#FUCK CRABS ALL MY HOMIES HATE CRABS

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Blathers based

#i made a textpost #Blathers #Blathers acnh #Acnh #Animal crossing new horizons #Animal crossing #Animal crossing switch #Animal crossing Nintendo switch #Ac #Ac Nintendo switch #Ac new horizons #fear of crabs #CW crab mention #Tw crab mention #Seán actually had to front and catch this for me so I wouldn't run into again #But it was signed into mine already #And so I just ran to the museum to get rid of it #Even drawings of them freak me OUT #FUCK CRABS ALL MY HOMIES HATE CRABS

[thepurplebones]

Henry Kissinger Died!!!

#lol #henry kissinger #fuck yeah #memes #q #meme #crab rave #Bruh shots are on me #shout out to my homies #all my homies hate Henry Kissinger #breaking news #world politics

[pcktknife]

worst special to use or worst special to go up against

both 🗿

#fuck crab all the homies hate crab🗣️🖕🗣️🖕🗣️🖕🗣️🖕 #is it splash that has crab on it? idr but theres one weapon i wanna try but i hate crab so i just refuse to use it cause then id never use #the special lol #and its not even something i wanna attempt working with my main has ultra stamp(notoriously hard to manage) but thats just timing #crab i cant do and dont want to do anything with #asks #anon

[citation-error]

I'm not buying fucking crabs so that corporate can take the money and run. What happened to the Verizon/Yahoo era of telling shareholders to go fuck themselves and turning a billion-dollar investment into hot garbage

#fuck them crabs #all my homies hate crabs #they're treyf anyways

[funkbun]

i had a funny thought about the reason why Rossay (your grumpus sona) hates all Sodies is because he thinks soda is bad for your body and be like “FUCK SODA, all my homies loves water☑️☑️☑️”

LMAO, Rossay, soda's #1 hater and water's #1 warrior

if i wanna know the actual reason why I made him hate sodies sm is cause i'm 99.9% sure i've had some sort of "Trying to catch a snak by luring it with sauce, but that sauce keeps getting washed out by a sodie" experience with Every Kind of sodie during one of my first few playthroughs. nightmare creatures ruining my creator collecting fun...

these soda can crabs have cute designs n cute voices, but unfortunately i need to hate them to a comical extent

#bug game #askums 2 #i hate sodies for the Goofs n Gaffs #my true hatred is reserved for Flamin' Cheepoofs n Tikkada Masalas lmao

[brood-mother]

3, 4, 5, 7, 11, 15, 19, 26

i was smart to rb a number meme then immediately go afk for 2+ days

3. a specific color that gives you the ick?

NAVY BLUE. fuck navy blue, all my homies hate navy blue. first of all if you're going to wear a "dark neutral" colour, you may as well wear black bc it's just better looking AND you can't wear black with navy blue because it makes them both look like washed out shit.

4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?

idk if they count aliens are definitely real

5. favorite form of potato?

as a scot i'm legally obliged to say tattie scone but also i think u can't go wrong with a good hashbrown. roasted, mashed both good.

7. what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

i've only been to a real aquarium once but i love rock pools, love the lil crabs and shellfish and starfish you are allowed to pet (gently)

11. anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

no toys or anything but i have a special bound collection of robert burn's work that i stole from my dad's house when i was maybe 8 or 9 bc he said i wasn't allowed to read it until i was older but i didn't trust him not to give it away or lose it until then, literally two decades later and i still haven't read it anyway

15. rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

best to worst: freezing, drowning, burning

19. the veggie you dislike the most?

mushrooms!!!!!!!!!!! and okra. and celery.

26. how’s your spice tolerance?

fun story, when i was a kid my mum was a 40+ a day smoker and couldn't taste anything so she used to put SHITLOADS of chili powder in everything, i mean literally everything from soup to pasta dishes to whatever. and i mean like a heaped tablespoon or more. everything i hate was vaguely red whether it was supposed to or not. anyway i had pretty great heat tolerance for a while but after i moved out properly and started cooking for myself i lost it a bit. still better than the average person though. my mum stopped smoking years ago but now she can't taste shit bc covid.

#i love u brother

[dancing-to-architecture]

41 - Otis Redding - Otis Blue

Welp, all I know of Otis Redding is "(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay" and that he wrote Respect before Aretha covered it and effectively made it hers.

Wikipedia says this is (paraphrased) mostly a cover album. Otherwise, I'm going in blind on this one.

•Ole Man Trouble-

It's ostensibly a blues album, and this is an amazing first track; a blues song about getting stuck in the dumps again and again and again. Fuck Ole Man Trouble.

All my homies hate Ole Man Trouble.

Those horns are hot, though! Hoping for a lot more of that coming up.

•Respect-

Okay, I was expecting this, but this version is just WEIRD. The pieces are there, but it's subtly wrong. Lukewarm take: Aretha did it WAY better. This song works so much better as a feminist anthem than it does like this, it's very 'better have my dinner ready when I walk in the door'.

•A Change Is Gonna Come-

Hearing this man's beaten-down and bedraggled optimism about how things have to get better for the black community despite living though a particularly dark part of America's history gave me a bit of hope that, yeah, things have got to get better.

Then, I think about my racist, fascist governor and I can't stop myself from thinking: "well, not fuckin yet, I guess."

Then, I lose myself in thinking about pushing Ronathan Desantis into the industrial crushing machine from the end of 30 Days of Night, and I get just a bit happier.

It's legitimately soul-destroying to think that it's been so long since this song was written and we've gotten to "no no, you see, slavery was good actually because it taught them valuable skills!" and that kinda makes me want to slit my fucking wrists

This country sucks shit.

•Down in the Valley-

As if he knew the last song was gonna be A Bummer, this one is basically "oh yeah, shit SUCKS, but those motherfuckers can't stop us from dancing, even if it's just to spite them."

That said, I really like it. A breath of fresh air.

•I've Been Loving You Too Long-

My man, she's gone. She's checked the fuck out.

She wants out, you said as much. Let her go.

I get that you feel like you can't let go, but you're being the Crab in the goddamn Bucket right now.

(For real, it sucks to be in a one-sided relationship but let them go if they want to leave, and you'll both be happier eventually for it.)

•Shake-

This song has some SERIOUS energy to it. Funky as hell, and the horns are working overtime. If this doesn't make you want to move, you're broken.

I bet this one was a killer at a live set.

•My Girl-

I was initially going to say that this sounds wrong without the Temptation's back-up singers, but the horns actually work pretty well in their place.

Also, god DAMN, the man could sing.

A beautiful cover. I almost like it more than the original, tbh.

•Wonderful World-

Was expecting trees of green and red roses, too, aaaaaaaand now all I can think about is Animal House, a now deeply problematic fave from my younger years. (But still not nearly as problematic as Revenge of the Nerds.)

(For those who aren't familiar, this was a featured song in that film, iirc the last song of the movie that plays over the epilogues.)

I definitely relate to this song though, as I also don't remember much about the French i took, either.

Possibly the most upbeat song so far.

•Rock Me Baby-

2001. Junior year history class taught by one of my all-time favorite teachers: Mr. Bradish.

This song was the given example of how creative people could get around the strict censorship laws in the mid-century like the Hayes code.

"Well, we can't say 'i want you to screw me all night long', but these dipshit honky record executives don't exactly understand what we mean by the word 'rock', they're just snapping their fingers, so we're good."

I simply cannot divorce this song from that moment in time.

That said, A SERIOUS blues guitar solo, hot damn.

•(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction-

To be totally on the level, I was always more of a Beatles fan than a Stones fan.

That said, this cover FUCKING SLAPS!

In a perfect world, this song would be known as an Otis Redding song.

•You Don't Miss Your Water-

The inverse of I've Been Loving You Too Long, and the return of: "Aww, man I've been such a gigantic cheating prick it's been so great, wait, why is my girl leaving me? [Surprised_pikachu.jpg]"

I seriously CAN'T believe how common a subject that has been during this project.

Well, that was an interesting album, all in all. Otis Redding had one hell of a voice, and it's on full display here.

Definitely worth checking out, especially since it's a quick one at like 35 minutes long.

Favorite Track: (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. It's amazing how much better this song can seem when it's not being sneered at you by a quasi-noncey British multi-millionaire. It comes off much less like the diatribe of a jaded douche when it comes from Otis.

Least Favorite Track: You Don't Miss Your Water.

Yeah, maybe I'm a dyed in the wool wife-guy, but I will never, ever be a fan of the nigh-omnipresent "I'm an asshole, I'm a cheater, wait a minute, why doesn't my partner like me anymore?" song.

#1001 albums #dancing to architecture #Otis Redding #Otis Blue

[emmabelle147]

Discovered an old I-pod shuffle the other night. This is how it went:

Music from 5th-8th grade on shuffle and I know all the words to every song except I don’t until the word before a line

Cold Water by Justin Bieber is playing and I’m mature enough to admit it’s a goddamn bop

Even though I made a whole PowerPoint in 3rd grade of why he’s the worst

It’s called character development, Bethany!

I’m now calling the killjoy in my brain Bethany. Fuck Bethany

All my homies hate Bethany

Is this crab rave?… IT’S FUCKING CRAB RAVE. I’VE BEEN CRABBED BY MY PAST SELF

I feel like a water bender

“Cheerleader” is the definition of Rizz

FUCKING LEMONADE MOUTH

[iamsigningmylifeaway]

🦀🦀🦀DREAM IS NO LONGER HOMELESS🦀🦀🦀

#CRAB RAVE #dream smp #homeless dream #HES GOT A HOME NOW🙏 #FUCK C!DREAM ALL MY HOMIES HATE C!DREAM #dream mcyt #mcyt #tommyinnit #tubbo #2021 #winter 2021

[stayatsam]

so funny how my high school teachers talked about how strict college profs are on writing and citation styles but like

90% of the time my professors havent given us direct prompts and just let us choose what to write about and also dont care what format you cite in so long unless its like a super professional paper

also i’m literally planning on writing a short paper on jojo’s bizarre adventure for my 19th homoerotic literature class

also like interacting with professors is fun when you talk to them about what they wrote their PhD or speciality on 

#sam crying #fuck APA all my homies hate APA #i use chicago for 99% of stuff #my independent study professor discovered a new species of hermit crab and its named after him

[thepringlesofblood]

ok here’s my obra dinn Opinions

so the story of return of the obra dinn, even after fully completed, is intentionally ambiguous. feature, not a bug. love to see it.

I also want to string together my interpretation of how shit played out both for my own sanity and because I think it’s a fascinating and beautiful story and while at first I was kind of let down by the ending i’m pretty sure it’s bc of how I played the game not because of the game

[I finished like 2/3 of it, forgot about it for a year, then tried to finish the rest of it and got frustrated bc I couldn’t remember shit and had to rely on my questionable notes and looked up a few fates to speed the process along a bit.]

so.

below the cut are obviously obra dinn spoilers for the whole game. bc I will be stringing things together. you’ve been warned.

also i don’t have all the answers. some things are best left vague.

one thing I haven’t noticed mentioned in discussion all that much is what the chest does. not the shells, we’re all on roughly the same page on the summoning-monsters-maybe-hypnotizing-people thing I feel like. but the chest.

the chest is on the ship the whole time. but the mermaids only attack after the shell is removed from the chest (fuck u nichols all my homies hate nichols)

so what’s clear to me is the Formosan royalty are transporting the shells in what is essentially a specialized containment unit. it’s built to stop them from doing their bad summoning shit.

this also correlates with how ita-beng sia stuns the mermaids. on the wiki, it says that he puts the shell into the liquid in the top part (the shell came from the bottom drawer, as we see when nichols steals it). so maybe the “quicksilver” that dahl sees in the chest is a kind of preventative or offensive force against the shells - which the mermaids carry. maybe while the shell is in the liquid, the mermaids will remain powerless. or maybe it’s a one-time use way to stun them. we’ll come back to it.

plus, in all the pictures, we never see the glowy-shiny lines (idk what to call them, but the ones that come off the shells. you know.) around the chest. just around the shells. but when we, the inspector, in the “present”, look off the bow of the obra dinn, you can see them shining in the distant sea. but not around the lazarette (where we know the chest remains). so, the mermaids (maybe just the one?) are in the distant sea having just brought the obra dinn back.

what causes the initial summoning is clearly nichols’ stealing the shell - he removes it from the chest, so its not contained anymore and does its summoning.

it starts when they’re on the ocean trying to get away, by summoning the mermaids [obligatory they-might-not-be-mermaids disclaimer]. importantly, ita-beng sia says to not let the shell get in the water.

so. my thought is. the shell needs to be close to water to operate at its full effectiveness. that’s why nothing was summoned while nunzio pasqua’s death was being investigated, even though nichols had already taken the shell out of the chest. it takes until they get in the water on the smaller boats til the mermaids are summoned.

once ita-beng sia puts the shell in the liquid and gets burnt and stuns them all, and nichols does the batshit thing of taking them onboard, the mermaids are responsible for the other sea-monsters that attack the obra dinn, or at least the kraken. this is confirmed in The Bargain, when after the captain kills two of them, the third somehow causes the kraken to retreat.

it isn’t confirmed that they had anything to do with the fuckin weirdass crab people though (those things scared the SHIT out of me).

this leads me into another valid theory: Filip Dahl

you stupid stupid man

you KNEW about the curse. you KNEW they were dangerous. you cut a whole guy’s leg off bc of it.

and when you got locked in the lazarette with the mysterious magic chest you stuck your fuckin hands in anyway.

maybe he was trying to get the shell to appease the mermaids. maybe he thought he could help somehow. maybe it was greed, or curiosity, or impulse. his dialogue reveals nothing

"What is this? Quicksilver! Herre, min gud! | God in heaven!"

thats it

it could be quicksilver, or just magic juice that looks like quicksilver. the art is just sorta swirly. respect.

but either way, that could happen at ANY point after he’s locked in there at the end of Unholy Captives.

so. while it’s also totally valid to say that the mermaids called the crab-spike monsters, I feel like the fact that Dahl removed a shell from the chest, in the lazarette which had water in it bc the mermaids were there and we hear splashes, is significant. maybe that triggered the effect, or intensified it, causing multiple kinds of sea-monster to attack. idk

also, if putting the shell in the "quicksilver” incapacitated the mermaids, maybe taking it out made them more powerful and more able to call for help?

so then the Monsters happen and it takes the captain 2 Terrible Beast™ attacks to maybe try to do something abt that. or maybe it was his wife’s death. or the ship about to sink. but he goes in for a chat w the prisoners.

he kills the first two after lots of threats, and eventually the third sends the kraken away somehow. 

and martin perrot. the real mvp. the true hero.

goes to let them out w his homies. and even after getting spiked, he gives the mermaid the shell and asks a favor for the ship, giving up his life (he tells them to lock the door behind them) for those still left alive on the ship.

martin perrot dude. you the only hoe in this house i ever respected.

it’s unclear whether the captain ordered this or not. it’s unclear how much time passes between the killing of the first two mermaids and this time.

we do know the captain is getting rid of all the shells, so maybe he ordered the mermaid let go. and martin is 3rd mate, and probably following captains orders. but we don’t know.

and the rest of the crew sure doesn’t know

hence, mutiny, murder, escape, general chaos

and it rains. after the inspector gets onboard the ship, it starts to rain. after they leave, a storm sinks the obra dinn.

(i mean i’m not saying the mermaids did it but the mermaids did it)

fuck dude, i want a sequel. not about the obra dinn, but with the inspector going to another ship, or to another crazy situation, with the watch and sherlocking the shit out of it for insurance investigation.

#my Opinions #obra dinn #obra dinn spoilers #original post

[noro-noro-noro]

thank u 4 tagging me kiwi ily <3 

1. Why did you choose your url?

one noro & 2 noros were both taken & tokyo ghoul was my big interest when i made my blog. now it’s my brand. i can’t not be noro!!! i wouldn’t recognize myself!!! 

2. Any side blogs?

design inspiration blog @machine-dreams! also my vent blog but we dont need to get into that ❤

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

since like late 2015

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i dont use a queue. fuck it all!! everyone will know when i’m online & when i’m not

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

one of my friends kept asking me to make one so i eventually did 

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

ok well it couldn’t not be noro with this name. then i added the gun to threaten the homies & then i added the crab bc of that giant enemy crab post

7. Why did you choose your header?

i drew it for new years in 2017 & it’s got noro in it & i think it’s my favorite tokyo ghoul fanart that i’d ever done. also i forgot about changing it

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

a post about losing my horse in minecraft that got picked up by mojang-official & then circulated to the minecraft community at large. i think the numps post is in 3rd place. 

9. How many mutuals do you have?

i was really curious so i went through & counted. i have 48 

10. How many followers do you have?

1223

11. How many people do you follow?

384

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

ofc

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

idk really often i think. i like pictures & funny sentences

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

not really? i think the biggest beef i’ve ever had with someone on tumblr was my old roommate nick & that’s because we hate each other irl. oh wait i remember i was defending that one mp100 fanfic that everyone was making baseless accusations against a few years ago & i got one person calling me a piece of shit child abuser in the notes or something like that, but they blocked me immediately so like idk if that counts? oh there was also one person who followed me a while ago that kept adding snarky & mean replies every time i made a personal post about something i was interested in, so i eventually softblocked them. this sounds like a lot, but these are the only 3 examples that i have over the past 6 years or whatever

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

depends if it’s funny or not. if it’s not funny it’s annoying & i do not reblog it. hope this helps 

16. Do you like tag games?

YES i love talking about myself!!!!! 

17. Do you like ask games?

i don’t usually get many asks, like it’s 2-3 randomly picked from the same pool of 10 people that interact with me (this recent pokemon thing was an exception), but i like them!!! i think they are cool & fun

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

spitblaze if you are reading this i like your posts & sometimes i go to your streams too & those are fun!!! also tickfleato i think your art & ocs & worlduilding are all SO cool i hope to read all of it someday!!! cryogenic-heat who is big in the off fanart community for their oc shortsen  & tomochingus who used to draw assclass fanart & now draws incredible fma fanart. sorry to namedrop people i just think you are all cool & sometimes i go “wow i can’t believe this person is following me”

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

a while ago ya but i’m normal now  

i’ll tag uhhh @toga-vibes & @pingo1387 & @whatthehaxx & @king-sxmething & @greengargouille. ok swag  ❤  

#ask memes #as always don't have to do it if you don't want

[valpus-writing]

I love you

Okay homies hers part two then next part might not make sense because I have to skip the nsfw possibly because tumblr

Anti was late. But what did he expect? He should have known better than to invite the virus on any form of date. It was clear that He was only there for sex and that these feelings Mark was starting to feel meant nothing and he should have kept them buried. He was about to make his way to the door to leave before he heard a voice behind him. “Hope I’m not too late.”

“Late?! Anti have you seen the-” Mark cut himself off as he turned around to look at Anti and truly saw the virus words leaving his mind as he looked him over. Anti had pulled his hair back into a bun and was in black suit pants and a black dress shirt. The first few buttons were undone but he had bandages wrapped around his neck and looked nice for once; not that Mark didn’t like how he looked; there was a jaw-dropping effect to see him all cleaned up like he was.

“Speechless I see,” The virus says with a smirk on his face as he watched Mark look him over. He was proud to have gotten a reaction like that from the other.

“Ya no shit, you’re an hour late and dressed nice. Anyone would be shocked speechless.” Mark snapped trying to quickly recover from his awe of Anti not wanting to inflate the virus’s ego.

“Mmm you’re damn lucky I got dressed up I almost took you up on that offer of you dressing me,” Anti says with that smirk of his still glued to his face.

“How about this seeing as you were so kind as to show up dressed, I’ll help you out of it,” Mark says pulling Anti close by his hips. “That is if you behave yourself while we are out.”

“You say that as if I am known for causing problems,” Anti says a smirk on his face as Mark rolled his eyes.

“You are,” he says rather flatly only for the virus in front of him to laugh the sound glitched and echoing around them.

“And here I thought I was an angel,” Anti says a smile on his face. This was their normal back and forth banter, but there was something more to it as they stayed close to each other.

“You are hardly an angel but we should get going nonetheless,” Mark says although didn’t let go of Anti right away. The other male used this opportunity to kiss Mark. It wasn’t rough or lustful like the kisses they normally shared but much softer than that. Mark more than willingly kissed Anti back and it was a tender moment neither quite seemed willing to break. Mark ended up being the one to break it forcing himself to let go of the virus so they could get out of the door. “Come on,” He says leading the Irish demon out of the house and into the waiting limbo.

The car ride was surprisingly quiet for the most part. Both of them thinking about The implications of what was going on. However about halfway there, Anti was tired of how quiet everything was, or rather he didn’t want to be alone with his own thoughts anymore, and moved to drape himself across Mark’s lap.

“Do you know what personal space is?” Mark complained looking down at Anti but made no attempts to move whether that was because he knew it would be useless or because he didn’t mind the other on his lap it was hard to tell.

“No I don’t, but you never seem to mind,” Anti says and it was a lie as Mark hated Anti invading his personal space, or rather he used to hate it, now he found himself not minding it as much as he used to not that he was willing to admit that

“You are an annoying brat.”

“You say that a lot, maybe you should do something about my behavior if you hate it so much.” Anti teased before yelping when he was shoved off of Mark’s lap and onto the floor of limbo. “Rude.” He hissed before getting up so he was sitting next to Mark again.

“Maybe behave yourself then.” Mark shot back right in time as the car came to a stop He moved so he could get out before stopping and pulling something out of his pocket handing it to Anti. “I know you have a hard time with lights so here.” Anti looked at the glasses now that he was back sitting in the seat before taking them and putting them on his face. They covered his eyes so no one could see them but they also did a good job keeping the light out to the point Anti could see without having a headache from the light.

“Thank you.” He says softly and Mark just waved him off before opening the door and stepping out. Anti could see what Mark was talking about with the brightness of the cameras before he even got out of the car. When he did step out Mark had paused to make sure the glasses were strong enough. The virus’s signature smirk appeared on his face as he walked up to Mark who had quickly gotten swarmed as the show’s star. Mark waved them goodbye before walking with Anti into the club they were having the cast party at.

The inside was a lot darker than outside so the demon removed the sunglasses letting them hang from the front of his shirt as he and Mark walked over to the other actors. “You!” One of them called out and started to walk straight towards Anti much to the demon’s surprise as he moved a step in front of Mark to protect him out of instinct as the angry woman Marched right up and put her finger on his chest. “You young man need to stop marking up the star actor before big days of filming.” She snapped at him punctuating her words with a poke to the demon's chest that made him back up right into Mark.

“Look I think there has been a misunderstanding.” He says trying to find a way out of whatever mess that Mark dragged him into.

“Oh, there is no mistake. Mark wouldn’t bring just anyone. He may be able to fool others but not me.” Hearing that Anti wanted to look back and ask Mark if he invited him right into a trap or what type of joke this was but he didn’t get the chance to before Mark moved in front of him in an attempt to get the makeup artist to leave him alone.

“Come now, Alexis no need to be so harsh on him, besides telling him not to do something he is more likely to do it,” Mark says and Anti grabbed the back of his neck with a growl.

“Shut up your one to talk.” He hissed and Alexis looked a bit concerned until Anti let go of Mark who smiled at her.

“Well consider that my warning at least then young man. I will track you down if you keep messing him up.” She says and Anti have her a smile although it was faked.

“Of course duly noted.” He says and the makeup artist nodded before walking off.

“Care for a drink?” Mark asked although he was already walking over to the bar

“I should have never come with your dumb ass,” Anti responded but followed after the actor non the less.

“Oh please, I keep you entertained. You would die of boredom if you didn’t come every time I call,” Mark says as they got the bar getting a glass of wine for himself.

“Is that your way of calling me a loyal dog, because if so just say it next time” Anti says but didn’t refute what Mark said as he just got himself a glass of whisky.

“You said it not me,” Mark says a smirk on his face as the demon growled knowing he had set himself up for that one.

“Oh just wait till we get home.” He says not paying much attention to the fact that he had made it seem like they lived together and Mark didn’t bother to point it out.

“We’ll see how that goes for you,” Mark says taking a drink of his wine that shit-eating look still on his face.

Anti just smirked as he leaned closer to Mark talking so only he could hear him, “You better be careful what ya wish for because unlike you I’m willing to settle this in public.” He leaned back taking his glass and taking a sip of his whisky admiring the look on Mark’s face as he struggled to keep it neutral.

Thankfully for Mark, he was saved by some of his fellow actors walking over. “What do ya got there Marky?” One of the males says walking over and hanging off of Mark by wrapping an arm around his shoulder that he quickly shrugged off.

“It’s a glass of wine,” Mark says deadpan making Anti snort at that.

“Full of jokes aren’t ya hotshot.” One of the other actors says making Anti smirk.

“He’s full of a lot more than jokes,” Anti says before Mark could get the chance to respond. Mark glared over at him and the other actors that had walked over burst out laughing.

“Damn and here I thought those marks you keep showing in were from a girl.”

“I hate all of you,” Mark says taking a drink from his wine before getting gently pushed by one of the actors.

“You know we are just giving you shit.” He says before his expression softened. “I can’t say about the others but I’m glad you found someone.” The actor’s expression turning into that of a playful smile again. “Wouldn’t want ya to stay the depressed crab ass ya were after what happened with your ex-wife.”

Mark had opened his mouth to comment that he and Anti were just fuck buddies and nothing more, but he knew there would be no point. “So are you fools going to introduce yourself or just keep making a fool of me?” He says instead.

“How rude of me I’m Scot and then the one that first spoke was Danny and the two behind us are Mich and Mike,” Scot says as the others did a little wave.

“Sean,” Anti says waving back at them.

“Next round is on me if you tell us how the two of you met,” Danny says and before Mark could protest Anti spoke.

“Sure.”

#soft Anti #Soft Actor Mark #This is for me more than anyone else #I just wanted something soft #Anti/actor #Actor/anti

[wtfgaylittlezooid]

FUCK coconut crabs, all my homies hate coconut crabs

coconut crabs are REAL cool but also fucking terrifying so i understand why you hate them HWEFIOWEFWEF

[haunthouse]

14 and 15 for the blaseball asks?

14. favorite “minor” character (player who’s rarely discussed). sutton dreamy! i think she’s probably discussed a fair amount within the crabs, but i haven’t seen much about her outside of crabs chats. she’s not a very good player stars-wise but i'm in love with her anyways. i also think silvaire roadhouse deserves more attention. also forrest best, do people outside of the crabs talk about forrest best at all

15. character you hate for NO reason. fuck thomas dracaena all my homies hate thomas dracaena. motherfucker doesn’t even know how to steal bases. fuckin shitty as vampire with his shitty useless airplane takin up the whole field. asshole. i hate him so much

blaseball asks!

#kaylee.txt #answered #divinacommedia #blaseball

[oldfritz]

this was surprisingly hard because half of them I wanted to throw in f, but then felt guilty about it so here’s where we are. explanations under the cut to be nice (fair warning: I’m writing this while tipsy so this is a journey)

S-tier

Old Fritz: look me in the eyes. look at me. are you looking? good. where else was I was going to put him? where? in C with the other losers? foolish. I am ruining my life for this man, I’m going to go into debt so I can be moderately qualified to write books on him so Tim Blanning and Christopher Clark don’t boo my off the stage. I sit here sometimes and I’m like ‘y’know, I would start a podcast to talk about his life’ as if I’m some straight white guy who thinks any of you want to listen to me for an hour. he’s a bastard, a smug bastard, and is the epitome of self-destructive tendencies. and, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t so fucking misogynistic all the time. ‘oh women aren’t fit to rule’ shut up Fritz before I time travel to fuck your wife and make her have one night where life feels worthwhile. but he’s funny, I enjoy how he does foreign policy, and he’s unfortunately relatable to me. cheers, Fritz. here’s to never being satisfied from one gay disaster with anger issues to another. may we burn in hell together

A-tier

Friedrich iii: “Suzanne, he was only on the throne for 99 days!! how can he be this high up when some of these bastards refused to die?” I hear you, my friends, and I have answers. I’ll tell you two words you’ll be shocked to hear put together: liberal Hohenzollern. a rare breed, isn’t it? imagine, friends, a world where he got over his throat cancer because he listened to a doctor and we get through the 1910s, 20s, even the 30s without Wilhelm II Electric Boogaloo being in power. Prussia is still on the map, the Anglo-Prussian alliance is strong, and I live in peace. but no. this stupid man had to keep smoking. because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my needs. you know, he actually loved his wife. rare in this family. loved her and wasn’t abusive. the bar is so low, guys. and his wife is amazing too, Victoria. the world would’ve been in competent hands if they’d been in power longer (and Bismarck would’ve been out of a job still but at least these guys are smart. their son inherited grandma Vicki’s IQ). I would sleep with both of them and would thank them for the honor (when it should always be the other way around, remember that)

B-tier

Friedrich I: if your name is Friedrich and only Friedrich, we’re buds. that’s my rule. I have to give him credit where credit’s due. he was the first. while I agree with Fritz in his proscription that he was ‘small in big ways and big in small ways’ (I may have flipped that around), he wasn’t a bad guy. he just was born into the wrong job for him. I appreciate that he rode on his father’s coattails of proving useful to the Habsburgs and did a little himself to get that sweet, sweet kingship. smart move. I also like that he saw Louis XIV and said to himself “I stan, I kin, on God we’re gonna do that’ and tried. only for have his stupid, ungrateful, unclassy son to do away with that. I, too, am a woman of luxury and self-indulgance and if I had all the riches of Brandenburg and Prussia at the time (not much), I would spend them ridiculously on outfits and music and art. now, what did he do as king? what policy legacy did he leave behind? that’s a good one :)

C-tier

Friedrich Wilhelm III: now as a king he sucks. and I stand by this because, you know, he lost to him *imagine me pretending to be short and saying ‘oui, oui’ in a bad french accent*. and as any proper Englishwoman I can’t support a monarch who goes around losing to the French unless their name is Mary I. but, he’s a pathetic little man. he really is. so indecisive, so unsure of himself. what are you doing little guy? you think because your last name is Hohenzollern, God thinks you’re a good king? well it is like 1805 and, while divine right isn’t really being used as much, it’s as good as any reason on why you’re the chosen one and my family is eating dirt in Sicily and on the Scottish border. he’s really just a dude, nothing extraordinary about him except that his wife was the only one with brains and was the first to establish that (sorry Wilhelm I). he cried when he found out that his children didn’t call him ‘papa’ and went into a deep depressive state when his wife suddenly died. he’s an average man, of average abilities, but of big heart. and the big heart is what bumps him up, for me, from his old place as an F to a C. though, his moralizing is tedious

Friedrich Wilhelm II: this man should have partied with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. everyone’s got that one ruler whose all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. for the US it’s JFK, for the UK it’s Margaret Thatcher Charles II, France has Louis XIV. Prussia has this guy and we should thank him. so many mistresses, so much sex, so much revelry and debauchery and sin! this guy’s personal life is like a treasure trove of political and sexual intrigue. if you’re into that - as I am as a town gossip - you’ll love him. I am constantly amazed by the fact that some STD didn’t kill him. syphilis, herpes, crabs. something, man, anything. but he didn’t. he’s a shit king though. absolutely horrible. all he did was whine that he didn’t get taught anything by Uncle Fritz and, yes, that’s not good if it’s true (but it’s not completely because the treatises are detailed but I guess he didn’t have time to read) but c’mon. actually apply yourself and learn on the job. I know that would’ve required him to not be balls deep somewhere, but unfortunately he’s not Dorian Gray. there’s work that needed to be done and he didn’t do it. boo!!

D-tier

Wilhelm I: apparently he was a good guy, unlike the other 3 who populate the lowest rungs of Prussian kinghood. so I give him that and I can respect that. but what did he do? what were his own ideas? I thought about putting Bismarck as king instead because, really, he was. Bismarck was a minister who ran around the king’s back to set things up exactly as he liked and it fucking worked because he was the brains. his wife was intelligent too, but theirs wasn’t a wamr and loving marriage. and Bismarck worked to get Wilhelm to distrust her because she was liberal and the fact that Wilhelm would listen to Otto even if it meant allowing himself to be drowned in the Rhine is pathetic. fun party at Versailles though. hope it was worth the war reparations

F-tier (bastard time) I’m going in a different order because I want to go from the ones I hate least to most xoxo

Friedrich Wilhelm IV: “I won’t accept a crown from the gutter” then you won’t accept a crown at all, stupid idiot! god, the smugness. the authoritarian impulses. I know it was the cool thing in 1848 to put down any revolts/protests with as much force as possible, but man, at least the Habsburgs were transparent. homie was like “yeah guys lol I’ll make a constitution and it’ll be epic! you’ll have so many rights! xoxo gossip girl” and then...nope. and AND he wanted the Habsburgs in charge of things too! Mr. ‘I’m Nostalgic For When HRE Was Great And We Blew Austrian Dick!’ grow up man. it’s Prussia time buddy, Austria is beginning to fall apart. don’t look to the past, look to the future, but you didn’t have that vision did you?

Wilhelm II: *banging pots and pans* I blame this man for everything! now, intellectually, does Germany take all the blame for WWI? no, that’s foolish and propaganda of the Allies only. if you’re a European power in 1914, you get to share the blame (ex: why did UK need to make this a naval arms race? Austria should’ve declared war on Serbia sooner if that’s what it wished to do. Russia, please stay out of the Balkans then and forever). but does my irrational hatred of Wilhelm blind me to this truth when I see his stupid face and that ugly fucking mustache that I wish to yank off? my god, yes. I see him and Rule Britannia and The Yanks Are Coming start playing so loud in my head and I’m like ‘yeah, the kaiser’s gonna pay.’ I’m sorry that Bismarck’s ego was bigger than yours but did you have to prove him right by getting incompetent buffoons who were playing checkers when he set the board up for chess to replace him? Did you have to prove Freud right by displacing private problems onto public life with your little tit-for-tat with George IV (VI?) because his mummy loved you more? Why did you need to fuck every naval vessel you saw like an inferior of Peter the Great who believed he was Sir Francis Drake? but that’s just the first war and he lived to see things setting up for the second. wasn’t in convenient for you to be close with the N@zis when you thought they might want a king back on the throne and you could reclaim your little tyrant. like every goddamn Prussian conservative or Junker, you thought you could play the tyrannical cockroach. sure, you figured out earlier that he was no pal, but you still collaborated and you still allowed yourself to get played like the weak man of conscience you are. cheers!

Friedrich Wilhelm I: ladies and gentleman, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the biggest bastard straight outta Berlin, FW1! and who doesn’t love an abusive father? who doesn’t love a man, so insecure and pathetic, that he needs to terrorize children to be able to look at himself and have a little pride. I understand that it was because he wanted his kids, specifically Fritz, to be best. but being best and perfect meant being miniature versions of him and aren’t we supposed to want our children to be better than a carbon-copy of a small man? honestly, I could live with the occasional smack for this time period. it’s within the norm and, while horrible, isn’t irreparably damaging. this guy really had to beat the shit out of Fritz and Wilhelmina and I’m sure Augustus and Henry and Amalia and all the others (so many kids) didn’t get spared either because if you hit one, you’ll hit ‘em all. and I judge them for their flaws all the same but, for some of them, it gets hard to. because what fighting chance did they have when their father was telling them how worthless they were and beating them senseless and threatening death and life imprisonment on some? I’m constantly impressed by Henry and Fritz and Wilhelmina for amounting to any semblance of maturity, even though it’s always fleeting, because this man didn’t give them the tools to be functioning adults. but each of them managed to be greater than their father, as did Amalia managing a really cool coup in Sweden. and what did FW1 get? he built up his army, had a tall guy fetish, increased the treasury, and made the cabinet and executive offices more efficient. there used to be this one guy on here that would argue that that was all a good king made and that this lowlife didn’t deserve the contempt he got by some on here (an obvious vague of me) for his behavior as a father. and maybe I’m a crackpot, but I believe the quality of a man outshines all those other achievements and that that’s meaningless to me, in my personal life. and when I get to hell, before I go to any of these other men, I’ll go to him and ask him how hell’s fires feel because, if his God was real, it would never love him. and that’s beautiful

#i just wanted to give you guys the mental image of ol maggie doing lines of coke #i dont like her i just like to give nicknames to all my enemies #makes them uncomfortable #im very tipsy so this is weird #i apologize #but i hope its kinda funny and enjoyable #frederick the great #old fritz #the name frederick officially looks meaningless to me #frederick william i #frederick i #frederick iii #frederick william ii #frederick william iii #frederick william iv #wilhelm i #wilhelm ii #prussian shitposting