#towseries

[gayerthanevertbh]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏

not my gif!

pairing: best friend’s mom!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary:  you know it was beautifully wrong when your best friend’s mother kissed your parched mouth. what’s even worse is that she’s a married woman and you’re just her secret affair.

warnings for this part: smut, spitting, dry humping, degradation (mild), older!natasha, younger!reader (legal age gap: the reader is 18-19 and natasha is 38)

author’s note: i know it took me awhile to actually post a new part and i’m so sorry but i hope you enjoy the series! if you’re uncomfortable, please leave my blog. i don’t want to cause a fuss here and it’s your own responsibility if you’re reading this or not. 

this series is 18+ minors dni! i will block you if you don’t have your age on your bio. 

series masterlist || main masterlist || taglist for this series

— — — — —

You hated being the so-called “the other woman” but yet here you are, being like one. And, it makes you sick to your stomach just by the thought of it.

You don’t know how the affair started, but sure enough, you remember how the first meeting was. It was all innocent at first, nothing too serious, until the woman you’re sleeping with makes a flirtatious move that you let yourself bathe with.

You can truly say that you’re quite ashamed of yourself for being in this kind of position where you shouldn’t be in the first place.

But Natasha Romanoff was like a whole ecstasy.

FIVE MONTHS AGO,

“Am I wearing the right outfit?”

“Yes, remove the ugg boots though. They look hideous on you.”

Lucy, your best friend, has invited you to a small gathering with her family and yours since they have never interacted – especially you. You’ve never met Lucy’s parents before and the fear of embarrassing yourself out there would be total chaos. You’re hoping that it will go well for tonight since you have no communication skills whatsoever; you can still try to interact.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t look too scandalous, right?” you say while looking at your silk pink V-neck dress that you find absolutely stunning when you first bought it at Zara. Lucy helped you pick it out and even tried asking if she could buy it for you. Obviously, you objectified since you hate the thought of people buying you things. Lucy likes to be that girl who can flaunt her money, in a good way.

“It doesn’t,” she says. “You’re fine, Y/N. Come on, wear your strapped heels that I bought. Also, please tell your mom you’ll be home late. Or, you can sleep in my room.”

You nodded and grabbed your purse that has your phone in it as well as your chapstick. You take a good look at yourself in the mirror and inhale through your nose. Soon enough, you were downstairs with your mom and quickly gave her a small peck on the cheek.

“I’ll probably be sleeping at Lucy’s for tonight, is that okay with you?” you asked gently while soothing your mother’s arms with your fingers.

“Yeah, I guess. Is Lucy okay with that?”

“Yes, I want her to stay for the night,” Lucy says from the back while grabbing her car keys that were on the counter. “I promise you, she’s in good hands.”

“Alright… well, be good Y/N.”

“I will,” you kiss her cheek once more and smile, walking away from your mother and stepping out of the house – inhaling the atmospheric scent of the night.

It wasn’t a long drive to Lucy’s house and you were greeted by two people as soon as you got out of the vehicle. A tall blonde man was holding a can of beer while another woman was standing across from you.

“You must be Lucy’s best friend! It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she says while pulling you into a tight hug that you almost let out a wheezy breath. Pulling away, she continues, “I’m Maria. My wife is inside, she’s excited to meet our daughter’s beloved friend who she never brings here. Why’s that sweetheart?”

“Mom, please let’s not talk about that. You know I don’t bring a lot of friends here.” Lucy replied with a tight lip smile as she brought her hand to your back, soothing it up and down.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Romanoff,” you replied rather meekly as you were surprised that you weren’t stuttering your words. Maria guides you inside their humble home and you noticed that there were not many people – although you wouldn’t say it’s quiet either. There were men wearing fancy outfits but not black ties and suits and women wearing flawless dresses that made you feel like your entire outfit was bought from a thrifting store. Now you couldn’t remember why you were invited in the first place, this does not suit your personality whatsoever.

You needed to freshen up a bit so you asked Lucy where the restroom was. She pointed it upstairs and walked your way to it, excusing yourself to the people who were on your way. Once you were on the second floor, you don’t know which was the bathroom so it took you a while to find it until there was someone who accidentally bumped your shoulder.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking,” you say with an apologetic tone and you were about to walk away with shame until you heard a voice saying,

“The bathroom’s at the left corner.”

A woman who was a few inches taller than you, who looked like an absolute goddess, was smiling at you toothlessly. You smiled back with a twitch and looked down, walking away as far as you can to avoid that awkward scene. But somehow, this woman won’t leave you alone. You felt a hand gripped on your wrist and you spun yourself around.

“I’m sorry,” she says while chuckling breathlessly. “I’m having a terrible night and if I came off rude… that’s the reason. What is your name?”

You could feel your heart beating rapidly as her hand caress your wrist smoothly with her thumb and it was like gripping your entire throat. You replied, “Y–Y/N.”

She let out a quiet gasp and was fully taken back when you said your name. Did you do something wrong? Was your tooth chipped? There were many assumptions that were wrapping around your head until you could feel yourself getting nauseous. These little things, these little reactions, could make you feel sick and you don’t know why.

“I–you’re Lucy’s friend,” she says rather in slow motion. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Natasha, her mother.”

Oh god, was I feeling a little crush on her mother?

“Oh! It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Romanoff–”

She chuckles deeply, “You can call me Natasha sweetheart, I’m sorry that I scared you like that a while ago. I hope you understand.”

You smiled at her with a toothy grin and shook your head, telling her silently that it was fine. “No of course I do, I’m sorry that I wasn’t looking. Anyways, thank you for inviting me here. Well–Lucy did but, thank you.”

Natasha found you amusing, especially when you were stuttering a little. She brings her hand to your upper arm and squeezes it very gently. Then, you hear her say, “I hope you’ll enjoy it here. Sorry if it’s too fancy for your own liking.”

“Everything’s fine with me, I promise,” you replied, laughing awkwardly.

Natasha winks at you – in a friendly matter – and walked away until you couldn’t see her anymore. You can feel your entire skin heating up from the small interaction and find yourself in this position where you’re kind of having a crush on a woman who’s married and your best friend’s mom. As soon as you walked inside the restroom, you felt like you were having a crush on a teacher all over again.

As long as Lucy doesn’t find out, you’re alright.

You closed the novel that you were just reading and head to bed – finally flopping yourself on the softest sheets that you’ve ever bought. Sighing to your pillow, you slip your hand under it and press it hard against your face; letting out a whine for no reason. You are exhausted, not anything in particular, but your entire system just wants to shut down. Maybe because you’ve been dealing with a lot of complications lately, like with school and your work, but a huge vacation would suit you at this moment.

As soon as sleep was about to take over, you heard a soft knock on your window – making you startled completely. Your eyes widen at the sight; Natasha Romanoff was at your window, knocking. You quickly got out of your bed and reached for your window, pulled it up, and quietly yell, “What are you doing here?!”

She just smiles goofily and jumps inside your room. You shush her with your finger on your lips and close the window carefully. Turning, you walk up to the woman and pull her to your bed. You weren’t upset, why would you be? But mostly, you’re in complete shock at how this woman barbarically climbed up to your window and now she’s inside your room, for the first time.

“How did you even know this was my room? How did you do that?” you asked with curiosity in your tone.

She pouts in a joking matter and brings her hands to your lower back, pulling you closer to her until your cleavage is pressed upon her face. Natasha sighs and hums lowly, whispering, “I missed you. You haven’t been visiting me or even text me. What happened, baby? Did I do something wrong?”

God, her kisses were cold yet so comforting. You even had to control yourself from letting out a small moan when her lips roamed all over your chest. You wanted more of her, needing more of her insatiable touch, but that’s probably wrong right now considering she might be upset that you have been absent lately. If you could tell her about your feelings about this relationship you two have, you would do it right now. But, knowing Natasha, she would shut it down completely to avoid any quarrel that could happen. She’s more of an avoider than a solver.

“No you didn’t,” you say while you pressed a kiss on top of her head; smelling the coconut scent that she used. “I’ve been really busy with school and work, I’m sorry…”

She reaches her fingers to the hem of your shirt and played it a little while peppering kisses all over your cleavage. The woman hums again, and looks up at you; your eyes lingering on her green ones.

“I wish it was summer all over again,” she whispers while remembering a memory that you two have. “We might go to London this summer. I’ll invite you once more so that we can do the naughtiest things. And of course, I'll spend more time with you.”

You smiled at her softly while bringing your hand up to her cheeks, caressing your thumb on both sides. Lucy invited you to Italy with her parents and it was such a dream. Natasha rented this cottage where there were many trees and plants and stayed there for 2 months or so. Your mother approved because she needed some alone time and honestly, you couldn’t care less. While you were with the Romanoffs, Natasha was ridiculously flirtatious whenever you were alone. Lucy and Maria would spend a lot of time together and you would be stuck with Natasha – which no complaints. And once that happens, the woman would bring her hand up to your thigh whenever you make a conversation with her until you could feel her breath trickling down your neck hotly.

ITALY TWO MONTHS AGO,

“Are you sure you’ll be fine alone with mom?”

You nodded while reading the book “The Catcher in the Rye” for the 5th time when all of you arrived at the cottage. The only reason you were reading so much is so you can avoid this scary feeling towards the woman. And what do you mean by that you mean like wanting her to devour you–

“Yeah,” you replied nonchalantly. At least you tried “I’ll be up in my room most of the time. Where are you two going?”

“Momma wants to get fishing rods,” she replied meekly. “We’re probably going to fish. Isn’t that exciting? Oh and also, you and I might go to a local pub next week. Find some cute guys, yeah? What’s even better is that they’re Italians.”

You chuckled, “I’ll try my best to impress a guy.”

She laughs and leaves the room; making you completely alone in a room where it was mildly warm. You groaned to yourself and threw the book across the room – flipping your entire body on the mattress until it hit your back. You sighed deeply and thought about Natasha, again. For the last few days, Natasha was nothing but very kind towards you. She would give your arm a little squeeze and would always smile whenever you would walk in her presence. But, there are times you would catch her staring at you but once you turn; her eyes avert back to her cup of tea.

A few moments later, your body jolted at the sight of Natasha bursting inside your room, looking around until her bright green eyes averted down at you. She smiles – almost too innocently – and sits by the foot of the bed while her hand is wrapped around your ankles. Weird.

“What are you doing today?”

You shrugged, “Probably going to take a nap. Why?”

The woman scoots closer to you and brings her hand up leisurely on your lap, then squeezes it a little; making your breath hitch with the sudden touch. Natasha tilts her head and stares down at you – like gazing – and replies, “Do you know how to play the piano?”

“No.”

Again, she hums

“I’ll teach you.”

“Why all so sudden, Natasha?” you asked curiously and laid your head back on the pillow, sighing. Natasha twitches her lip to the side and smiles.

“I’m bored and you are too, so why not yeah?”

And without thinking about it, the woman pulls you up from the bed and brings you to the music room where there was an old wooden piano in the middle. You helped Natasha remove the protection of the object and wipe it clean. Then, you sat down on the chair that felt quite uncomfortable and the older woman sat down beside you; pressing her knees against yours.

“So, this is a C chord,” she says while demonstrating it with her hand on the keys, pressing it twice to make that lovely sound. “You have to really extend your fingers when it comes to playing the piano. It would be a lot easier if you knew how to play the guitar but, don’t worry detka. I’ll teach you.”

You have no idea what that word meant and you wanted to know. So bad. However, the thought of asking makes your stomach churn into fear – so you never ask.

This continued for a week, her bringing you to the music room and teaching you the chord while you were in an absolute struggle but she was there with you all along. The more she’s with you, the more she gets physical – in a good way – like touching your arm in such a soft way or you’ll hear her whisper in your ear and sometimes you would take a glance at her and notice how she’s staring at your tits. You don’t wear a bra, you felt like it was too humid to wear it.

You were teasing her.

What an awful person you are.

“Me too, Nat,” you say in such a light whisper that you could barely hear yourself – but you know Natasha heard you perfectly well and pressed her soft lips against yours with a tiny moan slipped out from both of your mouths. It was so innocent, so sweet, so compelling, but it felt awfully evil since you’re basically fucking Lucy’s mom. The guilt is something you couldn’t handle and the term “home-wrecker” is even worse; you hate yourself but you were stuck with Natasha. She stuck with you.

“My love, my dove,” she pulls away and admires your sensitivity whenever she kisses your lips or even your skin. “Let me make you feel good, baby. I’ve missed you so much…”

You nodded and the woman lifts your body and she pushes you down on the bed gently – trying to not make a squeaking sound coming from the furniture – and attacked you with her lips. You were touching her back and gripping it tightly while the woman made these wet kisses all over your neck, gyrating her covered core against yours. It seemed like she needed you so badly that you started to hear her whisper, “No one else will kiss you like I do, absolutely no one. You’re mine.”

You kiss the slack side of her mouth until your tongue reaches hers, completely making out with her in such a sloppy way – yet you didn’t care. You love her so much that you don’t care if your mom comes inside and sees you with an older woman.

“My kotenok,” she calls you with the pet name that she uses most of the time while her hands linger on your breasts, squeezing them with both hands. “You’re so pretty when you’re like this. Underneath me, completely in my control. Open your mouth baby.”

You rolled your eyes back and opened your mouth slightly, feeling her warm breath and soon enough she spits a wad inside of your mouth, smirking to herself.

“Swallow it, baby.”

You obeyed and swallowed the spit that she was inside your mouth. It tasted like cigarettes with coffee and honestly, it was delicious. You wanted more of it, but you never asked. She smirks down at you once more and pulls up your tank top, revealing your perked-up breasts that she has been wanting to see for so long. She brought her hands up to your right breast and squeezed the nipple hard. You gasped out in pleasure and thrust your hip upward until you could feel the thread of her pants on your covered core.

“Such a fucking slut, huh?” she questioned with a sly smirk. Natasha pushes her hips forth and you let out a whine loudly that Natasha immediately covered your mouth with her hand. The woman slowly pistons her hips to feel more of you and brings her head into your neck, biting the exposed skin. “My dumb baby. All for me to use, so innocent. It's so beautiful. I’m going to make you mine tonight.”

Natasha gave you three orgasms that night. Her lips were on your cunt for the entire time while she thrusts three fingers inside of you that had you into complete oblivion. You were covering your mouth while her lips were latched onto your clit, flicking it with her tongue greedily while rutting her fingers inside of that spongy spot of yours. Once she was done, she gave more attention to your breasts and sucked your nipples as if you were lactating. There was so much wanting between you two that it’s like you both could never find this with someone else.

And that’s probably a fact, mostly for you.

You were in Natasha’s arms while she was trailing her fingers down on your sweaty arm – from that fucking – and pressing her lips on your head, sighing softly. You couldn’t help yourself but asked, “What if this never works out? What if they find out?”

There was a pause but not too long and she whispers,

“Then we will run away.”

“Runaway?” You jolted your head up and curiously looked at her with wandering eyes. “Natasha, that’s–”

“Let’s run away if they find out, let’s do it. We’ll leave everything behind and… we will be happy. We’ll go somewhere safe and peaceful and it will just be you and me, my love. Is that what you want? For us to be alone? We could… maybe I’m being irrational about this.”

You shake your head and held her face between her hands, chucking at how pressed up her cheeks were. You kissed her on the tip of her nose and smiled. The thought of running away with Natasha seems to be such a beautiful thing, but you were thinking about the consequences. The decision to leave everything behind and start a life with the woman is completely scary. But, you would try for her. You want to have that simple life where you’re far away from everyone else and it’s just you and her.

It’s a fantasy that abides you both.

“Nat–”

“Call me something else other than my name. It sounds like you’re mad at me,” Natasha asks in such a vulnerable tone that you want to just shut her up and kiss her lips hard. You nodded and continued, “Baby, where would we go if we did that? What about my school? What about Lucy? Your wife–”

“Don’t mention her name,” she cuts you off with a slight stern in her voice. “Maria and I haven’t been okay, even when you showed up in my life.”

That made a drop in your heart and you had a second thought. Was she using you just because Maria isn’t a good person to her right now? Is she just here to keep her away from the complexity between the two married couple? Now, you felt sick from the thought and looked away from her dark green eyes.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” she asked, pulling your chin towards her, but your eyes kept to the mattress underneath you. “Baby, look at me.”

You looked up and felt her finger trailing down to your neck and smiled when you shivered from her touch. You sighed – giving a small smile – and whispered, “Are you using me just for you to get away with your life problems?”

She was shocked by your sudden question and immediately shook her head. “No of course not,” she said with a worried smile. “Dorogoya, you know that’s not true. Ever since I met you I didn’t know I would be so drawn to you. It just… happened. And, god you’re just so beautiful in such a graceful way and the more I talked to you the more I compel to you. Please, don’t ever think like that again, okay?”

You just nodded and smiled, even though you still felt sick in your stomach. The woman smiles back and kisses your bottom lip gently while pulling your body closer to hers and making love to you again that night. What’s stubborn about you is that it takes you time to believe in someone – especially when feelings are involved. And with Natasha, there were so many feelings involved that she declared her love for you when she kissed your innocent lips for the first time. Oh, how good you could be in that moment right now.

She loves you. Natasha loves you.

She wants you.

You want her.

Her, only.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff smut #black widow x reader #towseries #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst

[towjournalismish]

she wants my tits 🙄

#towseries #messages with my tasha x #reader’s journal from tow #reader’s rants from tow

[gayerthanevertbh]

arcadia masterlist.

PART THREE OF THE SERIES “THE OTHER WOMAN”

summary: after a year of despair, y/n has come to terms with her indecisiveness and guilt over her past “relationship” with the older woman. though her marriage is failing, she’s losing herself, and mourns for the lost of her own first love. what she doesn’t know is that natasha sent her a letter that her husband has been keeping for over a year. 

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI age difference, older!natasha x fem!reader, major angst, smut, hurt/comfort, a bit of fluff, and maybe a happy ending between reader and natasha.

notes: out of boredom and the help of a friend, i decided to make part three of the series “the other woman”. if you haven’t read the first part, it’s in my masterlist. though, i will be probably tedious with the updates - so i apologize on my behalf. let us see this series flop!

masterlist

CHAPTER ONE: emails.

CHAPTER TWO: would you write back?

CHAPTER THREE: reminiscing the times when i was with you.

MORE TO COME!

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst #towseries #tltseries #arcadia series #the other woman trilogy #black widow x reader #black widow x you

[gayerthanevertbh]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐.

not my gif!

pairing: best friend’s mom!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: you know it was beautifully wrong when your best friend’s mother kissed your parched mouth. what’s even worse is that she’s a married woman and you’re just her secret affair.

warnings for this part: mommy!kink, slight praising, smoking (nothing too serious)

author’s note: so sorry for my inactivity, i had a writer’s block x but i’m back now and hoping to update as always. if i’m not active again, that’s probably because i’m busy with school and work. anyways, enjoy!

this series is 18+ minors dni! you will be blocked if you don’t have your age on your bio.

series masterlist || main masterlist || taglist for this series

Ever since Natasha introduced you to smoking cigarettes, you got yourself quite addicted to the taste. You have this understanding of people when they say cigarettes help them to stay calm and it works wonders for you. You would buy one pack each week and sometimes maybe two if you were that stressed. Natasha didn’t corrupt you because of it – thank goodness she gave you a blunt – and you loath to think that way with her because well, she didn’t ruin your innocence. You gladly took it, anyways.

It was a dreamy afternoon at the cottage where you were sitting on the bench, reading the novel that you can’t seem to let go of. Lucy was taking a nap while the two married women were upstairs sleeping. The sun shines through your skin as you turn the page of the book – getting invested with the story that was being told. You were so absorbed with your book that you didn’t hear a woman saying,

“Want to smoke with me?”

Your head turns and see Natasha standing with a gray shirt along with her sweatpants that were loose. You shake your head and reply, “I don’t smoke–”

“It’s just me,” she cuts you off, chuckling. “Scoot over, kid.”

Kid, she says, you think to yourself while scoffing inwardly. I can’t just be a kid to her when she wouldn’t keep her eyes off me.

You followed her simple order and sat near the edge of the bench. She sits close to you – but not in a creepy way – and takes a swig of her lighter and flicks the ignition of it. Then, put it close to the bud of the cigarette.

Inhaling the smoke, she says, “What are you reading?”

You pressed her knees together and bit your bottom lip, then quickly replied, “Pride and Prejudice.”

“I love that book,” she remarked while blowing out the smoke that was inside her mouth. You can smell how thick the scent was; it was nurturing for you. “I’ve watched the film too.”

“Yeah, well, it’s one of my favorite novels.”

“Cute,” she says calmly. She looks at the side and watches your nose scrunching from the smell, finding it adorable. It’s like she’s staring at a girl who came out from a dream but never was from reality. It felt different. Sort of. She sighs, taking another blunt from her cigarette and blowing it in your direction averting your eyes from the woman who was staring at you.

Natasha only did that to get your attention.

“Want to try?” she offered the stick of her cigarette; smiling. Although you were too shy enough to say yes, you shook your head. Natasha took that for granted and inched herself near you until her lap was pressed against yours. How lovely.

“Nat–”

“I won’t force it on you,” she says reassuringly. “But here, just try. Inhale it through your throat then blow it out.”

“Would it hurt?” you asked with your timid soft voice. She nods.

“Only for a while.”

You want to be daring, be bold, and this is your chance to do so. It’s not like you want to act cool or even be lame but, maybe this could somehow change your perspective into whatever you’re thinking of. You’re just exaggerating at this point. So you nodded and took the cigarette from her fingers. Natasha smiled at you and watched intently as you put the stick into your mouth and inhaled it – then coughed out.

“My, my,” the woman quickly wraps one arm around your shoulder and pats your back softly, then looks down at your lips – noticing how crisp it was. “Easy, dorogoya, do it again.”

You nodded at her while still coughing out the smoke. After a minute or so, you inhale it again but this time slowly since you took it too fast a while ago. You can taste the itchy heavy smoke inside of your throat and finally release it; blowing it out in the air. Natasha was in awe while watching you do so.

“How does it taste?” she asked, smiling coyly.

You slowly crept up a small side smile and took another blunt but this time, blowing it straight at her face – making you laugh loudly. Payback’s a bitch.

She giggles rather softly and looks at you with her bright green orbs that spoke with adoration whenever she gazes at you. You replied, “It’s alright. Thanks for that I guess.”

“You can finish the whole stack, I’ll go light up another one for myself.”

And there you were, sitting beside the woman who gave you an unforgettable experience that will be a memory in your life. While you were finishing your last cigarette, you stare at Natasha who had her head all the way to the back of the bench; blowing out the smoke mindlessly. Her beauty was mesmerizing enough to make your stomach churn into this sense of need that you’ve never felt before. And the more you accept it, the more you’re not as scared.

What else would you be scared of, anyway?

—

“You smoke?” Lucy asked curiously while sitting down on a hammock that was hung in your room.

“Yeah,” you replied nonchalantly. “Why?”

Lucy drops her gaze at you and quirks an eyebrow, then chuckles afterward. “Nothing, I just never saw you smoke.”

Yeah, it’s because your mother gave me the first experience to smoke a fucking cigarette.

You sighed and leaned more against the hard wall; laughing quietly.

“Do you?”

“Do I what?” she mocks your tone while writing down in her notebook; her gaze never leaves it.

“Do you smoke, too?”

“I smoke weed, yeah,” she responded and let out a loud groan. “We should go shopping right now. Michael wants to take me on a special date later at night and your mom isn’t here so, sleep at my place. I don’t want you to be alone.”

You hate the thought of bothering someone who lives in that house and you’d rather stay at home than do that type of thing but what’s so good about it is that Natasha is there. She would want you there because once you step into their abode, that woman will bring you to her room and make love to you like it’s she means it.

So, you just nodded while finishing the cigarette between your lips. Quickly, you stood up and grabbed the air freshener that was on your vanity table and sprayed it all over the room to remove the thick smell of the cigarette. You can hear Lucy laughing quietly across the room and playfully, you rolled your eyes.

“Please don’t tell mom about this,” you pleaded but your tone stays the same. “I don’t want her to think I’m getting high or something…”

“Well, you aren’t technically,” she says. “Cover for me later? I might sleep with him tonight.”

“You said you’ll have dinner with him,” you said while remembering what Lucy mentioned before. You can hear a sigh coming out from her and she responded,

“I’m covering you from your mom so cover me too, bitch.”

You laughed, nodding, “Fine. But be home early, don’t want your mom going bonkers at me.”

She lets out a wheeze of laughter and turns to you, smiling like a dork. “Please, both of my moms love you. Especially mom, she seems to be very talkative whenever you're around. Probably because you remind her of youth or something.”

Lie. The reason why Natasha is so close to you is that she’s fucking you behind Maria and Lucy; which makes you seem like an awful, disgusting, slut. Which, again, may be you. But, you’re Natasha’s slut. She likes to think you’re her slut.

Lucy dropped you off quickly and told you once more to cover for her. Of course, as a good friend you are, you agreed and she left with no fear whatsoever. Between your personality with Lucy, she’s more outgoing than you are. You’re more of an owl; you’re kind of an introverted person, but if someone ever gives you a chance to do something daring, then you might as well take the opportunity – although you would have hesitations before that.

As quiet as a sloth, you were back at reading the novel that you left unfinished. It is 11 at night and your sleep paralysis starts to take over your body. You noticed how quiet it was around the house – almost as if no one was there. But, apparently, Maria was away for work while Natasha was left all alone in this big house she has. Currently, she’s upstairs in her room and unfortunately, you’re a wuss. You begin to wonder if she knows you’re here, probably not, and that made your heart sink, realizing that you will only have limited time with her due to the situation that is at hand.

You were about to fall asleep when you heard the creaking sound from the door and it made your eyes wide open at the sight of the woman standing right in front of your glory.

“I didn’t know you were here,” she says while taking a seat at the edge of the bed but so close to you that you can feel her. “I’m assuming my daughter is out with her boyfriend?”

You nodded slowly and pulled the blanket near to your face. Natasha sighed.

“That’s okay,” she beams and looks at you with the knowing smile that she always uses whenever you’re with her. Then, she hovers on top of you and pulls your back until you bottom down on her lap. Natasha hums in satisfaction and pushes her lips against yours; full of want and desperation. Full of need and adoration. You can hear her whisper in seduction,

“I was just watching those naughty videos you sent me, princess. You’ve made me wet.” She grabs your wrist and places the palm of your hand on her covered cunt, emphasizing how aroused the woman was. She was, in fact, so wet that you could feel it through the clothed core.

“Tasha…”

“Detka,” she whispers hotly on the roof of your mouth and brings her hand slowly upwards to your waist. You wanted her this badly but for some whatever fucked up reason that succumbs your mind, your hands pushes on both of her shoulders softly and her eyes lingered towards you; asking what was wrong.

“Baby?”

“Tash,” you tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled with no teeth. “Can we take it slow? I just wan’ feel you tonight.”

She looks at you with uncertainty then quickly shakes her head and nods, smiling back at you.

“Of course, my little dove.”

The woman wasted no time reclining her lips back at yours, making you let out the tiniest moan. Natasha can feel herself getting more worked up whenever you would make the littlest sounds – it was infuriating. In a good way. She brings both of her hands to cup your cheek so softly and deepened the heated kiss with her tongue sliding through swiftly. As soon as your tongues met, you were completely lost in translation.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” Natasha whispers hungrily and stands up while bringing your legs around her waist. You hold on tight while the woman brings you upstairs to the master bedroom until you can feel the mattress dipped within your body. She opens your legs slowly – trying not to hurt you in the slightest – and hovers you again with her muscular arms that were between your head. Leaning down, she kisses your cheeks chastely and smiles when you hitch your breath from the slightest peck.

“Gonna be a good girl for me tonight?” she asked with a teasing tone. You nodded frantically, pressing your toes deep into the mattress to control that sensational feeling that was between your legs. The woman above you stares at you for once and brings her lips back to yours; letting her control your body.

The feel of her lips weighs on you in a certain way that makes you feel this kind of spark that was igniting inside of your beating heart. Or your throat. Her hands were finally maneuvering to the side of your torso until she slips it inside your shirt, trickling her fingers all the way up to your uncovered breasts and squeezing them slightly; making her let out a breathy moan that was inside of your mouth.

“Oh god,” you pulled away with a whisper and put your hips up against her, suddenly feeling all needy and whiny.

Her lips traveled down to your jaw until to your neck, nibbling at it softly while her hands were going back down to your body until she could feel the hem of your shorts. She looks back up with her hooded lusted eyes and asked, “Can I?”

You nodded, “You don’t need to ask.”

Then, she smirks darkly, sending a chilling feeling through your bones.

Natasha leisurely pulls down your red cottoned shorts, leaving her breathless once your laced pink underwear is glorified within her eyes. You can hear her panting – see her smiling at the sight that she could possibly eat. Not even a minute later, her lips were finally back onto your parched mouth as she ruts her core against yours, making you pull away with a strangled moan that you let out.

“Make those pretty sounds for me, baby girl,” she begged utterly. You nodded, continuing to grind back with her as you felt the intensity of her nipping on your neck. Not long enough, your shirt is discarded while the woman tries to take off her own underwear with struggling hands. She was so aroused that there were some difficulties taking off her own panties and quickly you helped her, kissing her pelvis while pulling it down with ease; Natasha moans in a guttural way.

“Fuck,” she chuckles rather deeply. “I’m so horny right now.”

The woman slightly pushes you back down on the bed and continues to ravish her shaky hands all the way down to your hips, claiming it possessively. At this point, your mind has shut down in the way that Natasha kisses your stomach while whispering, “You are such a good little girl, all for me to use.”

What gets you so worked up is how this woman knows how to talk – especially when it comes to sex. Heated sex. Her words were so filth and praising that you could never ever get enough of them. She’s like a whole package deal. You gasped lightly when you felt her tongue lathering all over your folds, her nose pressed flatly against your clit, and whispering,

“You taste so good, little one. Got mommy all wet when I’m eating this tiny pussy,” she presses open-mouth kisses all over your open folds, letting out a humming vibrating sound while her tongue worked all the way down to your hole that seemed so small. You pushed your hips forward – needing more friction – until you can feel the woman’s hand inside of your thigh, slapping it gently that electrifies your entire body system.

“Be a good girl, sweetheart,” she demands with her innocent dark tone. “You have no idea what I can do to you. How much I will devour you right at this moment. All you have to do is lay back and beg, detka. Beg for mommy’s fingers.”

—

You caught Natasha staring.

Again.

For the fifth time today.

And god may never forgive you, but you loved it. It makes you feel excited and the attention given is unstoppable.

You were currently chopping off some carrots that Natasha asked you to do since she’s making soup for everyone in the house. Of course, you wanted to help the woman out. So, you followed her simple order and grabbed the nearest kitchen knife you could get.

The woman, who was leaning against the doorway, has her dark forest eyes gazing at your body like some perverted creep. As your bare legs were exposed, Natasha couldn’t help but think of a scenario where you had your legs wide open while she kisses your collarbone like some hungry animal; eating its prey. Her lips would trail up to your ear and whisper the filthiest words that she could never stop saying. You were at her mercy, her hands were all over your back while thrusting her strap inside of your tight hole that it was impossible to fit.

She finally realized what she was thinking of and stopped it immediately before her possessive side could come out any time soon.

“I heard you’re talking to a boy,” Natasha said with decency, even though jealousy was flaming through her veins.

“Oh,” you stopped cutting the last piece of carrot and huffed. You were talking to this boy last night and he was a great help with distracting you from Natasha because every day, it seems like you couldn’t stop thinking about her. His name is Peter.

“Oh?”

You chuckled lightly then continued slicing the carrot with your knife. “Yeah um, I guess you could say that.”

She hummed and took a step – leaning against the counter with her lower stomach. Her eyes never fail to leave you. Natasha says, “So it’s a date?”

So many questions. You thought to yourself randomly.

“I guess so.”

“You have to stop saying that,” she replies in such a serious tone – your body flinching from it. “Now tell me, are you?”

“I’m sorry, but that’s totally none of your business,” you say and take a step back, realizing what you have just said. Her eyes hardened by your monotone and dangerously walked towards you, her hands finding their way to your wrist and pinning it back down behind you over the counter. She leans close to your face and presses her lips against yours harshly – making your eyes roll back at her suppleness.

She grumbles into the heated kiss and brings her hand to your cheek to hold it steadily. You pinch your eyes together when her spit seeps inside of your mouth; moaning at its taste. Natasha pulls away and looks at you with her slightly hooded eyes, her forehead pressing against your sweaty ones.

You bit your bottom lip hard, feeling the fear of being caught at this scene where your best friend’s mother was cupping your face. It felt wrong, terribly, yet it felt right somehow. It’s like the universe planned this whole scene to happen. You hate to admit that you liked the way she kissed you, the way she shoved her tongue down in your throat like some barbaric human being.

“I–”

“Don’t go out with him,” she whispers breathlessly. “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I met you.”

“Natasha–”

“Let me finish,” she sterns, pinning you harder against the cold marbled counter. “You think this is wrong, right? Well, I don’t. I think it was destined for you to meet me as I was destined to meet you. You make me so fucking crazy, Y/N. It’s not just about your looks, you’re fucking beautiful and breathtaking but…”

“But what?” you couldn’t help but ask with a timid, breathy tone.

“I think you’re mesmerizing and whenever you are near me I can’t help but think that I want you. I want you, so fucking bad. I need you.”

She wasted no time but to bring her lips back at yours, moaning uncontrollably when you accidentally bumped your teeth together as you tried closing your legs. But, Natasha was in the way and she could possibly feel your heat radiating through you without even thinking, she cupped your clothed core and chuckled at how you were responding to her.

She kept kissing you, loving you on that counter until you came several times with her humping you like a dog in heat. She never once tried thrusting her fingers inside of you as it was too risky to do that in an open space.

That day, your relationship with the married woman began and there was absolutely no way out of it.

taglist: @sayah13 @santasbitch @bepisbeansprouts @sabstance-blog @cl-e @s1ut4nat @lostremind @comfy-mee @how-to-disappearr @when-wolves-howl @sapphosclosefriend @korekiyoss​ @aru-son​ (can’t seem to tag the others, so so sorry x)

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst #older!nat #black widow #black widow x reader #wlw blog #towseries #smut and angst #natasha romanoff

[gayerthanevertbh]

the last time masterlist.

summary: maybe i wasn’t so wrong after all with my past relationship with natasha. why else stop when i can go further? it’s my turn to be happy, it’s my turn to not feel scared this time. the consequences have passed, it’s all up to me to go home to her in open arms. (the continuation of the other woman series)   

warnings: major age gap, natasha romanoff x fem!reader, heavily explicit smut scenes along the way, heavy angst, cheating(ish) 18+!

spotify playlist | moodboard of each character (coming soon)

author’s note: oh my god part 2 of ‘the other woman’? yes. what you ask you shalt receive, indeed! i might be focusing on this story a lot since this is giving me a drive and the other woman was such a good series for me. i truly hope you enjoy my plans for part 2 and i just want to say there will be detailed smut parts and also heavy angst (i think) anyways, updating the first part soon!

part one

part two

part three

part four

epilogue

comment if you want to be in the taglist! <3

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #tltseries #natasha romanoff #black widow x you #natasha angst #natasha romanoff fanfic #black widow x reader #towseries

[gayerthanevertbh]

arcadia: one

takes place in “the other woman” & “the last time” series!

summary: after a year of despair, y/n has come to terms with her indecisiveness and guilt over her past “relationship” with the older woman. though her marriage is failing, she’s losing herself and mourns for the lost of her own first love. what she doesn’t know is that natasha sent her a letter that her husband has been keeping for over a year.

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI natasha “recovering” from alcoholism, angst, mentions of alcohol and cigarettes, older!natasha x young!fem!reader, and a broken marriage.

notes: this chapter is very short, but it will be longer in the future. enjoy!

navigation | series masterlist

I was only twenty-seven when I got married to Patrick. At first, I was in love with him. How could you not? He has these big blue eyes that stare at you forever and his ruffled brown hair that is so delicate and soft when you touch it. His teeth were small but attractive, his lips were thin – but kissable. I was so in love with him, or so I thought.

Or maybe I loved the idea of being in love with him because there was nothing else to escape from my love... my old love for Natasha.

One year into our marriage, everything has fallen apart. No, literally fallen apart. He was away most often, while I was at home, doing my work. I was still writing. In fact, I'm an editor-in-chief at Graham Magazine Inc. – which by the way, has been very gifted to me. Natasha used to always say I have great talent with my writing skills, especially in poetry. She liked hearing my stories and reading from my scrap notebook, kissing my head while telling me how I will be the greatest writer.

I have achieved that dream but I still left her. I don't know why. Why? Why must I leave? When will you come back to me? I don't know, Tasha. I don't know when or how I will come back to you, I just can't.

Maybe I was idle with the idea of being with her, or maybe I was too frightened to let myself be with her since everyone hated us together. I knew, from the start, that she was never the problem in our relationship. I was the one who kept leaving her, I was the one who left her hanging. I was the one who kept pushing her away. There's no excuse for my stupidity, yet I could not help myself. Something deep inside of me crawls up all the way to my neck until I'm suffocating, those are the guilts and indecisiveness that wouldn't leave me alone. It's more like they're haunting me, as I try to run away from them. And then once they leave me alone, the cycle of my depression creeps in.

Therapy doesn't usually help. Mrs. Luis has done her best to help me, yet it seems like her steps or bright advice never execute me. She wonders that as well, asking me: have you tried writing your story? Maybe you should do it again and I deliberately would, walking back home and opening my laptop, but I never touched my keyboard. I only stared at the blank screen on my laptop and realized I've lost all of my talents. Then, my smoking addiction will kick in and several hours later, I couldn't think of anything else but the meaning of love and acceptance. Why must I go on this path when I should've chosen her instead? Why have I gone imprudent and unwary? Stupid me, stupid you.

Hours later, I'd be falling asleep with my ashtrays full of smoke dust.

"What food are you getting?" Patrick asked, his hand holding mine against the table as I heard the endless chatter from the crowd, but not to the extent where I lost my mind. It seems calmer than the last time I was here.

"Just the usual," I shrugged my shoulders, removing my palm away from his as I grabbed my phone instead. "I don't know what to really order, you know it would take me time to know what I'm gonna eat."

He sighs and drops his head. "Maybe we should change our routine."

"Haven't we been doing that lately?" lies. Neither of us has been doing it, not even myself. I guess I could say I've lost all the effort and the hope of idealizing my marriage with him.

"We pretend to do it," he responded with emphasis, his lips twitching from the cold air radiating the restaurant. "Look, I have another trip by the end of the week. Do you need me to send extra money to your bank account to shop for yourself?"

Here's the thing I loathe the most about him: he can be conceited and push his accomplishments to me until I've gone insane. He makes me feel like I can't do anything other than being this perfect little housewife for him, like this one episode in Gilmore Girls. Though, we're married. The show is fictional.

"I earn my own money," I say with an edge slightly in my tone, not looking back at him.

"But–"

"Keep your money," I stop him from speaking as I raised my hand, bringing the waiter to us. "I don't really go out, anyway. I'll probably just work and go to my therapist this week."

"Okay," he finally lets it go and scratches the back of his head. "Fine. I'll be packing at night."

"Awesome."

Terrific, even. I'm so happy for him! Seriously, I'm the proudest wife that could ever exist. Oh, he's so perfect. How could I hurt him? No. He hurts me, he's so self-absorbed that you'd find him sickening and boring. All he talks about is his wealth and body, which he manages to stay fit with after all these years. The Patrick I met was no longer with me, he died the minute I married this psychotic guy who grins like this one character from Gone Girl. That's right, Nick Dunne. He's exactly like Nick Dunne.

We went back home an hour later and he packed quietly, while I was on my laptop again – still trying to think what to write next. I thought about writing my "affair" with Natasha many years ago, but wouldn't that be too juicy? That's mostly the point, people love the thrill of that kind of romance. Other than that, it's something that hurts me until this day forward. After two coffees and three cigarettes, Patrick's luggage was by the door while fixing his beanie that he wears on this cold evening. As a wife, I stood up and gave him a searing kiss. He kissed me back, surprisingly. He doesn't kiss back much, but maybe this woke him up. What woke him up?

"Be good," he says, pecking my forehead. I nodded and leaped back to my room, not looking back when he left the house.

I poured my glass of water and looked at my emails, scanning if my boss had sent me more information that we are writing about this woman who has became a millionaire at the edge of seventeen. She must be so successful, then. I wish I was something like that myself.

But she thinks about writing to Natasha instead.

No. I can't relapse. I can't go through my old emails with her and pretend everything is back to normal, letting the woman be hurt again. I can't do that to her again, it would be too much burden and misery. But there's this pounding in my head that I should write to her, to know if she's doing okay or bad. Why should I care? She's no longer mine, I'm no longer hers. Plus, I swore to Patrick that I'll love–

Out of impulsiveness, I sat back by the foot of the bed and grabbed my laptop, laying it on my lap. I still remember what her username was, but I have no idea if she still uses it as her main. Either way, it's now or never.

I shall type that I miss her and I love her.

No. I can't.

I caught a glimpse of the clock ticking on the wall and decided to count a minute before I wrote something down. If I don't decide within sixty seconds, I will never write to her again. I will force myself to forget her email username and possibly throw everything away. Thirty seconds in, and I haven't decided. Thirty left. Why is it going so fast? I looked at my computer and typed out her name, not naming the subject. Should I be anonymous? No, that's stupid. I shake my head in my foolishness.

Ten seconds in.

Fuck!

I didn't give it another second and typed a word. Hi. I know that's something I shouldn't send, but knowing my younger self, I know Natasha would receive that kind of message from me.

I let my fingers maneuver the keyboard instead, not caring if there are any errors – which I hardly doubt that there will be – and clicked send.

Natasha was on the road to recovery from her alcohol addiction, but that never happened. She knew she had to stop someday, but alcohol seems to be her long time friend and a companion ever since her lover left – again. Was she sick of it? Most likely, she was. Did she ever stop loving her? Never. There's always going to be a spot for Y/n in Natasha's heart, there was no way for her to stop loving a girl with whom she thought she was destined. She was a draught from her life, especially from her daughter whom she never spoke to again after being exposed, twice.

She knew it was better that way, she'd rather have her daughter hating her than be around her that could ruin her life as well.

The redhead bought two more boxes of can beers and placed them on the dining table, seeing Clint on the patio with a beer in his hand, his dog named Lucky by his side. At first, Natasha opposes him from staying at her house. But whenever her best friend was around, her thoughts of being in love with Y/n have been a blurry memory instead. Not in a literal sense, but at least she doesn't think about her much.

Her alcohol addiction is still something she can't let go of either.

"I bought more beers." she states aloud, walking to the patio and grabbing a thin cigarette from his package on the table. He turns to her and sighs with a shake of his head. Clint was merely disappointed, he knew that his friend would never beat the alcohol addiction.

"You gotta stop drinking, Nat."

Now, she scoffs. Why was he saying that now?

"Don't be a hypocrite."

"This is the only beer I have."

"And you're telling me to stop?"

"Natasha," he says his full name with an edge, his body fully turning to look at her more. He knew, somehow, that Natasha was miserable with her life. No wife, no daughter, and no Y/n. In translation: she's all on her own with no one by her side. Another translation: Natasha is an alcoholic and needs to see a therapist. But he couldn't form those words in his mouth, he could never tell her that. Continuing, he says: "I understand that you're hurt. But it's been over a year now, you gotta let it go."

How can she let go when Y/n was near? How can she let go when she's still breathing? Especially after all those years, she couldn't throw it away as if it was a forgotten memory. Natasha only looked away with shame and opened a can of beer instead.

She was stubborn like a little kid.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can–"

"No, I can't," she cuts him off with a broader voice, her eyes piercing at the plant across from her. It was a pink rose that reminded her of Y/n, but Clint doesn't have any idea about that. She wouldn't tell him. She pinched her nose bridge and continued, "I can't let go, I'm sorry. I know I'm being extremely childish, but I can't stop loving her. Not... not when I'm still alive. You have no idea what she is in person, she's like a petal that you aren't able to touch. She's delicate and wonderful, you'd honestly believe that she's surreal. I-I can't let go, I can't."

He didn't glower or step back, but instead wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder and pulled her into this warm hug. She clings to him, sobbing on his chest as she mourns for her love. She wished – deeply wished – that she picked her instead, Natasha knew very well that she would take care of her girl. Why wouldn't she? Why would her indecisiveness take over her? She can only mourn and wonder why, she can only smell the rose and reminisce about her last breath with her.

She walks back to her room, Clint leaving the house with his dog. Finally, she thought while getting into bed. Retrieving back from her laptop as she does some of her work to keep her away from her thoughts.

The redhead sees an unexpected message from someone, and she knew immediately who it was from. Y/n, it's Y/n. I know it is. The email name is obvious. She thinks and tapped on the message – her heart completely stopped beating. Somehow, she felt parched. Somehow, her world is beginning to color, but she can't hope. She doesn't know what she'll read.

She's frightened.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Hey, Nat. It's me, Y/n. I think you can tell from my email name, haha. I have this strong feeling that you no longer use this email anymore but I'd rather have it drafted instead of you reading it. But if somehow you are, then there's no turning back.

I'm sorry for everything. I know that it's too late to apologize now, but I am very sorry. I don't know how I can repay you for my stupid actions and my indecisiveness, but I'm very sorry Nat. I can't say I was younger then, because I'm still young right now, but there's just no excuse. I've left you many times, I understand that you resent me, but I hope that someday we will be able to talk about this.

Let me know, goodnight.

- Y/n.

Natasha almost dropped her cigarette between her fingers when she read the whole email. After a year of herself sending letters to her house, the love of her life decided to give her a message. Does she know what I've sent her? Has she read them? Please, God, please tell me she has. Natasha hoped in her head and closed her eyes, letting a roll of tears come down from her eyes.

After all this time, Y/n still has this great love for her – and it will never waver away, just like the ocean. She relishes the feeling of this desire and happiness and continues to cry for joy. What sort of disappoints her is that she called her Nat instead of Tasha where she calls her that nickname most of the time. Where is the "I love you"? When can I say I love you more? Am I thinking too fast?

Without even thinking, she writes back to her and sends it with hope.

I never thought you'd talk to me again. I thought you might've forgotten about me and have a life without even knowing how I am. How are you? How's everything? Are you working? I know I'm asking a lot, but it's been a year, has it?

Please don't worry about it, Y/n. It has been done. Yes, I was hurt, really hurt, but I can forgive you. I can't say I will forget, but I will forgive. I'm so glad you've reached out to me! I would like to see you soon, how about tomorrow? At Benny's? It used to be your favorite bar before you left for London. It feels like yesterday. Respond to me as soon as you can.

- Tasha.

The redhead knew giving the hint of her nickname "Tasha" was too fast, but she couldn't help herself either. From then on, she decided to completely stop drinking and move forward – with her this time. Natasha promises that there's no way for her to just give up like that, but she doesn't like the idea of chasing her. She has done that too much, it's time for Y/n to chase her back.

There are no reasons to rekindle a relationship that was there long ago, but to Natasha, there was always a reason. She knew that Y/n would always come back to her, but not in a manipulative way. It's more of as if it's expected. The thought of holding her face between her hands and touching her again was something she was most utterly excited about.

Natasha dips her head back into the pillows and calls it a night.

how are we feeling about this?

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst #black widow x reader #black widow x you #arcadia series #towseries #tltseries

[gayerthanevertbh]

the other woman - natasha’s perspective.

pairings: best friends mom!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: natasha reminisces about the love that she has for you, and how much she wants to hold you in her arms again like a little kid. but, it was childish. foolish. this is her perspective with her long love for you.

warnings: heavy angst like really heavy angst, talks about alcohol, mentions of depression, mentions of smut (but briefly), let me know if there’s more. 18+!

author’s note: i know that this series has ended, but it also needs a closure to natasha’s perspective. it’s very shocking and hurtful, so i’m so sorry.

series masterlist || masterlist

“Everything’s fine with me, I promise.”

When I winked at her and left, I could feel the embarrassment that was heating up on both sides of my cheek. I tightened my throat, gripping my fisted hands and releasing them as I could feel so much tension that was building up inside of me. It wasn’t an awkward encounter. In fact, I was very glad to meet my daughter’s best friend who has been there for her ever since she got into that school. Y/N was a sweet girl, I know she was sweet – I don’t have to know her that much to say that she was. I went back to the kitchen and poured myself a rich red wine inside of my wine glass, swirling it slowly as my eyes tried to find the girl with that I just have interacted.

“Where the hell were you?” Maria, who supposedly is my wife, is scolding me once again. Our marriage fell almost a year ago and we’ve tried hard enough to save it. I’m pretty sure that my love for her was gone like it poofed out. Maybe hers as well, I couldn’t care less.

The only reason why we were still married is because of the company together that we have built, we didn’t want it to go to waste. Somehow.

“I was in the bathroom.”

“Smoking again?” Maria scoffs at me, shaking her head but then smiles at me with a fit of seething anger. I know she was angry, but I didn’t really care much. “Natasha, this is your daughter’s fucking graduation party.”

“And you invited our friends from work here?” I responded, turning my body so that I could look her in the eyes. She was a little taller than me, but I had to act like I was the one who is more capable in this relationship somehow. She was being a bitch. “She didn’t want this.”

“How do you know what she wants?”

I looked at my surroundings to see if anyone heard her raised voice. Then, I looked back at her and sighed, saying: “Lower your voice. You still know that this is a party. Now please, leave me alone.”

I saw Y/N again fifteen minutes after our interaction. She was on the patio with Lucy, they were drinking sparkling water or something but my eyes were glued to hers. I could feel my heart thumping repeatedly and loudly as I feared myself being caught by her. I was behind the doorway from outside and stared at her face, she was beautiful. Endless and perfectly beautiful. She doesn’t laugh pretty often – usually, she just smiles and nods. But, I find it amusing the way that she smiles. I could feel my mouth curving a smile too whenever Lucy would tell her a nonsensical joke – Y/N laughed, but not too loudly. And when people started to monopolize my time, I began to waver my eyes from her.

I started to think about whether I was a pervert or not. I knew that Y/N was Lucy’s age, but I still had to really think about if I was being a creep. If I was going to be honest, after she went home that night – I searched for her name on social media and nothing popped up. Well, one account actually. But it was private. Then, I realized how much I was being a stalker so I stopped and continued on with my night. Maria slept beside me, but we never cuddled. I was faced at the wall and thought about Lucy’s friend all night. It was a lovely interaction.

The second time I saw her, was during this quiet summer in Italy that Maria planned. When we talked about the vacation, I was bolted with surprise and a seep of joy when she said Y/N was going. I remember vaguely well that I was in the bathroom, and couldn’t stop blushing from the fact that she was going to be with us for the whole month or something. But, I tried to stay normal and told her that it was a splendid idea.

But my fascination with her just grows whenever I see her in our little house at that time. I once helped her move this box of apricots inside her room and how much she thanked me for it. I sometimes brag about my durability whenever it comes to these things, I couldn’t help it. So, I smirked at her and said it wasn’t a huge problem. As I remember, I caught her blushing, and when that happened – my mind was swirling about her throughout my night of being in a separate room with Maria. I drank and thought of scenarios with her where I get to touch her hand for the first time or when I get to see her laugh at my stupid jokes. I was having a silly crush, and I was thirty-eight for Christ's sake.

But a crush wasn’t that harmful, right?

                                                    —

In the heat of summer, somewhere in June, I was sitting on the same bench with Y/N – smoking cigarettes with each other. I offered her one, even though that was kind of a bad influence on me. But, she gladly took it and smoked with me for a while. We both talked about how beautiful Italy was and if there were any tourist spot to visit at. I told her not to visit those places because they were too overrated. Y/N would laugh and say that I was being picky, but I wasn’t. It was simply overrated.

“How long have you been married to Maria, if you don’t mind me asking?”

There was guilt in the pit of my stomach when she asked me that question. I could feel my face being pale, but it was not noticeable – thank god – and leaned against the back of the bench with a long sigh. I shook my head, threw the used cigarette on the ground, and turned my head to look at her. Bad mistake, she was intoxicating.

“Ever since Lucy was born,” I tell her, smiling. “Although we are going through some problems right now.”

Her body deflates – wishing that wasn’t her reaction – and slumped herself on the bench. She looks up and mutters, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

It was adorable when she asked me that, I couldn’t help it. The guilt was still there, but it slowly faded away when both of our hands were approximately near each other. With one little inch, I got to hold that hand for the first time. But, I maintained myself to be a good saint and responded with a kind tone.

“It’s okay, detka.”

I know I shouldn’t have called her that, but I was merely hoping she won’t understand what that word means. Maybe in the future, I’ll let her know. But for now – I just want to reminisce about this moment of us being in this scenery where we just don’t talk and enjoy each other’s company. I only knew her for a bit, but I could feel myself being closer to her. All the fucking time.

When evening occurred, Y/N and Lucy were setting the table while I was bringing out the steak that I had freshly cooked. Maria was still in the shower, which sometimes takes a while. And I was fine with that because I get to be a little closer to her while my wife is upstairs. I looked behind me and saw them talking, but I don’t know what the conversation was about. Neither the less, I didn’t want to intrude so I placed the steak in the middle of the table and made my way outside to get fresh red wine that was in the cooler.

Finally, after it seemed like forever, we were all at the table – talking. But, I wasn’t speaking a lot. Maria and Lucy were sharing this quiet place that we should all visit, but I didn’t want to go. I liked being at home where I could read my classic books and smoke a little but if Y/N was going, it might be a reconsideration.

“I’d love to go Mrs–I mean Maria,” Y/N says, correcting herself. She smiled sheepishly and took a mouthful of the steak inside her mouth, chewing it slowly. I hope she likes it, I just sort of want to impress her – god, what was wrong with me?

“It’s a lake,” Maria responded, drinking from her wine glass. “A small one. I think we should take a swim unless you and Lucy want to be alone.”

“Oh, I think we should all do it,” Lucy says, smiling brightly. “Mom, you should come this time. Please?”

I couldn’t say no to that, I wanted to spend more time with my daughter because I was so held back in work whenever she was alone for a while at that time. I get to spend time with Y/N too since she’ll be joining them. So, I nodded and smiled tightly.

“Sure,” I responded, wiping my mouth with the tissue that was on the table. I looked at Y/N with longing eyes and for some reason, she looked at me back with the same eyes I was giving her. Then, I realized I was blushing a little but never left my eyes on her. I added, “I hope I can find my swimming suit in the bag.”

The next day, we were at a small lake, swimming and drinking a nice cold soda. And throughout that day – my eyes and body were to Y/N. She looked beautiful in that one-piece red polka-dot swimsuit, I was stunned and mesmerized by her beauty. When she jumped and screamed, I swore to myself I’ll catch her; but it would be too obvious. Maria and Lucy would give me a skeptical eye, so I just stood there without even getting to hold her for once.

Maybe I was being a creep, although I never had those thoughts. I simply just wanted to hold her, maybe even peck her head if I was allowed. What was I thinking? It wouldn’t be okay to have that kind of action, she’ll seriously find me an awful individual. But, we’ve been having these longings and wanting stares that I’m convinced that she wants me.

I just need more time.

                                                    —

It was the day before we got to go home where I was staring at her again. Although this time, she has caught me. We were in the kitchen while I was admiring her quietly. She was cutting the carrot, slowly. I can sense that she was not a cook since the way she cuts the carrots was too stiff and too slow – which was fine, she was still learning. I sighed, remembering that she was talking to this boy that I don’t even know who it was. Of course, I didn’t know him. Why would she share those things? Anyway, I was a little upset by it.

I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn’t help myself.

“You’re talking to a boy.”

She turned, looking at me curiously, and nodded – in an obvious matter. She responded quietly; almost timidly: “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Y/N nods again and chuckles, which makes my stomach turn into knots that were almost making me vomit. Was she even interested in this guy? Was he worth it? Thoughts of them dating and holding hands swirls in my head – to the point that I’m about to have a headache. I wasn’t possessive, I never was. But, she was special to me. For the past month, all I’ve done is just flirt with her in a joking matter and I think she knew that. Although, it would be too embarrassing if she said something aloud during that kind of conversation. So somehow – I was hoping she doesn’t understand my flirtations.

“Yeah um, I guess you could say that.”

I took a step closer to her until her back was pressed against the countertop while I caged her with both of my hands on her side. I looked down for a second, remaining my thoughts, and looked back up at her and whispered close that she could feel my warm breath.

“So, it’s a date?”

“I guess so.”

“You have to stop saying that,” I responded, feeling my voice a little deeper than before and clicking at the back of my teeth. I can see the way her body flinches, but my other hand was on her hips now – holding her steady. She knew my sudden action and bites down her bottom lip, which makes me even more insane because right now I want to kiss the fuck out of her. “Now tell me, are you?”

“I’m sorry but that’s none of your business.”

I pulled her in and our lips mashed together in such rhythms – like a melody. She sighs into our kiss and I hold her just there, tilting my head to get more access to her mouth and once I slipped my tongue inside of her, god I was in love. She was warm all over my tongue, I was utterly obsessed. I never knew a kiss like this would make me feel these thousands of feelings inside of me that want to be lashed out.

I pulled away and pressed my forehead against hers as I could hear Y/N panting and holding my wrist that was holding her cheek. I whispered, “Don’t go out with him.”

“Natasha–”

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I’ve met you,” I cut her off, feeling my voice trembling from the sudden confession. But, I was here. I needed to tell her how much she truly compels me, I wanted to love her. I wanted more from her. “You think this is wrong, right? Well, I don’t. I think it was destined for you to meet me as I was destined to meet you. You make me so fucking crazy, Y/N. It’s not about your looks, but how much you make me feel these types of things that I haven’t felt ever since I married Maria.”

She gulps, looking at me sincerely. “Is that how you really feel?”

“Yes.”

Maria and Lucy were currently at the seafood market and thank god for that because then, I get to kiss her with more passion and desire without even fearing that someone will catch us. This was adultery, I knew that. But my marriage is long gone. Way too gone before I even met Y/N. I held her lower back as I nip on her bottom lip, asking her silently to open her mouth. We kissed until we couldn’t breathe anymore.

For a few days, I’ve been sneaking inside her room and kissing her endlessly. I could remember her giggling, asking me to stop. And I would never do it anyway. We spent a few minutes cuddling, talking about if we wanted to go to the local’s site in Italy. But, I would deny it – because I knew better places than the local area. She would tease me and say: you are such a pooper and I would just kiss her to shut up. And when that ends, I would have to leave and be with my wife again.

It went on like that.

                                                     —

“Do you really want to do this?”

We were alone for the whole night in my house, Lucy was sleeping back in her room while Maria was away from work. We were making out heavily on my bed where I accidentally touched her boobs without her permission. I almost freaked out because of it. I didn’t want her to feel like she was being forced. But gladly, she told me that it was fine and kept kissing my jaw.

“You’re all I think about when I have my first time,” Y/N whispered, almost making a moaning sound. Oh god, if she did that I might go crazy. I nodded, pressing my eyebrows together and bringing her body closer to me as my hips mingled with hers. I thrust upwards, watching her squirm and she did. I love it.

“Yeah?” I cooed.

“Yes,” she nods frantically, grabbing my hands that were on her chest, placing them on her heated core that I could feel. I groaned, closing my eyes as I fantasized about licking her folds up, making her crazy. “Please, take me.”

I took her as she wanted me to that night. I was so gentle with her, it was like taking care of a precious diamond that was so important, and she was that diamond. How much I loved it when she squeals my name or how her body was squirming underneath me. I couldn’t help myself but bite her neck, allowing myself to become obsessed with her aura. I was in love with her body, that way, especially since I was her first. I never want a man or a woman to take her away from me, I couldn’t bear to see it. She was my rose, my petal. I was her light, her path.

She panted under me and was squeezing my biceps when I made her come endlessly with three fingers inside of her swelling cunt. I was crying, happily. I never thought that making love to someone would be this special – after years of no sex. It felt like I was a whole new package once I gave myself to her, she ate me like a meal. I was clinging to her, my lips were all over her chest as my hands were palming her ass. We made love, I know we did. There was nothing that could change that.

“Natasha?” Y/N calls out my name in a whisper, her head on my chest while I dance my fingers around her back. I hummed, pecking her head and I held her closer to me. God, she was so warm.

“Yes, my love?”

“What happens next?”

My body shifted from her question and I could sense the guilt and panic that she was having. I held her chin up with my thumb and kissed her on the nose; smiling at her softly. She looked fragile and so small that I felt like I took advantage of her when clearly that wasn’t the case.

“You and me,” I hold her hand tightly, but not to the point where I was strangling it. I kissed her knuckles, closing my eyes. She smiled, almost in a giggling matter, and kissed my knuckles back. “They won’t have to know. It’ll be our own world, sweet girl. Okay?”

“Okay.” Y/N smiles again and gives me a peck on the lips which I gently took. We both made out for a while, our tongues dancing together with such a beautiful squelching sound until I had to pull away when it got too aggressive. She pouts her lips, making me let out a strangled giggle, and stared into her mystic eyes so deeply that I could get lost in them.

I whispered close, “Tell me you love me.”

Y/N takes a deep breath and responds with a croaked voice, “I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

It felt reassuring when she said those three simple words – yet so heavy and meaningful. I knew from the moment that she said those things to me that I was stuck. I couldn’t help but fall in love with her hopelessly. But, I also knew the consequences. At this point, I didn’t care. When she’s here, I feel alright. I’ll take care of her, I’ll prioritize her. She’s mine as I was hers.

“I love you more, I promise.”

                                                           —

“She left.”

I knew that Y/N was leaving this evening. It was swelling inside my heart, breaking it until I may have lost my breath. Before she left – possible for good – we had a conversation. Well, more like an argument that ended very badly. She left me without looking back, telling me that she can’t ruin my family. I knew that, and I understood why. But I was hoping that maybe something inside of her would change her mind and just turn back.

She never did, she kept walking until I could no longer see her.

Being heartbroken by a teenage girl was childish and foolish. I knew better, I was an adult. She was a young and a beautiful adult, I was rotten. It helps me wonder if she ever wanted to just turn back and kiss me, make it work somehow. Although, I was not fond of the idea of long-distance relationships. But I was going to try for her, I wanted to do everything for her. Although she manipulates my time with my family, not in a bad way. This time, I had more time for Lucy. I wanted to give both of my favorite people so much that I could pull out my heart and give it to them.

“I hope she has a safe flight.” I replied, smoking in the midst of cold air on a dark evening. I turned my head, smiling at her – weakly – but it was not so vague. She smiled back and went back to her room, slamming the door shut.

I went back to my room and grabbed the nearest bottle of Jack Daniel’s and pour myself a glass that was already used. I drank from the rim of the glass, sighing painfully when I could remember her sweet voice that was ringing in the back of my head. Why on earth was I so dull about this? She’ll find someone else, she’ll love someone else.

I sat on the edge of the bed with a cigarette in between my fingers with a glass of whiskey on my head, swirling it with ease. I puffed out a thick cloud of smoke and sobbed violently. I haven’t cried like that in ages. The only time I cried was the time when Lucy got hurt in elementary school, where she got hurt from the ground – her knees swelling severely. I continued to sob until it became so hysterical that I had a feeling Lucy could hear it. Although, I didn’t care if she did. I had this emotion that was building inside of me that I could barely put into words.

“I love you more, I promise.” I whispered, my voice wavering and raspy as I continued to cry with agony and sorrow. “I swear, I love you more. You’re all I have…”

She was all I had. Lucy was enough for me, of course. But Y/N, she gave me that love that I always needed throughout my years of a fallen marriage. Whenever I would remember those glistening eyes, I could feel my heart thump in such joyfulness – until I remembered that she was gone. And then I realized how much stupidity I was feeling inside of me, it was creeping up until it hit my fucking skull.

After a couple of weeks, I’ve gotten worse. I didn’t go to work much, though that wasn’t a problem considering I only have to sign a few things and get a good amount of money from it. But, mostly – I’ve stayed in my big room where I imagine Y/N being in the same bed as me. I reminisce about the times when I would cuddle her, kissing her pretty head. She would giggle and tell me to stop, but I wouldn’t. Because you just don’t know when that’s going to stop and will never come back.

And then I realized how much more I needed from her.

“You have to tell me what’s going on, Natasha,” Maria was behind my back, her hands on her hips as she watched my fragile body heaving slowly. She sighs again, her fingertips pinching on her nose bridge. Adding, “You’ve been like this ever since–”

“I cheated on you.”

This made me turn around and look at her with tears in my red puffed eyes. I waited for her to react with anger or sadness, but nothing was showing up on her face – which was confusing me a little. Instead, she laughs audibly and nods; as if agreeing with my statement.

“I know, it’s with Y/N.”

Of course, she knew. Maria wasn’t stupid – in fact, she’s one of the smartest people I know. So, that relief of guilt washes out of my body and I could feel my body lifting again. I sighed with trembling breath and smiled defeatedly. I didn’t know what else to offer her, but a simple smile would be an apology; even though that was an ass move.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, whispering with a broken chuckle, flopping my hands on the side of my thighs. “I–I wasn’t–I don’t know, I’m in love with her Maria.”

“I know.”

I shake my head, laughing but not in a fond way, and whisper with sadness in me: “She’s the love of my life, I plan to marry her.”

Maria chuckles this time and crosses her arms, looking at me with kind eyes. I didn’t know that she was being nice about the whole situation, maybe she has learned to accept the fate that was on hand. Besides, we fell out of love years ago – it was not going to hurt like a bitch. She said, “You got a ring?”

I nodded, smiling brightly but with tears. When Y/N left, I remember making my way to the jewelry store and buying a small diamond ring that wasn’t screaming for attention. I looked at it deeply and knew it was something she was going to love. And at that time, I didn’t plan where or how the proposal will go – but with this ring, I knew I was going to marry her.

“Yes,” I whispered, my eyes staring at the drawer with the box of the ring inside it. “I’m ready to propose to her when she comes back.”

Maria nodded and smiled at me – giving me a soft squeeze on the shoulder. I know that was a reassurance of good luck or I hope it’s the right decision. It was right, I knew it was right. So, I gave her that look that says: it was the right decision and watch her as she leaves the house – with Lucy screaming at me. I comforted her and told her how much I loved her mother, but it was never going to work again. She nodded and understood me, and kept hugging me until she fell asleep in my arms. In these little things, I knew everything would work out. I had hope and sanity for it.

I just have to wait for her.

Then, I took care of Lucy when Maria wasn't there. I would kiss her forehead goodnight as if she was a little girl again. Though, I treat her like one. Because sometimes, they should feel like a little kid once in a while. I was affectionate mother, but not as materialistic as Maria. And whenever Lucy would talk about Y/N, my heart would ache until I would go back to my room and cry at night.

                                                 —

Dearest Y/N,

I love you. You’re my everything, I know you know that. We were together for so long but we were bound to be in this great guilt that was building inside of us. When I left the house because of our argument, I knew how much I was putting you in so much danger. Meaning, I know how depressed you are whenever we are together. I thought somehow that if we were together – for one last time, I could rest.

But it doesn’t work like that. We went through the same thing again, same guilt and same fights. You kept leaving me until I had myself crying on my knees, wondering how much I just wanted to run away with you. You know, when we were in Italy… it was the only time I was happy. I know how happy you are too. Remember when we talked about adopting a kid together? I kept dreaming about that. And whenever that would cross my mind, I couldn’t stop myself from blushing. I wanted everything with you, I wanted to be with you.

But we are dying, aren’t we – my love?

When I came back, you were smoking and I remember that we had a couple of cigarettes until you left for good. It’s been two years since I've seen you and now that you’re married – I just want to tell you how happy I am for you, Y/N. I know that you’re happier with Patrick, that sweet boy who took care of my girl when we both parted ways. I still envy him though.

I have been going on therapy, but it really doesn’t help me that much. Because no matter how much I vent to her, I could never get back to you. I could never hold you again or give you the sweetest kiss when you needed it. I miss you so much, I miss you. I love you. I love you. I love you. You’re my life, my everything. Why did you go? I hope you get to feel those emotions again, you know it’s alright if you can’t. You’re a normal person, Y/N. The most special one out there, if I’m being honest. And I hope Patrick makes you special because you are my sweet girl.

Here’s the ring that I was going to give you. I planned to propose to you in Italy, but we were so caught up in how much time we lost so much time with each other. I planned so much but never did it. So please, take this ring and become my wife in another universe or whatever world we are in. I know that you’re happy, and I need to be happy too. Even though, it will never be you.

You’re my wife in my dreams, but a stranger in reality. Please, take care of yourself. I love you, Y/N. My sweet girl, my only world.

- Natasha.

PS: I love you more, I promise.

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