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saezurufeels · 1 year

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When Yashiro asks himself ‘why not me? Why can’t it be me?’ while looking at Kuga, what exactly is he referring to? When I read it for the first time it seemed obvious (and maybe it is) that he was jealous of Kuga - or maybe wishing he could be more like him, ‘a bright light’, as he says - so I never paid much attention to this.

But now I wonder why would Yashiro want Kage to fell for him? Wouldn’t it cause much more pain, since he knows he can’t be in a normal relationship? If that happened in high school I could imagine them being together, Yashiro was so lost and lonely, and maybe still hoped for redemption. Adult Yashiro never expected or even wanted this, yet he still wishes Kage’s love?

Also, what if Kage fell for him instead of Kuga, do you think he would at least try to change his lifestyle to be with him? Or would he push him away?

It’s probably a dumb question, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Sorry for the late reply! And, no it’s not a dumb question, it’s a great question, and this contradiction is one reason Yashiro is such an interesting character.

How can someone who doesn’t want a normal relationship still be sad about not having a normal relationship? But the real question is, which of those came first? Was Yashiro born different (not wanting love and romance), or did something else happen along the way, which taught him not to rely on anyone, not to trust relationships, and not to expect good things to happen?

I think Yashiro musing, “why not me?” shows us that he wasn’t born wanting to be alone, he just grew up thinking he wasn’t good enough to be loved and protected. Occasionally his longing for normalcy and love shows itself, and he asks himself these 'why?' questions. He knows deep down this is not the life he wants, but his self-perception is already warped from years of abuse. Kagyeama may have been partially right about one thing: Yashiro doesn’t know himself well. Does he want love, or does he reject it? You could argue it’s both. If Yashiro fully believed he was worthy of love (his true longing), then the pain of being hurt and abused would be too much to handle. So, he developed coping mechanisms: a distaste for romantic relationships and the belief that he's a twisted person. Does that mean he rejects love completely? I don’t think so, but the contradiction is still a valid part of him as much as his intelligence and empathy. That’s why it’s so difficult for anyone to break through his walls, and even if Kageyama chose Yashiro instead of Kuga, I think Yashiro would have pushed him away.

I think as humans, we have a need to explain everything. There has to be a reason for everything. Same goes for Yashiro. If things are chaotic and happen without reason (such as abuse, rejection, etc.), then what’s stopping anyone from ending it right now? Whether you live or die, it’s all the same. But Yashiro keeps on going because he has a sense of hope. Despite everything, he continues to search for reasons; he continues to fight to live. Even when Yashiro asks Nanahara, “what makes someone fit to be a yakuza?” he’s trying to understand why he’s labelled as one. Yakuza are often seen as degenerates, people without options (no family), or people without righteousness. Yashiro doesn’t want to be a yakuza, but he wants to understand why it’s the only thing people ever ascribe him to. Is he truly twisted or is there a more, let’s say, tasteful reason he’s perceived as the perfect yakuza?

Remember when Kageyama told Yashiro he was pitiful because he was alone? Surely Kuga was also pitiful and alone when he met Kageyama. So, being indirectly rejected by Kageyama a second time must have opened old wounds and caused Yashiro some confusion. Does he have additional flaws he didn’t know about? Yashiro is always searching for answers to these questions. Nevertheless, that only demonstrates that there is some hope left in Yashiro. He knows he must have some redeeming qualities. If he were objectively bad, wouldn’t he know? Thanks for the interesting question!!

#asks and replies #yashiro #kageyama

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currentlyreadingmanga · 4 years

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Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 20: Mitsuba (Part 3)

Previously: the feels came and hit me like a train. Mitsuba’s story was heartbreaking and I wanted nothing more than give him all the nice things he deserves and never got to experience ;; We also had another chapter of Kou being a Very Good Boy ™ and their friendship made me smile so much…...well, until he arrived…...and that happened…….and the angst also hit me like a train. Oh yeah, we also had some great exposition regarding plot-related stuff which made me ask a lot of question (but that’s not new with me lol). Hanako is coming to the scene right now and I’m :)) scared :))))

Now onto the next chapter!

Guess who’s really late again??? I really have no excuse other than me having a really bad attention span (also A3! has taken over my life pls send help)

Anyway!

Oh wow, this cover page has A Lot to disect.. The main thing my eyes were drawn to is Hanako’s expression and the fact that he’s holding the bloodied knife. He looks shocked and sad, and he’s gonna go face his brother (that he killed) and I’m terrified ahhhhh Another thing! The ropes that are tying them together: now, from what I see, the ropes are tying all of them up except for Kou; like, the main connection I always associate with Yashiro and Hanako is their bond, but then the connection between Hanako and Mitsuba is that they’re both dead. It looks like all the ropes are interconnected though and I...I don’t like the implications that my brain is coming up with right now………...Yashiro baby please be safe, okay? Like, it could also mean that Mitsuba is gonna form some sort of bond with Hanako, but let’s be real, what would bring the biggest amount of angst? Exactly. From what I’ve seen so far, the covers have elements that are relevant to the plot and I feel like there’s a lot of things here that could be concerning :))))

Ahhhh okay let’s keep going

So we’re back with Not-Hanako and Kou after Sakura changed Mitsuba’s rumor and turned him into THAT. And you guys remember how I mentioned that it unsettles me when Hanako smiles creepily and his eyes turn dark? Well

I’m incredibly unsettled right now.

Okay so Mitsuba’s wish was too vague for Not-Hanako to turn him into something more than a “half-done supernatural”. He didn’t know what he wanted to do but he knew that he wanted people to remember him. But thanks to Kou, now he knows his actual wish: friends. Mitsuba just wants to stay with his friends and oh, can you hear that???? that’s the sound of my heart breaking (again).

Kou is understadably pissed but Not-Hanako is ignoring him, and he mentions that the more people Mitsuba gets to remember him, the longer he will be able to stay there. And yeah, it checks out with what we know about supernaturals since Tsuchigomori mentioned that it’s easier for him since he can spread his own rumors.

Oh………...oh no………...Mitsuba baby no pls (;;⚆_⚆)

Yeah, this ties to what he said before about “if that’s enought to break the world then it’s better off broken”. It seems like he just wants everyone to let go of their morals and see where that lead them. Also “the price of this wish is your mind”, does he mean like, his conciousness? his ability to discern right from wrong? Because if he can strip him from that with just his touch (and the rumors) then that’s horrible. Well, I guess that’s what happened with Yako and the Mokke, right? They started killing/stealing/kidnapping people after their rumors changed.

(ﾟдﾟ；) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) OMFG THAT’S TERRIFYING MAKE IT STOP

oh no, oh no, he’s grabbing Kou and it seems like he’s choking him oh no Mitsuba baby please, I know you’re still there, come on, the power of friendship ™ can bring you back pls

Aw, Kou, sweetie, you weren’t wrong. You gave Mitsuba a good memory and the friend he had always wanted, it’s not your fault that this little shit fucked everything up.

Ahhhhh Hanako is finally here! Oh geez, he cut Mitsuba clean in half ;; But like, he should be fine, right? He also stabbed Yako and she was okay. So Mitsuba should return to his previous form…….right? Please? (;;⚆.⚆)

I really need Not-Hanako to stop being cute, I’m trying to be mad and he unsettles me

!!!!! We finally have a name!!!! I can’t stop calling him Not-Hanako, bless

Awww baby, Hanako is shaking so much :cccc This looks like it’s so hard for him, oh dear

“Back when you killed me” ………………………...ok so that makes it sound like he pushed Hanako to do it, at least in some way………….those wounds and bruises and…..rope marks…….little Amane had when he was alive really aren’t looking good under this lense, I don’t li k e t h i s

(ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) fucking hell, that’s just. yikes. Like, Amane seemed like such a sweet kid, you really have to wonder what was it that made him finally snap, especially in such a way

It really looks like he’s just teasing him even though Amane clearly finds the whole event (and even his brother’s mere presence) traumatizing. It’s weird, Tsukasa seems like he’s doing all this on purpose but he also doesn’t realize that it doesn’t make his brother happy. It has the complete opposite effect, in fact. Even the way he’s standing on his tiptoes, it can just be a cute habit but it also makes him tower slightly over Amane.

Sigh okay, he’s gone, thank you. But!!! Kou is calling out to Mitsuba!! Is he okay??

…………………….oh no. His face says it all, he can’t, he wants to but he can’t

(TдT)(TдT)(TдT) this is so fucking sad. This poor child just wanted a happy (after)life with his friends and he tried, he tried so hard, but every time his chances was snuffed out.

“...we have have no future”

Hmmm…...the way that he’s wording this and what he said during the young exorcist arc gives me the idea that he actually doesn’t like being a supernatural, he thinks there’s really no point to existing after death since he doesn’t grow old nor he can pursue his old dreams. But he HAS to do it; he hates it, but he has a mission so that he can repent for his sins, and his sense of obligation is strong enough that he pleaded for his “life” to Teru, knowing that, in his own eyes, he shouldn’t be here in the first place, And he really did thought that Kou could help Mitsuba in a kinder way so that the ghost would be able to pass on happy but it backfired spectacularly. Living on after you die seems like a truly heart-rending existence.

And there’s only the camera left behind…...No, this-this is fine, I’m fine, this is……. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Oh dear, and now Kou is blaming himself for not being stronger, strong like his brother, strong enough to save Mitsuba. I should have seen it coming, considering we know very well how Kou views his brother as a kind of ideal and, in turn, views himself as not good enough, but it still hurts. And I know it’s because he’s grieving, but he really shouldn’t do this to himself right now.

“I’m pretty sure destruction is the only salvation for the dead.” At first I thought this was a contradiction to what he had said before (about himself) but it really isn’t. He thinks it’s best when the dead are able to disappear from this world, but he doesn’t want salvation for himself, he wants an opportunity to atone. And I wonder if because of that, he sees himself as someone who’s past salvation.

I’m glad that Kou immediately cuts him off and says that’s ridiculous. Because even if Kou is saying it for Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure Hanako also needed to hear that.

Also, it looks like this is the beginning of a very strong grudge against Tsukasa on Kou’s part and I get it but also I’m :))) scared :)))

I mean, I think he’s got a point there. Yeah, the world has rules that the average people can’t change but he has a power not many others (?) have, so him being able to change things in regards to supernaturals doesn’t seem out of the question.

AHHHHHHHHHHH HE FOUND HIS PICTURE

(ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಥ﹏ಥ) take a shot every time I wanted to cry during this chapter

Oh!!! we’re at sea with the mermaid and her people! Mr pufferfish died but the other fish survived so he reported back to her.

Oh. So she really did have good intentions by trying to kidnap Yashiro. Not the best method, but her heart was in the right place. BUT ALSO!!! I’m now even more worried about my girl :)))))))) please don’t let anything happen to her ;;

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT why is this me with A3! omfg Yashiro sweetie we could totally bond over mobile games

Yashiro was summoned by an upperclassman?? Who-oh, wait

Of course, of-fucking-course, hi Natsuhiko, please don’t endanger my daughter, she’s done nothing wrong.

And that was the end of the chapter. It felt shorter than usual but also incredibly long because it was emotionally taxing ;; that was such a rollercoaster, oh dear

Ohhhhh there’s extras this time around!!

Awwwwwww the ten-times game panels are so precious ;u; especially the parallel between Kou-Teru and Kou-Hanako. The character sheets with the little bits of info are pretty cute as well!

Judging by the preview of the next volume, it seems like Yashiro is gonna have a tea party with the chaotic trio (Sakura doesn’t seem chaotic so far but the other two do so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry not sorry). If they hurt my child istg….

Awwwwwwwwww the middle school entrance pictures are so cute! (Amane’s and Tsukasa’s not so much in context but…...yeah)

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk spoilers #tbhk #jshk #live blogging

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