here! xD i added yukio to the mix as well, since ive gotten this ask >:) huge thanks to @no-remorse​, who beta-read it for me <33

Tiny edit: I’d love to hear the feedback for this one! <3

Warnings: Spoiler in the last headcanon in Yukio’s part!

★ Characters: Rin, Yukio, Mephisto, Lucifer, Amaimon, Astaroth.

★ Words: 2,1k.

Rin:

no matter where, who’s watching, or what had happened before, he’s gonna give you a big, big hug! he absolutely lives for your hugs, it soothes him emotionally so much and works as immediate relief.

almost always his one hand wraps around your waist, while the other one goes on your head as he nuzzles into your neck; his hugs are always tight, almost as if you were about to get taken away from him - he doesn’t really feel like that inside, but.. he likes feeling that you’re here. present. for him.

after a fight, he immediately runs into your arms and almost makes you both fall on the ground as you nearly lose your balance when his arms wrap around you; feeling your embrace, your warmness.. something in his mind switches right away and he’s calm. he’s still shaking, but it gradually stops as he relaxes in your arms.

at first, he might be a little shy, but when he gets comfortable, he can’t keep his arms away from you. He just.. loves feeling you. hugs make him somewhat vulnerable, because he lets his frustration out, and at the same time - Rin gets an extreme dose of serotonin. He tends to place his forehead on yours just before he loosens his hold on you, and eventually moves on do to his things.

depending on your height, he still loves hugging the same! if you’re short - during hugging, he also places his cheek on your head, leaving a soft kiss on your hair. if you’re tall - he loves!! hugging!! into your chest!! or whatever he reaches!! he’s just snuggling into you like a madman.

he gets butterflies in his stomach when you hug him from behind and almost starts stuttering. (do it when he's cooking or sumn,, but u didn't hear it from me) 

also, please, PLEASE wrap your arms around his neck. he’s gonna MELT.

Yukio:

his hugs are rare, but it’s not like he doesn’t touch you - it’s just Yukio being Yukio; hugs make him vulnerable, similarly to Rin, except that it’s Yukio’s way to “open up” about his problems a little. It’s surely a very small step forward, but it shows that he's trying, yet he doesn’t realize how much it actually helps him.

he prefers to hug somewhere where there are not so many people around, not necessary in private completely, but as long as you’re the only one with him in the room, he’s down for a hug if he feels like it (or you beg him enough lol).

he’s usually silent during hugging, but he really “quietly” lets his frustration out, you might even catch him sighing. at first, he embraces you with only one arm and places his head on your shoulder, but when it hits him - the emotions, that he’s been waiting for years and now he’s finally able to tell someone everything - he’s almost crying, but he intertwines his other hand with yours instead. even though there are no real words shared, his love language involuntarily shows the beauty of his complicated personality.

now, he’s a little “unwilling” to hug you, mostly because of all that emotions crashing on him, but he feels so much better afterwards.. it’s unreal, he feels like you used some kind of magical spell on him.

the worst time to hug him is probably when he’s angry - and while it seems like a totally normal thing, it doesn’t work as comfort for him - it makes him even more upset, so it’s really best to leave him alone for some time. he knows your intentions are good though, so usually, he comes back to you with a calmed mind and apologizes.

I picture his S/O being in this mess in chapter 126, where the twins just beat the shit out of each other, and suddenly Yukio’s s/o comes up to him and stops from shooting Rin - he’d have that mental wall blocking him from hurting you in any way, just when he realizes he points his guns at your face or grabbing his hands and attempting to get Rin out of his target range - both of those things and any similar scenarios would end up with him looking at you with those beautiful, yet unfortunate eyes showing so much pain and sadness, along with that broken expression on his face, hoping to understand him.

Mephisto:

we’re gonna have fun here. hugging with Mephisto is pretty common, he likes touching you physically and doesn’t really care if people see it - he’ll push boundaries as far as he can, but unless it’s someone or something really important, he stops and gets serious. 

^unless it’s Arthur, he could politely knock on the door. Hearing the permission to come in, the first thing he sees is Mephisto hugging you with a hand on your lower back, heading dangerously onto your ass while casually giving him random papers and smirking at him. wow.

if you think the twins’ grip was tight, Mephisto’s gonna literally try to squish you into his body - it’s not hugging if your bodies aren’t touching themselves in EVERY possible way. You could be practically glued to him and he won’t complain - in fact, he’s gonna have that shit-eating grin and tease you by saying “hmm, aren’t you needy, darling? you can’t be away from me even if I work!” (even if.. it was him who called you over...)

he GETS handsy and you can’t do anything about it. and he really does it on purpose, just to tease you and see how much time it takes for you to get either horny or snap at him. nonetheless, he likes to place hands around your waist or just on your hips, then shove you into him, so he’s able to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

hugs definitely show his rather “softer” side, the silly one - but he also doesn’t hesitate to hug you when he’s serious; these hugs, however, tend to be quicker but more intimate. even if it’s just him standing next to you and placing his hand on your hip while watching the dark sky, stars flickering slightly as you feel a slight, cold breeze hit your face; you look at him, wondering what he’s thinking about, this incredibly sharp mind with hundreds, perhaps thousands of different thoughts. Is he reflecting? Reminiscing? Regretting? or is his mind wandering around some silly thoughts? Yet you’re the one left wondering, not noticing his emerald eyes have focused on yours a while ago. You take your eyes off him, slightly embarrassed, hearing only a faint chuckle and feeling his grip tightening on you as you two once again gaze at the glittering galaxy above you.

Lucifer:

due to his body being not as strong as Mephisto’s - he’s usually down for cuddling instead. however, when some of the elixirs do their job, he’s gonna give you hugs pretty often.

prefers to be in private when he really wants to give you a genuine hug; he doesn’t want to show others he fell for the trap named “love”. he lets himself be a hypocrite about it, for once (ekhem satan and yuri).

Of course, tiny hugs wouldn’t be forgotten while attending stuff anywhere else on Dominus Liminis, but they’re just quick hugs when you walk past him. he isn’t ashamed of you by any means, in fact, he’s proudly walking along with you most of the time, having a hand either on your waist or interlaced with yours.

Lucifer’s hugs are very, very confident and send butterflies to your stomach - he radiates that strong energy to make you feel secure in his arms - the world could be falling, but as long as you’re in his arms, he’ll do anything to protect you from any harm, even if this means losing his precious body.

sometimes he hugs you in his own, unique way - he interlaces both of his hands with yours and places his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and sighing softly. while you might think it’s not really a hug, it’s definitely a very sweet gesture. you can get a kiss on the temple or a few sweet and uplifting words whispered in your ear too, if he feels particularly affectionate that day.

his views on physical contact are... a little bizarre; he’s confused and doesn’t fully understand the purpose of it, yet - he will admit it’s quite satisfying. feeling your lover is definitely something that feeds the feelings he’s had deep within him. he might be a little stiff when you introduce him to this too, no matter how many times he’d seen humans do it - experiencing it for the first time is new to him, but surely it is something he grew to enjoy.

 so what’s that “hugging” thing again? you just wrap your arms around someone and.. that’s it? are you supposed to just stay like this? how long? - that’s pretty much half of his thoughts going through his head when he hugs you.

it takes him quite a long time until he “learns” it just “makes him feel better”. he understands (kinda) the idea of it, but deeper down, he’s still pretty puzzled.

In the early stages of hugging, Amaimon didn't realize how strong his hugs were - if he didn’t break any bone of yours, then it’s a miracle. As soon as he noticed you almost passing out, he stopped and the guilt of possibly causing you harm has kicked in, so he promised you to make it up the best way he can.

Amaimon doesn’t realize it - but as time passes he grew used to hugs! Especially greeting hugs, which at this point he doesn’t realize he gives  - it’s become a habit of his.

not a fan of long hugs - to say it bluntly, he becomes bored if it lasts too long (unless there’s been a fight beforehand, in this case, he understands you want to regain the sense of security that physical body is able to give). he likes quick hugs instead, which he gives more often.

Amaimon’s hugs are pretty simple - he wraps his arms around your waist and that’s.. pretty much it. He might rub your back sometimes, but to be honest - he just likes the simplicity. Funnily enough, when Behemoth notices you hugging, he also wants to participate! Tiny demon bounces your way and while it’s near your leg, he starts clinging to it and nuzzling himself (Amaimon’s kinda >:((((((( when he sees Behemoth snuggling, but it’s his boyo so he forgives him).

However, Amai gets really mad when he sees you hugging someone else than him. Unless it’s a close friend or family member, he’s.. somewhat accepting this, but if it’s someone he doesn’t know - he’ll either try to fight them or take you bridal style in his arms and just go away.

He also gets awfully handsy, which he probably picked up from Mephisto. His one hand might slowly slide down to grope your ass cheeks; when you look at his face questionably, he’s just gonna place the other hand on your ass as his answer.

Astaroth:

his understanding is even worse than Amaimon’s, so he’s initially against it. he doesn’t understand the purpose of it and it's very hard to convince him otherwise, saying something along the lines of “if you need your “physical contact” we can fuck on the counter”.

continuously asking him would only make the situation worse, as he’d get annoyed more each second, eventually making him leave the house for a few days. one situation, however, changed his mind the most - he’s once lashed out at you, leaving you crying. he left nonetheless and waited a few days until he cooled off. feeling bad for his actions and regretting doing it for once, he came back, but instead of confronting you - he left a withering rose with a note.

he’s learned a little bit from that situation - seeing that you accept his quirks, he decided to try out some of your ideas - including hugging. and oh boy, how wrong he was.

he will NOT admit he likes hugs for his life; very “tsundere” approach to it, but you can catch his face being relaxed sometimes.

his favorite hug is.. hugging you from behind! whenever you’re cooking or being busy just in general, he loves surprising you with a hug, encircling his hands around your belly as you flinch slightly, not expecting him. as an apology, he places a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

due to him being nasty, you gotta bear with his dirty-talking he’s “performing” every time he hugs you. he also WILL tease you by groping your chest with no shame, attempt to give you hickies, and after a while - move his hands dangerously near your chest.

#Ao no Exorcist #blue exorcist #rin okumura #Yukio Okumura #mephisto pheles #lucifer #amaimon #astaroth #Headcanon #Pure

[pridewhatpride]

ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.

#ygo #yugioh #ygo gx #yugioh gx #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #judai yuki #yuki judai #jaden yuki #gx rivalshipping #marry me platonically anon #i will kill for your happiness

[sun-stormz]

Dream SMP - Long theory and breakdown

So, as we know, yesterday’s stream was a lot.

Disclamer: the dream smp is a roleplay server, most interactions and all conflict are acting and scripted.

After catching up on some of the other streams, I have come up with some theories.

1)     The big heartbreak of yesterdays event: Tubbo going to visit tommy and thinking he lost his last life. Now, Since the two are very close and Tubbo now thinks hes dead, I’m pretty sure there is going to be a funeral in L’manburg. Now the thing here is that both ranboo and Philza know where Tommy actually is and that he’s alive, but both would get in a lot of trouble if they say they know where he is. Ranboo part of the the butcher army, and if Quackity even hears a hit of the fact that he was at technos, it’s going to end badly. Philza is in house arrest and would get in a lot of trouble if he were caught leaving. So, either tommy shows face or he will be presumed dead. The later is way more likely due to the Theseus parallel. In the story of theseus, his father thinks he died trying to fight the minotaur due to a small mistake made by the crew of the boat they where on and jumps off a cliff, ending his life. Now in the parallel, Tubbo went to visit tommy and due to the explosions and Pillar thinks Tommy took his life.

I don’t think tubbo will have the same fate as Theseus’ father, but he will definitely be way less active as president or just become cold.

 2)     Philza is going to act as a spy/ link to L’manburg for Tommy and Techno. After the attempted execution of Techno, which was held right in front of Philzas house, he has lost all respect and trust in L’manburg, even telling Fundy, his grandson, that he’s dead to him. Not many will trust Philza but I think they will grow warm to him again and he will use that to help his sons. Philza is very protective of his sons and will sacrifice a lot to make sure they are safe. What leads me to my next point.

 3)     Techno might go mad like Wilbur. After having tried to reason with the butcher army that he just wants retirement and failing, he chose blood. He gave in to the voices, the only thing stopping him from killing all of the butcher army being Quackity, who threatened Carl. We know now that the only two confirmed things that will make Techno stop is Carl and philza. I believe that he would do anything to protect Wilbur if he was seriously threatend but Wilbur being a Ghost make it hard to actually harm him. I also think that he will protect Tommy with his life. It may not seem like it but small things like not hitting him with a weapon unless he had eaten a Gapple. He was very loud and indifferent to Tommy apon finding him, but he didn’t kill him, he protected him from mobs and offered to help him. They are brothers after all, and in the end of the day the do care about each other, indifferent? yes but they still care and the small gestures make that clear. I think that techno will either see one of those he cares for get hurt or killed and just lose it or his family will keep him grounded enough to not greet complete insanity with open arms.

 4)     Quackity will become a worse Schlatt. Now I don’t think that Schlatt possessed him when he ate that heart, but it started the same power greed disease schlatt had. Dream telling him ‘don’t try’ made him fall over the edge. But I believe that is exactly what dream wanted. As we know dream is a big fan of chaos, because where there is chaos and fight, he can stand on top. Quackity falling into power greed fuled insanity makes him easy to play with. He isn’t the president of L’manburg but talks about it like its his. When he lost a canon life to techno, he said he didn’t care about what techno did in the past, what he cares about is that techno can threaten his power and that’s why hes on the hit list. Quackity is causing Chaos, the exact chaos dream wants. I’m not sure if its said anywhere but im sure Quackity was the one to evict Ghostbur from the sewers. Hes doing and saying things without running them by Tubbo and Tubbo is being played a fool, now especially after he thinks Tommy is dead, he will be easy to manipulate.

 5)     Ranboo plays a bigger role then meets the eye. He has all of technos stuff as far as I’m informed, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was Dreams spy. Ranboo is in everyones backpocket. He talks with everyone and knows everyone. Ranboo is half enderman and the other half is unknown, there has been hints that his crown has lore, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why he feared Dream so much was because dream was using something we don’t know against him, on top of the fact the dream is, matter of fact, rather intimidating.

 6)     The Prison. Now the Prison is a big one. No one knows who it’s for, but I think its for the people that can threaten dream / the people he can’t control aka Techno & Tommy. Tommy is an obvious one considering the whole disks ordeal and that Tommy has never bent to Dreams will. Techno is one of the only people that can actually go up against Dream and possibly come out on top. Now thanks to one of Ranboos Streams we know that the prison has like 6-8 Cells as of right now. I don’t think Sam would build unnecessary stuff in an already extreme build. I’m rather unsure of my own theory of Techno and Tommy, but I’m very confident with it being for multiple people. That being said, it could very well be that it backfires, and dream ends up in it

 Final thoughts?

 I think Tommy will see through Dreams plan to make everyone go against everyone. He is good at getting people together and I think he will be able to do it again, he just needs to realize that that is what he needs to do. After now teaming with Techno he might even understand that if they want peace, they will need to have no government or at least a system Techno agrees with cause that man has at least 25 withers on hand and that is a threat.

I hope most of them will realise that the sole problem will and always will be Dreama and Greed for power over the people, what again plays into the Techno thing. If the SMP has a good ending before the likely reset for the cave update, I hope that they realise the threat to peace is Dream and Governments. I hope that Quackity regains his sanity and I hope everyone can be happy.

 Worst case scenario? Techno releases all withers he has, and the server goes out with a bang, I’d be ok with that one too.

 If you made it to the end, congratulations! This has 1250 words, so I’m impressed, have this derpy Techno gif i found as reward. Do leave your opinion in the comments I would love to talk with people I know no one that watches the SMP.  ;-;

p.s: ive have been fighting the urge to write this the entire day while at school, oh its good to have this written down

#dream smp #dreamwastaken #technoblade #wilbur soot #ghost wilbur #quackity #tommyinnit #Tubbo #philza #ranboo #Mcyt #mcyt shitpost #minecraft

[quillandink333]

Scarlet Carnations ~ Part IV

BotW Link X Zelda ~ Detective AU

Rating: T

Word Count: 5.1k

WARNINGS: death, murder, loss, trauma, blood and gore, terrorism, organized crime, self-harm

Summary: Inspector Zelda Hyrule, assisted by the faithful Constable Link Fyori, is infamous for cracking the most confounding of cases in a town dominated by crime. Her latest assignment is to solve the murder of her own godmother, Impa Sheikah, the late CEO of Sheikah Tech. Incorporated, while staying under the radar of the dreaded Yiga organization.

Part I • Part II • Part III • Part IV • Part V • Part VI • Part VII • Epilogue • Masterlist

It was nine o’clock in the morning, two days after I’d made my arrest, and Paya’s trial was in its opening stages. I was watching from the gallery. Normally, as the one running the investigations, I would be the first witness to take the stand, but today, for whatever reason, the lead prosecutor, Urbosa Sigatur, planned to summon me second after Auntie Purah. Urbosa was far from a stranger to me, however. She and I had collaborated on several cases in the past, and she shared with me many of my own ideals. She’d once even known my mother before her untimely demise. And so I decided not to question her judgment, however unconventional it may have seemed.

The prosecution’s opening statement had been based on the fact that the stolen Sheikah Slate, along with a bloodstained bullet, had been found in the defendant’s room, which, until recently, hadn’t been searched as it had been deemed irrelevant to the case. With these conclusive pieces of evidence, she’d stated, the defendant had been charged with both the theft of the Slate and the murder of its owner, Impa Sheikah.

The stolen object was the most central piece of evidence in the prosecution’s case. It had once been a target of my own immense interest, even before its theft. But that had all changed following its recovery. The riddle, though having been solved by means of professional reprogramming, still made little sense to me if any. “Carnation” was its answer, according to Auntie Purah herself. Much to my dismay, the secrets that the riddle had supposedly kept hidden had turned out to be nothing but my own fantasy. Every last piece of data that had once been stored in the Slate had been deleted, meaning the possibility of proving a motive for its theft was next to nonexistent. The only thing left in its memory was a diary entry, written by Auntie Impa the day before her murder. This in itself, however, held the potential to serve as a lead to her killer’s identity, at the very least.

The diary entry, as projected onto the courtroom wall by the Slate, went,

“Today was the first day of Zelda’s holiday visit. It is hard to believe that the last long term visit she paid us was already over a year ago. We have all missed her dearly. She seems as interested in my sister’s work as ever. It brought me joy to see the two of them bonding over their shared passion once again.

“However I must admit, I would still love for her to also spend some quality time with Paya some day soon. I sensed some resentment coming from her directed at my dear granddaughter. Perhaps it is something to do with that boy. Either way, it seems their relationship has hardly changed since she left the nest.

“I cannot say for certain whether anyone will ever be able to read this, but I have faith that Purah will figure it out. I am no good with machines like these, but I believe in her. At any rate, I hope she is the one who gets to read this message, but in the event that it happens to fall into the wrong hands, I will sign off here.”

With this, the prosecution’s argument, though a bit scattered across several different points, seemed sturdy enough so far. That Auntie Impa had seemingly known that her life would be taken the following night after writing her final message, combined with the fact that she’d received no threats from the outside world up until then, was one of the strongest pieces of evidence in our arsenal.

Paya’s defence lawyer, one Revali Twii, had made several attempts to dismantle her argument by claiming she had no possible way of knowing whether or not the victim had received a threat from outside the estate by phone. These attacks were easily deflected. As a foreigner to this city, Mr. Twii had been unaware that, thanks to the Sheikahs’ company, household phones here were all equipped with recording devices. Naturally, Ms. Sigatur had already listened to each recorded call since a month before the murder and had detected no discernible threat in any of them.

And yet in spite of all that, the argument shifted heavily in favour of the defence when it then carried out his cross examination. With how confidently Urbosa had stated her case, I never could’ve imagined how easy it would be for the opposing side to shatter it into countless, tiny pieces.

Mr. Twii’s primary line of questioning was a solid one, to say the least. He concurred with my deduction as presented by Ms. Sigatur that the parlour indeed was not the true scene of the crime. However, he claimed that the real crime scene could not possibly have been the defendant’s bedroom either. His basis for this was the gunshot. Paya’s room was in the same hallway that the sleeping quarters of the current witness, Auntie Purah, as well as myself, were in. Mr. Twii had her testify about the sound of the gunshot that she’d heard. In addition to the fact that it hadn’t seemed loud enough to have come from the very next room over, she’d only heard it once: from the parlour.

No doubt he intended to question me about the same thing when the time came for me to take the stand. I’d been itching to speak my mind and set things straight so badly that I’d had to cross my legs just to keep myself from getting up too soon by the time court was finally adjourned for a half-hour recess.

Now the prosecutor and I were together in a private room reserved for witness prepping. Normally I did just fine testifying on my own, but in this trial, everything was at stake, and I couldn’t seem to stop my heart from racing no matter what I tried. Thankfully I had Urbosa here, and simply talking with her had done much to calm my nerves already.

“You’re originally from out of town too, aren’t you?” I noted, thinking back on her performance.

“That I may be, but unlike that lawyer, I’ve spent enough time here to know of the perils this city is facing, and who’s been holding it together in spite of all that.”

“Right.” My lips rested against the curve of my index as my leg bounced restlessly underneath the table. “That schmuck really doesn’t have a clue, does he?”

“No, not likely. Though he’s quite the formidable opponent, I must say.” She leaned back in her chair, looking pensive, but not the least bit agitated. “My case took quite the beating out there.”

My heart rate was starting to pick up again. “You don’t think you’ll...lose...do you?”

“Who, me? Lose?” She let out a hearty bout of chuckles. “Young lady, are you quite sure you know who you’re speaking to?” I returned her laughter halfheartedly, unable to shake the foreboding feeling lying at the pit of my stomach. Urbosa cleared her throat, preserving her calm smile. “All jokes aside, I wouldn’t worry even if we do end up losing this one. The true criminal is still out there somewhere, and there is no such thing as a perfect crime.”

“I suppose...” Perfect crimes may not have existed, but neither did perfect investigations. If they ruled Paya out as a suspect, then only one other, “safe” option would remain.

“Alright, out with it. What’s on your mind?” Her hand had landed on my shoulder as she’d reached across the desk, over my half empty glass of water. “And why are you so set on getting Paya convicted, if I might ask? Sibling rivalry is one thing, but this is...”

I avoided her perceptive gaze, staring intently at the latch on my bag. What could I possibly tell her? “It’s just,” I stalled, eventually settling for a vague, “I’m running out of time.”

After a long pause, she leaned back, letting go of my arm. “I see. Well, whatever it is, know that I’ll be on your side no matter what, little bird.”

Oh, if only she’d known.

“So to sum up, you were outstandingly negligent in your investigation of the defendant’s bedroom.”

My jaw unhinged at what I’d just heard come out of the attorney’s mouth. I’d just finished giving him an explanation of my findings in as much detail as I could, during which time he’d been surprisingly polite, until now.

“You likely saw the Slate along with the bullet and made your arrest right then and there. You didn’t even stop to consider the possibility that you hadn’t found all there’d been to find in that room, did you?” I opened my mouth to respond, but he cut me off again. “In fact, I’m willing to bet you didn’t even attempt to look for the murder weapon.”

“Excuse me, Sir,” I retaliated with chest puffed up, “but my team and I searched the property from top to bottom, repeatedly, for two whole weeks, and—”

“Yes, I am well aware. However, you failed to complete a thorough search of this so-called ‘true crime scene’ before you arrested Ms. Sheikah. Do you deny it?”

I was floundering for words. Why bother questioning me if he merely intended to cut me off and answer his own questions? “I-I...”

“Objection.”

All eyes fell upon the prosecution. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“The defence is harassing the witness, Your Honour.”

The judge gave a slow, considerate nod of his head. “Objection sustained.”

Twii gave Urbosa a subtle but unmistakable side-eye. I thanked her silently. “Speaking of the murder weapon,” he continued in his signature, holier-than-thou tone, “I have here Exhibit F: a list of traits possessed by the elusive firearm responsible for the victim’s life.”

This wasn’t good. The list in question had been compiled by the prosecution based on traits of the fatal wound revealed by the autopsy, as well as other traits shared by the two bullets that were found at the estate. It contained information like its .38 caliber and that it had likely been fired twice at point blank, to name a few examples.

“My question for you, witness, is the following. What did you find during your ‘investigation’ regarding the weapon?”

This was fine, I kept telling myself. He still had yet to present the most fatal piece of evidence in the record. “As I’ve said before, none of our searches turned up any sign of it, other than what’s listed on that piece of paper you’re holding.”

“Is that so?” The sarcasm rooted in his voice had me sweating bullets. “In that case, Ms. Hyrule, I’d like to turn your attention to this passage here at the bottom.”

That was “Inspector Hyrule” to him, but of course, he couldn’t care less for such trifling things as common decency.

But when I read over the passage at which he was pointing, my throat closed up.

“Allow me to read it aloud for the court.” He snobbishly cleared his throat. “And I quote, ‘The murder weapon and the circumstances surrounding it strongly suggest an Octoric M&P revolver,’ end quote. I’d also like to add that this particular model is favoured by the district bureau of police, who issue them out to many of their detectives for self-defence.”

I gritted my teeth, annunciating each word as I spat, “Get to the point.”

The smarmy bastard was hardly even phased by my unmasked hostility. “Now, now, Ms. Hyrule, you’ve no reason to worry,” he waved off. “After all, I have no intention of accusing you.”

When he spoke that last word, my heart stopped, and deep down, I knew it was over.

“Firstly I wish for you to clarify a few things for me, as you were one of the first to discover the scene of the murder when it happened.”

I gave a slow, strenuous nod, losing strength in my knees by the second, but standing my ground all the same. “Go on.”

“The defendant showed no sign of having a gun on or anywhere near her person when you arrived, correct?”

“Correct,” I lied.

“Good. Now that we’ve established that the defendant was unarmed, I’d like to present another piece of evidence.” He laid out flat a second sheet of paper on the stand in front of me. “Exhibit H. This is part of a record kept by the precinct where the witness is currently employed, alongside the rest of her team. It details a list of the firearms given out to detectives each day, as well as the time when each one was issued and when it was returned to custody at the end of its designated officer’s shift.”

And there it was. I’d known all along that it had only been a matter of time until he’d bring out this piece of evidence, but, evidently, I’d failed to prepare myself mentally for this. Perhaps a part of me had hoped not to be on the stand when it happened. All I could do now was hold my peace and pray that it wouldn’t get worse from here.

“This page corresponds with the day before the murder. Now, Ms. Hyrule,” he addressed, summoning a swarm of butterflies in my stomach, “I’m sure you’ll recognize this badge number here. Would you please read it aloud for me?”

I swallowed my nerves and did as he’d requested. “FB7732Z438LL.”

“Thank you.” He flashed me that shit-eating grin of his. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the number belonging to one Constable Link Fyori, the witness’ very own investigative partner.” A few whispers drifted through the gallery following that announcement. “One who reads this will also notice that, after his revolver was issued out to him the morning before the murder, it was never returned to the precinct’s custody thereafter. In fact, it is still missing to this day.”

With this, the whispers grew in number, creating a din of distrust that had the attorney smirking from ear to ear.

“Objection.”

The whispering dissipated. Twii’s shoulders sagged as he hypocritically shot Urbosa a look that said, “What now?”

“Mr. Twii, how is this relevant? Unless you have definitive proof linking Constable Fyori to the crime, I see no point in bringing it up.”

The judge gave a pound of his gavel with a bone-chilling shake of his head. “Overruled. The court will allow the defence to continue, provided that it has good reason.”

My mouth fell open, and so had Urbosa’s.

“Thank you, Your Honour. I was just getting to that, my good prosecutor.” Now even she seemed on edge. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut through with a knife. “I may not have proof as things stand currently. However, that is about to change. You see, I have reason to believe that our witness here is covering for someone.”

The courtroom broke out into an even louder din of murmurs, as if I couldn’t clearly hear each backhanded remark the members of the gallery were making at my expense.

The pounding of the judge’s gavel echoed throughout the room, and the whispering ceased once again.

“You must be mistaken.” I stood as tall as I could with how close my legs were to giving up on me. “I happen to be one of the most trusted detectives in the force. Why do you think I was put in charge of this case despite being one of the first on the scene?”

“Ah, but that, dear witness, was your superiors’ fatal mistake.”

Damn that solicitor. “What do you mean?”

“Although my client has elected not to testify to the court, she has let me in on a certain piece of information—one that I believe will make the jaws of everyone here drop to the floor.”

Surely not. Surely even she wouldn’t dare stoop so low.

“Inspector...” The attorney looked me dead in the eyes. The air was suffocating. “What do you have in your briefcase?”

Everyone was staring at me and murmuring amongst themselves, more raucously than ever before, like I was the one on trial.

“N-No, it’s—it’s not what it seems,” I wavered. Then mustering my shattered courage, “You!” I pointed my finger at Twii. “Prove to me that the defendant wasn’t lying. I demand to see proof!”

But my demands were met with silence. Even Urbosa was looking at me with cold contempt and disappointment.

“Bailiff.”

An officer appeared from the sidelines. He seized my bag.

“Wait, stop!”

I tried to wrest it from his grasp, but he was too strong. I watched helplessly as he opened it up, reaching in and revealing the murder weapon for all to see.

“No...!”

“Bailiff, what is the number engraved on that weapon?”

He seemed to recite the number in slow motion, twisting the knife with every digit. “FB7732Z438LL.”

“No, please!” I screamed. “It wasn’t him, he’s been framed! Please, Your Honour, you have to believe me!”

Amidst the roar of the crowd, I saw the conclusive shake of the judge’s head. With a pound of his gavel, he said, “I hereby order the immediate detainment of Link Fyori under the charge of first degree murder.”

I met eyes with my partner but half a second before I saw him be dragged out of his seat with brute force.

“No!”

“As for this witness, she shall receive her sentence after being questioned by the police for the concealing of evidence, contempt of court, and perjury.”

I cried out when an overwhelming pain shot through my arm. My family watched from the gallery in either horror or disgust, or a mixture of both perhaps. I tried with all my might just to get the bailiff to stop hurting me, but it was futile.

“Your Honour, just a moment please.”

With the judge’s approval, the man’s grip on my arm lightened up. The one who’d spoken had been none other than that wretched defence attorney.

“Inspector, if you don’t mind, I have one more question to ask you.”

I held my breath, bracing myself. Though there wasn’t much he could say at this point that could possibly make the situation worse.

“Why?” he finally asked. “Why did you feel the need to conceal such a critical piece of evidence?”

My entire face boiled over with heat. I looked around, taking in the courtroom’s atmosphere, and my whole being was filled to the brim with indescribable anger and shame. Barely able to swallow the charged whimper lodged at the cusp of my throat, I choked out the words, “No comment.”

The trial had ended while I’d still been in the middle of interrogation by my own peers. I was lucky enough to get off with a fine, but it was because of that hour-and-a-half-long lecture that I only found out about Paya’s “not guilty” verdict after the entire courtroom had been cleared out. This was no surprise to me, of course, but still a disappointment, to put it lightly. What was a surprise was that no one, not Paya, nor Auntie Purah, nor even Urbosa, had bothered to wait for me.

That was fine. They could think whatever they wanted of me. I’d simply have to redeem myself by proving Link’s innocence in his trial.

It was to this end that I made my way to the district’s Centre of Detention.

When Link appeared behind the iron bars of the visitors’ room, he was already sporting a worn and faded prisoner’s uniform, surely having just undergone an interrogation of his own. Though, from the looks of him, his had been considerably more thorough than mine.

I cleared my throat. “Hello, Link.”

“Hello,” he replied.

Deathly silence filled the air. The harsh ticking of the clock on the wall behind me was slowly starting to crawl under my skin.

“They, uhm...didn’t go easy on you, eh?”

He shook his head, eyes wandering without aim.

Why did it have to be so hard to talk to him sometimes? He’d never been so unapproachable back in our days as teenagers. Though now, I supposed, recent events were only making things even more difficult for me than usual.

“Look...” I took a deep breath, shifting in my seat. “I’m sorry. Alright? I couldn’t cover for you forever. They were bound to find out eventually. Please, don’t be upset.”

“What? Zelda...” His demeanour morphed from listless to urgent, almost apologetic, as he struggled to find his voice. “Why would I be upset with you? I never asked you to cover for me in the first place.”

“I know.” Now it was I who couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. “I just knew that you couldn’t have possibly... I mean, you would never—”

“I didn’t.”

He’d caught me with my mouth hanging open, when he’d cut me off.

“I didn’t kill her. I promise you.”

Of course he hadn’t. It was obvious, even though the revolver had borne no fingerprints and, with the gloves that he always wore, he wouldn’t have left any. What motive could he have had? He was an amnesiac, and even if he hadn’t been, he still wouldn’t have had a reason to kill my godmother.

I took out my pen and notebook, the only things left in my case that hadn’t been confiscated. “Tell me what you know, Link. Everything.”

A beat. Then he straightened his posture and began to explain his side of the story. As it turned out, my intuition had been spot on. This whole mess was the design of the Yiga organization. Link told me about his encounter with them before the murder. They had blackmailed him into surrendering his revolver to them, after which he would never see it again.

Though, even without a hint of deceit in his tone or manner, I had questions about the means by which the Yiga had blackmailed him. He had virtually nothing to lose. Didn’t he?

In any case, I honestly had considered showing him the gun that I’d found on the scene that night, but somehow I’d had the distinct impression that he’d known nothing about it, despite the very object in question belonging to him. I’d thought perhaps someone from the organization had switched out his weapon for another without his noticing. It was no secret that even the police bureau was infested with their ilk. In the end, I hadn’t been far off the mark.

The whole time he spoke, he had his head lowered, hair falling in front of his eyes, as if something were holding them back from meeting mine. Then he muttered, “When I had my encounter with the organization, I...remembered.”

His limited annunciation meant I had to take a moment to decipher the syllables of the last word he’d uttered. Then they sank in. “Wait. What? You mean you...” It felt beyond strange to even speak the words after so long. “You got your memory back?”

He lowered his head further. Was that a nod?

My mind went back to what he’d said to me on that one occasion in the office, not long after this whole mess had first begun. “Link, you...” My hands curled into themselves around the strap of my satchel. “All this time...why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t,” he pleaded. “It would’ve been a hindrance to the investigation.” I hated to admit it, but he was right. Dropping that bomb on me would only have thrown my conscience deeper into its already tangled web of turmoil.

Amidst all the questions swirling in my mind, one suddenly appeared, eclipsing all the rest. “Why did you disappear back then?”

At this, he finally looked up and met my gaze. But when he did, his eyes were wide, almost trembling. His look seemed to cast the whole room into a great, looming darkness.

“Oh, it’s...it’s okay if you’d prefer not to talk about—”

“No,” he exclaimed. “I must.” But the way his shoulders came up to meet his ears and how rapidly his chest rose and fell told me it wasn’t going to be an easy story to tell. “It was the Yi—” He choked on his words. “The...organization.”

There it was again. The name of the group I’d been chasing without rest ever since their appearance eighteen years prior. “I knew it...” I mumbled without thinking.

He steeled himself, then continued. “That day, my father was picking me and my sister up after school. Normally we would’ve ridden home with him in his automobile, but that morning, he and I had planned to surprise Aryll by getting...I think it was ice cream, on our way back. Anyway, we decided to walk home that day. But...” His face darkened yet again. “But then...”

Pressing him for more details would have been beyond cruel. I could only imagine the horrors that those blackguards had put him and his family through. “How many of them were there?”

“I’m not sure. All I know is that they had us outnumbered.” I nodded along, without thinking, as he continued his tale. “They were all armed with what looked like military grade shotguns, and they wore those masks with the inverted Sheikah family crest... I’ve always known that I’d seen that image somewhere before.”

No one knew why the organization had chosen this symbol for themselves, though I personally suspected it to be a show of opposition.

“Anyway, after they sh...shot father,” he struggled, a hand coming up to his now quavering lips, “they must’ve felt threatened by Aryll and me, because the next thing they did was...shoot her, too.” The way his tone had started to oscillate and how his face had drained itself of colour made my stomach churn. His anguish was so clear, it was devastating. “One of them had said something to the ends of, ‘We can’t have you scamps telling on us.’ But before they could...’shut me up’ as well, I fled.” Another pause. He kept on breathing. “I was too terrified to notice which way I was going. The whole time I ran, they kept firing at me. They were too reckless to aim properly, though, mind.”

“Well...that’s lucky, at least,” I tried. This was met with a sigh of reluctant agreement. “Still, how did you make it out of that with your life?”

“They stopped chasing me when I made it out of the back alleys and into the open,” he explained. “I suppose they couldn’t risk revealing themselves.”

Now it all made sense. Seven years ago, when he’d vanished without a trace, it was as though he’d never even existed in the first place. No one could get in contact with him or his family, and yet, no one batted an eye about it. It had seemed I’d been the only one who’d thought of it as anything less than perfectly normal. Just like when my mother had lost her life.

“We never had the chance to get ice cream that day.” He looked all but ready to burst into tears with that sentence. That was the moment I realized, no matter how drastically the last seven years of hell had changed him, there was still a fragment of that playful, hollow-legged sixteen-year-old left deep in his dark, forgotten core. If there was a way to bring that bright-eyed child back out into the light, I would find it, even if it spelled my demise.

Even so, there was one thing left that had yet to be explained. “What about your amnesia?”

“Ah...” His brow furrowed in thought. “I don’t know what caused that, to be honest with you.” He seemed to be racking his mind, but to no avail. “By the time those thugs finally gave up, I didn’t recognize my surroundings. I remember trying to find my way home, but I suppose I just ended up getting myself even more lost from there.” It was no wonder. The street names in this town were of little help in navigation, and it wasn’t hard to understand why he might have been apprehensive to ask for directions in such a bustling and hostile environment, especially after what he’d just been subjected to. “So I fell asleep in the streets that night,” he concluded with a shivering exhale. “The next morning, I woke up without the slightest notion of who I was.”

My heart took a plunge at the thought of his young self curled up in some alleyway, like a baby bird who’d fallen from the nest. “It must have been some sort of mental defence mechanism,” I conjectured. “That’s the only explanation I can come up with.” He slowly nodded his agreement. “After that, then, I suppose the rest is history.”

“Indeed...”

The visitors’ room fell into a deep, reflective silence, one nothing like that which had had me gasping for air moments ago. I watched the weary feelings of dread swim in his once bright blue eyes, tearing him apart.

He’d spent five whole years in that cold, cramped ward without even a name by which to call himself. And now we were back where we’d started. He may have regained his memories in the end, but at what cost?

I no longer felt the need to hunt down those who had wronged me. Now, my only desire was to slip between the bars that stood between the two of us and whisk him away to a far off land, where no one would ever hurt us again. But I pushed the impossible daydream aside. Even if escape were an option, we’d only be running straight out into range of Yiga fire.

“After your trial tomorrow...well, at the very least, I’ll lose my badge,” I smiled waywardly. Then, letting it fade and rolling my shoulders back, “Until then, I swear, I’ll do everything within my power to prove your innocence. Then we can go out for ice cream together.”

His eyes shimmered with unshed tears when he looked up at me then. Now that I thought about it, this seemed like the first time I’d ever seen him come close to crying, even in the time before the incident. Of course, he’d seen me in tears countless times back then. I wondered if he remembered them.

“Zelda...?” My name had started to leave his lips with conviction, but weakened on its way out. “There’s...something else I should tell you.”

“Anything.”

Just then, I caught him straightening out the cuff of his black-barred sleeve, concealing the fair skin of his wrist, out of the corner of my eye. “Never mind.” He again cast his gaze downwards, muttering an inaudible, “It’s nothing,” under his breath.

#is it obvious yet how much I love Ace Attorney? #my writing #fanfic #botw #zelink #botw zelink #zelink botw #link x zelda #zelda x link #botw link x zelda #botw zelda x link #zelink fanfic #zelink fic #zelink ff #zelda pov #detective au

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Plague Rat Chapter 2

REMINDER- If People WANT to be tagged they need to MESSAGE me. I have a hard time going through notes to find people. 

@kibastray, @virgil-is-a-cutie @anastasian-dreamer  @thesunanditsangel, @magicalfirebird @thefoxandthewofs, @storyecho

Hospitals were sadly a breeding ground for Akuma. People angry at their diagnostics, people angry about waiting so long, doctors furious hat people were being idiots. 

Often Ladybug and Chat would let some Akumas rampage a bit if they felt it was needed. One memorable one was a woman who’d lost her baby and who had needed to rip into the river who had hit their car while on the phone. She had forced everyone to see what had happened to her and her baby when they were hit.

 Car accidents had dropped quickly after that. 

 Due to that often the news would stake out hospitals, and they had custom alarms to alert them to the fact there was trouble. The hospital would send a photo to the news quickly to warn the public.

 So no one was to shocked to see a new Akuma, even if she was a bit odd-looking.

  Adrien knew it was Marinette as soon as he saw it. Hawkmoth had seen her as Multimouse it seemed and was happily using it to taunt them. He felt a spark of guilt in his stomach at seeing her. Everyone knew what had happened- that Alya had exposed her to her sick sisters because of Lila. The entire class was eyeing Lila now, even as she claimed new things, that she hadn’t meant for this to happen.

 Adrien felt a little sick.

 He did believe in the high road, but he had tried to make sure Marinette was okay. He fought for her, told Lila off and managed to prove to Nino and a few of the others that Lila was lying about Marinette. 

 But it was never enough. And it wasn’t like Lila really meant harm right? She wasn’t that far gone. Maybe she had simply thought Marinette was exaggerating the issues she had with her immune system. Maybe…

 Adrien didn’t want to think he could have messed up so badly- that Lila wasn’t a good person or that he was wrong and some people were just bad. He wanted to believe in the good in everyone and maybe that was naive but he did. 

 Still, maybe you know… taking the long route to go save Lila might be a good idea. You know to see if any civilians were hit.

 Not to let Marinette’s get a few hits in of course not!

-0-

 Alya had been the first hit. Plague Rat had used her IV stand like a weapon and had shot her with a dark energy that swarmed her.  She had started coughing, black marks covering her arms. The akuma… Marinette had told her if she told the truth it would be her cure before she’d left, mentioning she wasn’t her target.

 Alya had hesitated before confessing but the coughing was slowly getting worse and so she just started talking. Confessing she had dumped the twins on Marinette and never paid. Confessed she had been sneaking out at night. Confessed she had been jealous of Marinette. Confessed she felt like a bad friend to Marinette and she had been desperate for her to be lying so she could prove to herself she wasn’t. 

 She had even confessed she had been lying to herself and that she had always known that Lila’s stories were far fetched but at the time they made sense until she really started to look and then she started lying to herself because she was scared. Scared about what it meant about her that she went for them, treated her friend badly. What it meant for her blog.

 When she was done her cough and black marks were gone and she felt better. Her parents looked stunned while Marinette’s had left when she started talking. Didn’t want to hear it.

 She didn’t blame them.

-0-

 Tikki flew around the hospital, looking for someone to help. She needed to find someone who would give the earrings back, who would be willing to fight.

 She found her answer in a nurse.

 “Ack!” the nurse jerked back, eyes wide upon seeing her. “What… wait, you’re a Kwami!”

 “... Were you there when Queen Bee revealed herself?” asked Tikki.

 “Yeah, I was… shit, was Ladybug hit? Is she… no.” the nurse shook her head. “I don’t need to know.”

 “Thank you. I need your help, please! We need a ladybug!” Tikki begged. The nurse blinked, before she opened the door she was near to show a doctor standing there, eyes wide. 

 “Uhhh, Dr. Sole-”

 “Go.” the doctor said. The nurse nodded.

 “I’m Amy by the way,” she told Tikki, taking the earrings and removing her studs to put the earrings in.

 “Tikki. Now, normally an adult can use the Miraculous multiple times before needing to untransform, but the Ladybug is different in it uses a lot more magical energy and you need to be in tune with it. You’re a healer, you’re in tun enough you can use me for about six minutes after using Lucky Charm.”

 “...How young are the current Ladybug and Chat?” asked Amy and Tikki had to answer, wincing.

 “Ladybug is fourteen. She has great magical potential and resonates incredibly strongly with me. In the future…”

 “I get it.” Amy sighed. “Long term gains. Still- I’ll give you my address later. They can swing by if needed to chat or for first aid.” She nodded and asked for the transformation phrase. Tikki grinned.

 She liked this girl. Maybe she would work with a Miraculous herself.

-0-

 Plague Rat, most of Paris decided, was more of an annoyance then a threat. She didn’t have destructive powers, she just made you sick until you confessed your lies. Which some of the police were finding helpful as criminals were being forced to confess things and did cause a few people to get slapped when they confessed they were cheating on their partners. 

 Someone for fun began live streaming and following the Akuma. No one thought it was that bad, and a new station quickly managed to pay to have the stream be put on their show.

 No one thought it was bad.

 Until the Mayor got hit and he collapsed, covered in dark spots and vomiting blood.

 “Confess or die.” Plague Rat told him. “Your lies are numerous and you will die if you do not confess.” The mayor screamed she couldn’t do this to him but as his breath became shakier and his body, in front of everyone, began breaking down, began to confess. Every bribe, lie and extortion he had done. Every single thing he had done to become mayor. The fact he had paid off the judge not to put Chloe in jail for her actions as Miracle Queen. The fact he took bribes from Hawkmoth not to have the police go after him. The fact he was cheating on his wife with a dozen women. 

 It kept going, and slowly the plague began slinking off him. Plague Rat simply watched as did everyone else. The Livestream kept going and all of Paris realized that while she wasn’t causing destruction, Plague Rat really was a dangerous Akuma.

 Every person like the mayor felt terrified. None more so than a teenage girl who had been cornered by the first victim of Plague Rat, and through her discovered that like a true plague, the Akuma’s disease was contagious even after being cured.

 Lila vomited blood in front of her mother, who had been with her, in front of her classmates who had also come to confront her, in front of Alya’s camera.

 “So you are nothing more than a fucking liar,” Alya said, voice shaky as she stood there. She had begged her parents to let her confront Lila, begged them to let her Livestream this. She had just wanted the girl to be exposed. She didn’t want this. “Tell the truth, Lila, tell it!”

 “I’m not-” Lila coughed and more blood came out.

 “We all saw it on TV Lila, you keep lying and don’t confess…” Alya closed her eyes and then opened them. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew I would infect you. But I doubt that Marinette wouldn’t have come herself.”

 “You’re right.” a voice said, and the Akuma was behind them. “I would have.” They all turned to stare at her but the Akuma was looking at Lila. “Confess or die.”

 “You wouldn’t kill me,” Lila said, but she screamed as she collapsed and one of her legs looked like it was rotted away. 

 “Why?” The Akuma tilted her head and waited. Lila looked so lost and scared as she lay there. “You’re nothing but a liar. What power do you have over me?”

 “I worked with Hawkmoth!” Lila snapped, and a tiny amount of black marks vanished from her. “He wouldn’t-”

 “You’re nothing to him. You have no protection from him. You’re nothing.” Plague Rat told her and Lila looked so lost while everyone else was in shock. “Confess.”

 Lila didn’t but she ended up vomiting again, this time teeth coming with it. It was enough.

 “I lied about knowing Ladybug, Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale. I lied to my mother about school being closed and told everyone I was in Achu. I don’t know Prince Ali.” Lila began and it kept going. She talked and talked, telling every truth she’d lied about. About getting Marinette expelled, about lying about Marinette bullying her. She told how she had lied to Gabriel Agreste about the class and how she had been manipulating Adrien to try and force him to date her. Including her attempt to claim he had slept with her but refused to date her. Gabriel hadn’t believed it and it had caused issues with her business partnership she was trying to correct. 

 “... you know I never thought lies hurt people.” Remarked a voice and they looked to see Chat Noir standing there. “Her lies were so stupid I thought they weren’t worth exposing. But…” 

 No one knew he was kicking himself, thinking of the fact it took him hearing he was her next target to make him realize she was dangerous.

 “I can’t…” Mrs. Rossi looked ill while Lila scowled at them all, almost fully cured.

 “I want to know- did you know I could die when you told Alya I had to be lying? Did you purposely try to kill me?” Lila looked at the Akuma, her face screwed up. A long moment passed.

 “I don’t give a single damn if you live or die. I wanted you in the hospital. If you died… I would have been happy.” Lila spat out and Alya dropped her phone, while everyone stepped away from Lila in horror.

 Plague Rat nodded.

 “That’s all I wanted to know.” She turned and looked as an adult in red and black landed. The woman looked like she had black armour on, with the red dots on her chest forming a red cross. “Who are you?”

 “Ladybug was one of your first victims at the hospital. She couldn’t confess as her lies were about being Ladybug, so her kwami looked for someone to help. I’m a nurse there. Call me… Nurse Bug.”

 “...Ok.\, that’s bad.” Chat said. “Healer Bug!”

 “That’s bad too.” Nurse Bug told him while Plague Rat tilted her head and a butterfly appeared around her face. She was silent for a second before she began speaking, but this voice was different.

 “I did not know the extent of Miss Rossi’s actions. I would never condone them.” Hawkmoth’s voice came from Plague Rat. “However, I still demand your Miraculous!” Nurse Bug and Chat Noir got ready to fight. 

 “Any combat training?” Chat asked quietly.

 “Some judo training.” Nurse Bug said before they launched themselves at Plague Rat who used her IV stand to bat them away. Nurse But however dodged under it and grabbed it from her, twisting around and bringing it down to smash on the ground, releasing a butterfly she quickly used the yoyo to grab.

 “...What the fuck?” Chat asked.

 “Do you know how many patients try to hit us with that. That’s normal.” Nurse Bug said, purifying the Akuma. 

 The people watching though were more focused on Lila who still wasn’t fully cured of the plague caused by the Akuma. Meaning she had many, many more lies to say.

When Marinette stood there, shaking in her flimsy robe, Alya said in a very dark voice to Lila.

 “I will gladly give this video to the police. Mrs. Rossi, are you willing to let Lila be charged?” Lila opened her mouth but her mother beat her to it.

 “Yes.”

 Lila’s face went pale.

#ml au #ml salt #miraculous ladybug #akumanette #tw death #tw plague #lila salt #lila exposed #alya salt #alya redemption

[darthspideys]

antithesis // six

din djarin x jedi! reader

summary: You expected to find another of yoda’s species, much less under the protection of a particularly stubborn mandalorian. Little do you know its that discovery that will change life as you know it, and put all three of you in danger you never saw coming.

words: ~2k

a/n: No thoughts... only that next weeks episode is called “The Jedi” and we’re finally gonna get to see ahoska tano in live action.... 

disclaimer: I h8 baby yoda and it shows

It’s nighttime when you get to Yavin IV. Somehow you’d convinced him that if he wants to know where the child comes from, the three of you need to go there first. It’s comfortably silent, and stagnant, not even a breeze blows through the trees.  You touch down as quietly as you can, and you breathe a sigh of relief as soon as you get your feet in the grass. You take off your shoes, which surprises Din. “I told you, I grew up on a farm,” You tell him. 

“Does not explain not wanting to wear shoes.” 

“I haven’t felt grass in forever,” You reply. 

“You miss home,” He observes.

“Come on,” You say, as the child squirms in his arms, “We’re almost there.” 

The door opens to the house and Kes Dameron steps out onto the porch, blaster drawn. Din reaches for his own blaster but you grab his hand to stop him, and signal him to stand back as you walk forward. You walk towards the house slowly, ready to dodge if he shoots which you don’t think he will. 

“Hey,” You say, arms raised. “It’s me.” 

He looks at you in shock and lowers the weapon. You see a figure crouched behind his legs, but as soon as you step into the light of the porch a little boy runs out into your arms. You smile as soon as you see him, and you scoop him up into your arms. Poe Dameron squeals your name, and you squeeze him tight. “Hi kid, I missed you.” 

“You did?” His eyes are just like his mothers and they look at you with wonder. 

“Of course I did,” You say, trying to hide the tiredness in your voice. 

 Kes finally leaves the porch and comes out to meet you, you can tell even more so now that he’s surprised to see you. To be fair, you're surprised that you came back as much as he is but desperate times. “Hi,” He says never taking his eyes off you. 

“Hi.” You say back, allowing yourself to have a moment. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, finally.

“I’m in trouble, just a little bit.” 

“Oooh,” Poe coos from your arms, “Are you going to get a timeout?” 

“I don’t know,” You tickle him a little and he giggles, “Maybe.” 

“What kind of trouble?” Kes asks you. 

“The Jedi kind,” You sigh, “You’re not in danger but I need a place to lie low for a couple of cycles, and I need to use the tree.” 

“Of course,” He says, “I still don’t know how you use that thing but it’s all yours.” 

“I’ve explained it to you, multiple times,” You narrow your eyes at him. “You don’t listen,” You break with a smile. 

“Probably because it makes no sense.” 

The trees rustle and you turn your attention back to the tree line. You forgot that Din was there, oops. “Also I brought a-friend with me.” As if on cue, Din steps out of the tree line and Kes is surprised again. 

He looks at you with wide eyes, “Did you go home?” 

That’s a loaded question and he knows it. He should also know that you wouldn’t find him at home, though most people have a different definition of home than you do. “I didn’t, I just happened upon him.” 

“That’s very coincidental considering the fact that you-“ 

You cut him off, by punching him in the arm when Din gets close enough to hear you. “Just a coincidence,” You say with a smile, signaling to him that the conversation about that is over. “Anyways I appreciate you doing me this favor and-“ You turn to Poe, who’s beginning to fall asleep in your arms, “shouldn’t you be in bed?” 

He’s asleep now and you smile, walking into the house with Din at your heels. The two men stand in the kitchen as you put the young boy to bed in his room, you tuck him in softly and close the door quietly. 

You see the way that Kes is looking at you from the kitchen counter, and you sigh. You turn to Din, “You should probably go check on the ship.” He looks at you confused at first, but eventually he nods and walks out of the front door. You turn to Kes, bracing yourself for the conversation you’ve been avoiding for the past year. “So.. long time no see.” 

“That’s a nice way of putting it.” 

A long drawn out pause ensues, “I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, like I always have been. I don’t know what to say here.” You keep your distance, “I’m not going to say I’m sorry because I know it will just make it worse.” 

“But you are sorry?” 

“Of course I am.” 

“You told me you were done with Mandalorians years ago.” 

You knew he was going to bring it up, you cross your arms over your chest and lean back in your chair, “I am.” He’s going to push it, and he’s going to push your buttons because he knows what they are. He’s angry with you, it doesn’t take a genius to know that, and on some level he has every right to be. 

He crosses his arms in an attempt to mimic you and gives it right back to you, “It doesn’t look like it.” 

“It’s a long story,” You start, knowing that he’ll tell you that he has time so you continue on with the story. “That child he has is force sensitive and I need it before it causes too much trouble. I didn’t think a Mandalorian was protecting it. You saw Mandalore, I didn’t think any of them were left.” 

He looks at you in a way that you used to beg him to. He looks like he wants to reach across the table and grab your hand, “I know but-” 

“What?” You ask, though you already know what he’s going to say. You know exactly what this whole conversation has been about, the issue that he’s been trying to unearth. It’s not about Din, it never was, it always was about you and where you’ve been. 

“It’s been a long time, and you just show up out of nowhere. You didn’t even want to come, you just needed something from me.” 

“I wanted to come,” You say, with emotion tickling at the back of your throat. You really don’t want to talk about it, but you figure that you're going to have to face it now or later. “It’s hard for me too, to be here, to see the two of you-”

“Hard for you? It’s harder for me and my son-”

“I can’t do anything about that!” You raise your voice louder than you mean to. “She was my best friend, Kes, and I miss her but I cannot be here,” You pause trying to hold back the emotion in your voice that threatens to overtake your entire argument. “You don’t want me here,” You say quieter than the rest of it, “Neither of you want me here. I am not his mother, I cannot be his mother, and you-” That’s a whole other thing altogether. “You don’t want me here.” 

His voice is softer this time, “I want you here.” 

You know what he means, you know what all of this means, and you’re mad at yourself for even coming here knowing what you know and knowing the history. He thinks he wants you here, but he doesn’t. What he wants is  his wife back and he’s trying to hold onto you like you're some piece of her that’ll fit into a puzzle he’s trying to solve. Maybe you are, maybe you hold some piece of her with you, but you still don’t fit. 

“I told you I couldn’t be here, I told you that this isn’t my life and that I couldn’t do all of this. There will always be people looking for me, always someone who wants to kill me and everyone that I love, I won’t put you in harm's way.” 

“And suddenly I’m getting a sense of deja vu.” 

“You ask me everytime to stay and I tell you that I can’t. It’s the same story, so what makes you keep asking?” 

“Because every time I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Well maybe if you didn’t want me to leave you could stop being so mad when I show up.” 

He’s smiling, “Can’t help it.”

“I know, being a jerk comes so naturally to you,” You laugh a little. “I will stop avoiding you from now on. I will come back here to your stupidly beautiful farm and stay for a couple of days at least.” 

“I’d ask you to promise-”

“-but you know I don’t do that.” 

“Speaking of things that you don’t do, I think that you should reveal something personal about yourself.” 

“To you?” 

“To him.” 

You roll your eyes, “And what do you suggest I tell him? That I don’t make promises, that I spent six months on a swamp planet with a tiny green thing, that I crashed two x wings in the course of two weeks and or something else that shatters the image I’ve built up of myself.” 

“You always want people to be afraid of you.”

“I don’t want people to challenge me, very different.” 

“I don’t think it's going to make him want to challenge you.” 

You sigh, “I know, but it feels like I’ve lied about it this entire time.” 

“Well the best remedy for that is to just come clean.” 

You get up from the table and walk out into the yard. The tree glows blue in the harsh moonlight, you're drawn to it like you always are, like you're sure Luke was the moment he first laid eyes on the sapling. The way the force flows through it is familiar, you don’t know if it has the answers you're looking for but what scares you more is not finding them. 

You reach out to the tree, putting your hand against its body. The energy is even more powerful when you can touch it yourself, like how the force is clearer when Jedi meditate together. It’s about the physicality of touch, the bringing together of hands, the closeness that comes from being able to hold onto someone or something and not want to let go. 

You know Din is behind you before he even says anything, you've become more sensitive to the way he moves, the tiny telltale signs that he's close.

“I was looking for Mandalorians before I found you. I went to Mandalore after the empire-” You don’t even say it, “I stood in the ashes of the capitol and wondered where it all went wrong, and then I wondered if there were more. Which is more than just curiosity.” 

“I figured it was more than that,” He says. 

“So you know what it is then?” 

You realize as you close your eyes and feel in tune with the tree that you should just come out with it. You’ve been with him for three days now, and if he wasn’t already suspicious then he should be. You turn around and his helmet is in his hands. 

“I’m Mandalorian.”

“You’re Mandalorian.”

#din djarin #the mandalorian #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin series #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin fanfic #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian serie #antithesis series

[mlqcconfessions]

Can I request a some hurt/comfort? How would our guys react to MC being in a coma and waking up from it? Take care of yourself!

We are always reminded of MC’s unnecessary courage, especially towards the later chapters. Every time she gets into trouble, the boys are there to save her. 

But from Chapter 10+, we see that they won’t come to our rescue every time. 

And that made me really sad (I JUST WANT HAPPY ENDINGS Y'ALL)

So I’m using this opportunity to write alternate endings for some of the darkest stories for each of the boys (and I had to use my imagination for these, so they may be a little lacking)

This took me a LOT LONGER than I expected, so that’s why my headcanons weren’t updating lately

Warning: There are spoilers for the main story (Ch 11-15)

MLQC Headcanon - As long as you’re here

Victor (Spoilers for Ch 11)

He’s been through this once already as kids

He’s never been prepared for another one

He always thought...since he’s here with you now.....he would be able to protect you

He believed he had changed

That he was no longer the weak boy from years ago

This is why he’s taking it so hard on himself

You were the only thing on his mind (even work was irrelevant)

He’s looking at you sleeping so soundly in the hospital bed

It’s as if you would wake at any moment

But he knows.....it’s not good to raise hopes

How long has it been.....8 days?

He glances around the hospital room (a daily routine he does)

Just to make sure everything is in pristine condition

But he doesn’t realize that he himself was in shambles

He prepared the best amenities for your hospitalization

The nurses kept talking about him, the CEO of LFG

Some attempted to get noticed by him (which did succeed to a certain extent)

They paid more attention to him than to you

“Are you going to keep doing your job halfheartedly?”

“P....pardon?”

“I have no need for unprofessional workers who can’t focus in front of their patients. Please leave” (The hospital’s Chief had to bow his head in apology)

Of course, Victor didn’t care about such trivial matters

All he was concerned about was your health

He had been watching over you nearly 24/7 

He regularly calls Goldman to bring over his work to the hospital (he says he can’t go himself because then he’ll have to leave you)

For once, Goldman doesn’t care that he’s not paid enough

--------------------

You wake up to blinding lights, forcing your eyes to stay closed

After getting adjusted, you look around 

Am I....in a hospital? (your eyes fall on the IV drip above you)

You turn your head (a short pain rings in your back), finding Victor laying his head on the bed

His hands are tightly grasping yours, knuckles shaky and pale

You raise your other hand to smooth his hair (it’s a little oily?)

He slowly opens his eyes, realizes the hand on his head, and quickly shoots up

His mouth is open, but he’s not saying anything

You laugh a little at this new Victor (you wish you could’ve taken a picture)

“Haha...good morning, Victor”

It’s only until you show him your usual smile that he regains himself

“......dummy....”

He bends down to pick up some papers that had toppled over

You don’t notice that he wipes a tear that was falling on his face

Kiro (Spoilers for Ch 14)

He didn’t want to have to do this

But it was the only way to save you (to keep you safe)

He hadn’t planned on using absolute control on you

After all, he knew you wouldn’t want to leave him by himself on that rooftop

But he had no choice

He would much rather sacrifice himself if it meant protecting you

And there was no telling what he would do if you got hurt

He dare not meet your eyes when he made you walk by him

There would’ve been a resisting force, making him want to hug you right away

It took him everything he had to not cancel his evol at that moment

As soon as he heard the door lock with a click, he turned to focus on his enemy

There wasn’t much to the fight anyways (his evol was overpowering)

But he couldn’t help but worry about you on the other side of that door

He figured you would be crying your eyes out, but there was nothing he could do

You, on the other hand, were trying your hardest to break Kiro’s control

But to no avail

All you could do was pound on the door, until your hands started to bleed

This went on for who knows how long

At this point, you were slumped over on the ground (your poundings have gotten much weaker)

You balled up your hands into fists, your last attempts to stay focused

Your nails dig into your palms, but it doesn’t faze you one bit (although it does quite hurt)

Was it fatigue, or was it exasperation.....but you started to lose your sight until everything was pitch black

Meanwhile, the noises outside come to a halt

Kiro hobbles over to the door (he wasn’t injured, just overwhelmed with fatigue)

He’s surprised to find you lying on the floor, unconscious

As much as he wants to take you to your home, he knows he doesn’t have the right to do that (not after what he just did to you)

But....it’s even more dangerous to leave you here

--------------------

He treats your hands with the first aid kit in your apartment

You slowly wake up to see Kiro struggling with the bandages (he was never great at things like these)

With your other hand, you reach up to cup his face

He’s startled (he wasn’t expecting you to wake up this quickly)

“Kiro.....”

He doesn’t say anything, but just looks at you with a pained expression on his face

He gets up to leave, but you grab onto his shirt

“No...please.....don’t leave....”

He turns around, bites his lower lip, and gently tugs your hand off from him

“......I’m sorry....I command you....”

“Kiro.......!”

“.....go to sleep”

You don’t remember anything after this point, not even the fact that he tucked you in

Or the fact that he stayed a little longer by your side (to burn you into his memories before leaving)

“.....sweet dreams, MC”

Lucien (Spoilers for Ch 13)

He knew you were brave

But he also knew you were careless

You hadn’t realized how deep your punctured wound went, and quickly lost consciousness

He wanted to rush towards you, to catch you in his arms

He wanted to apologize that he’s made you go this far

But he just stood there, looking at your fragile figure with indifference

He slowly walked over, and got on one knee to inspect your condition

He had to pry Iridescent out of your hands (for fear that you would try to stab yourself again)

All the while, he remained calm

As if what he just saw affected him no less than a falling leaf

But of course, the truth was much different

If he showed the slightest bit of emotion, the men would take you away from him

He was already being suspected of a traitor by them (it’s more advantageous to be seen as your enemy......for your sake)

“She’s fainted (he pushes some hair out of your eyes). I’ll take care of things from here”

“Ares, you can’t—!”

“We need her alive, wouldn’t we?” (the other agents can feel the hostility in his voice)

After he receives silent confirmation, he picks you up in his arms and takes you to his apartment

He rests you on the bed, and prepares everything to treat you

He effectively manages to stop the bleeding, but he’s unable to close the wound

It’s going to scar.....

As he looks at you, his heart becomes foggy

He has so many things to say.....so many things to explain

If only you realized his true feelings

But he knew it would only bring you harm if you got close to him

After all, HE was the one deceiving you this entire time 

And that’s all you needed to believe

--------------------

When you open your eyes, you realize you’re back in your house (it’s dark except for some light from outside)

As you try to stand up, you flinch as your neck stings in pain

It’s bandaged.......Lucien!

You quickly look around the room, grabbing on to the slightest hope that he would be here

Your shoulders slink back as you laugh to yourself (at your own foolishness)

He lied to me.......he......

You cover your face with the pillow, trying to take everything in

You reach out to the bedside table for your phone, dropping something in the process

As you go to pick it up, your heart feels like it’s about to explode

Iridescent is lying on the floor, the tip no longer covered with your blood

As if it’s unaware of your muffled cries, it shines brightly in the moonlight peering through your windows

Gavin (Spoilers for Ch 15)

The wind had been blowing for hours on end, keeping his tears from falling down his face

There wasn’t much he could’ve done to prevent this

To prevent you from taking a bullet to your shoulder

No, he thought

I was right there next to her.....

There were so many things he could have done

That he SHOULD HAVE done

He looks down at you, writhing in pain, clutching at your shoulder

He knows how bullet wounds feel like (all the more reason why he’s so hard on himself)

Luckily, the two of you managed to escape STF during that chase

That doesn’t mean he was unscathed, as well

When heard you scream, he lost control of his evol

It did throw the STF agents off-course (but it also pushed you along the edge of a cliff)

He quickly grabs hold of you, twisting his body so he breaks the fall

The currents help soften the landing, but the rocks and branches leave scars on his body (he’s just relieved that you’re alive)

He brought you inside an abandoned warehouse, a beat-up Sparky guarding the front door

Lots of thoughts run through his brain while he’s treating your wound (now he knows who his true enemies are)

He skillfully manages to reduce the bleeding (but it doesn’t stop completely)

Meanwhile, your breathing becomes heavy and your heartbeat spikes up

He quickly takes off his shirt to dab the sweat off of your forehead (it’s not the cleanest, but it’s better than nothing)

He looks around for a water source 

No luck (but he does find some wood for the fireplace)

--------------------

He quickly returns to the warehouse, nervous about leaving you alone

“..Gavin....”

The firewood in his hands clatter as they fall to the ground (without a moment’s hesitation, he’s by your side)

“MC....?” (the tears he had been holding back are now falling, each drop hitting your hand that he’s desperately clutching)

You find it hard to speak, only capable of muttering sounds

There’s so many things you want to say...that you NEED to say

But the sounds of agonized crying fills your ears (you’ve never heard him cry before, let alone this loud)

Little did you know that these tears were not of pain, but of relief

He’s holding onto you so tight, as if he’s trying to make sure you don’t leave him

The sun slowly rises once again, a gentle breeze blowing over the fallen leaves in the silent environment

Welp this was more hurt than comfort

This is not what I had initially planned.

#mlqc #mlqc victor #mlqc kiro #mlqc lucien #mlqc gavin #mlqc imagine #mlqc imagines #mlqc headcanon #mlqc headcanons #mlqc fanfiction #mlqc fanfic #mlqc fluff #victor #li zeyan #lee taek eon #zen #kiro #zhou qilou #ju girak #kira #lucien #xu mo #heo muk #shimon #gavin #bai qi #baek gi #haku #mr love #mr love queen's choice

[iheartbookbran]

in what world has Jaime done as many shitty things as Cersei... he's totally done shitty things, but Cersei is really out here having people tortured, abusing her children, killing babies, raping her teenage cousin, the list goes on? by all means let's hold Jaime to account but this saying he's done 'as many shitty things as Cersei' is honestly like comparing Theon to Euron

Hi anon! I think you’re referring to this post I reblogged about Cersei, in which I said in the tags that Tyrion and Jaime are objectively as shitty.

Ok listen, full on disclaimer here, but I’m not the biggest Jaime fan out there, and I’m by no means an expert on his character, so (in general) take everything I say about him with a grain of salt, but, while Jaime may not have as much blood in his hands as Cersei, I’ll concede you that point, he’s also not a king regent, like Cersei, with huge amounts of liberty—at least at first— to commit war crimes to his hear’s content. He really hasn’t had that much agency in general across the books, with him being a prisoner of war and then being dragged around the Riverlands by Brienne or being taken hostage... again. What readers trend to forget about Jaime is that when does have the agency, as of the start of aGoT, he’s more than a willing participant in Cersei’s schemes.

Yeah sure, he feels bad about it, and he justifies it by saying that he does it because he loves Cersei and wants to protect her, but to that I have to say...

Also I’m gonna disagree in one of the things you listed Cersei has done and Jaime hasn’t.

That is “killing babies” because Jaime doesn’t really show any qualms about harming children? Bran being the biggest example, of course. The only reason he isn’t dead is because he’s got big plot armor. Still, I feel this often gets ignored when discussing Jaime’s character because Bran didn’t die while ignoring the physical and emotional damage he’s suffering as a result, including deep depression. And just because an attempted murder failed doesn’t negate the fact that Jaime still pushed a 7 year old child out of a window with the clear intention of killing him.

He’s also not opposed to maiming children. He was more than willing to cut off Arya’s hand after the Trident incident:

"Do you see that window, ser?" Jaime used a sword to point. "That was Raymun Darry's bedchamber. Where King Robert slept, on our return from Winterfell. Ned Stark's daughter had run off after her wolf savaged Joff, you'll recall. My sister wanted the girl to lose a hand. (...) The king was passed out snoring on the Myrish carpet. I asked my sister if she wanted me to carry him to bed. She told me I should carry her to bed, and shrugged out of her robe. I took her on Raymun Darry's bed after stepping over Robert. (...) "As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, 'I want.' I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead." The things I do for love. "It was only by chance that Stark's own men found the girl before me. If I had come on her first . . ."—aFoC, Jaime IV.

And yeah, he again justifies it on his need to please Cersei, but that’s not good enough for me, not by a long shot.

Same as this....

Edmure raised his hands from the tub and watched the water run between his fingers. "And if I will not yield?"

Must you make me say the words? (...) "You've seen our numbers, Edmure. You've seen the ladders, the towers, the trebuchets, the rams. If I speak the command, my coz will bridge your moat and break your gate. Hundreds will die, most of them your own. Your former bannermen will make up the first wave of attackers, so you'll start your day by killing the fathers and brothers of men who died for you at the Twins. The second wave will be Freys, I have no lack of those. My westermen will follow when your archers are short of arrows and your knights so weary they can hardly lift their blades. When the castle falls, all those inside will be put to the sword. Your herds will be butchered, your godswood will be felled, your keeps and towers will burn. I'll pull your walls down, and divert the Tumblestone over the ruins. By the time I'm done no man will ever know that a castle once stood here." Jaime got to his feet. "Your wife may whelp before that. You'll want your child, I expect. I'll send him to you when he's born. With a trebuchet."

Silence followed his speech. Edmure sat in his bath. (...) With a trebuchet, Jaime thought. If his aunt had been there, would she still say Tyrion was Tywin's son?—aFoC, Jaime VI.

Charming lol. Don’t forget that he’s doing all this while he tells himself that he’s keeping the oath he made to Catelyn about not harming her kin, and the riverlords as an extension, and at the same time defending and giving legitimacy to a hideous unlawful act that Jaime himself, deep down, condones, and yet there he is, waging war against the Tullys. And threatening to trebuchet Edmure’s baby while he’s at it.

I think that my biggest problem with Jaime is exactly that, his willingness to be complicit in all of his family’s wrongdoings and even rationalize his involvement. Like you also mentioned Cersei raping her teenage cousin, and that 100% should not be ignored (though funnily enough, Jaime uses Cersei “infidelity” if you can call it that to slut-shame her lmao, but their relationship is messed up like that). Now Jaime is one of the only male characters that acknowledge marital rape is a thing, that’s good, but at the same time his hold on concent is... shaky at best imo.

With his relationship with Cersei there are some glaring examples:

“Stop it,” she said. “Stop it, stop it, oh please…” But her voice was low and weak, and she did not push him away.—aGoT, Bran II.

“No,” she said weakly when his lips moved down her neck. “Not here. The septons…”

“The Others can take the septons.” He kissed her again, kissed her silent, kissed her until she moaned.—aSoS, Jaime VII.

This is a problem with Cersei as well. Both twins have issues accepting that no means no. And even going beyond that, there’s the whole Tysha fiasco and Jaime’s involvement on it.

"She was no whore. I never bought her for you. That was a lie that Father commanded me to tell. Tysha was . . . she was what she seemed to be. A crofter's daughter, chance met on the road."

Tyrion could hear the faint sound of his own breath whistling hollowly through the scar of his nose. Jaime could not meet his eyes. Tysha. He tried to remember what she had looked like. A girl, she was only a girl, no older than Sansa. "My wife," he croaked. "She wed me."

"For your gold, Father said. She was lowborn, you were a Lannister of Casterly Rock. All she wanted was the gold, which made her no different from a whore, so . . . so it would not be a lie, not truly, and . . . he said that you required a sharp lesson. That you would learn from it, and thank me later . . ."—ASOS, Tyrion XI.

Yes, Jaime, and she was also a teenage girl, who was gang raped on your father’s command, in front of your 13 year old brother who later was forced to participate (and people forget Tyrion was a victim here too).

I mean Jaime is a victim of his father’s abuse the same way his siblings are, but he’s also a full grown adult, more than capable of recognizing right from wrong, yet he still chosen to side with his family and be complicit to their crimes. Sometimes you can be guilty of what you don’t do, not only of what you do.

Of course, it’s kinda unfair to make a complete judgment just yet because his story is not finished, so he might make a turn in that regard, but that really hasn’t happened as far as the books go? Other than him deciding not to go to Cersei because he feels betrayed that she slept with other men. Oh the irony of him turning on her the one time she legitimately needs him to protect her from an actual injustice instead of him inflicting terror on others per her wishes.

I think it’s interesting that GRRM even gives Jaime this opportunity to grow, while he never extends the same courtesy to Cersei. That Jaime spents so much time away from his family—and by extension of Cersei—is a huge factor in that, but I do wonder what would have happened if he didn’t have the fallout with Cersei, if he had been in that position of power to continue the affair with his sister, to what lengths he would have gone to keep her, and that’s why I, personally, believe that he can be, or rather is, as bad as Cersei.

#ask #anonymous #ask pam #ok i'm not tagging this with the character tag because i don't fancy myself being hunted for sport lol #AND JUST TO MAKE IT CLEAR..... this isn't j hate like i think he's super complex but people do cut him too much slack sometimes #just my humble opinion #asoiaf #asoiaf meta #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #meta #my meta

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

[feste-the-jester]

Do you know what’s fun?

Picking the blog of someone you don’t like, and seeing how far you can twist things to make it fit the BITE model -criteria to identify a cult. GREAT fun. All you need is a bit of creativity and a total disregard for accuracy. Don’t believe me? Let’s have a try and see how we do! The Bite model can be found here, with many thanks to the Fool for bringing it to my attention.

I. Behavior control:

6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep.

The Fool lives in Australia and most of his readers are in a different time zone. This means that every time he starts publishing numerous posts about the latest drama, his followers are likely to get absorbed in it, depriving themselves of sleep and becoming more susceptible to his interpretation of things.

9. Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet.

Each time the Fool decides on a new “sin”/aberrant behavior that the “enemy” is guilty of, he will publish many posts repeating the same assertion. Frequent repetition of the core message is a well known indoctrination technique. Many of the Fool’s followers are likely spending an inordinate amount of time on his blog, judging by the speed and frequency that “likes” from the same people appear.

10. Permission required for major decisions.

The Fool often receives and publishes asks, asking him for permission to create a blog similar to his, asking if it’s ok to follow or interact with Simon Alkenmayer, whether they or their friends are safe etc.

11. Thoughts, feelings, and activities (of self and others) reported to superiors.

Readers inform the Fool of what is happening on Simon and Kristina’s blog, report (often mistakenly, rarely, if ever, corrected) what Simon has said or done, both on tumblr and on other social media, such as Twitter. They also contact the Fool to report on their own thoughts and reactions to Simon.

12. Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative.

Readers who agree with the Fool and mirror his opinions are rewarded with sympathy (for their negative experience) and by having their intellect and critical thinking skills praised. Anyone who disagrees is deemed to be naive, immature, indoctrinated by Simon, incapable of logic etc. Indeed, the whole continued existence of the Fool’s blog is arguably a form of punishment for Simon “threatening him” with legal action back when the blog was first created. This communicates to members what kind of retribution they may expect if they cross the leader’s boundaries.

13. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think.

Any reports confirming the Fool’s assertions about Simon are immediately welcomed, believed, and adopted into the canon. Dissenting voices are “sent by Simon”, “haven’t read or understood the Fool’s arguments” or have been “manipulated.” The Fool does not acknowledge that it is possible for an intelligent, reasonable and objective adult to read his arguments and disagree with him.

14. Impose rigid rules and regulations.

Such as not answering asks that are not formatted to his liking, and he “can’t be bothered to read”.

16. Threaten harm to family and friends.

The Fool will publicly assert that he has never threatened anyone. However he has gone out of his way to connect Kristina to Simon, who is portrayed as “the enemy”. Several people, including this Jester, have been warned by friends to be careful of attracting the Fool’s and followers’ ire.

18. Instill dependency and obedience.

Readers expect the Fool to tell them which of Simon’s behaviors are problematic. Anyone who disagrees is likely to be accused of the same. (“If you think this isn’t racist, then you are also racist” etc.)

II. Information control:

1. Deception:

a. Deliberately withhold information.

Such as selective quoting, neglecting to withdraw statements that have been proven wrong, and not acknowledging any outside posts that don’t fit with the narrative.

b. Distort information to make it more acceptable.

Such as selective quoting, ignoring context and applying his own interpretation to things said by the “outsiders”.

c. Systematically lie to the cult members.

For example repeating that Kristina accused him of physically setting a fire on her drive.

2. Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including:

a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, other media.

Frequent repetition of how “unreadable” Simon’s books are, or how “long and ranting” his posts are can be seen as discouraging his followers from accessing them and forming their own opinion.

b. Critical information.

Any posts sharing positive experiences involving Simon are either ignored or discounted.

d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate.

Every time one of the Fool’s theories on Simon’s misdeeds is disproven, the Fool quickly moves on to a new accusation, keeping his followers from going back and reconsidering his previous posts.

4. Encourage spying on other members

b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership.

The Fool often receives and publishes third party reports on Simon’s posts and behavior, inside and outside of tumblr. These are not fact-checked, but are welcomed and encouraged.

c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group.

The Fool often receives and publishes third party reports on Simon’s posts and behavior, inside and outside of tumblr. These are not fact-checked, but are welcomed and encouraged.

5. Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including:

b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources.

The Fool will often misquote Simon, and those misquotes will go on to be repeated with frequency by him and his followers.

III. Thought control:

1. Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth.

a. Adopting the group's ‘map of reality’ as reality

If you don’t believe the Fool to be right, you are illogical, brainwashed or “reaching.” Frequent use of phrases such as “Obviously,” “We all know” etc reinforces this.

Everyone the Fool interacts with must acknowledge that what he is doing is critique, despite all evidence to the contrary.

b. Instill black and white thinking

Simon is “a bad person.” Everything he does must be seen and interpreted through this lense, which is reinforced frequently. The Fool often writes or publishes that Simon is “a bad person,” “a garbage person”, “an asshole” and similar descriptors.

c. Decide between good vs. evil

The Fool gets to determine what is good and what is evil. Simon is evil, and must be called out at every opportunity. The Fool and his followers are good, so any slurs, lies or offensive statements they make are excused and covered up.

d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders)

The Fool’s followers are intelligent, “have brains” and would never endanger anyone. The Fool trusts them to handle things appropriately. Simon’s followers are simple, impressionable, a mob. The Fool does not trust them to report their own experience, and their judgement is compromised by definition.

2. Change person’s name and identity.

The Fool calls Simon “Si”, “Krimon” and “Kristina”. Anonymous visitors to his ask box are encouraged to choose a “code name” to protect them from the evil Simon.

3. Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words.

Using loaded terms such as “misappropriation”, “grooming” to describe Simon’s actions and descriptions such as “critique” for his own writing help the Fool elicit the reaction he wants from his followers.

6. Memories are manipulated and false memories are created.

For example an influx of Anonymous asks that somehow suddenly realised years later that Simon behaved badly towards them, even if they didn’t think that way back then.

8. Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism.

The Fool has blocked people for disagreeing with him. He frequently shuts down polite questions and uses sarcasm to avoid answering. Despite not affording Simon the same luxury, the Fool expects his readers to “take his word about what he meant” with a post, even if the messenger is politely explaining how it came across.

9. Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed.

For example saying that he will “not publish any asks defending antisemitism. Even if that’s not what you think you are doing.” In effect, if you disagree with the Fool’s interpretation of Simon’s behavior as antisemitic, then you are defending antisemitism. No dissent allowed.

10. Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful.

No one possibly believes Simon is an actual monster, and if they do, they are unable of critical thought.

11. Instill new “map of reality”.

Commenting on someone’s art, mocking them, calling them names, is “literary critique”. Attempts to answer to accusations are “rants”. Asking someone if the possibility of legal consequences bothers them is “threatening” and “becoming irrationally angry”. And so on...

IV. Emotional control:

1. Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish.

Simon’s feelings are not even real, according to the Fool. Simon could not possibly be affected by the Fool’s actions. He is not real and has no feelings. Instead, he is only capable of “ranting”, “manipulating” and “doing things for attention”. Any concerns brought to the Fool about how his actions are affecting Simon, are answered with “You need to remember he’s not a real person”.

3. Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault.

If Simon or his readers are upset, it’s their fault for looking at the blog. If anyone’s reputation is damaged as a result of claims the Fool makes about them, it’s on them. The Fool is free to make any comments he sees fit, with no consequences.

4. Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as

b. You are not living up to your potential

Being part of Simon’s group means you are allowing yourself to be manipulated and brainwashed. You can not reach your full potential unless you renounce Simon.

c. Your family is deficient

Your “found family” of gentle readers is deficient.

d. Your past is suspect

Your past experiences are not proof of anything. Bad things may have been happening in Simon’s space, and you may have been part of them.

e. Your affiliations are unwise

You are choosing to affiliate yourself with someone bad. And you are unable to tell he is lying to you.

f. Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish

If you share your thoughts, feelings or actions to defend Simon, it doesn’t prove anything, and by defending him you are harming others.

5. Instill fear, such as fear of:

b. The outside world

c. Enemies

The Fool makes sure to repeat often enough that readers might be targeted by Simon and his followers. He curates that expectation and then reinforces it by publishing Anons who agree.

8. Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority.

Not so much fears of leaving the Fool’s group, as much as cultivating fears of leaving/going against Simon’s group. The Fool’s group is presented as a safe haven.

d. Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll.

Those who don’t embrace the Fool’s blog and choose to remain with Simon are weak-minded, brainwashed, unable to reason, or bad by association. There can be no legitimate reason to like Simon.

e. Threats of harm to ex-member and family.

No explicit threats are made, but seeing the treatment of Kristina Meister is implicitly threatening.

See? Of course all this is just an exercise -a thought experiment. But it’s about as well-argued as the Fool’s original analysis. (Which is to say, neither deserves to be taken seriously.)

#simon alkenmayer #simon alkenmayer is dead #feste the jester #cw cult #Feste BITEs back

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 70: Sᴇᴇᴅs ᴏғ Dɪsᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Episodes: Watch The Thrones

Chapter Seventy

My body felt heavy as I gradually stirred and the first thing that I noticed in my environment was the consistent beep of a heart monitor. Something was in my nostrils, irritating my nose and I could feel dressings of some kind stuck to multiple parts of my skin. There was an intense soreness in my chest, feeling as if I had been bruised all over and I felt the familiar tight sensation of stitches.

Exhaustion hung over me, preventing me from opening my eyes too soon and my mind swirled over the last events in my memory as I tried to make sense of what was happening. The explosion of Mount Weather replayed in my mind and I felt my heart skip a beat in panic, allowing me a burst of energy to wake from the medication that was being pumped into an IV.

The medical unit swam into view and it took a few moments for me to process the fact that I was back in Arkada. People rushed around me, seeming flustered by my movement as if they had not expected it and I strained to concentrate on their words.

“Get Abby. She’s waking up!” Jackson’s voice alerted, before hurrying over to my side in concern and he slapped my hands away as I attempted to pull an oxygen tube from my nose.

“Morning, sleepyhead. Now listen, don’t go getting all excited and jumping around. You’re not long out of surgery, so you still need to rest. I’m just going to run some obs on you to check how you’re doing whilst you get your bearings.” He explained, moving to wheel over a blood pressure machine with a bunch of other medical tools sitting in a basket that was attached to it and I nodded to consent to anything that he felt he needed to do.

Everything felt horribly bright to my tired eyes, but fortunately the ward was empty so I could take my time to reorient myself without any interruption. My memories of how I survived the explosion were hazy in my muddled mind and I was sure that I remembered Jackson arriving at the perfect moment to treat me, but I couldn’t think of any reason why he would have been there.

“Am I imagining things, or did you save my life?” I muttered, my voice still hoarse from smoke inhalation and Jackson smiled down at me as he worked.

He finished placing the blood pressure cuff on my arm and set it to begin squeezing my arm, then busied himself with taking my temperature. I waited patiently for an answer, my blinks lazy and long as I still battled to wake up and once he was content that he’d done all he needed too, Jackson perched on the edge of the bed to view me with evident fondness.

“Sinclair radioed to ask me to come to staff the med bay in the mountain as soon as the rescue party left. Just in case things went bad, he thought it made sense to have me standing-by where the best of our equipment was.” He explained calmly, observing me closely as he filled in a medical chart and I hummed thoughtfully, surprised at how efficient Sinclair had been whilst we were leaderless. “Fortunately, it took a while to get there, so I was just in time to witness your crazy stunt.” He quipped, glancing up at me with a cheeky glint in his eye and I smiled weakly at him.

Before I could manage a response, Abby rounded the corner and thinned her eyes at me in a manner that indicated that I was in trouble. Jackson noticed my attitude become tense and glanced back at her, before grimacing slightly. He instantly got to his feet, sneaking me a supportive smile as he packed up the equipment and then made himself scarce.

“You have us quite a scare, Indigo. Again.” Abby declared, nearing to check my stats on the machines and I knew that I was in for a lecture. 

“I only just found out that you asked Jackson to hide your broken ribs from everyone. Do you understand how irresponsible that was? If he hadn’t arrived at Mount Weather just after the explosion, you would have died from your injuries. You’re very lucky that you still didn’t.” She scolded, standing above me with a stern expression and I moved my gaze to my feet awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, Abby.” I whispered, feeling completely unprepared to defend my actions when I was this weak and I chewed on my lip. 

Deep down, I knew that I deserved to hear this and she was right to be furious at me for my actions, but whilst every part of my body was aching, I was all too aware of the effect of my decisions. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that I had been foolish, but I swallowed my pride to allow them their reactions and she sighed in an exhausted manner as she regarded me.

“I’m not the only person that you need to apologise to. Sometimes, I’m not convinced that you realise the impact you have on this camp. Your remaining group all depend on each other for their wellbeing and each time that we lose one of you, the rest of you suffer. They all worry for you and you know better than anyone that when they worry, they make bad decisions. In the time that I’ve known you, you’ve always acted as if you are the most mature of your group and have taken the role of being responsible for them. I’m sorry if this is difficult to hear, but it’s time for you to realise that your actions will get them killed if you don’t start learning to share the burden.” She advised, her voice low and serious, and I finally met her eyes with regret.

“You’re right.” I admitted, fiddling with my hands awkwardly, feeling as if I were staring into the face of my own disappointed mother and as I opened my mouth to continue, Bellamy hurtled around the corner in a fluster.

Though Abby tried to warn him off with her body language, clearly keen to finish our conversation without him fussing over me, he refused to await permission to interrupt. He charged past her to reach my bedside with desperation and had to pause just before he reached me to soften his movements so that he wouldn’t unintentionally hurt me in his enthusiasm.

“You’re finally awake!” He breathed, relief filling his handsome features as he gently took my face in his hands and placed a cautious kiss on my forehead, as if he were afraid that he might break me. “You really scared me this time, Inds. I thought I was gonna lose you.” He confessed in a weak voice, his eyes still red from crying and whilst he was close enough for me to properly examine him, I began to notice how broken down he looked.

“I’m fine, Bel. I’m not going anywhere.” I answered reassuringly, keen to put his troubled mind at ease and without even looking at her, I could feel Abby raising her brows at me as she cleared her throat.

“Actually, she’s not fine.” She clarified, stepping closer with her arms crossed and Bellamy turned to view her with interest. “In the interest of transparency, as your girlfriend has a history of hiding important medical information, you should know that she has three broken ribs, one of which caused the puncture in her lung. These breaks occurred almost six weeks ago in a fight, I’m told, and so although they shouldn’t give her too much trouble in future, they are something that will need to be taken into consideration from now on. Fortunately, we were able to confirm in surgery that they’re mostly healed at this point, as much as it is possible for them to.” She reported, allowing Bellamy a chance to sneak a frustrated glance at me that made me shrink in shame, before she continued.

“However, her lung has taken some substantial damage. We will need to monitor her breathing to ensure that it continues to heal and doesn’t collapse again. She’s also sustained several second degree burns, which will need regular dressing changes and care. Not to mention that she just underwent life saving surgery which will leave her weak and vulnerable. We’ll keep her here overnight, at least, but I need to make it clear that she is not to go on patrol, or guard duty, or partake in any kind of strenuous activity for some time, and absolutely not without my express permission. This is serious and I expect it to be treated as such.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure that it is.” Bellamy asserted, his voice deeply serious now that he knew the full extent of my injuries and I already recognised from his tone that I was about to be in far worse trouble with him than I ever had been with Abby.

“I’ll let you two catch up for now. But, Indigo, you and I are not finished.” Abby stated, flashing me one last severe glare, before she departed and I gulped down my dread as I anticipated the rest of my punishment from her.

Once we were alone, I could sense the tension in the air and Bellamy turned to study me with an obvious sense of betrayal that made me want the ground to open up and swallow me.

“Indie. What is going on with you?” He asked, furrowing his brows together as if he couldn’t understand what he had just been told and I shuffled in discomfort as his dark eyes studied me. “Why didn’t you tell me about the broken ribs?” He grilled, his tone displaying the hurt that he felt at this discovery and I could hardly stand how awful I felt about this decision now.

“Because I knew that you would make that face.” I answered in a sulky manner as I peeked up at the protective expression that he was wearing and I watched as he attempted to disguise the overbearing concern that was present in his eyes with little success.

“What face?”

“The face that you’re making right now. The poor, delicate Indie face. I hate that face.” I grumbled childishly as I crossed my arms, despising the way that he fretted over me whenever I was hurt and he cracked a slight smile at my confession. 

“You know, I hate your face is a terrible way to start an apology.” He replied mockingly and though I was appreciative of his efforts to lighten the conversation, I couldn’t deny the awful feeling that was taking root in the pit of my stomach.

“I know that I should have told you. Even at the time, I knew it was wrong to cover it up.” I began, knitting my hands together nervously and he slipped a hand between them to stop me, instead just holding it comfortingly. “I knew that if you all found out, you would take me off patrol and guard duty, and I would just be trapped inside Arkadia, going totally crazy. It’s selfish, but I wanted to be able to go out with you, to make sure that you were okay. I couldn’t go back to waiting for you to come home.”

“We could’ve restricted your duties, so that you weren’t totally grounded.” He argued, seeming disappointed that I hadn’t trusted him to compromise with me and the guilt of this choice compounded in my chest. “You have to be more careful with your decisions, Indie. Keeping this to yourself could have gotten you seriously hurt at any time. You almost died!” He added with his voice raising in frustration as he considered it and I struggled to defend myself against his points.

“I know. It was stupid and reckless, and I knew that, but I did it anyway.” I confirmed, unable to lie any longer about my mindset at the time and Bellamy tilted his head at me as if to silently ask why I still did it. “I needed to keep coming out with you all, so that I could protect you. I couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to you whilst I was recovering. As it turns out, my protection didn’t make a damn bit of difference when it really counted.” I added bitterly, dropping my gaze to my lap to avoid his reaction as I felt my eyes welling up and I could sense that he was studying me.

“What are you talking about?” He enquired with confusion, leaning forward to meet my gaze and I cleared my throat in a pointless attempt to keep the emotion from my voice.

“I failed her. Gina died because I left her alone. If I had stayed with her, I could’ve protected her. I could’ve protected all of Mount Weather. Instead, all I did was save myself.” I divulged, a feeling of utter shame overwhelming me as I recalled the moment that I ran, leaving everyone to die and Bellamy grabbed my chin to force me to look at him.

“Hey. Don’t do that to yourself.” He ordered, viewing me with disbelief and I felt my heart breaking in my chest as I tried to push the invasive memory away. “The Ice Nation sent an assassin into somewhere that we considered a safe space. Your guard was down. You weren’t even armed! If you’d been in that room, chances are that you would be dead too. This wasn’t your fault.” He stressed this point, leaning closer as desperately tried to reach past my self-loathing and I felt the first of many tears escape my control.

“I gave up, Bellamy. I just ran out of the facility to save myself. I could’ve saved other people, but I didn’t. I only thought of myself.” I revealed, feeling disgusted as I shared this with the overpowering fear that he would never be able to see me the same way and instead, he surveyed me with a pained understanding.

“You made a difficult decision in an impossible situation. You shouldn’t be ashamed of wanting to live, Love.” He advised, squeezing my hand and I sniffed to contain the wave of tears that willed to flow down my cheeks. “You remember the first time that we had an honest chat? When you followed me into the woods after Atom died, and you almost collapsed, and found me totally losing my mind with guilt?” He recalled quietly, taking me back to an encounter that I had long forgotten and I nodded slowly in response, allowing him to continue.

“You were the one that pointed out that we weren’t trained to make these choices. You told me that I would make mistakes, but that it would allow me to learn. We’ve both made a lot of mistakes since we landed here and we’ve become better survivors from it. At heart though, we’re still those same kids with no training. We’re doing the best that we can. I promise you, the best thing to do in that situation was to live, because we need you. I need you.” He spoke from the heart, reaching out to brush a tear from my cheek with such tenderness that it caused the dam inside me to break and I took a sharp breath as the emotion exploded out of me.

“I couldn’t save her.” I gasped in remorse, finally allowing the true depth of my pain to show and Bellamy shushed me gently. “I tried so hard. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to put pressure on the wounds, and-and I wanted to carry her to medical, but she wouldn’t let me. I really tried to help her and she still died in my arms. I couldn’t save her, Bellamy!” I cried as sobs wracked my chest causing another wave of pain and he pulled me to him.

It was hard to breathe as I wept against his chest, my still recovering lungs struggling to manage the sharp breaths of my cries, but Bellamy simply held me close and smoothed my hair, allowing me an opportunity to fall apart. Whenever I felt this broken, I craved his comfort in a way that I couldn’t put into words and his embrace melted away all of the outside influences that pressed down on me until it was just him and I.

“I know that you did everything you could. You always do. Sometimes it’s just not enough. You can’t blame yourself.” He soothed as he reasoned with my frazzled mind and although logically I knew that he was right, I felt that it would likely take some time before I was able to believe it for myself.

Time passed without my notice as I waited for my emotions to become manageable and Bellamy remained patiently holding me, content to allow me all of the time that I needed with him. 

The warmth of his body gradually calmed me and eventually, I noticed that my eyes were stinging with tiredness again. The weight of the anaesthetic still hung over me and as I sat back to look up at him, he gave me a concerned look.

“It looks like you could do with some rest.” He remarked with a subtle sense of worry as I laid back on my pillow with a drowsy head and he lovingly pushed my fuzzy hair behind my ears, his touch lingering on the side of my face. “I’ll come back later to check on you.” He breathed as he moved to stand, but I grabbed his hand in a desperate bid for him to stay, clinging onto him with all the strength that I could muster.

Bellamy paused, looking back down at me from his towering height with a sympathetic smile and I battled to keep my eyes open, unwilling to be parted from him yet. After a few moments of consideration, he returned to sitting on the bed and placed a hand back on my forehead, tracing tender circles on my skin.

“Alright. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” He conceded, observing me with such fondness that it made my heart swell and I released a small sigh of contentment. “I still need to read you to sleep, afterall.” He added with a smirk and as a smile filled my lips at the idea, I found myself drifting to sleep.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

When I next woke, it was to an empty bed and the ward was almost totally quiet other than Jackson, who was completing paperwork nearby whilst also keeping an eye on me. It was as if Abby and him expected me to dramatically bolt out of here at any moment, ensuring that I was guarded at all times, but I honestly didn’t have the strength to escape from anywhere at the moment. 

Though I wondered where Bellamy had got to, I knew that I was trapped in this bed for now and would need to come to terms with it sooner or later.

I sighed in frustration, looking around for something that could occupy my frantic mind when I noticed a book sitting on the table beside me with a note on the front. The moment that I gripped it, I recognised Bellamy’s scruffy handwriting and a smile filled my face.

I KNOW I PROMISED TO READ THIS TO YOU, BUT I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED SOMETHING TO DO TO KEEP YOU OUT OF MISCHIEF. READ THIS AND REST, MY TROUBLE. B x

Peeling the note from the cover revealed the copy of The Iliad that I had gifted him recently and I appreciated how thoughtful a gesture this was. With little else to occupy me, I fidgeted into a comfortable position and lost myself in the book.

As I absorbed the story, I could just imagine a young Bellamy with his mop of curly hair and adorable freckles, enthralled by the adventures in the pages. The idea caused a sense of happiness that helped to push away the weight of my grief and for a while, I was relaxed. So relaxed, in fact, that I didn’t notice the sound of the doors, or the person approaching, until they cleared their throat and startled me.

“Oh, Kane. You scared me!” I gasped, gripping my chest with a genuine anxiety as I panted and he held his hands up in surrender.

“My apologies.” He commented, glancing down at the book with amusement and I used Bellamy’s note as a bookmark before closing it. “I thought I would check how you were doing. Abby tells me that it was touch and go for a while?” He clarified, settling casually in a seat beside the bed and I gulped at the thought of another lecture.

“I’m okay.” I answered quietly, meeting his eyes with a nervous feeling and wondering if I could survive another talk on my foolish behaviour. “I know that what I did was stupid and irresponsible-”

“I’m not here to punish you. From what I understand, your Chancellor already beat me to it.” He remarked lightly, a playful smile dancing across his face and I breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought that I would update you on the events of the Summit, if you’re feeling up to it?” He offered in his usual wise demeanour and I nodded fervently, pleased that he still addressed me with the same sense of value, even when I felt completely broken and helpless.

“Please. All anyone wants to talk about is how much of an idiot I’ve been.” I grumbled, allowing myself to indulge in a moment of self pity and he chuckled under his breath. “No one has told me anything. What’s our situation?”

“We have become the thirteenth clan in the Commander’s coalition, officially recognised as Skaikru.” He began, causing my mouth to drop open in shock and he rolled up his sleeve to reveal a large brand on his forearm that represented our unity. “Lexa knew that The Ice Nation wished to kill her and she planned to show the coalition that she had acquired Wanheda’s power, without being forced to kill Clarke. We completed the joining process just before Bellamy and the others burst in.” He explained, with every word he spoke further blowing my mind and I struggled to wrap my head around everything that he had just told me.

“Did the Commander have any insight on the attack on Mount Weather?” I managed to form a single question as the puzzle pieces assembled in my mind and he studied me as if he were gauging my reaction.

“The Ice Nation claimed responsibility for the attack at the Summit. Lexa arrested the entire delegation and has vowed to support us in avenging the attack. Indra just confirmed that she will send the Trikru army to protect Arkadia, to ensure that we cannot be ambushed.” He reported in a matter of fact tone and I shifted uneasily, recalling how quickly she had retracted her word at Mount Weather. “Clarke has remained in Polis as Skaikru’s ambassador in the War Council, to ensure that our interests are represented.” He added and I felt a frown immediately cross my face in response to this revelation.

“Clarke?! That’s a mistake.” I blurted, another wave of shock washing over me and Kane raised his brows in question. “I get it. She’s been living as a grounder for all of this time and she facilitated the original alliance with them to get us out of Mount Weather. But you don’t know her like I do. With all due respect, Sir, I think that your view of Clarke is likely biased, because of your rel-friendship with Abby.” I stated, causing him to smile again and it seemed that as usual, he was amused by my brutal honesty.

“If you have concerns about Clarke’s suitability for this role, then I’d like to hear them.” He offered calmly, leaning forward in his seat to place his elbows on his lap and though I had expected him to be offended by my statement, I was glad to find that he was open to discussion.

“Clarke might be living their lifestyle now, but the moment that something doesn’t go her way, she’ll expect the Commander to abandon their rules to accommodate her. In our old camp, I saw her insist on democracy, which only resulted in a majority vote against her plans and she just went behind everyone’s back to continue with her own agenda anyway. Once Clarke has decided to do something, no one else’s opinion matters. Believe me, that attitude doesn’t work in a culture as rigid as the grounders. The first thing that I was taught with Arlo is that you follow orders without question. Clarke is physically incapable of doing that.” I rambled, not hesitating to express my full opinion and Kane smiled proudly at me.

“I appreciate your honesty on this, Indigo. Unfortunately, there is no one else that Lexa respects as she does Clarke and so we will have to rely on her to prove you wrong if we are to stand any chance of surviving this conflict with The Ice Nation. However, knowing your concerns will help us to anticipate any problems.” He remarked finally and I sighed in disappointment, anxiety settling in my stomach at the idea of Clarke sitting in a war council with the very real potential to cause carnage.

“Well, at least the Commander knows everything now. Azgeda are no longer working from the shadows and we have her support.” I conceded, deciding to focus on the positives for now and Kane nodded slowly as he processed my words.

“There is something else that I thought you should now.” He declared, seeming as if he were reluctant to discuss this next topic and I thinned my eyes at him suspiciously. “Bellamy returned his guard jacket to me earlier today. Apparently, he feels as if he is at fault for those we lost at Mount Weather. He doesn’t think that he deserves to be a guard any longer. Usually, I wouldn’t interfere in personal matters like this, but I have a gut feeling that he hasn’t told you about this decision and I hoped that you might be able to talk some sense into him?” He suggested in an uncomfortable manner and I felt my eyes widen in shock, hardly able to believe that he would keep something of this severity from me. 

Recalling our earlier conversation, I felt immensely guilty for burdening Bellamy with my own grief when he was already blaming himself for the outcome of Azgeda’s plot and I felt a lump rising in my throat as I thought of him viewing himself in this manner. The wisdom and ease of the advice that he had given in defence of me made sense now that I knew he had already decided that the responsibility laid at his feet and I was hurt that he had put his own feelings aside to listen to me, instead of confiding in me.

“No, actually. He didn’t tell me.” I whispered, fidgeting with my hands nervously and Kane nodded slowly in understanding. “Thank you for letting me know. I will definitely speak to him about it.” I confirmed, forcing a polite smile and he seemed relieved that he might potentially be able to return Bellamy to his post.

“Well, I should get going. There is a memorial starting soon for those lost in Mount Weather.” Kane announced as he rose to his feet reluctantly, seeming as if he was exhausted too and I felt myself straighten up slightly at this revelation.

“Wait. I want to come.” I blurted, staring up at him with a sense of desperation and he studied me sceptically, clearly unable to believe that I would be able to manage it in my current condition. “I know that I need to rest. I’ll be careful and I’ll come straight back after. I just really need this. I was with Gina when she-” I cut myself off abruptly, unsure of how to explain exactly what I had experenced and Kane sighed heavily as he considered me.

“I don’t have the authority to allow you to leave. It’s a medical decision.” He stated regretfully and I felt my shoulders drop in disappointment. “Fortunately, I’m rather close with your doctor. I’ll speak to Abby now. As long as she agrees for you to go, I’ll ask Bellamy to come and collect you.” He added with a sly smile and I felt my face light up in appreciation.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

Bellamy was quiet when he arrived and though I was alarmed by this, I was quickly distracted when I realised that he had thought to bring me some fresh clothes. He helped me to change into them delicately, before I placed the jacket that had once been his over the top and he chuckled at me for this. I held onto his arm for stability and once Jackson was content that I would be able to manage the walk, we carefully left medical.

As I clung to Bellamy’s bare arm, I noticed that he truly wasn’t wearing his guard jacket any longer and remembered my conversation with Kane in unease.

“You’re not wearing your jacket?” I enquired as casually as possible as we moved delicately through the halls of the Ark and Bellamy sighed slightly, revealing his discomfort at my question.

“Yeah. It got damaged.” He excused in a distracted manner and I could tell that he was struggling to think of a way out of the conversation. “ I need to get a new one. It’s not really a priority at the moment, though.” He reported, glancing down at me with a smile to subtly suggest that caring for me was far more important and I felt my stomach lurch as I realised that he had no intention of telling me that he had quit the guard.

We spent the rest of the walk in silence as my thoughts swirled, fearful over his secretive attitude and I was anxious that he had tried to keep me from the memorial too. It was obvious that he was suffering with guilt, but for whatever reason, he didn’t want my support with it and I hated the thought of him isolating himself with this.

Bellamy led me into the main dining space, where rows of chairs had been set up and tables were lined up at the front for people to leave items. The room was already full of grieving people waiting for the service to start and I could feel the weight of emotion in the air. He guided me into a seat beside him at the end of a row and immediately I began fiddling with my hands due to anxiety.

It wasn’t long before people began to present their tributes for their loved ones and I felt myself shaking as I considered all of the lives that were lost in the attack. Though it was challenging, I was glad that I had forced myself to attend to face it and I knew that this would be the hardest step of my journey to forgiveness. Each speech was heart-breaking to listen to, but I considered it my atonement for not attempting to save them and held myself together despite the storm of emotions in my mind.

My breath caught in my throat as Raven struggled her way to the front and Bellamy took my hand for support, sensing my distress. Her face was already red from tears and she appeared as if she hadn’t slept at all since we returned home. My heart ached for her as I had a unique insight into the pain that she was experiencing and I respected her strength as I compared it to my breakdown in Mount Weather quarantine.

“Gina was kind. She always put everyone else first, sharing love and compassion with anyone who needed it.” Raven began, her hands trembling as she read from a piece of paper and I knew that she was battling to make it through her speech. “She had incredible patience and no matter how hard I tried to push her away, she always stayed at my side. I never appreciated her for how wonderful she was, but I will make sure that she was remembered for it. Gina deserved better.” She finished with a tear rolling down her cheek and sniffed to contain the rest.

Rolling up the paper, Raven reached a shaking hand into her pocket and pulled out a keychain. Though many might have missed it, I noticed the pained reluctance in the way that she tenderly placed it down amongst the other items, as if she were unsure if she was truly ready to part with it and I remembered my insane attachment to the jacket that I currently wore with sympathy. I leaned my face onto Bellamy’s shoulder for comfort as tears of my own escaped my demeanour and he squeezed my arm in silent support.

Before the next name could be honoured, a group of guards entered and bypassed Kane and Abby to report directly to Pike in hushed voices. This made my back stiffen as I thinned my eyes at them suspiciously and I felt Bellamy tense too beside me. 

As I scanned the people gathered here, it was clear that the guards arrival had caused a ripple amongst everyone and a feeling of dread settled in my stomach.

It was difficult to hear the conversation that was taking place, but I was sure that I heard a mention of grounders and the way that Pike looked over at our leadership only strengthened my belief in that. He approached them to repeat the information, causing me to feel uncomfortable with his new role of negotiator between the guards and Chancellor that I felt allowed a prime opportunity for manipulation.

“You gave a grounder one of our radios?” Pike stated accusingly, raising his voice for everyone else to hear and I had the distinct feeling that this was no accident, but rather a tactical decision to gain support.

“Sir. Are we under attack?”

A voice called from the crowd who were already murmuring restlessly and though I looked to Bellamy for reassurance, his focus was strictly set on Pike. People began to stand as the feeling of panic spread and I could sense the threat of impending chaos, sending my adrenaline into overdrive.

“No. We are not under attack.” Kane announced as he rose to address the concerned citizens, holding his hands out in an attempt to calm the delicate situation. “The Commander sent a peacekeeping force to ensure that we can defend against any further attacks from The Ice Nation.” He confirmed as he battled the incredibly fragile balance of power that we all knew was hanging on by a thread.

“Peace keeping force?!” Pike spat in disbelief, growing more irate by the second despite the inappropriate timing of this conversation. “Even you can’t be that naive, Marcus!” He yelled, further feeding the tension in the room as more of the crowd stood from their seats and I noticed with confusion that Raven was staring at Bellamy with rage bubbling her face, before returning my face to our leaders.

“Watch your tongue!” Abby warned as she fixed Pike with a stern stare. “You’re talking to the next Chancellor.” She announced and I raised my brows in surprise, having clearly missed this information when I was in recovery. “We’re all grieving. This has been hard on all of us, but we can’t let anger drive our policy.”

“Anger is our policy.” Pike yelled, gaining cheers of support from the watching audience and he used this momentum to step up onto a nearby surface to rally his people. “Now, if they’re here to defend us as you say, then tell them to go home. We can defend ourselves!” He argued, pointing down at Abby disrespectfully and I was struck by how much his attitude reminded me of Bellamy in our first few days on Earth.

In a moment of clarity, his admiration for the man made sense and I realised that Pike represented a simpler time for Bellamy that had been lost in the more nuanced lifestyle that we lived now. We had to consider alliances and politics in our current days, instead of simply focusing on day to day survival as we did in our dropship camp and I could understand why Bellamy would be drawn to the patriotic nature of Pike’s approach. However, this idea frightened me and I knew that I needed to publicly oppose Pike, just as I once had my lover, rising to my feet with a fierce glare.

“You fought against Azgeda warriors for months. How did that work out for you? Lose many people?” I began, drawing his attention as he viewed me with disgust and I crossed my arms defensively. “Believe me when I tell you, those fights were nothing compared to the force of their army. Without the help of Trikru, Azgeda will obliterate us. We stood with Trikru before against the mountain. These people that the Commander sends to protect us are our allies, not our enemies!” I advised, turning to speak to the people that were gathered with hope that I might be able to turn the rising tide, but my words fell on deaf ears due to the suffocating grief that hung over everyone here.

“Miss Sloan. Why don’t you remind us how you were rescued from the mountain?” Pike argued, his face growing smug as he knew that I would have to confirm that the army was not responsible for our rescue and I had a horrible feeling that my statement had only aided his cause. “The grounders abandoned us then and they will do it again. They can’t be trusted.”

“You.” One of the members of Farm Station pointed directly at Lincoln in an aggressive manner and my jaw clenched in anger. “You don’t belong here.” He accused, viewing him with an entirely undeserved hatred and I could hardly believe that things were deteriorating so quickly between our people.

“Then I guess I don’t either!” I declared, moving to shuffle past Bellamy so that I could stand beside Lincoln in support, but before I could even exit the row of seating, the situation continued to worsen.

“He’s one of them!” The ring leader yelled, rapidly prompting similar statements to be yelled by the crowd and it was clear that people were jumping on the opportunity to rid the camp of the person that they viewed as an outsider, already forgetting everything that Lincoln had done for us.

Bellamy rose to his feet to grab my arm, holding me in place protectively and whilst I was distracted by attempting to shake him off, the confrontation escalated to violence. The man who had begun this conflict threw a rock at Lincoln, which struck his head with a worrying impact and Bellamy was the first to leap into action as the Farm Station resident moved to attack Lincoln.

In no time at all, a fight erupted between people loyal to Kane and Abby, and Farm station, and although my mind was exploding with rage, my body could not keep up. My legs shook weakly as I struggled to remain upright and I had to lean on a chair to steady myself as the room spun around me.

I noticed Abby hurrying past me, working her way around the edge of the chaos to reach Lincoln, when the sound of a loud whistle drew my attention. 

“Hey!” Pike bellowed loudly enough to bring everything to a halt and I was pleased to notice that some of our original guards from before we discovered Farm Station had leapt into action to pin down the instigators. “We do not attack our own! Fighting each other only makes us weak. The enemy is not in this camp. The enemy is out there!” He gestured to the gates and I glanced over at Lincoln to notice that he refused help from Abby, who called after him that he needed to go to Medical as he stormed out.

“You’re right. The enemy is out there. And it’s Azgeda. It’s not Trikru and it’s not Lincoln.” I clarified loudly, using what little energy had left to defend my family with passion and Bellamy nodded in support.

“Sir. We need to arrest that man responsible for this assault. Lincoln is one of us.” Bellamy advised, fortunately addressing Kane rather than Pike and before I could praise him for this, Raven interrupted with a loud scoff.

“How like you to immediately defend the grounder.” She spat, glaring at Bellamy with such venom that it shocked us and we both stared at her with confusion. “You’ve got some brass even being here when you’re the reason that they’re all dead.” She accused, moving closer to instigate an argument and I struggled my way over to them to calm things before another fight broke out.

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy investigated, forcing his voice into an even tone despite the emotional turmoil that I knew he was covering and I could see the hurt in his eyes as he regarded her.

“You told us to stay whilst you went to the Summit. You were the one who vouched for that grounder, even though you knew that she was Ice Nation. Even your girlfriend wasn’t sure about trusting her, but you did it anyway and you nearly got her killed too! You practically served us up on a fucking platter for the grounders. It wasn’t enough for you, killing everyone in Mount Weather once, was it? You just had to do it again!” She yelled, stepping forward to push his chest aggressively and Miller rushed over to restrain her, his movements careful so that he wouldn’t hurt her.

“I’ll never forgive you! It’s your fault that Gina is dead! You took everything from me!” She screamed, manically fighting against Miller as she tried to attack and Bellamy simply stared at her in stunned silence, frozen to the spot in horror.

“That’s enough, Raven. You’re only making things worse!” I snapped, stepping between them with a false strength as I faced her down and I was able to catch a glimpse of the broken person that hid beneath Raven’s rage. “Gina wouldn’t want you to do this and you know it. Take a walk.” I advised calmly, causing her anger to dissolve into pain and she shook Miller’s grip from her shoulders to march out of the room shamefully.

The moment that the conflict was over, I felt as if I might collapse. Noticing my sudden vulnerability as I turned back to face him, Bellamy gripped my arms to keep me from falling and I stared up at him with an apologetic expression.

“Baby. You know none of that was true, right?” I whispered, encouraging him to meet my eyes and the way that he nodded was as if he were simply brushing off my concern, rather than actually absorbing my reassurances. “She’s hurting and she lashed out. It doesn’t make it okay and it definitely doesn’t make her right. Don’t let her get in your head.” I insisted, already terrified that she had only intensified his guilt and his face revealed how much her words had hurt him.

“I’ve got some things to wrap up here and then I’ll get you back to Medical.” He answered flatly as if he were simply reciting a well practiced line and I sighed in disappointment, hating that he was pushing me away.

“It’s alright. I’m gonna find Lincoln and see if I can get him to go with me.” I suggested, already keen to make sure that his injury was treated and Bellamy nodded in agreement. “Come and see me when you’re done. Please.” I instructed, flashing him a supportive smile and his only response was a slight hum as he strode away from me, leaving me with an empty feeling in my stomach.

Grabbing a clean piece of fabric from nearby, I made my way outside and tried to push aside my anxiety as I focused on searching for Lincoln.

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