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sillyfudgemonkeys · 3 years

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i havent been here in a hot second is there a reason for the makoto hate specifically? like the rants go back to p5's writing issues but the spite for makoto seems very specific did she kill someones dog in one of the spinoffs or what?

You're all good. So here's the thing, she did kill my dog-I'm joking.

When I say “I’m the residential #1 Makoto Hater” it’s a joke, partially cause it probs looks that way (and probs cause it might be true, who knows if you could quantify hate then maybe I’m at the top of the leaderboards 8U but you can’t so we’ll never know). But I’m saying it at as a joke, to own myself and everyone here that knows what I think of her, rather than wear it as a badge of honor or some silliness. It’s just a “oh haha yeah there goes Silly, dunking on Makoto again! She’s basically Makoto’s #1 hater haha oh she’s so silly.” (so please don’t look too deep into it, I just want to have fun).

Anyway, me hating Makoto isn’t new, but I do hold a similar ire towards Futaba, Goro (tho I have camaraderie with his fans, I relate to their struggle in terms of my own brown hair and red eye fav and Atlus screwing them over u_u I may hate your fave but I respect you and will be in your corner), and Yukari (as well as Chloe from LiS if you want a non-Persona example). Makoto might be talked about more because 1) She hits my buttons that much faster (Futaba/Goro are more like a festering wound, and when I talk about them it’s hard to pick a starting point), 2) Her fans tendency (early on in the fandom) bringing her up frequently.....was a bad combo with #1 (overexposure+pushing all my buttons really fast=disaster). Obvie not blaming her fans, but it was hard to curate how I was able to curate my content online (esp with gaming news websites calling her “best girl” when showing off a figure announcement or some BS when I just want to know what new games have been announced >.> I can do without you trying to start a waifu war in the comments Siliconera -_-)

Anyway, I think I’ve made my reasons for hating her very clear (you just have to search her name on my blog and you’ll get a ton of essays I’m sure, too many to count). And a lot of it is the failure of P5′s writing. “So it’s just the writing you hate, not the character.” No. Because that doesn’t make sense. Except under certain circumstances (which I’ll provide examples of below with Luke Skywalker), you can’t separate the writing from the character. The character IS the writing, the writing IS the character. If you can’t hate/dislike the char because “of the writing” then you also can’t love/like them either. The character and the writing/writing choices for that character are connected. The writing embodies that character. They are the same.

Now I said there was an exception, and that’s....”different writer/director,” tho it’s not ALWAYS the case (sometimes the new writer really gets the original writing, like Saito for MM.....they are very good at emulating the clusterfuck of P5′s writing). P5′s writing is the original basis for Makoto’s character, that’s her. You can’t separate it from her. Same thing with say....Luke Skywalker from the OG trilogy, that’s him. But then we get to the sequel/Disney trilogy, new writer/director....and yeah that’s a mess (from what I understand OG trilogy=Hopeful and tries to see the best in people, 2nd Disney=Cynic and tried to kill a child, 3rd Disney=Hopeful again for some reason). There’s character development, then there’s just straight up changing the character just cause you need them to be this now.

*writes how this can apply to Persona spinoffs but deletes because I was getting too off track* Look at me exercising control. It’s probs best I save that for a meta after I’ve replayed all the spinoffs again.

But....if you want me to boil down my issues with Makoto, I hate the message we get from her. I hate the lesson we learn from her. What is supposed to happen vs what happens. It’s supposed to be about a girl who is blindly following authority and becomes disillusioned with it after being burned by it, on top of “immense pressure” she has as well, and then comes to our side (we know this because Atlus told us). We don’t get that (we know this because we saw the execution). We get two adults, yes TWO ADULTS, one of which is her sister and wants her to do well in school (but isn’t like.....a tiger mom about it, because Sae can’t be TOO horrible because we need to like her later), who in retrospect seems very busy with her job (which gives Makoto freedom), but also feels burdened by her younger sister (in which she has one shitty slip with her and then NEVER again). And the other is a dumbass principal who asks a really strange and stupid task for Makoto that snowballs into bullshit. That’s IT! THAT’S IT! That’s all we get from Makoto and “authority.” Strawmen. We don’t really get much of her personality either (I’m not saying that cause “she’s cardboard” I legit just.....don’t get her? Like I don’t get enough of her to get a solid foundation, you get me?) Like as the player, what we see of her is she’s just studying in the library (Kamo arc), then the principal calls her in, she mentions the rumors about Kamo, he asks her to look into the PT in exchange for a recommendation (to which she’s surprised and says thanks, not no, she looks like she’ll accept JUST BASED ON THAT) but before she can even say Yes (OR NO) he threatens Makoto with her sister, to which Makoto hardens and then agrees. Then she acts like an asshole and yadda yadda stuff happens.

But if she’s supposed to blindly follow authority, she’d say yes, but then they don’t let the character breathe so she can make the “wrong” choice because the Principal goes STRAIGHT to threatening her.......so now the message is muddled, or really it’s non existent. The whole Sae thing is a nothing bag too, it’s just family drama. Her sister is, no HAS to be absent a lot for her work, just so Makoto can have the freedom to be a PT....which means....it hurts her lack of freedom and other stuff associated with Sae being a big pressure on Makoto’s life. You know, I’ve said before they’ve squandered Sae, and that Makoto’s presence really harmed Sae (iirc it was this post). But at the same time, how they handled Sae really screws up Makoto’s character. Neither are allowed to breathe. Neither are allowed to make a true, horrible choice...and then learn from it. They aren’t allowed to have an actual arc. Altus played it safe, took choice away from them, didn’t want to take risks with either character and have meaning. Instead we just have this nothing contradiction thing dicking around until they join our team.

What really sucks about that....is we got that with the Kamo arc. With Anne, Ryuji, even Yuki and Shiho. Kamo was manipulative, and his manipulation caused people to make....not the best choices, all out of a means to survive. Ryuji physically acted against Kamo, and he got his leg broken, team disbanded, and outcasted. Anne was trying to protect Shiho’s position on the team, which lead to her almost getting harmed by Kamo, Shiho getting harmed, her not seeing the truth about what was going on around her, and she didn’t tell Shiho (because she didn’t want Shiho to think she didn’t get on the team for her own merits), and so on. Shiho didn’t tell Anne what was going on because she wanted to protect Anne from Kamo (and was afraid Anne would, very much blame herself), and her and Yuki and the rest of the teams helped keep quiet about Kamo so they wouldn’t be next on the physical chopping block. This isn’t me blaming them, this is me showing their choices, their attempts to fix their (hopeless) situation, to help themselves or others, and the dramatic irony being it just made everything worse. BUT, even tho Kamo was the real one to blame, each character is aware of the actions that were made, and the consequences of each action (esp Anne/Ryuji/Shiho). And in their CoOps, they identify this, and take strides to learn from it so it doesn’t happen again. That’s an arc. That’s character development. They were allowed to make errors, mistakes, decisions that negatively impacted themselves/other’s. We see a solid foundation of their character from the get go, and how it changes over that small time. We don’t get that with Makoto. The group is like solid concrete to Makoto who is like shifting sand.

Sorry got a bit off topic, anyway, I hate her message of boasting about her fighting ability but she only harms her friends (outside of shadows, but that’s not special) WHILE ALSO being a damsel that needs someone else to rescue her! I hate how when she gets called out, she wants to drop it, and gives gaslighty apologies, even tho she really ROYALLY screwed lot of people very badly. I hate how she demands us to help, only to literally be a detriment to our investigation. I hate how she gets to fly off the handle without repercussions (despite needing to be cool calm and collected for her job, especially since she miraculously can do that when needed so what the hell????). I hate how the text has her be shitty, say shitty things, be bad at her job, but will turn around and reward her time and time again.

Sure she doesn’t break the lore like Futaba, or unravel P5′s plot like Goro. But as a character with a message attached to her, even ones that the creators surely overlooked (I’m sure they didn’t intend for her to only hit her friends), it’s simple but very annoying. Fast and easy to see, doesn’t require me to think of P5′s lore as well as the grander Persona lore. Doesn’t require me to dig through text for Goro bread crumbs and then unravel the entire basis of the P5 plot thanks to him. Makoto is easier to get into, it’s smaller scale and more personal I guess.

#silly asks #silly answers #makoto salt #the thing with Kamo's arc is that when you ask 'why' to why a character or a situation is the way it is you can give a decent 'because'#when you ask 'why' with kane's arc.....you don't get that #you get a 'because' but then you keep asking 'why'#why does makoto have to stalk the PT? Because the principal is making her do it #But why is he making her do it? Because the conspiracy is breathing down his neck.#1) WHY her tho? seems a bit contrived and might not work 2) WHY do they care about some principal?#Because......um...... For 2 because he's part of the conspiracy.#Why is he part of the Conspiracy then? Um....they put him there?#BUT WHY did they put him there? Cause....it's prestigious?#BUT the game said Kamo fixed the school's bad rep so it wasn't always that...and he hired kamo.....SO WHY does he owe them getting a job at-#-a shitty school? WHY did he need help getting a job there? WHY is Haru there if-#you see? kane's arc unravels a good portion of what P5 (a least school) is based off of #vs Anne #Why won't Shiho tell Anne about the abuse? She's afraid anne might think it's her (anne's) fault and she loves her friend and wants to-#protect her. why doens't anne tell shiho? Anne doesn't want shiho to think it's shiho's fault and wants to protect shiho #kamo's arc is full of dramatic irony and people making wrong choices (which they might not realize in hindsight)#why doesn't anne know shiho is being abused? Anne thinks shiho is upset about her position on the team also Kamo won't let anyone watch #the practices so we just take the team's words at face value also the teams are protecting kamo to keep from getting hurt-#also shiho won't tell anne anything and so anne just assumes it's a rough practice and that shiho is afraid of losing her spot ALSO #ALSO anne isn't psychic also anne is outcasted from the rest of the school so she doesn't interact with them so she doesn't know what's up-#with other people and-#you can go on they have their bases covered in kamo's arc they have reasons #kamo's arc is also a bit more grounded (kane being ungrounded because of the stupid princpal and his bs0 #sorry for the side rant just.......#you don't have to agree with decisions in the kamo arc...but at least they GAVE us reasonings (and the chars are aware #in hindsight that their decisions weren't great and chose to learn from them)

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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WandaVision: The Unanswered Questions From the Marvel Series

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This article contains WandaVision spoilers.

After two months and nine episodes, WandaVision came to a close. One of the more unique projects to come out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the show mixed mystery and horror with sitcom pastiche and understandings of grief under the superhero umbrella. The first step in both Phase 4 and Disney+’s Marvel lineup came out a success and built towards future projects.

Then again, its mysterious nature worked against it at times. Figuring out answers on a weekly basis meant trying to stay one step ahead of the show and sometimes it got viewers going in the wrong direction. There was no Mephisto or X-Men or Fantastic Four. On one hand, you can say that people are getting angry about stuff that they were never promised, but there is a feeling that when combing over the details of the show, they did cause us to ask some questions that never quite had a satisfying answer.

After all, even Agnes’ joke story about being out of town due to her mother-in-law visiting proved to be an important detail down the line.

As we sit back and wait for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness to pick up where our power couple left off, here are some lingering questions we’re left with from WandaVision.

What happened to the beekeeper?

The beekeeper was the first truly haunting moment of the series. Sure, “Stop it!” and the exploding radio were creepy in their own ways, but the idea of Wanda and Vision walking outside at night to find a lone beekeeper sneaking out of the sewer and quietly looking at them was outright nightmare fuel. It was a major instance of wondering what in God’s name was going on, and that’s even before Wanda simply noped out, hit rewind, and retconned the scene from happening.

We later discover that the beekeeper is SWORD Agent Franklin and his appearance is just Wanda’s reality making sense of a man in a hazmat suit. We see him crawling out of the sewer from his point of view, but then…nothing.

While the reveal of his identity doesn’t lead us to AIM henchmen or Swarm (star of Broadway’s Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark), it does explain the nature of Wanda’s neighborhood. That still makes it weird that we never hear from him again.

Or do we? While it’s never made explicit on the show itself, supposedly the guy playing the ice cream man in the episode 5 intro is the same actor as Agent Franklin. Perhaps the beekeeper didn’t die, but was just assimilated into a happier role.

Who was in Witness Protection?

FBI Agent James Woo gets the story rolling by coming to Westview in search of someone in witness protection. The complete lack of anyone having any information or even memory of this person is what gets SWORD involved and Monica Rambeau sucked into Westview. In the end, the identity is just not important.

But it feels like it should be, right? Having Woo go from coast to coast to follow up on this person seems pretty major. You would think it would have come up here or there, but nope. If anything, I guess it just goes to show that Jimmy Woo is a true professional for keeping his trap shut.

Who is the aerospace engineer?

I can understand that throwing Evan Peters’ Quicksilver at us was a good way to distract us from everything Agnes was doing, but the aerospace engineer? Come on! That was definitely more deliberate than the witness protection and they know it.

Monica brings up a friend who is smart enough to get her to break into the Hex all over again. All that’s missing is a smile and wink to the camera. The writers gave us something so blatant that it would be ridiculous NOT to speculate who she was talking about. This had to be an important cameo leading to something major down the line. Would we get Reed Richards? Blue Marvel? Beast? Dr. Nemesis? NFL Superpro?

Even when Monica’s dream vehicle didn’t do the job, it was still believed that this aerospace engineer would still get a dramatic shout-out down the line or a post-credits scene. Nope. At most, this throwaway friend is like that scene in Thor when Erik Selvig was talking up his gamma scientist friend who went missing because of SHIELD.

What did the commercials really mean?

It isn’t hard to figure out that the commercials were based on Wanda’s trauma: the bomb that killed her parents, her time with Hydra, the events of Captain America: Civil War, and her inability to deal with her grief in a meaningful way that didn’t involve torturing and enslaving innocent people. While it isn’t really important to see how the sausage is made, I’m left wondering what the commercials actually were.

From the fourth episode, we do know that the commercials were part of the transmissions. Darcy was able to see the one for the watch, but was focused on something else. Otherwise, I’m sure she would have been wondering about the inclusion of the HYDRA logo. The way everyone in the SWORD collaboration just glossed over the commercials is rather weird.

One of the popular theories was that the man and woman featured in all the live-action commercials were going to be revealed as Wanda and Pietro’s parents. That turned out not to be true, so…were they also Westview citizens? That would be disturbing because to make sense of the commercial narratives and the sitcom narratives, that family would have to be forcefully separated from the rest of the town.

Did Agatha magic up the stop-motion commercial for Yo-Magic? Because that was about her too much to be something Wanda’s psyche came up with.

Is there more to “Fake Pietro” Ralph Bohner?

“Fietro” was the big red herring of the series. After all that wondering of whether he was the first true step in bringing mutants into the MCU or if he was literal Satan in disguise, we discovered he was Agnes’ hypnotized “husband” whose payoff was nothing more than a dick joke.

Then again, he was already called Peter in the Fox universe, so it’s not such a hard stretch to make him a Bohner.

Will The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Become a Victim of WandaVision’s Success?

By Kirsten Howard

Movies

A Tale of Two Pietros: Explaining the MCU X-Men Problem With a Mutant Speedster

By Gavin Jasper

Monica’s ability to see energy in its various forms allowed her to figure out that Agatha was controlling Ralph with a mystical necklace. Once she tore it off, Ralph immediately gave up and that was the last we saw of him. But what does that mean in terms of his powers?

I imagine Agatha gave him the speed powers so he could play the part of Pietro in order to get intel on Wanda’s magic. Just because she no longer controls him, does that mean he’s physically back to normal as well? Because, hey, he might not be the Quicksilver from the X-Men universe, but he could totally play the role of Quicksilver if Marvel ends up doing a cinematic version of the Thunderbolts or Dark Avengers.

Where did White Vision go?

Vision’s Soul fought Vision’s Body and after we got enough lasers and explosions, the two talked out their differences. Hex Vision convinced his pasty counterpart to stand down and did him the favor of unlocking his dormant memories (that he asked permission was such a nice touch). White Vision recalled everything from the moment of his creation to Thanos pulling out the Mind Stone. Accepting who he is, White Vision flew off and was never referenced again.

I supposed the real question to ask is when will we see him next? Obviously, he has a lot to think about. He’s an emotional husk with lots of data to work through. Does he love Wanda in this form? Can he still love Wanda in this form, knowing what she’s become? As someone who was pro-government oversight, how will it affect him knowing that the government outright betrayed his wishes and memory? Where does someone like White Vision go from here?

Maybe we’ll see him in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Perhaps, when a new Avengers movie finally happens, Vision will show himself again. Or if they go in the direction of Young Avengers, he could be the wise father to the sons he’s never met.

It would be pretty wild if White Vision relearned how to convey emotions by watching Simon Williams movies.

What are the twins, exactly?

“FOR THE CHILDREN!” is what the neighbors echoed like a brainwashed cult, culminating in Wanda’s very unusual pregnancy. It could have been Wanda’s subconscious telling her to have kids. It could have been Agatha testing out her ability to create life from nothing. It also may have been the children themselves.

We never did fully get a grasp on what Billy and Tommy were. Wanda had a very unnatural birth and, outside of being able to age themselves a couple times, the boys seemed fairly down to earth and good-natured, while also still capable of questioning Wanda’s reality. There was nothing ominous about them outside of the weird nature of their very existence.

When Wanda relaxed the Hex, they started to disappear. When she ended the Hex completely, they once again vanished. Simply saying that they were two kids Wanda conjured up out of thin air would have been an acceptable answer.

WandaVision: What Wanda’s Kids Mean for the Future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe

By Gavin Jasper

Will The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Become a Victim of WandaVision’s Success?

By Kirsten Howard

Instead, when Wanda fully accepted what her reality was and that it had to end, she thanked her children for “choosing” her to be their mother. She was able to explain what Vision was in the grand scheme of things, but she remained silent when it came to those kids. They were an outside force that sought her out. That’s what her final conversation certainly implies.

The post-credits scene had her studying the Darkhold while being alerted to Billy and Tommy screaming for help. They still exist, in some form, somewhere. Their true nature probably won’t be better explained until the Doctor Strange sequel.

Speculation on this one is a pain in the ass because even the comics explanation is a whirlwind of confusion.

What really happened to Agatha Harkness?

Wanda doesn’t kill Agatha, but does punish her by forcing her to be stuck in the living Hell of portraying Agnes the nosey neighbor. It’s a harsh punishment, but her intent doesn’t jibe with Agatha’s post-Hex status. People know about her. Even if the last few in-universe episodes of WandaVision weren’t on the SWORD airwaves, she was still playing the role of final boss and having magic fights in the sky. The people of Westview saw that.

Wouldn’t this mean that she can’t just go back to her “nosy neighbor” role and that she’s likely destined for a cell? She’ll be lucky if the government isn’t doing experiments on her, which is extra messed up when you imagine her acting like Ned Flanders.

At least she’ll be kept subdued for when the Scarlet Witch needs her. Or maybe she too will join whatever Thunderbolts/Dark Avengers team we may see down the line.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Just give us more Kathryn Hahn, damn it!

The post WandaVision: The Unanswered Questions From the Marvel Series appeared first on Den of Geek.

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metallicarules5 · 4 years

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My Big Takeaways: Thoughts and Opinions on TDP Situation

It has been almost 72 hours since the most recent accusation and allegations were brought forth by Danika, Lulu, and Diandra. Aaron Ehasz has finally decided to respond to the allegations brought forward. For many of us, opinions have changed, and despite me and others advocating against it, many have vehemently already picked what sides we lay on, either staunchly in support of the women, or staunchly in support of Ehasz. I have read the perspectives given by many people here and on Reddit (since these have been where most of the discussions have been taking place), have read and reread the accusations, as well as the statement by Ehasz. These are what my thoughts are based on what we do know:

1. Aaron Ehasz is a shitty boss. Whether you 100% believe the accusations, mostly believe, or even somewhat believe, I think there’s enough evidence there to say that Ehasz, who is a talented writer, is an incompetent manager. He is not a leader. He is either incapable, or simply doesn’t want to, communicate with his staff, treats surrogates and those beneath him less than professionally, either outright lies or makes promises he ends up not being able to keep, and is someone who’s stuck in his way of doing things.

2. That being said…I’m not seeing evidence of sexism, abuse, harassment, misogyny, or bigotry. Sure what’s accused of is bad. It makes him look like an asshole, a douchebag, an egotist, an authoritarian, and various other names. However, sexist is not one of them. Even Danika mentioned in her tweet thread that his behavior extended to both men and women alike, and none of the accusers said that the reason for his behavior was solely because they were women. While certainly unprofessional, the behavior he displayed isn’t criminal.

3. In any workplace, not all of your ideas are going to stick. One of the most common accusations made in the accounts was that Ehasz supposedly didn’t listen to or acknowledge their creative input all the time. On the surface, this seems horrible and bad, but the fact of the matter is that this happens all the time in the workplace, regardless of where you work. I’ve come forward with ideas or suggestions to my managers as to ways I think we can run the business better. Sometimes, my ideas were accepted, but other times, they weren’t and were flat out rejected. It sucks when you have what you think is a great idea and it gets shot down by a higher up, but that’s the reality. Other times, the managers would enforce a new policy or a change in the workplace, despite the fact that I preferred the old way of doing things. Did it make me angry, sure, but to call that harassment, abuse, or anything along those lines, definitely not. I figured out how to work within the new system, even if I didn’t like the change, and made it work. They’re the manager, and they have to make the ultimate decision that they believe is the best direction to go in. If I’m unhappy, I am free to leave. Look at it this way, we’ve all written essays or papers for school, and for some of them, you were asked to hand in multiple drafts of it. You get a draft of yours back with comments and suggestive edits from the teacher. Did you listen to every single one of those suggestions? My guess is probably not. Sure, some or a lot could be true and you work to incorporate it, but others you believe would actually hurt the quality of your writing rather than enhance it. Maybe the suggested edit works against your point, or weakens your argument, or messes with the overall flow. At the end of the day, it’s your paper, and you make the final decision.

4. As the boss and creative head, Aaron will always have the final say. This sort of plays off the previous point, but it deserves it’s own spot. Whether he was at Riot or Wonderstorm, he was the head of these teams, and thus, he makes the ultimate decision on which direction to go. Diandra admits that their mutual superior did give Aaron complete freedom: “He was told that he had cart blanche to change things.” So when he decided to make editing a group activity with people sharing notes, she may not have liked or agreed with the situation, but that’s all there is, someone who didn’t agree with it. Aaron’s responses to her are rather dismissive, but that’s all they are. It again shows he doesn’t communicate with his staff, is egotistical, and is a “My way or the highway” type person, but it’s not abuse.

5. Neither Danika or Lulu were writers. This is not meant to be derogatory to the two of them, nor is it meant to diminish the work they did while at Wonderstorm. But here’s the thing, their jobs were not to be involved with the creative process, to my understanding. Danika was responsible for social media, and Lulu was a writing assistant, not a writer herself. Sure, the aspiration was most likely to become a writer one day for the show, but that still doesn’t give her creative input on the show’s direction, nor did that fall in line with the responsibilities of the position.

6. Memories are malleable, they do change over time. Scientific studies have actually proven that, over time, memories become disjointed and change as a result of not only the passage of time, but the more we try to remember those events. “A memory is not simply an image produced by time traveling back to the original event – it can be an image that is somewhat distorted because of the prior times you remembered it…Your memory of an event can grow less precise even to the point of being totally false with each retrieval.” These were the words of one Donna Bridge, the lead author of a research paper on this subject matter. Now obviously, when you read this, your first response is going to be denial that this is possible, how can I forget an event that clearly had a huge impact on me. Well there’s a lot of factors that play into this and our changing perception, causing us to remember the situation differently each time. “Memories aren’t static…If you remember something in the context of a new environment and time, or if you are even in a different mood, your memories might integrate the new information.” These findings have been further explored and proven by other studies, such as one done by Liz Phelps, a professor of Psychology and New York University.

…Phelps explains that our memories can change because each time we revisit them they become vulnerable. When we first lay down a memory, it takes the brain a little while to solidly store the information—a process called consolidation. And every time we subsequently recall that memory, it has to go through a new storage process—another slight delay for another consolidation. During that window, new information can interfere with the old information and alter the memory. Phelps says it is like playing the school game of telephone, where one student tells a short story to a second student, then that person retells it to a third, who tells it to a fourth, and so on. By the end of the chain the story is usually quite different from how it began.

So again, this makes it hard to determine who is telling either the full truth or even just the partial truth, because both sides are probably remembering the situation wrongly or have led themselves to believe that their side of the story is the truth. Maybe it is Ehasz gaslighting, maybe this is also at play, both can be true at the same time, these are not mutually exclusive.

7. Aaron’s statement is bad, like, really bad. Frankly, he could have admitted to everything he was accused of and offer the most sincere apology ever, and people would still not accept it. However, what this statement ultimately is, is Aaron stroking his own dick and that of Wonderstorm’s. I’m not surprised he denied the accusations, and regardless of what side you’re on, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you either. If you’re on the side that he’s innocent, he shouldn’t apologize for something he didn’t do. If you’re on the side he’s guilty, then that just further proves many of the women’s points about him gaslighting and not understanding when he did things wrong. That doesn’t change the fact that this is just a diversion and a bare bones, vague statement meant to try and shield him, downplay the situation, and make it go away. I do think there’s enough corroborating evidence to say that he can be less than professional in the workplace (read Point #1), to which he could apologize for. However, while he says he is imperfect, he’s still acting like he did nothing wrong and everything is completely fine. For those defending Ehasz, this statement seems more than enough, but for those undecided or siding with the others, this only sows more discord and animosity, meaning his attempts to try and defuse the situation have failed. For a guy who’s so gifted at writing, he sure couldn’t write a better defense.

I’m sure there’s more I can say, but these are the biggest points and my biggest takeaways.

Here’s the truth of the matter, we can only judge based on the evidence at hand. We were not in those rooms, we were not on those phone calls, we were not in those emails, etc. As a result, our knowledge is limited. Maybe some of those claims are blown out of proportion, which I have seen some women say about it. Maybe things are worse than they actually are and there’s more stuff that Danika and Lulu haven’t come forward with yet as they alluded to. We just don’t know, and that’s why it’s important to always keep an open mind, question and scrutinize, and listen to each other, not be at each other’s throats. There will be those that vastly disagree with some or all of the content of this post. Okay, then we can have a discussion about where we agree and disagree. I’m not in the business of trying to “defend abusers” or “believe all women,” I’m just a fan who wants to be able to enjoy something without it falling into controversy, for once.

#tdp #dragon prince #the dragon prince #aaron ehasz #wonderstorm

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robertsbarbie-archive · 6 years

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im putting you up to what you posted and I'm asking you to answer all of the writing questions. also the url change had me confused for half a second but im in love

This is why I’m my own worst enemy

2. Favorite part of writing.

Creating a whole world, a whole other life, that people can someday enjoy and find comfort in when they’re feeling down

3. Least favorite part of writing.

Writing, like the fact that your ideas and storyline isn’t instantly onto the paper is insane

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

I mean I probably do but I can’t remember

6. Favorite character you ever created.

A teenage greek goddess I pulled out of my ass named Arendellia, she was a badass who died and I really just liked what I wrote involving her

9. Least favorite trope to write.

the opposites attract, in my opinion it’s cliche and unrealistic, I prefer the characters have similar interests but different approaches to things if that makes sense?

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

Natasha Preston, and we’d wrote the sequel to The Cabin cause it’s been a year and I’m still not over the ending, I need a sequel

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

first I get a new notebook, I need a clean space for my ideas, then I wrote down a prologue or a description, it allows for my brain to fully process where I want the story to go, then I write until I hit a male characters name, cause I hate coming up with male names, if I have one picked out I’ll see if the image in my brain matches the name, if I can’t find a name that fits the project is discarded, if I find one that fits I write until I don’t know where to take the story next then I continue to formulate my ideas into actual scenes until I reach the end, then I close it up in a box never to be touched again until I accidentally find it while cleaning one day

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

I either won’t show anyone or will preface saying “it’s not edited yet” or “I know it’s garbage lol”

13. How do you deal with writers block?

I listen to music, and write stories based off of the song titles, like I always try to write a chapter and if after a chapter I don’t think I have a story I move on, sometimes I’ll get a completely new idea but it really helps to get ideas flowing

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

I’m currently waiting to write a book until I have all of the details, it revolves around Greek mythology but I want to be so accurate, not white wash, or erase the different sexualities of the Gods and I want to be accurate to the myths (a bit) but so far that’s the one

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

My brain telling me that it’ll leave me if I don’t get the ideas out of my head

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

I learned in 7th grade that I need to do a complete rewrite which sometimes I do, other times I’m being nostalgic and read an old story then realize I’m an idiot so I edit it lol

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

‘"Coffee looks absolutely lovely on you, madam," I glare at Cody while attempting to pat myself dry.’ From that Dying in LA story I talked about earlier

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

’"I told the director to go suck a dick. It was the worse thing imaginable,” I groan into my hands.’ Same story, and it’s only the second chapter but yeah

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

Bold of you to assume I actually finish my writings

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

As big of a fan that I am of different perspectives, I prefer single POV, I feel as though the character is more personal. Rarely do I do multi

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

Prose, my poetry is rather depressing and I just can’t

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

Linear, otherwise in my opinion it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

yes and no (I’ll explain in next answer)

28. And who do you share them with?

the unpolished, I share on Wattpad because it’s easier to detach myself if they don’t like it, but I wait until polished for people I actually know

29. Who do you write for?

Myself, it’s a way for me to cope with life, and writing and rewriting an event that has happened to me helps me move on from the situation

31. Hardest character to write.

Men.

32. Easiest character to write.

Villains

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story ________.

the main character in “Dying in LA” had a rough childhood (shut up at the cliche) and used acting to escape, she moves to LA when she’s 19 having fail after fail at auditions, she’s about to give up when she gets her big break. (Sorry I’m terrible at back stories)

36. A spoiler for story _________.

Oof I want to spoil DILA (Dying in LA) but I won’t, um, I started this story about this girl who gets kidnapped and um I’m kinda planning on killing her so there’s that.

38. Have you shared your outline of your story ________ with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

Bold of you to assume I’m not just BSing my way through my story

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

Yes. Um, I’m gonna tell you about the real person cause I based so many characters off of this person. Oof okay, it was any ex. For years he was in EVERYTHING I wrote, the story usually focused on the what if’s or the repercussions of our relationship and the fall out of it. We just complemented each other so well the thought of writing something to try and capture our time together comforted me so much. I still get flashbacks of our time together and sometimes his personality shows up in my writing but it just goes to show how the people in your life stay with you.

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

Both? I think there’s upsides and down sides to both but both are so amazing and are fun to explore

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Be confident in your writing and it will show, don’t be afraid to take risks

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

“Great job! Keep up the good work!” Um???? what good work???? be specific please!

46. What would your story _______ look like as a tv show or movie?

DILA would hopefully be done in a CW style where like it’s light hearted but a real plot and seriousness lies beneath? I actually don’t know?

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

Plot, my guy

48. Favorite genre to write in.

Realistic Fiction

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

the middle, most likely I already have the end and beginning planned

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story _______ in 5 sentences or words.

Dying in LA: fame, used, lost, forgotten, greed

52. How did writing change you?

It gave me a place to express myself and cope with life and the struggles I’ve been through

53. What does writing mean to you?

Everything, it gives me a voice when I feel like I don’t have one

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Keep writing, practice really does make perfect

Also the url is the best (any numbers missing means I already answered them, check under #asks )

#house-in-the-backyard-trees #ask #I am now dead inside #but I asked for it so thank you

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monotype-on-phantom · 7 years

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i didnt want to say this before but man.. Danny kind of.. sucks, at least in the heart of canon. i get that he's young and learns "Those Valuable Lessons" and but people dont acknowledge most of this douchebag's shitty antics cause he's a cute boy or whatever. although Danny has a very excellent premise for a character, he is sincere sometimes, but overall its not executed well. he falls into too many awful high school tropes

i guess im glad people are making use of his character premise by reading too closely than the show intended, or by making content of their own interpretations. but we cant ignore that he is quite a goddamned piece of hell shit who i fucking hate in the real show sometimes. i feel there’s just too much emphasis on a character and show that wasn’t well crafted and well managed to begin with. its kinda sad when all the hate is somehow directed towards other characters like Sam.

it feels like most people are praising him and the overall show for what they imagine it to be instead of what it actually is. srsly this awful goddamned fuckboy sells stuff garage lab items he aint supposed to just to buy some fucking clothes??? uses ghost powers to spy girls in their locker room?? he fuckin destroys ghost writer’s writing and then doesnt feel sorry about it just cause it’s christmas-related and he’s so pissy about it.

so.. yeah. i dont get why people think he’s literal kid Jesus and always wants to protect this little fucker. he puts himself in alot of mess. the “D” on his suit stands for “dick”, bc that’s what he is. i want to beat him up sometimes

Okay.

Normally, I delete all character hate on sight, because the point of my blog is to focus on the show’s strengths and how the weaknesses could’ve been done better. I get critical sometimes, but I like focusing on a characters’ strengths rather than their poor writing and garbage like that.

This was so long, detailed, and harsh that it’s really hard to ignore. Maybe I should. Stick to my guns and not let some anonymous rant change how I work. You came to me, though, so if you want to debate this, then alright. I’ll bite.

First off, who in the fandom is portraying Danny as a kid Jesus? Maybe it’s just the circles I’m familiar with, but one of the most reblogged posts that pops up in my notifications is one with a ton of additions arguing why Danny totally deserves to suffer. The majority of the fandom loves tormenting this kid. Even those that do say he needs to be protected never claim he has no flaws. Far from it. They just acknowledge he has it hard for a kid and he deserves a break sometimes.

Second, have you ever…met a 14 year old? As someone who spent most of his career life working with kids and who is the oldest of 5 (with one brother who’s turning 14 this November), lemme tell you that the main trio are saints for their age.

People talk about the terrible twos, but 14 year olds are so much worse. I’m not slamming them, because it makes sense. They’re in a tough transition period between childhood and adulthood. Adults tell them to act more mature, but refuse to acknowledge their voices in serious situations. Middle school and high school are cutthroat places, and one mistake can ruin the entirety of the four-six years you spend there. They’re pressured to get good grades or they’ll fail, they have to be part of the cool crowd or they’ll fail, and people are more likely to blame them for whatever goes wrong in their lives than anything that goes on around them.

Doesn’t change the fact that they can be little demons sometimes. With all the hormones and drama, young teenagers can be really emotional and make problems bigger than they seem. They can be harsh and judgmental, because that’s the environment they’re being exposed to. They need guidance, but they don’t want it. They argue with adults and to some, it seems like they want to make their own lives miserable. They can be tough to work with unless you’re willing to take them as seriously as they take themselves, and most people don’t want to bother.

There are shitty things Danny does in canon, but that’s true for literally every fourteen year old. And heck, are you telling me you didn’t do some ridiculously stupid stuff at that age? I actually stole money from my folks to buy something I wanted. My group of friends frequently set stuff on fire in their backyards. And fuck, nobody can prove Danny was spying on girls in the locker room. While I think the scene is shit and refuse to accept it as canon, all we see is Danny coming out of the locker room. He could’ve been just looking to see what it was like in there. Nothing says there were actually girls in there. But I’m so sick of talking about that shit scene, so I’m gonna leave it at that.

Danny has flaws. He can be selfish and petty and inconsiderate. But really? You wanna beat him up for that?

Are you forgetting that he canonically already does get beaten up every single episode? Whether it’s by ghosts, bullies, his own goddam parents, or whatever, getting beat up is something he’s familiar with.

The reason some fans cut him some slack is because, hey, yeah. He is a kid, and you know what? He’s entitled to be a dick sometimes. He loses sleep every night, almost dies on a daily basis, has his dreams ripped away from him often, and is picked on at school. Despite all of that, he still fights ghosts to keep his town safe, and he’s under no obligation to do that. He saves lives, even when people hate him for it. He puts himself in danger, even for those who are cruel to him. He tries to use his powers for the right reason more often than not, and he’ll take the high road against his bully because he feels like he shouldn’t stoop to his level.

We acknowledge that canon can be shit. We acknowledge that sometimes, Danny’s writing makes him out to be a dick. At the “heart of canon,” though, as you so eloquently put it, he’s the kid who risked his life for a little girl he barely knew that nobody else would miss. He’s the one who saves the lives of his own bully, the teacher who used to be so hard on him, and the parents he fully believes would cut him open if they knew what he was. He’s the one who could so easily be Vlad, but instead he tries his best to be a hero.

You’re under no obligation to like him, and you don’t have to ignore the shitty parts of canon like some of us do. I do it just because I enjoy thinking about what the show could’ve been, not what it was. You don’t have to do that, though.

But really, are you going to march into your nearest high school and beat the shit out of the first kid you see messing up? Seriously? You honestly think that the mistakes Danny makes outweigh the good he’s constantly trying to do enough that he deserves that? Even when he already gets beat up in every single episode already?

Well, fine. That’s your pessimistic opinion. It’s not fact, though. How many cartoons do you watch? You gonna beat up Timmy Turner and Jimmy Neutron, too? They can be right assholes. What about Jake Long? He’s a shallow, obnoxious, irresponsible kid a lot of the time. Sure, he’s just 13, but why should we show mercy to kids who mess up? Serena/Usagi from Sailor Moon? Yeah, let’s ignore all the people defending her and just focus on the fact that the show makes her a dumb kid who doesn’t have enough backbone to immediately become the savior of the galaxy. Come to think of it, where’s your rant about Dash Baxter? Or is he not popular enough for you to rag on?

Perfect characters aren’t the ones who are the most upstanding. They’re the ones who are realistic and flawed. So Danny sells his parents stuff. So he sneaked into the girls’ locker room. So he took out his anger on an innocent person.

I’m not saying any of those things weren’t wrong, what I’m saying is that kids make fucking mistakes. And sometimes, they’re huge ones. Sometimes, kids get curious and break into a house. Sometimes they get hungry at the store and shoplift. Sometimes they lie and cheat and make fun of each other. Sometimes they can be perverted little leaches.

So fucking what? We’ve all been there. We all need to learn and grow.

And seriously, if you’re going to be one of those people who gives Sam a break, don’t turn around and start criticizing Danny for the same shitty writing he sometimes gets. That hypocrisy is exactly why I so adamantly defend Sam.

I don’t know what you wanted to accomplish with these asks. Maybe you just wanted to vent. Maybe you were looking to stir up drama. Maybe you don’t know what you wanted and you just sent these asks randomly without any real reason.

Regardless of what you think, I’m still gonna enjoy my fucking fictional character, even if I don’t always agree with how he’s written. I relate to him, his struggles, and even his mistakes. You have fun ripping on characters people like because you don’t think they should be allowed to make mistakes, but let the rest of us have our fun, too. You’re not helping anyone with this, so maybe just fuck off, m’kay?

Being stupidly nice is kind of my thing, but I’m tired of putting up with this self righteous crap. Let characters fuck up. Let fans rewrite things they don’t like. Let people enjoy their fucking cartoon, because they aren’t hurting anyone. I’ve yet to find a single phan who considers the DP cartoon to be completely canon anyway. They enjoy it for the fan content or the few really spot on episodes. We’re already aware that there’s shitty stuff in there, and we don’t need you to tell us.

If I ever get any asks like this that rip on characters for stupid, petty reasons again, I’m deleting them on sight. That was my initial plan anyway, but I really needed to say my piece here.

Tumblr, maybe stop being such judgmental pieces of fucking shit, okay? You’ll accomplish nothing good by being so harsh toward anything that doesn’t fit your standard of “perfect.”

#Anonymous #ask me

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mollsmcb-blog · 7 years

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Fuck You Kardashian’s

So.... basically after watching "The People Vs. OJ" - aside from loathing OJ Simpson further... it literally opened my eyes to how TRULY AWWFULLLLL the KARDASHIANS are. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! "The People Vs. OJ" gives audiences a glimpse at how media, Hollywood and the DEATH of Nicole Brown Simpson made them money sucking fake SHIT HEADS. This scandal was the fire that lit these children's vapid ideologies to a current life of "All I care about is money and I'm really pretty and have a huge ass and big lips and like omg i'm so much smarter than like... my sister, like can you believe she like blah blah blah like blah".

EW. EW. EW. They were BORN from this scandal - WATCH THE SHOW. READ ABOUT IT / THE SCANDAL / THEM -- (Wallstreet Journal, Business Insider, Harvard Journal, Forbes, CNN, ABC, Old archived video footage on YouTube and Vimeo are also great sources if you want to draw your own theories) But, are you serious Kardashians? I don't know why this was the topic that hit me the hardest from this AMAZING SHOW (Go Netflix for another HIT) But it did.

There's so much FAKE bullshit going on within social media toady -- trying to portray ones life in a "imperfect" way using filters, perfectly placed captions, constantly trying to ONE UP each other -- that I feel the Kardashians really played a part in developing and even influencing such fake/ mindless drama, and quit possibly even negative feelings of "HATE" or BULLYING amongst our peers... that maybe this is why I feel so strongly about the rise of their fake-fames? Not sure... But I wanna talk about it.

How they look at themselves in the mirror... how the world continues to play / pay into those PHONIES is beyond my comprehension (Side Note - And they're not the only ones out there like this, I'm just using them as an example because, like I said, just finished the show on Netflix)... I've never understood the appeal. Or their fame. Mainly because I can't justify nor understand why I should condone these girls (and their vial husband(s) ) who are more interested in clothing, make-up, cars, material products (only the 1% truly have opportunities to enjoy... let's be real) as well as never understood how ALL THAT in combination of 10000000x selfies should make me respect you? Not only that, but consider you a public figure? Why?? Then they go and make a reality television show about more NOTHING'S and their privileged lives, it's hard to cope with! When their are so many struggling screenwriters or aspiring writers (like myself) who actually have original, expressive, educational, fun, exciting (etc) content that SHOULD be created, talked about, and watched!

Life's unfair, sure. But this is more than unfair, it's ignorant. And FOUL. And people are curious why other people in America voted for Trump? ... (That's a bit of a stretch metaphor on my behalf) But if you're literally telling me you enjoy / respect groups of people who are saboteurs to each other, care about nothing but JIMMY CHOO'S or what MILLIONTH selfie they should post.... Then hey, excuse me for having doubts American audiences could have been persuaded to for vote for a MF-er who's just as big of a "famously born from media" billionaire, like Trump? Did we not all used to laugh at his insanity through "People Magazine" or "US Weekly" or YouTube interviews about his latest purchases, blah blah blah's? It's all fun and games watching him in the news and reading about his bullshit scandals until he becomes the fucking President of the United STATES! PEOPLE WAKE UP! THE DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA... STOP! EW. No, I've never understood the appeal. Sorry Kardashian's no selfie or awful fashion statement can hide your true identities. RAW!

I'm disgusted. I'll be over this by lunch time. Which is now. HA! Thanks Facebook for allowing me to digitally rant. And for those of you who are now judging this RIDICULOUS rant, privately name-calling, or thinking "man she's so angry " - Yeah, sometimes (shrugs)? Like you haven't thought about something like this in your lifetime? Laughable. "SURRREEEE SUSIE Q. Tell yourself whatever you need to." -- Don't get me wrong, I have a pretty wonderful life. It's dope. Not guna gloat about#Blessed right now. Because I'm an ant in the realm of this thunderous social media atmosphere. Gloating about myself really doesn't do me, or anyone else justice. It may secretly cause hidden resentments. #TruthAnyways. Point is, I don't choose to be something I'm not. And I'm certainly not intrigued by Voyeuristically watching mindless "FAKE-NEWS" - like the douches mentioned above. And yes, I can be a dick. Whatever. Go pretend to be perfect somewhere else. BYEEEEE #Keepitreal

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darkot · 7 years

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I... am immensely pissed off right now.

I feel like I start every one of these entries like that, but... GOD DAMNIT!

For a year.. an entire fucking year, I had been meaning to make a Phoenix Wright painting with Edgeworth and Von Karma as the subjects and post it on December 28th, 2016--the date of the final in-game case--as an homage to the amazing game series that I fell in love with earlier that year. And I fucking missed it.

You can’t comprehend the deep seeded rage that stirs inside of me as of writing this. I just.. holy fuck, dude. I have no words.

It’s not just that, but a lot of other stuff going on that has been incredibly frustrating. I literally just realized the whole missed painting thing moments before writing this. That was just icing on the anger cake.

I worked for about 7 or so hours on the next storyboard for the film project I’m working on. Nothing inherently went bad with that, it’s just... my lack of speed is showing. I’m only billing the guy I’m working for, for 4 hours, because at some point I need to concede that it is my own lack of skill that caused it to take as long as it did. Granted, it was a very complex board. But still, it’s just.. argh.

I just finished watching the last dubbed season of One Piece last night, which was the final episodes before the time skip. Even though I already adored that show, that season was fucking astounding. I would go on to praise it further, if it wasn’t for this seething wrath that is currently dominating my mind.

The general theme towards the end of the season was that all of the main characters recognized that they needed to get stronger to tackle the challenge ahead of them: The New World. It was strangely coincidental because that’s a lot of how I’ve been thinking lately. Not that I need to get stronger in the physical sense, but.. I want to hone my skills further. I need to get better if I want to go where I want to go in the world. As of right now, I’m too weak.

Another thing that’s pissing me off: I ordered two art figures back in November, and they still haven’t arrived. Figma Archetype: He, and Figma Archetype: She. I figured that they would help a lot in drawing those story boards. But so far, they haven’t helped at all because they haven’t arrived! It is t-minus ten days until I can complain about it to the site I bought it from. I already tried emailing them to ask if they could contact the shipping company and make sure that it left Japan, to which they essentially told me to fuck off until 60 days had passed. So, I’ve been waiting.. and waiting... and waiting. And nothing. The tracking info for this type of shipping only has four entries. When it is processed in Japan, when it has left Japan, when it has arrived in Canada, and when it has been delivered.So far, it has gone through the first two.. but it apparently “left Japan” on the 16th of November. So, if the tracking info is to be believed, it has been in transit for nearly two whole months. That.. seems rather unlikely. But okay. January 15th. It’s still got time. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be delivered? I’ve been saying that to myself every day for the past eight weeks. But maybe tomorrow will ACTUALLY be the day.

Don’t even get my started about Overwatch. Again, nothing inherently bad has been going on with it. I ended today at 3070, which I’m pretty okay with. But the last match before me and my group ended really got under my skin. Or rather, somebody on the enemy team did, which I honestly don’t care to admit.

We were on Lijiang Tower. They were playing Reaper. I was playing Reaper. I was absolutely decimating him when we 1v1′d during the match. However, they ended up winning that round, so that gave him ground to start trash talking out of saltiness. Then, during the second round, I concede that I did absolutely nothing. Their team was too coordinated for me to be effective, and he won most of our encounters. So, he pushed it further and just kept goading me and goading me. I was honestly getting really annoyed. At this point, I hadn’t said a single word to him, but he was just making this a dick measuring contest. So, I switched to Pharah. At that point, I was absolutely slaying. I started the third round with 11 kills and ended with 37. I landed two direct rockets on an enemy Pharah that I don’t even know how I hit. For the second one I had to turn around 180 degrees and aim up above me.. it was weird that I was able to instinctively predict that, that is where they would be. I just trusted myself to land the shot and got it. From the kill cam on their end though, they must have though I was using some sort of bot, haha.

We won the next two rounds, and then it was tied 2-2. At this point that guy had all but shut up because we were making a big comeback. And in the final round, I choked. Fucking hard. It was a very close game. We had 90% on the point, they had 99%. At the very end, they started to make this last push. Their Pharah came in, and she had a Mercy pocketing her. Even though I had been doing insanely well up to that point, something about that just made me.. panic. I don’t like fighting a Pharah+Mercy combo as a Pharah without a Mercy. I am confident in Pharah vs. Pharah battles. I don’t like Pharah+Mercy vs. Pharah+Mercy, but I can deal with it. But Pharah+Mercy vs. Pharah is the worst thing as the lone Pharah. That said, I definitely had a disproportionate reaction. I saw the Pharah with the Mercy beam on here, and something in my brain said “I know, I can win this encounter my ulting them. I ult, am immediately two shot and downed by the damage boosted Pharah, their team capitalizes on the pick, rest of my team goes down, and we lose.

Nobody says anything. Not even that dickhead Reaper from earlier. But I have been beating myself up about that ever since it happened three hours ago. That could have definitely been a win. Perhaps we were going to lose no matter what happened, but I more or less sealed our defeat with possibly the worst ult that I have ever done in Overwatch. I don’t know what I was thinking. I had this sense of needing to carry because the other DPS wasn’t doing a whole lot. I guess my brain went “If I die to this Pharah+Mercy, we’re done for.” Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecy... god, that was stupid. I ended with 49 elims, which frankly is pretty decent. I was doing well that game. Up until the very end. But that’s just.. not good enough. I don’t settle for doing well and then messing up. It’s extremely aggravating to me. It sucks when it is somebody else who makes the mistake, but when I’M the one who throws the game, that feeling of failure is the worst..

So, mark that as another display of inadequacy today, along with how long it took me to finish that picture.

Though this hasn’t just been today, I’m having writers block when it comes to a character for that AQ3D series I’m working on. That has been bugging me for a week now. But DING DING DING, we’ve got three! That’s three areas that I’ve done shitty in lately! Do I hear four? Well, I haven’t streamed in over a month either because I still haven’t worked out the “second entity” idea.

I don’t know, man. My mind’s just feeling so polarized right now. Technically, I’m getting shit done. I finished a storyboard. I went up about 60 SR in Overwatch today. I am two lessons away from completing one of my school courses. But.. it’s just not good enough. That board shouldn’t have taken that long. I should have went up 90 SR today. I should already be done those final two lessons.

Like.. fuck, man. I.. I just want to get to a point where I’m satisfied with how I’m doing. People are right when they tell me that I’m my biggest critic. But that’s why I draw, and that’s why I play Overwatch competitively. To prove something to myself. That I can make a picture that I consider beautiful, or to reach master rank. Whenever I take on a challenge such as these, or entering an art contest (which I haven’t done in years at this point o.O), or auditioning for a voice acting role, or accepting my friend’s offer to do storyboards for the film series.. it’s to prove to myself that I can do it. That if I put my mind to it, that I can accomplish this, because my mind is great. That if I try my heart out, that I can succeed, because my heart is strong. But time and time again, I only end up disappointing myself. I always get in reach of that horizon, but always fall short. My family has always told me that I make them proud, but.. I haven’t ever managed to make myself proud.

The worst part is seeing my potential, and not reaching it. Like that 180 upwards airshot on that Pharah. That is possibly the craziest thing that I have ever done in Overwatch (I really wish I was recording/streaming, so I had it saved =/). Or the painting I did of Notch that blew up on Twitter (not in terms of skill, because that picture was god awful. But in terms of the response people had to it). Or getting 10 Twitch followers in 2 days. Sometimes, I feel like such a one hit wonder.

Aside from individual ambitions, I worry that it taints my overall dreams too. The other day, a friend on my team was going through a rough time. They were really down on themselves because of things their family was saying about them, and because of their own personal opinion of themselves. I gave a pretty long speech to them in our Discord text channel to try and lift their spirits. This, was that message: “It's not that big of a deal, Wild.. I was below 3000 just a couple days ago. Hell, I think I dipped into the 2800s last week. SR will fluctuate. Wildly, at times (hue hue). It's natural.

You can't let your Overwatch rank be a measure of your personal skill. In-game, or out-of-game. Back in season 1, I was determined to reach top 500 because I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing it. That if I really set my mind to it and tried my heart out, that I could reach that goal. What I came to realize though, was that competitive Overwatch is one of the worst things to base any sort of personal merit on. At the end of the day, it is a team game. No matter how well you do, you alone can not determine the outcome of a game. It is a collective effort made by all 6 people. This is even true when you are playing with us. Sometimes, we'll be having a bad day. But you can't let that make you think that it was your fault. You're only one man.

Likewise, sometimes you'll be having a bad day too. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Everybody does. We can even have a bad week or a bad month. But no matter what's going on, whether it's on your end or you're having a stroke of bad luck with team mates, that still doesn't say anything about you, or what you are capable of.

Through sheer will, you can do a lot of things. Single handedly winning a comp match is not one of them, however. That's like trying to win a football game on your own. It just doesn't work without teammates that are also on their A-game.

IRL, you aren't a failure either. You're only a failure if you give up. But we're all here. We're all trying our best each and every day, and that's all that anyone can fairly ask of you. Nobody has all of the answers and goes through life without a single bump in the road. All of us, even our predecessors, blindly walk forward and just.. try. Sometimes it doesn't work out. Or, sometimes, our best efforts at accomplishing something are slow. But that's FINE. Millions before you have gone through the same, and millions have come out of it alright.

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." - Lao Tzu

No matter what's going on, I know you're doing fine, Wild. People may judge or criticize--even those close to us--but as long as you're taking one step every day (doesn't matter if it's forward or backward), then you're doing your part. Be kind to yourself.”

I was worried that the others wouldn’t be too happy about the wall of text, but the response was overwhelmingly positive. They were all telling me how brilliant and beautiful what I wrote was. (One even said to remember them when I’m famous, which was really out of nowhere o.o) That was one of those periodic reminders that I have the ability to change minds. Something in my delivery, or the way I speak, or the way I act makes people listen to me. I’ve made bigots think critically, I’ve made the pessimistic dare to hope, I’ve made the fearful test their courage. But, in this instance, the one person who I was trying to touch with my writing, the friend who was having trouble, didn’t respond positively. It did not seem to lift their spirits much at all. Once again, another example of seeing what potential there is, and not quite meeting it.

That’s the type of thing that makes me fear that I won’t succeed in my dream of changing society for the better. It seems like, no matter what it is, I am always one step short. What if my work doesn’t touch the lives that I’m intending to? Maybe it too will fall short of achieving greatness, as its creator does.

God, Herman Tech messed me up. This is like.. a psychological scar from that experience. I see more failure in myself than I know is there in reality. I just.. want better, for myself.

In a lot of these situations, it feels like it’s me, holding myself back. That if I could let go and be more expressive in my artwork, and trust my instincts when taking shots in OW, and just.. generally be me, totally uninhibited... that I could accomplish so much more. But, for my whole life, I have put on faces for people. I adapt my personality to whoever I’m talking to, so we both have the smoothest interaction possible. At this point, after doing that for so many years, I don’t know who “totally uninhibited me” is. I have a VERY vague sense of that. But I’ve been out of touch with myself for a long time, now. I’ve developed my philosophies and thoughts, but I’m still very distant from my soul. My being. That’s a large part of the discord that I’ve felt stirring inside of me. I think too much, but I really don’t know how to do anything else.

Well, tomorrow’s another day. Maybe those figures will arrive...

#personal

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