whateverthevibesare

[whateverthevibesare]

i have learnt that it never ends. you start your day in pain and you fall asleep crying.

all the girls hate their bodies because the women they see on tv are alien superstars

they starve, and they carve out pieces of themselves, and whittle away the best parts of them. all the while a ghoulish, watery smile stretches itself thin across their cheeks.

but the goddesses they worship haven’t looked into a mirror for years. their bodies are so foreign to them, such a consciously manufactured dream, that the whir of the machines that pumps them full of ambrosia keeps them from falling asleep. their reflections are heads floating above an amalgamation of borrowed parts.

#body dysmorphia #this is what makes us girls

[whateverthevibesare]

they should invent a packet of wipes that is so individual wipes can be pulled out without the other brethren forcing their way out into the light too like conjoined twins

#fr they be clinging to the Chosen Wipe like a little kid hanging off their parent’s leg #not an insult to conjoined twins #i am freaked out by them and i’m sorry and also working on it #but i am freaked out by many many things #face wipes #baby wipes

[whateverthevibesare]

i hate it when fanfic writers start growing consciences

you write depraved, salacious, downright obscene smut to rival that of the literary career pinnacles of some of the greatest established authors

and after you alter the course of humanity as we know it, you think it's IMMORAL and you feel BAD

(boohoo)

which is fine and all, like yeah ok writing the best smut of your life forced you to redirect your moral compass

but on top of that you choose to REDACT the story ?????

AND THERE ARE NO COPIES OF IT AVAILABLE ON ANY OTHER PLATFORM

#the immorality lies in the censure #this is the equivalent of the burning down of the great library of alexandria #fanfic #can you tell i’ve been recently smited by this #the wound is still fresh #justice for the literally ungodly levels of amazing fanfic that died too soon

[whateverthevibesare]

i love how all fanfic writers take the unanimous creative decision to transform the pasty, lipless, pillsbury doughboy men that are canonically the faces of their favourite characters into adonises

i know i'm supposed to suspend my disbelief but when i'm springboarding off of daniel radcliffe to conceptualise whatever sexual deviant variant of him exists as harry potter on ao3

it’s really funny to return to the source material is all i’m saying

#these men are different ETHNICITIES #drarry #harry x draco #draco x harry

[whateverthevibesare]

life is really a series of moments of discovering there's more things wrong with you than you thought

#but it’s also a series of moments of discovering you can handle things better than you thought #<3 #hope this clears things up

[whateverthevibesare]

when i was younger i thought mansplaining was the term used for when men take up all the legroom by spreading their legs like the little sluts they are

and i used that word confidently and very incorrectly for many years

#using words confidently but very incorrectly is the story of my life i fear #mansplaining #manspreading #not to be confused with the other

[whateverthevibesare]

OMG SCHMIDT WEARS NEGLIGEES

#new girl #schmidt new girl #the love of my life #genderfluid

[whateverthevibesare]

i’d like to put on record that this is my formal recognition and appreciation of whoever it is that writes the emails for windscribe

i don’t even mind being subscribed to the mailing list because of their literary ingenuity and dry wit

#windscribe #this may or may not also be my formal application for that job post

[whateverthevibesare]

inside me there are 2 wolves: "sex and the city" and farmhouse living

#how can both exist at the same time #how am i supposed to design my dream home with these diametrically opposed aesthetics

[whateverthevibesare]

i need an mbti personality test but it's sppngebob squarepants characters

#and before you go saying #that's a buzzfeed quiz #NO IT FUCKING ISNT #i am 51% spongebob #42% patrick #and 7% squidward #with just an overall undertone of mr. krabs energy

[whateverthevibesare]

getting chatgpt to write my harassment email to HR is a whole different level of surreal

#workplace harassment

[whateverthevibesare]

some men will really serve weaponised incompetence to you, as a woman, like you're a starving hobo and it's your first meal only to turn around and still have the audacity to be completely insulted when you offer to help him because he sees it as you undermining his intelligence

#you can't win

[whateverthevibesare]

omg this post just got infinitely funnier after watching the barbie movie and seeing ken turn into a fully fledged alpha male in 5 minutes 😭😭😭

i can not FATHOM that the same man who uttered the words "you are KENough" is the same man that played a depressed, tortured artist-esque, lone wolf, "i'm just a number to you" cia agent from the gray man like ?? 😭

ryan gosling really beat all the allegations that he was the idol of the mentally unwell, incel, sigma male community to go play the most camp, twink-coded, bimbo simp in the history of cinema

mad respect 😌

#ryan gosling can never escape the allegations #i'm sorry i expected differently from a MAN 😔😖😖😖💔 #please forgive me 🥺🥺

[whateverthevibesare]

checking the work email draft 47919473 times and still checking after i hit send to make sure i didn't accidentally write something like "his dick smaller than my toes" without realising

#cupcakke

[whateverthevibesare]

"i'm sad again. don't tell my boyfriend; it's not what he's made for" ya barbie billie that's because ken was made for see-through mesh crop tops and crossdressing and cock rings on a necklace and back alley anal sex outside of a gay strip club called like the willy wanker okay

#barbie #ken is gay #what was i made for

[whateverthevibesare]

i can not FATHOM that the same man who uttered the words "you are KENough" is the same man that played a depressed, tortured artist-esque, lone wolf, "i'm just a number to you" cia agent from the gray man like ?? 😭

ryan gosling really beat all the allegations that he was the idol of the mentally unwell, incel, sigma male community to go play the most camp, twink-coded, bimbo simp in the history of cinema

mad respect 😌

#the duality of man #barbie #ryan gosling #margot robbie

[whateverthevibesare]

sometimes men are scary and terrifying and you have to put up barbed wire around yourself to keep them out but sometimes they are so silly and all they want in the whole wide world is a spider-man costume