#If you can't tell. I don't like virgil angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-small-batch-of-dragons · 9 months

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Just Another Day | Or Is It?

feel free to ignore this lol, but i love your roman angst and was wondering if you’d do a part 2 to just another day ? maybe thomas gets involved ? idk, but thanks for your writing !! – anon

you want clamor? you want begging, screaming, groveling???? here it is right here right now, I'm pretty sure the fic came out ten minutes ago but the creativitwins are SO IMPORTANT to me !!! ok, getting to the point, Just Another Day is one of many incredible fics you have produced and i have a dire, extreme need for a second chapter (obviously)! maybe you have an idea for it, but maybe it's the next day, and since the others can tell that roman is so disappointed and upset, but they can't just go up to him and immediately make up for it, they come up with smaller, more gradual ways to give him something special for his birthday (ie: Patton bakes/cooks for him, Logan plans a brainstorm, Janus and/or Virgil do his makeup, and of course, obligatory cuddle ending) just a thought anyways love you love your fics have a fantastic day!!! <3 – vinbee631

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: none?

Pairings: also none

Word Count: 2140

After the...not-great birthday, it's the next day.

When Roman wakes up, it takes him a few minutes to work out that the big, soft, warm thing he's cuddling into isn't just his blanket or something he conjured in his sleep, but Remus.

Fingers card gently through his hair, an arm squeezing him gently around the middle, and Remus's sleepy voice murmurs something like we gotta feed the Krakens.

"Wake up," Roman mumbles, swatting his side lightly, "you're still dreaming, Re."

"No, 'm not," Remus says back, shifting slightly under him, "Ollie misses you, you gotta come with me next time I feed him."

An unexpected warmth ricochets around Roman's chest. "Your Kraken misses me?"

"Well, yeah." He starts to sound more awake, one arm reaching over to the bedside table to do…something, check the time on the clock or his phone, presumably. "You're the one who spoils him with scratches and pets, of course he's gonna miss you."

"You said it helps keep him healthy!"

"Yeah, it does, but it's like brushing a cat, you don't gotta do it all the time. Plus, it helped you two bond when he was still skittish around you but now I'm pretty sure you're his favorite."

"No, Re, I'm sure you are."

Remus snorts as they sit up, the red comforter falling from their shoulders as they rub the last of the sleep from their eyes. "He has to love me 'cause I'm the one cleaning his lake and making sure he's got all the food he needs. You, on the other hand, he squirted water at me last time I said you weren't with me. He fucking adores you."

"W-why?"

Remus squints at him like he's being purposefully obtuse, and when he realizes that no, Roman really has no idea why, he softens and ruffles his hair. "'Cause he's a creature of the Imagination, for one, and they all fucking love you, he's a creature of my Imagination, secondly, and they all get that from me, and third: it's 'cause you're Roman."

***

He's still fixing his damp hair when he gets back to the kitchen, having taken a quick rinse to get the smell of lake and Kraken and morning off of him after going with Remus. Ollie had, in fact, chirped and squeaked and trilled upon realizing that Roman had come with Remus and it had been simultaneously the easiest and hardest feeding they'd had in a while. Easiest because Ollie sat so perfectly as Remus checked him over, and hardest because he hadn't wanted Roman to go.

They'd persuaded him eventually by saying that Roman would come back for an entire day coming up, but he's still reeling with the aftereffects of realizing that the Kraken missed him that much.

So when he gets down to the kitchen and sees Patton there, he doesn't think much of it.

"Roman!" Patton spins around and has this bright smile on his face and Roman instinctively freezes. "The muffins are almost done!"

"…muffins?"

The oven beeps just as he finishes asking, Patton whirling back around just as quickly to pull on a pair of oven mitts and take the tray out. Roman drifts forward when he sees the steam curling up from the tops of the perfectly golden muffins, blueberries and all…oh, he can almost taste them…

But then Patton's pulling out a sieve and another bowl—oh, it's cinnamon-sugar mix, and dusting it over the tops—a noise leaves his throat before he can stop it.

Patton just giggles, looking over his shoulder. "They're not going to taste very good from all the way back there, you know."

He blinks, ready for the chide that's sure to follow, except all Patton does is wave him all the way over and gesture to the tray.

"Which one do you want?"

"A-any of them is fine, they all look great."

"I know they do, but which one do you want?"

Roman swallows warily, but points to the one in the very left corner. Patton beams and quickly slides it free onto a plate, reaching over for another dish with—fresh raspberries, for crying out loud—and then he hands the plate to Roman.

"The others will be down soon."

Roman just stares at the plate. "I can—this is mine, right?"

"Yeah, kiddo, that's all for you. Go on, you can eat. Enjoy the quiet down here while you can."

The muffin is delicious.

***

"Yo, Princey! Princey, wait up!"

Roman pauses, looking over his shoulder as Virgil jogs up to him. "Yeah?"

"So guess what, Dungeons and Drag Queens is out now."

Roman blinks. "It's like, fully out? Or just the first episode?"

"No, no, fully out. It's only four episodes—I know, I know," he holds up a hand when Roman squawks, "I wish it were longer too, but it makes sense."

"It makes sense, that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Right, but hey—here's the thing: they got Brennan in drag."

Roman blinks. Then he blinks again. "Brennan. Brennan Lee Mulligan. Brennan 'I Wear the Same Five Shirts' Lee Mulligan. They got him in drag?"

"Yes, for all four episodes!" Virgil rubs his hands together. "Which got me thinking. Because obviously if Brennan's in drag, we can't just be watching in our hoodies and shit—we gotta look the part too. So—I was, um, I was thinking we could…y'know, plan out some makeup looks too?"

It's astounding to watch Virgil lose confidence halfway through a sentence, and by astounding Roman does mean devastating. "Yeah, Virgil, that sounds like a great idea."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, I miss—"

Virgil softens when Roman cuts himself off, nudging him. "Miss what?"

"…miss doing makeup stuff with you."

"Aww, Princey," Virgil coos like he wasn't just a flustered mess too, "I miss you too. C'mon, let's get started."

"Hey," Roman asks as they set off down the hall, "what's the next season supposed to be?"

"Oh, it's another sidequest. Mentopolis."

"What's that one about?"

"It's—um, well, I think I should just show you the trailer."

***

Logan finds him after lunch, holding out a notebook. Roman takes it, not opening it because he's learned his lesson about doing that before Logan talks, and folds his hands over it in front of him.

"I had an idea," Logan says, that breathless smile threatening to burst all over his face, "and you're going to like it."

"Okay?"

"The anthology series board game—you remember?" Roman nods. "I think we can play it the way we did the other one."

"Wait, the timeline one? Where we do, like, multiple runs and stuff?"

"Yes. I think if we plan it out so that we pace ourselves getting through the different stories, we might be able to get a more efficient layout."

Roman can't help the bubble of excitement. He hasn't gotten to play board games with Logan in a long time and that time stories one had been…well, one of the last things they actually did together. But he keeps himself in check. "What sort of time frame are we looking at?"

"That's the best part." Logan nods to the notebook. "There's a margin of error of about thirty minutes, but I'm pretty sure I'm close."

Roman opens the notebook. He scans the page of careful calculations, the schedule, and Logan's neat print around the edges.

His eyes widen.

"We can…we can do this any night?"

"The runs shouldn't take more than an hour or so, and we always have time after dinner before everyone goes about their evening routines, so…yes, Roman, any night you want, I'll be free to play the game."

Roman looks up, his breath in his throat, and he sees the same excitement in Logan's eyes too. "Can we start tonight?"

"I've already checked out the character builds."

***

"I thought you might be here, sweetie," Janus murmurs, sitting next to Roman on the large rock outcropping.

He doesn't come here often, only when he needs to sit and think by himself without needing to worry about anything in the Imagination getting out of hand. The rocks overlook the grand falls, hundreds of feet of water plummeting from the tops of one of the mountains through the forest. Small treehouses sit just off to the sides, sentry posts that are really just meant for appreciating the natural beauty up close. The water churns and thunders into the river at its base, creating a soothing rumble that acts as a pleasant white noise.

Normally, he doesn't let anyone else here, but the Imagination's let Janus through.

He sits next to Roman with a soft grunt, adjusting his legs so he won't get cramps. He can see Janus turn to look at him out of the corner of his eyes.

"This is beautiful, Roman," he says softly, "it really is."

Roman hums.

"Did you make it for any reason in particular?"

"I didn't. The Imagination did." He shuffles. "I only make some of the things in here. It does the rest."

Janus makes a small sound of understanding. The two of them watch the falls for a moment.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

A softer opening than he was expecting, but he knows there's no way Janus is just gonna let him dodge it. He sighs.

"Why should I have?"

"It was your birthday, Roman."

"And?"

"And you're allowed to celebrate it the way you want."

"But to you, it's just another day."

"It's not," and Janus's voice gets a little firmer, "it's not just another day, because it's your birthday. We care about you, Roman—"

Roman scoffs, his laugh utterly humorless. "You can't honestly expect me to believe that."

"We do!"

"Here's a question for you," he says, turning to properly face Janus, taking him by surprise, "if yesterday wasn't my birthday, would you guys still be feeling this bad about how you treated me yesterday?"

Shock colors Janus's features and he stares dumbly at Roman. Roman raises his eyebrows, a challenge. Janus doesn't say anything. After a few moments, Roman scoffs again and turns back to the falls.

They sit in silence.

***

+1.

Remus tackles him to the mattress as soon as he gets down to the living room for movie night and Roman just sighs.

"Remus, your knee—"

"Oops." He snuggles down once Roman says he's in a comfortable enough position, humming. "So, Ro-bro, what are we watching?"

"Uh, anything's fine."

Remus makes a sound like a basketball shot clock running out, right in Roman's ear. "Wrong answer! What do you want to watch?"

"Anything that makes it so you don't make that sound again."

"So answer the question, I don't understand what the problem is."

Roman glances around for help—literally, anyone could suggest something and he'll say yes to get Remus to not scream in his ear again, but then Patton's grinning and snuggling on his other side, Virgil's sitting basically on top of his legs, Janus has one of his hands in his and Logan's carding his fingers through his hair.

"G-guys, what—"

"What are we watching," Logan asks in a soft voice, this isn't fair, "what do you want to watch?"

"I-I—"

"Hm?" Janus trails his fingers lightly over his palm, that's really not fair. "What was that, sweetie?"

Using my touch-starvation against me is low, guys. Really, really low.

"…can we rewatch some of Night on Earth?"

"Great choice, kiddo," Patton says as Virgil scrolls to it, "what episode?"

"I like the underwater one."

"Ooh, great choice, Princey, that stuff is cool."

"You missed Ollie too, huh?"

"Maybe a little."

Of course, it's a little hard to focus on the screen when he's being cuddled so thoroughly, but there are worse fates, he's sure.

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#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders

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anfieldroad · 5 days

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teaser

angst thing i did :D may release tomorrow idk

Virgil's eyes well up with tears, as he took a shaky breath.

"Ali... After everything.... You can't even... Trust me enough to tell me if something's bothering you? You- you have to come home so late, a-and hide things from me….” Virgil would hiccup, his hand’s shaky as he covers his eyes.

Ali feels his heart shatter. "I- Virg- I'm sorry- I just... I'm going through a lot, okay?! Forgive me if I'm not the best at talking about something like that." Ali spits back.

"Something like that?" Virgil bitterly chuckles, his face showing nothing but hurt. "So it is something, huh?"

Ali sighs, looking away from his lover. "Look, Virg. This isn't exactly easy for me... I don't- I don't need you making it worse..."

Virgil's head snaps up. Those eyes, they looked…

They looked like there was a traumatized child hiding underneath.

"Don't make this worse? Are you fucking kidding me, Alisson? Says the man coming home so late without any goddamn explanation?!" The dutchman bitterly hisses.

Ali bites his lip, not wanting to start an argument. But god, the pain in his stomach...

"Ali. Please. Tell me what's going on."

Ali is dead silent, tears forming in his eyes. He was hurting. Why couldn't Virgil see that?

"Ali."

The keeper tries to walk over to Virgil. The world spinning around him as his knees suddenly buckle, the goalie stumbling to the ground with a loud THUMP. The dizziness got to Ali, his ears ringing and the room around him going dark. He tried to reach out, but the darkness took him. Ali didn't hear Virgil's fear-filled voice.

He didn't hear the footsteps racing towards him, or the frantic, pleading calls. He was out like a light. in a familiar embrace.

#gn liverpoool natuon ikm tired

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mysisypheannightmare · 10 months

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Just Another Day (Chapter Two)

Word Count: 4,860

Warnings: Logan Angst, Sickfic, Fever, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort (with actual comfort this time), Stream of Consciousness mixed with actual fully-written scenes, and All sides are present in this fic

Read Chapter One First

AO3 Link

He kept flinching away, Virgil noticed.

A part of him wanted to be grateful that it wasn't just him now, but all the other sides, too, that Logan was avoiding every time he was awake enough to recognize they were there with him. But, given Logan's last little freakout, it probably meant that something about the other sides was unsettling him so badly that he didn't want them there.

Well, maybe if he'd actually eat on his own or just get some actual sleep, then he'd stop having a stupid fever and feel better already…

Virgil felt a bit guilty for wanting Logan to just hurry up and get better already, but he couldn't help it. He had to hear Janus explain that Thomas was better from his fever the other day but was still dealing with a mental fog, likely thanks to whatever Logan was dealing with now. It's like the two were linked in some crazy way and managed to get each other sick.

If Thomas ever gets sick again after this, Virgil wasn't going to let there be an argument about it ever again. The man's going straight to bed, or better yet, a hospital! He should also probably make sure he's up to date on all his vaccines, too, just to be sure. This can't ever happen again. Not to Thomas and not to Logan.

"His fever has finally gone down a bit," Janus was telling Patton, who still looked distraught since the moment he even found out that Logan didn't seem to be doing too well. That hadn't been a fun conversation.

"He'll probably be back to himself in no time, alright?" Janus, of all sides, was trying to reassure Patton. Virgil hated that he couldn't tell if he was lying, even if it was only to make Patton feel better, but he certainly wouldn't put it past him. It was kind of his thing, after all.

Patton seemed to be cheered up ever so slightly by the news, however, so at least there was that.

He really hoped Logan was actually getting better.

"How's he doing?"

Roman turned to see Patton peek his head in, concern deep in his expression.

It was now the second day of them keeping a watchful eye over Logan. Roman was sitting in the chair they'd moved next to Logan's bed. He was keeping himself occupied with a coloring book and a box of crayons. It didn't take too much to keep him entertained while letting Logan sleep.

Speaking of…

"He keeps tossing and turning, but it's still better than yesterday," he informed Patton.

Patton stepped into the room and walked over, patting Logan on the head, only for him to shift away, turning on his side.

Roman sighed.

"I don't know what else we can do. I tried adding those pillows yesterday, but …well, you saw what happened. I guess he just can't get comfortable."

Patton gasped and then smiled wide.

"I may have just the thing!"

Roman watched, confused, as Patton ran off, ducking back out to the hallway in a hurry. He had no idea what he could possibly have planned, and he certainly didn't expect to see Patton return a minute later with an enormous stuffed animal in his arms.

It was a big white unicorn, nearly three feet tall, with bright, neon pink tufts of hair for a mane and a shiny rainbow horn sticking out of its head. The way its pink-colored hooves bounced as Patton walked back in, it was clear the unicorn's legs have more weight to them than the rest of the stuffed animal. Optimal for hugging, in fact.

Patton strode right up to Logan's bed and set the large plushie next to Logan with a triumphant grin. "That should do the trick!"

And somehow, he was right.

Roman watched as Logan turned over again on his other side again, almost instantly pulling the unicorn to his chest like it was meant to be there. He seemed to calm down right away, relaxing his shoulders and everything.

Finally.

It may have looked ridiculous for Logan to do such a thing, but if it got him to sleep more soundly, Roman would leave it be. He could just tease him about it later when he was no longer sick.

Logan woke up again, holding something soft to his chest. He tiredly opened his eyes, seeing only white fur with pink tufts sticking out… Oh! Palindrome, his stuffed unicorn! He hadn’t seen it in so long.

He squeezed it tighter to his chest, only to remember…he’d gotten rid of Palindrome over a year ago. So why was it here?

He glanced around to see he was still in his room. His mind seemed far clearer as he looked around some more and recognized everything was in its place, save for a new chair set next to his nightstand with a very bored-looking Janus sitting in it, flipping quietly through a book that Logan was fairly certain was from his own collection.

“…Janus?” he tried to say, but his voice came out exceptionally raspy. Wow, his throat really hurt, actually. Like he’d somehow managed to swallow barbed wire, the prickling sensation worsening as he tried to adjust to sit up on his elbows.

What on earth happened?

Janus looked over at him and quietly shut the book in his lap and set it aside.

"Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked him, an odd expression on his face. He seemed to be looking Logan over instead of just looking at his face. “Still tired?”

Logan narrowed his gaze at him, trying to decide what he meant by that. His mind seemed to be slow to give him his usual deductive reasoning, but was he implying Logan was tired earlier? Why would he ask that?

He opened his mouth to ask for clarification but somehow managed to choke on air, and let out a pathetic cough into the side of Palindrome’s head.

He frowned. Oh, he really hadn’t meant to do that.

“Thirsty?” Janus asked, and as Logan looked up again, he noticed a water bottle being held out to him.

He took it, aware that his arms felt very weak. He tried to sit up just enough so he could take a quick sip of the water, and then he finally asked the burning question…

“What… Uhm, what happened?”

Janus stared at him for a moment, that same unreadable expression on his face.

“It seems you had a fever, Logan,” he finally answered, leaning back in his chair again.

Logan waited, but Janus didn’t continue.

“Care to elaborate?” Logan asked, now trying to sit up properly and lean back against his headboard. It was more of a struggle than he expected, but he managed it regardless. He set Palindrome at his side, trying to resist the urge to hug the stuffed animal for comfort that he knew he didn’t need.

“Depends,” Janus responded, almost cryptically. “What do you remember?”

Logan sighed. He sure didn’t remember having a fever, but unless Janus was lying – which was extremely likely – then he couldn’t really be sure of anything that happened after Thomas had started feeling off and had thrown up yesterday…

“Oh,” he realized, “Thomas was sick."

Janus nodded. “Yep, had a fever, and then you managed to catch one, too.”

Ah, a fever probably wasn’t good, now that he thought about it. Though, Logan wasn’t even sure the sides could become ill. Patton and Roman had claimed to be sick a few times over the years, but they seemed to always be fine after having one of the others take care of them for a couple hours. He’d honestly thought they were just in need of some relaxation and special attention, not actually sick in the way a human could be, but maybe he’d been wrong.

It certainly wouldn’t be the first time…

“Is he doing better now?” Logan couldn’t help but ask.

Thomas’ health was definitely the priority here, so he ought to make sure.

“Considering it’s been about three days since his fever broke and he’s gone right back to normal? Yes, I’d say he’s doing much better.”

Janus looked over at him then, as though waiting for something.

Logan blinked, glancing away. Wait…three days? “Did you say three…? But wasn’t that just…”

How could that have been three days ago? Thomas had only gotten sick just yesterday! How long had Logan been sick then?

How long had they had to put up with him being out of it, especially if he couldn’t even recall a single moment from the whole ordeal? Hopefully he hadn’t completely inconvenienced everyone or kept Thomas from any important activities. Three days was such a large amount of time.

He sat up some more. He looked across the room to his desk, where his laptop sat open and ready for work.

Maybe he should check his schedule, just to see how far behind he had gotten…

"You really don’t remember then? Any of it?” Janus asked, some sort of emotion lacing his words. But what emotion was there, Logan couldn’t be sure.

He looked over at Janus. He seemed bothered.

Oh, no.

Had Logan done something burdensome? He didn’t know what it was, but he hoped he could make it up to him and the others. There were far too many possibilities if it occurred due to illness. Maybe it wasn’t anything too awful and a quick apology and some acts of kindness would suffice?

"I’m sorry if I bothered you in any way,” he told Janus right away, trying to adjust and move the blankets off so he could stand. His arms were still shaking a bit, but he needed to get back to work quickly if things had really been that bad. “I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

Janus eyed him as he tried to stand on wobbly legs. He rolled his eyes before sighing heavily and reaching over to push Logan back down onto the bed.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Janus told him flatly. "You're probably not fully well just yet."

Logan wanted to disagree, but he couldn't be sure. He looked over at his nightstand, seeing his glasses lying there, so he picked them up and put them on. His eyes adjusted slowly and with his vision clearing, he felt confident he was probably fine after all.

"If you don't remember, perhaps I should fill you in," Janus offered.

Logan glanced over at him, and Janus took the opportunity to explain in vague detail that Logan hadn't been seen by the other sides most of the day after Thomas had initially gotten his fever.

Once Thomas was better, they'd all assumed everything was fine…until they realized Logan was missing, so they'd gone looking for him. Apparently he was in his room, dazed out of his mind, sitting at his desk for some reason. Virgil and Remus got him to bed, but when they came back to check on him, he'd gotten up again and each time was either wandering around aimlessly in his room or sitting at his desk again, doing nothing.

"It was frustrating how many times we had to redirect you because you wouldn't sleep, for whatever reason," Janus said with a laugh.

Logan grimaced. That sounded very annoying for them.

"Apologies. I hope it wasn't too much of a problem."

Janus looked at him.

"It wasn't a problem."

Again, Logan wasn't sure what emotion was there in Janus' words, but there was definitely something. He felt awful not being able to assign it, but that had never been his forte, after all. He couldn't be expected to understand something that he wasn't meant to, even if he kept trying and failing for years at this point to do just that.

Janus sighed, continuing his explanation,

“By the next day, things got… well, they got a bit intense there for a while.”

Logan wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that meant. He found out anyway.

“You seemed terrified any time you were awake and one of us tried to help you with anything. A single touch had you backing away, even if we were just trying to get you to drink some water..”

Oh. Logan tried to remember why that might be, but his mind didn’t supply him a reason. He didn't find himself typically afraid of the others, so there was no reasonable explanation for him to do such a thing.

“And when you slept, you seemed to have nightmares. Painful ones, from the looks of it.”

Well, that probably wasn’t fun to deal with, either. No wonder Janus seemed bothered.

"Around the height of your fever, you had somehow managed to get out of bed and run across the room, tried to grab…I think it was a letter opener? Who knows what you were planning to do exactly, but when we finally stopped you, you…said you were trying to die for us.”

Janus stared at him, willing him to remember. But Logan didn’t remember anything like that at all.

Why would he have done something like that?

Perhaps his mind believed he was in danger or maybe they misunderstood the situation? That's such an odd response, though, even for someone who's ill.

“That…sounds burdensome,” Logan stated, in lieu of having anything else to say. “I’m sorry.”

Janus sighed, leaning back again.

"You really don’t remember? At all?" he asked again.

Logan shook his head.

“Well, there goes my hope of getting some answers at least,” Janus responded. “And what about all the mumbling you made in your sleep about Thomas replacing you?”

Logan froze. Well, that he remembered, but not from his time being sick. He’d been sure for quite a long time now that Thomas ought to replace him, find a suitable Logic that functioned and performed adequately, who didn’t constantly cause problems and instead fixed them like he was meant to. Had he mentioned that out loud?

“Uhh…”

“And something about not being productive enough? Being useless?” Janus added.

Logan swallowed, a pain in his chest rapidly starting to ache. Had he really said that? He was hoping none of them would find out how badly behind he'd been on his work.

He was able to get most of Thomas’ necessary tasks taken care of every day, but as time went on, his energy always seemed to dwindle, and lately, he’d been downright terrible about keeping proper tabs on everything. He had been covering it up well enough so that it wouldn't bother anyone or cause further problems, but that clearly wasn’t the case anymore if they knew.

How was he going to fix this? Did this mean they would replace him, after all? They would have to, right?

His breath felt shallow. But he'd been expecting to be replaced eventually, hadn't he? He was certain this was supposed to happen, just not so soon!

His throat felt tight, and his mind started racing, but it seemed Janus wasn’t finished yet.

“Oh yeah, and then there was a remark in there about how this was supposed to happen. Does that ring any bells to you?”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe steadily, but absolutely failing.

Yes, of course he had thought about these things for quite a while, but none of the others were ever meant to know about it!

He was supposed to keep existing until the moment he could finally resolve all those problems he'd tallied up over time, even if the biggest problem was himself. He was supposed to stay for as long as he was useful, even if he’d already been found to be useless. He never wanted them to know how pathetic he was and had been all this time. He'd wanted to fix things before Thomas found out, at the very least.

What would he do now? Janus couldn’t have been the only one to know. What would the others do? Did Thomas know already? Were they replacing him already? What was going to happen to him?

He was supposed to have more time to fix everything before it had to end. He'd thought about it so much, but he was only biding his time and getting what little done that he could, then he would address it outright with Thomas, because he deserved to know…just not yet! It was supposed to happen, just not yet!

Was this inevitable? Was this always going to happen, the truth would come out before he had the chance to fix everything, even if he hadn’t somehow fallen ill?

Logan’s mind wouldn’t shut up or let him catch up on everything. He tried not to panic, but none of this could possibly end well.

Would it even end at all?

"Logan, breathe, please!” Janus pleaded next to him.

Oh. He wasn't breathing. That's probably what that pain was. Oh, no.

“You’re going to be okay," Janus told him.

He wasn't going to be okay. He messed everything up and hadn't even figured out a way to fix it!

"I wasn’t trying to confront you about this right now," Janus continued. "I just wanted to see if you had remembered… Perhaps, not my best move, all things considered.”

How could this have happened? What was he supposed to do now? He'd have to change everything, but if they all already knew, what could he possibly do to fix it? He couldn't fix anything! But if he couldn't fix anything, Thomas and the others would still be left with all the problems he'd left unresolved!

They'd all be so disappointed. They probably already were.

His chest ached.

He tried to imagine how the others would have reacted, but all he could think about was how he hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone or make them think they’d done anything wrong. He wasn't supposed to leave them with any burden. But now he’d gone and bothered everyone for no reason!

They all knew he’d been useless to Thomas and believed he deserved whatever fate came of that…

They must have been so upset with him.

“Logan.”

But it wasn’t as though this was the first time, right?

“Keep trying.”

They would never understand. He wouldn’t be able to make them understand. He already knew that from the start.

“Please.”

He really should have expected this.

…something about that thought was far too sobering.

He took in a deep breath and his vision seemed to clear up. Right, breathing is a good thing. Of course.

He managed to get in another deep breath, but it still felt as though his throat was tight and his heart was beating way too fast. What was wrong with him?

"There we go," Janus said in barely a whisper. "Honestly, I thought I was going to have to do it for you again."

"Again?" Logan squeaked out, looking up at him. "What… do what again? What do you mean?"

Janus frowned.

"When you were panicking before, when you were still feverish, you had tried to hurt yourself… You wouldn't calm down, so I…helped," he explained, then looked away. "Or tried to, anyway."

"How?" Logan couldn't help but ask, his breathing finally starting to slow back down. His chest hurt. Everything hurt.

"It's just a trick I know," Janus replied. "I have so very many of them, after all."

Logan watched as Janus leaned back, looking more like the Janus he knew rather than the worried mess he'd awoken to. Maybe that was a good thing?

Janus turned back to him then, squinting as he added, "You know, I haven't used that one on anyone in years. It just makes you calm down really fast, it's better for things like panic attacks. Virgil had gotten so mad the last time that I used it on him, he…" Janus trailed off, covering his mouth. "But it sure seemed like you needed it. I can only hope it actually helped."

Logan blinked.

"If I could remember, I would tell you."

Janus nodded. "I believe you. But I would also rather not have to do it again… which means you'll need to talk to me, or at least someone about what's been going on."

He stared at him intently, and Logan tried not to react, without making it obvious he was pointedly ignoring the suggestion. He let himself breathe, trying to get back to some semblance of normal.

"Those kinds of thoughts rarely spring from nothing, Logan," Janus remarked.

Logan didn't really want to think about it, if he were honest. It was always so much harder to understand if he let himself think about it. There had been so much and he had no desire to see the consequences of these actions anytime soon.

But clearly Janus wanted him to make a decision anyway.

"I'm aware," he responded. "I'll consider it."

Janus just continued to stare.

"Please do."

They, thankfully, didn't discuss it further. Janus let him rest a while longer before insisting he eat something.

Logan tried not to think about everything that was being left unsaid.

It was when Patton visited him again later that day that he decided to address the issue with the stuffed animal. The issue being that it wasn't meant to be in his room anymore.

“Did you bring this here?” Logan asked, holding out the stuffed unicorn plushie so that Patton could take it back. Sure, he could admit that he had missed Palindrome, but it wasn’t as though anyone else would know that.

Patton smiled brightly, taking the stuffed animal into his arms and letting its big hooves wiggle back and forth as he gave it a quick hug.

“Oh, Palindrome had shown up in my room a while back,” he told him, taking a seat in the chair that still sat next to Logan's bed. “I tried to return her when she first appeared, but you said she wasn’t lost. You said… I think you said something about not needing her anymore?”

Logan recalled why he’d willed the stuffed animal away in the first place. He wasn't meant to keep sentimental items in his room anymore, so he put them away in storage and got rid of them entirely. He wasn't sure where Palindrome would end up, but considering Patton seemed to already have an ever-growing collection of stuffed animals in his room, it certainly didn't surprise him that it ended up there.

“That sounds about right," he replied.

Patton continued, “I figured I would let her stay with me until you needed her again, so I gave her as many puzzles I could find to play with, and any time a new book showed up, I’d give it to her to read! She seems to really like them!”

Logan wanted to be grateful, but he didn’t understand why Patton was telling him all of this.

"…this doesn’t really answer my question, Patton. Clearly, you brought her here… I mean… Uhm. You returned this stuffed animal for a reason, right?”

He didn’t like sounding attached to an inanimate object, but that didn’t seem to matter to Patton as he replied with a laugh,

“Well, sure!” Patton pushed the unicorn back into Logan’s lap, tilting the animal’s head up at him. “You needed Palindrome back, didn’t you?”

Logan grimaced. “I don’t think—”

"Whenever I’m sick, my stuffed animals are always the biggest comfort when I’m trying to sleep,” Patton explained. “It only makes sense that Palindrome could help you be comfortable, too. Isn’t that just logic? It has to be.”

Logan wasn’t sure what it was, but it definitely wasn’t logic. Not that explaining that would help matters. He sighed.

“While I appreciate the gesture, Patton—”

“Will you keep her, then?” he asked Logan earnestly.

Logan paused and looked away. He really should just get to the point with this.

He handed the stuffed toy back to Patton yet again.

“Like I said, I don’t need a stuffed animal. And certainly not to sleep comfortably.”

It was the truth. He didn’t require comfort, let alone comfort items. He’d willed the unicorn away last year because it was beyond time for him to stop clinging to a toy so unnecessarily. If anything, Patton seemed the exact type to enjoy having an extra stuffed animal around, so it was best for him to keep her, not Logan.

Logan didn't need it, Patton wanted it, so this just made sense.

He’d made up his mind about this.

Patton leaned forward ever so slightly.

“She misses you.”

…what?

Logan whipped his head back to see Patton staring right into his eyes. He tried not to squirm under such harsh attention but failed as he started to shift uncomfortably.

Patton reached out, setting the unicorn right back on Logan’s lap resolutely, and then continued to look at him with determination.

“I don’t want her to think she’s alone,” he told Logan, his voice and eyes portraying true honesty, “even with all her friends around her. I know she likes to do things by herself, but I think it’s important that she at least have that chance for comfort when she needs it most.”

He gave the smallest smile after that. “Don’t you agree?”

Logan wasn’t sure what to think.

Palindrome was just some stuffed toy. Easy to toss aside and forget. Even easier to replace, with something better, more suitable. It's as though the damn thing was built to be useless, as though it was meant to be tossed aside eventually. Even if he had kept it around for a long time until now, why would Patton or anyone else think anything important could ever come from such a thing?

“What if she doesn’t need it?” Logan asked.

Patton’s smile faded.

“Everyone needs it. Even if it’s in a different way than we expect, but that’s okay. It’s always okay.”

But it’s so excessive. They didn’t need to waste time providing comfort for someone—for something that didn’t deserve it, that didn’t appreciate it! It couldn’t care, it couldn’t reciprocate, it couldn’t do anything that could ever help anyone else! It was useless!

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just get rid of her?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Why not just remove the problem? Why wouldn’t they just make things easier for themselves instead of trying to cater to something they didn’t even understand? It’s not like he could even begin to tell them--

“I don’t think so. I think she’s right where she belongs.” Patton reached out to pet the fur on top of Palindrome’s head, adding softly, “But it looks like maybe her friends could have done a better job at reminding her of that… but they want to try now. Do you think she’d let them?”

Logan peered down at the unicorn in his lap, trying not to cry. This felt awful, it felt wrong.

"What if she’s scared it will only make things worse?”

Why was he playing along with this? What could this possibly accomplish? Nothing was ever going to change, so why even try?

“I think she deserves the chance to see what it could be like, Logan.”

His breath came out shakily as he tried to hold back the tears building in his eyes. There was so much that didn’t make sense, so much that could go wrong, but they wanted to do this anyway? He didn’t understand why they would bother.

Logan squeezed at Palindrome’s sides, still resisting the urge to hug her. He didn’t deserve that comfort, he knew that. It didn’t stop the thought from invading his mind, though.

Any time these pesky emotions stirred up, he knew all the books and research he’d read claimed he needed to examine them and then feel them and move on, but it was as though a tightly locked door was between him and these feelings, and even if he tried to open it willingly, he couldn’t seem to get inside, even for just a look.

He knew he would never be able to understand himself or what he was feeling. Nothing would ever change that. And it was his own fault. No one else should have to deal with that. It wouldn’t be fair. He was supposedto handle this on his own.

“Logan,” Patton reached out, just barely laying a hand over his arm. “Do you think you could try?”

He wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do, but he just wasn’t sure. He… he wanted to, but he was terrified to know what would come of it. He wanted to but he didn’t want to bother them with all of this. He wanted to, but he couldn't possibly convince himself he would ever deserve it.

But he wanted to.

And he wasn’t sure he’d ever wanted much of anything before, except for things to finally end.

Maybe this was a different way… a better way.

He held his breath and looked up at Patton.

And nodded.

#logan angst #logan sanders #fanfiction #ts logan #long post #sanders sides #catch me finding an excuse to finally write something involving logan having a giant stuffed unicorn plush #bc i drew him crying and hugging one years ago and im tired od pretending that it's not my favorite headcanon

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betamash · 6 months

Text

INKTOBER 2023 Day 31! Today was Fire, and we're gonna finish with some Logan angst! Hope you enjoyed Inktober, I know I did!

"Flames, on the sides of my face- seething fire."

He's snapped-

The End

Thank you for enjoying and sharing my work!

Close-ups under cut

"I tried t-to stop, but you went too far."

"With what? Logan, please... Talk to m-"

"I CAN'T! I CAN'T TALK TO ANY OF YOU! YOU MADE THAT VERY EXPLICIT!"

"Hold on-"

"I'm sorry, I am very tried. I tried to hold it in..."

"Well, you're on fire, sooo..."

"Well, I'm SORRY!"

"Virgil, stop."

"I don't want to hurt you-"

"You aren't! You're not hurting us, you're hurting yourself, just talk to us, stop trying to do everything on your own, it-"

"It is the ONLY WAY!" He said... It's okay, I'm fine."

"Clearly, you aren't-"

"FALSEHOOD! I AM PERFECTLY FINE, VIRGIL! I JUST NEED A MOMENT!"

"Logan... Please don't cry, buddy. It's fine, you're not in trouble."

"... I'm not crying... I'm not upset, I'm just tired.

"No, you are crying, and guess what? That's okay! Logan, I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner."

"That we didn't notice sooner..."

"Can we try? To listen?"

"I don't know, CAN YOU? CAN YOU GO ONE DAY WITHOUT- *exhales* can I just... Feel things? Like everyone else? Without it burning; feeling painful? Please... I have feelings, I don't want to, but I do. Please... It hurts, Patton... It aches, everything is... not alright..."

"..."

"...Okay. Tell us about it."

"...About what?"

"Everything."

@oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat, thanks for being here and being supportive. It's thanks to you that I made it to the end...

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#inktober 2023 #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #I made it through inktober yay #my art

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lily-janus · 1 year

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Someone Like You - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | next

Summary: the inevitable clush between the two ex-friends.

Pairings: roceit

Warnings: disability, public humiliation, painful history, angst. I think that's it but let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,183

It's that time of the week again folks! And this time I bring you the first chapter that was written by me only! Hope you all enjoy^^ @prince-rowan-of-the-forest

"That's a terrible idea." Janus deadpanned as Roman finished telling him his next idea for their project.

It was a few days after he… after they toured the potential places of filming their little film.

"What? Why? We can't film it with just the both of us! We need a crew!" Roman protested.

"A different crew, then." Janus said stubbornly.

"Oh c'mon, what's wrong with my friends?" Roman folded his arms over his chest, waiting for Janus' answer.

"I… They don't know anything about film-making." Janus tried to come up with an excuse. Roman might treat him nicely for some unknown reason Janus is still trying to figure out, but that doesn't say anything about the rest of his friends. And.. of course there's um… There's Virgil.

So, obviously Janus can't work with them, he does not have the energy to deal with what that entailed.

"Yes they do! I promise, plus they're really nice and great people… Well, Logan can be a bit stiff but he does have a good heart." Roman continued insisting.

"Just… no, okay?" For fuck's sake that sounded so pathetic, what's wrong with him? Well… besides the obvious.

There was a beat of silence in which Janus could feel Roman's gaze studying him.

"What's your problem with my friends? You don't even know them. I promise they won't judge if that's what you're worried about." Roman said again, though much softer this time.

"I just… I prefer to avoid meeting new people." He settled on, eventually. Which was half truth, true, he hated meeting new people. But, unfortunately, Virgil is far from 'new people'.

"Ohhh I see." Roman said, and Janus let out a sigh of relief. "I'll help you then!" Roman said immediately after, dragging Janus away from the lockers before he processed what was happening.

"What? No! Roman! Let go of me!" He almost dropped his cane from the surprise-dragging, left leg aching as he struggled to keep up and free himself from Roman's grip.

Someone must have walked towards them in Janus' blindspot and bumped straight into him, making him lose his balance and fall painfully on his behind. He heard some faint chuckles and his cheeks burned in embarrassment.

He lost his cane during the fall and attempted to crawl towards it when he saw a hand in front of his face.

"Janus! Oh gosh I'm so sorry… Are you okay? Can I help y-" Roman said distressingly above him.

"I think…" Janus cut him off, "you've helped enough" he hissed at him, finally reaching his cane and using it to help him get back on his feet without Roman's help.

Roman looked down in shame, "right… sorry, I just thought you'll see him coming your way and-" he tried to explain himself but Janus was already walking away, trying to ignore the laughter that followed him.

"O-okay… see you after school for our project okay?!" He shouted over the rackous in the hallway but Janus didn't grace him with a response.

…

Despite not answering Roman about whether or not they'll be meeting after school, he still found him waiting for him outside of his last class. He would have loved to ignore him and go home but they still had a project to finish and he did not feel like failing this class.

Roman bit his lip, "listen, about earlier-"

"Just forget about it, what are we doing today?" Janus cut off his less-than-genuine-apology.

Roman sighed, seeming to have expected this reaction, "...if that's what you want… I thought we could work on our costumes today but…" he hesitated.

"But what?"

"Well, as much as I hate to admit it, Virgil is way better than me when it comes to sewing… but I know you two have a history so… I guess we'll do our best with my skills." He laughed awkwardly.

Janus huffed, "how bad can it be?"

"Um… sewing-my-hand-into-the-fabric kind of bad?"

Janus swore under his breath, heart aching in his chest as he realized there's not going to be any way around it. Life just keeps being oh so kind to him. "Fine… whatever, let's go to Virgil's and get this over with."

Roman smiled in relief, "oh good, I'm sure this won't be awkward at all!" Janus would have said that sentence with a lot more sarcasm but Roman seems to really mean it, ignorance is bliss I guess.

…

"Oh, Roman, what's up man?" Virgil said in surprise when he opened the door, "...and Janus… long time no see?" He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he noticed his ex-friend at the doorway as well.

"I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here, trust me." Was all Janus said as he walked inside after Roman.

"...good to see you too." Virgil sighed, closing the door behind them. "Roman, what did we say about springing upon me human interaction without warning? Texting is not very complicated, you know." He said tiredly, leading them to his room.

"Sorry, Virge, it was kind of last minute and I forgot to notify you, we won't be long though, just need your help with our English project." Roman apologized, Janus staying silent beside him, trying his best to sink into the floor but not really succeeding.

"Oh, the Macbeth one? What do you need me for?" Virgil asked, walking to sit on his bed.

Janus tried readlly really hard to ignore the pinch of nostalgia this place brought, Virgil's room especially… he does not cherish those memories at all… in case you were wondering. He knows now it was all fake, Virgil was just his friend as long as he was his only option, once he got more, he was more than happy to ditch him for those…. Not that Janus cared, alone suited him just fine.

"...what do you think, Janus?"

He was suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on him and he realized he spaced out without noticing. "Um… it's great!" He hoped that fit with the question Roman asked him.

Roman and Virgil exchanged looks, "ah… we asked if it was okay if I measured you guys before I start working on Roman's designs? Are you okay?" Virgil said, frowning at him.

Janus huffed in annoyance, "like you care… and yes, fine, whatever, just make it quick."

Virgil rolled his eyes, "of course, wouldn't want to make you suffer in my company for more than necessary."

"Aw c'mon, Virge, he didn't mean that-"

"Yes, that'll be appreciated, thank you." Janus agreed.

"Janus!" Roman protested.

"I don't know what's your issue with me, I never ditched anyone to hang with the more popular kids the first chance I got. Virgil on the other hand…" Janus spat, watching Virgil's gaze turn downward.

"That's not what happened, and you know it." He said quietly.

Janus gripped his cane and turned to face the door, "keep telling yourself that." He opened the door and made to leave.

"Wait! What about-"

"I'll measure myself at home and send it to you, goodbye." And he walked away without another word.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #Someone Like You #chapter 4 #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #pre romantic roceit #janus angst #virgil angst #tw disability #tw humiliation #Lily writes #wip exchange

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sebs-anxiety-and-insanity · 1 year

Text

'I love you' isn't enough | drabble

Analogical angst

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"You should eat." Virgil stated, eyes not leaving his book. "You haven't eaten since Tuesday. It's Thursday."

Logan groaned. "I'm enjoying a wonderful moment, thank you."

A huff of laughter tumbled from the others lips. "Yeah? And how would you describe this wonderful moment of yours?" Virgil cast a side glance in the direction of his snoozing boyfriend.

Logan sighed tiredly. "I can not call this heaven because I only have a vague idea of what heaven is supposed to be, and thus, I cannot conclude how heaven feels, or looks. However, I do not believe I could ever be this content, feel this fulfilled, or love so much without you." Logans voice was fogged with sleep, as he himself was dozing in and out of slumber. Laying on his stomach on his bed, arm draped lazily over Virgils mid-section as he read an artist anatomy book.

A ghost of a smile crossed Virgils lips, purple locks hiding mismatched eyes. "You've been reading poetry, haven't you?" He softly inquired, his right hand running through Logans hair soothingly.

"No, I have not." He chuckled, squeezing Virgil lightly. "Just a passing string of thoughts. Some might even dare say 'facts'." He smiled, glasses riding up the bridge of his nose as he tried to nuzzle further into his boyfriends side.

"'A passing string of thoughts', you say." A tinge of amusement in his voice. "A passing string of thoughts is usually mundane and/or silly. Don't tell me you think in, like, Shakespeare or something." He quirked his brow, looking at Logan with a playful gaze.

"Is Shakespeare something you'd like?" Logan laughed out, earning that beautiful smile of his.

"Maybe."

"Ah," Logan nodded, closing his eyes, his face turning focused. "Well, then. 'I think therefore I am.'" He opened his eyes and smiled up at Virgil.

Virgil stared at him for a second before bursting out into a fit of laughter, hair bouncing through the sun rays from the window. God, from here everything was perfect. Virgils eyeshadow beneath his eyes were scrunched up while he laughed while his adorable freckles proudly stood underneath the scrutiny of the sun.

This moment was perfect. "You're perfect." Logan muttered, staring up at his boyfriend. So quiet Logan wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't heard.

Virgils laughter died down at that, a soft look replacing his boisterous laughter, staring at Logan. Virgil adjusted himself until he was laying beside Logan, facing him.

"I love you too." He whispered the sarcastic lilt he originally had planned forgotten as his breath fluttered across Logans face. "You need to take care of yourself for me though, alright?" He chuckled. "You should eat for me, okay?"

At that moment, Logan felt a surge of emotions rush through him. Sorrow, devotion, Joy, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. And Logan would be the first to admit that he wasn't good at voicing how he felt, but, he had to.

"Virgil, 'I love you' isn't enough to explain how I feel. It's used too much and too lightly to get it across." The words weren't rushed, or slurred. Logan made sure his voice remained steady, and calm. "You're the sun I orbit around. You are the hope I feel in the most hopeless of times. The air I crave when I can't breathe. The answer I search for when presented with a question. You're the blood in my veins and the dreams in my sleep. My life would be so drastically different if I had never met you and I'm so thankful that you were in my life. I love you. I would do anything to hold you even if I had to spend the rest of my days crawling across glass to get to you. You're my everything." Logan was breathless when he finished, refusing to stop for anything.

A tear fell from the bridge of Virgils nose, hitting the mattress with an inaudible 'splat'. Virgil cupped Logans face, a bittersweet smile on his own. He leaned forward, and rested his forehead on Logans.

"How I wished I could've told you that sooner." Logans voice broke, a terrible whimper in it's place. Logan reached out and wrapped his arm around Virgil. "I should've said it a long time ago." He sobbed, clutching Virgil tightly.

"Oh, Lo.." It was soft, and weary. "You're wonderful." Virgil breathed back, he was tearing up too. "And I knew you felt that way, Lo. Don't for one second think I didn't." Virgil placed a light kiss on his forehead.

"I just want to hold you one last time. To say I love you before you- before you are violenty taken from my grasp." Logan didn't hold back his tears.

Logans head pounded violently and Logan pushed away images of Virgil in a casket.

"I just want to see your face one last time." Logan was beginning to struggle with his breaths. "If you walked through my door right now I would propose to you on the spot." He choked out, feeling weak. "I just want to hear your breath when I wake up. I want this to be a bad dream." Logan sobbed even harder. Refusing to open his eyes and face reality.

"I miss you.."

_______________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed 💜

Words: 866

Tag list{you can ask to be added or removed}:

@reiney-weather @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @autumnpleaves @hedgiehoggles @emo-sunshine42 @sky-the-weirdo-ace @from-the-gall0ws

#sander sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #angst #my writing #seb writes things #dealing with grief

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djs-horny-blog-lmao · 4 months

Note

Honestly, the one I feel the worst for in the superhero au is Roman

Cause, like, one of his closest friends is clearly suffering and he can't do anything (to the point where he almost loses that friend to retirement), and then his brother starts acting weird too. And then he keeps being left alone on crucial missions, only to find out that the two people he cares most for in the world are stuck in a really fucked up hypno cycle they can't control. And he doesn't know how to stop any of it

No wonder he starts getting more intense with Virgil, he's going through a lot at the moment

True, true. But like he's kind of the Superman guy so if any of then are able to cope solo, it's him.

And like, to me, Roman is Also being distracted a bit too but he's the one more in control of his situation.

Him and Virgil is like. Roman seeing this kind of unwilling criminal/goon/henchman and going, "hm. I can fix him. With pleasure conditioning." Maybe this idea gets implanted in him somehow or he's just influenced, or him and Virgil end uo hooking up (maybe due to a Poison Ivy type aphrodisiac?) And Roman realises Virgil is so receptive to him/being fucked by him.

So Roman ends up kind of being the source of his own corruption because he's powerful and a source for good so of course he knows what's best for Virgil! Of course what he's doing is right! And he may get angry when he finds out what's been done to his friends/family but like. He can't point fingers. Siren would point this out to him with glee.

And the idea of him approaching Patton again like okay hey something is Up, my guy, what's wrong with you. Patton tells him what's up, how he's exhausted by it, how used he feels and ashamed he's into it etc. And it leads to the two of them tenderly fucking. As friends.

But yeah. He would probably take it out on Virgil. And he may even try to go for Siren or Stalker (Logan) but I think Logan would... 'reason' with him (they rationalise their actions the same way) and Siren would just. Also trance him. Roman would also be weak to magic, I think.

And really, Janus could push Roman's urges further. Don't worry, you're right. WE'RE right. We're on the same side in this terms of pleasure. Don't worry about what's happening to your teammates, they want it. Etc.

Im not saying Roman's turning evil. He still has a drive to do civic good and he's able to stop threats and be a good hero. But his personal morals have twisted.

...If you've come to this au expecting the good guys to super-angst their way out of it and then win in the end.... then this may not be for you. Just a heads up. And tbh the villains may get pulled the other direction where they stop doing as much crime / start doing the prevention themselves bc they see what good/service the heroes Were actually providing. Yknow. Equilibrium or whatever.

#asks #nsfs superhero au

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astranite · 8 months

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Fanfic self-rec!!

So a while ago I got tagged by @forest-falcon (im 99% sure), and I didn't get to it at the time, but I really wanted to do it! So here it is, very belatedly and based entirely off my memory of the post because I don't have the energy to conduct an archaelogical excavation of my blog as I can only hope I tagged it well.

~very paraphrased~ rec five(?) of your works and why you are proud of them. Then tag x amount of people. (I think it was also for art not just writing?)

Probably the most chaotic way of answering this. Also turned into a bit of me reflecting and musing over my writing.

But in no particular order as I'm proud of them for different reasons :)

----

Blue Skies- tumblr Ao3 Scott and Bereznik with Gordon too. Very whumpy, then hurt/comforty. I am extremely proud of this one, like so so proud. There is a massive amount of emotion in it, written all in one go and I stayed up to 1 am to finish it. It is a lot about trauma and honestly a lot of putting feelings onto paper. But all the details, the parts I think i did a really good job of viscerally showing instead of telling, the blue skies theme. It's intense and there are many awful, painful things, but there is also hope. That's definitely a main theme of my writing: no matter what I put them through, they will come out of it and there will be hope again.

Bruised- tumblr Ao3 Earth and Sky. Hurt/comfort. Some Virgil worrying over Scott, a bit of classic Scott-angsting, then lots of brotherly affection between them. The end is very Soft. Everyone gets a hug and then to sleeeep.

Squid Hug- tumblr Ao3 FishTanky fluff with lots of cuddles. Makes a good comfort read, with a bit funny, a little silly, and a good dose of hurt/comfort leaning heavily to the comfort. Did I mention the hugs?

As Sure As The Stars- tumblr Ao3 trans Alan! A realisation of it, and a coming out. And Alan and John together stargazing and a conversation on the roof. I poured alot of growing up queer experiences into it for myself and it also seemed to resonate with others too.

Pride Paint And Rainbow Pins- tumblr Ao3 My first Thunderbirds fic and for Thunderpride too!! Its short, fluffy and sweet! Some artist!Virgil plus a few puns. (And I really wish I had all of those pride pins, because I made the designs of nearly all of them up and I love them). And the pride themes! It really makes me happy in itself. But as well for being my jumping off point in Thunderfam. It has many of my queer headcanons for everyone when I'd been too shy (and anxious about being welcome) to make them into my own post.

Bonus points to the numerous WIPS I am working on that are as yet unfinished but I am still very proud of and can't wait till I do!

The Blue Blanket Fic!! I can't not mention it! I'm working on turning it into a full fic, which the first part of is here. But look at what @edutainer2022 and I already wrote. There be feelings, there be Scott whump, there be the blue comfort blanket!

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #astrawrite #astrastuff

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littlecloudprince · 1 year

Text

Bears Aren't Green! ...Or Are They?

Summary: Logan doesn't understand why Patton is colouring his bear green. In point of fact, bears aren't green! But what if it's an imaginary bear? Can they be green?

Warnings: A meltdown scene, not super graphic, but it is a meltdown

A/N: Agere Logan, Roman and Patton angst-turned-fluff with a slice of tween!agere Remus because yes :3

Logan, Roman and Patton were all colouring together. Logan was colouring a picture of a spaceship, Roman was colouring in a little prince, and Patton's picture was a bear. Logan was colouring his picture the same colours as his toy spaceship, blue and red, because it made sense. Roman was colouring the prince's cape red, and the crown yellow. That made sense too. What didn't make sense, however, was that Patton was colouring his bear green.

"In point of fact, bears aren't green," Logan stated. Patton looked up from his paper.

"They're usually brown or black. Or white. But never green," Logan continued. Patton turned to Roman, unsure what to do.

"You can colour your bear green if you want to, Patton," Roman assured the youngest one.

"But they're not green!" Logan argued. He was getting frustrated, not understanding how a bear could possibly be green.

"Imaginary bears can be green, Logan," Roman explained. Logan frowned.

"But... It's wrong! He's colouring it wrong!" Logan pointed to Patton. At this point, the youngest one had stopped colouring the bear. He didn't want to make Logan upset by doing it wrong. He hugged his frog plushie close to his chest, silent tears dwelling in his eyes.

"You're making Patton upset, Logan," Roman reprimanded, moving closer to Patton so that he could give him a hug.

"But bears aren't green!" Logan crossed his arms stubbornly.

"Patton can colour his bear whatever colour he wants to, Logan!" Roman jumped to the youngest one's defense.

"But... Bears aren't green! He's doing it wrong!" Logan repeated his previous argument, too frustrated and confused to be able to come up with a new one.

"You can't do it wrong, there's no rules to colouring!" Roman argued. Logan didn't know how to put his thoughts into words anymore. Instead, he huffed, frustrated tears dwelling into his eyes. Roman sighed. It was his duty, as the oldest, to settle this. Only...he didn't know how.

"Logan, why do you care so much about what colour the bear is?" he asked. He wanted to understand the middle one's point of view.

"Not green," Logan muttered, his frustration and confusion limiting his vocabulary.

"Why not?"

"Not! Green!" Logan yelled, grabbing the green crayon and chucking it with all his might. It went flying to the wall, and split in half.

"Logan! You know we don't throw stuff!" Roman reprimanded, as Patton hid behind the oldest Little.

"What's going on here, what's all this ruckus?" Janus asked from the doorway, having been alerted by the noise.

"Not! Green! Not! Green! Not! Green!" Logan kept repeating like a broken record, banging his temples with his fists.

"We were colouring, and then Logan got upset because bears aren't green, and then Patton got upset that Logan got upset, and now I don't know what to do!" Roman explained, the pressure getting him to tear up now as well.

"I'm sure you did your best, my little prince. Let the grown-ups handle it now," Janus gently pet Roman's head. The snake summoned Virgil for help, and with that, the caregivers set to help the Littles. Virgil took Logan to his designated Quiet Room to calm down, meanwhile Janus stayed in the nursery with Roman and Patton.

"Think you could tell me what got you so upset?" Virgil asked the now calmed down Logan. They were both sitting on bean bags, and fidgeting with Tangles. Virgil's was black and purple, whereas Logan's was metallic indigo. Logan also had a weighted lap pad on his lap.

"Not green," Logan muttered.

"Bears aren't green?" Virgil confirmed, having been filled in on what had happened by Janus. Logan nodded.

"Did it confuse you that Patton was colouring his bear green?" Virgil asked.

"Not green!"

"Alright, I hear you. And you're right, real bears aren't green," Virgil spoke gently. Logan nodded again, keeping his eyes to his Tangle. He was glad someone was understanding him.

"But you know, the cool thing about imaginary bears is that they can be whatever colour you want! Even green," the emo continued.

"If you want to colour your pictures accurate to the real world, that's totally cool. But if Patton wants to colour his pictures differently, that's okay too. Right?" Virgil concluded. Logan nodded hesitantly. The caregiver didn't fail to catch that.

"Tell me what's going on in that little head of yours," he said. Logan stayed quiet, tensing slightly.

"Is it hard to put it into words?" Virgil sympathised. Logan nodded, relaxing again.

"How about this?" Virgil pulled out his phone, opening it to an AAC app that he had installed. He offered it to Logan, but to his surprise, the boy shook his head.

"No?" the caregiver asked. Logan shook his head again. Virgil pocketed his phone, not quite sure how to go from here. For a moment, they both sat in silence, fidgeting with their respective Tangles.

"Why green?" Logan suddenly broke the silence.

"Oh, why did Patton colour his bear green?" Virgil confirmed Logan's question again, receiving a nod in response.

"Hm, well, I don't know. Do you think he needs a reason?" the emo gently encouraged Logan to think. The child thought for a moment, before shrugging uncertainly.

"Could he have wanted to colour his bear like Clover?" Virgil helped out. Logan processed for a moment before nodding slightly. It did make sense that Patton would want to colour the bear like his plushie. The small Logic's eyebrows furrowed as his shoulders slumped, his gaze fixating somewhere between his lap and the Tangle between his fingers. Virgil took note of this.

"What's wrong?" he gently asked. Logan didn't answer right away, needing some time to collect his swarming thoughts.

"M I... M I bad?" he mumbled, looking up in the caregiver's eyes for just a moment before averting his gaze again, eye contact still being too uncomfortable.

"No, of course you're not bad, bud! You just got confused is all, mistakes happen," Virgil assured the little boy.

"Don't like making mistakes..."

"Aw, I know. But you know, you could fix it by apologising to Patton." Logan perked up slightly at Virgil's suggestion.

"How?"

"I might have an idea," Virgil smiled surreptitiously.

Some time passed before Virgil and Logan returned to the nursery room. Patton and Roman were contently building a castle out of some blocks, Patton mainly cuddling with Clover and occasionally handing Roman a block. The youngest one was surrounded by plushies, amongst them the frog from earlier. Janus was watching over the two with Remus by his side, the latter having regressed to a tween and now entertaining himself with his iPad.

"Patton? Logan has something he'd like to say to you," Virgil gently announced their entrance. Patton tentatively looked up as everyone else was snapped out of their bubbles too.

"Um," Logan started, cluthing a piece of paper and a green crayon behind his back.

"Go on, it's okay," the caregiver encouraged softly.

Logan took a careful step forward, taking a deep breath.

"I'm– I'm sorry!" he blurted out, taking another breath before continuing; "I'm not as good as Ro-Ro, but... here," he held out the card from behind his back. Patton reached for the card, curiously looking it over. When he noticed that there was text, he held it out to Roman.

"Ead?" he mumbled behind his pacifier.

"Of course I'll read it for you!" the prince said, taking the card in his own hands and holding it so that the both of them could see.

"It says: 'I'm sorry I made you upset. I didn't mean to. I didn't understand you wanted to colour Clover.' signed, Logan," Roman read outloud.

"And look! It's you and Clover!" the six-year-old pointed to the picture Logan had drawn, receiving a happy noise and a few hand flaps from the two-year-old.

"And... I'm sorry I broke the crayon. Vee helped me get you a new one. It's the exact same colour as Clover, so you can colour a new picture of her," Logan spoke nervously, holding out the new green crayon. Patton carefully took the crayon, carefully looking it over.

"What do we say?" Roman prompted softly.

"Ankoo!" Patton squeaked, before carefully standing up and toddling to Logan, holding out his arms. The four-year-old opened his arms, letting the toddler collide into him.

"Wuvoo!" the two-year-old declared, squeezing Logan tightly. Logan had to process for a moment before realising to answer the hug. He smiled in relief, his eyes glistening slightly.

"...I love you too."

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goodieghosty · 1 year

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Reading about the pool again and how Logan shows Janus and Remus especially nice alternate timelines to cheer them up. Has Janus ever asked him about a timeline where he and Virgil ever dated. Even if just for a little while? Cuz I'm now obsessed with onesided god anciet angst.

(I give you this long goofy drabble)

"Oh come now, Logan." Janus sighs, "You already know how this is going to end, so may as well get it over with and show me already. I don't have anywhere else I need to be for a good millennia or so."

Logan-God of Knowledge, Seer of All, Keeper of the Pool of Pathways-stands there with a mug of black coffee in hand. He knew he would need it. "Janus." He starts, but he also knows that what this scaled god says is true. "... very well."

Unfortunately.

This was better than the other outcome, he tells himself. Better than leaving Janus to sate his curiosity and getting distracted by the location of a divine weapon. That Janus was never himself after. Stuck in a never ending loop wherein he can't tell what's real or not. Poor man.

"... you mean it?" Janus sits up straight, eager. Like a child on Christmas.

"I wouldn't have said so otherwise. You will not tell the others what you see. Especially not Him." That isn't a threat. Or a condition. That's simply a fact. Logan knows it.

The pool is warm, welcoming. A light swirls around Janus once he steps in.

"I've set the path. All you need to do is let yourself float. And do remember, nothing is actually happening. You cannot change or do things a certain way. Also," he pauses, his third eye rolling in disgust. "I've already seen to it that you will not be experiencing any 'special activities' during this."

"Did you have to start doing that because of Remus?" He mused.

The silence was answer enough.

He's surprised to be reliving their first meeting. It's just as terrifying and exciting as the first.

"This was the start. In this path you did something he thought was... charming." Logan clearly didn't think so.

Before he could wonder what that could have been, Virgil growled. That same, deep, thundering sound that he knew so well. And what did this Janus do? He stood tall. Firm. Puffed out his chest-and he copied it.

Well.

To the best of his abilities anyhow.

"That's... embarrassing."

"Not to Virgil. Mind you he was still a tad feral at this point. But this is what started it."

"You can't be serious. Something so little?"

"Well, it did help that you had just gotten done with a war and reeked of blood and fear. Moving on."

There's a flurry of images now. Small, brief glimpses of tender moments. But things felt... wrong? Off. Somehow. He was sure that if he had lived these moments they would have felt nice. But there was something... weird.

"Wait-no, I don't remember this war." Janus looks up, confusion on his face. Logan is grim.

"That is because This Janus started it. To feed Virgil. It was... something done out of love, but without thought of the consequences. Or the people it would effect."

"To feed... but-Virgil would have never allowed that! He hates senseless war! Why-"

"Because he was always so Hungry. And you were sure he would waste away if he didn't have anything. And then... so much fear, all at once. He became gluttonous. You thought you were helping. But you only made him worse."

"Why... why didn't anyone try to stop me?"

"They did. But by then it was too late. Virgil was already teetering on an edge from the moment he came into being. Anything could have tipped the scales. In that path he became... something foul. He made all the rumors of himself true. All of them." Logan rubs his face. "That Virgil launched a war on the rest of the gods who didn't immediately side with him. All he wanted was fear. More fear. Humans were mere cattle to him. And you were just the hand that fed him."

"I am... sorry this wasn't what you thought it'd be. Not all of the paths are good. But I had to show you that one first, otherwise you would have done something really... bad."

"Oh... would it be troublesome to ask to see one of the good paths? If I promise not to do anything wild, I mean."

Logan pauses a moment, thinking it over, but then he nods.

He shows Janus a festival. One he chose not to attend. Here, he sees Virgil in his old armor, leaning against a pillar as he watches the people celebrating.

And then he sees himself, disguised as always, approaching him. He tries to trick Virgil, no doubt, but of course he doesn't fall for it. He can tell that he's only playing along. But his heart still skips in time to this Janus' when Virgil takes his hand to his lips. And only then does this Janus reveal himself by dropping the facade. Virgil's laughter is infectious. But Janus is sore about being found out, and feeling cheeky.

"If you had wanted to kiss me I would have preferred elsewhere." Is what he says, right before stealing himself a kiss, and then immediately rushing off into the crowd of people before he can find the consequences of his actions.

This would have been a good bit before Virgil met Orpheus, he wagers. He still has both arms. Which he uses to grab Janus when he's found hiding in an orchard. The two share another kiss.

There's a mighty big skip there, Logan appearing very flustered indeed. This makes Janus laugh.

"Ah, well. You, Virgil, and Orpheus later become what the kids call a 'throuple'. It's incredibly awkward for Ajax when he discovered that. And admittedly Orpheus did get a little ego boost when he found he had not one, but two gods falling for him. You have a child together. In this path. Very adorable. Raven hair and golden eyes. A little older than Remy. She would have became a goddess of War and Strategy. You call her-Janus." Logan stops in his rambling, watching as the god leaves the pool. And once he does Logan is once again able to use his powers to see what his intentions are. "Janus don't you think it's a little rude to ask your friends to-"

"Spring is near and you just filled my head with images of a little baby girl, whatever I do now is on you. And you know it."

"...." he sighed, "Ah, baby fever."

#godsides au #godsides au asks #anxceit

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korruptbrekker · 2 years

Text

Anaroceit Week Day 2: Truth

[Previous] — Day 2 — [Next] — [Masterpost] — [AO3]

Rated T — Content Warnings: Minor Angst

Word Count: 691

@anaroceitweek

Roman has a misunderstanding with Virgil and Janus helps to clear things up.

One of the things Roman learned after he started spending more time around Janus and Virgil was that being in the presence of the personification of Deceit meant a lot of lies.

But, more importantly, it meant finding truth in unexpected places.

Virgil had warned him early on that Janus's mere presence was enough to coax even the most truthful into lying, and Roman had taken that into account and brushed off the little whispers in the back of his mind when he was around his serpent sweetheart.

But actually seeing the effects was something Roman could have never prepared for. Virgil and Janus were cuddling together on the common room couch, all the other Sides off on their own various adventures. Patton and Logan were having a chat with Thomas, and Remus was off frolicking in the Daydreamscape.

Roman, excited to watch a movie with his not-yet-boyfriends, walked into the room only to see them pressed against each other, Virgil exhausted and slumped against Janus's side, knuckles white where they gripped Janus's capelet.

Janus, in this moment the more observant of the two, smiled at Roman before turning to Virgil.

“Roman's here, spiderling,” he muttered, a hand rubbing circles into his boyfriend's back, “would you like him to stay?”

“You really think I'd let him stick around?” Virgil's voice was exhausted and dulled, but the words still cut effortlessly through Roman's chest.

The air stood still, and Roman swore he heard something cracked. And so, naturally, he did what he always did when someone hurt him. He hurt them back.

“Well I'm sorry that you can't handle me. It's all your loss, really.” He forced, willing the tears building in his eyes not to fall. “Good riddance, I don't need a crybaby for a boyfriend anyways.” He turned on his heel to run, but a hand caught his shoulder.

“Roman, wait.” Janus commanded, calm and cool as ever.

“What, you too snake?” He sneered. “Want to get one last hit in before a right and proper K.O.?” He felt the extra hand on his shoulder flinch.

“Remember what Vee told you about me? About being Deceit?” Janus's voice shook and Roman winced.

“That you make people lie?”

“Not exactly.” The hand slipped from his shoulder. “Take a seat my love.” Roman didn't turn around. “Please, just listen.” With a breath Roman nodded and allowed Janus to guide him onto the couch on Janus's other side.

“I'm Deception. And as you know, for myself lying and telling the truth is a matter of control.” Roman nodded and Janus continued. “It's the same for others as well. Don't you notice how you're more inclined to lie around me?”

Roman nodded again, stomach sinking when he realized where this was going.

“Well, sometimes, when you're tired,” he nudged Virgil gently and the lump hummed, “that control goes away. And so you lie. Right, Virge?”

“Not a bit.” He mumbled with a nod.

“Precisely.” Janus pat his shoulder with a gentle. “Do you understand a little more, Roman? I asked Virgil if he wanted you to stay, and seeing as it was a no, it meant yes.” Roman's mouth twisted. The tears returned for an entirely new reason.

“Speak what's on your mind, dear.” Janus coaxed.

“I'm so sorry, shadowling. I didn't realize—”

“I'll never forgive you.” Virgil interrupted. “I'm fine, but, well, it's not like I understand.”

“That's confusing.” Roman admitted, after a long pause. “But I think I get it, and I'm so very, very sorry. To both of you.”

Janus hummed. “Yes it is confusing, but you'll pick up on it soon enough. And we'll be sure to have a proper conversation when we're all right of mind.” He tapped the side of Virgil's head gently.

Virgil nodded, making grabby hands at Roman. “Now go away you big lump.”

Roman awkwardly laughed, still still and wracking with guilt, but he settled next to Virgil anyway and got a kiss on the cheek and a proper squeeze in confirmation that Virgil still loved him.

It would take a moment, and a lot of conversations, but maybe Roman could get used to this.

#sanders sides #fanfiction #fanfic #sanders sides fanfic #roman sanders #ts roman #janus sanders #ts janus #virgil sanders #ts virgil #anaroceit #anaroceitweek2022 #kbwrites

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 1 year

Text

Shed

Perhaps a Janus shedding fic? Idk with who, but maybe with him getting some scratches on itchy scales, from whoever is helping him through it, especially after scratching wayyyy too hard himself. Even better if he’s shedding because Thomas is going through a change, so he’s never actually done it before :) so he doesn’t know what’s happening :) – cherry-sofa-756

Okay, so. You are hands-down one of the best Sanders Sides fic writers out there and I will die on this hill. I will die on this hill and take everyone down with me. Anyway. Dramatic declarations aside (heh), I was wondering if I could make a request? I know this has been done before, but a fic where telling the truth actually hurts Janus, but he does it anyway because [insert one of several reasons here]? You just do Janus angst so well (you do everyone so well, how are you this good, how do you exist, can I tuck you into my pocket for safekeeping and appreciation) and I am honestly excited whenever I get a notification from you, so I figured why not ask? No pressure, though. I wish you all the best, may your ideas flow endlessly as you wish them, my friend! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: shedding and body descriptions therein

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 2347

It starts as auspiciously as it could have, he supposes, with a slight twinge of pain on the inside of his glove.

"Hey, Janus, do you remember what the consensus was of cinnamon versus blueberry?"

"Blueberry."

"Oh, great, thanks. Is the good baking tray over there?"

When Janus doesn't say anything, Patton glances up only to see him staring at his hand.

"Uh, Janus? You okay?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, I just—mmph."

"You sure? You don't sound okay. Is something the matter?"

Janus looks at his hand for a moment longer before shaking himself and smiling at Patton. "Yes, I'm quite alright. You wanted this tray, correct?"

Patton gives him a strange look but doesn't push, taking the tray and continuing to gather the ingredients they need.

Later, back in the safety of his own room, Janus hisses as he carefully peels his glove from his left hand, wincing as it tugs and sticks in all the ways it shouldn't. When the last of the fabric is gone and he can see his hand properly, it's a curse he hisses between his teeth.

He's shedding.

"Of course I am," he spits, reaching for his first-aid kit tucked on top of his desk, "of course, can't just be a snake in the abstract and metaphorical way, no, I need to be a snake literally too, hmm? Have to molt and shed and hissssss…"

He takes out a tube of ointment and opens it, wincing at the crack of the scales on his hand.

"Sure. Why not?"

Getting a little bit of the ointment on the very tip of his finger, he starts to smooth it over the cracked and peeling scales only to stifle a cry of pain when it burns, leaping up from his desk and rushing to the bathroom to wash it off. He shoves his hand under the cold water and scrubs, almost chewing a hole through his lower lip as the pain flares bright and sharp up his arm.

"And of course, I don't have anything that would actually be useful," he grunts as he finally gets the pain to stop, "why would things I have already be helpful? That would be easy, and god forbid things be easy for me."

Alright. So no ointment. Shit, what do snakes do when they shed?

He could ask Logan, although Logan would want to know how he's feeling, what the scales are reacting like—would want to examine him to determine what snake he resembles the most, would want to see how much of him is covered in scales, because Logan is always curious.

He could ask Remus, but Remus might not understand that Janus wants this to be, well, as painless as possible, that he wants to just have a little bit of help and not find out what happens just for the fuck of it.

He could ask Virgil, who is the only one who might know what this is like with his molting cycle or whatever, but…

But trying to ask Virgil for a favor now, especially after all they've been through, seems like rubbing salt into an open wound.

Or rubbing that goddamn ointment over shedding scales.

"So," he grunts, sitting back down at his desk, cradling his hand in his lap, "the Internet it is."

He finds a dubious-looking article that says to try and keep the snake's environment moist and humid, suggesting paper towels and a plant-mister to keep the humidity levels high. Warm water…orchid bark substrate…and oh, not to forget that a snake's scales will become duller in appearance and their eyes will go all cloudy and blue before they really start shedding.

Great. Just great.

He looks back down at his hand, which is already starting to look dull.

"This is going to be fun."

****

The extra fun thing about it is that it seems that telling the truth makes it worse.

Try to tell Patton that yes, he'd like another cup of tea? Burning on the inside of his glove.

Try to tell Logan that no, he's not being ridiculous with his new paper idea? Side of his face itches like crazy.

Try to tell Remus that he needs to calm down and start trying to clean up? His clothes hate him now, actually.

Try to tell Virgil that everything's alright, that he can work out of the spiral he's in? No legs for him, he has to sit down and not move until his scales settle down.

Try to tell Roman that he cares?

More like try not to jump at the sight of his reflection in the mirror, one eye clouded and blue and almost blind.

The good news—if you can even call something good news in a time like this—is that he's forced to lie to keep up appearances for when the others start asking questions, which at least staves off the very worst of it in public. But when he hides in his room at night, he has to wince and tremble as he peels his clothes off of himself and clambers into a bath that is either too cold or too hot, trying to help the shedding go faster.

This hurts. This really fucking hurts.

Shit, how often does he have to do this?

He crawls out of the bath and dries himself gingerly on a towel, crawling into bed and curling up into a little ball. He closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep, tries to get away from the terrible itching sensitivity that's starting to break out across his scales. If he can just weather this until it's over, he can figure out what to do next time and make sure he does it. If he can just fall asleep…

He lies awake for hours that night, fighting the urge to toss and turn to get some relief on his itching scales and fighting the urge to cry out at every rasp of fabric against his oversensitive skin.

The others are starting to get worried. He managed to plead off the issue with his eye by pretending it was a colored contact from Remus when Virgil cornered him about it, but he knows sooner or later Virgil's going to go confirm that with Remus himself and discover that it was a lie. He's got to figure out something before they all bust down his door, demanding to know what's going on.

"I'm fine," he chants in the sheets, "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine…"

It's the only way he's able to get to sleep that night, because the lies make the pain a little bit easier to bear.

****

Of course, no lie lasts forever, and Janus wakes up in a dizzying blur of sensation, body on fire and eyes clouded over, twitching and groaning in pain as his scales do their very best to rid themselves of his body. A cry traps itself in his throat, his eyes welling up with furious tears as he tries in vain to find some comfort on the blankets that feel more like hot coals.

It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

No sooner does the pain swallow his senses does he feel the tug of two Sides appearing in his room.

"J? J, I felt that, are you—holy shit."

"Oh, Snakey, you're an idiot."

"Now is not the fucking time, Remus, go go go!"

"Alright, alright, I'm going."

"Hey, J," Virgil's voice says, muffled through layers and layers of cotton, "hey, hey, it's okay. We're here now, we're gonna help you."

Help? How in the fuck are you gonna help me with this?

"Don't worry," he continues when all Janus can do is groan in pain, "I'm sure whatever quip you were trying to make was a winner."

Thank you.

"C'mon," Remus's voice says from a ways away, "I got the door open, bring him through. The cot's still in the spare greenhouse, we can put him there."

"Ready? One, two, three, up we go."

He's hoisted as gently as possible into two strong arms and carried like a babe through to somewhere warm and sweet-smelling. A confused moan leaves his mouth as he's laid to rest on something soft, a gentle breeze following him.

"We need to get your clothes off you, Snakey," comes Remus's voice, "they're only gonna hurt you. It's okay, it's just us."

Hands, gentle hands free him from the worst of his clothing, leaving his boxers to protect what little modesty he has left. When the slightly humid air touches his scales he could whimper from relief. Then there's something soothing and wet pressed against the scaled side of his face and he blinks awake, only able to make out fuzzy shapes as he turns his head.

"Shh, shh, lie still," Remus bids—Virgil must be the one holding the thing to his face— "we gotta get you in a bath, okay? You've started shedding in pieces, we gotta help make sure you get all of it off, okay?"

"R'mus?"

"Yeah, Snakey, it's me. Virgil's here too."

"Hey, J. Long time no see. Oh, shit, uh, I mean—"

A small laugh works its way through Janus's throat and Virgil chuckles.

"Swear that wasn't intentional." He leans down too and oh, there's the blurry Virgil. "Do you think it's okay for us to move you? There's a warm bath over there that'll help loosen up the process for you, okay?"

"Hurts."

"I know, bud, it's gonna hurt for a little bit until we can get you calmed down."

"Why?"

"Blame it on biology if you want. Stress makes the shedding process harder."

"That's stupid."

"Yes, yes, it is. Unfortunately still true."

Janus grunts and leans into Virgil's touch. Remus carefully cards his hair back from his face. "You okay to let us move you, Snakey?"

"Mm."

"Up we go," Virgil says again, carefully lifting him up to carry him across the greenhouse and set him down in a large basin of warm water. "Can we help wash you?"

"Mhm." He turns his nose into the crook of Virgil's neck, breathing in softly. "Smells good."

"What, me or the greenhouse?"

"Both."

Remus chuckles. "That's good to hear. C'mere, give me your arm…"

There's something terribly intimate about letting someone else bathe you. Remus's hands are gentle as they work over the smooth scales—well, less smooth now—and rinse the beginnings of shed skin free from his body. On the other side, Virgil carefully does the same to the scaled parts of his torso, careful to avoid any red and angry bits as Janus begins to drift under the sensation of it.

"You're doing real good, bud," Virgil murmurs, "really good. We're almost there."

"Can we wash your hair," Remus asks, "we'll bring another basin over so the shampoo won't get near your scales, but it might feel nice to not be all greasy anymore."

"Just be careful?"

"Of course." Virgil gets up and he laments the loss for a moment, but then Virgil's sitting behind his head and smiling down at him. "Hey, bud. You wanna let me wash your hair?"

"Mhm."

What kind of greenhouse is this, he finds himself wondering as Virgil starts to spray his hair with a faucet, and why is Virgil so good at this?

Then Virgil starts to work his fingers through Janus's hair and there goes his capacity for higher thinking. If he could be slightly more aware, he might be embarrassed of the noises leaving his mouth, but as of right now he's just going to enjoy not being first and foremost in pain. The shampoo Virgil's using smells really good, not too strong, and leaves a pleasant cooling effect on his scalp even after it's been rinsed out. Remus's hands are sure and gentle as they finish cleaning the last of his scales, sitting back and running a damp hand through his own hair.

"Let's have you soak for a little longer," he says quietly, "then we'll get you out and see what else you need, okay?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Remus levels a stare at him. "Just come to us next time, yeah?"

Janus shifts a bit sheepishly under the look. "…yeah, okay."

"Good."

"You look sleepy," Virgil murmurs, still working the conditioner through his hair, "if you wanna doze off, that's okay. We'll wake you up when we need to move you."

"…yeah?"

"Yeah, bud, go on. It's okay, we're right here."

And so he closes his eyes, drifting off to the feeling of Virgil's hands in his hair and warm water lapping against his scales.

Maybe…maybe he needn't have been so scared about asking them for help.

Perhaps the worst of it truly is behind him, because the truth doesn't hurt as the warmth and safety lull him to sleep.

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #virgil sanders

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anxiousgaypanicking · 8 months

Text

Blowjobs

!a series of me uploading the kinktober fics/drabbles i made years ago because i didnt back in 2020 for some fuckin reason. if these are bad/poor quality its because theyre old, and ive improved since then :)!

Patmile (Patton x Emile) Day 7: Blowjob Warnings: minor angst, blowjobs

"You know you can't help everyone."

"I know."

"You know it's okay to cry too, right?"

"Yeah."

Emile smiles up at Patton. Patton had been hit with some negative feelings after one of Virgil's breakdowns. It was upsetting to know that you couldn't love someone's mental illness away, and Patton was harshly reminded of that.

He and Logan managed to calm Virgil down, and Logan went to make him some tea, while Patton had to leave.

He thought it was somewhat selfish. Virgil was the one going through a hard time, and he felt bad that he couldn't just make all the bad thoughts go away.

To be fair, Virgil was anxiety, so Patton doubted the man's anxiousness would ever go away. He could still hope, though.

But Emile had been summoned by Janus, who, after Patton didn't come out of his room for an hour, got worried about him.

And here he was, sitting on the floor in front of Patton, who was sitting on the edge of his bed.

"You also know it's okay to ask for things, yeah?"

Patton nods, wiping his eyes. He had stopped crying a while ago, but just the soft way Emile was speaking to him was getting to him.

He was regarded with excitement, energy, cheer. But people were hardly gentle with him.

He was the fun-loving dad! The supportive and happy one! Morality!

Patton muffles a sound with his hand, and Emile couldn't tell if it was a laugh or a sob.

When Patton moves his hand away, however, Emile could clearly see a smile. He smiles in response.

"What's got you so happy?"

"I'm not necessarily happy..." He seems hesitant to admit that he wasn't exactly feeling happy, but he smiles a little when he did. He continues. "I'm just snickering and how this whole ordeal went down. I mean, there are way better ways to hang out with you besides receiving therapy."

Emile smiles a little, before saying "I'm not exactly here to hang out..."

"I know, I know, but... it wouldn't hurt if you stayed a bit, would it?"

Emile smiles wider at the implication that Patton wants him to stay, setting a hand on the man's thigh.

"It wouldn't. I'll happily stay."

Patton giggles, as he scoops Emile into his arms, effectively pulling him onto the bed and trapping him in cuddles.

It ended with Patton laying on top of Emile, head resting against the man's chest.

Patton smiled as he heard Emile's heartbeat. It was steady... relaxed. Patton liked that Emile was relaxed around him.

"You work too much..." Patton mumbles, as Emile gently runs his hands through Patton's hair.

Emile hums. "I have reasonable hours. And I make exceptions to come and see you, don't I?"

"Today hardly counts as an exception. Janus called you. Technically, you were still working," Patton counters, and Emile softly laughs.

"I'm not working right now, am I?"

"No... but I miss you. You know I love the others, but I'm not in a relationship with them. I get lonely when you're not around."

"I'm sorry, Patty-Cake," Emile says, softly. "Want me to make it up to you?"

"Depends on how you plan to do so."

"A movie and cuddles?"

"Hmmm..." Patton pretends to think about it, before he places a kiss to Emile's lips, shifting slightly so he was in the man's lap. Emile sits up, his hands planting themselves on Patton's waist.

When Emile pulls away, he sees that Patton is grinning. He lets out a soft laugh.

"Well, it has been a while since we've done something like this..."

"We don't have to go all the way, since I know you have to eventually go back to work, but I was hoping we could have a little fun," Patton says, bonking their foreheads together.

"How did we go from you crying to this?"

"You're the therapist; you figure it out."

Emile lets out a soft laugh. "Yeah, yeah, fair." He gently pushes Patton over, the moral side's back hitting the bed. Emile gently pulls up Patton's shirt, just enough to expose his stomach, before he presses a few soft kisses to the squishy skin.

Patton giggled. "Emi!"

"Okay, okay. But I love your body, Pat." As to reiterate his point, he rests his head against Patton's stomach, closing his eyes as he lets out a relaxed sigh.

"I can tell."

"Shush." Emile reopens his eyes, and places one last kiss on Patton's stomach, before he's quick to undress said male's bottom half. As he does so, Patton sits up slightly, leaning against his arms as he watched Emile.

Emile quickly tugged off Patton's shorts, followed quickly by his boxers.

He didn't hesitate taking Patton's half-hard cock into his hands, stroking fast as he worked him to full hardness.

Patton let out soft moans and whines as Emile did so, words of praise and pleas slipping from his lips.

"Emi," Patton breathes out, and Emile grins, before taking the head of Patton's cock into his mouth. Patton moans, his head falling back. It had been a while, as they said, since they'd done anything sexual.

So Patton was rather sensitive, and he'd forgotten how good blowjobs felt. Even if Emile was hardly doing anything.

Emile's tongue licks around the head, swiping over the slit, as his hand works Patton's shaft.

He sinks down lower, humming as he does so, sending vibrations up Patton's cock. Patton moans, bucking his hips up and accidentally gagging Emile.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Emi, it just feels so good and I-"

Emile pops off his cock to shush him. "Pat, it's fine. You know I don't mind it..." he trails off, pink cheeks flushing a darker shade of red.

Patton smiles, and Emile smiles back.

"Can I continue?"

"Please, Emi."

Emile wastes no time going back to sucking on Patton's cock, humming as he sinks down lower, as humming banishes your gag reflex and Emile wanted to be able to deepthroat Patton's entire cock.

Besides, the humming caused pleasuring vibrations to be sent through his cock, and from the sounds of Patton's moans and whines, he enjoyed it.

He finally took Patton's cock down all the way, feeling Patton's hand tangle in his hair. Patton lightly tugs, before he thrusts up into Emile's mouth, letting out a moan. Emile gags slightly, but lets Patton do as he pleases, as he can tell that Patton's desperate for release.

"Emi, your mouth feels so good around my cock," Patton moans out, thrusting up into Emile's mouth yet again. Tears prick the corner of his eyes, but he keeps going, bobbing his head up and down, while Patton continues to fuck into his mouth.

Patton's head rolls back as his grip tightens in Emile's hair. "Emi- God, Emi, I love you so much."

Even during sexual instances, Patton couldn't help reminding Emile of how much he loved him. He couldn't help it. He loved Emile's sweet and caring nature, his gentle and smart approach to Patton's problems, and how willing he was to choke and gag on Patton's cock.

Emile continues to bob his head, licking and sucking around Patton's cock, while Patton thrusts into his mouth, repeatedly hitting the back of his throat.

"Emi- Emi, I'm close." Patton's eyes are screwed shut in pleasure. Emile hums in response, Patton moaning at the sensation.

Emile continues sucking, licking over the slit, before he feels Patton's hand force his head down as he comes into Emile's mouth with a whine. Emile gags, but has no choice but to swallow it. He does so, before coming off of Patton's cock. He licks his lips, before wiping away the come that was dripping down his chin.

"Feel better?" Emile asks Patton, smiling slightly.

Patton smiles fondly in return. "Much better. Will I see you tonight?"

"Of course. I love you."

"I love you too."

#kinktober 2020 #agp kinktober 2020

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