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this-is-a-podcast-fanblog · 5 months

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Sister Cities: Night Vale (Welcome to Vermillion Falls)

A friendly desert community where the sun is bright, the stars have forsaken us, and the moon is a lie. Welcome to Night Vale.

Good evening, Vermillion Falls! Wow, it's been so long since I last spoke to all of you. I think it was... 2014? 2015, maybe? And I don't know when the last time before then would have been. What a wonderful time it is that we get to participate in this tradition once again. Well anyway, for those of you hearing me for the first time, my name is Cecil Gerswhin Palmer, and I am the community radio host of the beautiful town of Night Vale! In case you didn't know, we are your sister city! You'll never meet us, and we'll never meet you if you know what's good for you, but we are united nonetheless by the ties of family. And what could be stronger than that?

Speaking of family, Vermillion Falls, I'm sure you all remember the guy I was telling you about last time I was on the air - Carlos the Scientist. He is a beautiful man with beautiful hair and an oaky voice, who conducts scientific experiments in his lab by Big Rico's Pizza, and he is utterly perfect in every single imperfect way. The last time I spoke to you, Carlos was my boyfriend, and he had recently returned from being trapped in a desert otherworld. Well - then, Carlos and I have gotten *married*! Isn't that the most wonderful news? Isn't that the most fascinating piece of journalism ever to cross your ears? We had our ceremony on the 15th of December, in 2016, at -

Oh, hang on, Vermillion Falls. I've just been handed a press release by my newest intern, Safa. Safa, should I even be reading Night Vale news, if the people of my community aren't going to hear it? Oh well. I guess it can't hurt. More about my husband soon.

But first, a message from the Night Vale Interfaith Crochet Club and Political Activism Coalition. As many of you know, this group advocates for the recognition of crochet into popular culture, as both an artform and a really cool hobby. "We want everyone to know that regardless of what you believe in, we can all get behind making cool stuff out of yarn" said Robin, who is one of the coalition's organizers, and also a priest at the Temple of Hekate out in the sand wastes. "First, you chain to the desired length. Then, you either go back into the second loop from the hook, or you chain extra and yarn over. Then, you repeat your actions to make various stitches. It's great." The Night Vale Interfaith Crochet Club and Political Activism Coalition would like to invite you to their meetings. You can find them every other Wednesday night from 5:01 to 6:07:32, with locations announced every week on their Instagram page. Crochet materials and political pamphlets will be provided. When asked by a member of the press whether knitters would be welcome at the coalition's meetings, Robin hissed, then threw down zir skein of yarn, then vanished into a puff of vapor. So maybe don't attend the meetings if you like to knit.

This has been: a press release.

Okay, listeners, back to talking about my husband. So, Carlos and I had our ceremony on the 15th of December in 2016, and it's honestly hard to believe that that was almost seven years ago already. It feels like yesterday that my beautiful Carlos walked down the aisle towards me, his face all alight with the love we share as we wed in front of our entire town! And now, we have a beautiful baby boy who we adopted. Although I guess he isn't really a baby anymore, since he's about to turn six. Our sweet Esteban is the joy of our lives, and he takes so well after both his fathers. He started talking at eighteen months, but not in the usual baby-babble way. His first word was "I", followed by the words "desire destruction should follow in my wake, and also I would like another Gerber pouch, please." Carlos and I were so proud of him. How many children have a complete sentence at the same time as their first word? Do you know any children like that, Vermillion Falls? Of course not. My Esteban is a truly remarkable child, completely one of a kind. He loves giraffes and other animals, and he also loves to throw tantrums where he hurls his toys around the room and screams at the sky. When that happens, Carlos has to pick him up and rock him back and forth singing "Valjean's Soliloquy" from Les Miserables until he calms down. And it works every time. I'm so happy with my family. I was texting your radio host, Frank Luna, in our town voice group chat, and I sent him so many pictures of my husband. Like this one, where -

Ughhhh, another press release? Safa, I'm doing extremely important work here. I know this is only your first day, but usually press releases are supposed to be spaced out more, and I just did one! No, I totally did. Um, you might think I've been rambling about my family for a really long time, but time is subjective, and I am the station manager here. Okay, fine. Let's see what we've got.

The Night Vale Board of Education would like to announce an update to all their dictionaries. Effective immediately, they will be changing science curriculums to include "guilt" as a step in the scientific method. "Just take a moment to ponder what you're doing," said Director of Emergency Press Conferences Pamela Winchell, who wore a Jurassic Park Hoodie. "And think about whether it's really worth it, whatever 'it' is that you're about to do. Scientifically, I mean. This makes sense to me. Any questions? Yes, you with the clipboard." Several journalists with clipboards began speaking at the same time. "Leann with the clipboard," Pamela clarified. Leann asked her question, which was not picked up by the mics, but which Pamela helpfully repeated back verbatim. "Is our decision impacted by the recent works of Doctor J-" Here Pamela paused and made a face as if she had just bit into the sourest of lemons. "By Doctor Jan-" Pamela paused again and shakily took a sip of water. "I'm going to pretend you said by 'that woman' because that's more tolerable to me. Yes, it is. Anyone else? No? Alright, bye then." With that, Pamela hastily climbed into a car and drove away. Well, listeners, I must say, I completely agree with this decision. Mostly because I texted my husband to ask him what he thought, and he said he agrees too. So there you have it.

And now for traffic.

A car lies alone in a quiet ditch and the driver is still alive. On the back bumper, there is an array of colorful stickers, all pastel and candy-hued. One sticker says "Night Vale Community College Honor Student", a declaration of personal achievement that would be pretentious, were it not so admirable. There is a sticker that says "Save the Bees" and a sticker that says "Shop local" with a little cartoon farmer. There is a pride flag sticker, a nautical delta flag sticker, a sticker of the US flag on fire. The tires of the car are also on fire. Just the front ones. The left side door is dented inward, and already flowers are growing through the rust hole in the open passenger door. It squeaks on its hinges, still swaying, while dandelions and nightshade poke up through the metal. In the rearview mirror, lights twinkle red and blue. The pieces of metal scattered all around catch this light, and reflect it, dancing all over the quiet ditch and the empty road, a dazzling, shimmery display. A moth lands on the windshield, which resembles a disco ball, if disco balls were vaguely rectangular. The lights are getting closer now, and the moth flits away into the night. A car lies alone in a quiet ditch, and the driver is still alive.

This has been traffic.

Alright, so back to my family. Carlos, Esteban, and I live on Ourobourus Road, in the nicest house on our street. We have a backyard where Esteban plays on his jungle gym, and where we can walk our dog, Aubergine. Safa, what is it now? Oh, right. The weather. I guess I have extended the broadcast a little bit too much. Well, Vermillion Falls, let's go to the weather.

Welcome back, Vermillion Falls.

While we were in the weather, I asked my new intern, Safa, to go over the next few media reports to see if they could just kind of condense them down a little bit for me. I did go a little bit over the time limit, but can you blame me? I haven't talked to you all for years! I really wanted to give you updates about Carlos! Anyway, Safa was reading the reports while they poured themself a glass of water from the sink, but accidentally dropped them in. And when they reached to pick up the soggy papers, Safa's arm sank deep underwater. Much deeper than the half-inch of water pooled into the sink. Their entire body pitched forward, and Safa splashed into the sink. They tried to swim back up, to climb back out of the sink and into Night Vale, but instead, Safa resurfaced in the middle of a lake, in the town of Vermillion Falls!

I know this because Frank just texted our group chat. And according to him, no one who's entered Vermillion Falls through that lake has ever left. It's pretty difficult to find Night Vale, anyways, so it's safe to say that Safa will be there with you guys for a while. Perhaps indefinitely. So, please welcome Safa to your town! I'm sure they'll have a great time. At least, I hope so.

And to the family and loved ones of Intern Safa, they weren't that great of an intern, and they kept interrupting me, but they aren't technically dead, so I can speak as ill of them as I'd like. I'm sure they will call you soon. Just probably from a different time zone.

Alright, back to my broadcast about my husband. That's what this was supposed to be, after all, and I think it's fair enough that I can continue it without any more interruptions. So, settle in, Vermillion Falls! I have a lot to catch you up on. So anyway, Carlos's skin is beautiful and smooth, since he uses an incredible skincare routine made up of two toners and a revitalizing serum, and his cologne...

Broadcast continues for three hours.

#cecil palmer #wtnv #carlos the scientist #this was fun to write hope you guys like it #my fic #welcome to night vale #wtnv spoilers #vermillion falls #frank luna #my fanfic #my writing

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