11:35 p.m. – Keigo Takami.
From the first knock on your door you knew who it was, your stomach dropped and you froze. Maybe if you sunk deeper into the couch and stayed silent he’d go away.
Maybe if you wished it hard enough you could get yourself out of this situation without even having to see him. But it wasn’t as simple as that, and when more knocks echoed through your apartment you knew that.
“You can’t keep ignoring me.” Keigo’s voice was muffled and you could barely hear it through the door, but it still made your chest burn all the same. “Please just open the door.”
“What.” That was all you could muster up when you opened the door, sure that if you said anything else the brave face you put on would break.
“Thank god.” He sighed, shoulders visibly slumping down in relief. What he was so relieved about was beyond you. “I needed to see you.”
“Okay.” You muttered, still looking passed him as you stepped back into your apartment again. “You’ve seen me so now you can go.”
“Wait, stop.” He grabbed the door stopping you from shutting it. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Actually, I never know what you mean.” You breathed out an annoyed laugh, refusing to look at him still, hoping your words stung at least a little bit. “I told you to not come over.”
“Yeah, that’s all you said. Then you ghosted?” Keigo sounded frustrated now, like he wasn’t the one in the wrong.
“I didn’t ghost you. I blocked your number.”
“That’s the same damn thing.” He shook his head and took a step back, this wasn’t going like he had planned. “What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know why you care, we weren’t even together. Remember?” You scoffed, thinking back to what he said that night. “Those were your words.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment and you could feel him staring at you.
“It was too soon, everything was happening so fast.” Keigo’s voice wavered slightly and you cut him off before he could say anything else.
“That’s what happens in real relationships, though you wouldn’t understand that. You’ve never seriously committed to anything in your life.” You knew that wasn’t a fair thing to throw at him, but you didn’t care. “I wasted months on you. Months Keigo. This wasn’t just a couple weeks thing.”
“I know I just-”
“No, you don’t know.” You interruppted him again, you didn’t want to give him a chance to even explain why he had treated you like that. “If you knew how I genuinly thought I loved you, you wouldn’t have gone to that stupid bar with your side kick.”
He looked shocked at that and a bit of pride swelled in your chest at the way his eyes clouded over with guilt.
“Yeah, you didn’t know I found out about that did you?” Stepping back into your apartment a bit more you were ready for this conversation to be over, nothing he could say would mend what he broke.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“That’s all you’re seriously going to say?” You laughed again, finally looking him in the eyes for longer than a second. The burning in your chest grew red hot and you could feel a sting behind your eyes now. “Are you so pathetic that you can’t even give me a real explanation?”
“I’m sorry.” Was all he said, pushing a hand through his hair in frustration, nothing was coming out the way he was thinking. Seeing you so upset made realization of how he fucked up really sink in.
“Did I really mean nothing to you?” No matter how mad at him you were, a part of you still wished things could get fixed, that this could all get brushed over.
“No.” He grabbed your hand forcing you to look up from the ground, “You meant everything to me.”
“Then why?” You could only whisper now, knowing your voice would give away how much of a bad job you were holding back your tears.
“I don’t know.” Keigo whispered, and you realized this wasn’t going anywhere.
“I can’t do this.” You pulled your hand from his grip and backed up, wiping the tears from your cheek. “I can’t keep going around in circles with you, nothing is going to change. I should’ve realized this before, it’s my fault.”
“Wait, I can’t do this without you.” He sounded pathetic now, but his words still burned deep, if only he figured that out sooner.
“You’re going to have to learn how to take care of yourself, that’s not my problem anymore.”
“Please stop, we can fix this.” He stepped forward again, reaching out to you and for a second you almost let him but you pulled away. You could hear the sadness and desperation in his voice now. “Please. I love you.”
“You don’t get to say that anymore. Just go before you ruind something else, Keigo.” You turned around fully now, trying your hardest to ignore how broken he sounded as you walked into your apartment. “Don’t come over anymore. I mean it.”
You hated how much shutting the door hurt and how much you still loved him, even after all of this. The only thing that made it a little bit better was knowing that he was hurting just as much as you, or so you hoped.
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