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#told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping
dreamlogic · 5 months
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#chronic blogging#current emotion#post-hysto pain has been getting steadily worse over the last month & is now accompanied by near constant nausea#can't even do my PT stretches anymore bc of how bad it hurts#so on monday i finally had a FUCK IT IT'S TANTRUM TIME#and checked myself into urgent care for severe abdominal pains#which finally fucking FINALLY resulted in a referral for a second opinion from a different gyno surgeon#who i hope will finally run the ultrasound & CT scan i've been begging other healthcare providers for for months#THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH MY BODY AND NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME AND I'M FED UP WITH PRETENDING#THAT EVERYTHING IS WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR HEALING & PRACTICE SELF CARE#watching the urgent care PA's face journey as i explained my symptoms how long i've had them & how apathetic my surgeon's response has been#was so incredibly vindicating & cathartic. she gave me a tactful 'i don't necessarily agree with that assessment......'#told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping#and gave me her blessing to go pitch a fit in the ER if my symptoms get any worse before my appointment with the new surgeon#i'm EXHAUSTED and i'm SCARED and it's ABOUT GODDAMN TIME someone in medicine listened to me & took me seriously#been hovering in the 4-7 range on this chart for a disgusting amount of time. now i'm locked in at 8+ and not backing down
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xmeetyoutherex · 5 years
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Chapter 3 // Simple
Previous chapters can be found in my masterlist :)
I recommend listening to the song “listen to your heart” by The Maine.
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Carter and Calum texted each other all morning. He had finally convinced her to come to a small party Ashton was hosting.
It took a lot of convincing considering Carter was never was the party type of girl. But Calum promised it would be few to no people and extremely relaxed. With that in mind Carter had to agree. She herself was dying to see Calum again. She didn't realize how much she missed him and the boys.
Carter dressed in her usual attire. Just a simple t-shirt and black jeans, added with her black Doc-Martins.
By the time she was ready to leave, the party had already started. She wasn't late because she was working on her outfit. She just honestly didn't want to go. But she hadn't seen Luke and Michael in so long and Calum said that Like would be there. So she grabbed her keys and locked her apartment door and walked up the steps to the not so busy streets of outer LA.
Cater walked down to the subway to find she only had about a minute or two to wait for the train she needed to arrive. As she waited she got her phone out opening up Spotify and plugged her headphones in. She decided to listen to Lana Del Ray.
It was about a forty minute ride to the stop closest to Ashton's Flat. But even though it was the closest stop she still had about a ten to fifteen minute walk. She didn't mind though she was already late what's another ten minutes?
As soon as she arrived she knew she was under dressed and it wasn't a small relaxed party as promised.
Carter was about to just leave, seeing as this was not her scene at all. But then she saw them.
All her worry faded away though as soon as she saw the only reason she even came. Calum was standing in the kitchen waiting exactly where he said he would be, Luke and Ashton close by. He was dressed in a simple t-shirt and black jeans topped with a leather jacket, making her feel less worried about her attire.
As soon as Calum saw her he felt as though it was the first time he had smiled all night. Not even waiting for her to walk all the way to him, he decided to meet her in the middle.
"After about an hour I wasn't sure you were gonna show."
"Well up until about twenty minutes ago I wasn't." She knew she made a last minute decision in coming but she wasn't late because of it, Calum just didn't need to know that. But Calum still knew Carter wasn't joking about making a late decision to come, and he couldn't help but laugh at her comment anyways.
“Is that Carter?” Carter averted her eyes from Calum to behind him to see, a completely different looking, Luke. “Damn, have you changed.”
Carter rolled her eyes at him cause she didn’t change that much, only outgrew her baby face and started wearing makeup. She still had the same glasses she wore in high school, same hair style except instead of a full head of purple only the ends are purple now. She certainly didn’t change as much as him. She gave a snarky reply of, “and that’s coming from you.”
They could all tell she was joking based on the smile embracing her face. Luke went in to give her a hug while saying, “I know I got hot, no need to comment on it though.”
Calum and Ashton burst into laughter and Carter joining with a chuckle of, “but it is true,” as Luke and her separated from the hug.
Luke and Ashton decided to head back into the kitchen leaving Carter and Calum to themselves in the hallway.
"Come on Carter, lets go outside. There's less people out there." He lightly grasped her arm and led her outside.
Calum led her to two chairs away from everyone. Calum dramatically held both his arms out pointing to one of the seats. "Your throne," Calum then bowed his head while having a smirk play at his lips.
"We both know I'm no royalty" Carter’s family was never poor, but she certainly wasn’t getting more than one small Christmas gift a year and only movie nights on her birthdays. They just couldn’t afford to spend money on wasted items and Calum always knew that no matter how secret she always tried to keep it. Calum was one of the only people who ever gave her birthday gifts or random things here and there. They always left her feeling guilty cause she couldn’t do the same back.
"And we both know that has always been a lie." They both let out a slight chuckle but Cal's was heavy and weighted with nerves that he hadn't felt in years.
"I see your still as emo as when we were in high school." Calum observed the Mayday parade shirt that Carter still had from when she saw them in high school. Also the all black theme she was sporting went very well with the notion. A different look to what she had been sporting at the bar a couple weeks ago.
Calum on the other hand was wearing all black, but Carter knew that wasn't his usual attire lately. "And you have seem to made it only a phase."
It was pure joking on Carter's part and Calum could tell from the smile she was wearing. "My attire may have changed, but believe me all four of us only became more emo over the years."
"Your new style suits you," carter complimented while rolling her eyes sarcastically with her next comment. "Even though I feel betrayed here."
"Hey, I said that I would be emo forever with you, that doesn't include the clothes." They both broke into laughter and Calum couldn't help but feel all of the nerves he had, at the beginning of the night, fade away.
Their laughter drowning out the rest of the crowd and people allowing for another everlasting night.
....
Her and Calum talked about everything and nothing for hours. It was probably around 2:00 a.m. when they finally realized the party was dead. Looking inside, Carter could only see Ashton and Luke cleaning. She took that as her que to go help and then get ready to head home. Before she could get up though Calum was talking again.
"You love this song." It took her a minute to process what he just said until the lyrics started sinking in.
We're too young this is never gonna work
She could still remember the first time she listened to that song. Her and Calum were just sitting in her bedroom listening to random music. Calum still remembers her whispering how she adored this song.
That's what they say, "your gonna get hurt"
Calum stood up and held out his hand for her. All she could do was scoff at him. He knew she didn't dance, well at least not in public places where others could possibly see her.
"Come on just take my hand, no one's watching."
She reluctantly took his hand, and he immediately pulled her close to him. "Cal this isn't a slow song," Carter said while pulling back putting about a foot between them.
"So is it a mosh song then?", Calum began to jump a little swinging Carters arm.
She beamed at him, "Of course." Calum released Carters hand and they both began to jump and shout the lyrics at each other. It probably seemed childish to people looking in on them, but to them in felt like they were back in high school. It felt easy to be childish again.
They started singing the lyrics at each other. Each of them taking a turn and as they sang they stuck their faces out towards the other.
This promise doesn't have to be so loud,
Just whisper I could find you in a crowd.
I think it's time we ran away.
Your father says I'm not good enough for you.
Your mother she thinks that this is just a phase,
I think that we should run away.Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
Don't listen to your friends, they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Listen to your heart.
As Carter and Calum stared into each other's eyes with the biggest smiles on their faces, It felt safe. It felt simple. Neither of them would do this with anyone else. It would be too embarrassing, but with each other it was normal. It felt like nothing changed even after all these years.
Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it,
But I know we'll make it.
When the song ended another The Maine song came on and Calum commented, "who gave Luke control over the music?"
The two began to do the same thing to the song Right Girl without a regret in the world.
As Carter and Calum danced around laughing to each other, Luke and Ashton couldn't help but notice.
"I can't believe Carter made her way back into our lives again." Luke was still shocked by the coincidence. At first he hadn't believed Ashton when he told him.
Ashton let out a content sigh, "God am I glad she did." Ashton Hadn't seen Calum smile like that for too long, it was overdue. And Ashton being him, he decided to take a video.  He saw how when the two danced around to the music the world disappeared in a sweet bliss.
A/N: well......................... it’s longer. It’s so freakin cheesy the pizza is five inches thick.
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