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roseapprentice · 7 months

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Look At It, It's Got Depression

Content Warnings: depression, ed, suicidal reasoning, ideas that could prod you toward fascism or the murder-y kind of socialism if you aren't thinking critically

I feel steadily more sure that depression evolved as a strategy to cope with times of famine & plague.

Source: I have depression and I've thought about this too much

Hear me out: What caused most premature deaths for most of history? Infectious disease. When did infections kill the most people? While we were starvation-weak.

We think of evolution as a process that refines survival skills, and that's mostly right. But the drive of natural selection is more precisely, "Make sure something with similar genes exists in the future." And our standard for similarity can get wonky.

Humans' top priority is usually offspring, and next up is a messy mashup of ourselves and whichever other humans we know and like best.

So imagine we're a group of early humans, trying to keep our loved ones alive in hungry plague times. What strategies will help? Eat rarely to keep food available. Scarf down calorie-dense food before it spoils, especially if there's a lot or there's no one around to share with. Be lethargic & pessimistic about adventures to conserve calories.

If we feel extra bad, shun the people we love for their protection. Distrust the outgroup because they're here to either spread disease or take our food. Reconcile ourselves to thoughts of death in case wandering off to die with our contagion/empty stomach becomes the best shot at survival for our friends.

What cues could our bodies rely on to trigger this response? Lack of plant life in our surroundings. Worrying mainly about how to manage limited resources. Lack of exercise because there's no food to hunt & gather. Shortage of contact with other humans because the ones that rely on us most are already dead or deathly ill.

If you're a human living in the 21st century, these cues are probably sounding awfully familiar.

Of course the strategies are useless now. Advances like motor equipment & modern fertilizer turned starvation into a purely political phenomenon; quietly fading away doesn't help your people survive politicial oppression. Cross-cultural cooperation gets more feasible and necessary with just about every new technology. Physical isolation can still block disease sometimes, but a lack of social support does the opposite. It's now possible to isolate with tools & careful timing instead of instinctive exile; and anyway medicine & sanitation have made that need a lot rarer.

If I'm right about the cause, modern human life contains a wild excess of depression triggers and a stark lack of uses for depression. It's an outmoded strategy with a stuck "on" button.

I've never seen scientific literature bring up this hypothesis (though it has to be out there somewhere). But here's why I want to tell people about my weird pet theory despite my having no research behind it:

In the worst part of my depression, I came across a post that helped me hugely. It said, "Depression is when your body wants to die but your heart wants to live."

I didn't feel at all like my heart wanted to live, but the words hit so hard that I started to wonder if it was true somewhere deep down under all the numb misery.

Any moments when I did want to live just fed directly into my desire to die; the wanting hurt so much that making it stop felt like the ultimate priority. The force of my survival instinct was twisting back on itself as if my brain was caught in some weird paper finger trap of death.

This illness was vast and insidious and frustrating and pointless.

But if depression is an adaptive trait, then my experience makes sense. My body is intermittently trying to incapacitate, starve, or kill me in order to protect the people I love. (In some cases that includes incapacitating/starving me short-term to provide for my long-term survival.)

That's a depression I can accept and outmaneuver.

I can say, "Yes, I want to protect us/them too! These people are my heart, and I want my heart to live. Thank you for also wanting that. But your methods stink."

Then I can use all possible cunning to remind my body that my presence is a blessing to my loved ones, that adventures can yeild satisfying rewards, and that there is more than enough food around for all of us to thrive if only some jerks weren't holding it hostage.

When I've laid out this idea in the past to other people with depression, they tend to eventually find it intuitive and empowering in a similar way. (Or else they start humoring me 😛)

So here's me offering it up to the internet in general to see what y'all make of it.

Final note: for the gazillionth time I'm linking to the interactive self-care website, You Feel Like Shit. I find it's an effective tool for precisely resisting this intricate self-sabatage contingency that's been stupidly built into my stupidly overcomplicated brain by stupid evolution.

(At least I think that's what happened)

#rose posted this #depression #mental illness #mental health #recovery #reblogs welcome #effort post

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theneighborhoodwatch · 1 year

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Hi! I am real new to Welcome Home and was piecing together all the stuff on the site until I realized, someone already did it!!! So thank you for this excellent collection of information! However, there was one thing I noticed that I did not see mentioned anywhere, and I am not entirely sure it is relevant but I wanted to get peoples thoughts.

The "About Us" page mentions that Ronald Dorelaine is likely the creator of the show (or Playfellow, or both?). Dorelaine is an interesting surname and I couldn't find any information about it ever having been used as a surname. I messed around with anagrams and found "R. Dorelaine" is an anagram for "Ed Lorraine", which are the first names of the famous American demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren - specifically, their collective career is responsible for a LOT of American horror, especiallg that which seems to share some themes with Welcome Home. Most notably IMO is Poltergeist, Amityville Horror, and Annabelle.

The Warrens were Roman Catholic and often participated in cases where they were tasked with assisting in investigating and/or exorcising some kind of demon or malevolent spirit from a house that, in its own metaphysical way, has "come alive". Considering the use of some demonology references (Baphomet/Tarot/"as above so below") as well as christian imagery (the cufflinks), and the obscure nature of Home's intelligence, I wondered if this was unintentional or maybe something more!! :)

It could be totally grasping at straws, but I thought it was a cool coincidence nonetheless and was curious what people (who've been familiar with the source material longer than I, lol) might think!

OHHH - this is more in the realm of speculation, i think, but that is a REALLY interesting find... my personal theory for the time being is that "dorelaine" was chosen as a surname for ol' ronnie bc of its similarity to "darling," (or in-universe, the other way around) i don't think i can really confirm whether or not either of these are intentional yet, though - both because so much of welcome home is still either under wraps or in development, and because as much as i fantasize about being a proofreader some day, i'm not the one writing welcome home. i also wanna reiterate that the cross cufflinks were scrapped, like, Right before the website first went live, and any cross imagery seems to have been relegated to home himself - although that's still significant in this context, given the third paragraph.

also! to answer your question of "so is dorelaine or the playfellow workshop the creator of the show?" - older versions of the "what's welcome home" page listed both as the show's creator interchangeably, but after the january 14th update, it only lists the playfellow workshop as the producer/creator, meanwhile ronald dorelaine's name is relegated to the "about us" page, and with more ambiguous phrasing to boot (i.e. "he must be the creator [of welcome home and/or the playfellow workshop" rather than "he is the creator.")

tl;dr: is it intentional? i have no idea. is it a really neat observation regardless though? absolutely yes.

this whole thing, though, does get me thinking about the concept of haunted objects/locations in the context of welcome home. ever since the january 14th update, the website itself seems to be acting as a prologue to the rest of the story, and so far has been playing out as a much more typical horror story than one would expect - there's a plucky everyman research team, mysterious lost media with an even more mysterious creator, and a strange puppet (or at least, the most prominent of the bunch) seemingly haunting their website for reasons yet unknown. i believe this is intentional, though - from the way clown himself describes the project on his website, welcome home seems much more interested in the puppets' perspective than anyone else's. the question is no longer "wouldn't it be fucked up if puppets killed you?" but "wouldn't it be fucked up to be a puppet?" in that sense, i think it's strangely appropriate that our introduction to this project - to these characters - is filtered through others' perceptions of them. even wally, who you'd think would be the obvious exception, seems hesitant to reveal too much right off the bat (or equally likely, he's being as straightforward as he can be, and there's something very very important he isn't taking into account.)

i don't think welcome home is a Literal ghost/posession story, if it is such a story at all - i feel that would be too easy, almost, to have everything be explained by "a ghost/demon did it" - but i have to wonder, if we frame the events of welcome home (or what we've glimpsed of them so far) as a haunting Of Some Sort: are the neighbors doing the haunting, desperate for communication but unable to leave the town that was built for them even after it stopped being of any use to its creators? or are they themselves being haunted, their existence both sustained and horribly limited by human interference, shaped by ideals they barely even comprehend? is it both? "as above, so below" - commonly understood to be talking about celestial mechanics's effects on terrestrial happenings (the seasons, the tide, etc.) i have seen it also summarized as "what happens in a higher realm or plane of existence also happens in a lower realm and vice versa," and that is interesting, isn't it? i cannot speak to the presence of demonology in welcome home proper, as the baphomet imagery seems exclusive to some relatively Ancient concept art for a version of welcome home that has long since been scrapped, but the fact that "as above so below" seems to have survived in some form is very. smiles wide showing my teeth and gums.

#ask #truckfreaks #wh speculation #sorry for getting around to this later than usual. i made some chili that made me break into a cold sweat and then took a fat nap. very odd #ALSO sorry that this got away from me so hard lmao. i was excited as you can see #welcome home

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missyourflight · 1 year

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I can't tell you how much I love Tender Is My Heart- it's an incredible story, and I am so grateful you shared it. I have a question, and I'm not sure if it entirely even makes sense, but here goes: I know that the story isn't set in our world, exactly, but if it were, there are some things that suggest it takes place in the late 1980s or early 90s, I think. On the other hand, the Maxtape has songs from more recent years. This is absolutely not a complaint or criticism, I adore the Maxtape and don't think it's important when the songs are from, I was just wondering if you did really have a specific era in mind when you wrote the story? If it is set in the late 80s/early 90s, I was wondering if the friends in London that Daniel refers to might have been sick with HIV (and that's why they died- because there was no effective treatment yet).

I hope this question doesn't bother you- it's also possible the answer is in Never Let Me Go, which I'm not familiar with but which I should probably read! I truly loved your story. Thank you again :)

hello, thanks for this 🫀

i think the film adaptation of NLMG is more explictly set in the 80s/90s than the novel is and that was part of the appeal of an au honestly - i love clone stories and thought it would be an interesting way in to write about like, max's ~relationship with his body, but also, loading daniel up with every 90s dreamboat characteristic like some unholy combo of AJ from empire records/bob morley in his home and away era (not the 90s but the heart wants what it wants)/heath ledger in 10 things i hate about you etc...

once i had that setting then i did think about why daniel would have washed up at the end of the pier in this small seaside town and why he would have left london. like, i don't think it's a stretch to imagine that the conservative govt of the 80s and 90s would not have made HIV/AIDS research a priority even in an alternative universe with advanced clone medicine - same thing with max not having gay sex acknowledged in sex ed, that's a nod to section 28 (legislation which banned ~the promotion of homosexuality in UK schools until it was revoked in 2003).

so i thought a lot about it and it's part of the backstory i imagined for daniel in this story but like - idk i felt sort of weird/bad/cheap/conflicted about using that as an element in what is ultimately a fanfiction about what if a racecar driver was a clone, y'know? i don't know if i got that right!

annnnd re: the maxtape i settled on "sort of nebulously mid-90s" (which just about tracks with the NLMG movie timeline, if you think of this happening a few years after kathy's story there) but there's a few songs on there that are pushing it lol

#asks #nlmg au

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curiousconch · 3 years

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Fight or Flight

Chapter 13 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: Bryce and Heather both need to make major decisions as they face the final revelation about what truly transpired during Heather's kidnapping.

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song) ft. PLATONIC Ethan Ramsey

Words: 3.5k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / language, hints of violence

Author's Notes: So this took too long to write, and frankly, I'm still reeling with it. I have long planned the conclusion of this series but I am still shocked with how I came up with this final twist. I do hope you forgive me for sitting on this for far too long. Life wasn't making it easier.

Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song.

"You can't go back to the case, Lahela."

Bryce pounded his fists on his oak desk in frustration. He just came out of a meeting from Chief Tanaka, requesting for him to be assigned back on the Farrugia case.

Victim - prosecutor relations. Possible disbarrment. Termination. To sum it all up, his career will be in jeopardy.

These are the looming threats over Bryce's head if he didn't back off the case. Not that he had much choice. Now that his and Heather's faces were plastered across every Boston online article from the gala.

He couldn't help but to think that someone planned to stop his involvement in the case. Probably because that person knows he's doomed once Bryce works his way to untangle the web of conspiracies that transpired.

Resolved, the ADA swears to himself to get to the bottom of it before he lets this go. Sitting down, his mind ventures to Heather, wishing that her day back to Edenbrook was going much smoother than his was.

***

Unfortunately, before noon, Heather found herself in a supply closet.

It was proving more difficult to go back to normalcy after everything that has happened. Patients recognize her from the news coverage. Doctors, nurses, even half the staff was treating her like something fragile. Even the usually grumpy attending that was her boss wasn't trying to get on her toes today.

For Heather, it was incredibly disorienting.

But the probable reason behind how everyone was acting weird around her was that early morning incident.

While taking on an emergency case, she froze up. The last time she did was during her intern year. And that was for an entirely different reason. This time, her head blanked out because she thought she saw Ed Farrugia in that gurney. The slithering snake of a man he was. She couldn't move her fingers, nor speak because of the mixed emotions of her imagined vision.

Edenbrook was where it all began.

Luckily, Dr. Naveen was around to sub for her.

And thus began her slow downturn, reaching the tipping point in this condemned supply closet.

Eyes closed and breathing slowly, Heather struggled to free herself from the suffocation she was feeling. She loved Edenbrook, she loved working here. But now, why does she only feel dread the first day she again set foot on it?

Beep beep.

The sound of her pager momentarily freed her from her prodding mind. It was Ethan. He wanted to see her at Chief Banerji's office. Sighing deeply, she fixed herself and got out of the closet, wondering what this meeting might be about.

An elevator trip and a couple of minutes later, she knocked on Naveen's door and let herself in. Ethan Ramsey was already inside.

"You asked for me?" Heather said, closing the door behind her.

Her mentor and grand-mentor exchanged looks of concern before straightening up.

"Grand-protégé, have a seat," Chief Naveen gestured towards the comfortable chairs in front of her desk, where Ethan already took a seat on one.

She obliged, taking the seat opposite her boss. Dr. Ramsey didn't take long to speak right after.

"We know you've been through a lot recently Dr. Song and we-"

"Please don't put this delicately, Ethan. I can't get anymore fragile," Heather spoke up, demanding for both doctors to tell it to her straight.

"Of course, Heather." Ethan coughed, before sitting up in a more commanding posture.

"Johns Hopkins have offered a long-term position to the Cancer research partnership we have with them," Naveen said. "We both think it's in the best interest of you and Edenbrook to take the opportunity, given that it's your target specialization and -"

"It's not in Boston." Heather finished the sentence for him.

"Yes," Ethan nodded. "We don't want your career to be overshadowed by what has been going on. You have a lot of potential, and this would make you a forerunner in the advancement of cancer research."

"It's frankly what you can call it, hitting two birds with one stone," the eldest of the doctors added.

"How long will it be?" Heather asked, weighing it all in.

"A year, a year and a half, at least." Ethan replied.

"And what of my position in the diagnostics team?"

"You'll stay on to consult remotely, but your responsibilities will be diminished given that we want you to spend more time on the cancer research."

Heather swallowed hard. They're putting me into self-imposed exile.

Sensing her hesitation, Ethan reached out to her and patted her arm.

"We only want what we think is best for you Heather, so please at least give this some thought."

She met her mentors' gaze and nodded at them, before rising to stand up.

"I will think about it," she said, leaving the office.

***

Pulling all the strings he had left, Bryce Lahela stepped foot into the mansion of Massachusetts' prolific senator. Isolated by house arrest, thinking about Ed Farrugia made the young ADA's skin crawl.

As he walked the carpeted floors into a receiving room, he couldn't help but notice the select macabre portraits that showed war scenes hanging on the stuffy walls. Says alot about its owner, that's for sure.

The double doors he entered in opened, and a tall imposing figure in unflattering maroon satin robes came in. He looked a bit older, yet, somehow, more formidable.

"Ah, ADA Lahela. I see you are not backing down?"

Bryce almost snorted at his arrogance, immediately sensing the pretend machismo in his foe's tone.

"We'll see about that, Senator," the prosecutor replied politely. Didn't want to cross the point of no return before I had the answers I wanted.

"So, what does the young and promising prosecutor want from a disgraced politician today?" Ed sat down on one of the most pretentious armchairs Bryce has ever seen in his life.

"The truth," Bryce smiled cheekily, standing opposite the other man, matching his bravado.

The senator's response was to lean back on the too comfortable chair, crossing his legs.

"Well ADA Lahela, are you certain you are ready for the truth? It may get closer to home, more than you will ever think," Farrugia replied, a sinister grin masking his features which suddenly made Bryce feel queasy.

I don't like where this is going. He thought to himself, staying quiet.

"I thought so," Ed Farrugia nodded, watching the lawyer's stoic facade slowly crumble. "But to hell with it, it's just going to be fun to watch how you had a hand on all of what happened to your precious Doctor Song."

The former senator snapped, and in came a butler that carried a tray. In the tray was a white envelope, and a tumbler of what Bryce smelled as scotch. The politico grabbed the glass and sipped the rich liquid, neither offering Bryce any nor pouring him another glass. Instead, he reached for the white envelope and raised it to Bryce's level.

"Recognize the handwriting, young man?" Ed Farrugia was now sneering at him, expectant.

As Bryce's sight slowly trailed the cursive handwriting, he sensed the familiarity of the strokes. Ed Farrugia's name was written, but there was something about the way it was written.

When his eyes fell on the top left side, he recognized the insignia almost immediately, the hairs at the back of his neck standing up.

There it was, the name he tried to get away from since his adolescent life. Lahela. The logo of his parents' godforsaken company that duped so many families.

Bryce can only freeze in place, as the horror of the realization that his parents somehow had a hand in all of the things that happened to Heather slowly dawned on him.

"Heather Song was the doctor that saved my ass, ADA Lahela, so of course I didn't have the motive to hurt her, you know. She prevented my assassination, and I'm not an ungrateful hypocrite," Ed Farrugia began to explain. "But Heather knows this... I am not to shy away from people who can give what I want, what I need, you understand of course? You're a smart young man."

"So in exchange of a generous donation to my campaign, I am to concoct a plan that will mutually be beneficial to me and my donors," Farrugia continued. "My donors wish to teach you a lesson, make sure that you do not forget where you came from, remind you that no matter where you go, once a Lahela, always a Lahela."

"That's why we went with a warning first, remember? Get out of Boston, or else," the senator shook his head. "Your parents didn't think she'd be a good influence to you. Frankly, an orphan with an absentee father? She'd set you up for failure. At least that was what your parents thought."

"And of course, I wanted to gain something more with it, might as well do the work right? I had my kidnapping staged, that dashcam footage you received? That's from me so that you can arrive at the scene before I get killed by that amateur wannabe Jordan. What's in it for me was public sympathy - as the survivor of a second assassination attempt. Public sympathy equals votes. As simple as that."

Ed stood then, and padded his way to the nearest open window, before looking back at Bryce.

"I used my own enemy, the Travis Brothers, to deflect suspicion, of course. I also a used a middle man, someone who already wants payback from Dr. Song, someone with motive... So Declan Nash worked for me, in exchange of leniency in his role on Panacea's medicare fraud." He smirked, satisfied with the grandiose of his plan. "My only mistake was that I underestimated that ungrateful piece of crap though. Who would have thought he had the brains to record me?" his fist connected on the windowsill, startling Bryce.

"So you see, young man, everything that happened, is on you. No one is to be blamed more than you. All because of your ambition to become something you are not. Something you will never be, be apart from your family name."

Stunned into silence, Bryce can only gape at the senator. The turmoil within though, was unparalleled.

The anger that was boiling in him in the revelation that all this time, his parents was the cause of so much misery. Bryce's heart was so quenched of the discovery that he hasn't completely escaped them, nor their relentless hunger for taking control of his life.

His fists clenched, wanting nothing but to smash every single thing in that wretched room. He didn't care anymore.

What right do they have after putting him in so much pain? What do they even want to achieve? Do they want to make him crawl back to them as if nothing happened? Do they want the same pretentious respect that so many others had just for their mercy?

How does he even begin to explain all of this to Heather? That everything that went downhill for her was because of the person she loved? How can she accept him now? How can she love him now?

And as if on queue, Bryce's phone began to ring. When he saw the caller ID, he almost dropped it.

It rang once again. And he knew he had to take it.

"Bryce? Can we meet?" The voice from the other line was firm, but fragile.

He tried to level his voice, not wanting to have her worried. At least not now.

"Sure, babe. Where do you want to go?" Bryce replied, walking out of the mansion that was sucking the life out of him.

"In that cafe, where I bought you coffee that first day we met. Do you remember where?"

Bryce sensed the urgency in Heather's voice. Has she found out? He hoped not.

"Okay, what time?"

"I was hoping now. If you're done working, that is."

He was done. No reason to delay the inevitable.

"Okay, I'll drive there now. I'll see you."

With a heart heavier than it has ever been in his entire life, he drove down to where it all began, praying so much that it wouldn't be a trip to full circle.

***

Heather nervously sat by the glass wall of the Cafe, in a quiet corner. She already ordered two caramel macchiatos, the same drinks she and Bryce had the first day they met.

She rehearsed what she was about to say in her head, hoping that repetition will make it less taunting. Once she sensed Bryce, she waved him to the table and stood up.

He instantly saw her, and the load he was bearing suddenly become a little lighter. But the guilt was still there. The guilt of being the person to have caused much misery in her life.

But years of practice of showing everyone else the facade of his unbreakable confidence helped him hide what he was truly feeling at the moment, and instead smiled at her.

Her beaming return smile proved to be almost too much.

He reached out to her and intertwined his fingers with hers, almost nudging the cup of coffee in front of him.

"Hey, you remembered," Bryce was touched.

"Of course, it's probably the only thing you ordered during those meetings." Heather chuckled, brushing his cheek with her knuckles.

Her chuckle was lackluster, not her usual one full of wit.

"What's going on, Heath? It can't be that you just missed me," Bryce asked, straight to the point, hoping to dodge her intuitive powers of observation.

She sensed the edge in his voice, making her eyebrow quirk. Heather discerned it was best to ask him first.

"No, Bryce. What's up?"

For the second time that day, Bryce was stunned into silence. Heather's sharp perception of him was unimaginably accurate. And he knew he'd explode if he didn't tell her.

So he did.

From the denial and threats of Chief Tanaka, to his prodding, which led him to the heavy weight of the truth of Senator Ed Farrugia's admission. He didn't spare any detail.

Heather listened intently, trying to comprehend exactly what he was saying. She saw the guilt in Bryce's eyes when he told her that his parents set the wheels in motion, apparently for some sick and twisted lesson he needed to learn, like he was still under their supervision, under their control.

The more she heard, the more overwhelmed she got. But she didn't let go of the grip she had on Bryce's hands, reassuring him that she's there to not judge, but only hear out what he learned of the unnerving truth. And to acknowledge the strength of Bryce's character to not hold out the truth to her.

That was what she loved about Bryce. He was never one to back down from the truth, when it mattered. At least that's the case with her.

She has spent half the day pondering about her own decision. She took Bryce's position into account but she didn't expect this other factor to come into play.

If she stayed in Boston, she'd stay with him. And he won't be able to help her case. She knew Bryce, and he'll be unnerved not to be able to personally oversee it. And with this new discovery, he'd want to all the more take this case. This was personal. And Bryce wasn't one to back down against it. She's going to hold her back.

If she left... Well, Bryce would be able to take on the case.

Either way, she'll lose him. And the mere thought of it pained Heather to the core.

Bryce noticed Heather's lack of reply, the contemplative look in her face made him sense something was about to go south.

"What if there's a way, Bryce?" Heather finally spoke. "What if there's a chance for you to fight all this? Would you take it?"

"Heath, I don't think I want to know where this is heading..." Bryce stared at her, confused.

"Answer me first, Lahela. If I give you an out where all those hurdles goes out of your way, will you go through with it?" The intensity with which her eyes bore into his was unparalleled, yet rendering him clueless.

It took him a few moments before answering. Everytime he asked himself the same question, the answer was never different.

"Yes, Heath. I'll fight this to make sure those bastards can do you no more harm." his answer was firm, but as to her way, he still had reservations.

She nodded, her heart screaming not to do this. But she had to do it, else, everything her and Bryce will have between them will be diminished to nothing but resentment and guilt. With him claiming responsibility for his own parents' actions, yet unable to do anything about it. And Heather resentment, because she can't guarantee that a day won't come that she'll blame him.

They can't be together. Not until this is all resolved, not until they can leave everything behind.

Laying it down the line, Heather had to choose. She had to choose for both of them, even if it will surely hurt them both.

"Do you trust me, Bryce? Do you trust us?" Heather was firmly holding his hands, determined.

He nodded, despite himself. He feared what she was about to say, so he held his breath.

"So be it, Bryce. I'll give you an out. I'll give you what I think you need now,"

Bryce was afraid to ask the next question in his mind, but he did anyway, fuelled by Heather’s fire.

"What's the cost, Heath?"

"I'm leaving for Baltimore, Bryce," she said quietly, biting her lower lip, clearly putting in an effort to hold back tears. "I hope two years is enough for you to fight everything alone, because you'll have to. We both have to fight this separately, it seems."

Bryce's blood ran cold. No, no, no, no fucking way.

Seeing the panic in his eyes, Heather soothed him by brushing her fingertips on the back of his hand, sadness beginning to creep into her expression.

"It's the only way, Bryce, it's the only way..." she repeated, as if to convince herself rather than him.

"No, Heather, I can't lose you, not this time, not ever." Bryce's voice was pleading with her, yet he knew, deep down, that she was right. That this seemed to be the only way to fight all the remaining battles of their lives.

"If we concede now, Bryce, it would only break us. If we avoid this now, it will eventually haunt us and we'll succumb to it. We'll just end up hurting each other." She struggled to reassure him, but she pressed on.

"This way, we're not bowing down. We stand more of a chance to overcome this if you'll fight this. If, we will fight this." She rose from her seat to take the chair beside him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, comforting him. "We're merely carving our own way around it. It's not going to be easy, but I know we'll overcome... Because you're one hell of a prosecutor, Lahela. You're the best and you know it."

"How come you're the one who's so brave about this?" Bryce stared back at her, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes, aware that this may be their end.

"Because I believe so much in you, Bryce. Because you can do so much for this world more than how your parents defined you. You are your own person, and nothing can ever take that away from you," she paused, brushing the hair away from the beautiful amber eyes that gazed down at her. "Most importantly, because I love you so, so much. And what I can give you now, the love I have now in me, is less than what you deserve. I want to heal, for myself Bryce. I want to be whole again, so that I can give my 100%. When all of this is over, I'll come find you, that's a promise."

Bryce couldn't help himself anymore and pressed his lips against hers with fervent passion, knowing that this will be the last time in a long time before he can find her in his arms like this. Agreeing to this course of action, they bid their goodbyes, never as uncertain as they were about the decision they just made.

In less than a week, Heather left for Johns Hopkins, bidding goodbye to everyone except Bryce. Hoping the moment she stepped inside the plane, life would give her this chance to start over, to completely heal, to become whole again. Because Bryce Lahela deserved more than the fraction of what she could give. He deserved everything of her, no inhibitions, no limits, no holding back.

Bryce watched her go from a distance. He watched her plane took off from the ground, all the while concocting a plan to defeat the shadows of his past lurking around so that he could be with her again. Freely, completely and irreversibly.

That day, two open hearts chose to fight. Fight for the things that hung over their head so that it was no more. But in their decision to fight, they lost the comfort of each other. They embarked on their separate paths with the promise of meeting again one day.

The path to the summit was often lonely. It is in their hopes however, that the moment they reach the end of this hard path they were in, they would no longer be alone anymore.

More than their willingness to overcome another hurdle in their way was their certainty to trust in each other, in the strength of their love for one another. In their endurance. In their hope.

For them, that was more than enough. It has to be enough.

Author's Notes 2: If you're reading this, I want to thank you so much for taking time to read this series. There's an epilogue in the final edits and I promise to tie the loose ends of this final chapter! Please do share your thoughts in the comments, I would really appreciate it!

Tags: @eleanorbloom @ejustlurkshere @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

#open heart #bryce lahela #open heart 2 #choices #choices fanfiction #open heart fanfiction #bryce lahela x mc #pixelberry #fics of the week #choices fic writers creations #play choices #open heart au

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askfreddiemercury · 5 years

Text

Freeside is a slum that surrounds New Vegas, it’s inhabited by junkies and drunk people almost all the time. Some points of interest are The King’s School of Impersonation, the Atomic Wrangler casino, and Silver Rush, a place for all your energy weapon needs.

But we decide to visit the Old Mormon Fort first, this is the home of The Followers of the Apocalypse, these people try and help those in need in and around Freeside with what they can. And someone I need to be on good terms with.

Boone: What are we doing here?

Freddie: I’m just exploring, Boone, I want to get a feel for Freeside before we find a way into the strip to find Benny.

Boone: We’re gonna help the people here, right?

Freddie: Yes, absolutely.

But not long after we get attacked by muggers! They don’t last very long against us so after dealing with them we can continue to make our way to the oldest place standing in Freeside.

~~~~~

Walking inside the walled fort there’s a pretty large camp set up inside, a flag with the Follower’s logo on it a cross inside a circle, tents all around the camp, and a sandbag barricade in front. We all take a look around and greet the people, I make my way to the southwestern tent to greet a man with blonde hair.

Freddie: Hello.

He turns around, holy moly.

Arcade: Hi. If you're looking for medical help, try the other doctors. I'm just a researcher. Not even a particularly good one.

I shake my head and focus.

Freddie: What kind of research?

Arcade: Oh, you know. Finding alternative treatments for common illnesses and injuries. Stimpaks out of barrel cacti and other fantastic improbabilities. As far as fruitless wastes of time go, it's quite noble in its aims.

Freddie: What’s the goal?

Arcade: For the past hundred years or so, the Followers have managed to get by using salvaged medical supplies from the Old World. But the side effect of medical success is that more people live longer. Funny how that works.

He then looks sad.

Arcade: Eventually, we'll run out of hospitals to loot. We need new ways to produce those supplies. Or maybe old ways, if this research goes anywhere.

Freddie: What kinds of illnesses and injuries?

Arcade: Cuts, lacerations, broken bones. Infections resulting from all of the above. Common cold, influenza. Take your pick. There are plenty of ways to die out here, and most of them, surprisingly, don't have anything to do with war. Just common human fragility.

Freddie: You don't sound too enthusiastic about it.

I tilt my head as he pushes up his glasses.

Arcade: I'm enthusiastic about helping people, but nihil novi sub sole.

Freddie: Nihi-what?

Arcade: Oh. Sorry. "There is nothing new under the sun." If agave and mesquite were that miraculous, the locals would have figured it out a few thousand years ago.

This guy is starting to sound like someone in the Legion.

Freddie: Isn't that the language that Caesar's Legion speaks?

Arcade: Caesar can cite Cato to suit his purpose. Many people have spoken Latin. Some of them were quite pleasant. It's unfortunate that the language is now associated with the gentlemen across the river.

Wow, this guy is so smart and so handsome. No wait, I have to be serious here. Ahem.

Freddie: Where did you learn that?

Arcade: Not from the Legion, if that's what you're getting at. Books. Sheet music. Gladiator movie holotapes. Bits and pieces here and there. The Followers have extensive libraries, but we all draw water from the same old well. Even Caesar.

Freddie: So why do you do research instead of providing medical assistance?

Arcade: Not all Followers are "people persons." Besides, someone needs to do research. I have no problem with Julie sticking me back here. Out of sight, out of mind. There are worse things one can be, though I do admit, it is a bit boring. Though it has a noble goal, I don't think this research will yield much fruit. No pun intended.

Freddie: Well Arcade, do you and the Followers need any help?

Arcade: Me, specifically? No. I'm sure Julie Farkas does, though. Lab coat, pointy hair. Answers to the name "Julie Farkas," strangely enough.

Freddie: Why don't you come with me?

Arcade: No offense intended, but why should I go anywhere with you?

Time to work your magic, Freddie.

[Confirmed Bachelor] Freddie: I need a good-looking doctor to help take care of me in the big, bad wasteland.

With that, he laughs and places a hand over his glasses. I got him.

Arcade: Overt flirtation will get you everywhere, you know. On a slightly more serious note, if you're interested in helping out with the troubles plaguing Freeside, I can come with you. Just don't do anything obnoxious, like trying to help Caesar's Legion, and we should be fine. Understood?

Freddie: I’d never help the Legion, my other companion would have my head if I did especially after everything I did for him. After I get what was taken from me back from some guy on the strip, I plan on terrorizing the Legion just like they do us.

Arcade: Heh, I don’t think the Legion is going to be scared of you. Unless you take out Caesar and his legate, Lanius. But seeing as you’re asking me to come with you. You aren’t going to be doing that any time soon. Don’t get too cocky now.

When I go tell Boone the good news about Arcade, I can’t help but notice that he’s staring down ED-E. Does he have a problem with him? Maybe he’s seen ED-E before.

Freddie: Hey, Arcade, I can’t help notice that you seem to have a problem with ED-E here, what’s up?

Arcade: it just seems a bit twitchy. Some of these robots, you look at them the wrong way, don’t screw in a vacuum tube right… The next thing you know you’re a pile of ash on the floor and someone’s stepping out of a vertibird to sweep your remains into a Nuka-Cola bottle.

Freddie: Oooo-kay, I’ll keep my eye on him.

Arcade: Safety first. That’s all I’m saying.

Freddie: Let’s get going then.

~~~~~

We all head southwest towards the gate until an old man stops us.

Old Ben: You look new to Freeside, so here’s a little advice, friend. Don’t go past the South Gate greeter without talking to it first.

Freddie: Going past it seems rude, why wouldn’t I want to go past the greeter?

Old Ben: Those bots are programmed to vaporize anyone who enters the fenced-in area without authorization from the greeter.

Freddie: Thanks for the advice.

He smiles and walks away towards a campfire near the gate. Let’s see what this robot says. I walk to the Securitron Gatekeeper.

Securitron Gatekeeper: Submit to a credit check or present your passport before proceeding to the gate. Trespassers will be shot.

Freddie: Credit check? What’s that for?

Securitron Gatekeeper: Admission to the Strip requires an official passport or proof that you are carrying the required minimum balance.

Freddie: What’s the minimum balance?

Securitron Gatekeeper: 2,000 caps.

Freddie: 2,000 caps?! I don’t have that kind of cash! Uh, what else can I do?

Securitron Gatekeeper: If you are unable to meet the minimum balance requirement, an official passport is an acceptable alternative.

But after telling me about the passport he doesn’t say where I can get one, wow thanks robot. The gang takes a step back.

Arcade: I heard of a shop called “Mick and Ralph’s” who sells things you can’t buy anywhere else.

Freddie: You think I can buy an unofficial official passport from them?

Arcade: Who’s to say?

Arcade tries to act very sly about it, after all, I did flirt with him so he could join my team because he wasn’t convinced I was good enough to travel with. Guess I must just have a thing for doctors. Or researchers, whatever he is. Lab coat people.

~~~~~

Ralph: If you’re looking for guns, talk to Mick. Otherwise, I’ve got a nice selection of general supplies.

Freddie: Do you offer any other services?

Ralph: I only offer services if The King gives the okay. Impress him and we can talk.

I’ll do whatever the King’s have in store for me another time, maybe I can get the passport out of this guy in a different way.

[Speech 50] Freddie: A resource fellow such as yourself must have something on the side.

[Succeeded] Ralph: All right. Yeah, I’ve got a little side business going, but what I am about to share with you does not leave this room, eh? Over the years, I’ve gradually perfected my craft to the point of perfection. No one can distinguish between my work and the real thing. What I am referring to is a passport. If you’ve got the caps, I can whip up a Strip passport which will fool even the most well-trained eye.

Freddie: Ah, now I see why you want to keep this low key.

Ralph: Hey, if you’re interested and have the caps, they go for 500. Any less and it ain’t worth the risk of getting caught. What do you say? You game?

You’ve gotta be kidding me… Looks like I’ll have to barter with him.

[Barter 50] Freddie: No way your material and expenses require that. How about half?

[Succeeded] Ralph: Hah! I like your style, kid, but the best I can do is meet you halfway. 375 caps, and we can call it a deal.

He says with much enthusiasm.

Freddie: 375 works great. Okay, I’ll take one.

I hand over the caps and he hands over the passport. Sweet! I bid Mick and Ralph goodbye and make the way back to gate.

[Passport] Freddie: I’ve got a passport.

Securitron Gatekeeper: Thank you, sir. You may proceed.

With that, we can finally open the main gate to New Vegas.

~~~~~

Before I can stare at New Vegas in awe, I’m approached by a familiar face.

Victor: Howdy, pardner! You’ve come a far piece, haven’t you? Welcome to New Vegas!

What the hell is this guy’s deal?! Why is he everywhere I go?!

Boone: Why is this robot following us?

Freddie: He’s the one who dug me out of my grave after all. What are you doing here?

Victor: Consider me your personal welcome wagon! Now hear this - the head honcho of New Vegas, Mr. House, is itching to make your acquaintance.

Arcade: Did he just say Mr. House?

Freddie: It seems like you pop up everywhere.

Victor: Aw shucks, pardner. I suppose it can’t hurt to let you in on my little secret! Old Victor wouldn’t be much use stuck inside just one Securitron! No, I can move from one to another with the snap of a finger! Pretty nice trick, ain’t it? Just don’t ask me how I do it, because I don’t know!

Freddie: All right, I’ll go meet Mr. House right now.

Victor: Yeehaw, pardner! That’s the spirit. He’ll be waiting for you.

He quickly makes his way to the front of the Lucky 38 casino and I follow behind him.

Victor: Boss is waiting for ya upstairs, so get a move on!

A massive gate behind him opens up and we all walk on inside.

#freddie mercury #fallout #fallout new vegas #strange crossover #Fin Des Vivants (eve)

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flowered-mp3 · 2 years

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i read your flower(ed) fics last night and today and its really goood, i did have to google some gods/demons because im not so familiar with greek mythology but it was so good!! i really enjoyed it and could picture their demon figures or shapes and that did make it 1000 times more fun lol also i was weirded out that hades had a demigod son since i thought he was so absolutely fucking in love and devoted to persephone hehe oop also for the ask game!!! please de exo hehe have a good day!!!!

oh wow, thank you for reading and loving flower-(ed)! i worked really hard on that one and i'm so happy that you liked it!

lmao i was already into greek mythology (on a surface level), but i also had to do research to write it lol, it wasn't just you anon!

for the ask game: exo <3

[i stan!]

favourite member / bias line: baekhyun (i miss u king) / kyungsoo !

which member I’d fight (& why): baekhyun lmfaooooo idk he is just. so much to handle. idk why but i feel like he would constantly push my buttons if we ever hung out so i would want to fight him lmfao

favourite song(s): for title tracks, i would say overdose, call me baby, monster, lotto, and tempo are my favs! they're the songs that come on shuffle in the car and i'm like fuck yes this is my SONG! for b-sides (they're so good!) i would say trouble (goddd chanyeol's part!), oasis, baby don't cry, the eve, miracles in december, sweet lies, ooh la la la, what is love (i prob missed some but i have so many!)

favourite thing about the group: their discography!!!! just!!!! so good!!! the genre that they make the most often is up my alley, and i love, LOVE their vocalists (obv)! they're also really fun people to watch and just??? yes i love exo <3 (pls come back, kings)

something i’d like to see from them: a comeback with yixing lmfao

#anon #asks #ask games

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grungeandrockoneshots · 6 years

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Hi baby 😊 You're blog it's pretty cool! I'm loving it. Thanks for your hard work!! Can I request something? A little bit of Stone smutt? You're a fellow guitar player in another band and you two meet on a festival were both of you are playing at? Thank you só much ❤😘

Thousands of people were enthusiastically screaming at yourband in demand of one more song. You’ve played many places and even festivals before,but this amount of people was so far the biggest that has ever attended to seeyou play. Although many people were probably waiting for bands like Red HotChili Peppers or Pearl Jam, the support and enjoyment from all the fans downthere was unreal. That’s why you were kinda sad when you had to leave thestage.

„Guys, we were great! Good job everyone,“ your drummerpraised all of you when you stepped on the safe ground of backstage, which wasfull of famous musicians. „Y/N, what’s the plan now? I’m afraid to leave youhere alone after what I saw up on the stage.“

„What? What did you see?“

„Stone Gossard. He literally stripped you with his gaze!“ heexplained. You raised your eyebrows and looked at the others. They immediatelynodded in agreement.

„Stone Gossard from Pearl Jam? Seriously? Are you sure youdidn’t smoke anything?“ you didn’t believe them, but they assured you it washim for hundred percent. You were the only girl in the band and the guys havealways been very protective of you, they were like your older brothers. „Well,then I’m going to say hi to him,“ you obviously joked, but retreated from yourcircle. You wanted to get something to drink, because an hour on stage made youvery thirsty. As you were searching for some table with drinks, many people whowere passing you by, stopped to tell you some nice words about yourperformance. You felt so honored by it, since most of these people wereactually musicians who you looked up to. When you found the table, you grabbeda bottle of water and turned around to check if you have your bandmates insight. You froze when you saw Stone Gossard with his hands in the pockets blockingyour view.

„So this is the unbelievable guitarist from Los Angeles?Nice to meet you, I’m Stone,“ he firmly shook your hand. It usually wasn’t abig deal for you to talk to boys or even flirt with them, but Stone’s face madeyour knees pretty weak. You had to gather all your courage inside, so you couldsound cool and easygoing to him.

„Y/N. I see you did a little research of my band, I wouldn’texpect it from someone who plays in one of the biggest bands in the world,“ youhonestly admitted.

„And why not? I just like good music. Actually, I’ve been afan of your band since your first album, I remember listening to it over andover again. I always wondered how you played that part in Lost Illusions, youknow, that part right before chorus. I spent so many evenings trying to figureit out! Thank God I met you, you can finally show me how to play it.“ You juststood there in disbelief, trying not to widen your eyes much. Stone wasgrinning at you as he eagerly waited for your response.

„What if my guitar parts in that song are somethinglike…band‘s secret?“ you smirked.

„You can trust me, I won’t show it to anyone,“ he pleadedand you gave in eventually. You didn’t even had in plan to say ‚no‘ to StoneGossard, you just wanted to tease him a little first. He took your hand and ledyou through the sea of people to their tour bus, where he had a guitar. Theirbus was quite luxurious, definitely much more than yours. Stone closed the doorbehind you and started looking for his guitar. While he was running all overthe bus, some papers on the table caught your attention. You picked it up andsaw some lyrics written in nice handwriting. You supposed it was Eddie’s andStone confirmed it when he said: „If Ed found your fingerprints on it, firsthe’d kill you and then me. However, here’s my beauty, so you can start,“ hehanded you the guitar and you sat on the leather couch.

„Well, it’s actually pretty easy, you just have to watch outfor your pinky, because it tends to ruin all the effect. And you go like this,“you played the riff, causing Stone to stare at you in disbelief.

„No…no, it’s not possible, I tried it thousand times,“ heargued. You sighed and played it again, but more slowly.

„It’s not hard, it’s all about the control. Control yourfingers and you got it,“ you gave him the guitar back, so he could have chanceto try it. First attempts were sheepish, but he slowly got into it. Thehappiness on his face when he finally played it right was something you’llremember forever. He thanked you several times and then started to jamsomething. You didn’t get how he couldn’t learn to play your riff while now hewas playing much more difficult things. It was a bit suspected to you. Stone’sfingers gracefully danced on the strings, while his expression and eyes closedwere giving you a hard time. You swore that when he played guitar, he was evenhotter than usual. You couldn’t help it, but his hands were turning you on.

„Don’t look at me like this or I don’t know myself,“ hesuddenly interrupted your thoughts, put down the instrument and sat a littlecloser to you. You realized you were biting your lip the whole time and henoticed it. Now it was all or nothing.

„Listen, I have a feeling. It was your intention to get mehere, right? You were lying to me.“

„Maybe?“ he smirked and moved even closer.

„You’re a good actor, Stone,“ you admitted, while you couldalready feel his breath on your lips.

„Yeah, it helps me get what I want,“ he said quietly andplaced his lips on your yours. He laid you on your back as the kisses gotdeeper and more passionate. You ran your hands through his long hair, pullinghim closer to you. Your tongues were exploring each other’s mouths and the lustwere only growing bigger. He didn’t even bother with your top and headedstraight to your jeans, which he quickly unzipped and pulled them down to yourknees. Then he returned to you again and slowed down everything. He softlylined your face with a finger and when he got to your lips, he partly put it inyour mouth.

„Being a guitarist has some bonuses,“ he said seductively,„but I’m sure you know it very well.“ You breathed out and waited for him tofinally enter you. He took possession of your lips again as he slowly went downwith his hand. He put your panties to the side, played with your clit for awhile and then slid a finger into you. You had no idea what he was doing downthere, but you were completely out of your mind. You moaned in his mouth,begging him to increase the tempo. His fingers were doing some magic in yourbody and you were sure that no one before was as good as Stone was. Just whenyou started to feel that familiar feeling of your coming, a loud knock on thebus door ruined everything.

„Idiot, we’re playing in a minute!“ you heard an angry voicecoming from outside.

„Fuck off, Jeff!“ he yelled back, but took his fingers outand apologized. He helped you put on your jeans again and before he unlockedthe door, he wrapped his arms around your waist and made a little hickey onyour neck.

„This is a mark you’re mine. I’ll find you after the showand…we will finish it, okay? Don’t get lost here.“ Then he opened the door andyou came out to the afternoon sun, little disappointed but looking forward tothe end of the show. The only thing you had no idea about was how you‘llexplain the hickey to your boys.

Here you go :) and thank you for your nice words, I really appreciate it!♥

#pearl jam #pj #stone gossard #one shot #fanfiction #mike mccready #eddie vedder #dave abbruzzese #jeff ament #matt cameron #pearl jam one shot #pearl jam fanfiction #stone gossard one shot #stone gossard fanfiction #smut #writing #grunge #90s #music

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mermaidsirennikita · 7 years

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Sorry if you've been asked this before or if this is overstepping, but would you be able to recommend some important/influential etc. art history books for the early modern period? I'm about to graduate with a History degree (focusing on Europe 1500-1800) and I'm thinking of moving in an art history direction with an MA in the future. Thanks so much - also doing my own research of course but you're the first person that comes to mind when I think of art history!

Omg! This is the most flattering ask anyone has ever given me, it’s not overstepping at all! It’s super exciting that you’re thinking of moving towards an art historical track. Honestly, a lot of art history majors end up going after museum studies (which like, cool, but it’s not for me) so it’s awesome that you’re thinking of switching from history to art history. I actually did the opposite (began as a history major, switched) and while the two are very different, if you’re interested more in cultural studies I feel like art history has a lot to offer.

I focus primarily on the role of women in the eye of painters and how art worked in relation to politics in the Italian Renaissance, so a lot of my recommendations will have to do with that! I also focus more on social/feminist art history.

Okay, this got long so it’s going below a cut.

Some basics that everyone had to read in my undergrad include Frederick Hartt’s History of Italian Renaissance Art.

For the Northern side of things, check out James Snyder’s Northern Renaissance Art: Painting, Sculpture and the Graphic Arts from 1350 to 1575. For more Northern stuff, I’d check out articles by James H. Marrow and Craig Harbison, as they write about iconography and symbolism in a way that is relevant to art of the early modern sense in general. Joseph Koerner’s The Moment of Self Portraiture in German Renaissance Art is also great. I referenced that a lot for a recent paper on Hans Baldung Grien, who is just fascinating.

Whitney Chadwick’s Women, Art, and Society is a great reference book imo, though it covers a lot more than JUST the Early Modern period. It can be difficult to find anything out about female artists of that time (aside from Artemisia) so I think you should definitely consider that.

If you haven’t taken an art historical methods class, you definitely need Hatt and Klonk’s Art History: A Critical Introduction to Its Methods as a basic. Even if you have, get it. You’ll probably be expected to be familiar with Hegel and Kant and Marxist art history and all of that, and this is a greater primer.

Erwin Panofsky is considered a father of modern art history, and with good reason. Much of his theories can be applied to art within the period that you’re referring to, and you should probably read as much of his stuff as possible. His The Life and Art of Albrecht Durer is really important, as is his Studies in Iconology, Renaissance and Renascences in Western Art… Just be expected to read a lot of Panofsky. Not all of his theories are really considered relevant today, but even if they’ve been discounted, they’re influential–and a lot of what he says and how he approaches art history is very much used today.

Meyer Schapiro’s approach is REALLY HARD TO READ, but he’s important for the same reasons as Panofsky. I had to read his The Sculptures of Souillac–and honestly, whether or not you’re interested in what Schapiro is talking about is really irrelevant, you just need to be familiar with his approach to art history. Less fun than Panofsky, but like… Important.

Roberto Longhi is considered another influential art historian of the early modern period, and is credited for reviving interest in Caravaggio. He also did some important work on Piero della Francesca. Longhi tended more towards essays than books and obviously wrote largely in Italian, but try to get your hands on his work.

As I’m sure you know, you’ll want to read Vasari’s Lives of the Artists and like…. Take it with a large grain of salt. It’s Vasari. He’s like “one time I met Michelangelo and I came in my pants” one page and “RAPHAEL CAN SUCK A DICK” the next. But take it nonetheless. Ascanio Condivi wrote an important biography of Michelangelo that you’ll probably want to at least look over. Again, these contemporary biographies are to be taken with a grain of salt, but a big part of studying art history is looking at how people approached art history before it became like… a discipline.

Then there are some things I’ll recommend to you because I love them/used them:

Anything by Paola Tinagli–super interesting take on the role of women in Italian art, specificall their images. Women in Italian Renaissance Art: Gender, Representation, and Identity is a cool book she did with Mary Rogers.

Luke Syson’s Leonardo da Vinci: A Painter in the Court of Milan is very recent, but interesting and informative. Syson also contributed to Stephen J. Campbell’s Artists at Court, which is a good book, also recent. (You end up using a lot of recent things if you can because theories are constantly changing in art history lol, depending on what is in fashion at the moment.) I wanna say Campbell is at Yale right now? He’s somewhere important.

Beyond Isabella: Secular Women as Patrons of Art in Renaissance Italy is very interesting, focuses on culture.

Katherine A. McIver’s Wives, Widows, Mistresses, and Nuns in Early Modern Italy: Making theInvisible Visible Through Art and Patronage is a really interesting book. You should also check out Picturing Women in Renaissance and Baroque Italy.

Joanna Woods-Marsden writes about Renaissance self-portraiture–check that out too if you can.

I recently bought Art and Love in Renaissance Italy ed. by Andrea Brayer, and though it’s a book that came out in conjunction with a Met exhibit some years back, it offers some interesting essays on things that people don’t often talk about–like decorative arts of the domestic sphere, cassoni, etc.

Obviously, I have a slant that I love–but this might be a good starting point, and hopefully you’ll find something helpful!

#art #art history #books #recs #Anonymous

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