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momentswithmani · 5 hours

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Why black men being colorist is problematic.

In this generation of modern day black men, who look up to red pill podcasters such as Kevin Samuels and Andrew Tate, it’s become a phenomenon for them to cosign the idea that dating 20 shades lighter + a different race is better for their relationship they choose. In their perspective, they label it a “preference” when they believe that light skin girls are more attractive than dark skin girls. Meanwhile, colorism benefits light skin girls because it defines as favoritism towards lighter complexions, while mistreatment towards darker complexions. Do you see a difference, or are they similar to you?

Keep in mind, I’m prepared for the backlash that black men are choosing to give me. I’m also prepared for their denial, and for them to think I have hatred towards them. I’m also prepared for any black woman to debunk all of these claims. At the end of the day, this is what comes with speaking your unpopular truth.

Let’s start with the colorism of black men….. from time to time, I hear + see the commentary along the lines of “lighter women are easier to deal with, darker women are difficult to deal with”, “lighter women are soft, darker women are aggressive”. “Black men deal with trauma from darker women”.

For one, if you are educated on your history enough (which I doubt black men are), you would know that our skin complexions were to be promoted + reinforced to have different meanings. Lighter meant good, brighter, and feminine. Darker meant bad, darkness, and masculine. The lighter slaves worked in the house, while the darker slaves worked in the fields. All of which was promoted by the Willie Lynch letter, that we perpetuate on each other today.

Now, let’s look at the beauty scale when it comes to the standards that black men have for the women they choose to date… 9/10 they don’t want to choose a woman who is “dark” like them. Their subconscious mentality equates the darker complexion of a woman to her character, how toxic the relationship will be, and how traumatized he will be (a reminder of his upbringing). Meanwhile, it equates the lighter complexion of a woman to how easy she’ll be, how “submissive” she’ll be, how at peace he will be, and how little problems they’ll face.

This becomes a rule that they apply across the board, due to the women they avoid based on her skin complexion, which leads to the preconceived notions they make about those women. I sometimes wonder why black men easily gravitate to lighter women, because they are seen as “more attractive”. What makes lighter women attractive, that doesn’t make darker women attractive? Is it her skin color? Her looks? What they assume her character is?

You know what this reminds me of? When lighter women vocalize being stereotyped as being better than everyone else as a child growing up. You know what I notice? Black men never speak on that stereotype, because deep down they believe it. You know what I also notice? Black men are likely to cosign negative stereotypes about darker women, because their trauma labels it as “truth”.

Something else I would like to bring up, is that black men like to emphasize looking for a wife based on character, but I beg to differ. If you prioritize looking for a “wife” based on her skin complexion, you are choosing a woman based on your internalized colorism. Skin complexion doesn’t correlate to one’s character, unless you allow it to.

Do you believe that your skin complexion correlates to your character? Do you believe that your skin complexion makes you more masculine, or less desirable? Do you believe that your skin complexion correlates to the negative stereotypes that society has always imposed on you?

What I believe about black men choosing based on skin complexion, is that they’re choosing from a place of self hatred, and the wrong heart posture. They’re also choosing from a superficial place. I’ve never witnessed a black man choosing based on looks, have the same respect for other women that they have for the women they pedestalized.

What I also encourage black men to do [as leaders], is to rely less on other black men’s perspectives/experiences on black women + tune more into their own perspectives/experiences on black women. Statistics don’t always equate to your own personalized experiences. For instance, a statistic can state that dark skin black women are more likely to be abusive people who end up pimping out men for lifestyle purposes than every other shade of women. Another statistic can state that light skin black women are likely to be healthy and submissive wives to the men they marry. In your area(s), you notice/observe that black women of all shades have successful jobs, are in healthy relationships, and their demeanor comes off kind + down to earth.

One thing that I tell black men of today, is that I speak based on experiences and never statistics. I don’t have to rely on statistics when it comes to how black men communicate, who I see them befriend, how I get treated, how loyal/committed they are, how consistent they remain, how they behave, let alone how much hardships they endure when it shapes how they view the world as they get older. I never think to myself “let me look up the statistics of black men who are in 3 different types of relationships, the money they earn, and the jobs they succeed most at”. You know why? Because all of this varies from location to location, person to person, circumstances to circumstances, and upbringing to upbringing. I call it experiencing life. Experiences will always beat statistics.

To conclude this statement, I’m unimpressed with black men normalizing their internalized colorism. I’m unimpressed with their lack of awareness to why their “preferences” are inaccurate and ignorant. I’m unimpressed with their assumption that lighter women are “safer” for them to deal with. I’m unimpressed with them rebranding colorism as a preference.

Most importantly, if none of these statements resonate with you, you may keep scrolling. The message can still resonate with others.

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momentswithmani · 13 hours