#Plus again this is way more angsty then him just dying at the end of the manga could ever be. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweet-little-dude · 9 months

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hi hi taku my love!! <3 this is the k polycule ask plus i remembered that i’ve been writing a bajiharu fic and i also wanna talk about that hehe. actually i’ll talk abt that first bc the k polycule is all happy and the bajiharu fic.... not so much. and you deserve healing :)

btw btw beware this is long. really long. i copied this message into a wordcounter and it’s 1.5k without the paragraph you’re reading rn... whoopsies. i insaned a little on my ramble. do tell me if i should shorten it bc it’s too long, and take all the time you need to reply afhjfdgjjgdfh

so okay the bajiharu (baji x sanzu just in case that’s not clear for some reason) wip is currently sitting at 15k and. wtf man 15k ?? i wrote that ?? damn. anyways idk how many of my posts abt it you’ve read but it’s p much a giant character/relationship study of the two. basically bajiharu across the years and timelines. canon compliant too, which sadly means that baji is dead most of the time but oh well. it is VERY angsty (i mean baji is dead that’s where the angst is starting already... and i mean sanzu’s canon life) and uh. i keep describing sanzu dying in nearly every future timeline but i’m having a ton of fun :D also it’s gonna be angst with a happy ending when i’m finished and probably around 30k words. a 30k one-shot. i don’t think i can even chapter it.... welp. accidents happen. yk this was supposed to be a maximum of 5k of bajiharu in the og shin timeline (the one in which he lives and mikey has the accident and ends up dying and stuff) and the final timeline but. uhh. uhm. yeah honestly idk what i did but my brain wouldn’t let go of them so here we are lol

i would summarise the plot of the fic but there hardly is one ?? like it’s just random excerpts from their lives. i mean some of them are like 3k long too and def have plots in and of itself but there’s no greater plot to be summarised 😭

tho what i can say is that they actually are somewhat together in the og timeline and they are.. happily together. they are NOT happy in fact they are miserable but they love each other in a tender way yk. but but they WILL be happy in the final timeline. and happily together too!! i just need them to be happy pls okay thanks. in between baji is dead so not many feelings on his part (😭😭) but sanzu is a miserable wet cat. also i have the most tragic death planned for him in the bonten timeline bc i am a ‘‘weird on-off-ish romance-ish but they don't wanna admit it's that even though it very obviously is and there is so much emotional (and sexual) tension and my god how can they live like this’’ bonten rinzu truther. wowie. and wouldn’t it be really fun if rindou accidentally shot sanzu on a mission gone heavily wrong that ends in sanzu dying in his arms? yeah <3

also!! akashi siblings!! i very much plan on writing abt them too in some timelines. specifically i think i’ll have sanzu move in with senju in the manila timeline before mikey kills him off (i am so excited to write this you don’t know istg) and i’ll have him move back in with takeomi in that one timeline in which izana takes over and naoto & takemichi end up dying in the future bc i hc that senju was shot dead in the past and sanzu has nowhere else to go after mikey’s death (bc he’s actually dead in that future...) so yeah. akashi siblings <3

also in case you wonder what my current 15k cover so far (i’m forcing myself to write chronologically for once bc i really wanna finish this and i’ve got a lot of scenes i’m excited to write i can use to push through the others), it’s the og timeline, the timeline in which draken gets killed by kiyomasa, one of the two following timelines in which draken survives and ends up on death row (i decided to cut one of them bc imo they’re too similar to write abt again), and some past stuff happening before that. which. is not a lot. just now realising how unmuch that is actually wtf it feels like sm more- okay anyways i plan on writing about the bad toman timeline with takemichi as executive, the manila future, bonten future, the future timeline after that with izana, and naoto & takemichi dying, possibly some tenjiku timeskip stuff, and then ofc the final timeline. (i. i gotta say i hope those 30k aren’t lowballing it by like 10k bc if you consider that i’ve written for three timelines plus some inbetween bits and i’m planning for another five whole timelines with inbetween stuff-- ayayay bajiharu is gonna be the death of me)

uhm this is already mUCH longer than planned help buuuut some k polycule stuff bc i love them and they love each other and they are happy. okay so ik you read my posts abt them so i’ll just start with them in their mid/late thirties, finally settled down somewhere they feel safe and they actually like :3 cough cough switzerland mayhaps ? cough cough. yk it can’t be japan anyways... and switzerland is far away...... and i know it well....

okay. they adopt a cat. or maybe two. probably two actually. two cats for them bc they’d like some company other than themselves and kazutora loves cats anyways. i believe that koko is actually more of a dog person bc inupi, but he’s the type of guy to go ‘‘ofc YOU GUYS can get a cat. it’s gonna be YOUR cat. YOU will have to take care of it. i won’t (unless absolutely neccessary.)’’ and then a month or smth after they get a cat kazutora & kakucho are away for a weekend for.. work or smth idk and when they get home koko & the cat are sleeping on the couch while he’s hugging the cat close to his chest, and there’s cat toys all over the floor bc he spent hours playing with the cat. he will still refuse to admit how much he loves the cat but he continues to play and snuggle with it whenever his bfs (husbands? i feel like they’d wear matching wedding rings and call each other husbands even if they legally aren’t bc poly marriage is forbidden) aren’t there to see. also this is really random but kakucho is the small spoon, kokonoi the middle spoon, and kazutora the big spoon. or two of them just sleep hugging the third person.

kazutora would work at a pet shop again i think. maybe he’d even study medicine to become a vet assistant? tbh i’ve always seen him doing that more than chifuyu or baji (tho i love vet student baji too <3). struggling with giving the other two jobs bc after bonten i don’t think kakucho would still want to work with kids (tho i def see him doing some kind of charity work in his free time) and kokonoi... he can’t sponsor anyone like this nor could he do finances for anyone, and he would never ever work at a bank. he’d still like a high paying job/smth at least loosly related to money tho. maybe like some sort of secretary for someone in finances? idk. very open to ideas for these two bc well i am stuck lol.

i think they’d mostly just try to take it slow and enjoy their more peaceful lives now (well kazutora’s life was pretty peaceful before too.. but kokonoi & kakucho) without having to worry about illegal and dangerous and whatnot else stuff. they deserve it okay they all had to go through too many things 😭

also more random stuff about them. kokonoi is banned from the kitchen not because he’s a safety hazard or because he burned down the kitchen once or smth but because he keeps wanting to cook overly expensive gourmet foods, and while they do taste good they are way too expensive and take way too much. plus he HATES having other people in the kitchen with him (he straight up locks them out) and refuses to leave the kitchen while he’s cooking even if he has to wait two hours for something to slowly simmer on low heat so essentially he AND the kitchen are gone for half a day if he wants to make dinner. he doesn’t really mind the kitchen ban though so it works. i think kakucho enjoys cooking the most, but he and kazutora both cook a lot. and sometimes kokonoi forces himself to wake up extra early on weekends (like. 6am. and then he’s done at 7am. and the other two wake up at 9am when early, more like 10am to 11am bc weekend and kokonoi has to wait with his beautifully prepared breakfast for hours) to make pancakes for them all <3

uhh that’s everything in my brain rn i think. i hope. and this is already a fucking essay so whoopsies. anyways that was it, i very much hope you enjoyed my long ass rambles <3 fr fr i missed writing these rambles for you,, but aa i can do that again!! :D

hello elys my love <333 but allg!! i actually read this whole thing a few days after u sent it initially but ive been rlly drained these past like 3 weeks so i hadnt been able to get to it :(( apologies again my love

no cuz fr 15k crazy!!!!! good job!!! no cuz like that lil description of ur rinzu is actually so real.... (this is making me miss my tokyorev hyperfixation so bad ngl) but ur bajiharu fic sounds so good!! the idea and concept of it is so well thought of i applaud u so muchhh

NO CUZ FR WRITING ABT THINGS UR FAMILIAR WITH >> its like u know it so fuckin well which means u can go into rlly good amounts of detail like !!!!!!!!!! ok so first paragraph is so :333 koko being a softie for the cat is so sweettttt omg

i think the jobs u chose for them are good !! suits them all very well but yes agreed they most definitely deserve it <33

ofc its kokonoi doing that, but u cant blame him fr hez just being a good husband </3333

it was fun having this in my inbox again !!! i miss doing these too and i hope the late reply doesnt discourage u <333

#missed this fr #elys n taku rambles

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obxjj · 3 years

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the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank #outerbanks #outerbanks fanfic #obx #outerbanks season 2 #jj maybank imagine

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thewritetofreespeech · 3 years

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I read your kogami shinya training and i was so excited for finally reading something kogami related.

And may i ask for a really angst scenario but fluff at the end. I want my heart broken but not that broken xbyjcahjj

awwww! thank you! I was surprised at the lack of stuff too, honestly. But we’re slowly but surely getting there ^_^. You came to the right place for angsty/fluff though. I can never have nice things lolololol

“I need to see him.”

Ginoza stopped when he heard your voice behind him, but doesn’t turn around just yet until, you assume, the burning glare in your eyes had bore into his skull long enough. “You can’t. It’s against regulations.”

He of course doesn’t ask who you’re talking about, as he knows you’re talking about Kogami. He’s been wounded in the line of duty, again. Only this time the rumor was it was bad. He’d been shot with a real gun. How or where anyone got a gun this day & age was beyond you, but it was the first one you’ve heard of in a long time. He was hurt. And you were scared. Therefore, “I don’t care about regulations! I need to see him!”

The Inspector sighed. Pinching the bridge of his nose in that nervous, frustrated way he does. “I can’t take you to the infirmary. You’ll just have to wait until he’s released.”

“You’re an Inspector! You can do anything!” It by their ‘grace’ that you’re allowed to do anything anymore. Leave the tower. Access points in the building. Do your job. You can’t do anything without their permission anymore and you’ve never felt so helpless in that order than now. Where you have to ask permission to see the man you love when he’s possibly dying in the infirmary.

“Please Gino. Please.” Ginoza looked away when you used his nickname. You’ve all been friends a long time. You know it upsets him more than he’ll ever admit that you’ve fallen. First his father. Then his best friend. Then you. You chose to fall down into the gutter with Kogami, rather than take the high road with him, and you know it hurts him to this day. Because he still cares about you. More than you care about him, and you feel sick using that against him, but whatever it takes. “I need to see him. To make sure he’s ok. I know you want to see him too.” He flinched ever so slightly in his shoulders. Giving the truth away. “I’ll take the blame and they can do whatever they want to me, but please. I….I’m not too proud to beg.”

“Don’t do that.” Ginoza said in a stern voice. He wouldn’t let you debased yourself like that. Not in front of him. Then he sighed. “Fine. But only for a minute.”

A great weight felt lifted off your chest when he finally said yes. One less burden as the one stone in your gut, scared over Kogami’s health, was still there. At least you were going to get to see him.

You walk with the Inspector down to the infirmary and he swiped his access card to open the door. “Be quick.” He reminded you as he let you go in and closed the door behind you.

With the door closed it was eerily quiet. No sound in the room except for the machines beeping rhythmically next to Kogami’s bed. Slowly, you walk over to him. The stone in your stomach coiled up to your throat as you looked at him. He’d been bandaged and cleaned, but looked so pale. But he was breathing. He was alive. That’s all that mattered.

Carefully you perch yourself on the side of his bed and took his hand. Kogami of course woke up. Injured, drugged, and post-surgery he was still a light sleeper; if not a little slower to do so than he normally would. “[Y/N]…..?” He said confused, to which you smile.

“Yeah. It’s me.” You try to keep back your tears as you smile. “Gino let me in.”

“Oh…” He looked around for a second for his former friend, but when he doesn’t see him he sighed and closed his eyes. “That was nice of him.”

“It was. But I had to beg him to let me see you.”

“You shouldn’t be here.” Kogami reminded you, like Ginoza reminded you. “You’re going to get in trouble.”

Still, even as he reprimanded you, his hand tightened slightly around yours. Your smile strength at the silent gesture and return it to him. “Haven’t you figured out yet that I am trouble? Don’t worry. Kagari and I have it worked out that if I get in trouble, he’s gonna set the common room on fire so he gets into bigger trouble and I’m off the hook.”

Kogami started to laugh, but immediately regretted it as he winced in pain while holding his stomach. “Don’t make me laugh. I’ll pull my stitches.”

A soft, sad expression came across your face and you reach out to brush his bangs from his forehead. “I was so scared I lost you.”

“I’m sorry.” He replied. Lulling his head into your touch. “I was just doing my job.”

You can’t really argue the merits of the job with him right now. It’s not exactly a fair fight. Plus, he looked tired and you were running out of minutes to spare. So instead you lean forward to give him a soft kiss before you leave. “I’ll see you soon.”

Ginoza still waiting by the door when you came out. Looking as stern as ever. “How is he?”

“Tired.” You reply as you both walk down the hall ‘minding your own business’. “He seems alright though. He’ll pull through.”

“Of course. God never takes the dumb ones.” You glance over at Ginoza out of the corner of your eye. He doesn’t mean it. He’s angry. Angry his friend got shot. Angry he let himself fall into that position. Angry that he can’t really be angry about it out loud. But he can’t say any of that, because his hue would cloud. Then where would he be? In the gutter with the rest of you?

“Thank you. For letting me see him.”

“Don’t mention it.” He replied as a door opened to another wing. “I….might check on him tomorrow. Since he’s my hunting dog.” He then added, once you were out of ear shot of everyone. “If you’re around and want to come with me, I can see about putting you on protective detail for the day. Injured Enforcers can be unpredictable. As a safety protocol I might want another one with me. To be safe.”

You offer Ginoza a soft smile, knowing what he was doing for you. Using the system to your advantage for a change instead of biding you with it. “Thank you Gino.”

“Don’t mention it.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers)#psycho pass #kogami shinya #shinya kougami #ginoza nobuchika #nobuchika ginoza #kogami shinya x reader #psycho pass imagine #psycho pass scenarios #tw: hospital #tw: unrequited love #ginoza nobuchika x reader #gino nobuchika x reader

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ruanbaijie · 4 years

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Finally crawled out of The Untamed / MDZS hell... do you have any suggestions for other cdramas to watch?? Preferably on Netflix bc that’s what’s currently accessible to me

oh my god I feel like I’m the last person you should be asking because a) I don’t have netflix, and b) I haven’t actually watched that many cdramas to be able to give a good rec (;^_^A

okay but I had to google “chinese dramas on netflix” and I’m just gonna point out the ones that I’ve watched from this list (https://reelgood.com/tv/country/china/on-netflix), plus a couple of others that I haven’t but that I’ve heard good things about. all of the synopses below are from mydramalist/ wiki because I’ve mostly forgotten how to recap even those I’ve watched before lol my memory is terrible (;￣ー￣川

On Netflix

1. Ashes of Love 香蜜沉沉烬如霜 (2018)

http://dr-myri-blog.blogspot.com/2018/11/ashes-of-love-episode-1-recap.html

Genres: xianxia, fantasy, romance

Synopsis: The Flower Goddess dies after giving birth to a daughter, Jin Mi. She saw a prophecy that her daughter will suffer a great love trial within the first thousand year of her life, thus before dying, she gave her a magical pill that prevents her from feeling and expressing romantic love. This caused Jin Mi to become the brunt of many jokes when she gets tangled in a love triangle with Xu Feng, the haughty Fire God, and his brother, the Night God Run Yu.

Jin Mi is tricked into thinking her father died in the hands of Xu Feng and kills him, coughing up the magic pill in the process. Xu Feng is revived a decade later in the realm of the Demons as the Demon Lord, and wages war against Run Yu, who has now ascended the throne as Heavenly Emperor. Jin Mi is caught in between and doesn't know what to do, ultimately sacrificing herself to end the war and return peace to the world. (wiki)

Another “three lives, three worlds” xianxia concept

Was super popular when it aired

I was super invested in the first half but towards the second half my excitement for it mellowed

Amazing world building

Female lead may seem annoying at first but she grew more tolerable as the series progressed - it’s related to the story arc

Angsty

Shot Luo Yun Xi to fame (灬♥ω♥灬)

2. Eternal Love / Three Lives Three Worlds, Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms 三生三世十里桃花 (2017)

https://hiddenflowerashes.wordpress.com/2017/05/08/cdrama-review-ten-miles-of-peach-blossoms-eternal-love/

Genres: xianxia, fantasy, romance

Synopsis: After a devastating war, the immortal tribe paid a heavy price to seal the demon lord. 70000 years later, in an attempt to re-seal the demon lord who broke free, Bai Qian was sent to the mortal realm. In the mortal world, she meets Ye Hua and falls in love with him after forgetting about her life as a goddess. Ye Hua gifts her the name of Su Su. Su Jin, who is jealous of Ye Hua's love for Bai Qian, intentionally creates a series of misunderstanding between them and causes Bai Qian to lose her eyes. Thinking that Ye Hua has betrayed her, the devastated Bai Qian jumps off from the Zhu Xian Terrace. At her request, all her memories have been erased and she forgets Ye Hua. 300 years later, the two meet again as deities. Another lifetime another world, Ye Hua recognises Bai Qian but the latter remains indifferent. Three lives three worlds, her and him, are they fated to bear an entangling love? (mdl)

I haven’t watched this yet but I’ve heard raving reviews

Spin-off series: Eternal Love of Dream

Set up is pretty similar to Ashes of Love (or is it the other way round?? I don’t know which novel came first) where a pair of deities/ fairies fall in love (with or without them realising it) and then have to live for a while in the mortal realm to pass some tribulations and then they realise that they’re deeply in love, etc.

I don’t think I’ll watch this because I tried watching the spin-off after watching Ashes of Love and realised that the whole three lives three worlds thing was starting to bore me

BUT I’ve really heard good things about this drama! And it’s rating on mdl is pretty high too

Side note: Ashes of Love is not in the same universe as Eternal Love and Eternal Love of Dream

3. Once Upon a Time in Lingjian Mountain 从前有座灵剑山 (2019)

https://ninenovel.net/2019/11/30/once-upon-a-time-in-lingjian-mountain-2019-episode-30-recap/

Genres: wuxia, fantasy, romance, action, comedy

Synopsis: A story that follows Wang Lu, a young genius, who enters the Spirit Blade Sect and embarks on an unconventional journey towards immortal cultivation. The Spirit Blade Sect was established in the year 4233. Through years of producing martial arts prodigies, it has been hailed as one of the five great sects. As the nine continents face a crisis, a genius by the name of Wang Lu joins the Spirit Blade Sect and comes under the tutelage Wang Wu. Despite Wang Wu's beauty, she is hundreds of years in age. Famous for having a sharp tongue and an erratic temper, she and her disciple Wang Lu engage in endless squabbles while trudging on a path to becoming the strongest sage in all the lands. (mdl)

Quite a fun, lighthearted show to watch

Big on humour but also has its smart moments

Reminded me of a more lighthearted version of Joy of Life (see below)

Female lead is super sassy

4. Tientsin Mystic 河神 (2017)

https://nextepisodepls.wordpress.com/2018/02/20/tientsin-mystic-%E6%B2%B3%E7%A5%9E-series-review/

Genres: fantasy, mystery, suspense, supernatural, detective

Synopsis: Set in the 1920s Republican era, flooding ravages the land of Tianjin and conjures up numerous strange tales about the river. Guo De You is a part of the river salvage team, who retrieves bodies from the water. His master is nicknamed 'Old River God'; as the 'Little River God', De You has inherited his ability to use tobacco to uncover the truth, however, his body cannot handle smoke in large amounts. He ends up being suspected for the murder of a distinguished chairman, whose son Ding Mao, a trained forensic investigator, joins forces with him to uncover the truth. With their female partners - Gu Ying, the daughter of a sorceress and De You’s childhood friend, and Xiao Lan-lan, a journalist, whose father is a rich local businessman - they begin an investigation that leads them to an incident twenty years ago, and a cult whose presence is still affecting the city in increasingly sinister ways. (wiki)

I’ve honestly forgotten quite a fair bit of this because I watched it quite some time back

Has a second season

Not on Netflix

5. Eternal Love of Dream / Three Lives Three Worlds, The Pillow Book 三生三世枕上书 (2020)

http://www.chiefoil.cn/redian/663890.html

Genres: xianxia, fantasy, romance

Synopsis: Queen of Qing Qiu, Bai Feng Jiu, is the only red nine-tailed fox in the world. One day, Feng Jiu is attacked by a savage beast while seeking cultivation in the mountains and is saved by the first emperor of Heaven, Dong Hua. Grateful and feeling indebted, Feng Jiu accompanies Dong Hua to vanquish the Demon Lord. As the two spend time together, Feng Jiu realises her gratitude towards Dong Hua has slowly evolved into love. Unfortunately, Dong Hua has long forgotten what love is. Although the coldest hearts can melt with time, will countless lifetimes be sufficient to bring these two hearts together? (mdl)

OKAY so this one is also quite good

But I ended up dropping it because as mentioned above I was getting bored of the whole “deities get reincarnated and live three different lives together” thing

That being said, ngl the human arc for this was super cute and ended super painfully

The only other thing I couldn’t stand here was unfortunately Dong Hua’s white wig

6. Oh My General 将军在上 (2017)

https://www.viki.com/tv/35829c-oh-my-general

Genres: historical, romance, comedy, gender bender

Synopsis: During the Song Dynasty, Ye Zhao cross dresses to become a general of outstanding ability, receiving a top rank of general. The Empress Dowager constantly worries about Ye Zhao holding too much power and took the opportunity to betroth Ye Zhao to one of the Emperor's nephews, the no-good Prince of Nanping, Zhao Yujin, who possesses remarkable beauty but is pampered, lazy and spends his time on "useless" artistic pursuits. Thus, the story of the real battle of who will take power in this new household begins. (mdl)

Oh my god this show. It’s so underrated ヽ(´Д`;)ﾉ

The dynamics between Ye Zhao (Sandra Ma) and Zhao Yu Jin (Peter Sheng) are AMAZING

Especially the heart eyes he keeps giving her when he realises how head over heels he is in love with her

And how much being in love with her changed him from lazy snotty aristocrat to actual functioning “I Will Protect My General Wife Even Though I Can’t Fight At All” member of the government

Side note its Chinese name literally means “general above/ on top”, and this series was adapted from a novel called 将军在上我在下 “general above/ on top, I am below” like HMMMM.

Also the costuming in this show is ridiculously colourful and lowkey Japanese-like because they actually got a Japanese costume designer

7. Guardian 镇魂 (2018)

https://forums.soompi.com/topic/399199-mainland-chinese-drama-2018-guardian-%E9%95%87%E9%AD%82/

Genres: fantasy, science fiction, (b)romance, mystery, supernatural, detective

Synopsis: Guardian is set on the Earth-like planet of Haixing, populated by a native human population and two alien races — the Yashou, who are able to shapeshift into plants and animals, and the Dixing, superpowered beings who live deep underground. The three races have enjoyed a peaceful co-existence since the arrival of the Yashou and Dixing over ten thousand years ago, broken only by an ancient war declared by the Dixing after a meteor strike depleted their resources. During that war, the Haixing and Yashou were led by the hero Kunlun, who became a close comrade to the Black Robe Envoy, the leader of a faction within the Dixing that sought peace. The war was won by the Haixing with the use of four holy tools crafted from the meteor. At the end of the war, Kunlun vanished, and the Black Robe Envoy became the overseer of peace between the races while awaiting Kunlun's return.

In the present, conflict has begun to erupt again between the Dixing and the surface-dwelling races. The hotheaded Zhao Yun Lan leads the Special Investigation Department (SID), a group that works with the Black Robe Envoy to uphold peace and investigate cases related to the Dixing people. While investigating an incident at the local university, Zhao is assisted by Shen Wei, a biological engineering professor. The two men are drawn closer together as a mysterious enemy threatens to re-ignite war. (wiki)

Ah where do I begin

Adapted from Priest’s BL novel Guardian

Terrible sfx (that makes the sfx in CQL looks amazing), barely intriguing plot after the first few episodes

BUT. BUT.

The chemistry between Zhao Yun Lan (Bai Yu) and Shen Wei (Zhu Yi Long) is ridiculously good ヾ(*′○`)ﾟ.+:｡ﾟ☆

This show was censored so heavily and diverged so much from the original novel, but the actors and the entire crew knew that they were acting a romance and not a romance and it damn well showed

I believe that this show set the road for CQL because even though it became so wildly popular among fans that I guess it signalled to show runners the possibility of drama adaptations of BL novels despite the heavy censorship

ALSO shot Zhu Yi Long to fame (灬♥ω♥灬)

8. Joy of Life 庆余年 (2019)

https://www.tvmao.com/drama/Yy0wHDA=

Genres: historical, romance, political

Synopsis: Fan Xian grew up in a small town by the sea with his grandmother, following a sudden visit of a poison master, his peaceful life quickly morphs into one filled with danger and hardship. After becoming rather skilled with medicine, poison, and martial arts, he goes to the capital to find out more about his mysterious mother. He ends up on an adventure of marvelling the world, getting tangled in politics, finding true love, figuring out his purpose in life and secrets of his world. (mdl)

Believe me or not, this show actually has quite a fair bit of science fiction in it

It’s a super clever show and involves a bit of thinking

Also stars Xiao Zhan as a side character that has a completely different personality from Wei Wu Xian

Character to look out for: Second Prince. He’s the scene stealer

Character description from wiki that I just had to include: Lin Wan'er, a chicken drumstick princess

9. Reunion: The Sound of the Providence / The Lost Tomb: Reboot / The Lost Tomb 3 重启之极海听雷 (2020)

https://www.iq.com/play/2ffkwt832r8

Genres: fantasy, mystery, suspense, adventure

Synopsis: The iron triangle Wu Xie, Pang Zi and Zhang Qi Ling restart their adventure after receiving an unusual text from Wu San Sheng. Wu Xie, Pang Zi and Zhang Qi Ling have hung up their hats to end a ten-year promise. After trading their adventures for a normal life, a text from Wu San Sheng drives them to embark on a mysterious journey for the sake of family and friendship. (mdl)

Tbh I would’ve listed horror as one of those genres

Because especially in the first half of the show I was watching most of it from behind my hands

There are a whole bunch of series and movies before this one, it’s part of a super big franchise (probably one of the biggest franchises) in China called 盗墓笔记 (The Grave Robber Chronicles, or The Lost Tomb)

But you don’t have to watch the previous shows to know what’s going on because this one pretty much starts from a new arc, give or take a few casual references thrown into the conversation referring to their past adventures (which are also shown in the opening if you know what to look out for)

Has a second season coming out before the end of the year??? I’ve seen the trailer floating around but I forgot when

Zhu Yi Long here is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from Zhu Yi Long in Guardian. There he was invincible ass kicking alien. Here he is sick dying old uncle who needs to be protected but still pretty damn smart.

Shows on My Queue (Yet to Watch) But Still Rated Quite High

10. Arsenal Military Academy 烈火军校 (2019)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arsenal_Military_Academy

Genres: mystery, romance, action, war

Synopsis: Hoping to follow in her deceased brother's footsteps, Xie Xiang enrolls into the Arsenal Military Academy in Shunyuan disguised as a male, with only her good friend Tan Xiao Jun knowing her secret. There, she becomes good friends with the country bumpkin Huang Song and the quiet Shen Jun San, all while getting into periodic quarrels with her hot-headed and playful roommate, Gu Yan Zheng. Despite her small stature and weak constitution, she gradually trains into an able soldier, winning the respect of her peers. These students soon uncover a dangerous conspiracy surrounding the Japanese occupiers, the Chinese resistance, as well as past royal descendants of the now defunct Qing dynasty. (wiki)

11. My Roommate is a Detective 民国奇探 (2020)

https://medium.com/my-roommate-is-a-detective-ep-1-2020-eng-sub/eng-sub-my-roommate-is-a-detective-episode-1-2020-iqiyi-fa3fe924a1c9

Genres: mystery, action, adventure, detective, romance

Synopsis: Set in the mid-1920s, a resourceful young police officer named Qiao Chu Sheng is on the trail of a brutal but devious killer. Realising that the police force will need some extra help with this difficult case, he decides to form an elite crime-busting detective team. He reaches out to a young man who has recently returned from studying in Great Britain, Lu Yao. Qiao Chu Sheng has learned that Lu Yao has remarkable powers of deduction and a brilliant mind – and believes he can help crack this difficult case. To round off the team, he enlists the help of Bai You Ning, a focused young female reporter for a daily newspaper. A free-thinking, independent young woman, she has a strong sense of justice – and pledges to help catch the killer. The trio form a small detective squad that specialises in solving strange and unsettling murder mysteries. (mdl)

I’ve heard that this has a very strong bromance (@stebeee can probably furnish you with more information)

12. The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty 成化十四年

https://www.shine.cn/feature/entertainment/2005097707/

Genres: historical, mystery, bromance, detective

Synopsis: Set during the 14th year of Chenghua Emperor's reign, Tang Fan, a sixth rank official and Sui Zhou, a decorated uniform guard, join hands to crush a conspiracy to maintain peace and order for the people. After working together to solve the case involving the Marquis' son, Tang Fan and Sui Zhou gain widespread fame and form a lasting friendship with each other. Although his reputation precedes him, Tang Fan remains honest and upright in his duty as a public servant and continues to rent a humble home. His landlord is found dead in her quarters presumably from suicide, but clues lead to suspicions of foul play.

After the case is resolved, Tang Fan travels to Henan to investigate the sudden disappearances of people near the tomb site of the late Northern Song Emperor. When the culprit is revealed, it seems that he is but a pawn in a much grander conspiracy. As major cases continue to plague the capital and the local offices, Tang Fan and Sui Zhou work hard to unmask the mastermind who is pulling the strings in the background. (mdl)

Another one that I’ve heard has a very strong bromance （ФоФ)

#ashes of love #eternal love #once upon a time in lingjian mountain #tientsin mystic #pillow book #oh my general #guardian #joy of life #dmbj #arsenal military academy #my roommate is a detective #the sleuth of ming dynasty #lingjian mountain #oh god this took such a long time #*replies #*recs #!

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withyouandthemoon · 3 years

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😊🥰💘 (please ignore the fact that i just told you I'm running late and rec me some fic that you love as I scramble around trying to get my life together)

😊 A fic that made you smile on a bad day

There are so many!!! But okay, off the top of my head there are two, one older and one more recent.

The older one is La Belle et La Bete by TuRtLe88. This is kind of my go-to comfort fic because it’s so soft and light-hearted and has fluffy Klaus. Yep, in this one Klaus gets cursed into staying in his wolf form during daytime and can only change back to human at night. So the Mikaelsons, naturally, call Caroline to NOLA because, of course, Klaus needs the True Love’s Kiss to break the curse. So Caroline goes to NOLA, meets a very smug and possessive and clingy wolfy Klaus. She goes to school there (Klaus disguises as her pet dog), builds a new life, and she and Klaus cuddle at night. There are so many sweet moments in this and it never fails to cheer me up.

The more recent one is Indfinitely by turningofflights. I actually didn’t finish this one - when I read it it was still WIP but when I went to find the link just now guess what I found IT’S FINISHED. Now I just want to re-read the whole thing so I can catch up. This one has all my favorite elements, like Klaus and Caroline being linked together by a spell, and a ton of world traveling. I loved seeing their story unfold in the backdrop of some of the most beautiful places in the world, and this story, in particular, was so soft in the way it portrayed the journey of them learning their ways around each other. Plus it gave me Katherine and Caroline sharing Hungarian dessert together. But the scene that especially made me smile (and I could be wrong about the details because I have terrible memories) was when Caroline got hurt in an attack in Paris, and Klaus was saying they should leave immediately but Caroline insisted on going out to try escargot because she promised Klaus. So they went. And she had him help her dig the snails out with her eyes shut because she didn’t want to see the gross thing. Then she ended up eating the whole plate. It’s the most adorable thing ever, and I’m smiling just thinking about it.

🥰 A fic that gives you warm fuzzy feelings

Everything by TheOneTrueBear. This is another author that I keep getting back to when I’m not feeling the best. But especially this one scene in A Scent of Hope - Even after all this time I think about it at least once a week. Caroline is in NOLA, for what I don’t even remember, but she’s in Klaus’s library at night because she can’t sleep. There’s this gentle intimacy and easiness between them even when they haven’t seen each other for so long, and she asks him to read her some of the book he’s been reading. He says it’s not quite for her and Caroline’s insecurity sprouts out at these oddest moments so she sulks and says something like, fine, pick out something fittingly shallow then. But immediately Klaus grows serious and says “don’t do that” because he sees right through her and he can’t bear even for a split second that she’s thinking like that about herself. They share this look, they don’t speak, but everything’s said. When the look breaks off Klaus picks a book and starts to read her The Wind in the Willows. They share a laugh and the whole scene’s just so sweet and filled with their knowing quirks and this deep connection that nothing, not time nor circumstances, can really shake. Whenever I think of that scene I just sigh. I do not need anything else.

💘 A fic you couldn’t stop reading once you started

Also a fairly recent one I read, Here I Am, Dying by Apocalyptical Angel. So Angsty, so suspenseful, I wanted a happy ending for them so much, I read until like four in the morning. Klaus gets himself cursed again and the Originals enlist Caroline’s help - why are we no surprised - but this time he gets cursed into a human. No hybrid abilities, just plain human. And he’s so weak and unprotected and not in control, it’s killing him. Klaus is so downright mean sometimes in this story, but it makes perfect sense and is so in character because he’s definitely the lashing-out type in a situation like this. They try to break the curse, and Caroline keeps trying to convince Klaus to experience human feelings because that might be the cure, but he wouldn’t listen. Ironically later when Caroline gets bitten by a werewolf and needs him to quickly change back into a hybrid, Klaus has this almost childlike naive but confident moment where he says, love me, love me and I will feel human and I will change back. But Caroline starts to cry and breaks it to a very confused, then very stunned, then very devasted Klaus that she already does. Ugh this scene. This scene that had me going back to re-read as soon as I finished reading it. Hurt so good. Hurt. So. Good. And everything from that point on in the fic is just...they are so desperately in love and I’m in so much pain. But yes it does have a happy ending (thank god) and I enjoyed the ride so much.

#thank you for asking!#procrastinating buddies #did i finish my slides no i did not but no regrets #klaroline #kc fic rec #ask games

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charkyzombicorn · 3 years

Text

Okay but what if luffy got his devil fruit a bit younger? Like he was 4ish when shanks brought it. Garp gets pissy earlier and decides to tie some balloons to his grandson and let the sky handle him while he makes arrangements with dadan.

But then it's a particularly bad day for luffy, and a strong wind carried him away from his island, he ends up falling right into one of the newer slave trader's ships and well fuck. He tried to fight them off but one of them has a collar with sea stone that the big boss person gives to every ship, even the smaller ones. So now luffy's fucked.

Since he's got a devil fruit, he's taken to the big boss child slave distributor asshole (put that on a business card) and then eventually gets taken to judge, because of course that dickhead would buy superpowered children. Judge gets him purely because rubber boy can take a hell of a walloping and also is stronger than the average four year old.

The vinsmoke brats and Sanji end up being pitted against Luffy and luffy does not win, but he doesnt die either so that's a plus. Sanji hates beating up a four year old, his brothers seem to love being able to punch something as much as they want without them being taken away or dying.

Luffy ends up learning how to fight by force, and eventually he's dubbed Sanji's fighting partner since they're both the weakest, which sucks because if sanji loses he gets locked up and if luffy loses then judge gives the other three brothers sharp objects and free time with luffy

Eventually luffy befriends sanji because of course he does, and loving food as much as he does he becomes the taste tester for sanji's cooking endeavors, and sometimes luffy manages to limp away to talk to sanji when he's in his cell.

When they escape, they escape together, and sanji becomes a bus boy and luffy just carries shit because he cant really do anything else but he could deadlift a ship at 10 so hey

When the attack happens, sanji's trying to save luffy, but zeff has to save him. Sanji sits on that rock almost certain that luffy's dead.

Luffy didn't die tho, because no, and he got saved, idk how, this is a writing prompt u figure it out, and they end up growing up apart for a bit after that. Luffy doesn't find his island again, but he does a bit of bounty hunting to get by and ends up making a name for himself because apparently his 'training' with the vinsmokes was a little more brutal than he thought.

Sanji works hard, he feels he owes a debt to both zeff and luffy, both of which helped him in some of his worse moments, and ends up a bit more edgy than in canon because he thinks his only friend is dead (push him to the edge🎶)

But then luffy gets blamed for something that was only really half his fault and half the random bandit he was fighting's fault, and he ends up with a bounty. It isn't a big one, just about 10000 berri, he kinda destroyed a bit more marine property than is recommended. But then sanji sees the bounty in the paper and he doesnt know if he should be glad his friend is alive or angry that luffy let him think he was dead.

But then luffy comes to the baratie when hes about 15-16, and then he sees sanji again and now he's super fuckin happy because how would luffy know sanji was alive?? They both came to the conclusion of mutual misunderstanding and lack of information after a bit of angst, because its sanji and luffy. But they get over it because they were both on the bottom end of the vinsmoke hellhole and does it really matter when they're reunited?

Zeff let's luffy steal sanji because it's been over a decade but luffy still wants to be the motherfuckin king, okay? And sanji's gonna be the cook for the pirate king and find the all blue because

Sanji becomes luffy's first mate and then start a sailing. Luffy attracts friends like a magnet, they get usopp next, and luffy kills kuro because luffy isn't as not-killerish as he is in canon because tragic backstory and if you leave a kid alone to be a bounty hunter long enough with only their own brain to make the morals, what do you expect will happen? Usopp joins because 'UwU piwate' is his opinion on the matter

They get nami, and sanji's a bit more chill than in canon because growing up with a guy that was also nice along with his sister and mother had a bit of an impact. He's still a bit if a french goth and treats nami better than other people but he isn't being a douche about a lady fighting or making faces quite as stupid.

Zoro joins but Does Not like sanji, which is mutual but luffy likes him so sanji must deal. They make their way toward the grand line, going back to the baratie, or what's left of it.

Sanji gets another thick layer of angst learning that while he was gone, don krieg destroyed the ship trying to steal it, and then they go to find don krieg, postponing grand line for a hot second because luffy wont leave until he gets to personally kick the ass of whoever made his cook so extra angsty, and sanji seconds that.

They find don krieg in Cocoyashi island, after crashing there with his broke ass ship. They fight him, the ruckus brings out arlong before Nami can attempt to lie to save them.

Sanji gets off one angst and gets it replaced with another when he can barely do shit because he was cooking all this time and is no longer as strong as luffy, who was only really working on fighting. Luffy almost dies because he has to fight both those shitheads back to back, but he wins.

Sanji starts getting more aggressive with zoro, and zoro only stays because he saw the fight and respects his captain, but that's a bit of a loose thing, ready to snap with a wrong move. Or maybe zoro leaves because he needed that fight with mihawk to realise this was serious and he was a pirate now, to each their own.

They stay in the east blue a little longer because luffy nearly died and they dont have a doctor, but he's fine. Sanji gets more guilt tho because that's how he is, and starts treating luffy nicer, which leads to luffy instigating a fight between the two of them because luffy wont swallow that shit. It helps things because violence is sometimes the answer

They head to the grand line, up reverse mountain, meet the whale, the whole shebang. Sanji might catch feels by this point because honestly who wouldn't?

Nami gets sick, and luffy doesn't know how to deal with that because back when he was being carted around with a sea stone collar and 30 other starving children, they just shot the ones that got sick. Ptsd time and guess who gets to help because zoro isn't first mate/here? Sanji! Which definitely puts things into perspective because for as long as he'd known him, luffy's tried his hardest to make sanji smile, and keep him company, even though after being bought luffy's only purpose was to be a stepping stone in sanji's development. So sanji finally being smacked across the face with the brunt of bottled up traumatized child luffy, he needs a fuckin smoke.

They find drum island and then same shit as canon, except it hits a bit harder with luffy carrying a dying nami and a heavily injured sanji up sheer rock because that's the only person that luffy had when shit got rough that he's holding between his teeth.

When sanji wakes up he probably notices how injured luffy is and can estimate the ringer he's been through because Sanji had to personally find out how luffy's healing factor worked because he was a good fraction of the reason luffy needed to heal so much.

They acquire a chopper :3

This is getting long and it's pretty much the end of my idea, sorry for the long informal post.

#one piece #lusan #i will take my leave

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jalebi-weds-bluetooth · 3 years

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Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :) What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh! What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

#ask #analysis anon #THIS IS LONG #so many thoughts #how arnav khushi's confrontation would've been #the only answer I crave #analysis #ipkknd #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon

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kiribaku-queen · 3 years

Note

Hi! Could you please do a Kuroo x reader please! He’s gone away on a work trip for a couple of weeks and he decides to come back early to surprise her? But when he gets home late at night he sees her in the bedroom with Kenma or Bokuto (someone he’s close with) hugging and they fall onto the bed? (Looks suss as fuck), but really the person was just comforting her because she was missing him and she was crying about it? Kuroo ends up coming to blows with the person being all like “how could you” and she has to step in and explain the whole situation? Basically angst with a fluffy ending?

If you aren’t comfortable doing it with a Haikyuu character maybe Todoroki and Midoriya or someone like that? Or maybe doing the MHA one as well as the Haikyuu one? Up to you I’m easy I’ll be happy with whatever you write hahaha fml

Surprise

Pairing: Kuroo x reader

Angst

Word count: 4.7K

A/N: Oof, it’s about time that I uploaded this one. I promise, the others are coming out! Slowly but surely! I was really excited to start this one though because the scenario was so easy to follow and see in my head. I’m sorry if you think the reader is annoying or too clingy. Reader is a sensitive soul in this one. I hope it’s angsty enough for you and I’d love to know your thoughts on this one, anon! Happy reading!

This isn’t what you wanted.

You didn’t like this one bit.

“It’s only 2 weeks,” your boyfriend tried to comfort you as you pouted in the corner.

“2 weeks too long,” you said angrily, arms crossed over your chest and with permanent frown that doesn’t look like it’s going to go away any time soon. Kuroo laughs at your reaction, looking absolutely adorable to him. He pinches your cheek in hopes that that will cheer you up, but obviously it doesn’t.

“Stop being so pouty,” he laughs and you just glare up at him.

“If you didn’t leave me, then I won’t be so pouty,” you jutted your bottom lip out to emphasize how much you’re going to dread the time away from him.

“You can survive without me for 2 weeks,” Kuroo’s pinch on your cheeks turns into a soft caress to the touch. You lean into his touch until you let his hand cover your face to allow you to take in his scent. It was comforting. The smell of him. The way he feels. Fuck, you were really going to miss him.

“I’ll miss you,” you whisper into the palm of his hands. Kuroo chuckles, picking you up so that you were sitting in his lap. He brings your face close to him so that your noses were touching but not quite your lips.

“You know I’ll miss you too,” Kuroo whispers against your lips that were ready to be kissed any second now.

Truth be told, 2 weeks was not a long time for some people. But for you, 2 weeks was going to feel a suffocating 2 months. Ever since you started dating your boyfriend, you were never really separated from each other. You met in college and spend all your time together, forgetting about your other friends. And then you found out that you both live in the same hometown so when you went home, you guys were still together so no need to worry about long distance. The longest you’ve been apart from each other was probably a weekend, at most. So it’s no surprise that you started to get attached. Unhealthy, you know. But who could blame you? You both loved being around each other so much that you never saw it as a problem. But because of that and with the situation you are facing now, you started feeling anxious about him leaving you by yourself.

You didn’t know what it was. Were you feeling this way because you think he was going to cheat on you? Was it the fear eating you up that he was going to find someone better? Or was it that he was going to have fun somewhere else while you were at home miserable? It could be a mixture of all of them, if you were being completely honest with yourself.

But you knew he had to go. It was work related, you can’t keep him from working. But the thought that he was still leaving you for a good amount of time was upsetting and a bit painful. Kuroo sensed that you weren’t going to lighten up ant time soon. So he cupped your cheeks and placed a light kiss on your lips.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he reassures you again but his comfort wasn’t enough to convince you to feel any better.

“How about this? When I come back, I’ll give you all the kisses to makeup for the time being away plus more if you want,” Kuroo tried to reason with you. And it was tempting.

“Why can’t I have it now?” you gave him puppy eyes plus the pout on your lips. He chuckles again and gives you one quick kiss.

“How was that? Will that last you for 2 weeks?” he asks and you shake your head.

“How about… this one?” and he pulls you in for a deeper kiss. But that still didn’t suffice.

“No? Okay, what about now?” and he kisses both sides of your cheeks.

“Or this one?” now he’s kissing your nose. Then your forehead. Then your chin. Your hands and your neck. Back to your lips multiple times.

“Are you getting sick of me yet?” he teases, the distance of each kiss getting shorter and shorter until both of your lips refuse to leave each other. Kuroo is hugging your waist tight and pulling you closer if that was even physically possible anymore. You could feel his muscles through his shirt and it was taking every inch of you to not further the contact. Both of you got lost in the few minutes you had left together, not wanting to break away first. But he had to go eventually. Kuroo breaks the kiss, leaning your foreheads together.

“I have to go,” he whispers, still breathless from your intimate moment. Anxiety rising in you again because the moment is finally here. Being the good boyfriend that he was, he takes your hand in his as you walk to the front door together. Suitcase in hand and yours in the other.

The front door opens and the tears are already spilling out. Kuroo’s eyes soften at the sight and pulls you in for the final hug before he leaves. You couldn’t look at him because if you did, you knew you couldn’t let him go. What you didn’t know though, is that as soon as he saw you cry, he was doing the same thing. But he had to hold it in for you.

“I’ll be back before you know it, I promise. I’ll call you every night so you can see this handsome face before you go to bed,” Kuroo tries lightening the mood with a joke but it was hard when he was getting choked up.

“Hm,” you hummed back, hugging him harder to imprint the feeling of his touch in your memory.

“I love you,” he says and kisses the top of your head. He was going to miss you just as much. But work was work. Right before he pulls away from your hug, you kiss him once more and this time you were in the lead.

“I love you too,” you tell him when you break the kiss. Your boyfriend smirks and smothers your face with small smooches. Goodness, you two really couldn’t get enough of each other. Kuroo would be with you even down to the last second.

Okay, now it’s really time that he had to go.

“If you need anything, you know you can call me. I love you. See you in 2 weeks, love,” Kuroo says his final final goodbyes. You nod your head and watch him walk down the hallway until you couldn’t see him anymore. He looks back and you’re still watching him, waving every time he looks across his shoulder. And then he was gone. For 2 weeks. What were you going to do now?

You cried. That’s what you did. The second you closed the door, you broke down in front of the door. Call you dramatic but you couldn’t help but feel that way. You tried to distract yourself by working more, starting a new show, cooking more often, cleaning… but everything reminded you of him. God, it wasn’t like he was dying or breaking up with you. He was going to be back in the 2 weeks like he promised. But it was just making you miss him more. You just couldn’t wait until it was time for him to come home so you could feel at peace.

You cried every day the first week he was gone. Every phone call at night, Kuroo could see that. And he was beating himself up for it because he couldn’t do anything to help you. But you appreciated that he took time out of his night to give you an least an hour long phone call. You caught up about your day and comforting each other through the phone. It wasn’t much, but you’d take this any day than nothing at all.

Kuroo was good at keeping his promise the first week. He called you every night, no matter how tired he was. During the second week, he calls started getting shorter. And shorter. And shorter. Until he was only on call for a couple of minutes. He always used the excuse that he was busy or he had to be with his coworkers. Bullshit. You could tell that they were drinking. He wasn’t working at all. He just wanted to hang out with his coworkers. Who works at 10 o’clock at night after they just finished a whole shift?

Some phone calls were the same; just talking about how you miss each other. This call was different though. It was another quick phone call that night. He began talking about his day: what he did, what he ate, plans after work. You didn’t say much about your day because it was so uneventful without him there.

“Are you going out again?” you ask, your chin rested on your pillow as you facetimed your boyfriend.

“Mm,” he hummed back and he could see the disappointed, or rather, annoyed look on your face. “You know I can’t refuse them. They’re my superiors. If they say drink, I have to.” He tried to explain. Yeah, you knew that. You wished your culture wasn’t like that but there wasn’t anything to be done.

“Hey Kuroo! Ready to go?” you saw some of his coworkers barge in on your call. Kuroo happily smiles at them, giving each one a pound hug as a greeting. From what you could see on the screen, all his coworkers were male, so you guess that was a relief.

“Oh yeah. This is my girlfriend, (y/n),” Kuroo doesn’t fail to introduce you to his new friends. They all try to say hi to you. There was so many of them, that they had to take turns sharing the screen. You smile back, not saying much because now all of Kuroo’s attention was on his friends. You just watched as he interacted with them.

“Alright, boys! Who’s ready to party!?” you hear a woman in the background barge through the door behind the boys. All of Kuroo’s coworkers head towards the woman, forgetting that they were even talking to you. Kuroo, too, was looking in her direction. She came into view and holy mother of Jesus was she gorgeous. A business woman who knows how to dress herself to look elegant and classy yet sexy at the same time. All attention was on her now, like she was the life of the party. And that made you nervous.

Kuroo was with a big group of people. It wasn’t like he was just going drinking with her. But she was all you could think about. The single fact that she was present and was a part of that group didn’t sit well in your stomach. You didn’t want to think it, but you did. What if Kuroo starts to take a liking to her? What if he cheats on you? If she dances up on him, will he let her? Or would he be loyal and tell her that he has a girlfriend? Maybe all your fears will disappear when he introduces her to you. You were about to ask about her when Kuroo suddenly speaks up.

“Okay, babe. I gotta go. I love you, talk to you later,” Kuroo sends you a flying kiss.

“Oh, okay. By-” but before you could even finish what you were going to say, he cuts you off and now you were looking at a blank screen. You stared at your computer screen, appalled and shocked at what just happened. You continued to stare at the screen until it turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. Tears were welding in your eyes as you were overwhelmed with emotion at the moment.

You spend that night staring at your ceiling, silent tears streamed down your face. You missed him dearly, wanting nothing more than for him to be in bed with you and cuddle. But Kuroo clearly looked like he was having the time of his life. This was what you feared. He was having fun while you were at home feeling sorry for yourself.

You knew that he would never cheat on you. Deep down, you knew that. But a small voice in your mind was telling you dark lies, tricking you into believing that he was. These thoughts lingered for days. The thought of him and her together ate at you alive. You never felt so down in your life and it was at that moment that you needed him the most only for him to not be reachable. This feeling was unhealthy and you needed to do something about it. Talk about it. To somebody, anybody. And there was only one person who you could trust.

Picking up the phone and searching their name in a flash, you waited for your trusty friend to answer the phone. And as always, their voice always made you smile just a little bit.

“Hey, hey, hey! How’s my crybaby doing?” his booming voice teased you but you found it hard to take that lightly. “Too soon?” he asked after a long pause of silence. You hummed into the phone and began tearing up again. Why? Because he was right, you were a crybaby. And you were calling him because you wanted to cry and pour your heart out to him. He could hear your whimpering over the phone and his tone of voice instantly changed from teasing to concerned.

“Hey, hey, hey… are you okay?” he asks softly. You can’t see it but his thick brows were furrowed into a frown.

“No. Can… Can you come over? I really need somebody right now,” you asked, hoping that you weren’t going to be rejected. That would make you feel even worse. Luckily for you, Bokuto was already on his way.

“Be there in 30.”

You waited for Bokuto in your living room, practically shaking from anxiety. You met Bokuto through Kuroo. It was only a matter of time before you met your boyfriend’s best friend from high school. And then it was only natural that you two became really good friends. You went to him for everything. The gossip, the drama, the comfort, the hype, literally everything. Kuroo wasn’t one to gas you up in certain situations, but you could always count on Bokuto to. It was only natural for you to call him to come comfort you during hard times. Knowing who Bokuto was, he already has a plan to cheer you up already.

Three knocks sounded through the apartment. You shot up from your seat and rushed to open the door. Bokuto was standing there with groceries and wine in hand. He lifted both hands, showing up the items that he brought.

“Will this cheer you up?” he asks, giving you an uncertain smile. You nod your head and since his hands were already open for you, you just went in for a hug. Bokuto didn’t hesitate you hug you back even tighter, securing you in his arms. He wasn’t Kuroo, but a hug is what you really needed.

“Let’s cook you something up to eat and then we can drink our sorrows away. Sound like a plan?” Bokuto suggested.

“I really need that right now,” you say. Yeah, this is what you needed.

The night was spent eating a simple, yet delicious meal Bokuto managed to whip up real quick and pouring out your feelings to the man. Almost a whole bottle of wine was gone, it was sad that he didn’t bring another one. You felt like you were going to need it. Bokuto sat there, sipping on his wine, and listening to everything you had to say. He gave reactions and advice when necessary but was great at letting you say everything that was on your chest.

Laughs were shared here and there, but Bokuto did a great job at making your forget about why you ever were sad in the first place. Shit, if it was this easy to make you feel better, you would have asked for Bokuto’s help a long time ago.

“Bokuto, literally stop!” you laugh, slapping his hand away from you to prevent him from poking your side again.

“If you stop crying, I’ll stop!” he proposed and continued to poke you. You laughed even harder and ran away from him.

“I’m crying from laughter! Not because I’m sad!” you yelled, trying to escape from the mad man.

“Tears are still tears! GET RID OF THEM!” Bokuto yelled back, picking up speed which freaked you out. You ran into the bedroom but unfortunately, that slowed you down and you felt Bokuto’s arms wrap around your waist.

“Got’cha!” he said as he captured you. Both of you burst your stomachs from laughing but he wasn’t done with you just yet. “You ready?”

“For what?” you asked in between breaths.

“This!”

“NO BOKUTO, DON’T!” you squeal but it was too late. With a grunt, Bokuto lifts you in the air and when you land, your back in his arms but this time, he has one arm under your legs and one arm supporting your back like a princess. You wrap your arm around his neck in instinct so you don’t fall. But you didn’t think anything of it. Neither of you did. You both just burst into a laughing fit once again.

Kuroo enjoyed the 2 weeks he was away for his business trip. Not only did he gain new experiences and make connections for future deals, but he also made a deeper connection with his coworkers. He’ll admit, the constant drinking and partying was getting old. He wasn’t in college anymore. He can’t stay up all night and drink until he passes out. He’d much rather be in bed sleeping with you wrapped in his arms. He could stay longer, after all, his company did pay for a few extra days after the convention to relax. But he didn’t want to relax. He wanted to get back to you as soon as possible. And that’s what he was going to do.

He thanked his boss for the hospitality, but he just wanted to go home now. It’s been too long and he missed you too much to stay. Also, the thought of you being alone and crying pained him to no end. There wasn’t a day, a single moment, that he didn’t think about you. So, with his boss’ permission, he went home a few days early. No he didn’t tell you. It was going to be a surprise. The thought of seeing your face when he’s come early, it’s already making him smile.

When he unlocks the door to your shared apartment, the first thing he sees are that the lights are open. Perfect, you were home. And he opened the door as softly as he could so that you couldn’t hear. For the surprise effect, of course.

Then he sees the dining table. Oh, you are already? That’s good. At least you weren’t skipping meals. Did you have someone over? Why were there two sets of plates? And wine? Kuroo took a closer look. One glass was definitely yours. You lip stains were all over it. So whose was the other one?

Then he hears laughter that breaks his heart. Your laugh. Mixed with another that was all too familiar. You. Him. Dinner. Wine? Laughing? And it was coming from the bedroom. The pieces were all coming together.

With a heavy heart, Kuroo walks closer to the noise coming from the bedroom. He couldn’t believe it. From down the hall, he could see clear as day. You were in Bokuto’s arms. The arms of his best friend. He was carrying you like how he imagined he would on your wedding day. You had the widest smile, like how he imagined you would when you find out that you would be pregnant with your first child together. Bokuto was making you laugh until your stomach hurt like how he wanted to, even when you guys grow old together. But now he felt like his world was crashing down on him. All those dreams and hopes he pictured for years was disintegrating right before his eyes. He wanted to cry out and go insane. But there was no time for that. Kuroo went up to the couple, seeing red.

Bokuto was laughing along with you. That is, until he saw Kuroo storming his direction and he didn’t look too happy. Panic and fear sets in and he quickly puts you down to face the danger coming to him.

“Look, Kuroo. It’s a misunderstanding,” Bokuto tried to stop him to explain but Kuroo wasn’t listening.

“You bastard,” Kuroo cursed through gritted teeth. He grabbed his best friend by the collar, landing a hard punch to the cheek. You gasped, never seeing Kuroo get so violent before. You covered your mouth in disbelief. But Kuroo disregards you. All of his attention was on the owl-eyed man beneath him. If you looked closely, you could see fume coming out of his ears.

“Kuroo, stop!” you scream, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him back. Kuroo rips his arm out of your grip and back on Bokuto’s collar.

“Kuroo Testsurou!” you tried screaming his name, but his is going through tunnel vision.

“You’re supposed to be my best friend. And you pull shit like this when I’m gone? Did you have fun? Was it worth shoving our friendship down the drain after all those years? How long as this been going on, huh? Days? Weeks? Years? Answer me, you asshole!” Kuroo screamed, letting the anger take over him. But Bokuto didn’t get a chance to answer because not only was none of what he was saying was true, but he his priority right now was to get out of his grip.

“KUROO TETSUROU!” You cried at the top of your lungs. It was so loud that you were sure your neighbors were going to give you a noise complaint. That’s when he lets go. Kuroo faces you rather aggressively, making you fear the man that you love.

“And you. You put on a good act,” he started.

“What?” you question, not knowing what he was saying or where he was going with that.

“Are you trying to be an actress? Because I believed every word that came out of your lying, cheating mouth,” he spat at you. Each word stung like someone was physically squeezing your heart until it burst. You didn’t know what he was saying. You start to shake and your vision blurred because of the unfallen tears filling in your eyes. You didn’t know where to look. All you knew was that you couldn’t look at your boyfriend. If he even was your boyfriend at this point.

“I was only gone for 2 weeks. Not even a full 2 weeks. Were you that lonely and in need of someone that you had to fuck my best friend?” he continued to falsely accuse you of something you couldn’t even fathom to do. You wanted to deny it so badly, so why wasn’t anything out of your mouth? You were so frozen in fear that nothing wanted to come out. Bokuto wasn’t having it though. He got up from the floor and it was his turn to grab his best friend by the collar.

“Do not speak to (y/n) like that. You’re not fucking listening. I’m telling you that this is all a misunderstanding!” Bokuto reasoned. But for some reason, Kuroo wasn’t having it.

“Misunderstanding… how is holding my girlfriend in your arms a misunderstanding? In what situation should you EVER hold my girlfriend like that?!” Kuroo started raising his voice, making you jump. You closed your eyes, still frozen in place, in hopes that that will calm you.

“If you calmed down, I can explain! Can’t you see that you’re scaring her?” Bokuto moved to show your shaking body. Upon seeing your current state, Kuroo realized that he fucked up. His anger got the better of him unlike ever before. After seeing his friend relax, Bokuto lets him go and backs away cautiously. If he was going to attack again, he would be prepared this time.

“(y/n), I’m sorry,” Kuroo softly whispered, going to grab your hand. But you flinched backwards, afraid of the man who was in front of you. He wasn’t Kuroo. He wasn’t your boyfriend. Your boyfriend would never act out like this. You look towards Boktuo, the only man you recognized in the room and begged with your eyes to come help you. Of course, he did. He stood in front of you, protecting you from the stranger in your apartment.

Kuroo’s eyes widen at your reaction. He messed up big time didn’t he? He looks down at his hand, in disbelief at his actions. What the hell got into him?

“(y/n),” Kuroo muttered your name to himself. All of a sudden, the palms of his hands were wet. Was he crying? He touched his cheek and it was soaked with tears. Oh, he was crying. How did he not notice?

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” Kuroo apologized, wiping more of his tears away that won’t stop falling. You peeked at the stranger from behind Bokuto’s broad shoulders. He was looking more and more like your boyfriend now.

“I missed you,” you managed to say with your throat all scratched up. Kuroo snaps his head up to make eye contact with you. You start to cry harder, but you needed to get out what you wanted to say. “I missed you so much, Kuroo. It was so hard without you here. I felt like I was all by myself in this world. And that you were having so much fun with your coworkers that you didn’t want to come home anymore. Or you would find another girl and realize that your girlfriend is a clingy nobody with no potential to succeed in life.” You sobbed and were surprised that you managed to get all that out in between sobs. It took you a while, but no one stopped you until you were all done.

“Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that about yourself. I wouldn’t be with you if I knew you couldn’t be your own person. You are successful in your own ways and I’ll always support you in every way that I can. Baby, I missed you so much. I thought about you every day.” He confessed.

“Really?” Not believing his words.

“Really. Day in, day out. You were the only one on my mind. Even when I was working and doing those boring workshops, I always thought about you. I came home early to surprise you because I couldn’t spend another second without you by myside.” You sobbed even harder, covering your face with your hands.

“Kuroo!” you cried, running into his arms. The moment you entered his arms, he engulfed you in a tight hug. Fuck, he missed you. He dug his head in the crook of your neck, taking all of you in. Your scent, your voice, the way you felt in his arms, how your hairs tickled his noise. But he didn’t want to move away any time soon. Because this is what he longed for for 2 weeks. Eventually, you pull away to peck him on the lips.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered against your lips.

“I missed you more,” you say and he kisses you again.

“I love you.” And another kiss.

“And I’m so sorry. I’ll never do that again. Swear on my life,”

“Yeah, that was kind of scary,” you managed to tell a light joke that made Kuroo feel relieved.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” he apologizes again and pecks kisses all over your face. You waited 2 weeks for this moment. You grabbed his face and gave him a passionate kiss that he gladly returned back. You were both making out in your bedroom, but someone was still there. Bokuto clears his throat, letting you know that he was still here. Both of you jump in surprise and turn to the man.

“Can I join?” he asks, making you roll your eyes and Kuroo pushing him away.

“Get the fuck out of here, bird man!”

A/N: As always, I’d love to know your thoughts!

#kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurō #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo tetsuro angst #kuroo oneshot #kuroo imagine #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu #haikyuu angst

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dimensionwriter · 4 years

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Unrequited Love

M! Minotaur x GN! Reader

Warning: Angsty, insults, depressive thoughts, enemies to lover (slightly)

Word Count: 5,173

Description: Working an office job should mean living a boring life. However, the albino Minotaur down the hall has a different plan for you. Heartbreaks and pain arises, but will he be able to heal them?

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Remember to LIKE and COMMENT, please💛

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It was so cold. The air conditioner was on full blast and didn’t seem like it was going to be turning off anytime soon. Your tiny office space has turned into the tundra of Antarctica. Guess that was one of the disadvantages of working with so many people that had fur. They had bodies that could regulate the cold air, so they didn’t feel it that much. And due to that, most tended to forget about the poor humans without any.

“Awww, look at the little human shivering.” You didn’t even have to turn around to see who that condescending voice was. Only one creature would find enjoyment in your suffering.

His name was Oliver Ito. He was an albino minotaur with the prettiest pink eyes you have ever seen. Muscles covered every inch of his body making all of his clothing stretch with every movement. His recently dyed midnight black hair was always smooth back, making his pale fur stand out even more. His horns curved forward making it appear like an arrow head.

Overall, a complete 10/10. The only thing that killed the view was when he opened his mouth.

“Oliver, shouldn’t you be working. And no, pestering someone working does not count,” you grumbled. You didn’t look at him. It was easier for you to handle him without looking at his face.

“It’s hard to focus when I can hear your tiny teeth chattering all the way in my office. Seriously, are you about to die of hypothermia?” You couldn’t help shivering more. He wasn’t helping you. You usually bring a jacket with you, but you forgot to grab it this morning. Who knew that clicking the wrong alarm could end up making this much of a mess of your day?

“Like come on,” he insisted.You could sense him walking farther into your office and sitting down in one of the chairs across from you. Your eyes flickered up and you instantly regretted it.

Oliver was wearing a brown button down with a pair of black slacks. The shirt was actually loose on him for once, but the front of his shirt was unbuttoned almost all the way to the bottom. Perfectly silky white fur slipped through the opening of the shirt, but even with fur, you could see how well defined his muscles were.

“I can’t help getting cold. I don’t have fur like you.” You tore your eyes from the holy sight in front of you and tried to get back to work. But you couldn’t fully focus when you felt his pink eyes staring you down.

“Stupid humans,” he said, with a small smile on his face. He got out of the chair and walked towards the exit. “Said you were at the top of the food chain and was the perfect evolved creature, but everything kills you with the smallest of efforts. It’s extremely pitiful.”

With his back turned, it was easy for you to allow yourself to roll your eyes. He loved to always put humans down. Like, not all of you guys thought you were at the top of the food chain, but he seemed so persisted in putting that identity on you.

“I mean where would you guys be without us.” You thought he left the room. Did he seriously come back just to heckle you some more? He is literally getting paid for standing here at the moment. Some type of manager he is.

Something heavy draped across your arms and around your body. Your hands drifted away from the computer as you looked down at what was placed on you. It was this type of thick dark brown furred coat that was too big for you. However, the thing felt like sitting next to a fireplace after walking through a snowstorm.

“There, is that better?” Oliver whispered in your ear. His giant hand grabbed the end of the jacket and wrapped it more around you. He reached again towards the fabric and pulled out a sleeve. With little resistance from you, he placed your arms into their respective sleeve.

Once the jacket was placed on your correctly, he released the fabric, but still stayed close. You took the daring opportunity to glanced up into his face.

Those pretty pink eyes. They looked so soft as the edges crinkled with his smile. “You just look so small in it. So… fragile.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. You were at the stereotypical office job with the usual work clothes, except for the jacket, but he thought you looked fragile. You might not be the strongest, but you sure can handle a lot.

“I’m not some flower that's going to wither away from some AC. I can handle a lot more than you think I can.” That smile on Oliver’s face became a lot sharper as he leaned down. You shrunk a little at seeing his massive size come down towards you. He grabbed the back of his chair and the front of the desk to cage you in.

“I wonder how much you can handle then, petals,” he mumbled leaning even closer to you. All the coldness from earlier escaped from you as you could his pink eyes glowing. A light rose color seeped through the skin on his cheeks.

“Oi, Oliver. Boss wanna see ya.” Your body instantly shifted back forward and hunched over the computer. You didn’t want whoever was at the door to see your flustered face. You know you probably looked like some dumb lovestruck fools.

“You could have waited at my office, Berns,” Oliver growled out. He walked out of your office with his fist balled up. You leaned around the computer a little to see the door. There was a pure black bull outside with a huge smirk on his face.

Oliver greeted him with a half-hearted punch to the face. All Berns did was laugh at the attack. He easily wrapped an arm around Oliver and started a conversation about the boss wanting some type of layout for a project.

As the two were leaving, Oliver took one glance back at you. Those pink eyes seem to be still glowing brightly . “Hey, human. Make sure you give my jacket back by the end of the day.” Then he left.

This was his jacket? You don’t know why you were shocked by that realization. All clues pointed to it: being absolutely giant, small white furs scattered around on the sleeves, etc. Guess your brain couldn’t process that information when he was being so gentle to you.

Butterflies were running rampant in your body as you recalled his big hands being lightly pulling the fabric around you. The smell of cinnamon wafting from his clothes with his usual cologne mixed in. The way the ceiling light was pierced by his horns making it seem like he was glowing.

You dropped your head on the desk as you let out a silent scream. You told yourself not to fall and here you are, going a thousands miles per hour towards the ground. You only have yourself to blame when he ends up breaking your heart. Because you’re sure he will.

The entire day, you stayed wrapped up in Oliver’s jacket. You know you should have taken it off when you warmed back up, but you couldn’t help it. It smelled so much like him and even had a similar texture to his fur. It was literally stupid of you to think like this. But it felt like being wrapped in Oliver’s loving embrace.

You grabbed your bag and turned the lights off in your office. The jacket was still wrapped around you. Most of the fabric had to be held in your arm to stop it from dragging. This is a reminder of how big Oliver is. He’s usually bending down to criticize you for something, so you got used to seeing him at eye level. Not that you could complain about the height.

“Human! There you are.” Oliver pushed himself off the wall and walked over towards you. His black hair was slicked back earlier was now messily laying against his forehead. Guess someone had a bad day.

“Why did you make me wait so long? Weren’t you supposed to get off like half an hour ago?” he complained. He slid up next to you and started walking next to you towards the elevator.

“It’s called overtime. Sometimes you can’t finish work in a certain amount of time and have to work a little after.” Sarcasm was dripping in each sentence. Oliver let out a small snicker at your tone.

“Yeah, well, you could’ve warned me about it. My office is down the hall from you. I know you're dying to get a glimpse at this beautiful face,” he teased. You ignored the last comment and pressed the down button on the elevator.

“You are acting oddly friendly. It’s scaring me, to be honest,” you admitted, keeping your face towards the elevator doors. He has said over five sentences to you and by now, he would have thrown in some insults.

His grip on his briefcase tightened as he stood up straighter. In the reflectiveness of the doors, you could see the frown coming onto his face. The small blush was returning to his face as his pink eyes stared at the side of your head.

A ping alerted you of the elevator arriving. The two doors slid open and you walked forward into them. Oliver trailed behind you and took the left side of the elevator. You pressed the garage button, causing the doors to close.

“Human. I allowed you to wear my quite expensive jacket all day. Therefore, you are indebted to me,” he spoke slowly. Excuse him? So that’s the only reason he gave you this jacket was to get something in return. Why did you expect him to do something for you out of the kindness of his heart?

“My friends are going out tomorrow night for ice skating and we need to bring a date,” his pink eyes stared into yours as he hinted at something, “And since you’re nothing more than a human, I know you got nothing to do. Plus I’m way out of your league, so they won’t think I’m into some low life human. I would ask some other human, but you’re the only one who knows that I would never be into you in no shape or form. It’s less drama to deal with.”

You felt like you were going to puke. Your stomach had dropped so much that you had broken out in cold sweat. You knew you most likely didn’t have a chance with Oliver. You told yourself that having a crush on him would only lead in heartbreak. And so far, it led you here.

“K,” you whispered. You put your bag down and shimmed out of the coat. You didn’t want it on you anymore. It felt like it was burning your skin the longer you had it on.

You couldn’t look into Oliver’s eyes as you handed him back the jacket. His large white hand wrapped around the fur gently. He seems to be hesitant in his movement. Well, it’s not like it’s something you should be concerned about with your ‘low life’ status. No, that’ something people in his league should worry about.

“O-oh. Are you done with it?” You just simply nodded at him. You didn’t trust yourself to open your mouth. It was hard to hold back your tears. Just a few more levels and you’ll be in the safety of your car.

“Is your number the same from that project we worked on a few months back.” A simple nod.

A light tapping sound filled the elevator. You glanced to the right to see Oliver’s black claws tapping at the handle of the briefcase. He shifted from his left leg to the right one. You could feel his stare at the side of your head.

“Yeah, that was a… um… wild project. I really didn’t like the client. What about you?” You hated the client too, but you just gave a simple shrug. It’s not like he even cares about what you would think.

Another light ping and the doors open up. The garage was quite dark, except for the few dim lights scattered around. Even the scary darkness seemed more welcoming than being in this elevator with a man who doesn’t even like you.

“Hey, human?” You reached down and grabbed your back. You avoided Oliver as you exited the elevator. “Um? Human!”

You sped walked away from the elevator towards your car. Tears were already starting to fall down your face and you really didn’t have the energy to deal with Oliver making fun of you for it. For getting your stupid hopes up.

“Make sure to text me your address so I can pick you up!” A half-hearted thumbs up was all you could manage as you disappeared behind some cars. You used the coverage to your advantage and started running towards your car.

You barely slid into the seat before tears began rushing down your face. You’re so stupid. Of course he thought that way of you. He was a albino minotaur. He’s at the top. Then there’s you. Some boring normal human. Why did you think you had a chance with him?

Work the next day was horrible. Your face was completely puffy from crying yourself to sleep and your eyes didn’t want to be un-red. For a split second, you considered wearing glasses inside and pulling off a cool office worker look, but you barely had enough energy to pull yourself out of bed.

Soon as you entered the office, you ducked your head and quickly made your way to your office. Apparently, you weren’t fast enough to avoid Oliver. He was leaning next to your office with a smug smile on his face.

His black hair was slick back with two strands coming down in his face. His fur seemed a little poofier today, telling you that he most likely blow dried it. A pink button up with some black slacks was his outfit for today. A twinkle in his ear made your eyes peek up to see a silver ring had been put through his ear.

“Morning, human,” he chirped, pushing himself off the wall. You hesitantly walked over and stopped a few steps away from him. Did you have to reach far to unlock the door? Yes. It was much better than standing right next to him to do it.

“The AC is blasting again this morning. I can bring you my jacket if you need it.” You open the door and hurriedly scurried in. You put your bag next to your desk and placed the jacket you were sure to bring this morning on the desk. All you did for a response to him was pat it.

“O-oh. Brought your own. Glad your tiny human brain could remember.” The fight in you was gone and to be honest, you really wanted him to leave. It was usual for you two to quip at each other and to throw insults. Just not today.

Maybe that’s why you’re so heartbroken. Even though he would insult you and belittle you, you thought you weren’t being affected by it since you got a chance to see his gorgeous face every time. Guess all the comments towards you were sticking to your brain while remaining hidden. And when he finally came out and said he would never be interested in someone like you, a ‘lowlife human’, all the damage hit you at once.

“Hey human?” You blinked and realized you were staring at your jacket. You could feel the tears sitting at the edge of your waterline, ready to fall down. “Did-did I say anything… Did I go too far?”

You looked him in the face for the first time that morning. His ears were drooped down and folded into themselves. His pink eyes looked so sad as they stared down at you. Their usual glow was completely gone.

But you weren’t going to fall for it. If you tell him that you’re sad because your feelings aren't reciprocated and you hated that you were viewed as nothing more than a ‘low life human’ in the eyes of a man that you almost fell in love with. That was the perfect setup for him to laugh at you and your petty human emotions.

“No. Anyway, I have to go to the media room to get something sorted,” You quickly stated, avoiding looking in his direction. You grabbed your jacket off the table and quickly made your way towards the exit.

A firm wall of pink fabric and white fur blocked your way. His arms were splayed out making it impossible for you to exit. “Wait, wait. I- I was wondering… are you still coming tonight? You didn’t text me your address last night. You- you made me wait again.”

Were you strong enough to go to that get together, just to be made even more fun of by Oliver? NO.

“Sure, text you later. Do you mind moving?” He took a step to the left and tentatively dropped his hands. The tips of his claws started tapping against each other as a small bounce began in his right leg.

“Yeah, tonight should be fun. Show you how minotaurs have fun,” he joked, throwing some finger guns. You gave a tight lip smile as you slipped through the door. You didn’t look back as you made you far away from Oliver.

The rest of the day consisted of you hiding in your office with the door locked. For lunch, you just turned off the lights and laid your head down. Tears weren’t even coming to you anymore.

Just this numb hollow feeling.

“Hey, human,” a voice from outside brought you back to the present. It was around 10 minutes until you should get off. Work really does fly by in a breeze when you are being drowned in negative thoughts. At least one plus side to it. “I get off in about 15 minutes and wanted to know if you- well if you’re up for it- to ride the elevator down together.”

There’s that nauseating feeling again. Getting on an elevator with him again is a hard no. That gives him a minute to tell you how much he is out of your league at the waiting area. 45 seconds for him to remind you that minotaurs rarely see humans as attractive due to their weird hairless body. Then a 15 second window to rub even more salt in the wound by telling you that he’s talking to some beautiful minotaur model.

“I’ll see. Overtime and stuff,” you lied. From the looks on your computer, you won’t need to stay late today. He doesn’t need to know that.

“Okay, I’ll wa-wait. Bye, human,” he whispered into the door. His hooves against the wooden floor alerted you where he was going. After a few seconds, the sound stopped echoing through the halls, showing that he had made it back to his office.

The world really just wanted to see you in pain, didn’t it. If only there was a way you could just avoid him. A way to just not go on the elevator with him and to not go to this stupid get together. Maybe stay home and watch some movies. Just wrap yourself in a thick weighted blanket and watch some tv shows. Get your favorite take out to not even worry about cooking. That would be so much better.

Your hands froze on the realization dawned on you. What’s stopping you? If you’re thinking about it, there are no serious consequences to just leaving early and staying home. Maybe get someone else to go in your place for the get together, since Oliver doesn’t exactly care about you being there. As long as it’s someone he deems underneath him and won’t think it’s him flirting with them. He won’t get upset by you not showing up and you can go home to go through the 5 stages of grief in peace.

For the first time all day, you felt a sense of happiness of looking forward to something. The document you were working on was quickly saved, followed by the computer being shut down. You silently moved around your office to put away things and put your bags together. You snatched your bag off the floor and made your way out.

The hallways were completely silent except for the hum from the fluorescent light. The beige walls did little to add life to the space. The hardwood floors were too shiny in your opinion at the moment. This seems like the beginning to a movie, hopefully one you won’t be a part of.

Life was trying to make you the star in this failed romance story. Your crush rips you apart and tries to add salt in the wound by constantly being around you. But you weren’t about to allow that to happen. This was your chance to try to fix your wounds.

The elevator quickly came up with no one inside of it. You happily slid in and pressed the garage button. While the elevator descended, you pulled your phone out to clock out of it. It was nice that you didn’t have to go to a room to clock out anymore. This app just uses your location to check where you are and uses the time to document all of it. It would have been too much of a risk going to a room where Oliver could have been or saw you in, when you’re supposedly doing overtime.

Swiping out of the app, you pressed your contact list. One glance over it was all it took for you to find the perfect person to look for. “Hey, Grace. Are you busy tonight?”

Soft orange lights flickered around the room as scents of warm lavender spread. Soft voices came out of the tv that had been lowered as soon as you arrived home. The white weighted blanket was wrapped around you, making you feel like you were in a loved one’s embrace. The environment created was exactly what you need right now.

Soon as you texted Oliver that you would just meet him at the arena and gave Grace the address, you turned your phone and silent and left it in the room. Your brain has been overwhelmed and filled with dark thoughts all day. You needed this alone time.

Thump Thump Thump

Who in the world was at your door? It couldn’t be a delivery or anything; everything that you had ordered arrived long ago. Maybe it was someone at the wrong house?

The floor was cool to your bare feet and sent a chill up your spin. Being under the blanket for so long near all the candles made you forget how cold it was in your home. Just gotta take quick steps to the door, tell them they got the wrong place, quick steps back to the couch, and then I can get back to relaxing.

Twisting the silver knob, you pulled the door back to reveal the person on the other side. Well, what should have been a person. It was a wall of white fur surrounded by a black button up. The creature’s face couldn’t be seen due to its height. From what you could see, it was a thick creature that had really familiar white fur. A familiar white hand clutching a pair of white roses and another holding a white teddy bear.

Oh, please no.

You reached for the knob again where you tempted to shut the door, but the right hand holding the teddy bear blocked it. Even if you pushed with all your strength, the door was not moving an inch. This was not happening.

“Human,” he growled out. You backed away at that angry tone. The creature at the door ducked down allowing you to see their pink eyes burning with fury. They looked like some sort of beast ready to attack you.

“Oliver, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the ice skating rink with Grace?” You attempted to deflect the anger. However, it seems to have the opposite effect. His fluffy white ears pressed down flat against his ruffled black hair. The corners of his pink nose scrunched up causing his lips to pierce back into a snarl that revealed a pair of fangs.

“I don’t recall asking Grace out. Do you?” he growled, stomping his way towards you. You scurried back in a futile attempt to get away from him. Your escape was stopped by the armrest of the couch. Oliver was quick to come forward and cage you into it. “Because if memory serves me right, I was supposed to walk you to your car. But guess my surprise face when I see your lights turned off and you’re gone. Then I get a text from you saying you’ll meet me at the arena. Surprise, Surprise. It’s not you, it’s Grace from accounting!”

Your hands found purchase on the arm rest as you tried to use it as some sort of leverage. You assumed this wasn’t supposed to have any consequence. Why did it backfire worse than your mind could think of?

“Well, it’s not like you even cared if I was the one there. I’m just nothing more than a low life human,” you grumbled. You stared at your bare feet as you tried to control your emotions. Why was he the one who was acting angry? You’re the one who got asked out by your crush then in the same breath rejected.

“What? No, no!” he yelled, taking a step back. His right hand reached up into his hair and pulled at the black strands. “I didn’t mean it. You pointed out that I was acting weird and- and I panicked.”

All the anger within him seemed to dissipate. His legs folded underneath him and he sat down on the ground. His pale pink lips turned down with dejection as he stared blankly at the teddy bear and flowers.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to come to your house to pick you up, looking all fancy and crap. Give you these gifts and tease you about loving them because they remind you of me. Maybe have a little banter like always and drive you there. But somewhere along the way, the banter becomes more light hearted and we actually get close. We arrive and I introduce you to my friends and we get out shoes. And because you’re your that cute little dumb human, I would have to help you put your shoes on. And it was like that cute movie moment before we headed out of the ice. You slip and I catch you. Then I whisper something teasing in your ear before holding your hand to make sure you don’t hurt that fragile human body. It was supposed to be so cheesily romantic that you would have no choice but to fall in love with me. Afterwards, when I drive you home, and I ask to do it again because you’ve probably never had fun like that and then you say yes. You’ll lean over and- and give me a ki-ki-kiss and go back to your home. That’s how we start dating. That was how tonight was supposed to go.”

Your brain felt like, to put it in the best way, mash potatoes. What was all of that? He just came out of left field with that and you didn’t know how to respond. Was it a confession? Was it him telling you how he expected you to stroke his ego? A slow burn fic?

“I didn’t mean to say all those things in the elevator. I just thought you saw through my mask and realized I liked you, so I said that stupid crap to make it seem like I haven’t been crushing on for 3 years. And it just- it just all fell apart there. I promise you, I didn’t mean.” He slowly lifted his eyes. Those soft pink eyes held nothing but sincerity.

You reached behind you and grabbed a pillow. With all the strength you could muster, you threw it that dumb stupid gorgeous face.

“Oof,” he squeaked out. The pillow landed square in his face before dropping in his lap. Confusion was written all over his face from your actions.

“You are the stupidest, dumbest, and most arrogant bull I have ever meant. You liked me for so long, but you made me think my feelings were unrequited!” you yelled glaring at him. More confusion settled onto his face before realization hitted him.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re so cute that my brain short circuited,” he playful yelled back, before throwing the pillow back. You weren't expecting the force behind it. Your body was pushed backwards onto the arm chair, causing you to lose your balance and fall backwards.

“Human!” The sounds of his hooves hitting the ground got closer to you before his giant form was hovering over you. His eyes glanced over you for any signs that you were hurt. “Are you okay?”

“Can you just kiss me already you big dumb tsundere?” Heat flooded your skin at how blunt you were, but you’ve waited long enough for this Oliver to do something. Seeing how your relationship was about to go with him in control, maybe it’s time you took control.

“Wait- are you- do you mean?” he stuttered over himself as that pink blush was obvious under that ghostly white skin. It disappeared into the thick white fur on his face. His hands were fidgeting in the air as he struggled on what to do. You lifted yourself up a little and grabbed the front of his black button up. You dropped back down and brought Oliver down with you.

“Where’s that arrogance at Oliver? You going to let your little human do everything?” You teased into his ear. They flickered at the feeling of your warm breath hitting them. But what you said seems to do the trick.

“My little human, hmm. I think I can get use to the sound of that?” he grumbled with that signature smirk. Finally, he leaned down enough to connect your lips. The soft skin of his lips gently pressed against yours as if testing the water. You were quick to reciprocate by pulling him even closer.

“Well, someone can’t seem to get enough of me,” he teases. Small light pecks were placed along your face causing you to giggle. A low hum escaped out of Oliver as he placed his arms around you to pull you even closer into him. “But don’t worry. I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

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I’m so sorry that this isn’t a Shark part 2. I promise I’m working on it. I just need to get something out for this week and this story was more developed in my head. I’ll try to get it out soon.

Anyway, if you guys wouldn’t mind commenting. I love reading them and it helps motivate me. Thank you so much for reading this story and I hope you’ll have a fantastic rest of your day.

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curioussubjects · 4 years

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come be a season 12 truther with me; or what if dean and cas got together offscreen

Originally, I wrote this post to celebrate “Galaxy Brain” airing as Berens & Glynn gave us “The Future.” It’s been a while since that episode aired, and some things have changed about this meta. As such, there are multiple versions of this post floating around, so make sure to go back to the source for the most up to date version. For all intents and purposes, this post functions as a meta manifesto not unlike shipping manifestos from days of LJ past. In keeping with that tradition, this post is a close reading of Dabb Era Destiel in which I argue that by using narrative gaps, queer coding, and romance tropes, Dean and Cas are shown to be in an established relationship. Although beyond the scope of this post, it’s worth pointing out that keeping Destiel mostly off screen was a way for the creatives to bypass network censorship while still remaining true to the characters.

This post is divided into three sections. Section I focuses on giving an overview of why earlier seasons of Supernatural aren’t as compelling as season 12 as a turning point for Dean and Cas’s relationship. That said, special consideration is given to 09.06 “Heaven Can’t Wait” as a potential rest stop in our journey due to it’s significantly placed narrative gap as well as themes in the episode. However, this post isn’t going to examine season 9 trutherism in depth, though it does coexist with and allow for it. Section II analyses season 12 and proposes a timeline and justification for the shifting Destiel dynamic. Finally, Section III will offer an analysis of how Dean and Cas’s relationship has changed dramatically from previous seasons in a way that is most like the shift from a “will they or won’t they” pairing to an established one.

Before I move to Section I, I’d like to note something this post takes for granted: Dean and Cas are the main romantic subplot of Supernatural, and, in fact, their relationship is elevated to main plot for both characters in season 15. This post won’t argue about the canonicity of Dean and Cas’s feelings for each other, therefore, and so won’t spend time looking at many Destiel defining moments. I’d also like to make clear that this post also takes for granted that Destiel is being intentionally developed by the writers starting with Carver’s Era, and more so in Dabb’s.

I. Why Seasons 4 through 11 May Not be It

The tl;dr. here is that while there are many moments throughout these seasons that Dean and Cas could potentially get together, none of those moments are ideal for a bunch of reasons that can be summed up as really bad timing. I also think the narrative is actively pushing them towards a moment that works. We get plenty of stepping stones, especially once we hit seasons 8 through 11 (and 11 most of all).

Seasons 4 & 5:

I know there’s been a lot of get together fics over the years set in this time period, but I just don’t see it. Do I see them being intrigued and drawn to each other? Yes. Do I think either Cas or Dean would act on it? Nope. I’m not arguing anything re: Dean’s feelings, but with everything going at the time I find it hard to believe he’d pursue anything with his angel friend. Most importantly here, though, is that during this time Cas was still very alien and other. There was too much angel in him, and while he obviously came to care about Dean (and Sam) very much, I just can’t see him navigating the realm of human relationships. That said, seeing human!Cas in “The End” is the first we see of potential developments for how Cas could behave without his angelness interfering. Being human changes Cas a lot, beyond even his experience existing among humans, though that of course matters too. This development will be important later /wink.

Seasons 6 & 7:

Before anything else let me just recognize that if we could see some sexual tension in seasons 4 & 5, these two seasons come with our first taste of romantic tension. The pining! Also note the difference between season 4 Cas and season 6 Cas in terms of behaviour. He is much less the angel we saw in that barn in “Lazarus Rising.” In season 6, we have a Cas making misguided decisions guided entirely by his emotions – namely, not wanting to involve Dean with the war in heaven – which is peak human, honestly. Put a pin on how sad Dean is in both seasons with Cas’s absence. Finally, put a pin on this being our first moment of Cas doing things on his own to spare Dean and it not ending well (soulless!Sam, Cas “dying” after Leviathan) because this is *the* hurdle in their relationship (along with Dean’s lashing out and self-worth issues). With all this said, the marked distance between Dean and Cas in these seasons negates the possibility of them entering into any kind of relationship. Much like seasons 4 and 5, there’s too much going on.

Season 8:

Ah, yes, the summer of purgatory. If you thought we had pining before…! I think we’re all very clear on season 8 being a turning point for the show, not only because new showrunner, but we also get the bunker. TFW now has an HQ, which pretty soon becomes home. Yes, Baby will always be home, but the bunker becomes the *unmovable* safe haven that Baby couldn’t be. The bunker is a place to coalesce, and for all the amazing things Baby is, she is not that. The acquisition of the bunker marks a shift in the psychology of the show: with the stable home space we can start to imagine domesticity, a place to come home to, the stuff of ordinary living. Most of all, the bunker is emblematic of security, of safety –keep this in mind, as we go forward.

This season also continues to see Cas go down the path of independently solving his problems instead of asking for help from Sam and Dean (his family in a way heaven never was) – note that the better together issue is at play in different ways with Sam and Dean also, but I digress. I also want to point out disastrous instance #2 of Cas’s insistence on figuring it out on his own: he loses his grace, and the angels fall. As for Dean, season 8’s focus for him has much to do with Sam, and them coming face to face with their issues with codependency, which hit catastrophic levels with the gates of hell and Gadreel plots.

So despite all the deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much distance between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 plus slaughtering angels plus unleashing Leviathan. We do see Dean being more emotionally open with Cas and continue to voicing his wish that Cas would just stay with him and Sam, and let them help. It’s clear as day how much Dean cares. The timing is still bad, though.

Before moving on to next season, let’s take a moment to appreciate that this is the season Dean admits being kinda done with one night stands because “always with the adios.” Remember the bunker as a sign of stability? Yeah. I wouldn’t say Dean is craving a relationship, exactly, but I think we can see that he does want something more (ahem also I’m nodding to Cas refusing to stay put just cause).

Seasons 9 & 10:

The most important thing to happen between this two seasons is Cas’s stint as a human for an extended period of time. There’s been plenty of spec and meta written over the years about the effects of being human on Cas’s grace (a proto-soul now maybe?). What we can say for sure, regardless, is that Cas is much more humanized once he becomes an angel again. The understanding he gets from being human doesn’t go away once he regains his angel powers. You’ll notice that while we still see some of season 4’s characterization, Cas is not the same as he was – he is alien to angels now and is more intelligible to humans. Additionally, in an interesting reversal from previous seasons, we now get to see the depth of Cas’s feelings for Dean (thanks, Metatron) as well as seeing him be more open emotionally, while Dean does most of the pushing away (first because of Gadreel, then because of the Mark of Cain). In short, the timing is still bad as Dean and Cas are largely kept apart both physically and emotionally.

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait

This episode is my white whale, friends. While I’ve come to fully subscribe to the idea that something did happen between Dean and Cas during the fanfic gap, I don’t actually think it’s feasible that it marked the start of a relationship -- be it sexual or romantic. My reasoning here is quite simple: the timing is bad. Were it not for external events (Cas regaining his Grace and Dean taking on the MoC), the course would have likely differed. Furthermore, Dean’s guilt over making Cas leave the bunker as well as Cas’s own hurt and self-loathing pose a significant and as yet insurmountable obstacle, which is easily seen with how Dean and Cas’s character trajectories go separate ways.

YMMV on what exactly happened between them in that Motel, but something definitely did. Perhaps one day I’ll have a proper s9 trutherism post to link to here for more details (likely won’t be written by me, though).

10.16 Paint It Black

From the point Dean gets the MoC until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible due to distancing, to say the least. Again, yes, the fic is really good, but alas. One of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. One, it’s a rare bit of explicit emotional honesty from Dean, and two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the Thing™ between them, it’s still uncharted waters. It’s scary, and murky, and they’re unsure how to navigated it or if they should even try. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. […] Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. […] Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Can I just say, first, that this confession keeps me up at night because we never actually see anything done with it explicitly? I mean, obviously, I think we do in fact see the effects of this confession in the show, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this behemoth, but still, like. Damn. Ok, so, remember when I brought up that thing in season 7 about Dean being kinda done with hook-ups? Here’s where that led us. We’re seeing a Dean here who wants more than what he has convinced himself he gets to have. He wants more than dying bloody. And when he talks about wanting to experience people and feelings differently, well, that says a lot not just on the queer coding front or the romantic front. I mean, jfc, Dean is accepting the idea that he can have more in life than just hunt until he drops, and he’s specifically talking about experiences at the interpersonal level.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more and maybe he can make himself be open to that (!!!), which all culminates in season 11, so…

Season 11:

The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Lucifer (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems: Cas checks out with Lucifer because he thinks it’s the only way he can help, Dean is caught up in the turmoil of Amara, the emblem of absence and avoidance of struggle. We do get something like an affirmation from the two of them to each other via Dean calling Cas his brother (and I want y’all to consider the historical queering of that statement, and Cas’s “I could go with you.” It feels like we’re headed to them being on the same page. By the end of the season, though, it feels like we’re getting a clean slate: Mary is back, nobody died, no end-of-the-world in sight, no interpersonal crisis. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. We’re gearing up for something, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What this season does that is super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby

Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? That conversation between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development regarding the issues Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That’s awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we’re lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don’t … Ever want something more? DEAN: I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But … Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

We wouldn’t be talking about this stuff all these years after Sam and Dean had a serious relationship if it wasn’t important, right? Also who else do we meet this season? That’s right! Eileen! And doesn’t that hit different with season 15 hindsight? And who does Dean have that understands the life? Whose stories have been intricately connected to his? Right now, this is all conjecture. A pipe dream Sam is revisiting, and Dean is skeptical about. Except, well. Look at what we get in “Into the Mystic” and “The Chitters.”

11.11 Into The Mystic

I’m bringing up this episode as a cross reference to “Paint It Black” as well as to complement the talk from “Baby,” and to show, again, that, for all the closeness between Dean and Cas, there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. There’s still truths they haven’t told each other. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin’…If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on the road, it’s when somebody’s pining for somebody else. […] Oh, don’t try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters

And here we see some validation to Sam’s imagining of a possible future with someone else. We actually see hunters who not only are married, but they both make it out alive. Jesse and Cesar get their happy ending. They make the dream come true. And the reality of it important not just for Dean to see, but Sam too.

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too, that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now, having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in season 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point, in hindsight, after getting smacked by the domesticity of seasons 13 and 14.

II. Why Season 12

[Out of date section. Update coming soon when spoons. After significant debate, I’ve altered the definitive start of Dean and Cas’s friend-with-benefits-with-mutual-pining relationship to between 12.02 and 12.03. I briefly explained why here, and yes it’s a shitpost--still true tho.]

Finally, the promise land, y’all. Getting right to it: what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. That is, until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker and with the exception of seasons 13 and 14, it’s one of the first times we get to see how Cas might actually fit into the bunker-as-home. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. What we also see this season is Cas trying to prove he is worthy of this family, his family. He’s not fighting for heaven or to right some grievous wrong (a la s8). No, this season he’s fighting to spare the Winchester, to bring them a win. To bring Dean a win. The major disconnect is that Dean (and Sam & Mary) already sees Cas that way, he doesn’t think Cas has anything to prove. And just maybe, Cas starts believing that too – or, at least, believing it enough.

12.10 Lily Sunders Has Some Regrets

This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it. Oh, and, of course, let’s not forget to point to Dean’s face when Cas says that “I love you,” and how terrified he is that Cas is dying. Might make one rethink some things, hm?

12.19 The Future

This episode is simply hella suspicious, and all the kudos to Berens and Glynn for writing it. It’ll haunt me forever. Consider watching it again and just questioning everything. So. Weird things:

1. Dean’s reaction to Cas no getting in touch as opposed to Sam’s. Dean is pissed, which is Dean-speak for worried out of his mind. Sam is very worried, too, and puzzled, but he’s mostly expressing his relief that Cas is back. But Cas has gone awol before, but this time Dean is much more worked up about it; Sam takes note of this, too. Now, let’s imagine that maybe the events of 12.12 led to something happening between Dean and Cas. Then Cas decided to leave to find a lead on Kelly, but eventually Cas decides to work with Heaven and goes radio silent. For days. Having taken a chance, and something having happened between them, how would Dean react to Cas just going poof and not contacting him – despite Dean having called Cas multiple times.

2. Cas knows about the Colt. Ok, nothing off there. But when he goes to Dean’s room to talk, right after Dean leaves we see Cas looking around briefly. Like he know Dean would keep it in there. Maybe Cas had looked other places already. Who knows. What we do know is that eventually he does find the Colt not only in Dean’s room, but under Dean’s pillow. Sam didn’t even know the Colt wasn’t in the safe. So how did Cas know?

3.“He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But can you see Cas actually doing that if they hadn’t gone there previously? For Dean not to suspect anything and go with it? There’s plenty of plausible deniability here, but the gaps in time in the narrative make me question what is there in those spaces. The scene where Cas tried to give Dean the mixtape back doesn’t read like “playing,” so it’s about a different interaction. Hm. Hmmm.

4. Dean and Cas’s brief conversation in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together – because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth, but also ow.

5.And most importantly: When did Dean give Cas that mixtape??? How did that happen?

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him – Dean is clearly shook by it – Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) – Cas goes awol - Dean acts like he got ghosted by his new bf -?????- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow – "He went into my room and he played me."

What am I supposed to do with that, hm? Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But YMMV, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

III. Seasons 13 through 15 As Established Relationship

Regardless of what happened in season 12, exactly, I can’t shake the feeling that something did happen, and something did change. My reasoning here is actually really simple: in comparison to previous seasons, Dean and Cas’s dynamic shifts significantly come season 13. I know some folks have been disappointed with some of season 13 and then season 14 for having dialed back on the destiel side of things. And, hey, maybe there’s truth to that in terms of backstage stuff, but I also want to point out that...well, the dialing back isn’t quite dialing back is it? Let’s look at 13 a little more closely:

Season 13:

So I said the deancas dynamic changed, right? I also think that change caught us unaware because the pivotal turning point that would cue us in never happened on screen as well as being subsumed by Cas’s death and Jack’s birth. But if I ask you about deancas in season 13 what would come to mind? Grief arc? Brokebacknatural? How domestic Dean and Cas are? There’s just something easy about their relationship after Cas returns from the Empty. The tension we’d grown so familiar with over the years is gone. Actually, it feels like we skipped the getting together bit of their relationship and went straight to established relationship and parenting. Some of the most peak married deancas moments we see circulating? Season 13, (and 12.10). It’s a lot, and it’s different, and it’s amazing.

13.01-13.05

Dean’s grief mini-arc. He was acting like a widower. Here’s me vaguely gesturing towards the mapping of Jonh, Mary, Dean, and Sam onto Dean, Cas, Sam, and Jack. And the reunion? I can’t help but be giddy at the song choice: “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.06 Tombstone & 13.16 Scoobynatural

I’m not going at length about these episodes, I just want to point out that they reveal that Dean and Cas have a whole thing going on off screen: they watch movies together, Cas knows about Dean being an angry sleeper, Cas seems to have been aware of the Dean-cave before Sam was. It’s little things like this that are examples of the narrative gaps surrounding Dean and Cas that have cropped up over the years. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder what else could be hiding there. And when did the movie nights alluded in “Tombstone” happen? Maybe in season 12 when Cas in hanging around the bunker? The same period when Dean and Cas seem to be coalescing into something safer and more stable? Something that we never see come to a head because plot happens and Cas dies? Something that is immediately taken back up once Cas is alive again?

Season 14:

Overall, this season is more of what we got during 13, but it had two high notes I wanted to single out before ending this already too long post.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t couple-y as hell.

14.18-14.20

Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established, and unaddressed, rift between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here: he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? What if Cas died again? And why should Cas put up with Dean’s behavior without knowing the cause? How can any relationship work this way? But notice how caught in the middle Sam was during all this. Notice how Jack is running off and acting out. The whole family is falling apart. Divorce arc, indeed.

Season 15:

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will-they-or-won’t-they because they already have. We’re are watching a getting back together plot! The tension is, instead, will-they-or -won’t-they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. That’s the crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned twelve fucking episodes -- y’all, that’s half a season.

And technically? We’re not even done with yet because Cas never let Dean finish his prayer/confession in purgatory. What’s more, Cas hasn’t grappled with his role in the breakdown of their relationship, either: that he keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. We’re waiting to see what else Dean had to say, and what will happen when Cas’s deal with the Empty comes to light.

Finally, could we still have this plot without Dean and Cas having gotten together off screen? Sure, but I think the stakes are higher if they already did have something between them. If they actually have an established romantic relationship going on. Something real and tangible and as of yet much too fragile.

"...you asked what about all this is real. We are."

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn #spn meta #this thing is gargantuan yikes #anyway enjoy? let's chat #my writing #this thing is half meta half my adhd unleashed

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miwtze · 3 years

Text

bathroom floor (matsukawa issei x reader)

cw: eating disorders, purging, its not angsty

wc: 5.6k

dunno why this is so long but no beta i die like a man

matsukawa could count on one hand the names of his classmates that he could personally remember. even then it was only the class president and the student council secretary seeing as they were the only two people that ever really interacted with him when he was there. on his breaks he was with hanamaki, in class his head was down, after school he was at volleyball practice; he didn’t really have a reason to remember anyone else. it’s not to say he didn’t try, people were just standoffish due to his large structure or wanted to mingle with toru through him. he simply believed it was a bother. that was probably until his first term of his third year when he was seated next you.

“matsukawa-san.”

“matsuk-” matsukawa groans, shifting his head to the left in hopes of identifying the offending voice. he cracks open an eyelid, shifting his head to figure out who’s the one pulling him out of his nap; it wasn’t his mom or his younger brother. as his eyelids adjust to the rays of light engulfing the room he comes to the realization that he is in fact not in his bed, but rather sprawled across his desk and staring down at his desk mate’s tights-covered legs. “are you okay?” he whips his head up at your voice, wide eyed and rubbing the side of his mouth with the back of his palms as he scowls at you. not with any bad intentions but he’s willing to run the risk of looking like a dick if it saves him from the embarrassment of being caught sleeping in class.

“what is it?” you cock your eyebrows at him fingers to your chin, deep in thought. what did he say that was so interesting, he doesn’t know but he sinks into himself, wishing you would just outright laugh in his face. you don’t laugh. instead you turn around and dig through your bag pulling out a can of coffee and an energy bar, gingerly playing them on his desk.

“we’re both on class duty this week and the chemistry kits need to be brought down to class by the time lunch ends. we need it for our next class.” he stares at his wrist watch. he would rather use the last fifteen minutes of his lunch break to nap but he really didn’t want to forfeit the coffee or energy drink. not that you looked like you wanted it back. “i tried to wake you up earlier but you were kind of like a dead man walking. saying things like ‘five more minutes mom’ and ‘i’ll get up in a bit’.” matsukawa can feel the back of his neck heat up, rising to follow you out of the classroom and towards the science building. “figured you must’ve had a long night or something.”

“there’s absolutely no way you caught me fucking calling out to my mom. you should’ve just woken me up before everyone heard me telling me mom to let me sleep in,” he sighs, matching the pace of your step to walk next to you. “like, dude, that is so embarrassing.”

you turn your head and smile at him, he thinks it’s a little teasing but thankfully filled with no condescend. “actually for the most part the classroom was empty during lunch today, it was just me and secretary-san. everyone else went to go eat outside since the weather was nice.” you stated reassuringly, brushing hair behind your ears. matsukawa removes the hand he placed on his forehead with a sigh of relief. two people hearing him call out to his mother is significantly better than the whole class hearing it. “i don’t even think secretary-san heard you since she was on the other side of the room, but she most definitely saw you hung over your desk sleeping.”

“you shouldn’t call people secretary-san that’s, like, super impolite. also, if everyone else went outside to eat why’d you stay back? did you wanna watch me sleep or something,” he states matter-of-factly. turning his heel into the chemistry classroom making a beeline for the chemistry kits. he could still feel his neck burning, but he knows it’s because you’re digging holes into his back with your eyes. “or do you just, like, not have any friends.” you snicker behind him.

“you have to check the kits before you grab them; we need twenty four of them. also i’m not sure what the secretary’s name is. i was in a different class last year,” you say beginning to look through the kits separating the usable from the unusable ones. “and my friends got detention together and left me behind. some traitors they are.” you feign offense with the back of your hand to your forward and head tossed back. he notices a small beaded bracelet adorning your wrist, right under a thin gold one. you laugh at his raised eyebrows as finish separating the kits. he’s surprised to say the least, everyone in class one was the book nerd type who spoke harsh words behind whispers. at least to his knowledge anyways. he definitely didn’t think you would be this cheeky or friendly, especially not to the six feet tall monstrosity he was.

“why didn’t you just get detention with them. it seems more fun than eating by yourself, i think. i like to eat with my friends but apparently my dumbass fell asleep. i’ll probably get my ear chewed out during practice for it.”

“the most fun about doing things you’re not supposed to is getting away with it. plus i had to catch up on some other things so it didn’t make sense to leave and do something stupid just to get caught,” you say with a sly smile, struggling to mange the twelve kits you had split evenly between the two of you. he grabs your twelve including his silently, he wasn’t an athlete at a powerhouse school for nothing. “oh i see you are nice.”

“did you think i was some megawatt asshole or something?”

“maybe not megawatt, but, like, a twenty four watt asshole?” he snickers at that, following you into the classroom. “due to your kind act of charity, i’ll take it upon myself to take the notebooks to the teachers after school so you can head to practice early to get your ear chewed out, how does that sound?”

“absolutely fucking terrible, but much appreciated,” he says, sliding into his seat and cracking open the can of coffee you gave him. “thanks for this too, i’ll get you bread tomorrow during lunch to make up for it.”

“nah don’t worry about it,” you say, turning your head to greet two girls bouncing into the classroom stopping at your desk to complain about detention.

true to your word, you diligently collect and return the class notebooks that day after school. in fact you’re so dedicated to the task that you do it everyday for the rest of the week, never once asking matsukawa or complaining to him. matsukawa thinks you do it as to not bother him. he’s not entirely sure that’s the reason though, seeing as you’re pushing your desk next to his to share his literature textbook with him for the third time this week.

“sorry matsukawa-san, i forgot my literature textbook again. please do some charity work,” you whisper leaning over to look at the pages. you frown at his notes.

“you don’t sound like you forgot, also don’t judge someone else’s notes when they’re helping you,” he teases, looking down at you redoing his notes in a more orderly manner. small neat writing surrounds his messy illegible ones, highlighting what to look out for on the next exam. you’re wearing a gold ring with a jewel the same color of your beaded bracelet, small and dainty stilling on an even smaller middle finger. he sighs but he knows your notes have been helping him.

“between you and me? i definitely didn’t forget, i just hate carrying that heavy thing around.” you pause to look up from the notes, to his face and then back down. “maybe i’ll have you do it for me since you’re all big and tough, or whatever gender stereotype will benefit me.”

“you shouldn’t openly boast about being sexist.”

“what, you going to tell on me or something?”

“no but what’s the point in having me carry the damn book around if you have to walk home with it.” he’d rather you just not bring it seeing as no one else in his class talked to him and the most you talked to him was when you both were sharing his textbook.

“i do believe that is exactly why i don’t bring it, matsukawa-san,” you say dryly, returning to your task.

when the lunch bell rings you push your desk back and say your words of thanks, turning your heels to skip to your friends. he watches as the light hits your legs and the tights you always wear stretch around your thighs.

dirty bastard.

he turns and flees to takahiro, who makes fun of the blush creeping up matsukawas neck.

on friday afternoon, before issei leaves for practice he places two packaged rice balls and green tea on your desk. you open your mouth to say something but your friend beats you to it.

“oh? what’s this? a confession of love?” your friend pokes your cheek with a baby blue painted finger and shoots a smirk through her long eyelashes. she reminds issei of someone.

your other friend, one with dyed roots and glossed lips, pulls her back giggling saying, “hey c’mon now! you can’t scare him away, but it is an interesting approaching seeing as most people would just give a letter or something.” you sigh, shooting him a withering look of apology.

“na-chan, aya-chan, you can’t say things like that about people. it makes them uncomfortable. sorry matsukawa-san, what’s this for?”

“doin’ charity work i suppose.” you roll your eyes. “you should show gratitude when offered something, ya know?”

“oh? so this isn’t for the snacks i gave you the day i caught you slee-” he cuts you off by pulling up a chair to your desk. practice can wait.

“you are absolutely the fucking worst.”

“since you’re sitting here, share it with me i don’t like rice balls much.”

“i have practice.”

“you’re the one who sat down.” he blinks. your friends have already ran off yelling things about a part time job or something. you open both the rice balls and place one in front of him. “i don’t think you’ll get beaten if you’re a couple minutes late, at least i hope not. i think that’s illegal.”

“you’re just full of requests, huh? i might as well become make-a-wish with the amount of things i do for you,” he says mouth full of rice, towering over you even after sitting down. you sigh between small bites of the snack. “what? you don’t like umeboshi or something? why are ya looking at it like it’s defiling your throat.”

“not to sound ungrateful or anything, but i unfortunately am rather picky when it comes to food. but since the great matsukawa-san has blessed me with a rice ball i will thankfully finish it.”

“you’re so fucking annoying.”

“oh but i’m just too cute for you to let that bother you, isn’t that right?” you grin picking up your trash and grabbing your bag. “bye! i’ll see you tomorrow.” you leave before he has the chance to reply.

he leaves a couple minutes after you, heading to the third gym. he notices a pair of all too familiar tights-covered legs ducking in between the third and fourth gym. against his better judgement he follows.

dude, what the fuck. first you’re eyeing up your friend’s legs and now you’re following a girl behind the gym? get laid, he berates himself.

he watches the girl turn behind the fourth gym and he recognizes you by the charm hanging on the side of your bag. now he’s really curious. he silently leans against the wall getting close to the edge, but remaining out of sight. maybe it’s a really weird confession. he wouldn’t want to impose.

minutes pass before he actually hears anything but it wasn’t the confession he wasn’t expecting. sounds of you’re gagging fill the air. he has to stop himself from turning the corner and asking you if you’re okay, only being able to turn his head to look at you. fingers down your throat and tears down your face.

knot of uneasiness ties at the pit of his stomach as he turns and flees, knowing he saw something he shouldn’t have. the butterflies in his chest burden him knowing that he’s festering a crush on someone who hasn’t shared any part of herself to him other than her kindness. issei doesn’t like that.

after practice that day he stays continuing to abuse the gym floors hitting one volleyball after the other, trying to focus on the burns on his palms instead of anything else. oikawa and iwaizumi head out before him leaving him alone with the gym keys to lock up when he’s done. he doesn’t finish for another two hours and he only stops then because his body is about to give out on him.

matsukawa begrudgingly makes his way to the teachers room when he sees you fumble around, barely able to walk straight. his eyes widen when he sees you drop your bag and fall into the wall.

“fucking dumbass.” you hiss and pick up your bag.

“hey man, you good?” your entire body freezes, almost as if someone hit pause on you. he calls your name, panic creeping into his voice. “do you want me to carry your bag? i can walk you home.” when he goes to step towards you you swing your head back to face him.

“i’m fine matsukawa-san. have a good evening.”

he watches as your small figure, drowning in a big cardigan, stumble away quickly, never once turning back. he returns the keys to wall excusing himself, thinking about the chilling tone of your voice as he walks home.

he has no idea how to approach you after that, as the weeks pass by he avoids mentioning it, questions piling up in his mind. he knows you can tell that he’s antsy (there’s no way you don’t) around you, but you still keep polite conversation and share his literature textbook with him. sometimes you leave snacks on his desk, he always accepts them. matsukawas latest hobby has been lying face down on his desk during lunch to eavesdrop on your conversations. he tries to reason that he’s just tired but he’s so far deep he knows he’s lying to himself.

“do you think guys like clips?”

“i don’t think they care enough to pay attention to stuff like that.”

“really? i can't speak for dudes since i don’t have a dick-“ matsukawa almost blows his cover by laughing at your words “but i think they would appreciate a cute hair clip. especially on a girl he’s into.”

“i feel like guys should get into clips. i think they’d look good in them.” all three of them hum.

“wanna see if they do?” you say standing up, he can feel you hover around his desk. your friends giggle already connecting the dots, even he connected them. “matsukawa-san, hey matsukawa-san. are you sleeping? psst” you whisper close enough to where he can feel your breath on his ears. he stays silent. he watches your feet turn around, he’s almost disappointed.

“dude, he’s sleeping. you sure he won’t beat you up when he wakes up?”

“that’s a bridge i’ll cross when i get there.” you turn back around, thin fingers grabbing tufts of his hair gently as to not wake him up and pins them down. one. two. three. four. there’s two on each side of his forehead, he can feel them. “so aya-chan? na-chan? what’s the verdict.”

“his head is down we can’t tell.” your friend says, he assumes is the blunt one in your friend group probably the one you call aya-chan. he sits up. “looks like you’ve crossed that bridge though.”

“good luck, but i was right guys do look good with clips,” your other friend laugh, but before you can turn around to face mastukawa he grabs you by your waist and pulls you down. you end up on his lap and if he wasn’t too busy tickling you, he would question the promiscuity of his actions.

“you know it’s super impolite to mess around with people when they’re sleeping. it’s probably considered bullying.”

“ah! mastukawa-san! i can't breathe, i’m sorry! i’m sorry!” you can barely get your words out, getting get off between loud laughs. people look over.

“are you sorry?”

“yes yes now stop please.” he stops tickling you but still holds an arm around your waist, you make no movement to get off his lap either instead turning and grabbing his face to do a one over. “oh my god, na-chan you were right!” letting go to turn your friends, who shoot him looks of apology. “guys look super cute with clips on! hey matsukawa-san if you wanna seem less scary you should wear clips, not that i think you’re scary.”

“i’m always right, i religiously study fashion magazines. that’s why you two always look so hot.”

“ah thank you for your diligence. maybe if you studied your math textbook we’d be able to hang out this summer but someone has to do summer classes.” you giggle at your friends banter reaching over to grab your phone.

“hey matsukawa-san, smile!” pulling and arm around him you bring the phone up. he smiles and throws up a peace sign and take a couple pictures. “you’re being oddly agreeable with this. give me your line ID i’ll send these to you.” you hop off and face him.

“you just want his line ID.” of course you do, matsukawa issei is a complete stud and you want him.

“and? he’s going to give it me regardless of my intentions.” you pass your phone to him and he takes it from your hand watching the cardigan slip through your arm revealing bruises trailing under your gold bracelet. he catches you staring and quickly you pull up your sleeves to you palms. “look! sweater paws.”

“you’re stupid, here.”

“she’s not that stupid. she’s top of our grade, you know?”

“why are you bragging when you have to do remedial courses,” matsukawa deadpans, trying to figure out what to call them since he didn’t know their names and he wasn’t about to call her na-chan.

“oh, this is natsume and that’s ayasaki.” you say catching his frown as you remove the clips. he nods. “do you want me to get you clips you looked really cute with them. we can match.”

“should we get him sparkly ones? like blue ones,” ayasaki questions.

“oh! and some white ones? so it matches his volleyball uniforms?” you add on.

“absolutely not, i only did it because she’s cute.” pulling you back down, you melt into him. i feel so small next to him, maybe it’s because his huge. i like it. a lot.

“no means no. hanamaki would not let me live it down.”

“well would you look at this matsukawa went and got him a girlfriend!” it was as if he was cursed, turning to see the shit eating grin plastered over hanamaki’s face as he steps into his classroom. oikawa and iwaizumi behind, following him inside. “and you let her put clips in your hair? what a simp.”

“im not a fucking simp, i was asleep and she’s not my girlfriend.”

“she’s on your lap.”

“it’s a punishment for messing with someone that was sleeping,” matsukawa states matter-of-factly. he hopes hanamaki will drop it, but of course he won’t. it’s hanamaki.

“so who is this girlfriend-chan? is she cute?” oikawa asks circling around his desk to get a good look at you. he bursts into a grin and he says your name, your first name. hanamaki repeats it.

“oh dude you scored. good for you.” hanamaki pats his back, turning to engage in conversation with you. “do you remember me? i was in your first year class. we never talked though.”

“ah yes i recall you almost got held back because of your math scores,” you say looking up from your phone, matsukawa’s phone rings in his pocket. iwaizumi laughs.

“it’s good to see you again! we haven’t talked since, like, middle school. hi natsume-chan! ayasaki-chan! you three still together?” they both look up from the magazine natsume was pointing at.

“oh but of course. you and iwaizumi still married?”

“absolutely not i would never-“

“yes! we’re going on a honeymoon soon.” iwaizumi smacks him.

“it’s good to see the three of you, though. i didn’t know you went here,” iwaizumi says smiling.

“well that’s because your head only thinks about oikawa and volleyball, no?” ayasaki raises her eyebrows, you and natsume hum in agreement.

“oh my how romantic,” you coon. “are we invited to the baby shower?” matsukawa laughs into your shoulder pulling you closer. he feels you’re small frame, the bulky cardigan doing nothing to hide the bones he can feel brush against him.

“you know for a punishment you both seem to oddly enjoy yourselves,” hanamaki points out. “but, dude, you were super cute before but you’re so pretty now! what’d you do? cocaine?”

“not all of us have debaucherous hobbies hanamaki-san.”

it only gets louder between the banter of his friend group and yours, but he can’t focus thoughts piling up on after the other. when the lunch bell rings, matsukawa has a headache and it’s not from the noise.

“first of all? fuck coach for making us do two practice games in a row, like, i get it we have inter-highs when we get back in the winter, but this is fucking brutal.” hanamaki proclaims, feet dragging. “second of all, he’s making us practice tomorrow too. i might as well jump off the tokyo tower.”

“do a flip on your way down,” matsukawa says pulling his phone out to check his line. he texted you about his practice matches and hasn’t been able to reply since then.

“you said it yourself hanamaki, we have inter-highs coming up. we want to go to finals and to do that we have to practice,” iwaizumi reasons, but even his voice is drowned in exhaustion. oikawa whines and begins to complain about ushijima at finals and matsukawa tunes out, having already heard this seven times today.

[you, 12:13 pm] good luck at your matches today, hope u win straight sets so u can go home fast. -w-

[matsukawa, 5:11 pm] only won one of the matches but both went into a third set im so fucken tired.

you reply immediately.

[you, 5:11 pm] bruh that’s terrible make sure to grab something to eat. idk what nutritionists would say but i’m sure they would agree with me

“do you guys wanna grab something to eat?” matsukawa interjecting oikawa’s vent, raising his eyebrows.

“oh my god mattsun, you’re absolutely genius,” matsukawa shoots him a shit eating grin. “let’s get ramen?” oikawa finishes. iwaizumi and hanamaki nod in agreement, the three of them dragging themselves towards the ramen shop on the main street.

[matsukawa, 5:14 pm] you should eat too, have you had dinner?

[you, 5:15 pm] no but ayachan and nachan want to grab food before we head home. we went to a cat cafe today look. (one image attached) cute right >///<

before he gets the chance to reply he hears loud laughing coming from the street crossing on to the one the four of them were on down. maybe the day wasn’t so bad because you walk out laughing at something ayasaki said. he’s stunned. bewildered. whatever the fuck kind of emotion he’s feeling he knows it’s because you’re just so pretty. he’s a lot for words as he gapes at you, eyes wide like saucers.

“look who it is! hi guys!” natsume shouts, dragging you and ayasaki with her, your arms are all linked. he can’t move.

“wow, it’s you three again! you’re always together,” oikawa teases, jabbing an elbow into mastukawas ribs. “there’s your little girlfriend,” he whispers, matsukawa can’t even respond, he’s just so flustered.

“whatcha guys up too, anyways?” hanamaki asks when the three of you arrive in front of them.

“oh we were hanging out and we wanted to grab some food before we head home, you guys just get out of practice? you look so fucking dead,” you ask shooting them looks of pity. oikawa sighs, about to respond when mastukawa reaches and brushed your hair behind your ear.

“you cut your hair.” and it looks good.

“in fact i did.” a blush covers your cheeks almost hidden behind the glow of the setting sun. maybe i’m talking to an angel, matsukawa thinks. “thoughts?”

“you look gorgeous.” matsukawa can’t even stop himself. when he catches what he says he coughs and turns away flustered. howling shouts come from hanamaki, iwaizumi and ayasaki.

“he’s right though, you look delightful. we’re going to get ramen do you guys want to join us?” iwaizumi asks, shooting a smirk to matsukawa. he doesn’t even have time to be panicking about the situation because ayasaki, of course, agrees.

when all of you are seated along the L-shaped bar in front of the cooks, you lean in to speak to matsukawa. you both are seated at the corner next to each other which was done intentionally by hanamaki and ayasaki. “why are you guys slaving away at practice anyways during summer break anyways? does the coach have a bounty on you or something?” you’re playing with your fingers, watching the server place your meal down in front of you.

“honestly dude,” he stops to let out the heaviest sigh you’ve ever heard. “i think at this point, irihata and oikawa teamed up to put us through hell and back.”

“homie you completely ignored my question, why?”

“oh shit my bad. we’re trying to get to get to finals, you know? inter highs start up right after summer break and oikawa has a bone to pick with the shiratorizawa captain.”

“so you guys are feeling the fruits of his planned revenge?” matsukawa nods, resting his face in the palm of his hand. you shoot him a look of pity, reaching over to pat his head, his hair is so soft. “don’t worry i’m sure you’ll get your revenge, if not you can call out for your mom again” matsukawa’s face flushes and he grabs your wrists pulling you in.

“you. i thought we agreed to never mention that again,” he hissed under his breath, looking around to see if any of the other third years were eavesdropping. they weren’t. “i thought we had an agreement. i thought we were comrades. i thought-”

“matsukawa-san, matsukawa-san shhh! i’m sorry it’s fun to tease you. i promise i’ll make it so only i can make fun of you for that.” you giggle. “since we’re comrades and all.”

“i don’t wanna be your comrade anymore.”

“here take my gyoza and stop pouting, you’re cuter when you’re smiling.” you reach over and place all your gyoza into his bowl shooting him a blinding grin. “but that’s not to say you’re not cute when you’re pouting.”

“if i’m cute, what are you?” you frown, is he calling me ugly. he waves his hand through the air as if to will away your thoughts. “not like that. you’re pretty, pretty fucking cute.”

“you know, you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.” you watch him eat as you poke at your own meal. he eats well, you smile. as the seven of you finish up your meals, you excuse yourself to the restroom. matsukawa thinks it’s suspect considering most of your bowl is full, so he follows you.

you know man your reputation for a full on creep is just expanding.

as he steps into the bathroom he seeks you hunched over, cursing spilling past your lips along with the food you forced down. you freeze, turning to look at him as he locks the door.

“i’m almost positive breaking into a bathroom is some kind of crime,” you state as if matsukawa didn’t just see you force yourself to throw up.

“i’m fully aware i’m not supposed to be in here, but i got worried, sue me.” you raise your eyebrows as him resting your arms on the toilet seat. he grimaces realizing you’re sitting on the bathroom floors. in a public bathroom. “also if you’re going to go to the bathroom as least lock the door.”

“it sounds like matsukwa issei already knew about this.”

“stop talking about it like it’s a joke.” matsukawa says grabbing tissues to wet them and pass to you. ”at least get defensive or something. i had my suspicions, saw things i shouldn’t have. i’m sorry about that.”

“don’t apologize you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m sorry for worrying you, but i don’t see this as anything of your concern.” you reach over to take the napkins from him, but he instead cleans your face for you. wiping away the spit and tears gently.

“wash your hands.” his voice left no room for argument, so you wobbled your way over to the sink and finished cleaning yourself. when you finish and turn to face him he lifts you on to the sink, trapping you in between his arms. “it’s not my concern but i’m going to concern myself with it. you’re hurting yourself.”

“so what, i’d rather hurt myself then have other people hurt me because of the way i look.” you're eyes are glassed over avoiding his and your voice is shaking, the raw emotions spilling out in contrast to your deadpan face. you guess that’s why you’re attracted to matsukawa, you’re both hide behind laid back personalities storing away a barricade of feelings gently stirring and building up. “don’t involve yourself with me anymore. i know it’s just going to be another weight on your shoulders. you’re too caring to pretend like you didn’t see it.”

“you don’t deserve that, there’s nothing that warrants this and you know that.” matsukawa sounds desperate, you know that he probably is. “i won’t let other people hurt you, i’ll protect you i promise. so please don’t push me away.”

“you’ll protect me huh.” you lean back against the mirror to look up at him. “what does that even mean.” he blinks.

“well actually i don’t know yet, but i want to figure it out with you. i want to support you and help you because i don’t want you to be alone in this, you know?” matsukawa was fumbling his words, he was nervous he couldn’t make you stay but he hoped to every god that you wouldn’t walk away. “like, i know i don’t know what to do, but i’m willing to try and figure it out. i know it’s gotta be lonely especially when your friends are bent over backwards for magazine models, and like, dude, i like you so much and i just-”

“matsukawa-san”

“yes”

“are you confessing to me in the bathroom of a ramen restaurant?” matsukawa nods, shamelessly. you think this is the most matsukawa confession to exist, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. the boy you pined over since first year found out about your dirty little secret and didn’t turn you way. he offered his and and wore his heart on his sleeve for you, who are you to turn him away. “i don’t know where we would go from here either, but i’d like it if we figured it out together.” matsukawa leans in closer to you, grabbing you by the back of your neck gently and pulling your face into his before you can object. when you break away your frown deepens, “you just kissed me with vomit breath.”

“it’s okay you’re the person i’ll kiss with vomit breath since we‘re comrades.”

“you shouldn’t call your girlfriend comrade, it doesn’t give me butterflies.”

“oh? so you’re my girlfriend now?”

“what, you don’t wanna date me?”

“oh absolutely i do. i’m honored to have the pleasure of being your boyfriend.” matsukawa teases as he pulls you down. your reply gets shut down by a wave of texts that blows up matsukawa’s phone.

[hanamaki, 6:03 pm] ayo casanova wya dude ???? are you getting your dick sucked in the bathroom that’s dirty she’s too cute for that anyways we paid and we’re heading out >.< stay safe muah

[iwaizumi, 6:05 pm] we left but you’re going to have to explain yourself tomorrow.

[oikawa, 6:06 pm] mattsun!! tell us about your salacious bathroom endeavors tomorrow at practice <333

you follow him out of the restrooms, leaning over to look at his messages and laugh, point to your phone which shows a string of messages of similar nature from ayasaki and natsume.

as you and matsukawa walk hand in hand down the streets of miyagi you can’t help but notice the butterflies blossom from the pits of your stomach exploding towards your beating heart.

“i’m thankful you’re the one who found out i don’t think i would want it be anyone else.”

“i wouldn’t want it to be anyone else either.”

as the twinkling street lights cheered you on, you stepped forward towards the future knowing you had matsukawa to lean on.

#matsukawa issei x reader #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu x reader #issei x y/n #tw eating disorder #tw purging #idk bro don’t read this #i hate this for real #/mattsun

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its-chelisey-stuff · 3 years

Text

Word of Honor eps 11-20 (many confusing thoughts ft. the feels)

Well, the drama has finished airing (and I’ve seen a bunch of spoilers lol) but I’m watching it on youtube so every rant and ramble you read here is gonna be a pretense of me not really knowing the story and that includes what I know from reading the novel because it’s confusing to keep in mind what happens in both since the drama diverted quite a bit from the source. All that matters is that we got a happy ending, so now I can enjoy the delicious angst, pining and romance freely and without worries.

On the plot

I didn’t have enough of GuXiang and CWN in these eps but at least they’re safe and together, for now. They’re gonna romance each other and will eventually reunite with main OTP and their kid (who looks like a little Wang Yibo to me lol). And Ye BaiYi (aka captain of the WenZhou ship) has made his first appearance and wants to help save ZZS. Btw I love his dynamic with WKX, it’s hilarious!

Now, I’m a bit confused about the names and faces and who’s bad, and who’s not so bad but the main baddie has been revealed and it looks like the dude is controlling the Scorpion King via daddy issues which yikes. I’m worried that it looks like WKX doesn’t know who is pulling all the strings because that shows that his plan for revenge isn’t perfect and if he was wrong about Gao Chong, then he can be wrong about other, bigger things and that isn’t good.

Also, some of the valley ghosts want to take WKX out of the picture, which is of course not surprising considering killing the current leader is the only way to succession of what it seems like a dictatorship. What a nightmare to live in tbh, I’m surprised WKX is functional enough to walk so nonchalant and elegantly in public and that he managed to raise an equally functional GuXiang. But I guess that’s because he wanted to survive and get the justice/revenge he feels he deserves (I’m on his side, btw), so he had to act like a madman while trying to keep his sanity. He has some glitches,of course, but he did well, all things considered.

Which takes me to the whole Five Lakes Alliance and their “friendship”, which imo went to hell 20 years prior to the start of the story, and they all pretended for two decades, because they all wanted the Armory and each had a piece to get into it. Is it bad that I don’t feel that bad for them? Maybe just about little Chengling’s dad but other than that...*shrugs* Plus, their actions brought terrible consequences for innocents, namely WKX’s family.

On the love story

The romance is delightful!! On ep 11 WKX went to rescue little Yibo but found out ZZS was also there so he went full-on killer mode so hot because how dare these scorpion killers hurt his man? They made up (with he help of their adoptive son) and even took their time to have dates and enjoy a lot of alcohol until ZZS went “my dude, tell me the truth, you’re Rong Xuang’s son, aren’t you?” to which WKX offended, replied “Honestly? No, how fucking dare you?” but it is a theme with these two to part dramatically after an argument and then reunite in dramatically gay fashion when ZZS is in danger, which actually happened 3 times in these ten eps.

The reveal of ZZS’s condition to WKX was PERFECTLY done. I love gorgeous men crying and being all angsty under the rain so that scene with OTP afterwards was delicious and then WKX sadly playing the flute while getting drenched and reciting poetry (GONG JUN IS AMAZING AS WKX!!!!!!) has definitely become one of my fave moments so far. I love that despite their short time together, you can see and feel the bond between the two and that there’s a side of them, a vulnerable one, that they only show to the other and that’s how I believe in the depth of their feelings (plus the arguments and shared near death experiences lol you can’t beat those). You don’t need lots of time to actually get to know a person, and after the few weeks(?) of a rollercoaster of emotions these two have shared, it isn’t weird they’ve become soulmates.

We know ZZS has accepted his fate and is happy with the way things will end for him. He said it himself, he just wants a peaceful life or a peaceful death, and while the former is out of reach or so he thinks, he can certainly make reality the latter. I understand that he is perfectly happy as is, because he achieved his goal after years of being a muderous puppet and meeting WKX is like the perfect ending, a last blessing. However, that’s not the case with WKX. He hasn’t achieved his goal yet, he doesn’t have the same peacefulness and acceptance as ZZS. He has a lot of rage and hate inside him and he had just set his plan into motion when he met ZZS and although that hasn’t changed his mind about his revenge it has made him want things he didn’t know he even wanted before. Now he desperately wants a life with him. So finding out that the man he’s fallen for, is dying, is a cruel twist of fate, another one in his life. Why allow him to meet ZZS when he will lose him in a couple of years?

Anyway, as a man with a mission, WKX had to suck it all back up and go watch the shit show he thought he always wanted to see, which ended super bad. And at this point I don’t even know if WKX knows what he’s doing anymore or if the drama is fooling me they might be succeding.

cough cough eye sex cough cough

After a total of 3 caves, declaring their love for each other (ep 18 min 17:50), rolling on the grass super gay, saving their son yet again and a tragic backstory later, ZZS comes to understand who WKX really is and his heart broke as well as mine and everyone’s because damnnnnn that was heavy (but also, I wasn’t expecting the childhood friends trope, but I don’t I mind it, in fact I like it as it reinforces the narrative that OTP are meant to be). What broke me even more is that, amidst all that, WKX still has the state of mind to worry about ZZS’s health and ask if it’s possible to save him with the YingYang book of the Healer Valley. He might act like a monster but he isn’t one. If he was, he wouldn’t have compassion for others and that huge capacity he has for loving. Come to think of it, maybe it’s the terrible life he’s had what makes him being all devoted to the person he loves, to love without holding anything back.

Of course ZZS isn’t short of affection for his man, because while his love is on the more quiet, much more subtle side, he is always paying attention to WKX and is visibly worried about him and this hatred he has for the people of the alliance as well as his plan for revenge.

I just love how we went for “oh, they might like each other, but they each have their emo baggage and ZZS doesn’t look too willing to take on WKX’s troubles or even understand him” to “yep, they’re soulmates, they’re in this together and ZZS won’t let darkness eat WKX away and WKX will risk it all to save his man”. It’s beautiful.

#word of honor #zhang zehan #gong jun #shen he ling #cdrama #okay i have managed to turn off my brain when i'm watching the drama #i was obsessively comparing drama vs novel #it was driving me crazy #but now i'm on the right track #and doing that I found that i can enjoy the drama a lot lot more #also the romance in the drama is so soft #idk what happened i didn't have this problem with guardian #and the drama and novel were worlds apart #ugh i wasn't planning to do such a long post #if you made it till the end give yourself a pat on the back #also thank you!

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