#y. and i assumed white bc kyle is(?) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fartquen12 · 1 year

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can i have a zhongli x reader where he makes a tea out of his gf's caca to show his gf he loves her pls and tanks <3333333

Valentines dokie dookie tea ft. john stamos

ALSO HUGE SHOUTOUT TO @itsthemickeymousecrackhouse FOR BEING THE BEST SUPPORTER

TRIGGER WARNINGS: dookie, Fart, Nonconsenstual stealing poop, tea, dookie tea, zhongli being my version of zhongli, y/n, bl00d, cringe, she her prns (y/n), valentines day. (will defenitly offend you if you are a mini ravi/kyle)

*RING RING* "oh fuc- OWWAA" I screeched as I fell out of bed. *RING RING* I slammed my hand down on the alarm to shut it off. "goddamn." I said almost silently. I got up off the floor and made my bed. Thats when I realised it was valentines day! I have a date with zhongli and I look like a poop riden child! I ran to the bathroom and took a cold shower. It was so cold I literally sharted. After that I went to my closet to look for some nice clothes since our date was in 1 hour. I saw this brown and black and white box print dress in my closet. I wore it because I wanted to loook like i havent changed since the easter event. I went to the bathroom and did my makeup. Brown lipgloss. pink and red eyeshadow with a bit of brown and purple to make it look like i have a disease and pink eye (dookie in eye dont be an asspiker). I did some mascara and lots of hot pink blush so i can look dead. highliter on my nose eye corner cheeks eyes and a lil on my buhol.I ran to the front door and put on my ninja turdl socks and my paw patrol shoes. I opened my front door and locked up after i left. I got into my adorbs car. My car is a red car it is 4 ft tall and 3 ft in legnth. It has orange flames on the side and black stripes. I got in and started blasting... "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" and I have a billy fartgrove funkpop in my window aswell as vecnas bumhole printed on my lisence plate. My windows are fully tinted so no one can see me and I have a student driver sticker on the back of my car!

I buckled myself into my booster seat bc even though I am 18 I am 3'4 uWu. I looked at myself in the mirror and winked. I quickly backed out of my driveway. As i drove out of my trailer park I saw eddie munson twerking at me. I thought that was nasty. I worridly drived because my date starts in 15 minutes and it takes 1 hour to drive to the resturant he said to go to. Its called "dilucs tavern" anyways I drove at 200 miles per hour on the free way and i do not know why everyone honks at me. I rolled down my window and said "FUK U". I mean it is the "free" way right? anyway i drove and drove and after about 45 minutes i arrived. I saw the man from tinder crying through the window at an empty table. I quickly got out of my car and locked it. The sound to make sure I locked isssss..... *fart* Perfect. I walked into dilucs tavern and i was greeted by the man. "OH! Y/n so good to see you!" The man said. "Yeah! I'm so sorry I was late I um..... uh. I got stuck in.. traffic yeah." I said hoping he wouldnt realise my fatass actually slept through the 50 alarms i set. He smiled at me and handed me a menu. As I read through the menu I decided on "fart lard and turkey" from the menu. The waiter then asked me what I would like to drink "Hmmm. I will take a finger lickin poopy ass dookie as potatoe ass green dookie fart penis poop salad beer!" I replied. "Good choice!" the waiter said smiling. It was silent for about 3 minutes. Best 3 minutes of my life. "So uh. What do you do for work?" The man across me asked. "oh! uhm. uh.... well i- um i-." i didnt exactly know what to say. "Its okay if you cant tell me." he said looking quite sad. "No! Its fine! I'm a..... well um.... i clean poop out of old peoples butts at scaramouchers nursing home..." I said. I tried to scan his expression for any thoughts of strangeness but the man didnt say anything. He smiled. "I wish I had your job!" the man said. I laughed assuming he was joking. it was silent for a while till i decided to speak up. "you have any kids? and pets?" I said awkwardly. "Oh no! You know me I hate kids haha." the man said. I stared at him agressivly for a second because I have 10 p named children at home. I just laughed. he looked at me weird but then the waiter gave us our food and drinks.

"Thank you!" I said to the waiter. He looked.... fimiliar. wait. I stood up and got in his face. I pulled his face mask off as he said "MAAM PLEASE DUE TO COVID STAY SIX FEET AND DONT TOUCH ME!!!!" i paused.... "Y/n????!!!" The waiter said angrily! "XIAO????" I said even more angrily "OH FUK YOU" The xiao said to me. "YOUR GONNA GET IT NOW BITCH!!! I SCREAMED! "WTF!!!!" zhomgli said standing up now recording this.. "YEAH TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!!" some random man said from across the bar. I locked myself in the bathroom. I came out covered in blood. "WHERES THAT MAN!!" said zhongli. "I juST KiLled mY eX." i said zhongli threw something in my face it was a brown liquid "TF IS THAT!!!!" i screamed. "I STOLE POOP FROM YOUR SHOWER AND MADE IT INTO TEA BC IM LITERALLY YANDERE FOR YOU DADDDY!" ZHONGLI SHOUTED. "THA FUCCCCC!!!" I yelled "ALSO I KNOW YOUR A BIG FATASS I PUT A CAM IN YOUR BEDRROM AND SAW YOU SLEEP THROUGH 50 ALARMS!" He shouted again. I ran out the bar so fast got in my car locked it and started blasting "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" while driving out of the parking lot i saw eddie munson twerking at me again. "FUK YOU!" I shouted at him. Then he ran faster than the speed of light and jumped on my car denting my ceiling cuz hes so fat and he broke a window and got in with me "BOY WTF!!!!!" I screamed "PULL OVER!!" Eddie yelled. I did as he said. and thats when john stamos himself got in my car and started blastinf Taco farts! I laughed so hard ive never laughed harder in my life. Me and these guyes quirky lil guyes drove off into the sunset and I hope to never see zhongli ever again.

THE END

Also guys tysm for 50 likes! You guys are the best! Make sure to request!

#zhongli #zhongli x reader #steve x eddie #eddie stranger things #eddie x y/n #eddie munson #john stamos #john stamos x reader #xiao x reader #valentines day #febuary fic #febuary #nominiravisallowed #nominikylesallowed

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