#I FOUND MY FIRST RAMBLINGS 4 MY ARC ....

[downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le]

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader)

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) Word Count: 14,842 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of murder, crime scenes, guns, near-death experiences, slow-burn romance, drug addiction, death, and some MAJOR FLUFF! Spoilers: none, as Criminal Minds has been out for literal decades so don't get mad.

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer, and one time he says it back in the same fashion.

This man has been eating my brain alive for the past few weeks and I know I'm late but damn he deserves all the appreciation he gets. This was just a silly little idea I had because I'm the kind of person to get obsessed quickly and can't move on until I write it out of my system. Seeing how long this turned out, I have split each moment into six smaller, digestible chapters as linked below. Enjoy xx

Full Story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Spencer Reid was performing some of his physics magic for his colleagues when he first saw you.

He'd just mixed up some water with an antacid tablet and placed within a film canister. He'd done it a hundred times on his own, but he'd only just joined the BAU two months ago, and JJ and Derek hadn't seen it before so he just had to do it. Quickly placing the lid on, he said, 'You can turn around now.'

'I don't understand why we had to in the first place,' Derek said as he grumpily turned around.

'A magician never tells his secrets,' Spencer said, rubbing his hands gleefully. To him, showing off his intellect never got boring.

Well, show off wasn't the proper term. He understood that he could be a lot for some people, knowing so much for a man in his early twenties that looked barely old enough to be out of school, let alone with three Bachelors and PHDs under his belt already. Spouting little known facts or remembering minute details about cases that went back thirty to forty years was just his way of expressing himself. It was his way of contributing to the team. And while his team was getting used to his ramblings and intellect, even demonstrated admiration for it, others would call him a freak.

'If you ask me,' JJ said, 'I wouldn't want to know how he does some things.'

'Fair,' Derek replied, all their eyes on the film canister.

Spencer watched it in anticipation, how the bubbles slipped out between the lid and the canister slowly at first, then started bubbling faster and bigger and-

POP!

The canister rocketed up towards the roof, and all three of them watched with wide eyes as it arced over the bullpen and then down to meet the-

'Ow!'

Spencer ducked into his chair as he watched a young lady in a loose button up shirt, dress pants and boots pat her head. He heard JJ and Derek scurry away, but Spencer remained staring at the woman. Who is she? he thought, his eyes scanning over her.

Your (h/c) hair caught the sunlight, giving it a glow that had Spencer mesmerised. Your (s/c) skin shone with it, making your (e/c) eyes stand out most beautifully. And when you stood back up and made eye contact with him, canister in hand, he found himself frozen, unable to avoid the conclusion that he was the culprit.

'What is this, Reid?' Hotch said, walking up to his desk not looking the least bit impressed. 'Actually, don't answer that. Just don't do it again.'

'Sorry,' Spencer murmured out, a guilty smile stretching his lips slightly.

Hotch blew out a sigh. 'Never mind that now. I would like to introduce you to our new team member. Agent (Y/n) (L/n), a transfer from LA.'

Spencer finally realised that you had walked up with Hotch, and now that you were so close (literally standing a desk apart from one another), he was lost for words at how bright your smile was, and how beautiful you looked that way.

'So you're the one that thought my head was a good landing place for your little... rocket,' you said offering the film canister back, laughter dancing in your words.

It took Spencer a moment for him to realise you wanted him to take the canister back, so he scrambled to his feet, fingers fumbling for the canister. 'No, I-I was just showing how a-an antacid reacts with water, and how, put into a small, confined place, that can cause a chemical, gas-like reaction and cause it to exploded.'

'And launch it like a rocket?' you asked.

He paused as he watched your smile slip a little. Oh no. He'd done it again - made someone feel dumber than him. And while technically that was true, he never meant to make anyone feel like that.

'Y-Yeah?' he answered, awkwardness rising up in his throat, freezing his limbs, his brain.

But then suddenly your smile returned, melting his fear and doubt as you said, 'Cool! I've always loved chemistry. I actually did a Bachelor of Science with a major in archaeological science and a minor in chemistry before I started my BA in Criminology.'

'And now you're here,' he said, a soft smile of his own tugging at his lips.

You nodded, looking around what would now be your new home. 'And now I'm here.'

'Fascinating,' Spencer breathed out. He didn't mean to, but it made you smile more so he didn't mind. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't introduced himself. He struck out his arm, rigid as a board, and offered his hand. 'Sorry, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'Pleasure to meet you, doctor,' you said, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. You skin was as soft as it looked, Spencer noted. 'I very much look forward to working with you and the rest of the team as we go forward.'

'We've got a briefing in five minutes, Reid,' Hotch interrupted, moving to step away from the conversation. 'I'll introduce you to the rest of the team then, (L/n). And if I find you firing another film canister through the sky, Reid-'

'Yes, yes, sorry, no more rockets. Airspace Reid is officially grounded,' Spencer quickly replied, not wanting to get lectured like a twelve-year-old like he usually did.

Your tinkling laughter drew his attention back to you, and he was baffled by the wonderment dancing in your eyes as you looked at him. 'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'T-Thanks?' he replied, although he wasn't quite sure if you were making fun of him or not. Most people did if they didn't straight up tell him he was annoying.

Hotch walked away, but you remained for a moment, leaning in close to whisper, 'That's a good thing, by the way.'

'Oh. Right.'

You flashed him one last smile before following your new unit chief, falling back into easy conversation with him as you gracefully floated through the chaotic goings of the office. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off you as you did, in awe of your grace and poise, and how you didn't even stumble when you spoke with him. You were genuine, upfront and honest. You couldn't be much older than himself, he noted, perhaps even younger. He was used to being the baby of the team, but it looked like that would be changing.

The prospect of being able to connect with someone his own age sent an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter through his heart.

'Oh, you've got it bad.'

Spencer spun in his chair to see JJ and Derek standing behind him once more, watching him with knowing grins.

'What? What have I got?' he asked. 'I'm not sick... I don't think.'

JJ rolled her eyes and giggled as she walked away, Spencer just catching a quiet, 'This'll be fun,' as she did. But Derek walked closer, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, and that knowing grin stretched wider, more feline and cheeky.

'Don't worry, pretty boy,' he said. 'You'll figure it out soon. You're smart, right?'

'Well, smart isn't really the quite term for someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187-'

'And pep talk is over,' Derek interrupted, abruptly walking away back to his desk and leaving Spencer in a disarray of emotions.

So he looked back to where you had gone, and found you speaking with Penelope, nodding enthusiastically to whatever she was talking to you about. But you weren't just being polite, you appeared genuinely interested in the conversation, even though Spencer noted you barely contributed to it.

'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

All his life, Spencer had been told he was a genius - gifted, different. It had just become an effortless part of who he is. It was almost expected at this point to see weirded-out or overly-amazed expressions from people he didn't know. So why then, when you said that to him, did he feel happy about it?

He checked his watch. Almost briefing time. He got up from his seat and made his way to the briefing room where only a place beside you was available. Maybe he would find out soon enough.

~

It became a casual thing, for you to comment on how wonderful Dr. Spencer Reid was. Every day in the office, whenever you travelled to cases, even out in the field, sometimes in not-so-great situations.

It was only ever once, but you always managed to find something to say, 'You are a wonder, Dr Reid,' to him. Sometimes it was his full name, sometimes just doctor. Sometimes, he was just Spencer. Apart from JJ, you were the only one who ever really called him by his first name. Oddly enough for him, he liked it when he was just Spencer, not the Boy Genius or freak or computer.

But the next time you told him that and it meant something to him was ten months after he ended his drug addiction.

He sat at his desk in the bullpen finishing some paperwork, or at least attempting to. They'd just gotten back from a long and exhausting case and his brain (the very thing he knew he could always rely on) refused to coordinate with his hands and eyes. The information he wished to write out felt jammed at his fingers tips, appeared blurry in his vision.

'Gosh,' he breathed out, leaning back in his seat defeated as he rubbed at his tired eyes. No doubt black bags sagged beneath them.

It had been a long, exhausting case. The team had gone to Dallas to find a serial killer who'd been leaving a trail of dead doctors and pharmacists over the span of months which had suddenly turned into weeks, then days once the team joined the case.

The unsub had spiralled, devolved so to say, alluding to a psychotic break. But when they'd found him, he was not the malicious, sadistic person they'd first expected. Spencer was the first on the scene and had instead found a young man in his early twenties, not much younger than himself. All he'd wanted was some off-market narcotic that took away the pain from the physical abuse he received from his father.

And while Spencer's trauma was not the same, he couldn't help but see the parallels. When he'd looked the young man in the eyes, it was like looking into a mirror. All he saw was himself, drowning in his own trauma, his own fear, his own pain.

Spencer scoped the bullpen, suddenly noticing the silence. Not a single person was left. He then looked at his watch - half past ten. He hadn't noticed people leaving whatsoever. Not surprising considering his current state, his current condition.

Spencer slowly reached down to the bottom drawer of his desk, a sudden urge coursing through him to do so. Slowly again, almost hesitantly, he pulled it open and leafed through the many spare manilla folders that sat oddly in there until he reached the bottom.

It was just one vial, but just the mere sight of it sent relief rushing through Spencer. Dilaudid. He gently cradled it up to his eyes, admiring how the glass doors of the entrance became obscured as he looked through the transparent but murky liquid. After this case, what he wouldn't give to have a needle right now. Just one hit-

'Well, if it isn't Dr. Spencer Reid burning the midnight oil.'

Spencer almost dropped the vial as he scrambled to shove it deep into his pant pocket just as you appeared out of nowhere from the conference room.

'Sorry,' you said, an apologetic smile already on your lips. 'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's okay,' he replied as casually as possible. It was one thing to nearly be caught out by your colleague that you had an illegal narcotic you used to have an addiction for in your hand, but another when that colleague is one you've admired since the day you met. 'I was lost in thought, anyways.'

'Well just as well then. I can only imagine how depthless your brain must go with all that knowledge crammed in there.' You walked down the stairs to the floor of the bullpen and walked to him. You were still in your clothes from the past twenty-four hours, and your light makeup looked like it was lifting off your face like a second skin. Even your unrelenting smile seemed to sag with exhaustion.

Spencer straightened up in his seat, suddenly concerned. 'You okay, (Y/N)? You look-'

'Like trash?' you finished as you pulled up a chair of your own and sat in front of him. 'I have no doubt.'

Spencer looked behind your back into the conference room, his eyebrows furrowing when he spotted stacks of folders and loose paperwork spread across the table. 'That all yours?'

You looked back to the mess of words and paper you'd just escaped and sighed dramatically. 'Oh, yeah. Seems like the longer the case, the more paperwork you have to do. Poor trees.'

'Yeah...' Spencer found it odd how much paperwork you had to get through. Even he didn't have that much to get through. But before he could question you about it, your soft voice filled the damning void that surrounded him.

'How are you feeling, you know, after this case?'

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Don't give me that,' you say, your smile now replaced by a seriousness Spencer only saw on you when you were making an arrest or in really dire situations. You've worked together for almost three years now, he knew all the faces you pulled, all of your likes and dislikes, how you liked your coffee only after you've completed one task for the day to prove you can survive without it but choose not to.

He knows you, so it should not be surprising that you know him just as well.

'The moment we found out the unsub's objective, you've been a little... off.'

'Well, it shouldn't be surprising considering that was me just ten months ago,' he said matter-of-factly, pulling back into his shell, putting up his guard. 'I mean, if Hotch hadn't have found out about it, that could've been me-'

'No it wouldn't have.'

Spencer scoffed, but not in a demeaning manner. He just didn't believe you for a moment because he could see the facts, the statistics, in his head. 'Over 45% percent of addicts relapse at least twice. This is without the intervention or support by health care clinics and families and friends, and this case just proved that. So, yes, it could've been-'

'But it wasn't,' you intervened again, your voice echoing like soft thunder through the empty office. It gave you presence, forcing Spencer to look at you, like really look at you, and face what you were about to say.

'You had help and support from people that care about you, Spence,' you continued, sitting forward in your seat. 'And I don't care about the statistics, you're not one of them. You're your own person and you can determine where you add value in life, not by some... statistically-informed percentage prediction... thing.'

That drew a laugh out him, the quiet but sudden sound surprising him slightly. 'Stastically-informed percentage prediction, huh?'

'Shut up,' you grumbled and playfully punched his shoulder. When you both calmed down, you continued. 'When I realised who we were looking for, for a moment I kind of got scared.'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow 'Scared?'

You nodded. 'The truth is that... when you were kidnapped and... you had to endure all that pain alone... I was terrified. We all were. Even when we found you, I was terrified. Because I knew you would never be the same, and not that it's your problem, but I knew in that moment that I would never forgive myself for not finding you sooner. For not going with you and JJ to the farm.'

Tears welled up in your eyes and Spencer immediately leant forward. To do what, he didn't know, he just needed you to know he was there for you, like you always were for him.

'I'm sorry,' you mutter, blinking the tears away before they could fall. 'Your trauma is not my own. I have no right to express my guilt.'

'There's nothing to feel guilty for,' he said, reaching out slowly with his hands, the ones that slightly shook as he laid them on your own.

To his relief, you smiled. It wasn't full, but it was there. 'You're a horrible liar, Spencer Reid.' That brought some laughter out of you both, lightening the suffocating air of the office.

'But even when we found out about you and the dilaudid,' you continued, pulling yourself together, if only to let Spencer know your true thoughts. 'I wasn't even mad.'

A large lump formed in Spencer's throat, and he had a hard time swallowing it along with the threat of tears that burned behind his amber eyes. 'You... You weren't?'

It was the mixture of surprise and hope that pulled at your heart, that made you feel obligated to keep speaking. 'Why should I have been? I was not the one who was tortured mentally and physically by a split-personality murderer; and who also witnesses the darkest, most ugliest aspects of humanity every single day of his life. It was not my place to judge how you hold onto your own humanity.'

Your eyes until then had never left his, but they flickered downwards then, and Spencer froze at where your gaze landed.

It only lasted a moment before your eyes returned to his, and it startled him the lack of sympathy he finds there, but instead warmth. 'It is still not my place to judge,' you said, twisting your hands so they could clasp his fully. 'All I know is that... you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So much stronger than me, JJ, Pen, Emily - heck, I'd say you're even stronger than Derek. But not Hotch, Gideon, and Rossi, though. Then again, no one is.'

You both chuckled at that, and all the tension in his body seemed to dissipate at the sound. So light and airy, it was what he imagined heaven sounded like.

'The point is,' you continued, giving his hands a squeeze, 'you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded and conflicted within himself. He felt like he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And a great urge to suddenly engulf you in a hug started itching his limbs, which was weird because he didn't care much physical affection, or affection in general. But before he could decide what he wanted to do, you decided for him.

You gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. The absence of your touch left him cold as he followed you as you went back into the conference room to pack up. Surprisingly it didn't take you long until you came back out, your coat and bag in hand.

'Don't stay up too long, now,' you said as you passed him by, your smile so radiant it was almost as if you weren't crying just a few minutes before. 'We've got a long day ahead.'

As soon as the elevator door closed on you, he pulled out the vial of dilaudid and stared it down. It was like it was taunting him, sitting idly, innocently, in his palm, as if it knew he desperately wanted it, needed it.

'...you are stronger than you give yourself credit for... you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

For some reason, though, he suddenly didn't need it. The fire, the urge, the want and reliance for it - he was suddenly weightless with clarity, if only for a moment.

Spencer chucked the vial in the dumpster outside the office when he left. It was hard, but he did it. He knew he wasn't cured, that there was still a long road ahead. But it was a start.

The next day when he came into the office, Derek was the first to comment on his haggard appearance.

'Seriously man,' he said, trailing Spencer out of the break room, 'you look like a ghoul. Did you sleep at all last night.'

'I was here late last night doing paperwork,' he explained, sitting himself and his coffee down at his desk. 'You should go see (y/n), she probably looks a little worse for wear herself from staying late last night, too.'

'Oh, she stayed late too, did she?'

'It's not like that,' Spencer insisted, swatting at Derek pathetically. 'She had a mountain of paperwork to finish of her own.'

'Y/N?' Emily said as she walked by with JJ, identical coffees in their hands. 'She finished her paperwork at about the same time I did.'

'Yeah, we were walking out together before she turned back into the office. Said she had to talk with Hotch,' JJ said.

'I remember that,' Spencer added. 'You guys said goodnight to me on your way out.' Not that he had responded, he suddenly recalled, a pang of guilt punching his gut.

'Who had to talk with me?' The man himself suddenly walked by, stopping at the congregated group upon hearing his name.

'Y/n,' Emily answered. 'Last night.'

'Oh, yes. She, uh, asked if there was anymore paperwork to do.'

'Why would she do that when she was done?' JJ asked.

'I don't know,' Hotch said, making his way towards his office, 'but who am I to turn away someone who wants to do paperwork for free? Now, briefing in ten minutes.'

As the others dispersed back to their desks, Spencer didn't know how to feel about this new information. It didn't help the matter when you finally dragged yourself into the office, dark circles peaking out from under your thin layer of foundation. But as you sat at your desk, eyes drooping as you logged onto your laptop, he knew just what to do.

It took you a second to register the cup of coffee being held in front of your dazed eyes, and another to realise who was holding it.

'Late night?' Spencer asked, a coy smile on his lips.

Despite your exhaustion, you managed to grab the cup without spilling any of the precious caffeine that would help you through the day. 'Yeah,' you decided to play dumb, answering as enthusiastically as possible. 'Paperwork, you know. Never-ending.'

Spencer hummed, contemplating his next words carefully. 'Well, I hope giving up your sleep was worth it, then.'

'I'd like to think it was.'

The way you didn't hesitate to answer struck a chord of truth in him that left him dumbfounded once more. Twice in under twenty-four hours? That had to be a new record for him.

But instead of freezing up, he managed an honest smile as he clanked his coffee cup with your own. 'Well... it is certainly most appreciated.'

~

The next time you dumbfounded him, he almost kissed you.

Ever since you had joined the BAU, you and Spencer had alway had a sweet partnership. But after that night in the office, you had become inseparable. Best friends, to put simply. You stayed late at the office to keep each other company, brought each other coffee and treats, spent free days checking out the new films playing in the cinema.

You had inside jokes, and fought like an old, married couple - a fact the team loved to bring up whenever possible. But you liked it like that. Spencer was your person, and you were his.

And as much as he wowed you everyday, you managed to surprise him on occasions, too.

You were both paired up to interrogate a suspect. You personally didn't believe she was the killer, but Spencer didn't like to base anything from solely his gut. In other words, he was skeptical.

'I didn't kill those women,' your suspect said. 'And even if wanted to kill them, it would be for something more worthwhile than a stupid role.'

'Jealously isn't as far-fetched a reason to kill as you may believe,' Spencer stated to her. 'Particularly in women, the feeling of being threatened or in danger of losing something important to them brings out almost a maternal instinct to protect what they believe to be is theirs.'

'You think all actresses are that low? That shallow?' The young woman was pretty, but her face scrunched up in an ugly manner at the insinuation.

'He doesn't think that at all,' you interjected. 'In fact, he quite likes actresses, don't you buddy?'

Spencer gave you a side eye to which you smiled sickly-sweetly at in return. You were never going to let the Lila fling down any time soon.

You looked back at the young woman, your face returning to empathetic, concerned. She had a wall up, she was wearing a mask. If you wanted answers out of her, you needed to connect with her.

You leaned forward on the table, positioning yourself in front of Spencer so all her focus was on you.

'Anna,' you said softly, like you were speaking to a friend. 'I know you didn't do it. You're different than all those other girls right? You've worked hard to get where you are. Small town girl wanting to make a name for herself in an industry that can be ruthless and heartless as the killer that's still out there. You are classically trained, by-the-book, no shortcuts. I bet you started on the stage of your elementary school, landing the lead role.'

The young woman looked at you with skepticism for a moment, then you saw a crack in her mask as she nodded. 'I was Mary in the Christmas production. But it wasn't until high school when we preformed Shakespeare's The Tempest that I knew this was what I wanted to do with my life.'

Spencer noticed your smile now, how it lifted in a manner that sung of melancholy and fondness.

'"We are such stuff as dreams are made on.",' you said whimsically, and Spencer noted a familiarity that had the words rolling off your tongue with ease. Like it was muscle memory.

'Such a beautiful line, right?' the young woman asked.

'Yes, but, when translated into our modern English, it is quite sad really.' You make eye contact with the young woman and hoped she saw the understanding and slight desperation in your eyes. 'It means that life is an illusion, and a fleeting one at that. I don't necessarily believe in the first part of that, but it is true that life is fleeting. So before you end up the next aspiring actress in our morgue, you've got to tell us everything you know.'

The rest of the interrogation went smoothly. Honestly, it was the easiest one Spencer had ever sat in before. And all the while he had just sat there in awe of you.

'I didn't know you read Shakespeare,' he said randomly as they drove together in a local police SUV to meet with the rest of the team at the new suspect's house.

You scoffed. 'See that's the biggest misconception of Shakespeare. That it can only be read. In fact, it actually shouldn't be just read. It needs to be performed.'

Amusement danced upon Spencer's lips. 'Are you saying you were in a Shakespearean play? Which one? Actually, let me guess. Romeo and Juliet.'

'That's a cliche.'

'Twelfth Night? How about Taming of the Shrew?'

'Why do you want to know so badly?'

'Because I...' It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't quite know why he wanted to know. Only that he knows everything and you were his best friend and he didn't know something about you.

You spared him a sympathetic smile from the driver's seat before returning your eyes to the road. 'If you must know... it was actually The Tempest. It was my high school's production, too. And as much as he irritates me, I grew fascinated with Shakespeare's work after that. It even prompted me to do a unit or two in Shakespearean literature and performance during my uni days.'

You allowed yourself to slip back in time a little to those days, that melancholy and fondness finding its way back into your smile, Spencer noticed.

'Outside of Shakespeare though, I'll admit... I was a theatre kid.'

'No way!' Spencer exclaimed. 'You?'

'Why is it so unbelievable that I used to dress up and spout lines that no one really understood?' you asked, but you weren't offended. Simply amused that you seemed to have stunned the (until now) un-stunnable Dr. Spencer Reid.

'Because... it's just so left of field from anyone else in the team.'

'And is that a bad thing?'

'...not at all,' he said after a moment, and then proceeded to drop the matter entirely. Spencer Reid never forgets anything, he couldn't forget, not with his eidetic memory. But he made extra special care to file that little fact about you away for now.

A few days after returning home from wrapping that case up, you came into work to find your coffee already made on your desk, and beside it was an envelope. Curious, you swiftly opened the envelope and gasped with pure surprise at what you found.

'I thought you might like them,' Spencer said as he approached you, his own coffee in hand. 'The ticket vendor said they were the best seats in the house.'

'Oh my God, Spencer!' You couldn't help yourself, you leapt onto the gangly man like a frog and held him tighter than you'd ever hugged someone before, avoiding spilling Spencer's coffee. You were so excited you even smacked a fat, grateful kiss on his unsuspecting cheek before letting him go. 'Tickets to ASC's production of The Tempest?! How did you even get these, I was told they were all gone.'

'Believe it or not, I have connections everywhere,' Spencer answered a bit too vaguely but you didn't care. 'Even in areas that aren't of my particular expertise. I figured you and a friend could go enjoy it before it finishes up.'

'You mean you're not coming?'

Spencer tried not to read into it too much, but he swore he heard a little hiccup in your question, like you were upset. 'W-Well, I, I, uh, didn't want to assume anything. I mean, y-you might want to take JJ, or Emily-

'Spencer.' It was ridiculous how easy he listened when you said his name, how he dropped everything to listen to what you had to say whenever you did. And his heart faltered when he made eye contact with you and saw joy and hope lighting up your eyes. 'Would you like to come to the show with me?'

And it wasn't any wonder, then, that he replied without hesitation, 'Y-Yeah! All right, s-sure. Would love to.'

'Amazing!' Spencer once again had to juggle his coffee and you as you squeezed all the air out of him in another bone-crushing hug. 'Spencer Reid, you have just made my day.'

It was a week later and the night of the performance. You drove yourself and Spencer two and a half hours straight from Quantico down to Staunton to the American Shakespeare Centre, reciting and recalling your favourite Shakespearean moments the whole trip.

Spencer made the extreme effort to look presentable, pulling out a nice suit set, even replacing his usual casual sneakers with some shiny boots. His hair was slicked back out of his face, with only the slightest stubble on his chin and upper lip.

When you picked him up, you said he looked handsome. He never cared much for his appearance, but that comment warmed his heart slightly, made him sit more upright in his seat.

Once you pulled up and got out of the car, he finally saw you in all your glory. A navy blue dress clung to your frame beautifully; kitten heels cradled your feet as you walked up the stairs to the theatre's entrance; your jewellery brought out the (e/c) in your eyes, even further accentuated by your simple makeup and hair.

Spencer has met Nobel price winners, attorney generals, even spoken with the most psychotic people humanity has to offer. And yet there you stood - ethereal, angelic, striking him silent with just your presence.

'You coming, Boy Wonder?'

You'd reached the top the stairs without him moving a muscle. Embarrassed, he tried to cover it up with a cough as he scrambled to catch up with you. 'Boy Wonder? Where did that come from?'

You shrugged playfully as you hooked your arm through his. 'Just seemed appropriate.'

'I'm twenty-seven, (y/n). I'm hardly a boy.'

'Oh, so would you prefer I call you Batman?'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'I didn't know you liked DC comics.'

'There's a lot you still don't know about me, Spencer Reid,' you answered, handing over your tickets to the ticket vendor at the door. 'Like how I've always preferred Robin over Batman, anyway.'

You quickly found your seats, and Spencer tried not to acknowledge how tight-knit the seats were pressed together. His thigh pressed lightly against your own, and he couldn't tell if he hated or liked the feeling that suddenly sprouted in his gut.

It distracted him so much that instead of watching the performance, he looked at you. How you reacted to each sonnet, to the entrance of new characters, to the costuming and the music and emotion that filled the room with every word spoken. He watched it all, your joy, your love. Your heart was on your face, and it struck something new and unexplored inside him.

You cried at one point, and physical touch wasn't his forte, but he intertwined his fingers with yours and gave them a reassuring squeeze that he was there. You'd turned to him briefly and nodded, showing that you understood and that you were grateful.

You didn't let go of his hand for the rest of the show.

'Wow,' you breathed out as you exited the theatre, the performance finally done. 'That was...'

'Yeah. I feel the same,' Spencer finished, his hands shoved into his pockets as they walked down the stairs towards the carpark. His hand still burned from your touch, and that unsure feeling in his gut still remained.

'It was just so... magical.'

'I would say impressive, but magical works too, I guess.'

'Says the guy who still goes trick-or-treating on Halloween and believes in ghosts. Don't tell me you don't believe in the supernatural now.'

'I'm not saying I don't believe. I'm just saying that it's impressive that they were able to make fantastical magic seem slightly realistic.'

You playfully shove him, causing you both to fall into laughter. The two different melodies mixing together made Spencer feel lighter than he'd felt in a while. This was different to when you usually hung out. This time, there was no case, no team, nothing but yourselves to worry about.

'It doesn't matter, anyways,' you said, stopping on the steps suddenly. Spencer went down one more before stopping too. You smiled gratefully at him. It was a cool, autumn night, cool enough that your breath danced like ghosts in front of you as you spoke. 'Thank you, Spence. This was a wonderful night. You didn't have to do this.'

'I know,' he said, and it startled him how quiet and soft his voice was. 'I just... I just wanted you to enjoy the stuff you love. You deserve to enjoy the stuff you love.'

His acute eyes fell to your shoulders and noticed the slight shake in them. 'Here.' He wasted no time pulling his jacket off and wrapping it around your shoulders, pulling it tight to capture the warmth.

You gratefully held onto the jacket, the warmth it captured seeping into your eyes. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer,' you said, your words dancing in between you two.

He was only the step down now, making you two eye level with one another. He was so close he could see himself in your eyes. He wondered if you could see yourself in his.

'Am I?' he asked, his breath mixing with yours.

'Yeah...'

He felt your warmth, and he suddenly decided that he liked the feeling in his gut. The one that had been driving him crazy all night. The one that had an iron grip on his mind, his heart. The one that pulled him closer to you, to your lips.

His eyes were almost closed and his lips almost on yours. You didn't back away - you didn't want to back away you realised. No matter how hard your heart pounded in your chest. No matter if he was your best friend.

So you leaned in too, and you could just feel the stars and planets align as you tasted his breath-

The front of your heel slipped on the edge of the step, sending you flying forwards into Spencer's chest. His reflexes had improved immensely since joining the BAU, and so he managed to grab hold of you and hold himself up before your momentum could send you both tumbling down the remaining stairs.

You both breathed in heavy gulps of air, steadying both your hearts from what could've happened.

'Nice catch,' you said after a moment, loosening your grip on Spencer only a little.

'Thanks.' He didn't know where to look. You, the ground, his surroundings. It all just felt muddled, as if his whole world had been tilted on its axis.

In a sense, it had.

But he felt your gaze, and he couldn't deny your eyes so he looked at you also. You eyes were blown wide, and the slight catch in your breath had him second guessing himself. Maybe he'd read you wrong after all. He'd never been wrong before, but there was always a first time for everything, he figured.

'(Y/n), look, I-'

Before he could attempt to salvage himself, the irritating ring of his phone went off, breaking the glass dome of solitude you'd' forged together with nothing but words and air.

This forced you apart, awkwardly so, as Spencer readjusted you on his step before letting you go completely and fishing his phone out of his pant pocket. He checked the ID caller: Hotch.

He accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear. 'Hotch, what's up?'

'New case,' the unit chief answered without pleasantries. 'I know we're all meant to be off for the weekend but this one is important.'

'Where is it and we'll be there.'

'You're with (Y/n), right? In Staunton?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Head to the local police. We'll meet you there. That's where the case is.'

'Okay. Gotcha.'

Hotch ended the call and then it was just him and you once more. Although instead of the air feeling freeing and warming, Spencer couldn't seem to get enough in his lungs. It was like he was suffocating, having to face you again.

So he slipped into work mode, keeping Hotch's urgency and the new case in the forefront of his mind. 'New case. Here in Staunton. Hotch wants us to head down to the police and meet them there.'

'Right.' You seemed to think the same as him - it's probably why you were best friends to begin with - as the ethereal light in your eyes dimmed with the severity of the new situation. Without another word, you both bee-lined for the car, jumped in, and made your way to the local police station.

But for the rest of the case, Spencer couldn't help but think about that moment with you on the steps. He'd kissed before, of course, even dabbled in flirting despite how little he knew about the craft. He'd never imagined he'd attempt it all on you, however. Not even in his wildest dreams.

~

He didn't hear your heart-stopping compliment again until it was almost too late.

After the Staunton case, you and Spencer had been... odd. Well, mainly Spencer, as he spoke as little as possible to you during cases, and always offered to go with anyone else but you on certain tasks. He even stopped coming over to yours for movie night each Saturday, claiming each time to be busy or unwell. It was Spencer's only way of ensuring nothing like that night ever happened again.

He convinced himself the moment was fleeting, just a mixture of chemicals in his brain combined with the adrenaline of being with a beautiful women he very much admired that made him read the signs wrong. You were friends, that was all you were, and all he would ever allow you to be.

This went on for three months.

And you were miserable.

Emily, JJ and Penelope recognised the change in your demeanour at work first, and when they found out the reason behind it, they slapped Spencer upside the head on their way out of the office one Friday afternoon and took you with them, promising a wonderful night out on the town.

That night, to Spencer's eventual annoyance, you'd met someone. A charming young firefighter named Riley who lived in Washington DC and was just in town to see family.

That night, you hooked up. And the next morning, he asked you on a date. That date led to another, then more. You were on your way to another one tonight when you got a phone call from JJ saying they found the latest unsub's house and were planning a raid on it.

Spencer knew you were on a date when he also got the phone call to come along. Despite his distance (by his own choice, he always had to remind himself), he kept tabs on you, checked in on you via others. And while the girls of the team were awfully mad at him, they always answered him when he asked how you were doing.

'You know, for a genius, you really are quite stupid,' JJ told him when he asked about you.

He quirked his eyebrow, genuinely confused. 'I'm sorry?'

'She's heartbroken,' Penelope added. 'Her best friend just gives her the silent treatment out of nowhere after what sounded like a magical night at the theatre. Who wouldn't be upset by that, Reid?'

'I just,' he paused, rallying his thoughts into words that couldn't quite describe how he felt. 'It's complicated.'

'Love shouldn't be complicated, Reid,' Emily interjected, a soft but sad smile gracing her painted lips.

Spencer swallowed thickly at that. 'W-What do you mean?'

Derek finished making his coffee and took a sip of it before answering. 'We all see it, Reid. You don't have to deny anymore how you feel.'

'I'm not denying anything, Morgan.'

'Maybe not to us,' Derek continued. 'But you are definitely denying it to yourself. All I can say is don't wait until it's too late. She's already slipping away.'

That's when Spencer found out about your dates with Riley, and an ugly, selfish, hurt part of him wanted to scream with anger. Mainly at himself, but the damage was done and he had to get over you.

But when you showed up to the unsub's home, your FBI bullet-proof vest on and mascara slightly smeared under your eyes, he was beyond confused. And concerned.

'You're here,' he stated matter-of-factly.

'You sound surprised,' you answered stiffly, loading your gun without even glancing at him.

'To be honest, yeah. JJ and the rest all said you were out tonight. I figured you-'

'What? That I would ignore the call because I had something personal planned?' You finally looked up at him, and man did your cold stare pierce him like an arrow. 'This is my job, Spence. I knew, same as you and everyone else, that I would have to make some sacrifices to do it. So please, don't think so little of me just because I attempted to have a life outside of it.'

He grew more concerned at your choice of words. 'Attempted?' he asked, but then he looked closely at your smeared mascara, at the redness circling your eyes. Like you'd been crying-

'Don't worry about it,' you muttered, brushing past him to meet up with the team. 'You haven't for about four months now.'

Spencer tried to ignore the sting your words brought with them as he followed you to the rest of the team, forcing himself to put the case in front of you. But he'd done that for the past four months as you had so brightly pointed out, and look where it had landed him.

'Now remember,' Hotch started, bringing the team and some other officers in to brief, 'this unsub may use this place as his base to build his bombs, but don't discredit the idea that he wouldn't blow it up to save himself. Tread carefully but be vigilant, he is in the house somewhere. Now move.'

Spencer followed you into the house through the front door, gun and flashlight at the ready. All that could be heard were the soft but swift patter of footsteps as the FBI and local police ran in. The lights were on, but no unsub.

You were silently directed by Hotch to investigate the back end of the house, to which Spencer and Derek followed. You focussed on maintaining your breathing as you tried not to think about your date, Spencer, your heart thrashing in your ribcage. Only the unsub mattered.

The three of you broke into the last room of the house, the laundry. Upon entry, you spotted him, the unsub, running out the back door into the backyard.

'Hey!' you called out, immediately breaking into a sprint after him. You broke out of the laundry onto a cemented path towards a clothes line, chasing after him towards the fence line. But as you stepped off the path and onto the grass, something gave way beneath your feet, followed by a resounding click that had your freezing with fear.

'(L/n), keep going!' Derek shouted from somewhere behind you.

'Hold up!' you cried, throwing an arm back behind you. 'I think the yard is full of bombs.'

'Well, let's go around the front and get him in the back streets, come on!'

'I can't,' you replied back, slightly breathless from running, but also from the fear constricting now your airways.

'Why?' You didn't have to see him to know it was Spencer, concern dripping from just one word.

'Because I'm standing on one.'

Spencer knew it was physically impossible, but he was sure his stomach just dropped out of him and onto the bomb-littered grass around them. This was bad. Like very very bad.

'Shit,' Derek breathed out before bringing his wrist up to his mouth. 'Hotch, the unsub got away over the back fence, send some men to intercept him two blocks north from here.'

'Got it,' Hotch answered efficiently.

'And send the bomb squad out here. Yard is like a mine field and (L/n) is standing on one.'

After that, it didn't take long for the rest of the team to run outside, making extra careful to stand only on the pavements as they got as close to you as they could. Spencer stood the closest, standing directly in front of you as the bomb squad swept the yard for the rest of them.

'I've got some good news and some bad news,' one member of the bomb squad said as she came up to the team. 'Good news is it's the only bomb in the yard.'

'And I just managed to find it. Super,' you muttered, your tone shaky although the intention was to lighten the mood.

'Bad news is it's a pressure-triggered bomb, meaning that if you move even a fraction it'll go off. Also, by stepping on it, you've set of a timer until it explodes. The only way to disarm it seems to be a code of some kind.'

'How long do we have?' Spencer asked, not bothering to mask his desperation. This couldn't be happening. Of all the people, it had to be you.

'Six hours now,' she said grimly. 'My team and I will do everything we can to dismantle it and shut it off manually, but it's built quite strong so it'll be tough to crack open without setting it off. Your best bet will be to get an answer from your bomber.'

'Uniforms just called in,' Rossi said. 'They're bringing him in now.'

'Good,' Hotch said with a ferocity that would send most people running for the hills. 'He's gonna give us that code one way or another.' He turned to you, determination blazing in his eyes. 'Hang tight, (Y/n). We're gonna get you off that thing.'

'I'll hold you to that,' you joked, and you were grateful to receive a soft smile in return from Hotch and the rest of the team. Except for Spencer, he couldn't find it in himself to smile. He could barely think no thanks to your dangerous position.

'I'll stay with (Y/n),' Spencer said, his voice strained compared to his usual calmness.

'Reid,' Derek started, 'you're our best bet to crack open this guy. If we find something-'

'Then I'll have my phone ready to pick up. I'm not leaving her.'

It surprised you the strength you heard hidden underneath his fear. It was there in his eyes too, blazing like Hotch's, except with more warmth, more determination.

Derek looked to Hotch, and Hotch just nodded. 'Okay fine, but you better pick up on the first ring.'

'Promise.'

'I'll stay to help with the bomb squad,' Emily said while also looking at you.

'No,' you said as Hotch, Derek and JJ left. 'You all should go. In case he somehow remotely sets it off himself.'

'We're not leaving,' Reid said firmly, making eye contact with you. 'Not until you're off that bomb, you hear me?'

You wanted to argue, trying to be selfless and strong. But the truth was you were terrified, and to hear Spencer's strength where you lacked helped you push your pride aside and nod in agreement.

Time had flown by and it was now the last ten minutes. Spencer had received phone call after phone call but nothing had been helpful. They'd tried two potential codes already but they didn't work. The bomb squad quickly realised that they only had three chances to get the code right and so they were down to the last chance.

'You guys should really leave,' you said amidst your chattering teeth. It was now just after midnight and your thin button up and the bulletproof vest were not cutting it anymore. Spencer wished he could give you a blanket, a jacket, his own shirt for God's sake if it would keep you warm slightly.

'That's not going to happen,' he answered without hesitation.

You yawned, eyes threatening to droop close. Your legs had gone numb long ago. You were unsure how you were holding yourself up. It certainly wasn't by adrenaline. Perhaps you were frozen in place.

'I mean it, Spence,' you said, bracing yourself as another shiver threatened to spasm your entire body. 'It's the last ten minutes. You should be clear in case it goes off.'

'I'm not going to do that.'

'Damnit, Spencer. Of all the times to be stubborn, you choose now?'

'I'm not being stubborn,' Spencer argued. Were you purposefully trying to tick him off now? 'I'm trying to save your life!'

'You're right, you're not being stubborn. You're being plain stupid,' you retorted. You weren't sure why you were suddenly so angry, you just didn't like him playing the hero when he didn't have to.

'Yes! I am stupid, I admit that. I'll announce that to the entire neighbourhood right now if you want me to! Because if it weren't for me being an idiot, you wouldn't have had those dates, you wouldn't have had a date tonight, and maybe you wouldn't be stuck standing on a bomb right now!'

You stared incredulously at Spencer. He blamed himself for your situation? For Riley?

Despite the bustling of people around them, everything grew silent as youO stared at one another, Spencer's chest heaving as he sucked in air hard.

'Spence,' you said softly, your anger suddenly dissipating. 'I don't blame you for any of this. I would've ended up on this bomb one way or another. Or even worse, it could've been you standing on it. And as for Riley...' You thought the tears would come up again like before, but your eyes remained dry, and your heart didn't pull harshly.

Not for Riley, anyways.

'Did something happen between you two?' Spencer tentatively asked. His tone bordered on concerned and hopeful, demonstrating his torn mindset to whatever you were about to say.

You nodded. 'I told him I had to go to work, which wasn't unusual, but he just flipped. Said he was sick of me choosing you guys over him and that he was finished.'

He hated himself for feeling the slightest bit happy at the news, but his best friend instincts kicked in, and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you. 'I'm sorry. You could've said no. We would've understood-'

'Spencer, I will always choose you guys over anyone,' you interjected, and the complete seriousness on your face reflected your sincerity brighter than the full moon above. 'I will always choose you, Spence.'

It was then Spencer saw it: the same feeling he'd had swirling in his stomach for months reflected in your eyes. It scared him, but what scared him more was that it would all be gone soon if he didn't do anything about it.

He would be too late, just like Derek said.

The bomb squad lady and Emily walked up to them both, and Spencer did not like the grim expressions on their faces.

'I'm sorry,' the bomb squad lady said. 'It's the last five minutes. There's nothing else we can do but clear out of the blast zone.'

'What about the code?' Spencer pressed, but Emily shook her head.

'Reid, they've gotten nothing out of him. We've got to go.'

'But we can't just leave her here-'

'Trust me, Spencer, I don't want to either!' Emily cried, tears pricking at her eyes at the thought of you dying. 'But we can't do anything for her here. I've got the remote to input the code if they get another one, but until then, we've got to clear from the blast zone.'

'No.' Spencer shook his head vigourously. He couldn't accept this. He wouldn't accept this.

'Spencer,' you tried gently. 'It's okay. I can do the rest alone. I want you to be safe.'

'Well, too bad, because I'm staying.'

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears rushed down your cheeks. 'Damnit, Spencer. Please, just go. Don't make this harder than it already is.'

Spencer took a daring step towards you, the tops of his shoes dangling just over the edge of the pavement. 'I won't abandon you. Not again.'

You were most likely a blubbering mess, your heart hurting so much at the thought that he would get caught up in your mess. 'God, why don't you just leave-'

'Because I love you, (Y/n)!'

The four of you stood dumbfounded as his proclamation echoed through the yard, the house, the street back out the front. Hell, Spencer hoped the whole world heard what he said, because he felt free for the first time in months, weightless, powerful.

And it was all because of you.

'I love you,' he repeated again, softer this time. As the reality of the situation came crashing down on him, tears of his own sprouted in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He'd finally built up the courage to tell you, and you were minutes away from being blown up.

Through your tears, you find it in yourself to chuckle a little. It's watery and gross-sounding, but Spencer likes it none the less because it's yours, and you haven't lost complete hope. 'Talk about great timing, you big idiot.' And then there it is, that bright smile he saw day one in the office. You wore it with such pride, such strength it pulled at Spencer's heart strings painfully. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer Reid.'

'One minute,' the bomb squad lady said, her tone frantic now. 'We've got to move! Now!'

'Reid, come on!' Emily cried, backing up with the bomb squad.

'I won't abandon her,' he replied, never taking his eyes off you.

'Reid please!'

Before he could reply, though, his phone buzzed, and he immediately answered the call. 'Please tell me you go it.'

'HOME! The code word is HOME!'

'Punch in HOME!' Reid called out to Emily, keeping Derek on the line as he stared at you. If you were to die, he was gonna make damn sure the last thing you saw wasn't an unfamiliar face.

'Are you sure?'

'We're out of time! Do it!'

'Spence...' you muttered. But you never finished your sentence, as your breath got caught while watching Emily punch in the code into the device. You closed your eyes. Soon you would be in eternal darkness. You would not fear it, but embrace it.

But when nothing happened, you dared to sneak a peek at what was going on. You saw Spencer first, who looked at Emily, who looked at the device in her hands. The deathly silence was finally broken at the sound of a green light on the device switching on. You then heard a hundred tiny clicks somewhere underfoot and felt yourself being pushed up back onto level ground.

Spencer finally looked back to you, eyes blown wide with hope he dared not realise. That same hope fuelled your frozen, tired legs, to take the tiniest of steps forward, and when nothing happened, you took your other foot off the bomb and collapsed forward into Spencer's arms.

His heart pounded faster than the jet that flew them all over the country every week as he cradled you simultaneously gently and tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your arms circling around his back and pulling him as tight as possible.

Oh, how he had missed your touch, your affection, your love, you.

'It's okay, you're okay,' he soothed, patting your hair down with one hand while he cradled you with the other. 'I'm here. We're all here.' He realised suddenly he'd dropped his phone, and so with one hand, he reached down and picked it up, bringing it to his ear. 'She's off.'

He barely heard the cheers of excitement and relief on Derek's end before he was hanging up and helping you to your feet. After that, it was a whirlwind of the bomb squad excavating the bomb, paramedics arriving, and CSU investigating the house.

After giving his statement of events to the local police and finishing speaking to other officials, he found you wrapped in a trauma blanket in the open back of an ambulance.

'How are you feeling?' he said as he approached you.

You broke free of your own world to look at Spencer, and a soft smile managed its way onto your lips. 'Well, I can feel my legs again so that's a start. And you?'

'All the better now that you're not standing on a bomb.'

You chuckled, though a red tinge dusted your cheeks out of embarrassment. 'I must admit, it's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes the moment before you die.'

'Really? What did you see?' Spencer had read articles about this kind of stuff before, but had never spoken with a person who'd experience it themselves.

You didn't answer straight away, instead standing up to face him fully. Your legs felt like jelly a little but you stood strong. 'I saw you,' you replied easily, as if breathing air. 'Only you.'

Spencer couldn't hold it back, his fear, his relief. It all came bubbling out in an ugly sob as he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, pressing his face into your hair, using your scent to calm himself. He felt you sobbing too, how your body shook with your own anxieties.

'I missed you,' you said, your words muffled into his chest.

'I know, I'm sorry,' he murmured. 'I missed you, too.' He pulled you back slightly so that he could see your face. He wiped at your tears and forced his best smile just for you. 'But I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. That is... if you want me around.'

You heard his silent question, and it made you smile how confident and shy he could be simultaneously.

'Spencer Reid,' you murmured, like what you were about to say next was your biggest secret, 'of course I want you around. I love you.'

He chuckled with relief, tears still pricking at his eyes. But your words sealed your fate, as he used his small amount of confidence to grab the back of your neck gently and pull your lips to his.

You were the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and dare he compare you the most addictive drug he could ever hope to get high on. He couldn't get enough of you, and it was such a relief to finally let it out how much he needed you to breathe.

You were equally breathless, simultaneously feeling all consumed by Spencer's love without also having enough of it. Your fingers danced in the soft curls at the nape of his neck, threading yourself into him as much as possible. The truth was, the past four months were torturous.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

As you both finally broke apart, you pressed your foreheads together, nervous giggles of teenagers bubbling up in you both. This was fresh and new, but the love you had for one another had been there all along. No one was going anywhere.

'Finally!'

You and Spencer looked up to see the rest of the team watching from afar, with Emily and JJ smiling giddily, Derek and Rossi trying to suppress laughter, and Hotch having the simplest of grins on his lips.

'Oh, babygirl is going to have a field day when she hears about this,' Derek said, walking up to clap Spencer on the back and give him a hug. 'Well done, man.'

'It's about time,' Rossi said as the rest of the team joined you both. 'I thought I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.'

'Thank God you didn't,' Emily said, both her and JJ giving you a hug. 'As much as this has been traumatic for all of us, I'm so glad it brought you back together.'

'Say that to my poor legs,' you whined, but you hugged them just as tight. Truthfully, you felt the same. And as Reid held you in his arms that night, having refused to let you out of his sight after your brush with death, you couldn't be more grateful for it, too.

~

Your wedding was the next major point in his life that your words had impact.

The past five years leading up to your engagement had been some of the best and challenging in your life. There'd been many more close calls on both your lives since then - kidnappings, hostage situations, deadly viruses, the works. Even some romantic challenges that came in the form of other men and women.

But your bond ran deeper than superficial, petty spiffs. You always found your way back to one another, no matter how dark the road got. It was even on such a dark case that saw both you and Spencer on death row that he asked you. You'd both been captured and locked in a shipping container filled with no gaps for air and no way out. Before that, you'd copped a beating from your capture, forcing Spencer to watch all the while. Truthfully, it hadn't looked good, and that's why Spencer did it.

'What?' you asked deliriously, barely able to see straight no thanks to the lack of oxygen.

'I was planning on asking you... after this case,' Spencer admitted, his face mere centimetres from yours as he held you in a tight hug. He was breathless, running out of air and time it seemed. He had to do it now. 'Had it all planned out... We would go to that place on the hill we go to... a picnic all set out... and just as the sun would set, I'd ask you... and give you this.'

You would've gasped if you'd had enough air to do so, in utter shock to see Spencer pull out a simple gold band with a diamond embedded in it from in his pant pocket.

'I've had this for months... waiting for the... right time,' he managed to get out. 'It's my mothers. When I told her I wanted to marry you... she didn't even hesitate to give it to me.'

You were both weak, but he softly picked your left hand up and looked you dead in the eye. 'This might be it for us, but it also might not. Either way, I want to be yours for whatever time we have left. So, (Y/n) (L/n)... will you marry me?'

The tears that trekked down your face actually cleared your vision enough to see Spencer's smile clearly as you answered, 'Yes. I will marry you.'

Either some higher being was looking out for you that day, or your team was just really good at their job (Spencer never doubted them for a moment), but the team found you both in time, both unconscious and barely breathing, but hand in hand, with yours suddenly bejewelled.

Since then it had been a flurry of work and wedding arrangements and stress over the next seven months. Many speculated you were pregnant and that's why you and Spencer rushed the wedding. The truth was you just didn't want to wait any longer than you had to, not being in your line of work. Any day could be your last, so why waste it.

Spencer messed with the tie of his navy blue suit for the hundredth time as he stood waiting under the arch of flowers in the backyard of Rossi's mansion for you. He wasn't nervous, just... ansty, like he had ants in his pants and wanted to get out of them as soon as possible. But he couldn't deny he was just as excited for this day as you were. All of your friends and family dressed up, no case, no killer, nothing but what dessert they were going to have at the reception to worry about.

'Hey pretty boy,' Derek said, coming up behind him and clapping a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 'Stop messing with it. You look fine.'

'I know, I just...' Spencer couldn't put into words what he was feeling, not as he stared at his good friend - his best man. Even though Derek had left the BAU, Spencer and him still spoke regularly, and he was more than happy to be there for his best bud at arguably the most important day of his life.

Derek smiled knowingly, straightening Spencer's tie because that's what the best man did for the groom. 'She loves you, Spencer. You've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm not worried. I just...' He felt the tears already coming on and he hadn't even seen you yet. You were probably even more gorgeous than you already were. God he couldn't wait to marry you.

'I get it, man,' Derek said, and then the piano started playing a soft, whimsical tune that was so you and he stepped back into place. 'Show time, pretty boy.'

Spencer straightened himself up, told himself to hold the tears back. This was not a sad day, but a joyous one. But his breath was stolen the moment the doors of Rossi's mansion opened, after Emily, JJ and Penelope walked through, and you walked out into the backyard on your father's arm.

Your gown was simple, accentuating your body like the goddess you were. Your (h/c) locks were styled to perfection, hidden barely by the thin veil that fell like morning mist over your face. You held your favourite flowers in your hands, the glint of your engagement ring shining as bright as the sun that shone upon the whole ceremony.

By the time you reached him, Spencer was about ready to rip your veil off, kiss the living daylights out of you and runaway. But he resisted, instead waiting patiently for your dad to flip your veil up, and for you to hand over your bouquet to JJ, your maid of honour. When you finally turned to face him, he could've cried. You were so beautiful. And we was marrying you today.

You reached out to him, and he was more than glad to clasp your hands at last.

'Hi,' you whispered, a nervous but excited smile twitching your lips.

'Hi,' he whispered back, the threat of tears burning the back of his eyes again. 'You are gorgeous.'

'Thanks. You look handsome.'

'It's a wonder what a whole eight hours sleep and showering more than once a week can do.'

He was so glad to hear your laugh. It calmed his nerves, and apparently yours calmed too, as your hands no longer shook in his.

'All right, everyone,' Rossi started, stepping up to minister the ceremony. 'Let's get this started.'

The boring, ceremonious stuff went by quickly and soon you were reciting your vows. You'd both wanted to write your own vows for each other - agreeing that the usual script was not enough to express your love for one another, and what you would do to protect that love.

Reid went first.

'(Y/n),' he began, staring you straight in your eyes. He'd written his speech over and over again, but once he found the right words, it only took him a matter of seconds to memorise them. Forever. 'I've always been told I was different. Gifted, special. Being different helped me get this job, this family-' he turned to his friends, who watched them with bright smiles and teary eyes. 'But it also got me in trouble, held me back from experiencing... normal things like friendship, even love. So much so, that I started to believe... I was unworthy of love.'

You squeezed his hands, hearing the stutter in his words, the built up emotion that threatened to consume him. He gratefully squeezed back, grateful to know he was not alone, that he would never be alone from this day forth.

'But from the day I met you, you've shown me that I can be myself and be worthy of love. Theoretically, we shouldn't work. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that people from different backgrounds, with different interests and completely different personality traits are less likely to feel attracted to one another than people with similar backgrounds, interests and personalities.'

'Come on, Reid. You really want people to sleep through your wedding?' Derek asked, prompting you and the rest of the guests to burst into laughter.

'I have a point,' he countered, and waited for the laughter to die down before resuming his vows. 'And while I usually rely on statistics and facts to make informed decisions about my life, from the day that I met you, you turned my entire world upside, inside out... and I didn't care. Because despite knowing almost everything there is to know about, well, everything, you are the one thing that has and always will make sense to me.'

He saw you trying to hold back tears, so he let go of one of your hands to caress your cheek where some tears rolled down. He swiped them away gently with his thumb without ruining your makeup, the most handsome, beautiful smile you'd ever seen on his lips.

'I love you, (Y/n) (L/n). I have loved you since we first met, at every case, at every movie night, every time you made me coffee. I love how you find the light amidst the darkness, how you give yourself completely to everyone you meet. I love the crinkle in your forehead every time you get mad at me. I love all of you, and I don't have to promise you that I will stay by your side through it all for the rest of our lives. You have had me since day one, and that will never change, even in death. But before that final day comes, I look forward to making the most of what time we have left loving you.'

The guests clapped so loudly that he almost didn't hear your soft sobs. But he did, and he pulled you into a quick hug before you pulled yourself away.

'Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss you,' you admitted quietly to him, bringing laughter out of him. But you quickly pulled your self away, using your free hand to grab an A4-sized piece of paper from JJ and return to face Spencer.

'Unfortunately, I don't have an eidetic memory so I will be using some assistance for this next bit,' you joked, stopping your flow of tears briefly as everyone chuckled, appreciative for the break in overwhelming emotions. Spencer breathed in deeply, steadying his heartbeat as much as possible. His part was done, but he knew this next part would be the hardest to retain composure.

'Spencer,' you began, one hand shakily holding your vows, while the other gripped onto Spencer like your life depended on it. In a sense, after today, it would. 'From the moment I first met you, I knew you were special. That you would leave a mark on my life in one form or another. Some sad part of me sometimes thought it would be when you inevitably shot yourself because you couldn't pass your marksman test after three goes-' Cue Spencer looking to Hotch apologetically while the rest of the guests laughed. '-or because, in our line of work, any day could be our last, and I wouldn't rule out any psychopaths intervening with that. However, despite it all, you're still here, and I couldn't be more thankful that you are. You amaze me everyday, Spencer - with your knowledge of the world, your intellectual insight, how you are almost incapable of growing any substantial amount of facial hair.'

You were glad people were laughing now, because what you were about to say next was going to take all your composure not to fall apart.

'But it is your heart and your ability to connect with people that has captured me completely. Our story has been... unconventional, to put it plainly. We were colleagues first, then friends, then you became my best friend, and I thought I couldn't be happier than that. But maybe it has something to do with some chemicals in the brain that are stimulated when you hang around someone you admire and adore long enough - you know, science stuff - or fate. I don't necessarily believe in either, but I do believe in us, Spencer. I believe that we are two souls choosing to become one for the rest of our lives; I believe you are my person, and the one I choose to face each and everyday with; I believe we haven't overcome all that we have for nothing; and I am not the least bit surprised it took nearly getting blown up to admit how I truly feel about you.'

Spencer couldn't care that what you said about brain chemicals was technically incorrect, it was so you, and there was not a dry eye in the backyard as you looked up at him finally, sheet long forgotten, and (e/c) eyes shining bright with tears and love.

'I love you, Spencer Reid,' you said breathlessly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. 'You have experienced the worst of humanity over and over again, and yet here you stand with me, smiling, happy, choosing to believe in happy endings. You are a wonder - my wonder - and I can't wait to spend everyday from now loving you, and being wowed by you. From now... until I cannot breathe, and even then beyond.'

You gave the paper back to JJ, then returned your full attention to Spencer. It was like it was only you two, the clapping from your guests dulled as well as Rossi's final words. But Spencer didn't miss a beat when he heard him say, 'By the power vested in me and my online-approved minister credentials, I pronounce you husband and wife. Go on kids, you've earned it.'

Spencer swooped you into the sweetest, loving kiss he could muster, gently cradling your neck and cheeks as your lips met in a soft collision. It wasn't lustful (that would certainly come later), but it was consuming, like two forces being pulled together by a magnet. You were separate entities choosing to become one, and it made you smile through your kiss and for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening.

You both partied with your family and friends, but you always managed to find your way back to one another despite the chaos. He now cradled you gently as you swayed together on the dance floor, fatigue settling in. You held each other up as you did, content to just be with each other in the final moments of your special day. Emily, your new section chief, had ordered you both take two weeks off to celebrate your honey moon. Because God knew when the next time you'd be able to relax would be when you both came back to work.

You shifted in his arms, manoeuvring yourself to look up at him, a delirious, tired and happy smile adorning your pretty lips. 'I love you, Spencer Reid.'

He leaned in for a brief but loving kiss before saying, 'I love you, (Y/n) Reid.'

Something about how his last named paired with your first name sounded that warmed him inside. The same feeling lit up in your eyes, but maybe that was just the happy tears that formed there, too.

'We're the Reids now,' you whispered in disbelief, probably due to the amount of alcohol you had consumed throughout the day. 'You're my husband!'

'Yes I am,' he murmured, pulling you back to his chest to lay your head. 'Forever and always.'

~

The last time he heard you say those special words was the day you said goodbye.

It wasn't until you fell pregnant with your first child that you found a proper house to live in. You'd been content with the studio apartment you'd found and moved into one year into your relationship, but when you fell pregnant, Spencer knew you would need a bigger space. One that you could call your own and make a home out of.

Your forever home.

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken long to find something: a nice rustic, two-storey house on the outskirts of DC. It was in a nice neighbourhood , far enough out of the city to be quiet, but close enough you could both get to work quick enough in case of an emergency. The moment you'd laid eyes on it, you fell in love with it, and Spencer knew without question this would be where you brought your family up.

He traipsed through the house with two cups of tea. Coffee had started to disagree with him after he quit the BAU, as if that were the only place he needed it. Teaching and guest lecturing at all the local universities was nowhere near the stress level of the BAU, and so he'd switched to tea. Somehow, in his (as he called it) pre-retirement, it tasted sweeter.

You had stepped down from being a profiler at the BAU after your third child was born, realising that with a four and two year old waiting outside the birth suite to meet their baby brother, you couldn't risk leaving your three babies without a mother. And while leaving the BAU, your home of close to twenty years, wrought a grief out of you that was close to unbearable, you knew it was the right decision and right time.

And you soon found a love for writing - fiction, non-fiction, poetry, it didn't matter. What you'd experienced in your career as a profiler had changed you, and sometimes writing it out made it less haunting, it gave you closure. You went on book tours, consulted on scholarly and literary journals, you even were brought into Spencer's classrooms to guest lecture from time to time.

All the while building and loving the family both of you had always dreamed of.

Spencer smiled at the dusty pictures that lined the walls, of the faces of his children and grandchildren smiling back him. Of the faces of friends old and new, of ghosts he used to know from a time long gone. Sometimes he hardly recognised himself in those pictures. He wasn't the vain type, but when he looked at himself in his 20's and 30's, he couldn't help the yearning that pulled at his heart when he did.

He compared those youthful pictures against his present day, laughing at the barely existent grey stubble he now sported, of the white hair that curled and stood up in any and all directions, of the glasses he now permanently had to wear. You always said he looked sexier with glasses, anyways, so he didn't mind.

Those pictures were his memory, his legacy, his life. When he felt his brain burning, when his memory became a bit too fuzzy, he could always look at the pictures and find solace in how those moments would live on in the people he loved.

'Spence?'

Your voice prompted him to keep moving, to let go of the past and remain in the present. He wandered through the rest of the house to the backyard, where two garden chairs sat either side of a coffee table, looking over the yard. The gardens were filled with flowers of all shapes and colours. He wasn't a nature guy by any means, but Spencer wanted you to have something to look after other than him or the children, something you could be proud of when you were much older. So he'd planted it himself (okay, he needed help from Derek), filling it with flowers that expressed all the wonderful qualities he loved about you.

There was a small gardening shed in the back, a quaint barbecue/entertainment area to one side, and a build-your-own playground just sitting on the lawn. He found you sitting comfortably in one of the chairs, staring out at the yard contently. He placed both cups of tea on the table before taking his own seat in the other chair.

'Do you remember how Jason used to carry Diana on his back up the slide?' you asked gently, a fond smile cracking your dry lips at the memory of your children playing on the very same playground their children now played on when they visited. 'You always got so scared they would fall and hurt themselves.'

'Isn't that our job?' he asked, taking a sip of his tea. 'To worry for our children?'

'You didn't have to be a helicopter parent, though,' you jibed playfully. 'You got better when Aaron was old enough to climb himself, so I can't berate you for that.'

'Speaking of which, Aaron just called, said him, Rachel and the kids want to invites us to dinner on Friday.'

You turned and smiled at him, but he saw how tired you were. It was in the slight droop in your lips when you smiled, it was in the slouch of your shoulders, it was the way you held out your hand for him to grasp and you could barely squeeze him back. You'd been like this for days, and it broke Spencer's heart to see the love of his life slowly fade away right beside him. He knew it was a natural way of life - considering their previous occupations, he was grateful to be even given the chance to grow old with you.

But despite natural law and despite his many blessings, it didn't dull the ache that grew more painful everyday.

'You don't have to be here, Spence,' you said, voice barely above a whisper, like it was just a secret only you two shared. 'You've seen enough death already.'

Spencer placed his cup on the table before getting out of his chair (a feat he struggled withe everyday now, his BAU days finally catching up to him) and walking around to your side, bringing both his hands to clasp yours as he knelt beside you.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said, willing every ounce of sincerity and love into his words, into his hands as he held your frail ones. 'Forever and always, remember?'

Spencer almost broke down when your eyes locked with his, those shining (e/c) orbs sparkling with life and mischief and wonder. Despite what time had done to you, you were still his (Y/n), his best friend, his partner, his lover and saviour.

You nodded as if to say yes, I do remember. I always will. You pull one hand free of his grip, and use it to cradle his wrinkled cheeks. 'We've lived a good life, haven't we, Spence?'

He pulled one hand away to caress your hand on his cheek, holding it there for as long as he could. 'Yes. Yes we have.'

Your eyes scanned over him, suddenly seeing your life in rewind.

You saw him as he was now, white, Einstein hair, wrinkled skin and glasses. Then with only little streaks of white in his hair, more sleek. That's how he was with the kids. You kept going back, to your wedding, to your engagement, to the first time you kissed. Every movie night, every case, every late night in the office. Until you were seeing him as if for the first time. Kind of dorky, kind of sweet, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed to explain to you how his "physics magic" worked that very first day in the office.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time as well, as you smiled your bright smile like you did on that first day. The smile you had smiled for him every day since. The smile he saw in your children, and then your grandchildren.

'You are a true wonder, Spence,' you whispered softly, using what little strength you had left to squeeze the hand that still clasped yours as if to say thank you. 'My wonder.'

He waited for the lump in his throat to form, for the words to get stuck in his throat like they always did before. But the lump never formed, and so the words flowed like water out of him, finally feeling right.

'And you are mine,' he whispered back, smiling as bright as he could for you as he held you. 'You always have been my wonder.'

You bring his lips to yours one last time before dropping your hand from his face and sitting back in your seat, looking more tired than you'd ever been. But your other hand still held his, and he certainly wasn't going to let you go. Not yet.

'Spence,' you wheezed, eyes struggling to stay open on him.

Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, using his now free hand to stroke your grey hair in soothing motions. 'It's okay. You can rest now. I'll join you soon enough.'

The slight dip of your chin let him know you understood, and soon after you closed your eyes, your hand grew slack in his hold and your chest ceased rising.

You were gone.

And he was still here.

It was only then did Spencer allow the tears to fall, to acknowledge that despite both of your acceptances, he was sad. You'd lived good, long lives, and even then Spencer believed it was not enough time to love all of you. He knew it was selfish, but he figured after all he'd been through he would be allowed this one wish.

He held you for another hour before he called your children to notify them of your passing.

He held on for another year before he joined you. Cause of death: a broken heart.

He was buried beside you in the family lot, and on your joint headstone, it wrote:

Here lies Dr. Spencer Reid and Mrs. (Y/n) Reid. Loving Husband and Wife and Parents. "You truly are a wonder."

#spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid #criminalminds #criminals minds imagine #david rossi #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #jason gideon #aaron hotch hotchner #emily prentiss #romance #criminal minds fanfiction #angst #criminal minds x reader #friends to lovers #friends to more #slowburn

[caliburn-not-calculator]

I ramble about: VR-LA’s Character Arc

I feel like I’m just saying loads of the obvious with this but I still wanna say it cause it’s in my head and won’t leave.

Anyway, heads up for mention of: Suicidal Ideation and Tendencies

VR-LA’s story starting from a place of absolute aloneness and even suicidal ideation, but ending with so many families, friends, and homes and a promise made in the maze of life to keep on going… It has me feeling things

He begins with nothing but flimsy phantom feelings from his past and his strengthening relationship with his friends keeping him stable. And, as seen with the Zuggtmoy madness and the despondency well, without them he ends up right back in that spiral. Right back in that trap of wondering it it would better to have not woken up on the ship.

Later, his isolation through his wish and utter dedication finding his old crew puts a slight wedge that relationship. His drive to find his past nearly breaks his present, and he ends up having to reconstruct both his bonds with them (though minorly) and his old crew. It’s the thing that leads him to try and leave his past in the past, and focus on what he has now. He tells Dani that when he dies it’ll be on this ship, that he isn’t going anywhere. He picks this life over the old one. That connection to his family and home that has kept him going, now stronger… but not yet healthy, not yet healed. The stubborn refusal to leave his past comminuted to be put to rest through season 4 now he’s learned how unhealthy it was to dwell on it. Killing Endellion, proclaiming to his old crew that the old him is gone, being willing to give up the ship to Dani. Being willing to give up and leave behind the home he once pledged to die on. All of that showing how his outlook has progressed from the Then, to the Now, setting up the lead in to the Later he comes to look forward to in season 5.

But at this point, VR-LA’s pledge to die on the ship is still standing, until all of sudden that declaration is thrown into question by his promise to Maxim. An unexpected moment, maybe considered quietly in the back of his mind for awhile, but now coming to a head at the wake up call that is Maxim’s constant refutes to VR-LA risking his life. Maybe it wasn’t fully true at the time, maybe it was part desperate ploy to win him over and part the first realisation that the future he had always thought inevitable didn’t have to be. Whatever it was, that first promise set him on the path to looking not just back, not just around, but forward.

An episode later, VR-LA is lost in the not so metaphorical maze of life. He knows his past and how he feels about it, he knows his present and all the new bonds he’s formed in this second life. But the question of what comes next looms before him, despite his gripes with what happened before, this is the major decision he faces. And it isn’t the death on the ship he always thought would come, the death he once considered accepting while adrift, but rather… life. What he finds and chooses at the end of the maze is a long life, well lived. The exact opposite of everything he thought he had always been moving toward.

I was not expecting to find a story about coming to heal from suicidal ideation in my silly autism robit but oh boy… oh fucking hell is it there.

AND THEN, how he literally ends the series with a proclamation that no longer is he going to “die on this ship” or “wonder if it would be better to not wake up”, but that he’s taking dying of old age a challenge. How he refuses anything less than that. How despite his new dangerous position, despite stepping up and not back, he is not looking for anything less than that future he found at the end of the maze.

VR-LA starts too focused on the past, moves on to trying to focus on his present, then eventually the future. And if that progression wasn’t good enough, by the end he manages to have them all. His memories and old crew, the crew of the Per Aspera and a life of adventure, his increasingly pivotal role as magister and his aim to grow old.

Like, when I first heard the silly “Hello! I am VR-LA :D” and “Will you be our captain?” robot, I was not expecting a story about overcoming suicidal tendencies and growing to accept and combine all aspects of yourself. Like, fucking hell WHY IS HE LIKE THIS HSJDBDKDBDKFB

It’s such a well done arc for an improv show, and yeah there’s the little awkward unclear points but overall it’s so fulfilling and complete, while leaving further room to settle and heal. Right from season one he proclaims it’s the fight against entropy that makes life worth living, and the the whole show he fights that fight with himself. He goes from someone willing, and perhaps even on some level wanting, to die, to someone actively fighting for the opposite. He goes from empty of will to live and memory to, in his own words, “overflowing”.

Anyway, I love this silly robot, he makes me feel too many things, and I can’t wait to see what new stories come to pass next campaign.

#rolling with difficulty #rwd #vr-la rwd #why is he #ahhhhhh #it’s a very good story of healing from trauma and growing into oneself I have to say #maybe I’m wayyyy overthinking it #but like looking back now it works too good #I love

[ovaryacted]

Hey there! I saw that you mentioned writing an analysis on Leon's character, and truthfully i'd personally be really down to read what you have to say about him. There's barely any to go around unfortunately so it's very fun to read what other's take from the games.

Also, the most interesting arc of Leon so far to me has been from 4 remake, would you ever consider doing an analysis on him from that period and how he went through a drastically better development rather than that of OG? (ofc it's just my opinion since i prefer 4 remake version much much more!) either way, would love to see what you got!

Hey anon! I know you sent me this a while ago, and I want to give you a proper answer to this analysis so I will try my best to give you something well thought out because I really loved the direction they took to characterize Leon differently in RE4R. I also apologize if this was long, I tend to ramble lol.

So, we all know that the original RE4 is a cult classic in the horror gaming genre, and rightfully so. Here we see Leon Kennedy as the badass he is, he is capable, witty, and nonetheless different than the rookie we were first introduced to. However, considering the period the game was released in and the intentional perception of Leon Kennedy at that time, Capcom went the route of pleasing the "gaming bro" community to make Leon into something he isn't.

Sure, he's one hell of an agent, he knows what he's doing and quite frankly is probably the only person who is capable of saving Ashley Graham. But in the OG RE4, Capcom does not focus on the trauma that he's carried since RE2, which I also don't blame them for doing. The OG RE4 was released in 2005, of course, they were going to focus on making Leon Kennedy super macho and strong and just overall cool because that is what sells. Not to mention the objectification of Ashley Graham also matches up to the period as well, and that's already a whole other problem with gaming as a whole that is not just reserved to Capcom entirely.

Regardless of that, OG RE4 is still considered one of the best games in the genre. It's timeless, it's fun, and it makes other people appreciate Leon in another light because he is now "cool" enough as an agent that the rest of his experiences don't matter as much.

Now moving on to the RE4 Remake released in 2023, the direction they took in characterizing Leon is more on par with what they've been doing with his character since RE6. One of the biggest gripes I have with Capcom in particular is their lack of character depth when it comes to elaborating on the traumas that each character possesses. They are so busy trying to make these characters killing machines that they leave huge gaps in showcasing their humanity, hence why a lot of the lore involving these characters' pasts is left for consumers to interpret.

In RE6 which came out in 2012, Leon Kennedy often compares the mission in China and what happened at Tall Oaks to Raccoon City, saying how it reminds him of that day before he found himself in this mess fighting bioweapons. The detail might be minuscule, but it gives people the assumption that Raccoon City was in fact traumatizing and left a huge imprint on Leon's character, altering him for the rest of his life. You also see Leon wanting to save as many people as he can with Helena reminding him that they don't have the time or ability to do so. His survivor's guilt and humanity are now considered as parts of his character for probably the first time on screen.

Until then, we didn't really know anything else regarding Leon's experiences until the RE2 Remake came out in 2019, and here the way they characterized Leon changed dramatically. He really is just a guy who came to the wrong place at the wrong time, experiencing horrors unimaginable and miraculously survives with two other people he met less than 24 hours ago. Yeah, I'm sure if you drove into a city and experienced your own personal apocalypse, that is sure to change who you are as a person. Now, the RE2 Remake I think was the first remake that used the new RE Engine seen in RE7 & RE8, and from a gaming perspective, Capcom is now adding the horror aspect back into the RE franchise that was certainly missing.

We don't know what happens to Leon, Claire, and Sherry after the RE2 Remake game ends because they're seen walking into the sunset hand in hand, but the idea is that Claire goes off to look for Chris and leaves Leon and Sherry behind where they are eventually apprehended by the U.S. government. I think it's in Darkside Chronicles where Leon is seen being interrogated by the government and he's blackmailed into military service as a means to protect Sherry because she's infected with the G-Virus.

After that, we know that there are other missions that Leon went on in between that time; Operation Javier being the most prominent one since that happens before RE4 and it's where he's working alongside Krauser. There are of course other animations and movies that are made to show Leon at different points in his life, but we don't know much about Leon and what he's been doing in the new canon timeline until he is re-introduced to us in the RE4 Remake.

At the very start of the game, we get an opening monologue from Leon directly where he mentions that Raccoon City was a day he will never forget, the cop inside him died that day, and shares his frustrations with the government because they left people to die before literally nuking an entire city off the map and not saying anything about it. He also mentions that he was "asked" to join the military and help in this new initiative to destroy BOWs and states that he didn't have much of a choice. Just his training alone was gruesome even if we don't necessarily know what it involved, but it kept his mind off of the trauma and the pain he experienced constantly.

The words that Leon is saying plus the way the camera pans out to show Leon's face for the first time since we've last seen him in a canon game reflects just how much he's been through in that 6/7 year timespan. The details on his facial features are enough to show that he's been through the gutter: he's lost the baby fat in his cheeks (which happens with aging anyway but still), his dark circles are prominent along with his scowl, and he already has wrinkles on his forehead which probably came from stress.

It is very obvious that this is not the same Leon Kennedy that we saw in RE2R and that is done very intentionally. He's an agent now, he has experience under his belt, and just like the OG RE4, he is still badass and capable enough to do this job. The big difference in how Leon is characterized in the remake is his humility is now added as an aspect of who he is.

Despite all of the trauma that Leon has gone through and continues to experience, he still has his humanity attached which is one of the biggest things that make me love his character in particular. He cares, and that's what makes everything hurt for him. In that scene where he finds Ashley in the castle and consoles her, he's telling her the words he wishes someone had told him, reassures her that she is strong and will get through this, and even adds a small smile at the end. Leon isn't this heartless person and his trauma hasn't wiped out any remaining empathy he has left, which the remake captures well.

You also see Leon acting like this when he's next to Luis after Krauser kills him and is still remorseful towards him until death despite knowing that he used to work for Umbrella. And then again after he kills Krauser, someone who trained with him closely and who he thought was dead, he is emotional after using his superior's knife to end his misery despite it being a subtle detail. As you continue to play the game, there these moments in the gameplay where you get bits and pieces of Leon and the kind of person he is, which weren't really there in the original game.

The remake also didn't just highlight Leon's humanity but also changed how the other characters are perceived and added new elements that we could appreciate as consumers. Personally, RE4R is such a phenomenal game because of the changes they made to showcase Leon as a human being who is trapped in the worst possible circumstances one could think of, and it makes me hope that they'll elaborate on his trauma in a RE6 Remake or in other CGI movies.

I also hope that Capcom continues to give their beloved characters more of a spotlight that reflects who they are as people instead of their capacity to be badass agents, but one can only hope, right? I wonder what direction they'll go for the RE5 Remake and how they will change Chris, Sheva, Wesker, and Jill but everything is under speculation so we really won't know until that game drops.

#ovaryacted asks #leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #ovaryacted thoughts

[self-spaghettification]

What are These Symbols in TDP?

seen in context of Aaravos, on startouch elf/celestial elf clothing, etc.

And, what do they imply for deep magic, star magic, and S6?

Let's call them First Elf Glyphs...

Short story: 1. They’re on Aaravos, TMO, startouch concept art, and celestial elves garments. 2. They’re tied to the deep magic symbol. Them being on startouch and celestial elves garments signifies the celestial elves were taught deep magic, or know the ties between star and deep magic in some way, Aaravos may have taught deep magic to the celestial elves or the humans due to the symbols place on the page. 3. they might be emblazoned spells because moonshadow swirlies were also used as spells (Runaan’s dance to activate his engravings, the ancient dance at the old moon nexus to open the gate between life and death) & 4. Startouch elves=First Elves + They remind me of the First One’s runes from She ra (which form words hence, glyphs.) If nothing else, this is a compilation of where they’re found.

Long story: First, why they’re relevant:

They're in Callum's sketchbook, a page we also briefly see on screen in a book regarding Aaravos.

This page in particular seems significant because it also connects to the eclipse imagery, and the half eaten/crescent moon which I believe both dictate important events but that's a theory for another day.

But by proxy, these symbols pique my interest. I feel like they're significant somehow,

a. we know swirlies carved into materials ie Runaan’s horn cuffs and dances on the ground can have significance as spells

b. we see them on Startouch garments:

-> Aaravos's cloak.

(which, as @kradogsrats pointed out, these shapes but the cloak especially imo looks like falling stars)

->Aaravos's tabard/skirt, front and back.

->Merciful One likely has similar aspects on their clothing, based on the similarities in their design to Aaravos.

->Aaravos's and Merciful one's tunics (example of above)

->the line arcing above the circle in the tunic is reminiscent of the signature celestial elf blindfold.

->And if we take a closer look, we see that Astrid is wearing similar garb to the startouch elves. So these lines can likely be considered first elf glyphs too.

We also see it on the concept art for Aaravos.

Every single version, save for the one on the far right, has some variation of these lines and circles (or at the very least, lines and diamonds for the earlier ones on the left).

This one doesn’t but it does have these constellations, which the symbols also seem to connect to.

->Lastly, Aaravos's hood...

It's tied, of course, to the deep magic symbol--that strange uneven sun shape we've seen several places so far.

Speculation Time

So, these glyphs seem to be tied to deep magic and the startouch elves in general. I'll get back to that in a second.

But first, (and I understand this is a more superficial connection) it's interesting because they reminded me of She Ra’s “First Ones” language and imagery too:

I find this especially relevant since Startouch elves also seem to be called the First Elves and this is confirmed by what Rayla says in S5: “In ancient legends, Startouch elves are sometimes called the First Elves.”

+ The First Elves had to have differentiated into the rest of the elves, and as it’s suggested and @random-fandom-ramble pointed out, “old magic” / deep magic is the root for primal magic. + as Aaravos may have mastered deep magic to master all 6 sources, Startouch elves are more likely to have mastery of deep magic / it seems like if you understand star magic, it’s easier to understand deep magic. So deep magic and star magic are inextricably connected, as are these related glyphs.

Hence, First Elf glyphs.

But why are they on the celestial elves' garb, what does that tell us?

While the celestial elves are said to be an "ancient" group of Skywing elves, it's unlikely they're as old as the First Elves themselves, so it's possible that Aaravos or another Startouch elf had a connection to them, passing down his knowledge. Plus, we're supposed to get a speech in S6 about Deep magic too. Could it be a flashback to him teaching these elves about deep magic?

Or, maybe some other Startouch elf founded it to begin with, to protect their knowledge when they left Xadia, leaving only "the last of the Great Ones," aka Aaravos. Maybe Aaravos and the Merciful One worked on it together.

But also, they specifically surround the image of the darkened star. Not a normal star. A fallen star--Aaravos. And it's next to the poem about Elarion. Could it be suggesting that Aaravos was the one to teach humanity these things about dark magic? Again- speech.

Perhaps. But there are other things to speculate on too, like

Do these glyphs serve a purpose? Why are they on these clothes?

A. emblazoned spells-> Maybe it's like the swirlies Ethari engraves into metal, such as Runaan's armor, as @beautifulterriblequeen said in their theory. Passive spell of protection, magic boost or some activatable spell in general? A spell of protection or durability seems more plausible as the part of the tunic underneath isn't frayed whereas the translucent part on top is (unless that's just for silly character design reasons) ....no! No silly character design reasons.... They write the show for us detail oriented people

-> strengthens their connection with deep magic/star magic

Alternatively, it:

B. signifies status in some way

->some lines and shapes may indicate higher/lower status

C. allows Startouch elves to connect with each other in some way

->like the headcanon I’ve heard of stars on skin glittering in a sort of morse code for startouch elves to communicate since space is a vacuum!

Anyways. Even if the Dragon Prince doesn't yet seem to have coherent constructed languages... I’m still hoping there’s going to be explanations later in-show or some way of deciphering these or finding a pattern in them.

The similarity to First Ones writing especially makes me think this will possibly have more significance than other glyphs. Perhaps we'll even find out their true meaning or even exact translation.

But... if nothing else, they're still used to draw these connections, between startouch and celestial, between star and deep, etc, that may be elaborated on more explicitly in the show. Hopefully we find out soon!

#updated to add some things from reading other stuff/rewatching s5 #i would love to hear other people's thoughts on this/speculation/other connections as well! #hopefully this is coherent #tdp meta #self spaghettification #the dragon prince #tdp s6 #tdp s6 speculation #tdp speculation #mine

[psychicpinenut]

netflix atla review

i decided that i wanted to see it through anyway so i finished the netflix atla. here are the things that made me want to hurl rocks at my tv (i might not remember a lot of things because i stopped watching after ep 4 and only continued this week so this might get rambly as i try to recall things)

let me start on the cast. no offense to these kids but my god. one of the things i hate the most is when you can tell an actor is acting. the whole time you could see that they walk up to their mark, stop there and recite the lines like they're in a high school play. and i get that they're young and probably don't have too much experience but i just keep thinking about the original voice cast who were children as well at the time of recording and they're some of the most talented actors i've ever heard. but then again i know they had to not only find people who resemble the characters but can do martial arts and act. so whatever, i hope they'll grow more during this. the only actor i liked was dallas liu who is the oldest of the main cast (i believe he was around 20 when they filmed this) which is probably why he doesn't have a chronic case of child acting.

constantly making up and/or changing lore:

why can aang only speak to past avatars in their shrines?

roku is sidelined in favor of kyoshi (who for some reason is extremely aggressive towards him) who can see into the future apparently because she gave aang a vision of the northern water tribe being destroyed instead of sozin's comet coming.

aang somehow being "lost" to the ocean spirit at the end which is ???

sokka and katara can enter the spirit world with aang

koh keeping his victims like some fucking spider and only gives them back after aang gave some stupid totem back. they also brought him so forward that he doesn't tell aang about tui and la which was the entire fucking point of looking him up in the first place

yue is a fox? in the spirit world?

wan shi tong is there also in the spirit world

i'm guessing they're already abandoning the ancient library storyline because they already intoduced wan shi tong and zhao was shown that he found out about tui and la from the fire sages in roku's temple. which is going to be interesting because that's where sokka finds out about the solar eclipse but i guess they'll come up with some other solution like toph can sense the moon moving through her feet or some shit

tui and la becoming mortals for only one night?

zuko having extensive research on the avatars should mean he knows that roku is his great grandfather but we're either leaving that one out or he's just not good at research

they took out sokka's sexism, thus eliminating any chance of character development, in favor of putting in actual sexism perpetrated by the show itself. suki is made into this small town girl, rapunzel type of character who needs sokka, the man, to bring the world to her and expand her mind. and then instead of sokka being grateful to suki for teaching him, she's the one that's thankful for ... going there? and bringing the world to her? because strong women mean they can punch right?

constant references to book 2 in the first season

they made so that aang didn't actually run away from his responsibility as the avatar - which is a pretty important part of his arc as that guilt follows him through the entire series - but that he only took a little trip to clear his head. which makes everyone accusing him of disappearing seem dumb and unfair

which leads me to bumi. why the fuck would bumi be so pissed at him? the whole episode he's antagonizing him and yelling at him to go do his job as the avatar meanwhile he's holding him hostage and making him do his challenges. like let him go so he can do his job maybe?? stupid

the entire ep 3-4. they really just shoved like 5 episodes together into one which i get because they don't have time to do everything but they did it so badly and the messages from each episode disappeared in favor of the CGI fight scenes.

like what do you mean sokka barely even got to interact with jet? that's the episode where sokka is proven to have good instincts and leadership because he saw jet for what he was.

why are teo and his dad here? what about aang's massive grief over the industrialization of his wiped out culture?

why would jet try to kill bumi? they completely obliterated the moral dilemma of jet wiping out a fire nation village because he sees that as justified even though he's killing civilians who happen to be fire nation.

for some reason they had sokka and katara go through the secret tunnel which is kind of fucking weird. i don't mind if they cut the kaang romance line but it is going to be interesting once it comes to the earthly attachments and some plotlines that revolve around aang having a major crush on katara. also what do you mean the badger moles sense "emotions"? toph is about to sense people's emotions in her feet and learn bending that way

they mary sue'd katara. she's bad at waterbending until she isn't and suddenly she's a master just from self taught basic waterbending she learned from the scroll gran gran gave her?? which is another thing they robbed us of because katara going to great lengths to steal the scroll shows how determined she is and desperate to learn waterbending but here she just gets handed the scroll. she's timid and lukewarm the entire season, the only time i can recall her even raising her voice is when she's arguing with sokka over jet. she gets mad at pakku for not letting her fight which is stupid because girl who is gonna stop you? go and fight?? you should be getting mad at pakku for not even trying to teach you waterbending. then she brings the entire untrained female population to the fight because girl power™. despite all of this, she's proclaimed a master without any actual training and beats zuko's ass purely because she's So Good. like at this point she shouldn't be able to hold her own against zuko without the full moon's help because as soon as the sun comes up zuko easily overpowers her ("you rise with the moon i rise with the sun"). which didn't happen here because she's a self proclaimed master now apparently

aang didn't bend a single waterdrop the entire season. it's book 1: water. it's called water. where's the bending aang? too busy doing another stupid walk and talk

stripped of iroh telling zuko he thinks of him as his son

stripped of one of the rawest lines i've ever heard on television: "my father says she was born lucky, he says i was lucky to be born"

which leads me into azula's character. they brought her in earlier just so her role in the whole season can be her groveling at ozai's feet, seeking his approval, trying to outdo zuko. which is insane cause she already outdoes zuko by a mile. she's a prodigy. they make it look like ozai favors zuko over azula which is so fucking insaaaane it made me so mad. she already knows she's better than zuko, she doesn't need her father's approval. also why isn't her fire blue.

iroh being the one who kills zhao. this one pissed me off so badly because in the original, as the ocean spirit takes hold of him zuko reaches out to zhao to try to save him.... that man tried to have him KILLED. and zuko still tried to save him. but zhao's arrogance didn't let him take his hand and that was his demise. that single act tells us so much about zuko and they just??? took that out??? so iroh can just murder him?? instead of it being the ocean spirit's revenge for killing its partner? instead of giving us that glimpse into who zuko is as a person? i'm going insane

don't even mention the fact that zuko fought back against ozai during the agni kai. he was literally banished because he refused to fight him. he got the scar because he refused to fight him. that's who zuko is!!!! and then they show us that he, a 13 year old boy who is still fairly inexperienced at bending, could have defeated ozai but he chose not to?? i'm sorry???

during the meeting where he spoke out against their plan, they made it look like he only spoke up because the general taunted him and not because he thought what they wanted to do was morally wrong.

now tell me which line hits harder: "compassion is a sign of weakness" or "you will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher". yeah...

yue bringing sokka to the spirit oasis to heal momo?? it was so fucking stupid and unserious that they were cradling a cgi lemur that i was in tears of pain. i almost gave up there

sokka constantly talking about wanting to be a better warrior and bossing katara around but doing absolutely fuck all to prove himself was insane. sokka was just standing around the whole season making bad jokes (cause wow they made sokka unfunny somehow) and flirting with women.

there was no goofiness or lightheartedness to aang. he took everything so fucking seriously it actually hurt to watch because they blew things out of proportion that didn't need to be. why was he so afraid of his normal bending power? not even his avatar state power but just his airbending. constantly angsting over his responsibility and how he's failing as the avatar. jesus fucking christ.

since zuko never stole katara's necklace, june had to use some fuckin random fabric she found on one of the trees that could've belonged to anybody??

zuko was able to capture aang after june found him instead of getting his ass whooped and paralysed so when zhao basically forces him to hand aang over to him, it's easier to guess who the blue spirit is as zuko makes a whole scene about it earlier

truly the one thing i really liked was the addition that the 41st division was the crew he protected at the war meeting

circling back to the first episode where we start out in the past and we get to see the whole genocide of the air nomads instead of finding out along with aang. we also get to see how he ends up in the iceberg so we don't get his story paralleled with zuko's backstory like in the storm. i mean whatever but the aang and zuko parallels were always dear to me.

hated zhao's actor. instead of him being intimidating and scary, he was acting like a frat boy and talked like tom cruise's character in magnolia. just simply annoying

jet telling katara to just stop being sad about her mom and she stops being sad and suddenly she can bend again. and later when he tells her she can bend because he helped her, she straight up denies it because it was "all her" like i gotta disagree there cause no, it was definitely him who helped you.

icing on the cake was when zuko walks into a bar and the patrons there reference like 4 storylines that they skipped over

so anyway... that's all i could think of at the top of my head and i hope they fuck up less in the upcoming seasons god willing

#long post #pine rambles #natla critical

[sabrondabrainrot]

I forget I can just ramble and rant my thoughts!

I try to focus on sharing just my art but I also do writing and try to have a bit of a critical mind when it comes to media I consume.

Now that it has been a few months since I watched all of TMNT 12 I do have some thoughts and opinions and kind of want to just ramble about it before I forget, in an informal manner.

I at first really liked it, it was the second TMNT show I watched after Rise, now that I've been watching the 87 and 03 shows my opinions on 12 did change just a bit but I still do like it!

Literally all the turtles are my son's now. Especially Leonardo (he's blue coded so-). I just think they're so cute and neat!!!

I'm going to put thoughts to spoiler stuff of 12 so if you plan to watch the show then don't click beyond this point!

🐢💙🐢♥️🐢🧡🐢💜

So in the last season of TMNT 12 it kind of feels like all the scrapped ideas or random plots that couldn't be fit into the prior seasons were put in this one? I really like the new op it gives of Cowboy Bebop vibes. The op song change is really nice to because I never really looked the tmnt 12 op song before.

However, the plots feel all over the place? There's a mini ark where they're jumping through time meeting Halloween monsters and then another ark where Mikey defeats Satan? Then we get another really tiring ark that's this implied alternate madmax fury road parody that is honestly so depressing? Donnie is just dead.

Which btw, the show likes killing ppl off for dramatic effect. They killed Master Splinter three times and had Mikey and Donnie get scattered to atoms on two separate occasions. I should also mention Leo was in a coma for 3 months with no IV or anything and he woke up relatively fine.

Anyways, going into the last season and stuff leading up to it... They kind of ended with the 87 turtles and the 12 boys finding new passion and inspiration from teaching the 87 boys. I didn't really vibe with it because it just made the 87s the butt of the joke and made them out to be incompetent silly little guys.

They ARE silly little guys but the thing is they're not incompetent. The 87 boys have done some insanely incredible things even when unarmed. Especially when unarmed. I actually think the angle of finding a new way to help people as a means to end the series on an inspired note is fine, the 87 boys even carried on the will and told Bebop and Rocksteady they can be more than Shredder's mutant henchmen. It is very cute and wholesome. I just think they could have maybe done it differently?

Why not set up for them to teach Chi arts? The turtles of 87 don't have any mystical abilities and it would have been interesting to do a set up like that? There are ways to write the finale without just dumping on the original source.

Focusing back on the ending of 12, we also leave on a seriously alarming note. It's just a big mixed bag. After Master Splinter went to run on the hamster wheel in the sky, Leonardo was handed the reigns of the family. He was told "You're the teacher now Leonardo. You're the father. Look after your brothers" and Splinter then willingly walked into his own death. I think the writers maybe thought this was amazing and inspirational or something but I found it incredibly messed up? We start tmnt 12 on all 4 boys birthday. Meaning Splinter himself considers them all to be the same age. And since the series was running they haven't on screen celebrated a birthday and from the implied weather changes most of the seasons 1-4 seem to take place over just a year??? We don't get a definitive timeline (or I'm a bad audience and didn't notice).

So one can only assume Master Splinter was telling his...15 year old son to be the father to his other 15 year old children.

Why do I bring this up at all? After Leonardo takes over the family and he KILLS shredder they go into this rushed cult demon resurrection arc that culminates in the classic dead walk the earth and Mikey defeats Satan. In this arc we meet a ghost splinter who does not even go to see his kids, he just helps Casey and April. But throughout and the lead up to this we have moments of Leo having conversations with what we can perceive as Sensei's ghost in the dojo.

But the climax of the arc cements splinters ghost has not once visited his son's.

So Leonardo is quite literally having full on conversations, in the dojo for his brothers to hear, with a hallucination of his dead dad. He's coping this way. His family does nothing about this.

Tmnt 2012 has the worst Splinter. He ignored his son's and chose favorites. He told Leonardo to die (season 1 finale). He calls Mikey dumb and insights the others to do it too. He told Raph his anger makes him exactly like Shredder and never elaborates or teaches him how to better work through his issues. And he straight up calls Donnie useless.

None of that is even an exaggeration. Adding context just makes it worse.

Here's a list:

Do you know the turtles are the equivalent of helicopter raised homeschool boys? They've never stepped foot outside of the lair except at the start of ep 1.

They learn ALL of their lessons from old shows and cartoons. The show writers even sometimes use the cartoons to set up the theme of the episodes!

When Leonardo rescues Mikey he pats him on the head to comfort him.

Literally almost all of their ninja weapons have hidden weapons. I love it I wish I saw more of them using them.

Michelangelo is the family chef because somehow none of the rest have any life skills. Not even Splinter (explains so much).

They all have such cute shape language. I love bean pole Donnie, blocky buff Raph, perfect pear Leo, and round freckled Mikey.

They also now have unique eye colors. I love their eyes. Donnie with his big beautiful brown eyes (sometimes they look red). Raph with his acid green stare into your soul eyes, they look like they would glow like mako eyes in ff7. Mikey with bright blue eyes all big and round. And then Leo with the cunning dark blue eyes!

I just want to pinch their cheeks and kiss their foreheads and give them hugs.

Also, Leo is so affectionate to kids and his brothers??? My heart??? Couldn't take it??? He just randomly hugs them?? He had a tea party??? He wore a pink feather boa? The way he just immediately held baby Miwa??? Too good. Too good. He's such a good big bro.

Raph is also such a soft guy. Like yes he's a Butthead that beats up his brothers and takes every single violent urge out on Leo when he's even minorly inconvenienced but he does learn to do better. He helps Leo a lot and he even is there for the others a lot too.

Raphael also does art and seems to like fine arts.

Raph, like Leo, is a resident baby man. He loved tiny helpless creatures. He had a pet turtle he loved with his entire being and then later on adopted a space alien baby turtle that he also loved with his entire being.

I love Donnie in this, his cute little tooth gap, his gentle demeanor, the fact he'd rather be in the lab than training. I feel bad for him tho cause he clearly wants Splinter and Leo's approval with his inventions and efforts but very rarely gets it (Leo is the only one to really praise him and get what he does). He's also a good team player but he has so much stress and no confidence.

Donnie needs a big ol hug.

Mikey is so cute. But he is so weird. Why did they write girly pop collecting underwear. Why did they have him cannibalize a mutant pizza man? They do the most random things with Mikey. I like that he avidly tries cheering ppl up. He tries so hard for his bros. He's just a sweet little guy. I wish they did more with the baby bro.

Mikey should have kept his lightning powers.

They fight a lot but all the brothers love each other. I think they're just stressed and cooped up too much.

I like drama tho it's juicy when they argue.

I read on the wiki that Donnie is supposed to be canon OCD and Mikey canon ADHD and it makes so much sense in the show.

I really like all their voices. I miss Leo's first voice he was so dorky and sweet. The new voice is all sad and serious. Raph sounds perfect. I like Donnie's voice but instead of him always yelling why not have him do the low angry science rant because that's a good time. I like Mikey's voice he sounds like a high pitched beast boy.

But despite the occasionally baffling writing choices of the show I still like it. It's entertaining in the same way as a telenovela or kdrama. They literally have a plot where one of the turtles falls in love with his secret half sister. Something I've seen in telenovelas and kdramas.

2012 tmnt makes a great dogblooded drama.

I think the CGI art can get pretty bad at times but other times it looks great. The music is pretty good and I really like the voice cast. I actually totally see why so many people like this show but I definitely don't think it's the best one. From what I've seen thus far, I think the 2003 TMNT show might actually be a masterpiece. Better than Avatar the Last Airbender levels of masterpiece (not a competition just giving an example of another show I find monumental).

That's it, that's the rant, thanks for reading!

Btw if any one has any good 12 fic recs pls hand them over. I need 12 hurt comfort, or fem Leo, or transfem Leo, or anything introspective, or just anything with a fun plot. Pls I'm dying here send fics.

Thank you :)

#brainrot #teenage mutant ninja turtles #cartoon #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #12 leo #12 raph #12 mikey #12 donnie #rant #thoughts #these are my opinions #I really like tmnt #i can't stop thinking about tmnt #maybe a bit introspection #rambles #headcanons #i love them your honor

[destinygoldenstar]

I’ll probably post more about this in more detail, especially now that the reboot is pretty much done and dealt with. (There is no confirmed Season 3. Stop lying.)

So you know, most of what I have to say in this post is rambling and complaining, because I am ticked off. So if you like the ending of the season, good for you… this is the opposite opinion to that.

Spoilers for Season Two and it’s ending:

This season, for me, is definitely above All Stars and Paketiew. Definitely. I genuinely enjoyed the first two thirds of the season, and its slip ups weren’t too big of deal breakers for me on the season. (Except Millie. I will forever be salty about it and I can’t say I like her character anymore after what this season did with her)

The season was funny, it was engaging in a lot of plot lines, I thought the order was pretty clean, I’m enjoying it and really invested in how all of these plot lines conclude….

AAAAAAANNNND then Zee outs Caleb.

I break the season to three acts. Pre-Merge is the first act.

Episodes 6-8 is the second act.

And right when Zee outs Caleb, is where I’d say the Second Act ends, and the Third Act begins.

And the third act, in my humble opinion, is GOSH. AWFUL.

Like, OH MY GOSH, they screwed up EVERYTHING.

Except MK and Julia in Episode 9. That’s wholesome.

But other than them, literally ALL the other plot lines in the season that I was invested in were completely botched in conclusion. And I can’t like these plot lines anymore.

How do you do that?! Like, WHAT happened here?!

This may seem incohesive, but I’m just that baffled.

I don’t even care about the elimination order right now. You CAN make whatever finalist you want work so long as the story suits it. So Im not gonna say “Oh Julia should’ve won” or something like that, as a complaint. That’s personal preference.

Remember the post I made complimenting Priya and Caleb’s relationship plotline?

That aged like milk. I don’t like them anymore. They were obnoxious as I’ll get out and I just wanted them booted ASAP.

I made a post about how I thought Priya would quit instead of being eliminated. I do think that would’ve been better than what we got because at least there Priya would be making a conscious decision that no one else can factor in. Instead she acts stupid for the sake of Julia and spends the rest of the season whining about Caleb instead of the what they’ve discussed and learned from each other before.

And Caleb being a finalist? After what he’d done I’m shocked he wasn’t booted in a heartbeat after that.

I don’t think they should’ve became a couple tbh. Apologize and make up, sure, but not get together in this whole mess. With how the story was going, it seemed they’d realize and recognize that. But no. It lead to nothing. Way to go.

Damien? I don’t care if you thought he should’ve won or not. That’s not the point. The writers didn’t want Damien to be a finalist. Fine. Okay. Just make an elimination that’s logical and wraps up his storyline-

NOPE. Julia stole the idol. Which I expected, but it’s something she somehow managed to do when paranoid Damien was always around it btw. She did this OFF SCREEN. So even the writers don’t want to come up how she managed to do that difficult task. YOU COULDNT AT LEAST SHOW US?!

Why would they even eliminate Damien? No one was even after him. It’s because they didn’t want to separate Priya and Caleb…

Stupid.

It really solidified to me that Damien had no relevance to this seasons story and could’ve been written out of the story. As tragic as that is to say. Like, make Priya or anyone on the Rats the one Millie pushes down the 4 Point Slide, make Priya find the idol and lose it at her elimination to Julia, and nothing changes.

What a waste of Damien’s character.

I love Julia in both seasons. So you know. I genuinely think she and Bowie have the best character arcs of the two seasons combined. I was actually kind of routing for her in the finale?? Ngl???? Like, I didn’t hate her, I found a nastier World Tour Heather, someone who WORKED for her goals. Good person? No. But an intriguing one to follow.

But this is the definition of plot armor. Multiple times they had to make the other characters act irrationally just so they don’t vote Julia’s ass off in a heartbeat. Which, if they were rational, would do cause everyone KNOWS that Julia is a bad person!

That’s why in the first season and the first half of this season, she had to make herself getting voted off NOT an option for the others. So she won challenges to get immunity. She allied herself with MK to get an extra vote. She got on Bowies worst side to make him want to work with her.

But in the second half it’s pure plot armor.

I thought Bowies elimination and how she managed to convince an entire team to go with it was stretching things. But I could push it aside cause it made sense for Bowie to leave in that episode.

It just got worse.

Once MK is gone, Julia has nobody on her side and no excuse. They should all vote her off in a heartbeat. But they don’t because they are stupid.

They somehow trust her?! With everything she says?!

Even the smartest characters like Priya trust her. She says she knows she’s being used, but decides to let it happen. That is very OOC for Priya. One of the most game-smart characters in the entire series!

Julia being a finalist is actually an idea I’m on board for on paper. But it was just illogical how she got there.

Also, they cut the villains hair off AGAIN.

TOTAL DRAMA, PLEASE STOP SHAVING CHARACTERS HEADS. IT WAS GOOD EITH HEATHER CAUSE IT MADE SENSE FOR HER CHARACTER AND THE STORY. AFTER THAT ITS ILLOGICAL AND CRUEL FOR NO REASON. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS FOR VILLAINS TO GET COMEUPPANCE BUT YOU KEEP USING THE SAME ONE EVEN WHEN IT MAKES NO SENSE. ITS NOT FULFILLING ANYMORE AND WERE ALL SICK AND SEEING IT. YOU DRAGGED THIS THROUGH THE MUD, KILLED IT, AND NOW REVIVED IT JUST TO SMACK IT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER.

STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!

*breathes*

At least Julia and MK were great. Mostly because they mostly weren’t in the third act together.

Oh yeah, and there’s also Wayne and Raj. I like them. They’re fun. I like their pre-merge story.

And then Wayne won??

Yeah, Wayne, you know, the comic relief character with no strategy in a very strategic-centric season. Winning.

I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a joke or not.

If it is, it’s funny like, the first time you see it.

If it’s not, and we’re supposed to take that seriously…

Ooh boy.

I see people compare this to Owen. I don’t think that’s fair given both seasons separate contexts, the characters screen time impact, and theming.

I personally compare this to Beth. Both are tied to someone very similar to them until the very end where their partner, who got more to do, gets eliminated, and then they proceed to fly under the radar because they’re the least nasty people left in a nasty cast remaining.

Now HOLD ON. I am NOT saying Wayne is on the same quality of a character as Beth. Far from it. Wayne will always be the better one of the two for me, because I actually enjoy him on screen, and most importantly, he wasn’t a hypocritical gross cheating creep.

Wayne winning a season CAN work on paper. I’m not opposed to it.

But this is not the way to do it.

This isn’t a guy who has won people’s hearts through being great towards them, he’s only interacted with Raj. This isn’t a guy who has quietly played his cards when necessary. This isnt a guy who has flown under the radar due to being the lesser evil. This isn’t a guy who has clear skills apparent to the viewer but not the characters.

He has done next to NOTHING all season.

I can defend Wayne having some variety of character in season 1, where he was sometimes capable of holding a leadership position, and willing to be patient and loyal, but NONE of these were portrayed in THIS season.

So pretty much, he has won by doing pretty much NOTHING.

At least Raj got a plotline that wasn’t being comic relief 24/7. And I’m not saying Raj should’ve won. Wayne can definitely be his own character, but Raj got eliminated in episode 11/13. Too little. Too late. Honestly, if you’re gonna have Wayne win, eliminate Raj earlier. Swap Raj and MK’s eliminations. At least then Julia making it far is justified cause in Episode 12 she has the idol.

I’m sorry if this is me rambling, but I was genuinely insulted and baffled by the ending of this season. This season started out really good, then declined in quality as it went on.

I definitely prefer the first season. While it’s not as funny as season two’s first two thirds, and has weaker challenges, it’s more cohesive and consistent in quality that reached logical conclusions for almost every character. Love or hate them.

This season, to me, is proof that you cannot botch endings to stories. You try something fancy and screw up, people are gonna remember the mess of an ending, and not the journey. I think that’s apparent with the reactions I’ve seen so far.

You can have a bad beginning. You can even have a bad middle. You can salvage those. But the ending is what you can’t afford to mess up because that’s what your audience will walk away from and remember.

When people look at this season, they’re gonna remember the badly handled ending rather than the good stuff in the first half.

That’s just sad, honestly.

#total drama #total drama 2023 #td priya #td julia #td wayne #td mk #td damien #td caleb #td raj

[mandaloriandragontrainer]

The Problem with Rayllum

Here is my promised salt post about my issues with how Callum and Rayla's relationship and individual characters were written in season 4. I know a lot of people really enjoyed the season, so please feel free to skip. I have no idea how long this is going to be since I intend to ramble until I've gotten all the Big Feelings off my chest. I still love the show (arc 1 will always be one of my favorite stories), and I adore these two and their precious relationship... it's one of my top two OTPs of all time. I want to see them happy, but I also want their characters done justice.

First off, a lot of my issues could potentially be resolved by what happens in season 5 onward, and I truly hope this is what happens. I want to be able to look back on season 4 and see it as part of the whole picture, even if I seriously doubt it will ever be one of my favorite seasons (right now it's for sure my least favorite). I went in with a lot of hope and faith in the writers, and I'm going to be watching season 5 with a lot more caution.

For starters, Callum. This sweet boy was dealt a devastating blow that fundamentally changed him as a person, but 4x01 makes it abundantly clear that he's still deeply in love with Rayla, to the point that he can't even be happy on his own birthday because of how achingly he misses her. When she abruptly reappears in his life, his reaction is realistic. He's cold and distant and makes it clear he does not want to talk to her. If anything, he seems annoyed that she showed up. But as he says later on, the two emotions he immediately felt were happiness and anger. We see the former at the very end of the finale, but basically none of the latter. Instead, he spends the entire season icing Rayla out, turning down her multiple attempts at getting him to talk with her. And I can't help but wonder why. Does he not want to get angry at her? Because boy, he needs to. He has EVERY RIGHT to be furious with her, for leaving him behind and never letting him know she was okay and then randomly popping up in his study in the middle of the night without so much as an apology (more on that later). This is what I expected and hoped for going into season 4... that he would snip at her for a while, leading up to a confrontation where all the Big Feelings come out. He needs to let himself be angry, to shout and scream and let out two whole years of hurt, because I'm not convinced Rayla understands just how deeply she wounded him. But instead, he just seemed... indifferent, if not mildly irritated by her, ignoring her flirtacious remarks (or icily shutting them down) and turning away her efforts at a conversation.

Speaking of Rayla... GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN AND WHY DID YOU JUST NOW DECIDE TO COME BACK!?!?! I'm honestly flabbergasted by how they approached Rayla this season. Through the Moon and "Dear Callum" were such lovingly crafted looks into her psyche, and all that just fell flat on its face. I still really loved seeing her this season, but they did not address the fallout of her decision at all, and she seemed more or less unchanged by it. In "Dear Callum," she expresses her belief that she very likely may not come back, and despite how desperately she longs to stay, she cannot return until she knows for certain that Viren is dead and therefore Callum is safe (that's another issue... she says she was after "revenge," but TTM and "Dear Callum" show that her main motivation was protecting Callum). But she never found Viren, or any proof of his demise. So why come back? Why go two whole years and then randomly decide to give up? The first words out of Callum's mouth after her name are, "Why are you here?" She offers no explanation beyond, "I came back." Girl why? What happened? Why did you change your mind, when your self-appointed mission isn't complete? Especially when, as far as I can tell, she doesn't understand that what she did was wrong. That's why, despite acknowledging that her leaving was painful for Callum, she doesn't apologize. Because in her mind, there's nothing to apologize for. She did it because she loves Callum, therefore it's right. But then again, why apologize to Ezran and not to Callum?

That's another reason I think Callum needs to fully express his anger at Rayla, not only for his own healing but to show Rayla how wrong she was, that he may be safe physically, but his heart has been shattered beyond repair. That he's no longer the same sweet, open-hearted boy she left behind entirely by her own doing. She seems to have some awareness that she tossed their relationship away ("We had something so special"), but for the most part expects to pick up where they left off, hinting at wanting to cuddle him and go on walks alone and receive his attention the way she used to (kind of strange, considering how terrified she was in her letter that he would hate her for this). Ezran even acknowledges how much she's trying to get things back to they way they were. But she can't, not without understanding the gravity of her actions. I need season 5 to demonstrate how Rayla's journey changed her, because right now it seemed to have very little impact. Again, most of this can be fixed by future seasons, if they take the time to explain just what happened to Rayla during her time alone and what motivated her to suddenly return. And I'm decently confident it will, since clearly there's going to be a lot of Moonfam drama going down.

As for the Rayllum relationship, I was initially upset that there was no romance, especially with how it was hyped up in the marketing and after reading so many wonderful fics. After sleeping on it, I realized that's not my problem with it. It makes perfect sense that they wouldn't be ready to snuggle and kiss again yet. Most of my issues stem from the points addressed above, that Callum treated her so coldly instead of telling her how he felt and that Rayla expected to resume their romance without an apology or explanation (and dang, it was painful to watch him reject her, like a knife in my heart). A lot of their interactions were just... weird, as Soren put it. She sweetly tells him he was the best thing that ever happened to her (while he sleeps), then just... leaves and doesn't show up again until that night. Why? Where'd she go? What was she doing? She didn't think it might traumatize him to leave again while he slept, right after she came back? Lucky for her it didn't... which is even more weird. Callum doesn't even acknowledge Rayla's absence, or that she ever came back at all, upon waking up. She could've left for good again. That could've been the last time he ever saw her, and he's completely unfazed. Again... so, so weird coming from the lovelorn boy in 4x01. But one thing I just can't accept, that future seasons can't smooth out, was that when push came to shove, Callum let her go. Rayla sees Viren. Her worst fear, that impossible fear that drove her to abandon Callum for two years in the first place, is realized. Viren is alive, and this time, Callum knows it too. It makes sense to me that she'd go after him... this is her chance to complete her mission, to protect Callum once and for all. What doesn't make since, what I seriously doubt ever will, is that Callum lets her. This time, he knows she's right. He saw Viren with his own eyes! She's not chasing after a ghost, but a very real and very much alive dark mage who she nearly died fighting before. Yes, I think he was right to give her his blessing to fulfill her mission, but not in letting her go alone. Without him. He just got her back after two years! Two years of not knowing if she was dead or alive! Two years of misery and pining and feeling like his heart had been torn from his chest, and he just lets her do it again! This was his chance to prove to her that she was wrong, that they're stronger together, that they always have been. That she can't keep leaving him and breaking his heart, even if she thinks it's what's best for him. Particularly when there's a very good chance she could die. Callum has always called her out on her self-sacrificing tendencies in the past, but this time, when it matters most, nope. He lets her go without any argument. And then, he breaks down and sobs over her blade, believing she died in her efforts. Which was very sweet of course, and a much-need reassurance of the depths of his devotion to her, but honey??? You let her go, you let her run off alone to what would've been an impossible battle. What did you expect? I fear that had Rayla not gotten the coins, she would've continued chasing Viren and company instead of returning to the group, making it all for nothing. She's right back where she started.

There you have it. Most if not all of my salt over Rayllum in season 4. Thankfully, the season ended with Rayla wrapped in Callum's arms again, and the implication that he's ready to talk to her. But as much as I ravenously desire them to get back to the sweet, romantic, pitifully-in-love couple they were before, I need them to TALK. I need it to happen ON-SCREEN. I need Callum to vent all that heartache and betrayal, and I need Rayla to apologize, really apologize, and assure him that whatever they have to face in the future, they will face it together. I don't want Callum to forgive her while she thinks there's nothing to forgive, I don't want him trapped in an endless loop of abandonment and heartbreak, and I don't want Rayla left pining after the love of the man she's so hopelessly devoted to while he lets unspoken emotions continue to fester.

Let Callum voice his hurt. Let Rayla own up to her mistakes. Let them talk. Let them work through all the pain between them. Let them save each other's hearts and grow back into the precious love they've found. Please do my Rayllum right again.

#and give rayla a proper arc #oh and if they go with 'we're better as friends' and stick with it I'm quitting the show #because they ARE friends #they’re best friends who are in love #and the love they have doesn’t just go away #the dragon prince #the dragon prince: mystery of aaravos #tdp season 4 #tdp critical #callum #rayla #rayllum #callum x rayla #fandom salt #mando ramblo

[willgrahamsbecoming]

why chilton?

AAALRIGHT im going to assume you're coming from my confession thing (chilton is the most reasonable character) so i'll answer that first.

(coming back up here after writing a bit, this is long and spoiler-y so i'm adding a read more. @ vic youre already up to season 3 just wait ok)

also a disclaimer: i'm writing all of this from memory while freezing in the wind at the bus stop. errors may follow

chilton may be a dumbass when it comes to his own actions BUT everyone is tbh so thats kinda just the baseline

however! he was one of the only people to believe will. he saw the evidence (albeit the little of it there was, since hannibal left very little) that pointed to hannibal, and he was able to put aside his positive associations and think critically about it

jack and alana both let their personal connection to hannibal cloud their judgement until it was too late. which is understandable! i love both of them as well. but out of those three people we see regularly interacting with hannibal personally, having dinner as friends (or more!), frederick is the only one who was willing to consider that hannibal was the ripper

of course beverly did as well, but she wasnt close with hannibal, and breaking into his house without telling anyone where she was going unfortunately docks some reasonable points. sorry bev </3

(and bedelia. but she didnt really try to do much about it except send smoke signals in the form of wine and truffles. i can understand that though. go get your europe holiday girl)

he was also the only one to see hannibal and will's fucked up relationship in season 3 ("with those two [disembowelling] is tantamount to flirtation" in aperitivo).

and now for more general 'why he's my favourite' stuff!

i really love his character arc - it's almost circular, and hes still recognisable as the frederick chilton we meet in entrée by the time the number of the beast is 666 rolls around, but he's taken his experiences in and grown as a person, imo. still confident, still egotistical, but still Changed.

and the fact that he's still the same by the end is really meaningful! because we all know that this man is a human punching bag - he went through so much over the course of the show, but he got back up every time. he's an incredibly strong person for that (and probably a little - or very - stubborn!), and it's very admirable. he held his head up and he faced abel gideon after he vivisected him (he stood right in front of him! the man who had broken out of restraints more than once!), he sat and ate with hannibal (more than once, we can assume) after he'd attacked him in his home and left three mutilated corpses for him and left him pretty much for dead

(im sure jack wouldve shot him if he hadnt surrendered and been someone familiar, and he wouldve likely been tried and if found guilty, executed much like hannibal should have been without frederick and alana saving his ass)

of course, this insistence on standing his ground led to his unfortunate fate in s3e12, but it's not his fault he didnt forsee a third attempt on his life. his strength is admirable nonetheless

i'd dock reasonable points for 'trusting will graham' but everyone did. that's another baseline. (aside from bedelia, i suppose. but her first impression of him was hannibal's pathetic little rambles in hannibal-mandated therapy)

also he's a funny little guy and has some of the best lines in the show. and he's played by raúl esparza who did so INCREDIBLY like holy shit

okay i think im out of stuff to say and i'm nearly at my stop thanks 4 reading

#I SPENT LIKE NEARLY HALF AN HOUR ON THIS DJAKDKAKD #hannibal #nbc hannibal #willgrahamsbecoming #frederick chilton #raúl esparza #hannibal analysis

[macabremoons]

Project Daycycle:

♡ "I'm too grown for your tricks; I know this isn't love." ♡

General info

Standalone or Series: series

Progress: drafting book 1/4

Tropes/Ao3-esque Tags: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, family of choice, team as family, morally grey characters, redemption arcs

Book one

Working title: First Rises the Night

Main character name: Menodora

Summary:

Hundreds of years ago the creatures of mythos struck a deal with mysterious elemental beings to even the score with humans. In the wake of that agreement is an earth especially tailored for the creatures of mythos, humanity not being able to use their magic, and an empire ruled by the iron fist of the elementals. Both creatures and humans cling to the prophecy that a great chosen one wielding the element of  light would fight to free everyone from the empire's grip. However, a chosen one of darkness was also foretold to oppose them.

In the present day, Menodora is still struggling after realizing that despite being human and having the ability of light, she is not the chosen one. On her journeys far from the place she once called home, she's recruited by the werewolf general, Thais, on a plan that might be crazy enough to actually overthrow the empire.  Will she be strong enough to help with their movement, or will ties from her past hold her down?

Quotes:

Author Notes

Why "Daycycle?"

The working titles are all themed around times of day. This is inspired by the eternal daytimes in certain areas of the world!

Will you publish it?

Don't know! Most likely yes.

Romance or Found Family focused?

So far it's found family. When I say slowburn for the romance, I mean it. It's so slow my writer friends are trying to convince me to speed it up a bit for my own sanity. This story is very character focused, so it's important to me that the romance takes its sweet time. That being said, found family for the win baaabyyyy

Where can I see what you've posted so far?

I try to put all my writing snippets (and finished works but they have a separate tag) under #my writing, though rambles and writings can be found under the #project daycycle tag.

All the character tags are #p. d: (character name) and there's the tag p. d: main cast when referring to the group at large.

Can I be on your taglist?

This question is highly presumptuous, but yes hypothetical stranger, you can! Just ask in the replies or tags.

#wip intro #project daycycle #p. d: menodora #p. d: bonnie #p. d: apollo #p. d: emilio #p. d: benjamin #p. d: main cast

[lanternzz]

rambling about various bsd characters and things every day for a month :: 4/31 :: sskk

🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡

Just to preface!! I'm not explicitly talking ab sskk as in a shipping sense, just looking at their interactions, dynamic, etc.

So I think it's been said to death but their character designs (esp the color scheme) make the two of them look a lot like the ying yang symbol. Akutagawa wears black with little hints of white, and Atsushi wears white with little hints of black. Light in darkness, darkness in light.

Just to expand upon the first bit, by "light in darkness" I'm referring to the moments of sympathy or humanity seen in Akutagawa (ex. caring for Gin, leaving Atsushi be in that episode after he found out the orphanage director died, etc.).

And in Atsushi's case, I'm referring to the fact that despite everything he and aku have been through together, he still dislikes him on a certain level, and is genuinely an asshole about it sometimes.

That brings me to my next point: why I don't see sskk being canon. For one, as I've already pointed out, they still dislike each other, and I don't see it changing.

Fundamentally, that stems from the fact that they both think of the other as selfish or naive. From Atsushi's standpoint, we can clearly see that he views Akutagawa negatively, as stated in the guild arc for example, he thinks that all the people that were killed by aku's hand were unnecessary.

The same holds true on Akutagawa's part too, he's bitter towards Atsushi because he's had Dazai's approval just... handed to him, unlike himself, and yet Atsushi never properly recognizes that.

Regardless of the prior statements, however, they do understand each other on some level. They still fight together, though most times it's because of orders or other such ulterior reasoning, they have developed trust in each other. This is clearly illustrated, once again in the guild arc, and when they storm the rat's hideout.

Uhh yeah TL:DR: they're a cool dynamic i love them and they should make out <3

i'll probably talk ab chuuya tomorrow :33

#bsd #bsd analysis #bungo stray dogs #character analysis #sskk #citrine rambles

[downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le]

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Meeting

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Meeting Word Count: 1380 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement Warnings: none Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is one of the six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer: your meeting.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Spencer Reid was performing some of his physics magic for his colleagues when he first saw you.

He'd just mixed up the some water with an antacid tablet and placed within a film canister. He'd done it a hundred times on his own, but he'd only just joined the BAU two months ago, and JJ and Derek hadn't seen it before so he just had to do it. Quickly placing the lid on, he said, 'You can turn around now.'

'I don't understand why we had to in the first place,' Derek said as he grumpily turned around.

'A magician never tells his secrets,' Spencer said, rubbing his hands gleefully. To him, showing off his intellect never got boring. 

Well, show off wasn't the proper term. He understood that he could be a lot for some people, knowing so much for a man in his early twenties that looked barely old enough to be out of school, let alone with three Bachelors and PHDs under his belt already. Spouting little known facts or remembering minute details about cases that went back thirty to forty years was just his way of expressing himself. It was his way of contributing to the team. And while his team was getting used to his ramblings and intellect, even demonstrated admiration for it, others would call him a freak.

'If you ask me,' JJ said, 'I wouldn't want to know how he does some things.'

'Fair,' Derek replied, all their eyes on the film canister.

Spencer watched it in anticipation, how the bubbles slipped out between the lid and the canister slowly at first, then started bubbling faster and bigger and-

POP!

The canister rocketed up towards the roof, and all three of them watched with wide eyes as it arced over the bullpen and then down to meet the-

'Ow!'

Spencer ducked into his chair as he watched a young lady in a loose button up shirt, dress pants and boots pat her head. He heard JJ and Derek scurry away, but Spencer remained staring at the woman. Who is she? he thought, his eyes scanning over her.

Your (h/c) hair caught the sunlight, giving it a glow that had Spencer mesmerised. Your (s/c) skin shone with it, making your (e/c) eyes stand out most beautifully. And when you stood back up and made eye contact with him, canister in hand, he found himself frozen, unable to avoid the conclusion that he was the culprit.

'What is this, Reid?' Hotch said, walking up to his desk not looking the least bit impressed. 'Actually, don't answer that. Just don't do it again.'

'Sorry,' Spencer murmured out, a guilty smile stretching his lips slightly.

Hotch blew out a sigh. 'Never mind that now. I would like to introduce you to our new team member. Agent (Y/n) (L/n), a transfer from LA.'

Spencer finally realised that you had walked up with Hotch, and now that you were so close (literally standing a desk apart from one another), he was lost for words at how bright your smile was, and how beautiful you looked that way. 

'So you're the one that thought my head was a good landing place for your little... rocket,' you said offering the film canister back, laughter dancing in your words. 

It took Spencer a moment for him to realise you wanted him to take the canister back, so he scrambled to his feet, fingers fumbling for the canister. 'No, I-I was just showing how a-an antacid reacts with water, and how, put into a small, confined place, that can cause a chemical, gas-like reaction and cause it to exploded.'

'And launch it like a rocket?' you asked.

He paused as he watched your smile slip a little. Oh no. He'd done it again - made someone feel dumber than him. And while technically that was true, he never meant to make anyone feel like that. 

'Y-Yeah?' he answered, awkwardness rising up in his throat, freezing his limbs, his brain.

But then suddenly your smile returned, melting his fear and doubt as you said, 'Cool! I've always loved chemistry. I actually did a Bachelor of Science with a major in archaeological science and a minor in chemistry before I started my BA in Criminology.'

'And now you're here,' he said, a soft smile of his own tugging at his lips. 

You nodded, looking around what would now be your new home. 'And now I'm here.'

'Fascinating,' Spencer breathed out. He didn't mean to, but it made you smile more so he didn't mind. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't introduced himself. He struck out his arm, rigid as a board, and offered his hand. 'Sorry, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'Pleasure to meet you, doctor,' you said, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. You skin was as soft as it looked, Spencer noted. 'I very much look forward to working with you and the rest of the team as we go forward.'

'We've got a briefing in five minutes, Reid,' Hotch interrupted, moving to step away from the conversation. 'I'll introduce you to the rest of the team then, (L/n). And if I find you firing another film canister through the sky, Reid-'

'Yes, yes, sorry, no more rockets. Airspace Reid is officially grounded,' Spencer quickly replied, not wanting to get lectured like a twelve-year-old like he usually did.

Your tinkling laughter drew his attention back to you, and he was baffled by the wonderment dancing in your eyes as you looked at him. 'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'T-Thanks?' he replied, although he wasn't quite sure if you were making fun of him or not. Most people did if they didn't straight up tell him he was annoying.

Hotch walked away, but you remained for a moment, leaning in close to whisper, 'That's a good thing, by the way.'

'Oh. Right.' 

You flashed him one last smile before following your new unit chief, falling back into easy conversation with him as you gracefully floated through the chaotic goings of the office. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off you as you did, in awe of your grace and poise, and how you didn't even stumble when you spoke with him. You were genuine, upfront and honest. You couldn't be much older than himself, he noted, perhaps even younger. He was used to being the baby of the team, but it looked like that would be changing.

The prospect of being able to connect with someone his own age sent an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter through his heart.

'Oh, you've got it bad.'

Spencer spun in his chair to see JJ and Derek standing behind him once more, watching him with knowing grins. 

'What? What have I got?' he asked. 'I'm not sick... I don't think.'

JJ rolled her eyes and giggled as she walked away, Spencer just catching a quiet, 'This'll be fun,' as she did. But Derek walked closer, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, and that knowing grin stretched wider, more feline and cheeky. 

'Don't worry, pretty boy,' he said. 'You'll figure it out soon. You're smart, right?'

'Well, smart isn't really the quite term for someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187-'

'And pep talk is over,' Derek interrupted, abruptly walking away back to his desk and leaving Spencer in a disarray of emotions.

So he looked back to where you had gone, and found you speaking with Penelope, nodding enthusiastically to whatever she was talking to you about. But you weren't just being polite, you appeared genuinely interested in the conversation, even though Spencer noted you barely contributed to it. 

'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

All his life, Spencer had been told he was a genius - gifted, different. It had just become an effortless part of who he is. It was almost expected at this point to see weirded-out or overly-amazed expressions from people he didn't know. So why then, when you said that to him, did he feel happy about it?

He checked his watch. Almost briefing time. He got up from his seat and made his way to the briefing room where only a place beside you was available. Maybe he would find out soon enough.

#spencer x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagines #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #aaron hotch hotchner #david rossi #jason gideon #emily prentiss #angst #romance #slowburn #friends to more #friends to lovers

[nihoneshi]

Welcome to Aqua Rambles on about KFP

I just finished binging Kung Fu Panda 1-3 (not 4 yet) and man outside of a few secondhand embarrassment scenes, because there are a couple of them still for my brain, What I will say is this

god I do miss KFP fandom so so much but I also was REALLY young when I first found myself in that fandom, so like, It's only a matter of time before I found myself brainrotting the movies again and even shorter of time before I re-entered Fandom Space.

So let's get the obvious ones out of the way. God I love Tragedies and the whole prophecy that was laid out hundreds of years ago, I love how cohesive the Trilogy is (I think we all agree that KFP3 was the true end of the Series, since not even the VAs liked KFP4 and it was a glorified corporate cash grab, but don't worry, AUs exist (: )

Tai Lung and General Kai are definitely by far the two MAIN villains I vibe with the most given their situations (Tragedy Affliction & Bond Brother Give-Take disagreement) I do love Shen but my love for him is extremely nuanced on the fact he's a diabolical genocidal sociopath but he's also oddly fucking dramatic, theatrical and comedic of a villain DESPITE the 3 words I JUST called him.

But also the Wolf Boss.. God he's a bastard (affectionate) but EVERY TIME HE "INSULTS" PO HE JUST GOES OFF ON NON-THREATENING TERMS homie please stop being bisexual on the battlefield lmaO /pos.

The Will to write Tai Lung just like 13yo me wanted to has not changed outside of the fact that after a decade more of writing with extremely intricate and nuanced characters with complex tragedies and traumas, I feel like I could finally do justice with this Snow Leopard (especially with Redemption Arcs, because hee-ho I write Saren Arterius, you know. Mass Effect 1's big bad villain that is just as much as a tragedy as Tai Lung but unlike Tai Lung this idiot decided to try to get parasitical genocide machines to spare them and ended up getting indoctrinated against his will)

Now onto Main Cast. Just like kid me, Viper and Mantis were my two go-to idols for KFP1, my love for Crane's realism-centric attitude and Tigress' having second thoughts and a much more intricate wake-up call in KFP2 and on became so much more apparent, like, trust me I haven't watched any of the other animated content but you can tell like, these 6 have gotten so attached to one another (Monkey and Po, especially, literally best buds love that for them)

But the SHEER amount of times I have said this phrase "Viper, Please rephrase yourself" has been in the nearly every thing she has ever said she is so upfront and has misread the room every single damn time. and don't even GET ME Started on KFP2/3 Tigress, the sheer amount of character development she gets is insane

she goes from an asshole to deep down realizing that Po has fallen still due to mental turmoil SEVERAL times and isn't keeping Po down there with Ox and Croc because she doesn't want him getting in the way but BECAUSE She doesn't want him to get hurt like him freezing up both times has gotten him. And then further more watching Po teach everyone their own ways of Kung-Fu all the WHILE TIGRESS IS HOLDING ON TO A BABY PANDA THE WHOLE TIME, EVEN FIGHTING WITH THE KID. AND THEN SHE CARRIES THEM AROUND EVEN AT THE JADE PALACE AT THE END OF THE MOVIE.

And please I can't fucking believe it took Crane several MOVIES TO GET HIS FUCKING NECK FIXED AFTER WHAT TAI LUNG DID TO HIM, HOMIE HAD A CROOKED NECK FOR MONTHS. There were scenes in KFP2 and Early KFP3 where this man's neck was still partially FUCKED. Dude shrugs it off like it's nothing and then proceeds to heal his wing in merely a few damn days max.

The Theatrics, all of the animations, the voice work.. god damn I adore these three movies so so much. But there is one thing I was not expecting and honestly I should've seen it coming.

My eventual brainrot and emotional attachment to side characters and characters with very minimal screen time (I should've seen this with me Writing Volteer from The Legend of Spyro, Nihlus Kryik from Mass Effect 1, and many more)

Dude I LOVE Master Croc, I don't know why SPECIFICALLY him but like. I like how he looks so cocky wanted to kick Shen's shit in, even laughing to himself, how he's so so loyal to Ox after Rhino's (supposed death), like you KNOW these three were inseparable and it LOOKS like Rhino reunites with Master Ox and Master Croc at the end of KFP3 that's what I hope if it was even only for a couple of minutes following what was probably Rhino heading back to the Spirit Realm.

I really love Master Croc, it is not even funny he's such a character, a silly, perhaps.

but now my rambles go to something else, since it takes place in the era that it does.. and like.. my hoard of Dragon OCs and Dragon Characters (literally all the guys on this blog ARE dragons!~ ) Like.. what would be the general consensus of a Dragon popping up in universe? Since back then they're still hailed as deities (Like the Dragon Kings, and all the dragon deities in both Chinese and Japanese mythology)

I am so so curious. But maybe I should add more to my rambles later when I am not so tired but god I have ideas and WILL enact on them.

A tiny edit: I 100% support kaiway due to the context I now have from watching KFP3, homie you have spent all the time in the world holding up Oogway's Chi charm like you want him to see everything like, they def. had something going on pre-banishment

#out of paint: ooc #Kung Fu Panda #KFP #KFP2 #KFP3

[sparrowrising]

Wanna follow along with killing one of my darlings? Here's what I wrote to reason it through:

Alright, i'm gonna use you all as a sounding board for a bit as I figure out a writing thingy. I randomly got the idea of merging two characters and need to reason it through.

So. I'm on chapter 7 out of ca 22 in draft 1 of my first attempt at a novel. It's a murder mystery, found family, post-cyberpunk with fantasy elements thing. I've done quite a bit of outlining that is, of course, changing while I draft.

Just a quick note before we get started, I'm not gonna use real names here, because ... I dunno. Doesn't feel right. It might make it less readable, and I'm sorry for that, but this is mostly just my own rambling anyway;)

I have a rather large cast of characters:

4 POV primary characters: R, L, T & J,

2 non-POV primary characters

2 non-POV secondary characters (and then a bunch of other characters, of course).

I feel like the 4 POV characters make sense and fill different niches:

1) R is new to the world, the first one introduced, carries the main conflict and the one I expect the reader to bond with the most.

J and L are the estranged children of the murder victim.

2) L is the normal guy and an insider to the InvestigatingGroup (IG) R joins. He also carries the romantic subplot with someone from PossibleSuspectGroup1.

3) J is a throw-off of the society I created and provides a very different view on the world we entered. He is not a part of the IG, but joins PossibleSuspectGroup2.

4) T is the wild card PI, working an unrelated case in PossibleSuspectGroup3 that gets entangled into the whole mess. She knows both L's and J's sides of the world, though she is not officially part of the IG.

I feel like these work. They provide different views on the problem, and I've crafted it so they all get involved in the murder case. If we take them as a given, we are left with the other two main characters: D and N.

5) N is R's mirror. He has a similar backroud, but a different approach to joining the IG.

6) D is the IG's leader. He is the rock in the storm of moving pieces that are the other characters.

And lastly a secondary character worth mentioning here is A.

7) A used to be part of the IG but is now straddling the line between the IG and PossibleSuspectGroup1.

So.

D is obviously the weakest link, right? The idea I had was: Why not just change T from being a PI to being the IG leader?

Pros:

Less characters and thus maybe tighter plotlines

The IG group would start out as a lot more dysfunctional and would have to grow more

It would give T's character an interesting arc as she might need to learn she is the wrong person to be the group leader and give it over to someone else at the end. Her plotline atm (that I think works well) would definitely make her a bad leader. But if L (and N) are picking up the slack the IG might still manage to stumble along without D holding it together.

Cons:

L would probably need to shoulder a lot of the "rock in a storm" kind of energy D has currently got going.

A's plotline would probably grow as she might get sucked in to fill D's hole (get your mind out of the gutter, we're talking plot here). Especially if the IG would slowly grow more functional, she might want to join again. It also makes more sense that she would leave the group if the leadership is as bad as it seems atm.

...

'Kay, so the cons are not really cons are they?

...

Dammit. I liked D.

...

Sigh. I gotta go back and replot my outline. (<- I'm actually not that bummed out about this, I love catching things like this at this early stage instead if later;) )

#writeblr #writing #original writing #novel writing #no idea what i'm doing #or maybe some but not much #kill your darlings

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

Gilly & the baby were one of Jon's desires in that 8x04 scene...and Gilly was Sansa

So, I was rewatching this scene that I always talk about:

How Jon is saying goodbye to his former arcs (Night's Watch, what happened at Craster's Keep, the Wildlings) and also to himself (who he was in each of these arcs as well as his Stark side through Ghost).

As I watching this scene I noticed a couple of things that I hadn't before:

1) Gilly's hairstyle. Tbf, it's a Northern hairstyle that she has had since arriving in Winterfell I believe. And her hair has been pulled back like this previously. But the particular braiding up top caught my eye:

2) The fact that Jon is interacting with Gilly so warmly. I know Jon has interacted with her before and she's obviously with his best friend, but the absolute warmth he shows her felt a bit off to me since we've never seen them be close before like that. Then there's his discovery of her baby bump and then Gilly's telling him that if it's a boy, they want to name him Jon. But if you look at this reaction here that Jon has at first, this little private moment between him and Gilly, it reads differently if Sam wasn't in the shot (and if we didn't already know it was Sam's baby):

That's almost a reaction between a couple to me, where he's just found out about the baby for the first time. It's only when he turns to see Sam's expression that he grins and then steps back, putting the appropriate amount of space between he and Gilly.

3) Gilly's reaction to Sam's rambling. Sam starts to talk about how there's only so many books to read when Gilly cuts across him and says "I'm sure he knows how it happens, Sam." And it reminded me of this moment:

(and I don't think it's a coincidence that they have Edmure looking to see Sam's reaction either - I know it's related to Sam proposing the democracy idea and becoming Grand Maester, but it's very ironic to me that Sansa is the one to tell Edmure to take a seat here & then we see Edmure looking right at Sam after seeing everyone else bored/amused by his nominating himself for King)

4) Gilly telling Jon that if it's a boy they want to name him Jon. This was definitely a choice the show made (especially considering she has Little Sam, just saying). This scene is all about Jon saying goodbye to himself, seeing everything in himself that he is giving up including his desires (more on that below). So for Gilly to tell him this and not Sam (though Sam was chosen to tell Jon who he really is in 8x01), they're purposely telling the audience that this is something that affects Jon greatly. It's something he's effectively giving up by going South (and continuing to honor his commitment to Dany), and sure enough we see his reaction to this news:

It cuts deep into him and then he says "I hope it's a girl." Not only does he feel like he doesn't deserve this honoring of him, but also he is saying goodbye to everything, including this particular desire of his. He has officially put the Stark side of him (including all of his dreams and desires and past arcs) in a box on a shelf, marked 'never to open again'. At this point, Jon knows he most likely won't be back North, never mind to Winterfell or to Castle Black. Which brings me to #5.

5) There was no goodbye scene with Sansa, Arya, or Bran. Seems a bit weird, right? Given that Jon is saying goodbye to everyone else. We not only never got to see the Starks' reactions to Jon's parentage reveal that Bran tells them, but we also don't see them saying goodbye, good luck, good riddance, or peace out in any way, shape, or form. By the end of this episode, we know Arya is riding to KL with Sandor to kill Cersei. Not sure if Jon knew that, but Arya also had stated that she wouldn't be back North or to Winterfell. And Arya has been a sort of stand-in for Jon during his absence before returning with Dany (and even a little bit after they arrived, too). And given Sansa's conversation with Tyrion, even Tyrion confirms that Jon won't really be back, or at the very least not spending much time in Winterfell. So all in all, it's odd that there was no goodbye scene (before we got 8x05 and 8x06, I mean). Though we see Jon leave through the same gate that he did in 7x02 (but this time Sansa isn't watching and Jon doesn't look back), Sansa has her back to said gate when speaking with Tyrion, that the Unsullied end up marching out of during this scene.

6) Jon's desire. We know that Jon has desired 3 things: 1) to be a Stark, 2) to have a lady wife, and 3) a family. In this goodbye scene of his, he's letting go of all three. (so to me, it's no surprise that Tyrion repeats that line to Jon in 8x06: "You shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children." - while these are the vows men of the Night's Watch take, it's ironic to me that they have Tyrion feel the need to remind Jon of them in this moment) And how it's confirmed that Jon is letting go of these desires are these lines with Tormund in the same scene:

Tormund: "It isn't home. We need room to wander. I'll take them back through Castle Black as soon as the winter storms pass. That's where we belong."

Jon: "That's where he belongs, too. A direwolf has no place in the South." (remember Sansa's line from this very episode of "Men in my family don't do well in the Capitol"? We already knew Ghost represented Jon but here it's absolutely confirmed in dialogue as well as the next lines from Tormund and Jon) "Will you take him with you? He'll be happier up there."

Tormund: "So would you."

Jon: "I wish I was going with you. This is farewell then."

Jon is not happy. Jon is giving up his freedom, his Stark side (Ghost), and the Free Folk in this one conversation. So it makes sense that he says goodbye to the wife and child/family dreams/desires in the next conversation he has. Especially given Sam's expression when Jon says "I hope it's a girl":

Gilly and the baby were literally representing that dream for him, one he had to give up and say goodbye to, long before he was forced to make the decision that he does in 8x06.

And I think it's extremely ironic that they chose to do this with Gilly (who is a wildling who in this moment has adapted to live with Sam in the North), who is basically Sam's wife, and their unborn child. The Tarlys were executed by Dany ("father and son"), who Sam immediately saw through after hearing about what happened and how Dany delivered the news to him, and yet there is new hope in the promise of a family for Sam (with Little Sam as well who they purposely kept out of this scene) and the continuation of his family line. What Sam has in this moment is exactly what Jon wants but knows he cannot have.

Which makes it even more interesting that they made her look somewhat similar to Sansa. The Sansa Jon left behind at Winterfell in 7x02:

(just a sidenote: he didn't want to leave in 7x02 and he didn't want to leave in 8x04, but this time he had to give up everything he was, not just a crown; he was risking his life to go to Dragonstone but here his life is in the most danger it's ever been & he knows that)

And let's not forget how the hug with Gilly looked (and how Kit played it):

Does this particular framing remind you of anything?

And Jon's two contrasted exits:

(notice how Jon canters out of the gate but looks back before he does; he doesn't want to leave but he's on a mission; then notice the wolf howling in the background, the snow; no coincidence that Jon was in the crypt staring at Ned's statue before Littlefinger approached him & before this scene of Jon leaving)

(notice how Jon is not cantering away nor do we see him say goodbye to the crypt, whether that be Lyanna or Ned, only Ghost is present from the other scene as well as Davos; it's not snowing since there's no more threat other than Dany which means Jon isn't on a mission like he was in 7x02; Jon really didn't want to go)

Gilly wasn't Dany or Ygritte. Gilly was Sansa.

It's all connected.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #jonsa meta #got #game of thrones #jonsaposts #metaposts #gotposts

[chopper-base]

Master List

Jacket Commision Design List!!

(About time I made one😅)

I don't have a whole lot of fics but thought I'd make it easier to find the ones I do have!

Most of these can also be found on my AO3!

The Bad Batch:

Rambling

Time Gone By

Flower Crowns

Not All Dominos Fall

Sinking Feelings

Good Brothers Disobey Orders

Plan 99

Chpt1 | Chpt2

Dead Among the Living

Chpt1

TBB Reverse!AU

Chpt1

501st

ARCs at a Cost

Honor the Fallen

Death to the Chancellor

212th

In the Vents

OC Fic Snippets

Whispers

Backstory for Wave

Safe Space

The First To Go

Clones as Things My Friends Have Said

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16