#I need to know how the majority feels

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Another communal wardrobe poll...but this time it's of a bit of a sensitive nature...

Pawin Thanik is currently on the communal wardrobe list three times. Is it ok to leave him there and include him in the posts I make about the items of clothing he has worn? Or not?

My feeling is this: the communal wardrobe is more about the styling of the different characters on the different shows and how the clothing appears again and again, so I think it's ok to include pics of Pawin in the clothes because it's his characters and not him. (Also, as far as I'm aware, he's still under investigation - no verdict/conclusion has been made). But happy to hear from the fandom.

So, for the poll:

I have already posted one with him in, but that was back in December before the controversy arose...

#the thai communal wardrobe #help a girl out #I need to know how the majority feels #so I can make an informed decision about what to do #I know it's only 3 out of 130 items #but they're really good ones!

[ruporas]

can’t talk about it

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.

Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We  can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."

The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"

The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."

The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."

The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."

The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]

#vashwood #trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged #back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this #department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being #alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever #badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of #guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too #i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time #it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally. #evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay #they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their #desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even #if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years #they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg #and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone. #ruporas art

[theloveinc]

There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.

It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).

He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.

Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.

It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.

There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.

But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.

(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.

"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)

#bakugou x reader #bakugo #this is what crocheting a baby hat does to u #no im jk i was just thinking abt bakugo being like 22 and awkward as h*ck bc he still hasnt recovered from the war #i wanna talk abt what he's like more but this is what came out instead LOL #like i think he's really stubborn abt ... coping with after effects of dying #and then before he knows it he has major depression LMFAOO #and he can like go to work get his degree do all he needs to do as a 20-something year guy #but he's not like. *there*. you know #and you meet him and he's a binch but he's not hard to get along with #and u just sorta take him in and drag him places like idk #your school's halloween night.. or even just a night out with ur friend (he doesn't even know how to order a drink) #and he doesnt even process it all until one day he's like 'dang it feels like ive been asleep for years' #and he kinda was #but he knows youre the one who helped him and now he wants to fix himself for you bc he remembers u being there for him #but he's so funny im imagining him with like. frat boy facial hair and a really outgrown ugly mullet type haircut #and lowkey with like. greasy skin (ik he's perfect but he's in a bad state and it shows) and he eats instant noodles ever day #and only watches japanese top gear #and goes on patrols where he beats the crap outta ppl and then doesnt remember it #DREAM BOY #and then he's big hero later #anyway #caitie post #gen

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

#bungou stray dogs #seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want #but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this #either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it #if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol #maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk #also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing #like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost #not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it- #-would have been extremely different otherwise #i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with #and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story #I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen #BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga #like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible #so I at least am still perfectly happy lol #(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao) #anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already #please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-) #it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda #Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please- #Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 #MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm still thinking about that scene in Victoriocity S3E7 where Fleet runs back towards the Beast so as to lure it into the path of the train...

Clara's exclamation of 'Teamwork, Fleet!' after Fleet says he's got a plan reflects her conviction that any plan that Fleet has will be a shared plan, something they do together.

This conviction is a kind of trust, and that trust is part of the reason Clara takes a moment to realise Fleet has headed back towards the Beast. She trusts that he's following behind her. She keeps talking to him, her words full of optimism.

When she realises Fleet isn't there, she immediately realises what that must mean he's done, and her voice sounds more small and scared than I think we've ever heard it before.

Fleet's attempt at self-sacrifice is a kind of betrayal of Clara's trust, but when he echoes her celebration of their teamwork in a more somber tone, I think it suggests that he understands the weight of that betrayal.

If Fleet's plan is that Clara won't realise he's gone until it's already too late, then he thinks "Teamwork, Clara" will be the last words he'll ever speak to her. In what he imagines will be their final conversation, Fleet affirms Clara's understanding of them as a team who work well together, even as he is making a choice that rejects the possibility of their teamwork in this scenario. It's a recognition of what their dynamic has meant. It's a goodbye and an apology, even if Clara doesn't understand it as such at first.

I don't think Fleet sounds scared as he initially faces down the train. When he shouts "Yeah, this way, you stupid machine! Come on then!", he sounds defiant and grimly determined.

In fact, I don't think he sounds afraid until Clara appears, until she might be at risk of being in the path of the Beast or the train as well. It's when he shouts "Clara, stay back for God's sake!" and "Please, get back!" that there's real fear and desperation in his voice. He can confront the idea of giving his own life, but not the idea that doing so might put Clara in danger.

Another thing about these lines is that the move from 'stay back' to 'get back' suggests that Clara didn't obey his first instruction but got closer to him (and therefore to the path of the Beast and the train) between those two lines.

Then Fleet gives what might be another attempt at his last words: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry."  A repeated apology before an attempted self-sacrifice is an implicit acknowledgement of how much losing him would hurt Clara. He regrets causing her pain.

Even so, he's accepted that he is about to die and that it'd be worth it to destroy the Beast. But Clara very much hasn't accepted either those things. She's still trying to yell over the noise of the train; she's pulling off her ring to throw at him.

I think it's a good illustration of how Clara's optimism is a kind of strength. She always believes that they can "make a new plan" and that it'll be one in which no one has to die. I think Archibald Fleet needs someone like that, someone who'll tell him to drop to the ground when his death advances from both sides, someone who - even in a dark tunnel with an murderous metal monster and a speeding train - won't stop shouting that there's hope.

#Victoriocity #victoriocity spoilers #clara entwhistle #archibald fleet #I have feelings about them!! #I've listened to this scene a normal number of times... #Can't decide if it's more angsty if Clara heard his apology or if she didn't... #Also on the topic of Clara's optimism #I think it is a part of her temperament #but I don't think that means it's always easy or that it isn't something that takes active effort #The 'midnight overthinkies' scene showed us that there's a lot going on under the surface #As previously established I don't personally see Clara and Fleet romantically #but nonetheless there is something Orpheus and Eurydice #about two people who care deeply about each other #in a dark tunnel trying to head towards safety #and one of them trusts that the other is behind them #except Clara doesn't look back for a while and then he actually is already gone #and she's alone wondering if she's lost him forever #I think I can draw those parallels platonically #Oh also there's something impressive about a show that can literally raise a guy from the dead in the first season #and yet still have real stakes when he's in life or death situations after that #something deeply sinister about how in Even Greater London no death ever needs to be permanent #but we know that the vast majority of deaths would be because access to that technology is so restricted #inspector fleet #victoriocity season 3 #victoriocity podcast #Clara & Fleet #The empty man posteth

[dykedvonte]

@gecko-in-a-can THIS ABSOLUTELY

Resentment is such a big part of Benny’s motives towards House, feeling he’s underserving to rule and shouldn’t have the right to keep the title of Vegas just because he claimed it first long ago. Say what you will, Benny puts the effort in, through honest and dishonest work albeit, but he puts in the effort. Not saying House didn’t but House had the luxury of having a lot of that effort done before the war and subordinates to do so after. House is untouchable, something everyone wants in the Mojave, if not for the power, but because of the security. House takes that for granted seeing how easy he thinks it is to buy people. Benny, a Mojave native, has to be irate about that seeing how he has seen the heights and slums of both lives.

Also with the AIs it’s so telling because in a lot of ways, Yes Man has more autonomy than House’s major personality securitrons. Yeah, Yes Man has to be helpful but he’s aware and able to be snarky and coy. Benny has an issue with not being listened to but that’s the only perimeter Yes Man needs to act on. He can’t condescend but lord you can tell when he wants to. House’s AIs serves specific and highly detailed functions but are confined to act in accordance. They are subservient to a T and are extensions of House while Yes Man really is a creation that adapts further, hence his desire for the assertive upgrade. Benny made something, or at least was okay with a helper, that can progress for itself. House made things that replicate or facilitate an era of the past and don’t hold the power to contest it.

#for all the focus on Vegas Vegas itself in the game is not discussed enough #like I want to know more about the families relationships with each other #how Tommy and swank really feel #a meeting with all the heads of the casinos must be a major cat fight let’s talk about how like fiends are just right outside???? #but let’s talk about the favoritism house has to the tops and how the other families must resent that only for the chairmen to be like #these high strung former warrior nomads cause they got big brother right on their asses cause boss man is his special boy #like no one but swank and the chairmen really complain about house in the strip so the chairmen have to have a unique perspective #but back to Benny and house it’s like a weird you owe me thing where house 100 believe Benny and the chairmen are beyond grateful and are #down to do whatever he says cause it’s like he controls your basic needs now and the culture of the boot riders is one of pride and honor #and by extension helping your own and houses capitalist ideology is alien and isolating to them socially #that it would be an insult because their relationship is already mutually beneficial and now your taking so much more that they are now #getting less than what house is giving #enough tag talking I should focus on another post but first i need to brainstorm #fallout new vegas #fallout #benny gecko #robert edwin house #mr house fnv #Benny fnv #rebloggin #gecko-in-a-can

[another-art-studentt]

7/15/23

I reorganized my room and there are finally some corners that give some aesthetic vibes. My goal for the rest of the summer is to be well prepared for the next school year in terms of time management and academically (or rather, musically). Today I successfully got up early and had a good practice session, but I could have practiced more had I prepared food in advance.

#studyblr #study aesthetic #music student #study motivation #college student #studyspo #music major #music student life #music studyblr #i dont remember what tags to put #taking One day off practicing ruins the whole week #i swear #bonus getting scolded by professor #but im feeling even better today trying to gain back what ive lost (mostly embouchure strength and tone color and air support) (rip) #how hard is time management i dont know but its certainly Quite hard for me #and how to not feel lonely when not living with parents #the pics feature areas around my desk but i spend my actual study time mostly in a practice riom thats hot as heck #i sweat and pant and try to breathe properly in the heat and it's not pretty #i can ramble on and on #what i need is a diary 😂 #its been Forever since i made a studyblr post of my own

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter

A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering. 

TO: Nico di Angelo 

FROM: Jason Grace 

Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—

However you found this, I guess, surprise! :) 

First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back. 

I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left. 

I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you. 

Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me. 

It has to be. 

Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete. 

If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid. 

Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late. 

Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person? 

Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you. 

I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me. 

I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never— 

Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues: 

That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.

-- Jason Grace :)

#jasicobingochallenge2024 #love letter #tw major character death ment #tw suicidal ideation #i haven't read TOA so I don't really know what Went Down with this shit but I think Jason did journal-type letters to people #he wrote down whatever it was he wished he could say to them before he died #I think there's one to Piper about how much he loves her and wishes things could've been different for them #I think there's one to Leo where Jason pours his guts out about how much he hates him and needs him and wishes he hadn't died #(the irony of that is lost on him) #he writes one to Reyna about how he wishes they had more time to be friends again #He writes one to Hazel begging her to keep an eye on Nico. pleasing for her forgiveness because he knows she'll be so angry #one to Percy and Annabeth in a similar vein. #i thik Jason just had a lot of feelings that he never let himself feel until he decided to die for everyone #and in that moment his dams broke and he realized that he was never going to have the chance to be himself #not really #he was destined for this. he was destined to be the son of jupiter champion of hera sacrifice of olympus. #who knew the boy raised by wolves was really a lamb for the slaughter #ANYWAY. :) #pjo #jason grace #hoo #nico di angelo #jasico

[thedawningofthehour]

Draxum is a fearsome commander and warring warrior scientist, but he's also a Dad and does exactly what Dads do.

#except my dad he used the names of our pets because he loved them more #this is major first draft shit the dialogue feels very clunky to me so there will probably be revisions #yes draxum uses gale's fake birthday despite knowing it's not his real birthday #he's gotten REAL into the roleplay #he probably does change it to donnie's real hatchdate after this because absolutely no one knows that besides him #i remember once i picked up my mom's phone to pull something up and she started giving me the passcode and was shocked when i was already i #“how do you know my passcode?!” my mother in christ it's literally about me #raph is tattling on gale because he set up draxum's computer to accept whatever password he types in btw #he got tired of draxum forgetting his password and needing his computer reset

[applestorms]

clawed my way through (some of) the epilogues and hs^2 again for dirkjake crumbs and i think there is a Genuine place for ultimate jake to fit into canon (or at the very least, lord jake english) since meat timeline jake never actually shows up visually in hs^2 and his final appearance in that timeline (minus a phone call or something w/ roxy? or was it kanaya fuck) is giving ult. dirk his spaceship and then proclaiming his undying love while desperately trying to get dirk to let him join him, to which dirk responds that he’ll “never let [jake] break [his] heart again” (ch39). agony.

two interesting things about the end of his arc in meat actually: for one thing, it’s kinda implied that along with giving dirk a spaceship, he also gave dave/karkat/roxy/kanaya/etc a spaceship to chase after him, so he’s at least taken some action to try to stop him. again though, we never see him after that point so like. the idea that he could just hope himself into becoming an ultimate self in the background is actually kind of a possibility?? like while the others try to chase dirk down, jake is figuring out how to brute force himself into ascension as a backup plan. second thing, dirk is very snarky in the narration about the fact that this dramatic goodbye he’s giving jake is the last time he’ll ever get to see him (jake see dirk, i mean) but ult. dirk also seems to lack power against alt. calliope when they fight over the narrative so jake ascending would actually pose a serious threat and might be able to override that, assuming dirk’s power over the narrative extends that far in the first place (thinking about that post talking about how narration is also a reflection of characters’ thoughts…)

candy timeline jake is also pretty interesting since he very notably starts being advised by BGD to be a kind of spy on the inside against jane’s. whole thing in that timeline. i actually completely cannot remember what jane does in the meat timeline, i think also some presidency bullshit, right?? that’s what the davekat thing was about??? but anyway BGD sounds pretty normal in all his dialogue, or normal for BGD at least, and is aware of both the game over timeline and ult. dirk’s bullshit enough to make fun of it so. idk maybe i’m just misunderstanding how ultimate selves work, but the fact that BGD wasn’t really “integrated” into ult. dirk feels significant to me, especially considering the fact that we can see caliborn/LE’s influence on ult. dirk so much (his narration in ch39 gives AR too, frankly, like the epilogues are obvs way more openly horny than hs proper but AR was always kinda like that too, especially about jake). hs^2 also ends super abruptly with some lore shit i skimmed half heartedly between calliope, roxy, and john again talking about his initial decision between candy and meat. that whole conversation pretty deliberately frames the decision between meat and candy as being parallel to terezi’s coin flip about whether or not to kill vriska, and roxycallie even tell john straight up that he needs to get vriska again to fix the story, perhaps assuming that’ll work again since it did when he was retconning the timeline? but imo, though maybe i’m biased cause i didn’t really review what vriska does post-canon again, it seems more fitting to me that jake would be the one to fix the bullshit timelines, considering 1. dirk is the one going bananas out of his fucking mind w/ control of the narrative, 2. thematically, pumpkins are the most logical, healthy alternative to meat and candy, fitting since caliborn explicitly aligns dirk and jake’s color scheme with them in the smut-drawing conversation and since (in the same breath) he establishes that he hates them and prefers meat/candy. but that’s getting into sherlock secret final episode levels of conspiracy, and i’m not sure i’m ready for that one

#hs #astronaut rambles #i really hate the concept of an ultimate self actually have i mentioned that before #it kind of just feels Bad like #ok weird parallel but you know how it kind of sucks major ass that all of those *other* sons of dio are introduced in jojo pt 6? #cause it takes away from giorno’s significant kinda #it’s like that this idea of an “ultimate” self just kinda #implies that the true version we’ve been following isn’t actually the truly authentic one #which idk i just dislike that #like it works for davepeta (ish) but. for dirk? #when his whole thing is that the true dirk is different from his splinters? #how’s that joke go again? #‘oh shit it sucks that we have all this organizations. we need to make one to unite them all!’ total organizations: +1 #how tf did i write actual quotes in the tags earlier jesus #okay 3 am i need to sleep now nobody read this ok promise kisses #dirkjake

[mattodore]

kavi and his business major backpack

#simblr #the sims 4 #sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 cas #river dipping #echthroi #kavi sunder #🦇 #MEANT to post this last night after all those cas posts but i fell asleep.... so instead you're seeing this now <3 #this is kavi he's one of theo's classmates... for now... i'm thinking he's a business major minoring in either a foreign language (german?) #or something lit related for fun....... hm. who knows... #i might add him to the friend group... idk haven't decided i just really wanted to make this sim #he's inspired by adarsh jaikarran who i've had a few pins saved of in my oc board for foreverrrr #i’ll probably change his hair to a shorter one but i still wanted to show how he looks with this hair since it's what i previewed before #its funny i used every single slot i could but i still feel like he needs more detail.......... it's killing me #even all the tattoo sections are full........ *jumps* #anyway i'm supposed to go to an appointment for my ears today so wish me luck with that......... i'm deaf in one ear #and my other ear has been making constant crackling sounds so... hoping i just need my ear cleaned

[good-beanswrites]

I already brought this up, but for quicker reference:

Order of Attack: Mahiru nightmare sequence about Kotoko's attacks. Gotta round out the guilty trio.

Feel free to not prioritize this. :D

LISTEN, I CAN'T BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE ANGST THAT YOU REQUEST (<- made myself sad over Mappi and worries I may be in trouble for this one). Obligatory "I don't hate Kotoko and think she's very complex but from these character's pov I had to make her solely scary I'm sorry." And of course I was prioritizing this 👀👀👀 I really loved your nightmare sequences, I tried to make one that completed the set but was still unique!! Thank you for the request >:3

TW for referencing her bf's suicide, and descriptions of the attack injuries

“Aw, come on, you can tell me~” Yuno turned her attention away from where she’d been helping Mahiru with dinner. “Both Fuuta and Amane have had nightmares about her. Hell, I’ve had a nightmare or two about her. I won’t think you’re a mean person for admitting it.”

“I’m not lying,” Mahiru insisted. Her lips rounded into a little pout.

Yuno studied her expression. The girl had a way of really looking at someone when she wanted to. Sometimes it was a wonderful feeling – her gaze could be full of understanding, warmth. You were seen. You were heard. She saw you for all that you were. 

But in times like these, Mahiru found herself shifting under the pressure of it. Yuno was truly seeing her. She could see how Mahiru’s smile was frozen in its forced shape these past few weeks. She could see the way she flinched at loud noises, or how all the blood drained from her face when Kotoko’s voice echoed from the room next door. In waking, there was no doubt Mahiru was afraid of her. In sleep, though…

Yuno took her hands in both of hers.

“Then… what do you dream about?”

—

Mahiru was in the woods. She was running, her feet bare, her breath hitching. 

At first, she thought she was fleeing something. Danger and death loomed around her. The trees closed in. The canopy plunged her into darkness. The branches reached out to tear at her flowered dress, or snag on her hair. The trees pressed close to suffocate her. She grabbed at her throat. 

At some point, it became clear she was running towards something. A figure came into her view, just ahead. Though he didn’t appear to be running, she couldn’t catch up to him. She had to. He was in danger. She had to get to him. She had to stop him. 

He entered a clearing up ahead. Mahiru could just barely see into it. She tried to scream out, begging him to stop, but no words came out of her wheezing mouth. She could stop everything, she could stop all of this, if only –

She burst through the clearing. The figure, now a young woman, stood in the center. She faced away. 

Mahiru tried again to tell Kotoko to stop, but it didn’t matter whether or not she could speak, now; it was too late. 

On the ground below, between tree roots and scattered leaves, lay two small bodies.  

Mahiru’s hands flew to cover her mouth. Her legs grew weak with horror. There was blood everywhere, and bones bent at wrong angles. Fuuta’s limbs were twisted and limp. Amane had curled herself to cover her face, blood streaming from between her fingers.

 Kotoko, too, had red-stained hands. She surveyed her work with pride.

“What… have you done…?”

Slowly, Kotoko turned. Mahiru wanted to turn around and run before those bloodthirsty eyes could land on her. Her legs stayed frozen in place even as her heart raced in her chest. 

Kotoko met her gaze. Then, she gave a gentle smile.

“Thank you.”

Mahiru stumbled back a few steps.

“You let this happen.” 

“No…”

“You did. You could have stopped this, but you didn’t. Thank you.”

“I-I didn’t –! This isn’t – ! I thought –”

“You knew this was going to happen.” She spoke a familiar name, and Mahiru shook her head violently. “You knew what he was planning. You had plenty of chances to stop him. You didn't. You knew what I was planning. You know how to calm people down, how to bring groups together. But you didn’t speak to me once about it. You wanted this to happen.”

“I didn’t!” She said it frantically, unsure if she was trying to convince Kotoko, the two beaten prisoners, herself, or someone else. “I didn’t.” The statement was true, but it didn’t change anything that Kotoko had said.

The forest closed in. Kotoko reached a hand out, beckoning to her.

“We make a good team, don’t we?”

“No…” 

Mahiru was struck with the thought that she didn’t want to take hold of such a disgusting hand, only to glance down at her own. They were just as slick with blood. She let out a shriek.

It was Amane’s. It was Fuuta’s. It was his. 

Mahiru’s legs finally gave out on her. When she looked up, Kotoko was still smiling.

“So… who will be next?” 

—

Mahiru slipped away from Yuno’s grasp. 

“Oh, don’t you worry about little old me!” She turned back to their work. She brushed her hands off on her apron, giving them an extra swipe for good measure. “I promise, Kotoko isn’t the villain in my dreams.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #kotoko yuzuriha #i kept it in the order i got everything but i was definitely thinking of it nonstop adfsdf #im forever crazy about mahiru's murder-through-inaction theme #since all of the others were pretty direct even if accidental #i firmly believe she knew what her bf was planning and didnt stop him/actively said shed join him because she didnt know how to handle #the situation properly #and if she prides herself so much on being good with people and making friends and bringing people together i wonder if shed feel #responsible for not deescalating kotoko beforehand #plus the more immediate survivors guilt that if she was just in the other room maybe it would have been her and not fuuta/amane #at first i wanted to work in more mv symbols (birds cake carousel horses) because i love wacky and surreal dream sequences #but it got to be distracting when i was planning it out lmao so i decided to stick with the two major trauma moments #vibing on my trip rn but i had just a few lines of this one to finish so i wanted to post it when i had a few minutes... #though now i need to go and pretend im not crying over mappi 😭😭😭😭😭 #drabbles #order of attack #(to go back and make it an official tag later)

[aroandawkward]

When I was 16, my parents took me to the doctor because my periods hadn't started yet. And my mum told the doctor that I hadn't had a crush yet and asked if that could be connected. And the doctor didn't really say that my lack of attraction was a sign of something wrong, but he didn't say that it wasn't. I remember him using the word limerence and I didn't know what that meant. I remember him saying something about the age at which it's usually experienced and it was an age which I'd already passed. I remember him changing the subject without any real resolution to my mum's question.

At the time I didn't think much of it, but looking back now, I'm angry. I'm angry that my mum, with all her good intentions, thought that (what I now know to be) my orientation could be a medical problem. I'm angry that that possibility was raised to me before I learnt the words asexual and aromantic. I'm angry that my mum probably doesn't even remember this incident. I'm angry that the doctor didn't tell me that some people never experience attraction and there's nothing wrong with them. I'm angry that none of us - not me nor my mum nor the doctor nor anyone else I knew at that point in my life - knew that me never feeling attraction was a perfectly healthy possibility.

#tw aphobia #tw internalised aphobia #aromantic #asexual #I'm not going to be like 'imagine if this happened with other orientations' #because I know it has and it still does #but it's fucked up #And I know I'm lucky not to have been subject to any major medical discrimination #but this still makes me feel so uncomfortable to remember... #Honestly it probably contributed to how long I clung onto the idea that maybe I was just a late bloomer #And like I'm not even ruling out that my slightly fucked up hormones might be related to my aroace-ness #but even if they are what does it matter? #I just needed to be told that there was nothing wrong with me for not having had a crush #I just wish someone had told me that #Sorry this is kind of a vent but it feels like an important memory to me #Awkward aroposting

[napping-sapphic]

my boyfriend is trans, mtf but doesn't like that i consider my sexuality sapphic. what do i do? doesn't sapphic also apply to trans men?

Ah.

Another advice ask😓

Yall i appreciate that some of you feel comfortable asking me for relationship advice or that you might be comfortable here since im an anonymous stranger etc

HOWEVER, let me be straight up honest with you— i havent ever been in an actual relationship, im a MAJOR shut in so i’m not at all up to date with all the minutiae of the queer community, full on i have averaged leaving the house one (1) single time PER MONTH for the last FIVE months

I do not want to give you bad/naive/shortsighted advice

And i promise you do not want my bad advice

I am begging you Please do not ask me for advice i am so stressed

#asks #im so sorry i dont have a response to this #it sounds like something you and your partner need to discuss #i really don’t know what to say #giving ​advice is something that i honestly take pretty seriously #and i really just don’t like doing it when i don’t know much about the topic or situation #so while i DO appreciate people feeling comfortable asking me things #i unfortunately DON’T feel comfortable answering #and this goes for pretty much any advice ask #if you want tips for like how many blankets to use or like how to write an essay that’s about all i got here #airing out all my current major flaws to show yall how unqualified i am #srry i am not a beautiful bookstore customer meeting your eyes across the room #i am at home being Depressed™️ #yall do not want advice from me i am BEGGING you to realize you do not want advice from me #also putting myself down to make a Point™️ promise im good!! #also also very sorry i couldn’t give advice AND it’s a late response anon i hope you find what you’re looking for soon!

[isfjmel-phleg]

🌋

#random personal stuff #personal whining ahead feel free to ignore #it's sinking in that the increase in the displaying of these 'jokes' at work is related to our boss no longer being here #it can't have been a coincidence that the picture in the inbox went back on top the very day we threw her her goodbye party #apparently this man thinks that she was the one who was pushing back against the nonsense? #and maybe she was - I don't know what went on between them #(though I always got the impression that she seemed a bit afraid of him for whatever reason and just let him do whatever most of the time) #but I'm tired of having to put up with this and angry at the situation in general #and I really will go and talk with the VP of Academic Affairs once I can get some advice from my communications major friend #so I can avoid just walking into her office and exploding #(I don't understand this I don't understand why he feels the need to display these images in the office & always about this now-completely- #irrelevant topic and even if it were relevant the 'jokes' are juvenile and mean-spirited and I know he thinks he's doing the Lord's work in #picking the kinds of books that he does but tell me exactly how this garbage is the Lord's work and what he thinks he's accomplishing with #this other than making himself look petty and giving me further cause for frustration because it isn't just the stupid pictures it's the #pervasive attitude behind them that I have had to deal with for years now and I wish I were a different person so I could get right in his #face and tell him that this is unacceptable and expect to be heard and regarded)

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...