soultayi

[soultayi]

the violin is pulled taut the sound shakes my teeth and you find me cowering besides the bed. the softest of touches on my jagged cracked skin breaks me. i fall apart, i come undone, i unravel at your touch and you stare at me as bones become indistinguishable from flesh, you look at the bloody mess i have turned into— what the lightest of touches has done to me. . .and in the glow of the setting sun, you begin to eat.

(it’s monday evening after my first shift at a new job and im thinking about how i will hide my eczema while listening to a violin mix on spotify. violins always makes me think of vampires which always makes me want to write poetry.)

#vampries #love and touch #intimacy and devotion #poetry #spilled words #writing #musings of a writer #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing community #don’t judge too heavily #soultayi #soultayiwrites

[soultayi]

frustrated about my bookstagram. i love love love having a space to talk about my books, im not that good about talking about them outloud i always overthink whether im saying stuff of merit or just being annoying but i love having my bookstagram because its a space to just interact with other readers and writers but i feel the need to try and grow it because im embarrassed of the little engagement i get. ive had that account for two years and ive never cared about it before but i guess now i feel like im doing something wrong. i don’t want to care about followings i just don’t want to talk to the void. if anyone see’s this has a bookstagram and wants to connect let me know 💋

#bookstagram #bookblr #book blog #spilled words #poetry #making friends

[soultayi]

Israel is attacking Rafah rn & here is a list of gofundmes you can donate to. Please hurry!

Please reblog and contribute if you're able to!

[soultayi]

i hope my absence gives you the peace my love apparently never could

- nick <3

[soultayi]

Ada Limón, from "To the Busted Among Us", Sharks in the Rivers

[soultayi]

13. purr

how citrus lingers from yesterday night like the ginger cat curled, purred at my feet

how dishes collect on the kitchen sink and second-nature second chance burn bright between glances

[soultayi]

i got it wrong. i’m not hard to love, i have internalised every knife thrown against me. caught every bullet with my teeth and swallowed past the lump in my throat. the wounds have festered- scabbed over and i thought it was skin. i thought this is what i look like. it hurts to touch, the infection spreads. there might be someone underneath it all but i must dig her out. the bandages don’t stick but i keep trying. the salve burns but i keep trying. through gritted fucking teeth, scabbed hands and the tears…i keep trying.

#healing because you have too- even though it hurts #poetry #spilled words #writing #thoughts #tumblrwriters #soultayi

[soultayi]

out of the wind by Audre Lorde

[soultayi]

i’m so horrodly undeserving of my fantastic family i don’t know how pr why i am so blessed. loving friends and the kindest most understanding family in the world. i feel like i bleed onto everything i touch. im afraid that i will suffocate the people around me with my unhappiness and my pain. i keep so much to myself and yet i tell them almost everything the depth of my misery knows no bounds and i feel like I’ve been digging for years.

[soultayi]

Ain't nothin worse than being a hopeless romantic AND a lesbian

[soultayi]

this year really was just like "well how many hot queer vampires CAN you be obsessed with" and then didn't wait for an answer even at all

[soultayi]

Felix Gonzalez-Torres, “Untitled (Lover Boys)” / James Crews, “15. (Fan Letter)”, The Book of What Stays

[soultayi]

mathilda, mary shelley!! good god i’m feeling so much anger towards my father and that isn’t what (i suppose) the main takeaway from this book is and yet when i finished it i just felt so fucking angry at my dad.

(tw: mentions of suicidal thoughts.)

after the anger left, i felt like: you know when you play marco polo and you say marco and there’s no response and so you say marco again and you want to open your eyes because soemthing unsettling is happening in your chest so you say- hurriedly now- marco! with a lot more intensity and you feel like you should just open your eyes but then! a giggle “polo” and you were heard! you smile- laugh even! trying to return your breathing back to normal because for a second there you thought soemthing terrible happened but you weren’t sure if something had or hadn’t and opening your eyes would’ve soiled the game- i felt like those few seconds after someone saying polo! i felt heard. after so long of panicking in the dark with my eyes closed trying to blindly guide my way through suicidal tendencies and thoughts. i get you mathilda.

[soultayi]

orpheus in spring by Jenny George

[soultayi]

god won't give me a girlfriend because she knows how absolutely insufferable i'd become

[soultayi]

spending so much of my time reading. in bed, on the sofa, on the tube anywhere!! i’m enjoying it. this year i’ve read so much (im on my 34th book of the year!!) and ive truly come to appreciate how much i think books heal me. i’m going through a really tough time at the moment depression has its claws firmly in my back but the books im reading feel like the strongest dose of antidepressants. ive always been a bookworm always had my nose in a book but now im starting to view it as a superpower.

[soultayi]

“Something beyond language. I get frustrated this way so often. A photograph can say “This is what it was.” Language can only say “This is what it was like.””

— Hisham Matar, My Friends: A Novel (Random House, January 9, 2024)