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tatsunami · 4 years

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Never thought I was capable of feeling… Oh, who am I trying to fool? I have always known I was capable of it. I want one person dead. No, no, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to kill anyone. But there is still one human in this world whom I hate so much I wish they were dead. I want to wake up in a world where they were hit by a car or something. I hate impunity. They did something horrible to a person I care about and was never actually punished for it. They got away. And I hate them for it.

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tatsunami · 4 years

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歪んだ価値観の上、意気地もないか。別にいいけど。私には関係ないさ。

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tatsunami · 4 years

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I can’t believe I’m saying it but I wish people in Japanese media would stop posting shitty “news” on Kanda Sayaka. Don’t get me wrong. I honestly don’t give half a fuck about Kanda Sayaka, her wellbeing, her emotions and her mental state overall. I don’t. I do care about Murata Mitsu, though. I don’t want him getting hurt over all those fake news, because he obviously takes it all pretty seriously. He shouldn’t, but he does. So, yeah, I wish they would stop shitting on Kanda Sayaka.

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tatsunami · 4 years

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“I feel sorry that I’ve never been subscribed to XXXXX on any social media.” “You know you still can subscribe to them? They are active.” “No, you don’t get it. I feel sorry because I can’t dramatically unsubscribe from them after finding out how much of a piece of shit they really are.”

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tatsunami · 4 years

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“…If they post some nonsense about me anyway, why can’t they choose better pictures? I mean, why post pictures when I’m talking to people? Nobody looks perfect in the middle of a conversation. I bet you guys also have bad pictures of yourselves that you don’t want to be posted…” “They know what they’re doing!” “We know you are handsome!” “You are beautiful.” “You are beautiful.” “You are…”

I’m so grateful to people who say the things I don’t allow myself to say. I don’t. Because when he speaks, when he smiles, when he spends hours fooling around, talking about the stuff he loves… He isn’t beautiful, no. He is perfect.

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tatsunami · 4 years

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Zensoku-san once said he was 誤解されがち (easily misunderstood). Being in a “fandom” (I still don’t understand how I got there TBH), I think I sort of understand why. But at the same time I don’t. I don’t understand people. Especially those who say that his emotions are “acted”. Gosh, people, you think too much of him as an actor if you think he can act like this. Not because he is bad at acting (he’s good, but in a different way), but because, if you were right, this “act” would have been Oscar worthy. No kidding. I look at him and I see a self-aware person who isn’t afraid to show his genuine emotions and sometimes shares his genuine thoughts. He might not always choose his words wisely, but you know what, this is exactly the reason why I trust him. This is anything but “acted”.

#zensoku #喘息

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tatsunami · 4 years

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To M.M. (2)

I shouldn’t even think about it, but I do. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry that I will not always be there and that someday I will disappear without a trace. I’m sorry I wanted to run away in March. I’m not sorry that I couldn’t. I’m sorry I wasn’t there five or ten years ago. I’m sorry, because I could have been there. Believe it or not, I was almost like a satellite on your orbit, without even realizing it. I was this close to knowing you – and I didn’t. It wouldn’t have changed anything, but I still feel sorry.

I’m not sorry that I don’t always agree with you. I’m not sorry that I don’t share all your interests and tastes. You can’t change that. You never will. I’m sorry I still can’t find a name for what I feel for you. The easiest thing would be to say that I love you – but I don’t. You are “the person I care about”. You are “the person I don’t want getting hurt”. Is it not enough?

Can I still make it up? No, not to you, you don’t care – and you shouldn’t care. I want to make it up to myself. I don’t want to feel sorry anymore. Is it too much to want?

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tatsunami · 4 years

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To M.M.

I’m posting it here because I know no one would see it. I’m pretty much used to not always being able to speak my mind. I mean, as an adult I’ve learned to be silent when I need to be. Not being able to speak my heart is a whole different matter. I was afraid to be vulnerable. Sincerely saying something nice to a person (who needed to hear it) felt worse than standing naked in front of a crowd would. I still did it. Once. I’m not afraid anymore. I just know it won’t do. I know I’m nobody and it shouldn’t be me speaking. I once said “We will never be friends with *****, but it’s allright, I like it this way.” Wasn’t lying back then. I just don’t think so anymore. Us not being friends is a tragedy. Not because I want an “unordinary friend”. Like I care. I was never a “fan”. I would have liked you even if you were a nobody. No matter how hard I try speaking my mind, it won’t do, because my words, my opinions worth nothing. I don’t deserve to have an opinion. All I can do is silently agree and praise. This is what I am supposed to do as a “fan”. That I’m not.

Sometimes I wish October 2019 never happened. Sometimes I wish I never left a comment in November. You are the best thing happened to me in a few years. And yet - sometimes I wish I never knew you. Because right now you need help, and I can’t help you, and it hurts like hell.

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tatsunami · 5 years

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I regret nothing

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #the simpsons #sideshow bob #urakubo yuusaku #please not again

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tatsunami · 5 years

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On Midousuji Akira

Me while reading Yowamushi Pedal (and feeling conflicted about Midousuji Akira)

Me: Gosh, that guy with a long tongue is creepy! But kinda fascinating at the same time, so I’ll give this manga a go just to know who he is. Watanabe Wataru: You’ll love him. Me: Eh… You sure about that? Watanabe Wataru: You know, he’s not just creepy, he’s also a bully and even his own teammates are scared of him. Me: You said I would love him? Watanabe Wataru: He’s also ugly when he’s on a bike. Me: That’s the least of his problems! Watanabe Wataru: Oh, you’re so gonna love him! Me: Well, he’s still a talented sportsman, I guess. Watanabe Wataru: That’s not what I meant. Let me tell you about his childhood! You know, his mother died, he lives with his relatives who seem to have a lot of problems of their own and are too busy to care for him! He’s all alone, he was bullied when he was a child, and now he looks scary so everyone is afraid to approach him! He has no friends! Not a single one! Me: Please, stop. Watanabe Wataru: Look at him. (whispers) Remember – he’s not a monster from under your bed, he’s a fifteen-year old boy. Well? Do you see it now? Murata Mitsu: Also – look at me. I’m the best Midousuji one can imagine. Me: I… I see a socially awkward teenager with a whole bunch of neuroses. I feel sorry for him. Watanabe Wataru: Oh, don't worry, it's OK. Don't be sad. Remember? He's still an awful person. Let me show you how he bullies people again. Don't cry, he's a monster, you don't have to feel sorry for a monster… Hayashino Takeshi: Indeed he is! Look at me, I’m an amazing mons… I mean, Midousuji. Me: Maybe you’re right… Watanabe Wataru: Did I mention that he was coming back to the hospital again and again after his mother passed away, still hoping to see her looking at him from the hospital window? Me: (crying) WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! Watanabe Wataru: You love him now? Me: Will you stop hurting him if I say “yes”? Watanabe Wataru: I probably won’t but let’s give it a try! Me: (crying) …Yes, yes, I do love him! Watanabe Wataru: Told you!

#yowamushi pedal #midousuji akira #yowapeda #don't take this seriously

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tatsunami · 6 years

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A repost, about Amadiz studio

Please spread this! Russian bjd community really needs your support right now. We are being slandered and have the right to be heard. Please don't believe these allegations without asking for proof! Hear both sides of the conflict out and make an informed decision. That is all we really ask, so please spread this message!

So here's the fact: the entire Russian BJD community was claimed as "transphobic and homophobic anonymous haters" the day before yesterday. And I found it painful. You know why? Russian BJD community has always been tolerant and accepting, a safe space. I should know as a member of LGBTQ myself. Same as Kotyan, who is now, according to Amadiz Studio, is The Lord of Haters, same as many other people in our community. Now our safe space is slandered like that. And let me tell you, it hurts really bad. You want to know why we are angry? Here are some other facts: - Georgy's coming out was in 2012. The original post is still safe on BJD-Club (biggest russian-speaking online community). Here's the link - https://goo.gl/y1N9vP I also have a screenshot of it. The thing is, it was known for six years. And it was normal for the community. Why wouldn't it be? A whole lot of us here are in the same boat, and with how the world is today, we just have to stick together. So no, that is not the reason for our dissatisfaction. - No, our community did not harass their son. The kid is 5 years old, for God's sake! Did they even think before making such claims or did they just try to make us all sound as evil as humanly possible? Are people of russian BJD community Marvel supervillains now? - While we're on the subject of trans- and homophobia, why do Georgy and Kate keep misgendering Kotyan? He has been open about being a genderqueer person with preferred he/him pronouns. They used to work together, they claim they were friends once, they know it... and yet there is "she" and "this woman" all over. It's almost like they want to hurt him this way. How very tolerant. The thing is, there have been many dissatisfied clients of Amadiz Studio in russian community. And the company handled their cases in a really disgusting way. There have been lies, blackmail attempts and bullying. And yes, there is proof of that. The only problem is that it is all in russian, so you'd have to use a translator to get the full picture. Amadiz Studio clearly hopes no one in the international community will do that. They hope that you'll trust those who are the loudest. And sure, you'd say, their promo photos are so beautiful, how can these talented people be wrong? Surely it's only the mean haters who are just jealous of their success! Please, don't let them use your kindness and respect for creativity like that. Please please at least try to google it. There is a reason why they are no longer welcome as sponsors at russian bjd conventions. There is a reason why they are banned from BJD-Club. There is a reason why they were fired from moderating BJD-Leaks, the russian equivalent of BJD Confessions. I literally have all the links, some of the proof is already translated in english, so if you just take a moment and allow yourself to think that maybe we are not the evil homophobic and transphobic russian scum that Amadiz Studio claims we are, you'd find out that the story is much more complicated. Please don't let two dishonest people who are simply trying to cover their mess slander an entire community for the rest of the world. We face enough strife as it is. I'm sorry, this is emotional and probably sounds like babbling, but I just got spit in the face both as a russian bjd fan and as a member of LGBTQ, so I guess you could say I'm a bit devastated right now.

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tatsunami · 6 years

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Things Ouma Kokichi deserved

Not. Fucking. This.

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tatsunami · 6 years

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Regarding Ouma’s Talent || Analysis

Because I’ve heard about people bringing up theories regarding this topic, I decided to throw in my own ideas and why I think that the title of Super High School Level Supreme Leader suits Ouma perfectly. Many like to argue that just like pretty much everything else about Ouma, his talent is also fake because it doesn’t suit him or because he doesn’t show any kind of qualities a “Supreme Leader” should possess. But is that really the case?

This will be a bit longer, so prepare for a couple of paragraphs to read through. And obviously, this post will contain massive spoilers for all of V3, so be prepared.

Keep reading

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tatsunami · 8 years

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