#ughhh I’ve had like NO motivation to draw

[marshsano]

I don’t know if anyone asked this already but how long did it take to find your artstyle? I’ve been trying to improve in my art and ughhh it’s a hassle

i’m going to come out with a really basic answer, but i’ve been drawing my entire life. i have scribbles on old furniture and sketchbooks spanning years, but if i’m being technical, i’ve only been “conscious” of my art for about ten years.

i think progress is definitely a subjective thing, however, and it can also rely on motivation. in my case, posting online and trying new things really kickstarted finding my “style.”

i like cartoony stuff, so of course that went into developing my art. i like rounded shapes, bold lines around characters, simplistic anatomy, etc, but all of that stuff didn’t just pop into my head. i had inspirations throughout the years that show up in my work (especially a few years ago)

i grew up with these cartoons, and that inspiration + my desire to draw what was in my head urged me to go from this to this:

at the end of this, i’m really trying to say that even if it’s frustrating, please don’t let finding a style distract you from just making art for the fun of it. a style will come naturally to you, and it’ll happen without you even realizing it did.

try new things. combine things you like. make ugly things so that in ten years you can laugh and smile at how far you’ve come! i find the best method for improvement is taking inspiration from others. not just in professional shows, but maybe there’s an artist you really like on social media? check out their style and the things they do.

a style is something to be distinguished among the many. what makes your work you? what makes your favorite artists stand out above others?

did they study anatomy? are they focused more on realism or quick sketchy doodles? what kind of colors do they lean towards? muted? vibrant? do they add little blushies on characters that have never been embarrassed a day in their lives? (emphasis on that one!)

sorry for the long answer, but i hope this was a decent response. <333

#marsh asks

[marzilee]

Hound scribbles :)

#apex legends #bloodhound #apex #azalea’s art #ughhh I’ve had like NO motivation to draw #all I can muster are messy ass sketches like this #actually wait I can post whatever I want what-

[fancymuffinparty]

Get to Know the Writer

Thanks @earlysignsofineptitude for the tag! :) I’m excited for this one!

1. Pen or pencil?

Pen. Pencils are actually pretty darn messy and I hate having to consistently sharpen them. They’re more of a hassle than they’re worth!

2. Have you ever drawn your OCs?

I have! (But I can’t draw to save my life so I have my brother do most of the artsy stuff!) I don’t share my OCs on my blog, but brief summary: I have OCs from the Fallout series (Lone Wanderer, Courier, and Sole Survivor) and OCs from original works that I’ve been plotting since I was a kiddo. 

3. Does your writing ever make you cry?

Cry? No. Cringe? YES! :D  

4. If your Muse was a person, what would they look like?

I think it varies? :’D Like, my muse takes on different forms depending on the mood. My muse isn’t always ‘human’ per se. Sometimes my muse is a fluffy hamster, sometimes they’re an anthropomorphic evergreen tree. I guess my muse is a shapeshifter! :O 

But for the sake of answering the question, I’m gonna say they look like Keanu Reeves because I love him !

5. Which of your pieces would you choose to be remembered for?

Uhhhhh I suppose it depends on the fandom lol. For SnK, I’m probably most proud of the Summer Fling Series and Silhouettes to be quite honest! 

For BnHA, I’d have to go with Subtlety. I really oughtta write more todomomo!

I wrote a one-shot for Alien: Covenant a year ago, Devotion, and it’s one of my most well-received fics! :D

I have plans to write for Tekken, Detroit: Become Human, Until Dawn, and more BnHA of course! So hopefully I can add them to my masterlist someday :’)

(I used to write for Fallout, but have long since deleted those works... Ughhh! My muse has inspired me to get back into it tho! Maybe Fallout 76 will motivate me again!!)

6. How much have you written or worked on your WIP so far today?

Oh wow! This segues from the previous question quite smoothly! lol! 

My current WIP is that darned BakuCamie fic I’ve been writing since August!!! I’m halfway through the last chapter!!! Finally! I can see the finish line! :O Today, I’ve only written 200 words soooooooooooooooo yeahhhhhh! :D 

Slow progress is still progress!!!!

7. Have you ever based a piece (or a portion of a piece) on a dream?

Oooof! Yes! :O One of my first RivaMika fics, Prelude, was inspired by an interesting dream I had.

8. Do you prefer silence, a little noise (music, ambient noise, fan etc) or a lot of noise when you are writing?

Ambient noise is a must! Music is helpful, too! Silence drives me nuts!

Coffee shops are great in that regard! :)

9. Do you have any routines before you sit down to write?

In the mornings, I have coffee and something sweet (muffin, le fancy croissant, etc) and open up the Ao3 tab. I start by reading fics I have bookmarked while I enjoy my breakfast :) (Just finished an amazing DBH fic! Now I’m moving on to @earlysignsofineptitude ‘s fic The Curious Art of Timing. Also currently reading Fight Like a Girl from the wonderful Rinky)

Once I’m done with my coffee and reading whichever chapter I left off, I get to work! 

10. Have you ever participated in a NaNoWriMo or a Camp?

I have not :/ But I would like to ~~~~~~~~ 

I’m feeling kinda shy right now but I’ll tag @lunarcrystal @pickalilywrites @erurink @areallyyellowmango @arcanelucario @wildwasteland @reonhatoo @gguksae @candy--pop @thecolossustitan @davenpitts @reikukaja @queenofidealism

Feel free to skip! And sorry if you’ve already been tagged :’D

#tag meme #lovely mutuals #is it just me or is anyone else wayyyy more productive in coffee shops???

[catradoracore]

hey i’m really sorry about how anxious you feel, trust me i know the feeling of wanting to literally rip your insides out and just fucking scream because of all the pent of anxiety and energy, please take deep breaths and try and focus on something grounding, maybe count how many blue things are in the room, please don’t harm yourself and try to stay away from anything that might trigger you to do so, i am very sorry you feel this way, if you need to talk to someone i am always here love.

EDIT: This got pretty long, so TRIGGER WARNING.

Inhale) ggggodd, thanks so much aaa. I’m feeling better, but so much has happen in this past like eight days that’s made me pretty anxious and I’m just ughhh so sad about it. 

This camp I’m at was supposed to be very fun (and it sure was, even if it’s not quite over yet!) but there are still things I really regret experiencing in such a positive setting. 

Like; I got called the the office a whole bunch of times, three weeks without a therapist isn’t going so well (obviously), I still don’t have to courage to come out to my dad, I upset my friend and had a panic attack over it, I had trouble connecting with some people that I really wanted to talk to but failed to, I messed up on my audition and cried and backed out twice to practice more and still I don’t feel like I did good enough, I self harmed with a pencil and just something sharp in general for the first time ever, I almost got sent home, they called my parents, I don’t have much motivation to write or draw right now and it sucks :(, dysphoria’s a motherfucking bitch. There’s probably more but I can’t remember right now. 

Uhh, I’ve had thoughts of offing myself so often that I have considered multiple times asking on of the staff if they could take me to the hospital. But I don’t want to go home early, especially with such little time left at camp, so I formed a plan to ask a friend’s parent to take me there, or I can just walk or some shit I guess if I keep thinking about this. (Oh yeah and Ellie, if you’re reading this, please shush but that night with the scavenger hunt when I Wasn’t Feel Great™️ was because I kept almost trying to choke myself to death with my lanyard hah. Sorry.)

But yeah anyways I don’t trust my parents enough to take me to the hospital, they’ll probably just sit me down and talk to me about dumb fucking life shit, or freak out and yell at me like “WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO? TELL ME OR WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE” which actually is a very plausible thing for them to say in this situation, honestly.

This is getting long so I’m just gonna cut it off right here and say that: 

I feel bad for having this shit happen to me. Not because “I don’t deserve it UwU” but because it almost feels like everything is my fault. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem. I shouldn’t have to dump shit online just to feel a sense of relief. Everything is in my own head, that’s the fucking problem. So why can’t I fix it? Why can’t I fix myself and stop being self-pitiful and self-depreciating. Why can’t I work towards a goal of being married or getting a job without seeing visions of my suicide coming before everything, or that because I’m a tiny bit fucked up that I just suddenly can’t do anything? 

Oh, yes I almost forgot. Thanks for sending this in. I’m That Bitch, who loves when people take time to try and help me with my bullshit. I love it when people care about me, and I Fucking Love caring for other people. It’s really great and I wish I had the same concern for myself, tbh. Love youuuu. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Basically a TL;DR: 

What I mean is, other people, even just people I know have it so much worse than me. So why can’t I get over myself? Why am I lazy and “broken” and tired if I’m currently only diagnosed with Mild Depression? I have the easiest shit to deal with of anyone I know. But I will continue to act like I’m “suffering so much!!1!1″ until the day I die. Which, at this point, shouldn’t be too far away.

#vent #ask #artistaholic88 #answer #suicide #suicide mention #tw

[medeenezz]

Hey! Just a question, how old are you and how much experience have you had? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

im 13 :0 

and if you mean my drawing experience i’ve been drawing for 7+ years i think?? but i started drawing digitally on the computer 5 years ago. i used ms paint, of course… 

and then i was like ‘ughhh this is so hard… and nobody notices me… and i don’t have a drawing tablet…’ so i stopped drawing digitally for… a year?? 

and then suddenly people were starting to like my drawings. i was motivated to draw more because of them. i learned to use ms paint tricks and tried making my own tricks. and until now, i still uses ms paint. 

a few months ago, my dad bought me a ‘tablet’. he said that it will help me to draw much easier than using a mouse. at first, i was disappointed because it’s just a regular tablet with a stylus. he bought it because ‘you can do more stuff with it compared to a drawing tablet’. and then i just kinda ‘whatever dad…’ and use the tablet to draw with medibang paint pro.

tl;dr im a 13 years old that have been drawing for 7+ years, started drawing digitally 5 years ago, uses ms paint on computer and medibang paint pro on tablet. 

im sorry i answered this late ;w;

#somebody once asked me #(soam) #yes i will use this tag #i dont know if there are some wrong grammars???? #ahh

[mahoukaze]

Good shit m8

Its update tiime.

So, japanese first.

Much needed refresher on hiragana - done.

Right now im a learning basic kanji. The jlpt whatever thing for foreigners like me combined with first grade kanji.

Learning meaning mainly right now, which is basically :

Me clicks on screen to get new kanji

Me clicks again so it shows the meaning, which most kanji have a ton. It shows spelling and how i can use this kanji with other kanji to make other words.

It also lets me memorise the stroke order of kanji, but i stopped doing that and just focused on getting the basic meaning of each kanji.

Im guessing it'll take me a whiiile to learn all the kanji, to the point when id be able to read basic stuff.

There are so many kanji out there its insane lol

And their pronunciation is changing depending on context, cool shit like that.

So yeah, i think im gonna throw in some occasional "lets try to read something basic in japanese" stuff here and there.

To reinforce and give me that desired fix of motivation and shit.

Also i need to learn katakana. Really, i know only a couple letters in katakana lol.

Whaat else?..

I finished watching welcome to the n h k recently, about to start watching k-on. Nhk didnt let me down on the expectations, cool anime, i suggest reading manga first though. Even though i didnt read the manga (or is it called a novel? Lol), i preeeetty sure reading this amazing story would give you a much deeper look into how dark the story really is.

Anime delivered, and it delivered good.

Hoping k-on would be amazing aswell, I've been really sleeping on these two anime's, just me being me.

Mooving on to drawing, and it doesnt look good.

I made myself a new yt pfp in some old "place a pixel" app i guess.

I just realised how stupid i sound right now.

I've had a cool dream todays mornin and there was a stand like thing in it, i decided to draw it.

But, as you already guessed i didnt.

Idk, thoughts like "ughhh i dont want anyone seeing that im drawing" and "im not that good at it anyway and that thing from my dream looked so cool, no way i would draw it cool looking" are real stupid, i'll just draw it tomorrow lol.

Maybe i'll do the face of that thing in the pixel app i use, should be cool.

So yeah, real glad im getting the kanji memorised, already starting to recognise words and stuff when learning, like a 2 yo that just started learning its native language lol... That sounded a lil weird lol

'ill draw that thing tomorrow and post that abomination here.

One last thing, i had lil tiny lucid dream today, it was at 8 or 9 am so these one almost dont count, but i guess its something.

Dream was about me, i woke up in a bed that im right now, forcefully changed the weather outside the windows.

It doesnt count cause in those late morning your consciousness is through the roof since its already like 9am, versus when its 1-6 or so am. Ofc im gonna get a lucid moment in the morning, sometimes it just happens so that some of em are more vivid and cooler, yeah.

Aaand thats it i believe, my neck muscles are straining from typing these huge texts while laying down lol.

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #7: “This Is What I Get For Putting My Trust In Cute Boys” - Colin

Me: I'm gonna teach my student not to be like me! They're not gonna be first boot or the last boot before merge... 

Lauren: *Gets voted out one round before the merge* 

Me: K....

 In conclusion I flopped as a mentor! But this isn't entirely bad, hopefully I can find something at reflection island that can help and I'm also beating my ugly Sri Lanka placement by being there so :) As of right now I feel confident in where I am. I have the girl alliance of me, QuilLynn, Willow and Lily and then I feel pretty confident with Jackson and Ryan, and then I think I can make something work with Colin so we'll see! I'm just so happy to have made merge oh my gosh.

Lauren's gone! The vote was 2 - 3. I have Jackson and Colin believing that I voted with them, when really I changed my vote last minute so that they'd think big tuna flipped. I want them to trust me more than her, so labelling her as untrustworthy oughtta do it. I didn't wanna break ties completely with the girls on the other side if they saw a unanimous vote against Lauren. Damage control time ladies!

ok... so last tribal.... I got 2 votes.... when it should have been unanimous. I know it was either Chelsea or Danielle who voted me, and honestly??? Whoever did, props to them bc it created so much paranoia and distrust among the tribe and now at merge. They were prob thinking ahead and it makes sense looking back now. My gut is telling me Danielle wouldn't risk something like that but whomst knows. Also I just inherently don't trust Chelsea bc she seems shady. anYWAY. WE MADE MERGE WOOOO! IM LITERALLY... SO HAPPY. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to make merge in a main season,  I flop in high stakes games, but I'm doing that! I made it!!! It's wayyy more tense and strategic at this point in the game but it's exciting!! 

 SOME MERGE FUN FACTS FOR YALL: 

~There are 4 student/mentor pairs left in the game (Nicholas/Danielle, Ryan/Jackson, Willow/QuilLynn, and Chelsea/Gage) 

~I am the only person still in the game currently to have multiple votes cast against them over the course of the season 

~From the dissolved tribes (using this bc that's the tribe period that probably has the most tribe loyalty since we were on these tribes the longest), there are 7 OG NuKaldfjorden, and 6 OG NuErsfjorden 

~There are 8 students and 5 mentors remaining 

~And finally, the percentage of fake hoes remaining in this game is at 100%.

Well. Losing Lauren wasn't the best....I never like my alliances splitting up. But I'm my really sure if I could have done anything to save her. I really do wish she was here tho and would have made merge. I think willow QuilLynn Christine and I can still be a good group. And honestly knowing that we want to be top 4 together is real helpful. Most people are saying jack but I think Danielle is the smart move. I've got gage Chelsea and Colin for sure. And QuilLynn is down so it's just on convincing willow that it's the best play. I know she is probably nervous because there aren't a lot of mentors. But Danielle must have a lot of advantages. We need to blindside her and she wouldn't see it coming I don't think. We will see what happens! 

I heard the vote is gonna be between me and Danielle, so I'm probably out, but the choice is obvious.

So.... I think I'm starting to get fucked in this game for really no reason that I can see. Andreas went home, which i wasn't crazy happy with but things happen. We lost yet again and Lauren was the easy vote there, seeming to be the case and her leaving wouldn't cause any drama. Well the vote turns out to be 3-2, 2 being for Colin and I'm sugar shocked. I couldn't believe that. Then, Chelsea has the audacity to pin it on me? Sister, you must not know who you are dealing with. She plays this game like she's a fucking god well guess what? You aren't. Her and Jackson are running this game and it's fucking aggravating to watch. Ryan doesn't want to do anything about it because Jackson is his student but like... being in this game with them running it is getting to be really annoying. Are we handing them the game here? Now Jack is going to be leaving and that's someone else that I could have worked with, my game is slowly starting to dwindle because I'm playing with Ryan. He can't make a move against them but I'm starting to not have any allies but him lolllllll. Oh well. 

so the target is danielle now instead of jack. i'm happy with seeing her leave. I also want ryan and a few other mentors gone, I'm a lil worried they might be able to take control. also drewbert is my new fav host.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional. Things have gotten pretty crazy. They always say the merge tribal is a shitshow, but for some reason I thought it'd be easier. The general consensus seemed to be that people wanted Jack out - after all, JD is on exile, and she's the only person as suspicious (and as close) to him. Which just leaves him. But Lily is itching to make a big move, and so, apparently, is Gage. They're pushing for Danielle to be voted out, which surprises me coming from Gage - the mentors shouldn't be so quick to target each other considering their numbers disadvantage! But either way, I wouldn't hate to see Danielle go. She probably has at least one idol piece, and the fact that last tribal was a 3-2 vote for Lauren instead of a 4-1 makes me nervous that I shouldn't completely trust her. I think she's a desperate player who will say anything to anyone. While I'm here, let's talk about that 3-2 vote. Colin knows I didn't vote for him because I had told him and Chelsea that my voting confessional was going to be a hiss, and it was. Colin didn't self vote, so that leaves just Chelsea and Danielle. I can see motives for both of them to flip. Chelsea might've saw me getting close to Danielle and wanted to split us up by creating distrust, thus her vote for Colin. I think Colin believes this is the truth, and honestly, I can't really blame him. Chelsea did make sure to mention several times that Danielle's vote makes her less trustworthy. Still, one could make a strong case for the stray vote being Danielle's. She's just a shady player in general and she might've wanted me to distance myself from Chelsea too. I'm going to assume that this version is the truth, because it's not like I can avoid allying with Chelsea at this point anyway. I'm going to carry on like we're still close (because we are). So anyway, Chelsea's on board to go with Lily and Gage, so that makes three. They think they have Colin, Willow and Quillynn's votes in the bag, which makes six, and that's majority since two people are on exile. But I'm not totally sure Colin's on board. I guess they could go to Jack if he's having cold feet. I'm obviously in the know about this plan, but I'm apprehensive because of Ryan. He's said multiple times he wants to work with Danielle, and I'm not sure I want to go against my mentor yet. I don't want to rat the Chelsea/Lily gang out to Danielle either, so I think I'm just going to vote for Jack and keep my trap shut, crossing my fingers that Danielle gets the boot. Everyone seemed to be pretty understanding and I don't think it'll hurt my place in the game. Let's just hope Colin doesn't get too set on Jack getting voted out.

tonights vote is going to be wild. It looks like its going to be between jack or danielle and honestly Jack's "minority het" ass annoys the absolute fuck out of me so I want him to go, but Tuna is a bigger threat and has closer ties. I'm hoping the Danielle blindside get pulled off and that Ryan wont hate me after, but we'll see. If it does then wow, maybe choose some better mentors next time? 

okay what the fuck. The eclipse happens and everyone goes fucking insane. This is some voodoo pagan astrology shit. ahhhh i'm crying. Last night the vote seemed so easy. Jack is an easy target. No one is close to him. He's straight. Adios! But then Chelsea and Gage step the fuck up and wanna be messy! Gage is apparently hella anti-Danielle for whatever reason??? Chelsea is still trying to pin the blame of the hinky vote against me on her so I'm really suspicious. I trust Danielle a lot. I don't want anything to happen to her. Now apparently I'm a swing vote. Everything is coming down to me murdering Danielle. Lily and Gage concocted the plan and are gathering the numbers and they want it to be a blindside but bitch!! not on my watch!! Danielle ain't goin nowhere!! I will deadass idol her if I have to. Gage and I rarely talk and I ain't gonna be like Chelsea and Lily and play into his plans. The! Straight! Is! Leaving! Or Gage is leaving. Either would be great for my game. I don't know what Jackson is planning but he seems to still trust Chelsea but I..... do not. At all. I think blindsiding Gage when he thinks he's gonna be blindsided would be really fun. So I might do that. But also that would draw a lot of attention to me and I'd face a lot of backlash. Ughhh I just really really don't want Jack to go. But it seems like Chelsea and Lily are deadset on it. Quillynn and Willow seem on the fence but they're ultimately not gonna turn on the majority. ANYWAY! My plan. I'm gonna vote Danielle bc the majority expects me to. I'm giving my idol pieces to Ryan since I know he has one. If Danielle actually shows up before tribal and on time she's gonna get idoled and saved and Gage will be blindsided by Nicholas, Danielle, and Ryan. I will have an in with them, Jackson won't be bitter bc I did tell him of that plan, I just didn't tell him I'm actually doint it. If Danielle doesn't show up, she's leaving, and Ryan better give me my idol pieces back >: ( Anyway! if all goes well! Adios Gage!

I'm seriously about to be targeted because I've won a game this is so fucking stupid seriously find a better reason to target me before your ass gets voted out.

A lot has happened. Everyone wants to work with me but not with Danielle and now since I'm associated with the pop princess herself I could be in trouble. The day started with Jack going. But it felt too easy. I talked to Willow who is my 2nd closest ally next to Danielle. She didn't tell me. While I was on call with her Colin PM'd me cause I messaged him when I woke up. He told me of the plan about everyone voting Danielle. And I tell Willow this! Next thing I know he's like "yeah don't trust Willow and Quillyn" and I'm like... yikearoonies. Cause I literally had just told Willow. ANYWAY. Willow say's she won't say anything, she apologized for not telling me during our HOUR long call. She says that it's true. Colin then proceeds to give me two idol pieces to play on Danielle because I told him I have 1 idol piece (in reality I already have 3 and now technically have 5) And to play it on her. However, he's still gonna vote Danielle to save face. Now Danielle, Nicholas and I are the only 3 who have to vote for Gage. Gage because Colin wants him out. I'd rather vote out Chelsea but I want to save face with Colin if everyone is truly gonna try to murder us. My only FUCKING worry is that they split the votes between Dani and I. Because Nicholas has individual immunity. I'd be idoling myself out. I'm gonna try to get Willow to vote with us, incase the vote goes 4-4-4. I don't think they'd vote for me but I gotta be careful.

Okay so first this round we get the flag challenge and have I ever mentioned how much I hate the fucking flag challenge?? Anyway I somehow managed to score even lower then I did on an unfinished flag I made in Solomon which is pretty sad. Also this vote is crazy??? its going in like every direction. I mean that typically happens first vote of merge but omg. Anyway so originally everyone was cool to vote out Jack bc he's utr or whatever. But then Lily suggested we actually vote out Danielle and I was okay whatever. But then apparently Danielle and Chelsea have beef from earlier with the Lauren vote bc they all said they would vote out Lauren but then they weren't sure who the other vote for Colin was, and apparently they don't like each other now or whatever. So anyway Ryan calls me bc hes worried about the Danielle and Chelsea rivalry and he says Danielle is getting worried and he's getting worried and stuff and then of course I'm a dumbass and lie straight to his face about how Danielle isn't getting any votes. And we were talking about how we would prefer it to not be Jack, and he throws around the idea of actually voting out Chelsea bc she's made a lot of deals with people, and I fake agree to it. And then he tells me something he's never told anyone in the game and that's that he got the Into the Box idol piece for the mentors, and so he actually has 2 idol pieces and not 1. So then I tell him about how I played a side with Colin and that hes really good at Into the Box but that I could be wrong about him having the student piece. And I haven't told anyone about the idol piece bc I like Ryan a lot and I want him  to trust me even though hes not going to after this vote :( So earlier on in the day Lily decided to tell Colin about how we were planning on blindsiding Danielle, and then Colin decides to be a rat and tell everyone, so then Ryan tells me, and of course my immediate reaction is to tell my whole entire alliance chat about what's happening. Ryan tells me they're planning on idoling Danielle and planning on blindsiding Gage bc apparently hes trying to make deals with everyone?? which he isnt really but whatever lol. So when I tell my alliance chat this they all start freaking out but then I decided we need to switch our votes to Colin since he ratted and since they're playing an idol on Danielle. But I tell Ryan that we're still all voting for Danielle. But then he comes to me paranoid and says I should vote Gage bc hes worried they're splitting. and I'm like okay I'm cool with that. But omg I feel so bad bc I really like Ryan and I want to continue to work with me but hes really not gonna trust me after this vote fuck. Like it'll be good for them to waste an idol and for it to be Colin going home since he's the rat but I just feel so bad for lying to Ryan especially when he's trusted me the whole time and told me stuff he hasn't told anyone else in the game. Anyways I think I forgot some stuff but so much has been happening and there's so much to talk about idk how to get it all out into one confessional. 

[9:28 PM] Ry[an] Matthew ⚅⚅⚅: <<< thank you so much. i would be fine if lily didn't throw that idea out to danielle but it's to hard to not be able to talk to anyone but you cause everyone else is lying to my faceRy[an] Matthew ⚅⚅⚅, Today 9:28 PM omg I feel so bad bc I'm doing that exact thing of lying to his face but I think it'll be better for my game to stick with the plan and have them waste an idol and blindside Colin. 

*Colin Is Voted Out*

i fucked up that vote because of when colin was telling me of the plan i was calling and talking to willow and i told her everything before i knew she was a SNAKE. willow is a SNAKE!! SNAKE!! like she was literally my 2nd closest ally. someone i used to want out (nicholas) is now my 3rd best ally. christine #2. danielle #1. jackson admitted to knowing about the danielle vote but not the colin vote and said he was the jack vote. i wanna commit soup of side

chelsea is fucking crazy. she's telling me that i shouldn't associate myself with danielle. she's telling me nicholas is a snake. she's trying to say no one lied to us about the vote. she's saying that jackson didn't lie cause he voted for jack even though HE LITERALLY KNEW ABOUT THE DANIELLE VOTE AND ADMITETD IT TO ME. chelsea is fucking crazy

Okay so we definitely have us 6 strong? hopefully? but then after voting out Colin he had already lost his mentor Brett so that leaves 12 of us in the game now, which is where it gets a little complicated. Bc I'm not sure where JD and Christine stand. Like Christine is in an alliance with us but they could both easily flip and then it would be tied? bc even though Christine has an alliance with us she is also very close with Ryan. 

Me before tonight: Has been enjoying the past few days in bliss with JD and my brand new fancy shmancy vote steal Me after tonight: Is currently in absolute hell I mean. COLIN!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HECK. Literally at the start of merge it was literally so simple just to get Jack out. Im literally calling this right now, Jack is going to the end because people are too focused on getting out big targets. Ryan let me know what happened and how Willow ratted him out which stinks cause I liked Willow. I also learned I was apparently target the week Brett went home. So that's nice to know :) I don't trust the alliance I'm in with Lily, QuilLynn and Willow at this point. Willow's apparently a snake, Lily is waaaaay too focused on making big moves and QuilLynn? She is literally controlling this game. Literally everyone that I wanted to work with at the beginning of this game is gone. My ideal group of Brett, Lauren and Colin died immediately and then Connor left me too. I'm just so bummed cause I don't get a genuine connection from really any of these people. Like I'll try to talk to someone like Chelsea and it just goes....absolutely nowhere. The only people I feel like I can work with are Ryan, Jackson and....well myself. I like Danielle cause she keeps things real but she's also causing too many fights for me to attach myself with. With that being said, I think I'm in an ok position but not a great one. I wanna keep the pattern of students leaving right now and I'm keeping my legacy advantage a secret but I told Ryan about my vote steal and in return he told me he had two idol pieces so essentially we have an idol. So yeah, as long as Ryan doesn't get blindsided anytime soon that's a thing. Also this challenge is gross and the fact I was apparently taken out because of Random.org is even more disgusting. 

Last tribal was great. We had a perfect plan to get out Danielle, but then Colin ratted, so we had a last minute switch to take him out while simultaneously wasting his Idol. Now there are lines drawn in the sand and I feel like i'm in an okay position on this tribe. I still don't trust jack or JD at all especially after Jack infected me in the last immunity but we have to keep them for numbers now. I want the plan to be right now for people to think we will split the votes between danielle/nicholas when hopefully we can actually take out Ryan. I have a bad gut feeling about this round and it could be over for me, but we'll see how this plays out!

The Danielle vote may have backfired, but the Colin blindside went as planned! Lily has won immunity which I'm happy about. Ryan and Danielle are annoying because they're trying to fight me on "not being personal" with them. I'm not fucking obligated to talk about my personal life with you! This is a survivor ORG, people are busy, sorry I'm not crying on your fucking shoulder about boy problems! I talk to the people I trust & who make an effort back. Get a better argument to fight me on because this just makes you look pathetic.

I don't know what the hell happened at the last trib.... Which is a lie, I've been told by a could people what happened but like... It just sounded nuts. Literally everyone in the alliance I put together the first week is getting picked off one after another. 

Holy fuck! I'm gone for one night. short story everyone is crazy. long story is that some how Ryan and Q ended up on opposite sides of a thing and I like both of them. Fucking stress. I was finally able to have a good talk with Nicholas, who thought I hated him because I hate Nick... Just wrong names, but hella wrong people. So we got that all worked out and he is stressing. I don't blame him ether, I would have been pissed if Liam throw me under the bus like Dani did him. Q told me earlier that she wasn't sure were a few of them were really and I'm just like... Imma try to keep Ryan and Nicholas alive as long as I can but I'm not gonna fuck up my game for them. We'll see how things go I guess. 

i've exposed willow and q and their shitty receipts to JD. i'm hoping jack plays his double vote on chelsea. i'm hoping danielle nicholas me christine and jd also vote with jack and his double vote against chelsea. this is the only play. im also gonna tell jackson a fake name i'm voting to see if he'll vote that way. but im leaving christines name out of every conversation i have (aside from with danielle) idk im not a pussy ass bitch and im not gonna get with the fucking majority everytime. that fukcing furby is gonna get it

oops jack told me i was the vote. my ass? more likely that you think

Hello. So I won immunity? Niiiiice. Haha. I didn't see this one coming but glad I didn't have to do anything to win. That's cool. I'm very concerned about this vote. I've got a lot of people who want to work with me. I think me as well as the three others in my alliance along with Jackson JD jack Chelsea and Gage. That's a lot of people. But it honestly makes me feel good about my position. And the more we aplit up the pairs the better for me and my mentorless self. And no one knows about my extra vote either. I feel bad for not telling my alliance but it's not like Christine has told us at all about what she got on reflection. But I'm honestly worried about whatbmight come out of reflection island still. It looks like tonight's vote is gonna be on Danielle or ryan. Leaning towards Danielle. Danielle is pretty mad and I'm sure she would have one intense jury speech. Not sure if I can handle it. Wish me luck! 

I'm nervous about the numbers on this vote. We have 5 that I think are solid and the other side has 3, but there are 4 wild cards that are Jack, JD, Christine and Jackson that could flip and change everything. I'm just hoping for the best! 

Me danielle and ryan have developed big plays. We're playing a vote steal and an extra vote in order to get chelsea out here

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my sixth confessional. Wow okay so the shit hit the fan last week. Remember when I said I hoped that Colin wouldn't get too set on Jack going home in place of Danielle? Well, it looks like he did literally just that. Without telling me (although he did say he was thinking about doing it, to be fair) he gave his idol pieces to Ryan to save Danielle and blindside Gage, but Ryan accidentally told Willow who got everyone to change their votes to Colin, so Colin went home. I wasn't told about the vote switch, nor that Colin was actually going to do it, so basically I was left with my thumb up my ass thinking everyone was a rat. This week things aren't looking amazing for me. Danielle is all but done with me, and Ryan says he still would like to work together, I think he's just trying to use me to save his own ass. Basically, I'm stuck with the majority group led by Chelsea/Gage/Willow/Quillynn, but I can't actually be an active participant in the gameplay until Ryan goes home. Because Chelsea is telling people I'm feeding information back to him and that they can't completely trust me yet. Sigh. Also, I'm now pretty sure that Chelsea fooled me and she actually did vote for Colin at the tribal where Lauren went home, so yeah, I'm not super excited about working with her anymore. At the same time, I'm not feeling like I have any other options. I'm probably voting Ryan tonight unless I hear something different, and to be honest, I really hope he goes home. If Chelsea's side loses majority now, I'll be stuck with them on a sinking ship, because I don't think Ryan will trust me at all once I vote for him. Hopefully a week spent at Reflection Island will do some good for my game and open up some opportunities for me to actually do something. Because if I had my way, Chelsea would go home for lying to me and just being generally too manipulative, Gage would go because he's suspicious af, and me and Lily would make a F2 deal. Oh, and also I want to win a challenge. And maybe finally get a damn idol piece. So yeah, basically that's it. Let's hope I haven't been lied to even more!!

Wish this game had nice hosts. Hope danielle goes tonight and Ryan plays another idol!

whew ok so im kinda in a sticky situation right now. im really on the outs in this game and im not sure what to do. i know quillynn and trixie have my back to a small extent but they are just keeping me around so that when they have to betray their alliance they have an extra vote or at least they assume that i will be a vote for them on jury which honestly is true. i have this lovely legacy advantage and if anyone does me dirty in this game you had best bet i will use it as pettily to my advantage as possible if i am on jury and someone screws me over. i dont vote bitter at the end of games, but i do play bitter sometimes if its necessary! either way im torn on this vote. i can either vote out ryan [which i dont want to do because i feel like without him and danielle im fucked], vote chelsea [ which i dont want to do bc i love chelsea as a person and i know she is keeping my name out of the other sides mouth] or just throw away my vote. i dont want to throw away my vote because thats such a cop out but every time i work the numbers it seems like no matter what i do ryan will leave.

Okay I can't make a move yet but I think I can make my move next round, #hevotedouthisstudent

Grr so of course on the random.org thing for the challenge I'm out first and have no shot at immunity lmao. I think in a sense the challenge was very telling for who's with who. I infected JD first bc I just don't know her at all. I think most of the infections went in a normal order except for when Jack infected QuilLynn like it was very weird but then later he explained to me that hes never talked to her before so maybe that's its? but hes a red flag of course So originally everyone was thinking Ryan bc hes being really mean to Chelsea and I was like okay whatever. But then I was thinking and I'm like Jackson is a number for us (potentially) and he would be sent to reflection island but Nicholas will never be a number for us so why not vote out Danielle so that he will be at reflection. Anway a bunch of rumors are going around right now and its about to be tribal and I think everyone is going kinda crazy. 

I literally feel like I'm gonna be sick. Tonight I'm proving I'm a true #rebel and flipping. This is gonna be so crazy but Quillynn, Willow and Lily all came to me saying we should vote out Danielle rather than saying in the alliance chat which was sketchy. Then Gage acted like he didn't care which was sketchy. Then I talked to JD and she was experiencing the same so I think we're being used which is dumb cause I'm tired of Quillynn consistently lying to me. I gave Ryan my vote steal and in return he gave me his idol pieces so I'm hoping this works. I'm obviously just a number for the girls and they don't really care what I think so this way will hopefully be better. If Danielle does go home I'll look like a paranoid mess but this is the best option cause I know Ryan at least trusts me...anyway I can't wait to go home tonight woohoo.