#what would a 2000 year old gollum even be like ._. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shriekthemighty · 4 years

Text

High School (and Middle School) Never Ends

For years I have occasionally thought back to the videos that made my youth. Salad Fingers, Cat with Hands. Spoilsbury Toast Boy. The first two were amusing, if off-putting at times. Fond memories of my youth. But Spoilsbury Toast Boy is a hectic flashback mirage of deeply unsettling imagery. I like to think of myself as someone who isn’t easily scared. I found Salad Fingers amusing. Cat with Hands was mildly creepy at best. After one viewing I vowed to never watch Spoilsbury Toast Boy again.

Every time I remember Spoilsbury Toast Boy, I resolve myself to rewatch it. To prove to myself that it’s not as intensely unnerving as I remember. Every time, I forget. Like my mind is protecting me from what I have mostly forgotten.

But today that will change. Today I will rewatch Spoilsbury Toast Boy for the first time in about a decade.

But first. Salad Fingers! I figured it was a good starting place on the creepy scale, as I can understand why some people would find it unnerving. And I’ve heard there’s been some new content since I was a kid! So let’s go!

Episode 1: Was this a youtube thing originally? That doesn’t seem right. And 11 episodes??? I feel like there were maybe 5 last time I looked? Granted, that was almost a decade ago. I’m making myself feel old. But now! The first episode!

“The feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic.” Iconic. THE quote that dominated my early teen years.

The rusty kettle thing feels like it’s there to just make him look like a creep, but ALSO feels like some weird foreshadowing or something. It’s been so long. idk.

Episode 2: The introduction of the finger friends! The real start, in a first watch, to indicate that Salad Fingers is maybe a bit fucked up. And the abrupt language change is interesting. This is all familiar so far.

“I like it when the red water comes out...” Okay, this is when it should probably start being unsettling? A humanoid figure is presumably burned alive while the non humanoid is getting off on impaling his finger. But. I’m not upset? This feels normal for the times? What were the early 2000′s.

Real world references to bring the weirdness home! Very good! And a finger friend now seemingly in the flesh! The episode ends with a return to the oven and the ‘fish’ about done. Still all things I remember

Episode 3: There is so much, in only the first few minutes of this video. Oh boy. Is it a product of the times, or ahead of them? Only time will tell. I don’t even have the energy to talk about ‘milk from the teat’ of Salad Fingers being produced via masochistic acts and just... I’m too tired. This is a quarantine adjacent nostalgia tour blog.

I took a break and am now restarting this the next day. The flute playing is, interesting? As is the more humanoid but clearly mutated figure being so intent on killing Salad Fingers.

Episode 4: A person is watching him so he just... goes home. I feel that.

This child loves him. Why???

A bug! Little sister.

I love the post apocalyptic implications of his house having a number on the door. And a trap! A grubby tap trap!

There is so much phallic imagery happening.

And he just... bamfs out! The poor child is sad. Riding taps into the sunset...

Episode 5: The broken phone and forgetting Hubert’s name is interesting. All still somewhat familiar. I’m pretty sure I’ve see this episode before.

Dressed as a bride and distressed. Not just a picnic, a wedding. Guests imminent!

One of the finger friends in the window does NOT like him having a new playmate!

THE BIRD. THE BIRD STOLE THE SPOON! OH NO!

The girl talking is definitely significant. Interesting

Episode 6: Someone is in the house, and the finger friends are back! He remembers Hubert’s name this time. Bye bye Jeremy!

Wash those bad thoughts away. The toilet (somehow still able to flush) knows things.

He’s eating... himself? Another Salad Fingers? Who knows. The toilet knows.

Episode 7: Floor sugar.

I can never tell if this is one of those things where there’s all some deeper meaning, or if it’s just meant to be weird and senseless. Is Kenneth actually his brother? Was there a great war? Idk, I’m drunk.

The tree “barely shuffled an inch” a way of keeping sane? Making sure all is in its place? I’m reading too much into this.

In a dress once more. I want this to be a gender thing, but I don’t think it is.

Episode 8: Filling a clearly broken radio with... metal pellets? Buckshot? And Things are happening.

Hiding in the safety cupboard with a ‘special hair” dragged across the eye. Interesting. Multiple special hairs.

By the end of this I fully expect The Revenge of Hubert Cumberdale.

Oh someone wants their hair back! A ghost??

Goodbye special hairs. The safety cupboard is the crying cupboard now.

Episode 9: The animation style seems different here. I’m not sure I saw the last episode, but I’m almost positive I haven’t seen this one.

Oh shit. Baby Yvonne.

Wtf is up with his salad fingers!!!

Use your “baby” to clean the windows and then eat a sandwich. At first I thought he didn’t want to give up Yvonne, but now I think he just realized it wasn’t a baby and came up with another reason he must have gone there?

Episode 10: WAY nicer animation immediately. This was obviously done years after the original ones.

Milford is still there and it’s Hubert’s birthday! Oh shit!

A shiny new monolith thing, here to bring salvation and the end of Salad Fingers’ world?

Oh the detail on that is HORRIFYING. I miss the low quality now.

Hubert Jason!

Well. Dr. Papanak is terrifying.

That took an unexpected turn. Poor horse.

And... more horses. Okay. Also, does Salad Fingers look older suddenly? Sounds older too.

More Salad Fingers!! Oh poor boy, he’s seeing what he would have (should have?) become. He’s all alone.

The monolith is moving!

...okay then.

Episode 11: The last episode! How will it end?

Fighting with his finger friends, so sad.

I REALLY don’t like the detail on the fingers now. Better animation is not always a good thing. Does help the creepy factor though.

New Hubert is awful and glass mother is entirely unsurprising. Let’s see where it leads!

Very Gollum/Smeagol. Interesting.

Yeah, saw that coming. Bye, Hubert!

Through the puddle, rescue Hubert! And... do that, I guess. Will Hubert seek revenge yet?

Huh. So that’s all of Salad Fingers. I enjoyed it, but I understand nothing

Spoilsbury Toastboy Time!

Episode The Title One: Oh shit it’s by the same guy! That makes sense.

Idk if I’ve ever seen this one. I watched the one titled episode 1 first.

Oh wait yes, I think I have seen this! The beetle goes into his ear and that’s why he sees beetles!

Oh. Well. Things can’t be wrong if you’re dead, I guess!

Episode 1: I technically watched this one first, so that’s important.

Already very intense. Kill grandma!

Speckled huckleberry leaves. That’s the thing that made Salad Fingers sick, I think!

Grandma burning in the fire. I remember that!

For some reason I remembered the beetles as crickets? I have a very clear memory of this.

Episode 2: Quite the young gentleman. And then straight to work! Sounds about right.

Corporate slavery seeming all normal, and back to grandma! I feel like she was a big part of why this terrified me as a teen, so let’s see.

Oh the beetles are fucking. I think one fucks grandma at some point? Yup, there it is! They’re raping grandma. Cool.

This just seems... senselessly cruel? Like, not even entertainingly grimdark. Why did this used to scare me. I’ve finished it and I’m just annoyed that I wasted my time.

Bonus: Cat With Hands!

Since I mentioned it in the intro, I figured I’d watch this one again too. I remember finding it mildly creepy. More so than Salad Fingers, but way less than Spoilsbury Toast Boy.

The guy who hasn’t spoken is the cat, right? I remember this. He just needs a tongue.

Wow this animation is BAD. But that almost makes it better? It works, for the story.

Yup, just as I remembered. I think this one is probably only scary the first time, when you don’t know what to expect.

#salad fingers #cat with hands #spoilsbury toast boy #childhood #me

5 notes · View notes

tj-dragonblade · 7 years

Text

RULES: post 10 random things about yourself and then pass it on. Please repost, do not reblog. TAGGED BY: @mita-rashi months upon months ago coming up with random shit about myself is ridiculously more difficult than it ought to be. TAGGING, no obligation:@danikatze, @brewka, @anei-rin, @sushibrains4, @gloriousmonsters, @lekoppafandoms, @kelasparmak, @techmaestro, @zalia, @aliasofwestgate, @corvuscorona

1. There was a time in my life where one of my greatest wishes would have been to play violin in the orchestras that recorded the scores for Disney movies. This was in the Beauty and the Beast/Aladdin timeframe, and those soundtracks plus The Little Mermaid made up a lot of what I listened too at the time. My French teacher gave me copies in French also which was a lot of fun and great for keeping familiarity with the language, but anyway. It's just, playing was something I dearly loved, and being part of an orchestra was something I dearly loved, and these soundtracks were all so wonderfully evocative, so inextricably entwined in the story and I'd sit there immersed in Marketplace or The West Wing and think This, this is what I want to play, I want to be a part of THIS. And that feeling is still there, with any good soundtrack really, but the old Disney ones always give me a very particular pang. (Ironically this was after I'd already given up the violin for reasons I'll always regret, but.)

2. There have been four bands/artists in my life that I've been genuinely hardcore fanatic about, been wholeheartedly invested in at one point or another: Yanni, Depeche Mode, Alice Cooper, and Nightwish. I've been lucky enough to see all of them live except Yanni.

3. I was raised Mormon and I was 100% a Believer all the way up through high school. It was after I graduated and got slammed full in the face by the Real World that I realized I personally couldn't reconcile the two and that's how I became agnostic or atheist or secular or whatever I should be calling myself.

4. I am absolutely terrible at retaining details when I read/watch something casually. If it doesn't grab me with the fannish intensity it's like...nothing sticks, regardless of how much I enjoy the consumption.

5. My dentist, who is perhaps 55 at most by now, still calls me 'kiddo', even though I'm 40 now and have been coming to him only the past...twelve years maybe? So I mean it's not like he's been my dentist since I was a kid or anything, and I wonder. Does he call everyone younger than him 'kiddo'? Is it the vibe of youthful insecurity I give off? I certainly don't look particularly young. This puzzles me every time I'm in his chair.

6. Once I used my Gollum voice when singing my youngest his bedtime song and now he asks for 'the funny voice' all the time.

7. So I know at least once I've reblogged something TMNT and cited it as possibly my first fandom but if I really think back it was probably actually Thundercats. I had a friend in 4th grade who was also really into it and she'd make up stories about this character or that and tell them to me on the playground at recess. She had this habit of picking on Tygra in her stories, which may or may not have contributed to him being my favorite.

8. I once won a trip to Mexico on some radio contest. This was back in 2000 before I got married and I don't even remember how I got entered in the contest but I was so taken aback and panicky-anxious at the thought when the radio guy called to tell me I'd won that I doubt very much they played the call on the radio; I had like zero enthusiasm for his 'exciting news'. I never collected the prize, either; I had a milllion excuses for why it wouldn't be something I'd enjoy/could afford but really it just boiled down to anxiety and my still-persistent Fear of Things I Haven't Done Before. I don't know that I regret it exactly but I think about it every once in awhile - usually in context of 'I won that trip that one time that's my lifetime quota of winning so I'm definitely not going to win in this contest/drawing/etc nope' and such.

9. I have never had any interest in supervisory duties; I really don't think I'm suited for it but all my astrological shit says differently and three times now in my working life I've been put into a supervisory position. At least this time it's a single employee and so far everything is going smoothly. Fingers crossed.

10. My youngest hates getting his toenails cut but if I sit him on my left and let him trace my ANBU tattoo with his finger while I handle his toes it seems to put him somewhat more at ease than otherwise.

#askmemes #I mean not exactly but same spirit

9 notes · View notes

wolf974 · 5 years

Text

1ST ESSAY OF “THE LORD OF THE RINGS”

1st Essay of “the Lord of the Rings”

1. How can it be just a dream?

It was the day I cannot forget until the end of my life, one cold day in 2001 Winter. A 10 years old Korean girl, who was not able to fully understand that the movie could be a trilogy, was shocked tremendously after watching “The Fellowship of the Ring”; the long-take scene, from the back of Frodo and Sam to the darkness of Mordor, was implying that there will be a sequel of it.

Within a year that I had to wait for the next film, I read all books related to the Middle-earth, “The Hobbit,” “The Silmarillion,” and LOTR. After becoming one of a kind of Tolkienian, I watched the movie, “The Two Towers,” around at least 10 times in the theater.

Waiting for the final film for a year again, I bought the extended editions DVD of the first and second ones. Checking out the making films became a comfort for me who was waiting for the final in boredom.

Personally, I would like to tell that “The Two Towers” comes out the top of the series. Because, sometimes, it is too fresh to have a first bite of the apple, and at the same time, I get too sick of it towards the last bit, then the middle one becomes the best to enjoy the taste and flavor of it.

Looking backward my own teenage, I was so fragile from the age of storms and gales, who did not have any hints to solve the differences from others and to cope the coldness of the world I had never met before. Whenever I was about to fall apart, I deeply connected to the fantasy world. Reading the books of LOTR, I indulged too much myself in the world and history of it, fantasizing myself as a hero of that world.

Once I aspired desperately to escape from reality, I was captivated to the delusion that I will be in the middle-earth someday. However, it was nothing that I cannot fulfill, and that fact made me so gloomy. It is now clear that I was so eager to have the mindset of being aloof, intense and spiritual, during my adolescence.

2. After reading LOTR in English, re-encountered it in a new way

Of course, when I was young, I tried to read it in English. “The Hobbit” was not my favorite, so I decided to study English by reading the LOTR which I loved so dearly. Then, I found out it was too hard for me. In fact, at that age not easy at all was it for me to read LOTR even in Korean. (I was 4th or 6th grader in elementary school at the moment)

Only, I was amazed by the story of Middle-earth due to its beauty, elegance, and antiqueness. The comparison would not be wise, but I would dare to do it with the Harry Potter series which was simultaneously popular in Korea early 2000s; LOTR was beautiful and delicate which sometimes reminded me of mythologies, but still, characters were very realistic, and Harry Potter series was very modern.

Recently, I have craved for LOTR series again so suddenly. Yes, indeed, I thought it would be a beauty if I enjoy the trilogy around this time of the year which is the beginning or end of the year that makes me have some time to spare. Since the 4th of this January, according to my planner, I’ve reread LOTR, this time in English, being thirsty to the contents of it.

Then, why, it was only after then that many thoughts got entangled in my head.

3. Finally becoming aware of what Gandalf told Frodo

Though it is not faster to read LOTR in English than in Korean, reading it aloud makes me feel how this great trilogy is beautiful and fair to recite. Moreover, I’ve become aware of what Gandalf told Frodo, which I was never able to fully understand when I was young.

‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo. ‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. ; The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King (p. 51). HarperCollins Publishers. Kindle Edition.

‘No, and I don’t want to,’ said Frodo. ‘I can’t understand you. Do you mean to say that you, and the Elves, have let him live on after all those horrible deeds? Now at any rate he is as bad as an Orc, and just an enemy. He deserves death.’ ‘Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. ; The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King (p. 59). HarperCollins Publishers. Kindle Edition.

Gandalf is the very existence, representing hope for all of us. Then, it is interesting to see that hope comes from wise men such as Gandalf, who could view the broader things with his wisdom. On the contrary, for the factors that destroy hope are the fear and despair, many people tend to be blind even if things are right under their noses.

The first paragraph which I quote shows that sagacious men never avoid the reality because of despairs and lament. They just try to break through it. There is no need to think of everything in a hard way, especially of the nature of human and the world. It is merely a massive hodgepodge. The line between the right and evil is basically indistinctive, so there has always been no method how to discern whether it is good or not. If the good turns its head, there will appear evil, and vice versa. Therefore, we have only one choice, that is doing something following our own decisions.

However, there is a significant problem: we know very few things; and, we are not prepared well. It will be an expressway to become corrupt, if we make decisions of which even ourselves do not fully know, not being ready to take responsibility for the result that our wrong choice will arouse.

That is the reason why sages always lower their body; they are aware of the fact that they could make the wrong choices whenever they can. Also, that is why the saints from all over the world teach everyone to practice, study, and train principles. It does not mean that people should be prisoners of knowledge, confined to erudition. It says that we should always be prepared to prove what we have learned word by word. Nevertheless, as Gandalf told Frodo, we cannot choose the moment for the test. We should just prepare at all times what we will do at the moment of that test. In that way, it is always for trial, paradoxically.

Also, Gandalf told Frodo that he should not declare how other beings will end. From this scene, I could say that why Gandalf leave the one ring to hobbits, and why he did not want to take it with himself.

In fact, it is not that easy to find out from the old stories from “The Silmarillion” in which the noble beings have been corrupted so easily. It has same logic with the maxim that the birds fly at the highest-level fall from the highest. The cases of people achieving a rise in such early days, having a parent who is so influential, or being so talented are what people should be cautious, following the Confucian old books; because it would be so easy to lose their balances if they fill themselves with what overflow their containers.

One of the main characters in LOTR, Aragorn, is a positive example. He is the head of Dunedain, a nobleman, and a wanderer who had passed through all kinds of adversities and the process of proving himself anonymously. That made him as the strongest human in the era. It is the exact reason why heroes and heroines need ordeals; they gain enlightenment from multiple chances of struggles.

The best learning is not infusing the mantras into oneself that one is the best creature or worst, but it is to realize that one is so trivial in this wide world, still being valuable which will grow as the part of it at the same time.

For one who is so powerful and talented, it is proving oneself not to put the ring on one’s finger; because it is plausible as long as one is truly wise. On the contrary, hobbits who are wanting just mellow peace in their lives following their culture and customs, it is natural not to have bigger dreams than they could do in their ordinary lives, which is another motive for them to be obstinate against calls of the evil. Of course, it seems Gollum is an exception, rendering not to generalize it easily; considering our two lovely hobbits, Frodo who loved simple and beautiful days in the Bag End, and Sam who wished to organize the most beautiful garden in the world, show us why we need the ordinary citizens.

Yes, we cannot tell the end in which truly final decisions will be made, and every moment decide who are really strong, weak, and foolish. Depriving oneself is not a big deal at all. It is purely a matter of entering the right way or the left way tomorrow morning. Therefore, we should not quickly judge others. Deriding is so immediate and easy, but if we were in their shoes, it would be likely that we would behave similarly. If you do not want that, you should try your best to prove that you are an exception. Soon, I bet, you will lose the proofs to criticize others. Your gazing at yourself in the process of efforts will show you the good and evil which are nesting in the deepest heart of you, like two sides of the same coin.

4. After singing, the world appeared – between the lines of fantasy and reality

I thought my research/thesis-writing is not divisible by the creation of stories, after reading the novel and watching the film of LOTR.

How was Peter Jackson so successful to make a film from the original novel? Indeed, the team and Peter Jackson showed their abilities, talents, industriousness, and constant efforts to build a masterpiece. However, as a writer, I would like to focus on Tolkien.

Frankly, I think, the reason why Jackson could succeed to make it has a basis on such detailed and vast work of Tolkien. It is so great that it is possible to call Tolkien himself as Eru Iluvatar, a creator; because he documented every image with which ordinary people will deem nothing more than their dreams in night and daydreams.

Some people could name it as a marvelous talent. However, I regard that ability no less than industriousness and steadiness. He created the languages of Middle-earth and made documents from his observation on hobbits, elves, and dwarves. And he edited and blended what he had learned from old mythologies and tales.

Notably, in this era which prefers videos and images instead to the writings, as I still value a skill of writing, I have put many thoughts into what would be the differences between the capacity to make the narratives and the modern technologies such as visual media. I would like to say, at this point in time, Tolkien was the pure creator who cast so many images in the sheets of the white paper. He provided details and instructions using the words, and based on it, Hollywood technicians including Peter Jackson was able to materialize out of the verbal images.

I felt instantly that I should gain a lesson from the accomplishment of Tolkien, concerning being as a researcher and a scholar. In my case, I would like to embody politics in the form of art. Many people will feel it absurd because they could not see any relevance between politics and fantastic literature, but I will ask them a question; isn’t it the image which somebody already dreamt of, I mean, the reality in which we live? Many philosophers and writers have designed those in the form of a sketchy, and engineers have given breathe to them to be born.

Therefore, I have to combinate images which I have learned and seen, to implement those in reality, and to generate workable narratives and discourses.

It may be just a fantasy, regarding direct democracy and anarchism. Has it been possible in any era? Is it really possible?

Then, I will sing. Within the given time, let me spit the words chanting spells, edit things, install conditions, reap what I’ve cultivated, provide influences for people. When the time comes that the blueprint I draw gets clear, it will be only after the dream which few people just dreamt will come true as a reality that many people can see the border will disappear.

5. Again, how can it be just a reality?

In my present, happiness is everywhere. Gratefulness and delights are full of my mind. Of course, sometimes I shudder because of fear that I have the evil of this world even in my own heart. And my hair on the body stands with the dread that I could be corrupted because of what I have done wrong since I can remember.

At the same time, I pray, that I will do my best to pass the test even though I do not have any clue whether I can or not. I pray, so being as the most foolish human in the world that I will be modest always. I pray that I will love my nearest and dearest. I pray that I will discard all greed and worries. I pray that I will stand with my own feet, not leaning on others. I pray that I will put my efforts even though everything will be different from now. And, I pray, that I will not fall into the karma of endless reincarnation by doing things which do not go with the flow, even if I could spill tears because of the ending of everything!

Now very grateful with things I have am I, a lovely husband and a cat, the cutest creature in the world. I am thankful that I am very healthy in the conditions where I could continue studying, enjoying the delights of learning.

Based on this gratitude, I will look myself in the face at the moments of conscienceless states. Trying not to decide the injustice, I will strive to be the one who can take responsibility for which I’ve made following my own standard. And I will not forget good things and bad things which I have received until now, and I will better good things, and I will nullify the worse effects of bad things, to cut the reincarnation.

Then, again, how can it be just a reality?

Though this massive world is the gigantic fantasy that we have created, we have never been separated from this fantastic image even once. That is why we love, hurt, and are born. Still, I believe; the time will eventually come in the day that we will cut the vicious cycle and always choose the most beautiful decisions, yes, the time of nirvana. Therefore, I believe; that I will come back to here even after I die, because “I” will not be gone as long as “Human” does not disappear.

#ethics #lotr #thelordoftherings #politics #novel #fantasy

0 notes

southernconundrum-blog · 6 years

Text

Making a Case for 13 Going on 30.

I can still remember my Wednesday evening History of Film class in Film school. (Yes I went to film school, we can still like cheesy rom-coms) And the night my professor, a former DP for Columbia during the “golden age of film” stood in front of the entire class and proclaimed we were about to view, what most experts call the greatest film of all time. You guessed it, Citizen Kane.

He went on to explain that what made it so great was the technicality and the innovation of it. The first film to use flashback and continuous wide shots, blah blah. I thought it was a snooze fest of straight white male nonsense. Yeah technically it’s cool they did all that with cut and paste film. I respect that shit, I do. But Citizen Kane is one of the most un-relatable stories ever. At least to me as a gay woman. It’s like the Catcher in the Rye of film. I have a hard time identifying with rich white dudes who feel like they don’t belong in a world created for and by them. If anyone actually read this blog I bet I’d get ALL the haters up in here leaving me comments about how oppressed men are now. Do it. I masturbate with male tears.

ANYWAYS. Fuck Citizen Kane in it’s boring ass face. I’m here to talk about the greatest movie of all time. The movie that is best picture every year in my heart and soul always and the one movie by which every other movie is measured. 13 Going on Motherfucking 30.

Yes it’s entertaining. Yes it’s a feel good romish-com with a cute cast. Yes it has Judy Greer. But what makes it the best? I’ll break it down for you.

CAST:

We all know about JGar and MRuff, and before we get to Judy Greer, let’s talk about the supporting cast:

Christa B Allen

For you true Jgar fans you’ll note that this was not Christa’s only time playing a young Jen. She also does in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (another one of my faves but more problematic). Christa’s got the looks and the chops. She’s not only a dead ringer for the younger Rink, she’s also actually a great actress. Here’s what she looks like now BTW.

Pretty fucking spot on from the casting director I’d say. So if Christa B. Allen was the homerun, Sean Marquette (young MRUFF) is the grand slam.

Then and now:

Yeah that could be Mark Ruffalo in the early 2000′s. And Sean does a great job himself in the younger role. Moving on.

BRIE OSCAR WINNER CAPTAIN MARVEL LARSON

In a bit part with ONE freaking line. She nailed it by the way. That’s how extra this movie is. Oscar winners as basically extras.

FUN FACT THAT ONLY A PSYCHO WOULD KNOW:

When Jenna is looking at her yearbook with Matty years later, it flashes this picture of the Six Chicks:

Notice Jenna is now “practically their leader” and Brie Larson is nowhere to be found. Presumably she has already been kidnapped and is in ROOM. Too dark? Or too REAL.

ANDY FUCKING SERKIS

You can use IMDB to go through this guy’s laundry list of amazing credits. And don’t stop at Gollum in LOTR because he was basically just getting started in this bitch. He’s also an accomplished director. He plays Jenna and Lucy’s (tom-tom) boss and the editor of Poise magazine. He’s also gay bc representation in 2004 hella mattered.

KATHY BAKER (Jenna’s mom)

Where have you seen her? Bitch, everywhere. She has a staggering list of nominations and awards from film, tv and stage where she’s had a phenomenal career. My favorite roles are between that gem up there in Edward Scissorhands and the woman of many marriages in the Jane Austen Book Club. She’s a legend and she’s NOT EVEN THE STAR OF THIS FILM.

Marcia DeBonis (Jenna’s admin asst)

It’s easier to tell you what she HASN’T been in. Like Kathy Baker, she’s made a career out of small, scene stealing roles. She also has a pretty impressive career in casting.

I’m not going do Jen and Mark because we all know all of their shit. I’m the biggest JGar fan on earth so don’t get me started, but they are obviously mega stars and I need to save some room for.......here it comes...it’s finally here...you know it was coming..and here WE. FUCKING. GO.

JUDITH THERESE EVANS GREER

If Judy BAD BITCH OF LIFE Greer is in a movie? I’m seeing it. Why? BC SHE’s in EVERY MOVIE. Judy Greer is a brilliant silky chameleon with ferrari engine precision comedic timing. I would say she ties with Melanie Lynksey for all time underrated actress in history, but I think she pushes just past her since her body of work is unbelievably large. She has done indie, rom-com, sci-fi blockbuster, you name it. She can and has done anything and everything and I love her with every sad and broken cell in my fangirl body. She doesn’t support scenes, she carries them. And the only reason you think someone else is the star is because Judy wants you to think that. There are like 2 people on this Earth I love as much as I love Judy Greer and they are basically my mom and Claire Danes. She is an angel we do not deserve sent to us straight from a place we can never know. I legitimately worry that not enough people know what a treeey zzzurrre we have in Judy. I will do whatever I can to always spread the Gospel of Greer in this flaming shit bag of a world. If you haven’t seen Addicted to Fresno, please excuse yourself from whatever meaningless nonsense you’re doing right now to go watch it. Thanks.

STORY

A perfect cast, and yes this is one, does not a good film make on it’s own (see all those shitty Gary Marshall vignette films).

Lucky for us we also have a perfect story. This film has everything: redemption, friendship, love, betrayal, materialism, capitalism, competition, fucking TIME TRAVEL. And a dance number to goddamn Thriller.

This movie created the catch-phrase, “Fabuloso”, which would eventually become the best smelling cleaning product of all time. It brought back Razzles, no doubt saving that entire brand from bankruptcy. It has complicated parental relationships, complex female friendships, a pre-wedding love confession scene, an NYC fall photoshoot montage, an accidentally fall-down kiss scene, a popular high school guy now a balding loser scene, a heroine saves the magazine scene, and a Pat Benetar slumber party pillow fight.

SETTING

NEW. MOTHERFUCKING. YORK. CITY. Is there any other place where a 30 year old can be the editor of a fashion magazine and live in an $8 million apartment???

SOUNDTRACK

I mean, you’ve got The Go-Go’s, Whitney Houston, Madonna, Billy Joel, Liz Phair, Rick Springfield, Talking Heads, Soft Cell, I COULD ON AND ON.

CONCLUSION

I am a rom-com SLUT. I have seen all of them, but this one is the stand out. Instead of limiting Jenna to the “she falls in love and finally changes her life” trope, it explores ALL the reasons Jenna’s life went off track. Not just because she lost her best friend along the way, but because now she’s dishonest, disloyal, and though she has the trappings of the life she dreamed of, she isn’t the person she thought she would be. In fact, Matty is not even the main thread of all of it.

The takeaway here is that being present is more important than worrying and wishing about the future.Which is actually some intense deep Buddhist shit.

By living in the moment we’re in, we can shape our lives however we want. Jenna was so intent on creating her idea of a perfect life, that she missed what was right in front of her. When she got a glimpse of what she thought she wanted, she realized how empty it was. The money, the cool job, the $8 million apartment doesn’t mean shit when you don’t have any real connections to anyone. And is there any better moment then when she goes back to her closet birthday party, kisses Matty and slams Tom-Tom’s drink in her face and calls her a “Biatch”? NO. It’s the most satisfying moment in American cinema.

TWO THINGS

1.This movie has 0 diversity and is 100% straight white people problems. I acknowledge it. It is problematic. I don’t know what to say. It was the time, I didn’t make the movie, and thank the lorde things are changing.

2.Lucy’s take on Poise re-branding was 100,000% better than that Abercrombie bullshit Jenna came up. Don’t @ me.

JUDY GREER 2020

#13goingon30 romcoms judygreer jennifergarner markruffalo fashionsuicide fabuloso razzles billyjoel

0 notes

dickbosman · 6 years

Photo

" 'They come from Mordor,' said Strider in a low voice. 'From Mordor, Barliman, if that means anything to you.' " ― The Fellowship of the Ring, Strider The Nazgûl, also known as the Nine Riders or Black Riders (or simply the Nine), were Sauron's "most terrible servants" in Middle-earth. Sometime during the Second Age (after year S.A. 1600) Sauron gave nine Rings of Power to powerful mortal Men. It is said that three of the Nine were lords of Númenor corrupted by Sauron, and one was a king among the Easterlings. For many years the bearers used the rings to gain great wealth, prestige and power, becoming "mighty in their day, kings, sorcerers, and warriors of old". The effect of the rings caused their lives to be prolonged, and to see things of the Unseen. But over time their bodily forms faded until they became wraiths entirely, slaves under the domination of Sauron's One Ring. Known as the Nazgûl, they first appeared around S.A. 2251 and were soon established as Sauron's principal servants. When Sauron was overthrown in S.A. 3441 at the hands of the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, the wraiths faded into the shadows. However around 1050 of the Third Age Sauron returned in the form of a shadow in Greenwood the Great, triggering also the return of his servants. It was around T.A. 1300 when the Lord of the Nazgûl gathered evil Men and founded the Witch-kingdom of Angmar. From there he led Sauron's forces against the mannish kingdom of Arnor in T.A. 1409. He was eventually defeated in battle in T.A. 1975 and returned to Mordor, gathering the other Nazgûl in preparation for the return of Sauron to that realm. In T.A. 2000, they besieged Minas Ithil and captured it after a two-year siege. The city thereafter became the stronghold of the Nazgûl, from where they directed the rebuilding of Sauron's armies, also acquiring a palantír for the Dark Lord. Indeed, after his defeat in Dol Guldur, Sauron returned to Mordor in T.A. 2942 and declared himself openly in T.A. 2951. Three of the Nazgûl were sent to his fortress at Dol Guldur to garrison that outpost. In T.A. 3017 Sauron commanded the Ringwraiths to recover the One Ring of Power from "Baggins of the Shire". Disguised as horse riders clad in black (hence the term Black Riders), they sought out Bilbo Baggins who, as Gollum had revealed, had the One Ring in his possession. The Dwarves of Erebor spoke of a rider who had come to offer Sauron's friendship and ask about Hobbits. As a token of their friendship he asked for a "trifle", a ring, "the least of rings", that the thief had stolen. The Nazgûl at this point were dependent on their black horses (stolen from Rohan) for transportation. When they were swept away by the waters of the river Bruinen, their horses were killed. The Ringwraiths were forced to return to Mordor to regroup. They reappeared later mounted on flying creatures, at which point they were referred to as Winged Nazgûl. By the conclusion of the War of the Ring, all of the Nine Nazgûl were destroyed. The Lord of the Nazgûl himself was slain by Éowyn, the niece of King Théoden (with help from Merry, known as "The Magnificent" thereafter) during the Battle of the Pelennor Fields. The remaining eight Ringwraiths attacked the Army of the West during the last battle at the Black Gate. However, when Frodo Baggins put on the ring in the fires of Mount Doom, Sauron ordered the eight remaining Nazgûl to fly with all possible speed to Mount Doom to intercept Frodo. They arrived too late, with the Ring falling into the fire along with the hapless Gollum. The Nazgûl were caught in the firestorm of the erupting mountain and were destroyed. "The Nazgûl were they, the Ringwraiths, the Enemy's most terrible servants; darkness went with them, and they cried with the voices of death." ― The Silmarillion, "Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age" Given form only through the attire of black cloaks and hauberks of silver mail, their original form was completely gone and invisible to mortal eyes. Their hypnotic eyes could be plainly distinguished from their dark clothing, and in a rage they appeared in a hellish fire. Mortal men could not touch them (unless blessed by weapons or tools of the ancient Elves of the First Age or by the Dúnedain, such as the barrow-blade used by Merry on the Witch-king of Angmar). The Ringwraiths had many weapons, which included long swords of steel and flame, daggers with venomous properties, poisonous darts and black maces of great strength. Their arsenal of deadly armaments was not confined to physical means; they also had seemingly magical weapons of devastating power. They were surrounded by an aura of terror, which affected all living creatures; their "breath" (called the Black Breath) was poisonous, and their cries caused terror and despair in all who heard them. Some of the Nazgûl appear to have been accomplished sorcerers and used magic to devastating effect. According to Tolkien, though, it was the fear they inspired that was the chief danger: "They have no great physical power against the fearless," he wrote, "but what they have, and the fear that they inspire, is enormously increased in darkness" ― The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien The Nazgûl existed mostly in the wraith world (the Unseen), making them extremely difficult to harm. Ordinary weapons would not hurt them, and even weapons of Númenórean manufacture would be destroyed if they passed through the wraith forms of the Nazgûl. They could not, however, interact normally with the material world (the Seen): they needed garments and weapons provided by Sauron to give them form. Consequently, they could be defeated by attacks that destroyed their disguises, forcing them to return to Sauron to receive new ones. The Nazgûl spread terror in mortal creatures merely by their presence. Only specially trained horses or the fell beasts of Mordor could bear them. They caused panic and despair in their enemies simply by flying overhead, and only individuals of great courage could face them in combat. They were also poisonous to mortal beings, causing a condition known as the Black Breath. Merely being in the vicinity of one of them could cause disorientation and illness. Intense exposure could be lethal. The Nazgûl had poor vision in the material world, but they were acutely aware of the beings with a presence in the wraith world, like the wearer of the One Ring and certain Elves, such as Glorfindel. Anyone who could see into the wraith world could see the Nazgûl as they had appeared in their mortal lives. The Witch-king could also affect matter with his voice, shattering the dagger that Frodo had gotten in the Barrow-downs and weakening the gates of Minas Tirith. Whether other Nazgûl could perform similar feats is unknown. Only a few of the Nazgûl are named or identified individually. Their leader was the Witch-king of Angmar, and his second in command was named Khamûl. Khamûl was a lord of Easterlings, and was the only Nazgûl known by his name. Three of them were Númenóreans. Artist: Patcas

1 note · View note