varianandhugodonotgetrawed

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

Easter One Shot!

Desc: Varian and Hugo are getting ready for Easter Sunday service. Cw: one (1) small curse word.

Have a happy Easter (or just a regular Sunday)!

_______________________________

"That's too tight, Hairstripe." Hugo commented, voice tight.

"Hm? Oh, sorry." Varian loosened his boyfriend's tie, the lime green one with rabbits on it. Hugo had gotten it specifically to wear on Easter Sundays. "How is that? Suitably loose for seducing the old ladies who serve communion?"

"I suppose," Hugo struck a dramatic pose. "How's that?"

"Well, they might fall over laughing and then you could help them up." Varian remarked, looking away so he wouldn't snicker. "A little meet-cute."

"That's what I thought," Hugo straightened his tie in the bathroom mirror. "There's a stain on my pants, dammit."

Varian fake-gasped. "A curse word? In this apartment?" He shook his head. "God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit do not care about... a gravy stain on your pants. Calm down." He straightened his own tie in the mirror, the one with teal and burgundy stripes.

"Should I let my hair down? Or leave it up?" Hugo fretted.

"I don't believe anyone would recognize you if you left it down. I think it'd be like exposing your ankles. Scandalous." When Hugo continued to fail to laugh at Varian's sarcastic remarks, he knew something was up. Varian turned away from the mirror, and with his hands on Hugo's shoulders, turned his boyfriend toward him. "Hey. What's up? You're stressed."

Hugo sighed. "It's nothing-" he stopped when he saw Varian's glare. "I just. Kind of feel like a mess. I've been in a weird place recently, you know that. And my clothes, my hair, aren't quite right. I just don't feel ready to be in church. Like maybe I should figure things out before I do."

Varian pulled Hugo into a tight hug. "That might be the stupidest thing you've ever said, Beanpole." He leaned back, looking his boyfriend in the eyes. "You know, like, the whole point of Easter is that our sins are, like, forgiven and crap? You remember that thing in... eh, what verse is it? Whatever, doesn't matter. 'It isn't the healthy who need a doctor'. That thing?"

Hugo rolled his eyes, but nodded.

"You're fine. By, like, definition. Look, we don't even have to talk to anyone. We'll go, get through service, grab a donut, then go home and watch Jesus Christ Superstar and VeggieTales while eating spiral ham. Sound alright?"

Hugo laughed a bit. "You and your ham. Fine, you win. Let's just go so we're not late, yeah?"

"Yeah." Varian grinned, then grabbed the keys. "I'm driving, the way you drive scares me. Jesus came back from the dead, but we will not if we die in a crash."

"Hey, I only ran two red lights last time," Hugo protested, though smiling as he followed Varian.

#btw this is the same au as my last little one shot #tts varian #hugo vat7k #varian tangled #varigo #vat7k #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #my writing #happy easter

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

I did a thing

Thanks to @shelobussy for giving me the idea for this little one shot! You didn't think I was serious, did you? But I was, oh, I was.

Desc: Hugo and Varian run into a problem while helping at VBS (vacation Bible school for those unfamiliar. It's literally summer camp but Christian). Warning for minor cursing, past homophobia.

___________________________________

"And... it's locked." Hugo sighed and slid down the door of the closet. "Who designed this thing? Why would a door auto-lock when you close it?"

"Why wouldn't it?" Varian had already sat down. "If you hadn't dropped the key we would be out of here."

"You're always blaming me for stuff. This isn't even the right closet! This is the damn communion supply closet, and I told you the cleaning supplies were down the hall, but no, Heaven forbid I be right."

"I got turned around! Half the hallways out of the sanctuary look the same anyway." At least they wouldn't starve, though Varian might rather starve than subsist on grape juice and crackers that looked and tasted like Styrofoam. And would it be heretical to eat and drink communion elements outside of the ceremony? Surely God would understand, like that story with David and the sacred bread.

"Uh, earth to Freckles," Hugo's annoying voice cut through Varian's thoughts. "How are we gonna get out of here? The VBS has, like, four chaperones for the middle schoolers including us, we need to get out."

"Can't you pick locks, Beanpole?" Varian had never seen Hugo lockpick, but he looked like the type to know how.

With his long undercut blond hair, piercings, alternative clothing style, and flamboyantly gay demeanor, Hugo wasn't really the sort of person Varian would expect to be a youth group leader, but West Ingvarr Methodist Church prided itself on diversity and inclusion. Varian couldn't help but think, though, that even if it wasn't a sin, Hugo didn't need to make being queer his whole personality. Varian certainly managed not to.

"I can't pick this kind of lock. I don't know the inside mechanisms of the automatic doors. And I'll thank you not to use that tone when asking. I don't why you think you're better than me-"

"I don't think I'm better than you-" Varian began.

Hugo snorted. "Could've fooled me. Anyways, I could maybe figure out how to disassemble the lock, but I don't think Pastor Robin would be very happy with me."

"So we're stuck here," Varian groaned.

"Until someone comes along and sees the key on the ground, yes. Don't look at me like that, Freckles, I'm not pleased about it either. You're stuck in a closet with someone you hate, I'm stuck with someone who hates me."

"I don't hate you. You're annoying as- as heck, and loud, and honestly I don't think you should curse around the kids-"

"They're middle and high schoolers, they've heard the word 'shit' before. Besides, I know what it is. You don't like the way I dress, the way I talk, you don't like when I talk about my homosexuality-" Hugo said the last word like he was an old man deeply offended by it.

Varian rolled his eyes. "That's not it. If it makes you feel better, I'm literally bisexual. I just don't think you need to talk about it as much as you do-"

"Freckles, what would your life be like if you had had an openly queer leader in the church when you were those kid's age? Because I'll tell you right now, mine would have been a hell of a lot better. You can keep your internalized homophobia to yourself, but I'm going to be who I am. And I'm going to be for those kids what I needed." Hugo finished and turned his head away, arms crossed.

Varian couldn't think of a thing to say. He tried not to think about it much, now that he was out of Old Corona, and two years into college, but he remembered growing up in a church very different from West Ingvarr. Forget it being unsafe to be queer, Varian had dyed a streak of his hair blue when he was fourteen and been looked at like he was the devil's child into he finally broke and dyed it black again. Eventually, fifteen-year-old Varian had decided he couldn't take it anymore, and ran away. It'd quickly gone wrong, and he'd fallen in with a very bad crowd before his father found him, and promised they would move away after Varian tearfully confessed the reason for his rebellion.

All that to say, Hugo was right. Varian cringed thinking it. But Varian had been unfair in his judgment of him, and it was the right thing to do to admit that.

"I'm... sorry." Varian finally said. Hugo didn't turn his head, but his eyes flicked over and his eyebrows rose slightly. "I think... I let my biases color how I judged you, and that was... unfair and not very 'Good Christian' of me. I... really don't hate you, Hugo."

Hugo turned his head, and Varian could see him holding back a smile. "Thanks for the self-awareness. I forgive you, I guess."

Varian scoffed. "Thanks, 'I guess'."

"Well," Hugo began, obnoxious grin on his face, before pausing. "I think I hear footsteps! HEY? IS ANYONE THERE?" He yelled, forcing Varian to cover his ears.

"Yes, ominous voice? Wait. Hugo, is that you?"

"Yep!" He replied. "Varian, we're in luck! Okay, Yong, there's a key on the ground. I need you to slide it under the door, alright?"

"I don't see a- oh! There you go!" A second later, the bronze key appeared by the door. Varian and Hugo stood up, and unlocked the door.

"Feels good to be free!" Hugo declared, stretching.

"We were only in there for twenty minutes," Varian commented, grinning.

"Yeah, but twenty minutes stuck with you? Basically twenty years."

"Shut up, Beanpole," Varian pretended to punch Hugo's arm. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

#fics that i am the sole audience for #vat7k #fanfic #varigo #fanfiction #varian #tts varian #varian tangled #hugo vat7k

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

uh. god. catholics. protestants. im jewish i dont have any funny comments

All denominations and religions are welcome here, my friend!

#the holy ask box #the-diabolic-acid

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

LMAO MY BAD I DIDNT READ UR ABOUT

No problem! God forgives and so do I!

#the holy ask box #cobfather

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

does god support tall varian

Unfortunately there are some things even God cannot support

#the holy ask box #anonymous #however there is nothing that god cannot forgive #istg if this is the actual tall varian anon

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

yo i just saw varigo doing shots with the communion wine in the back of the church

They would do this fr. I suppose there's not much harm in it, as long as there's still enough for service of course! Besides, the more shots they take, the more they are reminded of the sacrifice Jesus made for us! I would advise taking part in the bread as well, not only to mitigate the effects of the wine, but also to complete the ritual of the holy eucharist.

#the holy ask box #gayleafpool

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

Intro Post

This blog is the evil/good twin of @hugogetsrawed

My main blog is @writingraccoon

Hugo and Varian feel led by the Lord to have a holy courtship and unconsummated marriage. Feel free to send in asks about wholesome activities these good Christians get up to

this blog is genuinely SFW so nsfw asks probably will not be answered, however, cursing is fine.

DNI:

No bigotry of any kind, good Christians are NOT bigots and we ARE good Christians in this house.

Please be respectful of religion/religious people, this blog is not making fun of religion and I won't answer asks that do.

EDIT: after i have received some asks, i would like to once again emphasize that this blog is SFW and I will delete asks i deem too explicit. This blog is meant to be minor-friendly so lease keep that in mind! Don't make me turn off anon asks, please.

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

burn out

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

who tf is this varian guy

Varian is a side character from the spinoff series Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure! I'm afraid beyond that I'm not particularly equipped to explain.

#the holy ask box #anonymous

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

As a married person I can confirm it is against God's Divine plan to let people who are not married fuck. It's shameful and horrible and Jesus cries real tears when it happens and since Varian and Hugo are both Christ followers who definitely don't want to make Jesus cry. However once they're married they can have as much kinky gay filthy sex as they want because that's god's will

while of course once one has committed oneself to a partner, preferably in the form of marriage, those in the relationship are free to engage in as much holy intercourse as desired, it is my headcanon that Hugo and Varian felt lead by god to never consummate their relationship, even after they were joined in holy union by marriage

Of course, that's just my headcanon! This fandom isn't real so you're allowed to think whatever you want!!!

#the holy ask box #anonymous

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

youth group au where varigo are co youth pastors

YES!!!! Hugo is the cool one who smokes and is clearly gay and Varian has some repressed homophobia from previous less-than-progressive churches and so kind of resents Hugo but also has a weird superiority complex because he 'doesn't make being gay his whole personality'

of course he and hugo get locked in the communion supply closet during VBS and Varian has to work out his shit. and then they fall in love and all the kids cash in their bets about how long it would take

#the holy ask box #shelobussy

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

How much wood would a woodchuck cuck if a woodchuck could cuck wood?

Oh, you've had a typo and forgot the 'h' in 'chuck'

you see, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

however, god did not see fit when creating the woodchuck to give it the ability to chuck wood, so the debate is entirely theoretical

#the holy ask box #sonicgetsrawed

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

Intro Post

This blog is the evil/good twin of @hugogetsrawed

My main blog is @writingraccoon

Hugo and Varian feel led by the Lord to have a holy courtship and unconsummated marriage. Feel free to send in asks about wholesome activities these good Christians get up to

this blog is genuinely SFW so nsfw asks probably will not be answered, however, cursing is fine.

DNI:

No bigotry of any kind, good Christians are NOT bigots and we ARE good Christians in this house.

Please be respectful of religion/religious people, this blog is not making fun of religion and I won't answer asks that do.

EDIT: after i have received some asks, i would like to once again emphasize that this blog is SFW and I will delete asks i deem too explicit. This blog is meant to be minor-friendly so please keep that in mind! Don't make me turn off anon asks, please.

#varigo #vat7k #varian and the seven kingdoms #tts varian #varian tangled #hugo vat7k #varian and the 7 kingdoms