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#yall do not want advice from me i am BEGGING you to realize you do not want advice from me
napping-sapphic · 3 months
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my boyfriend is trans, mtf but doesn't like that i consider my sexuality sapphic. what do i do? doesn't sapphic also apply to trans men?
Ah.
Another advice ask😓
Yall i appreciate that some of you feel comfortable asking me for relationship advice or that you might be comfortable here since im an anonymous stranger etc
HOWEVER, let me be straight up honest with you— i havent ever been in an actual relationship, im a MAJOR shut in so i’m not at all up to date with all the minutiae of the queer community, full on i have averaged leaving the house one (1) single time PER MONTH for the last FIVE months
I do not want to give you bad/naive/shortsighted advice
And i promise you do not want my bad advice
I am begging you Please do not ask me for advice i am so stressed
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turing-tested · 3 years
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"this is how i understand/interpret my relationshup w the world and while it may be different from yours please respect that" is like. such a good way to phrase that. while i agree w a lot of what you tend to say abt gender stuff this one in particular resonated especially that one quote because while my identity IS confusing. i still deserve respect. and its hard to say that yknow? but that whole post was really well worded and fhfhdh idk just ty for posting it i guess !!!!!
;_; thank you!! honestly i think that i didnt find real peace with who i am or might be until i realized that ultimately, who i am or want to be doesnt actually change much from label to label.
i know i love me a metaphor but i guess framing gender/sexuality as “you have to paint your room the EXACT RIGHT SHADE that is the one thats exactly right for you before you can paint it” as opposed to “look. odds are that if your favorite color is red theres going to be a lot of shades you’re going to like for your room and ultimately you can just pick a shade you like more than the others because you’re probably not going to wake up one day suddenly and go i need green now’ (and even if you do this doesnt mean you cant ever paint your room green to try it out) has kind of hurt a lot of lgbt people
thats a bad metaphor ig but the point is the best advice i ever heard abt having identity confusion is “ask not what you are but what you want to do instead” and in my personal case i realized that it doesnt actually MATTER if im a trans man or genderqueer or a woman or a lesbian when it comes down to the nitty gritty (i am begging yall to not intentionally read this in bad faith), because ultimately even if i identified as a woman tomorrow i would not be like “ok well! time to be feminine as possible” and not knowing 100% what i am doesnt mean i cannot wear Pant or Bind or whatever bc Pant or Bind are a) not genders b) do not have gender requirements
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maysoa · 4 years
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I Will Always Love You
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Opie Winston x Reader 
Pt 2 of Jolene
Words: 1.9K
Two Months Later
               I sat in the local bar watching the football game on the screen above me. I took a swing of my beer as I let the cool liquid run down my throat on a hot August game. Everything changes the day I left Charming after the carnival. I realized that I couldn’t change anything that happened and I couldn’t be in the same place that the love of my life lived in. So, I packed everything up and left in the middle of the night. He didn’t even try and call me to see where I was which I took a clear signal that it was over.
               I now lived in Lodi which wasn’t any better than Charming but it didn’t have Opie so it was good enough. Taking one last swig of my beer, I set down money and decide that was enough alcohol today. As I stepped outside the bar, I heard the rumble of bikes which made me look up from the ground to see the one crew I was trying to avoid. Sons of Anarchy. I watched them ride down the street as I instantly went to one man that broke my eyes into pieces and left me to pick them up. It seemed like his hair and beard got longer which I always wanted him to do. I tear my eyes away from them as they turn the corner. Thank goodness they were going in the opposite direction as me I don’t know if I could handle seeing Opie again.
               It was the late afternoon when Gemma called me. She and I still kept in contact as she was like a mother to me and knew that I made the right decision to leave Opie. Though she thought I should’ve beaten Lyla up she knew I would never since I was never the violent one.
“Hello Gemma,” I answer as I pick up the phone.
“Hey, baby. How are you doing?” she asks.
“I’m doing alright. I’ve got a couple of gigs and shows this week so I should be able to keep my self busy.”
“That’s good. I do have to say that I didn’t expect you to be back on your feet so soon but I’m proud of you.”
I smile,” Thank you, Gemma. Now when were you going to tell me that the boys were coming to Lodi.”
There was a long silence on the other side as giggled,” Gemma it's fine. I saw them as they rode down the street when I left the bar.”
“I was going to tell you but I didn’t necessarily know how to bring it up. Well anyways, did any of them see you or anything?”
“Nope, I highly doubt that they will see me at all the whole they are here. Or if I do get anywhere that they are or I think they will be I will avoid it as much as possible.”
“I say you confront them head-on especially Opie. Show him that you are doing just fine without him.”
I laugh,” That is not a bad idea Gemma but I’m going to stick to my plan.”
“Alright, well can’t say that I didn’t try. I’m glad that you are doing good sweetheart and don’t be scared to visit Charming and see me. I’ll keep it a secret.”
I laugh loudly and shake my head,” You got it, Gemma. Well, I got to get ready for my show. I’ll call you tomorrow Gemma.
“Alright, bye sweetheart, and good luck.”
“Thanks, Gem, and I love you too.”
I hang up the phone and let the tears finally fall. I never had to lie so much in my life. Sighing loudly, I get up from the couch and head to the bathroom. I wipe my cheeks and splash water on my face. Staring into the mirror I saw dark circles and heavy bags under my eyes. All this over a man. A man who decided that I wasn’t good enough to be with and committed to. Fuck him. I need to be focused on me and what I need. I stand up straighter and decide tonight is the night that I’m going to change and move on. No more time for begging.
Walking up to the bar that I was going to perform in was sending my nerves into a frenzy. When I looked at the building, it reminded me of the same one in Charming where I use to perform all the time and where I met Opie. I shake my head to get rid of any thought of him. No more thinking of him. I open the door to bar to see a bunch of men in motorcycles kuttes laughing and yelling with beers in their hands. I push past them as I try to get to Terry who usually schedules me here. I spot him at the bar talking to someone with a very familiar kute. I could tell from the hair that it was Jax that Terry was talking to. I could either run or follow Gemma’s advice and face it head-on. I take a deep breath and decided to face the situation head-on as I knew someday it was going to happen.
“Hey Terry, hope you don’t mind me interrupting,” I say as I stay off to the side where both Terry and Jax can see me.
Terry turns to me and smiles,” Hey sweetheart. Glad you could make it! The band should be mostly set up, let's go see. I’ll meet up with you later Jax.”
Terry gets up from his stool and starts to head to the stage. I turn my head to see Jax staring at me with his mouth slightly opened.
I smile and nod my head at him,” Hey Jax. Long time no see.”
With that, I walk away with my smirk on my face as I feel his eyes burn on the back of my head.
///
I was adjusting my guitar in one of the rooms that Terry let me settle in till he and everybody were ready for me to go on. The nerves start to build more over time as I knew that Opie was going to be watching and listening to me. I took a deep breath and counted to 10 as I tried to control the anxiety that was filling my lungs. As I reached, Terry came into the room and announced that it was time for me to go on. I took another deep breath and headed to the stage and I could see that Opie and they were sitting front row. Of course, Jax most likely told them I was here which I expected because it was going to be hard not to be noticed when Opie knows my voice anywhere. I glance at Opie to see him rubbing his hands back and forth as he leaned on his knees. He looked more nervous than I did. I climbed up on the stage as the boys began to hoot and holler. I smile and wave my hand to try and calm them down.
“Hey everyone, how are yall doing tonight?!” they yell again even louder as I laugh,” Well that’s good now I’m not one for introductions but I see some new faces in the crowd so my name is (Y/N) and I’m just to keep you entertained till the booze knocks you out.
Most of them laugh as I quickly glance down at Opie to see a small smile on his face.
I smile spreads across my face,” Well now that is over let's get to some music shall we.”
They holler again as I begin the first strings of the Black Horse And The Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall.
As I sing the song, I glance down at Opie to see him smiling and nodding his head to the song. I try to keep the glances and look around the other boys in the club but it is hard when I feel like it is only his eyes staring at me. For the next couple of songs, I play I turn my body away from Opie and the other boys as I try to let the music just flow through my body. It seemed to work for the most part though it felt like my nerves were going to give me away any second. As my gig was ending, I finally gave one last look to Opie to see him swinging his beer and a glint in his eye that I haven’t seen since him and I got together for the first time.
I played the last string of my last song as I hear the roar of cheers and claps. I smile and thank them for their time. I get off the stage and head to the room that I was staying in earlier to collect my bearings. While walking there, I passed by Opie as he moved closer to the stage. I could smell the cologne coming off him with a mixture of cigarettes and booze. It was hard to ignore the smell as he was close to me that I could feel it almost prick my skin. Moving my feet fast I walk past him and almost run to the room and shut it quickly behind me. I sit on the bed in there and put my head in hands as I lean on my knees. I couldn’t believe I just saw Opie and was so close to him. There was a quick knock on my door. I get up and open it to see the last person I expected but was hoping to see.
“Opie?”
///
“Hi.”
That was all he said when I opened the door.
“What can I do for you ?” I ask while leaning against the door frame. I didn’t want to let him in the room as I am fearful of what could happen if we were alone with a door closed.
“Do you think we could talk in private?”
I shake my head,” Nope. I rather talk out here. Now, what do you want? I want to go home.”
He sighs and stuffs his hands in his front pockets, “I wanted to talk to you about what happened a couple of months ago.”
“Oh, when you cheated on me with Lyla and then I confronted you in front of everyone with a Dolly Parton song? That one?”
He shifts uncomfortably,” Yes that one, I wanted to say that I was sorry for what I did. I never should have been with Lyla. Nothing has been the same since you left. The kids miss you. I miss you.”
I sigh and lean off the door frame,” Opie, I don’t hope you think you can just come up here and I’ll forgive you because that is not happening. You broke my heart Opie and I am moving on. You already have a long time ago, so I think it is time you go.”
My heart broke at my own words as I missed the closeness that we had now and how close he was to touch. I had to stick to my words and move one and fight for me.
He nods his head and bows his head down,” I understand. Just know I will always love you. Have a good night.”
“ You too Opie. Tell the kids I said hi,” I say while smiling at him.
He slightly smiles and nods,” I will.”
With that, he walks away as I stand at the door watching him walk away. I felt my tears prick my eyes, but I hold them back as I remember what he said I will always love you. It could not be truer as I shut the door and start up my guitar to start practicing a new song.
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futurewriter2000 · 5 years
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A Wallflower - pt. 1
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A/N: So, I was really enjoying this fic and I am thinking of writing a second part to this because making everything angsty and then into a fluffy cute kissing scene was really challanging. You know either it’s all angst or full time fluff, butt it’s hard to go from angst to fluff, especially for me. Hope you like it.
PAIRING: Teddy Lupin x reader
REQUEST: Teddy Lupin x reader pls Kinda angsty but at the end cute Kissing scenes pls
XX
Confidence was a funny thing. Either you had it or you hadn’t and with Teddy Lupin, there was an exchanging bargain with his brain and heart. 
All he wanted from you was a look. One glance, one second of your gorgeous smiling eyes, your astounding, plush lips. “Come on. Come on.” he continued to mumble to himself meanwhile his leg that continued to jump with full time speed, kept James finally put his fork down. 
“Will you stop it!” James grumbled. “It’s 8am in the morning, I am barely alive, I have a test in three hours and I think I left half of my body in my own bed!” 
“Sorry, mate.” Teddy stopped jumping his leg, his fingers intertwining with his own as he tried not to look at you.
But what if you look at his direction and he doesn’t catch it? What if all of that constant pleading and begging got him for him to miss his chance? 
“Honestly, who are you looking at?” James started scanning the Ravenclaw table. 
“Me?” Teddy said nervously. “Noone.” he shook his head and focused his eyes on the table, unaware that before his eyes focused on the wood, they looked up at you and James noticed it.
“(y/n)(y/l/n)?” James leaned back and crossed his arms in disapproval. “Her?”
Teddy looked up. Somewhat ashamed, somewhat relieved that another knows. 
“Seriously mate. Not her.” 
“Why not?” he replied, straightning up his posture and quirking an eyebrow at him. “She’s smart and funny, gorgeous-”
“And she’s a real bitch.” James rolled his eyes. “Pureblood, rich and coming from the whole line of respected wizarding familes. I think she has a big dose of that pureblood in her ego.” 
“Aren’t you the same?” Teddy clicked his tongue and James widened his eyes at the realization before shaking his head and uncrossing his arms.
“That’s not the point. The point is that her whole family is against muggle-borns, half-breeds fiasco and she is no different. Just look at her.” he pointed his hand at you but you were nowhere to be seen. James and Teddy both widened his eyes at your sudden disappereance. 
“Merlin, she’s a complete monster.” you rested your arms on James shoulders and put your head on top of his. “Absolute beast. Voldemort would hide from her.” you continued to tease, removing yourself from James and ruffling his hair. “Where’s your daddy Potter when you need him?” you finished, taking a glance of the boy next to him, sending him a flirty wink and leaving. 
Teddy felt himself melt like butter meanwhile James was boiling inside. He was clenching his fists and digging his nails in his palms. “I promised my dad I’ll stay out of trouble... but she just fucking crossed the line.” he gritted his teeth and stormed after you. 
Teddy as long as it took him to get out from his daze, ran after him. He promised Harry that he’ll try to keep James out of much trouble as he could. Ephasis on the try. 
He was too far away to stop what happened next. You were hugging a First year who kept jumping of joy, showing you her E in Transfiguration. You were her tutor and she adored you. She kept coming to you for advice, any kind of advice and you always had time to help her because she as sweet, kind and full of life you couldn’t get to have at her age. 
“(Y/l/n)!” James shouted on top of his furious lungs. 
You looked up, your pupil, Melody, as well. 
“FUCK YOU!” he continued to shout while you stepped in front of Melody and stand up to this prick.
“Potter, go away. We can do this later but not now.” you felt Melody’s hand take a hold of your robes.
“NO! I want to talk to you now! You don’t get to throw my father, my whole family and the moment that scarred his life into my face like mud!” he kept clenching his fists, his eyes blazing and narrowed at you. 
“Shut up, Potter!” you snapped, feeling Melody’s grip tighten. 
“Don’t tell him to shut up!” Teddy now intertwined. “He’s right! You were being rude to him.” 
“And who the fuck are you?” you scoffed, knowing exactly who he was. The boy you shared most of your classes with. “Alright? Edward Lupin.” 
“Teddy.” he felt his anger boil, the daze completely gone. He hated his name, always preffered to be called Teddy.
“Well, Teddy, whoever the fuck you are, stay out.” 
“Whoever the fuck I am? Who the fuck are you, talking to everybody like you own them.”
“What?! You don’t even know me, half-breed!” 
That hit the spot in Teddy’s heart. His hair changed colour in a flash, his body covered James’ whole and he was standing above you. 
“Half-breed?!” he was leaning over you. “I may be a half-breed but at least my father even if he was werewolf, he still fought for you to have an education and so you can live meanwhile what did your father did? Sip his vodka and get drunk?” he was now getting close to your hitting your point in the heart. “I know you and your family, pureblood maniacs, thinking yall are so much more worhty than the rest of us but as I remember your mother never even finished school and your daddy inherited the money he spends on alcohol and well- you.” he made a hand gesture that implied at you. “You think your family is respectful but all they do is get rid of the muggle-borns. Don’t think I don’t know what your family does. You’re nothing but murderers.” he growled and after that last few words, the hand let go of your robe and as you wanted to speak, there was a scared voice speaking instead of yours.
“Is that true?” Melody took a few steps back with her teary eyes staring at yours. 
Teddy just now noticed the little First year, his anger flushing away meanwhile you turned around and looked at her. “No- no!” you quickly tried to deny, squating down and opening your arms. “It’s not- Melody-”
“You’re lying!” tears fell down her cheeks meawhile yours started to gather in yours.
“It’s complicated, Mel. Please don’t be afraid.”
“I’m a Muggle-born. You want to get rid of me?”
“What? Of course, not! Why would you think that?”
“You always say of taking the family business and if they get rid of-”
“Melody, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what we do anymore!” 
“ANYMORE?!” she shouted and tears started to fall down your cheeks. 
“Melody!” you pleaded. “Just let me explain.”
“NO! I thought of you like a sister now I can’t even look at you.” she started backing away and you tried to walk after her but she screamed. “LEAVE ME ALONE! MURDERER!” 
You felt your heart break. That was the point and she hit the middle. 
It didn’t take long after her heart-breaking leave that you felt like sobbing yourself. You couldn’t even look at them. From shame? Anger? It didn’t even matter at the point because you couldn’t feel yourself breathe no matter where you ran. And you ran far and further, somewhere where there was only loneliness. 
‘ You stepped down the stairs and stopped at the fifth step, just so you could see right in the kitchen. 
“Please, I don’t know anything!” the man, crouched and bare chest lifted his slim hands but he cursed anyway. Screams escaped his mouth, agonized screams. When he stopped crucifying him, he took a deep breath in as if it was his last. “Ple- pl-” he tried to speak but his tongue was tied. 
“TELL ME!” he roared and you jumped at the sound.
“It’s Timothy McKay! Timothy McKay! It’s McKay!”
There was silence and an malicious cackle. “McKay? That Half-blood is a half-breed as well? He’ll be a pleasure to torture. Never tortured half-veela. Explains why the ladies adored him.” 
“Pl-pl-pl-please...” his voice shook but your father stepped close and put a tip of his wand under his chin.
“Ava-”
“STOP!” another roaring voice came from the bacground. 
“What?!”
“Your child.” it was calmer now. “Stairs.” 
Your father’s eyes shot at yours and you could feel the chaos that will become. Your heart began to pound, the adrenalin in you but no muscles to move your scared little body. “YOU LITTLE PRAT!” he stormed over but the voice stopped him once again.
“Don’t hurt the child!” he said and your father’s hand stop close to your cheek. “Bring her here.” your fahter’s hand gripped your arm and life feather dragged you to the room where the another man was tortured. 
There he was. The voice. Tall, skinny, white hair and matching wild mustache. He knelt down and smiled. “Come here.” he opened his arms and as scared as you were, your feet did what they were told. “Come, come.”
And you were in his arms. He took a hold of your small hands in his skinny and all bones palms, holding them meanwhile he looked up at his son. “Don’t ever hurt a woman, son. Don’t ever hurt my grandchild.” he warned, turning you around and locking you in place with his long, slim hands. “Show her how the family business runs.” 
“Pleasure.” your father smirked and turned his head as well as his wand to the cruched, barely breathing man in front. ‘
You screamed so loud, holding the sides of your head and digging your nails into your scalp.
He broke his promise to his father. He may never have hurted you physically but every breath in that house, every word that was directed to you... it broke you much more but the one that broke you the most was the one that called you him.
‘ “You know?” he swayed on his numb feet, holding a firewhiskey. “They call us murderers and prehaps we are- we have been through all generations and I used to be like you. Against it till my every bone but there were things my father did to me that made me change my mind.” he sat on the edge of your bed meanwhile your heart pounded under the sheets. “I don’t want you to go through pain I did but as long as you rebel against me, that’s what I’ll exactly do.” his hand touched your leg, tapped it harshly meanwhile the mix of alcohol and cigarrates blew your way. “You’ll be a murderer like all of us. You grow to like it.” and he was gone. ‘
He told you that as soon as you start, you get to remember the eyes you take. He told you the order many manny times. His first were green, a family of brown, black, grey, grey, blue, mother’s were always more blue, then there were twins but with different eyes. One had a mix of blue and green the other hand just green. Then he took a man’s that were purple, completely purple, yellow - werewolf, a few of those actually but after that he lost count.
“Is that really who I am meant to be?” you asked yourself and there was a voice in the back of your head saying: ‘No, of course not. Times have changed since long the family business started. You know you’re not one. Deep inside you know you’re not who they want you to be.’ but there was another voice, saying the opposite: ‘Yes. It’s exactly who you are meant to be. As much as you want to escape his, you will never. Why? Because it’s in your blood. As soon as you kill, you’ll want nothing more but more blood and death in your hands. Accept the deep cravings your soul has.’
And you didn’t want to agree with the second voice but what if it was true? What if deep inside, you were a natural murderer. 
But you couldn’t. You remember that grandfather made the first target your father’s best friend, who was indeed a son of a werewolf and a witch. Green eyes. Those were his first to take. What if your first eyes to take would be Melody’s? Those big, round blue eyes? 
“No.” you told yourself. “I’d never do that.” 
But again the second voice spoke: ‘Yes. You’ll have to.’ 
And for some odd reason... you agreed. You will have to one day because your father scared you and you were too weak for him. You didn’t want to be the weak daughter of the almighty (y/f/n).
“I’m sorry.” a voice came from the distance. You turned your head to see but due to the darkness, you could only see a figure but due to the fact his voice cut deep wounds, you knew who it was. 
“You shouldn’t be.” you were quite calm. “You were right. At some point, I am a murderer- or more like become one.” you looked at the dark deep forest. 
He shuffled through the leaves and made his way to sit next to you. “I didn’t mean what I said there.”
“Yes, you did.” you simpered at him, looking at his green eyes before they changed to blue and you could only observe before taking a deep breath and looking back at the distance. “I attacked your family and you attacked mine. It was a fair battle.”
“You didn’t attack my family. You attacked James’ family and when it comes to James and Harry, I get over-protective. They aren’t only his family, they are mine too.” 
“I know.” you decided to look at him again, this time, keeping your eyes where they landed. “I’m sorry for what happened to your parents in the war. I heard they were amazing wizards and for Harry Potter.” you smiled. “I met him once and he was actually a great guy. I remember I was around thirteen years old and me and James got into this huge fight. Harry came to me and told me that nobody could get under James’ skin like I did.”
“Yeah, there really isn’t nobody like you that comes to his live nerves.”
“He shouldn’t have taken my compartment five years ago and we’d be just fine. Best buddies.” you joked and Teddy chuckled. 
“You would think so?”
“I know so.” you continued to joke. “But I guess that this time I really did cross the line and it would all be okay if Melody wasn’t there when it happened. I love that little girl.” 
“Yeah... I noticed.”
“Oh, did you now?” you nudged him a bit and he smiled.
“I shouldn’t have said those things to you.” he tried to apologise but you just couldn’t have that.
“Well, you were in the right all the way. You can’t choose into which family you are born to. I? I was born into the family of murderers. There was no false word you said.” you admitted, to yourself and to him.
“Yes, there was.” he could see the crescent iluminate its light in your eyes. It was lighting the whole forest if not and Teddy couldn’t help himself but see just how beautiful you were at the moment. In the moment when you were fragile and honest with yourself. In the moment where all he could say was how sorry he was to hurt this beautiful creature in front of him. To say sorry to those eyes, those lips, that hair, those ears, those hands, fingers, cheeks, nose... that soul that was the complete opposite of what you thought. “You’re not a murderer, (Y/n). Your parents, your family and none of your past ancestors define who you get to be.And I saw the way you cared for that little girl and not everybody cared so much for a stranger as you would. I saw the look in her eyes when I noticed you standing behind you. You weren’t her tutor, you were her hero.” 
“Not anymore.” you kept looking down, your hair blocking your perfect face. 
Teddy put his hand under your chin and gently moved it up, so he could see your perfection. Because that’s who you were to him. Perfect since the day he saw you and no matter what you seemed to say or do, all those flaws were never the trouble for him.  He just felt deeply for you even if it was just platonic for him. 
“Can I kiss you?” he was close and whispering. His eye colour changed to green, his hair to light shade of brown- the one you never saw before on him. With a gentle nod, you gave him your permission and gently, softly, he pulled you into a kiss. 
It was the perfect kind of kiss, the one he always imagined it would be but even more perfect. And you felt your stomach doing sommersaults when he was still kissing you, bringing you closer to more kisses which you deepened by putting your hands on his neck and pulling him closer. 
Until there was thunder and none of you jumped or pulled away in an instant. No. He removed his lips slowly from yours, gently, tenderly and taking his time in devouring that last kiss. He leaned his forehead on yours, brushed his nose against the bridge of yours and smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that since the Fourth year.” 
Your fingers lightly scratched the back of his neck and soon you felt goosebumps under your fingertips. That made you giggle to just how much effect you really had on the boy. “Why didn’t you?” you looked up at those green eyes. 
“I’m shy.” he grinned and you giggled in his arms. 
“Shy, huh?” 
“A real wallflower.”
“I could see back there, yes.” 
He smiled more broadly. “I think I might be falling for you, (y/n).” he was honest and your heart fluttered at those words. 
“You know what, Lupin?” your hand reached his cheek. “I think I might be falling for you too.”
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the0little0kitten · 4 years
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Hi friends. Idk if anyone is actually going to read or see this, i kinda just need to get it off my chest. Im kinda in a weird situation and i feel lost and kind of scared. My boyfriend of almost 4 years has been on a journy of self discovery? I guess you could call it? We met through him finiding a social media of mine that i used when i felt little. He messaged me and we became friends, and eventually he asked to be my daddy. By then, i had really started to like him and of course said yes. He was a pretty good daddy for a while, he took really good care of me. One day he said he didnt feel he was really a full daddy, but a switch more on the little side. This was maybe 6 months into it? So I decided that I really like him and i wanna try to be a good mommy for him when he needs it cuz hes a wonderfull daddy when i need it. One time, i ended up being mommy for nearly three days. I have never been a mommy nor am i one now and this really hurt me and i asked him to please never make me do it for thag long again and we agreed. At one point about a year into it we got into some trouble bc i wasnt a legal adult yet and he was, my actual dad got involved and we took a little break. This break is what made us realize that we loved eachother more than anything. We obviously got back together. Soon thereafter, he says that he doesnt feel as though he is a daddy at all, but rather a full little. Fine thats ok as long as i still have you and you still care for me. It goes like this for about half a year, until i feel like my little is getting pushed further and further away, and he feels guilty af. We don’t really talk about it, he continues to occasionally act little, i do too, but it started to seem like i was never being cared for anymlre. I told him how i felt and he immediately fixed it and made me feel better, at least for a little while. About two and a half years into our relationship, he never acts little and it feels like he is uncomfortable when i am so i ask him about it. “I was kind of hoping you would just sort of grow out of it, and i never really felt little j just acted like it because you looked so happy, i thought it would make me feel the same. Whenever you were little it made me uncomfortable” this broke me. I felt betrayed and then i thought about all the times i was little and i realized how miserable he must have been and i broke down. I love this boy more than anything and to know that i hurt him that much anf for that long. I vowed to never be little again and he felt awful. He begged me not to promise that so i took it back, but ever since, every time im little i almost feel a disgust? Or more like a discomfort from him. Its to the point where whenever i start feeling it I immediately feel hollow and guilty and he feels guilty and its all bad. Fast forward to now, he occasionally acts little and i take care of him because it genuinely makes me happy to, but hidden deep in me is this horrible knowledge that all of the care i give him and every time he calls me mommy i know that i will never get that from him without feeling like a horrid awful person. What made me break and write this is that when we play, im often mommy or mistress. I love it it brings me joy knowing how happy it makes him but tonight, he got a little drunk and told me something i already knew: he wants to dress in girls underwear and whatnot and im totally cool with that. No hes mot trans, maybe a sissy though? Hes still a boy who is attracted to girls only. But he became little and incredibly submissive and asled me to do some new things. I need yall to understand that i love when he lets me do these things and he lets me see that side of him but it made me realize that i will never, ever get daddy again, but he will get that and anything else he wants no matter what because i love doing it. Im scared because he doesnt even realize how hes making me feel and im scared to tell him because he will hate himself. I dont even know if im asking for advice i just need to get this off my chest i guess. Im scared ill never be little again.
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yoon-kooks · 6 years
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Blossom🌸
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Pairing: Stripper!Jimin x Reader
Genre: Stripper!AU, College!AU, Fluff
Summary: You infiltrate your local strip club to gather research and inspiration for your next painting and end up bringing home a stripper who also happens to be your cute neighbor.
Warnings: stripping, mentions of sex 
Word Count: 3.3k 
⤐ Story 1 in the Blossom!Universe; Read Blossom-pt.2 on my masterlist!
A/N: i know what yall are thinking!!! this is a stripper!au without smut??? but theres a good chance ill be writing more drabbles in this universe so look out for those!🌸
“Cute.” Your studio arts professor hands you back your print sample of a swimming platypus.
“…Is it not good?” You examine the print again to see where you went wrong. If anything, you thought this painting had turned out a lot better than the one of a goblin shark.
“Y/N, it’s amazing. It really is,” she tries to reassure you with a chuckle, but you know there’s something wrong with it. “It’s just… you’ve practically drawn the entire animal kingdom this semester.”
“…and?”
“Don’t you think you should try painting something else…? Like, I don’t know… a human?”
“But I’m more comfortable with animals.”
“That’s what I mean! You should try stepping out of your comfort zone? Plus, your portfolio will look better with more of a variety!”
“And how do you suppose I all of a sudden get inspiration for painting a human subject? I need something before the exhibition tomorrow.”
“I don’t know, try going to a strip club or something?” Your professor thinks she’s funny. “Just be creative!”
-
You lay on the floor of your dorm, desperately searching for inspiration. With animals and nature, it’s so easy for you to just sit down and paint whatever comes to mind. But with humans? You don’t even know where to start, and it certainly doesn’t help your concentration when a puppy is barking on the other side of the wall like it’s begging for you to draw it.
And in addition to the barking, you’re also being harassed by the constant replaying of your professor’s advice. Sure, you’d like to paint something that your professor and peers will approve of, but that becomes awfully difficult when what they want is not what you want. You just wish you could paint another animal and be done. But now even that’s impossible when all you can think about is trying to make everyone else satisfied.
“Shit.” You drag yourself off the floor, thrown on a fuzzy sweater, and walk out of your dorm with a sketchbook and pencil.
To your surprise, sneaking into a strip club undetected is a lot easier than one would think. And once you’re in, you squeeze your way through the crowd, inspecting the flashy lights, the booming stereos, and the big stage until you spot a table for one in a secluded corner. Perfect. No one will bother you there.
When the main show starts, the first thing you do is flip open your sketchbook with your pencil ready to draw. The second thing you do, however, is yawn. You aren’t sure what people enjoy about strangers prancing around naked on stage, but it could just be an acquired taste. Although the strippers are attractive and they have beautiful bodies, you’re just not interested nor inspired. Maybe it’s your artist block acting up, but it seems you’ve wasted your time.
Before you can get up to leave the club, you’re alarmed by a sudden eruption of screams. Giving it one last chance, you glance up and see the spotlight on an incredibly handsome boy in all white, running his fingers through his dark hair. Still fully clothed, he dances, moves, spins on stage, and somehow it’s so different from the previous acts. So much that you forget where you are until he flips his jacket off his shoulders and tosses it aside as he continues to dance.
The way he graces the stage is elegant and almost angelic. You flip your sketchbook back open and wait for the demon to show itself. He makes his way down the catwalk to engage more with the crowd, and money’s already being thrown before his body’s even exposed. Once he loses his tank, however, the cheering gets twice as loud and the stage is showered with crumpled bills. But you don’t have time to worry about that.
For the first time that night, your pencil starts gliding across the page in your sketchbook. You roughly sketch out his body, his motions, his movements, his smirks. You’re too busy drawing to notice when he catches a glimpse of you as he kicks his pants off to reveal a very healthy ass, or when he teases several customers with his rolls and thrusts.
With several pages filled with new sketches, you hear the collective aww from the crowd, assuming that means the handsome boy is done for the night. The only one in the crowd who isn’t sad is you, because you finally collected all the research material you need to be inspired. And before you leave, you decide to flesh out the details of what you witnessed, in case the vivid images and inspiration escape you before returning home.
“Would you like a drink or a dance, Baby?” A stripper with pastel mint hair eyes you up and down, leaning against the table with his head cocked to the side. You’re shocked he even bothered approaching you when you didn’t tip at all. Unless that’s what he’s after.
“Uhh, no thanks, I was actually just on my way out,” you throw your sketchbook and pencil into your bag and get up to leave.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Sweetheart. Did you not enjoy your stay? Maybe I could change that.” The stripper continues to pester you, and you wonder if the smallest tip will help you escape.
“This one’s with me, Sugar.” An unknown voice appears behind you as the stripper named Sugar shrugs and walks over to another customer waving their money around.
With a sigh of relief, you turn around, only to have your heart racing again in an instant. It’s the handsome boy you had sketched. Only instead of wearing an all-white costume, he’s now engulfed in an oversized black hoodie. You assume he’s off duty, so you aren’t sure why he’s approaching you like the other stripper had.
“Are you the freeloader everyone’s talking about?” he asks you.
“I suppose I am…” You look around and realize you’re probably the only broke college kid at the club, hence the only one who can’t afford to throw money around for lap dances.
“Can you at least show me your sketches?”
“What.”
“I saw you drawing something in your sketchbook during my performance earlier,” he does a cute little drawing gesture with his hand. “If you aren’t going to tip anything, the least you can do is show me what you drew.”
You suppose he’s right. Besides, you really do appreciate it when people take interest in your art, so you hand him your sacred sketchbook and watch as his expression changes from curious to awe.
“Are you an art student?” he asks while flipping through the quick sketches of his body.
“Yeah, I was just gathering research for a painting I need to do for tomorrow’s exhibition.”
“Oh? And I’m your muse?” He hands you back your sketchbook and catches a glimpse of your name written in the corner of the cover. “Y/N?”
You nod, getting your pencil ready to jot something down.” And may I ask what my muse’s name is?”
“It’s Jimin, part-time stripper, full-time dance student.”
“Wait, you’re a student, too?” You know you shouldn’t be surprised because the boy does look around your age, but still. You didn’t realize strippers had time for school obligations on top of work. “Which school?”
“Seoul Institute of the Arts.” No. That can’t be. There’s no way this handsome stripper goes to the same school as you. “Why do you look so shocked…?”
“I go there, too…” You shrink your body as if that’ll help you hide. You’re suddenly feeling super shy. “But you don’t happen to live in the dorms, do you…?”
“I do… Do you…?”
You nod.
-
“So what you’re trying to say is, we’re neighbors?” Jimin says as he stands outside his dorm, room 324, and you stand outside of yours, 325.
“I guess-” You’re cut off by a cute bark. “That’s your puppy making all the noise then?”
“Uh, yeah… I got her a week ago after saving up enough from work,” he opens the door and a tiny white fluff ball stretches its body in the door way before trotting over to greet you. You squat down to say hi to the little puppy who gives you her paw. “But anyway, the whole stripper thing needs to stay between you and me, yeah?”
Of course you have no intentions of letting people know you infiltrated a strip club anyway, so that means you also can’t be telling them your neighbor is a secret stripper. But Jimin doesn’t know that, and you’re going to use that to your advantage. “Okay, yeah, I won’t tell anyone… as long as you agree to be my model for the rest of the night.” You open your door and gesture for him to come in.
Jimin scoops up the feisty puppy and tucks it comfortably under his arm. “I thought I already was your model?”
“All you have to do is pose for me for a few hours,” you say, leading the stripper into your dorm-turned studio.
“Naked?”
“Shirtless is fine.” Anything more than that would be far too much for your eyes. You pretend not to peek as he promptly removes his hoodie and t-shirt to reveal a picture-perfect torso and something you didn’t catch as the club. You tilt your head to get a better look at the word inked to his ribs. Blossom. “Is that the name a stripper girl you’re in love with?”
“For your information, Blossom is the name of that little one over there,” he points over to where his puppy is trying to dig a hole into your pillow before brushing his fingers over his tattoo. “But, it’s also just a reminder to myself.”
You nod, “Ooh, fascinating…” Once all of your art supplies are set up on your cluttered desk, you glance up at the clock on the wall. Midnight already. “I’ll keep that in mind for my painting.”
The boy has a lot of good poses, some suggestive, others charming. One second he’ll be licking his lips with his hands at his belt, and the next he’s laying on your bed while running his fingers through his hair. Oh, and he also has this really cute smile when he’s watching you be so immersed in your art.
Once you decide on a pose to paint (the one on his back with the fingers running through his hair!), you hop off your chair and walk over to the half-naked boy on your bed. He blinks up at you with either innocent eyes or inviting eyes—you aren’t really good at telling the difference. You don’t know what he was expecting, but his face looks awfully surprised when you extend your phone for him to take.
“Can you take a pic of yourself in That™ position?” You do the fingers-running-through-hair thing.
“You don’t want to take the picture yourself?”
You shake your head.
“You don’t want to get on top of me and see with your own eyes?”
You shake your head again. He chuckles as he sits up, doing the fingers-running-through-hair thing a couple of times. Must be a habit. You didn’t notice the fifty other times he did the hair thing, but this time you’re made aware of his cherry blossom cologne, its alluring scent trying to pull you closer. But you know to keep a distance.
“You’re no fun to flirt with, you know that?” It almost looks like he pouts before finally taking your phone and tossing himself back against your mattress.
“I’m a lot flirtier when I don’t have a project due in less than ten hours.”
“Really?”
“No.” Your answer makes him frown, but he takes the selfies you asked for anyway.
You watch your bed sheets wrinkle with every sensual movement of the boy’s body as he finds the best angle for your research photos. Not only does he adjust the positioning of his head and arm, but also his squirmy lower half with his waist where his underwear is peeking out and his legs unable to keep still. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was frustrated, needy, and a tad bit horny.
As you wait for him to finish, you start mapping out your painting with a rough outline. You lightly sketch Jimin down to his waist and surround him with-
“Done~” the boy yawns, handing you back your phone. Eager, you swipe through the 37 photos taken by Park Jimin, all of which have an overwhelming amount of sex appeal. You don’t know how you’re going to narrow it down, though you suppose the one he set as your lockscreen is the best in his humble opinion. And it has a perfect view of his tattoo.
You feel Jimin’s eyes on you as you painting. The sensation of being observed is oddly comforting rather than pressuring, and maybe it’s because you know it’s not with judging eyes. From your bed, he follows your paintbrush’s every stroke against the canvas as you fill it in with a splash of color, bringing your subject into bloom.
“What made you choose me specifically to be your model?” the boy asks as you’re defining his abs.
You pause your painting for a moment to think about his question. “I don’t usually use people as subjects for my art, but my professor suggested that I step out of my comfort zone.”
“So you went to a strip club and surrounded yourself with naked people?”
“Exactly,” you nod and continue, “I took a chance, went to a strip club for the first and last time in my life, and met a boy. And out of all the humans in the world, he was the first to lend me inspiration.”
“I can’t believe you found inspiration in someone who sells their body for money,” Jimin chuckles but his words bother you.
“I know I’m literally painting your abs right now, but believe me when I say I took more inspiration from you than just from your body.”
“Well I’m glad,” he says, rubbing his toned belly. You’re still not convinced.
“Do you not like being a stripper?”
“I don’t hate it, and the performer in me really does enjoy being on stage. Plus, it pays for my puppy,” Jimin sighs because he knows you’re not going to let it go until you get a proper answer. “But there’s always this feeling of being trapped in a bud of expectation and insecurity. As long as I’m a stripper, my body will always outshine my dancing. And yet, I can’t bring myself to quit, in fear of not being a good enough dancer for anything else.”
You can only nod because you don’t know how to offer support. The boy sounds a lot less confident now than how you remember him dancing on stage. But you get it. Taking that first step out of your comfort zone is as scary as that painting you did of the goblin shark. But that’s the only way you’ll ever blossom.
After several hours of endless painting and the occasional puppy whining in her sleep, you rise like a zombie from your desk to show your muse the final product of your blood, sweat, and tears. But of course he’s already fast asleep on your bed with his puppy at ass o’clock.
Not wanting to disturb the two cuties, you carefully pull the covers over them, make a nice bed for yourself on the carpet with three spare blankets, and turn out the lights.
When you wake up, however, you smell cherry blossoms and feel something warm pressed up against your back. Thankfully, what you find when you roll over on the bed is not a sleeping Jimin, but instead a puppy licking her butt. As soon as she realizes her privacy’s been violated, she wags her tail and does some morning stretches.
You flip the covers and bed sheets over in search of a half-naked boy, but he’s not there. Instead, you see him all bundled up in his black hoodie and the three blankets you’d been using on the floor. Somehow the two of you mysteriously swapped places. You can only assume he woke up in the middle of the night and tucked you into bed. Because coincidences like that don’t just happen.
Relieved from everything, you take time to play with the puppy on your bed for a bit before you have to get ready and leave for the exhibition. The little one explores the dark depths beneath your bed sheet, her cold wet nose sniffing everything including your exposed legs, until her fluffy head finally pops back out with a tiny bark.
You’re startled by half-asleep mumbles and rustling blankets. Jimin sits up as his hood falls down to reveal a wicked bedhead. He tousles his hair around and you can’t decide whether it looks messy or really fucking hot—like he just had a quickie. “Did you finish your painting?” He blinks at you.
“Oh right.” You stop yourself from any sort of fantasizing and hop off the bed to grab the colorful canvas from your desk. Once it’s in the hands of the boy at the center of the painting, you plop down next to him on the blankets and wait for his response.
Before saying a word, Jimin’s eyes examine every inch of the canvas. From the pastel palette, to the boy’s fingers-running-through-hair pose, to the pink bed of flowers beneath him and petals around him, to the bold tattoo on his ribs.
“Are you calling me a flower boy?” He’s unable to hold back a smile creeping up.
“You’re the one with the tattoo,” you say, softly poking the boy’s ribs through his hoodie. “So you tell me.”
He shakes his head, “I still have a long way to go before I, you know, blossom…” You find it adorable how he cringes and shrinks his body at his own word. “But until then, I’ve found another flower to inspire me.” He’s totally talking about you.
“You mean your puppy?” you tease him, picking up the curious white pupper and tapping her wet nose against the boy’s cheek. He plants a soft kiss on her little head before taking her into his lap where she quickly curls up in a ball.
“Yeah her,” Jimin continues to stroke his baby’s fur as her eyelids grow heavier. It isn’t long before the precious bean is fast asleep, and your heart melts a little.
“I was pleasantly surprised to wake up back in my bed with her all cozied up next to me,” you reach over to pet the puppy even though it’s right at the boy’s crotch. “You didn’t have to do that, you know… But I appreciate it, Jimin.”
“No problem, Little One,” he gives you a cute duck face. “I’d want to make sure I have your permission before we sleep together anyway.”
You suppose that’s his way of asking for sex, but you really can’t take a hint. So you ignore him. “Do you want to come to the exhibition with me?”
A little disappointed that you ignored his invitation, Jimin sulks and grabs his duffle bag as he walks towards the bathroom, “Fine, but let me change into clean clothes first.”
“You’re fine with stripping down at a crowded club, but not in front of me?” you ask, not because you want to see it again, but because it’s ironic.
After pausing mid-step, he spins around and stands right before you, his beautiful dark eyes meeting yours. And rather than running his fingers through his own hair for the fiftieth time, he runs them through yours for the first. “Maybe I’m not a stripper when I’m with you.”
“Then what are you? A vampire?” you look up at him with a teasing grin.
“You’re impossible, you know that?” The boy shakes his head and does a cute little eye roll to pretend like he’s annoyed as he walks off to the bathroom. And when he comes back in a very casual boyfriend look, the two of you head over to the exhibition on campus with the painting tucked under your arm.
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baleighbro · 5 years
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B/N/M // 6/14/2019
For anyone reading this, I don’t care what you think I’m just blowing off steam.
I open my eyes every fucking morning, and wish I hadn’t. I get out of bed and every morning and as I’m walking to the bathroom I punch something on the way. I completely DREAD having to reply to the people who tried to reach me while I was sleeping. I leave almost all of them on read, then they just blow my shit up until i finally answer, and then they wonder why I have an attitude and don’t wanna talk to me. I just want to be left alone. I know I’m a good friend when I feel someone deserves a good friend. But where are you people when I need a good friend? Fucking my ex boyfriend? Talking shit about how blunt I am to our coworkers? Or are you just figuring out how to come up with the perfect amount of bullshit to say to make me accept you so you can continue to suck me dry of everything? Most people I come into contact with in my daily life the first thing that comes out of their mouth when they see me is “hey can I borrow this” or “can you give me a ride I’ll hook you up with some drugs” or one of my personal favorites “hey can I have a cig, I didn’t have a ride to the store” even though the bar I work at sells cigs. I’m not happy. I dislike most people I “know”. I can’t even have a simple conversation with my family members anymore without feeling shit on or used. But life is hard right? I’ll get through this, right?? I can notice easily when someone wants to approach me, I turn the other way so hopefully they don’t. lol but they always do. 3, 2, 1, action. Fake me comes out. That one with the smile and the ocean eyes and the cute little noises I make that people love. Don’t get me wrong I want to be loved or liked or even just acknowledged, but at the same time, it’s never real. It’s never real.... I know it’s never real because you people never let me fucking speak. You ask me how my day has been, I’m three words in to trying to tell you, and I’m cut off. “Well my day...” “that’s awesome B, can I ask you for some advice” “sure” “blah blah blah” “well I think that....” “I know b I know but what about blah blah blah” I NEVER GET TO FUCKING SPEAK UNLESS I FUCKING YELL AND CUSS LIKE A FUCKING CRAZY BITCH THEN YALL GET UPSET LIKE I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WRONG. MAYBE IF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR 3 GODDAMN SECONDS AND ACTUALLY LET ME ANSWER YOUR FUCKING POINTLESS BULLSHIT BITCH ASS QUESTION YOUD FINALLY HAVE A RESONABLE ANSWER. But fuck my opinion even though you begged for it. Fuck you. Fuck you for fucking up and begging me to stay in your life. Fuck you for guilt tripping me into actually believing you ever gave a fuck. Fuck you for asking for my opinion and ignoring it. Fuck you for expecting shit from me. Fuck you for having no sense of self control when it comes to your big mouth and your even bigger fucking ego. Bitch fuck you for everything. I’m alive right now for one thing. C/M/M, that’s my cat. The one living creature who gives me the respect and love I deserve, becsuse it’s 100/100. It’s crazy that people haven’t realized that people are bullshit. And people are selfish. But my cat? I take care of him... he takes care of me. But you fucking humans? I take care of you guys... but nobody takes care of me. (In no way am I expecting you too, but fuck you for being selfish) Fuck you. I want to be just as happy as y’all, but because I don’t have a pushy personality that makes people love me, I’m ignored, used, shit on, spit on, lied to, and not given a fuck about. These guys who tell me “I wanna treat you right, you deserve the world” turn around to tell their friends “bro I’m just trying to smash tf out of her” I can see right though every one of you. How much does assisted suicide cost? And will insurance cover it? Fuck it
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