Watching through OOO again to show it to some friends irl has made me appreciate Eiji more than I did before. Which was already a lot! He is still my favorite main rider for many reasons.
I've been thinking about the scene with the unicorn yummy going after Eiji, and his dream being so big that it couldn't handle it…
Especially since Eiji talked about how he wants to nurture his dream slowly in the same episode. It's just so good at showing how Eiji simultaneously has no desire but also immense desire within him at the same time.
Eiji desires nothing, yet also he desires to help others, and to have the power to help others more than anything else. Meeting Ankh made him realize this desire of his.
But in the mix of all of this he also carelessly throws away his life because of his lack of desire inside. (It's really hard for me to articulate it, so hopefully that made sense.)
Seeing this show again I can see both the lack of desire inside of him, that his trauma locked deep into the deepest recesses of himself, making him a prime vessel for the purple medals.
But also the hints of the fact that his desires are still very much there. But they are locked away deep, deep within him. His trauma seriously severed the connection he once had with his desires.
Which I can say with some experience without getting into detail, yeah, trauma can do that to a person. It makes Eiji feel especially real as a character to me in that regard. That's something that really impresses me about how he's written, the trauma he is grappling and how it affects him feels so real.
Eiji is just SUCH a good character. Man I love him so much. He speaks to me in a way that just, hits incredibly close to home and I love his arc and how he comes to cherish his own life more by the end.
Beginning the path to healing after everything he has dealt with, and learning how it is okay for him to want things again, how he can be allowed to want and desire things once again after it being sealed away for so long.
I love revisiting a piece of media and enjoying even more things about it, and seeing new things with a new lens and my appreciation deepening further. It's good.
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Jod - day 17 - Promise
Uni is starting again soon, but I don’t have much to do this semester so that is nice. I’m hoping I get to do placement soon, it’ll be awesome to actually be out in the field treating stuff, all that learning will pay off. Anyway, here’s my day 17. You guys seem to like the stories like this so why shouldn’t I provide eh?
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Masterlist
Day 17: “Don’t lie to me” | Accident | Doubt | Gaslighting |
Leader bit back a wince as they stood up from their desk. They reached out their hand to shake that of their boss. He was a large man in a fitted suit, quite differently dressed to Leader’s loose shirt and baggy pants. “We are proud of you and your team Leader. You have done a great service to the people of this nation, without looking for any credit and with major risk to you and your team’s health. I admire you, Leader. I admire you all.”
Leader smiled gratefully, pressing their fingers into the surface of their desk as their head began to feel a little fuzzy. It helped ground them a little. “Thank you. I will forward that to the team.” Boss squinted at them a little, “Are you alright, Leader? You look a little pale.” Leader shook their head, “Just a little tired, the mission really took a lot out of all of us. We are healed physically, but we are still recovering.” Boss nodded, satisfied with the answer. He stood and walked to the door, turning before he left. “Thank you again, Leader.”
As the door clicked shut, Leader collapsed back down into their chair with a huff. Their head spun as they leaned back, shutting their eyes. Bright lights danced in front of their vision making them open them again. Grunting, they lifted a hand to their right side, just under their ribs. It felt warm under the dressing.
They sighed, leaning forward and grabbing their pen with a slightly shaking hand. It was nice and cold between their fingers.
They worked for a few more hours on paperwork. It had piled up during their time in hospital. After finally scribbling their signature on the bottom of the final document, they pushed themself up from the desk, only to have their legs drop out from under them. They caught themself on the edge of the desk with their right arm, hissing in pain as their wound was pulled apart even more by sudden stretching of the skin.
They would go and see their team and then get it sorted, they decided. Their mind drifted as they thought about the cut they had received on the mission, but the doctors had cleaned it all out. Leader could manage it, it was just a cut after all, not even that deep. The doctors had better things to do with their time than treat a cut anyway. A large cut… that might be infected… They pushed the thought from their mind.
Days later, Leader was sitting in their room gently peeling the old dressing from their wound. It was hot and sticky. Strings of goo came off it as they pulled the dressing away and a light scent filled their nose. Their skin was red, swollen and sore.
“Shit.”
They lifted a cotton ball to the wound after dipping it in saline, wiping it as clean as they could while their head spun. Gritting their teeth, they put a new dressing on.
Leader finished and pulled their shirt back over their body, but as they stood they swayed, the room tilting. They fell to their knees, burying their face in their bed sheets, groaning as they tried to stop the world spinning, gripping the sheets as their body shook. After a minute, the world began to stabilise and Leader grabbed the wrappers and rubbish, standing slowly to throw them in their bin under their desk.
They shuddered as they leaned down to throw the rubbish away, a chill going down their spine. Rubbing their wound stood, they took in a sharp breath. “Leader?” They turned to see Second in Command standing in the doorway, looking concerned.
“Second! What are you doing?” Leader asked, trying to cover the slight shake in their voice. “I just came by to see how you were. You’ve been distant the past couple days. Are you feeling okay?” Leader nodded, sitting down in their chair by their desk. “Just… bogged down by paperwork, ya know. It piled up recently. Anyway, what’s up with you?”
Second raised their eyebrow, “Leader. I’ve known you since we were Cadets. I’ve been your Second for years. I know when you’re trying to change the subject on me. You can lie under pressure, but you can’t fool me.” They smirked playfully, entering the room.
Leader shook their head. “I’m fine. Just busy.”
Second raised their chin, unable to mask the face that said: ‘That’s bullshit but I know you’re not going to give me more than that’ and held out their arm to help Leader up. “Bored. Let’s do a spar later, you and me.” Leader tried to lean back casually against their desk, but their side screamed in pain as they did. “Cool, cool. Uh, well I have to get back to it, so maybe we should all get together and train as a group.” Leader flashed their best: ‘I’m fine, fuck off’ smile and went to leave the room.
Second in Command sighed, clearing their throat, “You know, if something is wrong you can tell me. No one else has to know.” Leader tensed, stopping in their tracks, their voice lowering. It can out a little more aggressively than they had intended. “I’m fine.” They walked wordlessly from the room, leaving a worried Second, who followed them, angry. “Leader. Don’t lie to me!” Leader whirled around. “Second! I’m fine. Just drop it.” They growled, before turning an walking away.
Leader sat at their desk, scribbling away at paperwork, feeling the wound getting warmer and warmer. They looked up at the sound of their door opening, but quickly returned to writing. “Leader.” The stern voice caused them to look up. “‘M busy.” They replied, ignoring the medic standing in front of them. “Leader, we need to talk.”
Leader leaned back in their chair, sighing in annoyance. They folded their hands over their stomach. “Yeah? Fine.” Medic raised their eyebrow. “I know you’ve been busy with work and I understand you’re stretched thin, but you skipped your annual checkup appointment, why?” Leader shook their head nonchalantly. “Oh, I must have forgotten… Did you want to reschedule?”
Medic sighed, putting their index fingers between their eyebrows. “Leader, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know you’ve been avoiding me.” Leader’s eyes were cold, staring straight into Medic’s soul and they saw why Leader could be intimidating. Leader was usually quite friendly to them, but this side of them sent a shiver down Medic’s spine. They suddenly understood why Leader was so good at doing interrogations. “I haven’t been avoiding you.” Leader’s voice was level and low as their eyes pierced Medic’s.
Medic wanted to avert their eyes from Leader’s stare, but they knew this game, and they wouldn’t lose to Leader. “Leader. We have to check you, come by my office tonight, 7pm, I’ll stay late especially for you.” Leader looked down for a second, losing the eye contact with Medic. “Cool, see you at 7.” They trailed off, reaching for their pen returning to their scribbling, ignoring their eyes beginning to blur.
‘That was too easy.’ Medic thought, “I’m not asking, Leader. I will take this further if I have to.” Leader shot them a look, but nodded.
Youngest wandered down the hallway, stopping as they saw Leader. The usually stoic and strong team member looked like death. “Hey, Leader. Medic was looking for you, they said you didn’t turn up for the appointment they organised.” Leader turned with unfocused eyes, “Well, I was on my way there now, actually.” Youngest frowned, “Leader, it’s 8:30, your appointment was at 7.”
Leader ran their hand through their hair, groaning frustratedly. “I’d better get going.” They mumbled, “The hospital wing is that way though?” Youngest pointed in the opposite direction, suspicious. “I have to do other things too. I’m going there after I drop off something off.” They tried to answer with a neutral, level voice, but it was quiet, wavering slightly.
Second in Command noticed the two people up ahead as they left the hallway leading to the Medic’s office. “Youngest!” They cried out, happy to see their friend cornering Leader. The team had decided to track them down when Medic had come to them, concerned that Leader hadn’t shown up for their appointment.
“Second!” Youngest called out, a glint appearing in their eye. Leader mentally let out a another frustrated groan. ‘Great, more company.’
Second rushed up to Youngest, “Leader?” they looked concerned at the state of their friend. Leader managed a weak smile. “I really have to get going. Catch up later?” They said, turning away from Second’s quickly growing scowl, their eyes boring into their back.
“Leader.” They barked, their ‘leadership’ voice coming out now. “I know you didn’t see Medic today. You look like shit. Go, now.”
Leader turned and stared back, voice dropping with venom. “So I’ve been informed. Well, I’m fine.” They let out a tiny grunt as their wound randomly panged. “Right. Just like how you were fine when you had the flu, or dislocated your elbow, or when you broke your wrist. Leader, look at yourself, you can barely stand.” Second pointed out, exasperated. “I’m just tired. It’s fine.” Leader countered.
Youngest tried to reason with their stubborn Leader. “Leader, just go and see Medic. You look awful. Second is right, I’m surprised you’re still waking around.” Leader shook their head, trying to clear the weird dizziness washing over them. “I don’t have anything wrong with me.” Leader mumbled, the world going a little blurry.
“Don’t. Lie. To. Me.” Second’s firm voice cut through the buzz in Leader’s head, but there was something hidden behind it, like they were trying not to cry. “It’s fine, I’m managing it…” Their words were slightly slurring together, “So you are sick?” “No, it’s just fin…” Leader felt their body drop as they world seemed to collapse in on itself.
Leader swayed as they suddenly dropped to the floor, landing on their right side. Second in Command rushed forward to roll them over, when they felt the heat against Leader’s side. Lifting up Leader’s shirt, they immediately saw the wet, puss stained bandage and the angry red skin surrounding it. “Holy shit.” They murmured. “Youngest, find Medic!”
Medic had heard feet running down the corridor before saw Youngest hurtling down it. “Med…ic… Come quick… Leader…” They panted, resting their hands on their knees as they tried to catch their breath. “Show me.” Medic replied, as Youngest grabbed their hand and lead them back the way they had come from.
Rounding a corner, the medic saw Leader collapsed on the floor, Second kneeling over them. They practically leapt across the hallway, sinking down beside the pale Leader and spotting the wound. Looking up at Second, unable to hide the worry on their face, they murmured, “My office, now.” The group picked up their friend, who was burning up, this was bad.
The group dragged the wounded Leader down the hallway, ending up in a small room with a bed and some basic supplies. Medic raced to put on gloves as Second and Youngest wrestled the shirt off of Leader, revealing the true extent of the wound. The medic gripped the dressing ripping it away and gasping in horror at what was underneath. “This is bad.”
The wound was rancid, dripping with goo. Second gagged, turning away, whilst Youngest stared in shock. You didn’t need to know medicine to know that that was a bad infection.
Leader woke a day later, to to sound of a machine losing it’s shit. A nurse came rushing in and pressed some buttons. “Oh, you’re awake, sleepy head. I’ll go get Medic. You’re on a lot of meds, so you’ll probably feel a little weird right now.” He remarked, noticing Leader’s eye’s moving sluggishly around the room. Seconds later, Youngest and Second, followed by the two other members of the team piled into the room, and finally Medic, squeezing in behind the four anxious teammates.
After a long lecture about the dangers of septic shock and that this could have been a lot worse, the medic’s facade seemed to break. “I’m just so fucking glad you’re okay, Leader. You were in and out all night, I didn’t know if you could do it. Your infection is really bad, the worst I’ve ever seen.” Leader raised a slow hand to the site of the wound. It felt a little better, but maybe that was meds.
“We should have it under control now, but I’ve ordered you to have mandatory bedrest until it clears.” Medic sternly informed them. Leader sank into the pillows, defeated.
“Why, Leader?” A teammate asked. “I didn’t want to make a scene…” Leader replied weakly, watching as Youngest leaned forward. Before they realised what was happening, their team was piled on top of them, hugging them gently. “Ow, guys.” Leader croaked, causing them all to jump back. “Sorry.” Second replied, they looked embarrassed. “It’s fine.” Leader smiled.
The team sat with their leader, assuring them that they wouldn’t have caused a scene, and that they shouldn’t force themself to suffer. Leader nodded, which made their head hurt. “You’re right. I… I’m sorry.”
Youngest wiped a tear from their eye, “Just. Never, ever do that again.” They poked Leader between the ribs, “Ow!” Leader flinched. “That’s for collapsing in the hall.” Another jab, “And that’s for lying to us.” “Okay, okay, you’ve made your point.” Leader shielded themself from anymore oncoming fingers.
“Rest up. We need a Leader.” Second reached out, squeezing Leader’s hand.
Leader nodded, making a silent promise to themself never to hide something like this again.
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 16: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should offer to help the travelers with their broken wagon.....
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After much internal deliberation (and some zoning out staring at butterflies), The Adventurer decides it would be best to offer his assistance. Technically, he IS still following his goal of not getting distracted, because theoretically it would make his journey much faster if he were able to catch a ride on a carriage. So really, this is all an ultimate big brain genius strategy for maximizing efficient travel.. Or, at least that sounds like a good enough justification to him.
Gathering up all of his social courage, he approaches one of the travelers fiddling with a broken wheel near the far end of the carriage and meekly asks if there's anything he could do to help.
The man was so focused on his task, he seems initially startled to look up and find someone near him. "OH..! Oh, uhh.. help? With the wagon?", he smiles pleasantly, gesturing towards a few wooden boards that are just out of his reach, "Sure, kid. If you could just hand me th-"
"Apologies, but we actually won't be needing your assistance, stranger." A taller man, surprisingly almost matching the stature of the Adventurer, suddenly slinks out from somewhere behind the carriage, sternly placing himself like a barrier in front of the man working on the wheel. Wheel Guy nervously averts his eyes, making himself smaller, silently resuming his work.
The Adventurer tries his best to maintain composure against the weight of the tall man's bitter gaze, but can't seem to muster much of a response "Aeughh,,, uh… b-but, h- Bu--HHHh,,?.."
"Look, disregard whatever my father told you, he's old, never has any clue what he's talking about. It'd be best for you to simply move along." ('Father'? They don't look alike at all, and seem to be nearly the same age..)
"W-well.. he.. he didn't really tell me anything, I me-hhH,,.. I mean, I literally just got here, s-so...."
"Good. Even more reason to be on your way."
Placing a gloved hand firmly on his shoulder, the tall man begins to motion the Adventurer away from the wagon, but a strange noise interrupts, echoing from inside. Perhaps some sort of animal sound? Or a person faintly yelling about something? Or… both?
"WH-wHggg… whAT was t-that???!!" The Adventurer immediately stops in place, pausing to listen as the tall man keeps trying to push him ahead.
"I didn't hear anything, stranger."
"No, t-there.. was dEFinitely, UHH, a-"
"Likely something in the forest."
"Wh--aah... d.. do you think it was an animal?"
The tall man continues a dramatic struggle to 'subtly' drag him further down the road, whilst the Adventurer mindlessly digs in his heels, too distracted to even notice he's being so strongly prompted to leave.
"Many animals do, indeed, exist within forests. This should not be suprising."
"...It's just.. ..eughh… s… so weird…"
"I assure you, it is not."
"I-it really sounded like.. like it came f-from insid-"
"Yes, from inside the forest. Now, please, if you would.."
The noise interrupts again. It's definitely someone, or something, in some sort of distress.. And definitely from inside of the cart.
"wHoAAGH, aa!!! T-tHat's NOT from the f-forest, that-"
The tall man fully just shoves him now, sending the Adventurer toppling across the dirt, clumsily rolling and landing just past the other side of the carriage. A mother and young child who seem to be part of the traveling group simply stare down at him with empty blank gazes, wholly unconcerned about helping him up.
As the Adventurer fumbles back to his feet (still confused as to why he was even pushed in the first place), the tall man looms by the carriage, diligently watching to ensure that he leaves.
"Travel safe, stranger."
Despite his initial obliviousness, the Adventurer begins to piece the situation together as he stares back at the man, now fully convinced something suspicious might be going on...
…What should he do next??
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Additional Information
the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
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