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#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes
sophiethewitch1 · 1 month
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in my hater era
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crypticspacecat · 2 years
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Prisoner Chapter I (Yan!Dr.KujoxBlack!Femreader)
Ngl, I'm not too sure how many chapters I want this to be lol. But I hope y'all enjoy!
Chapter II
Chapter III
Chapter IV
TW: Mentions of self-harm, disordered eating, and emotional abuse. A lot of mental illness-related things. It can be a little heavy ngl
Patient #32
Name: (F/N) (L/N)
Age: 23
Sex: F
Race: African American
Height: (Y/H)
Weight (Y/W)
Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Anorexia Nervosa
Assigned Psychiatrist: Dr. Jotaro Kujo
This isn't your first time at the rodeo walking down the hall. Since you were only 12 years of age, you were in and out of hospitals, fed pills daily. Appointment after appointment caused significant numbness, giving up all hope of living normally. However, this is a new doctor since your former doctor recently retired. Your curiosity peaks, wondering if this doctor will be any different from others you had to deal with. Hesitantly, you walk into the office to meet the new doctor. Inside, you see a man no older than 40. His uniform is quite different from other doctors, with his long purple coat, hat, and snakeskin pants making him stand out even more. Reading random papers on his desk, he finally looks up, acknowledging you.
"Ah, you must be (Y/N). Please, sit down." He says, gesturing to the two desk chairs. You sit down, trying to read this new doctor. His expression is unreadable, and his tall stature is almost intimidating. He sets the papers aside to give you his undivided attention.
"Well Ms.(L/N), it looks like you recently went through some trauma with a former romantic partner that caused you to self-harm. I know the change was sudden with the switching of doctors, and I apologize for that. I looked at the notes from your previous doctor and current therapist. Would you like to elaborate more on that situation?" He inquired, gazing right into your soul. Your heart almost stops, not wanting to relive your time with your abuser. You look down on the floor, lips glued shut.
"(Y/N), I can't help you if you don't tell me anything." He says, softening his tone. With your eyes still darting to the floor, you give a whispered 'ok..'.
"My ex was really controlling. They would isolate me from my friends cause they didn't like them, and they would get mad at me for posting "sexy" pictures on Instagram. It wasn't like a thirst trap; I would be wearing shorts or just a simple crop top. It didn't stop them from going off on me and ghosting me for about a week. I couldn't drink if they weren't there. I had to dress more modestly to keep them happy. They would even control what I eat and wanted me to be as small as possible. Whenever I would call them out, I would just be gaslighted repeatedly until I just started doing whatever they said and staying docile. Only for them to dump me cause my illness was "too much." Of course, that was a lie since I saw them with another girl on Facebook. I had a mild breakdown and started cutting myself. I'm not a danger to myself. I just had a moment."
"According to your history, you've had a lot of these moments."
"But this time-"
"As your doctor, I don't feel comfortable sending you home." You feel the blood pumping in your veins, not wanting to go to that damn hospital again. 
"Especially since you live alone with easy access to sharp items and medications." Dr. Kujo continues sternness coating his voice, making you sink into your seat.
"I know they usually send you over to St. Mary, but I personally don't care for that hospital. I'll be sending you to my private hospital, Speedwagon Psychiatric Hospital. The staff there has a lot more experience with patients and are a lot more professional to deal with." He explains, starting to dial the phone.
"Hi, this is Dr. Kujo. I'm requesting medical transportation for my patient for a transfer to Speedwagon Psychiatric Hospital. The patient in question is (Y/N) (L/N). Ok, sounds good. Goodbye." He said before hanging up the phone. He then turns to you, now your eyes connected with his.
"Transportation will be here in 15 minutes. For now, it's best if you stay here." He said. Dr. Kujo then gets up and walks over to you, mildly confusing you. Almost in a millisecond, you feel a calloused hand rub your shoulder. You freeze in fear, unsure how to react.
"I have a daughter around your age. When her mother and I divorced, it was really hard on her. She started acting out and getting into legal trouble. I tried to get her the help she needed, but I've dealt with so many unprofessional doctors and therapists I decided to open up a hospital with her in mind. A lot of these hospitals only care about profit, and it's sickening. I promise you, you'll get the adequate help you need." He said. You look into his turquoise eyes, feeling touched by his statement. He then slightly caresses your cheek before returning to his desk with a slight smile. You can't precisely process the action; not sure what to say.
'Maybe he was just in the moment.' You thought to yourself, brushing off the interaction. Looking out of the office window, you hope to the universe that he is serious about helping you.                        
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werewolfdays · 5 years
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Getting Familiar
this is basically a part 2 of this cause I can’t resist talks like this-
I was starting to get a little stir crazy in Nadya’s apartment on my own. With my injuries, I knew I couldn’t exert myself too much. Exercise was out of the question. Plus, I was a fugitive, so I couldn’t even go out for a walk.
There wasn’t really much to keep me busy here. It was usually hard for me to have enough concentration to sit down and read a book, so even the wide variety of reading material wasn’t particularly helpful, though Nadya’s taste in literature was amusing. It was all across the board. There was everything from classic fantasy to science fiction to history to psychology and onward. It was like Nadya made her own tiny library. She seemed like the kind of person that really valued all forms of knowledge. I admired that. Was maybe even envious.
Sleep alluded me. This place was unfamiliar and anyone could walk through that front door at any moment. All I could smell was her. I still couldn’t decide if it was overwhelming or not. It wasn’t a bad scent at all. There was something comforting about it. The mix of autumn spices made me want to curl up by a fire, listen to the pattering of rain outside. It was just… everywhere.
Speaking of rain, I started to hear a few droplets hit the windows and soon a steady downpour arrived. I couldn’t let my guard down, but I could enjoy the rain at the very least. Rain was cleansing and calming. It settled some of my anxiety and allowed me to see things clearly.
The day went on forever, but eventually evening hit. Finally, Nadya came home. I nearly jumped when the front door opened. Nadya calmly placed her umbrella down in the stand by the door, shrugging off her damp rain jacket and hanging it on the hook.
Nadya blinked at me a few times when she turned and saw me. She probably hoped that she had imagined breaking me out of the hospital. But here I still was, right were she left me. ��How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” My curt reply was dismissive, “Was there any trouble?” I was half anticipating that I’d never see her again, either because she was killed or incarcerated. Most of the day was spent preparing for the worst case scenario to walk through that door. I had to admit that seeing Nadya made me feel incredibly relieved. 
She laughed nervously, “Well, they definitely noticed you were gone. I almost lost my job for negligence, but so did the others that were responsible for you. I played dumb, I’m pretty sure they don’t know it was me.”
“Is that all?”
“Some weird FBI looking guys came in asking for you.” Nadya began to fiddle with her hands nervously, “They were not happy, I’m pretty sure one of them was close to decking one of the officers that was watching you, but they eventually left.”
I let myself relax a little more. My main worry was the repercussions for the people in the hospital. They may have left without any bloodshed, but they were still in the area. Probably searching high and low for me as we speak. I really hope staying here wasn’t a mistake.
“How are your injuries?” Nadya asked, inching closer to me.
“I cleaned them earlier. Found bandages in your bathroom.” I knew it was probably a good idea to let Nadya treat me, but I was so used to taking care of my own wounds. Either way, they would heal.
“I can take a look whenever you want me to.” She offered. I noticed her eyes look me up and down. Even though I tried to clean myself up a bit so I would look less like an insane person, I knew I still must’ve looked a bit of a mess. I hardly ever cared about my appearance, but I started to feel slightly awkward under this girl’s gaze.
“Thank you.” I answered, shuffling over to the dining table to sit down.
Nadya nodded and disappeared in her bedroom. For a few minutes, I contemplated all of the areas they could be searching for me. How close they would get to here. If they would figure out where I was. Would I be able to protect both of us if they found this place? Nadya returned and sat down next to me at the small dining table, placing a small first-aid kit on the surface beside us. I was grateful that her presence distracted me from my fears.
“Can I, um…?” Nadya motioned to my hands and I realized she was referring to my wrists. They were bruised and the curve of my right wrist was cut where the handcuffs broke the skin. Not too deep, it was healing already, but I nodded in consent to Nadya examining them.
Nadya grabbed my hand, carefully turning it around to take in the bruises and the laceration. As she was assessing it, she glanced up at me, “Were the cuffs too tight or were you pulling on them?”
I shrugged, “Both?”
Nadya’s lips pursed and she looked at me more seriously, “You know, you only hurt yourself when you do that.”
Looking away, I nodded and clenched my jaw, unsure of how to explain the deep frustration I felt in that situation. “I just… hate hospitals.”
“Everyone hates hospitals.” she replied, treating the small wound on my wrist and I let her even though it wasn’t necessary. It would be completely healed within a couple days, if that.
“Well, I hate them.” the emphasis on the word hate was more than apparent.
She looked up again, pausing before she asked, “Did you lose someone in a hospital?”
“No,” I said hesitantly. It probably wasn’t a good idea to elaborate so I kept it vague, “It just reminds me of a place I spent some time in.”
A long moment passed as Nadya studied me quietly. Her brown eyes shifted all over my face and I realized she was noting my scars. Then she glanced down at my wrists. When her gaze met mine again her brow was furrowed thoughtfully, those warm eyes filled with deep concern. “Jayde, were you… kidnapped or something?”
My stomach dropped at her more or less guessing correctly. A small part of me wanted to tell her more, to confide in her. Nadya was surprisingly easy to talk to. Even though I barely knew her, I almost felt… safe. I knew she would never use any personal information I gave her against me. She’d proven as much so far. But she didn’t deserve me dumping any of my burdens on her. Not to mention that even if I did tell her, she would just have more questions. And the answers might put her in danger.
I remembered her hands still held mine when her thumb brushed against the bruise on my wrist. An absent minded motion, no doubt, but one that made our contact suddenly stand out. That with the look she was giving me felt… awkwardly intimate. Not in any particular way, it was just a human connection. She was reaching out to me. I was just so taken aback because this was something I haven’t experienced on this level in a long time. It made me feel odd so I pulled back.  
Nadya immediately retreated to give me space, “I’m so sorry, um, I didn’t mean- it’s none of my business.”
I shook my head, “No, no, you’re fine.” the last thing I wanted was to make her feel bad about it.
“No, that was out of line.” Nadya insisted, scooting her chair back even further.
“Nadya, really, it’s okay. It’s not you.” In an attempt to reassure her, I closed the distance between us and offered my wrist to her again.
She looked at me quizzically for a moment, then turned her attention back to my wrist. I felt better when Nadya started treating it again. Relieved even. Once she was done with my right, she reached for my left. I sensed that she wanted to say something else, but was hesitating. I was battling with the idea of whether or not to ask her when she spoke again, “You know, you can… If you ever wanted to talk about anything with me while you’re here… I won’t judge you or tell anyone.”
Being this close to her, I could sense her sincerity. I was grateful for the offer and even thought about accepting it, but I also knew I couldn’t. “You a psychiatrist too?” I asked, keeping my joke light so she wouldn’t get offended.
The smile she forced was a bit discouraging. “I actually did consider that.”  
“What made you choose the gorier version?” I asked.
“Because most of the time fixing physical injuries is easier than mental ones? More straightforward, I guess. You can’t stitch up trauma like a stab wound. When I can’t just fix a problem, it frustrates me. I don’t like feeling helpless.” Nadya finished treating my wrists and let me go, leaning back in her chair to look at me.
I felt a small pinch of disappointment in my chest at the loss of her touch. Her connection with me was more comforting than I realized. Maybe I could open up more. Just a little bit. “I understand that more than I want to.” 
Nadya gave me a sad smile and half-shrugged, “That being said, I do have a firm belief that no one is a lost cause. I want to be there for people in any way that I can. I always encourage them to talk because no one wants to be alone. No one wants to bottle their emotions up. At the end of the day, being heard and understood is what brings people together. It keeps us alive.”
Her words surprised me and I found her optimism refreshing. Maybe it was naive, but it was still refreshing. I wish I could believe in people like she did. Although, if I did, I wouldn’t be alive right now. That’s all optimism is. A dream. It’s nice to fantasize about, but a dangerous road to follow. At least it is for me.
Then, I thought of Nadya. Someone who took me at my word and helped me at great risk to herself. I scoffed at her blind trust in me, but I realized that I put blind trust in her. So far she hasn’t betrayed that trust and my instincts told me she wasn’t going to. I have never put this much faith in someone I hardly knew, and yet, I couldn’t fully convince myself that it was a mistake.
“What about you?” I asked. When Nadya’s eyebrow arched up in question, I continued, “You help everyone and you hear everyone, but who hears you?” There was a part of me that asked because I was curious about her social life.
Nadya seemed stumped by the question. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again, blinking in confusion. “I… don’t know.”
That confused me. Someone like Nadya, who dedicated her life to helping other people, was willing to risk everything to save innocents, at the very least deserved recognition and she couldn’t even think of a single person that gave her that. It was wrong. “Well… I’m here.”
Whatever Nadya saw in my eyes made her smile, “I have friends, it’s just, I’m usually pretty busy with school and work and- you don’t need to feel obligated with me, Jayde.”
“I want to hear you.” I told her truthfully.
Nadya stared at me for a really long time. I wasn’t sure if she noticed that she was doing it. There was a curious wonder in her eyes like she was trying to decipher my meaning. I held her gaze so she would know how sincere I was. In doing so, I found myself getting lost in her stare. Found myself taking in the finer details of her eye color, how the brown reflected the kitchen light. On impulse, my line of sight dropped down further for a split second. When I realized it, my eyes darted back up to hers. The blush that colored her cheeks confirmed that she noticed and I couldn’t stop my own face from flushing either.
I wanted to shake my head at myself. What was that about?
Nadya cleared her throat, finally looking away and breaking the silence, “Uh, do you want tea? I’m gonna make tea.”
“Sure.” I answered as she got up. Great, now you’ve made her uncomfortable.
I watched Nadya move around the kitchen to prepare the tea. While she was filling the kettle with water, she spoke up again, “Sorry, I’m not really used to… I don’t know, talking about myself I guess?”
“I’m a good listener sometimes.” I said with a small smile.
“I don’t even know what to say.” Nadya grabbed two mugs from the cupboard, along with a box containing tea bags, “I mean, what’s even worth saying?” She asked almost to herself, then showed me the box of tea, “Is chamomile okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I nodded. “Anything is worth saying if you want to talk about it.”
“I don’t know how many people would agree with you on that.” Nadya said with a crooked grin as she put tea bags in the mugs.
“Well, there’s no one else here so,” I shrugged.
Nadya laughed and nodded, leaning back on the counter while we waited for the waiter to boil. “Good point.” she thought for a few moments in silence, eventually asking, “Have you ever been camping?”
I smiled at all of the happy memories I had from camping with my family. Those moments also broke my heart if I thought about them too much. Still, I was grateful to feel that nostalgia, even if it was only for a moment. “Yeah. I love it.”
“Me too.” Nadya smiled, perhaps at her own memories, “It was something my parents did just for me. When I was really young they took both me and my brother, but Ruben hated it so it became just me and them. It was the only time I felt a real connection with them. I guess when we were home they had more important things that needed their attention, but when we were out camping they were finally focused on me.” Nadya scoffed at herself, looking at the floor and shaking her head, “God, that makes me sound so selfish…”
“You’re probably the most selfless person I’ve ever met, Nadya. Wanting attention from your parents doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.”
I could tell from the look she gave me that she wasn’t expecting me to say something like that. Nadya looked so surprised that I nearly asked her if she really thought I saw her as anything else. Anyone with common sense could see what kind of person she was which led me to believe that Nadya didn’t spend a lot of time with people who had common sense.
When she finally recovered Nadya gave me the sweetest smile that I’ve ever been given. I couldn’t stop the butterflies in my stomach from fluttering any more than I could stop the rain from falling. It felt good in the most innocent of ways. I wanted to make her smile like that again.
“Maybe you should be the psychiatrist.” Nadya joked.
I let out a sarcastic huff, “I’d only give people more problems.”
It was then that the tea kettle whistled. Nadya turned to take it off the stove, and again, I found myself watching her. Enjoying the simplicity of her motions as she poured the hot water into the mugs. It would be so simple to live like this with someone. So easy. To just talk and make tea and enjoy each other’s company. For the first time in my life I could actually… picture it.
That feeling was so unfamiliar to me and so jarring that I actually felt my throat tighten up. What the fuck, really? I cleared my throat and shook my head to banish the unwanted feeling before Nadya noticed.
She set my mug in front of me, sitting down and placing hers in front of herself. “There’s honey and sugar right here.” She told me, reaching for the small tray that was already on the table.
“Thanks.” I said, grabbing the sugar dish as she poured honey into her cup.
“If the doctor thing doesn’t work out, being a park ranger would be my next go-to.” the spoon made a gentle ting against her mug while she stirred.
I smiled at the thought, “Pretty safe fallback for you.”
“It would be cool.” Nadya agreed, “I’d love to work at one of those really big parks that are pretty remote, but only because I think that’s my best chance to see Bigfoot.” The corner of her mouth upturned in a sly smile and she looked up at me playfully.
I laughed, placing my spoon down on the tray after stirring the sugar in, “Bigfoot?”
“What, you don’t believe in Bigfoot?” She asked, making herself sound offended.
“I’ve spent a lot of time out in the wilderness and I’ve never come across any evidence.” Surely I would sense a creature like that. If nothing else, I would certainly be able to smell the beast from miles off if it existed. Big animals always reeked.
“Okay, then what about Mothman?” She asked and I laughed again, “The Jersey Devil? El Chupacabra?”
Each ridiculous name made me laugh more, hard enough that I had to clutch my wounded side while giggling through the pain, “Next, you’ll ask me if I’ve ever been abducted by aliens.”
“Have you?”
“No, not by aliens.” I chuckled, taking a sip of tea.
“There’s got to be something that you believe is real.” Nadya refused to give up on the subject. “If not a cryptid, how about witches? Or vampires and werewolves?”
I smirked. Since I was one of those things, then why couldn’t the others exist, I guess? “Do you believe in witches, vampires, and werewolves?”
“Pretty much all myths and legends have a basis in reality. Maybe it isn’t as over the top as a man turning into a big furry monster when the moon is full and eating all his friends, but that idea had to come from somewhere.” Nadya said.
“Maybe it is as over the top as that.” I replied with a shrug, becoming amused by the inside joke I had with myself.
“You say that like you’ve met a werewolf.” She said with sarcastic suspicion.
“Maybe I have. Maybe you have and you just didn’t know it.” I was mostly poking fun, but there was a part of me that wanted to pull on that thread. To know what her reaction would be to the truth. I couldn’t do that to her, though.
“I don’t know if that’s disconcerting or not.” Nadya giggled. “I guess there’s no way to really know, huh?”
A keen observing eye might be able to tell. There were a couple times that seasoned hunters have spotted me without any other methods to confirm my nature. “I guess not.”
There were a few silent minutes that passed between us while we sipped our tea. The chamomile was surprisingly soothing, helping me finally relax a little after these stressful couple of days. Maybe it wasn’t just the chamomile that was putting me at ease…
My eyes drifted over to Nadya again. She seemed spaced out and I took the opportunity to study her. She was beautiful. Really beautiful. Obviously I was attracted to her, but for some reason it was hard for me to keep a level head about it. I really needed to get over that. Nothing could happen while I was here. That would be taking it too far, abusing her hospitality. Who knows if she would even be into that. Furthermore, I didn’t even want it like that, which was a new feeling for me. Nadya just… confused me.
Sensing my stare, Nadya’s gaze found mine again and her cheeks instantly colored. Shit, I was staring too long. Not wanting to draw too much attention to it, I downed the rest of my tea, despite it still being hot, and stood, walking over to place the mug in the sink. I could feel her eyes on me the whole way. Guilt tightened my chest because I hoped that it didn’t appear like I was leading her on. I needed to distance myself more.
“I should probably get to sleep.” I said, leaning on the counter. It was getting easier to walk by the hour, my healing doing its thing, but I still swayed a bit on my feet. “The more rest I get, the faster I heal. The faster I can get out of here.”
Nadya tried to hide it, but I caught the subtle way that her expression fell. “Yeah, you’re right.” she got up and almost stumbled on her words, “You, uh, you take the bed. Just let me grab a pillow and a blanket.”
“What?’” I didn’t need to feel any more guilt about this whole situation, “No, I can’t take your bed.”
“Jayde, you’re injured. I’m not making you sleep on the couch.”
“You’re not making me. I’m choosing to.”
“It’ll only be until you’re gone.” She said. I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off. “My house, my rules. Injured guests can’t sleep on the couch.”
I did a quick scan of the place, chuckling and going, “This is an apartment. So, not your house.”
Nadya scoffed, putting her hands on her hips and shaking her head at me. “Fine. If you pay the rent, then you can sleep on the couch.”
“Fine.” I said in a defeated sigh, too tired to keep arguing with her. My heavy legs carried me to the bedroom, Nadya following close behind. She was closer than necessary and I realized it was so she could help me if I needed it. “You know, you’re almost annoyingly selfless.”
“There are worse things to be.” Nadya replied. With her help, I dragged myself into her bed. I knew that her scent would haunt me all goddamn night, but at least the bed was comfortable. Once Nadya had a pillow and blanket in her hands, she hesitated by the door for a moment. “Just shout if you need anything.”
“Thank you.” It felt like I couldn’t thank her enough and that just made me feel worse.
“Goodnight, Jayde.” Nadya said softly.
“Goodnight, Nadya.” I replied, mimicking her tone.
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