#ugh only one more class

[goalieprotectionsquad]

it is genuinely embarrassing to be 26 and have to rely on other ppl to interpret what i’m trying to say because my word recall is trash but apparently only when psychologists aren’t looking

#my mom has this too and i sort of had it as a kid but not bad #but it got BAD after i went thru that awful depressive ep a few years ago #and being reminded that it impedes my ability to communicate is!!! not appreciated!!!! #i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #why do you think i told you ALMOST A YEAR AGO that this was an issue #could it be..... because I knew it would happen??????? #ugh only one more class #my main thesis advisor doesnt teach any other classes thank GOD #i dont think the rest do either THANK GOD FOR THAT TOO #if you really think i am ok with having issues communicating and am not trying to fix it you are mistaken !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #please step in dog poop in your nicest shoes #do you want to talk too about how often I mix up words when typing???? #abc #i told them way back at the beginning of the sequence to prevent this sort of bullshit #i got points off my presentation last quarter because i was 'nervous' at the start #yeah no shit??? when you have to deal with this taking becomes nerve wracking?? #especially when it has consequences???? #anyway it made me feel shitty lol

[rexscanonwife]

I'm crying and throwing up and asking where my phone is

#jane journals #self insert talk #crush: 🗡 #UOOOOORRGGHGHHHH ITS SO JOVER #ive been talking to laura about it and reading up more about what happens and stuff with wyll and the story in general #and ofc i watched my friend play a bit last night who graciously went almost straight to wyll for me #AND FUCKING I DIDNT MENTION BEFORE #WHEN U FIRST INTERACT WITH HIM PROPERLY HES TEACHING A TIEFLING CHILD TO FIGHT #and hes soooooooo sweet about it 😭😭😭💖💖💖 #you guys know my weakness is kids and how characters interact with them and wyll canonically wants them one day #so you know IM FUCKED #and hes so!! UGH CUTE 💖💖💖💖 #hes always saying these poetic romantic things and he wants a proper old fashioned romance with the wooing and the courting #he calls his lover his LIGHT LIKE CMON MANNNN #IM TRYING TO LIVE #tbh the only thing stopping me aside from not having the game is deciding what species to be #my indecisive ass #thats another thing i was talking to laura about and she suggested making a backstory first/choosing a class and all that THEN deciding #im probably gonna go with my default which would be a rogue which is pretty atypical for my s/is but its what i lean toward in dnd #or idk maybe i SHOULD go more out of my comfort zone 🤔🤔 idk ill keep thinking about it #but for wyll's kiss animations WHEN THE PLAYER IS A HALFLING OR SMTH SHORT HE KNEELS DOWN TO KISS THEM UGGGHH 😫😫😫💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘

[fjordfolk]

really torn because i have the opportunity to go east for the sheltie club's main show at the end of the month. and i would like to, and it will be easier now mentally to do it while im still in my doing terrifying things phase. but it doesn't really make sense going without showing Troja, but i don't want it to seem like we had one good weekend and now I'm coming out thinking we'll sweep, you know. i still know her faults and i know her CQ was from a very generous judge that specifically looks for the one thing Troja has in buckets. she'll also be out of coat by then.

i think it'd be good for all three of us, because we're *all* deeply undersocialized. and it's not like *i* have anything to lose, really. and i've never had the opportunity to just go do things before, and i only just now have the chance to be active in my breed, and and. but i still feel idk. conflicted.

#im afraid it'll seem idk what the english term is #råflott #excessive? presumptuous? #it's a double/triple show friday-sunday #with a complete show friday for a minor CAC #and a two-day show (males saturday females sunday) for a grand CAC #(takes two minors and a grand to make CH and there are only 11(?) grand-awarding shows in a year) #(so yknow) #(ugh) #my logic is that we can be list fillers and the bigger the class the more fun it is for whoever places to place #but im also. you know. scared of people. #my sib says enter for both - show on friday - feel it out for sunday #which is def an option #if we DID go and show both days + go back to sunnmøre for the autumn show that'd make six shows this year #because i'm already entered for our local one - breeder says both judges listed for that are good sheltie judges #i also feel like i should Show Up With Something for the prizes which i probably should because i am. somehow? #a working goldsmith but also 'would you like me to make something? 🥰' is just. a ridiculous phrase #deeply presumptuous #a terrible thing #just horrible #but if i were to go anywhere anytime it would be easier to do it now when maybe 2 or 3 ppl maybe remember my face #vs having to start all over next year #i want to be a part of this breed i really do im just #scared of people :)

[barkingangelbaby]

wanna play the sims soooo baaaaad but bg3 takes up so much space I can't update it </3 maybe I'll ask N to help me clean out some stuff bc I simply Do Not Know things about computers lmao

#rAMbles #I'm also mourning my laptop that stopped working three years ago again #mostly bc i had so many interesting academic pdfs saved that i didn't appreciate in college and want to read again #i gotta try to remember that one website that has SOOOO many experimental films on it that i used my university's library login for... #i wonder if I'd still have access to it #maybe I'll reach out to my old professor and ask if he has any new site recommendations #j**** r******* you will forever be one of the best professors I've ever had!!!! #omg one day we just drew on 10ft of 35mm and he played it through a projector.. man that was a cool day #lemme dig up my notes from that class and research all the artists he shared again.. #I'm thinking about his notes saying the work i created in his class was on par with grad level work and... auuuughhh i miss making video art #i was so spoiled using 4k cameras and professional mics and access to several video editing programs #time to ask N to find me rips of them i think :) i loved editing i was just too high and depressed in college to make more work #ugh maybe I'll ask my friend if i can use her mac so i can transfer some work i have on my mac only harddrive onto a flashdrive.. hmm... #okay rambling done i just really miss being a video artist #i lied last thought.. i really want to make a documentary again #OKAY BYE

[minty-bubblegum]

There's no cheezy moon to my minty bubblegum dramatic sigh I'm so bored 😔

#moony 🌕 #But my cramps were so bad this morning I was crying 😭😭 #And also I can barely move out of bed 😔😔 #Smg #I HATE THIS SHIT #plus puberty weird asl so no I'm just 10x more aggressive 😢😢 #I DON'T LIKE BEING MEAN BUT I'M PROBABLY GOING TO BE SO BITCHY UGH #I WANT TO RIP MY BODY APART LIMB BY LIMB AND THEN REARRANGE MY ORGANS #MY BACK HURTS SO BADD TOOOOO 😭😭😭 #WAHHHHHHH #god knew I'd be too powerful with a dick #😾😾 #Any moots up 🥺🥺 #Y'all wanna uh idk 🥺🥺 #PUNCHES school in the face #I know it's gonna suck when I go back tomorrow 😭😭 #At least I don't have to be near those weirdos called my classmates for a day #Only a select few I actually like #I miss Kate 😔😔 #She's the only one who keeps me going thru every day bc she's in all my classes #Also we're married too so like 😋 #I miss you moon even tho las night you exploded my inbox with “no maidens” bc I used up all my posts. 😔 #So bored :3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[suashii]

man i do not want to be a student this week

#☁︎ manon's mind #i only have one in person class but #still lol #and it’s raining which dampens the vibes #ugh ugh ugh #hopefully i’ll feel more fit to take on the week #after i eat some brekky #and get some stuff done #anywhoozie #hope this monday is good for everyone :3

[kellystar321]

.

#periodical life updates #lets hope this one goes better than the last one </3 #anyway hi everyone. im in an entirely different timezone during this trip so its actually mid afternoon right now #thats not what this is about though this is about how im EXCITED FOR ARTFIGHT AS USUAL!!! lemmy posted his s/is and theyre so cute <3 #also the theme reveal is coming on the 23! i hope its enough time for the theme templates? i love doing the theme templates with everyone : #this'll be my seventh year participating holy sht!! ive been doing this for seven (7) years!!!!!!!! #ive been feeling like ive been improving in art every artfight but idk how i'll fare this year. i feel like ive been a bit stagnant #and i did some PRETTY KILLER PIECES LAST YEAR;;; who knows if i'll top it; especially with summer college classes UGH #miserable about that btw. college my beloathed forever and ever amen. :/ ive been meaning to fix a few characters profiles and add some too #FINALLY going to separate kelly and jace! kelly is now the bureau of balance halfling only <3 ive been redrawing a new design of her :> #she has cute pointed ears now heho!! and actual more fantasy-esque clothes to fit her universe <3 jace is getting a separate profile! #jace is now solely my sona and i look SO much more gender now with the haircut and i can post my refs <33 #i also want to post agent and icarus and all the javelins but that means i have to draw them actually hfjkh <33 #i should also actually add something to shen's profile hfkjfh i care more about xer worldbuilding than xer character i feel </3 #IVE BEEN MEANING TO GET QUEUE BACK UP but everytime i look at my drafts i feel so tired </3 theres ART i want to reblog!!! #ough. some other time. okay! im gonna get my artfight discord channel back up and running for the new artfight season! let's go let's go! #oh and i'll be sure to announce which team im joining obviously hdjfdh it'll probably be the lighthearted one <3 #some of the themes this year are a little off? (stars vs nebula? heart vs soul? arent those the same thing?) but im hoping for the best <3 #okay frfr going now! hope for queue soon maybe if i have time/energy! working on artfight! lets goooooo!! <3

[ereh-emanresu-tresni]

.

#agreeing to a 7am shift an hour bus ride away on a double exam day when I've been in a habit of waking up at 1-2pm was such a fucking stupid #and dangerous idea ughhh i direly need the money what with overdrafted accounts and several looming bills and it does pay well #but like very possibly at the cost of my classes lol. if i can even wake up in time given it's already 4am #in which grades should prob be at least kind of ok but at the likely cost of being fired #not that this job has been particularly worth it with how fucking sparse and chaotic the scheduling has been but still #idk. ugh #oh and of course I'm out of fucking coffee and the money to buy more on the day i only get one (1) hour of sleep for too 🙃🙃

[pallases]

i lov. not studying <3

#personal #the engineering chronicles #me sitting here scrambling to work on my schedule next semester bc all my physics waitlist spots opened for me yesterday and they only give #you 36 hours to accept them 😭 #it won’t let me accept the section i actually want bc to do that i need to move a different class that is now full for all sections and tha #class is linked to multiple other class so i can’t drop it even when im on the waitlist for other sections of it or it drops like half my #schedule. ugh #but whatever. the other section doesn’t seem too bad and honestly less hassle for me but. theprofessor for the section i want has really #really good reviews and he’s like the only one in the whole department :( #the physics chronicles #anyway. not nearly as worried abt this exam as today’s since this professor told us he’s tossing away the 70% average rule they put on all #the engineering syllabi so i can get a 17% and still pass lmao. but i would like to do more than just pass obviously so really need to get #to work on reviewing 😭 it’s 11 pm already

[magentagalaxies]

officially going to be taking a standup comedy class next semester!!! now my schedule is literally:

improv class

sociology class about queer history

standup class

buddy cole documentary which counts as a class despite only meeting with the professor when i want to and being a project i would work on even if i didn't get college credit

god i love majoring in comedy in college

#i realized my science credit was already taken care of by a dual enrollment class i did in high school so that gave me an opening #and i already have a plan to take care of all the other general education stuff later so i might as well load up on comedy courses #unfortunately due to some bullshit that's not as interesting as i think it is a lot of the comedy classes aren't running this fall #so the only one at my level with open seats is standup #and y'know typically i do NOT enjoy performing standup. i love watching standup very much but performing it's not for me #(plus ik my nemesis is in that class and she's also in my 2 other real classes so ugh i'm gonna be seeing a lot of her) #HOWEVER. i've already taken a course with this professor and he likes me #he's a kith fan so if i have to miss class or get an extension bc of work on the buddy cole doc he'll probably be super understanding #and!!! most importantly!!! he's really into character standup which not a lot of students choose to do #but for me. this gives me a perfect opportunity to actually work on some of my aubrey material as a ''standup character'' #or at the very least shoehorn buddy cole into discussions lmao #also. my improv class is right before this one and improv is probably the type of comedy i'm most confident in #so maybe that will give me a nice push to get more confident in standup #and as for the ''constantly having to be around my nemesis'' thing. well i can hope that she manages to chill out by then #but even if she is insufferable. i can take solace in being the one with kith connections and paul will almost definitely let me rant to hi

[jinglejanglemornings]

why can't i just only take language classes and then they just give me a bachelors

#why is this only one part of the degree requirement why can't i just only do language classes #see the thing is i could take one (1) more ASL class and then i'd have the language requirement met #but what i decided to do instead is two full years of hebrew #i really love being in language classes i got 5 language credits in HS cause i tested out of spanish and #did ASL for fun #and then briefly thought about doing interpreting #i took a lot of ASL and ASL adjacent things at CC and i had so much fun #i'll gladly take a fifth language. or like #when i was at CC i did a class on interpreting #taught by a hearing professor who was also an interpreter #i loved that class #ASL interpreting is not for me but like... ugh i would have actually really liked the ITP i think #talking to strangers on foreign phones

[nomaishuttle]

What would you consider to be middle class though? Cus I had an American Girl doll but I think I was still poor lmao credit card debt

tbh i dont think owning like. A american girl doll makes u middleclass or anything i think i said that lol. bc its like.. a big purchase you save for. but the girl i was talking abt and didnt seem to realize that was like ... not the same for other ppl she was just like "LOL i was just soo into american girl doll i know more abt american girl dolls than you do" when its like No your family could just afford to buy you a rly extravagant gift a couple times over.

#sry this doesnt rly answer the question Ill admit my idea of middle class is a bitt skewed bc i was on that poverty grind as a kid #hashtag living in a hotel hashtag both parents working multiple jobs hashtag going weeks with no food LMAO. so in my mind middle class is #like. can afford to go on an out of state vacation every year. WHICH IS NOTT MIDDLE CLASS RLY IK. but we only went on a big out of state #vacation like... Max every 3 years and that was only road trips. ive never flown b4 lmao... thats another thing is if somebody says Oh ive #flown multiple times im like ohhh oil tycoon parents? richboy over here ? (joking) #like yk. ik that doesnt necessarily mean middle class. my like. for serious definition of a middle class family would beeee. ig if one #parent could afford to be unemployed and the family would still be able to live relatively comfortably (bills paid enough food etc) i thin #id consider that like. at least lowermiddle class... #sry this is a jumble KJABJDBKN yk. i think theres still an inate instinct in me to see anybody living comfortably and go like wowww ok #old money over here... yr parents only work 1 job each your mom isnt even fulltime? which is silly obviously. but yk #basically. i have a hard time distinguishing between like.. any classes above like. poverty. and lower class. bc my brain is automatically #like well they have more money than i did growing up ig they r bourgeoisie scum #JOKE. but yes #that rly was just like a quick Ugh this yter is kinda annoying post LMAO i hope u dont take it too seriously lol. #i had a couple american girl dolls that were my moms when she was little #so im not like Oh you have ag dolls ? guillotine now. LMAO. so yes #SRY AGAIN THIS IS SO RAMBLEY IM TIRED LMAO

[thegeekyartist]

It's time for my quarterly imposter syndrome!

#I'm teaching my first intermediate class tomorrow #I usually only teach intro or beginners classes #(or children's classes) #I'm always so afraid I'm not going to be what they're expecting #like I'm not YOUNG young #but I'm younger than the majority of my students in a normal class #I hope they don't hate my projects #I hope they don't hate my teaching style #(*whispers* I hope no one in there is more advanced than me) #personal #ugh and it doesn't help my anxiety that due to schedule fuckery I have to kill 3 hours after the class ends before I see my private student

[kuiinncedes]

700 more words TT

#have written 1700 words today aknjfkjgfhj #i wonder if my strategy of just writing whatever tf i can think of down first (what i've been doing today) #and then going back and organizing/elaborating/deleting/etc after will come back to bite me tho #idk i had a solid like 1000 words i think where i wasn't struggling too much to write what i wanted to write #and then i was like lmfao shit now what #ugh anyway i'm tired but i wanna finish the 2400 words today so i can do all that otehr stuff to actually make it coherent tomorrow #it's due tomorrow afternoon ;-; and here i am putting words on tumblr dot com instead LOL #and then i have exam on friday ;-; but i like that class but it is rly hard and i havent fully comprehended everything yet #bc i havent done any practice/studying yet ;-; so gotta cram after turning this project in lmfao rip #ahhhhfhajfghlsdbjksdfgjlkadhgaidrhg screaming so close yet so far still lol #bro i was like very productive for like a couple hours maybe this afternoon and then after that i've been . not as productive TT #1700 words tho !!!!! 700 more i can do it probably TT #i could've chosen a final project option that wasn't writing some kinda essay but iiiiiiii didnt :'') #i actually like somehow completely forgot about the fact that i was obsessed w rina's htg album and one of the options was like a playlist #option and i feel like a lot of the songs could fit w themes we discussed in class this asian am lit class :P #esp bc minor feelings and we read (parts of) the book minor feeligns lol #but i forgot about that until someone mentioned the song in class as part of Their project 💀 #but oh well i mean i was thinking about the playlist project bc it #seemed like the easiest ngl LMAO but nothing was rly jumping out at me for songs #granted when i was thinking about it my mind blanked to just like taylor even tho i definitely haven't only been listening to taylor XD #ANYWAY WORDS 700 WORDS #sigh maybe that 12-3am grind will hit lmfao #jeanne talks #FINALS WE CAN DO IT GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YALL DOING FINALS SHIT ANDGJFHGDJKDJFK

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday #and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased #im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool #and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it #am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them #which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd #and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to #the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project. #ugh its like my boss said #sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project #but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it #but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the #info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel #god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im #so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts #sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now #so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times #and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away #idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4 #it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me #also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at #but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly #literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol #whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history #bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk #its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway #i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried #unrelated