#I actually create him for playing with my friends

[khjcs]

group: ateez

pairing: idol!hongjoong x fem!reader

genre: angst, smut, oneshot

trope: lovers to strangers ? to lovers again *head scratch*

rating: 18+ MDNI <<< don’t make me block

word count: 6.3k

warning: angst, mild cussing, mention of death (no one dies or plans on it), argumentS (yes, plural), mention of cheating, pregnancy on two occasions (not reader), mention of an abusive partner (neither mc), if i missed any, please lmk

synopsis: an argument between you and your significant other leads you to ponder on whether the man you’re with is actually the one indicated for you.

song playlist recommendation: “west coast” “young and beautiful” “video games” “say yes to heaven” all by Lana Del Rey

a/n: i know for pairing i put “idol” hj but it’s only alluded that he is. there is no actual scene in which it shows he is an idol, just small mentions of it. don’t get your hopes up if that’s what you were looking for. also, this is, in NO WAY a depiction of the artist. think of this more of an au than a fanfic if it helps. i really hope you enjoy:)

special thanks to: @luvt0kki for proof reading🙂‍↕️🫶🏼 oh and my sister for putting me in such angsty mood (by playing lana del rey in the car), bringing this piece to life. but she’s not on tumblr and let’s keep it that way. oh and the rain outside for pushing me to post this. i swear the mixture of rain, a good playlist, and a comfortable bed is such a good cocktail for writing.

navigation ・❥・ masterlist

Waking up in the arms of your lover on a lazy Sunday morning was on of the best feelings ever. You cuddled your face deeper into the crook of his neck, taking in his scent as the morning sun began seeping through the white curtains of your room. “That tickles,” he let out a chuckle. “I’ve got to take advantage of you allowing this skin-ship,” you retorted, both of you just smiling, allowing yourselves to be engulfed in each other’s embrace. “We have to get up,” you grumbled while pulling the covers off of your body, the cold rushing in quickly, creating goosebumps on your skin. “I don’t want to. Let’s just sleep in today,” Hongjoong whined as he got up. “You’re already out of bed. Tell you what, after we finish cleaning, we can have ourselves a small movie marathon, yeah?” “With cuddles?” His eyes sparkled. “With cuddles,” you laughed at his hypocrisy of “hating”skin-ship. It had became a habit of his to spend the weekend at your place. On Sundays, you two would clean your entire apartment together just before Hongjoong had to go back to the dorms for work. This week, however, you both had been busy and only had Saturday night and Sunday to yourselves, making the cleaning all the more dreadful.

“I say, we just do the laundry,” Hongjoong was still trying to negotiate with you. Missing your boyfriend’s presence, you were quick to give in, “okay fine.” Both dressed in comfortable clothes, you grabbed your load and the sheets, making your way to his car. On the way to the laundromat, he received a call that happened to appear on his car screen to which he declined. The all too familiar number kept calling. “Just pick up,” you rolled your eyes as you answered the call on his screen. A woman’s voice was heard, “Joong, I think I’m in trouble,” she cried through the phone. Hongjoong glanced your way and back to the road, “I’ll have to call you later, I’m a bit preoccupied right now.” Your mood had turned sour in an instant, you knew in a few seconds he’d be running to her rescue. “Love—“ “I know, you have to go to her,” you cut him off as he arrived at the laundromat. “I shouldn’t take long,” he got off to help you carry the load inside. “See you in a bit, okay? I love you.” You didn’t reply, you couldn’t. I mean, how could you? Your boyfriend of almost three years was still running behind his so called “best friend” when she needed him. “Love, please don’t be mad, it might be serious.” He tried soothing you, but you were too angry with him. “Serious? Hongjoong, I’ve seen you drop everything for that woman. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you practically ran out of your studio when she called. But Lord forbid I need you while you’re at work. I called you to hang out Friday afternoon and all I got was a sad excuse of how you’re stuck at work. And I get it, maybe you needed to get your creativity out onto a piece of paper and get it started. See, I kept thinking that to myself, making excuses for you. I thought you and I were in a relationship, not you and her.” You began walking off, trying to not cause an even bigger scene in public. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that. Please love,” he reached out for your hand. “Please what? You want me to be understanding of the situation? Because trust me, I have tried these past two, almost three years. Even before we started dating. I just can’t anymore,” you half whispered the last part. “What?” “I can’t anymore Hongjoong,” you spoke up this time, “I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be second to no one in your heart.” “But you’re not,” he held both your hands. “Oh but I am,” you pulled your hands away, busying them with the load that you were to wash. “Look, I have to go. We’ll talk about this at your place later.” “No. I’ll just finish cleaning on my own. Just go straight to the dorms afterwards. I’m not counting on you to come back.” You waited for him to fight for you in any way. You begged inside of you for him to understand you and stay. But of course, like a fool, you sat there waiting for your clothes to wash after seeing his car drive off. All of this ripping away the feeling you had not even 2 hours ago.

With a heavy heart, you finished cleaning the rest of your apartment. You had cried as you folded his clothes neatly, placing them in the drawer you had cleared out for him. Everyone had warned you about this. At the time, you were so naive, seeing him only through pink glasses, wanting so desperately to feel loved, which you did. He had made you feel so important when he worried about your wellbeing, sending you money so you could buy yourself whatever it was you needed. He had always checked up on you when you were sick, even calling days off to go and personally take care of you. All of this making you think that you were the one he loved, so it didn’t matter if every now and then he ran off to help his best friend, given their history. You couldn’t blame him for your obliviousness when he had been so honest with you from the start about their friendship. “She lived in my neighborhood so we would play a lot when we were younger but only gotten closer at age 14 when we started walking home from school together. She opened up to me a few years later when her parents were having a messy divorce. She really just needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was there to provide comfort. I see her more as a younger sister than anything, I promise you have nothing to worry about.” You laughed at yourself remembering his words seeing as he’s with her right now instead of with you.

You plopped yourself on your couch, in front of the television, eating a spoonful of ice cream to help with the sadness. The doorbell rang, making you jump. You reached out for your phone, wiping your tears away, to check the time. It was already past 8:00 pm, with no messages on your notifications; you certainly weren’t expecting anyone at this time. “Love, please open the door,” your heart clenched. You quietly rushed to turn off the TV, making your apartment pitch black. “Don’t pretend you’re not here, I saw the light of the TV turn off.” You curled yourself back into a ball on your couch. He had the pin to your apartment door, so why didn’t he just come in? If he really wanted to come inside to talk, he would have, but he never came in on his own. You waited until he left, which only sadden you even more. Only realizing now that he wasn’t fighting for you, for your love, or your relationship, making you conclude that he doesn’t love you the way he claims. The way you loved him. That if it came down to it, you were ready to lay your life for him, but was he willing to do the same? This only saddened you more. You reached out for your phone to call him, but the longer you stared at his contact, the more you thought about how he chose to leave instead of staying to talk things out.

You no longer had the energy to deal with this. Even if your heart ached, you knew you had to end it with him, for your sake. The thought making you feel stuffy; you planned for a late night run to help you muster up the courage to end the relationship. Making your way out of your apartment, you stumbled upon something, or more like someone. It was too dark to make out who it was. Afraid to take a step closer, you waved your hand in front of the motion censor light. With it illuminating right outside your door, you were finally able to see. Noticing a sleeping Hongjoong, your eyes soften as you reach out for him, “wake up.” You shook him, but he didn’t budge. “Hongjoong,” you shook him again abruptly, waking him up. “Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he stood up, unaware of his surroundings, that is until he saw you, “please, can we talk?” “Let’s just talk tomorrow,” you sighed. “Can you drive? Do you need me to call your manager? A taxi?” You pulled out your phone. “No,” he placed his hand over yours to stop you from calling whoever it was, “I just really want to talk. I want to fix this.” Hesitating a bit, you decided to let him into the apartment, figuring you should hear what he had to say. After all, he did wait outside for you when you thought he wasn’t willing to fight for your relationship.

You two settled down on the couch after you fetched him some water. “I really am sorry. I realize now how you must be feeling with all of this. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were second to her.” “Then why do you still go running after her? Why do you prioritize her so much? Her parents’ shitty ass divorce happened years ago. She doesn’t need to be coddled anymore! She has a boyfriend for fucks sake, why does she have to go out looking for you?” You got up the couch. “Love, it’s not that simple! I wish I could explain it all to you, but that would be an invasion of her privacy!” “Bullshit Hongjoong! This is all complete and utter bull shit! Why are you so fixated on her and her needs? What about mine? What about when I need my boyfriend here? To come coddle me?” “Really? When have you ever needed coddling? Every time you feel down, you push me away! You want to be independent so bad! Maybe you should be!” “What?” Afraid of where this was leading, your eyes began to tear up. “Maybe we should break up…” he looked down at the floor. “No! You don’t get to break up with me over this! I do! I’ve put up with your bullshit friendship with that woman, so I get to do this! I am the one breaking up with you! I’m the one letting you go!” You abusively stabbed your chest with your index finger as your eyes let loose of the tears. Ironically, his phone began ringing. He took one quick glance at it before putting it back inside his pocket. “For fuck’s sake, just fucking go to her already! Run to her as you so desperately want to!” He just looked at you with a sad expression. “Just be honest with me,” you looked at him with pleading eyes, “do you love her?” You were honestly afraid of his answer. “I do, but—“ you cut him off after getting the answer you expected of him, but expecting it didn’t make you hurt any less. “Get out! Just fucking get out Hongjoong! I don’t ever want to see you again!” You threw the water bottle at him as he made his way out. He knew you like the back of his palm. He knew he fucked up and that no explanation, not that he could give you one, would help you two recover from this. So he did the only thing he could do that night: to disappear from your life as much as he could.

As much as it pained him, he found himself in his car driving off to his friend’s. You couldn’t possibly fathom what had happened that night, or why he had to urgently leave. But he had no one to blame except himself for always running away from you when his friend needed him. Hitting the steering wheel as he drove, angry at himself for letting the best thing he’s ever had go. “Fuck!” he screamed into the silence of his car, coming to a complete stop when he approached a red light. Resting his hands on the steering wheel, followed by his head. He couldn’t comprehend why his heart hurt so much that he wished to rip it out of his chest. The tears that flowed down his face a burning sensation. He wanted to give up completely in that moment. To just turn back time to where the two of you were still in the warmth of your bedsheets, wishing he hadn’t woken up. All this felt surreal, to go from being in his happy place with you to living a nightmare of having to steer clear from you. Even if he moved across the world, the distance wouldn’t be enough. He’d still want to run back into your arms and make everything alright. A car honked behind him as the light had turned green, he wiped his tears along with his runny nose before he proceeded to drive.

Stepping onto his friend’s doorstep, he knocked on the door. “Hey, you don’t look so good. Are you okay?” She reached out to cup his face but Hongjoong shooed her hand away. “I only came to tell you to not call me ever again. I’m done.” Hongjoong walked away. “Wait! I can’t raise this kid alone! Please Joong!” She hugged him from the back. “You can and you will. You’ll be fine. And stop calling me that, we’re not in a relationship for you to be calling me by my nickname.” He undid her grip from his waist and left her standing on her doorstep. Even though he wanted to run to you and tell you he completely cut his friend from his life, he knew he couldn’t. Nothing would make you take him back after he hurt you so badly. All he could do now was drive back to the dorms.

Meanwhile, you were a mess. It had only been a few minutes since he left but you could only assume he went rushing into her inviting arms. That he was happy while you were miserable on your bed. It was already past midnight when you felt a migraine creeping in, knowing you’d have to call in for work in a few hours, you decided to put on another movie. The migraine, however, won and made you fall asleep in the middle of the movie. The only thing that woke you up the next day was your coworker who had worriedly called your phone about 100 times, that being an exaggeration of your own. “Hey babes, are you okay? You didn’t come in today, did something happen? Did you and Hongjoong fight?” A stinging sensation arose in you as you heard his name. Your burning eyes couldn’t produce any more tears, as if you were dried out of your liquids. “Uh, no, I’m just feeling sick today. I should be feeling better by tomorrow,” you lied. “Okay, if I don’t hear from you soon, I’m coming over.” You let out a forceful chuckle, “okay,” and hung up the phone. Forgetting to close your curtains last night, the sun, brighter than most mornings, illuminated your room. You took this as a sign to get up and do something productive around your house. You sighed when you walked around remembering that you had just finished cleaning it yesterday, instead you went into your closet with a gym bag. You began packing every little thing Hongjoong had left behind in your apartment, down to his toothbrush. You decided it was time to take this step since you were serious about not seeing him again. It started off with you folding his clothes neatly into the bag, but as you came across the clothes you gifted him, you began just throwing the clothes in there. The room only became suffocating the longer you stayed in there to pack his belongings. Taking a break from it all, you went to the kitchen, preparing a small snack with water to replenish from your dehydration. You sat on the small dining table, that’s when you took notice of your picture frames displayed around your apartment. Most of them were pictures of you and your now ex. You just couldn’t get a break from all of this so you made it your mission to finish packing by today. After your very needed break, you grabbed all of your pictures, throwing them [carefully] in the bag. Only keeping your favorite one hidden in your closet, the pain of discarding it encouraging you to do so. What you initially thought would be one bag, quickly turned into four. This shocked you as you hadn’t noticed how deeply rooted he was in your life.

The ache in your heart only grew bigger when you saw the building to his dorms appearing bigger in your sight. You were too much of a coward to confront him at work, so you decided to drop off the bags at the dorms, knowing well he wouldn’t be there. As you stepped out of the elevator, his roommate emerged from their dorm, flashing you a big smile as he recognized you. “Hey Y/N,” the man you knew as Wooyoung waved to you. You forced a smile back with a wave. “Awe man, you just missed Hongjoong. He went to work really early this morning. Something about needing to write down lyrics for a tune he came up with last night.” He looked down to the bags you had placed by your feet, “is that for him?” “Uh, yes. Do you mind putting it inside?” You picked them up, walking closer to him. “Yeah, no problem,” he walked to you to help you carry the bags, taking all four from you. “I have to go now,” you smiled and turned around. “See you soon,” you stopped in your tracks his words catching you off-guard, “yeah, see you…” you couldn’t bring yourself to say ‘soon’ knowing fully well it was a lie. The taxi ride back home was all too quiet, but as it turns out, it was all you needed. You felt like you could breathe again now that you got some closure. What you didn’t know was that it wasn’t the closure you needed.

Once inside your apartment, you were determined to fill the void that he left behind. Now that you no longer needed the drawer, you contemplated whether to throw it out or to store it. Your heart not fully being able to take in the pain of you two being over, you decided that the latter was less painful. As you moved the furniture out to the living room, the doorbell rang. Cautiously, you made your way to the door, hoping it wasn’t him coming to grovel again. “Babes, open up. You haven’t answered your calls and I’m only growing worried for you. Talk to me, yeah?” Relieved to hear your friend’s voice through the door, you opened the door for her. Strangely, your emotions overcame you when you saw her and you fell to the floor, a crying mess. No longer being able to contain your sobs along with tears that appeared out of nowhere. “Oh sweetie,” your friend joined you on the floor, hugging your body, trying her best to provide you with comfort. She could tell something was really wrong with the way you have never showed any sign of “weakness” in front of her. “I fucking loved him so much, why am I the one who gets betrayed this way? Was I never good enough for him? Or was I just too blind to see he was never going to choose me over her?” “No sweetie, don’t blame yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over this. He is the blind one for choosing her countless of times when he had a treasure in front of him. Trust me babes, he’ll regret his decisions one day. It’ll come back to haunt him when he least expects it.” She helped your zombie-like state off the floor. “Have you ate?” She sat you down at your dinner table when you shook your head. “Let’s get some food in you, yeah?” She looked through your fridge, taking a few ingredients out to whip up something for you. You thanked the universe for sending you an angel like your friend. She had been there when you needed her the most, helping you recover from your heartbreak. You felt indebted with her for life. Jokingly, you told her you’d be her first-born’s god-mother. Funny how the universe works, the face on your friend’s face only shocking you, “how did you know?” She looked back to you. “What? What are you talking about?” Trying to understand what she meant, you looked at her. Only when your eyes fell on her hand that was on her lower stomach did you realize what she was trying to tell you. “I came here to tell you, but you took me by surprise with your situation. I didn’t want to make this about me.” Running to her, you went to hug her, crying once again, “I’m so happy for you.”

Time passed you by so fast. Suddenly you were attending the baby shower you had planned for your friend. As you walked through the venue, checking with the guests to make sure they were comfortable, making sure they didn’t need anything, your friends approached you. “Hey, you look good,” one of your friends mentioned. “Thank you. You do as well,” you complimented back with a smile. “Sorry to bring this up, but you are okay now, right?” Your other friend asked. You knew she was only concerned about you, but you couldn’t help but wish she hadn’t brought it up just as you felt like you were finally healing from the pain that Hongjoong left you with. “Yeah, I’m doing so much better now.” “I’m here whenever you’re ready,” their mutual guy friend added. He had been trying to get with you the moment your friends introduced him to you. You were thankful to your friends for trying to put you out there, frankly, you weren’t ready for that yet. You let out a playful laugh, “you’ll be the first to know when I’m ready,” you half meant it. You considered to give him a chance once you were ready to get back out there. He was a good guy with you, much different than him… He made sure to go at your pace. He wanted nothing more than for you to be comfortable around him. Leading to him often waiting for you to initiate any contact, but you never really did. You didn’t want to lead him on unless you were sure of your feelings. You managed to slip away from your friends and went to the bar that your celebrated friend insisted on having. Her excuse to you was that, “just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean the rest can’t. Just add it for them. For you. You never know, you just might need a drink or two.” She just so happened to be right. Your energy depleted, you felt the need to get a drink. Right as you received your drink, your heart dropped lower than the pit of your stomach as you caught a glimpse of a man who looked a little too much like him. In a discreetly manner, you followed him, only to be even more disheartened. It truly was him, and he was with her, except now she had a huge belly, had to be nearing birth. Leaving your heart a reopened wound. Out of all things you could have imagined, the idea of him cheating never crossed your mind until now. You gave him too much credit because even seeing them in front of you, looking at each other so fondly, you still couldn’t help but make excuses. Maybe he didn’t cheat. Maybe he only got with her after he lost you. There was no way that what he felt for you was never real. Except you have all the proof you needed right in front of you. With that, again, you felt a single teardrop fall onto your cheek. Still staring at them both, finally noticing when Hongjoong turned around to see you, making eye contact with you. He was the first to break it by walking away only after whispering something into the woman’s ear. You knew you were the one who told him you didn’t want to see him anymore, but you wanted an explanation of what you had just witnessed, so you followed.

It wasn’t that he tried fleeing away from you, willingly, at least. He only wanted to ensure he kept his promise of staying away from you, as per your request. He wanted to stay so bad, to go up to you and hold you again as he used to 9 moths ago, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew that his presence alone would only taunt you, more-so that he was accompanied by his friend. He mentally cursed himself as he made his way to the parking lot, beating himself up remembering your expression, he knew he had hurt you once again. He had told himself he wouldn’t contact you first, even if he was so close a couple of times. Only until you contacted him first would he talk to you. Not for petty reasons, nothing like that, but instead to allow you the space you needed. Even if it meant you would never contact him. A sudden thought popped up in his head. Without a second wasted, he went against all he promised himself and went running back inside the building. He needed to clear something up.

You had walked around the whole building before giving up when you couldn’t find him. You leaned on the hallway outside of the venue, catching your breath. The feeling you were feeling right now contradicting what you had previously told your friends. You clenched your chest, trying to keep your composure to go back into the party. You made your way back inside the venue, but your heart and legs had another idea, pulling you away from the venue. Speed walking towards the entrance of the building only stopping when you saw Hongjoong running inside. You both paused, locking your eyes with each other. Everything about that moment felt like a movie, down to the way that time seemed to slow down. You approached each other slowly, neither daring to break the silence, that is until you saw a tear rolling down his cheek. “Why are you here? I didn’t add you to the list of invitees.” You hadn’t meant to be harsh, but you only had one thing that you wanted to really say. Instead of beating around the bush, “congrats by the way. On the baby that is.” Hongjoong shook his head, “it’s not mine. That’s why I came back inside looking for you. To clear that up.” He walked closer to you, keeping his eyes on you attentively, making sure to not scare you away. “I figured that’s what you thought when you saw me. Your expression gave it away,” he stopped mere feet away from you. “I’m ready to tell you everything. The reason I kept going to her. Personal matters and all. No more keeping stuff from you. Of course, only if you’re willing to hear me. But not here, I don’t want to cause a scene at your friend’s party. And to answer your question, she was the one who invited me.” Hesitant at first, you saw the fondness in his eyes, which is why you followed him to his car, making your way to his dorm. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, instead you settled for staring out the window. “You do realize you left her at the party, right?” You rested your head on the window, still looking outside of it as it began raining. He sighed, “I’m sure she’ll find a way back home.” His response shocked you, making you sit up in your seat. “Don’t be too shocked,” an inaudible chuckle left his throat, “she’s really not my top priority.” He quickly glanced at you and your expression before driving into the parking garage.

Sitting on the couch across from you, he cleared his throat, forcing you to face him, “can I just start off by saying I’m sorry,” he looked dejected. “I truly have been miserable without you, I hope you believe me.” ”Even if I do believe you, that doesn’t change the fact that you ran after her countless of times while being with me.” “I know,” he sighed, bringing himself closer to the edge of the couch. “I know this isn’t much of a rational excuse, but you have to understand, in the moment I felt that I had to.” You let out an exasperated laugh, “you had to?” “Yes… her boyfriend was very abusive. The night you and I argued, she had called me crying because she had found out she was carrying his child. Not wanting her kid to meet the same fate as her, she decided to leave her house, to stop the cycle before it became more serious. But she was too afraid to take that step on her own. She needed a push, and a place to stay at in the meantime. I helped her pack all of her things that day and took her to one of her friend’s house. Both me and her friend encouraged her to report him to the police, though, they didn’t help much, we were able to put a restraining order on her boyfriend that same day.” “If you had settled everything that day, then why did she call you again at night?” You hadn’t noticed the tears that rolled down your face until Hongjoong sat next to you, wiping them away gently with his thumb. “She was afraid of the idea of raising a child alone. She had thought she wasn’t strong enough for that yet.” “So she called you to co-parent with her? Ha, I knew it,” you fidgeted with your fingers, looking away to hold back the rest of the tears that threatened to fall. “No—On the contrary, she wanted me to talk her out of giving up on her baby. She’s dating the friend that took her in. He’s a real good father figure already and the baby isn’t born yet. Y/N, please look at me…” it came off not as a demand, but a plea. He held your chin to make you face him. “Me and her are nothing more than friends, I mean it.” “What about when I asked you if you loved her? You told me you loved her…” Your voice now wavering. “Is that why you came with her today?” “I—“ he sighed, “I meant it. I do love her. But I’m not in love with her. I only came with her because I owed her an apology for ending my friendship with her the way I did that night.” A silence overcame you both momentarily, “I’m sorry,” your voice barely audible. “I feel like a fool for not trusting you.” “Don’t apologize. I know I didn’t help by keeping all those secrets when I shouldn’t have. I know now that there shouldn’t be any secrets between us…” he hadn’t used that word in so long, yet it felt right and wrong at the same time. He didn’t know if there was still an “us” to claim. To him, you wouldn’t accept him back, all he could hope for is for you to accept his apology.

You threw yourself at him, hugging him tightly at his words. You so badly wanted him back and the fact that he referred to you both as “us” was the perfect indication that he wanted the same. Or so you assumed. You took his face in your hands, looking into his eyes, searching within them the answer to your assumption. His soft gaze encouraged you to kiss him. He placed his hands on your shoulders stopping you right after you tried to deepen the kiss. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” Hongjoong pushed himself off of you. “Why? Why can’t you?” You looked for an answer in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you,” his head hung low. “You can’t hurt me any more than you did 9 months ago. You sat up on the couch. “I want you Hongjoong. No, I need you,” you stood up, slowly undoing the zipper on the dress you were wearing. “Please, not here. Not like this…” he rushed you two to his dorm before your dress could fall to the floor.

His room still being filled with pictures of you two, pictures that held beautiful memories. “You still have them” you held a picture frame of you two, one you had packed in the bag you returned to him. “Of course,” he approached you from behind, wrapping his hands around your waits, leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck to your now exposed shoulder. This brought tears to your eyes. He really does love you the way you loved and still love him. “You were the best thing that has happened to me.” You leaned your head to the side, giving him more access. Holding the back of his head with your right hand, closing your eyes, taking in the moment. Hongjoong helped you walk towards his bed, never detaching himself from you, not wanting you to slip from his grasp once again. Swiftly turning you around, he guided you to sit on the edge of the bed. Kneeling down before you, wiping away your tears that threatened to fall. “I need you to stop me if this isn’t what you want. Because this is what I want. I want a future with you. I want more than just forever with you. If we take this step, just know I’m not letting you go again. I will fight to the death for you.” You nodded, “this is what I want Joongie.” He quickly attached himself onto you, the kiss being very needy. With a hand to the back of your head, he urged you lie down on his bed. Treating you the entire time as if you were a fragile object. His left hand roaming down your side, reaching your panties, gently assisting you out of them. For each piece of clothing he took off from you, you helped him out of one of his too. Lying fully exposed on his bed, you waited as he grabbed a condom from his drawer. He slid the condom on, fixing himself back on top of you. “It’s not too late to back out love,” the latter word brining you such bliss, you pulled him into another kiss. “I wouldn’t back out for the world.” He nudged at your entrance, entering you painfully slow, allowing you to get used to the sudden stretch. You gasped when he was fully inside you. His movements were slow, causing a small sting on your heat. “Let me know if you feel even the slightest discomfort love.” He moved a bit faster, taking a few moments to kiss you ever so passionately. Never once detaching your hands from him, that is until you saw the sweat forming on his forehead. You helped him into a new position that allowed you to ride him. You planted your hands on his chest as you moved your hips up and down. The new position aiding him to be deeper in you, bringing you to loll your head back with your eyes closed, enjoying the feeling all too much. “My beautiful lady,” he reached out for one of your hands, bringing it closer to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss, “I love you.” At his confession, you slowed down, fluttering your eyes open as you brought yourself to face him again. “I love you Joongie,” you intertwined your fingers with his as you made your way down to kiss him. He let go of your hands only to fully embrace you, deepening the kiss once more. He reached for your hips to help you move against him, brining you both close to your high. You were the first to reach your orgasm, brining you almost to a complete stop. His hands, still on your hips, assisted your movements once again, allowing him to chase after his.

You laid next to him, both your chests heaving. Hongjoong went into the bathroom, coming back with a small wet cloth. He placed it at your heat, letting you warm up to it so he could wipe you clean. After cleaning himself up too, he lied down next to you, taking you into his embrace. You smiled at the man, overjoyed that you were in his arms again. “You should consider yourself lucky. You’re the only one I like to have skin-ship with.” The room was filled with your laughter. Happiness spread across both your faces now that you were back together. “I have something for you,” he left the room for a few seconds. “I made this thinking of you,” he settled down next to you again, giving you the usb in his hands. “Untitled (choose you)” was written on a piece of tape that was attached to it. He had composed a beautiful song describing how he felt for you. It was, if not, the best gift you had ever received. Well, a close second. The universe gifting him back to you was your first best gift.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez smut #ateez x reader #hongjoong #hongjoong smut #hongjoong fanfic #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x y/n #kpop smut #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #kim hongjoong #ateez angst #hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong angst #kpop angst

[perseruna]

Endiness made a beautiful long post with all his quotes on that topic that I think is very informative and worth looking at, so here’s a link to that. And with that already discussed, I thought I’d make a thread of all his changes that we are aware of, because when you look into them, you find that none of his “book accurate” changes are actually book accurate. 

His decision to make Geralt grunt and cut his lines.

HC: "All the grunts, I either added or I didn't say anything and just grunted instead. It was often up to the other actors to go, 'I think he's not gonna say anything now.'"

JB: "Henry likes to cut his lines, 'cause he's lazy. No, he literally just likes to cut them. He likes to do more up here [frames his face with his hands] and just with face and hmms and grunts. There's a lot of hmms, and so I often have to take a lot of his lines and turn it into a lot of my stuff so that the plot happens."

So, as everyone who has read the books knows that Geralt is and always has been a yapper. Gerakt often talks or thinks in monologues, and definitely not in short grunts.

Of course when the audience started making fun of Geralt for not being able to speak in full sentences Henry promptly went back on admitting the blame and instead said that the big bad writers were the ones who didn't give him lines, and now it was his life’s mission to fight for a book accurate Geralt who speaks. 

Roach’s death scene

After S2 came out, Lauren received a lot of backlash for Roach’s death scene, with multiple sources citing that she wanted the moment to be more “comedic” before the brave Henry Cavill stepped in and refused to participate in such horrible anti source material activities.

LH: "Henry was so unhappy with the line. Finally I said, 'You know what, you come up with something. I trust you, you know this material so well, you know the book so well, you don't even have to pitch it to me.' And he came back the next day with a beautiful speech that's at the end of 'Sword of Destiny' when Geralt is facing death.”

This is the line he ended up using:

“Enjoy your last walk across the meadow and through the mist. Be not afraid of her for she is your friend."

This was Lauren’s response AND the original line.

LH: “Here's what was scripted, in homage of the fact that a previous Roach had existed, and another one will exist soon. It's hardly a joke. Henry wanted a longer, more emotional moment, which I was more than happy to give him. Don't create drama where none exists.”

So in S2 Geralt ends up quoting a part of his monologue from ‘Sword of Destiny’ when he’s at his lowest after thinking that Yennefer had died at the battle of Sodden Hill, and he has nothing left to live for. Which to me doesn't work that well with Roach at all. That line was a response to Geralt thinking he's lost the love of his life, not his horse. In my opinion, the original line Lauren penned out is more heartfelt and actually more emotional and more book accurate as well.

The absolute removal of any Triss and Geralt “romance”

This one we don’t have that much information on in comparison to others. But there were multiple reports that at the beginning of S2 Triss and Geralt were supposed to have some kind of a romantic scene with each other which then was cut during production, and it was largely speculated that it was due to Henry Cavill. 

“Several months ago we reported on a sex scene happening between Geralt and Triss, sometime in the first half of Season 2. That didn’t happen, as we all saw, but here’s what we know about the original plan for that: Geralt and Triss are in a room together, they seem friendly at first. They are playing some kind of weird game. Whoever wins a round, gets to ask a question. We’re not privy to the exact flow of the conversation, but it eventually leads to both of them ending up in bed. We can only guess why this was cut, but perhaps it was thanks to Henry Cavill.”

Now, irrelevantly on your feelings on book Triss and Geralt you have to admit that that short-lived “romance” is indeed a part of the books and therefor book accurate. So the removal of it would go against Mr I’m fighting to make this show as much book accurate as possible. 

The removal of the Yen and Geralt sex scene in S2

"We just wanted to be very careful that it was true and real, and it didn't turn into something that we, as actors, didn't believe it should be," Cavill stated. When Yennefer and Geralt unite, they embrace, but it doesn't go further than that. He continued: "We wanted it to be emotional rather than sexual. It was really, really important, and we had to lean away from what was originally on the page." Initially, Geralt and Yennefer were written to have a more passionate night. Henry Cavill and Anya Chalotra went to "The Witcher" producers and explained why they thought a steamy evening was not the way to go. "These are people who believe one thing about the fate of another and then find out something else is true," Cavill said about Geralt believing Yennefer was dead. "That's not how they behave," the actor added. "How they behave is they just want to be with the person and emotionally recognize their existence again in that shared space.”

This one is a bit tricky because I am willing to get behind an actor who doesn't want to do a sex scene out of comfort reasons or whatnot, but Henry saying that "That's not how [Yennefer and Geralt] behave”, is quite absurd in my opinion. Because that is very much how Geralt and Yennefer behave, especially in the short stories and ToC. They are inherently a very sexual couple who come crashing in and out of each other’s lives while having very passionate sex. But I can understand wanting this scene to be more “emotional” (as if sex isn't emotional), so this one I am willing to give him a bit more leeway on. (But then again looking at the blinds saying that he refused any sex scenes because oh his “ideals” and was allegedly really nasty to Anya about it, well..)

Geralt being the perfect father figure to Ciri with no flaws and no struggles (which inevitably snowballed into the Yen Betrayal Arc)

This one I don’t see talked that much at all, and to me this one is his most detrimental one. 

@LHissrich: “In interviews, Henry explains how he felt strongly that Geralt NOT be bumbling, nor a struggling father figure. In fact, a lot of S2 is about how Geralt does come from a loving (albeit unconventional) family. Henry was passionate about this shift, and we discussed it a lot, and ultimately thought it was wonderful for his character development. But it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance.”

So I don’t know about you, but I love when characters have flaws and naturally progress be it for good or bad, some would say that that's what story telling is about, well that someone wouldn't be Henry Cavil. Geralt being a struggling father figure at first, someone who makes mistakes and learns from them and tries is very much a prominent theme in Blood of Elves and is actually very real, people make mistakes! Especially in huge shifts such as “becoming a father overnight’ but we didn't get that because Henry refused to play it that way. What we got is Geralt who already basically knows exactly how to parent, he always knows what to say, what pep talk to give and also doesn't hold any resentment and any negative feelings towards Vesemir at all. It's all one dimensional happy family here! Which goes against not only the books but what he preached about fighting tooth and nail to make the “forgotten” male characters three-dimensional as well because the horrible feminist Lauren only thinks about female characters. 

Lauren then goes on saying that “it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance” So, it is fair to speculate that Henry’s refusal to showcase Geralt having any flaws at all and act book accurate snowballed into The Controversial Yennefer Betrayal Arc. 

These are the ones that I can remember off the top off my head, so there might be more, there’s probably more that we aren’t even aware of. I think putting them all together showcase a very interesting picture. One of Henry Cavill never actually understanding who Geralt fundamentally is as a character, and of him not being a team player at all. I just hope that more and more people are aware of the insane PR his team did for him when it came to this show, and that more people are able to see through it. 

#anti henry cavill #the witcher #long post #i do believe that i have an interesting vintage point because ive been in this fandom since the show premiered so some people might not be #even aware of these things when ive lived them and have an archive of them in my head lmaoo #i don't like the formatting of asks when you reblog them so im making this a separate text post

[ro-is-struggling]

Dark Side of Me || Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The plan you and your friends had come up with to celebrate your 21st birthday was simple: go to as many bars as you could in one night and stay out of the hospital. You weren't a big fan of it, but everyone had done it and now it was your turn. However, things went off the rails quickly and you ended up being dragged to Heroes, a superhero-themed strip club. You thought it was a bad idea, until you met the cold, piercing blue eyes of the Winter Soldier and simply couldn't look away.

Or the one when reader gets her first lap dance

Warnings: stripper AU, stripper!bucky x innocent!reader, suggestive tones, lap dance (I tried really hard), no actual smut, alcohol consumption, reader giving in to peer pressure, fem reader

English is not my first language

Word count: 4400

Notes: I watched magic mike the other day and apparently I am now obsessed with stripper aus. The movies have a softer side that I wasn't expecting but I loved it and that's the vibe I'm trying to recreate here. If you want to understand some of the dance moves I'm trying to describe here you should watch the movie! I tried really hard with this one (describing dancing is waay harder than I thought so I hope it makes sense)

I’m open to writing more of these two, so let me know if you’d like that and don't hesitate to stop by my asks/messages if you have any ideas!

tagging: @asgards-princess-of-mischief

What had started out as a night of celebrating your 21st birthday quickly went off the rails and turned into something completely different. The plan was to get wasted —legally this time—, visit a couple of bars and get home before you ended up in the hospital. You weren't usually a party and alcohol lover —you just went to have a good time with your friends—, but you recognized that your 21st birthday was an important event that deserved to be celebrated. Besides, your friends had assured you that they would behave themselves and that things would not get out of control -well, not that much at least.

In hindsight, you should have figured that wouldn't happen. Although nothing could have prepared you for ending up at Heroes, a strip club your friends had apparently been to before. You tried to say no at first, but you were a little buzzed and you'd never been good at saying no to your friends anyway, so eventually you agreed. The place was exactly what you imagined and completely different at the same time, if that made sense. Dark, loud and warm, but much nicer than you expected. The dim lights gave it a very intimate feel, highlighting certain spaces with red or purple lights that made it look aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The music played loudly, trying to drown out some of the shouting of the women throwing bills onto the catwalk where the dancers performed their routines, but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle.

From the moment you settled at your table, a sort of strange sisterhood was generated between you and the groups of women seated in your proximity. Similar to bumping into a stranger in the bathroom at a party and reacting as if you were lifelong friends, you quickly engaged in casual conversation with the group of women at a bachelorette party to your right, and the one celebrating a divorce to your left. You complimented each other's outfits, shared a few drinks, and screamed with all your might in unison every time a dancer approached your side of the stage —or made quick eye contact with one of you. It created such a pleasant and fun atmosphere that for a moment you almost forgot where you were.

It stopped being nice and fun though when your friend came up with the idea of paying for a private dance and you had to face the force of a group of women pressuring you to accept. You had made the silly mistake of letting one of your friends know that you really thought the dancer who called himself the Winter Soldier was cute. You hadn't been able to take your eyes off him during his routine. And since that was the most interested you had ever been in any of the dancers, your friend thought it would be a good idea to treat you to a private dance.

“What am I supposed to do locked in a room with him?” You panicked as your friends dragged you to a more private area of the club to wait for your gift.

“I don't know, enjoy, I guess?” She laughed, practically pushing you into the arms of the man waiting to lead you to the Winter Soldier. You wanted to snap at her, but you kept silent, embarrassed by the stranger's presence. The last thing you needed was to make an even bigger fool of yourself by looking like an innocent, prudish fool.

But the problem was just that. You were a silly, innocent, prudish young woman that didn't have the slightest idea of what to do in a situation like that. You could feel the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears, drowning out the screaming and the bass of the music that was getting farther and farther away. Your stomach was turning with nerves as you sat waiting in the chair in the center of the room, just as the man had indicated before disappearing behind the door. Your hands rested awkwardly in your lap, your body immobile as you contemplated your options —perhaps if you remained completely still, he wouldn't be able to see you there, it was dark after all. 

You thought about running away from there. You were alone, the dancer had not yet appeared and the hallway was dark, you would probably be able to sneak out without even your friends noticing. You would send them a text later explaining everything, when you were out and away from their clutches so they couldn't drag you there again. But when you went to get up, you found that your legs didn't respond. Only this time it didn't feel like it was part of the nerves you were having at the thought of what was about to happen. 

You discovered then that a part of you, hidden behind a lot of shame and fear of the unknown, was curious. You wondered what it would feel like to be in a room alone with him, what it would feel like to have him touch you —even in the lightest, most subtle way—, to have him press his body against yours as he had done on stage with a lucky girl in the audience. You'd never experienced anything remotely similar to that, you'd barely shared make-out sessions with your ex-partner that weren't particularly memorable-not in the way the Winter Soldier's dance was for you. You had the movement of his hips burned into your memory, the image of his flexing muscles popping up every time you closed your eyes. You wanted more of him, even if you couldn't bring yourself to admit it. 

The sensual rhythm of the music that suddenly began to play brought you out of your thoughts. You looked up and there he was in all his glory. He was wearing a different outfit, a simple tank top and loose-fitting sweatpants. The tactical suit and mask that covered half his face in his routine had probably been left forgotten in some basket behind the stage, but you didn't mind. You could see more of him now, the real him, and you liked that. It felt more intimate, more genuine.

He could sense the nervousness in your voice when you told him your name. You had trouble maintaining eye contact with him, your eyes lingering for a full three seconds on his figure before returning to your hands. Your fingers fiddled with the hem of your flowy dress. It intrigued him. He had worked with flustered women before —it was more common than one might imagine—, but there was something about you that stood out. You looked so out of place there, with your innocent look and shaky breath. Everything about your body expression told him that you wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend you weren't there. Everything except a slight glint in your eyes that he almost missed as quickly as you looked away from him. It would be his challenge to get that side of you to come out. 

“That's a beautiful name,” he said in a soft voice. You smiled, but your eyes didn't search his, focusing instead on the red light shining on the wall behind him. So he leaned in front of you, settling down to your eye level so you couldn't escape. “I'm Bucky, by the way, and there's no reason to be nervous around me, princess.” 

Your face warmed at that affectionate nickname and a tingle spread through your body. It had been a while since the last time someone had called you that. You liked it, it made you feel special even if it came from a stranger's mouth.

“Why did you come here tonight? You don't seem like the type of woman that frequents these places.”

“I'm not! I'm here because my friends thought it'd be a good idea... a fun way of celebrating my 21st birthday.” 

“Oh well happy birthday then!” Bucky gave you a smile and you thought that was the best present you had received all day. “Are you having a good time?

“Yea-yeah, I am.” Your voice was soft, almost inaudible. Bucky got the impression that you were embarrassed to admit that out loud.

“Are you uncomfortable, y/n? Do you want to leave? Cause I can give you a full refund and let you go right now if that's what you want.”

“No!” you were quick to say, big eyes staring at him for the first time since he had introduced himself to you. “I'm just a bit... scared, I guess. I've never done anything like this before. Actually, I've never done anything for that matter.” 

You didn't know what prompted you to confess to Bucky —a complete stranger who danced and stripped for a living— your complete inexperience in sexual matters, but you couldn't turn back now. You supposed it was to be transparent, though there was no reason for such a thing. It wasn't like you were there to have sex, he was just going to dance on you for a bit and then you'd go back to your normal, boring life. 

“Well, then I have to let you know that you are in full control here.” Bucky spoke in a soft tone full of understanding. His cold, piercing blue eyes softened, showing a warmth that helped calm your nerves a bit. “I do have a routine, but if there's something that I do that you don't like you can just tell me and I'll stop, okay?” You nodded, biting your lip as you felt the tingle of anticipation running through your body. “Good! Are you ready?”

At your nod, Bucky got up from the floor to press play on the music. Suddenly, the silence was filled by a soft, sensual beat similar to others that had echoed through the club throughout the night. He approached you with a slow pace, his eyes never leaving your face, studying your expression. Then he took one of your hands in his and rested it on his chest, still covered by the thin fabric of his white muscle shirt. You couldn't help but notice how much bigger his hands were compared to yours. You could barely see your fingertips as he wrapped his hand around yours, trapping it against his chest. His calloused fingers didn't let go as he slowly guided your hand down, allowing you to caress his chest as he rubbed small circles over your skin. It was such an intimate touch for the situation you were in, that for a moment you forgot he was a stripper who did this for a living.

The air caught in your throat, your heart pounding against your chest as your hand traveled lower and lower. You could feel the firmness of his abs under your fingers and the heat emanating from his skin. It filled you with anticipation, with need. You wanted to feel more of him, more of his body and his touch. More of his warmth and the intoxicating scent of his cologne. But before your hand reached his waist, he pulled it away. Your eyes shot up to his face, waiting patiently for Bucky to give you instructions to proceed.

He removed his shirt and as soon as the fabric touched the floor, his hands were on yours again, trapping them against his chest. Bucky liked the way you let him guide you, closing your eyes as you enjoyed something as simple as the feel of his skin under your fingers. He was used to dealing with more... confident women. They knew what they wanted and weren't afraid to demand it. Their hands were always everywhere, touching his crotch without hesitation every chance they got. But you were different. You didn't know what you wanted —what you were missing— and you were willing to let him show you. He enjoyed the slower pace, it was a nice change that allowed him to try new things. So in a way, you were both experiencing something different there.

Your eyes suddenly widened as you felt the fabric of Bucky's sweatpants brush against your fingers. Your face heated up, embarrassment taking over your expression. But he didn't let your hand slip away, on the contrary, he pushed it a few inches lower and made you cling to the elastic of the pants. He gave you a cheeky smile before he started moving to the rhythm of the music. His hand didn't let go of yours as he positioned himself in your lap, grinding his hips against yours with an experience that shouldn't have surprised you. 

Bucky fixed his eyes on you as he danced, keeping you in a kind of hypnotic trance from which you could not wake up. Your eyes followed his, your body responding to his movements without a single complaint. He trapped you between the chair and his body, one of his hands clinging firmly to the back of the chair while the other traveled to your cheek. You leaned into his touch, enjoying the warm caress of his fingers. His face came so close to yours that you could feel his breath mingling against your quickened breathing, his nose brushing against yours. For a moment you thought he was going to kiss you, so you closed your eyes, letting the euphoric sensation of desire consume you. 

But suddenly, Bucky rose from your lap. You couldn't contain the whimper that escaped your lips, a protest at his devastating absence. Although he wasn't completely gone, you could feel him at your back, his hands caressing your neck, his nose inhaling the scent of your hair. The ghost of his lips traveling from the sweet spot behind your ear to your collarbone, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He wasn't even kissing you and you were already experiencing things you had never felt before in your years of relationship.

With a graceful and sensual move, Bucky is once again on your lap, trapping you against the chair. He wasn't putting his full weight on you, but enough for you to feel it as he moved his hips. Your eyes traveled south, curious about the bulge that the sweat pants still hid. You'd never seen one before — well, outside of biology and health classes— and you'd never felt the urge to do so. But the way Bucky was moving on you made you wonder about things. You heard him let out a chuckle and looked away in embarrassment, knowing you'd been caught.

“You can look,” Bucky whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “That's what I'm here for, doll.” He stroked your arms, his fingers traveling slowly from your shoulders to your wrists. Then he took your hands and placed them back on his bare chest. “You can touch too, I don't mind.”

The desire traveling through your veins made you feel more confident this time, so you didn't need Bucky to guide your hands down his body. They acted at their own accord, fingers slowly tracing the defined muscles of his pecs and abs. You weren't yet comfortable going below his hips, so once you reached the edge of his pants you changed course to his back. Down, up and back down, your nails drew light red marks on his skin as he moved in your lap. You didn't even realize what you were doing, you just knew you liked hearing the sounds that escaped Bucky's lips when you accidentally applied too much pressure. 

The lowest your trembling hands dared to go were his thighs. Bucky could see in your eyes the desire to go further —to brush your fingers over his bulge or squeeze his ass—, but shame and fear stopped you. You were trying so hard to keep your composure, to behave like a lady, but you couldn't fool Bucky. He knew what you wanted, even when you weren't ready to admit it. He saw it in the way your eyes darkened with each passing second and in the way your breathing became more and more erratic. The innocent, good girl shell you had when you entered the room was cracking, allowing your dark desires to come out. Bucky probably shouldn't find that so exciting, but he did. He couldn't help it, watching the innocence slowly leave your eyes, knowing that he was the one corrupting you, was a sight to behold. 

Your lips curled into a pout of protest as Bucky rose from your lap, already missing the heat of his body pressed against yours. It was only for a moment, but to you it felt like an eternity. And he was counting on it, playing with the anticipation as he made a show of taking off his pants. This time your eyes lingered on his tight boxers for longer, though he could still see a flash of embarrassment as you crossed glances with him. It was driving him crazy, in the best possible way. He wanted to remove that innocence from your expression, to corrupt you past the point of no return. It was his personal goal, the challenge he had quietly accepted the moment he discovered what you were. And he was willing to win it.

Bucky dropped to his knees in front of you, his eyes never leaving yours as his fingers traced your legs. Your chest rose and fell with your quickening breath, your whole body buzzing with anticipation as you felt the gentle caresses moving from your ankles to your knees. To your surprise, his fingers continued their path up your thighs, though they stopped just below the hem of your dress. You resisted the urge to tangle your fingers in his hair as you felt him spread your legs slightly apart —enough for him to fit between them, but not enough to leave you too exposed to his eyes. And then the caresses over your body returned, only this time it was the ghost of Bucky's lips that sent shivers across your skin.

His mouth wasn't actually touching your thighs, but he was so damn close that you could almost feel his lips caressing the soft, sensitive skin on the inside of your leg. A warm tingling spread inside you as he moved further up, getting dangerously close to your trembling center. And at that moment you felt no shame or fear —like you had felt on other occasions with past partners. On the contrary, you wanted more, your legs involuntarily spreading wider to give Bucky more room as the ghost of his lips traveled up your lower tummy and across your abdomen until they reached your breasts. And as your breathy moans became more and more audible, your mind was lost in dark thoughts, wondering how different it would all feel if there was no barrier of clothing separating your bodies or how his wet kisses would feel on the sensitive skin of your thighs. 

You didn't have much time to get lost in the fantasy though because in a second Bucky was on his feet again, pressing you against the back of the chair as he pushed your legs up. He settled down on the edge of the chair, resting each of your legs on his thighs. His hands gripped the back of the chair once again, trapping you completely between the cushions and his body —or rather, his crotch. You were practically sitting on his lap as you shared the chair, and you could feel his cock pressing against your center with every thrust of his hips. He was hard and you didn't know how common that was, but you decided to believe it wasn't something that happened often. You liked to imagine that his body was reacting to you and not to the sexual nature of his work. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

Bucky's hips moved to the sensual rhythm of the music, thrusting against your center in a way that made you feel like you were losing your virginity at that very moment. It was too much, the fire inside you spreading with the speed of a forest fire. And at the same time, it wasn't enough. Bucky's hip movements, though intense, did little to put out the flames they had started. They were pulling you into a swirl of desire and need, bringing you closer and closer to your limit with no promise of real relief. It was frustrating, in a way, but also incredibly exciting. 

Your eyes closed for a moment as you struggled to process the sensations that were taking over your body. You tried to focus on your breathing and the sound of the music, anything to keep yourself grounded. But every time you thought you had managed to gain control of your own body again, Bucky moved his hips and all you could feel was pleasure, all you could think about was him. 

A moan escaped your lips. It was involuntary and you didn't even realize what you did until a few seconds later. You were ready to apologize, certain you had crossed some kind of line, but Bucky let out a grunt of approval. One of his hands traveled to the back of your neck, holding your head firmly as he pressed his forehead against yours. His fingers tugged on your hair lightly, but the pain didn't bother you. You were too focused on the shape of his lips to think about anything else. You needed to feel them against yours. You needed to know what it would feel like to be kissed by him. You needed Bucky to take everything from you, to show you everything you'd been missing in these years of loneliness.

“C-can you k-kiss me?” You didn't think before you spoke, you just expressed what your mind was thinking without any kind of filter. Your voice was barely a shy whisper, your lips almost brushing against Bucky's as you spoke.

He should have refused, the number one rule of his job was never to kiss the clients —you never knew what things you might end up catching. But when Bucky saw the desperation in your eyes he couldn't help himself. Your slightly parted lips were highly tempting. You were inviting him, giving him permission to ruin you. You needed it as much as he did, so he gave in, and damned the rules. 

Bucky's lips felt soft against yours, though there was nothing soft about the way he kissed you. Just like his dancing, the kiss was intense and unlike anything you had ever experienced before. His lips moved expertly, knowing exactly what to do to turn you completely stupid. You let him guide you, merely reacting to the pleasure that only Bucky seemed capable of giving you. 

His tongue caressed your lips and you moaned into his mouth, allowing him immediate access to further deepen the kiss. Your hands clung to him —one digging your nails into his bicep while the other rested on his leg—, desperate to find something to keep you grounded while Bucky showed you sensations you didn't know you were capable of feeling. 

You were high on pleasure, trapped under his body, immobilized by his lips, enveloped in his warmth and the scent of his cologne. You didn't want to be separated from him anymore. You didn't want to leave that room. You felt as if Bucky's lips were what kept you breathing, as if you needed them to keep on living. You couldn't pull away. You didn't want to pull away. But unfortunately a knock on the door signaled that your time together was over. 

“You're more than welcome to come back anytime.” Bucky winked at you before disappearing behind the door, leaving you alone in the room. 

It took you a moment to collect your thoughts and calm your rapid breathing. Your heartbeat was still pounding in your ears, but you figured that would change when you had a chance to get some fresh air. Your legs almost gave out when you stood up, still weak in the knees after the spectacle you had witnessed. You felt a little silly having to take a moment to steady yourself. Bucky had gotten up and left without any trouble, and there you were, clinging to the back of the chair as you struggled to compose yourself so you could leave without your friends realizing the effect their dumb idea had really had on you. You were pathetic. 

Gathering your last bit of strength you pushed past the screaming women until you found your friends. They were back at their table, enjoying the routine of a tall, muscular blond who, from what you had heard, called himself Captain America. He was cute, but you couldn't stay in that place a second longer.

“How was it?” one of your friends asked with a smile.

“I need to get some air.”

“That good, huh?” Said the other with a giggle. You rolled your eyes, grabbing both of them by the arm and pulling them up from their seats. 

Amidst protests they agreed to leave with you and call it a night. As they made their way through the crowd they didn't miss the opportunity to flood you with questions, insisting that you give them details of what had happened and how it felt to have Bucky dance just for you. You refused to say anything, partly because you were embarrassed to admit the reality of what had happened, and partly because you still needed time to process the night. 

However, as you were about to leave, one of the waiters who had served your table - a young man who had introduced himself as Spider-Man - grabbed your arm. At first you thought maybe you had forgotten something in your seats and he was being kind enough to catch you before you left. But when you turned to look at him you noticed he had nothing in his hands but a rose and a piece of paper.

“He sends you this.” The boy said, handing you the items and disappearing into the crowd. 

He didn't have to tell you who they were from for you to know. A smile immediately graced your lips as you held the flower to your nose and inhaled. Then you turned your attention to the piece of paper and as you unfolded it you discovered that it was a note.

‘Happy birthday!

Call me ;)' 

It read, and at the end was written a phone number that was undoubtedly Bucky's. Your smile widened, which finally attracted the attention of your friends. One of them took the paper from you before you could hide it and when you saw the expression on her face you knew you weren't going to escape the interrogation. It was going to be a long night.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem reader #bucky barnes smut #(not really but just in case) #stripper!bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader smut

[skaruresonic]

So the latest discourse is that saying that Sonic isn't a hugger and his clingy behavior towards Shadow in Prime is proof of how much the fandom loves to complain about the smallest things. In fact, "yall say Sonic should be free but yall don't want him to do anything".

I find it fascinating. One, the language that implies that fans who say "no Sonic wouldn't do X because it's OOC" are actively stifling a person's freedom. My dudes, Sonic is a character, not a real person. Please don't conflate the two.

Second... this is the same fandom that has been crying for 10 years that Shadow is being written terribly. That now he's just Vegeta, that he's nothing like he used to be, that his Boom portrayal was a travesty, that his prickliness towards Sonic is completely wrong because he has always respected him, really, go play SA2 where he was at his peak!

Why is Shadow's perceived character defended so staunchly, but defending Sonic's character comes off as restricting the freedom of the very character?

It's as if Sonic, to these fans, simply doesn't have a personality in the first place. He can be whatever we want him to be. Shadow, on the other hand, can only be how he used to be in a game 20 years old now, because we loved that one.

So the latest discourse is that saying that Sonic isn't a hugger and his clingy behavior towards Shadow in Prime is proof of how much the fandom loves to complain about the smallest things. In fact, "yall say Sonic should be free but yall don't want him to do anything".

If we're gonna treat Sonic like he's a real person, it's only fair to respect his boundaries, no? Why should your desire to see him be cuddly supersede his boundaries? Would you do that to a real person?

Ofc the better retort would be "Sonic is a fictional character with an established character and you're misconstruing his love of freedom to suit your flanderization; pull your head out of your ass," but since this argument was made in bad faith, you gotta meet it where it lives.

People have been misinterpreting Sonic's whole attitude towards freedom to justify OOC non-game portrayals. First they insisted that Sonic has some dutiful love for the platonic ideal of freedom and that was why he always showed his enemies mercy. Now they're saying "you won't let Sonic do anything," as if fans are physically preventing poor third-party creators like Prime's showrunners from creating Peak Sonic(tm) by... criticizing Sonic's behavior after the fact. Because that's totally how reality works.

No, Patrick. Just because Sonic is "like the wind" doesn't mean any and all behavior is automatically in-character for him.

I suppose tomorrow's discourse will contend that Sega should let Sonic take the fattest rip off that bong because ST put a gag drawing of Classic smoking cigarettes on the break room door thirty years ago.

lol 420 blaze it

Anyway, if you look at the games, you'll find that Sonic isn't actually that touchy-feely. He rarely, if ever, hugs other people, but is typically the party being hugged instead. And he is usually portrayed as awkward or uncomfortable: he doesn't know what to do with his arms.

While some may argue that Frontiers!Sonic now feels "comfortable" enough to put a hand on Amy while she clings to him, he isn't... exactly reciprocating? He only seems to feel comfortable being glomped on when focusing on his other friends:

He's still not looking at Amy, he's looking at Tails lmao. More like he's just waiting for her to finish because he's come to expect getting glomped for long periods of time.

Whenever Sonic "touches" someone who initiates contact, he usually holds them at arm's length.

This is how he holds his best friend in the entire world, the second half of the Unbreakable Bond. If not even Tails is exempt from the junior prom dance rule, what makes folks think Sonic would act even chummier towards Shadow of all people?

Besides, I'm sure Game!Shadow's reaction to Sonic even attempting to hug him would be

---

Second... this is the same fandom that has been crying for 10 years that Shadow is being written terribly. That now he's just Vegeta, that he's nothing like he used to be, that his Boom portrayal was a travesty,

It's really bizarre. I swear this is the only fandom where the main characters' IC behavior is derided as OOC purely because it doesn't gel with the fanon fandom has built up in their heads. Mostly because we've fostered this environment of "the games suck" through a constant background radiation of disparagement, with such messages seeping through every pore of Sonic fan spaces as:

1.) "Sonic is inconsistent" 2.) "the series was never good" 3.) "the Sega-Sonic character design standard is too generic and cookie-cutter" 4.) "the games are incapable of being as complex or as deep as [insert spinoff media here]" 5.) "Sonic is a static character [and therefore that's bad]" 6.) "Sonic vs. Eggman is boring and routine" 7.) "game purists think the games and/or Sega can never be criticized."

that his prickliness towards Sonic is completely wrong because he has always respected him, really, go play SA2 where he was at his peak!

Thus, the conundrum of being an SA2 fan in a day and age where fewer and fewer who hype it up have proven they've played it, much less understand the game's themes. I get stuck between this rock and hard place of being just as tired of the overhype, yet being forced to admit over and over again that I acknowledge my favorite Sonic game it isn't nearly as unimpeachably Peak(tm) as everyone portrays it so people won't think I'm... for lack of a better term, the kind of SA2 fan who thinks SA2!Shadow is the GOAT. Battle!Shadow is the GOAT and nothing anybody says can change my mind. None of you fake-ass Shadows ever said anything nearly as metal as "This is the final voice of the last war machine," have you? I thought not

It can't be understated how much Gerald's brainwashing mitigates SA2!Shadow's portrayal. Although it doesn't completely invalidate the entire portrayal, it does beg questions of how much he was driven by forces outside his control.

While there are aspects of SA2!Shadow's character worth genuine analysis, people exaggerate his better qualities while ignoring or downplaying his less palatable traits (traits he displays in later portrayals as well), like the showboating and arrogance. And like I always say with Shadow, you can't cut him up into pieces like that. You have to accept the whole, rough edges and all.

It also doesn't escape my notice that SA2!Shadow advocates imply the only time Shadow ever had a "good" portrayal was before he underwent character development, which is another stereotype of us SA2 fans: that we perpetually huff nostalgia think the past is better simply for being the past.

Meanwhile, I've been saying for years that I would love for someone, anyone, to give Shadow something to do that has nothing to do with the ARK. That's why my first reaction upon hearing about SxS Gens was to headdesk. You have a character who's all about forging his own path and moving on, yet you're always sticking him in the same goddamn hamster wheel. Why.

---

Why is Shadow's perceived character defended so staunchly, but defending Sonic's character comes off as restricting the freedom of the very character?

It's as if Sonic, to these fans, simply doesn't have a personality in the first place. He can be whatever we want him to be. Shadow, on the other hand, can only be how he used to be in a game 20 years old now, because we loved that one.

Tbqh, I don't think it's fair to pit Sonic and Shadow against each other like that because the entire cast, really, is being gutted by a fandom that insists the games have nothing of substance to respect. God knows people make shit up for Shadow and claim it has canonical basis too. And, you know, sometimes they don't even bother to do that - they just make things up simply because they figure the tropes that are good enough for other franchises must be good enough for Sonic as well. Looking at you, "Shadow was tortured on the ARK."

Sonic, Shadow, Eggman, Rouge, Cream, Tails, Amy, Knuckles, Silver... Most, if not all, the core cast has it bad these days. And I don't think this fanonization is going to get any better unless there's a change in fandom culture. Not until people stop thinking of the games as inferior and game purists as the no-fun-allowed fiction police.

#asks #long post

[amourtoken]

ik this was on the poll but I genuinely couldn't help myself I had to write shit down or my head would explode

here's some sugar daddy Noah thoughts lol

*NSFW below the cut, MDNI*

cw: age difference, dirty talk, raw sex (pls do not), sex toys, light exhibitionism, Noah is fucking gross and that's ok, size kink, oral, dacryphylia, dom/sub, maybe dubcon if you squint but not rlly, daddy kink

♡ god be with me on this one lmao

♡ how did you end up in this situation? It's a little clichè but you were in the same club and he couldn't keep his fuckin eyes off of you. Normally you don't go to these upscale places but tonight it was in your favor, getting invited to Noah's private section gave you a chance to get away from the college friends you'd come with and actually enjoy yourself.

♡ keeping his eyes off you was one thing but his hands? Impossible.

♡ he'd instantly rested his large hand on your thigh the second you'd taken a seat next to him. Bold, but you didn't seem to mind it. He was sharing the booth with his band mates, they all seemed at least 10 years older than you but you didn't mind. you tried to conversate with them equally but the hand sliding up your thigh was making it difficult.

♡ like I said he's gross. No shame. If he wants something he's gonna get it one way or another but he at least tries to be respectful off the jump. Just when his fingers dipped under the hem of your short black dress he leaned against you to whisper something only you could hear.

"You're more than welcome to tell me no, but wanna come with me back to the hotel?"

♡ you've known the man for an hour tops, but he made you dizzy and created a swarm of butterflies in your belly so why say no? You're a few drinks in anyway, maybe prior you would've thought this was a terrible idea but the way his fingers feel caressing your thigh and how fuckin good he looks with those sleeves rolled up and all his tattoos on display? Maybe you can't resist either.

♡ this was just the first time you met, and it led you down a lovely path with him.

♡ at first it was just fucking. Meeting up whenever he was around or sending videos back and forth while he was out on tour. It escalated to him flying you out on occasion to watch him play, he'd book you the nicest hotel rooms and order you any food you needed while you were there. He started sending you flowers at home, and little gifts. His definition of a little gift is a $400 anklet with his initial on it though.

♡ after a few months he was regularly spoiling you with absolutely anything he had an excuse to. You so much as laid eyes on something for too long and he'd get it for you. He'd fly you out of the country whenever you had a break from classes and you'd enter your hotel room to see an exorbitantly expensive lingerie set next to a note from him.

"Thought you'd look perfect in this. Couldn't resist <3"

♡ his camera roll was 99% pictures of you in said expensive outfits. Bouncing between mirror selfies together where he'd have his tattooed hand wrapped around your throat from behind or on one occasion a just barely censored photo of you bent over in front of him mid backshots with his hand pressed on your back so it arches just right. (This was his lockscreen for ages, he is a freak.)

♡ his band mates have gotten used to seeing you around (and hearing you two through the walls of the shared hotel rooms), and you've grown quite fond of them as well. They see how happy you make him and can't rlly be upset even though they think he's a little over the top with how he treats you.

♡ aside from all the less than spicy details, this man *fucks*

♡ this man fucks like he absolutely hates your guts and it's *wonderful*

♡ why was his first big gift to you an anklet with his initial? So he could see it dangling over his shoulder when he had you folded in a mating press under him. He's got the filthiest mouth on him while he fucks too.

"so fuckin' pretty under me- like you were made for my dick"

"Louder. Want everyone to know who's fuckin' you so good"

"Wanna thank me for all these gifts? You can do it on your knees, baby."

"Such a dumb little slut for this cock, is it really that good? Say it."

"Awe, can't take anymore? That's too bad, you're going to."

♡ almost came untouched the first time you called him daddy. You kinda did it jokingly but after seeing his reaction you couldn't help but continue. He loves hearing it and it puts him in such a dominant headspace, it's like flipping a switch on him. Perfectly enough, when he's in that role, you fit right into a comfy subspace.

♡ he really likes instances where you're completely naked and he's not. Thinks it adds to the dynamic since you're so exposed. He lovesss running his big tattooed hands all over your body and watching you squirm and beg for some friction. He'll deny it till you're nearly in tears before giving in.

"want me to play with that pretty pussy, baby? Use your words, you know how to ask for it."

"So needy...maybe I should make you ride my thigh till you cum, see how bad you want it."

♡ buys you pretty mini skirts so he can pull you on his lap anywhere and gring against your bare ass. He'll lean his head on your shoulder and whisper filth about how you make him feel and how dirty you are for letting him dress you up like a sex doll without complaint. That's basically what you are, a little doll for him.

♡ speaking of said mini skirts, he loves when you're sat on his lap, back to his chest and head leaned back on his shoulder while he hikes your short skirt up to play with you. Makes it 100x worse better by occasionally setting his phone up to record, angled perfectly to catch the way his large fingers split your pussy open and tease your clit just right. Can't help himself but to fuck you right there, the way you squeezed around his fingers made his cock painfully hard. He caught that on video too.

"Keep making those pretty sounds, baby girl. You like when I stretch this little pussy out?"

"Say please, daddy and I'll let you have my cock."

"gonna watch this with me later? Wanna see how pretty you look split on daddy's dick?"

♡ he's bought you countless pretty sex toys and is a big fan of remote vibrators so he can play with you even when he doesn't have the chance to be there in person. Loves to FaceTime you and watch you unravel for him while he controls it. He's used it a few times in person as well, making you cum and turning it up to its highest setting, making your legs give out and you'd grab his arm for support. He'd coo about how good you're doing for him but also tease you about how sensitive you are, fat tears brimming in your eyes as you begged him to turn it down cause you couldn't handle more.

"Poor thing, so cute when you cry for me"

"You can give me another one, baby. Promise I'll fill that pussy up so fuckin' good after"

#This isn't proofread #nowah #Noah sebastian smut

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

I shifted again 🥲

Welcome to my crazy adventures🙂💔.

Yup i shifted again but not to that one, it was a random reality and a parallel one but it got scary at the end 🙂.

Story Time:

So i took a bath and i was just in a towel, i was choosing my underwears and sniffing them (it was just like that don't you dare call me weird 🙂🔪🔪).

Then i took all my clothes and started walking in this beautiful street, i was searching for a place to get in and get changed.

While i was walking i felt like Someone was following me and i Heard a man's voice saying "hey little girl Can you borrow me your earphones" ahem ahem he was definitely wanting to harrass me sexually but he approached me in a different approach.

I told him no but he kept following me until i screamed out loud to let people know that this creepy old man wanted to harrass me.

Then i told him "do you know that i'm just 16 and you're harassing me?!" Then a group of teenagers boys and girls approached me and told me "oh you're 16, you doesn't seem to" OMG I'M DONE WITH PEOPLE TELLING ME I DON'T APPEAR 16 EVEN IN THAT UNIVERSE?! 🙂🔪🔪.

Okay okay so that Guy told me to calm down and he'll take Care of that old man (damn he's a Real gentleman ☺️) and i accepted.

He talked to him and then they all said goodbye to me and they left.

Okay so i started walking again in peace.. until i arrived in that place and found my Friends i approached them and they told me that they were playing hide and seek and i told them that i needed a room to change and they told me to go for that one.

I entered that room and i just layed down in the bed.

Then i saw a man (it was another man) stabbing a group of boys i was SHOCKED 🤯 i quickly got up and closed the door (by the way the door was in glass so you Can See what happening behind).

He noticed me and started approaching my door he entered the room with the knife and i quickly put the blanket on me and he Started swinging the knife at me and he started cutting me, yo when i say that it felt painful and plus the cut of the knife i felt it so well.

I did a movement to him and i took the knife from him and i swinged the knife at him and did a cut in his arm, and he grabbed another knife from his pocket and we started fighting with knives.

(note: he was killing and hurting people because he wanted to find Drake?? Wtf?? What the hell am i supposed to do with this? let me liveee😔💔).

That was really cool actually but dangerous but i think i did kill him and i don't remember what happened after that.

Then i woke up here and i looked at my hands just to check but i found nothing thank god 😮‍💨 it felt really Real to the point of checking my hands because when i was there my hands was full of cut and scars.

Anyways yall be wondering how i shift?

That because i have a perfect shifting concept and i think that i don't need to do any methods to shift, just setting an intention and falling asleep and boom i shift.

I should really stop shifting to random realities and create my scripts that i haven't finished of my DR's.

Anyways see ya!

Xoxo, Eli

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #loa #loa blog #law of manifestation #how to manifest #shifting realities #reality shift #reality shifting #shifters #shifting #shiftblr #shifting community #shifting stories

[aihoshiino]

Episode 3 Rewatch: "Manga Based TV Drama"

YEAH WE'RE BACK ON THESE AGAIN!!! As much fun as the liveblog format was, I found it was actually getting in the way of me *doing* the liveblog (it could take multiple hours for me to watch and queue up One Single Episode) so I've decided to return to a format a bit more like my chapter reviews just in the desperate hopes of getting these actually done before season 2 airs. In the immortal words of Brian H oobh i got plany off time. But let's get to it real quick anyway!!!

I have a really soft spot in my heart for episode 3 in particular because it was the first episode I actually anticipated watching after I got into the show - episodes 1 & 2 were already out when I fully contracted brainworms so episode 3 was the first one I had to actually wait for. A lot of the cuts from it are like carved into my brain because I watched that episode preview so many times while waiting for it to air lol…

I've said this before but the anime's take on her really is what turned me into an active Kana Enjoyer. Megumi Han's delightful performance and her character acting an animation all combine to make it really hard not to be endeared to her. Her excitement at being reunited with Aqua is really cute, too - I remember Han saying that she was specifically told not to play Kana as a girl meeting an old crush but as someone excitedly reuniting with an old friend and I think that's particularly sweet. The AQKN dynamic at its heart is kind of just two lonely kids who don't have a lot of other connections that aren't couched in transactional utility creating a space together where they can just exist without any ulterior motives.

gotanda's words being visualized as literally skewering kana is so fucking funny too. bro killed her. you really can't blame her for biting back during dinner later lol

Kana's putting on a pretty positive face about it, but knowing how deeply alone and abanoned she feels by her parents, it's hard to not feel really sad about this scene. She's chipper about it but this is the first hint towards Kana's current honestly kind of dire circumstances we'll see get expanded on all the way to the end of the anime.

Aqua's refusal to let Kana see his old acting is also really interesting to me. Intentionally or not, it feels like it's sewing the seeds for some stuff in Tokyo Blade; Aqua respects Kana's acting and Kana herself as a professional to the degree that he doesn't want to 'lose' to her in that sense. Or rather, he'd be embarrassed to have someone he respects seeing him stumble like that - a little like Ruby's freakout in episode 1 over the idea of Ai, specifically, seeing her be bad at dancing.

Aqua trying to play it cool and then immediately nerding out when Kana mentions Sweet Today is so so so so soooooooo cute. I love it when that side of his personality pokes out…

KABURAGI NAMEDROP JUMPSCARE!!!!! i made the same face, aqua... I won't go into my Kaburagi Villain Propaganda here, but it really is so deeply suspicious that Kaburashi was on her oldest, most private phone…

KANA'S LITTLE 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' MOMENT………. AQUMELT REAL AFTER ALL…. (NOT CLICKBAIT)

ruby's lain brand milk vexes and haunts me

Aqua's quietly pained, guilty expression when Ruby misreads his intentions for becoming an actor is so good, as is his cold internal dismissal of Ai's wish… it's funny to see him insisting he's not doing this for Ai's sake when really, everything Aqua does comes back to his mom.

Man, though. What even is there to say about the Sweet Today bits lmao. Holy shit. Particular shout out to Melt's seiyuu, Seiji Maeda, for making his in-character acting so authentically awkward and clunky without it coming off as overwrought or like he himself was giving a bad performance. That's suuuuuch a delicate thread to weave but he does it exceptionally well.

This scene also has one of my all time favourite punch ups from the manga - in the original, Ruby just kind of gets the manga from nowhere and makes the comparisons that way but the anime makes Aqua the one to go get his copy and start silently flipping through it to compare until Ruby snatches it… it really is the perfect teeing up for him to run off and tattle to Kana even though he was pretending he didn't give a shit lol. Dork ass boy.

This talk at the karaoke bar is really good, too. The directing is pretty simply but I feel like the anime producton really shows off just how strong its expression and character acting work is here which does a lot to help along what's otherwise a very static conversation. The contrast in Aqua and Kana's energy is also very fun - Aqua's really still while Kana's very animated.

The manga hasn't really touched on this in a while but the content of the conversation here also starts a thread that I really liked in the early parts of Oshi no Ko about how hard it is to create good art in an environment like the entertainment industry. Tokyo Blade centers this more and is almost explicitly a follow up to Sweet Today's exploration of this idea but the seeds are sewn here, of the necessary compromises that need to be made just to get something out the door and how that can ultimately destroy the final product no matter how many well-meaning and passionate people are doing their absolute best to make something worth engaging with.

i'm also pretty sure this talk is the first time we see aqua smile after episode 1… cute.

The directing also really shines in that little moment at the end where Kana grabs Aqua's hand. In prior cuts, the two are visually separated in that they're both sat apart and there are multiple lines running between them in the background to section them off from each other.

But then just as Kana breeches Aqua's defenses and disarms him, she physically reaches past all these little barriers to finally get into his space. It's subtle but well done.

His wide-eyed slightly stunned face is also really sweet. We see this look on Aqua a lot when it comes to Kana and it always makes me smile a bit. She's excellent at getting under his skin whether she means to or not.

"now my body has caught up with my mental age" says aqua, confirming his mental age is that of a teenager, and mfs are still out here acting like he's a 30 year old man.

Oof, oof and oof. Kana's little speech here already makes me so soft and knowing how it's going to be utterly spat upon in just a moment by Kaburagi's callousness towards her just makes it hurt even more. We continually see reference to this supposed good relationship between Kana and Kaburagi during this episode and so knowing that he's ultimately just another shitty adult taking advantage of her clear desperation… masaya kaburagi when i see you it's on sight

This is also a really fantastic character moment for Aqua, I think. He himself says he's done everything he needed to do on set, so there's no need for him to start shit like he does. It's purely out of respect and fondness for Kana as a person and anger on her behalf as a fellow actor. For as much as Aqua likes to convince himself he's a coldhearted bastard, he really just cannot help himself when it comes to leaping in and helping people. He's a lot like Ai in that once somebody has his heart, he's theirs for good.

i also just have to fucking Scream at this cut of him. it hit me like a fucking TRUCK when this episode dropped. because it doesn't quite look like the equivalent panel of the manga, does it?

But doesn't it feel super familiar, even so? Doesn't it remind you of something? I wonder wh-

OSHI NO KO ANIME STAFF, WHEN I GET YOU!!!!!! (ENRAGED) (POSITIVE)

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk rewatch #onk spoilers #onk anime spoilers

[iwuvcofi]

An Archangel🩷

From what I read,

Chamuel is an angel associated with love and compassion within relationships! They said Chamuel can heal emotional wounds and restore inner peace within individuals.

Chamuel's mission is to help bring peace to the world. You can call on him when you're suffering from anxiety, struggling in a relationship, or having a hard time forgiving someone. Chamuel helps us deal with difficult times and gives us courage when we feel defeated and alone.

It's like he has a power that can be used by a hug that could heal anyone's mentality. Spread his love for all over the world who deserve them even the angels! I guess his main job is to help and stabilize everyone's mental state, even just a little touch he gives, it would help for sure! More or less depending on how much he wants to help you.

And that's what I found out about him! Down here is just silly info and doodles I created for him since I count this design as my OC.

Here we go.

You can call him Camiel, Camil, Cameel, whatever you like!

His height is around Sera's chin. Maybe he's around 10 ft.

He has another form as a white-pink dove

He smells like rose and cotton candy.

His pronouns can be both He/His or She/Her. He won't mind.

He's a bit playful. Love to spread his love to all people who deserve it.

He loves everyone unless someone does something that upsets him.

He loves pink and green. (Based on what I read that green and pink are his colors)

" I am love and I have the right to be filled with love: I am my own lover and best friend. Loving oneself as a free spirit, generous, happy, and in touch with my feelings. From Love I am made, from love I grow. I hear now my heartbeat to the sound of love and life. "

#my art #I could say he's a Hazbin Hotel OC #I actually create him for playing with my friends #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel oc #charlie morningstar #Archangel Chamuel

[purrfectlycontent]

something something this scene from the trailer being a parallel to mary-ann and seymour (fated to end up alone in their despair and having to “act” a part)

add this to the fact that mary-ann’s last name was guillotin and furina gets, well…

#my ramblings #can you tell i'm excited about this patch. i'm actually posting about genshin for once #the whole quest in elynas was so fucked up #reading the notes the institute left behind during mary-ann's quest and then finding out what jakob did to him... #and how the institute created a monster to try and heal one of their own #my friends don't play genshin anymore (not that they even cared about lore to begin with) so i have no one to rant to. augh #anyways. furina my beloved girlfailure #genshin #genshin impact #genshin 4.2 #genshin furina #genshin meta

[tmae3114]

the other day, a friend of mine invited me over to testplay a paper-and-pencil storytelling game he's been working on for a while and feels like he's finally got a workable version of and one of his mentioned reasons was that "you're a fellow storyteller, I want to see what you'll do with it"

I promptly created a character which violated exactly zero (0) rules but nonetheless obliterated one of the core intended mechanical limitations of the game and I didn't even do that on purpose

after the game, when we were laughing about this, he admitted that one of his other reasons for asking me specifically to testplay was because he knew that "if there was anything that could be broken, you would find it and break it"

#me #so basically there are two categories of player character that you either control both of #or you play as a team of two and control one each #one character exists within the context of the setting and the other is a reality warper #the rules for these characters are very very simple. the in-context character MUST exist within the setting and understand it to be reality #and the reality warper can do whatever they want to the setting SO LONG AS it does not break the in-universe character's understanding of i #you are. to borrow my friends' phrasing. not allowed to break the fourth wall for the in-context character #how did I completely break this situation without actually violating any rules you may ask? #I made my in-context character be a random guy that my reality warper zapped into existence at the start of the game #thus. his understanding of reality was still forming. #and reality warpers could interact with him at will because HE DOESN'T KNOW THEY'RE /NOT/ SUPPOSED TO BE THERE #again. I did not do this on purpose. I wouldn't even have realised it if he hadn't pointed it out #I just thought my guy being created by the reality warper for the purpose of the game and being like five minutes old while he saved the wo #*world #was REALLY funny

[sualne]

been thinking a lot about the what happens post game and sycamore's hypothetical children.

#my art #my ocs #kingmaker shenanigans #MorningSun Family #the game ends with everyone getting their 'happy endings' but sycamore ends up kind of alone. people leaves. get married with kids and all #i do like the canon 'uncle sycamore to ekun's kid(s?)' thats super duper sweet. the game does say sycamore ends up having kids but i #cant think of him ever enthusiastically marrying anyone. even less who in canon? so i made him his wife. her name is dawn. she's a knight #or cavalier. probably multiclass with smth else idk if i should actually create + play her in game. they wouldve gotten married only for #political reasons. they dont start out as friends at all. yeah my oc didnt get an happy ending so im giving him an unhappy marriage #he loves his kids tho. im thinking thyme is a wizard too. calathea would be some kind of rapier master maybe with some magic even. #ages: calathea 19. thyme 17. ivy 11 and sorrel 7. i think sycamore and dawn woulve gotten married 5ish year post game so in their late 30s #probably. also the scar in first pic isnt postgame but pregame backstory. hadnt gotten to draw it yet. he has more scars postgame. might #explain later but not now. wrote a lot already

[vulpinesaint]

the sheer number of incredibly intricate worlds and characters that i have created with people who i am no longer friends with so that i can no longer talk about those characters or use those settings. i only got half the dog in the divorce do you know what i mean

#i have all these characters but they're missing their FRIENDS and their ORIGINAL CIRCUMSTANCES #people will never understand roleplay with original settings and original characters. #imagine if you played dnd purely by talking about the characters and their relationships with each other and their themes and motifs #and did all the little roleplay scenarios but wrote about it. and then made a bunch of supplementary material for your characters. #and then like. instead of one character you've got like three of them and they're all Part of this collaborative world #mourning the group of like. dkjfghs. nine friends from a fantasy world. i only have claim to like three of them #the rest... again. only half the dog #i WILL use prydwen elsewhere. because i'm in love with him and that's important in a character. he's literally my silly rabbit #but GOD i want to get my fucking hands on people's intellectual property sometimes #i was the ONLY one doing cool shit with the fantasy sci-fi world this one person created and i WANT to do more with it!!! #and like. how am i supposed to use zephyr without stealing the incredibly specific circumstances that they were created out of #anyway. frustrating. at least i have prydwen. hugging him like a teddy bear #yeah girl i have ocs except i don't talk about them on tumblr i'm in my little roleplay servers that i created the ocs for dskfgh #honestly i have probably talked about faedren more than any actual character of mine from like. Writing. #also my fault for not having any actual wips. long form or even short form fiction is not my strong suit nothing rlly sticks #WHATEVER. feel like shit just want her back (all of the characters that are inextricably intertwined with someone else) #valentine notes

[healingheartdogs]

People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?

Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.

Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.

This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.

#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out #i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside #but then didn't #i do not trust that dog #and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me #cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended #and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers #like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up #and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault #your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him #my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do #so who doesnt have control huh???? #theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it #because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all #and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment #thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too #because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him #and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it #i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries #and i dont trust their owners either #also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them #so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude #and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs #and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like #hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs #and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it #and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends' #DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH #I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem #rant

[moonsidesong]

played the fangame danganronpa another with a friend and i didn't really like the ending but i very much enjoyed mekaru bc she's just woman byakuya togami. i'm going to talk a lot in the tags now

#the translation was kinda weird and bad but you get used to it after a while #i do plan on playing the sequel just cause me and my friends enjoy playing murder mysteries #oh uh spoilers beyond this point i'm gonna give some hot takes for. the 3 followers that care about dangit grandpa #anyway uh. ending. yeah i'm definitely biased bc i don't really like sad endings for the most part #but i didn't really. like it. #i'm not really opposed to the idea necessarily of the protagonist NOT being a survivor it's definitely interesting #but given that this game's take on hope vs despair is that 'hope is created not found' #i thought it kinda sucked that they just left maeda/utsuro to die despite obviously being the one suffering the most #also i didnt. like. kisaragi much. him/his alter ego being the epic savior in the end sucked bad not gonna lie #i thought he was really interesting in his initial appearance bc he was someone who Knew what was happening #but was rendered unable to communicate any of it bc of his brain damage #but then he dies (which was expected wasn't really upset about it) and from there you only have flashbacks to go off of #and then he's just kinda boring #it'd be one thing if he was a heroic reliable person we knew from the start but he's just this. guy that shows up in chapter 5 #and we get told he's like the best we should trust him and believe in him but. like. idk this guy! it didn't feel earned #anyway kinjou was. a character. for sure. #i liked his arc and all but when they revealed in the ending that Oh actually his beliefs on crime haven't changed at all lol<3 #he still only thinks in extremes even after all that mess about recognizing the murders were done in gray area circumstances #so like what was that all FOR #also. like. Goddddd. GODDDD. AKANE TAIRA. UGH #when she gets revealed as the mastermind and she's like going crazy off the walls sillygoofy despair lady I thought she was really fun!!! #i enjoyed her quite a lot!!!! #but then utsuro gets involved and she's just immediately extremely pathetic #she just immediately loses all presence bc she just stops taking any authority as the mastermind and is like ouwuoiuuh utsuro samaaaa #i thought her being a maid but actually is a girlboss would be a FUN SUBVERSION but nah we just have peko pekoyama 2: evil this time #like when are we gonna be done with the trope of Woman is cool and powerful until Man shes subservient to is involved and then she's a wuss #it sucks it SUUUUCKS #utsuro himself is. fine. he's basically just bootleg izuru but i didn't really mind that i thought his origins were kinda interesting #anyway i'm out of tags so i guess that's the end of my hot takes #i liked the individual cases! i liked mekaru! ending was kinda bad. goofbye

[juneviews]

I came across this TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRmts2Va/ and I wanted to know your thoughts. Should I have any hope in First and Gawin being paired/working together again or am I being delusional? I will do anything at this point to avoid a Krist show tbh.

so this is an interesting tiktok, but it's definitely reaching. first of all I agree that gawinfirst should honestly become a stable ship, I love firstkhaotung & poddgawin but for me gawinfirst is definitely the ship with the most absolutely staggering chemistry of the bunch, and even off-screen their shyness together is just soooo adorable. that being said it's been clear for a while that at least first doesn't want to have a stable ship. I'm saying at least first bc now that gawin has been added to be my favorite, I don't see krist not wanting that ship to become his new stable ship as singto has left gmmtv & krist said goodbye to kristsingto during lol fanfest. but first has had SO many on-screen partners, slay, and I think he doesn't necessarily want to have a recurring ship but rather build his career by himself which I definitely appreciate. so could gawinfirst be paired again? of course, though again since I feel like kristgawin is gonna be pushed down our throat so much idk if that's gonna happen; I really don't see krist coming back to bl if it's not to leech off his new co-star lmao. but as for the conspiracy theory of not me airing again while the whole be my favorite debacle is going on & gawin posted a pic with first's merch, come on... that truly doesn't mean anything. firstly gawin is first's friend and was the model for one of the photoshoots of that collection (the other model was khaotung, so it shows that they're really not competing to be first's main co-star and just supporting their friend), not me is airing again bc it's the best show gmmtv has ever released and it deserves it & much more, and for be my favorite... everyone knows the problem is fucking krist. mike has NEVER had problems having chemistry with anyone. so if they wanted to switch krist, they would've done it before getting rid of mike, but they didn't bc that whole show was created around krist, bc he wanted a new bl. therefore, while I agree that the project would be 10000% better with first instead of krist, that sadly won't be happening.

xxx

#answers #gawinfirst #be my favorite #not me #krist is gmmtv's royalty: they will always treat him better than they do 99% of their other artists bc of the money he's made them #here's what I think happened: singto told krist he was gonna leave gmmtv... krist went to the execs & asked for a new bl... #he probably chose mike since they were friends since uni but once the actual filming started the chemistry was not it #but bc they created this whole show around krist mike was the one to get kicked out & now krist must be LIVID he's gonna play with a random #guy & not his friend #just a theory of how it all went down loooool

[crownedflora]

Thanks for playing!

Doo-doo-doo-dooooo doo-doo-doo-dooooo~ Doo-doo-doo-dooooo doo-doo-doo-daaaaa~

#THIS IS IT LU- #...Oh right. My usual partner in crime for those slightly altered references isn't here for that. #Ahh... those were the days... #ANYWAY! It's been fun but I think it's finally about time to get my child ready for bed with how the blog's been for a while. #He is putting on his jammies and comedically miniscule night cap as we speak. Also being made to brush his teeth. #Doesn't mean it's completely over (yet) but just making and pinning this post in preparation for when the end truly and abruptly comes. #You'll likely just catch me reborgling some past asks - with or without commentated thoughts in the tags - for archival poiposes. #I'll do the same for any asks that were sent from here in the past that end up being answered/posted eventually in the future. #And of course send AT LEAST that one final (CURSED) ask I still owe to a /certain someone/... eventualy. |D #I keep saying ''eventually'' (to them) but will I finally get around to doing it? ... I'd say it's actually very VERY likely now. #Oh and any future received replies for interactions WILL be continued for as long as necessary and desired or felt by those involved. #Or at least there'll be an attempt from me to do so anyway. #I did consider and tried my hand at writing one final drabble as 'The End' for him as a muse but... #Nah. something simple like this will do instead. #Years of playing some minor boss character coming from source material that had what I liked to call 'Schrödinger's Canon' nearing its end.. #Muse-wise he's been practically obliterated everywhere else and is seemingly only willing to linger just enough around here. #Where everything began so many years ago... #Layers on layers... of moments we've shared... Just like a lasagna... created with care. #The flavors are burning... a new page is turning... and I hope that you'll be there in the end. Goodbye my friend; The End