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lauranceofmeteli · 6 months

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26 for ask game?

26. you're tasked with writing an official side story/spin-off roleplay (void paradox, mermaid tale, upside-down story), what would that look like?

a while ago i had a phase where i spent a lot of time thinking about what the character changes in upside down stories would look like if it was reverse spin-offed back into mcd but alas i wrote none of it down and barely remember anything i came up with </3

gist of it was aph as the result of a botched attempt at reviving the shadow lord (who is irene. if you care.) leaving her without memories and limited access to her previous power. she latches hard onto the two shadow knights who attempted the resurrection which works for them bc its either the shadow lord favors them or theyre getting the torture labyrinth for all eternity tomorrow. those shadow knights being:

garroth, who was set to inherit the lord title in o'khasis before an assassination he believes was a coordinated coup from his brothers (was it???? we may never know but he certainly believes it). this happening when he was young, leaving him unable to even grow enough to plan to join the guard academy leaving him no outlet to begin to unlearn everything he'd internalized as the closest thing ru'an has to a crown prince. leaving him a bit of an asshole. and well all that time in the nether afterwards certainly doesn't help him become a well adjusted adult. he still has this core belief that he Deserves some sort of power in some society, and if he needs to turn to more drastic measures than waiting for his dad to die then so be it.

and laurance who also became a shadow knight a lot earlier than canon and has been largely disillusioned with how things are run both in the nether and in society at large for a long time. thinks the best thing to do would be to let everything burn. where garroth still holds a lot of determination for clawing his way back up to the top, laurance is largely apathetic and has long let the morals he held in his human life and early shadow knight years slip. when he realizes aphmau is like a Person rather than just an empty vessel and proof of his fuck up, she's one of the first things he cares about in a long time.

laurance and garroth were not friends prior to this and just had similarly aligning goals at that moment and now are either stuck with each other or the torture labyrinth mentioned above.

idk much abt what the other characters are up to. but i can imagine zane being a really benevolent and beloved figure in o'khasis which pisses garroth off sooo bad when he finds out

going off of pdh upside down stories, i imagine the plot follows aphmau some time after whatever is going on above meeting whoever gene is in this world and being like hm. maybe i dont want to run a necromancy army forever. i'd need to go back and rewatch pdh upside down stories if i wanted to take this au anywhere again....

#sighs. why do i never take detailed notes on the things i think about for fun.#anyway jess hire me for spin off writing i can put those guys in so many situations #asks #anonymous #ask games

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pinnithin · 8 months

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long kind of sad gay poast ahead

saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.

anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was

which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.

by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]

the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.

even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.

she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.

its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?

#started thinking about this first thing in the morning for some reason #i think because im moving again and its making me think of the last time i moved #out of the house i shared with my ex #something about grief being cyclical idk #pin talks #im doing a lot of posting and not a lot of packing. lol

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this-brownie · 4 years

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05.14.20

I recently read Lolita, written by Vladimir Nabokov and I have a LOT of thoughts on it. I know it’s considered such a classic, but the plot revolves around pedophilia and, therefore, was very confused by all the hype surrounding it. I decided to finally read it so that I could form a valid opinion on it.

It felt like there was no 'point' to the story or that I had somehow missed it. I read the author’s note that said there is no moral to the story and people looking for one are wasting their time. So I tried to do some research on it online to see what others have said- some people talked about how beautifully it's written and what a good job he did since he's a Russian writer and this was one of his first books in English. I thought about that-- his voice/style IS engaging, however I was utterly bored reading about the actual content, if that makes sense. The narrator/pedo would basically talk shit about these other characters for three literal pages and then MOVE ON and never. mention. them. again. I'm like...wtf was the point of that?! A lot of people called the book really funny and I was like uhhhh I didn't laugh NOT ONCE throughout the whole fucking thing. Some people said the book was amazing bc at the core of it, its a """"""loveeeee"""""" story like the fuck kind of love are you people used to?! It's literally about the descpicable narrator who.. TRIGGER WARNING ***lusts over girls ages 9-14, pursues a "relationship" with (I mean assaults) his 12yo stepdaughter, fucking bribes her w money, emotionally manipulates her (by telling her that if she goes to the police she will be taken away and will be alone forever, and wouldn't it just be better to stay with him), and abuses her daily. On top of that he acts like he's her bf and acts jealous when she starts talking to guys her age! Multiple, multiple fucking times the girl says "yeah well you raped me so the least you can do is give me money/give me this/that". She is aware that she's being taken advantage of, and attempts to exert her own agency in the matter, however she can. He sexualizes her like an object and talks about her in cringey ways like he literally says "oh this beautiful 7th grader, oh the lovely girl-child, the 12 year old with the boxy boyish torso" like ew. Why are you so obsessed with prepubescent bodies**** So fucking pathetic. And you know what? People claim that he's just hopelessly in love bc he DOES talk about her in a loving way (yeah whatever creep) but throughout the entire he book he literally ogles other children. How is that fucking love?! Just bc he found the ONE girl who was actually receptive to his disgusting behavior? Lolita is interesting for people who don’t know how to relate to real people, so they read this book about a pedophile and feel cool for “understanding” him. He’s not likable— he’s self deprecating which people enjoy because instead of having to call him disgusting, he does it to himself and it makes readers sympathize with him. They can therefore "relate" to him since we all love a self hating hero. A lot of people say that it shows us the selfish part of us, that we are willing to do whatever we need to in order to pursue what we want. That we are ultimately narcissists. Yeah maybe men feel that fucking entitled (sorry I'm being sexist) . What fucking responsible adult is willing to ruin and manipulate a child just to fulfill his own depraved fantasies? Because he succeeds in acquiring this little girl, are we supposed to applaud him? Call him smart and badass and a go getter?! He's delusional. When men read the book they relate to the narrator. And when women read it, who do you think they relate to? The female character, the girl ofc-- how to be kept in a helpless situation, keep taking abuse, and to be manipulated into staying.

I may be looking at this book and analyzing it from a very cultural lens but isn't that the point of a classic? That it transcends time, culture, whatever society you're coming from, whatever perspective you have — it’s supposed to be relatable. In the book, the narrator/pedo brings up all the historical relationships of child brides and little girls being sexualized and he's like "it wasn't wrong then" blah blah I'm like motherfucker, have you considered that we have come away from those times for a fucking reason?! When child marriages were legal, and wherever they still are, it’s not because it isn't an absolutely horrible thing. It is just socially acceptable and that's why people dont speak up about it. When people DO try to speak up about it, they are shunned which leads to others holding their silence on it. I mean, slavery was once legal too.

Oh and another sad thing was that so many readers online were saying that yeah he knows he has a problem, but he really does love her, and what about her?! It's not like she's innocent either (bc how dare she have sex once before, as an experiment)— so basically that makes this 12yo equivalent to this 45 fucking year old manipulative, delusional, pathetic abuser. I think Nabokov also purposely portrayed the girl as extra bratty and insolent bc he didn’t want his readers to see her as innocent or child like in anyway. By making her unlikable, readers begin to sympathize even more for the pedo. People are fucking wild yo, to what extent they are willing to forgive grown ass men and blame little girls. Side note, it's not that I particularly care for the girl character, but I could see through how she was being manipulated and how badly she was trying to escape (she finally does thankfully). My opinion is that if this were a real love story, people would not have given it a second look-- fuck what they say about Nabokov’s writing, it’s BS. Ultimately, my thoughts on it are that people like the book bc they like the authors writing style OR bc they think they're fucking edgy for liking such a controversial book. They probably feel cool that they have gotten through such a taboo/challenging topic without feeling complete disgust for the book and themselves. Multiple articles online have said “if you don’t like the book/are not open to reading it, it’s bc you’re narrow minded and can’t put yourself in uncomfortable positions” like stfuuuuu. They argue that just bc it’s from a wrong/taboo perspective, it’s not enough of a reason to stop you from reading it. They compared it by saying if a murderer wrote a book, is it not worth reading bc murder is wrong? And I understand the argument but that really diminishes the point. The murderer isn't being romanticized; it is pretty clear they are unstable and that we SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THEM. A person reading about a book that glorifies murder won’t necessarily go out and commit murder. Similarly, a person reading about sexual abuse/rape/pedophilia won’t go out and commit those things, but unfortunately by calling the book beautiful, and the idea compelling, and blaming the victim, you’ve now normalized the idea a little more. You’ve humanized the abuser and made his actions a little bit more acceptable. And that’s where the problem lies. Should a book like this have NOT been written? I wouldn’t jump to that. But the weird, obsessive fascination over it is definitely concerning. And what could have been done differently, anyway? The narrator is already ‘aware’ of his problem and constantly calls himself disgusting. Nabokov doesn’t regret writing it (and why should he, he’s made a ton of fame and money off of it). Having a disclaimer that says “rape is wrong” would be treated like a fucking joke. It’s really up to society and how they feel about it, which is the same as how society has always felt about girls/women. Nothing good. One other thing I came across is that a lot of young women (who ‘should’ hate the book, according to the article) actually really like it. I find that misguided. I know I am judging so hard here but- I feel that these women are the same ones that say they don’t need feminism and they are stuck on this boring ass yet ubiquitous trope of powerful/older/experienced men courting the innocent, dainty yet (somehow still) seductive girl. Have seen that idea MANY fucking times. Yawn. It might appeal to a high schooler but not people who can have two simultaneous thoughts in their brains. My friend Marisol brought up an interesting and valid point about this; she said that some women may have enjoyed the book because “they have been victims of [sexual abuse] and by glorifying something like that, they might subconsciously be convincing themselves that it wasn't as bad and that they're not actually victims of these horrendous crimes”. Lastly, I WILL give the author one credit (no matter how minor)— he doesn’t word the sex/rape scenes in an erotic way. I’m sure there’s a lot of people curious about reading this book cuz they think they will discover soft porn. They will be left feeling disappointed or unaffected after finishing it, which in a way is annoying as well bc youve glazed through and normalized the horror of it without feeling anything. And what’s the point of writing a book? Isn’t it supposed to make you feel?

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant.

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atfauomo · 6 years

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another dump post sorry yallllll

Some stuff I am excited to write about but dont have time to write/draw!! but i will try! i just…have ot get the thoughts out somewhere….

Tesarus:

Created by Tsarkon of the Tesauri Eva, leaders of the Destic/illegal machine trade

Stolen as a sparkling formatted into the blender form we see ver in

Had no communicative abilities, as spark capailites where disabled, beyond that of a dog, but the ability was there

Used as a weapon of destruction and colonization

With other Destics of much lesser crime, started a revolt near the time Swindle and Brawl led H6 to do so on Galapagi

Betrayed by the other Destics, trading Tesarus for help by organics

Was deactivated and sent to the mining planet Messatine by decree of the Jetfire Act, which stated Destics were given aid by Cybertronian authority

Messatine was really a prison planet for “out of threshold” Cybertronians, aka, Destics of higher level crime, or those with a lack of control over their spark, who would otherwise be deactivated by organics

Quite fidgety and hit things a lot because had no other way of expressing emotion

Had a rivalry with Rumble and Frenzy

Almost blended them up until new miner Megatron stopped them

Megatron smacked ver enough times so that Tesarus’ spark could work a bit

Became friends with the three

Become close friends with the two when Megatron was sent to Cybertron to be a gladiator (as ve did not have crimes, was sent to Messatine in accident)

Started a revolt with the two…just when the “war” was to begin, and Megatron legally got them help and refuge

Was a bit of an outcast and loner, since Rumble and Frenzy became friends with Soundwave and the casseticons, plus was known as incredibly dangerous

Joined the DJD when Tarn smacked a flyer to join the group, claiming “Megatron accepts ALL thus the DJD accepts ALL” or something

With the DJD, conquered the Tesauri Eva, faced Tsarkon, and gained the name Tesarus, meaning something deep to ver or related idk

At first real quiet and just loomed over the other DJD, who were also weird misfit losers bois

Eventually became boisterous and confident in verself as a weird misfit loser boi

Still quite shy around non-DJD nand tends to keep away

Eventually got some counseling and spark fixed

Whenever the DJD smash into buildings during sparkling season, ve gets very stressed bc a lot of the sparklings jump on ver

Sometimes wears a metal cover that covers ver blender abdomen

It feel like wearing a very tight suit

Sunstorm

Seeker sparks appear in hotspots in groups of three

TC and Skywarp spark without a third

Starscream’s spark was found near Sunstorm without a third

Sunstorm’s spark theorized to have absorbed TC’s and ver own third spark

Starscream’s was found to also be absorbed until it floated over to TC’s group

Spark was recorded to be abnormally dangerous, with the ability to not just destroy the hot spot but cybertron itself

spark taken and sealed in a modified Seeker vessel which was sealed in deep in Cybertron’s core to power the city of Vos (which came to be known as a very energetic, lively, warm city)

Spark grew despite this, conscious and alone for a long long time, cut off from anyone

Was eventually accidentally discovered and released by the Seeker known as Acid Storm during The Stasis

Had, unknown to verself, heat enough to melt other bots and spark fluctations that corrupted any tech (also meaning other bots)

Had a jumbled way of communicating, sounding like static noise, the equivalent of animalistic grunts, squeals, and whines, as well as childish murmuring

Continued to do so, could not learn how to speak as a Cybertronian

Learned the Cybertronian ways of nonverbal communication

Was taught how to behave and control verself by Acid Storm and Shockwave in secret

Was outed to the whole con faction by a curious Starscream, who has an extreme fear of Sunstorm, despite not remembering ver at all

Thundercracker and Skywarp themselves have a protective nature around their trinemate...yet feel something close and familiar about Sunstorm (which sets Starscream down a spiral)

Sunstorm verself has an intense yearn to be with the three

Caused a mass panic, and deemed the most Dangerous Cybertronian on the Autobot Red List

Is honestly a very well meaning bot that wants to be friends with everyone and to be a psychologist

Tries to help out a lot but cant

Has no sense of the faction boundaries and will try to make conversation with Autobots either in Deceptijail, in con boundaries, in Autobot boundaries, in spying mode….etc…

Is able to make cool light displays and with control keep cons warm, which is a bonus for the attention starved con

Changes colors a lot

Is put in a trine with Hotlink (weapon nerd) and Bitzstream (gossip/computer games nerd), who want nothing ot do with ver

Doesnt really notice bc considers them as close as ver original trine anyway

Talks about primus……………a lot

Really likes Acid Storm a lot but is afraid that verself may be too clingy

Unicron

Gigantic space god

Creator of the aliens that live with Cybertronians known as Insecticons

They are basically living squishable trash bois that eat pollution and recycle old metal and shed new metal

They also are asexual and create live young that form as bumps on their back and fall off like blobs (like look at videos of cockaroaches giving birth but instead coming out of the backend they just…fall off on a bumpy carrier)

Likes planets with molten core bc its the equivalent of Ferrero Rocher chocolate

Big loser

Loves ver trash children

Rotorbolt

Ve has a profile but ve jkust needs a red

Architect nerd who changed ver altmode bc ye

Starscream

hhhHGGG

Read the story about Starscream and Skyfire….I need to do an uPDATE

Hhhmhmhmhmhmhm drama angst yeeeeees

Drama queen with honestly a really sad backstory

SW and TC are close to ver!!

Omega Supreme

Aaaaaaalso drama

Was known to be a giant dorky city nerd

Hada tiny friend named Cosmos whom ve wanted to be with forever

Was cared for by Ratchet and Ratchet’s friend Ironhide

Ironhide had saved some Destics known as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, who became friends with OS

It was greatuntil Galvatron came and ruined it all

Or rather, OS ruined it all

Basically for a time lost control of ver body and caused a lot of pain and suffering to Scilicos and the city

Which is incredibly bad since these are very alien behavior to Cybertronians, who normally appear to humans to do absolutely nothing but float around

Bc drama stuff ve blamed the COnstructicons for the event and when ve failed to git them ve flew in space until ve offlined

Was VERY young when all that happened, like barelyh a teen tbh

Was to crash into earth like a football outta hell that would demolish everyone

Was stopped by Metroplex

Against ver will, ve was repaired

Seemed like ve was going to stay unmoving and quiet until ve heard the Constructicons mentioned

Almost blew up an entire human city to destroy the cons who hid in hopes OS would stop

Was stopped by OP

Becomes very scared of verself and of emoting, need a lot of help and support :(

Ughghghghghg I have a lot of OC profiles to do

#atfauomo #infodump #maccadam #tfau #au #transformers au #tesarus #sunstorm #tfoc

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survivorjordanpines · 6 years

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Episode 2: It's All a Learning Experience Folks. - Andreas

[2017-11-17, 11:17:07 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): oh god puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:17:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): im triggered [2017-11-17, 11:19:11 PM] Rafael Hernandez: I'm going to Kermit [2017-11-17, 11:19:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i am honestly awful at puzzles so if everyone else is around and can do them, i don’t mind sitting out Jaiden volunteers to sit out. Me, an intellectual, knows what I need to do now. [2017-11-17, 11:34:11 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): if someone on the tribe doesn’t submit [2017-11-17, 11:34:18 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): they don’t qualify for the worst time gets immunity if we lose [2017-11-17, 11:34:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): yes? [2017-11-17, 11:34:23 PM] Jordan Pines: correct [2017-11-17, 11:34:26 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): k cool [2017-11-17, 11:34:29 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that immunity is mine [2017-11-17, 11:34:32 PM] Jordan Pines: you need to submit a completed puzzle to be eligible [2017-11-17, 11:34:35 PM] Jordan Pines: so you throwing the challenge? [2017-11-17, 11:34:42 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i don’t know, am i? [2017-11-17, 11:34:45 PM] Jordan Pines: hahaha [2017-11-17, 11:34:47 PM] Jordan Pines: classic charlotte [2017-11-17, 11:34:51 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): ;) [2017-11-17, 11:35:04 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i didn’t make sure my entire tribe knew i was bad at puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:35:05 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): on purpose [2017-11-17, 11:35:08 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that wasn’t me I mean, I AM bad at puzzles, this is true, but am I going to be a little extra bad just in case we lose? Absolutely. I would love to be safe going into the next round.. I don't care about going to the Jordan Pond. Let's be honest, I wasn't going to have the best puzzle time anyway lmao HOW CUTE.

I wonder if nick convinced maybe Allison to flip but not Amanda as he claimed they both would flip one lied one thought he had the votes. Plus drew's voting confession i think the last one was, was on point why i never took him up on that offer. It's week 1 i can't risk my spot for you this time sorry every game is different but my alliance is Madison.

alright alright alright hot damn this game is fifty times better than i expected! soooooo, it's time for a quick rundown: https://image.prntscr.com/image/fkjkBD9RQJikMqASaB5frw.png a 30 person season? not loving that concept. redemption island? not loving that one either. my tribe? i can get down with that for now. i'm feeling very blessed to be on a tribe with icons such as ryan, jessica, and matt summers - well, not anymore, but still. he will always be in our hearts. i've also had some real cute chats with ruthie, andreas, and cole, so i'm love them so far. and that's like 2/3 of the tribe, huh? the other ones - pippa, emma, casey - are all lovely and nice but we haven't really had much to say to one another so far. okay, actually i take that back for casey; we had a good talk the other day about jobs and stuff. only for 30 minutes, but still. i'm a fan of her. so things are lookin pretty good in that regard. my strategy so far? honestly, just sitting back and seeing where this game takes me. it's a foreign concept to me for sure - in all my other games, i always thought of the beginning few days as the most important part, and i'd probably be checking in with everyone every five hours and trying to make 7 core alliances right now. but frankly i just do not have the time or energy for that shit right now. i'm not young anymore. and i gotta say i don't hate it. especially because it seems like that's sort of the case for all of us here; we old-timers have real jobs and real responsibilities and we can't be bothered to be online 25/7, and that's OKAY! promote positive media relationships tm! anyways i have zero alliances right now and that's just fine with me, i'm sure this isn't the case for everyone and there could even be a massive conspiracy going on in this tribe that i have no awareness of but y'know what, nobody is perfect and this is just gonna be how it is for me right now. alright enough of me talking about how ancient i am. who's ready for a TWISTOS TWIST? i sure am cos apparently (through some randomized magic that i still do not completely comprehend) ya boi has a RUBY IDOL! damn!! now i will say that i definitely had not even heard of this thing before now and i don't know exactly how one is supposed to use it but an idol is an idol and this one looks sneaky sneaky so i'm into it! i am certainly not telling anyone about this no ma'am because what's the fun in that? :~~())) and that's really all i've got for you today folks, i ate five pounds of potatoes today and i need a nap so stay tuned for whatever adventures fall upon my head next episode! xoxo stay gold ponyboys

I actually despise this puzzle. However, I feel like I will be safeguarded if we do go to tribal by my alliance. Hopefully, however, we do not have to and continue dominating the game.

Nick was voted out and Idk who that was. Its very clear the icons are vote out matt summers just so he can kill everyone in redemption but like it was so obvious. The twist is interesting bc I could just throw this damn puzzle challenge and be safe for a round but at the same time I love this tribe and I dont want us to lose

Oop, got some new information Apparently, L.A. And Charlotte are friends in real life. I don’t plan on using this yet, but if I’m ever in trouble, I can use it throw them under the bus. Let’s look at the evidence .... -both from New Brunswick -Hosting a season together -LA knew the name of Charlotte’s moms cat

I've decided I want to throw immunity tonight. To put it this way, I want to give myself the opportunity to go to this mythical isle of Pines in order to potentially find an idol. Although Redemption Island is here and there's really no point in idoling someone out to send them to Redemption Island, I want to do something crazy and messy at least once this season so ya. I've been letting the puzzle time go on by as I sit here and wait for the challenge to be *just* about due, and then I'll submit something really terrible. Hopefully we lose and hopefully I'm the worst out of my tribe, then I can go searching and have myself a grand ol' time! I don't know when I'll get this opportunity later so may as well take the chance while I have it. As far as gameplay goes so far, I've tried to be as under the radar as possible. I didn't say much during the first couple challenges because I want people to just forget that I'm even here. I got into an alliance put together by Kage and I'm going to just continue to skim their messages and wait for someone to approach me. I don't normally play super passively like this, but I just need to remain in a good spot with that alliance so I can get through the premerge (for once).

Jaiden honestly we get it like you dont feel safe but chill a bit you couldve thrown it less obviously. BUT WE STILL WON HAHAHAHAHA I think its interesting that Nick won Redemption and I cant wait to see who the fuck goes next

Ok so I think I forgot to do this last episode oops. I think I am in a good position on my tribe. Right now I have an "Old School" alliance of me Jess Casey and Cole. I do like this group a lot but I know Casey does not care about real life friendships in games, which is fine I would not be upset if she turned on me, it just means in the game I am not going to trust her that much. But I also have Emma and Ari who I trust and like a lot. Then there is Andreas, the last game we played together was a disaster since we were so actively against each other. Ruthie is a cutie but I don't really know her all that well. And Pippa is just..well my daughter who I apparently don't work with ever. Right now my goal is to get Pippa out. It seems like the easier vote, but I would like Andreas/Ruthie out earlier than later in this game. I know they both have lots of friends that are not me or my friends which makes them threats in my opinion. Cole is great by the way and I love him.

I'm really glad it seems like we already have a name of someone to vote out. I'm going out tonight and I'm just semi stressed that things are going to change and it'll be me though, AHH.

I don't know if I confessed about this so fuck it. I am glad that Kage is going to the isle of pines. I would like to consider him my number 1 ally in this game so far. The "Icons Only" alliance seems to be strong enough to survive one or two votes, but it will definitely get messy as our numbers dwindle. Thankfully, that has not happened yet since we won immunity. I know Jaiden got the worst score to go to the isle of pines but like he didn't need to lose that hard. We won but if we lost because of Jaiden's antics I would have been pissed. I am keeping an eye on him just in case things go awry. In my eyes, he is at the bottom of the totem pole including Gage. However, I like Gage more and I want to keep him close so that we can go against Charlotte and LA if the time comes.

At tribal council last round, Matt went 10-0, which was expected. He hadn't been online, and no one wanted an inactive. Then he also didn't submit for Redemption Island, so he became the first boot of our season. I think Matt going was an easy vote and allowed those of us on our tribe an opportunity to mingle and socialize more. Meanwhile, during the past tribal, Pippa's name was also thrown out because she hasn't really been online at all, and was barely active. I hoped that with the second chance she was given that she would socialize more as she is someone I would like to see deep in this game - but it looks like might not happen. For the immunity challenge, we had to do a god AWFUL puzzle which made me not like looking at Jordan Pines' face. I know - terrible!!!! So, I got the second best time on my tribe, and 4th(?) best overall which I was kind of surprised about. I expected some really good times and tried to have a mediocre time but I came out on top. So, despite Ryan and I being 2 of the best times, we still lost. Then Pines introduced the Isles of Pines, and Cole, who had the worst time, got sent there and was immune from the vote. I think had he not been safe his name may have been suggested. Thinking back, aligning with him might not have been my best bet as I don't see him as someone people want to take further. Especially if he's shit at challenges . But he shall tell me what was there, which is good. So following this, Emma messaged me stating she is worried, as she did not do the challenge that she may be in danger. I assured her she would be fine, and went talking to Ryan and Jessica trying to get Pippa's name back on the chopping block. They both seemed to agree that it made the most sense, and now, with 7 hours left until votes are due Pippa has yet to make an appearance. Unless something sketchy happens, she should be on redemption soon. Emma and I were celebrating that we are probably safe again and then she suggested we make a Her/Me/Ryan/Aru/Jessica/Ruthie alliance which I think would be good. We're the stongest 6 on our tribe if we wanna move forward and I haven't had a solid alliance in recent seasons which I think fucked me over. So we each took 2 names and decided to chat with them. I had Ari and Jess. Ari agreed right away that we should do that alliance and Jess hasn't been online to chat with about it. The tribe is very quiet and I think it's because we all have lives to lead. Plus we just went to tribal with 10 and now there's gonna be 8 of us and it's a huge jump. One last thing, the puzzle thing showed who's better then puzzles at me. And while I did get a time of 18 mins my first time, that was still better then a majority of people. You know when else there was a challenge ? The secret power thing. And if Kage and Drew and Ryan were faster then me, then its safe to assume one of them has it. BUT, Ryan was talking during the time that post went up the first night so he doesn't have it. It's either Kage or Drew then. We shall see what it is. But I know that i'm not gonna go around advertising theirs a hidden power. Did that in Great Lakes and it caused a lot more trouble then it should have. It's all a learning experience folks.

Yay! We won immunity again! Even better I won reward! At camp, I’m working on my personal relationships, specifically with Regan, David, Gage, and Rafael. I hope that by befriending them that they will be more sympathetic in my time of need. Tisk tisk tisk Jaiden, he tried put his own personal desires ahead of the tribe. He tried to get the worst time so if we lost, he’d go the Isles Of The Pines. Jokes on him, I got it. Oh well, at least this just builds my case for whenever I want to get out Jaiden. At Isles Of The Pines I got stuck with Chrissa and Cole. Gross. The only dirt I got from them was from Chrissa saying Liam is probably going home tonight. So not much. I searched and to my luck, found a clue to the idol.... “Along the Southern Path you be, You find a nice and climbable tree. It holds 4 holes for which you see, in one of them is where powers be.“ The clue is still there so someone else could find it. I’m going to go back to my tribe and tell my alliance (Me, Rafael, Jaiden, LA, Charlotte, Gage) that I searched there and found nothing. Let’s just hope they don’t double check that. I’m feeling really good right now as we’re on winning streak, and I’ll hopefully get the idol soon. I have cases on why we should get rid of Regan, Jaiden, and Karen if I ever need them. So right now I’m pretty much the King of the game, to that I say, Long Live The King

Whew I'm really nervous about tonight! Not because I think I'm up for the chopping block, but because I have No Fucking Clue if I'll be there for tribal. Thanks a lot for cooking my pressure, CHARLOTTE (jk love ya) The vote, afaik, is for Allison, and tbh I'm kinda fine with that? Like, I've never personally been a huge fan of her, and she does start to get annoying to be around after a lil while. So if she goes, I'm cool with it tbh.

So we lost again. Sucks. Did the puzzle once and did better then half my tribe. Fucking Cole got 100 mins. Probs in putpose can’t work with that long term we could have fucking won. Anyway pippa is quiet and needs to go

My names Pippa and i hate playing games with RTP bc he sucks butt Jess: Ryan said he’d never vote out Emma Ryan: it’s because you came in late that no one wants to vote with you Me: die Ryan, you little turd

Pippa came to me about an hour before tribal and wanted to vote Emma out. She said to me that she had the number in a ari, Jessica and ryan however none of them really want to send Emma home - including myself. It sucks we're lying to her, but she should've started playing more earlier. Tribal is in literally 3 minutes and she's probably still scheming

Tag yourself im emma and her crew

#supportyourlocaljordanpines

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