#The insane nightmares have been The hardest part but most of the time my dreams are just weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

b612sunsets · 3 years

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Ahhh I’m happy to see someone else loving The Devil Judge - it truly is amazing 😭😭🖤✨ I love Yo-Han and Ga-on’s relationship I swear let them be destructive together!

I hate waiting for new episodes so please tell me one of your theories, it can be about anything! 🥰

Right?! I love it so much, it's really good to have our lilttle fam getting bigger, can't wait until it airs on Netflix, we will have even more people going crazy about it in here! (at least I hope it will become a Netflix series after the show ends like Beyon Evil - another love of mine) and yes, lawful husbands can be destructive together but only to the bad people pls 🥺

It's tough waiting for new episodes every weekend and at the same time I wish for it not to end so soon. It hasn't finished but I already want Jisung and Jinyoung in a second season or working together in another drama. Their chemistry on screen is too good to stop there

About the theories, there's a few I saw on reddit/twitter and I make my own based on it and after watching every episode, but I think it's too early to talk about them. However, since you requested it, there's some that come to mind as interesting enough to mention.

The fire and the story behind it narrated by Yohan

1- Some people think Yohan did start the fire because he found out about the dirty politicians real intentions and decided to destroy them all in the same place before Isaac could donate the money bc he is "a devil" and capable of that since he was a kid as told by the priest with the school incident and the nanny with the maid and dog thing. side note: not for pranking some kids who bullied him because that's all it seems like, right? But in terms of observing, thinking strategically and being one step ahead when needing to punish the whole classroom who wronged him even as young as he was and feeling satisfied while watching the result and staying out of it. A type of mentality probably encouraged by Isaac and the books he gave him to read, unlike a regular kid who would just fight back or endure it. And we still have to see if it really was Yohan that contributed to the maid's death or if it was something/someone else and the nanny thinks it was him.

They think that Elijah even saw him in front of the door right before the fire started and smiled at him instead of smiling at her parents, like she did in the gates of the cathedral in the previous scene, so that's why she hates him so much now because she can remember seeing him as the responsible for it. But Yohan didn't intend to kill/hurt Isaac and the rest of the family, thinking he could save them or something, and felt guilty that he couldn't do so. Some even said that Yohan delayed too much in trying to save them after entering the church and seeing Elijah getting her legs hurt, that it may have been shock but why would he remember everything and everyone so clearly if he was in shock?

It's a good theory but I have my own remarks: why wouldn't he tell Isaac about the politicians himself if he knew the dirty about them then? They had a close relationship and Isaac gave him books about punishment and everything, it wasn't like Isaac was too naive and wouldn't believe his half-brother. He wouldn't have donated if Yohan told him. "Oh he was being the devil and finding a way to punish them instead of just letting is slide and not donating" still, Yohan wouldn't risk Isaac and Elijah with such a dangerous plan if he could avoid having Isaac and Elijah at all in the destruction scene by telling Isaac about it. It could have been shock and Yohan wanting to look and commit to mind everyone's face in that day responsible for hurting his niece and not caring about anyone else but themselves, pushing him away and delaying his attempt to get to them in time, leaving Isaac and the family behind (after they almost donated them their money) and things like that. So he can avenge them now, like he did in the school with the kids. That's why as soon as he could, he canceled the donation in the most easy way by saying his brother wasn't sane enough to make that decision before dying.

There's also the theories about Isaac being the insane/evil one, which wouldn't surprise me because I've considered it since episode 3 but at the same time I'll not be touching that topic now and I don't know if I ever will unless proven otherwise in some other episode

2- The other theory I have and saw people discussing (the one I'm most inclined to believe because I'm Yohan biased but again it's too soon to be sure) is that the story Yohan narrated is mostly if not completely true and he experiences extreme guilt for not coming back and saving Isaac when the church collapsed on him, as seen in the character introduction by tvN translated in this tweet that we now know it's about Isaac:

The last words Yohan said to Isaac was that he was going to come back for him, so he experiences nightmares like the flashbacks we saw in episode 1 and that's why we don't see any scene of Isaac in the middle of the church after the fire staring at Yohan or during the fire and turning to stare directly at Yohan when he narrates it. Because they're dreams and his guilty conscience and he remembers them when looking at Gaon. The flashback of Yohan kneeling down and touching Isaac with Elijah's bear close to him could be after he got Elijah out from there and he went back to put the bear next to him kinda like a "Sorry for not coming back in time", a reassurance that his daughter for whom he died for is safe and will always stay with him, a "Goodbye". He wouldn't just let Isaac's body lying there, he would go back even if it was too late.

Another thing is that when Yohan is showing Gaon his scar after telling the story, there's a book fallen at his feet. I think it was the thing that fell when Yohan standed up from the table and choked Gaon (trying hard not to comment on that choking scene as a 🔥 Gahan moment for our delight and imagination bc that's not the point right now lol)

This is the book:

And the first page of this book says "Never again will a single story be told as though it's the only one." - John Berger

I searched about it and it can mean that never again will a story be told as if it's the only one that matters. It could also mean that never again will a story be so encompassing of the elements it tackles that no other story need be written about these elements. A story has many perspectives that cannot be understood by just a single viewpoint. Isn't that what this kdrama is all about?

One of the translations of what Yohan said after Gaon left was:

But there's also another version:

The meaning of what he said changes a bit depending on which translation is more accurate, more so when we add the book quote to the equation.

Kim Gaon and his connection to Kang Yohan

People think Gaon could be Isaac's relative in some way or just a look alike (I think it's just a look alike to contribute to Yohan's obsession/curiosity and their proximity from the start, that's why no one really comments on it, not even Gaon when he sees Isaac's picture). Dear God, let them not be related because it would make shipping our lawful husbands really strange, to say the least.

What I'd like to say and almost everyone is forgetting is that in the tvN character introduction we already have Gaon's past and know he wasn't always a goody two shoes, the man was a juvenile delinquent and can even fight (the rebellious phase he said he made the tattoo in episode 3?). He too sought revenge for his parents when he was 16 because they committed suicide after losing their money and being deceived by multi-level con artists posing as social service workers. But the teacher and Soohyun were able to hold him back.

Yohan's father could be one of the reasons for their death. He was a loan shark and might have lend them money after they lost it all and it caused them to have a great debt, that's why Yohan did a thorough research on Gaon and was interested in him (not only because he resembled his half-brother). They shared one enemy in common and maybe even a place (churches, Yohan's father tended to confess his sins in a church when his debtors killed themselves). Or Yohan might have researched about him at the time he knew Gaon was chosen to be the associate judge sitting on his left side instead of way before, because it's important to Yohan to know who he is dealing with and the dirty of their past if they have any. And then Yohan discovered everything and saw his picture and resemblance to Isaac.

The thing is: they have the same distrust/repulsion of powerful people who deceive the world and had a painful loss because of that. Both of them think they have the other exactly where they want but they get more confused about what it is that they really want from the other and get closer (as said in the summary of episode 5 that tvN released) while figuring it out. They will come to an understanding and probably join forces at some point. We saw it in the end of episode 4, the scene of episode 5 when Gaon says he can understand Yohan's pain but can't trust him if he doesn't tell him everything and then Yohan says Gaon needs to decide if he will get in his way or stay by his side. Gaon might go back to his rebellious days and stay with Yohan to seek revenge together while distancing himself from Soohyun and Jungho who prevented him from doing so

And that's about it! Thank you for your ask and hope my answer is satisfying enough! 💙 The hardest but also most awesome part is having to wait to see.

#the devil judge #answered asks #the devil judge theories #lawful husbands #gahan #analysis #the devil judge analysis

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nyctophilin · 4 years

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I Was a Fool | I

sweet anon: May I request a forced marriage with Mafia!Changbin, please? Where like he's cold at first, but then they fall in love in the edn? And can there be some smut as well,,, sorry if this is too much lol.

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III

Description: She has been in love with her best friend for as long as she can remember. However, life doesn’t always like to play in your favour. Forced into a marriage she didn’t want to happen she lives her days lonely and unhappy the only thing bringing her joy being the occasional hangouts with her best friend. At some point, her husband starts to get bothered by the said hangouts.

Pairing: Changbin x fem!Reader, Lee Know x fem!Reader

Word count: 3.2k

Genre: Mafia!AU, Forced Marriage!AU, Angst, Fluff, eventual Smut

Warnings: heartbreak, rude Changbin, spelling/grammar mistakes

A/N: Anon, I know Minho is not part of the request but it just felt right to put it in. I felt like I can create more drama if he was there and who doesn’t love drama? I hope you don’t mind.^^ I have so many ideas for this mini series. I’m so excited for it. I hope you all like it. Feedback is very much apreciated.

She stretched slowly, the sun bathing her in its rays. Although it was pretty hot outside a breeze will start occasionally making the bottom of her dress fly up ever so slightly and cooling her heated body. They were close to the bank of a river, settled on a soft blanket, a few dished making it impossible for them to be as close as they wanted to be to each other.

She stole a glance at her best friend who was propping himself on his palms while looking at the few ducks that were populating the river. She has known Minho since her sophomore year of high school. He was a transfer student from another city. At the time his dad had got a new job in her city and they had to move.

He intimidated her at first. He was quiet when he wasn’t with people from his class that he befriended and he constantly had a resting bitch face on. They actually started talking because of a...let’s call it a cliché accident. She can still remember it so vividly.

She was walking towards the school’s cafeteria with her friends after their French class. Oh, how much she hated French. Not only was the grammar complicated but they also had an awful teacher. He didn't know how to explain things and he was very demanding.

“Class, today we will talk about something sophisticated and I expect all of you to already know about it because how dare you not know everything about France?” She heard one of her friends mock the teacher and she giggled lightly.

“You did it wrong. You have to add a French accent and more spitting to it. This man went to France once for a week and suddenly he forgot where he is from.” Her other friend rolled her eyes when she remembered the teacher’s antics.

“Oh come on. You guys are so mean!” She finally spoke just a tiny bit of sarcasm present in her voice.

“Oh please! You are the one that hates him the most.” Her friend challenged her with a raised eyebrow.

“Hate is a strong word. I just don’t have the same vision as him on most things.” She felt one of them nudge her in the back with her elbow and she adopted an offended frown. “Stop, I am serious!” She nudged her back and they started pushing each other. A particularly hard push from one of her friends had her bolting forward and knocking down the person in front of her, falling over them.

When she lifted her head and noticed who she hit she was up in a second. The second he spent getting up from the floor she was thinking of all sorts of excuses she could say. When he turned towards her she opened her mouth ready to let all her thoughts spill but she was cut off.

“Are you ok? Did you get hurt?” He placed his hand on her arms crouching down just a bit to inspect her face. His hands were really warm.

She felt a faint pink dust her cheeks. “I am fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I was the one who made you fall.” She looked into his mesmerizing eyes and gulped as discreetly as she could.

“I am okay but we can’t allow such a fragile lady like you to get hurt.” A smirk tugged at his lips and made her rosy cheeks to go into a deep red.

“Hey! I’m not fragile. I still put you down, didn’t I?” The most pleasant laugh she ever heard left his lips and he patted her head lightly.

“Yeah, sure you did, sweetheart. Be more careful next time!” His hands left her body and he turned on his heels joining his friends again and continuing his way to wherever he had to be.

After that incident, they started greeting each other on the hallway and making small talk every time they would sit at neighboring tables in the cafeteria becoming good friends eventually. The time she has spent with him was never boring and she ended up having some of her best experiences because of him. However, somewhere in that period of time, she fell for him. And how could she not? He was caring and gentle and funny and always made sure that she was comfortable before dragging her into another one of his crazy adventures.

She was also aware of his feelings for her. She didn’t know if it was love but she knew he cared for her more than a friend cares for another friend. But none of them ever confessed. Maybe they were waiting for the right moment and maybe they made a mistake by doing that because from now on there were no more right moments.

“I will be getting married.” Her whisper got lost in the breeze but he still managed to hear her. His head shoot in her direction, watching her side profile with blown pupils. With quick moves, he pushed the food out of the way and stood in front of her. Even though he was on his knees his body was standing tall, her calves trapped between his legs.

“What do you mean? Please tell me you are talking about that giant stuffed bear in your room.” Minho tried to bring some humour into the situation hoping that any second she will push him, make him fall on the fresh grass and start laughing. His voice was strained when he spoke, however, because these were the first words she said to him since they met twenty minutes ago.

Y/N bit her lip while avoiding his eyes. That was the hardest thing she ever had to do. Finally looking at his face she felt something tugging at her heart when she remarked his pained expression. “No Minho, I’m not talking about Honey. He’s way too good for me. If he ever decides to marry me I’ll be the luckiest woman alive.” Minho didn't appreciate her joke. If it was true then it was no joking matter.

“Y/N, please!” She bit the inside of her cheek at his slightly annoyed tone. She knows she shouldn’t joke about this but it’s easier than telling him the truth. She wished there was a better, less painful way than that.

“I’m getting married, Minho. In a month.” Y/N felt tears stinging at her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

“With who? Did you have a boyfriend all this time?” The thought of her with someone else left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

“I don’t know who.” She said under her breath focusing on the abandoned food on the blanket.

“What do you mean you don’t know who?” She moved her face even further away from him wanting to avoid the conversation as well as she could. His unusually cold hand cupped her face making her watch him in the eyes and bringing her closer to him but still keeping a decent distance between their faces. “What do you mean you don’t know who, Y/N?”

She felt so intimidated by his demeanour. She knew she owed him an explanation. Actually, no. She didn’t. They were just friends and she can do whatever she wants. But she needed to give it to him for her own sanity. “It’s an arranged marriage. My parents made this deal a long time ago with a rival in business. If I am not in any relationship when he prepares to step down from his position and hand the legacy to his son, I have to marry him. I don’t know why there is such rivalry between flower shops but if that helps my parents from losing the family business I have to do it.”

“Y/N, this is crazy. We have to do something. You can’t just marry a complete stranger.” His hands descended from her face to her shoulders, shaking her slowly hoping that maybe they both can wake up from this nightmare if he does.

Tears pricked in her eyes as she took a deep breath. “If I was in a relationship I wouldn’t have to do it, but I am not. Everything is already decided on and I can’t do anything more about it.”

Minho collapsed on her legs but didn’t fully let his weight on them. He brought her face close to his only a few centimetres apart. “Yes, we can. Listen Y/N, I…” She placed her hands over his, making him stop in the middle of his sentence.

“Please, don’t do this to me. Not now. Please!” Tears started pouring down her cheeks as her vision of him became unclear.

“But…”

“Please!” She let her head fall into his chest and started crying uncontrollably. He felt his heart break at the sight of her crying and he never thought that his love could hurt her like that. He knew what he was about to do wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair for her. He understood that she can’t do anything anymore but he was selfish. He was too selfish when it came to her.

“I love you!”

Her whimpers became even louder and she wrapped her hands around his torso burying her head more into his chest. He embraced her as well, a hand rubbing up and down her back in a calming way. He was silently crying trying not to disturb her, hoping that maybe, just maybe he is actually dreaming.

From afar they may have looked like two insane people. Crying on a picnic on such a nice day. But it wasn’t a nice day for them. On that day their hearts have been broken by one another even though they still loved each other.

Y/N was fidgeting on the wooden chair looking around frantically. Her father placed his rough hand on her delicate one in an attempt to calm her down. She looked him in the eyes and he gave her a smile trying to hide his sorrow from her. She smiled back and finally stopped her moving, realising that nothing is going to change even if she wastes her energy like that.

Tomorrow was her wedding day and a few days prior they received a phone call from the father of the groom saying that they should meet before the wedding. Originally they weren’t supposed to meet because her soon to be in-laws were busy with the whole stepping down thing. She didn’t know why but she felt relieved that she gets to meet her husband before the ceremony. Even though her father assured her that he is a “young handsome man just right for my baby girl” she needed to see it with her eyes. No one wanted any weird reactions from her in the middle of the ceremony.

She will finally get married. Is something she has wanted to do since she was young. Being with the one you love forever and absolutely nothing being able to separate you. She always dreamed of completing this one desire of hers. Dressing up in the most beautiful dress she has ever seen and having her hair done beautifully. It was going to be a beach wedding sometime in spring. Everything was going to be perfect and in the end, her loved ones were going to witness the love of her life and her vowing eternal love for one another.

But she wasn’t getting her beach wedding and she wasn’t marrying the love of her life. She realised some time ago that life can be cruel. You get everything you want and then, all of a sudden it stops. You are left broken and have to live an unfulfilling life just because you can’t die yet.

She was woken from her slumber by the screeching of her father’s chair. When she looked forward she was met with two masculine forms looking down at her. She hurriedly got up and bowed deeply as an apology for not noticing them sooner.

“There’s no need for something like that. I can imagine how nervous you must be.” His voice was deep, shaking her from inside out. It was the older male that spoke. His shoulders were really broad and he was fairly tall, his imposing presence giving her a claustrophobic feeling. He had a fake smile plastered on his face and he extended his hands which she shook hurriedly. “I’m Mr Seo but you can start calling me father.” He laughed and she forced a laugh as well, uneasiness settling inside her.

She looked at the other man from the corner of her eye. He was very well built, his black T-shirt stretching over the muscle of his arms. “I’m Y/N.” She extended her arm and let a smile paint her lips in an attempt to be nice.

The man rolled his eyes and slapped his hand over her’s, shaking it violently before letting go. “I’m Changbin.” Immediately after, he sat down disinterested in that whole meeting.

A bored expression was adorning his face. All he could think about was the moment he could go home. His eyes travelled down her body trying to take her figure in. He had seen so much better. She wasn’t crazy beautiful and even though her body was presenting some appetizing curves her shy and reserved demeanour was a big turn off for him. He couldn’t understand why he had to marry her. Did they really have to form a pact with the District 9 Mafia? They were clearly stronger than them so why not just eliminate them.

He took another look at her. The way she sat, that forced smile, the fear in her eyes. Everything about her annoyed him. Maybe he was influenced by the fact that he had to marry her against his will but she was sparking something inside him. Filling him with rage until he had to stop to breathe in order to calm down.

“Do you go to college Y/N?” Mr Seo’s question surprised her.

“I did. I majored in Chemistry. I wanted to become a perfumer.” Excitement overtook her at the mention of her dream job.

Surprise settled on Mr Seo’s face. “Oh, is that so? How come?”

“Well, since we have a flower shop as a family business I grew up around nicely smelling flowers. I thought that maybe we could sell perfume as well. That way people would buy more things when they come by and maybe we would be able to beat you.” She giggled lightly and she had both men in front of her raising their brows.

“Oh yeah. Your father’s and my rivalry when it comes to our flower shops.” Mr Seo smirked at the other man and he averted his head, too embarrassed to make eye contact.

On the other end of the table, Changbin was both dumbfounded and angry. Not only was she not aware of her father’s real job but she was also naive enough to believe the flower shop story. He doubts that he and his father looked like they could work in a flower shop. He hated this marriage already.

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly with her, her father and Mr Seo making conversation. Changbin didn’t say anything unless spoken to and for the entire afternoon, he looked like he would rather be thrown out of a moving train than be there. Y/N tried striking a conversation with him a few times but he would either answer drily or would straight up ignore her so she gave up.

When they finally parted ways a few hours later she felt like she could breathe again. She was going to have a long and lonely life if this is how their marriage was going to proceed.

Y/N looked at the lights coming from the city. Everything looked so small from up there. So small that she could pick them up and do whatever she wanted with them. Wrapping her jacket better around her body she leaned against the hood of the car making herself comfortable.

“How is he?” Minho was looking at her expectantly.

“He is okay, I guess.” She let out a sigh turning her head to look at his eyes.

The older man made a clicking sound with his tongue before tilting his head to one side. “Okay? You guess? What am I supposed to understand from this?” He sounded annoyed.

“He didn’t really talk. He ignored me for almost the entire period we were there. He did say ‘Good for you.’ when I said that I am a good cook, though. In conclusion, okay, I guess.” She was sick of him honestly. The few hours she spent with him today were enough for a lifetime. He wasn’t okay, he was a complete unmannered pig. But she couldn’t say that to Minho. She couldn't tell him about all the dirty looks he gave her or how many times he rolled his eyes whenever she excitedly spoke about her interests. She knew how he would react and that would only make her fall for him even harder. She needed to get over him.

Minho felt his blood boil at her words. He gave her up, he respected her wish of not going to her father and fighting for her, only for her to end up with someone like him. Wasn’t life a bitch? He could make her so much happier. They could have a carefree life where the only thing they’ll be thinking about was how much they loved each other. But they won’t. Y/N is Changbin’s and as much as he hates it, if she is fine with it he will respect her decision.

He wrapped a hand around her shoulders and dragged her closer to him. “Maybe you just got the wrong impression. I’m sure it will be ok.” He said that to her but it was more for him. A reassurance and a reason not to start a fight. He wanted to tell her to go against her father. Tell her to think again. Tell her that he was ready and if she spelt the words he would jump in the car and run away with her. Go to a place where no one could find them and they could live a happy life. But he almost lost her once and he can’t risk that again.

After their picnic “date” Y/N avoided him for a few days and he thought that he ruined their friendship. But then, thanks to someone that probably loves him, she called him. Told him how scared she was of the whole situation and how she’s trying to stay strong for her family. That night she confessed to him many things that got him worried and he agreed to stay by her side because she needed him. He even agreed to walk her down the aisle. Walk with her on arguably the most important day of her life and then hand her over to someone else.

“Maybe you are right. I hope you are right.” She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. The last few moments she can spend with him like that before it becomes wrong. And she is going to enjoy them.

They sat like that for a good period of time in comfortable silence. None of them wanted to go home afraid of tomorrow. But they did because this was not a teenage rom-com where the protagonists end up together. This was the real world and they had to confront it.

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redrosesartcabin · 3 years

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Self indulgent series part 1

At home where everything seems fine

(Kenji x female reader, first perspective) (This story was originally written for me about me, which is why it’s called the self indulgent series. But because I’ve written so god damn much I decided to edit it a little, edit some things out as well etc and share some of it with you, I hope you’ll enjoy it!)

The horrors were over.

Where day after day, week after week we had to fight for our survival.

It was finally over.

Setting foot on land was a dream come true for us all, though it was also a heart wrenching goodbye as we went off home.

We had longed for home for so long, but we had also found a family in our new friends.

I especially felt that Kenji took the goodbye hard. Maybe even the hardest.

After all this time I knew all too well, that despite all the wealth he has, despite all the things he owns and the comfort he enjoys in life, there was no family he was going home to.

He was an only child with no known mother in the picture and an absent father. It tore me apart as I had to release him from the tight hug he had me in. It was the kind of hug that begged you to never let go. But I had to. My family was waiting. I had that luck.

I turned around with pain in my heart for him but the utmost joy as I saw my parents and siblings with tears in their eyes, seeing their long-lost daughter and sister alive and well.

I felt infinite warmth as they brought me into their embrace and we finally went home.

Before going home, we had told each other’s socials (none of us remembered our phone number after all that time) so we would stay in touch.

In the beginning we would talk to each other every day whenever possible for us. We all had a hard time especially when it came to getting into daily school life again, since we had to start over with the grade we had already started and thus weren’t with our old friends again, who had on top of that moved on as they had thought we had died and thus it was hard to reconnect.

Luckily, we all somehow found new connections again (many people took pity in us for what we had lived through) and we could move on.

As we did, so did our chatting.

No: of course, we didn’t lose contact. We were all a second family to each other and there was no way in hell we’d ever be able to live without each other ever again. Not after what we’ve been through.

We however lost the need to tell each other every little thing and could live on our own. Much like when a child moves out from their parent’s house. The child is used to seeing their parent every single day so the parents (if they are good parents that is) will feel the need that the child writes them every day and the child will feel the need to write and connect every day. But as they learn to be independent, they will lose their need to be connected to their parent and the parents will start trusting the child and not need them to write every day or all the time.

That was the case with us all: Except when it came to Kenji and me.

As unbelievable as it would’ve seemed in the past, we both became best friends. We would send each other stupid memes and laugh about animal videos and Tiktok or vine compilations on Youtube, or, on the other hand of the spectrum, we’d talk through the nightmares we sometimes had about what we lived through and the permanent trauma our time in Jurassic World had caused us. Somehow, we felt the most comfortable talking to each other about that as well as laughing about the same things.

We seemed to have a similar psyche, despite him being extroverted whilst I was introverted and him acting like a jerk to appear cool, whilst I would often refrain from talking and try to appear cold so people wouldn’t know who I was.

But on the insight, when you’d look past that outer shell, it turns out we are very similar people with very similar views. Kind of an opposites attract thing where we both had qualities that we both could benefit from and grow together as a person whilst holding the same principals and morals.

Though quicker than I could blink, that opposites attract thing turned into a huge, massive, enormous, gigantic crush.

I should’ve known that this would happen. Right after I figured it out for myself, I just had to groan. I had always found him very pretty, though I would’ve never admitted that: He had enough of an ego, I didn’t need to feed into that act any more than necessary.

During our adventurous time on the dino-island, I hadn’t had too much time to think about my own feelings. But now that I was safe again in my comfortable home, I had finally realized my dreaded crush.

I didn’t dread it, because it was him. I didn’t even dread it too much because we didn’t live in the same place (though that was quite annoying too). I dreaded it mostly, because of the simple fact that I probably wasn’t his type. And I hated that my first deep friendship with a boy had turned my head upside down after all. But he was just too beautiful not to crush on.

Or maybe I was even in love.

And so, I kept on dreading it, until one crazy day.

I was exiting my school around lunch time on Friday, idly chatting with a bunch of my newfound friends, when I detected a helicopter on the schoolyard.

“No way”, I whispered

“Might that be your little rich boyfriend?”, one of my girl friends asked me teasingly

“Oh shut it”, I gave her a jab in the side but had to giggle nonetheless.

And indeed, it was him. I mean: What other person would make such a grand arrival on a schoolyard?

Kenji had seemed to have detected me and got out of the helicopter.

“Y/Nnnnnnn”, Kenji yelled, stretching my name as he did

“Kenji!”, I screamed back and ran into his arms he opened wide for a loving embrace.

I didn’t care that everyone was looking or that they thought we both were lovers and that this might be a tad bit embarrassing and overboard: I had missed him too much to give a damn.

“Kenj’ my dude, what are you doing here?”, I asked, getting out of our embrace to take a good look at him. He was well dressed and styled as always.

“Sightseeing”, he answered with a sarcastic undertone which made me raise an eyebrow (I of course knew why he was here, it was a rhetorical question), “…Visiting you of course”, he explained anyways, “can’t I miss my best friend?”, he asked and I could feel my cheeks grow red.

Yes… best friend.

“Of course,”, I smiled back, “I missed you too, ya dingus. Though why did you come with the helicopter? Don’t you think it’s a little…much?”

“Well first of all: No, never. Secondly: It’s faster to fly here with the heli, and thirdly: I talked to your parents and they agreed you can come to my crib for the weekend”

“Really? You’re not messing with me?!”

“I swear”, he said, lifting his hand to make the swearing sign to show his uncrossed fingers, “and if you still don’t believe me you can just check your phone”, he added as he had pledged is truthfulness.

I tucked it out of my backpack and there it was: A message from my mom wishing me a good time over at Kenji’s. Plus informing me she had packed me a little luggage that Kenji already had in his helicopter. I wrote her thanks and a heart before facing Kenji again with a content smile.

“Ok then: What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”, I laughed, “Later you guys!”, I turned around to my friends who were giving me cheeky smiles and a thumbs up.

The flight lasted three hours in total. Though it felt like no time at all as Kenji and I caught up on things. And even when we were done with that, we found a way to talk about anything and nothing at all or sometimes even just sit there in a comfortable silence and looking out of the window. I had never flown in a helicopter and was in constant awe of it all. Kenji had made a little bit fun of that and called it “cute” which however made me fluster more than anything else. Him calling anything I do cute just made the butterflies in my stomach swirl like crazy.

We arrived on top of a huge roof that had a designated helicopter landing spot.

“Wow damn. Your house really is big!”

“Y/N: That’s the helicopter Garage”

“WHAT”

As we got out a tall man in a black suit, who carried my luggage, accompanied us through a trap door on the ground down to a huge hall with several helicopters in different colors and sizes.

My mouth was wide agape as I looked at it all.

“And where in the ever-loving f*ck is your real house then?”, I asked

“We are gonna be brought there by the limo in a sec”, he explained as casually as someone saying they were going grocery shopping.

Though that was probably more unusual for anyone in his family than it was for me to drive in a limousine.

We got out of the garage and waited on a small patio. Only a couple of seconds after we had exited, surely enough, a pitch black, perfectly cleaned limo appeared. A chauffeur exited the driver side opening the door, way in the back, “welcome Sir Kenji and Madame. Please enter”, he said in a very British accent and motioned us to get into the car.

“Wow” is all I could say at first but then could muster up a “thank you” without sounding too flabbergasted.

The drive from the helicopter Garage to the actual house (if you could call it that) was only a couple of minutes, but boy what a couple of minutes!

I was looking out of the window yet again. This time I was looking at a huge, very well groomed, garden. It had huge rose bushes, ponds with statues spewing water, a maze… just like you’d imagine the garden of a king to look like.

“Kenji: This is batshit insane. You live in a freaking palace!”, I exclaimed.

“Well: Did you think I was exaggerating when I said I was filthy rich?”

“Yes! Kinda!”, I answered, feeling my voice heighten, still not being able to process the sight before me, “it’s hard to believe that people can live like that”.

At that he just laughed, and we kept on just enjoying our company in silence.

And finally, we truly arrived.

We were let out again by the chauffeur. As I exited, I noticed a red carpet being rolled out in front of me.

I turned to Kenji arching an eyebrow at him.

“A red carpet? Really?”

“What? I just wanted the lady to feel welcome”, he grinned, and I couldn’t but laugh and feel my cheeks redden again.

I everted my eyes from his, because of how flustered I got, but mostly to look at the house… or well: Mansion.

It was a very modern construction. Mostly white and looking futuristic. It was the kind of construction you’d expect a man, owning one or the other huge corporation, to have.

It was almost a disappointing contrast to the old seeming garden, but it was impressive nonetheless. I felt like I had jumped forward in time to the year 2030 or something.

After analyzing the mansion for a bit, we walked towards the dark gray double door that was opened by what seemed to be a sort of butler.

I was now faced with the entrance hall. It was all paved with a grave shiny stone and had a big, golden chandelier on the exaggeratedly high ceiling. In the back of the hall were two gray stairways going up to the left and right with glass barriers. On the front were clothe holders made of ebony wood and hanging hooks made out of fine steel.

“If this visit gets anymore incredible, I’m gonna faint”, I whispered

“Please don’t, ‘cause it will get better, but I’m glad you like it”, he whispered back, and I giggled like a little schoolgirl.

Honestly, I could go on and on about everything he showed me in that building, but that would probably be twenty pages long, so I’m going to summarize with bullet points:

· The west wing, like in Beauty and the Beast, is off limits: Except it’s because Kenji’s father was working there and harboring some kinda lab or something. A little shady if you ask me but I didn’t further question that

· The east wing is full of fun rooms: A swimming pool room, a swimming pool patio outside together with a Shakuzi, a small private cinema room and of course, deep down in the cellar (at least he calls it that, for me it feels more like a casino), the bowling alley.

We spent the most time there, playing round after round where I didn’t let him win. Funny enough (though not the haha kind of funny) he almost cried tears of joy as he lost against me

· The middle part, one could say, had the entrance hall, the kitchen, as well as the living room that had a ginormous couch and a huge 3D Tv with a Nintendo, Xbox and the newest Playstation. We played a couple of games in which I always lost because my parents never allowed me to have a gaming console and thus I was a bit inexperienced with most of the games, except in the case of U-sing: I played that with my ex best friend from primary school when we were little, plus I have a good voice whilst Kenji, well… he could work on his vocals. We however had fun either way.

· And the third segment is the upper rooms with three bathrooms (one of which was Kenji’s), a spa room, a sauna and the bedrooms (that were strangely far apart from each other. A very bad gut feeling told me, that was on purpose).

As we arrived in Kenji’s room, I already saw my small red suitcase laying on the white, very comfortable looking carpet. It was one of those carpets with the long white fur like texture. I sometimes wondered what hid amongst the long fur, but knew in Kenji’s case, this room was kept squeaky clean by his father’s staff so I wouldn’t have to worry about that.

‘The guy cares a little I guess’, I thought as my thoughts wandered to Kenji’s father.

Kenji’s room itself indicated no personality at all. It was extremely odd. It looked like it came right out of a magazine. It had a big bed (usually such a bed a married couple in their 40’s would have), a white, of course, big wardrobe, a black colored dresser with a less impressive, yet still pretty modern Tv and another small dresser beside the bed, that had a very boring looking nighttime lamp on it where you could regulate the light by tapping on the bottom part. And a couple of steps away, parallel to the entrance door, was a big glass wall with an integrated door which led to a wooden balcony that had a small table, two chairs and a sun-umbrella.

‘Or maybe’, I continued the thought from before, ‘he simply cares about his son’s image’.

“Nice room”, I said, so it wouldn’t seem suspicious that I wasn’t as exited this time about what I saw. But I hate hiding the truth and when I try doing what I hate, I don’t come off as a good liar. So, one can imagine: He noticed my hesitation.

“Is something wrong y/n?”, he asked, genuinely concerned, “is there something in here you don’t like? I can remove-“

“No”, I interrupted him, “there is nothing wrong with it. That’s just the thing: It’s immaculate”

“And why is that… bad?”, he asked a bit confused. Not angry confused, but just plain old confused. I felt sorry for him: I simply just think too deeply about things sometimes.

“It’s not bad”, I answered, “I’d just say its extremely weird: Don’t you have any posters you wanna hang up? Or pictures? Photographies of memories with your friends? Books or magazines you like to have at your bedside? It’s just: You have so much personality, I sometimes fear you’ll implode if you fail to show it even for a second. I can’t imagine that you don’t want to decorate your room in any way at all”

“But what if I do?”, Kenji asked, though his confused expression had turned into a cold glare that made me wish he would look confused again. I felt a lump built in my throat and my heart race in fear. Not because I was scared of him: But more so of what he was trying to hide by pretending.

“Kenji”, I said softly, letting a concerned frown adorn my face, “it’s ok. I’m your best friend. You can talk to me about it. And before you ask: I know what this is all about as much as you know that I know. But I won’t say it because at the end of the day, it’s your choice, but just know: I’m there for you, I won’t judge”

There was a moment of deafening silence as Kenji seemed to contemplate whether he should react defensive and angry, that I brought it up, or tell the truth.

I was glad when I could visibly see his guard drop as he looked at me with saddened eyes.

It was heartbreaking, but I’d rather have that than a stupid fight. I’d rather have that, than him being arrogant and prideful, trying to push me away as he had in the very beginning in Jurassic World.

He sat down on his bed, and I right beside him, looking at him concerned as he stared on the floor.

“You’re right: It is because of my father.”, he began, “You see: He wants me to become like him. Keep the business going. I’m like the first born to a king. And so, he decided there was no room for me to be too much of an individual at some point. He wanted not only the house to always look presentable in case one of his strange buddies appeared, but also for me to start being presentable. It only got worse after I failed algebra. He pushed the role of being him more.

My father might not be the worst: He does gift me a lot of things, makes sure my room is clean and that I get transported to whatever place I want with whatever vehicle I want and buys me whatever I desire. But it’s a disguise, you see? Trying to cover up that I’m just a trophy. Just the predecessor. He wants me to favor and admire him so that I will be him one day. He doesn’t care about me like a dad cares about his son. We are no family”, his voice got quiet as he tried hiding his tears. I said nothing and decided to just embrace him. I felt him become weak in my arms and sob so touchingly, I almost cried with him.

A few minutes passed before his crying became hiccups and eventually quieted down.

“I’m sorry”, I murmured, “I shouldn’t have brought this up”

“No”, he answered, his voice still veiled in a layer of sadness, “it felt good. I haven’t cried like this in years. Thank you”

“You’re welcome”, I softly spoke back. I was glad he had relieved himself of that sadness he had seemed to hold in. I also immediately felt that this had also been the thing to finally have us come closer.

After that, we figured we watch something lighthearted to cheer us up again.

It was a rom com called ‘L.A. story’ we both found very amusing.

Though at some point, as the love story came to its highpoint, I noticed my mind drifting away into a side space in my brain, where suddenly the main characters were him and me.

My cheeks reddened for the third time that day (I almost feared he’d think I got a fever) and I could swear I felt his hand in mine… wait.

Was that real?

My gaze travelled from the screen to my hand and really: His hand was in mine.

Was that an accident or intentional?

‘Screw it! It’s now or never’, I thought as I felt daring for once.

I inched closer and leaned onto his shoulder. My heart was racing a hundred miles per hour it seemed as I waited for what his reaction would be. At first, he got stiff, but then everything happened at once and it happened fast. He lifted his head to look at me and I looked back into his deep, dark brown eyes and in one motion he leaned in and… kissed me.

At first, I couldn’t believe it, I was frozen in place, but soon enough before it could get awkward for him, I leaned in as well. Though I decided to just stay put and let my lips feel his carefully: It was my first kiss after all, I didn’t want to ruin it by getting sloppy.

We staid like that for a couple of seconds before deciding to part.

“You like me too?”, is the first thing I asked, amazed by what just happened.

“What are you talking about? I’ve liked you since I saw you! You are the one who likes me too”, he answered. My eyes first widened but then I couldn’t but laugh out loud.

“And I always thought I wasn’t your type”, I admitted flustered at his words.

“Really? You are a pretty, talented girl with a super nice personality and you didn’t think you were my type?”

“I mean, I always assumed you’d be more into the mermaid type”, at that he raised an eyebrow and let out a sigh with a single laugh

“You are mermaid enough for me y/n”, he said, cupping my face with his right hand, putting a hair strand behind my right ear, “you are better, even”

...

#kenji #kenji x reader #kenji camp cretaceous #Kenji Kon x reader #kenji kon #camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous fanfiction #jw cc #jurassic world camp cretaceous #self indulgent #self indulgent af

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whatsup-danger · 3 years

Text

not ready to make nice

chapter one: all these things i hate (revolve around me)

character(s): Bakugou Katsuki

word count: 2057

tags: canon divergent, bakugou pov, canon typical violence, nightmares, panic attacks, bullying, suicide mention, introspection

synopsis: After being kidnapped by the League, Bakugou starts to look at his life more critically. He reflects on why he was taken in the first place and starts to seriously consider whether he's really meant to be a hero or not.

This is my attempt at a fix-it fic and a character study of Bakugou. In both the manga and in fandom, Bakugou's experiences are typically glossed over (much like a lot of other things, but that's a different topic for a different day), and I have a hard time believing that both being kidnapped and told he'd make a good villain didn't shake him to his core. He's strong, yeah, but he was also 15 when it happened. Even the strong break, and I want to explore that (and many other things) with him. Also, some could possibly consider my characterization of Bakugou as.... out of character. But honestly? I'm writing him the way I truly believe him to be and how I think he'll beocme, and I won't let anything influence that. So thank you for coming to my TedTalk, and uhhh, here's my attempt.

Katsuki didn’t expect the aftermath of being kidnapped to be so damn hard. He couldn’t sleep without dreaming of being pulled into the awful blackness of the damn portal villain’s quirk, of being back at the League’s hideout. He couldn’t close his eyes without seeing Shigaraki, seeing his hands, the disconnected ones all over his body and Shigaraki’s own two that could utterly destroy Katsuki, wipe him from the face of the Earth. It was terrifying. It was fucking with his head, making it hard for him to concentrate. More than anything, though, he just couldn’t stop thinking about why the League kidnapped him in the first place.

A villain? Him?

Katsuki’s only ever dreamed of being a hero, being the best. And he was, wasn’t he? Everyone said so. His parents, his teachers, his friends—they all agreed on this one thing: Bakugou Katsuki is fucking awesome, and his quirk is the coolest.

Hell, even Midoriya, the fucking nerd that he is, could see how incredible Katsuki is. And the guy was never shy with his praise. Katsuki has never been able to get him to stop singing his praises, no matter how many times Katsuki told him to and no matter how poorly Katsuki treated him.

But… That was it right? The way he treated Midoriya Izuku was, to put it nicely, not very heroic.

And well, on some level, he’s always known that the way he treats Midoriya is extremely unheroic, but he could always justify the way he treats him to himself. Midoriya was quirkless but still wanted to be a hero, which was funny at first, but it got more and more annoying and downright outrageous the older they got, and Midoriya still made no attempt to accept that he would never be a hero. The nerd wouldn’t even try to work out, to make himself strong enough to even defend himself. How could he ever hope to be a hero if he wouldn’t even try to get stronger? It wasn’t in the books for him, so Katsuki looked at everything he ever did or said to Midoriya as a reality check, as him helping Midoriya to see that his dream of being a hero was only that—a dream.

And yeah, sure—maybe Katsuki overreacted when Midoriya got into UA with some all fucking powerful quirk that he couldn’t even control. But his anger was justified in every way. He thought Midoriya lied to him about being quirkless. Learning the truth about how he got his quirk didn’t really do much in helping him get over that anger, but he just couldn’t handle the fact that Midoriya had a quirk and didn’t even fucking tell him.

So yeah, Katsuki treated Midoriya like shit, but he thought he was justified in his anger toward the damn nerd.

But then—then Shigaraki tried to recruit him.

He can’t stop thinking about it. Ever since he got back, the nightmares have been fucking him up. They are all he can think about most of the time. They’re making him re-evaluate every damn thing he’s ever done in his entire life, everything he’s said.

And he tries to think about other shit. He really does. He throws himself into his training and his studies. He trains so hard that it’s impossible to focus on anything but the burning of his muscles, the way his body moves. He studies so much that he feels he could recite every mind-numbing reading assignment given to him. He even gives his peers more attention when they talk about whatever bullshit thing it is that has their attention at the moment—not that he’d actively show that he’s actively listening to them. But—he can only distract himself for so long before he has to go back to the quiet of his room.

And when he’s alone—well, that’s when his thoughts become a hell of a thing to be alone with. It’s when he can’t help but focus on the fog surrounding him, the one he wants so badly to say rolled in after the kidnapping. But he knows he can’t, knows that the fog was there long before that, thick and gray—suffocating. It’s when he’s alone that he realizes that maybe—maybe Shigaraki’s upheaval of Katsuki’s life only forced some of the fog to clear a bit, forced him to actually look at himself and see what he’s on his way to becoming, whether he wants to become a villain or not.

And that? That’s the most terrifying thing of all.

Katsuki wishes he could remember a time when he and Midoriya were ever really, truly best friends. Truth is, though, that he can’t.

The way his parents tell it, they were inseparable from birth until he got his quirk and Midoriya didn’t. And even then, Katsuki knows that he and Midoriya were still together more often than not, but…. Well, just because they were always together, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they were actually friends, does it? If you ask Midoriya, he’ll definitely tell you that it did. But Katsuki—well, Katsuki feels differently about it.

He knows he wasn’t always a little asshole to Midoriya the entire four years that they actually did get along—videos and pictures in both the Bakugou and Midoriya household can prove that—but he very clearly remembers deciding Midoriya was useless before they found out he was quirkless. He was a crybaby and weak and always so afraid. More than anything, though, he remembers being perpetually upset with the way Midoriya insisted on trying to help him every time Katsuki got hurt, as if he actually needed the damn help. They both knew he didn’t, but Midoriya kept insisting he did, even when he was always the loudest one praising how awesome and capable Katsuki was. It pissed him off to no end, so he called him Deku, useless, and he picked on him, encouraged others to do the same. Still, Midoriya stuck around.

And when they turned five, and Midoriya never got his quirk, well, that was it for Katsuki. Midoriya was Deku, and nothing Midoriya did or said could change that. Katsuki started to treat him worse and worse as the years went on and Midoriya still insisted he’d become a hero. His anger grew with every extended hand and offer of help from the weak, quirkless kid that just wouldn’t leave him alone. His words grew to be harsh and cut deeper with time, and his fists hit harder as he got stronger. Still, though, Midoriya stuck around.

And that, well…. No matter what his parents or Midoriya say, that’s not friendship. Friends don’t hit each other. Friends don’t tell each other how worthless and weak they are.

Friends don’t tell each other to take a fucking swan dive off the roof.

And looking back, that was a whole new low for him, wasn’t it? He managed to justify it then. He told himself over and over and over again that he was just helping the nerd see what he refused to believe.

And yet, that same very day, Midoriya still tried to save Katsuki from the sludge villain. Katsuki said the worst thing he had ever said in his entire life, and Midoriya still tried his hardest to free him from the gelatinous asshole when the damn pro heroes wouldn’t even come near him. He had no quirk, no support gear, nothing—nothing but a backpack, his hands, and such a strong desire to help that bordered on insane.

After everything that Katsuki had ever said and done to him, and Midoriya still risked everything to help him. The most fucked part? Katsuki couldn’t even thank Midoriya for what he tried to do.

And still, when asked how they know each other, why they have such an insane history, Midoriya still tells everyone that he’s just Kacchan, his childhood friend. And that? How Midoriya can say such a thing and actually believe it is so far beyond Katsuki that it might as well be a whole galaxy away.

Katsuki’s been here before. He’s seen this room a million different times, lived this scenario a million different times. But something feels…. weird about this time. Shigaraki and his cronies are still there, sure, but he can’t help but feel as if something—or someone—is lurking in the shadows this time.

And fuck if Katsuki doesn’t have killer senses because, of fucking course, he’s right.

Every League member in the room steps to the side, and out of the shadows of a doorway that Katsuki only vaguely remembers being there in the real hideout, a hooded figure steps into the light. He pauses for one second, hands in the pockets of the black hoodie he’s wearing, head down so as not to reveal his face. Then, faster than Katsuki can even wonder who the hell this guy thinks he is, he’s right in front of Katsuki, right hand wrapped around his throat. His left hand comes up, pulls the hood off of his head, and reveals himself—though, Katsuki really wishes he didn’t.

The man choking Katsuki is an older version of himself. His mouth is turned down at the corners, his brow furrowed, and his eyes are far more violent than Katsuki’s ever seen before. He opens his mouth to speak, and Katsuki closes his eyes and starts to fight back, tries in vain to break free of the death grip his doppelganger has on him. He wills himself not to hear whatever this fucked up version of himself is going to say. He hears it anyway.

“You think your dumb ass was ever going to be a hero?” Katuski can hear the venom of his own voice, wonders if this is really how he sounds when he yells at people. “You seriously thought that your sorry ass was ever going to be good enough to make it to Number One? You’re fucking pathetic.” He lifts Katsuki out of the chair he was sitting in, and Katsuki starts to thrash in his grasp to try to break free. The other Katsuki speaks again. “You’re nothing, kid. Fucking worthless.” He slams Katsuki down onto the floor, brings his other hand to Katsuki’s neck and squeezes tighter. “You’ve never been good enough for anything you’ve ever gotten, and you’ll never fucking amount to anything.”

Katsuki jolts awake, hands clawing at his throat to free himself from a grasp that isn’t there. He’s sweating, chest heaving. His throat is dry, and he knows he’s breathing, but he still feels like he’s suffocating. He doesn’t know what to do, how to stop the bone-deep panic that’s set in and won’t let go. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his forehead upon his knees, eyes wide and still breathing heavily.

In the months since the kidnapping, he’s had nightmares about it almost every other night. He works himself to the bone to try to avoid them, and sometimes he can, but more often than not, he wakes up in a cold sweat with a scream stuck in his throat. But this time—this is the first time he’s had this particular dream.

He’s dreamt of Shigaraki turning parts of him to dust, Toga cutting him and becoming him, Dabi unleashing his blue fire on him. He’s dreamt of himself fighting back and losing every single time. But this? What the hell is he supposed to do with this?

Katsuki’s breathing has finally evened out a bit, and he sits back against the wall, head tilted to look at the ceiling. He closes his eyes but opens them again almost immediately when he sees himself looking back at him, extreme hatred pointed directly at him. He brings his hands up to grab at his hair and pulls.

Before he can be pulled back into the panic of the dream, he jumps out of bed and puts on pants comfortable enough to run in and steps into his sneakers. He’s out the door and down the stairs before he knows it, doesn’t even know what time it is. All he knows is that he needed to get out of that room, needs to be moving. He doesn’t want to think anymore.

He doesn’t want to think about anything.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #mha #bullying #suicide mention #panic attacks #violence #nightmares #introspection #bakugou fic #bakugou fix it fic #bakugou pov #bnha fic #mha fic #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #bakugou fanfic

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ellie-s-machete · 4 years

Text

My thoughts on The Last Of Us Part II

This is my general opinion about the game as a whole. Spoilers ahead

The main reason why I love this game is because of its bold story. Playing half of the game as the antagonist and trying to make the player understand her point of view is ballsy. It worked for some people, it didn't work at all for others but you gotta admit that this isn't lazy storytelling, or bad storytelling. I totally get that some players didn't like the game, this is a divisive, polarizing game, and it achieved its goal. But once again, and I cannot stress this enough, not liking the story doesn't mean the story sucks. On the contrary, The Last Of Us Part II is brilliant.

To appreciate the game, three things are required: (1) try to understand each character's point of view, (2) keep in mind that there is no hero and no villain, (3) analyze what you're seeing, especially characters' behaviors and actions. I'm not trying to sound pedantic, but you have to use your brain and analyze the shit out of this game. You don't need a high IQ or whatever, just make the effort to understand what you're witnessing. The Last of Us Part II is not comfort food, it's not something you play to just relax (and if that's what you're looking for in a game, great! just play something else, because you won't get what you like with part II). If you're out there playing the game and draw conclusions just by looking at the tip of the iceberg, no wonder you will find the game shallow. Dig deeper, I swear it's not that hard. Maybe you still won't like the game, which is fine, but if you don't make the effort to try to understand, then you're not giving the game a chance in the first place.

Gameplay wise, Part II is far better than Part I. The melee combat with the dodge mechanic was amazing. It felt like stealth was harder in Part II, probably due to the improved AI. The AI was sooo good, and I played on moderate so I can only imagine how tense the gameplay would be on survivor. Because let's face it, even on grounded the AI in part I was clunky, stealth was so easy. Part II offers you a real challenge. The only thing I didn't really like was the different weapons in the second part of the game where you play as Abby, I didn't like the crossbow and the other guns. The only good add-on was the pipe bombs.

Now I have to say that I didn't enjoy Abby's part of the game as much as Ellie's (I still liked it because of the intense combat sequences though). And what I'm about to say is the biggest flaw of the game, at least for me: at one point it didn't feel like I was playing a tlou game (feel free to share your thoughts about this because I didn't see any player bringing that up). For me the most important element of this game is your connection to the characters, and unfortunately it didn't happen for me. I was completely neutral regarding almost all characters in Abby's part. The two only engaging characters were Abby and Lev. To be quite honest I didn't care at all about Owen, Mel, Manny, Nora etc... And this aspect of the game really contrasted with Ellie's part: I loved every single side characters (Dina, Jesse, Tommy, or even Maria). So the lack of attachment to secondary characters in Abby's part was what made the game feel off for me. The only thing that really grounded the story in the world of The Last of Us was the presence of the infected, with multiple memorable encounters which overall made Abby's part more intense than Ellie's. It's just a shame that I didn't really care about the characters. I'm not saying that the second part of the game was bad, I'm just saying it felt underwhelming for me. But I see a bunch of people say that they preferred Abby's part which is great!

Important thing about the story: I see a lot of people say that the story is messy, and I don't agree at all. Everything makes sense, everything is meticulously interwoven, everything is logical. What people aren't used to are the multiple timelines, the story isn't linear like the first game was, and I love it. Also it was something that was predictable if you're familiar with Halley Gross' work on Westworld (if you are confused with the timeline of Part II, don't watch Westworld lol). For me the non-linear narration makes the story powerful because you get hit with these mini epiphanies throughout the game, and it's thrilling. And the game was perfectly balanced between action, stressful moments, and moments of levity. What I thought was amazing is that the game first makes you believe that flashback sequences will be moments of levity, which they are in a way. But these flashbacks are also anxiety inducing, as they contain key story elements (mostly linked to Ellie and Joel's relationship and its evolution throughout the 4 years spent in Jackson) that everyone was craving for (like Ellie confronting Joel about the lie). This is awesome because flashback sequences first give you a false sense of security, you feel like it will be a moment where you can just breathe and relax, but nope. It's also reinforced by the fact that they chose to make some of these flashback sequences longer and playable with the inclusion of combat encounters. The pacing was really good in my opinion.

A lot of the encounters were memorable, but the most intense for me was the Abby/Ellie confrontation in the theatre. I hated it and loved it at the same time. I hated it because I really thought I was going to kill Ellie as Abby (didn't see any leak of that part). I was shaking, I didn't want to hold the controller anymore, I didn't want to see Dina get killed, it was by far the hardest part for me, emotionally speaking. I just couldn't believe what was happening, it was insane. No other game had made me feel that uncomfortable before, I was going through a wild range of emotions, the whole sequence felt like a vivid dream, or nightmare should I say. And that is why I love that part. It's the best climax I have ever experienced in any form of media, a real climax. What a ride!

Part II proved that both Neil Druckmann and Halley Gross are fantastic writers, and that them working together was a great collaboration. They figured out a great balance between their respective ideas, considering that they often have diverging ideas. It just proves that a lot of thoughts were put into the making of the game, that everyone's opinion was taken into consideration (even the actors' opinions), which resulted in a well thought-out game that hasn't been rushed.

#tlou2 #tlou2 spoiler #the last of us part 2 #the last of us #tlou2 review

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evoedbd · 4 years

Text

Forevers

Summery: Kya had long since accepted that she was in love with a scarred soul. That she would go to the ends of the world to see Helena smile. To be the reason. The depth of her dedication was no longer a tidal wave, or rather, Kya was no longer beneath the crest of that wave. She rode it, above its overwhelming power and yet helpless to alter its course. A gentle awakening where some realizations are made between snuggles. Purely fluff. ************** The morning was lazy. Sunlight spilled through the windows, dancing across the tangled sheets of their bed. Helena was the first to wake, for once not roused by nightmares. She felt light, bathing in a cautious happiness as her arm wrapped a little tighter around the woman snuggled into her side. Kya was a mess, as usual. Her dark hair was tangled and frizzy in its specific places, falling over her sweetly flushed face. Her cheek swelled, with half of her face smooshed against Helena’s breast. A minuscule pile of drool gathered at the corner of Kya’s lip, trickling down onto Helena’s naked skin. The American’s cheek was sweaty, overheated from being pressed against Helena’s skin all night. The shorter woman’s curves tucked perfectly into Helena’s body, pressed so tightly that Helena could feel the dampness of sweat down her entire left side. It was part of her magic, that she was always warm. Kya too was a warm person, meaning that the thin layers of sweat where they touched for hours on end were not uncommon. There was a blissfulness, waking in such a state. Reminded that these small discomforts existed because the love of her life was snuggling into her. That they were safe. Kya had always been a cuddler, even when Helena had tried to reject her. Despite sheets between them like barriers, somehow Helena had always woken with the girl snuggled up to her. Mornings in the castle when Helena had been forced to untangle without waking the stubborn girl had been the hardest fight of her life. Once their relationship had evolved into romance, Kya’s snuggling had been more welcomed. Still, that had been clothed to a degree. Now, Helena felt safe enough to shed all her attire. Kya always matched her, touched by the intimacy. Thus, two space heaters had formed a cuddle puddle. “Stop thinking so hard.” Kya’s sleepy voice was muffled by Helena’s flesh. At that, the Sorceress blinked, reaching out in an effort to untangle Kya’s hair. Helena always cradled Kya’s head to her chest, holding her lover close. Due to her unsettled dreams, Helena often clenched her fist in her sleep, or tangled her fingers in Kya’s hair for comfort. “Forgive me. I do not mean to concern you, my love.” Helena’s voice was equally as soft, as if any louder would disturb the blanket of lazy peace surrounding them. Slender fingers began to tuck raven locks behind Kya’s ear, always lingering in the affectionate touch. There was an absent mindedness to Helena’s actions, as if she were stepping through the routine as her mind wondered. Kya quietly pressed her lips to Helena’s skin, offering the gesture with the same sleepy look of awe she had every morning she woke beside her lover. “I wasn’t looking for an apology, Helena.” “So you remind me every time I offer one.” The Sorceress chuckled. The sound was hollow, an attempt to convince the world that she was perfectly fine in her moment of bliss. However, doubts began to creep. Memories of the castle nipping at the heels of sweet dreams and loving kisses. “And I’ll do it every day until I die. As your girl, I take my role very seriously. I must constantly remind you how fantastically wonderful you are, even if you can’t see it.” Kya declared in a mock serious tone. She meant every word, that was evident, yet there was an underlying playfulness that drew Helena in. Kya had a way of disarming the Sorceress without overwhelming her entirely. Kya could be serious, so serious that Helena’s mind couldn’t roam beyond the woman’s words. Kya could become her existence, offering the love she had never experienced before. Other times, Kya could deliver her reassurances in such a casual way that Helena might have missed them if she didn’t hang on every sound to leave the American’s mouth. It perplexed her how these deep and serious confessions could be delivered with such a casual acceptance. Kya had long since accepted that she was in love with a scarred soul. That she would go to the ends of the world to see Helena smile. To be the reason. The depth of her dedication was no longer a tidal wave, or rather, Kya was no longer beneath the crest of that wave. She rode it, above its overwhelming power and yet helpless to alter its course. “You are beautiful, Helena. All of you.” Kya declared, her playfulness falling away as she propped herself up on a single arm. Her stone coloured eyes roamed over the expanse of Helena’s body, taking in the luscious curves and battle forged muscle. Even scarred, Helena was the most perfect woman that Kya had ever laid eyes on. Real with her imperfections, yet almost ethereal with her radiance in the morning light. The mix of powerful and vulnerable was intoxicating, pulling Kya closer even when there was no space between them. “Your hair is like moonlight. Its so soft. Whenever you lean close, it tickles my face, hides me from the world so I can only see your eyes.” Kya began, reaching out to take some of the strands between her fingers. She carefully brought the ends to Helena’s face, delicately using the platinum locks as a brush across the Mage’s features. It tickled, that was obvious by the way Helena’s nose crinkled and her brows twitched. Despite that, a soft smile began to form and quiet chuckles escaped, indulging her otherworldly lover’s strange behaviour. Kya kept her strokes slow, taking time to memorise every single detail of the masterpiece that was Helena’s face. “Your eyes are so...” Kya trailed off, seemingly lost in the Mage’s gaze. Helena watched Kya’s throat bob, swallowing down her own emotions as Kya finally found her voice. “Wow... I mean, they can be more blue than a sapphire, or the sea. Then they can go black when you’re closer to your more primal magic. When you’re protecting me. It’s like, your own way of telling the world nobody is going to hurt your family. Your magic doesn’t scare me, Helena, because I know you. Its a part of you, and you would never want to use it to hurt me.” Once again, Kya allowed her words to trail off, her lips curled into a somewhat coy smile, tinged with flirtatious mischief as if she were about to say something meant only for Helena’s ears. “You know, I totally had a thing for Willow as a teen so... I actually find your magic eyes really sexy. Different, but, well you know..? Exotic?” Kya’s words earned a soft gasp from Helena. The Sorceress opened her mouth to speak, yet no sound could escape but a soft squeak. Meek as a mouse with its voice stolen by the sweetest kiss of magic and wonder. Could she ever fully explain how deeply such a simple gesture rendered her defenceless? How each compliment was an infusion of love that left her ready to burst? How had she found a woman so perfect and yet so insane? A woman who could see tenderness in dangerous spells. Who could look at the element of destruction itself and think it beautiful? Sexy? Desirable in a partner? “Your lips are so soft they should be illegal. Your kisses always make me feel loved.” Kya continued to leave Helena speechless, leaning down to lock her lips with the blushing Sorceress’. Helena’s response was instant, pressing into the gesture as if seeking more. The kiss was gentle, simple, given both women were too busy smiling, yet the message was delivered. Kya tenderly broke away, shifting to pepper chaste kisses over Helena’s face. A playful nip to the chin earned a gasp, whereas a peck on the nose earned a chuckle. Each kiss was a spark, leaving Helena’s skin tingling in its wake. The Sorceress missed the feeling of Kya’s lips, even as the next kiss was delivered. It was impossible, to long so desperately for something already in her grasp. Addiction and craving paled in comparison to the raw need simmering in Helena’s veins. “Kya...” Helena tried to speak, her voice catching in her throat. The need was stronger than anything Helena had known. It was not just for the carnal pleasures she had been exposed to. It was for the smell of Kya’s hair. The annoying ways it tickled her nose in the night, or tangled around her fingers. It was for the sweat between their bodies, the discomfort when her arm went numb from Kya’s weight over it. For the times they disagreed, for their awkward fumbles and differences. For the agony that being parted caused. Helena craved everything of the woman beside her, positive and negative alike. Kya’s mere existence was her addiction... but how could she even put that into words? “Oh no. If I am being this gay, I am going all out. I’m not half assing my big, loving confessions.” Kya interrupted, brows lowering in mock disapproval as she pouted. Helena stared, utterly confounded at being at a loss for words. It was adorable, the way Helena’s lips parted and her cheeks flushed. It was moments like these where her true vulnerability came to light. Helena was powerful, composed and a few years older than Kya. Yet, for her years, she was almost like a teenager learning her womanly body when it came to gentle moments like these. Where Kya could find something else to admire that Helena herself seemed so unable to understand. In love, Kya was the guide, leading Helena through the highs and lows. The Sorceress took several moments to process, simply allowing Kya to continue brushing her face. Then, she smiled, a silent surrender more radiant than the sun. “I love your neck. Its warm and always smells like you. Its safe. Every night I want to come home and snuggle. Just breathe you in. Cuddle the woman of my dreams.” Kya continued, shifting to rest her nose against Helena’s throat. The Sorceress brought her arms around Kya, taking a moment to embrace the girl before she pulled Kya over her chest, between the brackets of long legs. At this, Kya’s breath caught, leaving her trembling above Helena. “-Holy shit.-“ Kya interned, processing her alarm. She could feel the warmth of her Mage’s core pressed so closely just below her belly. Kya was hyperaware of every smoother texture that betrayed scars along with the prickles of regrowing hair. She felt the ripple of muscles that had been forged by practicality, thighs tensing around her hips as Helena processed the moment. A reflex reaction to having someone laying over her. “-Holy Shit!-“ Kya internally cheered, mentally repeating the words before falling into wordless gushing. This was huge! A pure moment of trust from the Sorceress that blew Kya’s mind and heart to pieces. Shards of happiness cut her to the bone, filling her with such giddiness that she couldn’t help but press a loving kiss to the hammering pulse beneath her lips before leaning back enough to gaze down at Helena. “-Wow. Yep. I like this. Best view in the world.-“ Kya concluded. She had been like this with other people, yet never had she anticipated the intimacy she would feel when it was Helena. Breathtakingly gorgeous Helena, with chaotic morning hair and sleep filled eyes, touched with the softest curious amusement and quiet content. Her eyes promised seduction and love along with the disgustingly domestic feelings all wrapped into a jumbled mess of bliss. What was best was that there was no fear in those sapphire depths. Her lips curled into a tender smile, shyly inviting Kya’s into a gentle kiss. One became more, long and drawn out between them as Helena’s arms tightened around Kya’s body, hands leisurely roaming up and down the American’s unmarred back. “-I can’t believe we’ve come this far. She’s so amazing. I love her!-“ Helena sat up, taking Kya with her. Their breasts pressed together, the curves of their bodies melting into each other. Beating heart to beating heart. Kya surrendered to her racing pulse, offering her an ecstatic smile. She rested on her knees, aiming to take her weight off of Helena despite their closeness. One of Kya’s arms wrapped around Helena’s shoulders, earning the softest hum of approval as the Sorceress returned the embrace with tender yet firm arms wrapped around The American’s waist. Helena’s scent was home, enough to lure Kya towards peaceful dreams. Contentment was heavy in her limbs, drawing her eyes closed as she continued to breath. For the sleepiness she felt, an equally powerful spark drove her on, reminding Kya that the task was incomplete. She had yet to map Helena’s body. Yet to give her cheesy list. To complete her daily devotions. Cautiously, her other hand ran down Helena’s neck, trailing down until Kya’s palm pressed over her heart. Words were not needed, not when Kya could feel Helena’s heart leaping to greet her. Attempting to burst through the Mage’s chest. “Your heart is so strong. Even as everything was crushed and torn from you, you held your kindness. Like a treasure hidden away, a light in that dark place you were left. Every time I feel your heartbeat I remember how you fought for me. How even when you wanted to die, you chose to live because you promised me forever.” Kya had to take a moment, struck by the seriousness of her words. She had meant for this to be light, to just love Helena, yet the weight of her words suddenly rested on her shoulders. This was more than love. It was more than just enjoying the moment or fantasising about forever. It was beyond simply dating. The way Kya felt was commitment. The desire for their forever. Not just fanciful words and longing, but a legal forever. A show to all the world that Helena Klein was HERS. That SHE was Helena Klein’s. “-I don’t want to wait for forever. I want now.-“ The realisation led to a flood of words. “Helena, if waiting for forever means I miss the now, then why should we keep saying forever? I want to be with you. I want to see how many years it takes for your hair to go from moonlight to white. I want to be the first to notice every new grey hair, or wrinkle. I want to become that annoying old couple that shouts to one another. Every now I will have until the day I die, I want you to have,” “My love-“ Helena began, only to have Kya’s rambling continue. “And we have so much to work out, but I couldn’t hold that in anymore. I don’t know if marriage and kids is our thing, but I lo-“ This time, Helena was the one to intervene, pressing forwards to seal her lips over Kya’s. The dark haired woman let out a muffled sound of alarm. Her body reacted before her brain could catch up, leaning into the Sorceress. It took Kya a few moments before she settled, surrendering to her love’s guidance with a content sigh. Helena responded with a hum of her own, smiling into the kiss as her hands roamed along Kya’s spine. Her fingers sought out every bump, circling each bone gently before climbing higher. The touch was rather slow, calm despite the emotions packed into their kiss. One of Helena’s hands massaged with firm fingertips, seeking out every tension in Kya’s back. The other was light fingernails, scratching the most beautiful patterns into Kya’s flesh that left her tingling. “Kya...” Helena murmured, pulling away from Kya. The smaller woman made a soft sound of disappointment, whining a little at the loss. With the kiss broken, sense came rushing back. The world was no longer a haze of pearlescent hair and warmth. Kya could make out the seriousness in Helena’s sapphire eyes, mixing with the traces of content happiness that lingered from waking. The Mage’s subtly swollen lips were curled into an almost shy smile, softened by her lack of dark lipgloss. She felt the soft hairs at the base of Helena’s head, tickling her fingers as she clung to her lover. It was so tempting, to pull Helena back and relish in the moment. To forget the world and time in favour of pure bliss and endless love. Instead, Kya swallowed, waiting for the Sorceress to catch her breath. “What moments I have in this life are yours, Kya. We are walking this path together, even if we do not know the road ahead. Of that, I have no doubts. No regrets.” “Yeah?” Kya questioned in an awestruck tone, pulling away enough to inspect Helena’s face. “You’d agree to marry me?” She breathed in absolute amazement. In a single moment, all her thoughts latched onto the idea of their wedding. How would Helena look in a flowing white gown? That line of thought left Kya’s lips trembling in an effort to keep what was left of her composure. She knew Helena was far from the virgin that white gowns were made for. So sinfully, wonderfully far... “With one stipulation...” Helena’s words left Kya’s soul floating. No condition could be too much, no request too extreme. One tiny condition to meet and a new life could unfold with Helena. One little thing and Kya Klein would no longer be a fantasy scribbled in the pages of a diary, no longer bound in the dreams of a hopelessly in love woman in the middle of a war. “Tell me about this Willow who contends for your heart.” All at once, Kya’s cheeks flared even as her laughter tumbled free. This was sure to be embarrassing.

#lovestruck voltage #post cannon #helena x mc #lovestruck helena #helena klein #pure fluff

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yesloverboy · 5 years

Text

Labor of Love (mgk!Tommy Lee x Reader)

Requested: Anon!

“Would you do a one shot where the reader is in labor with Tommys baby and it's really hard on her and Tommy is trying so hard to comfort her. It's like 24 hrs of labor but it seems worth it when the baby is here?”

Note: I apologize in advance for any errors or missteps I made while describing the pregnancy experience. Ya girl is an only child with a very small family, so almost all of my info is from the internet. Enjoy!

word count: 1,729

[Warnings: swearing, some medical stuff (not graphic), heart-attack inducing fluffiness]

Tommy was halfway across town when your water broke. This came as a complete shock to the both of you considering that the baby wasn’t supposed to be due until next week. Thanks to L.A. traffic, it took nearly three hours before Tommy was able to get to the hospital. At the time, he had been worried sick that he’d missed the birth of his baby– but his concern had been nothing more than a waste of energy.

For a baby so insistent on coming into the world early, he was sure taking his sweet time. You were almost into your fourth hour of labor, and your little boy simply refused to budge. Of all the self-help book you read on becoming a mother, nothing could have prepared you for a labor this agonizing. In the time it took Tommy to arrive, you found yourself turning to your thoughts for comfort.

At that point, any distraction was a good distraction.

You can recall the day you found out you were pregnant as if it were yesterday. Most of your friends who already had children always described a feeling of panic they experienced when they found out– but you were different. Instead, you thought of all the times you saw Tommy being completely delighted over children. Any time they approached him in public, babbling about how much they wanted to become a rockstar just like him, Tommy was always so patient and encouraging. It didn’t matter how tough of a day he was having.

It wasn’t until you found out you were pregnant that you realized you didn’t want to raise a child with anyone on this earth but Tommy.

However, that didn’t stop you from wondering if your rockstar boyfriend would be willing to settle down so soon in his career. To your amazement, not only was Tommy more than ecstatic that you were having his baby, but he also managed to shed a few happy tears at the news. Family was everything to Tommy, and the fact that he could finally make one of his own was even more of a dream come true than his career in music.

Despite his insane work schedule, Tommy still managed to dote on you like it was his sole purpose for living. Tommy had always been gentlemanly. He was an old soul, and a hopeless romantic, with his heart on his sleeve. No matter what you needed, Tommy would be there to get it for you. In fact, the baby’s presence only made him all the more attentive. It even got to the point where, if you so much as called Tommy, he would come home straight away just to have an excuse to be with you and the growing baby in your belly.

Try as you might to remind him of your independence, nothing seemed to change his mind. “Whatever mama wants, mama gets,” he would say, planting a sloppy kiss your mouth to shut you up.

As you lay in the hospital bed, dripping with sweat and writhing in pain, you wish so badly that you could go back to your days of being peacefully pregnant. A time where life was nothing but painting nurseries and eating icecream on the couch with your loving boyfriend.

When Tommy finally arrives, seeing his face is like watching the sun part the clouds on a stormy day. You notice his long hair is windswept from sprinting through the hospital as he looks at you with frantic, bloodshot eyes. Even in such a raw state, he looks just as devilishly handsome as the first time you laid eyes on him. If there weren’t a baby currently trying to rip apart your insides, you know your stomach would’ve been full of butterflies.

“Hey there, hot mama,” he coos, rushing over to kneel at your side.

You begin to laugh, but it quickly evolves into a ragged gasp as you feel the start of another contraction tear its way through your abdomen. “H-hey, handsome,” you croak, doing your best to give Tommy a weak smile.

Tommy visibly flinches, hating to see you in pain. “Our little guy is sure putting up one hell of a fight.”

“I’ll say.”

With a gentle hand Tommy brushes the hair back from your forehead. There’s no doubt in your mind that you’re red faced and sticky from sweat, but he doesn’t seem to pay it any mind. Instead he looks at you with glossy eyes, making you feel as though you’re worth your weight in gold.

“Sorry I’m late,” Tommy gives you a sheepish smile, his long fingers absentmindedly twirling a strand of you hair. You know that if you weren’t in so much pain, Tommy would be practically vibrating with energy. It’s comforting to know he’s trying to keep it together for you, but you aren’t sure how much longer it’s going to last.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t miss much. Clearly.”

“I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait,” Tommy grins, kissing your forehead.

. . .

Twelve hours pass and you’re honestly starting to wonder if this whole having a baby business was ever a good idea in the first place.

Since Tommy’s arrival, all you’ve experienced is wave after wave of excruciating contractions, each one even worse than the last. When you and Tommy had first found out about the gender of your child, you joked that your future son was bound to be just as enormously tall as his father.

As it would turn out, the reason for your prolonged labor was due to the fact that your baby is far too big for your birth canal to handle. When the doctor came in to give you the news, you and Tommy had exchanged a knowing glance. It would seem that your harmless joke was beginning to look more like a reality with each passing moment.

At the beginning of your pregnancy, you thought you wanted your birth to be as natural as possible with little to no pain killers. However, twelve more hours of pure, bleeding hell has absolutely changed your mind.

“Fuck it,” you finally, unable to take it any longer, “get the nurse Tommy, I can’t fucking do this mother nature bullshit anymore.”

Tommy, who has been pacing like a caged animal, stops dead in his tracks. “What do you mean?”

“Get the nurse, and tell her I want the fucking epidural,” against the doctor’s advice, you’re curled up in a ball on the starchy hospital bed, wary of making any sudden movements.

“Baby are you sure? We talked about it and you said–”

“Tell her to get the goddamn epidural or I’m going to start killing hostages, Tommy. I mean it.”

Tommy scrambles out of the room, practically tripping over his own feet. On a normal day you would’ve felt bad for being so aggressive with him, but today you don’t have it in you. You can’t remember a time in your life that even compares to how tired and uncomfortable you feel now. More than anything, you wish you could close your eyes and let the exhaustion overtake you, but the cramping in your abdomen won’t allow it.

When the nurse finally comes in with the epidural, you are practically begging her to stab you with the damn thing and get it over with. She just gives you a pitying look, empathizing with the pain she’s witnessed you experience for the last 17 hours.

You look over at Tommy, seeing him stunned to silence by the size of the needle that the nurse is about to insert into your lower-back. Giving him the most reassuring look you can manage, you grin and bear it, confident that the hardest part would soon be over.

After the epidural, you don’t experience immediate relief but some of the pressure on the lower half of your body eases up a bit. Tommy, noticing a shift in your mood, hesitantly comes over to sit at the chair by your bedside. The room is quiet for the first time in a couple of hours, the only sounds being the steady beep of the heart monitor and your own heavy breathing.

“Hey baby,” Tommy finally breaks the silence, his voice so soft that it’s almost a whisper. “It might not feel like it, but you’re doing fucking amazing, okay? I wish I could do more but– all I can do is tell you that you’re my hero.”

You gaze back up at him with misty eyes, feeling a new wave of energy course through your weakened body. I can do this.

. . .

When the baby finally arrives, it’s officially been a full 24 hours since you had gone into labor. 24-fucking-hours of a bittersweet nightmare that you can’t believe is finally over.

The nurse hands you your newborn son, swaddled loosely in a linen towel. He squirms under your touch, releasing his first few cries into this new and scary world. Everything about him is absolutely perfect, and your heart overflows with an outpouring of love that you didn’t even know you were capable of containing. He looks so much like Tommy, and yet you can still see glimpses of yourself slowly coming to the surface the longer you watch him.

Your eyes meet Tommy’s and you are surprised to see tears dripping slowly down his face. He covers his gaping mouth with a large hand, unable to contain his awe at the tiny creature before him. Watching Tommy become so overwhelmed is a phenomenon unlike any other and, for a moment, you hope it might last forever.

“Wanna hold him, daddy?” you sniffle, unable to resist an opportunity to make him crack a smile.

Apprehensively, Tommy takes his son from your arms to be cradled in his own. His expression is one of fear and wonder as he marvels at the baby nestled in his arms. Tommy’s touch is gentle as he rocks the small bundle back and forth in his grip, holding it as if he never wanted to let go.

“Holy shit, I’m a dad,” the realization hits Tommy all at once as he looks at you with a boyish grin.

You can’t help but beam back, your eyelids weighed down with the threat of sleep. “Not just any dad,” you murmur, looking up at your two favorite boys in the whole universe, “the best dad.”

Tommy was right– it had been worth the wait.

Masterlist

#this is so cute it's disgusting #tommy lee #tommy lee x reader #mgk!tommy lee #mgk!tommy lee x reader #mgk #motley crue #motley crue imagine #motley crue oneshot #nikki sixx #vince neil #mick mars #the dirt #the dirt requests #writing #the dirt movie #the dirt netflix

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1dsongpreferencess · 4 years

Text

52: THE WEIGHT - SHAWN MENDES (REQUESTED)

LIAM

“I want to go back Forget that it's over Painted in black When you left me alone”

I loved touring, and singing for my fans was the most incredible feeling in the world. But this time, leaving for this tour was the hardest thing I’ve done in a while. Y/n was returning to his country and since I was going to Europe our relationship was impossible. I’ve always been a solitary guy but when I met her I felt so much love that all I wanted was to spend time with her and she did her best, she tried to make it work and even stayed longer in England for me but her parents need her, and they are the most important thing in her life. I wish I could say that I will move to her country and we will stay together but I can’t do that. And now, we’re here at the airport leaving at two opposite places not even knowing if we will ever see each other again. I wish I could go back and be able to do something that will keep us together. She holds me closer and I hug her, we both stay there a couple of minutes until the speaker says my flight is getting ready. Tears stream down both of our faces and she lets me go, we kiss for the last time and now I’m on the plane wishing it wasn’t over.

NIALL

“You tell me you were happier with him, you want me to stay And you tell me that you needed time but you push me away”

Understanding y/n’s feelings were hard. I knew she broke up recently with the man she thought she was marrying but I couldn’t wait any longer and I told her how much I’ve been in love with her since the moment I saw her at one of my concerts and we became friends. She was honest with me and said she didn’t want to hurt me because she was hurt, but then things started to get confused and We’ve always ended up together and I was happy to be with her, even if that meant seeing her crying for another boy. And suddenly, everything changed and she started to act distant and I knew something was up. As we were always honest with each other, I asked her and she confessed his ex-boyfriend was trying to connect with her again and she was thinking of giving him another chance. I tried to be understanding but that made me feel used because he had hurt her so much that it wasn’t fair. The only thing I could do was let her do whatever she wanted, and I decided to stay away from her for a while. But the second she realized I wasn’t there for her she started to call and look for me. I couldn’t understand what she wanted, but there I was, going back to her knowing she would leave me anytime. If she only knew I would do anything to make her happy and feel loved again…

ZAYN

“Put you in the past Try to forget you 'cause it's over And every time you ask I pretend I'm okay”

The only bad thing about dating your neighbor was when things were over and you had to see that person frequently. At first, Y/n and I did everything we could to not see each other but after months passed by I saw how she was getting comfortable with the fact of being without me and I was just missing her more every day. At first, I saw her best friends coming to stay with her all weekend but then one day I saw her walking with a boy, it was obvious he liked her and by the way she was looking at him she wasn’t that indifferent. My heart broke in a thousand pieces because a part of me always thought we might sort things out and get back together. And then one day we ran into each other, and awkwardly we were going to the same supermarket so we walked together. She was good at pretending she wasn’t nervous but I knew her very well and well I didn’t even try to act, I was very nervous because being by her side felt like it wasn’t over and those past months were only a bad dream. We talked while we walked to the market and I was good at pretending I was ok but when she told me she was starting to see someone new, the guy I saw her with a weeks ago, I couldn’t take it anymore and I only excused myself and walk back home knowing she didn’t want to be with me anymore. She tried to talk to me, but I just couldn’t accept it and that was the last time we talked for a while. Now, I see that guy almost every weekend and she seemed happy. I wish I could be happy again, with her.

LOUIS

“You're inside my head In the middle of the night When I don't feel right I dream I can hold you, And I can't go back to you anymore”

I felt like a child. I had a nightmare and all I wanted was to be cuddle, but not by anyone. I wanted to be on the same bed with y/n. But we were fighting hard and she wasn’t staying at my place at the moment. I wanted to call her so badly and tell her about my dream and then heard her laugh because it was an insane nightmare and that automatically would make me feel better. Truth was, in my nightmare she was dancing with other boy and she seemed happy and I wanted so bad to hear her saying “Babe, that’s crazy I only like dancing with you” and that was the moment I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to call her. I was about to put my phone on my ear when I saw his name popping in. SHE WAS CALLING ME! I picked up excited and she didn’t hear mad anymore. She was missing me too and I loved how she wasn’t proud and took the initiative of us talking about our problem. Seconds later I was on pajamas in my car going to her place. She looked so beautiful on that night's robe. She didn’t even let me in and jumped and kissed me. We both fell asleep quickly knowing we were where we were supposed to be, together.

HARRY

“And then you try to take me back Say someday you will change, but I don't wanna wait”

I love y/n. She used to be the greatest girlfriend on earth, always taking care of me and making me feel so loved and I felt so blessed because I wasn’t that lucky in my past relationships but suddenly she changed and not in a good way. And I couldn’t understand how she might have been the same person because her actions were so different. I talked to her, trying to make her see how I felt about her and it worked for some time but then she went back to be this cold person that was like it wasn’t even present sometimes. Sadly I started to feel less and less loved, and there were days when I didn’t even want to go home or see her because it was like she was a stranger again. If only she could be honest with me but my patience was over and weeks later I broke up with her not knowing that the reason she was acting so different was that she knew I had to leave for tour again and she couldn’t take it anymore. And weeks later there she was, at the front of my hotel room asking for one chance that I didn’t know if I was able to give to her.

#one direction #one direction preferences #imagine one direction #onedirection #1d #niall 1d #1d niall #1d preferences #1d imagines #Zayn Malik #zayn #liam payne #liam 1d #Niall Horan #Niall #Harry Styles #harry #louis tommo #louis tomlinson

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chimmyboii · 5 years

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The Lost World - Kim Namjoon Au

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Part 1

Going back to normal life was hard; my body still ached from time to time, I panicked every time someone knocked my front door, but the hardest part was the nightmares. Every night I’d wake up with sweat pouring down me; I’d dream Namjoon was some sort of Zombie coming to kill me, other times I’d dream Roth had me pinned down with a knife at my throat. It was never ending.

As much as I tried to live normally; I couldn’t. My mind couldn’t settle; I needed to know what happened to Namjoon, I needed to know where he went. Looking at the card in my hand, I knew it was the only choice I had. Typing in the numbers carefully, I listen to the dial tone.

“Hello?” a deep voiced greeted, my mouth went dry.

“Hello, Taehyung. It’s me Y/N.” Something made a loud clatter in the background, Taehyung let out some curses. “Hello? Are you okay?” I asked. Taehyung hummed before clearing his throat.

“Hey, Y/N. What can I do for you?”

“Is there any way we could meet in person? I don’t want to discuss this over the phone.” There was silence over the phone, I pulled my phone away from ear just to see if he hung up, he hadn’t.

“Discuss what?”

“Namjoon.” Once again there was silence.

“Do you know where Rosewood Estate is?” Taehyung suddenly asked; I was familiar with the old mansion. My father had visited there a few times; bringing me along.

“Yeah I know where it is,”

“Meet me there tomorrow at ten, I’ll bring Jimin.” I agreed before hanging up. After the conversation there was a sense of relief, knowing I was going to tell someone what I know, what I remember. For the first time that night I slept; there was not nightmares or dreams just sleep.

The old mansion was a beautiful sight, the garden was massive with a large fountain in front. It was the type of house I would dream of living in. I knocked on the front door and waited patiently. Jimin was the one who answered, the pink in his hair was fading slightly. I noted he had dark circles under his eyes, his eyes were less bright too.

“Hey Y/N, come on in.” The outside of the house was beautiful, inside was a different story. It was like walking into a museum, there were old artefacts everywhere. Statues of ancient Gods stood proudly along the hallway. There were paintings on every wall.

“Who owns this place?” I muttered out loud, eyeing every decoration. Jimin let out a soft chuckle watching my expression.

“Namjoon owns it.” I spun around to face him; my own eyes wide. Namjoon was only 24 years old, a recent University Grad, how the hell did he afford this? “I know what you’re thinking; how the hell did he afford it. Believe or not, an old Professor of our University left it for him. He was a lonely old man who took quite the liking to Namjoon. Treated him like his own son.” Jimin commented, smiling softly, I felt my own smile grow as well.

Jimin led me to the living area and told me to take a seat. Taehyung was busy with his own work and would be late; so, it was just Jimin and I for now. Jimin looked nervous, he was consistently fiddling with his fingers, checking his phone, he kept gazing at me but quickly looking away. Suddenly, Jimin broke the silence; his voice was timid, afraid.

“Y/N, can I ask you something?” I nodded, Jimin clears his throat, “Why did you contact Taehyung, are you here to help?” Looking at my own hands, I wasn’t sure on how to answer him. I really did want to help; but I couldn’t understand what I saw. If it were the other way around and I went missing; Namjoon would have solved it right away.

“I think you both deserve to know the truth,” I said, tugging at my hoodie.

“What truth?” a voice sounded from behind me, spinning around I face Taehyung who had just came through the door. He was frowning as he came and took a seat next to Jimin.

“The truth about Namjoon. I lied when I said I didn’t know what happened to him; well not lied, I don’t know where he is.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “What I do know is that; Namjoon must have found something, perhaps an artefact like you said, Taehyung. But somehow, he just vanished. Like all of the sudden; poof! Gone.” Both Taehyung and Jimin’s eyes were wide, Taehyung turned to Jimin silently speaking with his eyes before he turned back to me.

“You need to tell us everything. From the beginning, leave nothing out.”

The Expedition

The ship had just set sail, the rocking motion was already making me feel a bit queasy. I place my suitcase on the bottom bunk, too tired to claim the top bunk; I’ll let my roommate have the joy of climbing up and down the ladders. Just as I finished unpacking, the door opens, and Commander Roth enters.

“We’re about to have a meeting,” I nod, turning back around I place the suitcase under the bed. I feel Roth come up behind me, his hand caress my neck pushing my hair to the side. “I’m so happy you decided to come. Your father would be so proud.” I push his hand off me, pushing at his chest for him to step back.

“Don’t talk about my father,” I mutter pushing past him and exiting the room. I located the rest of the team in the dining area. They were crowded around a small table, chatting loudly at each other, I notice a large map on the table. I lean against the door frame; waiting for Roth to start the meeting.

“The tomb should be located there,” a boy with dark glasses points on the map. “a source had said they had seen it on the corner of the mountain. But it disappeared after the sun had set,” A tall man let out a laugh, clutching his stomach, the other men joined in as well. The boy with the glasses frowned, stuffing his hands in his pockets taking a step away from the table.

“This source wouldn’t happen to be Eli Green would it?” The tall man asked, running a hand through his dark messy hair. “Eli Green is a drunken low life who was mostly like pissed when he claimed he saw the tomb up the mountain.” The other men hummed in agreement before the once again debating the location of the tomb. At this moment, Commander Roth enters the room; all men fall silent.

“Now that everyone is here; I’d like to introduce to the person that is funding this expedition.” Roth extends his hand to me; all the men’s eyes turn to me. “Meet Y/N L/N.” I nod before walking towards the table. Grabbing the red marker sitting at the edge of the table, I mark a giant ‘X’ on where the boy with glasses had previously pointed too.

“That’s where the tomb is,” I commented; the tall man looks at it before looking at boy with the glasses, then back to me.

“And how do you know?” I smirk slightly.

“Because that’s where I saw it.” Roth lets out a chuckle before pointing to the tall man.

“Y/N meet Adam Taylor. He’s the lead archaeologist of the programme Into the Past-.”

“Which won an award, I proudly might add!” Adam cuts in; I sigh internally, of course Roth picks an arrogant know-it-all to be part of the team.

“-he has studied pretty much everything about the tomb and the myths regarding it.”

Roth then points to the boy with glasses, whose eyes haven’t left me yet. It’s like he’s completely bewildered. “This is Kim Namjoon, he graduated top in his history class at university; he specialises in myths. And you’ve met the rest of our team.” The other men nod at me.

Namjoon quickly hobbles over to me, reaching out his hand for me to shake, bowing slightly. I lightly shake his hand whilst smiling softly.

“You saw the tomb?” Namjoon asked breathlessly, his eyes wide behind his glasses. I nod before moving to stand in front of the table. All men turn their focus onto me. I began the briefing.

“Three years ago; a group of archaeologists had made their way into the tomb-”

“Wait, so the tomb has already been discovered? I thought we were going to be the first ones to ever enter it!” Adam cuts me off, I glare at him which caused him to gulp.

“If you had let me finish you would have found out that the team only made it so far into the tomb before vanishing. Nobody has heard anything from the team; the last message was that they were entering the tomb. After that nothing. Everyone who has entered that tomb hasn’t made it out alive.” I nod to Roth to continue; I take a seat at the top of the table.

“These archaeologists were trained and led by the greatest archaeologists out there, and yet they vanished without a trace. When we arrive at the tomb, we must be careful; we do not go off on our own.” Roth looks pointedly at Adam. “We don’t know what could be lurking in the tomb so we must be on our guard.” The team nod, I look to Namjoon whose face showed his fear.

“The tomb most likely has traps to stop people from entering, this might have been the reason why the amateurs disappeared.” Namjoon gulped whilst adjusting his glasses. Adam glances at him, a smirk forming on his lips.

“Aww, are you scared Namjoon?” He taunts but Namjoon just looks at the map, ignoring him.

“You would be scared too, Adam,” Roth comments, “This isn’t a reality Tv show, buddy. What you’re about to see, you will never be able to erase.” Adam’s eyes lowered, he crossed his arms and for once was silent.

“Our main focus of this expedition is to find the tomb and get inside it,” I say, the team nod once again. “Don’t touch anything, got it? We don’t know what could trigger any traps.”

Roth finishes up the meeting, answering all of Namjoon’s questions whilst I go to the kitchen and fix myself something to eat. Adam follows me, I can hear him clattering from beside me. I know he’s got something to say; I’m just patiently waiting for it.

“So, you’re a Y/L/N, your dad must be proud of you. Being an archaeologist and all.” I chose to ignore him and continue to search the fridge. “I mean you’ll most likely have the same fate as him. You know; go Insane, have everybody hate you, lose your reputation. I mean he did lead those men to their deaths.” My grip on the handle tighten, my knuckles whiten, I count to ten holding onto the burning hot temper within me. “He led them into that tomb on a whim, for god sake, he had no proof, yet he still led those poor men-”

Gripping Adam by the collar, I slam him into the fridge. I pull out the switchblade I had into my back pocket and held it to his neck. I watch the fear raise in his eyes, his body shuddering. Pressing the blade harshly into his skin, I lean over and whisper in his ear.

“My father may have been responsible for those men death, but at least he wasn’t a fake. You stand there in front of a camera reading a fucking script about a tomb you never heard off, and yet you claim you’re an archaeologist. Do not stand there and bad mouth my father about his biggest mistake when you’re about to make yours.” I shove him back and march back into the dining room, passing by Namjoon who stood at the kitchen door, having just witnessed the scene. I ignore Roth’s look of concern as I storm past him and into my room.

It is well into the night; I lay on my bed scrolling through old pictures on my laptop. There was a knock on the door, I assumed it was Roth, so I shouted, ‘come in’. The door opens slowly, looking up I spot Namjoon lurking awkwardly at the door.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, sitting up to face him. He nods quickly, before looking at his hands.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you know after that scene with Adam,” I nod and beckon him into the room.

“I’m fine, I deal with assholes like him all the time.” Namjoon looked at my laptop, a smile takes over his features.

“Is that you?” I nod, passing him the laptop allowing him to see the picture better. The picture was of my dad and I; I was about eight. We were in Egypt, Dad had important business there, but he had taken me as well for a mini holiday.

“You’re cute,” I let out a laugh as Namjoon covers his mouth and furiously apologises. I shake my head and invite him to sit with me on the bed. We’re silent for a moment before I break.

“Thanks for checking on me, you didn’t have to.” Namjoon smiles softly before looking down, a crease forming on his forehead. “You can ask, by the way about why I held a blade to his throat.” I giggle.

Namjoon sighs before speaking; “I actually already know why, I heard what he said.” I nod before looking at the picture of my Dad.

“I know I should blame him for what he did, but I can’t. Nobody knows the full story.” I sigh, Namjoon places a hand on my shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, I’m just some nerdy history guy.” I laugh before shaking my head.

“No, you’re not, you’re more than that. Roth doesn’t usually choose armatures for these expeditions so he must have saw something in you. I think there’s more to meet the eye,” Namjoon smiles at that and I smile too. For the rest of the night we talk about everything, from old myths to our favourite Tv shows. When we finally said goodnight, for once I didn’t feel lonely.

For the next couple of days, Roth had all of us training. It was just precaution in case we ran into trouble. Namjoon was terrible at combat and working with weapons; somehow, he managed to break a handgun. We were drawing near now, about a day away. I could feel dread in my bones as I think about what’s in the that tomb. I leaned against the railing, looking at the blue Atlantic; I try to control my breathing and clear the thoughts clouding my head.

“How are you holding up?” Roth asked from behind me, his hands automatically reach my shoulders, massaging them slightly. A burning sensation started in my stomach, I nudge him off me and began pacing.

“We’re at least a day away and we’re still not ready. We have no idea what we’re up against.” I speak, my voice wobbles slightly. I didn’t want to be like my Father; leading people into a tomb that we knew nothing about. Roth grabs me, holding me in place.

“Stop, Y/N. We’ll be ready don’t worry. Nothing is going to go wrong. And like you said, we’re just to find it and look inside it.”

“Yeah and look at how well that turned out for the others!” I yell slightly, before sighing and lowering my voice. “Those were trained archaeologists, Roth. They did that for a living, and they couldn’t make it out. Look at us; we’ve got armed soldiers, a Kim Kardashian wannabe archaeologist, and an amateur historian. We’re a mess.” I run a hand through my hair and look at the time. Part of me hopes they’d make it. Roth runs his hands down my hair in an attempt to sooth me.

“You don’t need an army, Y/N. And any you’re forgetting something; we have you.” I go to speak but he cuts me off. “No, you made it out that tomb alive. Alright, you were a child but still, as far as I’m aware you’re the only survivor.”

With that Roth leaves, he goes back to the team to help with training. I lean my head on the railing, internally praying for a sign that we’d all be okay.

“I’m surprised you’re not seasick from leaning like that.” Namjoon’s voice breaks my prayer. Looking up, I notice him walking over with a book clutched in his hand, his glasses were sliding off his nose. Scrunching his nose, he uses his index finger to push them back up.

“Too much on my mind to feel seasick,” I say before once again sighing. Namjoon hums before leaning against the railing with me.

“Are you scared?”

“Not for the reason I should be,” I say, Namjoon raises an eyebrow. I shake my head, “I should be scared that I might die but I’m not. I’m scared I’ll find something in there.”

“Isn’t that the whole point in the expedition?” I shrug, not really sure what the purpose was anymore.

“Yes and no. When I first thought of the expedition; I was determined to fix my father’s reputation, to prove that everyone was wrong about him. Now, I don’t know. I never thought about what I’d do if I find something in there.” We fall silent, listening to the waves crash against the ship.

“I think that’s understandable. If I was in your position, I’d probably be a lot more freaked out.” Namjoon laughs softly. “To be honest, I don’t what I’m doing here. This is completely out my comfort zone. I’m the type to read about the adventure not live it.” I nod in agreement. This was my father’s life not mine, I never wanted to be an archaeologist.

“I just hope everything will turn out alright. I hope I’m not leading you guys to your death.” Namjoon looks at me for a moment then to the sea. He doesn’t say anything, I know he wants to but he’s holding back. I look at the book clutched in his hands.

“What’s that?” I nod to the book. And just like that I broke a void; Namjoon goes into to full detail about the myth of King Arthur and the whole history behind him. I listen intently, ignoring the anxiousness within my chest. While Namjoon talks, I feel at ease and forget the expectations.

As the ship docks, I begin to feel sick. I can see the mountain that is rumoured to hold the tomb, from the front of the ship; it is at least an hour drive away. The rumours state that when the sun sets on the mountain; the rocks form a shape of a face and sometimes there’d be a gold reflect as the sun hits the mountain. As if the sun is reflecting off a mirror of some kind. As I leave the ship, I spot Namjoon struggling with his suitcase. He was holding up a queue of men as he tried to go down from the ship with difficulty as his suitcase wheel was twisted. He had two books clasped in his left hand and he continues to tug at his case, but it was no good. Shaking my head, I grab his suitcase with the handle and proceed to carry it along with mine.

“You don’t have to do that!” He exclaims, I shake my head, a smile tugs on my lips.

“We’d be here all day if I didn’t.”

The team climb into the minibus, I take a seat next to Roth and look over my father’s notes. Namjoon sits behind me on his own, not that I think he minded as he pulled out his AirPods and ignore Adam’s comments on his achievements. We’re twenty minutes into the bus ride when Roth began to speak.

“I have someone I’d like you to meet when we get to the mountain,” my eyes leave the notepad in my hand and turn to look at him. Roth smiles as he places a hand on my knee and rubs it gently. “She studied your father’s notes and has come up with her on theory of what happened.” His hand travels up my thigh before resting. I shut my eyes tightly, my hand gripping the notepad tightens also. Roth notices my stiff position and moves away his hand.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” I quickly nod, before returning to my notes. Once again that burning sensation returns and I bite my tongue to ignore. It wasn’t uncommon for people to study Father’s notes; I just find it odd that Roth is bringing this up now when we have a team prepared.

“What’s her theory?” Roth’s eyes brighten at my question and places his hand on mine. He slips his fingers through mine and tightly squeezes.

“Well she believes that there is a power source within the tomb, something about the sun being attracted to it. I’m not too sure but you can ask her when you meet her.”

For the rest of the ride, Roth refuses to let go of my hand. This makes it difficult for me to write anything down since I’m right-handed. I eventually gave up and stared at the houses as we drove by.

We arrive at the bottom of the mountain, there is a tiny village here which is where’d be resting until the sun sets. Roth gave orders that everyone is to have rested and had food before we leave tonight. Adam was horrified that we’d be leaving for the mountain tonight. Sooner rather than later, Roth had said. The team was to meet at the bottom of the mountain with their climbing gear at eight thirty. Turning to me, Roth motion me to follow him. Swallowing the lump, I slowly walked behind him. He led me to a small bar, it was crowded with the locals which made me feel at ease. Roth tugged me to the bar where a young woman - around my age, with short blonde hair was sitting at the bar, Roth led me to her. Up close I noticed the tattoos gracing her arms, from what I could tell it looked like some sort of tribal tattoo.

“Veronica Evans meet Y/N L/N, this was the girl I was talking about,” I nodded my greetings. Her blue eyes were icy as they met mine, part of me wanted to cower away from them. She had a strange aura around her; it almost felt dangerous.

“You look like your mother,” she stated. My heart almost stopped beating, she had made the comment so casually like she knew my mother but that couldn’t be possible since she was so young.

“I’m sorry?” I spluttered out; she took a sip of her drink whilst waving her hand.

“I saw a picture of your mother in your father’s journal. Sorry I didn’t mean to sound creepy there. I’m a huge fan of your father’s work.” I nod slightly, not really believing her. Father didn’t really include much of his personal life in his journal entries.

“Veronica why don’t you tell Y/N about your theory whilst I get us drinks,” Veronica nodded, she reached into her black bag and pulled out a black notebook. As she bent down, I noticed a black choker wrapped around her neck, attached to it was a black gemstone. It glistened purple in the lightening.

“That’s a pretty necklace.” I completed; Veronica dropped the notebook in her hand causing her to let out serval curses.

“Sorry, butterfingers here. Anyway, thanks had to kill a bitch to get it.” I let out a little chuckle and fixed my t-shirt. Looking up I noticed her sober expression, her icy blue eyes watching my every move. Veronica cleared her throat. “Right, back to my theory. Your father believed that there was some magical power source in the tomb, right?” I nod, remembering all his journal entries with him ranting about powers of Gods.

“Well I think he might be partly right. I think there is power within that tomb; I’m not sure if it’s Gods though. It could be witchcraft. I just find it strange that the tomb only comes into view as the sun is setting. I don’t understand why we can’t see it during daytime. To me it’s like it’s under some kind of spell.” I nod even though I’m not entirely convinced. Part of me thinks it makes sense.

Just as I was about to comment, Roth appears with drinks. He places a glass of red wine in front of me. I stare at it for a second, I didn’t want to drink anything especially since I was about to climb a mountain in at least two hours. However, I took a small sip to be polite and almost gagged. It was too bitter.

“You could be right,” I say to Veronica, “But why use witchcraft to hide a tomb?” Veronica just shrugs and gulps at her drink. Roth lets out a hum before throwing an arm around my shoulder. “Obviously so no one would find it,” Roth commented, which made me roll my eyes. “I’m just saying, whatever is inside must be important for them to use ancient voodoo to hide it.”

“Well whatever it is, witchcraft can’t hide it forever.” Veronica said and I nodded as I thought back to the previous archaeologist team who actually made it into the tomb. I don’t think it was the power of witchcraft that had caused them to vanish, it was something else.

After I met with Veronica, I made an excuse that I needed to freshen up before tonight. Roth was reluctant to let me go but eventually his tight grip loosened. In my room, I organise my weapons and my hiking gear. I made sure to grab some flares in case the flashlight runs out of battery. I lean over the sink and try to calm my nerves. Going back into the main room, I grab my backpack and strap two guns to the side of my hip.

I met up with Namjoon at the bottom of the mountain. Him and Adam where the only ones there; the rest were on their way. I tighten the straps of my backpack and put the communicator in my ear. Namjoon follows me and puts his earpiece into his ear as well. Adam leans against the tree and lets out a loud yawn causing me to roll my eyes. Eventually the rest of the team follow, Roth and Veronica arrive along with them. I eye the two of them as they stand oddly close together.

“Right, listen up everyone. These earpieces are for your safety, we are all connected so if anyone gets lost or in trouble; we have your back. You all have a weapon on you; do not be afraid to use it. From now on its either kill or be killed, got it?” Roth shouted; the team all shouted their response. Roth turns to me a smile on his face; “Lead the way Miss Y/L.” Shaking my head I turn to the large mountain in front of me. This was going to be a long night.

As I began to walk in front, I feel a tug on my backpack. I turn and see Namjoon connecting his backpack with mine. “What are you doing?” I ask, he finishes connecting them and adorably pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not very good at exercise and stuff. I might be slow so I thought you might be able to help me speed it up.” I let out a small laugh before tugging him with me. I didn’t say it but I was glad he did that, part of me didn’t want to be the only one leading. As we push our way up the steep hill, I could feel the burn in my thighs, and I knew it was only going to get worse as we reach the bottom on the mountain which will have to climb. From behind me I can hear Namjoon’s ragged breath, much like my own, and Roth shouting out encouragement to the men further behind.

“You okay?” I breathlessly ask Namjoon, he just nods too out of breath to speak. I smile and try to encourage him the best I can.

It takes us nearly over an hour to get to the bottom of the mountain; Namjoon stands beside me huffing and puffing away. Looking up, I feel slightly sick as I take in the height of the mountain which we’re about to climb. I grip the climbing axe that rest beside me and prepare myself for the burn that is about to take place in my arms. As usual I’m the first to start, jumping up I smash the axe harshly into the rock and place my feet firmly on rock before ascending. Namjoon follows jumping and slamming his body into the rocks, he grunts when his stomach comes into with the rock, I wince as well as I feel the vibrations travel up the rope attached to our backpacks.

“Careful Namjoon!” I call down to him. As I continue, I feel the burn in my arms, they feel slightly weaker. Stopping for a second, I catch my breath. Looking down, I feel slightly dizzy, we are high up now. Namjoon manages to come up beside me and stops for a breather also. Below us I can hear the men grunting as the continue to climb their way up to us.

“You okay?” Namjoon breaths, looking at him I notice the sweat clinging to his blonde hair, the rim of his glasses has fogged up slightly. I just nod before reaching up and continuing on. As I continue climbing, I notice how close we are to the top, just a little further and we’re there.

“Y/N!” I hear Roth shout from below, I stop mid-climb and look down. “The sun is setting; we need to hurry it up!” I nod, before pushing up on my arms and began slamming down on the axe. I was practically pulling Namjoon at this point; racing against the sun. I continue swinging my arms back and forth until I reach the top, quickly I pull myself over gasping for breath. Namjoon grunts behind me, I turn around and grab him pulling him up. I look up at the sun as I watch slowly set. Nothing was happening; no sign of gold reflects like the rumours suggested. Peering over the edge I was about to shout down to Roth when a large humming sound echoed behind me. Turning around I watched as Namjoon turned a large mirror that was tucked away behind a rock to face the sun. The mirror then reflected another mirror hidden in a far corner, which reflected another and so forth. In front of me was now a large face gleaming under the reflection of the lights. We had found it. Turning to face Namjoon, I let out a laugh of relief as the golden doors open letting out a puff of dust.

Holding in the earpiece I was about to repeat what had just happened to Roth when all of the sudden the ground started trembling. “Roth something’s not right!” I shouted; I could hear the sounds of cracks. I looked fearfully at Namjoon who wore the same expression, looking up I notice rocks began to fall from the top of the mountain.

“Look out!” I scream and grab onto Namjoon’s hand dragging him with me towards the tomb doors. We keep running until we’re inside.

“Y/N CAN YOU HEAR ME!” Roth bellowed; I felt my heart racing. I couldn’t think, all the sudden the lack of air around me was my main concern.

“We’re in the tomb, Roth. Some sort of earthquake happened; I don’t know. Are you guys okay?” I heard Namjoon asked from beside me. He quickly noticed my quick breathing and rushes to kneel in front of me. “Hey! Look at me, just breath okay. Copy me.” I nod and quickly copied what he was doing. I could feel my mind ease up a little. Looking around I notice some writing on the walls, it was written in a foreign language. I wasn’t able to translate. Turning towards the entrance I notice it was now blocked closed by a rock; the panic feeling was rising again. Namjoon reaches for my hand and squeezes it lightly.

“We’ll find a way out, I promise.” I nod, following him into the tomb. It smelled damp and musky; the dust was tickling my nose. Namjoon tried communicating with Roth but it seemed the earpieces weren’t working. The walls around us were covered in writing, no pictures just writings, taking out my flashlight I shine it on the writing in hopes I’d understand it.

“I don’t get it,” I mumble, Namjoon follows the writing with his finger, tracing it. He beckons me over which I follow. I shine the light on the part which he was trying to translate.

“It’s telling the story of the underworld. It talks about Hades and his ruling of the underworld. Also, his love for Persephone.” I look at Namjoon with an eyebrow raised.

“You can understand that?”

“I didn’t get graduate top of my history class for nothing!” I chuckle and follow him as he leads me down the corridor. As we continue on, I felt as if we were being watched. Ever so often, Namjoon would stop and take pictures of the writings or weird symbols we had come across.

We enter what seems to be the heart of the tomb. In front of us is a dais, it had pillars surrounding it with strange red markings on them which seemed oddly familiar. Namjoon steps forward and as he does, I hear a crackling sound from behind us. Turning around quickly there in front of me with glowing green eyes was some sort of creature. It was armed with a sword; it was dressed in green armoury. The creature was almost skeleton-like, the flesh had been melted off the face, leaving the bone to shine through.

“Oh my god!” I shouted, reaching for the guns strapped beside me. I grip them tightly in my hand, turning to Namjoon. “Quickly untie us!” I motion to the bag behind me. His eyes widen but quickly he scrambled to untie the rope with trembling hands. Namjoon lets out a curse as he tugs at the robe, it wasn’t losing. Namjoon grabs the axe and tries to cut us apart.

“Ouch! Shit!” Namjoon yelps. Eventually we’re free, Namjoon steps back as I land another shot to the creature. I quickly shot at the creature at the back, hitting it in the chest knocking it back. Once we were untied, I turned to Namjoon. “Find us a way out of here!” He nods before returning to the dais. I continue shooting at the creature when I notice two more following behind. My eyes widen and my breath staggers.

“Namjoon you better hurry!” I squeal as I shoot again, aiming for the two in the back. I can here Namjoon mumbling from behind me. I can tell I’m going to run out of ammo as I continue to shoot, the creatures were not dying. They continue to screech, quickly moving towards me, my left gun had no ammo left. “Shit!” I yelp. I drop it beside me and clasp two hands on my last remaining gun and continue to shoot. From behind me I could hear a creaking sound as if something was turning, like a wheel of some kind. Hope began to rise within me at the sound, Namjoon must have found a way out. Focusing on keeping these creatures at bay, I slowly moved backwards. They were creeping closer and closer.

Just as I was about to shout at Namjoon, a bright light overtook the room. The force knocked me off my feet, I cover my eyes with my arm. I could hear the creatures screaming from in front of me, but it was too bright to open my eyes. I don’t know how long I lay like that but once I opened my eyes; the creatures where gone. Burnt to a crisp, tiny flakes of ashes fluttered in front of me. I let out a little chuckle and turn to celebrate with Namjoon when I notice he wasn’t there.

“Namjoon?” I called out, I jumped to my feet. I rushed to the dais; it was broken in half. I could feel my breathing speeding up. It wasn’t broken when we entered, what the hell happened?

“What the fuck?” I whispered, looking around the room. My eyes landed on Namjoon’s phone that lay a few feet away from the dais. Rushing over I picked it up, it was cracked but still working. “Namjoon? Please come out, this isn’t funny!” I whimpered, feeling all the sudden scared. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. The sound of groaning made me snap my eyes open. More of those creatures were limping into the hall. Cursing under my breath, I grip Namjoon’s phone tightly, my eyes spotted a small passageway behind the dais. Without thinking, I ran towards it, the creatures growling behind me. I kept running, my legs burning, and I could hear the creatures catching up. My eyes widen as I take in the end of the passageway, I skid to a halt. Below me was nothing but water leading to a waterfall. Gulping, I knew my chances of surviving were slim but looking back at the creatures running towards; it was one I was willing to taking. So, I jumped.

The water dragged me, I flapped my arms to the side trying to push myself to the surface, but it was useless, the current was too strong. I kept floating away, my lungs were burning desperate for air. I could feel myself weakling. As my eyes shut, preparing to lose conscious I heard Namjoon.

“Come on, Y/N! We’ve got to get out of here!” my eyes shot open; I kicked my legs as hard as I could until I broke the surface. I gasped, my lungs sucking in the air. I floated on my back as I greedily sucked up the air. I spot a bit of land that I could pull myself onto, I push myself to swim on over to it. Dragging myself onto the land, I cough up some water before taking more inhales. As I’m breathing, I hear a gun click, freezing instantly, I slowly look up. Roth is standing in front of me, a gun hanging at his side.

“What are you doing?” I croak, eyeing the gun at his side. Veronica comes into view, a smirk painted on her red lips as she eyes me. Roth crouches down so he is eye level with me.

“Where is it?” he asks, his voice is soft, but his eyes are hard.

“Where’s what?” I whisper, I can feel a cold sweat coming over me. Something wasn’t right, I could tell by looking at the soldiers. They all had their guns pressed to their chests, fingers on the trigger; ready for shooting.

“The artefact, Y/N. Where is it?” I shake my head. There wasn’t an artefact from what I saw.

“I don’t know. There wasn’t one. It was just a dais!” Roth presses the gun to my forehead, I tightly shut my eyes.

“Tell me the truth!” Roth screams suddenly, I flinch away. Veronica steps forward placing a hand on Roth’s shoulder.

“The boy must have it.” She said and Roth smirks looking at her. He turns back to me and grins evilly.

“Where’s Namjoon, Y/N?”

“I don’t know, he just disappeared!” Roth shakes his head and lets out a laugh.

“He can’t have just vanished Y/N!” I could feel my lips tremble as I remembered the empty hall. I shake my head as tears began to well up.

“He did! He was there then he was gone!” I yell.

“Bullshit!” Roth grips my chin harshly in his hand, squeezing making me yelp in pain. “You better start telling me the truth, Y/N or you’re going to end up like Daddy!” My eyes widen as those words leave his mouth. But before I could retaliate, he smacked me with the gun over the head. Darkness washed over me as my body hit the ground.

- Rosewood Estate.

Taehyung continues to pace back and forth. Jimin’s face was in his hands, I don’t know if he was crying or not. “Like I said, Namjoon was alive when were went into that tomb but he just suddenly vanished.” Taehyung nodded but still continued to pace. It was silent now, apart from the sound of Taehyung’s shoes clicking as he is walking back and forth.

“The thing I don’t understand is the artefact you all keep speaking off,” I commented, thinking back to what Taehyung had said and Roth. “What artefact were they looking for?” Jimin lifted his head from his hand, his eyes were red, he looked to Taehyung who had stopped pacing and looked at him.

“You may as well tell her,” Jimin spoke, his voice creaking slightly. Taehyung sighed before coming to sit next to me.

“Namjoon was looking for an artefact that would open the doors to the Underworld. The tomb you were in had a myth that it was the birthplace of that said artefact.”

“So, like a key?” I asked, Taehyung nodded slightly. I began biting my nails as I think back to the tomb. “I don’t remember seeing anything. What did it look like?”

“I don’t know, nobody does, I guess. All the journals spoke about it but never described it.” I huff and roll my eyes.

“Well that’s bloody helpful.” Jimin lets out a small giggle at my outburst. Once again, we fell silent. “I seriously don’t think there was an artefact there. I just remember the dais in the middle of the room. It did have strange markings on it though. But that was it.”

Jimin just sighs and leans back on the couch, Taehyung does the same. Suddenly, I bounce to my feet and run to grab my bag which sat at entrance. I reach in and grab my father’s journal, turning quickly to the page. I quickly read the page until I found what I was looking for. Father spoke about the dais with strange markings which he called the gateway, he said it was the key to open a portal of some kind. Rushing back to Taehyung and Jimin, I thrust the notebook into their face.

“Look!” I exclaim, “My father wrote about the dais, he described it to be like a door of some kind, like a portal maybe. So basically, the dais is door to the underworld.” Taehyung continued reading before shaking his blue hair.

“That’s nice, Y/N but it doesn’t say anything about an artefact.” I nod before reading the next page.

“My father goes on to talk about rituals after this! Ugh, this doesn’t make sense! Just when I thought I was getting somewhere!” I flop back onto the couch throwing the notepad on the floor. Jimin picked up the notepad and took a look. His eyes widen then looked at us.

“What?”

“What if there is not artefact, what if that’s just a myth?” I nod along, wanting him to continue. “What if the way into Underworld is by your soul?” I take a minute to process what Jimin said.

“Don’t be stupid Jimin!” Taehyung laughed, shaking his head. “And how the fucked did Namjoon offer up his soul huh?”

“He cut himself,” I whispered, thinking back to what my father wrote about rituals -which at the time seemed to be completely random. Jimin looks to me as my eyes widen at what I said. “Oh my God! Namjoon tried to untie our backpacks but they were stuck so he had to use the axe. I remember him yelping, he must have cut himself.” Taehyung flops on the couch, his face oddly pale.

“So, what you’re saying is that our best friend is in the Underworld?” he practically whispers. I nod and so does Jimin.

“I think so,” I muttered.

“Well shit!” Taehyung exclaims, his hands clasping his blue hair.

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bryonysimcox · 4 years

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Driving round the world in an old van? You’re crazy!

Living in unknown places in a confined space and with little money is a dream for some and a nightmare for others. As I prepare to embark on a two-year overland adventure, I reflect on the plan for our trip and my motivations behind it.

WHAT So. What’s the plan?

In short, we’d like to end up in Chile, having driven eastwards from England to get there. I know, it’s a mammoth task, but for my partner George and I, it’s about the process of getting there (or attempting to!), and not the final destination. So we thought we’d set our sights on something totally aspirational and see how far we get!

Step one is to prepare the vehicle. We’ve always known we wanted to do the trip overland, seeing all the borders and in-between-places rather than just hotspots and capital cities (as you’d usually experience on a trip reliant on flying). We also knew we wanted a van that would serve as our home, to find comfort and constancy in as our surroundings change.

Step two is doing the travelling itself. Starting in the UK, our provisional route will see us moving through the south of Europe, down into Greece and Turkey, then eastwards into India. From there, we’ll go across into China or down into South-east Asia. At that point, assuming the van is still intact and the numbers stack up, we’ll ship the vehicle across into Canada - a considerable journey but one which other overland adventurers have proved is possible. And then from Canada, we’ll head south, down through the United States and Central America, across the Darién Gap, and eventually, down into Chile.

We know, it’s crazy. And possibly not possible. (But that’s sort of the point!)

Step three, as if we don’t already have enough on our plate, is to launch a documentary channel along the way. Rather than just share the same old #VanLife photos of dreamy sunsets and coffee in the van (which I’m sure we’ll do some of!), our channel, called Broaden, will document the stories, people and places we find along the way, in what we hope is a meaningful and engaging way.

(image) Broaden will be our storytelling platform

WHEN When was this wild idea born?

It all begins with eighteen year-old George. Inspired by Ewan McGregor’s motorcycle travels in ‘The Long Way Round’, George decided he wanted to undertake his own epic adventure - from the northernmost part of Scotland to the southernmost part of Chile. But why Chile? Well, George’s best friend is half-Chilean (they later travelled to Chile together in their early twenties), and I think the extreme distance of this trip appealed to George; this idea of going from two polar opposite places, north and south.

As with many wild dreams, George slowly let go of his Scotland to Chile idea. Life got in the way, but his passion for mechanics and do-it-yourself projects didn’t. He’s a real self-starter and the subsequent years saw him open his own recording studio and then teach himself video production, making films for a living both in the UK and Australia. Not long after I met George in the summer of 2014 at Spanish music festival, he told me about his overland pipe-dream.

The audacity of the idea, the sheer insanity of driving that far, living on the road and making do with very little somehow made a lasting impact on me.

As an architecture graduate, I’m interested in problem-solving. Even though my career path took me away from architecture specifically, I still love strategising, designing things and finding ways to make projects work. And the idea of building our own van to drive around the world seemed like the ultimate design and project management challenge!

(image) The early days: George and I working together at a festival, Summer 2015

George and I started dating, and moved to Australia. Gradually, we re-ignited George’s idea about driving to drive to Chile. It started as a ‘one-day’ idea that we’d talk about, and gradually became a tangible plan that we could aim towards - saving money up for it and setting milestones. Once we’d told other people we were going to do it, we knew were accountable and it all suddenly felt real.

And so a date was set to move back from Australia to the UK to buy a van and start the trip - April 2019. Since then we’ve been heads-down and knee-deep in van-building (more info on that in a later blog post).

WHO So who’s going to be part of the adventure?

It goes without saying that I’m mainly embarking on this with George - I hope we get along because we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other! Really though, I’m pretty sure we’ll be just fine in each other’s company, considering we’ve forged on through the van-building process together. In fact, these last few intense months have surely made us stronger, and proved our compatibility (or maybe just our mutual stubbornness!).

What I lack, George makes up for with his ‘we can fix this’ attitude, his mechanical-mindedness and his courage to tackle the big scary things head on. And what he lacks, I make up for with my love of planning (a.k.a. list-making), my upholstery skills and my interest in interior design.

(image) Building cabinetry for the inside of Suzi

But really, part of the very raison d’etre of the trip is to meet OTHERS! Having four seats in the van was always a big priority for us, so that we could pick people up along the way, sharing the experience and splitting fuel costs. These people may be strangers we meet en-route, or perhaps even friends who come along to visit us. There will be nothing quite like the sight of a Brit or Australian we know and love so dearly catching up with us in some far-flung place!

There is a considerable #VanLife community across the globe, so we’ll likely meet up with and travel with ‘vanlifers’ too (I’m still coming to terms with that word, feels so super-cheesy). It’ll give me a chance to snoop on other people’s van interiors and get top tips on places to visit, things to do, and hopefully some hidden campout spots.

HOW But how will you survive?!

Firstly, there is so much planning we could’ve, should’ve, but haven’t done. I know part of this ‘travel round the world’ plan probably comes over as very naive, and I’m not even going to say it’s not. BUT, there is also a lot of planning and prep that we have done, and there’s no better way to find out where the gaps are than just set off and start living it.

One of the biggest hurdles to living on the road will be financing it.

Living in Australia was really the first thing that made this trip feasible. Wages are considerably higher over there and, although it is tempered by the extortionate cost of living, George and I were still able to put some savings aside. Month-by-month we saved what most sensible people would tell you to use for a deposit on ‘that first flat’, but what we decided to put towards a van.

Needless to say, the van cost more than we expected to build and kit out (a lot more). So we’re not necessarily starting with as much of a financial safety-net as we would have liked. But our van overspend and tighter budget was probably to be expected, and it will surely force us to innovate.

Having both worked in design, George and I are familiar with freelancing. We plan on building our portfolios on the road, whether that be shooting and editing videos, doing graphic design, writing articles, or making collages. Our channel ‘Broaden’ will serve as a ‘production-house-on-wheels’, and we imagine video production to be our main income stream, through both YouTube and traditional commissions. We’re also exploring subscription content services like Patreon, where subscribers can back the films that we make in exchange for exclusive content. Whilst planning to get paid for making the videos/photos/art that we love making feels like a leap of faith, we take comfort in the fact that so many other inspiring people out there are making this model work and proving that you can fund life on the road!

Of course, for all the pennies that we earn, we’ll be saving those pennies at every possible opportunity. This’ll mean camping freely, conserving gas and fuel, generating solar power, eating locally and living frugally.

(image) Suzi, our 1994 Toyota Hiace

WHY Okay. But why on earth would you undertake this whole project?

This is the most important question of all, and also the hardest question to answer (hence why I’ve left it until last!). I can thank my dear friend Chris for inspiring me to write this blog post, as he asked me this very question in a recent letter he wrote to me: “but why are you actually doing all of this, Bryony?”. Whilst his letter left me frustrated that I couldn’t answer it immediately, I was so grateful for the challenge to think long and hard about the motivation behind our plans.

Simply put, the reason why is: Why not? In true ‘YOLO’ spirit, I can honestly say I haven’t got a good enough reason not to want to go and explore different parts of the world.

To add to that, there’s a practical side of things. If we’re going to do something like living and travelling in a van at some point in our lives, it seems like the ‘right’ time - we’ve got no children, we are miles away from even contemplating a mortgage, we’re not deep into careers, and we’re in good health. Doing something like this is also bound to give us heaps of life experience which will no doubt add value to other parts of our life, like problem-solving, collaborating (and persevering!) with each other, engaging with different people and cultures, being outside of our comfort zones and perhaps even finding a place where we’d eventually like to live.

Whilst all of the above are valid reasons to be setting off into the unknown in a 1994 Japanese van, I think there are other, more intrinsic reasons that I’m embarking on such a massive project. And it’s so hard to put my finger on what those reasons are, because they’re so deep down (and have, until recently, been buried by the everyday frustrations of building the van itself), but I’ve tried to dig them up from inside of me and put them into words:

1. The bigger the project you attempt, the greater the sense of achievement when you succeed.

I think that’s why this project is about proving something to myself (and perhaps others). Whether that is healthy, I’m not entirely sure, but I can see that I’ve set myself a goal that is far bigger than any of the ones I’ve ever set before, and I want to prove that it’s possible.

2. Living and travelling in a van also reduces life to something very fundamental.

By being so far removed from the comfort zone of a stable city, house and job, the very act of surviving each day will be a cause for celebration. The ‘mental clutter’ of social pressures, disposable income, hobbies, norms and status will go completely out of the window, and be replaced by primitive needs and desires like finding somewhere to park up at night and making sure we have water to drink and gas to cook with.

3. Taking ourselves on this journey maximises the opportunity for revelatory moments.

This last point is the crux of it all for me. I’ve come to realise that when the stakes are so high, and when you live a life centred on fundamental daily needs, the potential joy you receive is unlike any other. And although I am sharing this journey with George, I can already say that I’ve had some of these moments of deep internal joy in a very personal way. I feel immense gratitude and appreciation for the experience so far and the lessons I’ve learnt both about myself and the world around me. That’s not to say I haven't felt pain, anger, frustration and helplessness too but, along with the ‘revelatory moments’, they have put colour into my life and given me perspective about what really matters. And what are life’s highs if you they aren’t seen in light of the lows?

So yeah, it is all a bit of a crazy plan. To drive to Chile in a van together with your boyfriend, picking up people along the way, making films and living frugally is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. But it is for me.

It’s a chance to set the stakes high, live life fundamentally, and hopefully experience moments of joy along the way.

#traveldiaries #SuziTheVan #ToyotaHiace #overlandadventures #digitalnomads #quarterlifecrisis #BryonyandGeorge #vanlife #revelatorymoments #consciousliving

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yourdreamscenarios · 5 years

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When you just got married

∙ Request ♡ ∙ Word count: 2,225

You sighed softly before opening your eyes one by one. A soft light was falling inside of the room, through a crack in the blinds. For a minute you were left utterly confused, not sure where you were and your mind completely blank. But after just a few seconds of thinking, a little smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you realized why you were here. This surely wasn’t your room and even though you usually hated spending time in hotels and traveling from one sleeping spot towards the other, you had to admit that you didn’t mind this at all. Because for once you weren’t traveling for work, no you were here during your free time, because you wanted to be here. Silently you turned your head towards the side and you spotted the man laying beside you, his features relaxed and his breathing even, signing that he was still sleeping calmly. His plump lips were parted slightly, a soft snore escaping from between them. You found the sight absolutely breathtaking, and after all the events which had taken place, you felt as if you had fallen in love with him all over again.

It was as if you were back in your teenage years, reliving all those feelings you’d had for him back then. It was true what people said, that the insane feeling of butterflies inside of your stomach and not being able to eat while thinking about him disappeared. You were no longer head over heels in love when you looked at Seokjin. Your feelings for him had settled somewhere deep inside of you, had grown into a different version of them. You still loved Seokjin, but you were no longer blinded by that love. You’d still risk your life for him and you’d still give up so much for him and his happiness, but it wasn’t as impulsive anymore as it had once been. No, you two had both grown in this relationship and from everything you had been through as a couple. You’d fought, thought about separating, you’d had your disagreements and your hardships. But you’d gotten through them, together. And you couldn’t believe that yesterday you’d had the honor of marrying the one person you saw yourself growing old with.

You still couldn’t seem to believe it, you were officially married right now, you had made your vows and had promised to love this person until the end of your life separated you from him. When you’d been younger that thought had terrified you, thinking that you would have to spend so much time with one guy, that you’d have to think of a way to keep him with you as well so that he wouldn’t get tired of you and that you’d have to put so much energy in a relationship. But while thinking back of all the years you had spend with Seokjin, you had to admit that it felt as if it had all been quite effortless. The years had flown by and everything had always seemed so easy when he was around. You’d never felt as if you’d had to make a lot of sacrifices while dating him. The moment he’d popped the question and he’d asked you to marry him you had been completely overwhelmed. It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about taking the next step in your relationship, it was just that the two of you had never really mentioned it. You’d known that Seokjin wanted to settle down by now and that he wished to find someone who he could build his own family with.

You’d pictured it yourself, the children you could have, the home you could live in and the things you would do together. Moving in together had happened so quickly, while it had taken him another three years to propose to you. But this proved once more that you story was far from over, and much more was to come for the both of you. Lifting your hand carefully you unfolded one of your fingers from your fist and placed the tip in between his eyebrows, on the bridge of his nose. Even though it only could have been featherlight, the touch seemed enough to wake him as his eyes fluttered open and they brightly stared back into yours. For a small second the beauty of them took your breath away. “Good morning.” He said lazily, his voice still hoarse as he spoke. He groaned as he stretched his arms above his head, his muscles flexing as he did. His bare torso was hidden by a pair of white blankets, but you knew what he was hiding underneath and you also knew that you surely wouldn’t mind him sharing that view with you right now. But you stopped yourself from drawing the covers off of him as you tapped the tip of his nose before retreating your hand.

Yet, he was twice as fast as his hand shot forward and his fingers curled around your wrist, making it impossible for you to pull away. “I didn’t know that as my wife you’d still be this annoying in the morning.” He muttered softly and chuckled softly as he saw the look that caused to spread onto your face. He had the habit of teasing you, and somehow you were always more irritable in the mornings. He definitely liked using that to his advantage. Still, this time you couldn’t help it that a certain warmth penetrated your stomach because of his words. You’d surely have to get used to that new title, but you already loved it. The wedding had been perfect, and all the people you cared for most had been able to make it to the event. Your parents had been there, your grandparents, your siblings, your friends. Seokjin’s fiends and family had been there. You hadn’t been willing to throw a big party, you just wanted the people there who mattered to you. You’d felt like a true princess in your wedding dress, made from white fabric and lace. A veil had hidden you from your husband, who had been dressed in a wonderful suit and who’s look had been one of pure adoration the moment you’d walked down the isle.

Until the moment he’d been allowed to kiss his bride and he had thrown that veil across of your head and had officially made you his wide. The garden party which you had organized afterwards had been marvelous. Everything had been planned up to the finest details thanks to the wedding planner you had hired and together with both of your mothers she had made all your dreams come true. There had been lanterns and personal letters to everyone invited. A camera man had been around to picture every single moment and the scenery had been breathtaking. Everyone had been having fun and had drank wine and champagne until the night had fallen. Seokjin and you had gone home at last and should probably be preparing for your honeymoon, which would start tomorrow, but now you were staying at a hotel close to the venue, because neither of you had been in the ideal state to drive home last night. You felt as if you were living in some kind of fairytale and you weren’t sure if you wanted to wake up again. “I’m glad to know you still snore as much as you did before.” You threw back at him, but he didn’t seem to let the insult get to him as he extended his arms to you and tugged you closer.

Soon you were locked against his chest, surrounded by his sweet embrace so that the smell of his cologne penetrated into your nose. It soothed you, gave you the feeling that you could lull back to sleep in a matter of seconds, but he surely wouldn’t allow that to happen. “How did you sleep?” He asked as soon as the conversation seemed to head into a normal direction and you carefully watched his expression the entire time. He looked at ease, as if all his worries had erased overnight. A content smile was tugging at the corners of his lips as he brought up his hand to comb his fingers through your hair. You sighed pleasingly because of his touch. “Very well, how about you?” You asked, and granted him the space he needed when he urged himself closer to you and pressed his face into the crook of your neck. His legs tangled with yours and it seemed as if you had become one person instead of two. You could feel his soft heartbeat against your chest, his calm breathe against your skin. It was as if everything that was his was yours. “Amazing. After last night I definitely feel like the luckiest man alive.” He mumbled, his words muted slightly by your collarbone as he rubbed his mouth against it. You tried your hardest to suppress the shiver that wanted to dance its way up your spine, but somehow he still seemed to notice it.

You could imagine the way his lips were forming into a smirk against your skin. You hummed and laced our fingers into his silky locks. “You mean the wedding or what came after?” You asked innocently, but even the tone inside of your voice wasn’t even able to cover up that what you were referring to was nothing but that. You knew you wouldn’t have to explain anything to him either, because the chuckle that left him told you everything you needed to know. “Both of them. But mostly the fact that from now on I can call you my wife. Thank you for marrying me and not leaving me at the isle.” He joked and you giggled as you thought about what you and your friends had been joking about the other day, that maybe you’d change your mind and you would set him up. Not that anything could have made you doubt your decision. But Seokjin’s expression while listening to that conversation had been priceless. You were sure that while waiting for you yesterday, even if it was just for a minute, he’d been fearing that nightmare may become reality. Not that you could blame him, you’d been a nervous wreck as well. “You’re welcome hubby.” You said and you couldn’t surprise the large grin that crept onto your face. Quickly you stuffed it into his hair, in the hope that he wouldn’t get the chance to notice your blush.

“You could get another nickname if you want though.” He suddenly said and he distanced himself from you so that he could prop himself up on his elbow, his head resting in the palm of his hand. No matter how nonchalant he tried to make it seem as he twisted a strand of your hair around his finger, you could see the seriousness inside of his gaze as he locked it with yours. Curiosity rippled through you as you blinked your eyes at him, trying not to stare at the way the blankets had shoved down slightly, revealing a part of his chest and shoulder. “What do you mean?” You asked, not sure what you were supposed to think of his question. You’d only been his wife for a single days, you weren’t looking for another title yet. For now you wanted to enjoy this one and you had the feeling you could enjoy it for a very long time if you’d be allowed to do so. Seokjin’s gaze studied your face, as if he was looking for some kind of sign. You smiled encouragingly, hoping that he’d trust you enough to tell you whatever was on his mind. By now he should be aware of the fact that you wouldn’t judge him and you weren’t in the mood to get angry at him today, so it had to be a very bad thing he should ask before it would annoy you.

“You could be a mommy?” He asked, his eyes carefully avoiding yours so that you were allowed to let the offer settle in. You were indeed a little bit surprised about his sudden offer. Of course you had expected it to come up someday, but not yet. You’d just gotten married, you had just started the next chapter in your story, you didn’t know if you were ready to throw it up side down again this soon. First you wanted the whole magic around your fresh marriage to settle down, for you to get used to the fact that you suddenly had a husband. “It’d be nice to have a baby one day.” You said carefully, not sure how to tell him that you might not be ready. The last thing you wanted was to rush into things and for everything to turn out differently than you had hoped for it to be. When you decided to have a child you wanted to be one hundred percent ready for it so that you could give it all the love it deserved. “Yeah, one day.” He smiled joyfully, a twinkle visible inside of his eyes as he leaned forward and held his face dangerously close to yours. He definitely was a real tease, you thought as you wrapped your arms around his neck and forced his lips down on yours.

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years

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CSUAVS prt 38 update. I got myself confused

Lance wasn't doing ok. Physically he was getting better, but as the infection in his chest cleared, surgery loomed around the corner. The procedure wouldn't be performed on the Atlas, but instead on New Altea. Lance didn't want to leave so many things unanswered. He didn't want to be pushed aside and disregarded, which was exactly what felt like was happening. Keith was his main line with the outside world. Shiro dropped by from time to time, sometimes Curtis was with him and sometimes he was. Hunk had come by twice but was acting distant, unable to meet his eyes despite the fact he'd nearly crushed him in a hug as he cried his eyes out over being so worried about him. Shay had shyly come to enquire about his health and wish him well. Krolia had thanked him for his service and thanked him for getting Keith back home in one piece. Even Zak had ventured up to tell him he was an "idiot", but "an idiot that had done a good job". He knew Acxa and Keith's team had come by when he'd been napping, catching the tail end of the four of them talking outside the door... So he didn't know why he felt so hollow inside. Actually. He did. His fight with Veronica. His sister angered that he'd taken such measures without thinking of their family, and without consulting her about it. He couldn't admit the truth of what happened with Klearo to her. He couldn't admit that he'd fucked up from the very beginning then was tricked by someone who he looked up to. Veronica had basically insinuated that he was a burden, who didn't know what he was doing and should have stayed on Earth. She didn't get it. She didn't get to him that being a "burden" was his greatest fear. She didn't get that his drug and alcohol abuse had steadily grown worse, or understand the way he wrecked their family with his mere presence. Keith tried his hardest to help him through his moods and panic attacks, but he felt like he was shackling Keith down with his depression. Keith who still treated him like he was the most treasured person in existence. Keith who said they'd work things out... then left things in the air. It wasn't like he wanted to talk to the ship's councillor... but when they didn't come by his room, he had to wonder if Keith wasn't secretly enjoying him being so messed. The disgusting thought left him unable to look his boyfriend's way for vargas, ultimately serving to hurt Keith when he hadn't done anything wrong. Which he wasn't. Shiro's actions had told him that. No. It wasn't fair to blame Shiro. Keith had desperately needed the healing pod, and Lance couldn't be more relieved that his boyfriend had been healed. He just... felt... insignificant. No matter how he sat or laid, some part of his body hurt. He missed eating real food, being stuck on a liquid diet until after the surgery. He missed being able to move around, and shower unaided. Keith had been granted permission to help him shower. Each of the sticky sensor pads had left bruised behind after pealed off his tender skin. He was losing weight again, and losing his drive. He wasn't ok, and was only getting worse as he was kept waiting, unable to feel like he was being punished for getting Keith in harms way, by not being healed. He got that the Atlas couldn't leave it's orbit over the Altean ship while the investigation was on going, but didn't get why Shiro didn't open a wormhole to New Altea so that he could be put in a pod. Being comatose for a phoeb or three sounded ideal when compared to sitting in a very uncomfortable hospital bed, or trapped in his nightmares all night long thanks to the sedatives Daehra had prescribed to help him sleep through his nightly coughing fits. Lance didn't want to take more drugs. The more he craved them, the more he tried to push them away. He knew it was dangerous to fall back into his bad habits, but these new ones were working for him. They weren't filling up that hole in his heart from being unwanted, or easing the guilt he felt from relying on Keith. Quintant after quintant he was left laying there as it blurred together. To him it was like being left that cell all over again. He was constantly waiting to wake up and find himself being dragged out to Klearo's bed. Or to wake up and find himself still in the outpost, with Keith having been stolen away and cut to pieces. He wasn't stupid. He knew there had to be a network of connections when it came to Kre'el. She was just one woman... A woman he wanted answers from. A woman who'd lied to him so seamlessly and easily that the thought of her made him feel physically ill. None of these symptoms were going to clear before he was forced off the Atlas. Shiro probably didn't want him to ever return. He probably didn't want him anywhere near his team, and it didn't matter how illogical the arguments were for why that was so, his anxieties had him wrapped around their little finger. Shiro wouldn't haven't jumped in to help him, had it been him alone. He knew it. Like really knew it. The voice in his head whispered it over and over, never a kind word directed his way. He was his own worst enemy. With each quintant that passed, he was sure he was moving that much closer to insanity... Sure he was slipping away from the most wonderful boyfriend a guy could ask for. He didn't want to tie Keith down with his mental health issues. He didn't want to keep having panic attacks out of nowhere, and dreams he couldn't wake from. He wanted to be strong for Keith, but had no idea where to begin. * With his arms loaded up with bedding from the Telula and a treat from Hunk, Keith was running late. Daehra was on "Lance Duty" for the morning, his panic attacks so bad that Keith didn't want him left alone. He honestly feared for Lance hurting himself without realising he'd done it, or even worse, being caught up in a flashback and lashing out against someone he loved. Neither of them were really happy about Lance being transferred off the Atlas and out to New Altean, without answers. Lance was going through so much and taking him away without giving him answers was cruel as hell. His boyfriend wasn't reacting well to the news, hence why he'd dropped down to the kitchen to see if Hunk had something chocolaty to lift his spirits, then it was down to the Telula to get Lance a nicer blanket than the one on his hospital bed, back up to the kitchen to collect two chocolate milkshakes that looked like everything Lance wasn't supposed to be having. Lance's was packed with extra vitamins and minerals, but Keith had forgotten which one was which. His mind too busy. With Daehra and Lucteal, who was acting like Lance's personal bodyguard and limiting access to Lance's room, he knew he had the time to rustle up his surprise after a quick check up to make sure his ankle was healed properly... only for Shiro to corner him just short of his end goal. The expression his brother wore could only mean trouble... Opening the door to the room beside him, Shiro had planned to ambush him. The conveniently empty room said as much. Taking the milkshakes out of his hands, Shiro placed them down on the desk by the door, before crossing his arms and giving him his best "dad" look "Something you want to tell me?" "Uh? I was grabbing a blanket for Lance..." "Not about that. Well, about Lance, but something a little more pressing" "Not that I can think of..." Keith was confused. Shiro had that calm anger thing going on, like he was ready to snap, or turn on that disappointed tone. Personally Keith would prefer the violence, but knew Shiro would opt for disappointment because it hurt more. Reaching into his pocket, Shiro pulled out a small vial of shimmering red liquid. Keith's shock was written all over his face as he stared at the vial. Daehra wasn't stupid enough to just leave one laying around... and he had no idea how he was about to talk his way out of this. Opening his mouth, he made a weird kind of squeak before getting the words out "How did you get that?" "When Lance kept refusing painkillers, I watched over the camera footage from his room, and what do I see? I see Daehra injecting this into Lance's IV daily. I've had it analysed Keith" This wasn't his secret to be telling... Shiro had no right putting him in this position "Do you want me to tell you what I found? Or should I have you tell me what I found?" "I... ugh..." "You what Keith? Do you know how dangerous this is! You've known about this for phoebs, haven't you!?" Keith wasn't sure how Shiro pulled off apocalyptic rage that sounded do disappointed. Shaking, he nearly dropped the blankets "What were you thinking?" "Lance..." "Lance what? Didn't want me to know? You should have known better. I told you how dangerous this stuff is. If he has a drug problem, you should have told me immediately. Do you know how dangerous this is? How addictive this is? Do you understand what kind of a situation you've put me in?" Tears rolled down Keith's face and dripped onto the blankets, unable to meet Shiro's eyes "Well, do you?" "Sh-Shiro... it's not what you think" "What I think is that Lance has a drug problem you've neglected to inform me of. Do you have any idea what kind of complications that this could have caused during his surgery?" "You don't understand..." "Then tell me!" It'd been years since Keith had felt the fear that had his heart racing and his stomach flipping. The fear that came from parents or parental figures... dropping to squat, he buried his face in Lance's blanket, breathing in his scent as he tried to calm down "Then I'll go ask him..." "No!" "Then start talking. Does Coran know? Is this the secret you've all been hiding from me?" Keith shook his head. Yes, it was a secret, but not that one "You don't understand... what he's been through" "What's that supposed to mean?" "I can't... Shiro... it's not my secret to tell" "I'm sick of hearing that. This stuff could kill him. Is that what you want? Lance dead?" Falling back onto his arse, Keith shook his head "He could have died on the operating table" "Shut up!" "Keith, tell me what's going on!" "They got him addicted to it! They kept him drugged up while they tortured him! We... he... we left him alone... he was doing everything he could to forget... we've been... working on... bringing him off of the drugs. He's been making progress... then this happened. He doesn't want to be dependant on them. He doesn't want to..." Breaking down into sobs, Keith felt awful. Another precious secret gone up in flames because of him. Gulping for air, Keith hugged the blanket tighter as he rocked "We were working on this... he was getting better... you had no right..." "Keith..." "No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare... He's my husband, of course I knew about it. Of course I was helping him with. Of course he was trying to get past it... You have no idea how bad Earth was for him. He feels like he broke his whole fucking family... They kept him on this stuff... and... he doesn't want to be... he doesn't want to take them... that's why he wouldn't take more medication. He knows he has a problem, but you can't even trust him! You couldn't trust that Daehra understood. She didn't know how bad those injections were... not until... until after... I came. He couldn't cope, Shiro. He felt like none of us wanted him... he still doesn't feel wanted. This was his case and you're sending him away with no answers. He was working hard out here... only to be betrayed" Angered, Keith didn't realise the slip of his tongue calling Lance his "husband". He couldn't stop crying "I don't want him to die... I don't want him to die... he's my whole fucking world... Coran... we... would have talked to him... not where you could find out. All he's wanted is your respect. He... can't see how amazing he is... because he feels so inferior to everyone..." Keith hiccuped "He's falling apart because of this... you don't know what it's been like for him..." "Lance could have reached out for help at any time" "No..." "Yes. He knows we would be there" "No he didn't!" "Keith, you need to calm down for me" "How can I do that!? You just accused me of wanting him dead!" "I..." Keith knew Shiro pushed because he worried for the pair of them, but that didn't mean anything. He'd well and truly crossed a line "I'm sorry. But you can understand how much of a shock this has been" "It wouldn't have been a shock if you could just trust people..." "He has a drug problem" "And we were dealing with it" "What if something had happened?" "Like what?" "Like he hurt someone when he was high" "It doesn't work like that. Lance doesn't get violent without a good reason" "Are you saying that as his partner or as his friend?" "Both. He's in so much pain all the time... we've been working so hard to get though things" "And that fight you had, where he left, was that to do with this?" Keith shook his head "That's between Lance and Krolia. As far as I know, she and he have talked" "You've still left me in a tough position" "It doesn't have to be. You're sending him away anyway..." "I'm not sending him away. I'm transferring him so he could have surgery and finally go into a pod" "Something you couldn't have done sooner? You couldn't have shipped Kre'el off to Altea?" "No. You know that as well as I do" "It feels like according to you, I know nothing. It's not my first time around drugs, Shiro. You know what those homes were like. You know you can't do jack shit to help anyone who doesn't want help. He asked for help" Sighing, Shiro moved to squat down across him "You know I care about both of you. I'm just shocked that you didn't come to someone who was more experienced to get advice and help for him" "I talked to you. I talked to Coran. I talked to Krolia. I even talked to Lance's mum. But none of you could tell me what I needed to know. How could I betray his trust like that? He needs safety and stability. He needed to get his feet back under him" "I'm proud of you for trying to help him, but you're not trained in these kinds of things. Frankly I don't know if I can continue to let Daehra treat him when she's been giving him such a dangerous substance. I love you both, and all I want is the best for Lance, but you understand that these secrets aren't helping him, or helping me to figure out how to help him" "Shiro... please..." "We're both going to have a little talk with Lance about this" "You can't" Keith's heart was breaking. Lance was going to be torn apart by this. He was already depressed as it was. The conversations they did have were never about what happened, Lance steering away from the topic every time they nudged it. If they weren't talking, Lance wanted to cuddle... but his husband would stay silent for vargas at an end. He'd been so focused on getting Lance through the surgery and then into some kind of counselling and help like he'd asked for that he hadn't foreseen this kind of a speed bump. Carrying the two milkshakes with shaky hands, Shiro had plucked the blanket out his hold as the pair walked into Lance's room. Lucteal had practically glared at Shiro, acting like he didn't want to allow them access to Lance's room. And quiznak if Keith wished he hadn't. Sitting up in his bed, Lance's face brightened up at the sight of him, before falling as Shiro followed into the space "Babe... have you been crying?" Stupid Lance, seeing right through him even when he was trying to hold it all. Shaking harder, Keith barely made it to Lance's left side, placing the milkshakes down on a rather expensive looking machine that was off "It's ok, babe. I'm ok. Daehra, can you give the three of us a little space?" "She should..." "Shiro, trust me on this. Daehra, it's ok. We just need to talk to Lance about something" Daehra's eyes flicked to the IV bag, her empathic senses probably knowing what this was about "Lucteal and I will be right outside" Nodding, Lance seemed to retreat further into himself "Why don't you two go rest? I have a feeling this isn't going to be all that fun, so I'm already scheduling my after scowling nap. I've already had it all from Veronica, so we might as well get Shiro off the list too" "Alright, I understand. Keith, you know what to monitor for?" Avoiding Lance's gaze, Keith jumped at Daehra's question "Uh... yeah. Go ahead" "Please do not upset him further. He has been through quite a lot. A lot of which you would not understand" There was no settling the silent thing going on between Daehra, Lucteal and Shiro. He'd hoped for Lance's sake the would have patched up their differences over the past three movements, but that remained a big fat nope. Leaving the room, the three of them were left with a few very pregnant moments silence passing between them. Keith couldn't take knowing what was coming. He'd very nearly avoided a panic of his own under Shiro's words. Lance seemed to know whatever was going on wasn't something he wanted to talk about, and Shiro... had flicked out the blanket and was now laying it over Lance's bed. Which was supposed to be his job. He didn't want Shiro's stupid scent on his boyfriend's sheets "What is this about? Can you just spit it out already? Did you get data off the ship from the samples? Is that it?" Lance let out a dry laughed before continuing "So what are you here to laugh at me about? The drugs or what Allura did to my body? Or is it the torture? I had the feeling they filmed it... Maybe... How I fucked up and nearly got Keith killed? There's few things that make Keith cry, and with how guilty he looks, it's not something small" Keith wanted to tell Lance to shut up. His tone hurt to hear, as did him exposing all his secrets to Shiro... He hadn't thought about the fact their sample data may still exist with the outpost being destroyed, but it made sense to him that the data would have been sent on before the scene of their crimes were erased. From how Kre'el opened a wormhole, their had to be a secondary location she'd had in mind. Pulling the vial from his pocket again, Shiro held it up for Lance to see "You told him?" There was that disappointment again... this time from Lance "Keith didn't tell me. When you refused pain medication, I examined the video from this room. For privacy I had the sound turned off, but for security I left the cameras on given the prisoners we have onboard from the ship and from the mining moon the ship crashed on" Lance let out a small "oh" as he nodded "So you know I'm a drug addict?" "Keith told me how it happened. That they drugged you during torture?" "Yep. Can't just quit the stuff because it'll shut down my body if I do" Keith shifted, he didn't want Lance to hate him. He knew Shiro was only being so hard because he cared, but... he didn't know what to do or say in this moment "Lance... I'm sorry this happened to you, but why didn't you tell any of us? We could have gotten you help sooner. This could have seriously complicated your surgery. We nearly lost you... we all nearly lost you" Crossing his arms, Lance huffed "Geez Shiro, why would any want to brag that they were addicted to drugs. That I needed them to get through the fucking day. Let me just casually drop that into a group call. Hey guys, guess what? I'm a fucking druggy who's fucked in the head. Even got that touch of brain damage to prove it. Yeah. Because it's that fucking easy when you were enjoying your lives without me. Also, I heard you. I heard you yelling at Keith. I think the whole fucking floor heard you yelling at him. If you've got a problem with me, then you talk to me. You don't sneak around stealing things from my ship, and you especially don't take it out on Keith when he has been trying his hardest to get me off them. I know you worry for him, but he's the same damn age as when you went missing off Pluto. I don't want you fighting or yelling because of some waste of space like I am" "Lance, that's not what I think at all..." "Babe, no. No, you're not a waste of space" Their words overlapped. Keith could understand Lance lashing out. A tiny bit maybe even pleased that his boyfriend had scolded Shiro for yelling at him "Lance, when I saw you on that ship, cradled in Coran's arms I realised how close we'd come to losing you. I couldn't pull Keith out the healing pod... and I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do now. I'm honestly scared for you. Scared that this could lead to you dying. And I'm scared of Keith being dragged into a situation like he did in those foster homes. There's safer ways to come off of the drugs. I know you rely on Keith, but I'm worried about the strain it'll cause on both of you" "Shiro, I'm not a kid. Not anymore. I appreciate that you came at Keith's message, and I appreciate what you've done for both of us. But this, isn't your problem. That's why you're not listed as my next of kin and Keith is in charge of my medical decisions. You should forget you saw this. It's being handled" Shiro was trying. Keith knew he was trying. He still held that anger from being kept out of the loop on this, but he was trying in his own way to make Lance see that he wanted to be there for him. Raising his head, he swallowed hard at the expression on Lance's face. It was getting too much for him "I can't forget something like this Lance. And pushing it aside isn't going to help. I care about you. Please rely on me. Please let me help you. I want to help you" "I know! You weren't supposed to know! We were working on it... weren't we?" Red-rimmed eyes looked to Keith for comfort. A hand shyly moving to pat the space next to him. Forcing himself forward, Keith climbed up into the bed, Lance curling into him as he held him tightly, nuzzling into the soft curve of the Cuban's neck as pained scent poured from his love. Shaking, his emotions were bubbling up, the dam breaking as he cried softly "We were, baby. We are. You've done so good. I'm so sorry... I didn't want... I didn't want to tell another secret" "No... shhh, I understand. I'm sorry... I'm not strong enough to..." "You are strong. So strong..." Shifting Lance's legs up and between his, Keith positioned Lance so he was leaning against his chest. The angle better for Lance's lungs "I want to die... I'm so tired... of being disappointment" "When we get to Altean, we're going to get some help. I'm not going anywhere" "It's so busy in my head... I crave it so badly..." "I know" Because he did. Lance didn't need to spend vargas explaining himself. He got it. He wasn't oblivious to the physical pain... but Lance was working so hard at being clean of everything he could be clean of. Working so hard not to keep falling apart and to find a way to keep breathing... despite what he might think or how he might act "I thought you forget... no... no one came to... to talk to me" "You thought I forgot you need help? I thought it might be easier on New Altea. Away from here" "I don't want to leave with everything how it is" "I know" "I don't know how long I'll be the in pod... I hate them. I hate them so much... I don't want to wake up. I don't want to... miss more time" "Babe, I'm not going anywhere. We're accidental married remember. I can't let someone swoop in and whoo my husband out from under me" Lance gave him a wet laugh that sounded like music to Keith's ears "Never. Never... no one but you" They'd forgotten they had an audience. Both of them crying softly as they nuzzled, seeking comfort from the person they loved the most. "I... should be going then... Lance, I want to help you. So think about it, please. Anything I can do... I respect you. And I respect what you went through. I know Daehra doesn't like me, but your team... you've got a pretty amazing team. You're a good leader. I was wrong. It was wrong of me to think I understood things better than you did. Especially out in this area of space. The work you did here, it made a real difference. And you should be proud of that. I'm sorry for ambushing you over this. We nearly lost you and I didn't want to lose you to something like this... something that I could be there for..." Sniffling and hiccuping, Lance was the kindest soul he knew. Touches had been setting him off, as had certain smells, but reaching out his busted arm, he bit his lip at pain as he waved Shiro into a hug. Shiro hugging into Keith more than Lance, most probably out of respect. Sniffling as his eyes grew wet, Shiro was just as bad as the two of them "So, accidental husband's?" Lance let out a laugh "We... didn't know we were getting married at the time. There was this alien princess who stood had us stand in this gold ring and drink this horrible wine stuff..." Kissing Lance's cheek, Keith nodded "It was Daehra's little sister Annla. We got married on their planet before we came back for Hunk and Shay's engagement party. We're still working us out... but yeah, accidentally married the best guy in the universe" "You mean the only guy who could love your mullet" "It's not a mullet" "You could grow it down to your arse and it'll always be a mullet" "That's it. If I stay with the pair of you any longer, I'm going to catch your idiocy. Lance... please, even if it's Coran. Let him in?" "Coran... knows most of it... not... not all of it... but he knows most of it" What Coran did know, Keith didn't. They'd talked before Lance had developed the secondary infection and a little after, privately "That's a really good start. I'm sorry I came down so hard on both of you. You're both like brothers to me" "Thank you, Shiro. And can you keep the whole marriage thing a secret? Hunk would kill me. He already tried to kick me out when Lance was having a panic attack" Lance didn't respond. Shiro didn't seem to notice as he detached from the hug and passed over the two very melted milkshakes. Giving Keith's shoulder on last pat, his brother left them. When the door to his room closed, Lance let out a groan "Babe?" "I fucking hate this" "What?" "He apologised and I know I should feel better or some shit, but I don't know how to feel. I've been so fucking mad at him. He said it was for security but I feel like it was because I'm such a fuck up... I don't even know if he would have come and got me... and... Kre'el... why not transfer her? How's their investigation going? Have they been to Erathus? I feel like... like he can't trust me with any of it... I have... so many... I didn't want to burden you... I..." Lance's breathing was becoming uneven. Rubbing his back with his free hand, Keith sighed softly "No, babe. No. I don't know what Shiro is doing, or why he's running things like that, but there's so many things happening at the moment. I don't doubt he cares for you" "It's... hard to let anyone else in. I feel so weak" "I promise you, secret husband of mine, you're strong as hell" "I take it you're the one who let it slip?" "I'm sorry. Shiro... he brought up some feelings I haven't really dealt with properly. From my time in the system... you know, that disappointed tone that only parents can give" "I'm so sorry, babe. I heard him... and I didn't understand it all. How did he even get the vial?" "I don't know. He shouldn't have called us out like that. It's none of his business" "He's your brother. He's worried for you. Especially after what you went through in the system. God. I wish I could back in time and met you sooner. I wish I hadn't picked so many fights with you... I hate that you went through that" "I hate that you're still suffering" "You're suffering too. I don't like bringing all these memories back for you either. Do you maybe want to tell me?" No. Hell no. Lance was down on himself as it was. Hearing Keith's messed up childhood was the last thing he needed... So why wasn't that what came out? "Only if you want to listen" "Keith, I want to know everything about you... when you're ready. Not when Shiro has scared the quiznak out of you. I can smell your fear all over you. Don't push yourself" Keith let out a deep breath of relief, Lance smacking him playfully with his milkshake "It's not that I don't want to tell you" "You'll tell me when you're ready. Believe me, as the messed up one, I get it. Can we finish these then can you help me shower, Daehra won't let shower alone? It's not Shiro's fault but his scent is setting me off" "I... don't like his scent on you either. We could skip the milkshakes?" Lance shook his head, clipping Keith's chin as he did in his enthusiasm. Cringing back, Lance frowned at him "You promised bed and chocolate... and I might be trying to hard right now not to start crying because you're being too nice to me"

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thecloserkin · 6 years

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book review: Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (1985)

Genre: Sci-Fi, YA

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: No

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: Kind of

Is it shippable: Emphatically yes

Bottom line: must-read, watch the movie if you can

When I say it’s “kind of” endgame I mean there are nine thousand sequels I haven’t read but as of the end of this novel, yes, they’re together. Not canonically together, not romantically together, yet they are far and away the most important relationship in each other’s lives. They’re on their way to board a generation ship & colonize another planet, so that’s “together” enough for me thanks. I think you can love someone romantically without loving them sexually. One of the reasons children’s books are so ripe for those of us wearing incest-shipping goggles is because all the principals are kids and very young kids have not yet had time to grow apart from their siblings — to put down deep roots with college roommates or colleagues or whatever. I think the oldest major character in this book is like twelve.

John Paul and Teresa Wiggin have three extremely precocious children. Peter, the eldest, washed out of the government’s child-soldier-in-training program because he’s a sociopath who likes to hurt and manipulate people and has zero empathy. Valentine, the middle child, washed out because she has too much empathy. John Paul and Teresa got a special dispensation to have a third child and that child is Ender. For the first six years of his life, the most salient fact about Ender Wiggin is that he is a “Third,” a term of abuse and derision we frequently see hurled at him. There are bullies, Peter foremost among them. And the only one who who loves him unconditionally, who tries (usually in vain) to protect him from Peter, is Valentine.

It gave him something to do while the teacher droned on about arithmetic. Arithmetic! Valentine had taught him arithmetic when he was three.

Awwww just two gifted kids doing coursework way too advanced for their grade level. Only there are three kids, not two. Ender’s primal fear is that he will turn out to be “just like Peter” ie. that he too will enjoy hurting people; the person most able to soothe that fear and instill self-love in him is, of course, Valentine. It’s obviously unfortunate for his psychological development then that Ender passes all the tests and is recruited into the officer training program known as Battle School. There’s an impending alien invasion, you see; it’s a national emergency. So six-year-old Ender is separated from the only person he trusts and thrust into an environment designed to mold him into a killer. The military brass aren’t stupid, either. They see it right away:

“The sister is our weak link. He really loves her.” “I know. She can undo it all, right from the start. He won’t want to leave her.”

And this:

”Your brother hates you because you are living proof that he wasn’t good enough. Your parents resent you because of all the past they are trying to evade.”

”Valentine loves me.”

”With all her heart. Completely, unstintingly, she’s devoted to you, and you adore her.”

Once Ender heads off to Battle School—and that place is the emotional core of this story, just like Hogwarts is the center of the HP universe—the grownups make a conscious decision to isolate him from his peers and prevent him forming any intimate friendships: “He can never believe that anyone can help him out, ever.” Guys I get that Ender is a once-in-a-generation child prodigy but doing that to a six-year-old is tantamount to solitary confinement or sensory deprivation. He’s violently homesick — something I didn’t pick up on when I first read the book as a kid because I was so eager to get to the war games in the battleroom — but home is not a place, home is Valentine. The first night “he could hear several boys whimpering for their mothers or fathers or dogs. Then he could not help himself: His lips formed Valentine’s name.” Oh, dear heart.

He forms bonds with other kids, sure — they wouldn’t be grooming him for leadership if he wasn’t likable — but you know how you can be friends with people selectively, and share only very specific areas of your life with them? Yeah, Ender has superiors and later, subordinates; he has mentors and competitors and nemeses and allies but he doesn’t have anyone who understands him through-and-through the way Val does. Which makes his memory of her assume all the more prominence. He worries that by the time they let him see her again (there is a communications blackout so no letters) she will have changed and their relationship won’t be the same. A not unfounded fear, I think, but look at this:

”Hi,” he said.

”Hi,” Ender said.

”I’m Mick.”

”Ender.”

”That’s a name?”

”Since I was little. It’s what my sister called me.”

He prefers to go by the childhood nickname his sister gave him rather than his “real” name Andrew. When Ender finally makes his first friend at Battle School here is how it goes down:

On impulse Ender hugged him, tight, almost as if he were Valentine. He even though of Valentine then and wanted to go home.

It’s just so clear that Val represents all that is good and pure in the world. When he turns seven, all alone in his bunk and no one to celebrate with, he remembers his last birthday at home:

Valentine baked him a cake on his sixth birthday. It fell and it was terrible. Nobody knew how to cook anymore, it was the kind of crazy thing Valentine would do. Everyone teased Valentine about it, but Ender saved a little bit of it in his cupboard.

The only reason I’m here is so that a bugger won’t shoot out Valentine’s eye, won’t … split her head with a beam so hot that her brains burst the skull and spill out like rising bread dough, the way it happens in my worst nightmares.

There’s a scene where another kid rails against the unspoken Battle School norm that prohibits the kids talking about home and Ender starts crying:

”No, it’s all right,” Ender said. “I was just thinking about Valentine. My sister.”

”I wasn’t trying to make you upset.”

”It’s okay. I don’t think of her very much, because I always get—like this.”

He’s learned to suppress his own feelings because it’s too painful to dwell on how much he misses her. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Valentine celebrates Ender’s eighth birthday alone. The family has moved since Ender left for Battle School, and Valentine wonders:

How would Ender find them here, among these trees, under this changeable and heavy sky?

You have to remember that this whole time she’s been stuck with Peter, who’s convinced all the adults with an iota of authority that he’s turned over a new leaf, that he’s no longer the sadistic little boy he used to be. But Valentine knows better. Peter skins squirrels alive in the woods and stakes them down for her to find.

She couldn’t think of anything so terrible that she didn’t believe Peter might do it. She also knew, though, that Peter was not insane, not in the sense that he wasn’t in control of himself … Peter could delay any desire as long as he needed to; he could conceal any emotion. And so Valentine knew that he would never hurt her in a fit of rage. He would only do so if the advantages outweighed the risks … In a way, she actually preferred Peter to other people because of this. He always, always acted out of intelligent self-interest.

This is such a chillingly perceptive paragraph. The main takeaway is that the separation from Ender has been hard on Valentine too, and the hardest part is that she begins to grow ever closer to Peter, the brother she hates and fears, as the memory of her favorite brother fades. Peter hits her up her with a proposition. He wants to take over the world …. by disseminating political essays on the internet, writing under pseudonyms. And he needs Valentine’s help. Valentine agrees, because if she’s working with him she can curb his worst tendencies right? Haha. One day Valentine is summoned from class to meet with a stranger in uniform. “I’ve come to talk to you in confidence about your brother,” he says, and Val immediately assumes she and Peter have been found out, their aliases penetrated. It takes her a minute to realize it’s her other brother he’s come about. Ender’s performance has taken a nosedive, and they won’t let Valentine see him but they want to pick her brain about what might be troubling him. The audacity! She hasn’t been allowed to see him for three years and they want her to diagnose what’s wrong and tell it to them? Please. Moreover, she’s wracked with guilt over her first impulse, which was to protect Peter’s secrets, not to demand to know what was wrong with Ender:

She felt a deep stab of pain, of regret, of shame that now it was Peter she was close to, Peter who was the center of her life. For you, Ender, I light fires on your birthday. For Peter I help fulfill all his dreams.

to think of her little brother, who was so good, whom she had protected for so long, and then remember that now she was Peter’s ally, Peter’s helper, Peter’s slave in a scheme that was completely out of her control.

Valentine’s disloyalty to Ender is tearing the poor girl apart. If there was any sexual attraction involved this would be a super juicy incestuous love triangle but like I said at the beginning of this review, all these kids are prepubescent and introducing the element of sex would not fundamentally alter the interpersonal dynamics. We don’t get a Peter POV in this book but he’s perfectly aware Val’s always loved Ender best, and Peter may be a monster and incapable of love but surely he’s capable of jealousy?

A letter arrives for Ender at Battle School:

He read four lines into it, then skipped to the end and read the signature. Then he went back to the beginning, and curled up on his bed to read the words over and over again.

This is relatable behavior for anyone who has ever received a long-awaited missive from a loved one and just wants to savor it over and over again. Especially if it’s from the person he loves most in the world whom he hasn’t heard a peep from for three years. Ender being Ender, he parses the letter for signs it’s not the genuine article. He concludes:

It isn’t the real thing anyway. Even if she wrote it in her own blood, it isn’t the real thing because they made her write it.

Ain’t that the truth.

He had no control over his own life. They ran everything … The one real thing, the one precious real thing was his memory of Valentine, the person who loved him before he ever played a game … and they had taken her and put her on their side.

”I sold my brother,” Valentine said, “and they paid me for it.”

When Ender suffers another bout of burnout upon graduating, the grownups are smart enough to ship him back to Earth for an unscheduled leave of absence and to bring him Valentine, who is literally the only reason he wakes up in the morning. They spend a beautiful afternoon on a lake. Valentine intuits the purpose of the visit right away:

”Oh. So I’m therapy again.”

”This time we can’t censor your letter. We’re taking our chances. We need your brother badly. Humanity is on the cusp.”

Can we stop to reflect on how fucked up it is that these jackals are STILL taking Ender and Valentine’s bond — the only true and good thing in these kids’ lives — and bending it to their own purposes?

But she knew that he was glad to see her, knew it because of the way his eyes never left her face.

”You’re bigger than I remembered,” she said stupidly.

”You too,” he said. “I also remembered that you were beautiful.”

Recall that we don’t love people because they are beautiful, people are beautiful because we love them. Though the narrative spends exactly zero words dwelling on Valentine’s appearance, as far as Ender is concerned she is obviously the most beautiful, perfect human being to ever draw breath. She goes to squeeze his knee right where he’s always been ticklish—and finds that he’s seized her wrist in a vice grip. He took self-defense classes in Battle School. Ender says, “I didn’t want to see you … I was afraid that I’d still love you.” If this isn’t a line straight out of a romance novel. I’m not here to ding romance novels, of which I read plenty; I’m just stating the facts: Ender and Valentine are framed as the romantic leads of this story. They spend pages upon pages pining for each other, their decisions are driven by the suite of potential consequences for the other, and their long-awaited reunion is staged with all the trappings of big-R Romance:

And he touched her cheek so gently that she wanted to cry. Like the touch of his soft baby hand when he was still an infant.

Also, everyone and their mom ships it. Even Ender’s commanding officer ships it:

”I may have used Valentine,” said Graff, “and you may hate me for it, Ender, but keep this in mind—it only works because what’s between you, that’s real, that’s what matters.”

Ajdkfjddkjkdf give the people what they want. Okay so Ender defeats the aliens (by accidentally-on-purpose committing genocide but that’s beyond the scope of this review) and the war is over. Valentine comes to him and asks him to LEAVE BEHIND EVERYONE THEY KNOW and GO WITH HER AMONG THE STARS:

”I came because I’ve spent my whole life in the company of the brother that I hated. Now I want a chance to know the brother that I love.”

”While you’re governing the colony and I’m writing political philosophy, they’ll never guess that in the darkness of night we sneak into each other’s room and play checkers and have pillow fights.

Let me repeat: Ender and Valentine’s idea of a good time is sneaking into each other’s rooms and having pillow fights. Which is both innocent and potentially—not. It’s a scenario fair to bursting with incest potential, and when he agrees to go with her this is her reaction:

She squealed and hugged him, for all the world like a typical teenage girl who just got the present that she wanted from her little brother.

In my experience teenage girls are notoriously bored by/annoyed by/reluctant to be seen in the company of their little brothers. Not Valentine though, her little brother has always been her favorite person. Their bond is intense enough that I felt obliged to review this book even though it’s def not canon, and even though Orson Scott Card is garbage and a raging homophobe.

#book review #ender x valentine #valentine x ender #ender's game

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kingdomcomefic · 6 years

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Sleep

The hardest part is letting go of your dreams... It rang like bells through the Empty. Castiel.

In the section of the Empty known to it’s keeper as Betwixt slumbering beings shifted. Castiel!

Ears perked up. To so many in Betwixt that name was familiar. Some had been sent there by the angel Castiel. Some had followed him when he was the new God. Some had worked alongside him. One of them had loved him. Something in Betwixt shifted, and the denizens felt a sensation like a bedfellow had gotten up and left the room. There was an odd absence that rippled and rumbled through those beings sleeping there, but most were too deeply under, and they slipped back into nothingness. The one who had loved Castiel fought the sensation of sinking back into the subconscious of the being that presided over them. Gedvalorth, Lord of the Empty, slumbered out of necessity. His brand of madness came from existing too long. He enjoyed sleeping because it kept the pain away. The longer he was awake the longer he had to fight the burning that coursed through him. He would have moments of lucidity, but given time he’d slip into hysteria and then into full insanity. He’d be useless, and somebody had to mind the souls here. The Empty wasn’t really empty, after all. There were innumerable demons and angels there. From the war in heaven to some demons who sacrificed themselves for some greater good he couldn’t fathom, Gedvalorth kept them in their places. The demons received his nightmares. Twisted dreams screamed through their rest in flashes of blood, ichor, violence, and gore. The angels received his fantasies and dreams of flying, skies, colorful gardens, and light. In the Betwixt, it was different. Angels and demons were both sorted there because some angels had committed atrocities, and some demons had saved the world a time or two, though their numbers were fewer. This grey area was Gedvalorth’s least favorite. While they got both his nightmares and his dreams they were unpredictable. Several times he had prepared a space for Castiel to rest, but God had yanked him back just in time to keep him on the earthly plane. It caused him a lot of restlessness, and driven him close to losing his control. While the empty was meant to be nothingness, it still was full of the mass of dead angels and demons and needed someone to guard the place. Once, a few millennia ago, those that came to his domain were all awake and they all tried to exist together in a wild new dimension. Keeping the peace was far more than Gedvalorth had been able to handle and he went completely mad. It was then, in a moment of lucid thought that he put all of the residents in a deep sleep and erased everything. He brought back the void that existed before there were angels and demons, and then let himself slip into the drift of all that came to inhabit his world. As soon as a being entered the Empty they would be lulled to sleep and there they would stay for all eternity, feeding into the dreams of the master of the realm. No one had ever woken up before, until Castiel’s name was heard echoing through a place long without sound nor stir. Gedvalorth cursed that name and all of the anxiety that it had brought him. Soon he felt Castiel’s awareness and Gedvalorth knew that he’d have to address this issue. “Hello? Hello! Hello? Hello!” Castiel cried out. He wandered around in what looked like nothingness, being followed by the veiled form of Gedvalorth as he wandered trying to find who it was that could have been calling his name. In just moments he would meet Gedvalorth face to face and have a strange exchange with him. Ultimately Castiel would escape, his presence so abrasive to the lord of this place that he would be expelled. Meanwhile, deep down in darkness the creature that came to call herself Meg had awoken inside a comatose consciousness. Dwelling in Betwixt was strange enough of a fate for her, as she’d never truly considered herself as any bit of good. She’d made a joke about that once before, but Meg didn’t think that the universe would have taken notice of the good deeds she’d done. She’d seen both the good and the bad sides of Gedvalorth’s subconscious, and she felt like she’d been so still for so long. Then she heard, chiming like a miracle, the name Castiel. She reached for that name, and she fought her slumber. Her eyes opened but she found that she couldn’t move. She was awake, but immobile. all she could see was pitch. She knew there were others around her, and that they’d mostly all been there forever. Some felt new, but she was in a pool of weariness. It was all she could do just to keep her eyes open, but she was trying. Whatever passed for her muscles tensed as she fought against the force that was holding her in the place she was. She’d never experienced sleep paralysis, but this was definitely what it must be like. She took one deep, unneeded breath into lungs that were not much more than a concept and jerked upright as she sat up in darkness, only to find Castiel standing before her. “You,” he said, aghast. “Yeah, me. What is this?” she asked looking up to see only more darkness. “This is the Empty, you were in Betwixt, your boyfriend just left. Yada, yada, yada.” She glared at the entity she now realized only looked like Castiel and said, “He’s not my boyfriend. I’m dead. No boyfriends for dead girls.” “Sounds like a song. Well, whatever you were, he’s gone. Time to go back to sleep now, sweetheart,” Gedvalorth stretched and yawned before tilting his head too far to the right. His neck gave a sickening pop and he smiled, showing too many teeth. “Do you like lullabies? Or should I break out the bed time tales?” “I’m not going back to sleep.” She sat herself down with her legs crossed in front of her at her ankles, arms propping her up. “I like this feeling. I want to roll around in it a little. It’s been a while.” “No, you don’t understand, you cannot be awake now. I can’t handle the...pain,” Gedvalorth said pointing to his head. “Oh, golly, mister. Then I guess you just have to send me to Castiel then,” Meg purred. “You and your ilk are more trouble than you’re worth!” Gedvalorth said scratching mindlessly at one part of his arm. “Very well, then. I’ll let you go, but no more! And if you want back in here...You’ll just have to die for it.” “Trust me, that will be a long, long time from now,” she said standing up and stepping toward him. “There’s no place like home, Toto,” she mumbled. In an instant she was in the Empty and then she was in the real world. She stood in a thicket looking around to try to get her barrings. To her left she saw Castiel trudging off toward a roadway, but she was too far out for him to hear her call to him. In what seemed like a blink he was gone, and she was left staring after the point he disappeared into the opposite treeline.

———————————————————————

Kiss the Void

This place is spinnin', spinnin' around into the void. Feel like I'm bein' pulled into a black hole. This crazy feelin's screwin' with my head. I'm overloadin' and my gauges are red.

In the Empty most beings were at rest, but Gedvalorth tossed and turned, in and out of sleep. Something was coming. His most pleasant dreams were now wrapped in anxiety, and his nightmares were repetitive loops of inescapable horrors. Gedvalorth was the glue that held the Empty together. The stability of the place was tied directly to his own mental balance.

In the beginning when Gedvalorth and the Empty had come to be It had just been his own. For what humans would call thousands of years he drifted in the stillness, only him and his dreams. He felt weightless, unfettered, peaceful, and whole. Then they came. Sometimes singularly, sometimes in clusters of hundreds, they invaded his sanctuary. These loud, demanding creatures called themselves angels. They hammered him with questions, they shouted at each other they fought among themselves and they just kept on coming.

Gedvalorth felt his agitation growing. He found himself prone to hysterical bouts of laughter, then just as suddenly he would scream and lash out in rage at the nearest being to him. The ever present nag of the angels in his realm and his consciousness were breaking him. There was no getting adjusted to the new tenants, and just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, there were new creatures that began to arrive.

These things were called demons. They were dark and menacing and they snapped and snarled at everything and everyone. They fought with the angels and they fought with each other and they coiled around Gedvalorth whispering torments in his ears. They brought violence and gore into his mind and he began to imagine that he saw these things happening right before his eyes. He saw the terrors that the demons went through in Hell and he saw the pain they caused in this place called Earth.

In addition to all of the chaos he began to sense the dimensions bordering his own. He began to feel the cataclysms that was impending apocalypse. He could sense it coming from a few thousand years away. It came to him clearly in messages from the angels and the sense he had of impending doom. He could feel the trembling of differing realities, even as his own threatened to shake apart.

The Empty was so close to collapse. The noise was drowning him. Gedvalorth now flowed from catatonic, to shrieking laughter, to roaring anger. He was out of control, and he could feel the Empty, his beloved home, beginning to fray. In a rare moment of clarity, Gedvalorth focused all of his energy on the occupants of his realm and he forced them all into a deep slumber. With the voices all quieted, Gedvalorth now enveloped them in his own subconscious, splitting his pleasant dreams and his horrific nightmares with the demons. Keeping them all separate and sleeping calmed him and finally he drifted off to sleep himself.

As long as the souls in the Empty slept, he could be at peace and he could dwell within his nothingness in tranquility. More demons and angels entered the Empty, all instantly put to sleep. In his steady state, his curiosity was peaked by the angels that he noticed entering his world who were more wicked than just. He put them in a particular category he called Betwixt. Soon there were a few demons there, too, who had committed some unselfish, kind acts before their deaths. These were even more surprising to him. Still they slept in peace, colorful worlds dancing before them. Sometimes he found it funny that a place called the Empty was, in fact, full.

That is, until something woke the angel Castiel from his sleep in Betwixt. Then Gedvalorth was forced awake and could feel his calm mind begin to twist. He pleaded with Castiel but in the end he was forced to expel him for the stability of his entire domain. He barely had time to blink before a demon woman had taken advantage of Gedvalorth’s weak moment and woken herself. He let her go almost immediately, and as soon as she was gone he tried to fall back into his dreaming.

His sleep was shallow, his mind troubled. He was awake enough to sense an upheaval. Someone was tearing realities open and he felt his anxiousness rise. He could see the wave of darkness coming, and though he would manage to slip under he could not truly rest. Yes, something was coming, and Gedvalorth, mad lord of the Empty, was frightened.

#Megstiel #Meg and Cas #Castiel #Meg 2.0 #Meg Masters #The Empty #Fanfiction #Supernatural #SPN #Rachel Miner #Misha Collins #Kingdom Come Fic #Season 14 Guesswork #Gedvalorth

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