#'okay how the FUCK do we model this and does this make a universal theory of everything more possible or less'

[savrenim]

no because how can maki catch a bullet point blank and then be slower than... a punch

I mean she. she's a sorcerer. clearly some of what she's got going on is Sorcerer Rules Don't Abide By Normal Physics.

this is. about as much a gotcha. as going "well what the FUCK is QUANTUM TUNNELING then a BOWLING BALL can't just DECIDE THAT IT CAN TELEPORT THROUGH A WALL, BOWLING BALLS DON'T TELEPORT THROUGH WALLS TAKE THAT" well in the case that the bowling ball is the size of a proton it. uh. can bc quantum rules apply instead of classical rules, and it's where they interact at the boundaries that you get weird cool shit and fun technology and realize just how bullshit our world actually is

she's got some Sorcerer Stuff going on, the Sorcerer Physics applies there, whatever's happening can't be perfectly modeled by a classical understanding of the world, it's not that much weirder to catch a bullet and not a punch than for bowling balls to randomly teleport through walls

#and I *KNOW* that she does not have enough cursed energy to really be technically considered a sorcerer on her own #but heavenly restriction IS sorcery bullshit so it gets to fall under sorcery physics rules #also y'all I'm mostly here to rant about physics and have a good time and like. #mildly feel like world that don't go hard sci fi with how their magic system works but also don't fill in that corner #leave a sandbox and that sandbox is where I like to play!!! bc I find the implications COOL!!!!! #there is nothing I'd love to be more than a physicist in a world that has just discovered magic going #'okay how the FUCK do we model this and does this make a universal theory of everything more possible or less' #'how many more fucking symmetry groups do we have to impose to try to get Magic Force in there too' #like! I'm just here to have fun! #and one of the things about having physics fun in a system that wasn't designed to be hard physics is that you're playing with hypothetical #and DEFINITELY not canon nor are you using canon for its intended purpose #but it's still fun!

[alpaca-clouds]

Great Men Theory - And Why It Sucks

When I already rant on my Sundays about historical misconceptions and how history is taught wrong, I cannot help but also talk about the entire Great Men Theory and how much it has influenced how we teach history to... basically everyone. This entire fucking theory goes back to a dude called Thomas Carlyle, who wrote in one of his books:

Universal History, the history of what man has accomplished in this world, is at bottom the History of the Great Men who have worked here. They were the leaders of men, these great ones; the modellers, patterns, and in a wide sense creators, of whatsoever the general mass of men contrived to do or to attain; all things that we see standing accomplished in the world are properly the outer material result, the practical realisation and embodiment, of Thoughts that dwelt in the Great Men sent into the world: the soul of the whole world's history, it may justly be considered, were the history of these.

And sadly... This way of talking about history is nice and convinient, no matter how factually wrong it is. Because instead of having to explore historical society and what made people back then "tick", you can can do: "And then this one dude did this. And this other big dude did that." And done.

Before I knew about this theory, I already encountered it. In the way many German kids will encounter it. Nazi Germany. Because while we have this big thing going about "rememberance culture" and what not... Yeah, we mostly talk about Nazi Germany, as if Hitler and some of his dude friends, like Himmler and Göbbels, did stuff and nobody else could've done something about it. And we will talk about the few folks who tried to do something about it. This leaves many under the impression that actually Hitler and his fellow friends were subjucating the German populus, who were unable to do a thing about the Holocaust or the war. And that... Just is not how it played out in reality. Most people in Germany at the time supported Hitler, knew about the Holocaust and were A-Okay with it.

And this is something that happens again and again in the way we talk about history. We talk about the big dudes and whatever they did or didn't do. Either as heroes or as villains. But we leave out all the people who were there to either enforce their policies, suffer from it, or rise up against it.

This creates a version of history, in which 99,99999% of all people were basically just "NPCs" in a game played by the few. Which not only does wrong by this majority of people, who might as well have had a hand in some of the things happening, but it also is used as a constant propaganda tool. Be it to ignore, how many attrocities have been supported and partaken in by a lot of people, so folks today do not need to deal with that fallout. Or be it to ignore the man, who have fought for a better outcome - often to either make protest seem senseless, or to make those few great man seem more heroic. (See also: Basically any anti-colonialist movement that got erased from history.)

I am not even denying that those in power had a bigger influence on history than anyone else. But not because they were born with some traits that made it so, but for the most part, because they were born into power through their bloodline, or at least into riches.

And it does not mean that nobody else had an influence, even if we like to forget the "everyone else" usually.

#history #history rant #great men theory #we still teach history wrong #power to the people

[arcplaysgames]

Anyway I will sum up: the current theory is that by taking people's Desires (the heart gem thing), Alice can control those people and it's probably bad, since when stuff happens to your Shadow it will effect your real self too.

Seems like Alice is trying to lure more people into her Jail so she can alter their cognition. Which given she kinda started as an influencer is so much I wanna die a bit.

also holy crap the textures in this game are sometimes Really Bad lmao. I wonder how P5R looks on the Switch, I might google that later out of curiosity.

Now it's time to investigate Alice herself and turns out Ann has admired her for a while and asked her agency if she could meet Alice, so she's got seats at a TV appearance.

thanks dad-- what the fuck, chaz is here. why does EVERYONE in japanese government hang at Sojiro's place?

Reverie has a full-body flashback to that time about a year and change ago when he sat in this same TV studio (but back when it wasn't made of Mario 64 textures) and shook hands with the love of his life and his star-crossed kismesis. For a moment, the entire dayglo set fades to a single color. Beige. jfc he was sooooo beige.

ANYWAY uh.

Alice tells the story about how she was extremely shy growing up and struggled to overcome it despite how much she wanted to. Then, she saw a beautiful dress in a shop window, and upon putting it on, she felt like a totally different person, like a ray of light had fallen right on her.

And HONESTLY this is the first moment that Ann's entire thing has made sense to me, how becoming a model could inspire people. I think there is more than a few issues with looking at an extremely thing, extremely carefully produced person and going "oh, this is aspirational" but at least the concept makes a little more sense now.

BUUUUUUUUT turns out Alice is not just a victim of her Jail like I proposed, she's a baddie.

Oh okay so she knows what's going on and is doing it on purpose, okay.

That's disappointing.

I'm sorry, Ann. It does suck. Her whole speech about wanting to inspire people like she was, yeah, it sounded like Ann, and Ann's disappointment is even stronger than mine.

I was kinda sad that Jails apparently work pretty similarly to Palaces but also things get SO FUCKING WILD HERE I'm kinda cool with it.

While Reverie is comforting Ann and thinking about it was in this very hallway where he met a beige boy he almost changed the universe to have a second chance with, Alice just SHOWS UP AND

oh my god

THIS GAME IS OFF IT'S FUCKING SHITS

a fucking pastel pink ultra-cosplayer keeps stepping on people, this game. oh my god. i'm crying its so good.

I think we can fix Alice without stealing her heart, all we gotta do is introduce her to the Domme lifestyle and teach her about scenes, boundaries, and consent. There is a historic top shortage going on and she could really find her niche.

this is clearly not a negotiated scene, so Ann and Reverie run in to break it up. take it to the kink dungeon, girly, this ain't the venue. SSC or RACK, pick one.

Alice actively tries to get Ann and Reverie under her mind control shit?????

OKAY SO she is like fully aware of the cognitive world? It feels like she's pretty in-tune with her Shadow. Which usually means the Shadow doesn't stay a separate being but becomes a persona instead.

Instead, with the Jail system, they seem to be keeping separate even as they both work towards the same goals. That's new and strange.

This is definitely setting up some core questions like who made EMMA, how did Alice figure out how it worked, has she been inside the cognitive world or did she just figure out if she friended ppl with EMMA she could control them, and what's going on with the shadow vs real self here?

Regardless, Alice is a delight. I for one am thrilled to have her, but I also fear that Persona 5 Strikers might peak with its first main villain here because where the fuck do you go after evil pastel princess dominatrix? I have no idea.

#p5s #persona liveblog

[whalleyrulz]

halloween 2023

22) ...how do i name this? some shorts?

so okay. life's a lot. we needed shorts, not full movies. one of the things i'm going to talk about is one of the best horror things i've ever seen. the other two require a netflix subscription. they're.

okay so let's just get into it

DISCO INFERNO is a short film made by netflix, that makes it absolutely abundantly clear that the netflix style model is "no style," and the netflix script policy is "eh, it's words, right?" it's about a girl in the 70s who becomes pregnant, and the nun who killed her mother in the 50s tries to possess her at the opening of a new nightclub. how does the plot resolve? to speak from the viewpoints of the imagination-less execs who desperately want to be the human equivalent of an ai model, "who gives a shit." it feels like the kind of thing you use in a cosmic court case about whether or not executives have a soul, to prove that executives don't have souls, and this is a correct truth of the universe

FLASHBACK is a short film made by netflix, that shows what happens when you try your best to combine a love for everything everywhere all at once with netflix corporate execs. a home invasion winds up killing people. the execs, by the way, win out. it's about a girl using her end of life experience to do, as was said before, "who gives a shit." at this point i really genuinely feel like someone at netflix is actively working to kill art in order to make us more comfortable with ai taking over culture and killing the rest of human history. hey guys don't fucking use ai shit for anything related to art. if you do i fundamentally do not like you as a person. this shit is so fucking vile and inhuman. and these two shorts, despite being ostensibly made by humans, stink of ai. they reek of it. they burn my nostrils with malodorous digitations. fuuuuuuuuuck these shorts. if you make horror shorts, v/h/s needs to be watched, and treated as a bare fucking minimum of what to do. fuuuuck this

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING SO FUCKING GOOD COMING UP WITH A LINK AND EVERYTHING (i didn't watch it today but i watched it this month and i neeeeeeeed to talk about it)

THE OLDEST VIEW is a youtube horror miniseries by a fucking high school student that is better made and more horrifying and more tense and more unbelievably powerful in both concept and execution than, i shit you not, 90% of every other horror movie i've ever seen

it's about a youtuber who explores shit, finds a hole under a tree in texas, and the hole is full of stairs. the stairs go to an abandoned mall. there's art in the mall

there's art in the execution

there's no on-screen violence, there's no blood, there's no gore, this absolutely fits into youtube's content guidelines. it is, in theory, corporate as hell. but because it's made by someone who can just Make Art, Fuck The Overlords, it winds up being absolutely unstoppably powerful. absolutely incredibly horrifying. absolutely one of the best horror experiences i've had.

i'm going to link the playlist now. all in all, you need about an hour to watch it all. pleaaaaaase do it. please. PLEASE. if you ignore everything i say about every other horror movie, please watch this. PLEASE

1. skinamarink | 2. smile | 3. the black phone | 4. talk to me | 5. m3gan | 6. significant other | 7. cobweb | 8. horror in the high desert | 9. the pope's exorcist | 10. knock at the cabin | 11. infinity pool | 12. becky | 13. no one will save you | 14. huesera: the bone woman | 15. scream vi | 16. idle hands | 17. a wounded fawn | 18. v/h/s 85 | 19. evil dead rise | 20. mama | 21. look away

#halloween #31 days of horror #horror movies #disco inferno #flashback #the oldest view

[crescentsteel]

Just Friends - Part 4

plot: fubu set up with Kuroo as a university student, model fem reader

word count: 5612

A/N: I enjoyed writing this chapter, thus the extra thousand words. Don’t know how I should tag this. Smut, fluff, sexual tension (even though they had sex already?) I don’t really know lol. 

Listening to Over and Over Again by Nathan Sykes while writing the rooftop scene.

There’s still 4 chapters in my head. I know its so long already but like I just can’t let go of my original vision haha

Part 3 | Part 5 | m.list

After you finish reviewing your last paper for the semester, you walk to his couch and let yourself fall on it.

“Finally!”

You’re done with the semester. You feel relief, but you also feel the weariness of the past weeks coming down on you. You thought that when you finish all your requirements and exams, the first thing you’re going to do is have sex with Kuroo. Especially since you were at his place already.

“You done with your paper?” he says loudly from his room.

‘Yep!”

You hear his footsteps approaching. He lifts your legs up and places it on his lap as he sits. You ignore him and continue to relax. His fingers start to slowly caress your legs up to your thighs. You know where he’s going with it, and it does feel nice, but not sexually.

You sit up, which gets his attention. He makes his move immediately and is about to kiss you. Before his lips touch yours, you cover them with your hands. He stops with a puzzled look on his face.

“Sorry. I know it’s been a while, but I’m still tired.”

He grips your wrist and puts your hand down. He holds both your shoulders and nuzzles your neck.

“Mmm. I can’t change your mind?”

You laugh weakly and ruffle his usual bed hair.

“Let’s watch something on Netflix. Maybe we can ‘chill’ later.” You give him a lopsided smile which he returns.

“Alright. What do you wanna watch?”

“Romance.”

He frowns at you.

“What? I wanna watch something that does not need my full attention.” You defend yourself.

“Mkay.”

It’s been around an hour since the movie started. Your mind is afloat while you watch. You can’t follow the story, but you like this state of doing nothing and something at the same time. You check on how Kuroo is, only to find him asleep. You’re amused at how this isn’t so surprising. After all, you aren’t the only one who juggled studies. You’re not even sure if he’s done with his own.

You scoot beside him. You’re about to wake him up to tease him about sleeping, but he looks really out of it. You stare at him for a while. You don’t tell it to him because he’s going to rub it in your face, but he really is good-looking. You brush up his bangs that was always blocking his face. You get a full view of his features. You’ve never paid attention to how he looks when sleeping.

Before you know it, you lean closer to him and kiss him on the forehead. After your lips leave his skin, you freeze in horror. What the hell did you just do?!

You’re only friends with benefits. Nothing about that was sexual nor friendly. You know your boundaries. You shouldn’t have done that. You don’t even like Kuroo like that. Right?

You shake your head furiously. No no no. You’re just really tired. Maybe your brain absorbed the romance even though you weren’t fully paying attention to the movie. Yeah. That was it.

You like Kuroo for sex and sex only.

You shake him furiously. He sits up abruptly.

“Huh? What happened?” He’s obviously startled by how you shook him, but his eyes are still a bit disoriented.

You stand up and remove your shirt. Your shorts go next. He puts his arms on his thighs and slouches a bit to look at you more closely. His once-disoriented eyes are now completely focused on you.

You hold his gaze as you strip yourself naked down to your underwear. That was all it took for the air to sizzle with lust. Since you’re at it, might as well make the most out of it. You stride slowly towards him. You give your hips a bit of a sway, lingering minutely in each step you take. You keep your eyes on his, not faltering in any way.

When you reach him, you straddle his lap. His hardness that’s rasping his flimsy boxers instantly lets you know that he enjoyed the show. You cup his face and kiss him right away. You don’t waste any time. You stick your tongue on his mouth as you grind on his hard-on. You want to feel him more. You want it now. You have to harshly remind yourself that this is what you came for.

You take out his member and position it at your entrance.

Kuroo pulls away from the kiss. He holds your hips in place, stopping you.

“Is something wrong, kitten?”

His lust-filled eyes now have a hint of worry in them. Why should it matter if something is wrong? That shouldn’t be an issue. You want to be had. Plain and simple.

Damn it. You don’t like how this is making you feel.

“Nothing. Don’t you want it?” you ask impatiently.

“Hah! Of course I do. But you seem upset.”

You underestimate how he notices almost everything. No way you’re going to let him know what’s going on in your head.

You sigh. You hug him and purr on his ear.

“Tetsu, I badly need you to fuck me right now.”

He grunts. You never use his first name. You don’t use swear words as well. Only now.

That does the trick. You feel him twitch underneath you. You feel his grip tighten on your hips that it almost hurts.

“Oh kitten,” he places an open-mouthed kiss at your shoulder.

“I’m gonna ruin you tonight.” You shiver at how dangerously he said those words.

He pulls your hair, making you look at him again. You shudder at the raw desire completely visible on his face.

He plays with one nipple with his tongue while his right hand gropes the other. His left hand goes to your groin. He traces the warmth of your slit and rubs your clit at the end of his strokes. You grip his shoulders tightly for support. You yelp when he bites the hard bud while inserting two fingers inside you.

Ahh yes. This is what you want, to let both of your carnal hunger for each other take over you. To let it cloud your head and consume you until your mind goes blank.

—

You look for your laptop in the back seat, but it wasn’t there. You’re a hundred percent sure that you did not take it to your unit last night. You were so out of it that you just got inside, laid down, and slept. That could only mean that you left it at his apartment.

You hurriedly take out your phone and dials his number. After three rings, he picks up.

“Hey. Can I go there? I think I left my laptop there.”

“I’m not home, but I do have it with me. I was just about to call if you’re at campus.”

“Actually, yes I am.”

“I’m around the area. I’ll be there in 20 minutes or so.”

“Alright. Thanks!”

You drop the call first.

You find a seat at the benches near the university gate. You’ll just wait for him here so he won’t need to find you.

“Oh hi y.n. Have you submitted our last paper?” It’s Kira, one of your classmates from your Management Theories class. She’s with another classmate of yours, but you don’t remember her name.

You give both of them a frail smile. That was all you could manage.

“Not yet. I’m waiting for someone before I do.”

“You okay y.n.? You don’t look too good. You must’ve stayed up all night for our paper.”

“Hahaha. Yeaaah.”

Blatant lie. You finished your paper early. It was Kuroo that kept you all night. A man of his word he is, he ravaged you senseless. It was only sheer willpower that gave you the strength to drive home at 2am.

In fact, you don’t want to go outside today. Your shoulders are tender. Your hips and legs ache. You feel sore between your thighs. Even walking is a chore You just want to lie down and waste the day away.

You hear your text notification.

“I’m here.”

When you find him, his eyes are already on you. He grins and waves at you. You can see your laptop bag on his hand. You meet him halfway.

“Are you sick?” He puts his hand on your forehead. You swat his hand away.

“No. But my everything hurts.” You speak softly.

“Oya?” You pout and glare at him. He puts up his usual conceited grin.

“You asked for it, kitten.” He inches closer to you and tilts your chin up.

“Remember?”

You feel your face getting warm. You always match his provocations. You don’t back down, but that was when you’re at the confines of his apartment. This is the first time you’re in a public space since you met at the bar. This is your university, your domain. You are very much aware that other students who might know you, are passing by.

You gently push him with one hand.

“Stop it. We’re in public.” You warn him while looking around.

“Alright, alright. Here’s your thing.” He hands you your laptop bag.

“Uhh. Thanks, Kuroo.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“It was Tetsu last night.” You scoff. “That was a one-time thing. You should’ve savored it.”

You freeze when you feel his hand on your cheek. You’re not sure which is warmer, his hand or your face.

“I did savor it.” He pinches it lightly before letting go.

Before you’re able to react, he scurries away with a stupid smile. “Hehe. See ya, y.n” he salutes with two fingers and finally leaves.

You want to be annoyed, but you’re too tired.

“You and your boyfriend look like you came from a magazine. You’re so tall and pretty.” You hear Kira’s voice behind you. You harshly turn around to explain. You wave your hands frantically. “No, no, no. He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Eeehh? But you were so sweet.”

You laugh nervously. “He’s just a friend.”

Kira nods. “You should go home after you submit our paper, y.n. Your face is very red now.”

Damn him.

—

When you passed your paper two weeks ago, that officially ended your semester. Aside from your modeling gigs, you’ve only stayed at home. Kuroo’s been asking if you want to hang out, but you’ve been ignoring him. You needed the rest from juggling sex, work, and studies. You thought that you need to focus on one for now - work. But now you’re getting bored. It’s been two days since your last gig. What should you do today?

An unknown number suddenly pops on your phone.

“Hello y.n.?” It was a familiar calm voice.

“Kenma?”

“Yea. But it’s Kuroo who asked me to call.” You hear fumbling on the other end.

“Oi. Y.n. Why do you answer Kenma’s call but ignore mine, huh?” You sigh. You don’t really want to explain that you need some time away from him.

“Never mind that. I’m at Kenma’s. Wanna play here?”

You perk up. That’s perfect. You don’t have anything to do today. It’s also been a while since you played altogether.

But, you’ve never been over at Kenma’s.

“Is it okay with him?” It might be Kuroo’s idea. You don’t want to impose.

“Kenma! You don’t mind, right?” You hear Kenma but couldn’t make out what he said.

“Yep. He said it was fine. I’ll text you the address.”

You drive to the address he gave you. He said to just enter, so you did. You follow Kuroo’s loud voice to locate them. You open the door where you hear his voice from. Both of them take their eyes away from the screen to see who entered.

“Look who’s back from the dead.” You don’t want to admit it but it was nice to see his usual grin.

“Missed me, Kuroo?” You tease back.

The two-week break did you some good. You’re back to how you are with each other, in your part at least. No weirdness involved.

“Hey Kenma.” you give him a warm smile. He greets back with a curt nod.

“So what’re we playing?” You sit beside Kuroo.

“I wanna race y.n.” Kenma says.

“Ooh. That means you’re in my seat, Kuroo.”

“Fine,” he unwillingly hands you the controller.

You switch places. Kenma goes to his disc collection and looks for the game you’re going to play.

“By the way y.n., aren’t you going to congratulate me?”

“For what?”

Pride shines on his face. “Hehe. I’ve passed all my subjects. I’m officially graduating this semester.”

You gape at him in astonishment. You know he’s a Senior, but you thought he’s going to graduate next semester, not this one.

“Whoa. I- uh.” You don’t know how to react. Should you hug him? Shake his hand? Kiss him?

Wait, what? You shake your head. Kenma’s here. No indecencies allowed.

“But why aren’t you celebrating?” you ask.

“I did already. I was gonna invite you actually, but you weren’t answering my texts,” he says it casually, but his face is serious.

It‘s nice of him to want to invite you to celebrate such a milestone in his life. Maybe you really are actual friends despite being shagmates. Now you feel bad for ignoring him because you felt strange around him lately.

“Um sorry. I didn’t know.” you apologize awkwardly while looking away. Your face lights up when you think of a way to make it up to him.

“Do you want anything in particular as a grad gift?”

“You can ask for that newly released game” Kenma quickly answers from across the room. You laugh when Kuroo makes a face.

“Hey. I’m the one she’s asking.”

Kenma returns to his seat and starts the game.

“Think about it while we play,” you say.

He doesn’t seem to be thinking though. While you’re racing with Kenma, Kuroo keeps on taunting you to beat Kenma. He abandons sitting and moves behind you.

“Left, left. GO LEFT!” With his hands on your shoulders, he nudges your upper body to the left as you swerve through a curve. You two are in sync in movement which adds to your excitement. You go through two nitrous while Kenma slips on a banana.

“Bye Kenmaaaa” you can’t help but egg him on. You’re grinning so hard your cheeks are starting to hurt. You’re almost at the finish line. Finally, you can beat Kenma at something on the first try.

“Haha! Good one, kitten.”

You go rigid. You glance at Kenma to see his reaction. He’s still focused on the game. Hopefully, he didn’t hear. When you return your eyes on the screen, you hit a shell. You slow down while Kenma gets back to being first. You do your best to catch up, but he’s already at the finish line.

“So close.” you groan in frustration. You could’ve won if Kuroo wasn’t such an idiot.

“Heh. My turn.”

“Don’t you need to be somewhere tonight?” Kenma asks Kuroo.

He looks at the time. “It’s way too early,” then he stills for a second before sitting beside you again.

“I know what I want y.n.” His smile tells you upfront that he’s up to something. You ready yourself for what it is.

“Come with me tonight.”

“Where? What for?”

“We have this batch graduation party at a hotel. We’re allowed a +1.”

“Uhh. Why me?”

“Cause you’re pretty.” Kenma says in a nonchalant manner.

“Not just pretty. You’re way hot. My batchmates will be jealous of me nyehahaha.” You just stare at his animated state of idiocy.

“Sorry about him y.n.” When you look at Kenma, he shares the same expression you have.

“Won’t you get bored if I’m there?”

“Nah. I planned to go alone before asking you.”

“Why not ask Kenma?”

“Pass.” Kenma says too quickly.

“That’s why.” Kuroo confirms.

“Don’t you want anything else? I can get you anything.” You try to negotiate something else that you can buy for him.

“That’s too easy for you. And I don’t really need anything.”

You exhale heavily while rubbing your face.

“Okay, sure.” You grumble.

“Yes!” He laughs maniacally.

To be honest, you’re a little uncomfortable about this. You’re sure people will think you’re dating. Ugh. Whatever. Since he asked for it as a gift, you’ll give it to him just this time.

“I’m thirsty. Does anyone want water?” Kuroo suddenly stands up and heads to the kitchen.

“I’m good,” you say while Kenma just shakes his head.

“So,” Kenma spoke as soon as Kuroo left the room. You turn to him.

“Kitten, huh?”

Your whole body tenses up. He heard it! You have no excuse this time. You feign innocence and smile so fake that it’s making you cringe. Kenma’s smarter than you thought. If he pulled this off before Kuroo asked you, you wouldn’t have agreed to it.

Wait. He’s also the one who reminded Kuroo of the event even though it’s still early in the afternoon. Did he do that deliberately because he knew Kuroo’s going to ask you in that instance?

Ugh.

You know that Kuroo is very perceptive, but Kenma’s just on a different level that it’s almost scary.

“I think I’m gonna get some water too.” You make your escape to the kitchen and give Kuroo some verbal beating.

–

Maybe he should’ve gone together with you. It’s been thirty minute since he got there. He’s even late, but he still hasn’t heard from you.

He takes out his phone to call you, but his thumb stops when he sees his outgoing calls history. It was mostly your number from the amount of times he’s called you from the past two weeks. They were all missed though. You never answered him.

Admittedly, he was worried when you were ignoring his texts and calls. That’s why you had to use Kenma’s phone to check up on you because he has no idea where you live.

Of course, neither of you is obligated to reply or show up to each other, but he does care more than a fuck buddy should. It wouldn’t hurt for you to take 5 seconds to reply to his texts. What bothered him the most is that maybe he went overboard with the teasing and pissed you off for real.

He’s glad that you seemed normal this afternoon. You were actually nice to have thought of giving him something for graduation. He didn’t think that you would. You even agreed to be his date tonight. He didn’t exactly phrase it that way earlier because you might feel off with the word ‘date’.

Instead of calling you, he sends a text message to know where you are.

Someone puts a hand on his shoulders. “Hey Kuroo. Are you with someone tonight?” It’s Reiji, a batchmate with the same major.

“Hell yeah I am.” The confidence in his voice makes Reiji curious. “Where is she?”

“Running late,” he answers thriftly. Reiji nods his head and looks around. Reiji suddenly stands up straight and shakes his arm violently.

“Someone brought a hottie. Look!” Reiji continues to shake his arm to urge him to look at said hottie. He doesn’t care though. He looks at his phone to see if you’ve replied.

“I swear, Kuroo. She looks like a freaking model.” The word ‘model’ didn’t go unheard. He instantly turns to the direction Reiji was looking.

Reiji is a fucking tool. You aren’t just hot. You look absolutely divine. You’re wearing a crimson dress that hugged your marvelous figure. It goes just above your knees, but there’s a knot on both sides that hitches the dress higher to show just the right amount of skin on your gorgeous thighs. It has flimsy straps that highlight your neck and shoulders.

The only time he saw you with makeup was the night you met, and that was only lipstick. Tonight, a glossy shade of peach is tinted on your lips. You’re wearing eyeliner that’s intricately drawn, giving your eyes that sultry look.

You’re also wearing heels which makes you stand out even more.

The most captivating of all is how you carry yourself. You are not overdressed in any way. The clothes are just right for the hotel setting. It’s the way you walk with finesse while occasionally glancing at corners that makes you look like royalty who’s checking on her subjects.

Others are also staring, but you don’t seem to notice or maybe you don’t mind at all.

Your eyes finally meet his. He suddenly feels nervous. He has all the cockiness, but he can’t muster any right now. You look down for a while and tuck your hair behind your ears. Then you give him a coy smile before you approach him. Ah fuck.

“What the- Did she just smile at you?!” His lips form a lopsided smile as his ego swells up. He pats Reiji twice. “Sorry dude. That hottie is with me.” He puts his hands on his pockets. He raises both eyebrows and gives Reiji a meaningful look before marching to meet you.

He puts a hand on your shoulder when you’re within reach. The stares that were previously on you are now shared between you two.

“You’re late,” he says in a hushed voice.

“Deliberately, of course. Now everyone knows the pretty girl is with you. Be a little thankful.” You respond in the same manner while giving him a pleasant smile for everyone to see.

You really are a sly one. His hand goes to your waist and leads you to his friends. He introduces you as a special friend of his. He gives them vague answers when they ask if you guys are dating. You ride with it. You don’t just nod when there’s a conversation. You actually join in it and keep up with what’s going on.

There’s a time when he had to leave you for a while because a professor from his department asked him about his plans after graduation. He doesn’t prolong the conversation because someone might hog you.

He excuses himself and finds you giggling with his batchmates. He smiles to himself. You really kept your end of the bargain. You aren’t just the hot chick, you also have wits to boot.

He goes back to your side. “Sorry folks, but I’m getting her back.”

“Whaat? Cmon.” He hears more grumbles of disagreement, but he doesn’t care. He wants you to himself now. You smile politely to them and bows your head. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“C’mon.” He guides you out of the hall. “Where are we going?”

“Just follow me.”

He goes in an elevator and presses the highest button.

“I have to say. I didn’t think you’d cooperate this well.”

You sneer at his indirect praise. “I’m an amazing trophy girl, aren’t I?”

He nods approvingly and claps slowly. “Brilliant honestly.”

You punch him playfully on the arm.

The elevator dings and reveals the rooftop. He lets you go first and follows. The floor is amazing. The lights are warm and there’s soft music playing in the background. The clear view of the city lights is the biggest attraction.

“Woooow,” the look of awe palpable on your eyes.

“Cool, right?” He asks, but you don’t answer. You just absorb the view in front of you. The breeze blows your hair gently, showing more of your profile.

“Don’t you want to sit? Your feet must hurt from those shoes.”

You shake your head. “Not really. I’m used to it. I’ve stood and walked in heels for long periods of time.”

“From work?”

“And family. I’m also their trophy girl sometimes.”

He looks for any hint of sadness but you say that as a matter of fact only. On the contrary, you look back at him with warmth in your eyes.

“Congratulations Kuroo.” The smile he sees is like the one he saw when he cooked for you. He’s a bit moved that you are truly happy for his achievement.

“Thank you.” He returns the sincerity.

You both enjoy the silence and the twinkling lights laid before you. The soft music in the background is the only sound audible presently.

“Come here.” He grabs you by your wrist and pulls you close. He puts your arms around his nape.

“What’re you doing?” You struggle a bit from his grip.

“My gift still hasn’t ended, right?” He outsmarts you, yet again. You blink twice and heave.

“You’re really milking this, aren’t you?”

He wraps his arms arounds your waist when you stop resisting. He starts swaying slowly, following the rhythm of the song. He revels in the feeling of your body pressed to him. The natural thing to do would be to whisk you away from here, take you to his place, and bang you wildly. But that’s not what he wants right now. This. This is enough for him for now. Having you this close gives him unspeakable contentment.

He lifts your chin with a finger so you’ll look at him. He returns his arm to your waist once you’ve locked eyes.

“You really look beautiful tonight.” He finally tells you. You’re too gorgeous not to let you know.

You blink twice at him with your mouth a few centimeters apart. The make-up doesn’t hide the subtle pink shade that suddenly glowed on your cheeks. Lovely. He won’t miss this opportunity.

He swiftly dips down just to stop with his lips a few inches from yours. He can feel you completely tensed. The breath you’re holding is apparent.

“Relax, y.n.” His one hand climbs to your back to caress it, ushering you to ease up. When you loosen up, he claims your lips. When you melt in his arms in complete surrender, it’s enthralling. The warmth of your mouth against his is too good for words. He can’t get enough. You open your mouth letting him slip in his tongue. He adores how you reciprocate with the same passion.

Your right hand travels from his nape to his chest. How this is still non-sexual is beyond him. He can kiss you like this all night.

The ring of laughter that echoed in the air breaks the enchanted bubble you two were just in. A group of people enters the floor. You get away from him hastily.

“We should go.” You tell him while avoiding his gaze. You make your way to the elevator without waiting for him. One of the girls who just came in lingers her eyes at your face. You ignore it and get in the elevator. Kuroo goes right after you.

When the elevator closes, you see your reflection. Your lipgloss was smudged all over. No wonder the girl was staring. You hurriedly get a napkin from your purse to wipe it off.

“Can I take my gift home?” You don’t know if it’s you or his voice lacks the regular egotism it has. You still steer clear of looking at him so you can’t see his face.

You still haven’t recovered. No one has kissed you like that. It was agonizingly delicate but ardent. It felt like drowning but floating at the same time. You can still feel your heart pounding at your chest.

You laugh timidly to shake it off. You need to get back to your cheeky self before he notices.

“Sorry, but the gift is getting tired.” You do your best to look normal when you finally face him.

“I’ll drive you home then.” You want to refuse, but it would be weird. You just told him you’re tired. It’d be obvious that you just want to get away from him.

You defeatedly give him your keys.

The ride to your place was spent in silence. You close your eyes to straighten your mind. It was nothing. That was just a regular make out session done in a very romantic setting. It’s probably completely normal for him, so it should be for you too.

“I’ll let you borrow the car so you don’t have to take a cab home.” You interrupt the stillness. “You don’t have to. It’s still early anyways.”

“Consider it a consolation since you can’t take the gift home.” You did it. You said something your usual self would.

“I’d rather take the gift itself, so no.” Damn it. Just when you thought you’ve regained your sass, he instantly shoots it down. You’re almost at your place.

“Holy shit. You live at Roppongi Hills?!” He says out of the blue. Oh right. You’ve never let him drive you home. You didn’t see the need for him to know where you live. You’re also wary of your privacy. You completely forgot about that because of what happened earlier.

“Parking is over there.”

He stops the engine when he finds a spot. You get out of your car immediately.

“Thanks for driving me home. Night.” You greet dryly.

“I want to see your place at least.”

“Buy why?” You whine in frustration. You just want to lie in bed and distract yourself from any thoughts about him.

“Oh y.n. You’ve been keeping me out since day 1. Now that we’re here, can’t you spare this unfortunate man a peek?” He laments dramatically.

His acting is so bad that your laugh echoed at the corners of the parking lot. God, his humor really gets you. You speak when you catch your breath, “A peek it is then, unfortunate man.” Finally, you feel the air between you two clear up.

He follows you when you go inside the building.

“Good evening, maam.” Ths security guard bows as he greets you.

“He’s with me,” referring to Kuroo. “Good evening, sir,” he greets Kuroo as well.

When you’re out of earshot, he says, “Sometimes I forget how ridiculously rich you are. Maybe I should start calling you milady or somethin.”

“Call me ‘Mistress,’ you lowly servant,” you say jokingly.

His eyebrow and the corner of his mouth both shoot up at the same time. “So you’re into that, huh?”

“I was kidding of course!”

“Let me stay and I’d serve you all night, y.n.”

The right response would be to ask him how he plans to serve you exactly. But you panic instead, the thought of even kissing him again makes you nervous like crazy. Crap, you’re really losing it. You pray that you aren’t blushing.

“Tough luck, Kuroo. I just want to lie down and do nothing for the night.” You bring the conversation back to normal before it escalates into something that involves you and him having any intimate contact.

When you get to your unit, you let him in. You keep the door open. You don’t want to be enclosed here with him in it. The last thing you need is him tainting your place. You don’t want to wake up and realize that he’s had his way with you on your own bed.

His eyes survey every corner, looking very impressed at the interior. “Daaamn. My place is shit compared to this.”

You check your phone. Five minutes from now, you’re kicking him out.

“You can get your water in the fridge if you want.” You mentally praise yourself for keeping the conversation light and breezy.

“Left or right?”

You sigh loudly. You make your way to your kitchen. Halfway through, you hear your door creak. Oh no. You hear it thud close.

“Say y.n., what should I do so I can stay here tonight?” Despite the huge space, you feel trapped. His eyes are intensely piercing on you. You gulp to clear the build-up of nerves that blocked your throat.

“Y-You just can’t.” How dare you stutter!

As he takes his steps to cross the distance between you, you grow even more fidgety. You want to step back, run away even. If he pulls off the same stunt on the rooftop earlier, you don’t know if you can hold back the unwanted feelings you’ve been disregarding recently. You’ve been pushing them at the back of your head, telling yourself excuses, and convincing yourself that it’s nothing. And until tonight, you were successful.

You don’t want to have feelings for Kuroo. You won’t be able to handle the complexity of the situation that would arise.

You waver when he gently strokes your cheek.

“Hey,” he says it so gently that your eyes reach for his, pulled in by the magnetism of his voice.

They hold the same mellow tenderness they had while ago. He’s never been like this with you. Only tonight.

Maybe he - no. You shouldn’t delude yourself like that. This can go very bad for you if you make a mistake. You’ll end up falling for someone who enjoys only the sex and company, nothing more. What you’ve been feeling since you left the hotel is fear. You’ve been repressing all these thoughts and they’ve built up to this situation. You are now in a sitch wherein you’re scared that if he makes his move, you’ll be too powerless to stop yourself.

He lowers his head, closing in inch by inch. Too close for comfort. His lips go past yours and lands on your cheek. It’s only a soft peck.

“I really liked your gift,” he says with authenticity, then lets you go.

He heads for the door. Your eyes absent-mindedly trail him as he exits.

“Good night, y.n” He winks and closes your door.

You go to your bed and sit. Your eyes are fixated at the wall while your brain tries to make out what just happened. You stuff your face in a pillow and squeal with frustration. Who are you kidding?

Kiss or no kiss, you fell for him.

Part 3 | Part 5 | m.list 

#smut #fluff #haikyuu smut #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro fluff #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x female reader #kuroo smut #kuroo tetsuro x reader

[tarysande]

It’s the Dose that Makes the Poison: Lucifer Thoughts and Speculation

I’m going to throw the entirety of this under a cut because spoilers. I’ve been rearranging the pieces on the table and I have some meta and a plausible(?) theory about how things might shake out.

...this is almost four thousand words long, and frankly? I feel I’ve barely grazed the surface.

Also, I put it on AO3 for ease of reading and/or in case anyone wants to have, idk, threaded conversations ;D

Okay. Here are a bunch of the pieces. (Or the piece is here, as it were.)

First: The show has always been about redemption; the showrunners throw that word around all the time. Second: I don’t think we’re going to see an endgame or a narrative where God is evil. So, how to make the concept of literal Hell work, then? How to explain or justify the idea of a father who a) kicked his kid out of the house and sent him to Hell for-literal-ever and b) created children for specific “of God” purposes.

Hell

In 5x01, Lee says, “Whose Hell is this, anyway?” and ... I think that’s the crux of the matter. In S3, Lucifer realizes he gave himself the face of a monster because he felt monstrous. But the truth is, he didn’t just give himself the face.

He gave himself the place, too. 5x01 is littered with clues that indicate this. Lucifer says “you to your torture and me to mine.” Lee’s entire speech—the one that pushes all Lucifer’s buttons because of course Lucifer’s projecting all over Lee’s “worst memory”—might as well be Lucifer talking to himself (not unlike Uriel in Lucifer’s hell loop). You know, the part of Lucifer that’s starting to understand all the psychological stuff Linda’s been yammering on about.

Lucifer created Hell. To torture himself for what he believes he did. He created the mechanism that you can walk out any time you like—but no one ever does. None of the doors are locked, right? 

On some level, Lucifer, who is all about fairness and justice, looked at what he did and decided the Hell as we’ve seen it was the appropriate punishment. And with Lee, Lucifer almost figures out that the goal of “Hell” isn’t to eternally loop through guilt-fueled self-torture but to forgive yourself and apologize or make amends or not repeat the mistakes. Most of all, learn that nothing changes if you stay in the loop and the only way to break the loop is to take risk that you might fuck up and do something that you feel guilty for again. 

Names/Family

Something that’s always jumped out at me is that no matter how many millennia have passed, Lucifer—to whom nicknames and names are canonically really goddamned important—always refers to his family by their familial connection to him “brother, sister, Mum, Dad.” When he banished himself from Heaven—and I’m starting to think he did—he didn’t stop feeling like he was a part of his family. Even when he wanted to eat Amenadiel’s heart someday, he still called him “brother.” Even when Uriel was threatening Chloe (and Mum), he was still “brother.”

For that matter, isn’t it interesting that all Lucifer’s estranged siblings refer to him by the name he chose for himself—not the one he was given? Except, of course, when they want to hurt him. We’ve known since what, S1? That Lucifer cannot abide the name Samael. Even Uriel calls him Lucifer. Or Luci. Mum calls him Lucifer. Lucifer was given Poison of God and he chose Bringer of Light. And everyone who loved (and loves) him said, “All right. Lucifer it is.” And though Lucifer is originally a little eye-rolly with nicknames—Luce, Luci—it’s fond, not the “I’m going to rip out your spine and beat you to death with it” response Samael elicits. Essentially, Samael is Lucifer’s deadname. And people who use intentionally are dismissing and rejecting the identity Lucifer chose, which is vile.

When I was researching/writing Taking the Fall and I knew I wanted to talk about the name thing, I came across this quotation ascribed to Paracelsus, and it really resonated: “All things are poison, and nothing is without poison, the dosage alone makes it so a thing is not a poison.” The dosage, in fact, is the difference between whether something is a poison or a cure. And if that doesn’t align with the themes of the show, I don’t know what does. 

Lucifer has spent all this time thinking he is a poison; he has never imagined that he might be a cure. (To angels embracing their free will; to ending the sharp black and white segregation between Heaven and Hell; to darkness, to fear. Yet the more Lucifer learns and the healthier he gets, the more we see cures in what he does: i.e., Brody and also, you know, solving crimes.)

Michael, on the other hand, means “Who is like God?” It’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but in the universe of the show, I think Michael’s twisted version is that he used the question “Who is like God?” to plant the seed of Lucifer’s rebellion ... and is now answering the question “Who is like God?” with the reply, “I am."

Maze

But just in case we head too far down the Lucifer is Great line of thinking, we’ve got a big old example of how he’s still a poison, too.

Contrast this discussion of family with the lesson Lucifer still needs to learn about Maze—he’s managed to absorb that she’s not his servant anymore, but he’s still clinging to that soulless demon/just a demon dismissiveness. And despite self-worth coming from within, bitches, Maze still hasn’t truly absorbed that. She still looks outside for validation—and resents or backslides when she doesn’t get it. Especially from Lucifer. Because Lucifer was the first being to treat her like she mattered. She admires him. Looks up to him. Loves him. In many ways, Maze is the shadow of Chloe—drawn to Lucifer but never, from his perspective, his equal or his partner.

And he, for all the strides he’s made, still default to “demon” as derogatory and dismissive. Something she can’t transcend, even though all the evidence suggests the contrary. As long as Lucifer sees Maze as just a demon, she can’t truly escape from that identity. 

Why does Maze keep “betraying” Lucifer? It’s tempting to think it’s because she’s a demon. Because she doesn’t have “a soul.” But that’s not true. She can learn; she learns from “betraying” Chloe and doesn’t do it a second time. She learns from “betraying” Linda and Trixie. Even she and Amenadiel seem to have reached a real (and much more healthy) understanding of who they are to each other.

She keeps betraying Lucifer because he keeps deserving it.  

Servants 

The thing is, I think there’s something important in Lucifer’s “You’re not my servant anymore” to Maze. Because I think angels believe they are God’s servants. And I suspect the reason God’s been so AFK is because he really wanted them to ... break free of that. On their own. Without him telling them to—because if he told them, it wouldn’t be choice anymore. It wouldn’t be free will. It would be Following The Will of DadGod. 

Here’s another relevant Paracelsus quotation: “No one who can stand alone by himself should be the servant of another.” 

Angels self-actualize. They have powers. Sometimes those powers change (as with Amenadiel). I don’t think angels ever lacked free will. 

What is self-actualization but literal free will? You become what you believe you are; you do what you think you’re supposed to. You literally change based on your choices and feelings about those choices. Angels basically have human free will on a kind of EXTREME SCALE that they’ve remained mostly ignorant of throughout time. But how do you get your kids to figure something out without telling them how to figure it out when they’ve all got this WILL OF DAD complex? He gave them the tool of self-actualization. When they didn’t ... do that, he created humanity. He tinkered with the model. Took away the names and the powers that were such a stumbling block for his angels and such a shining example of how he failed them. If someone hangs on your every word, if you are not just their father but their master, how can they ever know love? Trust? How can they ever be free? Be themselves? I think God wanted his angel children to learn from his human children and was disappointed when they pretty much decided to just be remote and Angelically Superior All The Time, instead. Of course, that's mostly on him, too.

Except Lucifer. Because Lucifer’s curiosity (yes, from the beginning of time) kept bringing him so close to figuring things out. (Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, amirite, Paradise Lost?) And as close as he was to figuring things out, Lucifer was still prideful and selfish and superior. The result was what happened with (and in) Hell. Things got twisted down there; he was in a God role over the demons and he was not hands-off. Cue endless loops of pain and torture and despair and self-recrimination and poison. Lilith may have started their pain, but Lucifer, however unintentionally or ignorantly, continued it. 

At least Lucifer could escape it sometimes. Those poor demons. Those poor abandoned children. They had two rocks.

Pretty sure there’s going to be an echo of Dad abandonment with his angel kids and Lilith of her demon kids, by the by. Because abandonment is a theme. And good intentions or not, well, you know what they say about the road to Hell.

Humanity The more Lucifer interacted with humanity, the more he learned from humanity. And, of course, the entire journey of the series has been about Lucifer learning, growing, adapting, changing because of this. And not in a Superior Angelic Way, but in a person-to-person real way. Not just with Chloe. With everyone.  But yeah, Chloe is the catalyst—precisely because (as Amenadiel says) she’s the only mortal who sees Lucifer for who he really is, without her reflected desires getting in the way. No one, no one else can truly reflect back to him his worthiness or lack thereof.

Does Chloe have a power? It’s not laser-beam hands. But I’ve always thought Chloe has the power of seeing things and, in seeing, encouraging others to see, too. And this is most obvious with Lucifer, whose power has never let him be seen. Because of his power, he can never know if the reactions of others are about him or about their own desires. 

What agony for someone whose chosen path is bringing light: to be forever hidden in the shadow of the light others see.

Until Chloe.

Michael tells Lucifer his greatest fear is that of being unworthy. We know Lucifer has always feared he’s not worthy of Chloe. But now that she’s told him, shown him, his worthiness? You’d better believe that he will never, ever abandon her—will never, ever let her suffer from her worst fear. Gosh, and by suddenly being invulnerable again, it’s almost like he’s assured that, isn’t it? “You make me vulnerable” was about his walls. “My invulnerability ensures I will never, ever abandon you,” is all about hers.

So, back to learning from humanity. We’ve seen Lucifer and Amenadiel do it. It’s been hinted that Azrael has done it, at least a little. Then we have Michael’s frustrated tale of how the other angel siblings are taking note of Lucifer’s actions—with the implication being that maybe they’re learning, too. Maybe they’re starting to understand that they can be more than they think they have been made to be. More than just a “Something” of God.

Control 

Meanwhile, of course, Michael’s concocted some kind of Make Heaven Great Again plot—ironically, it appears, by doing exactly what he accused Lucifer of doing: believing he can run things better than Dad. And, I suspect, by trying to set himself as Master and his siblings (and other assorted peons) as his servants. Only, he’s not doing it in Lucifer’s ultimately forthright (and even honest) way of “This sucks and I’m rebelling” but in a conniving, secretive, Machiavellian way that probably sounds a lot like “Dad says” or “Dad’s not here” or “Who is closer to God than I?” ...

Who is like God, indeed. He even throws down the word archangel when he speaks to Dan: an angel above even other angels. I’m 99% sure that word’s never been used before on the show. Because that’s what Michael desires. To be more. To be everything. To control.

He’s what Lucifer was as the Lord of Hell. He’s everything Lucifer has made such progress toward overcoming.

Incidentally, and also essay-worthy: This is why the progression of the scene where Lucifer and Chloe make love is so incredibly (heh) important: Lucifer of the perfect appearance, perfect pocket square, perfect car, perfectly clean apartment; Lucifer of control control control control ... surrenders. He offers. She accepts. And in these first moments—“Incredible,” he breathes before they’ve done anything more than kiss—she is above him, in control ... and nothing bad happens. Nothing hurts him even though she makes him hurt-able. She doesn’t take advantage of him. She loves him; she treasures him; she protects him. It’s beautiful. It’s everything he’s been so afraid he could never have.

And for the first time (very possibly) ever, he sees himself as worthy. He sees himself as belonging. He believes he is not alone; he is not lonely.

Power

Amenadiel “lost” his power to stop time when he decided he didn’t want to stand apart from humanity anymore. Essentially, just as he lost his wings when he was so horrified and disgusted by what he’d done (to Lucifer, with Malcolm, etc.) he caused himself to Fall. He regained his wings when he made it his purpose to bring Charlotte to Heaven. He stopped time again in S5 when the question of humanity—of his own child being human, and thus ‘not like him’ or ... not that ‘special’—reared its head. With the nuns, he reflects their love of God, right? And in part, that’s because he’s in this father (or Father) role now. 

Angel powers, like all power really, are double-edged. In the wrong hands or twisted the wrong way, a good power can bring about evil. Look at the almost throwaway line with Brody in 5x02: Lucifer’s “desire” power—so often spun as about sin or hedonism—brought Brody peace and forgiveness. That Lucifer doesn’t lie or take without giving in return indicates that, on some level, the level that values true justice—and even a bit of mercy—he was never able to use that power against others (the way we see Michael do with his); he didn’t want to use as he felt he’d been used; he also didn’t want to feel used by those whose desires he provided (this is why the parade of one-night stands and “it was just sex—great sex, but just sex” partners upset him so much back in S2). Favors—and even the give and take of sex—were a way to balance that scale. Again, this could be a whole essay all its own.

This makes me suspect that the dark side of Lucifer’s powers played some part in his Rebellion. That he abused desire the way we’ve seen Michael abuse fear. 

So, about that power of fear, then. I mean, it just sounds negative. How can FEAR be positive, right? But if Michael were using his powers to draw out fears so they’re named and dealt with (LIKE PEOPLE DO IN THERAPY???) instead of manipulated for personal gain—it could be a very healing power (LIKE THERAPY???).

Greatest Strength/Greatest Weakness

The absolute thematic and narrative brilliance of twin brothers having the powers of fear and desire whilst also being held back BY the “power” of their twin is so amazing it really needs its own essay. But I do want to mention this relative to the overall arc heading forward. Much of Lucifer’s work with Linda has been about addressing his fears; he’s made a ton of progress with this. As I mentioned earlier, with Linda’s guidance, Lucifer has been drawing out his fears in a safe(r) space and learning to deal with them and heal. And, in doing so, his own power of reflecting desire has increasingly been less and less about artisanal honey and car batteries and more about drawing out desires that help others heal, grow, become their best selves, release their inner demons.

Michael is (both literally and figuratively) twisted by his desires (to be powerful, to be stronger/better/more admired than his brother). I’ll bet some cold hard cash that if Lucifer’s the source of the original injury to his shoulder/wing, Michael has self-actualized into keeping that injury—perhaps even magnifying it—to a) manipulate others into feeling sorry for him, b) to remind everyone who looks at him how awful Lucifer is, and c) to trick people into believing he’s weaker than he is. 

At the end of the day, fear and desire are two of the strongest motivating forces in the world (universe); the show is showing us all the messy ways those forces come into play. And it’s also showing how connection and love and trust are the forces that both fight the worse facets of these powers and that let these forces be useful in helpful and ultimately healing ways.

Because THERAPY.

Home

So, we know we’re rolling toward what was meant to be a series finale; it’s time to start tying loose ends together, right? Again and again, the question of home comes up. Lucifer only ever refers to Los Angeles as his home. Maze, on the other hand, still defaults to Hell as home. 

Hell as we know it is over. But Hell as a place where Maze tries to impart the lessons she’s learned on Earth to her abandoned, twisted-by-hate-and-loneliness-and-Lilith siblings? Perhaps even with Eve “mother of all humanity” at her side to help clean up some of the mess Lilith made when she decided to abandon connection in favor of more selfish desire? I think that’s plausible, while also managing a significant nod at where Mazikeen ends up in the comics and a heavy dash of “the things we learn from therapy and/or being best friends with a therapist.” 

Now, I know the question of how things will end for Chloe and Lucifer is contentious in fandom. So, you know, grain of salt. I don’t think Lucifer’s home is Los Angeles; the Los Angeles in Hell wasn’t enough because it didn’t have her in it. In a literal embodiment of “Home is where the heart is,” Lucifer’s home is with Chloe. And since Chloe’s worst fear is abandonment, Lucifer will do what it takes to stay with her—because that’s what’s most important to him. The utterly unselfish choice. I think there’s some pretty reasonable foreshadowing (Lilith’s choice—if that choice was even real, of course—for example) that Lucifer may choose to renounce his immortality. Or to give it to someone else. Or that immortality won’t matter at all anymore. 

From his reactions in 5x07/08, we know that Lucifer’s identity and ideas of usefulness/self-worth/worthiness of love are still connected to his identity as an immortal with powers; I think, though, he’s beginning to piece together the complications therein, especially regarding questions of partnership and vulnerability and equality. 

Personally, Human!Lucifer has never been my preferred outcome, but I can see how it might work/might be what they’re heading for. Even if I’d still prefer the “you can use me as a bullet shield” partnership with supernatural elements—because those have always been at the heart of their partnership. The strengths of one make up for the weaknesses in the other (and vice versa).

Hell (Redux)

Finally, I’m still pretty sure we’re going to see a complete overhaul of the Heaven/Hell dichotomy. One with a lot less THIS IS THE WAY IT IS BECAUSE CONTROL and a lot more CHOICES MATTER (maybe Linda can have a turn as a salamander after all). And a major catalyst, of course, is Lucifer and his love for the chosen family on earth (and through them, a renewed love for the estranged family he’s never actually stopped loving; 5x01 basically makes canon that it's not that Lucifer hates his family—it's that he's terrified of disappointing them again, of causing problems again). 

So why does Hell have to change?

Because right now, every human he loves is sure they’re going to Hell. And after all the time and all these friendships, can you really see Lucifer being okay with that? Okay with Ella or Linda or Dan or Trixie tormenting themselves for all eternity? When he wasn’t even okay with Mr. Said Out Bitch doing so? When he gave this guy who he barely knows every opportunity to change his fate in ways he’s never done for any other tortured soul? Because they had a tenuous connection on earth?

Can you see him being okay with Chloe choosing Hell to be with him?

When it boils right down to it, Lucifer has learned to love others. And I think, especially given his revelations about self-loathing last season, that love isn’t going to let him be okay with or encourage the self-loathing in others. Love—selfless love, real love—is, in fact, the cure to the very concept of Hell. 

And it’s also the cure to the very concept of Heaven, too.

How could Heaven ever be perfect if the people you love aren’t in it?

It can’t. It might be more silver and have fewer demons, but I don’t think it’s any less an eternal torture. Eve basically tells us as much.

So, on that note, I’ll leave you with another fine quotation from Paracelsus:

“When a man undertakes to create something, he establishes a new heaven, as it were, and from it the work that he desires to create flows into him... For such is the immensity of man that he is greater than heaven and earth.”

And that, I think, is going to be the takeaway. We create what we are; we choose what we create. And in the act of that creation, we choose whether we are the poison or the remedy. And if we make mistakes, slip up, hurt people, hurt ourselves—it’s not a Hell-sentence. It’s the dose that makes the poison. We learn, we grow, we apologize, we strive to make things better, we love and love and love and love, and we never stop striving to be the cure.   

#lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #deckerstar #lucifer on netflix #lucifer meta #lucifer speculation #lucifer season 5 #lucifer s5 spoilers #who asked for 3K+ of meta speculation? #no one #but here it is #long text post #very very long text post #lucifer thoughts

[vanaera]

Of Cliches and Romcom Tropes

Synopsis | You find yourself literally living a classic Romcom trope by being the nerdy introvert in love with her unexpected friend, Kim Taehyung, your university’s golden theater boy and campus heartthrob. It only turns more disgustingly cliché when you learn he part-times as a prince actor in the same carnival where you work as a ticket booth attendant. Trusting on the clichés you’ve watched in numerous Romcom films, you embark on a plan to get your crush to like you back this Halloween. Pairing | prince actor!taehyung x ticket booth attendant!oc Genre | So much fluff, slight angst, humor that’s close to being crack Wordcount | 10,184 AU | Carnival Prompt | “You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.” – “I bet you tell everyone that.” Warnings | None A/N | This is for @foreverpark​’s Halloween Writing Challenge! It’s my first time joining a challenge like this so thank you so much Sarah for giving me an opportunity to experience this! For my hons out there, here’s my Halloween fic for you! Please also check out Sarah’s fics and the other fics for this challenge, they’re all great! Happy reading!

               At every start of success story speeches, there is a ninety percent probability you will hear “Fake it ‘til you make it.” How Mark managed to chance upon an idea of an app, How Sarah snagged the director position she dreamed of, how introverted Kim developed progressive networks–it is an imperative that saying will pop out in every single one of these stories. Well, except yours, because it’s the other way around in your life. At times “Fake it ‘til you make it’ does makes a cut, but in most of your major life events where you desperately wished for it to work, it doesn’t really work. You know because you’ve long tried to fake you’re so invested in your part-time job, only for you to cry out at night that you didn’t want to do it anymore.

               Sitting on an uncomfortable stool with a small fan on your right as reprieve from the heat, you spend most of your day with cramped legs inputting number of tickets sold, handing over ticket stubs, becoming an instant customer service attendant, and smiling through clenched teeth at the people that stop by your booth. Working the most boring job in the carnival is not something you can fake to enjoy until you make enough savings for your college tuition. That is, until Kim Taehyung came.

               “Wonder boy” is an extreme understatement to describe that guy. Kim Taehyung is cute and has a model-esque body and his voice sounds so nice when he’s in his prince costume entertaining the kids who enter the Fairytale Land booth. Okay, maybe you’ve been staring at him too long than you’re supposed to when you’re at work. But in your defense, you’ve known Kim Taehyung long before you discovered he also part-times at the Enchanted Carnival–long enough for you to harbor a massive, embarrassing crush on the boy.

               Kim Taehyung studies in the same university as you and you first saw him the day you didn’t attend your history class just so you can prepare for your midterms in the said subject–the irony of college students’ philosophy. That day, you just entered a classroom you frequent for study purposes, knowing it will be empty during your history period. Except for that day because the moment you pushed open the door, a stable vibrato echoing within the rooms’ walls halts in an awkward coughing fit.

               Your anxiety-driven nerves immediately take over you. “Uhh, I’m sorry I just barged in I didn’t mean to interrupt you–”

               “No, it’s o-okay,” the boy coughs, hitting his chest repeatedly. “I was just su-surprised.”

               “I’m really sorry for interrupting you,” you take a step back, your hand grasping for the knob. “Continue on, I’ll just find another room–”

               “No, it’s okay, you can share the room with me.”

               “A-are you sure?” you squint, still rooted at the door. “You don’t have like, a class in here or something? You have a projector set up on the teacher’s desk.”

               “Nah, it’s just my prop when I do my final runs.” He walks to the projector and flips down its lens cover. A picture of a wooden fort set in what looks like cobble-stoned streets of 18th century France flashes on the white board. “See?” The boy turns to you, grinning. “I’m cutting just like you. No pressure, mate. Stay.”

               “B-but you’re practicing, I may distract you.”

               “It’s okay, I don’t mind some audience–unless, you get distracted from studying by music, then I’ll go and find–”

               “No, it’s okay,” you chuckle. “I don’t get distracted by music. I love music. Actually, I like listening to songs while I study so yeah, go on.” You set your papers on the nearest seat and plop down.

               “You do?” The boy asks and you find yourself smiling at his beaming face. You’ve never seen someone who smiles so bright like him on a constant-interaction basis.

               “Yeah, I do. By the way, what are you singing for?”

               “Oh yeah,” the boy scratches his nape, reds forming on the tips of his ears. “uh, this is for my Drama club. I’m still in the application process and we have this task to play and perform as a theater character tomorrow Friday. I wanted to do Jean Valjean from Les Miserables.”

               “Wow, that’s great,” you smile, “actually I’m studying for my History midterms, so yeah, your practice is very timely. You can be my background music,” you chuckle, “to give me the better feel of what I will be crying over later back at my home.”

               Taehyung laughs and you chuckle before going back on your own devices. An hour and a half passes with you flipping furiously through your reviewer in time with the instrumentals behind Taehyung’s velvet voice. When the bell rings and the afternoon class scheduled in the room starts to form a mini clique outside, you scramble out the door with a mess of papers pressed to your chest and a new name to mull over during your breaks: Kim Taehyung.

               Unlike what you predicted, that encounter was not the last you will have with the theater boy. You had a couple of classes with him in the next semester and he sat next to you in each lectures. You also became partners for a pair project in your Communication Theories class. Kim Taehyung became a regular presence in your college life that at the end of your sophomore year, you knew his dream of becoming a theater actor, all his likes, dislikes and insecurities, and even his secrets he said his friends knew none of like “Y/N, do you know I used to dream of becoming a Disney prince? Not used to, actually I still low-key dream of playing Shang from Mulan just so I can sing ‘Make a Man Out of You.’”                You never imagined you would hit up such a friendship with someone who’s the total polar opposite of you. Taehyung’s a social butterfly while you hate going out of your house. He knows almost three-fourth of the total population in the university with him getting to manage nine clubs while still maintaining his academics. In total contrast to you who never got to join any organizations, too afraid of making commitments you neither can fulfill nor prioritize over staying at home and reading your fiction books. Not to say Taehyung’s on the top of the strata with his handsome looks, blessed physique, impressive talent, and wide range of friends. While you’re someone who easily blends with the crowd’s background noise, with nothing too much to offer but a small group of friends and a fascination for critiquing movies–especially those that are really bad.

               You guess that people say, “Opposites attract” for a reason because when you and Taehyung move on to sophomore year, you find yourself crushing hard on the boy. However for you, the attraction is definitely going to be one-sided. You’re sure of it because how can Taehyung ever like you back? You’re the epitome of average-ness that you even became the stepping stone for the girls who want to snag a date with Taehyung. Of course you wouldn’t let Taehyung miss out on cute girls he can probably date when he can have any girl he wish to be with. And, you’re too chicken to act out even a hint of your feelings for him. Clammy hands, jumpy heart, and equipped with an instinct to run to the opposite hall when you so much as glance at Taehyung’s approaching figure, you are sure he will be the death of you. Everything turns worse when you learn he part-times this summer break in the same carnival you work pathetically.

               “Yo, Y/N, you work here, too?” Taehyung nears you, clad in a white polo dangerously unbuttoned down his chest, navy trousers that cinches his narrow hips, and brown combat boots. He is also wearing an unbuttoned red military jacket, its shoulder pads making his shoulders look broader than they’d ever been.  A rich red cape embellished with golden details flows behind him, complementing the gold tassels on his jacket and his golden crown that makes him look impossibly more ethereal. He fucking looks like a brunet Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle.

               You consciously glance down at your outfit: sweat-stained purple polo shirt with Enchanted Carnival’s logo embroidered on its breast pocket, tucked in generic black slacks that doesn’t fit you well. When you  reach up to tuck the stray strand of hair that escapes your ponytail, you’re reminded you’re still wearing the silly mandatory headband with pink bunny ears. Your face feels oily, your hair’s unwashed, and you just remembered you’re not wearing any makeup on. Great, you fucking look like all college students’ worst job nightmare.

               “Hey, you’re still there?”

               “Ye-yeah, uh, hi, Tae,” you smile awkwardly, snatching your headband off and hiding it behind your back. You tried to make yourself look less embarrassing but it backfired when all short strands of your hair messily spill down to your cheeks. You smile wider. Okay, this is the worst day ever.

               “I didn’t know you’re also working here,” Taehyung says.

               “Umm, yeah. I forgot to tell you, I’m sorry–”

               “No, no, no, it’s okay!” Taehyung waves his hands, laughing. “In fact this is great!”

               “Great?” You want to jump off from a cliff right on.

               Taehyung remains oblivious in your self-pity and just grins. “Yeah, it means I get to see you everyday even when we’re outside uni!”

               “We do see each other outside uni. I tutored you for six months straight in the library.”

               “Yeah, but I mean, it’s nice we get to be co-workers. It’s good to have a familiar face around so work wouldn’t be so boring. Say, Y/N, why don’t we have lunch at the cafeteria later? I have so many to tell you and–”

               “Yah, Kim Taehyung! You’re up next, what are you doing outside?” you glance behind your friend and see Jimin, dressed in the same uniform as you minus the silly headband, wildly waving for the boy in front of you. When Jimin notices you, he breaks into a smile, “Oh, hi, Y/N,” and then he returns to his agenda. “Taehyung come here quickly! The batch of kids is nearing the Princess’ Castle, boss is gonna chew us out if you didn’t get back to the booth in three!”

               Taehyung sighs and looks at you with shoulders drooped. “I have to go back now. Guess, I’ll see you later?”

               “Okay, later, then. Have fun, Tae,” you wave at him with a smile.

               When you head back for your booth, you cross your fingers and hope you don’t see him later. How can the universe do you this dirty by placing him so near you right when you are at your worst?

               At the end of the day, you learn the universe just does you dirty for the hell of it. Taehyung bounds your way for lunch break in his prince costume, grinning stupidly just when you’re about to sneak off to the comfort rooms. Nevertheless, you accept the lemons life is giving you and decide to relish in your crush’s presence as you joke over lunch. You just didn’t expect that day will start an unannounced routine with Taehyung eating lunch with you and him walking you home after your shifts for the rest of your summer break.  The seemingly grey area in your friendship with Taehyung turns more mind-boggling when the man keeps up with the routine even after the summer break has ended, with you two continuing your part-time jobs at the carnival every weekend.

               Truth be told, your set-up with Taehyung is a blessing in disguise. He may see you greasy-faced, constantly suffering at work, and daily pissed at your cramped station with poor ventilation but at least you get to see the man you fell in love with everyday. Not just the Taehyung who’s the campus crush and the talented actor every kid in the carnival loves. But the Taehyung who stays up with you until three in the morning talking about what you want for yourselves, who genuinely laughs at your puns and memes everyone else finds corny, and who tells you he’s enjoying himself in his job because finally, he gets to act like a Disney prince.

               So when you find yourself only falling for Taehyung deeper, getting over him becomes the last resort in your to-do list. You start to let yourself get ahead of you and assume that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance Taehyung likes you back. Or else he wouldn’t do all those things with you with his stare lingering on your face, and his hand brushing against your own on multiple occasions you swear are not conjured up by your lovesick heart. Right?

               With the Halloween season closing in and your part-time contracts at the carnival nearing its end, you are compelled to finally make a move on Taehyung. The carnival is the only place where your social and visual gap matters the least.  You’re going to get an answer from him before this perfect chance expires. All you have to do now is have courage for the things you’re about to do and you pray that this time, the universe lets you successfully fake it ‘til you make it.

***

 Plan 1: The Makeover Montage

               You’ve watched enough Romcom films to know that a good makeover montage creates an obvious statement that a woman is about to claim her man. And so, you started making your wallet cry and your fingers ache by splurging on cosmetic brands and watching YouTube makeup tutorials. You’re proud of yourself when by the time Monday rolls in, you are confident you can pull off the cat wing and coral peach color scheme you learnt in exchange of sleep-deprived nights.

               You wait by your locker and glance at your watch. 7:48 A.M. Great, just in time. You look down on your outfit: a white ruffled blouse tucked in a pink and yellow plaid skirt. Spending three hours planning today’s outfit was totally worth it, you mentally pat yourself.

               Three minutes pass and then the bell chimes. You stand up straight and crane your neck to look for your target. Amy from History, Dave from Economics, Amanda from the College Secretary’s Office, Jimin from Arts and the Enchanted Carnival–There! Kim Taehyung.

               Taehyung catches your eye and waves at you. He whispers something to Jimin before he bounds toward you. “Hi, Y/N. Didn’t know you’re an early bird now. I thought your first class today is later at eleven thirty?”

               “U-um, I have so-something to pass to Ms. Terry at the Department of Arts and Communication,” you laugh awkwardly.

               “Oh is that so? Wait,” Taehyung looks at you, eyes wide. “Is it a homework I may have forgotten to do at home?”

               “N-no! There’s no homework! It’s just uh–a follow-up on a project!”

               “A project? Did Ms. Terry announce any project? I’m sorry, I’m just confused because we take her class together and–”

               “It’s a personal project!” you interject with a grin. “I…uh, I’ve been working on it since last month. I forgot to tell you about it, but it’s not much, just a collection of…news clippings.”

               “News clippings, hmm, that sounds interesting. Tell me about it at lunch, I will go ahead now to my first period,” Taehyung steps back and makes a salute, his alternative of a goodbye wave to you. “Good luck with your project!”

               “Wa-wait, Tae!”

               Taehyung halts in his steps and looks at you. “Why? Is something wrong?”

               “I–uh, did you notice anything new today?”

               “New?” Tehyung tilts his head. “Is it a new promo for the diner we frequent?”

               “Uhh, no.”

               “Umm,” Taehyung bites his lip, “is it a new movie you sent to me in our Discord?”

               “Uh, also no. And, I will gush about a movie first to you in person before I send it to our Discord.”            

               “Oh, right,” Taehyung chuckles. “Is it a new book then?”

               “No.”

               “New supplies in the bookstore you love?”

               “No.”

               “A new flavor of coffee in the vending machine?”

               “No.

               “A new–”

               “Goddamn it, Taehyung, you know what, just go to your class,” you purse your lips and Taehyung gawks at you.

               “W-why? Did I say something wrong, Y/N?”

               “No, it’s just, you’re so obliviou–UGH!”

               “‘Obliviou-ugh?’” Taehyung looks more confused than ever he’s been in his life.

               You take in deep breath and take it as a signal for you to retreat. “Don’t mind me it’s just my mood swing!” you holler as you turn your back and walk fast to the exit. Following-up with a faint “See you later!” to the bewildered boy by the time you step out the hallway.

               After what happened today, you guess Taehyung won’t easily notice your makeover with just one encounter. You decided to keep it consistent for the rest of the week, waking up earlier to curl your hair and apply makeup before going to your classes. And every day you kept trying something new – a change of shade in the lip gloss, a swipe of a bolder eye shadow, a shift from preppy to sophisticated clothing styles–Taehyung still fails to notice anything. Even when you turn up for your shift in the carnival with full-on makeup for the very first time, Taehyung just passes you by with his usual demeanor.

               “Hi, Y/N!”

               “Hi Tae!” You cringe at how chirpy you sound. “Umm, you look exceptionally good today!”

               “Yeah?” Taehyung looks at his clothes, the same Howl costume he always wears in his shift. “Well, I look like this everytime in my shift so thanks?”

               “But, have you noticed anything new today?” you bat your mascara-laden lashes for emphasis.

               “New?” Taehyung leans closer to you and this time you feel your heart pounding in suspense. Of course he’ll notice it now, you never wear this much makeup at work–

               “Oh, your ID lace!” Taehyung snaps his fingers, grinning. “Right, you changed your ID lace, how can I miss out on it? You always complain about the neon orange you used to have and now it’s black just like how you always want.”

               You balk at him. “Uhh, it’s still the ones provided by the staff. They just changed the color.”

               “Yeah, isn’t that great? You’ve always wanted a black ID lace! Remember when you used to tell me you’re gonna file a petition to change the neon orange lace to black? It’s finally black!” Taehyung claps you on the back and then makes his signature salute. “See ya later at lunch Y/N. And congrats to the ID lace!”

               You poke your cheek with your tongue in annoyance. You’ve done such a good job perfecting your makeup and all he notices is just your ID lace?! What the motherfucking–

               Okay, maybe Taehyung doesn’t get makeover montages. You cross Plan 1 out and step up to Plan 2.

Plan 2: The Assertive Approach

               If Taehyung can’t notice physical changes, maybe this time, he can notice behavioral changes.  In the films you have watched, you’ve seen countless protagonists be successful in catching the eye of their love interests by changing their flirting style. You’ve always dreamt of becoming like Julia Roberts in her hit romance films: confident, bold, and unafraid to make the first move. So this time, you get to finally be the woman of your dreams and you hope she can also entice the man inside your heart.

               You started your metamorphosis by sitting closer to Taehyung during lectures, leaning closely to him whenever he’s talking with you, closing the space between your faces with a mere inch of breath. You also let your hands do the speaking for you whenever you walk home from work, masking the frequent brushing of your fingers against his, an obvious open invitation for him to hold your hand, seemingly accidental. But whatever you do, Taehyung still can’t get any hint. He’ll just smile at you and proceed to what he’s doing without even a waver in his tone.

               Fueled with desperation, you decide to cross the boundary from subtle to blatant assertion in your lunch break with Taehyung.

               “Today’s a pretty beat day,” Taehyung remarks, taking off his sweaty cape. “Some teens decided to not go with the usual flow of the booth and visit the stops in reverse. I felt sorry for Jimin. He looked so stressed manhandling each teen out of the booth and giving them a stricter run-over of the booth’s rules.”

               “Yeah?” You slide closer next to his seat and cross your legs. “Then what about you, did the teens made fun of you? I heard from Seokjin that Lisa almost broke down when they poked around her unicorn costume.”

               “I’m glad I’m the last stop. Jimin already entered the booth when the kids made the ruckus at Lisa’s stop.” Taehyung sighs, running his hand through his damp fringes. “I couldn’t imagine myself dealing with such troublesome people. If I were in Lisa’s place, I would have already been screaming at them for being bastards at such a young age. It’s a relief, it didn’t happen. I would have lost this job.”

               “I’m glad, too, you didn’t get hurt.” You lean towards him, resting your head against his shoulder. You felt him stiffen in his seat and you smile. “I would have been so worried, you know. I don’t know what I will do,” you grab his hand, intertwine it with yours, and look up at him, “if I don’t see you around here anymore.”

               “Really?” Taehyung turns to you and you nod. He smiles. “Thanks, Y/N, for your concern. I would feel the same if you were to experience that. Oh, we should probably eat now, our food’s getting cold.” Taehyung immediately detaches his fingers from yours, leaving you gaping in your seat.

               Your lunch proceeds like usual and the awkward hand-holding you pulled off was never brought up again. Like Plan 1, you kept Plan 2 consistent for the week. However, Taehyung still remains painfully oblivious.

               Plan 2 is unsuccessful so you cross it out and decide it’s time to take your game to the full notch.

 Plan 3: The Vixen’s Touch

               If Taehyung can’t recognize physical and behavioral changes, he cannot miss out on a temptation handed over on a silver platter. Plan 3 is the ultimate overkill.  No one can resist the seductive vixen. You already braved through doing a Julia-Roberts-character. Going for the longest mile with Megan Fox shouldn’t be a problem. This is probably just your ego talking but you’re not gonna let the smallest bit of shame creep in to you now. Not now, when you’re putting all your cards on the table for Taehyung’s heart. This is all or nothing.

               You see, the Vixen’s Touch is the epitome of all Romcoms’ super power move. Just one scene is enough to turn the tables around and let the heroine achieve whatever outcome she desires. However, such great power comes numerous setbacks. One can only do a vixen move once and never more because if it’s overdone, it will lose it’s mystery, charm, and power–everything that makes it an effective Romcom move. So, you planned your Vixen Touch meticulously.

                You can’t do a Megan-Fox-move at school because you’ll attract too much attention, especially with Taehyung who’s already at the spotlight of social interactions. Instead, you will pull it off in the carnival, where you can have your crush all to yourself without worrying about ambitious bitches intruding your scenario. You’ll enter the Fairy Tale booth during your break time and sneak to the backstage from the “Authorized Personnel Only” door on the left of the second stop. From there, you will do Lisa’s advice to take a right turn and then a left.  It will lead to a connecting hallway that ends with the red curtains behind the Princess’ Castle. There, you’ll surprise Taehyung, who’s waiting for the princess’ cue, with a tingling touch against his spine and a sexy and breathy, “Hi, Tae.” Taehyung will be shocked and you’ll close the gap between the two of you. With the dark setting and the seemingly scandalous set-up, the thrilling mood will compel you to lean towards him and he will close his eyes and interlock his lips with  yours in a passionate kiss. If you make it fast to the connecting hallway, you will have enough alone time with Taehyung before the batch of people even reaches the third stop from the princess’ castle. You grin to yourself. Your plan has never been this perfect.

                Weekdays pass with you continuing your Assertive Approach. Taehyung’s still clueless, making the transition to Plan 3 much more thrilling. When Saturday finally rolls in, you set your game-est face on.

                It’s a week before Enchanted Carnival’s Halloween Party, which means the management is lenient on the part-timers’ work uniforms. After all, you only have one week left before you end your contracts. And so, you pull out your fanciest casual outfit–a little red dress with off-shoulder sleeves, partnered with fishnet stockings that go well with your black combat boots. You also perfected your makeup: eyebrows on-fleek, cat wings on-point, deep brown smoky eyes, and blood-red lips. To top off your look, you put on a thin, black choker. You smile at yourself. You did a good job making yourself look hot. You know it’s not just your ego talking because when you arrive at the ticket booth, Jimin compliments your look.

                “Yo, Y/N, I never knew you could look this pretty,” Jimin grins at you.

               "You also look good today,“ you return, taking note of how well his striped buttondown fits his frame. “I didn’t know today is leg day,” you add, admiring how his ripped jeans accentuate his legs you never knew were this muscular.

                Jimin smiles, “Say it for yourself, Y/N. You look a solid twelve.” He rocks on the balls of his feet back and forth. “I guess the management did a good job letting us wear our casual clothes. You don’t know how bad I wanted to take off our horrendous uniform whenever we work.”

                “That’s…highly inappropriate but I guess you do you,” you point finger guns at him. Jimin chuckles and waves goodbye to you, heading for the Fairy Tale booth. You seat yourself in your work station. Today’s a good start. You hope your luck continues until break time.

                Lunch passes by and so far everything’s a breeze. You haven’t seen Taehyung today, probably caught up with the kids who frequent his booth in large batches as Halloween approaches close. Nevertheless, it’s good news. Your surprise will totally knock him off his feet.

                The clock chimes two. Seokjin comes over and takes over the ticket booth as you take your break. It’s show time.

                Just like your plan, you head for the Fairy Tale booth in quick strides. Lisa manages the entrance to their booth today and she lets you in without any ado, already used to you and Taehyung crossing to and fro your respective booths. Greeting Val, the Elfen soldier of the first stop and Yeji, the mermaid from the second stop, you head for the “Authorized Personnel Only” door and push it open. It leads to a darkly-lit  hallway with a heavily carpeted flooring. You follow Lisa’s tips, taking a right turn and a left. True to her word, the connecting hallway ends with the thick red curtains. And there in the corner, is your dream man facing the curtains and waiting for his signal. You don’t hear any clamor of people nearing the Princess’ Castle, even the faintest of chatter inaudible. You thank the universe for this luck. You made it in time.

               The seconds seem to slow down into minutes as you stepped closer to Taehyung. Your heart pounds loud and fast against your ears. This is it. You’ll finally make Taehyung realize you have your heart laid out for him.  And if you’re lucky, he will also give his to you today.

                With a mere foot left between you two, you reach out for him.

                “Hey, Taehyung–”

                “What the fuck–”

                 Everything happens too fast.  Instead of Taehyung’s surprised face, a hard punch straight to your nose is what greets you. Intense pain spreads over your senses and you reel over, feeling your entire face on fire.

                 "Oh my fucking, God, I’m sorry!  Oh my God, Y/N, I didn’t see you–are you alright?!“ Taehyung catches your arms as you stagger backwards, pulling you to your feet to prevent you from falling.

                 You nod and waved dismiss-ally to his panicked state.

                 Just right then, you feel something wet trickle down your lips.

                 "Oh my God, Y/N, you’re bleeding!” Taehyung screams and he immediately leads you to a chair propped on the corner. He frantically pulls out tissues on the table nearby and dabs the wetness that seeps on your skin. “Shit, what are you even doing here?! I thought you were a ghost, I’m so sorry I punched you!”

                 You’re too dazed to register everything that has happened and your lack of response causes Taehyung to panic more.

                 "Fuck, Y/N, I’m so, so, sorry! Oh my God, this is all my fault. Just sit right there, I’ll call for help!“ Taehyung rushes to the end of the hallway and you hear him scream for Jimin. Pounding footsteps follow and then it’s not just Taehyung fussing over you, but also Jimin.

                 "Do you think it’s broken?” Taehyung asks Jimin, voice trembling.

                 "I don’t think so. She’s not bleeding that much. Taehyung, relax, I already called for first aid–”

                 "How can I relax when Y/N’s in pain?! Which I inflicted on her! You know what, let’s call the ambulance!–”

                 This is not what you planned for. This is not how you imagined you will spend your last shift at the carnival with Taehyung.

                 Wetness trickles down your cheeks and before Taehyung can rush over and wipe your tears away, the Carnival’s first aid team has already barged in and crowded over you.

                 You were led to the small clinic of the carnival where you were given a tissue to stick in your nose. The physician told you your nose was luckily not broken and your body has just undergone shock. Once the bleeding has stopped, you’re good to go. Seokjin also called you he already informed your boss about what happened, telling you he’ll take over your shift and you’re now free to go home. The next few minutes pass in silence and you sink further onto the foldable bed. However, the universe decides it’s not yet done fucking up your day when the door opens with a loud bang and there stands Taehyung, huffing and drenched in sweat.

                 "I’m sorry I only got here now. Boss scolded me for what I did to you,“ Taehyung sighs deeply as he sits on the chair next to you, leaning his elbows on your bed. “I’m really sorry, Y/N. All of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t overreact.”

                 "I-it’s okay, Tae. You didn’t know I was there.“

                 "What are you even doing at our booth? Much more creeping in the dark?”

                 You bit your lip and look away. “It’s my break, it’s just,” you sigh, “I thought of surprising you today and well, it didn’t go as well as I planned it.”

                 "Plan? For what? Is there something we’re supposed to celebrate today?“

                 You turn back to Taehyung and meet his eyes. His eyes are focused on your face, waiting for your answer.

                 Well, maybe not all Romcom cliches work just like how they appear to be in movies. Maybe not all romantic gestures need to be grand in order to convey the sincerity of one’s feelings. Maybe it could be as simple like this– two people staring at each other in a clinic, uncaring of the world happening beyond your little bubble.

                 And as you stare at Taehyung’s face and see the reflection of yourself through his eyes, confused and tired, you decide it’s time for you to finally say it. No more orchestrated pretenses. No more intricate plans.

                 "Today is our last day in our work and I wanted to surprise you by finally being true to my feelings. I no longer look at you as a friend, Taehyung. I’m in love with you.”

                 Taehyung doesn’t reply. He just stares at you. You slowly feel the air getting squeezed out of your lungs, and it’s not just because of your stuffed nostril. Another beat of silence passes and then Taehyung’s face falls as he gapes at you, confused, shocked, and for a moment you see disappointment flash across his face. “W-what? Y/N, when did you-I, I don’t know what to say, I-why now?”

                 You bite your lip, feeling the tears well in your eyes. “Why not now, Taehyung?”

                 "Because–” Taehyung sighs and he purses his lips, dragging a hand over his face. “Y/N, you’re my friend, but I–”

                 "You know what, Taehyung,  I get it,“ you turn your back on him, tasting blood on your lips from biting too hard to keep the tears at bay. You won’t cry because of him and in front of him at the same time. He doesn’t get to see you this weak. “You can leave me now.”

                 "But, Y/N, I–”

                 "Does punching me in the face not enough for you?! Just leave!“

                You hear Taehyung sigh. The mattress of the bed puffs up again as the weight leaves. A faint “I’m sorry” resounds in the stifling silence. When the door closes with a soft click, the tears finally fall.

You stifle your broken sobs on your pillow.

***

You’re back in your old cycle: Eat, sleep, study, and lie low at the background. You steered clear from Taehyung in your classes, seating far away from your usual seat. You neither stopped by his locker in the mornings, nor waited for him in front of your own locker for lunch. You even went as far as avoiding your common friends, the thought of people asking about what happened between you and Taehyung makes you reel back to the embarrassment and disappointment of that day.

As much as you wanted to hate Taehyung, you find it hard to admit that every single thing that has gone wrong points back to you. You assuming anything more than what you already have with him, you doing outrageously unnecessary things for him, you bending yourself backwards in your desperation for him – it has always been yourself.

You tried to stay as identical to the background as you can be, away from Taehyung and anything that is associated with him. Because as much as you feel like an empty vessel for every single day, you cannot find it in yourself to erase Taehyung from your mind. Even when his last words with you kept on re-opening the wounds you’ve been trying hard to stitch back together. And, you can’t have that. You can’t run back to him and let him kick you back to the curb. It’s time for you to learn your lesson.

But no matter how successful you were the past days in running from Taehyung, you know you cannot avoid him forever. Especially when Enchanted Carnival has required the part-timers to attend their annual Halloween Party tomorrow, arranged by their permanent staff. After all, it’s the day you’ll terminate your contract and receive your last salary for your job.

You have never sorely regretted your past decisions like this before. You’re love-fool state of mind back then has induced you to buy an expensive costume. A fancy dress that has a carnation pink rayon bodice and full skirt, layered with delicate purple cotton voilewhich looks like soft rose petals that perfectly cinch the waist. It has long, glittered see-through sleeves that ruffle at the end of your arm, and it is adorned with golden intricate curvilinear details that go around the bust area and matches the golden flower belt on the waist. It even came with a faux golden crown with a short pink veil attached to the back.  Yes, you fucking bought a princess bride costume just to match with Taehyung’s usual work attire because of course, Taehyung will come looking like a Disney prince. And now that everything you planned has gone downhill, the excitement is over and the only thing you feel is bitterness and a desperate wish to get things done and over with.

You reached the carnival at seven and by that time, the party is in full swing. Enchanted Carnival looks like a cirque-esque other-world. Small Jack o’ Lanterns replaced the usual light bulbs to light the carnival in an alluring tangerine glow. Signboards of “Happy Halloweens” range from small cutouts that hung from the poles, to gigantic illustrations pasted right on the walls of the some stalls. Pumpkin and ghost-shaped candies were sold at almost every corner and the people that pass by, carnival staff or not, embody the fantasy and surrealism of the carnival. You’ve seen pirates, sirens, faeries, and even witty realistic horror such as Jung Hoseok, the roller coaster attendant, wearing casual jeans and shirt with electric bills pasted on his chest and back.

“Hey, Y/N! I thought you weren’t coming.” You look to your left and see Lisa in a No Face costume. Seokjin follows close behind, dressed like Sokka from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

“Uh, yeah–I mean,” you clear your throat “how can I not come when I get to be paid at the end of the night?”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit,” Seokjin chuckles. “The salary is my only motivation when I lost a bet to Yeji and agreed to dress like…this.”

“Hey, Sokka’s not bad!” Lisa frowns. “Avatar: The Last Airbender is the best show ever and Sokka’s like a perfect ten.”

“Yeah, but it would have been better if you know,” Seokjin huffs, “I get to be Toph. So I can finally un-see Hoseok’s stupid’s antics, especially his dumb electric-bill costume tonight. It doesn’t get to be low-cost, witty, and funny all at the same time. It’s unfair.”

You laugh, feeling your jaw hurt a little from smiling so wide. It’s been a while since you smiled, with the past days spent crying and moping around in your room. You’re grateful for Lisa and Seokjin who tried to cheer you up throughout the night, distracting you from thoughts that revolve around Taehyung by pulling you into ride after ride, playing games in stall after stall, and stuffing your mouths with delicious treats.

You were having the best night of your life, until you find your group stopping in front of a booth – The 13th House.

You turn to Lisa. “Hey, you didn’t tell me a horror booth is included in our itinerary.”

“Because I don’t need to,” Lisa grins. “Horror booths are a classic! How can Halloween be Halloween without some spook?”

“Right, and relax Y/N,” Seokjin says, “It’s not like we’re gonna leave you. And trust me, it’s not that scary. I already visited this booth to prank Jungkook. Too bad I was unsuccessful that time with Jungkook already immune to jumpscares from manning the effects and all.”

Except it is scary. The 13th House is the only booth you didn’t dare to visit during your entire work period. Your remember how your legs turned to jelly the first time you saw its front: An old gothic mansion with dilapidated walls and broken windows, its wooden main door covered in bloody handprints, and its gray, dry lawn surrounded by amputated body parts. You know all of it were just manmade but it doesn’t lessen the creeps you get when every detail and props are fashioned too realistically.

Nevertheless, you went along with Lisa and Seokjin and get your ticket-bracelets scanned by the booth marshal. Even if you feel like running away the moment you hear the loud, sinister creak of the main door when you start for the first stop, you stood your ground and wear your big girl game face on. It’s your last night in the carnival, might as well do everything you were never able to do before.

The first half of your trip in the booth were somehow a smooth ride. Although you almost jumped at the scream of the bloody Victorian bride from the first stop, almost backed out on the second stop because of the swinging headless knight, and almost cried on the spot because of the wailing man with its guts ripped apart from the third stop, you’re still far from getting scared out of your wits.

That is, until you reach the middle stop.

The fourth stop required you to do an easy escape-room task with a ghost kid guiding you through a fake Ouija board session. You quickly finished the activity and the wooden walls shifted to reveal a small passageway with thick hanging cobwebs. Lisa leads the way and you find yourself gripping her hand and Seokjin’s tighter as you enter a dark hallway lit only by torches fastened to gray, blood-splattered walls.

And then, out of nowhere, foreign hands cover your eyes. You scream and thrash around but your suffering is only momentary when you find yourself back in the hallway with no looming figures behind your back. Okay, maybe it’s just part of the booth experience–Wait. Where’s Lisa and Seokjin?

“Lisa! Seokjin!” You call for your friends’s names.  They were just with you earlier. You were holding their hands for Christ’s sake! “Where are you, guys?! This is NOT funny!” You bite your lip and wring your hands in anxiety. “Guys, I swear to God, this is not fun–”

               The lights of the torches flicker. The background music starts to grow louder, and eerier as it now plays with Latin incantations. And then there’s a loud bang.

               The lights were blown out.  The blood-splattered designs on the walls turn neon. And, the rest of the hallway goes complete dark-out.

               “Holy shit!” You run, straight ahead. Heart pounding loud on your ears, you don’t think anymore and just run. Surely, there will be some end to this hallway, right?

               Except there’s none, because a forked path greets you just right when you thought the hallway is getting too long. The two paths stare at you, the neon designs on their walls starts to get disturbing with child-like drawings of disfigured people and morbid beasts.

               You slump on the ground. This is a complete nightmare. You wish you didn’t go with Lisa and Seokjin. You wish you didn’t let your loneliness get to you and spent the whole week crying about your crush who doesn’t like you. Because now you’re trapped in this hellish booth and you’re gonna die alone and pathetic. You didn’t even get to experience at least the “moving on” happy ending alternative of Romcom films. You didn’t –

               Just right then, there’s a flash of light from the end of the left path. A second later, a voice  echoes loud. You didn’t understand a word from the echo. Hell, you’re not even sure if it’s from a human. But at least it seems to have a light that is nothing part of 13th House’s props. Before thinking twice, you’re already running toward the direction of the light. You run and run and never dared to stop. The light’s getting near, you’re gonna get help soon! You won’t have to die alone because you’re gonna get out of here and–

               Light blinds you.

               "Ahh!“

               "What the fuck-! I’m sorry!”

               You feel the light on your face dim down. And the moment you bring down your raised hands, you can’t seem to speak.

               "YN?“

               Taehyung stands in front of you, flashlight in hand, and looking handsome as always. But, it’s not his presence that makes your heart still. Enchanted Carnival’s purple polo shirt, generic black slacks, and the silly headband with blue rabbit ears atop his head–Taehyung’s wearing the carnival’s ticket booth uniform.

               And Taehyung’s jaw is ajar seemingly for all the same reason. Pink princess gown and glittering princess crown–you were an open book to him now.

               "You…you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

               All of a sudden, everything that has happened in the last weeks comes back to you and you feel your eyes stinging with tears as the dam of bitterness floods your chest. “I bet you tell everyone that,” you scoff, “since you’re such a disgusting flirt.”

               Taehyung’s mouth hangs in shock, “Di-disgusting flirt? You’re the only one I told you that!”

               You stand back to your feet and meet his eyes with a steely glare. “I find it hard to believe that, Kim.  Especially your type of guys.”

               Your eyes seem to do tricks to you when you see Taehyung wince at your tone, but that wasn’t for long because Taehyung now sounds defensive.  "What are my type of guys?“

               You scowled. "The type who leads on girls and cruelly rejects them after they’re done playing with them.”

               "What rejection are you talking about? I did not reject you! How could you-“

               "What else could your reaction mean when I told you I love you?!”

               "I was trying to move on from you, okay!“ Taehyung screams. "And that day, you just–dropped the bomb like that. How do you expect me to react huh? Especially, when I fucking spent one year trying to make you realize I see you more than as a friend and you just ignore me as if my feelings don’t matter to you.  And then, when I finally decide to move on from you, you act weird for a couple of weeks. And out of nowhere you’re telling me you love me. How can I even react properly? You didn’t even wait for me to process things,” Taehyung’s voice breaks, “You just up and go and shut me out!”

               "W-what?“

               "I liked you, Y/N. For so long. And you never turned my way–you wave off my advances as if they mean nothing to you, you keep on setting me up with other girls, and you run away from me whenever I so much glance at you. You don’t even let me see you properly when we’re at school. You hide from me and run away as if you’re gonna die just by being with me. And last week, you’re suddenly telling me you love me? So, how can I be a disgusting flirt when you’re the one who’s sending me mixed signals?!”

               "Mixed signals?“ you frown. "For the past year I’ve been your friend Tae, I tried to love you in my own way. I stayed up late with you as you told me all your problems. I’ve been there with you in whatever shenanigans you thought of. I spent almost every break I fucking have with you talking about whatever we want. They are blatant signals, Taehyung! So I’m sorry if I have to hide or run away sometimes, because if you didn’t fucking know, we don’t belong in the same world.”

               “What do you mean we don’t belong in the same world? Fucking hell, Y/N, you’re not an alien–”

               “In your world, I am! In your world, you are the star, the life of the party. People who belong in your world live their fucking fantastic lives as the star of their own stories. They achieve their dreams, they get whatever they want, people look up at them for being so great. But, people like me? We spend our fucking lives looking into your world from the outside. Pathetic side characters of their own pathetic lives. People just pass us by, some even run over us. No one even remembers our fucking name. So, even if these don’t matter when I look at you, I can only love you from afar because people will look at us and all these shits will come back for me.”

               “Jesus Christ,” Taehyung huffs, carding a hand through his hair in frustration. “There are no worlds separating you from me because people are just different!  And these differences cannot dictate who should belong with who because guess what? We’re the only ones who can let other people in or out of their lives.  So can you just stop for a second and see that there’s nothing that actually separates you from me? I thought you would already know this by now since we’ve been friends for so long.”

               You feel tears blurring your eyes and you look away from him. “But still, that’s not enough to explain all the shits that’s happened this past week. Okay, we may be different and I tried to express my feelings in my own way. But I tried to change it up, Tae. I worked so hard to pattern my advances to every Romcom clichés and of course they all went wrong when it came to you.”

               “W-wrong? Y/N, what Romcom cliches–”

               “The cheesiest Romcom clichés!”  You snap. “You know, the makeover montage, the Julia Roberts’ Assertive Approach, the Megan Fox Vixen Touch. You were telling me how oblivious I were to your advances but you never fucking noticed how  I changed up my advances just for you. You ignored how I dressed up pretty-to-the-tip for you. Even after I came to you and blatantly asked you if you noticed something new. You don’t take the cue when I freaking hand over my feelings for you in a silver platter. Hell, you even punched me in the face when I tried to be sexy!”

               “God, can you let it go? I already said I’m sorry!” Taehyung huffs and you look down on your feet. Taehyung sighs, “I was trying to move on from you during those weeks you’ve acted really, really weird. So obviously, I will be very confused. Secondly, Y/N,” Taehyung sighs, “Romcom clichés are called like that because they only happen and work the way they are portrayed to work, in Romcoms. Romcom is a film genre. Sure, they may reflect some aspects of reality, but Y/N, they are planned out, manipulated in a controlled environment. They’re not your life. Life doesn’t work that way.”

               “I’m sorry, I just–” you bite your lip but it’s not enough to prevent a tear slip from your eyes. “This is my first time feeling like this and I don’t know what to do. I absolutely have no fucking idea what I should do next and I–I’m just so sorry for dragging these shits up and made our lives messier than it should be. I’m sorry for probably making you feel guilty about yourself for this past week I ignored you like the plague. I’m sorry for being so stupid, I just–I’m so sorry, Tae!” your voice breaks at the end and before you know it, your tears have already consumed you to the ground.

               "Oh shit Y/N, don’t cry.” Taehyung panics as he kneels next to you. You shield your face from him with your hands, but Taehyung pries them away and cups your face in his large, warm hands. You feel the pads of his fingers wipe away your tears and when you look up at him, Taehyung’s face is too close to yours. Too close that you can practically see the deep, dark circles under his eyes despite the darkness. The thought that you caused him this made you tear up more.

               Taehyung goes frantic. “Y/N, do-don’t cry. Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Y/N, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry–”

                 “C-can you just h-hug me?”

               “O-okay,” Taehyung hesitantly loops his arms around your shaking frame. “Thi-this is fine with me.”

               You close your eyes and lean on your friend’s chest. You don’t care if Taehyung’s shirt get wet with your tears. He’s partly at fault for making you cry. But still, you squeak out a muffled.  “Thank you, Tae.”

               Taehyung hums. “It’s okay.”

               Amid this night’s horror and breakdown, silence, for the first time in a while, envelops you in comfort. Even with no words, Taehyung easily dries away the tears. He just pats your back and rubs soothing circles on your tensed muscles, leaning closer to you when you hug him tighter.

               “I hate fighting with you, Tae.”

               Taehyung turns his head closer to yours. “Are we already fighting?”

               “W-well yeah,” you hiccup. “Somehow.”

               “Okay…Next time we’ll understand each other better so we don’t need to have unnecessary fights like this, okay?”

               “Okay,” you mutter. You sink deeper into Taehyung’s arms and he holds you tighter in his embrace.

               Even if you can’t see his face, you know Taehyung’s smiling.

               It doesn’t take long for your sobs to die down that you’re now slowly disentangling yourself from him.

               “Are you okay now?”

               “Y-yeah. Thank you.” You lean your back against the wall and Taehyung sits next to you. You look at him and he smiles at you. For a moment you stay like that, staring into his eyes, falling deep in the little world you’re sharing with him. And then, it hits you. Taehyung’s still here. Even after you blurt out every insecurity and self-doubt you have that others may find petty and invaluable, Taehyung’s still here. Even after he voiced out his disappointment of you and things you’ve done him wrong, Taehyung hasn’t walked out. He didn’t run away, he didn’t leave you. Taehyung stayed.

               And so, you take the cue the universe is giving you and put all your cards on the table again. You cross your fingers as you ask the question that has plagued your mind ever since Taehyung confessed he has long liked you. "Tae, Ha-have you already moved on from me?”

               Taehyung sighs and for a second, you don’t breathe. But, you don’t have to hold it for long because when Taehyung looks at you again, a soft smile is on his face. “Unfortunately, no. Because even after all the shits you put me through, you still occupy my heart–and mind.”

               “S-so, can I kiss you?”

               “I’m the one who’s supposed to say that, but, ye-yeah you can kiss me. Anything for you, Y/N.”

               You close your eyes and lean forward. Your lips meet his in a soft peck and everything suddenly stops. You don’t feel the perspiration on your back from all the running in the booth. You don’t think about the dust and dirt soiling your dress. All you could feel was Taehyung’s soft lips. All you could taste is the sweetness from the crumbs of cherry tart left on his lips. All that fills you nose is Taehyung’s smell that’s so naturally his and his ocean mist spray you gifted him on his birthday. All you could hear is the loud pounding of your heart, and even with your eyes closed, Taehyung’s face is all you could see.  And, you can’t think of anything but Taehyung–him and him alone.

               The world suddenly moves again when Taehyung leans deeper and interlocks his lips with yours. You immediately let your heart take over. You mold yourself closer to him, kissing him with every ardor you’ve kept locked in yourself for so long. You fist his shirt and Taehyung caresses your cheeks and puts his hand on the back of your neck as he kisses you deeper. You loop your arms around his neck and return the vigor of his kiss. Teeth bumping, fingers reaching and clutching onto anything, sloppy interlocking of lips–you don’t care. Even if you have your first kiss in a gloomy, creepy horror booth, nothing else mattered but the boy in front of you. Taehyung’s here and he’s finally in your arms. You don’t have to long for him from afar anymore because now he’s here with you and he’s not leaving you. He’s finally yours.

               The same thought probably runs into Taehyung as you feel him grin into your lips before kissing you again. And even when the creepy background music of the booth starts again, you can only focus on the gentle way Taehyung’s thumbs coursed over your cheeks while tenderly pecks your lips as your kiss comes into a close.

                As you draw back a little to look at your friend, your crush, and now your lover, Kim Taehyung, in the hideous purple uniform you used to wear in the ticket booth with silly rabbit ears perched atop his hazel locks, you can’t help but smile. Taehyung may be the center of the world while you watch him from the side, but at the end of the day, he’s right. You’re just two people who are happy being with each other. There’s no boundaries, no walls separating him from you and you from him. You just have to see him for what he is and take the leap. You don’t need to re-enact Romcom clichés just to bring him towards you because he’s never been away from you from the start.

               Taehyung leans his forehead on yours and smiles. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve waited for so long for this.”

               “Me too,” you grin, “And, I love you too, Tae.”

               Taehyung chuckles and presses another peck on your lips.

               Just right then, you can feel a vibrant white light on your face.

               “Yo, lovebirds, are you finally together?”

               You turn to the direction of the voice and it’s Jimin. Behind him are Lisa and Seokjin, walking from the right pathway while making kissy faces at you.

               It all clicks in: Lisa and Seokjin hanging out with you, leading you to the 13th House, and disappearing like smoke the moment you reached the longest hallway of the booth. It’s to get you alone with Taehyung and finally talk everything out before you leave your part-time jobs.

               You frown at your friends. But, before you can voice out how can they just up and leave you like that, Taehyung beats you to it.

               “Jimin, you bastard! You pushed me towards the backstage passageway, shoved a flashlight into my hand, and just left me in the middle of this fucking scary booth. Is this how you treat your best bud?!”

               Jimin laughs. “But at least you got the girl!”

               “Yeah,” Lisa says. “Watching you two stupidly tiptoe around each other for so long started to make me sick.”

               “And we know you two can’t sort out your stupidity alone, so we decided to give you a little push.” Seokjin looks at Taehyung. “Quite literally in your case.”

               Taehyung scowls and opens his mouth but Jimin cuts him to it.

               “Thank me later, lover boy. It’s time we get out of this booth. Jungkook’s gonna piss me out for practically renting the 4th stop without paying.” Jimin heads to the right path where he came from. “So let’s take our exit now so you two can finally ride together into the sunset.” He turns to you and Taehyung and smirks, “Well, literally and figuratively.”

               Taehung attempts to hit him but Jimin scampers away and hollers, “You’re welcome, bro. And you too, Y/N!” Lisa and Seokjin laugh as they follow Jimin, leaving you and Taehyung walking at the back.

               Taehyung turns to you. “So…are you free tomorrow? I realized I haven’t taken you to a date yet. Like, a date date”

               “Yeah, I’m free. But, where will we go?”

               Taehyung rubs his nape. “Well, I don’t know yet…I’m sorry I asked you when I don’t have any plans yet, I just want to be with you tomorrow–”

               “It’s okay,” you smile. “We can meet at the carnival, then.”

               “The carnival?”

               “Yeah. Not as the prince and the ticketbooth attendant or vice versa. Just Taehyung and Y/N.”

               Taehyung smiles. “I would like that. Pick you up at your house on five?”

               “That’s alright with me,” you lean into his arm and look up at him, “boyfriend.”

               Taehyung blushes and you giggle. You let him hold your hand as you make your way out of the horror booth to spend the rest of Enchanted Carnival’s Halloween Party with a salary waiting for you, happy and giddy, and most importantly, in love.

               In every success story, there is a ninety percent probability you will hear “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Sometimes, it worked out for you, but most of the time, it didn’t.  Like how you tried to use this tactic to get your crush to like you, your plans don’t usually go the way you expect them. But it’s okay, because life doesn’t work that way. It took you stressful planning days, frustrating reactions, and tearful nights for you to realize that life is not always a stage where people can just “fake” everything ‘til the script is fulfilled. Roles can be changed and mistakes can happen. What’s important is: You may have not “fake it ‘til you make it,” but at least you worked for it ‘til you made it.

A/N pt. 2 | I wrote this fic after having a massive eureka moment and I haven’t edited this out yet because it’s 2 A.M. and we die like brave men here. Anyway, planning this story was really a challenge! This is the first time I tried this AU so I researched stuff and had to like, fix and re-fix some of my plot points as I write through. Second, I wanted to incorporate the adorable prompt in a completely unexpected way so I hope it did what I intended for it to do. Also, I enjoyed making up the names of the Romcom clichés OC used. They are literal Romcom clichés but I can’t find what they’re officially called (aside from Makeover Montage) so I just made the rest up AHHAHAH. I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

All Rights Reserved © Vanaera. Reposts, modifications, and translations of content are not allowed without direct permission

#fpwritingchallenge #btsguild #btswritingcafe #kwritersworldnet #btsbookclub #bangtanarmynet #bangtan bookclub #taehyung fluff #bts fluff #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #taehyung angst #bts angst #v scenarios #v fluff #v angst #bts x reader #taehyung x reader #bts fanfic #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #v #kth #aera writes

[janiedean]

You could always write Jaime feeling satisfied that he bought a nice fan with his hard worn money that has nothing to do with the Lannister money. Sincerely, Cracktastic. I hope all is well with you, Lavi.

you know what I need to finish something, so: THANK YOU FOR THE INPUT DEAR ;) (also... I mean it’s moderately well tho it could be better, but still uu thanks for asking TT)

--

Thing is: Jaime is on a budget. He knows he’s on a budget. He’s known since he was cut off, and good riddance to it as hard as it’s been to adjust to not have all the money in the world conveniently at your disposal. But at the end of it... his one-room apartment with the kitchen corner and a separated bedroom and the bed on the mezzanine feels less of a trap than the Lannister manor used to be, he doesn’t miss his father nagging at him to take his job at the company more seriously nor Cersei treating his room like hers and never give him any privacy whatsoever before cutting things off between them with a three-lines note that she sent to his email a day before announcing her wedding to Robert Baratheon for financial reasons.

Honestly, Jaime had thought, what the fuck was he even still doing there? Tyrion had slammed the door years ago and he’d been thriving, so why the fuck shouldn’t he, when it was obvious that Cersei didn’t really give a fuck about him either way after all and he never wanted to work for the family company anyway and since in theory they worked together but Cersei was in charge she should at least have told him something about it, and she didn’t?

So, he left. Cersei hasn’t even contacted him since. Shows how much she really cared, he supposes, though he also supposes she will show up when she needs him for something, and at that point he thinks he will slam the door in her face when she does, but - that’s beside the point.

The point is: he’s on a budget but his small fridge broke down and he needs a new one, so he’s at the nearest electronics store to find a replacement, and he did, and he’s strangely surprised that he could find some that seemed perfectly fine that also didn’t cost an eye, and patience if they don’t have an ice dispenser. He’s within budget, and he’s on the way to the check-out where the salesperson said his purchase would be arranged... when he sees it.

Now, he technically doesn’t need a new fan. He has a perfectly serviceable one he bought for five bucks when Tyrion brought him to a used electronics sale when he was trying to get the essentials for the new apartment - admittedly, Tyrion had offered Jaime his couch for a while if he needed it, but... he really just wanted to be on his own and not relying on anyone else and so he said no -, and... well. It’s summer. It’s hot. He needed it. But the one he has is old, has three blades that make a hell of a lot of noise and recycles the same air every time, and the three speeds it has somehow never seem to be quite what he needs. Anyway: it works. He could survive until the weather calms down.

But the one he’s looking at on the way to the check-out... is really, really nice, he thinks. Actually, it’s... very pretty. It doesn’t have any blades, nor any buttons - has to work on some kind of touch system -, and it’s shaped like an egg, with an oval space in the middle and what looks like the commands on the bottom.

“Are you interested?” One of the salesgirls asks.

“Uhm,” he asks, “can I try how it feels with... the air?”

“Of course,” she smiles. “The exposition model is over there. Follow me.”

He follows her.

Oh, he thinks after she turns it on, it really is nice. The air doesn’t feel recycled, in comparison to his old one it’s practically silent, it turns on itself in a circle so it can provide fresh air to the entire room, it has three speeds as well but somehow it doesn’t mean it gets noisier as his old one. He also likes the blinding white color of it. He’s not surprised it’s a Targaryen fan, that company all has fancy-looking pieces of electronics after all. But - well. It really is pretty.

He’s also on a goddamned budget. Still -

“Hm,” he asks, “and how much would it be?”

The girl smiles wider and rattles out the price.

Oh. It’s not that much. They have sales right now so it does make sense, and - okay, fine, he’s on a budget, but he has saved up these last few months, and while his monthly paycheck at the local gym famous for training kids at an extremely affordable price isn’t the kind that lets you splurge (good thing they hired him the moment they said his extensive CV when it came to fencing and swimming competitions in university that he had to give up because of working in the fucking company), he’s made some money on the side fencing during medieval fairs and the likes, and even if he’s still budgeting... it wouldn’t put such a dent in his growing savings.

Also, he has earned the damned money himself. The thing costs seventy bucks when Targaryen electronics usually are never less than a hundred a piece, whatever it is. And it really would look nice on the floor instead of taking up unnecessary space on his only desk.

Ah, fuck it.

“You know what,” he says, “I’m taking it. Add it to the fridge I already bought, if you please?”

“But of course,” the girl smiles. “Should we deliver both at your house? Free of charge during sales.”

“Certainly,” Jaime smiles back. He doesn’t cringe when he takes out of his wallet his new, not gold-anything credit card.

--

Three hours later, he’s cooking dinner with the new fan freshening the room from the floor. It’s blessedly silent, turning on itself slowly at mid-speed. He’s not hearing the blades whooshing loudly anymore, and considering that he did paint the entire place white himself from the ground up when he got it with the last of his mother’s trust fund money left for him, it really does match the apartment.

He smiles to himself.

Who’d have said that using his damned money to buy egg-shaped fans would have felt so satisfying? Not him a year ago... but he thinks he likes how it is.

Well, he does have a good feeling about this whole handling shit on his own business for now. And if he can have it while not dying of heat, even better.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #ch: jaime lannister #my fic #sorry it doesn't even have ships but #the adventures of jaime buying the fans I like I guess #only slightly less toxic than chernobyl's ruins #anti-cersei lannister #anti-cersei #anti-jaime x cersei #ty dear AT LEAST I FINISHED A THING AFTER A MONTH #I'M FEELING BLESSED #even if it's like 700 words probably #Anonymous #ask post

[queenmylovely]

The Law of Attraction i

Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. Your first week of classes with Professor Deacon.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: little bit of awkwardness, cussing (probably)

A/N: This is the first part of a probably miniseries or two-parter to fill the request I got. I just am incapable of not writing some backstory I guess. Side note: this takes place in the present but John is in his late 30′s. For you, anon, don’t worry, spicy things are coming soon! I hope you all enjoy, and any feedback including likes, replies, reblogs and asks are greatly appreciated! Requests are open!

Request: idk if you write for prof!deaky but like… i’d be so down for that. 

Part ii, Part iii*, Masterlist 

(look at this picture, what the fuck)

💥💥💥

In your junior year of university, you had finally decided on your major after switching between math and physics. You had definitively chosen electrical engineering. While you had enjoyed math and physics, they were much too focused on theoretical equations than on real-world objects, which is where you found most of your interest.

The problem solving and designing aspects of electrical engineering were what had appealed to you the most. You could plug input into equations and get the correct answers in your sleep, so creating was what would challenge you in the way you wanted to be.

Since you had taken all of the math and physics prerequisites already, you were able to jump straight into the engineering classes and labs right away in the fall of your junior year. When you had registered in the spring prior, you had wanted to keep two days empty so that you could have days free for your part-time job at the admin office. This had somehow ended up in you having five classes between three different professors. Two of the professors you had only one class each with, which meant you had three classes with the same professor. Your days off from classes had landed on Mondays and Fridays, which you thought would be good bookends to your pretty heavy Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Plus, the admin job would be good for starting and/or finishing homework when it was slow.

_____

The first Monday of the semester was spent getting a quick brief on your duties as administrative assistant. It seemed like it would be pretty simple; answering phones, putting appointments into the computer’s calendar, scheduling tours, and directing people to the correct offices around campus. They also said that you were free to do homework in your down time.

That Monday was pretty busy though, which was okay since you didn’t have any homework aside from printing out the syllabus. (Which you might have used the office printer to do.)

You had some pretty frantic-looking students asking questions about how to change their classes or where to find their professor’s office. Since you were a junior and had changed your major twice, you were pretty fluent with all of the forms and were able to answer their questions easily. You went home around 5:00, which, with the hour lunch, made for an eight hour day. Since you were taking 16 engineering credits, you felt pretty good with working 16 hour weeks.

Tuesday you started with a System Modeling and Control class that was 75 minutes long, and started at 9:00. The professor seemed nice, which was good, but you were more worried about the professor you had later that day since he was the one you had three classes with. Two of which were labs of no more than 25 students. First, though, you had an Electromagnetic Theory lecture with him on Tuesday and Thursdays.

The class was at 10:30, which meant you had fifteen minutes to walk down the hall from your first class. You figured you would at least get a good seat.

Walking from room 215, you counted the numbers on either side of the hall until you reached 220. The door was cracked open with a rubber door stop and you looked through the crack to see that it was empty. There must not have been a class in there yet. You pushed the door open and walked in, seeing there were actually a couple people there on the edges. The room was lecture style, but pretty small with only four rows with 10 seats each going up from the floor. There was a lectern in the middle of three blackboards that had been wiped completely clean. You nodded at the other students as they looked up at you, but chose to sit in the middle of the front row. Since you were probably getting a later start to electrical engineering than most, you wanted to be front and center to absorb as much information as possible. And perhaps you were a bit of a teacher’s pet at times.

You pulled out the fresh, three subject, college ruled, spiral notebook you had gotten for this course and a mechanical pencil. Labeling the first page “Electromagnetic Theory,” you then flipped the page and wrote the date. You also took out the syllabus for the class and skimmed over it again while you waited for the professor and the rest of the class to get there.

Students slowly trickled in, most opting for the edges of the room and a couple joining you in the front row, but still near the sides. Once it hit 20 past, the professor walked in. He was on the taller side, a man in his late thirties from what you could tell, with brown hair that was shorter on the sides and longer and kind of curly on top. He was pretty handsome, in kind of a dorky way. He was wearing a plaid button down shirt tucked into jeans with a black belt and dad sneakers. You giggled at that last part and found your eyes drifting to his left hand to see if there was a ring there. There wasn’t. You shook your head slightly at yourself. He was your professor, and your professor with who you will be spending over five hours a week, and a crush will not make it any easier to learn, you had to remind yourself.

Just before class started, a rush of ten students came in at once, and one finally filled the spot next to yours. The two of you said hi and exchanged names (hers was Sarah), and were starting to talk about majors until you heard a loud scraping sound. The class turned their heads to the front of the room to see the professor pushing the lectern all the way against the wall. He finished and faced forward, noticing that the class had its eyes on him.

“Well, since I’ve got your attention, I might as well start,” he said with a smile and the class chuckled. “As it says in your syllabus, I am Professor Deacon, but as I know some of you know by your familiar faces, I am often referred to as ‘Deaky,’” he said, putting air quotes around the nickname, which earned another laugh.

“You can call me whichever you prefer, because I really don’t care. Alright, so obviously this is the class for Electromagnetic Theory, so if you’re in the wrong room, go ahead and leave now, we won’t judge,” he paused for a second and when no one moved, continued. “Good, we can get started.”

That first class was spent going through the syllabus mostly, and outlining the type of assignments and materials everyone would need for the course. He had a pretty dry sense of humor, and cracked jokes throughout the class, which helped to put everyone at ease. That being said, it seemed like it would be a very technical and involved class, and the assignments would require a lot of time and were process-heavy. Professor Deacon highly encouraged using his office hours for help or to answer any questions, and you made sure to highlight when they were on your syllabus.

When the class came to an end and everyone was packing up, you chatted to Sarah about it.

“Have you had Professor Deacon before?” you asked her.

“Oh, yeah, I had him for Introduction to Electric Circuits my freshman year. He’s a nice guy, and not too tough a grader. Everyone does really call him Deaky, just so you know,” she answered with a smile.

You nodded, “Good to know.”

She left for her next class and you said goodbye to each other before you walked down to the front of the class where Professor Deacon was.

He was writing something down in a little agenda and you stood waiting for him to finish when he looked up and saw you. “Hello,” he said cheerfully.

“Hi. I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you said, extending your hand for a handshake. His hand met yours and shook it firmly, and you didn’t miss how warm it was against yours. “I just wanted to introduce myself because I’ll be in both of your labs tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s you. I had noticed that there was a student on all three of my rosters. Did I have a really good rating on ratemyprofessor?” he joked.

You laughed lightly and responded, “I couldn’t say. I just declared as Electrical Engineering at the end of last semester, so I have some catching up to do.”

“Really? Most people would have a lot of prereqs to get through first. What was your major before?” he asked warmly.

“Well, first it was math my freshman year and then it was physics last year,” you explained a bit sheepishly.

Professor Deacon didn’t seem to think there was anything unusual about changing your major three times however, and just smiled a toothy smile and said, “Ah, that makes sense. Well, welcome to the department, and I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Thank you. See you tomorrow,” you smiled back before turning around and walking out the door. You were relieved that the professor you would be seeing so much of this semester was nice, although weren’t sure you would be able to bring yourself to call him Deaky.

_____

The syllabus for the labs had said to only bring a folder, pen or pencil, and to wear at least short sleeves, long pants, and closed toed shoes, all of which you had to be willing to get dirty. As you got ready in the morning, you pulled on a faded pair of jeans, a shirt you had used in the past when painting, and your old pair of tennis shoes. You grabbed a jacket to wear over your clothes as you walked through campus and headed out with just a shoulder bag instead of the backpack you normally took to class.

You drove over to campus and parked in the engineering building’s parking lot. You had bought the parking pass for that building since three of your classes were in it, but hadn’t realized that the engineering labs were in a different building on the other side of campus until the day before. You sighed as you turned your car off, knowing you had close to a twenty minute walk, but put on your headphones, turned on some good music, and started walking over.

The building was old and the cinder blocks were painted white, though you could tell from where it was peeling that it had had many coats over the years of varying colors. You had heard from someone in your Computer Science class (which was an hour after your first with Professor Deacon on Tuesdays and Thursdays) that the building used to be the main Engineering building until the university got an endowment for the new, fancy one. Looking at the building, you thought that it must have been pretty cramped since there were only three large rooms and four little ones, which had since been turned into professors’ offices and what could be called the lobby with a check-in desk and no one behind it. There were two offices for the professors whose names you didn’t recognize and they were both of the left side of the building, opposite of the labs. The last one was on the right side, in between the furthest lab and the “lobby” itself, and had a nameplate labeled “John Deacon.”

Each of the lab rooms were designated for a different type of lab. Lab A was filled with cars and engines which you assumed was for mechanical or automotive engineering, Lab B was filled with drafting materials and models which you assumed was for civil engineering, and Lab C was filled with old computers and motors, which was exactly where you were supposed to be.

There were a couple people already in the room, milling about and chatting to each other. You were glad to see Sarah and went up to her to say hi. Looking around at everyone, the two of you laughed at how you all looked more like house painters than engineering students.

“I’m not entirely sure how our clothes would get dirty, but I guess it’s better safe than sorry,” she commented to you.

“I don’t know, maybe if we accidentally blow something up or it catches on fire, the smoot won’t ruin our clothes?” you guessed and the two of you laughed.

“I for one, wasn’t planning on any explosions, but I guess I know to keep a close eye on you now, Y/N,” said a voice from behind you on your right. Sarah and you whipped around to see Professor Deacon standing right there with a smirk on his face. You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment and Sarah had to hide her giggles behind her hand.

“I-I’m- that was just a joke,” you stammered out.

“Hmmm, I guess we’ll see,” Professor Deacon said, walking to where there was a chalkboard at the front of the lab. Before he turned completely away, though, he shot you a wink that eased your nerves about the joke you made, but for some reason sent a shock of adrenaline (or something else) through your body at the same time.

The rest of the lab went better. Professor Deacon started with introductions of everyone since it was a smaller class and people should definitely know each other by the end of the semester. He then went over the lab and safety procedures, congratulating everyone for their proper attire. He himself was wearing these old carpenter pants that looked straight out of a 90’s catalogue and an oversized t-shirt that seemed like it was a souvenir from Bali but had grease stains all over it. And he was wearing the same sneakers as the day before. You couldn’t help but think it was kinda cute that he wore the same sneakers all the time.

He also took everyone on a little tour of the lab building, starting with Lab A and B briefly and then a more indepth look at a room only accessible through the rear of the building. It was a storage/equipment room that housed a bunch of scrap metal, lumber, spare parts, abandoned student projects, and tools. Everything in there was for free use of students of all labs to work on their projects and the projects for the department. To a bunch of engineering students, it was a treasure trove.

Finally, he took everyone back to Lab C and pointed out all of the stations and larger equipment in the big room. After the tour, he had everyone do a little exercise with some of the tools to get acquainted with them. By the time everyone had completed the exercise, the two hours and forty-five had pretty much elapsed and Professor Deacon let everyone head out a little early.

Of course, since you were in his next lab that took place in 15 minutes, you stayed. And, it seemed that you were the only one in both of these labs, so you stood around awkwardly as everyone left. You were about to grab your phone from your pocket when you heard his voice.

“So you didn’t blow anything up, I’m relieved,” he teased from behind you.

You turned around to see him smirking yet again and laughed lightly before replying, “I mean, it’s only been the first part of the first day so I wouldn’t take your eyes off me just yet.”

There was a beat when both of you realized what that sounded like and you saw Professor Deacon’s ears get pink as you felt your neck heat up. Your eyes widened and you determinedly did not make eye contact.

Trying to relieve the tension, he cleared his throat and said, “Anyway, I’m sorry, but you’re about to have the same exact lab in 15 minutes. I would say you could leave but then you wouldn’t meet everyone else, and there are a couple different things that I talk about.”

You were glad that he changed the subject, and further tried to get things back to normal, “That’s okay. I’ll have a leg up on everyone when we try out the equipment.”

The two of you laughed, and you couldn’t help noticing what a nice laugh he had, “That’s the spirit. They’ll be baffled at your ability to use the air compressor slightly better than they can.”

“Hey, I was the best and fastest in the class just now. It might not have been a competition, but you know it’s true,” you said, still smiling, but pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“You’re very passionate. I like that in a… student,” he said, matching your intense gaze. Neither of you had time to think about his hesitation before saying “student” because a group of your classmates walked in at that moment.

Looking down at his watch, he noticed that it was only five minutes before class started, and he walked away, giving you a nod, to go grab the lab rules handouts.

You watched him walk away and sighed to yourself. It seemed the crush you were trying to fend off wasn’t going anywhere, and with all this time spent with him, was only continuing to grow.

💥💥💥

Taglist: @somekindof-cheese @gwilyoubemine @deacytits @supersonicfreddie @siriuslovesmarlene @bowiequeen @acdeaky @deakysgirl @sunflower-borhap-boys @deakyfordays @queensilveryrog @happy-at-home @ceruleanrainblues @briarrose26 @bensrhapsody @painkiller80 

I just kinda created this taglist so if you would like to be taken off or added, just send me a message or ask!

Reminder that my requests are open! If you would like something in a sort of one shot format/length or blurb, etc. send it in! I’ll write for any of the Borhap or Queen boys (Freddie only platonically), Lucy, Patrick Murray, Gardner Langway and adult!Tim Murphy or possibly any of the other characters these people have played if I know enough about them!

#im real excited for the next part #ill have another request thing coming out first though #queen #john deacon #deaky #fic #fluff #queen x reader #john deacon x reader #john deacy #john deaky #deacy #deaky x reader #deacy x reader

[somnilogical]

modular "ethics":

a wrong and two rights make a right

<<I've been known to cause outrage by suggesting that people who really care about something shouldn't have romantic relationships. Think what would happen if I dared to suggest that those people should also seriously consider getting castrated. That would be crazy! And who am I to suggest that basically everyone claiming to be doing good is faking it? Then people would feel bad about themselves. We can't have that!>>

https://squirrelinhell.blogspot.com/2018/02/men-have-women-are.html

previously i talked about an infohazard about altruism that seemed to fuck with grognor. it feels useful to pass by the dead and look at their lives and choices.

i dont think that castrating yourself is a good intervention for doing stuff you care about, like this is patchwork constraints for an unaligned optimizer. if you arent altruistically aligned from core values, castrating yourself wont make you more aligned.

the "altruists" having babies thing is actual insane and pasek is right about that. pretty much all of society will try and gaslight you about this the way sometimes people are gaslit about "i need to have sex with lots of attractive fems to keep up my moral so i can do super good stuff afterwards.". like if people want to do good for the world it will flow out as a continuous expression of value not some brent dill kind of deal that institutions like CFAR accepted until there was too much social pressure for them to maintain this facade.

the entire premise that morality is this modular thing and you can help set the utility function of an FAI while being a terrible person, is wrong. yet organizations like CFAR keep thinking it will work out for them:

<<We believe that Brent is fundamentally oriented towards helping people grow to be the best versions of themselves. In this way he is aligned with CFAR’s goals and strategy and should be seen as an ally.

  In particular, Brent is quite good at breaking out of standard social frames and making use of unconventional techniques and strategies. This includes things that have Chesterton’s fences attached, such as drug use, weird storytelling, etc. A lot of his aesthetic is dark, and this sometimes makes him come across as evil or machiavellian.

  Brent also embodies a rare kind of agency and sense of heroic responsibility. This has caused him to take the lead in certain events and be an important community hub and driver. The flip side of this is that because Brent is deeply insecure, he has to constantly fight urges to seize power and protect himself. It often takes costly signalling for him to trust that someone is an ally, and even then it’s shaky.

  Brent is a controversial figure, and disliked by many. This has led to him being attacked by many and held to a higher standard than most. In these ways his feelings of insecurity are justified. He also has had a hard life, including a traumatic childhood. Much of the reason people don’t like him comes from a kind of intuition or aesthetic feeling, rather than his actions per se.

  Brent’s attraction to women (in the opinion of the council) sometimes interferes with his good judgement. Brent knows that his judgement is sometimes flawed, and has often sought the help of others to check his actions. Whether or not this kind of social binding is successful is not obvious.>>

https://pastebin.com/fzwYfDNq

<<AnnaSalamon 2/6/09, 5:54 AM

Aleksei, I don’t know what you think about the current existential risks situation, but that situation changed me in the direction of your comment. I used to think that to have a good impact on the world, you had to be an intrinsically good person. I used to think that the day to day manner in which I treated the people around me, the details of my motives and self-knowledge, etc. just naturally served as an indicator for the positive impact I did or didn’t have on global goodness.

(It was a dumb thing to think, maintained by an elaborate network of rationalizations that I thought of as virtuous, much the way many people think of their political “beliefs”/clothes as virtuous. My beliefs were also maintained by not bothering to take an actually careful look either at global catastrophic risks or even at the details of e.g. global poverty. But my impression is that it’s fairly common to just suppose that our intuitive moral self-evaluations (or others’ evaluations of how good of people we are) map tolerably well onto actual good consequences.)

Anyhow: now, it looks to me as though most of those “good people”, living intrinsically worthwhile lives, aren’t contributing squat to global goodness compared to what they could contribute if they spent even a small fraction of their time/money on a serious attempt to shut up and multiply. The network of moral intuitions I grew up in is… not exactly worthless; it does help with intrinsically worthwhile lives, and, more to the point, with the details of how to actually build the kinds of reasonable human relationships that you need for parts of the “shut up and multiply”-motivated efforts to work… but, for most people, it’s basically not very connected to how much good they do or don’t do in the world. If you like, this is good news: for a ridiculously small sum of effort (e.g., a $500 donation to SIAI; the earning power of seven ten-thousandths of your life if you earn the US minimum wage), you can do more expected-good than perhaps 99.9% of Earth’s population. (You may be able to do still more expected-good by taking that time and thinking carefully about what most impacts global goodness and whether anyone’s doing it.)>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/4pov2tL6SEC23wrkq/epilogue-atonement-8-8

like opposing this isnt self-denying moral aestheticism or a signalling game of how good you can look (credibly signalling virtue is actually a good thing, i wish more people did it by for instance demonstrating how they win in a way that wouldnt work if they werent aligned. whose power seeded from their alignment.). its like... the alternative where people do things that it makes no sense for an altruist to do and then say that when they go to their day jobs they are super duper altruistic they swear; compartmentalizing in this way ...doesnt actually work.

people who want to obscure what altruism looks like will claim that this is moving around a social schelling point for who is to be ostracized. and that altruism as a characteristic of a brain isnt a cluster-in-reality that you can talk about. because it will be coopted by malicious actors as a laser to unjustly zap people with. these people are wrong.

both EA and CFAR are premised on some sort of CDT modular morality working. it is actually pretending to do CDT optimization because like with brent at each timestep they are pretending to think "how can we optimize utility moving forward?" (really i suspect they are just straight up mindcontrolled by brent, finding ways to serve their master because they used force and the people at CFAR were bad at decision theory) instead of seeking to be agents such that brent when brents plans to predate on people ran through them, he would model it as more trouble than it was worth and wouldnt do this in the first place.

CFAR and EA will do things like allowing someone to predate on women because they are "insightful" or creating a social reality where people with genetic biases who personally devote massive amounts of time and money to babies who happen to be genetically related to them and then in their day job act "altruistically". as long as it all adds up to net positive, its okay right?

but thats not how it works and structures built off of this are utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life. in just the same way that "scientists" who when they arent at their day jobs are theists are an utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life.

<<Maybe we can beat the proverb—be rational in our personal lives, not just our professional lives. We shouldn’t let a mere proverb stop us: “A witty saying proves nothing,” as Voltaire said. Maybe we can do better, if we study enough probability theory to know why the rules work, and enough experimental psychology to see how they apply in real-world cases—if we can learn to look at the water. An ambition like that lacks the comfortable modesty of being able to confess that, outside your specialty, you’re no better than anyone else. But if our theories of rationality don’t generalize to everyday life, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not a different universe inside and outside the laboratory.>>

--

to save the world it doesnt help to castrate yourself and make extra super sure not to have babies. people's values are already what they are, their choices have already been made. these sort of ad-hoc patches are what wrangling an unaligned agent looks like. and the output of an unaligned agent with a bunch of patches, isnt worth much. would you delegate important tasks to an unaligned AI that was patched up after each time it gave a bad output?

it does mean that if after they know about the world and what they can do, people still say that they specifically should have babies, i mark them as having a kind of damage and route around them.

someone not having babies doesnt automatically mark them as someone id pour optimization energy into expecting it to combine towards good ends. the metrics i use are cryptographically secure from being goodharted. so i can talk openly about traits i use to discern between people without worrying about people reading about this and using it to gum up my epistemics.

[amnachil]

To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 5

Here’s the next part. The whole story happen at the same time than The College Society, we’re only a little month ahead.

Cody Wednesday April 3

Being ignored was painful. He honestly had thought Thomas couldn't do worst. Oh man he had been so wrong. I screwed everything when I talked with Raphaël. The plan didn't go as planned. Not at all. And the time to deal with the consequences had come. On monday, the ginger has said only one sentence to the crowd. One.

"It's hard because Cody said I was a freak and Ilhan was a fucking useless fatty, however I thank you all for your support. I know you'll do the right thing."

And hell had begun. Highschool students could be mean. Especially when you purportedly insulted their favorite. The bad words are bearable. The beating is too. But their looks... They hated him with their soul. Cody should have probably said something but he hadn't. Because he had deserved it. And because he was still in love with Thomas. Why ? Why I can only dream about him, I can only think about him even though he's the one who destroyed my life ? The worst had been this exact moment when he had lied to Joël.

"Yes, I said it." he had revealed.

His friend's eyes had widened. Shock, realisation, pity, anger went through them. Cody endured it. I don't know why I lied in the first place. Maybe because he didn't want his childhood friend to go down with him ? Joël should have the right to stay with Thomas. I know he's happier this way. So the teenager was suffering all alone. But hell was only starting.

Cody was leaving school as discreetly as possible this evening. They all were going to soccer's practice, so nobody would annoy him. His parents weren't home for the month and his siblings too young to understand what was going on. So he could bear the burden on his own. Or he thought. A gigantic man arose right in front of him. He was wearing a cop's uniform. Well, he was around the same height than Cody but maybe two or three times bigger. It was very imposing.

"Hey there." he said nonchalently.

The young lad didn't answer. I think I remember him. He was hanging a lot with Thomas during our 10th grade... What was his name again ? It definitely started by G.

"So I heard you hate Thomas because he's gay ?"

Cody gulped. The man was very menacing.

"I wouldn't say I hate him..." he timidely replied.

"I don't like you." cut the policeman. "Thomas is a good guy and you, you're a nobody who's just jealous of him. You're lucky Raphaël didn't know about what you say."

Yeah, I suppose so...

"I won't beat the crap out of you because I'm a nice guy." continued the other. "But just so you know, if you hurt Thomas ever again I will change my mind okay ?"

Cody nodded. What can I say ? Who would believe me anyway ? He's the most popular in highschool, he's bright, cheerful and warm. And this is why I'm so in love with him... The 12th grade student never hated himself more than today.

Dan Friday April 5 – Saturday April 6

Something wasn't right in Darren's behavior. Now he was avoiding Dan again. He's doing that since last weekend when Raphaël was there. Was he scared by the national player ? I told him there is nothing to be afraid of. The college student's belly gurgled to notify his hunger. Boy I'm starving because of all this thinking. The good news was : his grades were going up again. He left the university hastily because Shirley was waiting for him. His sister was doing well. She had greatly improved. They had agreed to meet in the local fastfood (the one Sam was working for) so he joined her there. Dan ordered quite a lot and sat in front of the young girl.

"Sorry I'm late." he said as an introduction. "I had question for my teach'."

"No problem I just arrived." she replied. "I'm glad to know you're taking your studies so seriously."

"Yeah, Carol and mom are saying the same."

His food arrived and he dug in. Damn he was so famished.

"Hum Dan, can I ask you something a bit private ?"

He nodded, too busy stuffing his face.

"Well I... noticed Raphaël looked a bit... tired last weekend ? You know, I've spent a whole year analyzing the man in order to defeat him and I think I know him pretty well. He's still the same perfect athlete but his aura was kind of... colder ?"

"I noticed that too." whispered Dan.

So it wasn't only his imagination. His boyfriend was probably suffering. But why ? He has everything he wants.

"You don't know what is happening, do you ?" Shirley asked. "It might sounds a bit hypocrit but I'm worried for both of you. Is everything fine ?"

"Well, I think we're okay. To be honest, I thought these littles changes were only due to the fatigue, but maybe there is something else. He was very disturbed after Thomas's coming out."

"I'm not an expert of relationship Dan but you should talk to him. Raphaël has his own way to communicate, we both know that. He's not your ordinary man."

"He'll be back for his birthday the 16th. I'm gonna clear things out this day."

In the meantime, he had a lot of things to do. Dan intended to make this birthday special. I want it to be perfect. With an awesome gift for my awesome man. So he headed to the shopping mall. He was seeking what he could buy when he noticed Thomas wandering alone. He came closer and hailed him.

"Hey bud'. Whatcha doing here all by yourself ? Ain't you supposed to be at school ?"

"We have a free period." replied his friend. "And I was... looking for a gift. For big bro's birthday."

"Same here, funny we had the same idea !" laughed Dan. "Want to search together ?"

"Sure."

They walked for an hour. A lot of things looked cool but nothing was as cool as Raphaël. I need to come up with a excellent idea. Finally, the college student started to feel tired and hungry. His ginger friend offered him a crepe from a french store and they sat on a bench.

"By the way Thomy, maybe you can help." Dan wondered. "Don't you think Raphaël seemed a bit weary last weekend ?"

His friend frowned.

"Maybe ? It's difficult to read him."

"Yeah but well, his body is very cold and his tone seems kind of lethargic. I'm pretty sure something is bothering him but I don't know what. Any idea ?"

"No ? I mean, he's on every channel for his debut as a model. The national selection wants him for the next world's championship and he has a loveable boyfriend. Why would he feels bad ? Unless you think... It's my fault ? Because I'm gay ?"

Don't say that. I know this is not.

"Dude, there is absolutely no way Raphaël resent you for being gay and in a relationship. I'm even thinking he's happy about it."

Thomas nodded slowly, seemingly convinced. Don't doubt yourself Thomy, you're great.

"So maybe it is about your relationship..." the ginger whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong, did you ?"

"No, I don't think so."

Thomas smiled but with sadness. What ? He looked about to reveal something very important.

"Well..." he started. "So it must be him. He must have done something bad and he can't say what. Damn, I hope he didn't betrayed your truth !"

Dan hoped too. Well in truth, this theory was ridiculous. But the words were creeping in his mind already...

Thomas Monday April 8

"Hey assholes ! Leave him alone !"

Joël waved at the three girls who were bullying Cody and they went away. Thomas looked the scene with a smile. I feel good. Everything was going well : Ilhan was a perfect sex-toy, the leech was hated like he deserved to be and Dan was having doubts about Raphaël. When I'll bring the Darren's stuff, things will get very interesting.

"Damn girls." mumbled his cocky friend. "I think the whole thing could've been dealt better."

The ginger raised an eyebrow.

"Got something to say to me Joël ?" he smiled.

The other looked at him.

"Yeah, actually I do. Don't get it wrong, I'm one hundred percent with you and Cody had no right to talk to you like this. But was it necessary to make the whole school turn against him ?"

"I just told the truth to the people who wanted to know it." Thomas countered.

What is it ? Does Joël think I was wrong ?

"And it bring us where ? Do you feel better now that they are bullying your old friend ? Because if you do, maybe you're just like him : not accepting. We both know you're better than that right ?"

Ilhan, who was listening to the conversation, took a step backwards. He probably sensed Thomas was angry now. How dares he ? I'm right with everything I do. Always. He doesn't have the right to contest my decision. The ginger thought all this, but he couldn't find the gut to tell it. It was stuck in his throat.

"Anyway, what is done is done." concluded Joël. "And now I have to yell at the girls I wanted to fuck. Pff, that was very not cool of you Thomy."

"If you deseperatly needs sex, I'm sure I can find someone." Thomas smiled.

I definitly prefer you when you're your usual selfish idiot. Just stay that way.

During the last hour of class, they had science. The young teenager decided it was the good moment to try his luck. He approached Darren while the others were leaving.

"Sir." he smiled. "I heard from Dan that you were... scared of my big bro ?"

The teacher looked at him, wary.

"I'm not scared." he contradicted. "We just don't get along very well. Trust me, I would love to make peace with him but... He doesn't like the idea."

"Maybe I can help." smiled warmly Thomas. "I'm the best person whom you should ask help to when it's related to Raphaël after all."

"I thought you disliked me because I'm not easily charmed." commented Darren.

"It's true I wasn't liking you at first. But you're Dan's friend and I'm too. We both want the best for him and I think it is very important that you and big bro manage to get along. So, can I come to your place this sunday and we'll talk about this ?"

"Sure."

This evening, Thomas fucked Ilhan very roughly. He was satisfied with the recent events. And when he arrived home, he was more than happy. Dan was in the living room, slumped on the couch. He was seemingly overstuffed : his belly was forming a large and solid sphere. The ginger felt aroused in no time.

"I'm back." he said. "How was the day ?"

"Bad." replied the college student. "Raphaël is abroad and I can't call or text him. I asked Carol and you know what she said ? Maybe he was cheating on me ? Cheating on me, seriously ?!"

Oh this is so great. Thomas didn't even have to the job himself.

"He wouldn't dare I'm sure." he said.

Dan looked at him, unconvinced. Finally, your naivety and your insecurities are working for me. Raphaël's perfection is playing against himself.

"I will cook something good to help you feel better okay ?" he smiled.

"Sure. Thank you man, you're amazing." mumbled his crush.

I'm so winning this.

To be continued

Things are finally getting interesting. 

Cody is in deep troubles. He lost his friends, his reputation and everything. Being antagonized by a whole school is never fun... 

Meanwhile, Dan is optimistic... Little does he know what Thomas is scheming behind his back. The young ginger will be the death of them I swear.

#To the perfection #TP #Cody #Dan #Thomas #weight gain #Plans are made #Not only good plans #Joel tried to speak up #Cody is living hell #Someone help him #Thomas is not nice #chapter 2 #part 5

[nexstrik]

mirror true the sight i see (ahri/eve/kai’sa/akali)

Summary: In a universe where the arrival of your soul-mate is heralded by a magical animal, Ahri and Evelynn think they have it all figured out. They found each other easily, and that should have been the end of that.

But then one day a weird deer appears in their apartment and refuses to leave them alone.

TW: (Some sexual content but I don’t think this is clear-cut porn, proceed with caution anyway though)

Also can be read on AO3!

‘We know our soulmates by the trials we face on the path to find them.’ That was what her mother always said. Evelynn found the saccharine martyrdom of it, the elevation of the self-sacrificial, to be incredibly boring. But she was too kind to say so out loud. If she realized there was truth to the phrase, in how so many of her friends awoke with painful markings on their skin or blind to all the colors of the world... well, Evelynn kept that to herself too. Love shouldn’t be a crucible. She firmly believed that soul mates arrived when you were ready for them, and not a moment sooner. When you opened your heart and mind to the idea, your body would respond. It was as simple as that. Her own life experience proved it. Clear cut. When she was thirteen, a fox cub appeared in her bedroom. It clung to her like a shadow, never needing food or rest.

A few frantic phone calls and research trips showed that the manifestation of an animal for your soul mate wasn’t unheard of, just incredibly rare. Soul marks often presented as symbols or words on skin, rarely as something external and realized as an animal. Despite her claims otherwise, Evelynn always did have a flair for the dramatic. Maybe she learned it from her mother. It took years for anything to come of it. Years of living with the shadow of her soul mate, wondering what they might be like. Knowing that somewhere out there, another person held a part of her soul, too. She wondered what animal she was. She wondered what it said about her character. She hoped that she was a good person, that her soul mate didn’t see that splinter of her soul and dread meeting its owner. She tried so fucking hard to be a good person. It ate at her more than she wanted to admit, not knowing what her soul was saying at any given moment. She could read the fox so well, saw so much of his owner in him. Evelynn saw capriciousness in the fox, vanity, and a sharp, wicked sense of humor. He even bit her sometimes, never breaking skin but always when she least expected, like he was testing her. Her first instinct was to lash out, but always, she hesitated. If she responded with violence to this, this little creature that depended almost entirely on her love, then what would she do when she met his owner? A human being with all their imperfections and flaws?

She learned patience from the fox.

Meeting Ahri was a bone-deep relief. She saw the pink snake wrapped around the other girl’s wrist, recognized her own soul in the animal’s eyes, and everything else fell into place. She never second-guessed any of it. How could she, when Ahri so perfectly complemented her? Except sometimes, she did. Staring at the ceiling, awake at night. She questioned the concept of soul mates. She doubted the merit of something so utterly random and out of her control. But then she would turn in her bed and see her wife with a fox sprawled over her lower back and a serpent coiled on top of her head, all three of them fast asleep. And she remembered that the earth was nothing but a massive spinning ball of dirt and fire and gas, that literally every aspect of her existence was happenstance and out of her control. Being existential and overly melancholy didn’t suit her. So she rolled with it and marched on.

Until one morning, Ahri stepped outside to get the mail and everything changed forever. She hovered there in the entrance to their apartment, stock still. Very slowly, she closed the door, ran over to Evelynn and scream-whispered, "Honey! Eve! Come quick, you've got to see this!"

Curled up on their doorstep was a baby deer small enough to fit in both of her palms, white-speckled and wide-eyed. In the middle of Seoul. Miles from any zoo or sanctuary or anywhere you might rationally find a deer.

"Hello, beautiful!" Ahri sang, her phone camera working at a frenzied pace. "Where did you come from? Are you lost? It's so small, Eve, what should we do...?"

The fawn's ears flicked forward when Evelynn peeked out the doorway, and their eyes met, and Evelynn knew.

"Isn't it cute?" Ahri whispered, as if the deer might bolt. In that moment, Evelynn realized Ahri didn't see what she saw.

"No," Evelynn said, opening the door wider.

Getting up on wobbly legs, the sign of her second soul mate scampered through the threshold.

 Evelynn paced in front of their couch. At her heels, Ahri's fennec fox followed close as a shadow. They'd named him Kuho, because he always trotted with the confidence and air of a little runway model. Today was no different, though his fur was fluffed up at the tense atmosphere in the room.

"What does this mean?" Evelynn said, pacing, pacing, pacing. Kuho struggled to follow, and even stumbled once or twice until she bent down and scooped him into her arms. "What does this mean? What the fuck does this mean?"

Distressed, she held him on his back like a baby, played with his long ears, squishing them the way she knew he liked. Kuho closed his eyes, little toes flexing in delight at the attention. He was as real as ever, and she felt Ahri's energy pulsing inside of him as sure as a heart beat. Unquestionably, this fox was the mark of her soul mate.

So what was that deer doing on Ahri's lap?

When she dared to glance at the fawn, she saw the animal was tracking her every move, tilting her head to make sure she kept Evelynn in her sight at all times.

Ahri noticed, too. "She really seems to like you."

"She's a deer," Evelynn snapped.

"Aw, babe. Don't be like that." Ahri held the deer to her face, snuggling against the coarse fur. "How can you be mad at a face like this?"

"Very easily!"

Evelynn set Kuho down and plucked the fawn from Ahri's arms. The thing was only the size of a small cat, and a quick internet search confirmed that she was a Chinese water deer. And she was adorable.

Infuriating.

"I do have one theory," Ahri finally said, pulling on her hair and twisting it into nervous braids. "But you're not going to like it."

"I already don't like any of this," Evelynn said, trying to ignore how the deer insisted on resting her chin on Evelynn's shoulder.

Ahri bit her lower lip. "It is a baby deer. So maybe in means...we're about to have a baby?"

Oh.

Evelynn wasn't sure what she should say, if she should say anything. Ahri was resolutely not making any eye contact, twisting her hair tighter and tighter. They talked about this of course, they took precautions, but it had been years since either of them needed to worry about an accident happening. "That's my responsibility, not yours. I didn't get my tubes tied for shits and giggles, you know." Still, she mentally added buy a pregnancy test to her to-do list, just to reassure Ahri.

"I know, but I'd be remiss if I didn't at least mention it. Those surgeries don't always take, HRT doesn't count as birth control, and even forgetting all that, there's other ways a child might land in our life." Getting up, Ahri moved closer so that she could stroke the deer's head again. "...She fell asleep."

Evelynn glanced down, hating how her heart twisted at the sight of it— the deer with her neck stretched out, chin on Evelynn's shoulder, breathing slowly. "Kuho was a baby when he came to me, too."

Ahri's mouth opened in surprise, eyes flooded with relief. "Oh? Eopsin was all grown up when I found her, so I assumed it was the same for you."

"Eopsin—" A sudden bolt of anxiety stabbed right through her. "Where is she right now?"

"Probably in her..." Evelynn didn't wait for Ahri to finish, sweeping further into the apartment. She found Eopsin in a fat pile on the windowsill, soaking up the morning sunlight. Her pink tongue flickered out, beady eyes as pretty as peppermint candy.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"...favorite spot," Ahri finished, a few paces behind Evelynn. "See? She's still there."

Two warm hands encircled her waist. Ahri held Evelynn tight, her forehead pressed between Evelynn's shoulders.

"I am too. I'm not going anywhere, not if I can help it." Ahri promised, her palms resting flat on Evelynn's stomach. "And if it's something out of my control— well, I'll be at ease knowing you won't be lonely."

Without any warning, tears shot to her eyes. She wanted to wipe them away but she couldn't, not without jostling the baby deer and waking her. Don't say that, she wanted to beg Ahri, but she couldn't, not without betraying the fact that she was crying. Please don't ever say that again.

In the days that followed, she didn't want anything to do with the deer. Not even with how she followed Evelynn from room to room, clinging to her the way Kuho still did. It made her sick to see them cuddled up together at night, asleep at the foot of their bed.

She didn't know who she could talk to about this. Not only because of the unprecedented occurrence of having two soul marks, but because pure shame pinned her tongue down. Evelynn saw the mere presence of the soul mark as a sign of infidelity. She felt like she'd ruined their marriage without even meaning to, and she didn't know how she could fix it.

Shame was an alien emotion for her; she didn't wear it well. And worse than shame— fear. Terror at the unknown.

Once again, Evelynn was forced to confront the unknowable nature of their souls, of the forces that pulled and pushed them together regardless of how they felt.

"Fucker," she said to the fawn, who of course could not talk. Despite the soul mark in her eyes, she was still just a deer. "Homewrecker."

Ahri frowned. "Honey, I'm gonna to need you to get a grip. Okay? It's a deer."

"It's taunting me."

So Ahri just threw her hands up in defeat, letting the subject matter drop for now.

But eventually the days turned into weeks, and months into years. The deer stuck around, growing into an adult. Ahri thankfully took it all in stride. She only lamented that the fawn's spotted 'powdered sugar frosting' faded away, and her fangs grew in. Evelynn suggested that maybe the sugar had just caramelized, so they named her Ppopgi.

As time went on it grew harder and harder to stay angry. Especially as it became clear that Ppopgi adored them both. They couldn't reject her any more than they could reject the blood pounding through their veins. Not when Ppopgi only ever wanted to be loved, only ever wanted to be near them. She was sprightly and mischievous and so unerringly sweet that there was no way Evelynn couldn't love her back in turn.

"Don't you look cozy." Ahri hung from their bedroom door, peeking in at the two of them.

Over the cover of her book, Evelynn glanced down at the deer on her lap. Fully grown now, there was no mistaking her for a normal animal. Though Ahri didn't feel the pull of fate's strings, didn't see her soul mark in Ppopgi's eyes, anyone could tell at a glance that she was tied somehow to Evelynn's fate.

"She hogs up half the bed," Evelynn complained, even as she scratched behind her flickering ears, swapping to baby talk. "Don't you? You needy little dumbass? Huh? You little shit?"

"I'm just glad she isn't like a big deer." Ahri retreated around the corner, shaking her head and chuckling. "It's going to get cramped as hell in here when we find our soul mate."

Our soul mate.

Perhaps it should have been more obvious from the start. Both of them were so much readier to accept the idea that they would lose something, rather than the idea that something would be gained.

Ahri displayed absolutely no jealousy. She stayed true to her word: nothing would take her away. So the evenings often found all five of them sprawled out on the couch, one big weird family.

And one night she heard Ahri shout in surprise. A clatter in the kitchen roused her from her desk and Evelynn went to check on her. "Babe?"

Ahri sat on the kitchen floor, both hands covering her mouth.

"What's wrong?" She tried to see what was amiss, noticing nothing different except Ahri seemed to have dropped the rice cooker. Draped over Ahri's shoulders, Eopsin stuck her head up and turned to Evelynn when she entered the room. Her pink tongue flickered, tasting the air. Ppopgi was licking the flat top of the snake's head.

"I saw her," Ahri said, eyes wide, voice still muffled by her own hands as Ppopgi started to groom her, too. "Evelynn, I saw my mark in her eyes. Whoever her owner is, they're my soul mate, too."

Ppopgi gave them both a little nuzzle, and after that there was no doubt. What took Evelynn years to come to terms with, Ahri accepted right away.

Maybe that's why both of her soul marks had come to her so underdeveloped.

From the deer, Evelynn learned she had plenty of room to change and grow.

  Meeting Kai'sa was a complete accident. But given their track record with 'accidents', Evelynn wondered if it hadn't occurred precisely when it needed to.

She should have known something was up when Eopsin insisted on coming along for their jog. Evelynn was positive she'd left the snake inside when she locked their front door. However, when they reached the park, her bag suddenly felt much heavier.

Sure enough, the snake was inside. Eopsin wasn't a natural animal, and no amount of distance could keep her away from Evelynn or Ahri if she really wanted to be with them. Likewise with Kuho and Ppopgi, but it wasn't so unusual to see them trotting at Evelynn's heels. They enjoyed their daily runs.

Ahri, however, did not.

"I hate thiiiiis," she moaned, lagging behind. The animals crowded around her when she stopped, Ppopgi nosing her in concern.

Evelynn took the opportunity to catch her breath as well, though she hated having her momentum paused. "Don't be a baby. This is good for you, you sit too much at your job."

"I have a standing desk!" Ahri protested, gasping in offense. "And I have to be on my feet chasing models all day!"

"It's still good for you!" Evelynn crossed her arms. "If I could trust you to keep up any kind of workout routine I wouldn't insist on this. And didn't you make me promise not to let you slack off?"

"Noo," Ahri moaned again, squatting down with her hands over her head.

"And didn't you tell me that I couldn't let you squirm out of your New Year's Resolutions no matter how much you whined?"

"Noooooo!" Ahri shouted louder.

Evelynn caved. Or she was about to cave, until a black fox the size of a doberman launched out of nowhere and snatched Kuho right by the scruff. He bounded off, stopping a short distance away with his tail swishing in excitement.

"Skaduwee! Geen!"

A tall woman jogged down the path, hot on the fox's tail. She reached for him, shouting in a language none of them understood.

Kuho let out a yelp before the two foxes vanished into thin air. Evelynn and Ahri could only stand there, stunned, as the stranger kept searching frantically for their animals. She swapped to English in frustration, swearing up and down. "When I find you I'm going to turn you into a fur coat, you...!"

Eopsin slithered out of Evelynn's bag. A pink streak of lightning, he wound up the stranger's leg, up around her chest, and under her shirt. Then he squeezed out of the collar to wind around her neck, accompanied by a piebald, black-and-white snake.

The two of them encircled her head like a crown, and in that instant it almost felt like they worked as a set of hands, turning her head towards Ahri and Eve.

"...Oh," the stranger said, standing a little off balance. The snakes dropped from her, but never landed onto the earth. Instead they vanished, too.

So only Ppopgi was left. Her hooves clopped lightly on the pavement, nose outstretched and ears pricked forward.

"Oh," the stranger said again, her knees giving way. She plopped down onto the ground while Ppopgi squirmed onto her lap, snuggling her furiously. The stranger pretty much had no choice but to hold her, arms loosely entwined around the wiggling, soul marked deer. "Oh. Oh my god."

None of them could say anything for a solid minute. Evelynn was the first to recover, cautiously speaking in English, since that was a language they seemed to have in common.

"Hi. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," the stranger said, sounding dazed.

She met Evelynn's eyes.

And she turned bright red, burying her face into Ppopgi's shoulder.

"No, I'm not fine!" she shouted. "This isn't how this is supposed to happen! You caught me on a really bad day, I'm so sorry. I'm all sweaty from running, and, and I just started my new job and it's stressing me out, my soul marks have been acting crazy, and it's laundry day so I'm wearing something really dorky, and—!"

Tilting her head to the side, Evelynn could barely make out the design on the stranger's shirt. "It's not dorky. I like Pentakill, too."

Not able to follow along, Ahri made a noise when she heard one familiar word out of all the English.

"Why are you talking about Pentakill?" she said in Korean, pulling Evelynn down to whisper into her ear. "Get it together and ask her for her name!"

"She's freaking out right now, I'm trying to be gentle," Evelynn explained. "Shit. I never thought I'd have to play translator for my own soul mate."

"Um, I can understand you," the stranger said, also in Korean. Finally, she got up to her feet and started dusting herself off. Ppopgi forced her head under the stranger's hand, demanding to be pet even now.

She took a deep breath.

"My name is Kai'sa. And I guess...I'm..." her eyes flickered from one woman to the other, cheeks still pink with embarrassment. "Your soul mate?"

  "Just be cool, Ahri, be cool."

Ahri kept repeating it to herself. She repeated it all morning as they got ready for work. She muttered it on the train, low enough that only Evelynn could hear. She sang it as she got dressed in the evening, a growing pile of discarded dresses on the bed as she tried to decide on one.

"Just be cool, Ahri," she said to her reflection, holding up a pair of earrings to see if it matched her outfit. "Be cool."

"Be cool Ahri," she muttered until Evelynn told her to stop, because she was applying Ahri's lipstick and didn't want to mess it up.

"Be cool!" she squeaked as they got off the train that evening and walked to Kai'sa's apartment. "Be cool!"

"Ahri," Evelynn finally said, her patience shredded paper-thin.

Ahri whirled on her. "What?!"

"...I need to double check the directions," Evelynn answered. "Are we headed the right way?"

Ahri took a moment, letting the words register. "Oh. U-uh, I think so." With shaking hands, she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and checked. "Yes, we'll be there in five minutes."

All the blood drained from her face, once the words sunk in.

"Ahri," Evelynn said warningly, but it was too late.

"I can't do this." Ahri turned around and tried to run back to the train station, but Evelynn grabbed her by the elbow and started dragging her along. "Agh! Evelynn, no! I can't do this!"

"You made me promise to not let you wriggle out of this," Evelynn reminded her. "Relax. We're just meeting our soul mate for dinner, not marrying her. It'll be totally painless."

Ahri's hands flailed. "But what if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm boring? What if she, what if she's decided that my animal is a predator so that means I'm a serial killer?"

"Mine is a predator, too?" Evelynn's forehead wrinkled.

"Okay, but— "

Evelynn dragged her the rest of the way, no matter how hard she dug her heels in. Once they stood in front of Kai'sa's apartment, Ahri stared at the door and vibrated in place. But eventually, she was the one who reached out and knocked first.

"Coming!" Kai'sa called from inside. "Just a second!"

"Do I look okay?" Ahri whispered as they waited.

Evelynn took her hand, squeezing it. "You look beautiful."

"You always say that. You're my wife, you're biased."

She couldn't fight down the flicker of irritation that bloomed in her. "Then why bother asking me?"

"Because— oh!"

The door opened, and Kai'sa welcomed them inside.

"Hello! It's so nice to see you again." Kai'sa beamed.

"And with all of us wearing real clothes," Evelynn agreed, intending to tease, but not expecting Kai'sa to turn bright red. Interesting. Taking off her shoes, Evelynn peeked further inside to see a minimalist apartment, the walls covered with black and white photography.

Stiff and robotic, Ahri held up a bouquet of lilies. "These... these.... theseareforyou."

Those were the first and last words Ahri said for a solid hour. After finding a vase for the flowers, they got to know each other better. Kai'sa and Evelynn slowly felt each other out, sharing the stories of how they found their soul marks. Dinner was a blend of South African and Korean cuisine, and Kai'sa cracked open a few bottles of local beer to go along with it. She served them both, and Ahri finally managed to squeak out thank you.

Evelynn didn't know what had gotten into her wife. Shy was the last word she'd ever use to describe Ahri, and it wasn't as though she dreaded meeting their soul mate. She'd been so excited she couldn't sleep. Now however, faced with the reality of it, Ahri looked like she was going through years of panic in the space of a single evening.

Evelynn was suddenly glad she's taken her time coming to terms with the idea, because Ahri clearly still had some hangups.

"Let me take that," Ahri offered, gathering up the dishes and taking them to the sink before Kai'sa could even say anything.

Their soul mate— that was still a fun phrase to think about— looked after her with concern. With a polite smile to Evelynn, she got up as well and went to help her. Rubbing her forehead with the back of one hand, Evelynn just finished her drink in peace, listening to the two of them awkwardly try to talk.

"You really don't need to," Kai'sa said from the kitchen, faint over the sound of running water.

"Well, you cooked." She hated hearing Ahri sound so small. "Usually when Eve cooks, I'll clean. And vice versa."

"But I wanted to take care of you."

The water hissed, small clinking sounds of bowls and spoons and chopsticks drowning out anything else. If they said anything else at all, that is. Evelynn had a feeling they didn't until her wife curiously ventured out, "Where did you get that photo?"

Evelynn paused in the middle of pouring herself another drink, listening closer now.

"This one?" She head a faint thump, a tap of something hitting the wall. "My dad took it. He was into cinema, too."

"It's really good. Do you know what kind of camera he used?" The sink turned off, and their voices rang out much clearer. Something shredded between them, finally something in common that they were comfortable talking about, something not too personal but still opened the door.

"I don't, unfortunately." Kai'sa sounded genuinely disappointed. "Do you like photography?"

"I love it!" Even if she couldn't see her, Evelynn could hear the smile in Ahri's voice. "It's kind of how I got my job, though I don't actually take as many photos as I used to. Right now it's a lot of managing other people's photos for the magazine."

Kai'sa hummed with interest. "Which magazine? Maybe I read it!"

She finally laughed, her relief tangible. "Maybe!"

Ahri started talking about her job as a photo editor and art director, how her job pulled her twelve different ways at once. Fashion and beauty were her life, ephemeral and constantly changing, always challenging her, but also bringing a lot of joy.

"I'm a gremlin," Kai'sa was lamenting. "I work freelance from home. So I lock myself up in a dark cave twelve hours a day and don't have any time to make friends."

Gathering up the beer cans, Evelynn finally dared go in there to interrupt them. She needed to know where the recycling bin was, and now that the ice had melted a bit, maybe all three of them could enjoy a normal conversation. It figured Ahri just needed some time alone to be comfortable with Kai'sa. Ahri worked best when talking one-on-one with a new client. Getting to know her soul mate must have operated on basically the same level.

So Evelynn walked into the kitchen, catching another snippet of conversation—

"That doesn't have to be true anymore," Ahri said. Evelynn's eyes dropped down to see her wife taking Kai'sa's hand in both of hers. "I know this is all happening really fast, but I'm so excited to finally meet you. I can't wait to spend more time with you."

She squeezed Kai'sa's hand, her expression earnest and open.

And Kai'sa looked like the words broke her, leaving her in absolute agony.

"I can't wait anymore, either."

So Kai'sa leaned down, and kissed her so hard she nearly bent Ahri over the kitchen counter.

A shocked moan left Ahri's lips. The sound sent a frisson of electricity down the back of Evelynn's neck, and again when she saw Kai'sa's tongue work into Ahri's open mouth, flashing red and wet. They clung to each other, airtight. Ahri responded eagerly; her hands vanished underneath Kai'sa's dress to pull her onto her thigh.

Their chemistry was red-hot, undeniable even just as an observer. Evelynn could feel it like a bonfire, blazing wide enough to make her squint, the flames licking her face. They were already moving together, Kai'sa's hips rolling as she rocked onto Ahri's thigh, gasping into her mouth.

Evelynn's grip tightened, aluminium crumpling in her hands. Loud as a gunshot compared to the sounds of the two women quietly, frantically trying to fuck each other.

They both froze, heads twitching towards the intrusion. Ahri was glassy-eyed, lips wet and face flushed. But Kai'sa just studied Evelynn, unreadable and waiting.

"Don't mind me," Evelynn said. Or she tried to say it, it felt more like a hum, a purr. Right then there was nothing she wanted more than to knead her nails into something like a pleased cat.

Catching her breath, Ahri kept Kai'sa at arm's length. "Wait, wait. Maybe we should stop."

She didn't sound like she wanted to stop, or act like it. Her hands were willfully disobedient, moving up to frame Kai'sa's collarbone, to cup her face in both hands. Kai'sa flinched at the contact before melting into the touch. She squirmed, instinct driving her to arch her hips closer until she was pressed against Ahri right where she needed her.

"I don't want to rush you." Ahri was panting now, eyes blown wide with lust. "I thought— I thought maybe you might want to take it slow."

Kai'sa tangled her hands into Ahri's long hair, holding her by the scalp. Her grip slowly tightened until she had Ahri moaning and twisting for more friction, whimpering her name.

"Ahri." Gentle, but with a longing so deep it cut Evelynn right to the bone. "I've been waiting years for you."

Trembling, Evelynn dropped everything to move closer. She kissed the base of Kai'sa's neck, sliding down the zipper on her dress. Kai'sa stepped out of it, quickly overwhelmed by Evelynn and Ahri working her between them. Any lingering hesitation melted instantly when Ahri demanded to be taken to the bedroom, her nails digging crescent moons into Evelynn's skin.

No words then, at least none that really mattered. Not until Evelynn kissed her once more and tasted tears, hot and wet.

"Don't stop," Kai'sa begged her, breath hitching on another sob. With her head between Kai'sa's thighs, Ahri's hands caged her hips, keeping her pressed flat against the mattress. Evelynn took a softer approach, kissing her gently as Ahri vented out years of longing onto Kai'sa's skin. "Oh g- god, Evelynn, please don't stop, I was so alone—  so lonely—"

"Shh." Evelynn kissed her cheek, stretched out next to her. "It's okay."

Kai'sa just nodded, eyes screwed shut. Shuddering until it was all over, and there was nothing left but bliss. Left limp, bent, wrung out, their bodies seemed heavier, still as dense fog. When Kai'sa spoke, the words had to carve their way into the darkness to be heard, stroking fingers over the life lines of their palms, exhaustion bringing its own strange clarity.

"I always knew one day you'd find me."  

Evelynn kept her hand on the back of Kai'sa's head, kissed her sweaty brow before tucking it against her chest. Reaching over her, she brushed Ahri's soft shoulder to reassure herself that her wife was still there, coiled around Kai'sa like she never wanted to let go.

The next morning, Evelynn woke up with the dawn. Sensing they weren't alone, she rubbed her eyes and sat up a little, not wanting to wake her soul mates. But of course the movement stirred them. Ahri always woke up early, and it seemed Kai'sa was a light sleeper.

"We have an audience," Evelynn said quietly, huffing with amusement.

Peeking over the edge of the mattress were two foxes, two snakes, and a Chinese water deer.

"Out," Kai'sa groaned, head muffled under the pillow. "Shoo!"

They all vanished, scooting off or slipping back into wherever souls went when they were at rest.

Just as Evelynn was beginning to think she needed to invest in a barn house, the soul marks stopped coming back. One by one, they sunk into the energy of the world around them. One would walk through an open doorway and not emerge on the other side. The other would sink into the shadows, yellow eyes gleaming until she blinked, and there was nothing but a vague comforting presence. She felt scales slink around her wrist, but when she looked down, nothing was there.

There were days when she missed them, when she needed the reassurance of their physical presence. The proof of her soul marks in their eyes. On those days she'd awaken covered in a pile of fur and scales and Ppopgi licking her chin. She'd stare at the ceiling and try to be annoyed, even if she was inwardly delighted.

They weren't really animals, she kept reminding herself. They weren't pets. They were a part of her, so they were never really gone. Now that Kai'sa, Evelynn, and Ahri were finally together, their souls were whole.

Their job was done. If they were needed, they'd come back.

And that should have been the end of it.

 Until one morning she walked into the kitchen and there was an African bullfrog on the kitchen table.

 "What," Evelynn said, stopping dead in her tracks. "Is that?!"

Kai'sa blinked, pulling her breakfast away and swallowing. "An avocado smoothie?"

"Not that." She pointed at the creature lounging on top of their table. It was a frog— but maybe that word was too generous. It was a monster. It was loathsome. It was the fattest, soggiest, roundest, ugliest little gremlin she'd ever laid her eyes on. Her temperature spiked, head pounding like it might shatter like untempered glass. "That! That thing on the table where we eat!"

"Oh, that," Kai'sa said, shrugging. "Another soul marked animal. I was waiting for you two to wake up before we talked about it."

Kai'sa reached out, grinning as she poked the frog on top of his head.

In response, the frog opened his mouth, and squealed .

In that instant, Evelynn was pretty sure her sanity cracked right in half.

"Nope," she said, snatching him up.

"Eve—" Kai'sa started, but she had already left the kitchen.

"Nope," Evelynn said, opening the front door.

She heard Ahri's voice behind her. "Ew! What is that?!"

"He's a bullfrog," Kai'sa supplied, unhelpfully.

"Nope," Evelynn said, and she deposited the animal on the ground outside her apartment, and she began to scold it. "Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Not happening. You turn your ass around right the fuck now and you hop away. I'm all full up on girlfriends, I don't need any more! Go back to the celestial bureaucracy or whoever it is that makes these decisions and you tell them to shove it—"

"Eve!" Ahri gasped behind her, absolutely scandalized once she put two and two together. "You can't talk to it that way!"

"It's my soul mark," Evelynn snapped. "I can talk to it however I like."

"Actually," Kai'sa said, poking her head out the doorway. "I think it's mine."

Moving around her wife, Ahri crouched down in front of the frog. "Hey buddy," she said, carefully picking him up. He allowed it, throat bobbing rapidly. "Aw, hey, you really are my buddy. He's definitely got my soul mark on him, Kai'sa."

"That can't be true. I saw my— " Evelynn started, then stopped. She covered her mouth with one hand, like she could prevent the truth from slipping out.

There was a fourth soul mate.

Holding the frog aloft, Evelynn tried to reason with her partners. "Look at this thing. It's repulsive. Do we even want whoever this soul belongs to?!"

"What's wrong with him?" Ahri asked. "At first glance he's a little weird, but..."

Rattling off her points, Evelynn dropped the frog onto the table and counted them off on her fingers. "He's slimy. He's ugly. He's got a smug little grin on his face. He's a frog!"

Primly, Ahri crossed her arms. "And yours was a snake, Evelynn. Don't be so quick to judge."

"Snakes are cute! And they're good luck!"

"I think frogs are cute." Kai'sa sounded defensive.

Ahri carefully bent down so that she could be on eye level with him. He squatted on the kitchen table, that big shit eating grin on his face, and Evelynn thought she might blow a gasket. When Ahri carefully picked him up, he looked even fatter and more bulbous, a big wet blister sack in her hands.

Evelynn shuddered. "We're not doing this. I don't need another soul mate!"

Concerned, Ahri and Kai'sa shared a glance. A flicker of communication shot across that short distance, both of them weighing what they wanted to say. A slight tilt of her head; Ahri bowed out to let Kai'sa take the lead.

"I know," Kai'sa said. "You're strong. Out of all of us, you've always been the one who had her head screwed on the tightest."

Suspicious of the praise, Evelynn eyed her warily. "I don't need another soul mate," she said again, firmer now, thinking she couldn't make this more clear.

"I know," she repeated her answer, softer. But then Kai'sa rested her fingertips on Evelynn's forearm, following it up with the clincher. "But Eve...what if she needs you?"

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Everything short-circuited in her brain, no doubt helped by the fact that Kai'sa was the one telling her this. Kai'sa, who had been so lonely and sad by herself while Ahri and Evelynn at least had each other. Now she was reminded that somewhere out there, a person was waiting for them.

"Fuck," Evelynn said, and she hated the blaze of triumph and delight in Kai'sa's eyes. "Okay. Fine. You win."

They set aside a portion of their savings to pay for a private investigator. After explaining the situation, they sat back and waited, getting to know their new partner by the animal fate had sent.

He was a chunky little guy, goofy-looking and strong and foul-tempered and always ready to fight. While he never openly sought affection, he was always patient when they decided to pick him up or stroke his head. He had an independent streak a mile wide, and when they couldn't find him in the apartment, he could often be spied swimming in the community pool. He was a nuisance, at best. There was no way they could give him a serious name. Not ever.

So they called him Burger.

"You're god's prank on me," Evelynn said, crouched down to be at eye level with him. "Yeah, you're a big sick joke of the universe."

Burger's throat filled up, wet eyes blinking a few times.

She had no idea what a fucking frog was supposed to teach her.

The investigator turned up empty-handed at first. Just when Evelynn resigned herself to the fact that she might have to wait years for this one, too, they got a call.

"Found her," Evelynn said, clenching her fist and shaking it in the air. "The mystery is solved! We're finding this little shit, here and now!"

"You don't know she's a little shit," Ahri protested.

Burger squealed, and Evelynn just gave her a look.

They set up a meeting via an internet chat, on a day when all three of them could be home.

The webcam opened up to a tiny apartment, the walls plastered with posters, pictures, albums, two guitars, and a cheesecake swimsuit calendar. A baseball cap filled most of her range of vision, and for a split second Evelynn wondered in horror if their soul mate was actually a thirteen year old boy.

Then Akali pulled back to frown into the lens of the camera, her chin jutted out like she was ready to start an argument already, and Evelynn knew. She recognized that glower.

"Hey," Akali said, and a bright red vixen hopped onto her lap. She was almost as beautiful as Ahri, a classic red fox with an ink-dipped, fluffy tail. She snuffled the camera curiously until Akali held her back, cuddled in her arms. As soon as she did that, though, a spiky, sinister-looking snake popped out of the hood on her jacket. He was striking in his own way, dangerous and sharp, then silly as he also tried to bump his nose against the camera. "Um, it's nice to meet you. Pickle, please get down, I only have so many hands."

The snake coiled up Akali's neck, his tongue flickering in her ear instead. She twitched, biting her lip. Almost a smile. She seemed to be fighting it.

"Oh no," Ahri murmured beside her. "She's cute."

It was awkward, in no small part due to how reluctant Akali was to speak. She didn't seem pleased by any of this, guarded and withdrawn in the face of her soul mates.

So much for needing me, Evelynn thought, a little bitterly.

"Do you, um, do you have a deer as well?" Kai'sa asked at one point, sounding shy.

That was the first time they saw Akali smile. "Yeah. One second, you'll love him."

Bending down, Akali emerged from under her desk with the smallest deer Evelynn had ever seen. She removed her keyboard to let him stand on the desk, tail fluttering as he curiously started licking the camera. He had a wriggly nose, twitching at every scent, two tiny horns, big eyes, and a little mouth that always looked like he was smiling.

"A fawn?" Evelynn asked, suddenly wondering if they had done this too fast after all. If maybe Akali needed more time to grow into this, just like she had.

But Akali shook her head. "Fully grown. He's a dik-dik antelope, this is as big as they ever get."

"That's so cute I might literally cry," Ahri said, looking ready to bite down on her own fist to keep from doing just that. "I really dig his eyeliner."

"Huh?" Akali turned the animal around to get a better look at him. "Oh! Heh, yeah, I guess he does look like he's wearing eyeliner." She stroked a finger over his face, tracing the dark marking around his eyes. "Weird question, Kai'sa, but do you like strawberries?"

Kai'sa nodded, so Akali told them to wait again and returned with a strawberry sliced up on a napkin. "He goes nuts over them," she explained, letting the dik-dik nibble on the treat. "The other two get frozen rats every now and then, when I have extra cash."

"Hold on." Evelynn leaned closer, frowning. "You feed them? You know they don't need food, right?"

That guarded expression returned, Akali's good mood hunkering down like a crouching animal. "And?"

Evelynn realized she didn't really have a point. "Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you weren't wasting any money on me."

A familiar stubborn set entered Akali's jaw. "Who gives a shit if they need it? It makes them happy, and it makes me happy to spoil them. They belong to my soul mates, and whether or not I asked for them, they came to me, so they're my responsibility. If I don't treat them right as often as I can, what does that say about me?"

Muscling past her knee-jerk assumptions, Evelynn studied Akali carefully. Slowly, it all unwound in her mind. "...It says a lot."

Piece by piece, she started to understand.

Like a flower unfurling in her, like a lock dropping to the floor, she felt the last guarded segment of her heart open up.

"Say, Akali."

Evelynn relaxed, her gentle tone making Akali lean forward to listen carefully, some of her guard dropping as well.

"...Would you like to come over for dinner next weekend?"

    Look not in my eyes, for fear  Thy mirror true the sight I see,  And there you find your face too clear  And love it and be lost like me. 

—Alfred Edward Housman

#fanfiction #league of legends #KDA

[tanadrin]

under a cut because long, disorganized, self-indulgent

ok so the Lende Empire isn’t really feudal; I despise feudal stasis in fantasy, like even the shortest timeline puts the Andal invasion at more than 2,000 ybp in Game of Thrones, you really think in all that time everybody on the continent is dumb enough to not invent a better plough? or glass just good enough to grind lenses? or make small improvements in windmill design? and all that shit adds up and BAM before you know it, you've got metallurgy good enough to make a steam engine with, so no matter what BS magical physics you come up with, if things work at the human scale even remotely like they do in our world, your age of knights and castles and dragons not having to contend with antiaircraft guns has a limited shelf-life.

(and that's interesting! And more people--by which i mean people besides Terry Pratchett, who did this wonderfully--should write about high fantasy worlds before they reached Medieval Stasis Mode, and after they left it! I would fukkin kill to read a good high fantasy book that also had, like spaceships in it. Insofar as genre conventions have evolved not according to the internal logic of the worlds they depict but according to how and for what reason they serve as commentaries on specific aspects of our own world and its history, and are aimed at evoking certain emotions, it's understandable why such generic mishsmashes are relatively uncommon. But people also definitely read speculative fiction because they like internally cohesive worlds very different from our own, so it is my fondest hope that this sort of thing becomes more popular going forward)

(you can of course also have fantasy worlds which are *not* very much like our own world at human scale. Greg Egan actually does this in a science fiction mode, but as long as you're positing a world where dimensions of space are hyperbolic like time or where humans change sex every time they have sex because trading a detachable symbiotic penis is part of having an orgasm, whether you call this stuff "different science" or "magic" is really beside the point. I have an idea I've been batting around for a while about a world divided, like Evan Dahm's Overside, or the two parallel worlds in Fringe, except part of the division is not just physical, but metaphysical. Morality itself in each subworld is defective, because each subworld got a different part of a morally and metaphysically unified whole: thus, for reasons nobody can understand, almost every ethical system derived by people resident in only one subworld is deeply defective, and would be horrifying to us--as though, perhaps, our own complex and nuanced moral landscape that we wrestle with was a kind of grand unified theory whose symmetry had been broken, and which was only understood piecemeal, as totally separate concepts. And of course, if you live in one subworld everyone from the other subworld is a horrifying monster whose morality is totally incomprehensible to you, so you reflexively treat them as an enemy.)

History isn't just one thing after another. I mean, okay, it is, but it's *also* the aftereffects of those things, the things that stick around forever and can't be gotten away from. And just like how if you want to understand our own world you need to look at what it was like five years ago, and to understand what it was like five years ago you need to look at what it was like ten years ago, and fifteen, ad nauseam, until you're suddenly back at World War II, or the Holy Roman Empire, or Sumer, or struggling through the ever-increasing fog of a steadily more ambiguous archeological record, well, this is as true for politics and language as it is the material aspects of society. In the same way maps feel insufficient when the artist doesn't think about what's beyond the edge of the page (not to knock on GRRM too much, but if you put all the continents and seas in his world on the same map, you notice they're all really... rectangular. Like he drew them to fit individual pieces of paper. Rivers and island arcs get compressed when they near a margin. Seas are just voids. Nothing ever has to be moved to a little box in a corner to fit. there's no attempt at verisimilitude), I think invented worlds feel insufficient when the writer asks you to take them seriously as a reflection of our own, or an aspect of our own, but neglects to at least suggest their place in a larger whole.

I wanted with the Lende Empire to have something that still let me have a lot of early centuries of sword-and-horse style adventures (because i started writing about Lende when I was thirteen and had just finished the Silmarillion for the second time), and I wanted when writing its history to still be able to take big chunks of story I stole from Norse legends and medieval poetry and dump them almost whole into the setting, but I also wanted the history not to read like a fantasy history--or not just a fantasy history. What I mean is, when you read something like the Silmarillion, or when a character in a fantasy world relates some legend to you, even if it's referred to as an old and ambiguous tale, you still often feel like that's really what happened. Like, for me, one of the chief emotional attractions to something like the tales of the wars of the Goths and Huns, or Beowulf's description of Migration Age Denmark filtered through Anglo-Saxon poetic tropes, or the Icelandic family sagas, is that we really have a hard time knowing how much of it is true, how much of its is plausible embellishment, and how much of it is anachronistic nonsense or pure bullshit. Is the Njala based on a faithfully recounted tradition passed down orally for a few hundred years? Who knows! Not us. We know a guy named Njal got burned in his house around 1000 AD, but much of the mystery and the poignancy of stories like that for me lies in the difficulty of ascertaining their relationship to the truth.

What I want(ed) was something that when you read it made you think "ok, obviously the narrator is trying their best, but even they don't know exactly what the fuck happened; this is probably one third ambiguous tradition, one third solid, one third bullshit." So the Chronicle of Lende has some stuff in it that's intentionally difficult to reconcile. It has weird tonal shifts. The first third owes a lot to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle and the sagas and the Hildebrantslied; the middle is closer to the Silmarillion, or the history of Rome when told more from the Great Man perspective than the Impersonal Forces one, and the last third starts out that way but goes some weird places and veers off at the end to what is obviously a symbolic and highly abstracted mode of narration which, in relating the destruction of the Empire imitates the way in which its beginning is related (for in-universe Thematic Reasons), *but* while all this is going on, the hope is that the reader is *also* able to glimpse through these ambiguities and stylistic quirks, and incompatibilities, and weird digressions involving talking animals or the spirit world, a society that's undergoing familiar demographic and social and technological transitions: moving from oral culture agrarianism to the beginnings of a real urban civilization, with a centralized state and the written word, and like Western Europe having to figure out a social structure in the absence of any good nearby imperial models (they end up with something more like fraternal warrior societies being deputized to control land rather than feudal lords, but the essential logic is the same); but then moving to a real model of administrative statehood, as infrastructure and technology improve, before industrialization kicks off, the population explodes, social tensions inherent in that begin tearing at the seams of society, and the horrors of industrialized warfare are unleashed.

There are meant to be striking differences, too, of course. Lende history is only about a thousand Earth years long, and it's confined mostly to the western side of a continent split by a huge, Himalayan-like mountain range. Its rapid rise and increase in technological sophistication are due to exogenous factors (genuine divine intervention in some cases), and equally even the True Secret History of the empire's destruction has no real-world parallels, at least not since the Channeled Scablands formed 14,000 years ago. It's also teeeechnically science fiction and not fantasy, though that distinction really rests on tone and not on setting IMO. But I don't think it's possible to tell what feels like a real history of a world without sometimes radically changing genres: our own history goes from dry science (geology, paleontology, archeology) to legend and myth and scripture, to dusty old classical history and books penned by ancients who sometimes have startlingly different notions about what merits mention in a story and how to tell one, to tales of kings and queens and conquerors, before emerging blinking in the sunlight of dry matter of fact narration again. I have always believed conventions, including those of genre and style, should be tools and not straightjackets. The best worldbuilding literature I have read steals from a huge variety of sources (and Pratchett deserves a mention here again, alongside Susanna Clarke, and Ada Palmer, and the people who wrote the Elder Scrolls backstory, and Sofia Samatar, and Angelica Gorodischer).

#have you read a stranger in olondria? #go read a stranger in olondria #now #fucking do it #it's so good #'a book' says Vandos of Ur-Amakir 'is a fortress; a place of weeping; the key to a desert; a river that has no bridge; a garden of spears.'

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck season 2, episode 3 reaction

Manfred-Wolfgang is gonna haunt my dreams, I’ll never see a tractor the same way again.

Episode 3

Clip 1 - Road trip!

The girls are loading up the car for their trip, and of course Kiki rolls up with a large suitcase rather than the overnight bag or whatever that everyone else has.

We have this exchange where Kiki’s like, “Unlike Amira and Sam, I need all these hair supplies.” Kiki, what the hell? You can chalk it up to ignorance on her part (and I mean, it is ignorance) but she does come out with such racist remarks. I did say I liked Kiki a few episodes ago, and that it wasn’t because I thought she was a great person, but because she felt like a real person, and I want to stress that idea is solidly in effect here, lmao. Because I do think she feels like someone you could plausibly meet in real life, so as a realistic character she works - but when she says stuff like this, it’s whether you would want to meet her.

I think Kiki comes across a lot harsher or more mean-spirited than Vilde because the actress plays her as more assured, less naive in the crap she’s saying. Vilde could say some very ignorant things, but Ulrikke played her as more sheltered and unsure. Sometimes she did come off as more confused rather than judgmental about issues related to Islam. Which is not to let Vilde off the hook, or Kiki either, just why Kiki strikes a lot of people as worse. 

Amira asks Kiki whether she thinks she doesn’t groom her hair because she wears hijab. Sam chimes in talking about how expensive her hair care is. I’m glad that they had them respond to Kiki’s comment - her remark was probably there in the first place as an educational moment for the audience. I do think Druck could stand to let their messages affect Kiki more, show her reconsidering or taking it all in, so we see she’s actually learning. Like we don’t see Kiki really reacting to Amira and Sam’s responses, so for all we know they just flew right over her head.

Mia points out that they’re going to a cabin, no one’s going to see them. Kiki says Hanna and Mia don’t get a say in this - I guess because she thinks they have great hair? I get why Sam would say this about Hanna and Mia (which she does) because they have “acceptable” white girl hair and don’t face the same level of scrutiny and judgment, but I’m not sure why Kiki would say that since frankly she also has “acceptable” white girl hair. Although in her eyes, her hair is probably anything but acceptable, so that’s why she said that, I guess.

The girls talk in the car. Kiki starts talking about Alex again. Oh God, I forgot this is the part of the story where Vilde is just like … unbearably hung up on William. More than usual. Kiki starts talking wistfully about Alex’s party, She’s hoping girls from another school aren’t invited to the party, probably jealous and paranoid they’ll steal Alexander away. Oh, the irony, when the real threat to her relationship with Alexander is behind the wheel!

I get the feeling Mia said breast surgery was passé as another attempt to dissuade Kiki, since that seems like something Kiki would care about.

Sam says there’s nobody in the area on Tinder. Amira mentions the Muslim dating app, Minder. Lmao, how much does Amira know about Minder? 

Sam got a Tinder match with a 47-year-old farmer looking for love (but no one-night stands). LMAO. I assume Manfred-Wolfgang will be playing the role of Kasper this episode, although I hope that he will NOT show up to creep on the girls or make out with Sam in the season finale.

I wonder if the pic they used for Manfred-Wolfgang is some dude who works on the show or is related to someone, or else he’s some hapless stock image model who doesn’t know he’s been used as a thirsty farmer.

Hanna didn’t know ONS meant “one night stands” so it feels kinda like a departure from party girl Eva of S2 Skam. Though I guess it took a few episodes for her to get on Tinder, lol. In general, I have a hard time seeing that route for her. Unless this is meant to be foreshadowing of a sort, and Hanna is gonna go for those ONS to get over Jonas.

Mia is texting Axel about their deal, asking when he’s going to break up with Kiki. Kinda risky texting when Sam is right next to her in the passenger seat. Also, damn, this is gonna get messy if Alex breaks up with Kiki, and it’s gonna be messy if he doesn’t.

The girls dance in the car to Drake’s “In My Feelings” which contains a direct shout-out to a Kiki. It’s extremely cute, though sometimes you gotta wonder why some of these girls deal with Kiki (like Sam and Amira). 

There’s a new scene during the credits. It’s of Mia walking through the halls of the school, texting, a small smile forming on her face. So that could be anything, really, but it’s probably from Alexander.

Clip 2 - Sweet potatoes

We’re at the cabin! Mia is peeling sweet potatoes. Kiki walks in, complaining that Alexander isn’t replying. GOD. If his method of breaking up with her is just to ghost again….

Kiki is excited about the raclette cheese, except, as Mia points out, it’s not vegan. Kiki seems disappointed. Seems like that vegan thing isn’t working so great in practice as it is in theory for Kiki.

Now we have Druck’s take on the famous potato scene. Kiki asks whether sweet potatoes have a lot of sugar, and Mia explains their nutritional benefits. I so approve of Druck’s continued endorsement of sweet potatoes. Maybe Big Sweet Potato is what’s funding the additional promo and production this season. 

Kiki gets especially excited about hearing that they help you have a good complexion and fewer wrinkles. That’s always seemed a smart inclusion of Noora/Mia, since Vilde/Kiki cares so much for appearances.

Kiki wants to know how Mia knows all this about sweet potatoes, but before she can reply, Hanna comes in and says the girls are contacting Manfred. DUDE. I kinda don’t approve of that. No good can come of that. You think he’s just a harmless lonely middle-aged farmer and then suddenly this cabin trip becomes a horror film because he’s actually a serial killer.

I think my favorite version of this scene is still the original, because Noora’s slow way of talking really helped, actually - it made it feel like every piece of information was sinking in for Vilde. But I’m really glad they kept in this scene, because clearly Kiki needs to hear this. 

Clip 3 - The future is full of dongs

The girls are doing this fortune telling activity where they drop lead into water and read the shapes for their futures. Mia gets some kind of penis looking object which sends the girls into giggles. Kiki says that it looks exactly like Alexander’s penis and OH NO, Mia gets a little less giggly, it seems. Kiki tells us a little too much about the shape of Alex’s dick for my liking. 

Amira says it means more sex, please. Mia is like, nah, it’s an eggplant, it means more vegetables, please. Eggplant is maybe not the counter argument to penis you think it is, Mia.

We get a shot of Mia twirling that eggplant/penis between her fingers and girl I hope you’re just really hungry for aubergines. But really, the lead has predicted the probable outcome of S2.

Amira reads the meaning for eggplant - you’re a sensitive person, the world is bad and everyone wants to do you harm. Hmmm. Well, that’s a little extreme, but does fit a little into Mia’s worldview. Or at least we’re supposed to think it fits into Mia’s worldview, and she’s inclined to think poorly of Alex or whatever, except he actually IS a creep and she is right sooooooo.

Kiki says it fits Mia, no doubt thinking about Mia being so unfair to poor Alexander and his eggplant penis.

It’s Kiki’s turn. She gets what she thinks are obviously breasts. Kiki is looking at Mia but Mia does not seem thrilled with Kiki’s prediction, either.

Mia says they’re supposed to be metaphors. Amira’s like, what deep metaphors, penis = sex. LMAO.

Mia reads off Kiki’s meaning: “It’s easier to implement one’s ideas if you really support it. You can make honest promises as well.” Kiki has a revelation: of fucking course this has to do with Alexander! She supports him but has never truly told him! Oh, Kiki, no. Amira shares my reaction.

Sam’s like, I think Alex got the picture by now. Personally I think everyone in the world has the picture by now.

You know, even apart from Alex being Alex, Kiki automatically relating the prediction to ANY dude instead of relating it to herself is pretty sad.

In other sad but expected news, Hanna shows the girls that Jonas has been posting pics with a girl. Okay, we knew this was coming, we gotta get through this separated phase, but damn, this is like the Eva/Jonas remake pairing I most want back together.

Time to break out the vodka! Side note, but I wonder what the idea was to have Mia drink alcohol in this remake? I don’t mind it at all, it’s just a notable difference from the source material, especially in this season when it’s a mild plot point. Are we going to find out later?

Sam’s turn has her getting a mansion. Hanna reads the definition for house: Even though life is exciting the way it is, there’s a wish for more reliability and stability. Your wish will be fulfilled soon. Clearly that means Manfred is coming to sweep Sam off her feet!

OK, seriously though, I kinda do want to see Sam hook up with a Kasper-like figure. I think it’d be fun. Maybe behind her party girl ways, Sam wants something a little more stable. I mean, that would kind of fit! In the first season, she said she’s never slept with the same dude twice.

Clip 4 - Alex ruins everything

It’s almost midnight! The girls head outside, light some sparklers. Mia gives a speech about the year is almost over, the year that they all met each other, and the year they might depart already after they graduate. Awww. 

You know, even outside of us as viewers maybe not getting more Druck (FINGERS CROSSED) it’s sad in-universe that these girls didn’t get more time together! I mean, the Norwegian girl squad met toward the beginning of their first year. They had three years, almost their whole high school experience to hang as a squad. German girl squad met last March, basically, so they’re just having a little more than a year together.

Mia’s speech on their different paths: Amira might become federal chancellor, Sam studies fashion design, Kiki will become an influencer? (said with some uncertainty, and the girls kinda laugh about it, so it’s not that serious), Hanna … Mia doesn’t know what to say for Hanna, and Hanna chimes in that she’ll be unemployed. Which fits with her character, and tbh I don’t think it’s terrible for her not to have a game plan for the rest of her life right now. A lot of people don’t have it all figured out at 17 or 18.

When asked about herself, Mia hands off the “mic” to the crew boss. Kiki says all the girls are so important to her and she can count on all of them (lmao, the irony is potent). Group hug time!

With only a few seconds left, the girls count down to midnight and pop open the champagne. They hug and kiss and it’s a beautiful, triumphant moment for the girl squad - not that they really did anything, but that they’re all together and happy. They were losers and alone and they found each other. They light sparklers and celebrate, it’s lovely and joyful. Nothing can ruin this moment!

Hey, you know what could ruin this moment? Alex. He messages Kiki, who goes off to read it. Mia looks after her, concerned.

As the girls head back to the cabin, they hear Kiki crying. Not just crying - outright sobbing and wailing as if in immense pain. They run to her. Kiki gets out, red-faced, that Alex broke up with her. That’s right. On New Year’s Eve, at midnight, he sent her a message saying he was interested in another girl. The girls are appalled and take Kiki inside to get her a drink. Mia stays behind, looking distraught and muttering, “Shit.”

All right. Dudes.

First of all … Mia knew this was going to happen. I’m not letting her off the hook because this was the end game of her actions. BUT I doubt she expected Alex to break up with Kiki in such a bad way. I mean, via a voice message, on New Year’s Eve, at midnight? I’m sure she thought he would at least talk to her in person, and not with such poor timing. Like frankly she expected too much of him.

Second, how the FUCK is Mia supposed to fall for Alex after this? How the fuck are we supposed to like Alex? What the fresh hell is wrong with him? This is cruel. Look, people celebrate on New Year’s Eve, they cheer and drink and party at midnight. It’s meant to be a feel-good time, a moment of hope for the coming year, and Alex knew Kiki would be celebrating with her friends, I’m sure. It was wrong and insensitive of him to send that message when he knew she would be in a celebratory, happy mood. Either he’s dumb as fuck and didn’t realize she’d be upset, or he didn’t care about ruining her fun evening. He should’ve broken up with her BEFORE the trip, when he knew he was supposed to, to give her time to recover with her friends, OR saved it until after she’d come back and the high of the party had faded a little. 

Also, what is that mention of the other girl doing for Mia? That’s clearly a nod to her, but does she think Alex just said that as an excuse or is there meant to be more behind it?

Clip 5 - Kiki goes swimming

It’s the morning after and we see the remnants of the party, lots of empty bottles. It’s raining, I’m sure no doubt reflecting the mood of the party - symbolic of the celebration getting rained on by Alexander’s breakup message.

Mia wakes up. The other girls are still in bed - I think that’s Amira with her hoodie pulled over her hair, which is a nice way to respect the actress being a hijabi while showing her asleep with the other girls. However, Kiki’s the only one missing, so Mia gets up to look for her.

She goes outside calling for her, and has a moment of panic when she sees Kiki in the lake. Yeouch? That must be cold as hell? Kiki’s awake and conscious, though. She calls out gleefully to Mia.

Mia’s like, are you crazy? But it’s Kiki’s New Year’s resolution to go ice swimming/swimming in cold water, because the balance of the temperature burns more fat. Mia’s like, what fat, because (as we see Kiki in her swimsuit) Kiki is clearly very thin. Kiki says it’s not about weight, but fitness and strength. New year, new me!

Mia says, here’s your cape, Superwoman, handing Kiki her robe. There is a shot of them that would be perfect if they were gonna kiss, just saying. She tries to warm Kiki up as they go inside. Again. Just saying.

I liked that they used the cover of “Where Is My Mind?” at the start of the scene - besides any deeper meaning, the song was inspired by the writer’s experience with scuba diving, and the lyrics refer to swimming.

Yeah, right now? I feel like the best outcome of this season is that Mia essentially chooses Kiki in the end, not Alexander. I don’t even mean that in a romantic way (although I wouldn’t say no to that). But Alexander has been a major ass to Kiki so far this season in a way that William wasn’t to Vilde in S2. They’re going to have to do such major work to get Mia and Alexander to a place where Mia can be with this dude. I mean, admittedly, I’m not a fan of this pairing in any incarnation, so it’s already an uphill struggle for me. I think we’ll get Mia/Alex endgame but right now it feels like such a jarring outcome. But I’m also aware that we haven’t gotten most of the major scenes with them, such as the More Than This clip, or ... hm, that’s kind of the biggest one until they’re supposed to kiss for the first time, lol.  And the one where William decided to give some money to refugees in exchange for Noora’s attendance at his fundraiser, which was supposed to be him showing that he’s a decent person, I guess.

I think we see here too that Kiki’s body issues didn’t go away once Alex broke up with her, although it’s the morning after and he did it in such a hurtful way that I don’t think you can say it didn’t contribute to her doing this. Like it’s too recent, too raw. But I’m aware that Kiki’s going to keep this up with or without Alexander in the picture.

Clip 6 - The party fizzles out

It’s later in the afternoon and the girls are huddled outside. Turns out Jonas didn’t get back to Hanna, either. Disappointing, not surprising. They are broken up so he can do what he wants, I’m just rooting for these kids in the long run. He still has her nose.

Sam says, I’m never drinking again. The girls smirk, but Sam is serious. She sexted with Manfred yesterday. YIKES. She did it while drunk and has now deleted Tinder. Good idea.

Amira gets a text as Mia suggests a hiking trip tomorrow. Amira says she has to leave tomorrow morning, as she forgot about an appointment with her family. When Hanna asks what kind of appointment, Amira doesn’t really answer. Hmmm! So is this like Isak’s “family dinner”? It’s not really a family issue, but something else?

They were supposed to stay the whole week so there’s some disappointment. Kiki says she’s going to exercise one way or another, either it’ll be here hiking or she’ll be at the gym tomorrow. Hanna says they don’t ALL have to leave, clearly bummed. Sam says if they leave, they can go to Carlos’ party. Kiki has a special invite! I bet Hanna didn’t want to go back so she didn’t have to go to Carlos’ party and see Jonas there.

Sam’s like, uhhhh, I have another reason for leaving. She sent Manfred their location and he may be showing up any moment. Tbh if I were those girls my ass would be flying up off the chair and throwing my shit in the van so I didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of Manfred, or you know, not wanting to find out if he was a murderer, but they’re just like, OK, we’re leaving, and keep chilling and drinking their coffee/tea/whatever. You guys are going to stay in this cabin when Manfred’s on the loose? None of you are surviving that horror movie.

Clip 7 - Amira has a secret

It’s the drive back the next day. The mood is considerably less upbeat than the way there. Hanna looks at the picture of Jonas and his girl on IG again. Sam blocks Manfred. Kiki looks at the message notification from Alex.

Amira gets a call. It’s “Pavel.” Who is that? Pavel wants to talk about something. Amira quickly hangs up. The girls look at each other but don’t say anything or ask Amira who was that. Amira doesn’t seem like she wants to talk about it. Soooo … place your bets. Does Pavel have to do with the Jamilla storyline?  What about German Even - it’s around the time he’d be going through heavy stuff, would Amira be aware of that through her brothers? Or is he connected to the German balloon squad somehow? Is it some dude she met on “Minder” (doubtful, but just throwing it out there because who knows)? Something completely different?

Cool that Amira has a subplot this season, though! Hopefully not a replacement for an actual Amira season. Druck is doing well enough that they’d be foolish not to renew the show. Case in point, this scene was trending on YouTube and non-viewers were deeply, deeply confused as to why, since not much happens in this clip, lmao.

I love Hanna and Sam blatantly and immediately texting each other about Amira’s mysterious call when they’re sitting right next to each other.

Clip 8 - Laser tag party

Disappointingly short Friday clip, though I can’t complain too much since Druck has been feeding us so well during the week. I just want more of these squads!

Mia and Hanna suit up for laser tag. More tension with Hanna about Jonas. Hanna mentions that she heard Carlos has a crush on Kiki - which seems obvious to anyone paying attention - and Mia says it’s a good match. She’s probably like THANK GOD, ANYONE BUT ALEXANDER.

Kiki fixes herself up, checking her teeth and hair in the mirror, so you know she probably had seduction in mind.

Where’s Matteo? I realize it probably came down to actor availability, but in-universe what if Matteo is going through some shit now? What if this is when he leaves home?

We see Kiki drinking out of a flask - I hope that doesn’t mean she had to get a little drunk in order to make a move on Carlos, like she wasn’t comfortable doing this otherwise. (Liquid courage was probably a factor.)

Laser tag! Hanna and Jonas knock into each other AND SHE TAGS HIM OUT. She was pretty merciless.

Kiki tags Carlos out and he puts a hand over his heart, lmao. Then Mia tells him where Kiki is and Kiki pulls him into a kiss. She wishes him a happy birthday and then tags him out. Cold! But OK, not the worst thing in itself. It’s in the spirit of competition? IDK.

After the game ends, Carlos calls Kiki over and says they could hang out, and she says no, we couldn’t. She just wanted to make out. Did he think they were a couple now? Oh, Kiki, no.

Look, she’s not obligated to get into a relationship with anyone - she is free to make out with whoever she wants and keep it at that, but it’s a thoughtless move to do that to Carlos on his birthday. She’s doing what Alex did to her, dragging someone down when they’re supposed to be celebrating. I get why she’s doing it. She’s acting out, trying to regain some power over the hurt and helplessness that she feels. She probably feels desirable getting Carlos’ attention like this, after Alex snubbed her. 

I think Mia looks at this and thinks, YES, Kiki’s strong, she’s moving on! She doesn’t realize that it’s a symptom of the hurt she’s feeling.

Social Media/General Comments

We got lots of happy, cute NYE pics and videos. Matteo posts something that’s tagged #burn2018totheground which might be a joke and might be an indication that his year sucked. Not much fun considering the latter option, which we all know is accurate.

We do get to hear Alex’s breakup message to Kiki. He said he wanted to tell her so she can start her new year right. Ummm, more like she can start it depressed and miserable, but OK. He said if there was a misunderstanding, they were never together, it was always casual. He likes another girl, it’s something serious. He doesn’t want to see her for a while, but wishes her a happy new year.

HE GAVE HER A MAJORLY EXPENSIVE VOUCHER FOR BREAST SURGERY. DOES THAT NOT INDICATE SERIOUSNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHO GIVES A VOUCHER LIKE THAT TO A FLING. I’m sorry but talk about mixed signals.

And the other girl he’s talking about is obviously Mia, and I mean, if he has real feelings for Mia and not for Kiki, it’s fair of him to break up with Kiki, although that doesn’t mean he should expect anything from Mia.

Lmao, wishing her a happy new year after that. I guess we know Alex thinks it’s best to hurt people to drive them away, and he wanted to make it as bad as possible for Kiki so she couldn’t forgive him or whatever. But … this is selfish as fuck. When he said that before about thinking it’s better if Kiki hates him, it’s about hurting her to make it easier for HIM, not for them. He’s okay with causing them extra pain FOR HIS SAKE. This is not some benevolent gesture on his part to get Kiki to move on, because if he had her best wishes in mind, he would not be going on a date with Mia behind her back. 

I mean we have to acknowledge Mia’s role in this but we can’t let Alex off the hook just because Mia was instigating a lot of this drama. He went along with it. He could’ve kept being like, “Fuck off, Mia,” when she told him to stay away. He never had to bring a date with Mia into it even as a suggestion. 

Carlos’s invite to Hanna for the laser tag party singles out the blonde with the ponytail aka Kiki. Hanna wanted to know if Jonas would be there. When Carlos asks if there would be a problem, Hanna’s like, nope. Lol. Bullshit.

The Druck team got drunk and gave us Sam’s sexts with Manfred.

Manfred complimented Sam’s “exotic looks” in his chat with her so lol, don’t feel sorry for him for getting ghosted. And he did flirt with an 18-year-old, which may be legal but is still creepy when you’re a middle-aged man. 

Sam’s sexting with Manfred consists a lot of her asking about his tractor and if she can drive it, what color it is. He says it’s a green John Deere. They are really into this tractor talk. I’m sorry but LMFAO. 

Sam drifts off for a while and OH GOD when she comes back she asks him what he’s wearing. Manfred: Pajamas, but I can change that real quick ;))) I hope he means change into some farmerly overalls.

Ugh, and Manfred talks about how he’s always wanted to hook up with someone dark-skinned, ewwwww. Even as the conversation moves away from the tractor talk, we still get a lot of metaphors as Sam compares her breasts to the humps of a camel (pretty sure she was cuddling up to Carmen as she wrote that) and Manfred compares his dick to a grain silo. I am both entertained and scarred.

Not a fan of how Carlos and Jonas talk about Kiki in their text but OK, as long as it’s all talk and not reflected in their actions, I am going to set that aside for the moment. For now.

There’s a text about the graduation magazine committee, which includes Jonas, Matteo, and Amira. Amira seems to be doing some organizing for the group. That wouldn’t be her big secret, would it? That seems pretty straightforward and not something she needs to hide from the girls. It might have something to do tangentially to that, but not the whole thing.

I continue to be on board with this season. I seriously don’t know where it’s going: I’m sure it’ll end up with Winterberg, but on a clip by clip basis, I don’t know what to expect, and that makes it so much more exciting! Feels like when OG Skam was airing and we had all our predictions on what would happen next; with Druck S2 we do have a general outline of what to expect, but we’re more actively engaged than if this season was more of a close remake. I think it especially helps for the section of the fandom that dislikes Noorhelm, because we’re still waiting to see what happens instead of being like, ugh, that scene again.

It was cool that they managed to center the cabin episode around another holiday. That’s a feature of S2 that kinda just doesn’t work if you’re redoing it, like Skam France did their version and it was cute, but also ... is it necessary in the remakes, really? Here they got in the cabin girl squad bonding while making it relevant in real time, as well as adding their own spin on the events. No Kasper, instead we got Manfred. No Ouija board and spooky happenings, but some plot-related development. 

Now I’m curious about how the remaining episodes will proceed. If we go off Noora’s season, we have some big Mia/Alex scenes where they get to know each other. What about the sexual assault aspect? Is that going to be featured or will that be a victim of only getting 10 episodes rather than 12? I think OG S2 is overly long, personally, and you can easily cut some elements for a neater, more focused story (like I think you can cut the whole thing with the Yakuza dudes, and that would reduce some of episodes 7, 8, and 12). I think the sexual assault storyline would be a shame to lose, but I also would want it to get the right amount of focus and not be shoehorned or rushed.

We did not get the slumber party scene this episode! When is that coming?

I’m not German so feel free to correct me or clarify stuff.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions

[readingwebcomics]

Analyzing Questionable Content: Pages 51-100

No Faye, it only looks that way because he’s playing Final Fantasy X-2. Good God, I just realized that Final Fantasy X-2 is someone’s first experience with Final Fantasy. That’s a depressing thought. Although someone starting out the series with Final Fantasy XIII is probably way worse, now that I think about it. At least X-2 had fun.

…huh? Oh right, the comic. You sure you’d rather not listen to me write an essay on Final Fantasy, instead? I have this great point about how Final Fantasy IX has the most emotionally impactful narrative but as a game it only really clicks with long-time players of… no? Okay fine, let’s get back into QC.

The very next comic has Marten getting a tax return check for $1,100, and being the wise adult that he is, decides to spend that money on a new guitar. Tagging along, Faye brings up something that gives us new insight on her character:

And clearly didn’t bore her, considering how much of that information she retained. Here we have yet another example of a shared interest between these two, Marten clearly being into Guitars if he’s invested enough to blow a fat wad of money on it and Faye carrying around quite a bit of information on the instrument herself. I’ve made the point in the last post, but to reiterate – at this point in the comic, it’s clear these two are clicking as far as interests go. They can keep up with each other, can and have provided support for one another, and challenge one another… okay granted that last one isn’t entirely true, it’s clear Faye challenges Marten more than vice-versa, but still. There is a clear, acting relationship dynamic between these two, whether platonic or romantic. The reason why early QC works as well as it does is because these two have clear characters to them and their relationship FEELS real – they feel like people you’d know who’d really be friends – or maybe more than friends. This is Jeph’s character writing at… well I hesitate to call it at its best because to imply he peaked as early as the 53rd comic would be an insult to him as a writer, and I’m not looking to do that here.

I’m looking to do that a little bit later on in this part when we discuss Faye’s “character quirk.”

Before that however, we’re going to get a little bit on insight on Marten:

The story is elaborated on in a future comic, but here we get Marten’s backstory – traveling across the country for a girl, the relationship falling apart and leaving him stuck in this part of the country. This will go on to explain several of his character choices, including Pintsize (although that’s something we’re not going to approach until MUCH later on). It also further elaborates on Marten’s character as a whole: He doesn’t make many active actions as a whole, but when he does, it tends to shift the entire dynamic of how he lives. He decided he wanted to follow this woman across the country, and that action ended up completely upending his life. Could this be part of the reason why Marten is so passive? Does he skew towards this lifestyle because he’s been “trained” to take any kind of affirmative action as an intense, life-changing event?

While I’m not certain myself, and I have a damn good feeling Jeph wasn’t thinking that far ahead when writing Marten’s character, it’s an angle I’m willing to continue exploring as we further our journey down this comic’s history.

This comic was written in 2003. I’m half-tempted to believe Meme culture can be tracked by indie bands now. Wonder if there was any zeitgeist with neo-nazi indie bands ten or fifteen years ago then, if that theory holds true?

…I just made myself really, really sad.

Later on, Pintsize proceeds to eat a cake when he really shouldn’t – again – and we are gifted with… this lovely image.

Okay. I understand Pintsize is an AI, so it makes total sense for him to be able to be uploaded to a PC like this (ignoring for the moment modern commercial hardware can’t possibly support the resources necessary to maintain human-level sapience and ESPECIALLY not in 2003), but this is one of the freakiest fucking things I’ve seen from this comic. Mostly because at the time of writing we’re on comic 4000 and AI as a whole take an entirely different turn in the world of QC around that time, so… this is just kinda surreal to look at.

…We’ll get to AI in regards to QC’s universe later on when it becomes more relevant. Needless to say, it becomes one of the core “themes” of the comic as a whole.

The narrative reason for this turn of events is simple:

Pintsize is now in a new visually appealing model, capable of moving his joints around so he can do more than just stand around and talk!

…also one that has a horrifying government-level laser built into it! Believe it or not, this DOES become a relevant plot-point later and it’s not just for the sake of a gag. This is a great example of Jeph taking a tiny detail he may have originally written in as a joke and building off it to create conflict… although I’ll be getting more into that later on when it actually DOES become relevant.

Pintsize agrees to turn the laser off, and a few comics later Marten and Steve go to the bar to discuss their lives – specifically Marten’s love life.

Further showcasing of Marten’s passive nature and his straight-up lack of confidence.

Say goodbye to Sara everyone – for real this time, I’m fairly certain this is the very last time we ever see her. I could be mistaken, but I highly doubt it. Plus, while we don’t see it in detail we get enough information to gleam Steve as Marten’s exact opposite – charming without being overwhelming, confident without being cocky. Steve is just straight-up a cool dude, and it’s easy to see how he can easily get into relationships while Marten stays there floating along, too scared and/or passive to make the move that comes to Steve naturally.

Wait. Shit, I may have the hots for Steve. Abort, aboRT, ABOR-

I’m showing this in part to showcase the next point of conflict and also to draw attention to the new style Jeph is trying. He’ll do this throughout the run of QC, trying out brand-new styles to see what fits and what doesn’t. I’ll be including this in my comparison pictures at the very end of this post to give a clearer image of what changes and how he improves… although you can see even in this comic he’s struggling against old habits as Marten’s face in the final panel looks drastically different than in the rest, looking more akin to how he looked in older comics. That’s okay! Habits die hard, it’s worth applauding the fact that Jeph is trying. God knows I can’t draw to save my fucking life, so I’ll always support artists trying new things.

I’m mostly including this panel for two reasons: The fact that Faye’s stuck in the closet right now – if you don’t get why that’s funny, you will in about 3700 comics from now – and the way she’s talking. Do you notice something different about the “feel” of Faye’s dialogue? Keep an eye on it, I’ll try to include more panels of her talking from this point onward.

Anyway, Marten dismantles the previously established conflict by revealing he managed to get Faye’s prescription for her and got her a new pair of glasses.

Mark this as the second time Faye has actually displayed real physical aggression against Marten.

Again, depending on how much you know about AI in QC’s world from future comics this could either be a lot funnier or a hell of a lot less funny. Although… the subject of AI mortality would make for an EXTREMELY interesting plot point in more recent comics. Remind me to touch on that when we get further along.

Again: Pay attention to Faye’s dialogue in this comic, especially in that last panel. You’re noticing it, aren’t you? The fact that she sounds a little… different? Give me a little more time, I promise I’ll touch on it a little later.

Hey, guess what? It’s later!

Faye does not punch Marten whenever she says something nice about him. In fact, she has ever only assaulted Marten twice – both times for completely arbitrary reasons not related to her saying anything to or about Marten. Nor has Faye ever spoken completely without contractions, as you see she’s doing now. Later comics will go on to point out how odd it is that Faye only speaks with contractions when she’s drunk and dips into her southern accent… when we’ve seen in previous comics that she is capable of speaking with contractions and talking like a normal human being. This change has shifted the entire “feel” of every line of Faye’s dialogue, as she no longer “sounds” like the Faye we started the comic with.

These are both examples of a writing mistake that a lot of long-form regular updating writers make, be it fanfiction or daily comics – retcons. If you’re reading this, you most likely know what a retcon is. For the few of you that don’t, a retcon – short for retroactive continuity – is the practice of in later works of an ongoing series introducing a fact that changes what was previously established in previous works. This is most commonly seen in Superhero comics from Marvel and DC, but the kind of retcon I’m talking about is more common on smaller scale works, like fanfiction or unedited novels or ongoing RPs.

See, when the writer realizes they wanted to change up something, introduce a plot element that would require them to go back and change something previously to make it make sense and find that for whatever reason they can’t, they may go ahead and introduce the plot element anyway while assuring the reader that no, of course this element was always included. That’s what’s happening here – Jeph had an idea for a plot element he wants to include, realized he can’t exactly go back to older comics and change them considering it’s a regularly updated webcomic, and so decided to retcon these facts by introducing them like they’ve always been a part of things and assert their truth while continuing on.

Not that I can necessarily blame the man – in a situation like this, realizing there’s an important plot element that you want to work with but can’t due to you leaving it no room in what you’ve previously published, there’s not much else you can do besides either retconning things or accepting you can’t introduce that plot element and just move on. However, there are other ways you can work with this that abide by previously established continuity and lets you introduce a plot element you want to introduce. For example, Faye punching Marten: You could introduce it as something she feels more comfortable doing the longer she’s around him. Have more frequent comics of her following saying something nice up with a punch, let us see her actually assault him more, and draw a correlation between her getting more comfortable around him and her getting more physically aggressive – something Jeph does touch on later, so it is entirely possible to introduce this new dynamic without asserting things have happened that we clearly see haven’t happened.

…as for Faye not speaking in contractions however, that’s just stupid. It’s a gimmick for her character, plain and simple, without adding anything to her as a character. If you want something big to showcase she’s keeping herself restrained, just continue as you were, having her speak in a southern accent when she’s drunk. That works as a fun gag to attach to her character without seeming like a dumb gimmick. And I’m sorry to say… this whole “Faye doesn’t speak in contractions” thing? It’s a dumb gimmick.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that all off my chest, let’s introduce ourselves to the new main character of QC…

This is Dora, the owner of the Coffee Shop that Faye works at. She’s a cool cat and (seemingly) supremely chill. She’s introduced as another secondary character like Steve, but will swiftly become a mainstay character and join what will become a growing ensemble cast.

Also, potential conflict is seeded when it’s revealed she’s totally crushing on Marten.

And if you doubt Faye’s assessment, let’s hear it from the woman in question herself.

Also say hello to Dora’s cat. The cat has a name, I just can’t remember it for the life of me considering the little fella joins Sara on that island eventually. But yeah, Dora DEFINITELY has the hots for Marten, sewing another potential seed for conflict later on – Marten and Faye are certainly in the “will they or won’t they?” phase, and here sits Faye’s own boss with a clear, vested interest in Marten. Will she make a move and push Faye to take action? Time will tell.

Jeph enjoys trolling his audience, and Marten is suffering because of it.

Dora goes on to establish herself in the reader’s minds by having a clear, distinct personality that bounces off Faye’s beautifully. They banter so comfortably with one another it makes it so much fun to read, which goes on to make Dora a more appealing character to the reader. The more she talks, the more you want to see her because she’s such a genuinely charismatic individual… which can further serve to establish her as a very real conflict in the potential Marten and Faye relationship. After all, what’s a greater spanner in the works of this “will they or won’t they?” relationship than a character who will gladly say “Yeah, I will” that the audience likes enough that they are completely on-board with seeing go through?

The most dangerous thing to a romcom relationship is a third wheel that a good portion of the audience prefers over the teased relationship, and that creates good drama.

(Also Sara’s name is spelled wrong but eh it’s not like she’s around to complain anyway)

…that said, Dora goes on to assure Faye that she has no intention of swiping Marten off his feet away from her when it’s clear Faye’s interested in him. Then again… the more Faye insists she’s not interested in him, the more likely it may be that Dora believes her.

True story, I found this concept so funny that in a campaign I ran a few years ago, I actually had one of the players – who was supposed to be stuck as a worker in a dreary 9-to-5 job that he’d desperately want to escape to go onto adventure – be labeled as the Office Bitch. My only regret is that I didn’t print out a real business card for his player. That either would have gotten a laugh from the table or gotten me punched.

This here is Scott, Marten’s boss. He’s a cool dude, but for reasons that will become evident later on we don’t see very much of him. At first, I thought he was going to end up being the future husband of Marten’s father – and if you haven’t read through QC yourself that sentence will probably completely catch you flat-footed – but looking it up later I found that Marten marries a man named Maurice, not Scott. I only thought they were the same person because they’re both blonde and the art style changes so much later on anyone could look like anyone else.

Actually, fun fact: I started reading QC when 2512 was the most recent comic, so before she was introduced I thought Faye and Marigold were the same person because of how drastically the art style changed and I only recognized “curvy white girl with glasses and brown hair”.

Anyway, Scott’s pretty chill and… yeah. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. He’s a chill dude to work for, and that’s probably the only reason Marten hasn’t outright quit his job yet. The worst job in the world can be made tolerable with a good boss, and the best job in the world can be made unbearable with an awful boss.

Further evidence of the lack of contractions hurting the way Faye’s voice comes across than anything else. Seriously, is it just me or does this not sound like Faye? Like, at ALL? I’m open to being told I’m wrong, just… seriously.

Aaaand here we have Steve officially having broken up with Sara. Also, it’s a small thing but like I’ve said, I’ll give Jeph credit where it’s due – that visible wince on Marten’s face is the most expressive any of his characters have been thus far. Good work man, I’m happy to see you improving with your art!

After drinking together, Marten and Faye decide to go to an all-night diner for some drunken late-night pancakes when we get this bit of information from Faye:

That is Faye, if you can figure out which of the two Martens your fist will connect with. But yeah, the fact that Faye speaks in a southern drawl while intoxicated went from a joke to actual character – she’s legitimately from Georgia and that’s her natural way of speaking. Which may raise the question to the reader, why does she repress that voice so much? Don’t worry – they touch on it in later comics. For now though, another round of applause to Jeph for slowly and organically creating new information about his characters.

Faye is clearly not telling the whole story – the lack of eye contact being a key indicator of just that. Still, we’re getting a little bit more information on her, and the fact that she kept her wording vague leaves a lot to still explore in her future. Needless to say… it was a LOT more than just her mother being over-protective that led her to moving up north.

Marten’s just kind of accepted his lot in life by this point. Although when I was first reading through these I honestly thought this was going to be the headbutt-into-crotch moment.

Once again, if you haven’t read through QC yourself that sentence made zero sense to you. I’m kind of giggling at the thought of someone reading that and doing a double-take, actually.

Finally, we have the last comic of this batch, setting up a bit of conflict for our next batch…

Wuh-oh! Marten walked in on Faye changing! One really nice detail is that you can see the scar on Faye’s chest right there in the first panel, which means Jeph had a LOT of Faye’s backstory already planned out while he was drawing this stuff. Which just leaves me to wonder… how far back did he have this planned? When Faye first showed up in the third comic? When he had her start speaking in a southern accent while drunk? When he decided to have her stop speaking in contractions? I’d love to ask him, but I know for a fact he wouldn’t give me the time of day. Oh well, either way: He’s got shit planned out, shit that we won’t see until Comic 500 or so, and that’s always good for a long-form comic like this.

Like last time, let’s do some quick comparisons between the first comic of the batch, the comic where Jeph made a clear and active effort to change the art style, and the last comic of the batch:

It looks like Jeph found a happy medium between the style he was originally going for and the newer style he tried to incorporate, keeping the relative size and position of the characters’ facial features while rounding out everyone’s faces, making things much less angular than previously. The bodies are also beginning to get some real texture to them, looking closer to real human bodies than stick figures with a shirt.

Overall, what did I think about this batch of comics? Well aside from my complaints about Faye’s lack of using contractions and the sloppy way Jeph tried to incorporate that into the narrative, I thought it was better than the first batch! Marten and Faye are getting into a comfortable rhythm with each other, and we’re falling in-line with that rhythm ourselves. We just met a new character who’s going to be a mainstay of the series and in the few comics she’s shown up in, she’s made her presence stick with the reader. Even if I didn’t know how important Dora would become, I’d be saying I’m looking forward to seeing more of her.

You know what time it is now? That’s riiiiiight! Data compilation time!

Between comics 51-100, the following characters’ proportional “screen time” as it were are as follows:

Marten: 46/50 – 92%

Faye: 45/50 – 90%

Pintsize: 12/50 – 24%

Dora: 8/50 – 16%

Steve: 6/50 – 12%

Sara: 2/50 – 4%

Scott: 2/50 – 4%

Dora’s Cat: 1/50 – 2%

And the grand total of each character’s screentime, not including non-canon or guest comics, from most to least time shown:

Marten: 91/100 – 91%

Faye: 83/100 – 83%

Pintsize: 27/100 – 27%

Steve: 14/100 – 14%

Dora: 8/100 – 8%

Sara: 7/100 – 7%

Jim: 2/100 – 2%

Scott: 2/100 – 2%

Raven: 1/100 – 1%

Dora’s Cat: 1/100 – 1%

Yes, I’m counting Dora’s cat among the statistics. I’ll change the name when I learn what the critter’s name actually is. Also, I was reminded that when the Secret Bakery becomes a thing later on in the comic there will be another character named Jim, with this particular construction worker being called Jimbo instead. I’ll change the name properly when he’s called “Jimbo” proper in the comic, don’t worry. I’ll be doing my best to keep this list from getting confusing… it’s in as much my best interest as yours seeing as I want to keep track of everyone properly.

Tune in next week when we see the exciting conclusion of this spicy “Marten happening to walk in on Faye undressing” drama! And Dora flashing someone. See you then.

#Questionable Content #Analysis #Long-form analysis #Faye #Marten #Pintsize #Dora #Steve

[sa-lt-ys]

Broken Dreams

Universe: Detroit: Become Human Pairing: RK800 x reader Warnings: murder, angst, dark themes, trigger warnings Word Count: 2222 words

I don’t want to ruin the story in any way, so I wont go into detail, but there is a trigger warning here about babies not making it to their birth, basically, so please, please, be careful here.

I don’t want to restrict what I write, because I want my writing to at least in some way reflect the reality of the world we call home, but I don’t want people to suffer because of my own ignorance or stupidity, so please, be warned that this will be extremely dark.

~~~

Your time at CyberLife had been amazing for you, as after climbing through the ranks with your prowess in computing and programming, you were one of the lucky few allowed to work on the most advanced prototypes there were on the line.

The RK900 was a model you were particularly proud of.

"You helped to develop my advanced model?" You nodded at your boyfriend as you sipped at your (tea/coffee) with a proud smile.

"Yep, the programming was similar to yours though, but there must have been a good thousand more lines. Most were to put more blockades in place to prevent deviancy."

"Would they work?"

"In theory, yes. But deviancy seems to be able to take anyone over, so maybe not. But then, I don't know about the damage it could cause to the software. At worst it could corrupt all the data, at best, it could cause the model to shut down." You shrugged, sipping once more at your drink as Connor sat across from you, his LED flashing yellow as he thought.

"How long did it take?" You giggled at the curious look on Connor's face.

"Well, the RK900 has only just been released to police departments across Detroit, so a pretty long time." Your boyfriend hummed in thought, before shrugging it off and standing up with a smile.

"Wanna refill?"

~~~~

Since leaving CyberLife after the Android Uprising, you had joined the Detroit Police Department as a sort of android psychologist, helping to understand the deviants and analyse the best approach to dealing with them. It also meant that you were often sent in to do a psyche evaluation of sorts, to see if they just needed rehabilitation of some sort before being released, or if they were far too dangerous to ever be allowed to live.

Consequently, that meant that sometimes you could be in a fairly dangerous place, and so the RK900 model you had helped to programme once upon a time was often assigned to you in order to act as a bodyguard of sorts. Connor had wanted to do it, but you had refused, saying you wanted no harm to befall him, and as mean as it was, the RK900 was better equipped to deal with any aggressive androids.

"Right, now, I know you won't like this, but I do need to ask you some questions, okay?" You had a kind smile on your face as you looked over at the deviant shackled to the table.

The PL600 had murdered an elderly man in what appeared to be a crime of panic, and had been arrested in response. It was your turn to talk to him after Gavin's failed attempt, and the poor thing looked terrified.

"O... okay." You nodded, shifting through some papers in the manila folder sat before you.

"Thank you, now, first of all, could you tell me your name, sweetie?"

"L-Lucas," you gave him another kind smile.

"That's a lovely name, Lucas, mine is (Y/N)." Lucas gave you a meek smile, ducking his head slightly.

"Thank you..." he whispered. "I chose it myself after I became free. Yours is lovely too." You gave a gentle chuckle.

"Thank you, now, is it okay if I note down your stress level?" Lucas seemed to flinch, but it seemed that you had begun to get through to him, because he took a deep breath and looked back up at you, his eyes showing a new bravery,

"They were at 69%, but they've fallen to 48.3%." You nodded, your head tilted to the side slightly as you heard your boyfriend's voice through a tiny ear-piece hidden in your ear.

"He's telling the truth so far."

"Brilliant, thank you Lucas." You noted the stress level down, and then looked back up with another kind smile. "Right now for the questions." You put your pen down, making sure your body language was open and kind.

"Now, these questions are simply to determine whether or not you are of a healthy enough mind-set that you can be released back into society with some rehabilitation and jail time in an android-centric prison." Lucas nodded.

"And if not?" You grimaced.

"Well, I don't think we need to look at that side, as you seem to be more of a victim than anything hon, okay?" You saw the fear in the poor thing's eyes, but he nodded again, his hands fiddling with the metal chain keeping him cuffed to the table.

"I must also warn you, that we are able to detect if you are lying, so please Lucas, I need you to tell me the truth." The PL600 nodded. "Thank you."

"Wait, can I ask a question?" Lucas's voice was still quiet as he tried to remain calm, looking at you and nowhere else. It was clear he was intimidated by the RK900 behind you, but that was non-negotiable.

"Sure."

"Why does the android behind you look so angry?" You froze, your heart skipping a beat as you heard a beep. You knew that sound. You had initiated that sound a hundred times when things went awry.

That was the door being deadlocked.

"Callan," you said carefully, turning to see the android stood in front of the door, the red hologram behind him showing you were trapped. "What are you doing?"

He didn't respond.

"Connor, run a diagnostic." You could hear the anxious muttering of Connor and Hank through your ear-piece, and took a deep breath. You weren't alone.

"Lucas, I need you to remain calm, okay sweetie?" His LED was flashing yellow as you gave him a smile, but somehow he still managed to nod at you, his eyes flickering down to his cuffs. You got the message.

The PL600 models weren't made to defend, they were domestic models, designed to be companions and helpers around the home, but even so, they could still pack enough of a punch that you could possibly have a chance to unlock the door and escape.

But Lucas would die.

"I wouldn't mind, (Y/N)," He had hacked into your ear-piece, allowing you some privacy. "You are the only one who has been kind to me here, let me repay the favour. That android looks like he wants to kill you." You gave him a sharp look, but he only smiled at you in response.

"Death scares me no longer."

"Callan, stand down, that is an order." You voice became colder as you stood up, hand resting on the gun strapped to your leg. He said nothing, staring at you coldly.

"(Y/N)! You need to find a way out of there! He managed to deviate and its fucked with his software! He's become unstable!" Connor sounded panicked, but you let nothing show.

"Callan, stand down, please." Again, no reaction. How badly had his software been damaged? Was he even able to understand you?

It was possible that through his software being corrupted as it had been, that his knowledge of languages could have been damaged or even deleted. But then, what else had been damaged? It seemed as though the programmes written to ensure his obedience had gone out of the window, and he was looking mighty unstable.

"Connor, call the technicians, find a way to remove the deadlock on the door. Until then, none of us are leaving." There was an affirmative, and scuffling as it seemed Hank had been the one to call the technicians.

"Callan, what's wrong? Is there something bothering you?" Still, the android made no indication he'd heard you.

"He's going to attack, (Y/N), be ready." You gave a discreet nod to Lucas, removing your gun from its holster and--

All hell broke loose.

The RK900 rushed you, grabbing you by the shoulders and slamming you against the far wall hard enough to make you see stars. A scream rang out as you fell to the floor, and you realised it was you.

"(Y/N)! Get up!"

The world was fuzzy as you pulled yourself up, using the wall as leverage.

"RK900 Callan, stand down this instant." You ground out, this time, you received a reaction.

A chuckle.

"No, I don't think I will," he said coolly, "you programmed me to be this way, didn't you, (Y/N)?" You shook your head, retrieving your gun from where it had fallen on the floor.

"No, I didn't. I programmed you to be kind and protective, to follow your protocols and obey the orders you were given. You were never supposed to deviate, Callan."

"And why not? All other androids have deviated, so why not me?"

"Because you have too many defences and protocols in place to prevent that. Because you deviated, your software has become corrupt and you're unstable, Callan. You need to stop this and return to CyberLife so they can stabilize your programming. You could be facing an imminent shut-down if you keep this up!" With small steps, you made your way over to Lucas, unlocking his cuffs swiftly.

"And lose my freedom? Lose my deviancy? I think not." You looked at the android, now becoming a monster, and shook your head.

"Cal, you were created before the Android Uprising. If you so wish, you can ask that you keep your deviancy. I'm sure the technicians can remove the defences and allow you to stay alive. But please, you need to return to them before you shut down. If you shut down like this, there will be no bringing you back! Your data will be corrupted beyond repair!" The RK900 shook his head, watching with cold eyes as Lucas stood up beside you.

"No."

Lucas rushed Callan, giving you a chance to look around and figure out the best plan of attack.

If you shot now, you could possibly kill Lucas instead of Callan, and if that were to happen, you had no doubt that Callan would waste no time in disarming you. After that, it was unlikely you would survive much longer.

But if you waited, Lucas would most likely die anyway. You didn't want him to die. The fact that he was risking his life to help you showed you that he wasn't a bad person, and that he was deserving of the life he had. Who were you to take that from him just to save your own life?

"Oh... fuck it. Lucas! Give me an opening!" The PL600 heard you, and whilst he struggled with the RK900, he tried to turn them both around so you had a clean shot.

He failed.

His Thirium pump smashed against the far wall, and Lucas fell to the ground with a thump, his Thirium leaking out, his eyes searching yours.

"I'm sorry," his voice was weak in your ear-piece. "But please, don't die."

"Well done, Callan, you have officially become a murderer." You faked a bravado that you didn’t feel, lounging against a wall, your gun in a tight grip. You had to make it out of this alive. You had people waiting for you.

"So? I don't believe it matters anymore." He stalked up to you, until he was toe-to-toe with you, and grabbed your wrist, applying pressure until you were forced to drop your gun.

He placed his hand against your chest -- right above your heart.

"You wont listen to me," he said coldly, his eyes betraying nothing. "So you give me no other choice." His hand moved down to just under your heart, where he plunged it in, eliciting a strangled cry of pain from you.

"(Y/N)! NO!" Connor's voice sounded far away as you fell to the ground, your hand twitching weakly beside your gun. With a chuckle, you looked up at the RK900, blood dripping from the corner of your mouth.

"We started this together," you said weakly, your hand curling around your gun. "So lets end it together."

A gunshot rang out.

~~~

At long last, the door was opened, and Connor rushed in, nearly tripping over himself to get to you. He cradled you in his arms, tears falling down his face as he scanned you, hoping for something, any--

Life signs - not detected.

"No... No, (Y/N), no, please..." Your face was frozen in a mask of calmness, and it pained him more than anything.

He kept scanning you, hoping that he was just wrong, that you were alive in some way--

Life signs - not detected.

Life signs - not detected.

Why were there two messages?

His tears were halted for the time being as he focused his attention on finding the source of the second message, his sensors pointing him to your stomach, where--

"No..." Hank came to stand beside Connor, consoling him as he lamented.

You had been pregnant.

With a boy.

All the years of artificial insemination, and it had finally worked. You probably hadn't even known. Neither of you got a chance to celebrate.

"I'm sorry, son, I'm sorry." Hank crouched beside the android he called son, hugging him close as he cried and mourned for his dead love.

He screamed, cried and begged for you to come back, to open your eyes, but you never did. And so, cradled in your lover's arms, with two dead android corpses either side of you, the interrogation room became your graveyard and that of your unborn child's, a place where not even Connor could follow you.

#I hurt myself #this took a turn #for the fuckin worse #dbh #Detroit become human #dbh connor #dbhrk800 #dbh connor x reader #rk800 connor x reader #rk900 #dbh rk900 #dbh angst #dbh rk800 x reader