therealcollegeau

[therealcollegeau]

Hi guys Graduation is in 6 weeks That is all

#by darlee

[therealcollegeau]

Sometimes I wonder how many people would actually care if I died. Not like the initial shock of "wow he died so young" or the normal sadness that comes with the death of any human. But like, truly impacted. The kind where you suddenly think about the person thirty years down the line and wish they were still around because they'd love the joke you just told. Or the kind where you try to sleep at night but can't because you remembered that they really won't be there when you wake up.

#by jace

[therealcollegeau]

I just finished reading Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this novel, so if you’ve read it please let me know if I can rant to you. One question I wanted to pose to this group in particular:

Can Western feminism be used to critique/analyze/question a non-Western piece of literature?

Hands down, if a straight white male author wrote this novel, it’d be a pretty misogynistic piece of garbage. While I’m in love with Murakami’s style, all the characters in the novel (not just the female ones) read almost like caricatures--it’s kinda like the “manic pixie dream girl” effect, where you compress a real human being into an adolescent male fantasy. Not that the female characters are all manic pixie dream girls, but they all do read like the realization of an adolescent male fantasy. All of them are discussed sexually at least once; most of them end up having sex with the narrator.

But of course, the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype is a Western one. The sex can be explained away as a counterpoint to the omnipresent specter of death that clings to each page of the novel. (The male characters, too, are discussed in terms of their sexual prowess and attractiveness.) 

More importantly, Murakami’s characters clearly belong to a different society, a different culture, a different conceptualization of gender and masculinity and femininity. So is it still appropriate to call his work misogynistic, as viewed by Western civilization? Should I interpret his work as simply the reflection of “misogyny” in 1969 Japanese society? (I mean, I don’t excuse Dante for the misogyny of his work in 1410 Italy, so...) Or is it another form of cultural imperialism to impose such categorical constructions such as “misogynistic” and “feminist” onto non-Western literature?

#by darlee #haruki murakami #norwegian wood #sj musings

[therealcollegeau]

That awkward bi moment

when you’re a watching a tv show, and a straight couple kiss. Then you realize your mind is just like : “I’m not even sure which actor I’m more jealous of, I’d like to kiss both of them, please.” (submitted by Anon)

[therealcollegeau]

Imagine My Immortal but written in the style of Shakespeare.

#important #by darlee

[therealcollegeau]

Surprisingly appropriate for a Sunday afternoon.

#by darlee #ish #this is for you #you know who you are #<3

[therealcollegeau]

[therealcollegeau]

I've come to realize that I was starting to measure my self worth by the number of people who were talking to me on Tinder/Grindr. As long as I was talking to someone, I was happy. But then I wasn't anymore. So, I've deleted the apps because that ish just is /not/ good for my mental health and now, just a day later, want to download them again. Basically, feelings suck. Especially since I just spent a weekend with a guy I started to fall for who gave me signs of liking me back who apparently doesn't. And now won't even talk to me civilly through facebook. 

Lord give me strength to no download those apps again. And to stop caring about people like him

#by Jace

[therealcollegeau]

Odd One Out

It’s been a very long while since I’ve ever posted anything. I’m sorry that this isn’t a happy post, but this is something that’s been eating at me for some time, and that I really would like to say somewhere.

There are some times where I just don’t feel happy interacting with you guys. As a group, we joke about how I can be weird or clueless, and often I take part and happily poke fun at myself too. Past a certain point, though, it stops being fun. We’re only halfway into this road trip, and I already feel like I can’t say anything without someone in the group making a joke at my expense, or trying to contradict me even when there’s nothing to argue about. Attempts to play team games end up with you guys ganging up on me, and even when I’m not around you still make fun of me behind my back. 

This isn’t anything particularly new; in fact, this has been going on since sophomore year, but now that almost all of us are constantly together it’s become a lot less pleasant. Back in college, no matter what stupid debates or stacked games we had, I could always go back to my room, do other things with my week, come back in a happy mood and enjoy everyone’s company. I can’t escape from you now, and I won’t be able to for another week.

You may not think that you, as an individual, are being particularly nasty or unpleasant, but when the comments you make are multiplied fourfold it starts to pile on pretty thick. I never see anybody defend or sympathize with me, and when I protest I am never taken seriously. You never take me seriously in general, and while that’s fine when I want to make you laugh or smile, it’s also demeaning and alienating: there are times when I don’t feel like I’m a part of this group, and times where I wish I wasn’t.

Please, if you are reading this, think about this post the next time you use me as the butt of a joke. I’m not asking you to be serious all the time with me, or to treat me with any kind of weird deference; just please remember I have feelings too, and I may not always like being singled out as the group’s chew toy.

#By Liam #just friends things #sorry for the drama Jace #manpain

[therealcollegeau]

Study Abroad Round 2

Hey. 

I have to submit my preliminary (but potentially permanent) course schedule for my time here in France tomorrow and this is the low down:

My program is a part of CIREFE (the center for international students) in the totality of Université Rennes II. That means that any classes that I take in CIREFE will be entirely with other international students and not other french students. So, before I arrived here I planned on taking at least 3 university classes and then the rest CIREFE courses. 

But, it turns out that all the classes I wanted to take at the university are either extremely boring (like, the most boring classes I've ever gone to in my life boring), not transferrable to my major (DEF NEEDED DUH) or have a better course selection for my interests in CIREFE.

That means that I've basically decided to only take CIREFE classes and maybe audit (not for credit, obv) one or two classes at the fac.

Many people might say this is stupid of me... That I'm in France because I want to take classes with French students and see what it's like at the French University. Here's what I say to that: 

That actually is not why I came to France. I came here, yes, because I wanted to improve my language abilities in French. Sure, taking classes at the fac would be a great way to do that, but so is talking to French friends outside of class (i.e. meet people via university events, tinder/grindr [lawlz], going out, through other international friends etc) and participating with my host family. Also, ALL of my classes are still in French... And university courses... So... 

I came abroad for a year, honestly, because I was tired of the competitive and overly stressful life that was Yale. I needed a break both for my mental and physical health and to find myself a little bit. That means that there's no reason I should force myself to take more difficult courses I'm not interested in just because I'm a Yalie. 

Maybe the CIREFE courses are easier but maybe they aren't. Maybe they're just different. 

In Spain I took real Spanish classes and didn't make a single friend anyways. I had much better luck with classes made for international students and I think that'd definitely be true here. I think I'd have a better integration into the University life at CIREFE than I would by taking courses at the fac just because everyone at CIREFE would be in a similar position as me (and not, necessarily, already with their friend group established three years ago ya feel me?) 

Basically I just wish there were someone who'd reaffirm that 1) I can get credit for all of this at Yale and 2) I'm not making a stupid decision because I think this is the right one for me.

LUMI,

Jace

#by Jace #study abroad

[therealcollegeau]

in need of advice

so.

winter break's been eventful for the past week. but to distill a long, long story down: i downloaded the chinese version of grindr for the lulz, when i got back home someone contacted me on it (someone obviously a lot older) telling me he's my friend's dad and knew me in middle school, told me he liked me back then (so many pedo vibes????), we met up in person today because i was insanely curious about who he was, turns out he just wanted to give me life advice as an older gay man, and also he knows my parents and i'm facebook friends with his son (who's two years older than me!!).

except he just contacted me again with a line in chinese that vaguely translates to "i still like you as i always have." which is then followed by a line in english, "do you like mid age man or young man?"

like, i'm pretty sure he's coming on to me now...

and like, i'm not strictly opposed to hooking up with him. i mean, it's weird that i know his son, and even weirder that i'm YOUNGER than his son, but y'know, it's not like i haven't hooked up with older guys before?

i think the main conflict is that if he were a rando in a bar or on grindr or something, i would've been ok with it. but now it's complicated by that fact that he's no longer a rando. 

what should i do? how bad of an idea is this? (is it possible to explore the idea of a sugar daddy thing? probz not but a guy can dream right lol)

what to doooo

#by darlee

[therealcollegeau]

#relevant to this group? #somewhat at least lol #by darlee

[therealcollegeau]

Friendships

So, I reevaluated my definition of friendship to just include people who'd come to me about their problems for distraction/entertainment/advice. And the number really wasn't that different. I think I'm getting these feelz because I've been in Spain for such a long time now and at times I DO feel alone. None of my best friends are here abroad but I feel like so few people have reached out to talk to me/maybe don't want to? What's saddest is my lack of connection with students at Yale. I've talk to a few of my Yale friends a handful of time but regret the fact that after two full years there I don't have any friendships that seem to be able to endure the distance that study abroad (and eventually graduation) entails. 

I'm not trying to say that the ~quantity~ of friends is important. I don't want to be popular. I don't have time/the energy for that ish. But I want to matter to people. I want to be able to say that I went to Yale, that I came here to Spain, that I interned in San Diego or worked over the summer in Colorado and I mattered to someone there. That they remember me and miss me as much as I remember then and miss them. That I'm not wasting my life on people who aren't willing to give me part of theirs in return. 

So, overall, I'm having en existential crisis when it comes to Study Abroad Spain Edition ending in 9 days. I'm not ready to say goodbye. But I miss everyone who isn't here so much <3

(Including my fellow (ex-) writers) :D <3

#by Jace #friendships #study abroad

[therealcollegeau]

What studying abroad is like

Host mom: Anthony have you been eating these candies I got?

Me: Yeah, sometimes, why?

HM: No, seriously, eat them (hands me a handful of the candies) If you don't eat them I eat them all

Me: Okay! (She places the candies on the couch next to me, forcing me to eat them all)

HM: I'm serious! Eat more please!

#spanish moms force you to eat #idk how I've lost any weight here #but I think she's noticed and wants me to eat more #okay #also PLZ other people post here #study abroad #by Jace

[therealcollegeau]

"Study" abroad

Holaaaaa a todos y a todas, So, I posted something on my normal blog about having a semi/kinda/not really boyfriend here in Spain and imma start by emphasizing that is it MOSTLY a not really boyfriend. But who knows how it'll develop. I guess we'll see, but here's some more background and more of how my life is going right now: So, they call this experience of going to another country for school "study abroad" but honestly those quotes should be changed more to "study" abroad. Because, yes. I'm in Europe (most of the time #Africa) but the studying here is very different. I often do homework, of course, and have studied for midterms and all that jazz, but grades here are so different and don't transfer over so there's WAY less pressure to do well. Thus, I don't study as much. Sure, maybe if I studied a bit more, or stated for a bit longer on my exam, I would have gotten that 9.5 instead of just a 9 (grades are out of 10 here and anything above a 5 is good) but why would I waste my life like that? Here, the terminology is aprobado (passed) or suspendido (failed/suspended = take another test next summer and see if you pass then. If not, just retake the class or don't get credit). It's weird. But in a good way I guess. It's given my time to travel and LIVE and relax and explore who I am as a person and I am so incredibly grateful. My host mom even commented today before leaving for Madrid that I'm looking skinnier and just BETTER (which spaniards do NOT just say to make you feel better haha). What does this have to do with having a maybe boyfriend? Well, I know that's why you're really still reading so I'll give you that real update. I decided to do anything necessary (other than sacrifice my morals or sleep when necessary, basically) to meet spaniards, speak Spanish with natives, and just hang out with people. This lead to me downloading grindr, tinder, AND OKCupid just to talk to people. Because I'm american everyone wants to meet me IRL so I've gone on a handful of dates with diff peeps and all that. What's happened with several of them is complicated and no fun so I'll just talk about my semi-boyfriend. For whatever reason I don't want to use his real name here so imma just call him G. He messaged me in late October and we chatted (very) briefly before he asked me to go get a beer or something with him. I invited him to the intercambio party at the university with me that Thursday and we went together (with two of my other friends but we ditched them ASAP) and just talked and hung out for a bit and had a really awkward goodbye (in which I didn't know what to do but we hugged and parted ways). I really enjoyed that night so invited him on a "real date" with me and we went that Sunday (seriously just like 3 days later). We went to dinner, went to a bar for a beer, and then tried to figure out what to do. I asked him what his long term goals between the two of us were (since he seemed NOT to be looking for just sex, thank god) and he said he wasn't sure about the future. When I asked what he wanted that NIGHT, he proposed we stay for another beer, go find another bar, or just go back to his place. I told him to decide and we went back to his appt. We sat in his room in silence for a minute when he started to laugh. I asked why and he was like "we're sitting in my room in silence" so I asked what he'd rather do instead, leaned in, and he kissed me haha Basically we exchanged a few kisses but he was notably tired so we ended up cuddling/half sleeping and I had to go home. I sent a text the next day saying I enjoyed the time with him and hoped to see him soon. We planned to "hang out again soon" but didn't make plans. When halloween rolled around I made it decently obvious that I didn't have plans and would like to hang out with him but he has a party with friends and didn't invite me. I hung out with peeps and by the time I was back home/showering he messaged me that he was bored and heading home. I was literally lying in bed, ready to sleep whenever he was done talking (which usually doesn't take long because he's an awful texter) when he invited me over because he "didn't want to sleep alone" Of course I went, and we spent the night cuddling and in the morning kissing a bit before I had to leave for Ronda with friends. Now we have a date/whatever tomorrow and who knows what'll happen. But I messaged him after Halloween cuddling that "I don't know what we are but I like whatever it is" and he said "I'm not sure either but I think we're fine like this" Idk, things seem to be different with him than with some other people I've met. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but he seems interested and I sure am. We'll see where things go (also I've clearly left things out of this story but just a quick summary to catch friends up haha). Honestly I should be doing homework right now (on a train to Madrid for my visa apt tomorrow so let's hope that goes well) so I think I should stop. LUMI, Jace

#by Jace #feelz are confusing

[therealcollegeau]

remember breathing? this year, your breathing is more than it ever was— it’s a system to be mastered, anatomic dead space and hemoglobin, the gravity pulling blood down to the bottom of your lungs like the sinking feeling that you shouldn’t have tried to learn all those things the morning of....

#long time no see #i wrote a thing #on a monday #by meko

[therealcollegeau]

Hey Friends!

I've started a new personal project called "Letters to Facebook" where, over the next few years, Imma write a personalized letter (via tumblr since 1) I'm abroad and 2) stamps are expensive (esp. from abroad) to each and every one of my facebook friends. 

You can check it out here: http://letterstofacebook.tumblr.com

I'd love to spread the word/inspire other people to keep connected with people they've lost touch with. There's no reason Facebook has to be this impersonal interface that it is now. 

Sending all my love from Spain,

Jace <3 <3 <3

#by Jace #letterstofacebook #for real tho this is fun/scary/hard/great/everything