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The Last Light in the West | Dean Winchester One Shot |

(I DO NOT OWN THESE GIFS)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, death, pain, suffering, and Dean being his self-hating self

Rating: M

My Masterlist

Requests are open !!!!!

Word count: 11.6k (So sorry guys x.x)

Reader Discretion is advised. Do not read any of my works if you are easily triggered by mentions and graphic depictions of: Blood, alcohol, depression, anger, murder, suicide, death, drugs, blasphemy? etc (I put this warning on all my fics, just in case)

Summary: Based on the song from Ben Nichols “The Last pale Light in the West” and it’s also my take on what happens with Dean after the end of Supernatural.

A/N: SO SORRY I WASN’T UPDATING. I’M WRITING PART 4 OF “Rescribo Sidera” and I’ll post it asap. Any reviews, positive or negative are welcome and very much needed for my self-esteem xD. Re-blog, heart, review and leave feedback if you have the time and I hope you enjoy my take on this songs prompt. I’m doing this for a song prompt challenge made by the amazing @bi-danvers0 xx Go check her out(she doesn’t need my promo but oh well...)

Her masterlist(everything is GOLD on here): Bi-danvers0′s masterlist

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"...I ask for no redemption In this cold and barren place..."

Dean Winchester was never the type of man to show his emotions openly. Though he wasn't cold or heartless by any means. Dean Winchester felt things. He really felt things. Whether it was joy or sorrow, happiness or pain; Dean felt it all, sometimes more than other people. His problem, however, was showing those emotions. Whenever he'd lost someone, Dean would just clench his jaw, sharpen his gaze, stiffen his posture, tighten the grip on his drink, and push on. Why? Well because he had to.

For his dad. For Bobby, who was just like a dad. For Ellen and Jo. For Lisa and Ben. For Benny; an unlikely friend and ally. For Jody and the girls. For Donna. Hell, even for Crowley. For Charlie, who was like a sister he never knew he wanted. For his mum, who he finally had back. For Castiel, who proved time and time again that family don't end with blood. For Rowena, the selfish witch that still chose the world and them over herself. For Jack, someone Dean never thought he could care for as much as he did. And, of course, for Sammy. His little brother who was his responsibility as well as his lifeline when Dean didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each of those people was just one more reason for Dean Winchester to keep going, to keep fighting. Year in and year out, since he was four years old, there were fewer and fewer reasons to keep going.

He still hadn't forgiven himself for the death of his dad. Dean knew he should've died that day, not his dad. He'll know that until his dying breath. After that, the losses just kept piling up, and the reasons for fighting were fewer and fewer. Jo's hand on that fuse and Ellen's cries were still etched into his memory. The feel of the blade he killed Benny with was still felt heavy in his hand, reminding Dean of who he was. Charlie's bloodied up body in that bathtub still haunted his dreams, proving to him further that everything he touches dies. Bobby, in that hospital bed dying, knowing he was dying, tore at Dean Winchester whenever he saw the "apocalypse universe" Bobby.

Then there was his mum. The one he lost at only 4 years old, and got her back decades later, just to lose her again. Dean didn't know what the point was of having her back just for her to leave a few years later; leaving him and Sammy as orphans yet again. It all seemed like some sick joke or a pain experiment, and, in a way, it was just that. Just a story that entertained an all-powerful deity. Nothing less and nothing more. To Dean, however, it was his life. All of it. Every single dreadful moment of it.

Then there were the people he lost that always came back somehow: Cass and his little brother, Sammy. With Castiel, for Dean, it felt like losing the one person he could lean on. His best friend that would always take his crap, even though Dean knew he shouldn't. Castiel had always just been someone Dean thought would always be there, no matter what. And with Sam, even though he lost count of how many times he'd lost his little brother, every single instance was carved inside his mind, making Dean hate himself more after each time. It felt like losing a limb, without which Dean just wasn't Dean anymore. His little brother was supposed to go after him, so every time Sammy died, Dean knew it should've been him. He wanted it to be him. Sometimes Dean wishes he never went to get Sammy from Stanford that night. Maybe if Dean just kept on driving, looking for their dad alone, Sammy would still have Jessica and maybe even a few kids. Dean knew he couldn't, but damn, he wishes he could turn back time and never pull Sammy back into "the life".

After every loss, every pyre started, every name that'll surely be forgotten one day. After every life taken by "the life", Dean Winchester would look around and count. He'd count every single person that was still here. He lost this person but Jody and the girls, Donna, Jack, Cass, Rowena, and Sammy were still here. He lost another person but Jody and the girls, Donna, Cass, Jack, Rowena, and Sammy were still here. He lost yet another person, but Jody and the girls, Donna, Cass, Jack, and Sammy were still here. He again lost someone, but Jody, Donna, Cass, Jack, and Sammy were still here. Dean Winchester lost some more, but Jody, Cass, Jack, and Sammy were still here. It happened again, another pyre burned, but Cass, Jack, and Sammy were still here.

"In my hands, I hold the ashes In my veins, black pitch runs..."

Today, as Dean Winchester knelt on the ground, broken and beaten, his head slowly lifted and he looked around and counted. His eyes searched, left then right, then left again. Zero. He didn't see a face looking back at him, just as exhausted and just as bruised. Dean's heart rate picked up, his hands shaking, but he denied it all. It was the smoke. That's why he couldn't see anyone. Yeah, just the smoke. He kept telling himself that as he got up on shaky legs and looked around, again. Still no one. He took a step forward. Just one though. Then he froze. He didn't want to know. It's better if he doesn't know. Then it isn't real. None of it is real.

"Sammy?!" Dean shouted, his voice echoing in the dead of the night. No answer. Dean shut his eyes, his jaw clenched, his posture stiff, as he took a deep but shaky breath. No, no, no, no. This wasn't happening, Dean Winchester told himself even though his mind and body knew different. "Cass?! Sammy?!" His voice broke at the end, his eyes glazed over as he finally took another step forward. Dean Winchester saw something in the corner of his eye. He knew what it was; who it was, so he took a moment. He was one step away from pain, two steps away from agony and the cross he couldn't bear.

After what felt like hours, Dean took a step to his left, his eyes meeting Castiel's lifeless ones. Dean stopped breathing. This couldn't be real, he couldn't be dead. That's what Dean told himself as he took another step towards the angel and then he stopped. Only two feet away lay the body of little Sammy. Dean saw it and he knew, but he was refusing to accept it.

He knelt next to his little brother, his voice shaky and weak as he spoke "Sammy, get up. Cass, he- he's gone and we need to g-give him a funeral..." he trailed on as he held his brother close to him, Sammy head in his big brother's lap. Dean cradled him and just kept talking to him. "You need to get up now, Sammy," Dean's face crumbled as he held Sam as tight as he could, the tears now falling freely. Dean shook him a few times but the long-haired Winchester didn't move.

"...Dark clouds gather 'round me..."

Dean wiped away his tears and smiled. A broken smile. Empty. "Hey buddy, we did it! Chuck- he's locked away now," Dean said, waiting, in vain, for his little brother to get up. That moment never came though. As Dean looked at his brother's lifeless body, it finally hit him full force. His little brother was dead. Dean let out a cry that would even make the devil cry. His entire body was shaking with sobs. Every fibre of his being hurt like it never did before. Forty years in Hell felt like a 5 on the scale of pain, compared to this moment right now. He would take the mark of Cain, say yes to Michael again, lose everyone he ever lost ten times over, go to Hell for a century, just so he wouldn't feel this kind of pain. Just so he'd have Sammy back.

"We're free, Sammy. We're free..." Dean kept repeating those two words over and over again as he clung to his brother like a lifeline. At that moment, Dean Winchester didn't look like a forty-year-old man. He looked like a child, alone in the world. Although his face had more wrinkles than people who had an easier life, his posture and his cries, they resembled a little boy who was lost. One would think Dean was the little brother in this situation, as he looked so small and broken.

Suddenly, Dean heard a sound behind him, but he didn't care. Nothing really mattered anymore. He lost the most important person in his life. The person he was supposed to keep alive. The person that deserved so much better than this. "I see you succeeded," the voice said from behind him, making him clench his jaw as anger coursed through his veins. He didn't look up, his eyes trained on Sam, as he spoke up.

"Succeeded?!" Dean shouted into the night, his anger and pain unmatched. He suddenly got up and turned around, meeting eyes with Billie. Death was here in all her glory, looking as she usually does. Stone-cold and proud. She finally got what she wanted, or at least, half of it. A Winchester. Dean saw her gaze fall on Castiel, then on Sam before she locked eyes with Dean again.

"You all knew there would be losses, casualties...collateral damage so to speak." Billie's words made dean see red, his body lunging forward before she glued his feet to the ground.

"Bring. Him. Back." Dean uttered out through clenched teeth, his hand going for the angel blade. "Bring them all back!" he shouted but Billie didn't seem fazed at all. She pursed her lips, a small smirk appearing on her face once she saw Dean holding the angel blade. "I killed one Death before, I sure as Hell can do it again." He spat out with bitterness and pain lacing his voice.

"You could, but you won't."

"Bring my brother back!"

"I can't. It was his time. That's the rules." She spoke casually, her voice neither loud nor quiet. She was composed and radiating power. That only made Dean angrier and more desperate.

"Screw the rules! We saved the world! Again! While you sat on your pretty ass, watching us clean up the mess!" Dean's eyes were sharp and cold as he held Billie's gaze.

"Yes. A mess that you created."

"A mess that Chuck created, not us! You think we wanted to fight God?! You think we wanted any of this?!"

"You're the Winchesters. It was always going to be your job, whether you asked for it or you didn't."

"Take me and bring him back." Dean pleaded, willing to do any and everything just to know his brother had a chance to live. Billie only shook her head a smile on her lips.

"There you go again! Your life for his, his life for yours and round and round we go." Billie walked closer to Dean, her eyes staring him down. "That's not how this goes, Dean. I don't write the books, I just make sure what's in them, happens."

"The books can change, you already said-"

"Sam Winchester's book changed dozens of times since he started hunting again. This draft," Billie pointed to Sam's lifeless body before she looked at Dean again "this is the last one. How it was written, so it shall end."

"Bullshit!" Dean argued, ready to die on this hill if need be, but before he could, a sound was heard from his right. His eyes landed on some debris, shuffling followed by coughing was heard. Dean's feet carried him towards the sound, his hands lifting off the pieces of debris. Dean saw slivers of blond hair, his hands pushing the materials trapping the boy. It was Jack and he was alive. When all the debris was off Jack, he looked up at Dean, confused.

"Dean?" Jack asked, looking around. The older Winchester, now the only Winchester, hugged Jack tightly, his eyes shut closed. Now, he counted again. One. The boy coughed again, brushing the blood running down the side of his face. "Did we do it?" Jack's voice was fearful and unsure but he relaxed when Dean nodded solemnly. "Yeah, we did kid," Dean mumbled, his heart heavy and on the brink of giving up.

"Where's Cass and Sam?" The question made Dean freeze, his eyes instinctively turning towards where Sammy and Cass laid. Dean sucked in a breath, unable to utter the words.

Jack's eyes followed Dean's gaze, his eyes landing on Sam's body first and then he saw Castiel. "No. NO!" Jack shouted, crawling over to Castiel, his eyes stinging from the oncoming tears. The pain Jack radiated only added onto Dean's big pile of guilt that nestled into his chest. Dean wanted to look away, but he had no right to. He deserved to feel this pain. It was his fault that Jack lost, not only Sam but Castiel as well. Someone who Jack himself chose to be his dad.

"You said if I did this that it will save everyone!" Jack shouted, his eyes glowing golden as they spotted Billie. Now, Billie did look intimidated but she held herself straight.

"You did save everyone. You saved the world and everyone in it." Billie said confidently which only fuelled Jack's anger.

"Not everyone!" Jack sobbed, looking from Sam to Castiel as he hugged Castiel to him. The strongest creature in the world was just a child, after all. A child that lost so much, after only four years in this world. Jack suddenly straightened up, putting his hand over Castiel's forehead. He'd brought back Sam when he was practically dead. This couldn't be much different, Jack thought to himself. light shone from Jack's hand and both he and Dean held their breaths. After a few agonising seconds passed, Billie spoke up.

"It won't work, Jack. Not even you can bring them back." Her words broke Dean all over again, tears staining his cheeks, leaving hot, burning streaks in their wake. Jack suddenly stood up, his eyes red and filled with pain that would seem unbearable to some.

"There's got to be a way! There's always a way!" Jack shouted, his voice weak and broken, just like he felt. Weak and broken. Billie only shook her head, something akin to sympathy crossing her features as she observed the boy. "Right, Dean?" The boy asked, his face crumbling while he waited, pleaded, with the older Winchester to just say "yes". Dean shut his eyes, the tears gathering in his water line. He took a deep breath and looked back at Jack, Dean's face just as broken as he tried to get the words out. He tried but they wouldn't leave his mouth. That was enough confirmation for Jack as he slid down the wall, his face in his hands as sobs racked his body.

"I will give you time, Jack, but soon you will have to rule heaven." Billie broke the silence and before either of them could object, she vanished, leaving the two in deafening silence. Dean was kneeling on the ground in the destroyed bunker as he watched Jack cry in pain. Dean's eyes landed on Sammy again and he almost broke. He couldn't break though. Not now. Not when Jack was here and needed someone to be strong. That, someone, had to be Dean. It always had to be him.

Dean lifted himself off the ground and walked over to the boy, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder, squeezing in reassurance. Dean didn't know what to do because he knew nothing he said or did would help Jack. He knew that because nothing could help him now either. They stayed in silence like that for a while, until Jack swung himself towards Castiel, crying into his neck and mumbling something Dean couldn't hear.

Dean went to hug the younger man, boy really, but he stopped mid-movement when he heard the worlds leaving Jack's mouth.

"Please come back- please, dad- I need you." The young Nephilim cried in agony, his words hitting Dean like a ton of bricks. Dean lost his mum when he was only four and that's how old Jack was. Sure he looked like an adult and he just defeated God, but he was only a child. A child that grew up way too fast.

"Hey, buddy...Jack, look at me," Dean said quietly while peeling Jack away from Castiel's body. Jack cried and held on tighter, not letting go. Dean's hands shook and he wanted nothing but to crawl away somewhere and cry until he died, but he couldn't do that right now. Jack needed him. Jack was a reason. The only reason left now. "Jack, buddy, we need to- we-"

"It's my fault! I- I should've told you all to move further away- the explosion was too big- I should've known- I shouldn't have let it happen, I-"

"Hey, hey, hey...Jack," Dean spoke up, his hands lifting jack's head so he'd look at Dean. "This is not your fault, you hear me boy? None of it!" Dean's voice was broken but every word he said, he meant. "We all knew that locking him and Amara away could cause this reaction. We didn't have time and if you waited then Chuck would've walked! This is not on you, Jack," Dean finished, hugging Jack tightly, his jaw clenched and body stiff as he held the pain back. It wasn't Jack's fault

This was his fault. It was on him It was always his fault. He was poison.

"What do we do now?" jack asked with a whisper, knowing the answer but asking anyway. Dean sighed, a tear slipping down his cheek as he nodded once before speaking.

"What we always do when we lose someone."

___________________________________

Another pyre, another funeral, another pour of whiskey on the ground, another loss. The biggest loss. The loss.

Dean stood in front of the pyre he made for Cass, the lighter in his hand lifelessly falling into the pyre, the flames climbing high and strong. Then he moved towards the second pyre. Dean let out a shaky breath, his lungs burning as did his eyes. He held the lit Zippo lighter in his hand, the one he got for Sammy when they were kids, holding it towards the pyre. He knew he had to drop it, but his hand just wouldn't let go of the object clutched in his hand. Because when he does let it go, then it's really over. "I'm so sorry, Sammy," Dean sobbed as the lighter dropped engulfing Sam's body in flames. This was it. The end of the road. The saying "Saving people, hunting things, the family business" died the day the world was left with only one Winchester brother. It meant jackshit at that moment. He couldn't even save his own little brother, how could he then go on now and save others? Simple; he couldn't.

"Because you succeeded I will let you say goodbye to your brother." Billie's voice spoke from behind Dean. He turned around, his eyes confused as he met her gaze. His confusion crumbled and was replaced with wonder. He looked next to Billie, seeing his little brother, in the flesh. His lower lips trembled slightly as he took a few strides forward, pulling Sam into his arms. Dean held on as tight as he could, thinking he would disappear because of course, he would. Billie did say the word goodbye, after all. Sammy held onto Dean just as tight, his eyes glazed over while he held his big brother's shaking body close. When Sam goes back to heaven, he'll go back to watching slasher movies with Dean, waiting on the Winchester Surprise their mum was preparing in the kitchen, and their dad was by the record player, ready to play some classic rock while he watched his wife with love in his eyes. Sam would go back to being happy, with his entire family next to him. But Sam knew that wasn't what awaited Dean after this hug. That was what broke Sam's heart and made him pull his brother a bit closer, crying silently.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I'm so sorry," Dean got the words out between sobs, clutching Sam's jacket, his knuckles white. Sam shook his head, pulling away to look at his big brother. "Don't be. Butch and Sundance, remember?" Sam said half-jokingly but Dean didn't laugh. He couldn't.

"That means we go out together," Dean replied, rubbing at his eyes to get rid of the tears that would surely come. Sam shrugged, pulling Dean into another hug. "Now seems like a good time to tell you that I never paid attention to that movie when dad and you watched it." That got a chuckle out of Dean as he squeezed Sammy's shoulders. "You were always better than the both of us combined," Dean mumbled, thinking back to their childhood with John.

"I'm who I am because of you, Dean," Sam said confidently, looking at his broken-up big brother. "You raised both of us and I'm proud of who I grew up to be. I'm proud of who we both ended up being." Dean was ready to object but Sam stopped him, "And you didn't force me back into this life. I would've ended up back in it sooner or later. I don't regret spending my life, saving people with my big brother. So don't you dare beat yourself up about it."

"What am I suppose to do now?" Dean asked his little brother, his eyes full of uncertainty and fear. Things he couldn't hide at the moment. Sam sighed, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "Live!" Sam shrugged, looking around and pointing in all directions "Go north, south, east or west. Find something to live for. You're free now." Sam finished but his words only made Dean feel worse and guiltier.

"We were supposed to be free. Both of us." Dean reiterated although even he knew it was all in vain. Sam is not staying here. Billie wouldn't let it. Sam looked down before he smiled in a way that said: "it is what it is".

"We can't get everything and Dean," Sam took his big brother by the shoulders, looking straight into his eyes, "I'm alright. Really, I am. I'm in heaven with mum and dad and you. You need to be happy. You earned it." Sam finished and then he looked over at Jack. He walked over to the boy he loved like a son and pulled him into a hug.

"You did good, Jack. I love you." Sam pulled away and looked at Jack. "Maybe we'll even see each other when you're up there and running things." Sam smiled which made Jack muster up a small smile as he nodded his head. After that, Sam looked back at his brother with sad eyes, knowing this was really it. He pulled his big brother into another hug, now saying their final goodbyes.

"I know you say no chick-flick moments but since I'm dead, I call the shots now." Dean chuckled at that and held on a little tighter, his breath coming out short and shaky. "I love you, Dean. Goodbye." Sam whispered, still hugging his brother who was holding in his sobs as hard as he could, but they broke out of him the moment he heard the word "goodbye".

"I love you, Sammy," Dean said shakily as they let go of each other, standing a few feet away from one another. Dean was breaking at the seams and Sam was hurting for his big brother, before looking at Billie who just nodded once, and soon, Sam was disappearing again.

"You deserve to be happy, Dean." Were the last words Dean Winchester heard his little brother say. Dean's eyes didn't leave the place where his little brother stood not ten seconds ago. He was frozen in his place with tears sliding down his cheeks, falling on the ground, heavy and loud.

"It's time for you to go as well, Jack," Billie spoke up, breaking Dean out of his frozen state. He looked from Billie to Jack, his anger showing. He hated this. He hated all of it. Jack looked at Dean sadly, then his eyes met Billie's. Jack nodded slowly as his eyes fell onto Dean. Jack smiled sadly before he spoke again.

"I'll miss you, Dean."

_____________________________________

"...In my chest, a fire catches In my way, the setting sun..."

Dean Winchester sat in his car staring at the sunset on a deserted road. He was alone and he had nowhere to go. He didn't have a home anymore. Baby was their home for a long time, but as Dean sat in his car, alone, it didn't feel like home anymore. Nothing felt like home. Dean sighed and turned the engine on, driving back to the bunker. The car was silent as he drove. He instinctively began to turn his head to the right but stopped midway, knowing all he'll find will be an empty seat. He clutched the steering wheel, driving faster.

When he got to the bunker, he went straight for Sammy's room. It hurt like a bitch but he would be damned if he left all his little brother's stuff here. He found a few records Sam loved, his favourite jacket, some of Sammy's favourite books, Sam's gun, and a few photo albums. When he was finished, he went into his own room and started packing. He didn't know where he was going but he had to leave. He took his best records, his favourite shirts and his gun.

Dean was ready to leave when something poking below his bed caught his eyes. He scrunched up his eyebrows, kneeling beside the bed and taking the box from the floor. He sat on his bed and opened the small wooden box. He took in a sharp breath when he read the carving on the inside.

Property of Y/N Y/L/N

His mind was racing as he read and reread the words on the box. Y/N? Dean hadn't heard that name in years. He thought of her often, but her name was never spoken around him. She was just another person he lost. Another person he let down.

Dean didn't want to look inside the box but his hands weren't listening to him, and soon he was looking through the contents of the box. First was a picture of himself, Sammy and her. She was snuggled up into his side, hugging both him and Sam close, a huge smile on all of their faces. He turned the picture and saw her handwriting "Dean's 21st and he finally got the guts to ask me out. Right, De?" Dean chuckled at the writing and looked at the photo again. He remembered that night. He got drunk off his ass and finally told her liked her. Of course, he did more than just like her. He loved her, but he couldn't say that.

The next picture was a picture that she took of the two of them. They were in one of Bobby's trucks, lying close to each other with flushed cheeks, her smile huge while Dean's face was snuggled into her neck. Just looking at the picture, Dean could hear her laugh while she took that picture. He flipped the picture around, her messy writing decorating the back of this one as well. "The night I found out the infamous Dean Winchester was a virgin. PS. Also the night he stopped being one ;)" Dean shook his head, unable to stop the smile from forming on his lips. She was the only person who knew this information.

Next was a picture of her and Sammy. They were laughing, obviously drunk or high, or both, with fake moustaches on their faces. This one said "I really don't remember. Vodka, weed, Stanford party, laughing gas, and karaoke". This made him chuckle. He remembered her telling him about a party when she visited Sammy at college but he never knew it was that crazy. Seeing the two most important people in a picture, laughing and happy, made his eyes glaze over but he tried to shake it off(AN:a la T Swizzle, I’m so sorry guys), going for the next picture.

This one was just him and Sammy, on the hood of the impala, drenched to the bone. That was the day they went on a lake and ended up messing around after a case. They were still teens in this one. Before Sammy left to study. It said, "My two favourite people". This one left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. The pain came in waves. The funny pictures would make him chuckle and then he'd realise where he was and what happened. Neither of them was here. They were only in pictures. Moments of happiness, captured, frozen forever. Moments he could only play back in his mind, but never actually go back to. There were a few more pictures, all with different, funny descriptions and soon, he held the last picture in his hands.

This one was just a postcard. He looked at it confused and then lipped it, reading what she wrote. "One day when this is all over, this is where we'll be, together. Happy." he choked up when he read it, looking at the city on the postcard. Then a memory hit him like a tidal wave.

2009:

Dean had just gotten back from Hell only to find his brother dropped up on demon blood and working with a demon. He found Y/N who was looking for Sam, trying to save him. He loved that about her. That she cared about his brother almost as much as he did. After forty years in Hell, he was finally back in her arms. They were lying beside each other, without talking, just being. She knew that he wasn't ready to talk about his time in Hell, so she just held him and hummed a lullaby. Any time his mind took him there, her humming brought him and, her arms around him, assuring him that he was safe. He'd never tell her how scared he was, but that was the thing about them. He didn't have to, she just knew.

"When we save Sammy..." She began talking in a hushed tone as to not startle Dean, her hands combing through his hair slowly and gently, "...and stop Ruby, and when this is all over, we'll go away somewhere and just live." Her voice was dreamy as if she was imagining that life while she spoke about it. It made Dean do the same as he hummed in approval. "Where would we go?" he asked and she chuckled, thinking.

"I'd always wanted to live on the west coast. San Francisco, maybe." She said softly, her arms encircling him and holding him closer to her. "I could finally write as I'd always wanted and you could own that bar you always wanted." Dean smiled at that, loving the idea. He stopped for a second, ready to add something, but she spoke up first. "And Sammy would finish college, find some boring Marry Poppins kinda gal. He'd live close by as well, so we could annoy him forever, of course." She chuckled at her own words but Dean just smiled. He wanted what she was offering. God, did he want it. But his fear held him back from truly believing it. "We could spend the weekends at Bobby's and catch a case or few when we get bored." At that, he turned around and looked at her incredulously. She laughed at his facial expression and asked what was wrong.

"Nothing, just, you still wanna hunt?" Dean asked her and she stopped for a second to think about it, then nodded. "I mean, not anything like yellow eyes, but a small hunt here or there, yes. We both know that we'd both get bored out of our minds with an apple pie life all year round." She eyed him, waiting for him to disagree. He didn't. He loved hunting. He could never give it up 100 per cent. And she knew that and wanted the same thing. dean didn't know how he got so god damn lucky, but he didn't want to question it. If he started, he'd never stop.

"I know I don't say it a lot but, I love you so damn much." He whispered looking at her and she smiled. A smile that she only ever saved for him. A smile that said "I know", because she did know. There was no doubt in her mind that Dean Winchester loved her. She knew him way too much to ever question that fact. "I love you, Dean Winchester." And he knew it as well. He didn't think he deserved it but he knew she loved him. He was sure of it the night she found out he sold his soul. He would never forget that look.

2007:

He said it. He finally said it. After the words left his mouth, there was silence. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. Her lower lip was quivering but she stood tall. "You have every right to be angry-"

"I'm not angry," She whispered, her voice shaky and heavy. She shook her head, furiously wiping at her face. "You did it for him. You did it for Sammy," she chuckled sadly, biting her lip. "He's your brother and you'll do anything to keep him safe. I understand but I still hate that you have to do it." She cried, her eyes never leaving him. Dean tried to hold it all together but he lost it when she clung to him tightly. "I hate that we always get the shitty choices in life." Dean swallowed the lump in his throat before he looked down at her, the pain in her eyes ripping him apart.

"When I do go, will you-"

"I'd die for him. I'd die for you if it meant you got to stay."

Present time:

Dean's mind was filled with memories of her, of the two of them, talking about what life will be after they saved Sammy. The tears wouldn't stop and Dean didn't try to stop them anymore. There's no one who could see him right now. No one to be strong for anymore. He was, for the first time ever, truly alone.

That night, Dean Winchester didn't sleep. In his left hand a bottle of whiskey, in his right hand, the postcard.

"...Due northwest, the soul is bound And I will go, on ahead free There's a light yet to be found..."

He wondered, in a drunken haze, what she was doing right now. Where was she? Did she get that writing job she always wanted? Did she still drive her red 1960 Chevy Impala? Was she still hunting? Was she okay? Was she happy?

The "with someone else" part of the last question was something Dean didn't want to dwell on, so he pushed it away. He took a swing of his drink, his eyes focusing on the postcard, the city of San Francisco staring back st him. He wanted to. He really wanted to, but Dean was scared. Scared of what he would find if he decided to go. Or what he wouldn't find. The second option scared him more than the first. Before he lost consciousness, he gripped the postcard tightly and mumbled to himself, as a tear rolled down his chin.

"It's all over now, Y/N. Can we go there now?"

__________________________

May 18th, 2012:

Sam and Y/N pushed through the door, catching Dean and Castiel killing Dick. Finally, the bastard will die, you thought to yourself. You sighed a breath a relief, seeing both Dean and Cass were okay.

"Figured we'd have to catch you off guard." You head Dean say as Dick started to scream, his body giving off waves, pulsating. Your eyes widened as you watched the scene unfold. It looked like an explosion was about to happen, and Dean was way too close for comfort. You took a step forward just as Dick exploded into blackness. Sammy held you back as you tried to get closer. When the scene cleared up, they were all gone. Dick, along with Castiel...and Dean. You looked around, terrified, while Kevin told you and Sam both, to get the Hell out of here. Not a minute later, Crowley appeared. You wanted to rip him to shreds. He had to have known something would go wrong.

"Sam, Y/N, we should go. We're trumpers any second, Sam!" Kevin panicked, but then, the motherfucker appeared, all proud and whatnot.

"Not to worry." Crowley said, "I have a small army of demons outside. Cut off the head, and the body will flounder, after all." The bastard smiled, looking from you to Sam. You were ready to pass out from the panic and fear that was setting in. Dean was gone. There was an exposition and he vanished, along with Castiel and Dick. "Think, if you'd had just one king since before the first sunrise. You'd be in a kerfuffle too."

"Which is exactly what you wanted," Sam spoke up, his eyes staring at Crowley in anger.

"So did you," Crowley said casually, his face relaxed and irritating, as always. "Without a master-plan, the levi's are just another monster. Hard to stomp, sure, but you love a challenge. Your job was to keep them from organising." You had had enough of his speech so you walked forward and spat out.

"Where's Dean?"

"That bone has a bit of a kick." Crowley sighed dramatically and all you wanted to do was rip him open with a demon knife "God's weapons often do. They should put a warning on the box." He continued jokingly, making your blood boil.

"Where are they, Crowley!?" Sam shouted from next to you, losing his cool and patience.

"Can't help you, Sam," Then Crowley snapped his finger and two demons got Kevin. Your head snapped in Kevin's direction, seeing the kid scared half to death. "Sorry Sam, Y/N. Prophet's mine." He snapped his fingers again, and Kevin was gone. "You got what you wanted. Dick's dead. Saved the world. So I want one little prophet. Sorry moose, wish I could help." Crowley sighed, locking eyes with Sam, then with you.

"You certainly got a lot on your plate right now. It looks like, the two of you, are well and truly, on your own." Then he was gone, leaving you and Sammy alone.

________________________________________

You were back at the motel, lost and confused. Dean was gone. God knows where he could be. But it didn't matter. Sammy and you would find him. Like you always do. You sat on the bed, tears gathering in your waterline as your eyes fell on Sam. He seemed to have been packing. You were confused so you spoke up.

"What are you doing, Sammy." He just looked at you then continued with what he was doing. "You're already going out to look for Dean? We should regroup and figure things out first and-"

"I'm not," Sammy said sharply, his hands still pushing things in various bags. You widened your eyes, chuckling, not believing it for a second.

"What do you mean, you're not?" You asked and Sam just shrugged, wiping his eyes as he picked.

"Dean is gone and so is Cass. It's done." You got up, furiously pushing the bags away and hitting Sam's chest angrily.

"It's done?!" You shouted, on the verge of tears, "How do we know he's dead? He could be somewhere, waiting for us to get him out!" You tried to explain but Sam wasn't listening and kept on packing, walking around you. You were in utter disbelief at the younger Winchester. This wasn't right. it couldn't be.

"We always said we wouldn't look for each other and-"

"And he always broke that promise! He always looked for you, Sam! Even when..." You trailed off remembering what happened when San ended up in the cage. Sam noticed your hesitation and stopped to look at you for a second.

"Even when he left you to live with Lisa and Ben?" Sam spoke, observing your reaction. You stiffened, remembering what Dean told you the night he left.

I just need something different. Something normal that doesn't remind me of that life.

You shook the thought away, your eyes glaring at Sam. He wasn't being fair and he knew it. "That has nothing to do with this and you know it! This is about the fact that Dean is God knows where and you're-"

"He's dead, Y/N!" Sam shouted, tipping up the bags and pulling them over his shoulder. "I just need to get away from it all and, I don't know, try to move on." Sam sighed and patted you back before he closed the door. The Impala drove off seconds later and you broke down crying, clutching your chest as it felt like it would explode. You were completely alone.

After about two months you looked through every book you could find. Nothing ever lead you close to finding Dead or even knowing where he could be. You spent your days going from town to town, hunting things, while, at night, you looked through the lore, every journal you had, but still nothing. You tried calling Sam, but he wasn't using any of his phones. You figured he quit hunting. You wanted to hate him, but you couldn't. You were worried sick about him as well. You hoped he was okay, wherever he was.

Sighing, you looked at the last book you read before your eyes landed on the small object next to the book. Closing the book, you let the tears fall. Taking all your phones out of your bag, you put them on the table, next to all the lore, the journals, and books. You took a shaky breath as you dialled Jody's number. When she picked up, you collected yourself and spoke up.

"Hey, Jody. Yeah, I'm okay. If you hear from Sammy, just tell him that I hope he's okay and that I looked for Dean." You sighed, listening to Jody speak, nodding your head. "I'll call you if I need anything. You won't be able to reach me on my phones though...Because I have to quit this life. I can't keep doing this anymore." You bit your lip before you hung up, sobbing into your hands. All you wanted to do was see Dead again, but that wasn't possible now. So you stood up, leaving behind the books, the lore, the journals, your fake badge and the phones as you headed for west of Kansas, your hand clutching your stomach fearing what comes next.

_____________________________________

Present time:

"...Still, I see a faint reflection And so by it, I got my way..."

After Dean sobered up, he decided what he needed to do. Something he's been wanting for the past eight years. To find her. To get back to her. When he got back from Purgatory, he'd figure she'd come along with Sam when him and Sam finally reunited. That didn't happen though. Sam showed up alone that day.

2013:

"Yeah, time flies when you're running for your life," Dean said as he stared back at his brother, after a year in Purgatory. His chest felt lighter, just knowing he was back and that Sammy was here.

"How'd you get out?" Sam questions, still baffled and confused by the entire ordeal.

"I guess whoever built that box didn't want me in there any more than I did." Dean smiled cynically, looking behind Sammy for her to walk in any second.

"What does that mean?" Sam questions again but Dean brushed it off with a small smile.

"I'm here, okay?" Dean said and after evading questions about Cass, he finally got the chance to ask, "So? Where's Y/N?" he asked still expecting her to walk in. Sam's baffled face turned into a solemn one as he looked down. Dean didn't like that reaction so he asked again, "Where is she, Sam?" Sam sighed, sitting down and looking up at his big brother.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Dean's voice was rigid and serious, panic slowly setting in the pit of his stomach. She had to be okay. She just had to be. "Sammy?" Sam winced at Dean's tone, combing a hand through his hand.

"I haven't seen her in a year, Dean." Sam slowly said, trying not to set his brother off. It was too late for that as Dean got closer to Sam, staring his down.

"Why?" Dean asked slowly, his patience running out and the fear rising in his chest.

"She went out looking for you and me- I-" Sam stopped, guilt ripping through his chest. He hated himself for just leaving like that. He should've been there for her. She lost Dean as well.

"You what?" Dean egged him on to continue, his face passive, no emotions showing. "Did you look for me, Sam?" Dean asked and when Sam stayed quiet, he knew the answer. Dean chuckled, pursing his lips, "Good. That's good. We always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you," Dean spat out, his face now showing anger and betrayal. "Of course, we always ignored that, because of our deep and abiding love for each other, but not this time, right Sammy?"

"Look, Dean-"

"And you let her look for me? Alone?" Dean raised his voice, the thought of something happening to you something he didn't want to, but couldn't not imagine. Sam looked at the ground, unable to say anything in his defence, "The woman chased after you while you were pumped up on demon blood, yet you leave her, alone? Now you don't even know where she is? If she's alive?!" He was shouting by this point, ready to break something or punch his brother. Dean felt hurt and betrayed. He never thought Sam would be the one causing those feelings.

"I tried calling her but all her phones were unreachable but-"

"Yeah, Sam, I know! I tried calling her!"

"Jody said that Y/N looked for you for months then decided to quit "the life" and she's been MIA since." Sam finished and the words only made Dean see red as he took a chair and threw it at the wall. Dean was looking at his brother as if he was a stranger. Sam hated that look.

"I'm still the same guy, Dean."

"Well bully for you! I'm not." Then Dean walked away, ready to go and look for Y/N, wherever she might be. He just hoped she was alive and safe. He got into the Impala, the keys in the engine, ready to drive off. Then, he hesitated. He heard Sam get in the car but Dean ignored him. He told himself he wouldn't bring her back into his mess. He just needed to know she was okay.

"Hey Jody?" Sam spoke into the phone, drawing Deans attention to the conversation. "Have you heard from Y/N lately?" Sam nodded along and soon enough, he was off the phone, looking over at Dean. "Jody got a letter from Y/N about two months ago. She says Y/N said she was okay and safe. She doesn't hunt anymore and she's somewhere safe but Jody doesn't know where."

Without another word, Dean got the engine roaring and drove off. His jaw clenched, posture stiff and eyes sharp. She was okay. She didn't need Dean's bullshit. So he drove off, deciding to let her go. Let her be happy. He would not drag her back in as he did with his brother. He didn't let the tears fall until he was somewhere alone. Somewhere without an audience.

_____________________________________

Present time:

"...And I will go, on ahead free There's a light yet to be found The last pale light in the west The last pale light in the west..."

Dean was in his car, remembering the day he decided to not go after her. He was scared of what he would find. He was terrified that he'd find her happy, with a family and a dog. Like how Sam was before Dean came back. He shook all those fears away. He's got nothing to lose, he told himself. So he hit the gas and headed west, to San Francisco. His hands were shaking, his soul was crumbled up like an old piece of paper, his breaths short, but he had to do this. Sammy said he deserved to be happy. Well, she was it. She was happiness.

____________________________________

It took a day but he turned left onto Market St., San Francisco staring back at him in all its glory. Dean was terrified and excited at the same time. He looked to his left, seeing the wooden box on the seat beside him. He huffed out a breath, unsure of what to do next. He was in San Francisco but he had no idea where she lived or if she even lived here. He pulled up at the first newspaper company he saw. "The bay Mirror", it read on the front with big letters. Dean took a deep breath and walked inside.

When he was at the front doors of the newspaper, he almost chickened out but, luckily, someone walked out and bumped into him. "Oh, Sorry. Didn't see you there." The lady said, looking up at Dean Winchester with a small apologetic smile. "Do you need help?" The woman asked when she noticed the confused state dean was in. He jumped at her voice, before clearing his throat and nodding. "Yeah, well- I'm looking for someone. I think she might work here." He tried to explain but the woman only looked at him weirdly. dean sighed and got the picture out, showing it to the woman. Her eyes lit up, her finger pointing to Y/N on the picture.

"Oh, you're looking for Y/N?!" She said with a big smile and Dean only nodded calmly even though the nerves were eating at him. He found her. She was here. "Yeah. haven't seen her in a while, so I thought I'd pay her a visit." Dean said smoothly, trying to sound as believable as possible. The woman nodded with a big, creepy smile on her face. "She works here. I'm her assistant, actually!" The woman went on and on, annoying Dean with every new word she added onto her long-ass, irrelevant monologue.

"Yes! Great! Is she here then?" Dean stopped her rambling, looking at her expectantly. She frowned slightly before her smile was back. "Um, no. She has today off. I'm just here sorting some things for her." At her words, Dean's smile fell. He could ask where she lived, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to see who else lived there.

"I could give you her address though. Wait just one minute!"

_______________________________

Dean sat in his car, his hands fidgeting with the postcard that he hadn't let go of since finding it. He looked to his left, her house in full view. A red 1960 Chevy Impala sat on the lawn, surrounded by rose bushes, while another car sat in the driveway. Dean chuckled. This was definitely Y/N's house, he thought to himself.

After a few minutes, dean finally got the courage to get out of his car and walk up the driveway, towards the front door. His heart heavy, breaths ragged and his hands sweaty. He took a breath and knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again, and again, no answer. It was instinct. Dean pushed the door open, fear setting deep in his stomach. He looked around, seeing no one. Dean was terrified by that point, fearing the worse. Suddenly, he was pushed into a wall, an angel blade less than an inch away from sliding his throat. He widened his eyes, confused, but then he locked eyes with her and froze. It was her. It was Y/N.

"Y/N-"

"What are you and how did you find me?!" She hissed out, the blade cutting Dean's skin. He tried to move away but all that did was make her cut deeper. Her eyes were sharp and angry. "It's me! It's Dean!" He tried to explain, but Y/N didn't seem to be believing him.

"Dean is dead, so; who are you!?" Before Dean could try to explain again, a noise was heard from upstairs making both their heads snap in that direction. Y/N took in a sharp breath, her eyes filling up with pure fear. "Stay up there. I'll be back in a minute." Y/N shouted with a carefree voice, the slight shake in it giving away the fact she was scared. She turned back towards Dean, her arm twisting, ready to stab him in the chest. He stopped her, just before the blade got him, holding both her hands in his, tightly. Damn, she was strong, Dean thought to himself but didn't voice the observation.

"It's really me, Y/N. I swear." Dean said steadily, looking at her earnestly. God, how much he missed her. "It's a long story, but check! I'm human and it's really me." She still looked at him sceptically, one of her hands going to a drawer to their left. She took out a flask, splashing him with water. Then she took a silver knife and cut his hand. It took a few more tests before she stopped, her eyes lifting towards Dean's face as the realisation hit her. He stood in front of her, his left hand bleeding, his hair and face soaked in Holy water. Tears gathered in her eyes, her breath caught in her throat.

"Dean?"

_____________________________________

She dropped the knife, her eyes locked with his. Dean smiled sadly, blinking his eyes as the tears fell. She searched his face, for something she wasn't sure what. It crossed her mind that this was a dream, but she never had dreams about Dean. Only dreams she had were actual memories they had shared.

"H- how?" She whispered in disbelief, looking him up and down. He looked older, of course, he did, but he also looked broken almost. He rubbed at his eyes, something akin to relief and love adorning his face. It felt right. She felt right. "I was in Purgatory for a year. Turns out, killing Dick gets you a one-way ticket to monster land." Dean said with a forced chuckle and her face fell. Anybody could see the guilt seeming through every pore of her body. Dean saw it the moment it happened. Her eyes glazed over, eyebrows furrowed, her teeth gnawing at her lower lip. He hated the face she felt like that. He walked up to her and held her shoulders. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he didn't know if he had that right anymore.

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known I was alive. It doesn't matter anymore." Dean tried to reassure her, but that only made her feel worse about the fact that she abandoned her search. "I should've-"

"Mommy?" A voice questioned from the stairs, making Dean freeze in his spot. Y/N wiped her tears and turned around with a forced smile on her face. Dean watched as she walked over to the little girl, kneeling beside her. The little girl eyed Dean for a moment before he eyes fell on Y/N. "What is it, sweetie?" Y/N asked cheerfully, although her voice was still shaky. The little girl looked at Y/N worriedly before her eyes fell onto Dean again.

"Joe was being mean to me. Who is that man, mommy?" The girl asked and Y/N drew in a sharp breath, her hands shaking slightly. This was really bad timing. All of it. And then, if it couldn't get more complicated, the other seven-year-old skipped down the stairs, a broken dinosaur toy in his hand. "Who's that man, mum?" Joe asked, his eyes looking at Dean curiously.

Dean took a breath, biting the inside of his cheek. She had a family. She had kids and a life. He shouldn't be here. He didn't belong here anymore. Dean was a puzzle piece that didn't fit her puzzle any longer. He shook his head, a small smile on his lips before he spoke up, making Y/N look at him. "I'm...no one. I should be going already anyway." He chuckled as he turned around, ready to leave the one thing he never wanted to. As Dean turned the doorknob, almost out the door, he heard the little girl speak up, "He looks like daddy from the pictures, right Joe?". The words hit him full force. His hand was still on the doorknob, but he didn't move. The words repeating in his head. He couldn't move or even think right. The little girl called him, him, daddy? Dean held his breath, trying to swallow the tears threatening to fall. "How about you go over to aunt Phoebes house, hm? You can play with Parker and Peyton." The kids were fast out the backdoor, running over to the neighbours' house.

Y/N sighed, standing up and looking over at Dean, his back still turned towards her. He couldn't move. He didn't know what to do or say. He was afraid of even asking if he heard it right. Y/N closed her eyes, her hands clutching her shirt as she tried to hold onto to something. She never thought she'd had to explain this to Dean. She never even thought she'd see him again.

"Their dad-" Dean stopped, scared to continue. If he didn't know she had a kid with someone, then it wasn't real. The little girl probably misspoke.

"I believed he was dead...up until a few minutes ago." Her words were something Dean was terrified to believe. What if this was all just in his head? What if this wasn't real? What if- "Dean?" She whispered, putting her hand on his arm, tugging him away from the door and his thoughts. He turned around, his eyes searching her face. Fear and uncertainty swan in his eyes. All he saw on her face was honesty, pain, relief, and love. She wasn't lying. She never lied to him.

"I'm- They're mine?" Dean asked again, his inner voice still telling him this couldn't be real. Y/N smiled, a tear slipping down her cheek as she nodded. "Of course, Dean. Who else?" That did it. He pulled her into him, holding her as close as he could and he cried. He cried from both happiness and utter and gut-wrenching pain. She was here, in his arms. He had kids. Her kids. Their kids. She was right where she said she'd be and now, she was holding onto him. Like she used to do. Like he never thought he would again. He cried for that and also, for Sammy. Sammy would never meet his kids. He was never coming back.

________________________________

Somehow, they ended up on the couch, still in each other's arms as they cried. It felt like that constant feeling of anxiety, as you wait for something to happen, was finally released and they felt fifty pounds lighter. They felt like they were home. After seven years, they were finally home.

Dean pulled back, cupping her cheeks in his hands gently as he just stared at her. "I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered, his eyes trailing over her face, mapping it in his mind. She let out a shaky breath, her hands laying over his own, her eyes searching his, a frown appearing on her face.

"What happened, Dean?" She asked, her thumb softly stroking Dean's cheek. He closed his eyes, a tear escaping, but she caught it with her thumb, making it disappear. He leaned into her hand, his chest deflating, clear pain etched into his face. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. We can just be." Her words made his chest tighten up. She knew him so well. To well. Dean thought. He opened his eyes and tried to find courage in hers. Looking at them always made Dean feel like he was better than he was. Like he was somebody who was worth it.

"Sammy- he's really gone this time, Y/N." At his words, she wanted to burst into tears. Even though she hadn't seen him in years and the last time they spoke, they fought. Sam Winchester was still family. He was like a brother to her. No matter what, she never stopped caring about him and wondering how he was. So, to know that he was gone. That broke her but she couldn't break right now. Dean lost his little brother and she'll be damned if she doesn't suck it up, and be there for him. So she pulled Dean into her and cradled him in her arms. Like She did when John died. Like he did when Jo and her mum died. Like they both did when Bobby died.

She just held him. She didn't say it was all going to be okay because that wasn't going to help Dean. She just squeezed him as tight as she could and told him something she always wished she could tell him, at least one more time. "I love you so much, Dean Winchester." She repeated those words in a whisper as she let her person cry until he couldn't anymore.

After some time, Dean calmed down and looked up at her with tear-stained cheeks. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you..." he repeated those words like a prayer, their foreheads touching. She smiled before pulling him into a kiss. Dean felt like he was breathing after drowning for an eternity. Her lips; they felt like he remembered them to. Her kiss held just as much love, if not more than the last time he felt her lips on his. Her kiss, was, without a doubt, the only thing that reassured him of her love. When they pulled away, Dean felt a little bit less broken than before he came here. It all still hurt like a bitch, but now at least, it wasn't all pain.

"I want to tell you everything but I can't right now, I just-"

"Then we won't," She spoke up, looking up at him with unadulterated love and understanding. "Tell me whenever you want to. Whenever you're ready." He smiled at her and pulled her into him again, breathing her in after so many years. He never wanted to let her go, ever again. "How did you find me?" Y/N suddenly asked, eyeing Dean as he smiled and shrugged.

"You talked about San Francisco. That one time, after I got back from Hell. Said you wanted to come here and live a normal life." Dean spoke as the memory swam in his mind, making him smile a bittersweet smile. "You remember that?" She asked, surprised, the smile on her face on of disbelief and love.

"I remember everything."

______________________________________

For a while, the two talked about their past, some funny stories they had throughout the years, together and separately. After a while though, Dean had to ask. "Tell me about them." He softly said, making Y/N smile a smile he'd never seen before. It was full of pride and a special kind of love.

"Well, they're twins. About to be eight years old. They're finishing second grade. Joe is the older, but only by a few minutes. Sammy is the younger one. She's so much like you." Y/N rambled on and Dean couldn't stop the smiling from forming on his face. She named them after their younger siblings. Jo and Sam.

"Do they know about me?" Dean asked hesitantly, which earned him a slap on the shoulder. "Of course they know about you!" She exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I told them stories growing up." She smiled fondly, intertwining her hand with his. "Instead of fairy tales, I told them stories about you, Sammy, and me. When they asked about you, I didn't know what to say, so I told them their dad and their uncle Sam were fighting bad people to keep us safe." Y/N shook her head and chuckled, thinking back to just last night when she told the story about the fairies.

"They know about hunting?" Dean asked slightly confused but she only nodded and shrugged. "The best stories I have, they all involve hunting and you. They were never scared of monsters though." She smiled up at Dean before she continued, "They would tell me that they didn't need to be scared because you and Sam keep them away."

"You're practically a superhero to them at this point. Which isn't far off." She mumbled the last part, but Dean heard. He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not though." At that, she looked up and him and squeezed his hand, reassuringly.

"No, you're much more real."

_____________________________

"Do you still hunt?" Dean asked as he swirled the beer in the bottle. Y/N took a sip of her drink then spoke up, "Sometimes. Not often but whenever things get too normal, or too boring, I take on a simple salt and burn. For old times sake." She winked at Dean making him laugh as he took a swing of his beer, finishing it. They've been talking for hours but it only really felt like minutes to Dean.

"Mommy! We're back!" Samantha shouted, walking through the backdoor, Joe following closely behind. Y/N looked over at Dean, seeing him stiffen up, looking like a bundle of nerves. She put her hand on his knee as she tried to reassure him, "They already love you, Dean. Relax." He only nodded, looking towards the kitchen, where the voices and the pitter-patter of feet were heard.

"Chris orbed us to the top of the Golden Gate bridge!" Joe shouted and two seconds later a yelp left his mouth, "Shut up, Joe! Why do you always snitch to mom!?" Samantha whisper shouted but Y/N heard it and she was mortified. It was just her luck to move in next door the Halliwell sisters and their very magical kids, who liked to get into trouble.

"Chris did what?" Y/N asked as the two kids walked in, one with a frown on her face and the other, with his head hung low. "Chris was looking after Peyton while Piper and Phoebe went to get groceries so he took us to see the cars," Joe explained quietly while his younger sister only glared at him. "He took you to see the cars- oh God! Okay, you won't orb away with Chris anywhere anymore. Got it!" She might as well had been talking to a wall because Joe and Sammy were focused on Dean. Y/N calmed down and looked at the three, a smile forming on her lips.

"Is that daddy?" Sammy asked in a hushed voice, her eyes searching for Y/N. She slowly nodded and knelt next to her son and daughter. "Yes, he is, sweetheart." A smile broke out on Sammy's lips, her entire face lighting up before she sprinted over to Dean. She stopped when she was right in front of him, biting her finger, looking up at him shyly.

"Can I hug you," Sammy asked quietly and Dean felt like he could melt. He was sure that he had never seen anything more perfect and amazing than these two kids standing in front of him. His two kids.

He knelt in front of Samantha, a smile on his face as he saw the nervous look on her face. "Of course you can, princess." Not a second later, the girl lunged herself at him, burying her face in his shoulder. Then suddenly, Joe walked over slowly, his eyes going from Dean to his mom, unsure.

"Mommy?" Joe asked quietly and when Y/N gave him a nod, he went and hugged Dean tightly, trying not to cry. They both loved Dean. Y/N made sure of that, but they always missed him. Always asked when he would be back and why everyone else's dad was there but not their dad. Seeing her kids hugging their dad, something she never thought would happen, made her tear up as she looked at the three of them with eyes full of adoration.

As Dean knelt there, holding two tiny, perfect, humans in his arms, he felt like he was healing. He was still broken and he knew losing Sam would always hurt, but now, with his two kids in his arms and the woman he loved more than anything standing in front of him, Dean knew he could do it. "You don't have to destroy monsters anymore, right?" Joe asked, rubbing his eyes, "You won't have to go away again?"

Dean's heart broke at the little guy's words. His son. He would spend the rest of his life being here for them. For all of them. "I'm never going away again, buddy." Then, as he hugged them, he locked eyes with Y/N, seeing her beautiful smile that only he ever get to see.

"Never again."

Bruised and broken, beaten down and blue, but Dean was finally home. He was home. Now that it was all over. They were there, together. Happy. Just like the postcard said.

"...The last pale light in the west."

_______________________________

FIN!

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theroadsofar05to20 · 4 years

Text

Part 4 coming soon! Xx ♥️

Rescribo Sidera | Dean Winchester | Part III |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, Smut (Soulmate!AU but also following canon, somewhat, in some places but not completely)

Rating: M(mostly) and T at some point

Ongoing series

Word count: 7.3k

Masterlist

Requests Open

Summary: Everyone finds their soulmates, the one they were made for, their other half, by the time they’re twenty-five. Everyone except you, that is. The reason behind that? Your stars were just simply aligned wrong.

A/N: Sorry for the late upload. I was busy and then I forgot my password, it was a whole thing and I’m really sorry. I’ll to not have it happen again. Any reviews, positive or negative are welcome and very much needed for my self-esteem xD. Reblog, heart, review and leave feedback if you have the time and I hope you enjoy my take on a Soulmate Au. PS: Sammy or just Sam Harris is Sam Harris when it’s Y/N’s POV, D/Dean Harris is referring to Dean Harris. Any other time, from now on, if not stated otherwise, just assume it’s the Winchesters. xx

____________________

(Harris Universe)

It has been well over a week since the Winchester brothers showed up at the bunker and you were no closer to figuring out how to send them back to their own universe. Jack, Mary and Bobby were still on the road, the two older hunters showing Jack the ropes of hunting. Of course, Jack did come back for a few days so he could try to open a rift to the other universe, however, even after he saw the Winchesters’ world, the rift wouldn’t open. No one knew the reason as to why Jacks powers failed, but they did so you were back to doing endless research, all of which was absolutely fruitless.

Keep reading

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theroadsofar05to20 · 4 years

Text

Rescribo Sidera | Dean Winchester | Part III |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, Smut (Soulmate!AU but also following canon, somewhat, in some places but not completely)

Rating: M(mostly) and T at some point

Ongoing series

Word count: 7.3k

Masterlist

Requests Open

____________________

(Harris Universe)

Keep reading

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theroadsofar05to20 · 4 years

Text

Rescribo Sidera | Dean Winchester | Part III |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, Smut (Soulmate!AU but also following canon, somewhat, in some places but not completely)

Rating: M(mostly) and T at some point

Ongoing series

Word count: 7.3k

Masterlist

Requests Open

____________________

(Harris Universe)

Keep reading

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theroadsofar05to20 · 4 years

Text

Rescribo Sidera | Dean Winchester | Part III |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, Smut (Soulmate!AU but also following canon, somewhat, in some places but not completely)

Rating: M(mostly) and T at some point

Ongoing series

Word count: 7.3k

Masterlist

Requests Open

____________________

(Harris Universe)

You sighed, rubbing your eyes trying to focus on the words in front of you but it wasn’t working. It said something about interdimensional time travel, time machines, the Illuminati and aliens. You wanted to laugh then put a gun in your mouth from the utter idiocy of the article you were reading.

“I can’t fucking believe I’m reading a ‘how-to’ article on contacting aliens to give us a machine to travel through worlds.” You snorted, your eyes landing on Sammy, who just shrugged before chuckling.

“We need to research and rule out every possible option,” Sammy replied which only made you roll your eyes, but you went back to reading the ridiculous article.

“Aliens are not interested in your lives. They have many other more pressing issues they’re taking care of.” Suddenly Castiel showed up, his face serious which only made his words even more hilarious. You burst out laughing, shaking your head.

“You’re a real comic sometimes, Cass.” You said through laughter but he only looked back at you confused, his face still serious.

“I don’t see what’s amusing about my statement. Extraterrestrial beings are-”

“Wait! You’re telling me they actually exist?” You asked, your eyes wide, the others in the room still chuckling.

“Yes, Y/N. And they are far more intelligent than humans.” As he sat down, you looked at him sceptically before shaking your head, looking for anything else that could help.

“That hurt,” Sammy mumbled, in reply to Castiel’s statement that aliens were more intelligent than humans. You chuckled before taking a swing from your beer, keeping your eyes away from your left where you knew Dean Winchester was sitting.

“I didn’t mean to offend you Sam, but they are far more advanced than you are.” Castiel continued making you stifle a laugh as you read up on a spell you haven’t heard of yet. Hopefully, it’ll be of use because you really couldn’t stand being in the same place as Dean Winchester for much longer.

For the past week, all the older Winchester did was pester you about one thing or another. He’d ask you about the weather then he’d ask you if he could drink your beer since it's apparently ‘his favourite’. Or he’d ask where the bathroom was, even though he knew very well the location. Thankfully today he still didn’t speak to you, probably because you stuck close to Sammy and Sam, his younger brother. You had no idea what Dean’s deal was, but you were getting quite sick of it and of him.

“You must be the Winchesters?” Castiel spoke up again, ripping you away from your thoughts. You automatically looked to your left, locking eyes with Dean who smiled at you awkwardly. You rolled your eyes, mouthing a ‘fuck you’ to him, before smiling innocently at Sam Winchester.

“Yes. I’m Sam and this is Dean.” Sam said politely seeing the curious look on Castiel's face. You turned around noticing how Castiel was looking at you, strangely. You furrowed your eyebrows, confused but he didn’t say anything to you, just looked at you before his eyes went to the Winchester brothers.

“I know, Jack told me the situation. The name Winchester sounds awfully familiar.” Castiel commented, his eyes jumping to you before he stood up. Your eyes widened as you realised that Cass remembered the Djinn dream you were in. “Y/N, can we speak for a moment.” He asked but before you can say no, Castiel took your arm, dragging you out of the library and into the hall.

“What the hell Cass?” You asked, your eyes observing him. He squinted his eyes at you before putting his hands on your shoulders, making you look at him directly.

“Did you brought them here?” Castiel asked in a hushed tone, his voice worried and accusatory. You looked at him like he was crazy before you laughed, shaking your head.

“Did you hit your head or something? Seriously Cass, what in the world-”

“Y/N, did you bring the Winchesters into our world?” He asked again and you pushed his hands off you before you took a breath, glaring at the angel.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Of course, I didn’t. Why would I?” You exclaimed, flabbergasted that he would think you'd go that far. Of course, the dream unsettled you and made you think but you’d never go that far, not even for a potential soulmate.

“I was there, Y/N. I saw the dream and I just wanted-” A voice cut him off making you jump and look at the person.

“What’s going on? What dream? Is there a way to take us back?” Sam asked and the nerved ate at you because you weren’t sure how much he heard from the conversation.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam. It has nothing to do with you.” You spoke up a little too fast, but hopefully, he wouldn't question it much. After all, he barely knew you.

“I thought I heard you talking about me and my brother.” Sam’s words made you swallow hard before you chuckled, hiding the fact you were scared shitless.

“You must’ve imagined it. We don’t only talk about you, Sam Winchester.” You joked before walking back into the library, just as Dean stood up with a grin on his face. ‘here we go again’ you said to yourself before a frown settled on your face.

“I found us a case!” Dean Winchester said happily before grabbing an already packed bag from under the table.

“A case? We’re already working on a case.” Sammy replied, confused “The case is how you got here and how to send you back.” he explained but Dean dismissed his remark, checking his guns before looking back up.

“This research is driving me crazy. I need to get out or I’ll lose my mind.” Dean said before walking up to his brother, explaining the case he found.

“Please do.” You whispered to yourself but they heard you. You ignored their stares, before sitting back down, continuing where you left off. Being cooped up in the bunker was driving you insane as well, but working a case with Dean Winchester would be even worse, so you ignored his voice, trying to concentrate.

“Maybe a quick case would get our minds off our problem for a while and help us get back to it with fresh eyes.” Sammy agreed with the others, getting up before he faced you, waiting for you to get up as well.

“Y/N?” He asked with raised eyebrows. You looked up, avoiding Dean’s eyes as you sighed.

“I’m not going.” You looked back down, pretending to read, hoping they’d leave already. You heard Sammy sigh before he cleared his throat.

“Look. Dean’s with Lisa and Ben and he told us to keep an eye on them. I need you there. I can’t focus on the two of them and the monster at the same time.” You rolled your eyes, knowing he was right. Dean did tell you to keep an eye on the Winchesters, as he still didn’t trust them.

“I don’t need you to chaperone me, kid.” Dean Winchester bit back, clearly annoyed at the fact that none of you trusted them.

“Dealing with an asshole version of my big brother isn’t my favourite past time either so you’ll just have to digress,” Sammy replied sassily making you chuckle. Once Sammy noticed you again he smiled big, draping his hand over your shoulder.

“Speaking of which” Sammy began, pulling you even closer “Y/N here is a master when it comes to dealing with assholes.” He finished and before you could vehemently shake your head he mouthed ‘please help’, making you look at him a frown on your face. He had that blasted puppy dog eyes expression, making you unable to say no. You huffed, standing up.

“Let’s get this over with.” You grunted, walking up to your room to get the weapons you’ll need.

“Am I the only one who found his comment about Y/N’s talent of dealing with assholes awfully ambiguous?” You heard Rowena’s voice making you laugh to yourself and Castiel’s reply had you in tears.

“Oh! The ambiguity being the fact that the sentence could also be describing anal sexual intercourse.”

You shook your head when you heard Castiel's reply. ‘Good to know which references he does get’ You thought to yourself as you went to retrieve your weapons.

____________________________________

“Fuck!” You hissed out clutching your side, where the angel blade was still lodged into your side, somewhat controlling the bleeding. You let yourself slide down the cold wall, looking up just as Dean Winchester plunged the demon blade into the demon that stabbed you. You knew this was a horrible idea and that thought was solidified when you noticed the other demon slamming the door shut and locking you both inside. You heard Dean groan before he turned around, his gaze falling onto your slumped over body.

“Hey, are you okay?!” Dean asked kneeling beside you, trying to find out where you were hurt. You rolled your eyes, putting on a fake smile.

“Oh, I’m just peachy.” You replied with venom in your voice before you looked down seeing your shirt soaked in blood, your hand doing little to stop the bleeding. ‘That’s bad’, you thought to yourself as you felt yourself getting lightheaded.

Suddenly you felt a hand push down on your wound making you cry out in pain, before noticing Dean holding his flannel to your bleeding wound, the knife still unmoving as he put more pressure to try and stop the bleeding. You tried to scoot away, glaring daggers at him but he put his other hand on your shoulder, keeping you in your spot.

“Don’t move! You’ll hurt yourself.” You wanted to laugh at his comment but when you tried, the wound hurt even more so you bit your lip, your eyes trying to kill him on the spot, but unfortunately, you weren’t medusa.

“I’ll hurt myself?!” You exclaimed, disbelief more than obvious in your voice as you shot him another nasty glare. “I’ll hurt- Ha, That’s rich” you felt your head pulsating, but the anger was stronger “This- This is your fucking fault, Winchester!” At that, his eyes widened as he clenched his jaw, his exasperation clearly evident on his face. ‘Good, he should be angry. At himself.’ you thought and was about to say it when he cut you off.

“My fault!?” He laughed humourlessly before his furious eyes locked with yours. “I don’t really remember stabbing you in the gut with a knife. I did tell you to look out but I guess you went temporary deaf or stupid. Or both” His words made you want to break his face in but you were slowing losing feeling in your arm.

“Before we went in I explicitly told you not to talk to me so it is your fault-”

“Oh, so my warning you got you stabbed, is that it?” Dean was at his witts end and you knew it but you didn’t really care. It was his fault you were bleeding out and he wouldn’t convince you otherwise. “Maybe if you hadn’t spent ten seconds glaring at me before the demon got to you, you wouldn’t have been stabbed at all, hm?”

“Fuck you.” You spit out trying to push his hand away but he wasn’t budging, he only put more pressure on your side. You winced, giving up on trying to move. You could barely keep your eyes open and you felt unbelievably cold, half of your body feeling almost completely numb.

“B-Bastard.” You chocked out before your head fell to the side and everything around you went black.

___________________________

“Y/N?! Hey, keep your eyes open!” Dean shook her slightly but she didn’t move or say anything, her breathing shallow and fast. Dean cursed to himself looking around, trying to see if there was any other exit aside from the door that was locked. When he found none, Dean looked back at Y/N checking her pulse. He sighed once he found it. He didn’t know what to do but he knew he had to act fast.

“Think!” He whispered to himself before getting his phone out, his knuckle turning white from anger when he saw the ‘no signal’ sign on the screen. He looked back to her, his teeth clenched as he got up, aiming his gun at the lock on the door. The bullet ricocheted off the metal door as the door remained closed. “Fuck” Dean shouted before throwing his body at the door, trying to somehow force it open. ‘It’s a metal freezer door you idiot’ he thought to himself as he slid down the wall, cursing to himself, his brain trying to come up with a way to get out.

Dean Winchester’s eyes fell onto Y/N, her shallow breathing still there but he knew she was dying by how pale she was. He knew she wouldn’t make it for much longer without medical help. He put his head in his hands, recalling the fight with those demons only a few minutes ago.

He plunged his knife into the demon before pushing him away, the other motherfucker already walking towards Dean with a menacing smile. Dean smirked back, his feet taking him to the demon fast and the fight continued. Soon the demon had him in a headlock, but before he could stab Dean, the demon blade was stabbed into the chest of the demon. As the demon fell to the ground, Dean turned around seeing Y/n impressively fighting off another demon. Soon, Dean noticed a fourth demon walking towards Y/N as her back was turned to the monster.

“Y/N watch out, behind you!” Dean shouted and as she killed one of the demons, she looked up at him from across the room, her face angry and glaring at him.

“I told you not to talk to-” Her words were cut short when the demon stabbed her from the back, her eyes widening a fraction before she was pushed to the side, the demon now stalking towards Dean.

As Dean thought back to what happened, he ground his teeth, his fist clenching from anger. He couldn’t believe she was still so pissed off with him. Sure, he said a few harsh words but they weren’t kids. He thought she should’ve gotten over it, especially during a hunt. Dean scooted closer to her, checking to see if she was still alive, she was. He sighed, his eyes closed and before he knew it, he started to pray. As soon as he noticed what he was doing, Dean opened his eyes, a hard look in his eyes.

“Dean!” Suddenly, he heard a voice shout from outside, making him look towards the door. Relief washed over Dean. They found them.

“In here!” Dean shouted back and soon, Sam, his brother was inside the room. When Sam saw the scene, his eyes widened when they noticed Y/N’s limp body next to Dean.

“Is she...” Sam Winchester trailed off, his eyes searching Dean’s face as Dean shook his head to indicate she wasn’t dead. He was about to get up and take Y/N into his arms and get out of here but before he could, two pairs of feet came running towards the room. Sam Harris rushed in but stopped when he saw Y/N on the ground with blood around her. His eyes widened before tears coated his waterline.

“NO!” the younger Harris brother shouted running towards her, his movements frantic. “Y/N, come on, open your eyes.” Sam Harris begged, his hands resting on both her cheeks as he tried to wake her up. “You can’t die on me, sissy,” Sam spoke with a shaky voice, his eyes never leaving her form.

The scene was heartbreaking. A six-foot-something grown man clutching the lifeless looking body of a woman that has been like a big sister to him for almost his entire life. For his entire childhood, all he had as a parental figure has been her, Y/N and his big brother Dean. They were all that man had. Both of them protected him, were there for him when no one else was, died for him more than once, never given up on him and were always, always there for him, no matter what. Come Hell or high water, sometimes literally, they stood right there, next to Sam Harris. At that moment, that thirty-six-year-old man looked like nothing but a mere child clutching onto Y/N as if his life depended on it.

The entire room was silent until Castiel broke the silence, putting a hand on Sam Harris’ shoulder. “Let me,” Castiel spoke before kneeling down, trying to heal her. It was working for a while and then Castiel frowned, confusion and worry written all over his face. “I can’t heal her completely. I’m not- I’m not strong enough.” He explained looking remorsefully at Sam Harris. The younger Harris brother nodded.

“She’ll be fine though, right?” Sam asked hopefully and when Castiel nodded everyone in the room sighed as Sam went to pick her up. Dean Winchester went to do the same thing but stopped when he noted the glare Sam Harris was giving him. “I’ve got her.” He hissed before he walked out of the room with Y/N in his arms.

_______________________

“She should wake up in a few hours.” Rowena calmly stated to everyone in the room, calming everyone's nerves, especially Sam Harris’ and Dean Winchester’s. One worried because he deeply cared, the other because guilt was eating him alive and something he couldn’t quite recognize.

“Thank you.” The younger Harris breathed out, his eyes never leaving Y/N.

Dean Winchester sighed a breath of relief, his eyes looked over Y/N before he turned around, ready to leave the room and drink the night away. This hunt was a bad idea and now he saw it too.

“Wait!” Sam Harris suddenly commanded, his head turning away from Y/N to look at Dean, Sam’s face was unreadable but Dean assumed he was pissed. Dean would be pissed at himself if he was Sam Harris as well. Hell, he’s pissed at himself anyway. “We need to talk.” Sam Harris said in a calm, reserved voice but his posture was stiff, giving off an agitated vibe.

Dean nodded once before they both left the room, walking into the library and Dean was ready for a shouting match any moment, but that never came. “What happened out there?” Harris asked, his face impassive, voice controlled. Dean turned his head to the side, his eyes closed, lips stiff, jaw clenched shut. The muscle in his jaw twitched before he sighed shaking his head.

“We were fighting four demons, I- I looked over at her and saw one of them walking from behind her and- and I-’’ Dean stopped, and with a shake of his head and a smile, he looked up and shrugged with his hands outstretched. “I distracted her and the demon got to her and before I knew it, she was bleeding out. It’s on me.” ‘Always is’ a small voice said inside Dean’s head but he ignored it, waiting for Sam Harris to reply.

“Y/N- she’s an amazing hunter; one of the best I know.” Sam began, his eyes observing Dean in a strange manner. “Nothing distracts her during a hunt.” Sam Harris walked closer, his eyebrows raised, eyes suspiciously staring back at Dean “So, what really happened? What did you do?”

“Wait, you think- you think I stabbed her?!” Dean raised his voice, his eyes slowly filling up with rage. Before he knew what he was doing, Dean pushed Sam Harris into a wall, his breathing ragged, face red and murderous. “I am many things Harris, but I’m not a stone-cold killer.” Dean spouted out, convincing himself more so than Sam Harris.

Sam pushed Dean away, his expression untrusting and angry. The younger Harris pointed a finger at Dean Winchester, his words monotone. “Stay away from her.” Then, he walked away leaving Dean alone in the library.

___________________________

(A few days later)

You felt a sharp pain in your side as you tried to sit up, your eyes half-opened. You groaned trying to open them fully to look around yourself.

“Hey, hey, don’t move.” A voice said beside you and when you looked to your right you saw Sammy staring at you expectantly. He then helped you up into a half-sitting position, his movements slow and careful. You winced a few times before you felt comfortable. You looked around noting that you were back at the bunker. “Do you need anything?” Sammy frantically asked, his eyes observing your every move. You nodded and asked for water. Once you were hydrated you finally spoke up.

“What happened?” You asked, still feeling quite weak and hazy. You noticed Sammy sigh, looking relieved before he spoke up.

“You got stabbed. We barely got to you. Do you remember anything?” He asked and soon it all came back to you. The four demons, Dean Winchester shouting before you felt a sharp pain in your side. You sighed, vexation rising up inside your chest.

“Dean Winchester said that he didn’t get to the demon fast enough and you got hurt. Said you were distracted.” Sammy relayed Dean’s version of events, looking at you as if waiting for you to call bullshit. You furrowed your eyebrows, thinking back to the fight and you wanted to slap yourself silly. You couldn’t believe that you took your sweet time glaring at the older Winchester, especially when he told you there was a demon behind you. You were being petty during a hunt almost getting yourself killed and it pissed you off to no end. What baffled you, even more, was how Dean made it seem like it was his fault, according to Sammy anyway. ‘Well, you did blame him’ your inner voice said and you knew it was true but it was difficult for you to admit that you were wrong. That it was your fault.

“I know that isn’t true because you barely ever get distracted during a fight. We’ll take care of him, just tell me if he was the one that stabbed you and Dean and I will-”

“Whoa, whoa- what?” You stopped Sammy, your eyes wide as you replayed his words. You almost resented Dean Winchester but you weren’t that much of a bitch, to actually accuse him of something that never happened. “Sam- Sammy, no. He didn’t hurt me. It was my fault.” You reasoned with Sammy, although it seemed he wasn’t buying it. He could always tell when you were lying or not telling the whole story. You cursed the fact he knew you so well.

“He says it was his fault, you say it was yours- What the hell happened, Y/N? You almost died!” his voice was raised and you could tell how worried he was about you. You looked up at him sadly, finally sighing and telling him what happened.

“I can’t stand the guy. We got into it when they first came here and ever since then I can’t look at him without wanting to strangle him.” You began, your voice giving away how frustrated you were and the more you spoke, the more obvious it was just how annoyed you were. “I didn’t want to go on this hunt because I can’t look at him or listen to him without wanting to fling myself off a building.” Your knuckled were white as you gripped the sheets, your anger growing, no matter how irrational it was. “The douche saw the demon and he told me to watch out and it stead of listening to him, I couldn’t stop glaring at him and before I knew it...” You slowed down, your eyes meeting the younger Harris brother and just by a glance, you could tell he was irate.

“So you got stabbed because you were petty about an argument?” Sammy said, his voice calm, his face looking at you as if you were insane. You opened your mouth but he cut you off. “You were distracted, after all. You were so busy being mad that it almost got you killed.” Sammy shook his head before he chuckled in astonishment. “I can’t believe this. This can’t go on.” Suddenly Sammy got up, hurrying out of the room while you sat there confused and like you were caught red-handed. In a way, you were.

A few minuted later, you saw Sammy walk in with Dean behind him. You locked eyes with Dean and not a second later you knew it wasn’t your Dean. It was Dean Winchester. You glared at Sammy a groan leaving your lips before you could stop it.

“Here’s what we won’t be doing.” Sammy began clapping his hands together with an overly joyous smile on his face, which was as fake as your knock off diamond earrings. “We won’t roll our eyes at each other. We won’t try to kill each other and-” Sammy stopped, his eyes locking with yours before he continued “-We won’t be petty and get ourselves killed because we can’t control our emotions.”

“I can control my-”

“So you two need to talk and get this straightened because we can’t risk getting distracted during compromising situations ever again and for stupid reasons.” He finished looking at you pointedly before walking out. You huffed, feeling like a child being scolded. You were acting like a child but that wasn’t the point.

You heard shuffling as Dean Winchester, you assumed, sat down on a chair next to your right. You rolled your eyes so far you thought they’d get stuck in the back of your head. You heard him sigh, knowing he’d start speaking, you turned away from him, lying on your side. It hurt like a bitch but you didn’t care.

“Y/N-”

“I’m sleeping.” You cut him off and everything inside you telling you that your behaviour was, indeed, ridiculous but you couldn’t control yourself. You heard him suppress a groan and you smirked feeling satisfaction from his annoyment. “I almost died and if the demon didn’t kill me your presence will surely give me an aneurysm.” You bit back childishly, your back still turned to Dean. You heard him shuffle and then you heard the door open. Dean cleared his throat, his words echoing in the doom as he left.

“I’m sorry.”

You turned your head just barely catching the sight of his back before the door was shut behind him. You sighed, feeling a small amount of guilt bubble inside the pit of your stomach.

_________________________________

You were sitting in the kitchen about a week after you woke up. You could finally walk on your own so you sat in the dark kitchen drinking your fourth beer as your thoughts consumed you. You sighed feeling the alcohol slid down your throat as you looked at the photo album in front of you. You smiled looking at an old picture of the Harris brothers and you. You remembered it like it was yesterday. Jo took the picture somewhere in Maine. The picture showed you in the middle, Dean to your left and Sammy to your left. You were all sitting on top of the Impala, both your arms draped over Sammy and D, a big smile on all your faces. Sammy was seventeen at the time, you were nineteen and you were celebrating Dean’s twenty-first birthday. You had just dealt with a nasty vampire so before you went back to Bobby’s house, you and Sammy decided to buy Dean some beer and a pie, decorating it with twenty-one candles you found at the dollar store. The quality of the beer and pie was utter shit but nevertheless, Dean was happy. Which, at that time, was a rarity. It was one of your fondest memories with the boys. You just talked and joked about, it was nothing special, but it was still amazing.

You chuckled as you looked through a few more pictures. Your twenty-first birthday, Sammy’s. The time you came to prom with both brothers because neither of them let you go alone since your date stood you up. Suddenly your breath was caught in your throat as you laid your eyes on the next picture. Tears gathered in your waterline once you remembered the day the picture was taken. Sammy’s engagement. Jessica was cuddled into his left side while you stood next to his right side, all three of you with big smiles on your faces. Sammy’s was the biggest though. The happiness you saw on that picture was something you haven’t seen from Sammy in a long long time. You wiped your eyes, old grief and anger making you gulp down the rest of your beer.

“Y/N?” A voice whispered behind you made you jump, startled. You looked behind you seeing Dean looking at you curiously. Your Dean wasn’t at the bunker so you knew it was the older Winchester. You sighed before turning back to the photo album. You heard the paddle of feet and soon, Dean was sitting next to you. You weren’t in the mood to be angry or to fight so you didn’t react, your eyes still looking over the pictures that showed your life in small frozen moments on paper.

“That’s Jessica.” You heard Dean say from next to you and you nodded a sad sigh leaving your lips. “Was she his...” You knew what he was asking. Was Jessica Sammy's soulmate.

“Yes.” You replied, flipping the page. “She died the same way Mary did when Sammy was a baby.” You finished as your eyes fell onto the next picture. It was about a month after you met the boys. Your parents were hunting with John so you spent time with Sammy and D. In the picture you were around six years old, Dean was eight and Sammy was four. You saw both brothers very often as all three of you were left at Bobby’s whenever the hunt was too dangerous. Once your parents retired you joined John and the boys and you’ve been sticking with them ever since.

“Our mom died the same way,” Dean spoke over the silence making you look at him shocked. “Jessica as well.”

“I’m sorry.” You replied quietly, knowing how much it hurt your boys. You hated knowing the fact that it happened to others as well. He nodded at you then pointed at the picture of you and boys when you were kids.

“You’ve known them a long time, huh?” Dean asked with a smile and you nodded, smiling at the picture. They were all you had and the two people you trusted above anyone else.

“I can’t even remember not knowing them.” You sighed trying to remember a time before them but there wasn’t any. The Harris brothers were part of every memory you had. Big or small, good or bad, they’re apart of it. “I met them when my parents were hunting with John. Once my parents retired I joined John and the boys. Been with them ever since.” You explained and you didn’t know why you were telling Dean Winchester this, but it felt right. Conversations in the A.M always got too personal.

“You chose to stay in this life? Why?” Dean sounded obviously baffled, probably not understanding why’d you choose to put yourself in danger when your own family found a way to get out.

“I was seventeen and they became my family. I knew what they were fighting for and why. I couldn't let them do it alone.” You answered remembering how much Dean wanted to find and kill the thing that killed his mum. “I didn’t know how to be normal, I guess. My entire life, I knew what hid behind the shadows and I just couldn’t live pretending I didn’t. Sam got out for a while, he was always different, me-” You chuckled slightly, shaking your head “I liked the rush. The danger of it all. Saving people was just a bonus.” You finished before you closed the album, your eyes trained on the empty bottle in front of you. Flashes of your past were running through your head, some horrible and ugly but regardless, you never regretted staying with the Harris brothers.

“Liked?” Dean’s voice met your ears in the silent room making you turn your head to look at him. You looked at him confused, waiting for him to continue. “You said you liked the rush. Past tense.” Dean elaborated and only then did you notice the whiskey glass in his hand as he swirled the liquid around absentmindedly. You shrugged, opening another beer, taking a long swing from the bottle before clearing your throat.

“I don’t know.” You began, thinking about your words carefully. You never really thought too much of your life or lack thereof, so now with alcohol in your system in the middle of the night, you started contemplating. “I mean, I’m not twenty anymore.” You chuckled, a sad smile on your face “Things changed I guess.” You shook your head, feeling guilty just as a thought entered your mind. It wasn’t right to have the thoughts you were having but you couldn’t control it.

“What changed?” Dean Winchester asked and you contemplated how to answer him for a while before chuckling quietly. You were being ridiculous and you knew it, but it was stronger than you.

“We all did, I guess.” You started playing with a cigarette between your fingers, taking a lighter out before lighting the tip of it. You inhaled the smoke, your head tilted towards the ceiling. “The three of us spent most of our time together. On the road, hunting, going to bars. Sammy, D and I.” You reminisced, thinking how good it was, even when it wasn’t. Because you were together and together, you could get through anything and everything. “Then Dean and Lisa got together and I guess I realised what I’ll never have.” You finished, your hands playing with the lighter, as the two of you sat in silence. You looked up after noticing Dean wasn’t saying anything. He was looking at you curiously before he finally spoke up.

“Are you, like, in love with him?” Dean questioned, his face unreadable. Your eyes widened and it took you a moment to process his words. When you did, you burst out laughing. It wasn’t that funny but you just couldn’t stop laughing. Tears were streaming down your face from laughter before you finally calmed down, locking eyes with Dean Winchester.

“In love? With D?” You said through fits of laughter, the idea seeming absolutely ludicrous. “God, no! He’s my best friend. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much. Thank you.” Once your laughter subsided completely, silence consumed the room yet again. You took a swing of your beer before a sad sigh left your lips, the previous conversation swimming onto the surface.

“Well, he is a very good looking man,” Dean commented, a small smirk appearing on his face making you roll your eyes. You shook your head chuckling.

“Very modest, Winchester.” You bit back, fighting back a smile. He just raised his eyebrows shrugging, but his lips twitched as he too, fought to not smile.

“I just, with D and Lisa, I saw what real love looks like. Something I’ll never have.” You quietly admitted, your eyes cast downwards. “And I’m happy for him, for both of them it’s just- sometimes I wish that nothing changed. Misery loves company, I guess.” You finished, hating how sometimes you wished D hadn’t met his soulmate so the three of you would still be the same. You told yourself that Sammy and you being miserable was enough and that Dean Harris deserved happiness, which he did, but at times like these, envy for what Dean Harris and Lisa shared was stronger.

“What makes you think you’ll never have something like that?” Dean asked and you chuckled humourlessly, lighting another cigarette, hoping that’ll take your mind off your impending loneliness.

“In this world, everybody meets their soulmate before they turn twenty-five. Do I look twenty-five to you, Winchester?” You asked, your eyebrow raised while you stared him down.

“Wouldn’t put you past twenty-three,” Dean said flirtatiously making you throw your head back laughing. The amount of alcohol in your system made you forget about the fight you had as you smiled back cockily.

“Is that so?” You whispered back, your faces inching closer by the seconds. He pursed his lips, a small smirk on his face as he hummed in agreement. You chuckled before locking eyes with Dean. “Well, you don’t look a day past fifty.” You tried to sound flirtatious, but the look of utter horror on his face made you break into fits of laughter for the second time that night.

“Seriously?!” Dean exclaimed, exasperated making you laugh even more. The genuine hurt on his face made you try to stifle your laugh and you half succeeded. “You are a horrible flirt, woman.” He grumbled, turning to his drink, taking a sip, a chuckle leaving his lips.

“What makes you think I was trying to flirt?” You asked teasingly, leaning your elbow on the table, your head resting on the palm of your hand as you looked at him. Dean looked up, his eyes observing you as a smirk made its way onto his lips, his body sliding closer to you.

“I know women, princess.” You cringed at the word princess but you suppressed the feeling as you scoffed. With an eye roll, you looked back at Dean, a cunning smile on your face.

“If I was flirting with you, I’d have you wrapped around my finger in a second, Dean Winchester.” You whispered back, your face only inches away from Dean’s as his eyes searched your face, his expression slowly turning into a serious one. “And you may know ‘women’, but I’m not ‘women’, darling.”

Your faces were so close you could smell the whiskey on his breath as you stared at each other in complete silence. You didn’t know how long you sat there, almost touching. It could’ve been seconds, minutes or hours. You weren’t sure but you knew one thing. At that moment, all you could think about was how much you wanted to taste the whiskey he had been drinking. For a moment, you gathered yourself and looked to the table, noting how both the glass and the bottle of whiskey were empty. Your eyes absentmindedly went to his lips as you were itching to taste the whiskey, on his tongue.

‘Just grab another bottle, Y/N’ Your conscious told you but you pushed the voice away, meeting his eyes that were intently looking at your face. You couldn’t decipher his expression. He was incredibly difficult to read and it annoyed you to no end in that moment. You felt him sigh, his breath fanning your face. You closed your eyes for a moment, unconsciously leaning in closer. It was absolutely irrational what you were feeling at that moment. He looked exactly like your Dean, yet he felt completely different to you as you looked at him now. You opened your eyes and began observing every detail of his face. He looked like Dean Harris. Same eyes, the same face, same freckles, yet so so different. His eyes had more wrinkles around the edges. He had circles around his eyes from lack of sleep. The kind your Dean hadn’t had in years. He had some scars you never saw on your Dean’s face. But above all those differences, the biggest one was inside his eyes. The burden and pain inside them was the kind of pain you’ve never seen before, on anyone. He looked years older than he was. No, this Dean, Dean Winchester was completely different from the Dean you grew up with. This Dean reminded you more of yourself than of Dean Harris. A very broken man.

You sighed, your eyes searching his face until they stopped at his eyes. For some reason, you couldn’t look away from them. His eyes were looking at you as if they were reading you like a book, with a hint of question and curiosity in them. You heard him make a sound as he shook his head, his face still close to you, noses almost touching.

“What?” You asked, your voice barely audible, afraid you’d break whatever this moment was.

“A girl like you- a badass hunter, letting a dumb ‘rule’ dictate her life? Why?” His words made you furrow your eyebrows, confused. You went to move away a bit when you felt his hand grab your wrist, keeping you close.

“What are you talking about?”

Third P.O.V

“It’s just- I-” Dean began, his face slightly agitated but his voice was still just above a whisper, as his eyes met Y/N’s again. “Haven't you liked someone just because you felt like it? Not-” He stopped, trying to stay calm noting the confusion on her face turning into a frown “Not because some stupid tattoo told you you’re supposed to like them, but because you just did?” Dean asked her, his eyes searching hers, waiting for an answer like he was hoping for a specific answer from her.

“Dean, you don’t understand so let’s just not talk about this.” She pleaded, her face showing signs of pain and anger. Dean understood that this world was different but he couldn’t understand how people just gave up because someone said that was how things were. It was never that simple.

“I get it.” He began, his face close to hers, a sigh leaving his lips “Everyone has a soulmate but who says that’s the truth?” Dean began explaining, his frustrations with everything taking over. “We hunt monsters, Y/N! We save people that are supposed to die.” She was still looking at him with a hint of anger so he continued “They were supposed to die but they didn’t. Just because something is supposed to be so, doesn’t make it so.”

“Winchester, really, this is different so let’s-”

“How’s it different?” He suddenly asked, his voice slightly louder than before but she didn’t move away. She looked at him, trying to come up with an answer, but couldn’t. Dean then took her hand that had the ring hiding the symbol, holding it in front of her face. “You don’t need a symbol to tell you, you need to or should love somebody. Just find a guy and love him.” Dean finished, her hand still held tightly in his, their noses now touching. Her breath hitched as he began leaning in slowly, his eyes dropping to her lips before meeting her eyes again. Dean Winchester didn’t know why but he felt an attraction towards her, a connection of some kind. Y/N felt it too but she tried to push it away and ignore it. It scared her.

Their lips were just about to touch when something behind them crashed and an alarmed voice spoke up.

“Dad?! Aunt Y/N?!”

Y/N’s P.O.V

Your eyes widened as you pushed Dean Winchester away, your eyes falling onto Ben’s alarmed face. Your jaw dropped and before you knew it, Ben turned around storming out of the kitchen. You met Dean’s eyes, panic setting in once you realised what Ben thought he saw.

“Shit!”

______________________________

AN: This chapter is very late and for that, I apologise. Happy Halloween everyone, hope you had fun. I hope you liked this chapter, please tell me what you think. Review, reblog and heart if you have the time. Any feedback is appreciated, positive or negative. Thank you so much for taking the time to read what my imagination comes up with. - Annie xx

Requests are open so, request away, whatever you can think of. :)

Tags(message me if you want to be added or removed from the tag list xx):

@itstoomanyfandoms13 @hobby27 @angelkurenai @protectteamfreewill @bijorn24 @aciliwhopper @goldenstateof @sezonator @deanlovespiebabyandmeloljkiwish @charmedwarlock @missbeccamay @imgnawritesomefanfictionbitches @c-ly-g @emilyathenawinchester @gabby913 @team-free-will-you-idjiot @haley24689 @daayydreaminn @brokenhearted-littlegirl @jgirl1025 @channy4eva @jxnnxbrxwn @calciumcow @missmarrinette @bi-danvers0 @cuddlysastiel @samuelkwinchester @wickidlady @ashmonet @thisismysecrethappyplace @entersand-man @sunfloweryflower @squirrelgirl67 @lil-sister-winchester @xinsonyax @littleredstarfish @thetallassgirl @lauriz67 @mrspeacem1nusone @nevergirl0424 @kayla-danielle-67 @22sarah08 @superwhomarvelcwlocked @the-never-good-enough-nobody @raggeadyimpala @vicmc624 @a-crowd-of-newsies @awkward-goth @chloet1604 @blackcatlover24 @hiddlestonedlokid @marisacooper @fantasticsociologydrawingcookie @itsjaybro16 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @sasbb23 @girlstalkfanfiction @minxyvixen @idontwanttopickastupidname @theatrediva1975 @imnotcreativeenoughtomakegoodurl @sofia-and-buckyboo @bluebear2232 @evemarie05 @gogh-suck-it @katebait1233 @x-gambit-x @samantharose02368 @deangirlsup @ruprecht0420 @chaldei @wednesdayismyfunday @formulafun @vicariouslythruspn @imsuperawkward @dragon–dragon @hiddlestonedlokid @elegantscissorseclipseherring @7-raekay-7 @idontevenknow2 @violet-sniper @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @edelnerd @wxntersoldxer16 @jn-wolf @dianapreva @magssteenkamp @diabetic-ace @captinbanter @carryon-doctor-lock @mrshazosterfield @kitkattramp @sandtopearl @spoopychulo @palefiregiver

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theroadsofar05to20 · 5 years

Text

Supernatural Masterlist

| Dean Winchester | Series |

Rescribo Sidera *Angst, Smut, Fluff* Ongoing Series

| One-Shots | Dean Winchester |

My Dean, Please Stay *Angst, Fluff* Finished

Snippet: “-And I want you. Driving in the impala listening to your oldies while you explain the history of Led Zeppelin for the umpteenth time and, even though I memorised it, I still listen because when you talk about what you love is the only time there’s a sparkle in your eye, the one I fell in love with.”

Good In Goodbye *Angst* Complete

Snippet: - Perhaps they were the same as his own. The kind of tears that fill your eyes when you remember a life you shared with another person who meant more to you than your own life, the memories playing back, like a kaleidoscope and then you realise that’s all they are; memories, the past. The bittersweet kind.

It’s My Party *Angst* Complete

Snippet: - “You were right.”...

“You are poison.”

| One-Shots | Sam Winchester |

Coming Soon

| One-Shots | Archangel Gabriel |

Coming Soon

_____________________________

requests are open and they apply to all the above-mentioned characters as well as: Castiel, Jack, Crowley, Lucifer, Rowena, Charlie(og and alt), Meg.

Ships I don’t write for:

Wincest and wincest and wincest and wincest because...I don’t swing that way. xD

I write for Destiel and Sabriel even if I don’t ship them romantically, except, I think I couldn’t write the smut well enough, so beware of that.

Cannon and non-cannon ships I can write for:

Sam x Jess

Sam x Amelia

Sam x Ruby

Sam x Gabriel

Sam x Rowena

Dean x Cassie

Dean x Lisa

Dean x Jo

Dean x Castiel

Castiel x Meg

Castiel x Hanna?

Castiel x Rowena

Gabriel x Rowena

And, of course, all these characters x Y/N as well.

So...Request Away xx

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theroadsofar05to20 · 5 years

Note

Can I please be tagged in Rescibo Sidera? I can't wait for the next part 😁!

Sure thing! Glad you like it. 😊😊 I'm writing the next part right now and it'll be up later tonight! Thanks for the ask, I really appreciate it. Xx

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theroadsofar05to20 · 5 years

Text

Writing part 3 right now. Gonna be up later tonight. Xx ♥️♥️

Rescibo Sidera | Dean Winchester | Part II |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst for days, Smut (Soulmate!AU but also following canon, somewhat, in some places but not completely)

Rating: M(mostly) and T at some point

Ongoing series

Word count: 5.7k

A/N: Any reviews, positive or negative are welcome and very much needed for my self-esteem xD. Reblog, heart, review and leave feedback if you have the time and I hope you enjoy my take on a Soulmate Au.

| Part I | Part II | Part III (soon?) |

______________________

Current Time(season 15) Original Universe(Winchester Universe)

“Damn it!” Dean shouted, his hands wrapped around the back of his head, his eyes reflecting the flames in front of him.

Keep reading

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theroadsofar05to20 · 5 years

Text

It’s My Party | Dean Winchester One-Shot |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst…sorry

Rating: R (Mostly because of the angst)

Song Oneshot

Requested by anonymous(I hope you like it xx):

Word count: 2.7k

Based around the song ‘It’s My Party’ by Lesley Gore(song lyrics in italics) Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4jVYjSM-wg

Reader Discretion is advised. Do not read any of my works if you are easily triggered by mentions and graphic depictions of Blood, alcohol, depression, anger, murder, suicide, death, drugs, blasphemy? etc

A/N: Any reviews, positive or negative are welcome and very much needed for my self-esteem xD. So please Reblog, heart and review if you have the time and I hope you enjoy my ‘work’ xx

REQUESTS are open! :D

___________________________

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to Cry if I want to, cry if I want to You would cry too if it happened to you

The music was booming off the walls and people were dancing around you, enjoying themselves and having a grand time. They were celebrating your birthday better than you were. The one who seemed to have been enjoying your birthday the most though, was your own boyfriend, Dean Winchester. Not with you, of course. Oh no, he seemed to be enjoying and basking in the attention some bimbo waitress was giving him at the bar.

Keep reading

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theroadsofar05to20 · 5 years

Text

It’s My Party | Dean Winchester One-Shot |

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst...sorry

Rating: R (Mostly because of the angst)

Song Oneshot

Requested by anonymous(I hope you like it xx):

Word count: 2.7k

Based around the song ‘It’s My Party’ by Lesley Gore(song lyrics in italics) Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4jVYjSM-wg

A/N: Any reviews, positive or negative are welcome and very much needed for my self-esteem xD. So please Reblog, heart and review if you have the time and I hope you enjoy my ‘work’ xx

REQUESTS are open! :D

___________________________

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to Cry if I want to, cry if I want to You would cry too if it happened to you

The slight annoyment started about 25 minutes ago when you noted that Dean forgot the fact that he went to the bar to get you two drinks. Instead, he began talking and drinking with the waitress. Ten minutes after that, he was still talking to her. Although now, she was sitting in a bar chair next to him, her hand playing with the collar of his shirt and all the bastard did was smile while his eyes raked over her body. That sight turned your slight annoyment into a full-blown rage as you.

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone But Judy left the same time Why was he holding her hand When he's supposed to be mine

When you saw Dean hand her the drink he ordered for you, his other hand moving her hair out of her face, you stood up ready to walk over there and rip both of them a new one. The next thing you saw, however, stopped you in your tracks, your anger vanishing, unimaginable agony taking its place.

Oh what a birthday surprise Judy's wearin' his ring

It all happened in slow motion. Her hand sliding down his bicep, her fingers playing with his ring before she took it off, putting it on her finger showing it to him with a laugh. You saw the ring falling off her middle finger, the sound of it falling to the ground inaudible but to you, it felt like an earthquake. When the ring fell to the floor was the moment you felt a crack inside your chest that spread and spread until your heart was lying on that same floor, next to that ring, broken into infinite little pieces.

Judy and Johnny just walked through the door Like a queen with her king

Tears gathered in your waterline, blurring your vision but you wished you couldn’t see a damn thing because the next thing you saw through your tears, was worse than death, you were sure of it. She took his hand, leading him away and he followed until you couldn’t see him. Two abandoned whiskey glasses the only reminder that he sat there. With her. Not with you.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to Cry if I want to, cry if I want to You would cry too if it happened to you

You took a shaky breath as the first tear fell. With shaky hands, you took your bag and headed for the door, unable to sit at the same bar where your boyfriend was most likely screwing the waitress, somewhere in the back room.

“Hey hey, Y/N. What’s wrong?” You bumped into Sam, a concerned look on his face. You cursed yourself for not looking where you were going, really not feeling up to explaining anything to anyone.

“Ask your brother after he’s done drilling the waitress’ hole.” You spat out, your legs taking you out into the cold night. Your tears were uncontrollable as you took out the keys to the Impala before driving back to the bunker.

________________________

Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night But leave me alone for a while Till Johnny's dancin' with me I've got no reason to smile

You were swaying on your feet, a bottle of Blue label in your right hand, a bat in your left. The Impala looked just like you felt. Beaten up and broken. You smiled bitterly as you took another gulp of alcohol before breaking the windows on the car.

You stumbled back inside the bunker, almost falling over as you started dancing, spinning in circles, the burn of the alcohol not numbing the ache in your chest. Not even for a moment. The only thing the alcohol did was bring back memories of the two of you. The good memories. The beautiful ones. The best ones. But after each good memory, the sight from tonight flashed behind your closed eyes, reminding you of why you were alone in the bunker, dancing alone to sad love songs. Nonetheless, you kept on dancing by yourself, throwing the now empty bottle down before you opened another one.

“Y/N!” His voice made you freeze up, your back turned to him. You closed your eyes, balling up your fists tightly, the one holding the bottle almost breaking the glass. “What the hell happened to Baby?! Did someone break it? Is everything ok-” You couldn’t stand listening to his voice for even a moment longer. It made you sick to your stomach as anger pumped through your veins, flashes of him with the waitress making you tear up. You turned around the bottle in your hand flying across the room, almost hitting Dean before it collided with the wall behind him, shattering. Broken. Like you.

“What the fuck, Y/N?!” Dean questioned, his eyes wide, worry and slight anger swimming in his green eyes. When you shrugged you noted the anger protruding from his face but you didn’t quite care at the moment.

“I smashed the Impala.” You calmed replied and when he looked at you as if you were crazy all you wanted to do was punch him and shout and scream, but you didn’t. How dare he be angry about anything you did when he was the one paying more attention to a waitress than you and on your birthday nonetheless. “It reminded me of you and how stupid I was so I smashed it. Couldn’t look at it anymore.”

“What are you even talking about?” Dean asked, walking towards you but you stepped back, his face hardening when he noticed you distancing yourself. “Babe, you’re drunk. You really should go to bed-”

“Where’s your ring?” You cut him off, your eyes zooming onto his left hand seeing his fourth finger bare. The promise ring was gone. You felt a stab inside your chest, the feeling of your world falling apart now seeming closer than ever before.

“What? I-” He looked down at his hand, his jaw clenching once he realised the ring wasn’t there, before he looked up to you a smile, a lying one, appearing on his face. He rushed to you, his hands grabbing both of yours, squeezing. You just stood there, your eyes still locked on his hand, unmoving. “I probably lost it at the bar while playing pool with Charlie. I’ll call Sammy, he’s still there, and ask him to look for it.” He rambled on and you knew all of it was absolute bullshit, but you didn’t show your anger. It wasn’t worth it anyway. Not anymore.

“It’s on the floor of the bar. Where the waitress was all over you.” You slowly mumbled, your eyes finally meeting Dean’s. His face suddenly went blank, his eyes searching your face but never meeting your eyes directly. He cleared his throat, probably getting ready to lie through his teeth but you stopped him. Your words calm and quiet.

“Why did you buy us those rings?” Your question caught him off guard as he looked around the bunker, his teeth biting down on his lower lip, a habit that showed he was nervous. He looked lost for words and the expression on his face would’ve made you giggle in any other situation.

“What do you mean? Babe-”

“It’s a simple question, Dean.” You moved away, walking towards your bag, taking a box out. You looked up at him with bitterness you never knew you could actually feel towards anyone, let alone your Dean. “Why did you buy us promise rings when you dare to fuck a waitress on my birthday.” Your voice was full of resentment, your hand flying up to stop him from commenting anything “Not only that, but you do it while I’m in the same damn room. Really, Dean? Why?” You finished, the box held tightly in your hand as you slipped your own ring off, your eyes never leaving a conflicted Dean. It seemed like he wanted to stop you from taking it off but, as always, he didn’t have the guts to do it.

You sighed as you closed the box, your ring inside it. You put the box on the table, your eyes shining with unshed tears that you wouldn’t- that you couldn’t let fall. Not now. Not for him.

“We were just flirting. It wasn’t anything serious-”

“You let her take off your ring! And you walked out with her!” You shouted, unable to keep yourself from falling apart. “With her, Dean! Not me! Her!” Your voice got louder and louder making Dean flinch away but you could already predict his anger bursting out soon. You put your hands on the table, staring straight at Dean, your eyes burning and your heart feeling empty and full of pain at the same time.

“So, tell me, why did you buy us those damned rings if you can’t fucking commit anyway-”

“BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED!” Dean’s voice boomed, echoing off the walls but you didn’t flinch. You couldn’t even move. The words were far worse than the sound of him shouting. That’s when your tears started falling again and now, you didn’t care if he saw or not. You hoped he saw just how much his admission ruptured your heart and soul.

“I thought that’s what you wanted, Y/N...” his voice was quieter now, his eyes searching your face as fear entered them. You didn’t know why he was afraid but you didn’t care. You shook your head, a sad smile on your face.

“It isn’t what you want?” You asked, walking closer to him so you were only inches apart. You could feel the warmth radiating off him but the smell of another women’s perfume made your heart freeze over in an instant. He looked at you, his face hard and indecipherable. “What do you want, Dean?” You asked again, now even breathing was difficult to do. It felt like your lungs were on fire. Everything hurt. Even breathing.

“I don’t know! Okay?!” Dean exclaimed, his back facing you now as he turned around, grabbing a glass and pouring himself a drink, his fists white and jaw clenched shut. “I don’t know what I want, Y/N. I- I feel like I can’t even look at another woman without you breathing down my damn neck all the fucking time!” He turned towards you, his face showing obvious anger, his words loud and clear in your head. “I just want you to-”

“Did you sleep with her?” You cut him off, your question hanging in the air like an elephant in the room. Dean’s eyes were wide as he looked at you, his mouth closing and opening. You swallowed down the hurt and pain, your eyes glaring back at him.

“Dean, did you or did you not-”

“I didn’t sleep with her, okay?! I didn’t.” Dean growled, his eyes looking at you in disbelief, but you weren’t backing down. You’ve had enough.

“Did you kiss her?” Dean froze, his eyes widening before he looked away and that was more than enough of an answer. “Did you touch her?” You continued, every question creating an image in your head that you wanted to burn. “Dean- did you...” You whispered, your voice breaking at the end, the entire situation all too much for you. You heard him sigh before his eyes looked back at you, his forest green eyes glossed over, and at that moment you knew the words that’ll leave his lips before he even uttered a word.

“Yes.”

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to Cry if I want to, cry if I want to You would cry too if it happened to you

One word. That was enough and you knew; you just knew that in that precise moment, your entire world fell to pieces. Every good thing that ever happened between you two was now coated with that one word. ‘Yes’. “I did, but Y/n-” Dean continued, his eyes searching your face as he walked up to you, his eyes now full of tears. You heard him say how it didn’t mean a thing and that it’ll never happen again, but you knew this was something you couldn’t walk past.

“Happy birthday to me, huh?” You chuckled, your tears sliding down your neck, a few sobs falling past your lips but you had no pride anymore to care about.

“Hey sweetheart, listen-”

“You were right.” You cut Dean off, your eyes locking with his and the tears falling down his cheeks made you almost want to go back and just hug him, pretend nothing was wrong. Almost.

“You are poison.” Saying those words killed you and the expression on Dean’s face finished you completely. He looked like you just punched him in the gut. He took a shaky breath and wiped his face, his hands cupping both your cheeks as he pulled you closer.

“You- you don’t mean that. I know you don’t.” his voice was hopeful and broken, his hands shaking as he looked into your eyes, waiting for you to take those words back “You always told me that- that that was all bullshit and- and that my dad was wrong and how- how no matter what we’ll- we’ll get through it.” Dean’s sobbing words broke you further but you couldn’t take back what you said. You shook your head, your eyes meeting his, your hands placed on top of his that were still holding your cheeks.

“Yeah.” You began, his face softening for a moment before you continued “You are a hero. You did save the world. You are the best big brother Sam could've ever asked for and the best friend Castiel could ever hope for. Every bad thing you did, you had to do and everyone that died on your watch; that is not and will never be on you.” You stopped, a broken smile on your lips as you shook your head before, with tear-filled eyes, you looked at him.

“And I can deal with all that baggage. Hell, I have some of my own. That I can deal with and accept and even love it but this- what you did to me. In that regard, you don’t look much like a man from where I’m at.” Your words made his face crumple as he pulled you into his chest, saying he was sorry, over and over again. You cried into his shirt, holding him tight and trying to remember his embrace and smell, knowing what was to come next.

“Y/N, I- I love you. I really do. Please just give me one-” You pulled away from him slowly, wiping your face, taking a deep breath and giving Dean the box that contained your promise ring inside it.

“I’ll have my things out by morning. I’m sorry but I can’t forgive you. Not this. Not after all this time.” You explained and even though the broken look he gave you killed you, you couldn’t go back now. You took his hands in yours before reaching up to kiss him one last time. It was slow and heartbreakingly sorrowful. You pulled back, your eyes meeting Dean Winchesters, for one last time.

“Y/N, I-”

“Be a better man to the next girl that decides to love you. Be everything you weren’t with me and never take her for granted.” You spoke softly pulling away and before you turned away you, put your hand on his cheeks, your vision blurry as you spoke up again.

“I will always love you and I hate me for it. And if someone asks you how we died, tell them you killed us, Dean Winchester.” And with that, you turned around. The last image of Dean Winchester you remember was one of a broken man from the worst night of your life. The night your heart broke and you knew that nothing and no one could ever fix it. No one but him. No one but Dean Winchester.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

__________________________________

Requests are open!! :)

AN: Hey, I hope you like this. It took some time because of school and work but here it is! Please, if you did enjoy it, heart it and reblog it and if you have time, some feedback would be greatly appreciated, positive or negative. Part three of Rewrite the stars(Rescibo Sidera) will be up in a few days. xx -Annie

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