#I am hoping he remembers because if I don’t ever get one my spirit will haunt everyone forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onigiriico · 1 year

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Muu audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / YT Music ]

Behold, the longest voice drama I’ve ever posted. This thing is almost 2.3k words long. I am in pain /lh

As always, feel free to head to my ask box or my Twitter (now actually with open DMs lmao) for any questions, potential mistranslations, etc.!

Also,, Trigger warning (aside from. well. the usual Milgram things): Towards the end, they discuss another character’s threat of suicide. It’s nothing super graphic, but there sure are... opinions on it, so please proceed with caution if that’s a touchy topic for you!

⬇️ translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

M: Ah, it’s been a while, Warden-san. – Things have gotten tough, haven’t they… Everyone seems to be struggling and the whole atmosphere feels tense because everyone’s struggling, it’s really troublesome.

E: Is that so?

M: But as for me, I think Milgram has become a lot more comfortable! I know now that I can get whatever I want if I ask for it, so I don’t need to be so on edge anymore.

E: …

M: You did say that you and Milgram are our allies, and maybe you were right all along!

E: …

M: Aww, it’s boring if it’s just me talking! We’re talking to each other for the first time in a while, so you tell me about something interesting too, Warden-san~

E: You’re in pretty high spirits.

M: Am I?

E: I feel like you’ve brightened up.

M: Maybe…

E: But following the judgment after your first trial, the situation in Milgram has changed. And in the aftermath, Kotoko has attacked people too… From how I remember you, I would have expected you to feel uneasier than this.

M: Huh? But that has nothing to do with me.

E: What?

M: The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things, right? You know, like, what goes around comes around.

E: …

M: Besides, Kotoko hurt and was mean to the people who didn’t get forgiven by you, right?

E: …Yeah.

M: Wouldn’t it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn’t do anything wrong. You forgave me!

E: …

M: Eh? Is something wrong? Those who didn’t get forgiven by you must be bad people, if you ask me! I believe in you, Warden-san, so I’d hope you feel happy!

E: …Thanks for that.

M: See, you said you forgave me and that’s part of your job, so it’s probably right! Come on, come on, have some confidence!

E: … Speaking of which, you seem to be pretty close to Haruka.

M: …? Yeah! He’s the one I get along with best in Milgram!

E: Do you have some kind of goal with that?

M: Huh? E: Haruka’s loyalty towards you is one thing, but with this kind of relationship, I think it’s only natural to wonder if you’re using him for something.

M: Ehh… Warden-san, do you not have any friends?

E: Huh?

M: Are there any?

E: None that I could think of.

M: Wow, poor thing,.. I’ll teach you! Friends aren’t like that, you know. Rather than using each other for something, we just get along because we’re comfortable around each other. That’s all.

E: Well, I’m sorry about that.

M: Haruka-kun is really nice! He accepts anything I say, he listens to anything I tell him. For me, that’s really comfortable.

E: And that’s… “friendship”?

M: What do you mean? Of course we’re friends! Haruka-kun is happy with it, so it only has benefits for both of us!

E: I, as someone who has no friends, can’t judge, of course, but isn’t that just exploitation?

M: Exploitation…? Um, I don’t really understand, but… I do help him pick out clothes [in return], and I recently gave him a hairpin I didn’t need anymore as a hand-me-down!

E: …

M: We also have in common that we’re both people who were forgiven by you, Warden-san, so I don’t think it’s a relationship that anyone could have a problem with! E: … I already said this to Haruka, but Milgram consists of three trials, and I have only forgiven you this once. I think it’s too early to feel completely safe.

M: Eh~ You already decided to forgive me. I think it’d be uncool to be like, “Oh, actually, nevermind” now.

E: This is just how it is.

M: It’s fine already, isn’t it? You saw me, didn’t you? And from that, you decided that I haven’t done anything wrong, didn’t you?

E: Yeah, that’s right. For the first trial, that is.

M: It’s the same no matter how many times we do this. I’m me, after all. That won’t change.

E: If I keep looking from now on, will I come across something that puts you in a less positive light?

M: Eh?

E: Milgram reveals the truth through videos and music. After deciding whether to forgive you or not in the first trial, I’ll continue to dig deeper, searching for the truth inside your hearts once again.

M: …

E: For example: Things that you hid. Things that you forgot about. Things that weren’t visible through the rest of your strong feelings. Those are things that I’ll be shedding light on.

M: Hmm…

E: Or at least it might be.

M: …I don’t get it, but whatever. I haven’t done anything wrong, after all.

E: Is that so? It’s true that I’ve forgiven you once… but I remember feeling uneasy about it the whole time. Was it really right to forgive you? Aren’t you still hiding something? Things like that.

M: …Why… would you think stuff like that? That’s mean, Warden-san… You saw me, didn’t you? All the awful things that were done to me, that I couldn’t have escaped from without killing someone! I can’t believe you’re saying this to me, after I’ve gone through all of that… Warden-san, you’re mean.

E: Maybe I am. Your pain and suffering has certainly reached me. Or should I call it bullying? One-sided violence and mistreatment… I’m sure it was difficult to handle. It’s not unreasonable to come to the conclusion that murder is the only way for a weak person to get out of that. That’s exactly why I forgave you.

M: Yeah… If I hadn’t done that, I could have died some day.

E: But – are you actually that weak, Muu?

M: Huh?

E: That’s the source of my unease. Are you really that weak? Were you really getting picked on for being a weakling?

M: What do you mean?

E: How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause? That’s what I don’t know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

M: …

E: Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic that you don’t want to touch upon?

M: … Warden-san, I think you’re really doing something bad. Isn’t it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?

E: Oh?

M: No matter the circumstances, it’s always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn’t that obvious? Warden-san, you’re so smart, but you don’t even know things like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something.

E: …

M: Besides, even if I’ve done something wrong, there’s nothing that could justify bullying someone. Warden-san, I thought you were a nicer person.

E: So sorry that I’m not living up to your expectations.

M: If you’re reflecting on it, I’m willing to forgive you, though…

E: Could I ask the generous Muu to spoil me by letting me ask one more question, then?

M: What is it? If it’s a boring question, I don’t wanna.

E: Let’s say you’ve done nothing wrong—

M: Not “let’s say”! I have done nothing wrong!

E: Got it, got it. So, even though you’ve done nothing wrong – you got bullied. Why do you think that is?

M: I don’t know that! I mean, my family is rich, and my appearance stands out [in a good way], too… they probably did it out of envy or prejudice or something, right?

E: Right, right. And here I was with the theory that you were originally in the opposite position…

M: (slams her hands down)

E: …!

M: What are you saying…?

E: Just that it could also be speculated that you bullied someone and the tables turned on you.

M: Do you know what an awful thing you’re saying right now?

E: What are you getting this angry for? You’ve done nothing wrong, right?

M: Warden-san… I hate you.

E: This is just speculation. Don’t get so mad.

M: …

E: So what? Can you not give me an answer?

M: I haven’t bullied anyone. I’d never do such a mean thing! I’ve never hit anyone or poured water over anyone’s head. I wouldn’t do something like that! I’m not lying! I’m not telling you lies! I really haven’t done anything!

E: I see. I’ll take note of that.

M: … Um… um, by the way, Warden-san! I don’t know about this, but…

E: What?

M: You forgave me because I just gave my bullies their payback, right?

E: …Well… I guess so.

M: What was it called again… Revenge… Revenge? That means revenge can be [an acceptable motivator], right? And if you don’t forgive me this time, that’d mean that it’s not. If we leave aside the thing you said earlier about me maybe having bullied someone before – not that I actually did that, of course!

E: Sure.

M: So if I paid back what my bullies did to me, that would be revenge, right? And if you feel like I had no other choice than that, then don’t you have to forgive me?

E: … Uh… I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say…

M: You see, if you think that me bullying someone back after being bullied is the natural course of events, then wouldn’t it be bad to bully me back again in return?

E: …

M: But if you were like, “I won’t forgive you, Muu! Revenge is bad!,” then wouldn’t that imply that it’s also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me? Since we’ve all done something bad anyway, doesn’t that mean that I’ve not done anything wrong in the end?

E: …I think I’m kinda… starting to get your point… maybe…

M: … Warden-san, are you maybe not that intelligent, after all…?

E: Well, sorry about that.

M: Well, I guess it’s to be expected. You talk to a rabbit, after all. (giggles) Either way, you’ve understood that I haven’t done anything wrong, so it’s okay!

E: I sure have understood that talking to you isn’t getting me anywhere. But I guess since you made this explanation, I’ll take it into consideration.

M: Ah, but if you don’t forgive me, Haruka-kun will die, so I think it’d be best to not do that.

E: …!

(bell rings, machinery whirrs)

E: So you’ve heard about that nonsense too?

M: Yeah. Haruka-kun told me. So I could rest easy, according to him. That made me happy… It made me really feel our friendship!

E: You know about it and you’re not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is?

M: Why would I? Haruka-kun says he wants to do it, so there’s nothing I can do, right?

E: But you’re calling him your friend.

M: Isn’t it exactly because he’s my friend? Isn’t friendship about letting your friends do the things they want? … Are you about to tell me “that’s not what friendship is”? Then what is friendship? You’re together because it’s beneficial for everyone involved, aren’t you?

E: I don’t think Haruka is benefitting from that at all.

M: No way… It’s not like you could know what’s good for him.

E: …You sure are tough to beat.

M: I really don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Warden-san. It’s Haruka-kun’s personal freedom to decide what he wants to do, and I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s not like I’ve asked him to do it!

E: I see. That’s how it is, huh. You don’t say anything; just because you’re present, your surroundings’ wishes change to benefit you— Oh, so that’s it. Like a born queen. No, it’s like you’re influencing your surroundings not with words, but with pheromones… Just like a queen bee.

M: Pheromones…? I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t like that lewd-sounding stuff…

E: That’s not the nuance I was talking about.

M: Either way, there’s people who deserve to be unforgiven more than I do, so I think you should focus your efforts on them instead. Like, Kotoko-san has done something bad, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn’t it?

E: …You’re making my blood boil.

M: Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff.

E: That is… a very attractive proposal.

M: Right? (giggles)

E: Abandoning all the thinking… How nice it would be if I could just do that.

M: … If you ask me, I don’t really get why you don’t do it…

E: Because this is the role I’m playing.

M: But the role was given to you, wasn’t it? You didn’t end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It’s not a dream you’ve had for a long time or anything, right, Warden-san? So there’s no need to let it tie you down. Couldn’t you just quit?

E: What are you…

M: Warden-san, we call you “Warden” because that’s what you are, right? I was assigned to be a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean my heart will become just that of a “prisoner” too. After all, I’m still me.

E: …!

M: Warden-san, are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?

E: (heavy breathing)

M: That’s because you keep thinking too much about difficult things. Just stop. Being the Warden, that is.

E: … Just— shut up, already! Prisoner no.4, Muu! Sing your sins!

#milgram #milgram music videos #muu kusunoki #milgram muu #milgram es #translation #fan translation #audio drama #the links might not work for the americans yet if you're here early bc it only comes out at midnight but. y'know #this sure is. yeah. (deep breath) yeah.#please forgive me if I messed up on the revenge-related mental gymnastics lmao my brain is not big enough for this

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inlovewithregencyera · 12 days

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A letter from Maximilian Worthington to Frederick Worthington:

July 8th, 1817

Often, I am haunted by the fear of judgment for expressing my emotions so freely, save for you alone am I truly able to confide in. Today was extremely hard for me because it would’ve been Mama’s fiftieth birthday. I remember her death so clearly in the back of my mind, just as if it were yesterday. I returned from my daily ride, shortly before the usual dinner. I picked Mama a handful of daisies hoping to lift her spirit as she had been so melancholy with the loss of my dear sister the year prior. I hastily walked up to her chamber, knocked, and received no answer. Knocking once more and still hearing nothing, I entered the room, only to find her lifeless body limp and sprawled across the bed. I screamed for Father, who rushed from his study, and upon seeing his dear wife, collapsed and was immediately consumed by tears. His scream was heard all over Ivyhurst, as Isabella came immediately from the drawing room. We were all overtaken by grief, and sprawled on the floor in our despair. Miss Hurst, Bell’s governess, gently took the poor desolate girl away from the scene. I attempted to console my dear Father and it seemed my mind had gone blank. I don’t know how long I sat there with him weeping into my arms, perhaps it was an hour or two because when I looked out the window the sky was pitch black. Papa refused for anyone to come near her body, and told Reverend Smith to be damned to the depths of hell. When the funeral furnisher and undertaker finally arrived, he could not part with the corpse of his beloved Phia and therefore attacked both men who tried to get her. Because of this, he was given one last night alone with her, and he didn’t sleep. He held her in his arms and wept into her bosom the whole night, begging God to do the irreversible and take him instead. He said it wasn’t right that a man's sweet little daughter and now his beloved wife must go before him. I sat with Bell the whole night who cried herself to sleep in my arms. I didn’t sleep and had no more tears to cry, so I just sat there with my right leg joining my heart in numbness. At the crack of dawn, Father called us to embrace Mama’s lips and say a last farewell. I knew this kiss would be the last I should ever bestow upon on the woman who held all my affection. In the evening, she lay in the chapel with all the servants and the few people she held dearest to her heart around her coffin. The only person missing was you, as Papa blamed the entirety of your household for her demise, thus you were forbidden from coming. The daisies I picked for her were placed into her hands, and that was my final gift to my mother. She was taken to Thornfield before nightfall, to be reunited with the vessel of her daughter just as her spirit had been. Papa refused to watch her be put into a grave as he said he would jump into it with her, and Bell and I knew our hearts couldn’t handle that same sighting we saw less than a year ago with the death of our Elle. I watched the hearse head for the gates, and before it left, I kept telling myself that it was a nightmare. I hoped it would return with haste and bring back my nurturer, my savior, my most cherished Mama-but it never did.

#sims 4 regency #sims 4 regency era #sims 4 historical story #regency ts4 #regency sims 4 #ts4 regency #historical sims 4 #sims 4 historical #historical sims #tcotd

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missuga · 2 years

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8:08 p.m — Katsuki Bakugo

+ college au, second date, no warnings :) | 1k

It’s cold, you thought as shoved your hands further into your pockets, the thin hoodie doing the least to offer you any bit of warmth.

It was too far of a drive back to your apartment to grab anything warmer now, and you just so happened to clean out your car completely in a random fit of mania last week.

That was just your luck, it seemed like the whole day so far was rooting against you.

The soft lights of the restaurant spilling onto the sidewalk coming into view lifted your spirits a bit though, hoping that now you’d be able to relax despite the lingering pinch in the back of your neck at the thought of this being your second date.

You cursed to yourself silently once you saw Bakugo leaning against the restaurant, you’d shown up a bit earlier than you usually would so you’d be able to get your bearings.

The first date had gone really good. A lot better than you’d ever thought it’d go, you saw a side of Bakugo you never thought you’d see just by being classmates with him.

“Hey.” His tone was breathy, as if you caught him by surprise, eyes lighting up with more than the reflection of the lights when he noticed you. You couldn’t help but notice the way his expression softened as well.

“Hi.” You started, trying your hardest to not look too long at him, despite the fact he looked even better than the last time you saw him. “I’m not late right?”

“No, don’t worry.” He all but interrupted you, shaking his head quickly, “I got out of my last class early because of an exam so I just came straight here.”

You weren’t sure why you felt your heart speed up at that, but it made it a bit harder for you to form solid thoughts. You hadn’t even felt this nervous on your first date, though it had been a pretty casual meet-up for coffee.

“Oh yeah, I remember you telling me about that. How do you think it went?”

“Oh I definitely got the best score,” Bakugo answered and you smiled at the confidence drifting into his tone. With the few classes you had with him in the past you knew how he got with academics, this was nothing new. “I think the professor knew it too, he just shook his head when I turned my exam in first.”

“I forgot you’re a teacher’s pet,” You teased, your chest warming even more when he rolled his eyes at your remark. “You cannot tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not..” He mumbled after a short moment, it was interesting just how fast his stubbornness broke when he was with you, normally he’d fight against it no matter who it was. “Want to go in?”

“Hmm, changing the subject I see.” You laughed, nudging your elbow into his arm and you didn’t realize just how close he’d gotten to you. “But yes, it’s freezing out here.”

“You were cold in class this morning,” Bakugo mused turning to look at you as you both walked towards the entrance. “You didn’t think to grab something warm?”

“I was busy, I haven’t gone home yet!”

“Hmm,” He paused to answer the hostess as you went into the restaurant before turning back to you, shrugging off his jacket as he did. “Here.”

It took you a second to process what he was doing, not expecting anything like this from him of all people.

“I didn’t know you were a cheesy romantic.” You teased again, fighting the urge to laugh at the slight bit of red creeping across his cheeks at that, he was so cute.

“Just take it before I regret offering it to you.”

You could tell he was trying hard to keep up his normal attitude, you could see through it though.

“Thanks, Katsuki.” You said once you pulled the warm jacket on, noticing the soft lingering scent of his cologne on it.

“You’re welcome.” He said, not really looking at you as the two of you sat down at one of the high tops. His usual snarky excuse was missing now.

“I’m really glad we could go out again so soon,” You honestly weren’t sure how he was feeling after your first date last week, despite him texting you quickly after you parted.

“I am too, I was pretty nervous today actually.”

“You were nervous?” You stared at him for a second, trying to see if that’s what he really said. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

For the first time this night, his toned seemed serious, and his eyes dropped to the table.

“I wasn’t sure what you were thinking.”

“Well,” You started, leaning onto the table smiling once he met your gaze once more after you paused. “You could’ve asked me before. But, I’m thinking that your jacket smells really good.”

Bakugo stared at you for a long moment, like he wasn’t sure of what to say.

“You know, forget I said anything.” He said, picking up one of the menus to look at it. “You’re so weird, you know that?”

“You’re the one that asked me out,” You laughed, picking up your menu as well. “Don’t tell me you’re regretting that now.”

“Not at all,” He met your gaze once more, smiling softly as he did. “I’m kicking myself that I didn’t ask earlier.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, now figure out what you want.” He nodded towards your menu, and you couldn’t help but laugh at him, it was like he knew you better than you did yourself already.

“Fine, but you’re telling me what you meant by that after we order.” You huffed and looked at the menu, still distracted at Bakugo’s words floating around your head. “Will you let me pay this time?”

“Absolutely not.” He answered quickly, almost glaring at you. “I asked you out, the least I could do is pay for your meal, even if you don’t enjoy your time.”

“Oh, I think I’ll enjoy myself.” You smiled again, not fighting against his reasoning anymore. “I’m still not letting you off the hook, I want to know how long you’ve liked me for.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have brought that up.” He sighed despite amused smile adorning his lips at your words.

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supersources · 1 year

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interview with the vampire (2022): episode 5, a vile hunger for your hammering heart. tw: murder, death, abuse, violence, blood, strong language, all vampire things.

* i can't die like this!

* let my dog live.

* it's a kill list in a teenager's handwriting.

* i'm trying to think of something more fucked up than this.

* they'll scale the sides of this building, force their way inside and paint the walls with his blood.

* don't look down on them, look in the mirror.

* he's an opinionated young man, he lives to share these opinions even when they are not solicited.

* what does he taste like?

* i didn't ask that.

* you were thinking it.

* he tastes like honey and pineapple, he stuffs himself for days before he offers himself to me. would you like to sample?

* i care for him more than he cares for himself.

* stay out of my head.

* you wouldn't find the corroboration you're seeking even if you could. we burned, we buried. and a convention city is not motivated to advertise grim statistics.

* i know what i'd do, but you've cut my hands off.

* don't do that, it's private.

* what night is it?

* i couldn't hear you over the tugboat.

* a whole lot of concern has been wasted on you these past months.

* did you read my other ones?

* well, you better hope and pray you taught me how to clean up good.

* you gonna let him do this to me?!

* i've read some passages out loud, i'm afraid. hurtful words for both of your guardians.

* i buried them, okay?! way out of town! nothing out there for miles, no one's ever gonna find them except maybe criminals burying bodies of their own.

* i'm never gonna forget what happened here. i hate you.

* get out of my room!

* you want money?

* i mean, it's always a straight line with you. yes, i am asking for your support in my campaign.

* sounds like there's a maniac on the loose.

* don't be too startled if the police come knocking on your door.

* i was in the middle of cleaning when they knocked.

* you often leave your daughter alone with access to illegal spirits?

* that's my daughter's room!

* oh, i'm getting ready for bed!

* have you lost your goddamn mind? overnight, in a jail cell, with no coffin. we all be dead by morning.

* we do not bring souvenirs into the house!

* so much wine in his blood... and beer, and whisky.

* you wanted her, you fix her!

* do you remember our life, how happy we were before her? an anvil tied around our ankles, pulling us towards the pitch-black ocean floor.

* who am i supposed to love?

* how are you gonna fix it, huh? which one of you is gonna fuck me?

* well, you're not my type, i like a fuller figure.

* if you could find other vampires, which you won't, they would shred you to strips because you are built like a bird, because you are a mistake.

* how about you shut the fuck up?

* he treats us like shit and you take it! why is that?

* you, as cruel as the devil ever made, to refuse me one love when you got two!

* i've been entertaining myself.

* i'll kill her soon.

* don't run off...

* why did you take me home? why not a hospital? maybe i'd have a handsome husband by now, or he'd be plain with a good disposition. that'd be fine too. i'd be sweeping floors, making dinners, nursing babies. maybe i'd go to church... you think on that some.

* i had no words for her, what words were there? "it all happened so fast", "i was trying to save you"... "all vampires are born out of trauma."

* poor dear. she wasn't held enough in between ritualistic murders.

* look, charlie manson wrote a couple of beautiful songs. still, he was charlie manson.

* is that all you think of her?

* it won't matter what your intentions are... it's the world out there right now.

* once you put it out there, they decide what it is. it can get away from you.

* i won't have her exploited.

* keep reading.

* keep talking.

* assume we are under suspicion. assume our finances no longer provide us protection.

* make your kills outside of the city, one a night. no persons of note... unfortunates, undesirables.

* we should leave the city, start anew, turn a betrayal into an opportunity. new york, chicago, los angeles...

* we should dismantle her room.

* she'll be back.

* there would be no roaring twenties for us.

* we were underground for seven years.

* (name), come home. i know i hurt you. i know i can make it right again.

* little girl... i'm talking to you. now what were you doing in the library? you're not allowed in there.

* i don't talk to strangers.

* you can read?

* just as i thought, a little thief. you're coming with me.

* what are you gonna do after that? after you turn her in, after it makes you feel like a big man, what's your next move, you think?

* you're not allowed to ride one of those on campus.

* this is our school, where is your fighting pride?

* you hungry?

* flaubert's style is so dense. the absence of metaphor is so striking...

* should we make it a night of the two?

* you sound like every pompous sorbonne student i've ever eaten.

* should i do it like you instead? read the first ten pages of every book and pass myself off as cultured?

* well, at least you're listening. i sit there thinking "light yourself on fire, see if he'll notice."

* you draw me into your gloom.

* it's your fault she's gone. if you hadn't pushed her...

* i cannot listen to this insanity about (name) one more time.

* i got to hear my own funeral. only couple dozen people showed up, most didn't have much to say. started talking about the weather a few minutes in.

* poor fella digging my grave lies resting on the family plot.

* what was he like, your maker?

* it ain't like that, he's more like a dad.

* oh, now there's three of us.

* got me wondering what it'd be like, ride with others, hunt in a pack. a little fang gang.

* you got a name?

* you don't kill like a (name), you kill like a killer.

* there are four pages torn out... did she tear them out? didn't seem like something she would do...

* when you do that, when you editorialize, however noble the reasoning, it calls into question all of the other shit you're shovelling my way.

* don't ask again.

* it could be her, but i'm the one who is presently standing in front of you.

* so, if my considerable considerables continue to be squandered...

* hello? oh, sorry... no, it's good to hear your voice.

* we're headed north... crash cleaned us out. and don't offer, 'cause i'm not asking.

* you look good.

* don't need that either, (name). or... whatever you are that took my (name).

* i prayed myself old, begging what to do about you. god never talked back, so... this is how it has to be, for me, for my family. you understand?

* i've come to apologize, i put you both in a bad spot. i wasn't right in my head... i am now.

* apology not accepted.

* so, quick stop home to do laundry before you fuck off for good?

* perused a few folklore anthologies and now you're going to cross the ocean to take on a society of monsters?

* if what i've read is lies, then tell me what's true.

* seven years and what's changed other than you need a housekeeper?

* the vampires out there are vicious... oh, but you know that already. who did you meet out there?

* that's it, keep 'em scared. that's his way.

* we took her life from her. we cursed her.

* come with me! come with me, (name)!

* i thought i could live without you but i was wrong.

* his love is a small box he keeps you in. don't stay in it!

* a thousand nights of sulking, and the first sight of her you're just gonna up and leave me?!

* please, come with me! let's be vampires worthy of your love!

* i fought myself a million times, fought my nature, controlled my temper... i never once harmed you.

* let him go... he didn't do nothing. it's me you want.

* i have patiently waited in vain for you to love me as i love you. just say it... i'm never going to love you. it would help me a great deal to hear that from your lips... your quivering, hateful lips.

* let go of me.

* anything for you.

#rp meme #rp starters #rp prompts #sentence starters #inbox meme #inbox starters #rp ask meme #starter prompt #roleplay starters #roleplay prompts #sentence meme #askbox meme #askbox prompt #ask meme #sentence prompts #mine: prompts.

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khepiari · 1 year

Text

Thoughts on One Piece Live Action Trailer from a biased fangirl

First of all let me be clear, I am deaf, dumb and blind to One Piece Live Action complains; that are mean and hateful for the sake of hating. I grew up with censored One Piece episodes and terrible dubs.

I am immune.

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My instant reaction after watching the trailer

A) I like it.

B) I am drooling after that 3 seconds of Taz, and brooding Mackneyu. But I am excited for Inaki, he is Luffy; the energy, goofiness and the voice!

C) Emily is like the bestest!

D) Not enough Jacob!

I am hyped none the less!

Was it a perfect trailer?

Absolutely not.

Was it a good trailer?

Yes!

It is fun, goofy and it captured the spirit of One Piece— promise of an epic ADVENTURE.

Yes, Some things in trailer bothered me, like a lot, but if I can read 1086 chapters of a manga for last ten years and watch 1066 episodes for last eighteen years, I can patiently wait to judge all 8 episodes.

Things we the diehard fans need to remember!

Anime and Manga scenes and actions can’t be replicated entirely! And we fans will only complain if its frame by frame copy-adaptation; because that’s not how it works.

Please remember it is the same story told on a different medium! People will take liberties with it.

And the CGI work is still not over; so even before you crib about it: STOP!

We really need to control our innate distrust for adaptation. Yes Hollywood has terrible track record.

Trust in Goda!

But I am choosing to trust Odachii! He green lit the adaptation in 2017! It is 2023, if he didn’t approve we wouldn’t have witnessed a single poster of the Live-in adaptation! No one is more protective of One Piece than Odachii!

Luffy has his scar!

Yes, some changes can bother us, like initially I thought Luffy didn’t have his scar, but after zooming on Inaki’s face on HD screen; I found the scar!

But Sanji’s Eyebrows: sssssh!

Sanji’s missing eyebrows is a point of contention for many, but again things that don’t serve narrative with an active purpose can go; you have to understand things get changed; Sanji’s perv gag is getting dropped too. I can’t wait to meet the Sanji of my dreams!

Merry Go looks terrifying!

I agree, I love it. But I think Merry needs exorcism too! Merry Looks scared as hell! This is Merry’s true face that has been terrorised by Luffy’s recklessness!

Wrong shoes UmU

Similarly Luffy’s flip-flops, as long as that wild child is wearing something on his feet, its fine. I mean look at the shoes he is wearing; it’s ridiculous!

Usopp’s Nose

Don’t drag Usopp’s nose into this. All of us would’ve hated a prosthetic nose on Jacob! You know it! You don’t want him to look like a copy of a copy of Pinocchio!

Nami’s Hair!

It looks okay, you all are nitpicking now! I swear, it looks alright.

Buggy-sama looks scary, duh he is a clown!

People complaining that Buggy-sama looks scary, in East Blue! Buggy-sama after his debut Was Scary! Have you ever seen a funny looking Clown ever? All clowns look scary!

I literally lured and convinced my horror addict sister to watch One Piece, because of this horrific looking Buggy-sama! I lied through my teeth that Buggy-Sama is the final boss of One Piece! Now she will watch the live action!

Yellow filter! Do you want DCU dark screen?

And the complaint about yellow filter! Look, I would take a Yellow screen over a DC black screen any day! Many wanted the GOT and LOTR cinematic treatment, I understand, but it’s not the same story elements, our protagonist is a rubber-man; our universe is colourful, set on the sea, what we can hope and aspire for is Pirates of the Caribbean treatment for the Fishmen CGI.

And remember, Luffy yelling Gum-Gum Pistol is the English translation of Gomu-Gomu no pistol! You can’t expect Inaki to yell Gomu-Gomu no pistol, while his entire angry fight speech is in English. That would be weird. And many didn’t like the pistol reveal because of how it looked. In every version of realism— stretched human skin will look weird!

Some things look great in manga art and anime frames but translate poorly in realism; I think we had already learned it the hard way! The cosplayish cinematography worked for Gintama Live Action but didn’t go well with Fullmetal Alchemist. Again the grim-gray thematic elements worked for Bleach Live In!

I think this version of One Piece is working well so far. And it was just teaser! We have 6 arcs to see!

Yes, be skeptical, but of Netflix, not cast and crew and creators!

I have told this before, I have faith in the cast and the crew and the creators. My trust issues lies with Netflix. I would’ve been happier if it was Prime who was producing it or even HBO, as they seem more committed to a project.

Netflix has terrible track record of cancellation.

And One Piece is a long time commitment, I don’t think Netflix has the bandwidth or the brains or the money to produce 31+ Arcs! We know none of the canon arcs can be dropped. So their only way out is to build up the hype of the finale arc from second season itself. And do enough bread crumbing and introduce certain supernovas, warlords, yonkos, gorosei, races and other important figures early into the story instead of keeping them for surprise element, which can help them plan for long time. Not only that they have to give us glimpses into the various crimes and atrocities and political happenings across the Grandline parallel to Strawhats journey so that the emotional build up happens gradually— expecting viewers to care about an island and its characters all of a sudden when the Crew arrives to a new island will be tricky. It is much better to constantly tell the viewers of things happening simultaneously so that when Luffy arrives to beat Croc’s or later Doffy’s ass— audience already hates them. They don’t even have to reveal the face of the villains, but build up the lore well.

Will stupid Netflix do it?

I don’t think so!

Stop the bloody hateful comments

Stop hating on the cast! I don’t think we have any right to bully or be mean or outright hateful to the actors! Time and again they have proved how much they love One Piece. Being mean doesn’t make you the cool or smarter person you think you are.

After watching/reading a series that always emphasized on doing the right thing and fighting against bullies, you all haven’t learned anything.

Don’t like it? Don’t watch it!

Is the Live Action stealing away from your years of rich One Piece experience?

No!

The manga is here, the anime is here, the games are here, the musicals are here, so are the ice-skating shows!

No adaptation is hurting the other!

This is just another medium to tell the story, now to non-manga readers/non-anime watching people!

I don’t play One Piece games, nor do I like how some game designs are, do I go an shit talk about it?

Nope.

I love the Sandman comic books, I was not happy with changes made in the live action adaptation, did I go demand receipts for changes made to the story?

No!

Because I know it’s impossible to please everyone, how hard it is to ignore something that bothers you?

If you bully the cast! I will curse you!

If you bully Inaki, Emily, Mackenyu, Taz and Jacob; I hope your toe cuticles itch all the time and your ear buzzes whenever you try to sleep!

And look how the cast cares about the story! Look at them! How dare you try to bully them!

If you follow Artur - The Library Of Ohara’s page on Twitter you will see how much effort has gone into detailing. From Luffy’s attire to Baratie’s lighting.

The series is made of love and respect for the source material. If they are diverting or changing something— remember Odachii agreed to it!

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I mean look at them! They are precious!

Starving man never looked so fine. 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠. One Piece Live Action serving Zoro to us in all his glory. And before Dudebros even start Sanji vs Zoro.

They were never cast for you, they were cast for women and queer fans. They are not representative of your imagined cis-het male idea of hyper masculinity!

They are for us!

Woman tired of her dumbass captain! This girl is going to kick ass and steal your money! She ate her role! And she will rule the screen!

We must protect Usopp! Look at this baby! Look at him! He is the bravest person in the entire world!

This the Sanji I am shamelessly looking forward to! Never will he beat babygirl allegations! And he is such a walking disaster bi energy already! And he is not limited by his perv gag!

The perfect man is here!

Look at him! How he shines like the sun! Look at his silly shoes in the trailer! This silly silly silly boy!

Hey that’s my favourite idiot. Look at him, heading to some dumbassery with the confidence exhibited by the baby from Baby’s Day Out film.

Damnnnn it! Why can’t I upload more than 10 pictures from the app? Finally, from the web version I could uploaad it all!

Anyway, practice love not hate! Peace out!

Image source: from twitter by Artur- Library of Ohara

#one piece #one piece live action #one piece liveblog #netflix one piece #one piece netflix #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #sanji #nami #usopp #strawhats #mugiwara #mugiwara kaizoku #straw hat crew #inaki godoy #emily rudd #Mackneyu #taz skylar #jacob romero

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pinkandpurple360 · 6 months

Note

whats funny about asmodeus in demonology is that (with the exception of sarah), hes actually one of the more chill demons. less malevolent spirit and more huge troll. like he overthrows king solomon for funsies and fucks his mom before getting his ass whooped. hes so intelligent that heaven, earth, and hell alike let him visit to study at their schools. his greatest weakness? is fish (?).

and hes one of the few demons to show compassion towards humans, to an extent. in the talmud theres one story where he sees a wedding and cries and you assume its bc he hates love, but its bc he had a vision that the groom would die and leave his young wife a devastated widow for the rest of her days. he also helps guide a blind man who would have fell just bc he felt that he didnt deserve it (and then the same thing with a drunk guy but for less altruistic reasons - he was like “if i help him god will look favorably on me” lol). in scriptures, hes credited with granting humans luck, knowledge, health, and, of course, great sex. some texts and modern pagans describe him as a protector of women, and theorize that he may have been “protector” of sarah (in a fucked up way, ofc)

tl;dr if one of the sins is going to be a “nicer” demon/chaotic neutral, asmodeus actually makes a lot of sense based on mythology

(sorry for the infodump i love weird demonology facts, and am disappointed viv doesnt really use them outside of aesthetics)

That actually does sound like Ozzies characterisation in some ways. I always love reading info like this~ I too am an info dumper after all

He’s silly and he’s oblivious at times, but somehow more intelligent and observant than most, protective, very passionate, and will make fun of others for not pleasuring women. “Get a load of this dweeb and his unsatisfied bride” one of my favourite lines. I hope he is later shown to be protective and chivalrous towards women because we could really use a character like that in the show. It’ll break my heart a lil if he ever calls a woman a bitch.

I think magician was a pretty good choice for his place in the circus troupe. This dude loves pranks and roasting people, his stories about the wedding, Sarah, and the blind man are genuinely tear jerking I’ll have to research them.

Um anon…think about what you just said because…the Eternal Bachelor has that title for a reason, he seems hostile towards love and is an immortal being who is with a mortal s/o, one who he is extremely protective over. Remember when he said “baby, all I got is time” ? Oh no..Ozzie you’re such a tragic character

On a lighter note…

Did you just say his weakness was…

Fish?

FISH???

VEROSIKA YOU ARE SO FIRED FOR THIS ONE

forget your use of obvious aphrodisiacs and trances

If they ever make a callback to this scene, and have Ozzie having a freak out about it I’ll die cause it’ll be so goddamn funny. Don’t forget humans caught this on camera.

#helluva boss #Asmodeus

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skippyv20 · 1 month

Text

Harry’s Wife’s Wedding Speech

We are all gathered here to witness the merging of two hearts. My Harry is my dream come true. He loves me more than he could or would ever say. He may not be the brightest husband I have chased, but he is the one that can get me near more people, important people.

I had a dream when I was 11 years old, and it was then I found my voice. I demanded a soap company make a commercial with men washing dishes. I won’t go into that right now, you can read about it later. It will be at the back of our Thank You letter you all will receive at the cost of 200 pounds. Anyways, my dream was to be a Princess. I wanted to be wealthy, live in castles, have many minions, have chefs, cleaning people, etc…and a court jester. Here we are. I married the Court Jester!

As you all know, I am an actress. I have said I have retired, but let’s get real….no one would hire me. I know that it’s because I am now a very important member of the royal family, my family. My price has gone up, up, up now. That is why most of you are here, you have connections. Get the word out! I am worth it. If I dont get any calls, I have a Plan B. Netflix! Those suckers will take on any project, so I have hope. I might even have my beloved Gary appear.

As we sit here celebrating the love of me…and Gary, please keep in mind I will be checking those envelopes very closely. Give generously. Most of you would never be sitting and eating in a castle if I didn’t think you would make it worth my while. Anyways, it’s nice to meet you all for the first time.

Our love story began in a room at SoHo house. We were set up by appt…I mean blind date. I took one look at Gary and thought, I can work with this. My little Ginger! We kept our love quiet for a minute or two, then it was leaked, and the press pursued me relentlessly. They still do. I don’t know how they know where I am all the time. But, anyways more about our deep love. It is real! We are both philanthropic spirits. Our hearts are in tune. Not our minds as Gary is not as swift as me. I remember when I was 11, I knew I was meant for great things. No one else knew it, but I sure did. It’s been a lot of work. That is fine with me, I never wanted to be a “lady of the night” who lunches. I have people to do, sorry…to see and meet with for important meetings. Of course Gary and I will be a team, and we will work together.

This is a love story, where a famous actress meets a prince. He falls madly in love with the famous actress and they wed. Which is what brought you all here. Anyways, they have dreams. We will share those down the road. The famous actress and the prince will live happily ever after. Raise your expensive glasses..2,000 pounds each at Expensive R US. Now say..

“We raise our expensive glasses to Gary and his brand new wife, may they have years of love and great deals. May the money pour in. May the live their lives better than anyone else, and be richer than anyone else. May Gary be the one to wash the dishes. May his brand new wife get the praise and big movie deals she deserves. Cheers!”

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umlewis · 1 year

Video

lewis hamilton is interviewed ahead of the miami grand prix [part 2] - may 3, 2023 (transcription under the cut)

Interviewer: "Yeah, sounds cool. Back to what you were saying earlier about getting in an F1 car; there's nothing quite like it. You have done some pretty cool things. You've been in a fighter chair. Has anything ever come close to that feeling of being in a car? Can anything come close to it?" Lewis: "I'm sure there will be... I think you can always... It's all about mindset, right? I mean, when I'm skydiving, you can get close to the excitement run that you get, but, for me, because it's what I do, racing a car, there's something I'm able to do in the car that I've not been able to tap in, in anything else. I'm not as good at anything else as I am at the connection I have with the wheels and the engine, and so no, I don't think there's anything that matches that. But all these other little things I do fill in the gaps. We're not racing every day, right, so in the winter break, when I'm surfing, yeah, it's perfect. It's just enough. It's not too hardcore for me, unless I get on the crazy big waves. Skydiving... Yeah. I like trying everything." Interviewer: "This is a stupid question, but can you explain why you're so good in a car? You've tried all these other things. You're good at it, but you're not exceptional at it. You're not, like, the number one in the world. Can you explain what it is about you and four wheels, steering wheel, two pedals, that just clicks so well?" Lewis: "It's hard for, I think, anybody that's good at something to explain... There's the innate ability, naturally, that I was definitely born with the ability. I think it's how you perceive things, and your depth perception. It's how your mind's able to compute... Like, I'm not great in a classroom. I can't sit in a meeting and come up with... I'm not great at maths. I can't solve the greatest equations. I can't draw amazing art. But when I'm in the car, that's like my paintbrush, and it just flows out of me, I think. It's always meant to be. That's what I was supposed to do. And there's something, when you're at the edge, when you're close to a hundred percent, just over a hundred percent capacity within the car, the way the brain's function... Everything quiets down and you're in a realm that... I mean, you feel like you're on your own in that realm, but it feels like it transcends you to some other part of the universe for a second, you know? It's a really, really strange experience, but pretty powerful." Interviewer: "Sounds a little bit like what Ayrton Senna used to say about that out-of-body experience: all of a sudden, a lap around Monaco, he's seeing it from almost a different perspective than..." Lewis: "Yeah, well, a quote that I really love is that we're not humans having a spiritual experience. We're spirits having a human experience. And so yeah, just thinking how big the universe is and just... We're all shining stars and I think, for me, I'm just trying to be the best I can be with what I have. This is what I was meant to do, this is what I was born to do, and it won't last forever. There's gonna be lots of young, up-and-coming bright stars. I love seeing these kids here 'cause I'm so excited about their future, about what they could do. And I love that [unintelligible] is giving them an opportunity to get into STEM, which they may have not known that that was important for them, and what that could lead to in 15, 20 years' time, what they'll next be doing. They'll be the next leaders, hopefully, whether it's government, game changers. Maybe they'll be working at an event like this, which is even more diverse, and encouraging an even bigger audience of young kids to have a better education." Interviewer: "Yeah, I hope so. One last question on Miami: I remember, I think it was around 2017, first race of the season, Liberty had just taken over the sport, and you were asked where would you like to race anywhere in the world. You said Miami, Daniel Ricciardo said Las Vegas, and here we are. How cool is that?" Lewis: "Yeah. I mean, I've been shouting about having a race in Miami, and the next one I've been talking about is South Africa, and that's what I'm pushing for in the background, so hpoefully you'll see that come to light soon, as well. And that's a real big dream for me. To have raced in South Africa, and in Africa, during my career is a huge, huge dream for me. So I know we have a big following out there-or I have a big following out there-and I know a lot of people are into Formula 1 out there, so... And that would be amazing, because when we go... The work we're doing here with IWC and [unintelligible] dreams, just imagine what we could be doing when we're in South Africa, and the work that needs to be done there, and also just highlighting just how beautiful that continent is, so I'll be pushing for that." Interviewer: "Is that something you're talking with Stefano and trying to help out?" Lewis: "I'm pushing as hard as I can in the background. I've gone high up to make sure we have that race happen." Interviewer: "I quite hope it happens. Alright, well, thank you very much, Lewis. Good talk." Lewis: "Thank you." Interviewer: "Cheers." Lewis: "Cheers."

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #miami gp 2023 #fic ref #fic ref 2023 #miami #miami 2023 #miami 2023 wednesday #not a race #2023 not a race #between baku and miami 2023

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czaneavecg · 9 months

Text

Poor Unfortunate souls

What am I doing with my life, I could no longer wait for another day, I just need to get these two out of my system. Such lovely written characters by @journey-to-the-au, I finished this by 1 am so do please forgive me- ANYWAYS ---

Short one-shot about such sweet babies: Lady Miss Morning and her Son that has to suffer because of Macaque, why must fate be so cruel?

“Mother, what are you doing out here?” Dandelion’s soft voice can be heard in the silence covered forest, the pale monkey yawned as he further approached her. Dandelion frowned at the sight of his beloved mother as she sat on a lonely hill, waiting for… someone. Someone that he’s sure that’s never to return, truthfully at this point he wishes he was wrong.

Dandelion forced a smile while he began to walk towards her, still sleepy. “Let us return home,” He noticed his loving mother stare into the distance, her mind seem lost. He sat next to her, making the lonely monkey jump. “Goodness, dear. I did not notice you…” Her voice was tired, and she was too. The moon’s silver rays covered them while the two sat in silence.

He knows exactly why she’s here and bit back an urge to bad mouth the six eared macaque, he already tried reasoning with her before but that never really worked. That negative attitude is not needed here, especially not now. Maybe this time he’d be able to help her. Morning’s son stared at her and got a good glance of her face, Dandelion grimaced at the sight and how much such distress can affect his poor mother; The golden monkey has lost her rays,

The eyes of the sun carry a sorrowful gaze.

Waiting for someone who’s long lost in the void

Is what her pitiful heart cannot avoid.

How the pain in her heart could be truly lifted?

When whom she fell in love by someone so gifted.

Morning took a deep breath “Oh Dandelion,” her voice was cold, a complete contrast to how she normally speaks, “I just don’t get it…” She began to speak; The other closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself for another talk. Every day, Morning would sit at the very hill where she and Macaque last felt each other’s presence, before he… vanished.

He waited for her to continue but no words seemed to come out of her mouth anymore, and all he heard was a heavy sigh. The hopeful monkey never wanted to give up, she knows that hies still alive, she wanted to believe and so she does. Up until many years later. Most of the troop clearly pities her, but none of such judgments could ever break her spirit, and she won’t let it, as long as she could bear it. Even if it means hurting herself in the process.

Dandelion observes her with such tired eyes; he noticed she held a flower, his beloved mother held to it for dear life, not wanting to let go. Such a sorrowful Bellwort.

‘Oh mother, why must you be like this?’

The two sat in silence for a moment until she spoke once again staring into the distance. “I do wish he’s here, you two would’ve gotten along very well…” A bitter chuckle escaped Dandelion ‘But unfortunately he isn’t’ “I hope so” he replied. Morning glanced at him laughing softly, “He isn’t all that bad, don’t listen to the others.” She said playfully, most of the other monkeys only told Dandelion how much of a bad father the six eared macaque is, but she could never allow such negativity affect her child’s mind towards him.

She recalled another memory. Sighing deeply she spoke “You know, this made me remember that one time; this was when your father and I were just staring to court…” Her eyes drifted at the ground, Morning continued “And I was picking up flowers nearby, and when a snake tried to slither towards me... and you know how much I don’t like such creatures.” Dandelion nodded ‘Then how could you have gotten along with him?’’

“Honestly I was so scared, I - I just don’t understand how such creatures could easily kill, just like that…” She paused, “I really thought I was going to be its next victim. I didn’t want to die” The word made Dandelion’s heart run cold. Morning spoke the lasts phrases in a singing way “But in a fortunate state, I was saved by your father.” Dandelion stared at her, Morning’s tone lighten up “It it wasn’t for him, I may or may not be here anymore. Granted, we weren’t sure if it was able to kill but, my point it-- that’s how I know he has a good heart, Dandelion. You needn't have to believe every word they say” Morning giggled the sound of her laughter bittersweet.

He could only give her a smile. He spoke softly turning away from his mother "Aha...guess he isn't that much of a..." Dandelion's face turned bitter, suddenly remembering the fact that HE, despite having such a good heart. Left. "Then why..?" His statement made Morning frown, she knows what he meant.

She’s been asking herself the same thing for years.

Morning stared at him, seeing the pain from his eyes. "Oh my sweet child," The golden monkey raised a hand to held his face, slowly guiding it to face her. The two stared for a moment until the loving mother spoke "I understand you hate your father for that, but-" "Oh, so you noticed" Morning flinched a bit at his statement making her gloom once more, Dandelion noticed it and apologized softly. "W-Why wouldn't I? I mean, look at you" her child spoke, his voice sounding desperate. "I understand you love him, mother but, please." He held her hand tightly "Just, look at yourself!" Dandelion winced at his own words. It came out a bit harsher than intended. "You barely take care of yourself." Dandelion continued as Morning listened, her heart aching oh so slightly. “You look after for him every single day and night. To the point where’d you’d forget about yourself!” It feels as if he's at the verge of tears. Morning was rather speechless, she's never heard of her own child speak to her like that. He sounded desperate, perhaps a bit too much for her liking. He lies -- “I truly understand that you love him mother I do. I know , but …” "Please mother. You need to let him go…" Such simple words made Morning stare at him, her eyes glassy. She can feel her heart heavy. Morning took deep breaths, collecting her mind for a moment. But unfortunately those did not work and all that happened was ragged breaths, "I c-can't..." two words came out broken, Dandelion took a deep breath, feeling himself a little teary eyed as well. Why couldn’t she just accept the fact that he will no longer return? "Oh my sweet child, Dandelion," Another deep breath, "You know I can't, I..." Dandelion watched his mother as her breathing slowly turn into broken sobs.

Oh no... What has he done...?

The loving son could feel slight regret creeping into him. But perhaps, he'd take this opportunity to help her.

“I…I don’t understand…” She cried, “What could be the reason for him to leave?” Morning’s woe made Dandelion’s heart ache “Are we not enough..?” The heartbroken monkey sobbed, tears streaming down on her face. “Why must he… leave..?” Morning spoke, her voice above a soft whisper, too tired to even speak properly. The golden eyed monkey clutched the flower close to her chest, gripping it tightly, “Why?”

Her loving son took a deep breath. “We do not have an answer for why he has left us, but…”

Dandelion was trying.

“It would be… less painful if you could stop holding on to him…”

He was doing his best.

“Mother, I know it takes time for your heart to heal, but. Always remember I’ll be here for you. ”

He does not understand why his mother loved someone that could hurt her the most.

“I - No. We will help you heal, I promise you. I will never leave you, mother…”

But he could always try.

Dandelion caressed his mother’s face, wiping away the pained tears. The brokenhearted monkey gazed upon him; his soft voice was enough to comfort her through the hurt. Morning felt a part of her spirit lift, her cold heart feeling warmth once again. Dandelion smiled softly as the golden rays shine upon them. His eyes carrying genuine comfort. “I promise…” She could only stare, soft laughter escaping her lips. Morning nodded.

“I’ll try”

Perhaps, acceptance could be truly better. ____________________________________________________

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- THIS IS SO CHEESY GOOD LORD Have mercy on me.

I wanted to write angst with these two but my brain isn’t braining.

And it’s VERY OOC (I hope its not)

My man Dandelion could not help himself with hating on Macaque, he never refers to him as father, only Lady miss Morning says that.

I TRIED MY BEST, It’s been months since I last wrote something, but this is what you get when some certain authors (yes plural) decided to fire inspirations, and got me shot.

But I do like to think the fact that Morning are afraid of snakes is that it’s a stupid metaphor to the fact that Macaque betrayed his own family n such, and Dandelion hating on snakes is just him loathing his father.

I'm thinking too much to such simple phobias, I-

#jttw #I dont even know #IMMA SLEEP #CURSE THIS #Im deleting this but I just really need to get these two out of my system #then I can focus #haha #I wanna watch little mer #again such memories

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vizthedatum · 4 months

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Another Hinduism/spiritual/philosophy post (based on my current understanding from my readings):

Krishna clearly disavows cults.

He says that the only way to him - for people/devotees to teach his lessons - are for the people who come to him on their own, on their path to moksha (liberation).

We cannot teach anyone who is unwilling to learn, even if they say they are willing - the willingness needs to be ingrained in every, single, part of you, down to your very subconscious.

You must embody it completely and even beyond that. Because to do so is the most powerful act of remembering who you are.

And Krishna purports that through this process, we will realize that this is the only way to break through maya (illusion/delusion).

—

So this is all to say: don’t trust gurus who persuade you via false promises of a happy life, if they are not willing to be honest with you about how you see yourself. I think most gurus are false. I think there are people who provide services that can be helpful, but we must all be careful of who we trust - what is their motivation for helping you?

People do find cults - and I think they’re meant to find them, maybe as a challenge in their own physical-spiritual journey to see that it is yet another mask of delusion. (Oh and Hindus definitely find themselves in cults all the time, lmao)

Much like how many of my past friendships and partnerships were - there were a delusion of what I needed or even wanted.

And as much as I hate to admit it (a weakness of my existence), I haven’t fully let go of many of my maya - I want to, that’s why I study, that’s why I pray, that’s why I seek to achieve enlightenment, that’s why I want to treat people the way I think I should be treated…

I have not mastered many of the elements that Krishna tells Arjun about in the Bhagavad Gita - but it’s not necessarily about mastery, it’s about the process of getting there.

I want to be better - I want to keep learning - I want to keep living.

(I’ve often said this, and I’m not quite sure what he told me, but when I was suicidal in high school, it was ultimately the Bhagavad Gita that saved me.

I picked it up and read it on my own, I stopped listening to my parents’ bullshit, I paused time and meditated on the song and what it was saying, and I came to a conclusion that I cannot remember -

but the spirit of it has always stayed in me, and it is that spirit that propels me to fight to stay strong, to find resources, to find comfort, to feel my emotions, to meltdown, to embrace my body, to worship my goddesses, to find Krishna, to come out as trans, to seek refuge with my friends, to make mistakes, to learn from my mistakes, to be who I am despite of all of life’s challenges.

I strayed away from religion after high school - it shook me to my core because I thought I wouldn’t be a good scientist and because I got caught up in finding love from outside myself -

and now after multiple traumatic life events, I find myself more spiritual and devoted than ever, and I cannot go back. I cannot go back even if I wanted to.)

And because of this want, this compulsion…. which I think is part of the plan anyway, the truth will come to me that it’s always been there.

I think God/Source/the truth is everywhere - it is in every single object/idea we can sense, it is what we experience, it is our inner guiding light, it is within us, it is outside of us, its bigger than us, and it is us. It shows us that no one is better than the other.

I am not perfect nor do I aim to be.

I just want to be me.

—

So this is all further to say that:

We all have it within us to find our own truth, regardless of religion or method.

I will cease to stop telling people who cannot listen (I’ll blog and express myself of course!! People don’t have to listen to me on here, lol!)

Some people need guidance but they will find each other eventually. Connections often tell you what you need to work on.

I hope I continue to find my people/community (and I already have - I’m immensely grateful for my friends from all walks of life).

This is my own truth and journey - it’s something that has brought me immense peace as I continue to navigate this life.

#Hinduism #spiritual growth #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #love #queer #self love #prose #spirituality #Krishna #bhagavad gita #Gita #bhagavadgītā #fuck cults #my journey #healing journey

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loveabledirtbag · 8 months

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1.07 - The Review

the day has come. this episode. ufffffffff. this episode. it’s all been leading here. i always knew that it would end this way.

before we even begin, i just gotta say….this episode is so much. it’s so odd how much i love it, because i think it was one of the first times i’d ever felt seen in the service industry. something just happens when you work in the service industry long enough where every single thing that COULD go wrong, DOES go wrong. and for some reason there’s never a FUCKING MARKER THAT FUCKING WORKS.

i’m probably gonna say a lot that pisses people off, and i’m gonna do my best to make sure everyone is pissed off evenly. because i got some hot takes in my watch of this, but i hope you all find it nuanced and detailed enough that maybe there’s stuff in here for everyone to take something away from it. maybe the true traumatic working experience was the friends we made along the way…

LETS DIVE IN

that intro to the episode though! i remember watching for the first time and just being so thrown off guard. why are we getting this semi-old-school tv intro? we get opening credits, we’re seeing everyone coming into work. it’s just so GOOD! because we the audience are just as lost as the characters are. we’re sorta thrown for a loop, with an opening that honestly feels sort of familiar, just like them coming to work feels familiar. day in and day out, they do this. just like every other day. we’ve seen a million shows that show us an opening like this. but then tossing in little bits of chicago history, landmarks, and tidbits. breathing in and breathing out….chicago. all of it to signify that no one (not us, the audience. not the characters) are ready for what’s about to happen. no one knows when they’re going to experience the worst day of their life. if just happens.

uff. ebraheim’s reading of the review is so painfully good. because you can tell his enthusiasm for the review! but his less than perfect reading, on a topic that he doesn’t understand is actually creating tension, adds tension on top of tension! uff. so good.

also, what a pretentious review! my god! the dichotomy of the long haired bearded man who got syd’s dish last episode, and the privileged snobbery of a holier-than-thou reviewer makes his words even more pretentious. “oh, chicago’s changing so much, wahhh. how can we evolve and not change the core of who we are”. which, is a topic i really value, and a subject i think about a lot for my own city. but the way it comes off in this review makes me wanna go, “oh fuck off, you middle aged fuck!”

plus the fact that a lot is happening and ebra is just reading, and is told multiple times to stop, but he keeps going because he thinks he’s lifting spirits. ugh. heartbreaking.

uff. ebra won’t stop reading. tina is late. marcus is NOT doing cakes but is lost in donuts (AGAIN). they’re rolling out the new to-go systems today. a reviewer is praising syd’s dish that isn’t actually on the menu and was given to him instead of being tossed. it’s just a perfect cluster fuck of a day. and it hasn’t even began.

i’ve seen some back and forth on how weird it is that when tina introduces her son louie to the restaurant, after he got suspended, was to ask carmy to teach him how to work at a restaurant. which i don’t think is weird at all! i know a few people who’s parents worked in restaurants, or who knew of parents who worked in restaurants, and their kids basically worked lower down positions as a chore. most weren’t paid. is that illegal? yes. BUT, louie is suspended, his mom works all day, we never hear of a dad. he can’t be left home all day, and being left home all day without supervision probably wouldn’t be good for any kid, but definitely not a kid who just got suspended. there’s a tone in tina’s voice of….recognition that louie probably is going to need to learn restaurant skills because he’s most likely not going to go far in school. so it’s not the worst thing in the world. am i opposed to child labor? yes. do i think it’s the worst thing in the world that while louie is suspended he learns to work in a kitchen? no. do i think he deserves to be paid? yes. do i think he is going to be paid? really couldn’t tell ya. but i also think this is just true to a world of people in kitchens, and a real issue that parents and guardians have to deal with in regards to their kids. right or wrong isn’t really the thing to discuss here, but the authenticity of this moment in the lives of a lot of working class individuals.

i will say that carmy throwing training louie in on sydney is a little dickish. i understand there’s a lot going on, and carmy feels the weight of the lot that is going on. but syd also has a lot going on, and carmy just kind of tosses it at her. i think there’s a lot of moments people complain about carmy throwing stuff on syd’s plate. and i agree with some of it and don’t agree with others. but it could have been just a bit easier on everyone if carmy gave it to someone who had less going on than syd. give louie to sweeps and have louie do the odds and ends that need doing. you know?

UFF, that the moment we see the unhappiness on syd’s face as carmy passes louie off on her, ebra starts reading the review again. painful. just painful.

i love that tina has so quickly come to regard syd as a teacher. that she confides in syd about louie and believes in her so much that she is confident that syd can help louie the same way syd helped tina.

love the little moment of richie and carmy being on the same side on the review. just both of them going: who the fuck is this hack who thinks it’s endearing to call us shabby, as if we’re this quaint little hayseed restaurant. the little engine that could. fuck him! i love those small moments when carmy and richie are so clearly family and grew up together and even as they have the most intense fights together slip right into agreement. because the love is never in question. fight, don’t fight. eh, it’s family.

ufffff, but the fact that richie is just that little extra bit annoying to syd. all the bad things adding together, before the real horse-shit has even happened. it’s just all painful. but like, asking her if she’s blowing someone at the newspaper is a step above anything we’ve seen him say to syd. and syd is just fucking over it, because she’s got enough shit going on. and then his repeatedly calling her boss, subtly rubbing it in, poking at the idea that she’s trying to take over. FUCK. it hurts so good

especially watching it again and knowing it’s coming. because so far if you’re watching for the first time you don’t know what’s coming. you might have picked up the one take, you might notice that while the episode hasn’t been break-neck intensity like some of the first episodes, there’s just this….growing sense of unease. you can almost feel that something is coming, but you don’t know what it is yet.

i love as carmy is getting the count for the day: “richie, go fuck yourself”, “69 all day chef!” just these small moments of humor, even if the humor is people annoying each other and also adds to the tension.

oooof, and then marcus doesn’t have the count for cakes. i just…i want to be supportive of marcus. but this is the….third? fourth time? JUST IN THE SHOW that we’ve seen someone go “dude, come on. you can do donuts, but you HAVE to do your actual job.” like, he almost shut the shop down because he blew a fuse because he fucked up. like, that wasn’t a wake up call? i love his dream, and i want him to chase his dream, but being an adult, especially an adult who’s working a job to support his mom, at a restaurant that is trying to claw its way back from the brink of financial ruin….you can’t fuck around! or you find out.

i love the moment where sydney chooses NOT to get into it with richie. because she’s teaching louie the register. which is, arguably, the easiest thing to learn. the nuance and finesse of it is, without question, something not everyone can do. we see that as the show progresses, and we’ve seen it already. richie has a way with people that is his gift. but the actual act of being on register is extremely easy. and it’s obvious why syd would bring him to the register, but richie comes up and shoo’s them away acting like his job is too much for louie. and syd just bounces to the next thing, and chooses not to get into with him. it’s not worth starting a thing by telling richie his job is not that hard. AND she does the right thing of asking sweeps to take louie, keep working, while she goes over the new to-go system with richie. because she has a lot to do, and can’t be stuck watching a kid.

and then the fact that as richie pushes syd’s buttons about getting her dish in the paper, suddenly she snaps. richie is getting in her face about bringing in “the wrong kind of business”? as if the shop can afford to choose who’s money they take and who’s they don’t? as richie sells coke out of the back alley, and carmy is selling vintage denim just to make ends meet? and so, syd goes in for the jugular and pushes back. with a lot of bite.

i love that at some part as richie, syd, and carmy are talking, as tensions are beginning to rise as everyone is just getting mad at everyone, and BEFORE the shit hits the fan, Spiders (Kidsmoke) by Wilco starts playing. a live version that is so loud, and noisy, and ragged that it just adds to this unbelievable tension and anxiety before you even know why you should be anxious in the first place.

THE SHIT HITS: endless to-go orders. and here’s where i gotta get into this, because i think this is the precipice of a lot of dialogue and conversations and i want to weigh in. before i go ANY FURTHER i gotta just say that i LOVE carmy, and syd, and marcus a lot. i love them. and so when i criticize any of them, it’s not a black and white thing. i’m not trying to take sides and shit on one character completely (like so many people seem to do).

carmy owns the beef. he’s working to try and get the shop out of a hole and build it up to a place where it’s financially stable. he’s also working and trying to introduce his system to the social environment, replacing michael’s system. there has been a lot of chaos, a lot of pushback and a lot of work. he has hired sydney to be his number two. sydney has been the one pushing for to-go’s for EPISODES. and while it’s not like sydney doesn’t have a lot going on, to-go’s has been her fight for a while. even in a previous episode carmy said “we just got it to kind of a chill place, there’s more to do but this is nice and i want to keep it here for a bit” in response to syd pushing to-go’s. so it’s not unreasonable of him to have said to her at some point, “if you wanna do to-go’s, can you be in charge of it?”. i’ve seen so many people shitting on carmy for being a bad boss for not checking on syd’s work, and to me it’s like…he trusts her enough that if she says she’s going to do something, he trusts it’ll be done. how many of us like it when our boss hovers over our shoulder watching everything we do? none of us! i think it makes perfect sense that carmy gave to-go’s to sydney, who’s been asking for them for weeks, if not months, and if he gave her the freedom and the trust to do it herself, since she has continually proven herself as trustworthy, AND as someone who has continually asked for leadership roles. could he have checked in, or double checked that she did everything right, and made sure she didn’t accidentally leave to-go’s on overnight? of course, and i will fault him for that. but we’ve also seen that he’s incredibly busy, and he trusts syd, so that small mistake is not nearly as bad as the people calling carmy a horrible boss want to make him out to be.

plus, it’s weird that the people who seem to shit on carmy as a horrible boss for this moment seem to also think syd is perfect? like it’s carmy’s fault that syd didn’t double check if she turned off the to-go’s overnight? idk, there’s a logical fallacy in how so many people talk about this moment.

but the point of all of this is for me to say, neither of them are horrible! sydney made an innocent mistake! like, a mistake that FUCKED the restaurant, but an easy one to make. maybe she fully forgot to click the off button, maybe she clicked the screen and it didn’t register her finger and she didn’t notice and assumed it hit off? who knows. new technology is weird. it’s hard. and it doesn’t make sydney a shitty person for messing up, nor does it make carmy a shitty person for not catching the mistake himself.

and yes, the fact that as carmy is focusing on the mess of having HUNDREDS of orders (more than they have of any menu item in the shop), that he also stops and says: “i told you that dish wasn’t fuckin’ ready” shows that some of his anger is at syd for having a successful dish. so, yes, it’s misplaced anger, and he needs to work on that. and when syd asks “what does that have to do with this?” and he yells at her to stop talking so he can figure it out, it’s because he knows he was just caught being a baby, and being angry at the wrong thing and not wanting to be confronted with it. he has trouble processing his emotions, and dealing with them, and it comes out in anger and he needs to work on that!

because i think there’s a mix of things happening with carmy and that dish, and syd. i think he struggles not to see her as competition, even as her boss. he says in the next episode that even as the sou at his restaurant, when anyone new would come in he would have the desire and urge to “smoke that motherfucker” because they were the competition, even though he was their boss. and now he’s the owner, and syd is his sou, and even though she can’t get higher without his say so, he still feels that threat of “what if she’s a better cook? what if she deserves this more than i do?”. we see him work on a lemon chicken dish, as she works on a braised short ribs and risotto. his dish makes it to menu, hers doesn’t. but the critic breezes past all the work carmy has done on making the sandwiches better, and updating the menu by saying “some small improvements” only to get it out of the way so he can talk about syd’s dish. the dish carmy said wasn’t ready yet.

and i believe it wasn’t ready, i think i’ve talked about this in a previous post. it wasn’t ready. BUT i don’t think carmy knew what it needed. he comes off as an unhelpful asshole to syd because he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what her dish needs. there’s too much pride on him being the best chef ever for him to work WITH sydney to make her dish perfect. and now it’s all biting him in the ass. he’s mad syd made the better dish, he’s mad he can’t figure out why it’s not perfect, he’s mad all the work he’s doing for the beef is not being recognized but syd’s imperfect dish is, but he’s also mad at the very real frustrations being presented with the to-go orders flying out at him endlessly, and i know, I KNOW (because of the next episode after this one) that he’s mad at himself for feeling all of this and not being able to process and handle it better. and all of that anger and frustration comes pouring out of him in a very unhealthy way.

i also think it’s lost a bit at how carmy takes a moment to think. it’s a hectic moment, and his mind is still on syd and everything else, but he takes a second and he on-the-fly creates a system to try and get everything done and help everyone accomplish the day and get through it. people are going into the walk in and pulling food, stations are being created and properly sectioned off, sweeps is organizing tickets, fak is helping, richie is helping, and carmy gives everyone a job to do. i think it’s mirrored (and mirrored in a healthy way) next season in the finale, but i want to point out that carmy is trying to get everything down and under control, he’s just doing it while screaming and letting his fury fly free on everyone around him.

OOOOOF, and syd asking marcus how he’s doing on cakes, as everyone, EVERYONE, is flying and scurrying and trying to figure out how to get on top of this cluster fuck. and marcus, in a distracted, uncaring voice says “uh, getting there”. because he’s still on donuts. i’m sorry. that’s just so fucking unbelievably not okay.

i’ve seen some people really trying to defend marcus. some even agree with him. it’s pointless to try, we’re fucked, why can’t i just keep working on donuts? BUT LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE. as someone who used to work at mcdonald’s with no autonomy, who was hired to be some sort of drug addicts half-baked plan to have really good bread when buying bread was cheaper and easier, so your job is nearly useless and pointless. being given the freedom to focus on desserts, and spearheading a dessert on your own, AND THEN being given even more autonomy to research, and experiment, and play around to try and figure out how to make a donut, and all your bosses ask is that you do the job they’re paying you to do. you make cakes. your idea was to put cakes on the menu, we did that, so do it. do whatever else you want, but just make sure you’re doing your job. AND NOT ONLY THAT but at least four or five times in the last few weeks someone has had to say, “hey! do your job please!”, to the point where you even blew a fuse and almost shut your work down for good because you weren’t doing your job. AND NOW there’s a potentially shop ending crisis (AGAIN) and your response is “eh. it’s fucked. i’m gonna do me”. NO! i’m sorry. he doesn’t deserve carmy’s abuse, but he deserves syd’s anger and more. like, i love marcus, but that’s just not acceptable.

ok, and, here’s a place where i want to be really nuanced and try and explain something: sydney’s bouncing around trying to do a lot at once. clearly she’s stressed. BUT, carmy is also running around and trying to do a lot at once, and he’s the boss. he’s creating a system, on the fly, and when he comes to syd and sweeps organizing the tickets he tells her multiple times “step off the expo” because he’s going to do it. and she keeps arguing with him. not maliciously, but because she’s trying to explain HER system to him, but he’s already running HIS system and he doesn’t need to hear her system, he needs her to get in line and start working so they can get through the rush. every second counts and he doesn’t need to waste what precious time that they don’t even have to give to hear her reasoning for something that they’re not gonna do. i don’t want to blow past carmy’s abusive and bombastic anger, because it can’t be, nor should it be, ignored or blown past. but it’s easy to talk about it. carmy is in the wrong with HOW he reacts to the challenges of this day. he’s wrong in every single action, but i don’t think he’s wrong in the decisions he’s making to tackle it. sydney wants to break it down and try to systematically get through things, and carmy knows: we already have more to-go orders than we have food in our walk in. there is no way to systematically break it down. we just have to GO, fire everything, cook everything and see what shit we’re left with when we run out.

syd’s not in the wrong for trying to create a system to break things down and organize the chaos, but carmy is also not wrong for knowing the chaos is too big on this one and they just need to push and see where they land. and as the boss, i will say syd is in the wrong for just…not listening to him. yes, she’s trying to help, and she’s trying manage, but carmy asked her multiple times to do something and she kept not doing it. and yes, carmy is very in the wrong for how he treats EVERYONE. i’m not excusing that. it’s just wrong. but in a rush, especially one as fucked as this one is, you just gotta listen to who’s in charge and do what you can do until the rush is over. does that mean allowing yourself to be debased if your boss is being verbally abusive? FUCK NO. but in a crisis at work in the service industry, if your boss says to do something, you just gotta do it, and if it goes to shit you get the satisfaction of knowing it’s their fault. you were just following their orders. i hope this makes sense. i don’t think they should have just put up with carmy’s abuse, BUT syd’s attempt at trying to have a nuanced and reasonable discussion over how to best tackle the problem was not the time and place. in a crisis, the boss is the boss, and you just gotta go with what they say, and if possible talk about it later. but in the moment it’s do or die.

i also think there’s an interesting parallel between syd’s mistake here, and carmy’s mistake in the very first episode. both of them were trying to help the shop make more money. syd with the to-go’s, and carmy with the ballbreaker tournament. both of them are successful and bring a lot of people in. both of them realize that in the restaurant world, you can’t have explosive growth without proper preparation. because they’re not set up for it. richie tells carmy they’re not set up to deal with the influx of nerds playing games, so carm should make the spaghetti. in this episode, carm tells syd they weren’t ready for to-go’s, and it’s not helped by the good review in the newspaper that morning. more business might seem like a universal good thing, but in the restaurant biz, if too many people come than you overwork your staff, you might run out of food, wait times begin to go up as they’re working harder to accommodate for everything. and then every additional customer gets more and more upset as they have a bad time at this place. you risk losing every new customer, because they came in, and you weren’t ready for them, and they had a terrible time. and you risk losing old reliable customers because they came in and the place was crowded, and you were overwhelmed by the new influx, and they get so frustrated that they decide to never come in again. more than one restaurant has closed because they suddenly experienced an explosion they weren’t ready for, and it overwhelmed them, and then they crashed and burned.

BUT BACK TO THE SHOW: syd didn’t say corner. i’m not sure if saying it would have helped, but richie said corner, syd didn’t. but richie is also an asshole, and choosing to take that moment to push syd’s buttons more as the cakes that SO DESPERATELY need to be cut and prepped fall to the ground. fuck off richie.

tina’s moment to try and check in on syd is so sweet. mama bear gotta come in and mama bear. and that syd takes her anger out on her, and insults the beef (where tina has worked and the place tina loves) and questions what tina or louie is ever going to get out of “a shithole” like the beef is rough to watch. because it’s so clear how much tina has come to respect syd and her teaching her chef things, and for syd to just kind of spit on that, and take her anger she’s feeling at herself (for making the mistake with the to-go’s), and at carmy (for clearly being mad about the risotto and for yelling at her), and at richie (for….well, being richie. fuck richie) and to put it on tina who is only trying to make sure that syd is okay, is hard.

GET ME A FUCKING SHARPIE THAT FUCKING WORKS! FUCK! - the most relatable line i’ve ever heard to depict a shift that has turned into an absolute shit show. why can’t shop sharpies work the moment you desperately need them to?

i do love (and maybe love is the wrong word) the blink and you’ll miss it moment of tina telling carmy that they’re out of giardiniera, and him saying they’ll prep it fresh and (like always) he (without thinking) puts it on syd’s plate. which shows his trust of her. BUT also shows his willingness to brush off anything he doesn’t want to deal with on her. AND THEN, because everything is moving so fast, he calls richie into the kitchen to ask for a sharpie, and as his brain is still processing and flying through he asks him to prep the giardiniera. it’s a beautiful, and realistic, moment of television. because we’ve seen so many moments of “something i don’t want to deal with, ‘syd, you got this’”, and so carmy does that. but he doesn’t even realize he’s said it. and the problem is still on his brain, as he sees richie and asks him to fix this problem, because everyone else (including sydney) is probably dealing with the million other issues that are happening in the kitchen at that moment.

and i appreciate that as richie goes to the back to prep the giardiniera, and sydney questions what he’s doing he says “what does it look like? i’m helping you”, he honestly didn’t go back to fight. he recognizes that syd is doing something, and because he’s also been told to do something he’s hopping into “okay. so sydney’s already doing this, so then i’ll just help her.” which is, honestly, the right attitude. but sydney has already been so bashed around and is already feeling so much that she takes richie’s presence as a threat.

there’s something about the way syd lays into richie that…so supremely gets under my skin. i honestly can’t even fully explain it. she does such a good job in this moment acting out this onslaught of insults. the intense intake of breath, the bitter laughter, the just stabbing (intentional wordplay) of her words into him. ufff. i like….hate syd here, even as i think richie probably deserves it.

and i love that he takes everything she says, chooses not to engage until she insults his daughter. WHICH IS FAIR, syd went WAY TOO FUCKING FAR with that one. because we know he feels like a loser. his ex wife has him as richie bad news, his daughter wonders if that’s his real name, he brags about drunken nights and mornings at bars to dates and doesn’t realize why that doesn’t impress them, and then lies to his coworkers about it, blaming her. he knows that he’s a loser. but he knows that his daughter is the one good thing he ever did, and he doesn’t want his daughter to think of him as a loser.

and again, carmy comes in as they’re fighting, even as syd is brandishing a chefs night, literally TOUCHING it to richie’s stomach, as she says “maybe i will fucking stab you”, and he screams at them to shut up and get to work. which, once again, is the right call, just enacted terribly. because yes, they need to stop and just get the work done, but his screaming at them isn’t going to help calm them down. but also, like….when people are brandishing knives at other employees, maybe you got bigger fish to fry, carm.

uuuuuuuuuuufffffda. the fact that after all this time. ALL THIS TIME. as everyone is having the worst day in the kitchen they’ve ever had. arguably, the worst day in the kitchen anyone COULD HAVE, that marcus goes up to carmy with a DONUT and is smiling, like, “look! i did it!” FUCK OFF.

and no, carmy freaking out, grabbing marcus’ face, grabbing his donut and throwing it on the floor is not okay. that is abuse. it just is. arguably, actionable abuse. marcus was…partially right for leaving after carmy did that to him. that was absolutely, unequivocally, not okay for carmy to do. but….marcus…..the fuck dude. this is like the fifth or sixth time someone has had to do say to you “the fuck? do your fucking job.” in this episode alone this would have been like a “third warning” in a day. marcus deserves to be fired, or sent home for the day, or written up, or some form of punished for this. because in a 20 minute, in real time, no cuts scene, this is literally the third time marcus has chosen not to do his job, not to get back to work, but not even to help anyone else out around the kitchen as they all are struggling and hustling and just trying to make it work. like, it’s not only disrespectful to the restaurant that it trying desperately not to close, it’s not only disrespectful to carmy who has literally given you every opportunity to chase after your dreams and been way more than understanding when your dreams have gotten in the way of your duties in the kitchen, but it’s so fucking disrespectful to every single person in that kitchen who is struggling and fighting tooth and nail to get things in order and make it work so that they still have jobs next week. like, marcus, your mom is sick (spoilers), tina has a son, richie has a daughter, you all need to pay rent, buy food. you’re threatening seven people’s livelihoods because you want to make a “perfect donut”? no, i’m sorry, get the fuck out of the kitchen and come back when you’re ready to be an adult who can multitask and prioritize doing his job, and doing the fun stuff only after everything else is done. (again, carmy’s reaction is fully wrong and i do not support it, though! toxic, angry, abusive. not okay).

but because of carmy’s abuse, marcus chooses to leave during the middle of the shift, and again, kind of leaves everyone in the lurch to try and figure the shit out and pick up the pieces. and….im not fully sure how i feel. i believe in removing yourself from abusive situations. and carmy is being abusive. and i also don’t believe in staying in an abusive situation for the sake of other people, because you have to take care of yourself first. but….carmy is not normally abusive like this. i know a lot of people like to say that he is, but so far in the series, he has only ever raised his voice to speak over others, and has almost never (if ever) been confrontationally abusive to anyone. other than maybe richie, and that’s giving as good as he’s getting, to someone who is in his family. i’m not trying to excuse abuse to a family member, but it’s much more of a feel of “richie is my cousin, i can speak differently than i would to the others who are my employees”. his meanness to richie is more of a informal familiarity, more than it’s abusive. this is really the first time we’ve seen carmy choosing to be loud, angry, AND attack others directly with his words. he has been confrontational, he has been loud, he has been angry, but he’s never been all of them, as he’s attacked those around him. so, all of that to say….the fact that carmy is like this for the first time is shocking, and it adds more believability for why marcus (and eventually syd) leave. it’s shocking. but i also can’t help but think of everyone else that marcus is fucking over by leaving the very first time carmy does something wrong to him. you know? and maybe i’m wrong! maybe i’m not reading past experiences and conversations and interactions correctly! if i am, let me know! but, every time i see marcus throw his tray of donuts on the table and take off his apron and walk out, i can’t help but think “really? you fucked up so many times, you were told to do your jobs so many times, and now you’re choosing to pack up and go home??? you’re fucking people over and forcing syd to do your job for you, while she does a million other things, and you think you get to go home as the morally superior one? fuck off”.

and again, i love marcus. i think he’s got so much heart and is arguably the heartfelt anchor of this shows. but he’s human and the writers do a great job of writing him as a human, and he does a great job acting as a fully fledged human. but as a human, he has made a lot of mistakes the last few episodes.

AND THEN SYD STABS RICHIE IN THE ASS!!!! quasi-on purpose, quasi-accidental. i mean. watch in slow-mo as richie backs up into syd’s knife. its so quick, and syd was looking over at carmy shouting, and richie was backing up. like…it WAS an accident. buttttttttt…..was it?

the fact that richie immediately upon getting stabbed walks it off, and is like “ebra, come on. i got stabbed.” and ebra also immediately follows richie to sew up his ass. what friendship. and what history does it spell out for richie and ebra, both? like richie is just like “ope. stabbed. okay, i’ll deal with this now.” and ebra is like “you’re stabbed? okay, let me get my stuff.”

“not right now, i got stabbed” “you probably fucking deserved it” “mm….m-maybe, maybe.” is such a good back and forth between carmy and richie.

i also think it’s interesting that as carmy walks out to the front of the shop to check on louie and sweeps, while richie is at the front of the bar for ebra to check out his ass wound, carmy asks louie and sweeps how their job is going, and they respond that they’re working on it, and carmy says “thank you, chef. keep going please.” very calm. very collected. i wonder if this was voice over, and just sort of overlooked, or if it was a conscious decision of carmy being calm and responsive in a moment during the chaos? because since shit has hit the fan he’s been shouting and calling people names, but louie and sweeps respond to him with just “we’re doing what you asked” and his response is a very appropriate “ok. thank you.”

i love that as ebra tells richie his story of samalia and the “factions”, as he describes the helicopters coming in, we hear helicopters in the background, mixing with the music. and then richie goes “is this shit black hawk down!?” such a genius moment of humor during such a tense episode. and for that exchange to end with “fuckin’ piven” “piven”.

i fully believe the two seconds carmy spends in the walk in cooler he’s taking two seconds to just breathe.

tina opens the doors, even as they’re out of food, for the very first customer of the day. and he says “do you guys have risotto?” and tina just barks “no!”. ugh. so painful. so good.

once again, syd leaving right as the doors are opening is….i have mixed feelings. she just stabbed a guy, i get it (well….i don’t get it, i’ve never stabbed a guy). but she’s clearly in a bit of shock, and should prioritize her mental health over the shop. but….AGAIN, there are so many people who have no other options in their life, who need the beef to survive, and to abandon them all in the middle of a crisis just sucks. and i think it’s saying something that it’s syd and marcus. they have been sort of focal points and main characters in the show, yes. so them leaving is the most dramatic to the tension and narrative. BUT they’re also young. syd has an impressive resume and can find another job. arguably, marcus has a better resume now than he did when he got the job. they’ll be okay. but as it’s been stated so many times….where is richie gonna go? where is tina gonna go? sweeps has a history of drugs that is probably going to make it difficult to get another job (maybe. idk. he could have been kicked out of the mlb for weed or something, but still). the beef is full of people who have no where else to go, and the people who can afford to get out to at the worst possible moment, at the expense of the people who can’t afford to leave.

i was talking to my sister about this, she’s a psychologist. because i want syd and marcus to be emotionally, and psychologically healthy, and part of that is by removing yourself from toxic situations. but i can’t help but see the class dynamics of two people who have way more opportunities and privilege leaving the shop at the expense of the people around them. and i don’t know fully where to land.

but syd basically leaving and putting all of the blame on carmy is still….not fully right in my eyes? carmy is being abusive, carmy has created an atmosphere in the kitchen that was so overwhelming and bombastic that syd got distracted and accidentally stabbed richie. but for her to say “well, it’s all carmy’s fault” isn’t right. yes, when she calls him a piece of shit, she’s saying it for his actions today; for his actions with not having the humility to admit he doesn’t know what’s missing from her dish, and a lot. but almost every episode they’ve had a back and forth and a chance to talk and he’s continually apologized for his wrong moves, and she really hasn’t. so, to be right in the middle of a shitshow, and to say “this is all on you, this isn’t my fault”…like….ehhhhh, you asked to have more responsibility, you pushed for to gos and then you didn’t set it up properly. easy/honest mistake, but you still made it. that’s on you. you also picked fights (even with assholes who deserved them) and tried to argue with your boss about something in the middle of a rush. like, all understandable, none of it evil. but to turn all of that over to carmy and go, “100% of this is your fault.” like…no it’s not? syd definitely has a right to leave to try and process the traumatic event of stabbing someone, she has a right to leave to escape the toxic environment carmy has created, even if i have mixed feelings on making everyone’s lives harder by leaving. but i don’t think she can say it’s all his fault. it’s not ALL his fault, even if A LOT, if not MOST, of it is his fault.

i also wonder if syd calling him a piece of shit has anything to do with their “i don’t want to be shitty” “then don’t” conversation in season two? (but we’ll talk about that when we get there)

carmy realizing the weight of his actions, as the shit continues to crash and burn around him, only to crouch down and eat the smushed donut off the floor, and then have a sick, twisted, grim smile as he realizes that the donut is actually really fucking amazing, is such beautiful poetry. it hurts.

and also, people really are disgusted by carmy doing that, and like, yeah, it IS disgusting. but that shit happens every day at your favorite restaurant. shit fall. people pick it up and eat it. it’s not great, but it’s so true.

carmy smacking the ticket printer off the shelf and (hopefully) breaking it is the only outburst of anger i am in full support of. the ticket printer deserves to die.

aaaaaaaand that’s the episode. wilco plays their final note, a crowd erupts in cheers and we’re all left just…emotionally wrecked. i have probably watched this episode (along with the whole season) a dozen times, and im still conflicted on how i feel about the whole thing. because obviously carmy is in the wrong. it’s barely worth discussing how carmy is in the wrong. anyone trying to defend carmy is also in the wrong. but i don’t think he deserves 100% of the blame. a bad thing happened that wasn’t his fault, and he took his frustrations out on everybody around him, instead dealing with them in a healthy and non-toxic way. but everyone in this episode was at their worst, and that’s THE POINT OF THIS EPISODE. EVERYONE. tina’s mama bear-ing only caused frustration, marcus was lost in donuts and made things harder, syd made a i little mistake with huge consequences and then also attacked everyone around her (except much less intensely than carmy), richie is on fine form with being his annoying self, ebra reading the newspaper after being told to stop, and carmy’s abusive, explosive anger. they’re all at fault. not just carmy. carmy is just the loudest, most bombastic, and the main character, so we notice it more.

but that’s the episode! next is episode eight! season finale! in what is arguably one of the most subtle, nuanced, often overlooked and not talked about episodes….with one of the biggest, over the top endings ever that everyone LOVES talking about. but, we’ll talk about it when we get there!

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #the bear tv #the bear season one #the bear review #the bear series #marcus the bear #carmy the bear #sydney the bear #sydney adamu #richie the bear #richie jerimovich #tina the bear

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chiyeko-kurea · 2 months

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Miscarriages (tw: vent)

I never really believed in spirits or reading into someone’s mind or anything. I mean, for some people, you can see in their eyes that their soul’s broken but I never believed to be a part of them.

One day, at was at the « microkinesiologist », a doctor my mother insisted to take me to. It sounded like a crappy scam, but my mother is the kind to really believe this sort of stuff and was ready to pay a scammer if it even gave us a tiny hope to relieve my pain. I was lying down on the table, my mother sitting next to me, this woman examining my knees, and I remember already feeling uncomfortable with the contact. She touched my knees, turned to my mom and said a year, i don’t remember which one, and asked what happened that time. My mother froze, and told she had a miscarriage. It was a few years before I was born, and my mother never told me about it, I heard it from my sister when I was young. She didn’t specify to the doctor she actually had several miscarriages all the following years, until I finally came, yet the doctor nodded and said something, again I don’t remember exactly what, but she just somehow knew. And she told my mother, like i wasn’t right there under her fingertips, « you can tell her to let go of that. »

I have no idea how she knew that i felt guilty for all of them, the dead kids before me, and how i feel unworthy of being the one born, and how i sometimes wonder how they were named, and if my parents would have been happier if another kid before me was born instead of me. The twisted, bad-tempered, mean and ill little me.

Maybe one of them would have been a lovely little girl, a ray of sunshine and health, talented in science and naturally destined to be a doctor, and would’ve filled my parents with happiness even in their darkest days.

And never, ever would’ve made them cry like I do.

And instead, here’s me, and I wonder if my parents did the right thing to keep trying to have a second kid, or if i am the living proof that sometimes giving up is better.

Sometimes I feel like I have to live up to them. The fetuses. Which is dumb, because you can never outdo someone who never existed based of what they maybe could have done. Their imaginary successes have literally no limitation inside my mind and no matter how hard I try, I always think « maybe they would have done it better ».

I have to be worthy, worthier than them. And sometimes, the truth is that I am jealous of these dead bloody fetuses.

I absolutely want to be a doctor, but deep down I know that even if I didn’t want to, I’d still choose that path because it makes my parents proud in a way they don’t really want to admit and maybe one of the dead fetuses would’ve become a doctor. In the same way, I don’t really know if I want kids and I’m most definitely sure my body can’t handle it because it can’t even handle itself, but maybe one of the dead fetuses would’ve had kids. And in the same way, I taste food I know I won’t like because my parents want me to and because maybe one of the dead fetuses would’ve always tasted everything. And in the same way, I go drive with my dad even when it fucking scares me, because maybe one of the dead fetuses would’ve always happily say yes to drive when he offers.

I know it’s stupid, it doesn’t matter, I should stop comparing myself to other versions of me that could have been born before and stop competing with them, and at least I get credit for actually surviving and living when these fetuses didn’t, right? But still I feel guilty, because I tried to kill myself several times, and even if I never actually managed to, I fucking tried. And oh, how freaking cruelly ironic would that be, the child who finally lives, ends up dead once again, and they lose it to its own hands. And they just keep losing children.

And my mom wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt and my dad would lose another child he poured his soul into.

And « all your parents want is for you to be happy » but then again, I feel guilty, because I not even am. I can’t even give that to them.

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miss-tc-nova · 2 months

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Rather Than You - Cait Sith & Kitsune!Reader

I get the feeling this isn't exactly what you were looking for...but it's pretty on par for me. I actually had fun with this after finishing rebirth and I really REALLY love kitsune, so that was fun. But anyway, you've waited long enough so enjoy!

WARNING FOR FF7 REBIRTH SPOILERS!!!

Premise: Cait Sith gives his own life to save the others

Words: 1,788

~~~~~

The journey together hasn’t been long, but it’s been the wildest ride. There have been reckless escapes, cautious subterfuge, and more close calls than I care to remember. Despite these harrowing events, I would do it all over again.

Or at least I thought I would.

Many would many would think me a fool for so quickly growing attached to the little animatronic. I learned the hard way that they were right. Our first encounter had me instantly charmed. That charisma broke through the stress and chaos of our mission, bringing smiles or even just sarcastic eye rolls. What’s more is that he listened, even when no one spoke.

Long before Nanaki, I suffered the chains and needles of the mad doctor—all for simply existing. My magic, my body, my existence all became an eager fascination for dissection. There were traumas aplenty in that laboratory and I will never be the same free spirit I’d been all those decades ago.

But Cait Sith brought back genuine smiles, even by accident. I didn’t need to speak a word, but he always knew just the ridiculous act to pull me from morbid ruminations. And when I did speak, he listened, waiting until just the right moment to say the right words. I never understood how an artificial creature could have such empathy, let alone for someone like me. We couldn’t be any more different, but thanks to him, I began to have hope again.

Then came the betrayal. Watching the keystone fall into Shinra hands simply because we trusted him tore me apart. I wanted to scream, I wanted to tear him apart, I wanted to disappear. His actions cut deep and now I feel more alone than ever before.

Even now, I haven’t quite come to terms with it, evident by the trial forced on me in the Hall of Resurrection. But there’s nothing I can do—there’s no time to cope. All I can do in this moment is forget who I am and move forward.

My name shatters the delusions I’d thoughtlessly chased, giving me only a fraction of a second to avoid the claws closing down on me. Even then, I lose a few hairs at the end of one of my tails for my neglect.

“Focus up!” Cloud demands, rushing past to swing at the massive wall demon.

Though the man’s been acting out of sorts himself, he’s right—this is no time for self-pity. A shake of the head dislodges the distraction, hopefully, and I turn my full attention to the fight at hand.

Twin tails flicker, multiplying to nine in their flurry. In my hands, flames the color of clear skies ignite. All this pent-up grief would serve me better in other ways.

Walls crawl ever closer as we battle not one, but two of these monsters. I give all I have, hoping each burn I inflict will lighten the burden in my heart. It never does, but I fight on regardless.

Golden light glitters on the floor, catching my eye. In its midst, entirely unaware in her concentration, stands Yuffie.

There’s no second guessing what happens next. My body lurches forward at the single notion of getting her clear of the attach. It doesn’t matter how hard the collision is or that, while she falls clear of the attack, I don’t.

An immense weight bears down on my leg before a powerful snap echoes in my ears. Pain sears through my muscles, tearing a scream from my mouth. Officially, I’m down and out for the rest of this fight, struggling to stay conscious against the agony.

“I can’t mend the break, but I can help.”

Warmth seeps into the pain, dissolving it bit by bit, until it becomes bearable enough to pry my eyes open. The demons are gone. All but Cloud shows me their concern, Aerith holding a gentle hand against my leg.

“Thanks,” I breathe.

She nods. “Can you stand?”

The slightest movement sends fire through the limb and blurring my vision. “Not without help.”

A shoddy splint stifles the shifting, at least allowing me to stand, but it’s Barret’s strength that helps me move forward.

Ahead of us lies an altar where stands our ex-SOLDIER companion. As we make the last steps, the Temple trembles, Cloud seemingly unaffected by the chaos he’s caused. Aerith confirms that the Temple is crumbling around us, meanwhile Barret leaves my side, struggling with Cloud to replace the black materia. When that doesn’t work, grim reality spreads through the group.

“I’m back—just in the nick o’ time!” A pair of fingers tip off the ear to me as if he wasn’t a traitor.

I can only stare, utterly dumbfounded at the audacity of this cat to show his face again to the people he stabbed in the back. But before Barret can put a few holes in him, Cait Sith rolls beneath the sinking altar, giving his all to keep it from collapsing.

“Run—while there’s still time. Leave the heavy liftin’ to me!”

Air hitches in my chest.

“For real?” Barret asks, his own arm straining against the platform.

Aerith steps forward. “But what about you”

“No need to fret about a bot like me. I wasnae built to last.” The cat’s knees quiver. “I wish I hadnae skipped leg day. Cannae hold out for long, so run…as if your lives depended on it!”

Vincent makes his entrance, calling for us to follow him to the exit. The others begin to rush past me, meanwhile, I’m paralyzed in more ways than one.

“Hey cat, ‘ppreciate it.” Barret’s hand releases the altar, leaving the struggling feline to bear its full weight.

“Off with ya.”

This is when I notice Barret coming straight for me. I choke past the lump in my throat.

“No.”

“C’mon.”

“No!” I stumble in an attempt to back away from him.

It takes the man very little effort to hoist me over his shoulder, all while my fists pound uselessly against his back. Watching Cait Sith grow farther and farther out of reach grips at my heart, the jerking feeling rattling my vision.

“No! Cait!” I reach out in vain. “NO!”

My heart surges forward as I race back for the cat.

“Oi, what are ya doin’?! Get out of here!” he shouts.

“I’m not done with you!” Tears slip past my anger.

He peers up, the worry falling from his face. “Oh, I get ya.”

“You…stupid cat!”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Even his stuffed moogle doesn’t slow the altar’s progress all that much.

This torture far exceeds whatever ache a broken leg could inflict. All this anger and grief mixed together pours forth completely out of my control as I scream at him.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it! What were you thinking?! After everything we’ve been through, how could you do that to us?!”

He grimaces as his legs give a little more, but then he turns a pure smile on me.

“I was thinkin’…that, if someone had to get hurt, I’d rather it be Shinra…than any of you.”

Even if the rage falters, there’s enough sorrow to take its place and keep the tears flowing.

“I knew this place was dangerous…and that maybe we’d lose someone.” Those ears flop as he shakes his head. “But I couldnae stand the thought of that bein’ you.” His weak laugh is interrupted by his straining. “I know I could never hope to have a life as long as yours, but I’m honored to have had the pleasure of meeting you in the time I had.”

A hand over my mouth doesn’t stifle the shuddering sob.

“Cait…”

“Now there’s a whole wide world out there. And I know it can be scary and dark and cruel…but people like you and the others make it worth savin’…So you go out there and save it and find the good that makes livin’ worthwhile.”

My knees meet the stone just as his do. “Cait! Please!”

“Just…remember me now and then…okay?”

A hand shoots forward, passing right through the altar with no effect. There’s nothing I can do.

The small bot begins to crumple. “It was a good run…while it lasted.”

The moogle’s eyes begin blinking in error.

“You did…what you could.”

“Cait, no! Get up! Please!”

“The rest is up to them.”

Those are his last words. The altar finally reaches the ground and Cait Sith is gone.

Pieces of the ceiling finally start to give way, crumbling around me. A massive section falls, bringing down Cait’s moogle, who reaches out to lay a hand on the altar. All while I watch, utterly useless.

In the following moments, the Temple continues to collapse until finally, it all comes crashing down.

My eyes snap open, a sharp breath filling my lungs. Dust billows past, clouding the dusk sky but clearing quickly.

Careful, Barret lowers me onto the ground, the stabbing pain of my injury returning. “You alright? You passed out for a while.”

Rubbing my eyes, I peer past him into the vast gaping hole where the Temple of the Ancients once stood. It doesn’t even compare to the emptiness creeping over me now.

A sob rattles my chest.

“Now that’s not a sight you see every day, eh?”

All gazes immediately fly back. Upon a large stuffed moogle stands a little crowned cat, proud of the entrance he’s made.

Barret voices everyone’s confusion. “But you—we saw you!”

His little boots meet the stone floor as he hops down. “If I popped my clogs, they’d be sobbin’ in the streets at the Saucer. This beautiful body’s but one of many!”

The feline strolls right up to me, throwing his arms out, prepared for the embrace he knows I’m dying to give. Without hesitation, I snatch him up, arms tight and relieved tears flowing.

Just as his face nuzzles against mine, I hear his words, soft and low.

“You were his favorite.”

My heart stops.

He may look like Cait Sith, may talk and act like him—he may even have the same memories—but this is not my Cait Sith. We travelled and fought together. He was the one who spoke when I could not. He wove tales and sang lullabies when I was afraid to sleep. And now he’s well and truly gone.

“Sephiroth.”

This new Cait Sith gasps, wiggling free of my arms.

“Get somewhere safe! Now!”

I don’t protest or fight back when the massive moogle scoops me off the ground. Even as it hurries away, sending fresh waves of pain through my injured leg, I simply stare at the back of the cat, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’d lost yet another person that I cared about.

#novas requests #gender neutral reader #cait sith #ffvii cait sith #ff7 cait sith #cait sith x reader #kitsune reader

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