#this may be even longer than my last tag novel lmao i just hate the idea of putting this stuff in the body of the post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dxmagedrose · 4 years

Text

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it.

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now! [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore. even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye. i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way.

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all.

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER. F L Y P A P E R. FLYPAPER. FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street. roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani. I am but a simple opossum.

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’) It’s the most grounding smell in the world.

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I—— I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!! take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT… the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

#||: && the mundane ( ooc );#( get to know a bitch!! )#( this was... a lot of me rambling about weirdly personal shit at 2 am )

1 note · View note

endowrites · 6 years

Text

Creator 2017 tag meme

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you’ve created this year (fics, chapters, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2017. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Tagged by the fabulous @blackkatmagic <3

1. The Shadows Are Darker When the Sun is Bright

Naruto; Hokage!Sakura post-war

This is what finally made me love Sakura. You know how they say “if you want something done right, do it yourself”? Yeah, that. I have some really weird headcanons for post-war Sakura that I’ve been told are controversial (thanks, discord; lmao), and I never really had a place to vent them all before? But this oneshot really helped me wet my beak. It’s also the one single piece of writing I’ve done that’s held up to my critical self-reflective eye for the longest. I might write more Sakura in the future, but for now, this was really satisfying to write!

2. Blonding

Naruto; Naruto & Boruto & Minato time travel

I would be remiss to write a list like this and not mention Blonding. It’s what taught me so much. I have a style, a drive, and a voice because of this fic. Yeah, the first half may be juvenile and pretty garbage, and yeah, it’s way longer than I would’ve liked, but it’s finished as of this May. And damn it, and now I know I can actually do something like that, even if it takes two years. Blonding’s my baby - I always come back to it, always reflect on it, always respect it, because I’m super proud of it.

3. The Fire in Your Eyes

BNHA; Todoroki & Endeavor

I hadn’t ever written for another fandom before this fic - I’d tried a few times with other fandoms, but I could never get into the character’s heads the way I wanted to. This fic taught me that I can write more than just for Naruto, and is what inevitably gave me the courage to start my novel in November and win NaNo. So I’ll take it! (Also it’s angsty af so naturally I love it)

4. Death and All His Friends

Naruto; NaruSasu post-war

Apparently I really like writing post-war fix-it AUs. Maybe that’s how much I hate the epilogue/Boruto era. But anyways! This was a fic I started way back in, like, October of last year, rewrote three times, and finally posted because I was done with it and just wanted it out of my system. It was my first foray into “”””romance”””, if you could call it that, so it’s got a special place in my heart for that reason. Also it’s a super nifty idea that I might develop on further when I get the gumption.

5. Geartooth

Voltron; Sheith time travel

I know I published this literally, like, three days ago, but it’s been sitting in my head for the past two months and I’ve had the first chapter written for the better part of two weeks now. I really think this is the culmination of everything I’ve learned so far from all these other fics on this list. It’s the best example of my current style, my current interests, and just overall wellbeing (which is good, by the way! I like the dark stuff when I’m happy lmao). Writing this fic reminded me of what I used to love about the Naruto fandom before it effectively died. I look forward to reading comments on my work again. It’s really uplifting and I’m so, so glad I took the plunge.

Then there’s the novel I started that I’m super proud of, a few short stories I wrote that I’m in the process of submitting for publication, a few smaller pieces of flash fic that I wrote... this has been a surprisingly productive year for me writing-wise, and I didn’t realize it until just now wow.

Anywho!! As for people to tag - I’m gonna call out @hoodratenbi, @arch-nemesis, @justenzhe, @thisisej, @exile-wrath and anyone else that wants to give it the ol’ college try. <3

#this was super fun!!#thank u for the tag kat!#nonfandom #writing #fanfiction #tag meme #ats #blackkatmagic

11 notes · View notes

snarkspawn · 6 years

Text

Get to know me meme

I was tagged by @delavairesslegacy thank you! <3

NAME: Rose

BIRTHDAY: 27 March

ZODIAC: aries

HEIGHT: 1.70m

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bi

FAVORITE COLOR: green, yellow

FAVORITE BOOK: I have way too many that I love to pick just one, but some random favourites are the Aftermath trilogy by Chuck Wendig, The Discovery of Heaven by Harry Mulisch, and even though I haven’t kept up with the recent ones, the Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch. Also, Colin Dexter’s Morse novels will always have a special place in my heart :3

FAVORITE ARTIST/BANDS/COMPOSERS: same as above tbh and it always depends on my mood, so here’s just three random favourites that popped up last in my playlist: Cherry Ghost, Years&Years, Arctic Monkeys

LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: wow, um. I actually don’t remember lmao I think it may have been As You Are which the gf and I watched the other day

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Ravenclaw

RANDOM FACT: hmm ... I studied egyptology and archaeology for a few semesters

WHEN DID YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG?: this one I made in January 2015, but overall I’ve been on tumblr far longer than I care to admit

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS?: sure, since this is only a sideblog haha my main/personal blog is @cytharat and I have a theme blog @itsacrimetheme ... there are a few others but they’re inactive so they’re not worth mentioning

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GET A TUMBLR?: I honestly don’t remember

DO YOU GET ASKS ON A DAILY BASIS?: nah

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL?: oh god ... it’s from one of my favourite moments in Dragon Age 2, but it was supposed to be only a temporary url until I could come up with a better one. Almost three years later I’m still stuck with it, and I hate it lmao

I’m tagging ... you. Yes, you. If you’re reading this you have been tagged :]

#thanks for tagging me haha #for some reason it didn't show up in my notifications ... thanks tumblr #personal #stuff and things

21 notes · View notes

alice-paperback · 7 years

Text

50 Bookish Questions Tag

Thanks to @erinthebookworm for tagging me! :)

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

This is literally impossible to answer! My latest favorite is The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic.

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

This may be cheating since it’s technically two books.... Lux:Beginnings by Jennifer L. Armentrout

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

LOL I have no clue!!! I also lack the dedication to find out, sorry :p. Probably an old classic.

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

The Mortal Instruments Series!! I’ve just never been able to get into it (believe me, I’ve tried!).

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

None of them!! I always get completely unrealistic expectations when it comes to adaptions (and unsurprisingly, am consistently disappointed). I’d rather just avoid the matter altogether.

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

The Fault in Our Stars.... no thanks! Too sad for me.

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

The Assassin’s Blade by Sarah J. Maas. I LOVE the Throne of Glass Series, but I gave up halfway through this one :( everytime Sarah says it is “required reading” I die a little bit inside.

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

The Way We Fall by Megan Crewe

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

The Hunger Games... the exact same original cover...the box set was just on sale for cheaper than the last two books alone! Strange, right?

11. What horror book made you really scared?

Horror books have never actually scared me, still love them though :)

12. What book do you passionately hate?

The Opposite of Geek by Ria Voros. One of the most horrendous books I have ever endured.

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

Literally anything with Percy Jackson (my true love) in it.

14. What book gives you happy memories?

Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore. I can’t recall any details about the plot (I read it a LONG time ago) but the city and two characters have always remained bizarrely vivid in my mind.

15. What book made you cry?

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo was ROUGH. Also, End of Days by Susan Ee. I am easily manipulated and extremely overemotional when it comes to handsome villains.

16. What book made you laugh?

The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin.

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

Off the top of my head, The Raven Cycle and The Foxhole Court.

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

.... have I talked enough about Percy Jackson yet?

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

Fake planets, yes. Real planets, no.

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

No, leaving a series unfinished (even when I have no desire to complete it) always makes me feel bad.

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

Yeah...The Mortal Instruments Series lol.

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

Too many to list. I DO NOT want to talk about it lmao.

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

Again with the “all time.” Too much pressure! Current favorite is Tahereh Mafi

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

One big one, two makeshift small ones, and a lot of permanent stacks that I now consider shelves.

25. How many books do you own?

No clue :)))) I am a very unorganized person.

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

Nothing comes to mind :/ I haven’t read a lot of good non-fiction outside of school.

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

If it wasn’t already obvious...... PJO and the Olympians by Rick Riordan.

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

Unite Me by Tahereh Mafi

29. What book are you currently reading?

The Gauntlet by Megan Shepherd.

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

None. I am certifiably broke- off to the library!

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

The entire animorphs series for 99 cents at a garage sale lmao.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

Books are really expensive!! Probably around $24 for a hardcover.

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

Never done this :)

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

The Gauntlet by Megan Shepherd.

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

The new Noah Shaw book, the new book by Danielle Vega, and Leigh Bardugo’s short story collection novel. As you can see, it is question 35 and I have lost all of my will to do a google search and provide helpful answers.

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

LMAOOOO literally every book I have ever read and love. I LOVE TRASH, give me overused tropes and special snowflake Mary Sue heroine for DAYS- I will eat them up shamelessly. Angsty, brooding bad boys too!

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

No, maybe someday :).

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

The Valiant by Lesley Leighton

39. What book offended you?

Books don’t really offend me.

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

This seems like a huge matter of perspective and my perception of “weird” is probably a bit skewed.

41. What is your favourite duology?

SIX OF CROWS/CROOKED KINGDOM!!!!

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

At the moment, The Winner’s Curse trilogy. Also, lmao, by question 42 I have named a new favourite trilogy- completely contradicting my “all time favourite book” answer.

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

Made You Up and I am forever grateful that I did.

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

....almost every book ever!? Enough with the models on the cover, please!!! Ex. The Winner’s Kiss.

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

Nope :/

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

Nope.

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

Nah, I get most of my historical fiction from the library since it’s so hit or miss for me.

48. What book made you angry?

I usually leave books sad or happy... can’t say I’ve ever been mad tbh.

49. What book has inspired you?

All of them, especially the bad ones.

50. What book got you into reading?

I’ve been reading since forever, so no clue. Perhaps Geronimo Stilton?? I know the book that launched by involvement with online communities was The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken (and strangely- Panic by Lauren Oliver, although I don’t consider that anywhere near a favourite).

II tag:

@bookwormsshallruletheworld @northernreads @aesthetic-bookworm

and anyone else who sees this and wants to complete it, because 50 questions is a lot longer than it seems lol.

#tag #personal

1 note · View note

illfigureitoutasigoalong · 4 years

Text

my flea dream lol

My weird dream

I had a “flea” dream last night lol. Once my sister had a dream that she was a flea and killed mufasa?? And woke up and was terrified but like the content of the dream was not scary. I had one last night which right now is a little scary. OMG so it wasn’t a nightmare because it was scary, but it was intense and my heart was beating fast when I woke up. So it started out really weird and the direct result of me watching too many episodes of breaking polygamy. I was on a date with an FLDS looking woman in a restaurant that looked gross and I would never go there in real life. What’s weird is that I’ve had dreams in this restaurant before? Anyway I was wearing an amazing cute outfit with a blazer at this date and my weird amish looking date looked…. Amish. And the waiter took her order and then looked to me and goes “are you a man or a boy?” And I was immediately offended hahaha I was just like “what??” And the waiter was like “suit jackets are for men.” I immediately left the restaurant and there was no other sight of my weird date. I got in my car (which was my old gold Honda RIP) and who is inside??? MY EX GIRLFRIEND. That’s when this turned into a nightmare tbh. My least favorite version of her was her when we were in the car and she was driving. In my dream though we were not dating we were just friends after dating. But she was acting weird and possessive and stuff like we were still together. She drove us around being literally the most annoying version of herself. She spilled coffee, got us lost, was extra Vegan, and just generally very annoying. She like had this “I know I’m right attitude” that I used to hate or more like “I don’t care if I’m wrong” attitude. Terrible. As we were driving to my dream house I just got more and more miserable.

THEN the number one reason we broke up, she invited herself to a family party that was being thrown at my house. (Also weird thing about my house in this dream is that it was in the field that used to be there before they built a Walmart on winterpok rd. Also all the women in my family were lined up with red Pizza Hut uniforms and name tags and everyone had a fluffy twist out like they had blowdried their hair??? (Probably another side effect of me watching too much breaking polygamy lmao because they all wear their hair the same on there. I remember members of my family there but also members from the country church we used to go to like 15 years ago. Honestly who even knows why they were also there. I was immediately excited to see all of them and forgot to be annoyed at S. I remember singing “10-20-40” to them as I walked by. Literally so weird.)

SO. As we were driving S had stopped at Pizza Hut which was on the corner in the dream and my dream solution was to run home before she could find me, and get into my weird house before she saw me so that one of my family members would intercept her. It semi worked? I snuck into the basement locker room of my house to (take a shower I guess) and I hear her coming in the alternate entrance. (Random memory about this dream, she was dressed like jojo siwa. Which is odd but its also totally how she would have dressed in like, high school. Literally why did I date this woman) And I see her legs under like a weird stall door that leads to the basement locker room and we start having a screaming match about her even being in my house which is when I woke up with my heart beating fast. I’m trying to even remember what I said but I remember a few parts?

S: “I can’t believe you didn’t wait for me!” (I guess to come into my house? What’s weird about this argument is that I felt the same guilty sense of dread that I used to feel when I didn’t feel like hanging out with her. Cool. Love that for me)

Me: “I had a very not good day, which I know isn’t an excuse.” So eloquent of me. Brilliant grammar. I was referring to being called a man on my weird date, for some reason in my dream this really distressed me.

S: “That’s not an excuse!” (She had cut me off as I was saying the last part)

Me: “I JUST said it’s not an excuse and I’m fucking trying to apologize and you won’t let me!”

And that’s when I woke up. I wish I had stayed asleep longer because I was about to yell at her for 1. We aren’t dating anymore and she was no longer entitled to my time and 2. That she was always inviting herself into places that she just didn’t belong or didn’t fit. This would have gotten ugly so you know it’s probably for the best but still. lol.

So what do I do? I get up and read her reddit posts to make sure she’s still completely unrelateable and surprise surprise she is. So I am making it a vow to stop doing that because all it really does is just make me even more flabbergasted about why I even dated her for so long or even dated her at all. I know deep down that my reasoning was “eh, why not? I need girlfriend experience.” Instead of “wow I am actually interested in this person.” So yep. Never doing that again. And I know it’s terrible but I really want to date someone in my race next time. It’s just easier.

Also I have been thinking about downloading a dating app but I only want friends. I don’t feel like dating anyone right now and also I feel like in order to have a good time in a relationship I need to lose like 150 pounds. Anyway I typed this on my work laptop and I hope if someone reads this later they get a big kick out of it. Hahahah

Also! I text MB all day every day because I think we are both lonely. Yesterday on FT she said “I wish you were a man then we could date.” This really freaked me out. At first (like months ago) my brain was like “oh shit are we about to get a crush” but thank GOD I only feel friendship feelings for her. She’s just really young and very white and sometimes those things are glaringly obvious. It just freaked me out because it made me think like “oh should we be dating???” but the ultimate answer is no. not to mention a week or so ago we had a discussion where she thought i was always mad at her for being racist. But i have to call her out sometimes on the ignorant shit she says. Like ordinarily i would just let people get away with it but if we are gonna be as close of friends as we already are then you gotta know when you mess up. Sorry. But you do.

I was able to get a nintendo switch!! I am having a great time. I just wish my sister was able to get one too. I feel like I can’t be properly excited because she’s really bummed about not being able to get one. I am checking the site over and over again to see if I can get one for her. Also she’s bummed about her job role transitioning for the lend position. I would also be very upset but at the same time she should be just a little grateful for still having a job at this point. I would never say that though. And also i’m not in her shoes so I can’t really judge. I would be PISSED if I climbed my way up the ladder just to be stuck doing what I view as “non-degree work.”

This is terrible but finally the tables have turned in my favor? Hear me out ok. For years I’ve struggled with my health and my job. I was diagnosed with diabetes and high BP when I was 19. I graduated without a job, and worked 5 shitty and semi-shitty jobs for the past 5 years. Finally I have a job that I love (hopefully that lasts) that pays me decently, and I can afford my meds on my new insurance, I stay hydrated which makes me feel better and I’ve gotten really used to listening to my body. I also have accepted my health problems and I am really good at keeping a level head about things. Now though, all of the stuff I already went through and I am dealing with accordingly are happening to my sister and she is miserable. She had a shitty job change (it’s only temporary, but she is WALLOWING in it.) and was diagnosed with asthma. The inhaler gives her heart palpitations and she completely freaks out over them. I’m really not trying to be rude but at least you know they are a side effect and her heart isn’t just going crazy for no reason. But she has been in a terrible mood for weeks and every time she takes her inhaler she has like, an episode. First of all, my mom would have never let me get away with this behavior for so long because I’ve always been kind of sullen and panicky. But also I think sometimes my sister just really needs to grow up. Shitty things happen to everyone and you kind of just have to keep going forward.

AND speaking of growing up, we are trying to look at apartments in the same complex because I feel like honestly she will forget about me if we don’t live within walking distance of each other. I don’t know how much she gets paid but it can’t be much more than me. She’s looking at places with one bedroom that are like $1,500 a month.... like that’s the base rent price. She’s not even counting the security deposit and utilities. I tried to explain it to her and she’s like “I’m pretty sure all apartments cost this much around here.” I’m so sorry but no. They don’t. I’m not paying almost 2 grand a month to live where we do. That’s crazy to me. I found a place I like but she doesn’t seem to like it. I may just have to move there and just be sad for a while when she forgets to hang out with me.

Last thing I guess (since I should be working) I want to write a lesbian romance novel! I am in a bit of a book slump so why not write one of my own. Wouldn’t that be amazing if it could be published??? I have no idea how to write a book so honestly it’s a pipe dream but I was really good at writing fanfiction! It’s gotta be similar right?

#this was a lot longer than I planned it to be

0 notes