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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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Starkid Musicals Ranked from Worst to Best

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Welp. I finally did it. I've watched the entire Starkid musical library, and I must say, most of these plays fit my writing style perfectly:

Humor that is cynical yet random

Leaning in with comedy while sprinkling in some well-executed drama

An understanding that any type of story works as long as the cast of varying personalities of characters is dynamic enough to result in some phenomenal chemistry.

This is in almost all of their plays, excelled through fantastic writing and stellar performances driving the overall quality. And it inspired me not only to review each musical, but also ranking them all from worst to best. Or, more accurately, least good to most good. Because even at their "worst," Starkid still provides a funny, enjoyable experience that will keep you laughing with its comedy and your toes tapping with its catchy music. So strap in as I go in-depth into how Starkid proves how they are the masters of humor and melody.

(I'll also provide links to each musical, which is all for free on YouTube, so you can check them out yourselves. Just know that their early work is impossible to enjoy without subtitles, so you might want to have Closed Captions on when watching.)

#12-Holy Musical B@man-Everything about this play makes it seem like it's the weakest to me. The jokes, songs, and characters in Holy Musical B@tman just don't hit as hard as Starkid's other plays. It's still good, but compared to their best, the cracks show a lot more. That is, except for the ending. Not only is there a great speech that shows what makes superheroes so beloved, but "Super Friends" might just be my favorite finale song Starkid has ever put out. Holy Musical B@tman may not be the best, but it's at least worth the time.

#11-Firebringer-This was stupid. Really stupid. Funny as f**k, but still pretty stupid. Although I will give credit to one of the central pairings being LGBTQA+...Even though it makes little to no sense based on the characters' previous interactions. But in fairness, Starkid really sucks at writing good romantic relationships, so at least Firebringer has the benefit of being gay. And as we all know: The gayer, the better. The play is still stupid, though.

#10-Me and My Dick-The world in this musical makes little to no sense. Penises and vaginas are sentient and can communicate with their humans. And yet the penises and vaginas can also talk with each other, form relationships, leave their humans, and reinsert themselves into others--Yeah, it makes no sense...But, DAMN, is it funny! Every joke and innuendo Me and My Dick has about human anatomy works, and I could not stop laughing at each of them. Especially the names that were given to the vaginas, which are just...I mean, I'm laughing just by thinking about them. That should tell you how funny they are. This play might be illogical in every way, but if you turn your brain off and watch it for the humor, you'll definitely be in for something fun.

#9-ANI: A Parody-What's weird about ANI is that its best qualities are also weaknesses. A good chunk of the jokes are hilarious and expertly delivered. The issue is that most of them are about taking potshots at the Star Wars prequels, which might be the laziest jokes to make in a Star Wars parody. Then there's the soundtrack, having several songs that are a bop to listen to. The problem is that ANI suffers from the same issues as Tarzan and Brother Bear: Yes, technically, it is a musical, but it's one where none of the characters sing, and some people in the background do all the singing instead. It's all an odd balancing act of quality content made through questionable choices. ANI is still an entertaining play, but the force isn't as strong with this one.

#8-Black Friday-This might be the least funny play that Starkid has ever put out. Not just because it leans extra hard into drama, which was pretty effective during certain scenes. It's just when there are jokes in Black Friday, they tend to fall flatter more here than they did in other plays. Also, the plot of Black Friday might not be the best one to play straight. The serious moments work best when focusing on the characters and their personal struggles, but through the big bad that's supposed to be threatening? Not so much. Even if it was meant to be funny, well, I wasn't laughing. And believe it or not, I consider that to be the best judge of whether or not something is funny. That being said, while Black Friday isn't the most humorous Starkid musical, it's still pretty good. The characters are excellent, the songs are awesome, and the story is somewhat easy to follow. I would have appreciated a few more laughs, but I can respect these talented people wanting to challenge their strengths.

#7-Starship-This play feels very...Disney. It follows a familiar formula we've seen several times: The main character wants more than what he has in his crappy life, miraculously gets the exact thing he wants, falls in love with a girl in a short amount of time, faces off against a campy/over the top villain, realizes the hand he's been dealt isn't so bad, and in the end, gets what he wants anyway. Starship is still pretty entertaining through its jokes, characters, and songs, but it also feels weird that Starkid leans into these tropes when they would eventually make a much better play by making fun of them. The end result is not bad in the slightest, but it's also nowhere near their best.

#6-A Very Potter Musical-Starkid's first production, and boy, what a start to something wonderful. Every one of their gimmicks and motifs is present in A Very Potter Musical. The use of parody to playfully mock characters and stories they love, making songs that are as funny as they are emotional, and creating characters that work because of their lines and the actors' performances. Oh, and also, it's funny. And it’s not just through a parody angle, like making Cedric be a perfect boy who's always smiling. It's also funny through its jokes that work, even if you ignore the fact that it’s a parody altogether. Case in point, there are these two bits, one involving Voldemort and Beatrix with the other involving Ron and Hermoine, that are written and delivered so well that I was in tears much more than with any other Starkid play. When watching A Very Potter Musical, you'll not only understand how parody works, but you'll also gain an understanding of why Starkid turned out as successful as they did.

#5-The Trail to Oregon-What can I say? I'm a sucker for comedic dysfunctional families. And seeing a family of idiots make their way to Oregon via The Oregon Trail parody? Yeah, that's a win for me. The play may be another family road trip narrative, which some people might get sick of at this point. But because the dynamics and comedic chemistry everyone has with each other are on point, the end result proves that you don't need an original story to tell an entertaining one. Although I will say that out of all of Starkid's productions, The Trail to Oregon has by far the worst ending. Without giving anything away, the play spends way too much time on this one stupid joke that any of the characters could make. Comedy is defined by personalities, as are most things, so making the joke work for anyone is a bad move when this one, in particular, doesn't fit as well for some characters as it would for others. Plus, the finale song "Naked in a Lake" is a really poor choice to cap off this musical. It's catchy, but to me, a finale song should encapsulate everything about the story, characters, and themes. Not paying off a joke that I honestly wouldn't want the payoff for. So while the ending could have used a lot more polish, that doesn't change how The Trail to Oregon is a pretty funny play that I won't mind revisiting when I have the chance.

#4-A Very Potter Sequel-Hey, sometimes a sequel is better than the original. Sure some jokes don't land, and some story beats aren't as impactful as they thought they were (Serious Black's introduction, for example), but there are far more improvements to this play than the last one. The performances are stronger, the jokes are funnier, the music is catchier, and the characters are much more entertaining in this play than in A Very Potter Musical. Especially new additions like Lupin and Lucious Malfoy, who provide great comedy and sublime drama at times. And Umbridge. Sweet Mother of all that is holy, Umbridge. While A Very Potter Sequel never made me laugh to tears as the first play did, twice, Professor Umbridge carries the comedy so well that she surpasses all of that. Plus, on top of it all, this play nails its ending through a bittersweet note that really captures what makes Hogwarts so special to these characters. I always feel like Starkid's plays tend to lose steam during the last few minutes, but A Very Potter Sequel is one of the few instances that it just builds and builds to a perfect ending. A Very Potter Sequel might not always hit the right marks, but the results are just magical when it does get it right.

#3-The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals-This one is pretty clever. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is one of those stories that manages to be explicitly hilarious yet implicitly disturbing. For instance, people suddenly bursting into perfectly choreographed musical numbers in a world where songs are exclusively diegetic is pretty funny (especially through the characters' reactions to it). However, knowing what happens to these people and why they sing and dance so expertly helps make the whole situation pretty dire. It's an excellent balancing act that not many stories can accomplish. And while The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals leans one way or the other at times, it's still all handled really well. Oh, and also, you know how most people say the villain song is the best one in any musical? Well, technically speaking, nearly every song in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is the villain song. Including the finale, which is just too brilliant for me not to give a round of applause. If you're a person who unfortunately doesn't like musicals either, I'd say be more than willing to give this one a chance. It's funny, catchy, and if you think of the implications, pretty damn disturbing.

#2-A Very Potter Senior Year-...You know how Avengers: Endgame is a bit of a mess, yet people still love it for how much of a perfect (sort of) finale it is? It's the same regard with A Very Potter Senior Year in my eyes. It's far from a masterpiece, but the many, many solid scenes that cap off this series help make me willing to overlook the mistakes. The characters, callbacks, and overall message about how things end was done so expertly well that I physically can’t hate this one. I can understand how it's more of an ok play when compared to the rest of Starkid's productions, but sometimes, ok is wonderful.

#1-Twisted: An Untold Story of a Royal Vizier-...It's Twisted. Everyone loves Twisted! And how could they not? Everything about this play just screams Starkid at their best. The comedy is uproarious, added with the fantastic delivery of the actors and the characters' personalities. Everyone feels as though they have one step in reality and the other in insanity. This, to me, seems like the best type of character work when going for the parody angle. Parody is about giving slight yet snide remarks toward the work you're mocking, which I feel works best when characters drop the suspension of disbelief audiences have when enjoying such a story. And Twisted definitely nails its satire in not only poking fun at Aladdin but also making jokes towards Disney as a brand. From their movies to their inside jokes to their formulas to even their corporate dealings with Pixar, nothing about Disney is sacred in Twisted. But on top of being funny, Twisted might just be the most successful Starkid has been with telling some really compelling drama. The jokes allow themselves to take a back seat to let serious moments play out, and even comedy is added, it provides more for the experience rather than taking anything away. You see this not only through the actors giving it their all but even through some really gorgeous and heart wrenching musical numbers. Oh, and also, Twisted has the best Starkid soundtrack, featuring songs that are epic, funny, and, as I said, heartbreaking. You cannot get better than this and, if you want to get a friend interested in Starkid as a whole, this might be the play for them. Scheherazade may have a thousand tales, but his one is a tale I wouldn't mind hearing for a thousand nights.

And that's about how I feel about Starkid and each and every one of their plays. Odds are your ranking would be much different from mine, and I'm all for that differing opinions. Feel free to make your own ranking if you want because I'm honestly curious where fans would place these plays above or below others. I'm relatively new to enjoying their work, so I have no idea what the consensus is. I do know one thing, though: If Starkid can still be incredibly entertaining through over ten years of content, then I am excited to see what they can accomplish next in another ten years.

#starkid #holy musical b@man #firebringer #me and my dick #ani: a parody #black friday #a very potter trilogy #the trail to oregon #the guy who didn't like musicals #twisted: the untold story of a royal vizier

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akookminsupporter · 3 years

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This is maybe going to be a controversial thing to say but I am seeing a lot of top and bottom speculation in parts of the Jikook community and thought I would humbly offer some thoughts. This is something that people might be doing and not aware of how inappropriate and sucky it is. I beleive in free speech so I don't think anyone should listen to me if they don't want. But ignorance is not always malicious. Sand sometimes it helps to hear perspectives from different people.

Using terms like 'alpha' to describe why anyone thinks someone is a top is wrong on about a dozen levels. It's sexist first of all. It's dehumanizing. It sounds like someone bases their idea of same sex relationships from reading abo fics. While I personally don't have a problem with people writing and reading that kind of stuff, please please know that it doesn't reflect real life. When a person uses this language and makes an argument like "I can't see × bottoming because he is alpha", (which I did see someone write today. ugh) it is frustrating and toxic. It also implies that cis women and at birth female assigned people who like being penetrated are.... what exactly? Not powerful? Never dominant?

Lgbt people have a long history of being asked inappropriate and invasive questions about our sex lives. We are almost taught that it is ok for straight people to say things like "he is giving me a lot of top vibes" because it means they are not openly grossed out by us (which should make us hashtag grateful). We are kind of fed the message that setting these sorts of boundaries could alienate us from well meaning straight people. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to someone assuming what position a gay man takes in sex (and it is always under the assumption that this role is fixed). Fanfics are fiction. But when it comes to analysis of real life people using real life "evidence", that kind of discourse crosses the line in my opinion. Kpop shipping culture is complicated for many reasons, not least of which is that it is constructed from a predominantly hetero and eroticized worldview. When I see people having these kinds of conversations (on other blogs), and spouting some ignorant, unexamined shit, it shows me how comfortable they are in commandeering conversations about gay sex and sexuality. It shows me they believe their personal interest makes it reasonable and decent for them to debate the penises and bums of living human beings on a public forum.

A lot of times, assumptions about being the top or bottom are loaded with other stuff. It is a way to fit a same sex relationship into a false 'm/w' binary. It makes the lgbt relationship into something that a straight person can relate to or project themselves into. It draws a false distinction between the 'weaker' (or smaller or more fem) partner and the 'stronger' (ie the man, the alpha) one.

Bottoming does not make you passive or girly. Nor does topping make you a jealous, testosterone fueled manimal.

Almost all cis men and people assigned male at birth (including straight guys), have a 'p spot' or, as it is medically known, a prostate. It is a walnut sized gland located below the bladder. Internally, it can be accessed by probing about 2 inches up the rectum. Externally, it can be stimulated by pressing against the skin between the scrotum and anus (the taint). Stimulating or massaging it can produce extremely powerful orgasms. (The thing colloquially known as the female 'g spot' in cis women and people assigned female at birth is sometimes referred to as the 'female prostate'. It can be accessed internally through the vagina). The internet is full of ideas on how to safely, skillfully explore this pleasure center. Some people are open to it. Some aren't. It's no big deal and no one's loss. Everyone likes what makes them comfortable. But in case anyone didn't know, that part of the anatomy produces the sensation what feels good when a male at birth person is an anally penetrated (with lube etc). So my point is: what does having a prostate and liking having it touched have to do with being feminine? It is literally a bundle of nerves in the cis male anatomy. Many straight men like to be pegged with strap ons by their girlfriends. Does that make them omegas? Or girls? No. It makes them cis men who like having their prostates stimulated because it feels good. Often times it has meant having to rewrite a lot of societal baggage in their mind and tear down the box one is placed in.

Also: lgbt men aren't always tops or bottoms. Sometimes they are both. Sometimes neither. OBVIOUSLY. Why limit or call the shots on a person's sexuality? Roles can be versatile. Sex can be versatile. Prescriptive ideology should not limit anyone's exploration of their own, unique, precious human body, or motivate them to label anyone else's.

Straight cis men's sex lives are not as often subjected to scrutiny in the media. Nor can their 'normative' sexual practices be used against them (for the most part). Justin Trudeau can kiss his wife and look at her adoringly without inviting widespread speculation as to who is giving what to who on a public forum and what that means in a larger behavioral context. Shouldn't same sex couples enjoy the same respect? Gay sex has been pathologized greatly for the better part of the past century. It takes a long time for hateful undertones and connotations to be neautralized. So wouldn't it be best if we wrote about real life m/m couples with greater care? How would our considerations of these discussions change if different gender dynamics or identities were in play?

POWER in sexual relations is NOT always dictated by who is the penetrator. And the way someone carries themselves on the football field or in the boardroom doesn't always having bearing on their genitalia or how they like to use it. Prescriptive sociocultural forces still seek to label leaders as tops or masc presenting or having an abundance of testosterone. And if someone lives up to the cultural stereotype of a flamboyantly gay presenting, femmy, ballet and make up loving bottom? Well that is perfectly powerful and lovely.

Sorry for this very long spiel.

Thank you so much for this opinion anon, your words carry a lot of truth. Thanks for the little explanations. Thanks for the little anatomy lesson too.

I have said several times that I will never discuss or talk about Jimin, Jungkook or anyone else’s sex lives, although I may be crossing a boundary by speculating about their love lives, talking about their sex lives is a boundary that I will never want to cross.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with talking about sex, I talk about sex with my friends, it's a topic I enjoy, especially when I'm in a group with several conservative women 😏😆🙈( I don't bring it up, others do, but I'm not shy to talk about it) I'm comfortable talking about sex in general or my sex life, but never about other people's sex lives, especially when they are not present.

Anon, THANK YOU for your long spiel.

#anon #ask #serious conversation #JMJK #jkkrs

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annbrighthaus-blog · 5 years

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Heterosexual women continue to lead the pack in orgasm disparity. How come? Ongoing research has led experts to diverse answers in resolving this persisting orgasm gap. While not nearly enough research has been done on the subject in direct relation to the queer community, we can learn a lot through more recent findings that both lesbian and bisexual women have a slimmer gap than their heterosexual counterparts.

“Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample” was published in February of 2017 in Archives of Sexual Behavior. The study surveyed more than 52,000 people, including 340 lesbian women, 1112 bisexual women, and 24, 102 heterosexual women. Of the participants, Ninety-five percent of heterosexual men reported usually or always experiencing orgasm during sexual intimacy. Heterosexual women reported 65 percent. Bisexual women reported 66 percent and lesbian women reported 86 percent.

The survey found that, among women who received oral and manual stimulation during sexual activity, 86 percent reported usually or always reaching orgasm—compared to the 35 percent of those who had only vaginal-penetration.

Surveys conducted by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in 2010 also found that “women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts and when oral sex or vaginal intercourse is included.”

Slate’s Christina Cauterucci summarized, “This breakdown indicates that female genitals are not to blame for the orgasm gap. You could say that straight women are least likely to achieve orgasm during sex, but it’s just as true to say that if you have sex with a straight man, you’ve chosen the demographic least likely to make you come.”

In our mainstream culture, sex is defined under the terms of penetrative sex and leaves much to be desired regarding inclusivity, as well in the bedroom. And valuing vaginal-penetration and climax more than clitoral is not a new phenomenon.

In neurologist Sigmund Freud’s 1905 book, Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, Freud examines his theory of sexuality in relation to childhood and development. In it he views women’s pleasure as inherently tied males’ and deems the clitoral orgasm as “infantile” and “immature” in comparison to the vaginal orgasm. Freud writes,

“With the change to femininity, the clitoris should wholly or in part hand over its sensitivity, and at the same time its importance, to the vagina.”

Over a century after its publication, the implications of a superior form of women’s orgasm continue to inform our societal view of women’s pleasure and sexual normalcy.

In an article for alternet.org, sociologist and author Lisa Wade explained, “The focus on men’s internal wants and sensations also draws our attention to his satisfaction. Thus his orgasm, but not necessarily hers, becomes a critical part of what must happen for a sexual encounter to be successful and fulfilling. This is part of why intercourse, a sexual act that is strongly correlated with orgasm for men, is the only act that almost everyone agrees counts as “real sex,” whereas activities that are more likely to produce orgasm in women are considered optional foreplay.”

The documentary Orgasm Inc. debuted in 2009 and followed director Liz Canner as she explored women’s pleasure in relation to profit and societal stereotypes.

Charletta is introduced as a clinical trial test subject for Dr. Stuarts Malloy’s invention, The Orgasmatron. Charletta reports having trouble achieving orgasm and begins the trial with 10 other women.

She initially told Canner, “It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I wasn’t humiliated, so that I could come here and do this and even talk to you like this… I feel like I’m well on my way to being healed and being more healthy and normal.”

In the film, her surgical procedure takes 40 minutes—20 longer than expected, and while the benefits were unknown, the risks included shock, paralysis, epidural hemorrhage, and cerebrospinal fluid leak

Upon her second visit, Dr. Malloy concluded that the trial was unsuccessful and removed the device. Charletta confided to Canner that she was ultimately okay with the results and proposed there are other ways of achieving orgasm than “sexual intercourse” anyway. The revelation came as a surprise to Canner, and she asked Charletta if she could achieve orgasm through other means.

“Yes, I can. I am not without orgasms. I can have orgasms. It’s just not the normal situation where two people get together and they have sexual intercourse and each has an orgasm. And that’s why I say, maybe that’s not real. Maybe that’s just what the movies tell us is real.”

Comprehensive sexual education is severely lacking in the United States, and it leads people to rely on what they see in pop culture. This makes sexual education events invaluable in picking up where public school health left off, especially when learning about pleasure.

In an effort to celebrate women’s pleasure and educate folks on both the orgasm and the clitoris, Vibrant—an inclusive sex toy retailer in Denver—hosted an Orgasm Day celebration earlier this year. The event included a “clothes on” orgasm workshop led by licensed clinical professional counselor and the resident sexologist at Vibrant Dr. Laura Deitsch, a BedPost Confessions performance, and a sex toy pop-up shop.

In speaking about the goal of the event and the implications of media perceptions in the bedroom, Deitsch said,

“I think that we are all somewhat subject to the culture in which we live, and we end up internalizing these expectations regardless of whether they could logically apply or not.”

Expectations like a female-bodied person should always achieve orgasm through penetration by male-bodied penis, and that there is a definition for a successful sex session and an unsuccessful sex session.

“First of all, if we’re in a queer relationship, then there may not be a penis or there may be two penises. And where does the female orgasm come in in that definition of sex? It sets up this false expectation and false narrative around what sex is. When somebody buys into that narrative, female-bodied people are more guaranteed to be disappointed. It opens the door for there to be shame, lack of self confidence, harassment, feelings of inadequacy, and that you’re somehow doing something wrong,” said Deitsch.

She cited a current client whom she is working with who is in her late thirties and recently came to the revelation that she is allowed to adapt the definition of sex to meet her needs. “What’s important to me is that people understand that we’ve been fed some inaccurate information and we’ve internalized it… and it wreaks havoc in our psyche.”

Deitsch focuses on education to close the orgasm gap. She teaches communication techniques, how to release shame, how to work around trauma, and how pleasure manifests in different bodies.

Athena Lund is a sacred intimacy coach in Boulder who has identified these different bodies into nine classifications of vaginas. A woman can be a sheep, cat, buffalo, bear, wolf, antelope, deer, fix, dancing woman, or a combination. Classification depends on the depth of the vagina, the taste, the scent, the distance between her vagina and her clitoris, her lubrication, the location of g-spot, the temperature of fluids, the types of positions favored, how long it takes to orgasm, and the sort of orgasm she could have.

Since its discovery, the pleasure of women has taken a very turbulent journey. Alfred Kinsey wrote about the clitoris in his 1948 book Sexual Behavior In The Human Female. “Intercourse is not the best means of pleasure for women… the clitoris is the center of female pleasure.” The full anatomy of female clitoris wasn’t discovered until 1998— it is often mentioned that this was 30 years after man landed on the moon.

While we have come a long way in learning about the clitoris scientifically, there is so much room to grow in teaching and speaking about it socially. Luckily, local events like Orgasm Day and national projects like Cliteracy aim to educate on the nuances of female form and pleasure.

#transgender #vibrant

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Go Woke Go Broke

I am a fan of great stories. I adore brilliant, unique, art. I adore when both are integral to a creation be it film, comic, book, short story, light novel, fan fiction; Whatever. I find the ability to build worlds in almost any capacity, incredible. I’m also an older Millennial; Part of the tweener, X/Y, Oregon Trail generation. Born in the 80s, raised in the 90s, and came of age in the early 00s.We played until the street lights caught us, my first game system was an NES, and all my Saturday morning cartoons were sans Disney, toy commercials. I got an honorable mention once at a science fair and my parents were unimpressed so Participation Trophies were a joke to me and i learned how to deal with bullies by dealing with bullies. I had to worry about gangs shooting up my school, not that lone, weird kid in a trench coat. I’m all about representation but i understand that if you want people to look like you on film, you’d better find a way to make that film in white ass Hollywood. Basically, i have sense whereas most Millennials born after 89, do not. I need to make that distinction because we are about to get into some sh*t.

The merit and value of representation or visibility in mainstream media is dependent on the quality of said portrayal in the cultural zeitgeist. I’m a giant black dude who lives in America so representation for me basically begins and ends with a thug persona. As a black person in general, watching actors who look like me get passed over in roles that are uplifting and enriching to the culture like Hurricane or Ali for very specific, very demeaning, very marginalization, stereotypes, is disgusting. Black people, however excellent they are, never win for anything other than the magical Negro, uplifting slave, or non-threatening service person. Hidden Figures is an amazing tale of the trio of black women who saved NASA during the height of the space race. It was nominated for three Oscars and won none. Mahershala Ali did win an Oscar for best supporting actor portraying Juan, a drug dealer. Another movie he was in won several Oscars as well, Green Book. Ali plays Dr. Don Shirley characterized by the magical negro trope. I can go on and on. Denzel Washington got his second Oscar for Training day playing a corrupt ass cop when he turned in a much better, far more emotional performance, in Hurricane the year before. His first? Glory, where he played a former slave. A few years later? Snubbed for Philadelphia. Washington played, deftly i might add, a lawyer named Joe Milller who had to reconcile his own prejudices bout what it meant to have AIDS. Dude wasn’t even nominated. Tom Hanks won, though. See that pattern?

I don’t like Steven Universe. I don’t think it’s a very good show but because it has a massive fanbase among the LBGTQ community, it’s bullet proof from criticism. Nah, i’m about to go in. I adore Rebecca Sugar and i commend her creativity. My favorite episodes of Adventure Time are often attribute to her in some way, wither s0rt direction story boarding, or song writing. Marceline wouldn’t be Marcy with Sugar and i’ll always love her for that. That said, Steven Universe is melodramatic trash that uses pandering as a crutch. I don’t have a problem with the gays or whatever getting their visibility, but there are ways to do it without coming across as plagiarized drivel. Euphoria immediately comes to mind. Universe wears it’s anime inspirations on it’s sleeve. Sugar is a massive fan of Sailor Moon and you see, just, SO much of that in this show. Entire scenes and plot points are directly lifted from Usagi’s epic adventure but, because of the nostalgia goggles, cats are blinded to the straight-up theft. I’m not. That lack of originality is hindrance to the message. I mean, not really, i guess, because people love this show but it’s hard for me to acknowledge anything genuine about it because i know it is all a fraud. Hell, Land of the Lustrous, a manga by the name of Hoseki no Kuni, bares more than a striking similarity to Universe and came out a full year before Steven first bared his belly gem! Guess what Lustrous is? A manga! Guess who loves anime and manga? Sugar! Guess who has built a career on Sailor Moon images and Fan art? Sugar! Hell, Lustrous does a better job of LBGTQ representation by accident. Seriously, check that sh*t out. It’s an excellent narrative that doesn’t pander to the SJW crowd. It just tells it’s story about gem girls and space monsters. Sh*t is dope.

Where i feel the most sting, however, is in the US comic industry. All of this PC wokeness is in direct contrast to creative storytelling, for the most part. Marvel is hilariously guilty of this sh*t. I was on board when they decided to turn carol Danvers into Captain Marvel, effectively retiring her leotard costume and pretending kike it never happened. Fine. I liked that design but i get how impractical is was. The homage to Mar-Vell in her current duds is cool, too. I was one of the few that waited before running to judgment as Bendis race-bent Spider-Man into Miles Morales and then gender bent Iron Man into Riri Williams. Riri is a sh*t character in her own right but the outrage was more about her gender and race which made the criticism seem neckbeard nerd rage. Even then, i stuck around. Hell, when that Mockingbird run dropped and was literally a feminist manifesto, i let it ride because it was cleverly written and, foe the most part, i am kind of a feminist. More Equalist but there are feminist undertones in there. More recently, however, we got this New Warriors book and this is where i have to draw the line. Snowflake and Safe pace? Token non-binary hero? Marvel used to be at the forefront of this sh*t. They had gay superheroes in the 70s. They got married in the 80s. They addressed AIDS in the 90s and muslim bigotry in the 00s. Marvel was always crazy social conscious. That was one of their story telling staples and they delivered those messages with a light but firm touch.

F*ck, dude, the X-Men are an allegory for black people and the Civil Rights movement! Magneto and Professor X are literally caricatures of Malcom X and Dr. King. mainstream comic, broaching the subject of discrimination, camouflaged in the vibrant arto f superhuman clashes, sold to white kids across America, during the f*cking 60s? Are you serious? That sh*t changes minds. That sh*t starts a conversation. That sh*t is status quo changing! Snowflake and Safespace? F*cking really? This is your social discourse now? Disrespectful parody of a marginalizing slur and already absurd concept derived by weenies? This isn’t even satire, it’s outright disrespect. I think safespaces are detrimental to proper, healthy, discourse or that the notion of those who stand up to offense are snowflakes who “need to get a sense of humor”, but for real? The fact that cats just tacked on the one is non-binary just outright exposes the true intent. This sh*t is pandering, straight up. It’s non representation It’s not progress. It’s disrespectful Woke point grabbing. It’s superficial lip-service being played to those that feel like their label isn’t getting enough media scrutiny. I think all of these new genders or whatever are stupid but i’m an old person. Some kid might identify with being non-binary or whatever and THIS sh8t is what they have to look forward to seeing. You can’t be serious.

Now, the whole reason i’m writing this, the entire reason i was even thing king about this subject, is because of Late Night with Lily Singh. Singh is a comedy Youtuber who has crossed over into the mainstream. I, personally, don’t find her funny, but i understand how important her success is in the world. Singh is, if you haven’t deduced by her name, a Desi woman. She’s a Canadian of Punjabi descent and she’s making moves. Ma is one of the most popular channels on the platform and, indeed, i first came across her through another cat i follow. Even though i personally do not enjoy her content, the breadth of what she has accomplished does not elude me. Singh is a powerhouse and should be recognized as such. However, her actual, on-air, late night talk show is f*cking dog sh*t. Singh is not geared for that. Like, at all. Her jokes are bad, her monologues are delivered with a clumsy anxiousness that belies the energetic skit-maker from her Youtube channel, and she is the worst interviewer on television! Her guests are often visibly bewildered. Watching James Corden interview someone is off-putting, dude does his best impression of graham Norton, but Seeing Singh just assault her guests with mediocrity is textbook cringe. Why the f*ck was she put into this very public position, thrown to the wolves, doomed to fail?

Her show is bad, man, but when you say so, the PC Police come out to beat your sh*t in. Singh is Indian, female, and bisexually; The three biggest spaces on the Marginalized bingo board. Being brown, or queer, or prone to vaginas gets you them woke points whenever you create anything but to have all three at once? Boy, you bulletproof! Saying anything remotely resembling criticism gets you cancelled on the grounds of sexism, homophobia or just plain classic racism, all the while, her show i literal sh*t! Singh, herself, is often racist and sexist throughout her “comedy” skits! I’m not one to subscribe to white people being discriminated against. A a black dude with a firm grasp of history, i personally believe white people should just take it when a minority goes after them because they never have a problem taking from everyone else. Goose/gander, you know what i’m saying? That said, there’s an art, a nuance, to that racial observation. Singh does not deliver her content with that deft touch. She’s built a career on malicious caricatures of the whites and the penises, which would be fine if there was a message in her satire, but there’s not. It’s base and uninspired.

You can build a career on that type of content. Dave Chappelle’s entire career is that type of content and he’s one of the greatest comedians to ever comedy. The difference between his material and Singh’s is that Chappelle says something. Chappelle hits you in the gut and forces you to look within. His sh*t is actually profound. Lily Singh is not. She’s skews closer to that trainwreck, Nicole Arbour, than she does Eddie Murphy. She’s more Amy Schumer than Wanda Sykes and that sh*t is on full display with her terrible, terrible, talk show. I read somewhere that it might be getting cancelled soon and my first thought was, “It’s not cancelled now?” If i am aware that Singh’s content is pedestrian, surely the studio knew it was. I mean, the ratings of her show are abysmal. She even found her way into a race controversy as a female, lesbian, Desi on TV! Then it dawned on me; This wasn’t true representation This was NBC casing Woke points. They never believed in this show, rather, wanted to use Singh as a sounding board. She’s a trophy for a network trying to court that meek, 90s baby, everyone-is-special, “Muh anxiety”, crowd. It didn’t work and Singh’s show is getting shelved, as it should, but it’s f*cked up that this is what representation at the corporate level looks like. This sh*t is tokenism, plain and simple

Representation is great. I want all of us to be seen. People around the world judge our various cultures based on what our entertainment contributes to the cultural zeitgeist of the world. Mot blacks aren’t gang-bangers, rappers, or dug dealers. Most Muslims aren’t terrorists. hell, most Muslims aren’t even of middle eastern descent! Islam is the largest religion in the world. You’re more likely to meat an south Asian with a Koran than an Iranian with a suicide belt. Gays aren’t going to turn you, Women don’t have vagina dentata, and the handicapped are more resilient than you think. Don’t pander. Don’t token. This game of playing for Woke points in the media and arts needs to stop. All of this faux outrage by mostly rich, white, people on behalf of the people their privilege marginalizes, needs to stop. Patting yourself on the back because you’re book has a Sudanese, paraplegic, lesbian, lead is not being progressive, it’s masturbatory at best. Approach your project with a sense of levity, common sense, and, more than anything, respect. Is what you deem “representation” a good look for whatever class you’re trying to champion? Or is it just a means to stroke your ego and push your politics? Are you Brad Pitt or are you Kathleen Kennedy? Is what you want to show us going to do more bad than good?

At the end of the day, create what you ant to create, just be conscious of how you create. Evaluate your message. Make sure it’ something that needs to be said. Something that, when said, can’t be ignored. Make the message profound and the representation enriching. Make that sh*t count because doing so in an effort to appear the Wokest, just trivializes everything you are attempting to do.

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Go Woke Go Broke

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adambstingus · 5 years

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43 Dirty Facts You’re Dying to Know but Are Too Afraid to Ask

Who can say whether these facts are things you need to know, or even should know? And while these facts may not be safe for drive see( specially if you’re about to plug your computer in for a performance ), they could make for some interesting happy hour icebreakers off the clock. Just don’t bring us into it if you get reported to HR for being “that guy.”

You always knew they had you beat size-wise…

But suffice it to say that elephants absolutely have humans beat in just about every place. Memory, width, empathy, width, speed, width, and now, their dicks can grab things! They can even use them as kick stands to help contact leaves that are too high up. And are thinking, all yours can do is clear parties laugh when it gets hit with a baseball. Specially if it’s a baseball an elephant threw with his penis.

Your favorite things might have more in common than you thought.

Maybe it’s just that all good the situation is the same sournes? Either space, this definitely isn’t an excuse to gave brew in your vagina. That would be cold and gross and likely very bad. It is something additional to be considered next time you crack a cold one though, specially if it’s yeasty. Hey, we don’t induce the facts of the case, we just gave them in your face and acquire you deal with them.

Nature truly has thought of everything.

Now , none of us want to ask or dream why Japanese researchers were rending the penises off of earwigs. Perhaps earwigs are some kind of national scapegoat, or perhaps they just had a personal beef with these particular earwigs. Either road, it terminated up not mattering, because earwigs have a contingency plan for this. I suspect perhaps they go through a lot of really contentious divorces.

There’s a intellect we evolved to create plastic.

Orangutans obligate due with what they have. Fortunately, humans don’t have to workmanship sex toys out of splintery lumber, this is just one of the many miracles of modern discipline. And it’s probably the most obvious thing that separates us from animals. But honestly, watch out for the day they start to constructing better dildos. Because that, pals, is the day we need to call Mark Wahlberg.

Kanga and Roo never excused this.

In this occurrence of” Swine are Better Than Us At Literally Everything” here comes the Kangaroo. Not only could it is likely to beat Floyd Mayweather in a boxing match, but the Duggars have nothing on these procreators. Female kangaroos, or “does”, can stay pregnant repeatedly, clearing sure there are a lot of roos to box.

Dolphins are pretty smart.

In addition to playing games, dolphins are all smart enough to be curious about what their naughty bits look like. Though to be fair, maybe not every animal has had equal enough access to reflects for us to know if dolphins are truly unique in this regard. But considering what dolphin penis look like, it’s not that creepy to think they’d wanna have a gander.

This is just a thing no one needs.

Unless you absolutely want to be” that guy” we don’t recommend this. For one thing, it could oblige checking your telephone on the train in the morning a criminal offense. Too, phones are kind of unclean, actually. Perhaps more dirty than your penis, so for health reasons we can’t condone this behavior. We also can’t stop you from doing it, we are going to be able simply give these notifications, and then refuse to pay your bail money.

This might seem obvious.

We’d imagine if your in a position to want to blow someone’s nipple, “its probably” your stated purpose anyway. So it seems like all we’re offering you here is some scientific corroboration. But don’t try this at home, unless it’s on yourself, or a fellow accept adult. This isn’t the kind of ice breaker you want to bring to your next dinner party. Unless you dislike being invited to dinner parties.

Horses aren’t as innocent as they look.

Maybe leave this little delicacy out of the list of reasons your daughter can’t get a pony. But still, know it in your middle. For what it’s worth, this does afford a lot of social cohesion. But the committee is also seems like kind of a pain. Although, it’s not like mares have a lot else going on. They don’t have like, cable or anything. And they usually is therefore necessary to borrow Netflix notes, the stinker!

Like a dark-brown snowflake.

Immediately we’re concerned about this, considering that after Face ID, we know Apple is going to be looking for the next best security system. This could be it. Fortunately we don’t need to worry about soiled phones stroking our butt, however, this would construct shop from the bathroom this is something that grosser. So, perhaps we just remain this a nice little secret.

Go ahead and check, we’ll wait.

Who knows who decided to keep track of this and why, but here it is, the least convenient acces to tell what hand someone possibly writes with. Let’s just get this out of the way: you can always just ask beings, or discover them writing something. So many itineraries to take before we reach down someone else’s breathes. Although it’s nice to know we got something out of all that time spent looking at our genitals in mirrors.

Don’t sneeze!

With this numerous guys in such a precarious situation at any right moment, we should all maybe be holding still a lot more. This is a fragile situation, and we wouldn’t want to startle anyone. You hear that, North Korea? Knock it off, there are more important things happening right now. Like circumcisions, lots of em.

Or, you can buy a special bra.

This is probably not something to bring up at a happy hour, but it’s something us ladies could probably stand to continue to maintain sentiment next time we’re investing in some serious padding. But remember, this information just says your tits can originate during arousal. So that likely makes spate of us will be keeping Victoria’s Secret in business for many, many years to come.

Feel familiar?

In essence, you could think of a vagina as precisely another opening. A loophole that’s full of teeth. Just kidding, vaginas don’t have teeth. Or do they? We’re not telling. We’re just gonna let you worry about that for the rest of your natural life. But trust us, if maidens had to brush their vagina teeth before plot you’d likely know about it by now.

This will represent the holidays more interesting.

It turns out beings over 50 don’t magically switch into entirely different beings than they were at any other item in their lives. They’re parties just like everyone else, and they do basically everything everybody else does, simply maybe less often. Because frankly, they’re tired, okay?

And yet we still haven’t medicine cancer.

Sometimes it seems like perhaps these debased scientists should start putting their discipline intelligences to better give. Honestly, what good does this knowledge do? Aside from making all women paranoid about how they stroll forever, as if there wasn’t already enough to be manic about. Although, if you picture a grown female hop-skip for no self-evident rationale, there are probably simply so many conclusions you can draw.

No wonder he was so good at it.

You’d be a famed artist too if your artwork schoolteacher was also your lover. And if you happened to be an artist notorious for your lustful ways . It would certainly have stopped a lot of us more interested in artistry class, that’s for sure. And here we were thinking this was all about decorating churches.

Locker chamber acts.

In 2017 we have the president who is known for his locker room talk, but 50 years ago our chairwoman was known for a lot more than that. President Johnson is renowned for his, um, Johnson . And was known to show it off somewhat indiscriminately. A thing that would got to get arrested and banned from living near academies if you were just a normal guy, but when you’re chairman, apparently, it’s just a funny story.

Happy Halloween?

This was something that probably no one needs to know in any capability for whatever conclude, and you surely shouldn��t use this fact as an sparkler breaker for anything at all. You too should absolutely not include this in any recurred mansion decor this Halloween. In reality, let’s all agree to forget this happened, and only prevent scrolling. Go on.

Here we go.

Here’s a nice silly fact you can whip out at sucks with co-workers tonight. Perhaps you guys can even order some asparagus cocktails and investigate this phenomenon for yourselves. Though, it’s likely this will get you knocked out of just about every saloon you go to, it’s all in the name of discipline. Be sure be pointed out that for your HR meeting on Monday.

Think before you speak.

If you’re someone who regularly announces yourself or a loved one a dork , now you know the dark world of what you’re really doing. Though we can think of practice worse reviles, and it’s probably not even inherently a bad thing to be called a whale penis. After all, everyone loves whales, and it’s wholly a good thing that they have penis. A slew of them are endangered, so what you’re really doing is crediting someone for helping the whale population to backlash. Plus, if everything there is reaches feel to you, you probably genuinely are a dork.

Like a fine wine.

Ben Franklin was known for many things: detecting electricity, writing an almanac, and being a copulation fiend. A little surprising considering he wasn’t precisely Brad Pitt, but standards were different three century earlier. Back then, any person with two legs and all his teeth was considered a piece. So a person like Ben Franklin could do very well, well enough to become an expert in the artistry of desire. Something he rightly knew was something one could only master with age.

There is one thing you can’t get a conceal carry admit for in Texas.

It is endlessly funny to think about all the handguns you are able to carry just about anywhere in Texas, including college campuses, and yet this law is still on the books. Because as we all know, dildos kill hundreds of thousands a year, and firearms just tickle a little bit. Not be asserted that you shouldn’t defend yourself, but what’s the point in having all that shield if you can’t enjoy yourself?

Keep telling yourself this.

These wives are maybe storytellers, but we can’t prove this so we have to believe them. This is, however, improbably rare, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself knowing excruciating pain during delivery like almost everyone else. And hey, you know what’s almost better than an orgasm? Drugs.

That’s one path to do it.

OK, so, it’s actually something called a “hectocotylus” which is a modified limb with a” seman flute” and specialized gratuity. Still. Nature, why are you SO WEIRD ?! The more we learn about the animal kingdom, the happier we are to have progressed to the human level.

Hey. Guess how much a boar can ejaculate. You’re probably wrong…

…Impressive?

They median 22 mL per…um…session. That’s compared to between 5 and 10 mL for humen. For our friends who aren’t as familiar with the metric method, 22 mL is equal to approximately 4.5 teaspoons and yes, we are sorry that you know that now.

You’ll never think of Knuckles the same road after this.

Two heads may be better than one, but is four pates even better? The rebuttal is no. No, four fronts is not better. Let’s just go back to one heading, actually. We’ve digressed too far from the light.

Watch out!

The same person is too the record-holder for his vertical film of 12 paws, 4 inches. We’re sure that no matter where he is, he’s simultaneously very proud of himself and too questioning all the decisions he’s ever realise. How did it come to this?( No pun intended. Well…maybe somewhat planned .)

You may have more in common with seman than you think.

Apparently, they use them to “smell” their channel to the unfertilized egg. They likewise are super into the smell of Lily of the Valley. In suit you’re wondering what kind of heydays to get sperm. Were you wondering that?

We knew Mozart was a genius, but this is truly next-level stuff.

Say what you will about the lyricals, but the motif itself is actually somewhat darn catchy! That Mozart guy. He’s going places. Not inevitably the most appropriate places, but places.

Hey! Were you just wondering about duck penises?’ Stimulate if so, you’re in luck…

No, they don’t actually open wine bottles.

And duck vaginas construction in the opposite attitude! With this knowledge, it’s a wonder that ducklings ever come into being at all. Duck sex is actually lane more complicated than you are able to acquire.( There’s a convict “youre supposed to” weren’t expecting to read today .)

Do not do this.

Two weeks! If you’re a guy, this is the perfect fact to drop whenever someone alleges you of not being productive enough.

What’s in a name? Testicles, apparently.

Good to know, good to know. Avocados are also appointed after testicles, actually. As it is about to change, testicles are useful for all sorts of things. Primarily stimulating their lists of other objects.

Like a self-cleaning oven.

But you do not just wanted to confuse the two.

Trust us on this one.

Is this is something that the most wonderful expend of your time?

For whatever intellect, Charlotte’s Web totally glosses over this reality. Charlotte could have woven this fact into the first web and that would otherwise have been the conclusion of its entire narration. No one wants to kill a boar after learning this information. It’s just so dang impressive.

Now for a word about manatee nipples…

Hm.

Admit it: You were just dying to know where manatees’ teats were, right? Well , now you know. Their nipples are located in their armpits. Well, technically in their flipperpits, but that’s not a word people typically use when speaking about manatees. Then again, how often are you talking about manatee nipples?

Jealous?

You’d think we would have come to the end of the animal penis facts by now, right? Wrong! Banana slugs can flourish to be between 6 and 8 inches long. And their penises can also be 6 to 8 inches long. And those penis emerge from their brains. We’re pretty sure banana bullets — which, as a remember, already kind of look like penises — are evidence of nature playing a joke on itself.

“Penis fencing.”

The mating habit of the flatworm is legit lunatic. The animals are hermaphroditic( necessitating they have both ovaries and testes ). In prescribe to procreate, they use their penis to stab one another in a move very creatively reputation” Penis Fencing .” Finally, one of the flatworms jab the other close enough to the ovaries to inseminate the other. True-blue love!

You might want to see a doctor about that.

And not, like, the good various kinds of erections. They’re unpleasant and can lead to permanent impotence. But don’t worry. The spider’s venom is being studied for customer in erectile dysfunction treatments. What is likely to be go wrong?

The telltale bruise.

So is not merely do have to touch your teeth and floss before the next time you take a trip to the dentist, you also need to refrain from yielding any blowjobs. Unless are you gonna just let loose and let your freak pennant operate. You do you. But fair warning: you may be judged.

And be talking about dentists…

Lemony fresh?

And actually, it worked remarkably well. Ammonia( which is located in urinate) is a natural whitener. So the ancient Romans had sparkly grey teeth. No text on how their sigh smelled, though.

A life well-lived…

The antechinus is a super cute little marsupial is currently in Australia. Know what’s not cute, though? Dying from stress caused by copulation. Apparently, their mating ritual is so wildernes and frenzied that the antechinus’ immune arrangement grows compromised. What a direction to turn!

What a year for humen!

Honestly, “the worlds largest” suprising area about this information is that the FIRST film wasn’t porn. But of course they consumed no time in using this newfound technology for lascivious intents. The film is called Le Coucher de la Mariee and simply about two minutes of footage have survived. You can watch those two minutes here, but don’t expect to be too titilated. Erotica was different back in 1896, ya know?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/43-dirty-facts-youre-dying-to-know-but-are-too-afraid-to-ask/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183791760682

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allofbeercom · 5 years

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43 Dirty Facts You’re Dying to Know but Are Too Afraid to Ask

You always knew they had you beat size-wise…

Your favorite things might have more in common than you thought.

Nature truly has thought of everything.

There’s a intellect we evolved to create plastic.

Kanga and Roo never excused this.

Dolphins are pretty smart.

This is just a thing no one needs.

This might seem obvious.

Horses aren’t as innocent as they look.

Like a dark-brown snowflake.

Go ahead and check, we’ll wait.

Don’t sneeze!

Or, you can buy a special bra.

Feel familiar?

This will represent the holidays more interesting.

And yet we still haven’t medicine cancer.

No wonder he was so good at it.

Locker chamber acts.

Happy Halloween?

This was something that probably no one needs to know in any capability for whatever conclude, and you surely shouldn’t use this fact as an sparkler breaker for anything at all. You too should absolutely not include this in any recurred mansion decor this Halloween. In reality, let’s all agree to forget this happened, and only prevent scrolling. Go on.

Here we go.

Think before you speak.

Like a fine wine.

There is one thing you can’t get a conceal carry admit for in Texas.

Keep telling yourself this.

That’s one path to do it.

Hey. Guess how much a boar can ejaculate. You’re probably wrong…

…Impressive?

You’ll never think of Knuckles the same road after this.

Watch out!

You may have more in common with seman than you think.

We knew Mozart was a genius, but this is truly next-level stuff.

Say what you will about the lyricals, but the motif itself is actually somewhat darn catchy! That Mozart guy. He’s going places. Not inevitably the most appropriate places, but places.

Hey! Were you just wondering about duck penises?’ Stimulate if so, you’re in luck…

No, they don’t actually open wine bottles.

Do not do this.

Two weeks! If you’re a guy, this is the perfect fact to drop whenever someone alleges you of not being productive enough.

What’s in a name? Testicles, apparently.

Like a self-cleaning oven.

But you do not just wanted to confuse the two.

Trust us on this one.

Is this is something that the most wonderful expend of your time?

Now for a word about manatee nipples…

Hm.

Jealous?

“Penis fencing.”

You might want to see a doctor about that.

The telltale bruise.

And be talking about dentists…

Lemony fresh?

And actually, it worked remarkably well. Ammonia( which is located in urinate) is a natural whitener. So the ancient Romans had sparkly grey teeth. No text on how their sigh smelled, though.

A life well-lived…

What a year for humen!

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/43-dirty-facts-youre-dying-to-know-but-are-too-afraid-to-ask/

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