#violence (or war aka genocide) breaks out again in bosnia

[halinski]

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#me: being in the mental ward on suicide watch and in the bpd clinic was horrid and traumatizing #also me: what if i romanticize it with my fave ships and make them fall in love there 😍😍😍 #my 1am delusions: this must mean i miss it #mentally ill experiences tend to be a double edged sword don't they #when they're not plain horrible #like i guess i wouldn't be alive without my stays there but am i randomly triggered by just casually thinking back to them #yeah #absolutely #ignore me #also also me after being triggered by my parents today: what if... #all my life im just being prepared to mentally endure to step in and be in the midst of (probably when and not) if #violence (or war aka genocide) breaks out again in bosnia #what if i'm meant to heal and not want to die so i can go and actually survive fighting for my life in real life life-or-death #and then use my now kinda first aid knowledge to help too #i'm falling back into *hackles raised* fighting to my last breath instinct no thoughts panic tonight #but i am aware so we can work on processing that #are we tho? probably not #delete in the next 5 mins probably #bc im being a whiney bitch