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originalartblog · 1 year

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Answering some asks about the dad Murase lives AU under the cut because you are forcing me to think about what I've created (❤)

@inkingkitsune

Murase had to know about N's less-than-savoury work. He was hired as a security guard (thanks to his brother) for a military facility for which he was told to kill any trespassers on sight. And his brother had been legally dead for a decade! But the main difference between the two brothers is that while N will still do horrors in the name of his job, Murase has spent his life after the war trying to help people to atone for what he had to do to survive. I think having to face concrete proof of what his brother did/does, especially without the immediate pressure of war and survival to "justify" his actions, to a kid he's grown somewhat attached to? That would be really hard on him.

Frankly I had never heard of that theory before, and after considering it, I can't agree with it. The government has expressed barely any interest in Chuuya, N seems to have acted on his own. The PM has so many ability users, and abilities are so unknown to the general public, with or without Chuuya, it was an important move to make, and there was no normal legal way of getting it.

As for Oda... I fear he's going to suffer the same fate. In another post I did wonder if Mori would try to be more careful with Dazai, since we know he was very careful to nurture Chuuya's loyalty and bond to the mafia. But after thinking about it, while Mori felt bitter after Dark Era (please read the light novel), he says he would still do it because the permit was so important to get. Chuuya going away here wasn't his fault, so I see no reason he wouldn't do things especially differently. Maybe he'd feel even more bitter though.

If Oda dies the same way... it's a fun question. Dazai would leave, Dazai would still refuse to work for the government, so his options are limited. I can't imagine Chuuya leaving at 16, join the ADA, and the mafia not knowing a thing about it? So what would Dazai do? Chuuya left and joined a group and now that group is his only option in Yokohama. If he wants to join them, he'll still have to wait two years for his records to be erased and hidden. And he knows Chuuya is gonna be there, and he knows him!! How frustrating and stressful is that wait going to be?

I'd like Chuuya to be gone when Dazai first joins, so Entrance Exam can still take place in a similar way. Maybe he accompanied Ranpo on his contract out of town? I do wonder if he'd confront Dazai publicly or in private... I'm still not sure how much he told the ADA about his own origins.

I've decided that Chuuya leaves after the Dragon Head Conflict (after loosing a second set of friends in the same year), because this time, he has someone waiting for him to offer him an out. And this is interesting from a skk point of view. At that point, Dazai has already met both Oda and Ango, and technically, Double Black has made a name of themselves. Chuuya would be leaving at the creation/peak of Double Black, barely giving it enough time to get their name. But all that we know (so far) of what they were up to as teenagers has happened already! And Dazai has met Oda and Ango, he has a support system now! They'll be fine. Well, as fine as their canon counterparts anyway.

This is also funny because their "history" is less than two years of absolute hell, then a 5/6-year gap, and suddenly they're coworkers again.

Honestly I don't know if Murase would have an opportunity to see it or its repercussions? I doubt he saw Chuuya directly after Verlaine (you know, mafia and all that), and I think Chuuya would be the one to seek him out after the DHC. I truly think you could count the amount of times Corruption was maybe used by Double Black in canon back then on one hand, and in this AU, it's literally only twice. Unless Asagiri planned for another big event and hasn't told us yet, I don't think Chuuya has had to use Corruption again in this AU until Lovecraft.

MAYBE someone would notify Chuuya's dad guardian that his son charge was badly injured, but with Yosano in the room, I doubt it would make it back to him. Same thing with Dead Apple. Murase lives in a blessed world where he knows Chuuya's powerful, but doesn't know the extent of it.

Have a lil' doodle for making it all the way down here! (it's Chuuya's first week or something)

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kalisbaby · 3 months

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The thing about that Motaz video is...not only do Afro Palestinians exist and are literally suffering along side him, but also, Black people globally, from what I have been seeing and, myself, saying and doing, have long been in support of a Free Palestine. So the only reason for that lil "joke" was pure cruelty. It was his anger showing up and instead of aiming at the correct target, he came after the Sudanese people, and, by extension, Black people globally.

Like, listen...I can understand and forgive many things from people who are suffering in a constant state of violence and survival, I really can. I don't ask for perfection at all, let alone from people suffering decades long violence where they are blamed for their own genocide, you know?

BUT looking at another suffering group and essentially saying that people ONLY care because they're Black, which in turn, again, implies that there are no Black Palestinians or Arabs in general, is the lowest rung of anti-blackness that you can grab on.

It's the shit that Black Americans have to countlessly hear from other people of color here in America. Erasing our struggles to pit us against each other when the real enemy is fucking clear.

I have not once heard a Sudanese person dismiss the Palestinian genocide to call attention to their own. It's fair to say there might be SOME, because people gon people, but from what I've seen, I've seen the exact opposite. In fact, I have seen other Palestinians take the time out, between their own protests and cries to call in their solidarity with Sudan. So this is just another slap against Motaz's "joke" in general.

Anti-blackness is a death cult and everyone would do well to rid themselves of it. Cuz once you do you'll see how strong solidarity is between races, ethnicities, nationalities, and identities; and we can stop these petty ass slap fights and go against our true common enemy: white supremacy and imperialism and the capitalist machine that enables and supports all these genocides in the first fucking place.

I absolutely do not and will not overlook this man's comment, but neither will I deter in my fight with Palestinians for their freedom and the destruction of the Israeli ethnostate. I can't attest to what anyone else does, but I know where I stand. When I said I wasn't gonna fight in any more diaspora wars I should've also included these bullshit "oppression olympics" typa shit as well. I know who my enemies are and it's never the people suffering alongside me.

Please don't let that video make you forget the plot.

#i speak #that's all i'ma say #hope this makes sense

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askcharaandfriends · 1 year

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Obviously you can't punish the kids but it just seems like everyone except Asgore is actively trying to ensure all the bad things they did are forgotten. Chara, Gaster, and Asriel just want things to go back to normal rather than actually try to atone.

Mia: 🤷‍♀️ I didn't write afac. Maybe it is a bit of an oversight. But honestly. Change takes time. Atonement takes time. We haven't actually had that much time with revived Chara and azzy yet. They haven't really had the opportunity to prove themselves yet beyond just living their lives as good as they can. I don't feel like they're trying to sweep it under the rug. Just that they're trying to move forward, and to do that, they can't keep dwelling on their mistakes. It's different from when Chara erased their identity and became Callalied- lying to even themselves.

Gaster. This man is reduced to a puddle when he thinks too long about the bad stuff he did.(figuratively, the other gaster whas literal) He spent decades (?) In the void. Suffering every horror his imagination could conjure and more. One of the things he regrets most is not being there for his sons. And, I figure, the best way he can atone for that is to be there for his sons now. Which he is.

I'm not really sure what more should be done by any of these people to make up for what they did. Maybe they can never truly make up for it. We may yet see them do great deeds to atone. Or we may not. Life goes on. I think they try their best with what they have to work with, and it's enough for me.

#justice #mercy #balance #atonement #redemption #gaster #chara #afac vs acaf #Asriel

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intercreativepudlo · 6 months

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On softening the edges.

"This global transculture artificially softens the otherwise sharp edges of cultural difference, fetishizing them in such a way as to render them desirable." (Gómez-Peña, p.12)

I was amazed just how immediately relevant Gómez-Peña's article on globalisation is today, given that it was written over two decades ago. I first came across his work while doing my first degree in performing arts. And I forgot just how much it has shaped me, how it clarified my own lingering sensing of something being off, of our dominant culture being out of whack with our humanity. This anger and rebellion became part of me. I forgot that there was a reason I was so uncomfortable in Australia for so long and that I didn't just imagine it. This country is a champion of softening the edges. And I've always hated that because it has been obvious to me from the first time I came here that it's all a coverup.

There is a kind of avoidance that permeates Australian culture. We avoid difficult topics, we avoid arguments, even our manner of talking is meant to communicate the ever-present 'it's-all-good-ism'. There is little room for genuine pain and for genuine pleasure. The aim of our interactions is equilibrium, a gathering around a barbecue, a cold beer, and a level heart that need not experience the extremities of human emotion, an easy going mind that need not consider the perspectives that bring up feelings we don't want to deal with.

This blandness sifts through to our arts and to our cinema. Contemporary Australian films, for the most part, are inoffensive, comforting, pretty, easy to watch and easy to forget. This neutrality and smoothness eventually irritates, because you know that people are dealing with real stuff, because you know that people still suffer and still experience extreme emotions, that conflicts exist and escalate, that's it not all a joke, and that we're not all mates. Then why do we aim to be so dull? Is this really the only way we can imagine getting along? Why are we so terribly unimaginative?

To me, the central issue of Australian culture is its failure to meaningfully engage with First Nations cultures, without commodifying and exploiting them. That, and the general denial of the scale of the evils of colonialism and their present-day consequences. It's our failure to let ourselves be taught. Everything else, including that blandness, follows on from this failure.

"Ethics, ideology, border issues, and postcolonial dilemmas - they all belong to the immediate past, a past to painful to recall in any serious manner." (Gómez-Peña, p.16)

Of course, we all know that we can't entirely avoid remembering our violent history. The classic move that helps us cope with that is to locate these struggles in the past, i.e. done and dusted. And if you don't like it, you get slapped with another Australian -ism, the 'get-over-it-ism'. We made good, have we not?

"Sensitive questions of race and gender and matters of diversity are perceived as issues of the past, trembling shadows o the old socialist rhetoric." (Gómez-Peña, p.12)

And this is our legacy, we have erased the dispossessed from our popular imagination and we are left with 'welfare bums' or some similar offensive epithet. Without the dispossessed, there is no dispossessor and we can all move on and be mates, it's all good.

Still, the truth is that the edges are there and no amount of government sponsored smoothing is going to do the trick. One way or another, we all have to face uncomfortable realities, as individuals and as a society. The longer we avoid them, the more of a mess we make.

References:

Gómez-Peña, G. (2001). The new global culture: Somewhere between corporate multiculturalism and the mainstream bizarre (A border perspective). TDR: The Drama Review 45(1). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

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on-stardust-wings · 2 years

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So I've been having thoughts about immortality in Good Omens. (Meaning I've been thoroughly overthinking it and will subject you all to my nonsense now.)

By "immortality" I mean "cannot be made to cease to exist".

This is going to be both a bit macabre (in a very abstract way, nothing gory) and a bit blasphemous, sorry in advance. Get out of here if you need to.

For the demons and angels, the characters themselves distinguish between death, which happens to humans and is permanent, and discorporation, which is the destruction of their human-style bodies that is uncomfortable to painful, very inconvenient and gets them sent back to Heaven/Hell without those bodies.

This distinction is how we get "angels and demons are immortal": because they can come back from having their mortal vessels destroyed. Their bodies don't age, they can be shot, beheaded, suffer a fatal car crash, and they can just get a new body and go back to their life.

A discorporated angel/demon has to fill in the mount of annoying paperwork related to it, and then they're given a new meatbag vessel to get around in and are sent back to Earth.

That looks like immortality, but if you think about it, that isn't what immortality is. Not really.

For angels and demons, the analogue to death isn't discorporation, it's extinction by Holy Water respectively Hellfire, which we learn is permanent, and erases the demon/angel in their entirety. No coming back.

So they aren't immortal at all, it just takes different means to kill them than it takes to kill a human - which makes sense, they are entirely different beings after all.

It's made rather clear that this extinction is nothing they can return from in any manner, and that nothing of their being remains.

And, once you think about it, that is actually a lot more drastic than death for the humans is, because in Good Omens, life after death is undoubtedly real, and outside of not having a body anymore, a person seems to remain mostly the same after death. As we can learn from the seance scene and Ron's appearance as well as from Leslie the delivery man's experiences, their personalities and memory stay intact. Which means that death isn't actually an ending for the humans in Good Omens, they basically just ditch their bodies and live on as souls - which does sound a real lot like it is an analogue to discorporation after all. The only difference is that it isn't reversible (normally, Adam does reverse several deaths when he restarts the world, but this is an isolated case). Under normal circumstances, you could say human bodies are temporary vessels for the life on Earth, they are easy to damage and have a short shelf life, they start to fail after just a couple of decades, and after one body is used up, there won't be a new one. The soul however lives on.

We don't learn if human souls can be destroyed or harmed in any way at all. If they can't be, humans might be the true immortals here, because only their bodies can be destroyed, but not their souls/actual selves. Angels and demons on the other hand can be permanently erased from existence even on this metaphysical level.

(Tangential thought, but fascinating: Angels and demons are metaphysical beings because their true selves are metaphysical and incorporeal, they just live in the corporation for a while.... Which, again, if you compare them, is true for the humans as well: humans retain their memories and personality after death/losing their bodies, so what makes up the human is incorporeal, aka it's the soul. Which makes humans merely a different sort of non-corporeal beings. Their souls/true selves however can't be destroyed, unlike those of angels and demons.)

What do we have outside of angels/demons and humans to contemplate and compare? The Apocalyptic Horsepeople can be killed (or at least temporarily discorporated). Death claims they will be back, as they are never far away (at least as long a humans exist, as they are monsters from the darkest parts of the minds of humanity). So their destruction is not permanent - it's a discorporation, not death, not extinction.

The only being outside of God (presumably God is indestructible) we meet who cannot be destroyed in any way is Death, at least not without destroying Everything Else alongside him.

So, if we break it down, it's more like:

Immortal beings

God. Ineffable, mysterious and distant. If not indestructible by nature, then by lack of reachability.

Death. Creation's Shadow, untouchable unless you want to destroy all of creation along with him.

Humans. Their bodies can be easily destroyed, but the souls move on to an afterlife of some kind, seemingly unchanged and eternal.

The Horsepeople. Can be destroyed temporarily, but are direct consequences of humanity's nature and will be back as long as humans exist.

Mortal beings

Angels and demons. Pretty sturdy creatures actually, can replace bodies indefinitely, hard to damage physically and metaphysically, but will be permanently wiped from existence if exposed to certain substances. (I'm including the Metatron and Satan here, as I think they're just a special type of angel/demon, so one can probably Holy Water or Hellfire them to extinction.)

Like. It's not looking good for the angels and demons here, 's all I'm saying. They seem to be the only type of being that can be actually completely destroyed.

(If Aziraphale and Crowley actually do go native, and I like that idea, they'd be the first angel and demon to reach actual immortality. Which, given that Heaven and Hell believe this has already happened, probably makes them pretty scary from an angelic/demonic perspective.)

#good omens #good omens meta #angels #demons #immortality #holy water #hellfire #p+a

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shelby-love · 3 years

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ELIJAH MIKAELSON

Past Catching Up.

Requested: yes (by anonymous)

Prompts: none

Warning(s): none

Word count: 1.2K

Author's note: It’s always a pleasure to write about my Mikaelson men! Thank you for your lovely request. Happy reading! <3

The French Quarter was brimming with people, the streets buzzing all around. There were tourists in every nook and cranny of the city. Many sounds danced in the air, from wheeling bicycles to chattering. Jardin Gris Voodoo Shop was having a busy day, which was proved by the long amount of time you had spent inside.

These people didn't know in what kind of city they had stumbled in, but they didn't seem to mind.

Your hold on the small bag filled with herbs you had bought for Freya tightened impulsively as a little kid passed by you in a blur of a moment, ducking just in time not to trample you over with his bike. You sighed, glancing over your shoulder after him. There really was no point in lecturing the kid.

Your gaze fell in the direction of your walk again, being free of obstacles for what looked like 3 seconds. You felt yourself stumble against something hard, and instinctively you held onto the mystery for support. It takes you a moment to compose yourself and figure out the right excuse.

"Are you okay?" the man asks smoothly, still holding your shoulders in a vise grip.

You stepped out of that very same hold and looked up. He saw the shock register on your face before you could even attempt to hide it. Just like a year ago, a small smile played on his lips. Always in a way that made someone think he knows something they don't.

He reminded you of Klaus now that you thought of it. He was much like Kol too, yet very…no.

Yet entirely different from the sophisticated man you loved. Elijah Mikaelson was one of a kind after all.

"What are doing here Levi?" You asked him quickly. Your eyes fell on the surrounding vampires, those sent by Elijah to keep an eye out on you. There was not a doubt in your mind that one of them had already left to fetch him.

Even though Levi crushed your whole being when he broke up with you, erasing your feelings for him forever – a part of you refused to see the man with whom you shared many memories suffer great pain at the hands of Elijah.

You are a different woman now. An entirely different one; the last of your human beliefs had disappeared months ago when you were introduced to the supernatural world.

"Came to see you, of course," he drawled, lips twitching into a magnified smirk.

"Well, you wasted your time," you told him with a frown. "I want nothing to do with you."

Attempting to walk around his muscled body was of no avail as his hand grasped your wrist in which you were holding the herbs.

Levi took noticed and smiled, "You were never into gardening. What changed?"

You glared at him, wanting now more than ever to tell him you were delivering the herbs to the oldest witch on the planet. "They're not mine."

"Do you want to go get a drink? We should catch up," he proposed and you hated the way his smile grew by a mile. "There's a jazz bar here. St. James Infirmary am I right? Do you know where it is?"

"I've been living here for the last year Levi," You growled. "Of course, I know where it is."

And you did wish to take him there more than anything. You wanted to take him to the long-standing establishment of New Orleans, that has served as neutral territory between the supernatural factions of the city for decades. Fixing someone a drink using Levi should be easy as no vampire dared to touch you due to being Elijah's love.

"Great!" Levi said, his white teeth gracing you under the sun. "Then let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!"

How he managed to act like nothing bad ever happened between you two was puzzling, to say the least. While you had your wounds reopened with his sudden appearance, he seemed everything but wounded.

"Is there a problem here?"

You were never gladder to see Elijah's Armani suit as you were right then at that moment. You nodded your head eagerly and attempted to free your wrist. By now you had caught the attention of several locals and tourists in passing.

"He won't leave me alone." You gritted out, pulling your wrist again. "Levi let me go!"

It took a great amount of self-control for Elijah to keep his vampirism at bay. The look in your face was enough to pull at his heart that wanted nothing more than to protect you and have you in his arms.

"Can I suggest you listen to her and take a step back?" He asked him calmly, the tone of his voice stoic.

"Why should I do that? Y/N and I go way back, right love?"

Elijah's eyes visibly darkened, the veins of his vampire part threatening to surface. The younger man didn't know what he was dealing with, and as much as it pleased you to be in possession of that particular fact, you didn't want to your garbage-like ex of a boyfriend to be the reason behind Elijah's control loss of self-control.

Levi let you go, raising his hands in mock-surrender. Eventually he did stagger away, acting in a way that made it seem like the rejection didn't hurt or that the cold stare didn't put him into submission.

Elijah pulled you to him, grasping the side of your face with his hand while inspecting your wrist with the other.

Glad that he was there to intimidate your ex-boyfriend, you leaned in to give him a peck on the lips as a thank-you.

Although your brows came together very soon.

It's not over yet.

"Stay there," You pointed to Elijah before turning around. The Original vampire didn't attempt to stop you as the noble man in him had full trust in you like always. It was one of the many things you adored about him.

"I knew you were-"

You placed your hand lightly on Levi's shoulder, halting him in his steps and turning him around to face you – beaming.

Slap!

When it came to physically and verbally attacking someone, in your case, background always mattered.

Did they deserve it? What was it in for you?

Yes, and everything.

It sure felt good when your hand met his cheek. No. It felt more than good.

Amazingly satisfying aren't even the right words.

"Leave me the hell alone." You said in his face. "Unless you want my boyfriend to break your body like a twig."

Levi didn't have a clue how serious that threat was.

With a determined look you stalked back to Elijah. "Do you want me to wipe his memory?"

You eventually came to a decision and nodded. "Wipe it clean."

***

"Brother dearest!" Klaus' voice boomed when you and Elijah crossed the entry of the Mikaelson home, hand in hand. "I got a whiff of your encounter with Y/N's past lover. I've got to admit… You handled yourself very well back there."

"Why thank you, Niklaus." Elijah said monotonely.

"How melodramatic." Klaus mused. "Am I right?"

"Yes," You agreed. "I slapped him."

Klaus grinned, "So I've heard."

Ignoring Klaus became your expertise. Shrinking his voice into the background seemed way too easy as you leaned toward Elijah.

He placed his hands on your hips, your breathing mingling together.

"I've got to find Freya."

"She's in the drawing room." He whispered, having picked up where his sister was with his hearing.

Understanding dawned his eyes, "We can't change our past, so we live together in the present, and we fight the past off together when it comes knocking at our doors."

"Thank you for…you know. Not freaking out."

"Were you always this wise?"

"No," He replied with a chuckle. "That's the millennium rubbing off me."

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thelighthousestar · 3 years

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Lucifer Season 6 Finale: My opinion (SPOILERS)

About this season in general:

This season was nice but I think it's one of my least favourites out of all of them? But we did get a lot of great Deckerstar content, which I'm very happy about. About overall I'm pretty "meh, whatever" about this final season. Wasn't the best, wasn't awful either.

About Rory:

First of all I wanna say I think the name is really cool in clever. Like, Aurora Morningstar, Aurora meaning Dawn and Morningstar being, well, star of the morning, I think it was nice, clever choice. Other than that... Rory was really annoying most of the time. Lots of teenage angst (when she's supposed to be like, at least 30-40yo) being so mean to Lucifer for something that, for him, had not even happened yet. I get she's upset but come on. Also, coming to kill him? How would that help anything? And at the end, everyone suffers because of her ridiculous demand to her father. Lucifer's family has to live without him, lie to a little girl, and let said little girl grow up hating her father who hasn't done anything wrong. Idk, I just really struggled with her character. Like I don't hate her, but damn she can be a pain.

About the finale:

The time travel is absolutely not well managed because the consequence becomes the cause and vice versa. Rory came from the future to meet / kill Lucifer because of the pain created by his absence. Lucifer manages to help Rory let go of her resentment and the conclusion she draws is that Lucifer has to voluntarily abandon her so that she is angry with him so that he can then help her? Or, Lucifer can just be there?! No anger, no need to wait decades to go back in time and come to terms with it. The problem when shows try to use time travel, is that its always so tricky and it's almost impossible to not make a mistake and/or create a paradox. Rory didn't need to grow up without her dad to learn what she learns in s6, Lucifer would have just taught her those things as she grew up. It's stupid and unfair that Lucifer wasn't able to stay with his family and see his daughter grow up, be part of her life. Like what, Amenadiel can be God and still pop back down on earth, but Lucifer can't come back and be with his family in the mornings and evenings (like a regular working parent) especially since times moves differently in Hell, so what would seem like him being gone from 9 to 5 Earth Time, would have been much longer Hell Time. This really didn't need to be a full time job. When they decided to not change the loop I was like "Really? All that for that? Are you kidding" I'm so sad and disappointed. It feels like they juste used this as a way to make people emotional. There's other ways this could have been done I'm sure. Like, I don't know, maybe alternate dimensions/realities (since we know they exist in the Luciferverse) Andrew even if the prince of changing the loop was that everything that happened since Rory travelled would have been erased, that would have been fine too. Lucifer would have realised that he didn't wanna be God at some point anyway, he would have come to realise his true calling anyway, and he would see his daughter grow up. I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas around, cause I refuse to accept that ending. Still, Lucifer is one of my favorite shows and I will miss it.

#lucifer season 6 #lucifer morningstar #lucifer netflix #lucifans #lucifer #lucifer spoilers #lucifer series #lucifer series finale #chloe decker #deckerstar #rory morningstar #aurora morningstar

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saintsofvoid · 3 years

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Not my best work, but ya know trying. Umbra torture porn, just him solo jacking it to Execution Time and some of his own archives.

Words - 2267

Not super graphic, but normal blood and suffering would expect him to be into. I am full of regret, so enjoy.

For most the screams would have been ear splitting, the sight too much to take in, but for some this was their fantasy. For Umbra, it was welcoming company now, the normal names popping up in chat, clipping moments, discussing the details. The screams continued as the electric volts shot through the victim, their head snapping back as their spine arched. Straining against the restraints on the chair holding them in place.

Umbra is sat propped up in some dark corner of a run down motel, blood smears on the wall and used needles shoved under the mattress. Some place you stay to hide for the night or die, a place where nobody recognizes names and has never seen faces. The internet is solid though and that's all he really needed.

Laptop screen illuminating the darkness, image of the fried body reflected in his black eyes. Chat continued to scroll, eddies being passed around on bets, messages on how the eyes popped, begging the cameras to be moved closer. Umbra shifted on the filthy mattress taking in the smoking form of the dead man before him. Part of the thrill, knowing that could be him, could be any one of the pervs in chat. He loved it, watching the filth who got caught be killed, survival of the fittest, and the fit sat laughing at it.

The screen goes black as the next execution is queued up. A quick section on the criminal, what state they're out of, and method of execution. Lethal injection. Chat sparks up immediately with links to place bets on the time, money being thrown around to switch out the vials. Arguments starting that they should just use bleach, an internal cleaning for the damned. Umbra can't help but smirk at some of the messages flying through, people so deep into the BD addictions they were no different than him. Wanting to witness torture, suffering, felt morally right because these were criminals. He knew they couldn't separate reality from their fiction though, that this was all content and nothing more. A few may be just as twisted as him, enjoying it for what it was. As he began to learn though it was all just an addiction now, another chase for a different type of high, the line between morals skewed and erased. Was all just content, entertainment, nobody was in the wrong here.

He sits in silence, metal fingers tapping across the keyboard on the laptop. Sending messages back to a small group engaged in more graphic types of execution. The screen eventually comes back and a woman is standing in front of the camera. Final rites are being performed, whatever follows for the legal course. Everything is muted, but he can tell by the look the woman doesn't care. No remorse, no fear, she's accepted her fate and just wants to get it over with. She moved back to sit in the execution seat, leaned back and arms bound to the armrests. Umbra watches intently, head tilted to the side playing with a ring weaved into his dreadlocks. He can see the furrowed brow, the annoyance on the woman's face. The doctor comes up and injects the needle and she spits in his face. Chat lights up with people laughing, emotes and money flying bye, both cheering her on as one of them and chanting for her death.

She looks dead into the camera after that, waiting for her death to come. Something washes over him at that glare. It mimics his own, a reflection he's seen in the mirror so many times. He smirked back at the screen, pushing the laptop to the side, adjusting himself on the bed. Watching as the injection is given, his hand moving to grope himself through his pants.

Free hand running up his side to the exposed vent, metallic fingers dancing across where synthetic flesh meets metal. Fingers slipping in and his system lights up, hud display flashing a warning that he quickly dismisses. He knew his limits, how far he could push his system before it went critical. The first jolt has him rolling his head back, squeezing his cock through his pants. Had been too long since he found pleasure, the sensation feeling almost foreign.

He watched with interest, intent, imagining what the prisoner was feeling. He could see the rage in her eyes, not about her death but that she had been caught to begin with. She was a fighter, and this was a pathetic way out. Only riled him up more. Could tell the moment the poison hit her system, the veins jolting out, the sudden attack to her body. He sunk further into the filthy mattress, groping at his stiffening cock. Free hand running along his body, under the torn tank-top and along his torso. Metal fingers catching at the splits of skin where the metal peaks through, metal bones shifting just beneath the flesh, body responding to the touch.

Doesn’t take long for the woman to succumb to the poison in her system, final moments of struggle leaving her body, fading out as she goes slack in the seat against her restraints. It's all too quick he thinks, there’s nothing involved in this method, it's just a glimpse and then everything is over. Finds himself siding with the chat, should have used bleach or some acid, given a real show for the money they’re throwing around.

Doesn’t take long and the next stream is up, another hanging, but the scene has him perked up. Prisoner has blood on his forehead and the guard has a busted nose, another bastard with some type of fight to the very end. Everything is harsh with how they move him, the positioning, they tighten the noose too tight around the convict’s neck and he knows where this is going. They’re going to make his last moments hell, make the poor gonk suffer to his death.

Anticipating he can feel his cock twitch under his grip, straining up against his pants. Final rites are given and Umbra is pulling himself out, kicking his pants off to the side of the bed and letting his legs fall open. Stroking slowly as he watches for the drop. When it does he’s not disappointed, the eager twitch in his palm as he squeezes his own grip. His free hand finding the ends of his dreads wrapped around his neck, tightening them to the scene. Neck only cracked, convict very much alive swinging as dead weight as its up to suffocation to take him. Body jolting in a natural display for survival as everyone simply watches and counts down the seconds.

His pace picks up on the strokes, chin lifted as a display of his own throat, dreads pulled tight to the resistance of metal. It's enough though, barely, he can feel the edge somewhere deep down and a faded high he’s chasing. Stroking himself to the dying heartbeat, to every twitch, to the look of pain and horror. Everyone is a tough bitch until death is consuming them, then the begging starts, the tears, the pleads. Oh how he loves it, how he wishes he could hear their thoughts, the bastards pleading to be spared.

Doesn’t take long for him to get into the motions, hips jerking up to meet his strokes. He’s seen enough people hung he knows how it all goes, but when the vendetta is met where it becomes personal- makes it all the much better. Hips jerking up as his hand squeezes down around the base, straining for friction, wanting so much more. What he wouldn’t give to have a warm body beneath him. Have his toy taking the brunt of his frustration, pent up rage and lust. The snapping of a neck has never sounded so good.

His cock twitched in his hand, a bead of precum dripping down from the head. Robotic fingers stretching to smear it down his shaft. Slow stroke up and teasing the head. Shifting as he watched the body twitch, the final moments of life dying out. His cock pulsing in his hand as he pulled tighter on the dreads around his neck. Felt teased at this point, executions were too quick. Nothing drawn out and truly painful. Feel the frustration boiling over in him. Pulling up a separate tab and plugging himself in, split screen of his own archives. Decades of interrogations, torture sessions, and murders. Attention flickering back to the execution page for what's to come.

Spitting into his hand he leaned back, laptop screen illuminating his face with footage and pictures of his own doing. The second screen comes back with another 3 women to be hung. Stroked himself slowly to the tears, the pleads, the bruises and blood. His grip tightened around himself as the nooses were secured around the women's necks.

A glimmer of a moment, where oddity would set in. That this was wrong, but the fixation of death is what always did him in. Those seconds where people would stand in the in-between. That's what he loved the most out of it, all he could get from these sites. Watching those like him, lessers to him, be met with such a fate, riled him. Watching others be tortured and murdered at his hand was only the next substitute to get him over.

Feelings were rare, he just needed to get off and be done. Transfixed though, dragging it out, choking himself, fingers slipping into his side vent and his hips bucked up into his fist. Jaw clenched tight as he steadied himself. Twisting his fist down his shaft, squeezing at the base and twisting at the swelling head. Warm metal against hot flesh, watching intently at every move on screen. The words meant nothing, but the silence he knew what was about to happen. The floor falling out and the last seconds of misery wiped away.

All dead within seconds, necks snapped and twisted around the ropes. Feet twitching as the body processes its over. Umbra lets out a long slow breath, grabbing his cock at the base and slapping it against his abdomen. Attention shifting to his own videos, the blood spurting out of open gashes, gurgling up from the throat. Desperate hands trying to fight him off, watching the last of their strength fade away, the life in their eyes go dull snuffing out, and their hands falling back to the ground.

Flicking to the next capture, the next memory, biting hard enough on his lip to draw blood. He remembers the man, a corpo in the wrong place at the wrong time. Trying to find his dealer and stumbling upon a monster feasting. A low moan escapes between parted lips and he doesn’t recognize it as his own. The sheer look of horror, the panicked scream and tumble as he tried to turn on heel and run. Blade sinking into the man’s ankle dragging him back into the mess. Then it's just blow after blow, blood spraying up with each pull of his fist. The point of submission came too quickly and he had backed off.

Umbra groaned as he watched the scene, the man spitting up blood from busted teeth and broken nose. The perfect façade broke as he laid there suffering on the floor. Long slow strokes speeding up, fisting at his cock as he watched, fingers again playing with the vents at his side. The electric racing through his body, making him arch back into it, hips stuttering up into his fist. Tongue flicking out smearing the blood from his lip, only making it all feel so much more real.

See himself climb on top of the corpo blood coated hands running along his beaten face. The soft hush and broken whimper, grasping him with such care, thumbs stroking over bloody cheeks before pushing them into his eyes. Screams engulfing the room, and Umbra can’t stifle the moan that wracks through him. Watching himself pull back to admire the scene, blood running from the eye sockets, mumbled pleas to be let go. Was no fight to begin with, but the man made such a pretty image. Watching him slowly bleed, removing the knife from his ankle and slicing a clean line across his chest. Only drawing a whimper but soon the front of the shirt stains red, and another gash joins it.

He’s close then, such a simple action, a simple kill and it's got him spiraling over. He watches as the knife comes up, the pathetic cry for it to end, and then it's over. Knife plunged deep into his chest, twisted and ripped back out. Throwing his head back as his cock strains and pulses, stroking himself over the edge. Moan leads to a choked off scream as he cums, body shaking with the climax. Ropes of cum spilling onto his abdomen and up to his chest. Stroking the last of it out up to a squeeze on the swollen head. Wiping what ends up on his hand onto the mattress and just falling back onto the bed. Slapping the laptop closed, over the whole thing.

Lays there in silence for several minutes, staring up at the ceiling. Part of him really hates himself, not so much for getting off but only being able to at his own work. Yet only able to think of that corpo, if it wasn't for the heat of the moment, would have dragged it out. Such a waste of a pretty face. Then the smile cracks, that dangerous laugh, and he’s floating. He’s got another.

#nsft #cp77 umbra #fics and shit #i guess idk

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angsty-nerd · 4 years

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On New Year's Eve, I marathon watched episodes 1-6...because it just felt like a good way to end 2019. I did the 2nd half of the season last night.

Yesterday morning I was listening to the current insane version of my Echo playlist on my way to work, and the song Wind & Anchor by the National Parks was playing and it got me thinking about Liz leaving, and how abruptly she changed (or was changed by Isobel's meddling).

Here's what we know from Canon. We have Liz and Max's prom night bonding that we see in 1x06. Two weeks before graduation, Liz tells Rosa, "Maybe I don't want to miss Max Evans". The afternoon of the night Rosa dies, Liz and Max have a semi-date, go out to the desert, drink beer, dance, almost kiss. Liz tells Max, "I don't want to be a leaver like my Mom." It's clearly important to her. Max offers to go with her on her road trip and she is shocked, but thrilled, at the suggestion. She doesn’t pull away. The idea of it doesn’t freak her out. If anything, she leans into the idea. Her body language portrays excitement. Her smile gets wider, she gets closer to him, and eventually just ends up in his arms by the end of the scene.

I tried to find a gif of this scene to emphasize my point, but alas, somehow there seems to be this one Echo scene that hasn’t been giffed! So you’re stuck with my crappy screen caps instead. And I couldn’t resist keeping the first and last one bigger because they’re such friggin gorgeous shots. New Mexico people.

After Rosa dies, Max says he wanted to tell Liz the truth, but when he went to do so, she was saying goodbye to her family and leaving. Isobel and Michael both confirm that he wanted to tell Liz the truth and they both knew it. Isobel and Michael decide that Max's feelings for Liz are too dangerous and Isobel gets inside Liz's head and "erases it" (per Michael) to make Liz forget how she feels about Max (implied by Isobel in 1x04). Michael tells Liz, "you didn't leave town of your own volition." Isobel still swears up and down that she can only influence people, that she can't make them do things they don't want to do, but that doesn't entirely jive with the whole she'll just forget how she feels about you statement.

I know I’ve read some fabulous meta over Isobel’s certainty in how her powers had successfully worked on Liz in the past and therefore why they would work again, and I don’t really want to reexplore this from Isobel’s perspective. I’ll just direct you to @latessitrice’s fabulous meta on it over here instead: https://latessitrice.tumblr.com/post/189111618847/mini-meta-this-time-focussing-on-isobel-sending

In classic angsty nerd fashion, I want to look back at the what ifs instead, because it’s those what ifs that haunt me as a fan of the show and as a person invested in this relationship.

Because it’s fairly clear that Liz’s perspective changed. And yes, most of that has to do with Rosa dying. But I think Isobel’s influence also played a huge factor. I think Isobel got into Liz’s head and erased her memory of her feelings for Max. And I do think she made her leave town, and I don’t think that Liz would have run the way she did without that influence. I DO think Liz would have still gone on her road trip. But I think that after her family being destroyed by Rosa’s death and the resulting racism, that made leaving extremely appealing. And then not having that desire for Max as a driving factor anymore, suddenly there felt like there was nothing worth staying for, and all the reasons to leave.

But, as a fan of the show, the what if that makes me the craziest, is of course being robbed of Liz’s reaction to being separated from Max. Without those feelings, she didn’t get to react, she couldn’t react. Whereas, we know, it devastated Max. We know he pined and suffered and fell into a state of extreme depression that pretty much lasted most of the decade, if his own words are accurate in describing how he felt with Liz gone. But with her feelings erased, Liz was like a blank slate until she finally came home.

I’ve always been somewhat fascinated by Liz’s reaction to seeing Max in the pilot, before the shooting. I’ve seen lots of fandom interpretations of her just being stunned at the sight of him. And I do think there’s some of that, but I think there’s something else going on too. Liz’s mind was likely still affected by Isobel’s influence. There had been nothing to shake her free of it with a decade away from Roswell and Max. Before she sees Max, she’s quickly established as a fighter, as someone with a sharp tongue who isn’t easily shaken. But then she sees Max, and she’s frozen. Shook. Stunned. Speechless.

I think that it’s her brain fighting Isobel’s influence.

She sees Max and she immediately starts to feel. But her brain has been told to forget those feelings. So as she flashes to memories of longing for Max in high school, at the same time as she’s processing those feelings, her brain is trying to shut them down, and thus, the internal struggle leaves her frozen and unable to fully react. And once she’s given an opportunity, what’s the first thing she does? She follows Isobel’s instructions. She leaves the checkpoint and continues on her way without even looking back. And by the time she’s talking to her father, she’s not even thinking about Max anymore. Just about ICE and the potential danger to her father.

Then, a few hours later, Max walks into the Crashdown to see her. And what happens again? The same thing. Frozen. Shook. Stunned. Speechless. At least at first. I love this gifset of that moment: https://goodvibesinroswell.tumblr.com/post/188098149117/good-vibes-of-the-day-max-liz-shook

But then, having that feeling and that internal struggle twice in one night allows her to fight the influence, and somehow she just feels enough to ask him to stay for that milkshake. Which in turn allows her to have a conversation.

Until of course, she gets shot. And Max heals her. And in healing the bullet in her chest, what if the healing also managed to repair whatever was broken in her brain from Isobel’s influence? Because from that point on, she doesn’t seem to have trouble interacting with Max. The next time she sees him she’s got a plan and a purpose and doesn’t struggle to stick to it.

And then once he comes clean to her...once they talk and she begins to understand how he feels about her, the feelings came back quickly. Which takes me back to being AAAANGSTY over the what ifs. Because without that influence, maybe she would have missed Max. Maybe she would have wanted to visit. Maybe just that one more thing would have made Roswell a little less awful to remember.

#rnm echo meta #rnm echo #max&liz #liz ortecho #my meta

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sweatblvvdtears · 6 years

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People thought I'm not clingy , when in fact I am clingy once I got attached to you . In good way or not that much . You'll learn something from me . I am too . If we were lover , I'll be following you to anywhere and won't argue at all on anywhere you wanted to take me to . I'll be too nice and I probably can't helped it . I like to pleased people I loved with something . Treat them kindness and care . I can be way too good at heart and that is one of my traits problem that I need to balancing of . And also , I can be way too dark at hearts and in head when hurts also when my emotions controlling my heart also head and soul . I'll show my affections a lot to those I really love and closed with . I can split my personality or "mask" to those I cared about and bring only certain emotions to face the world . But when I decided to shut down , I'll shut everything down , not just for one person , to everyone . Like switching electrical power box of an entire city , that's how it feels . I'm quite insecure sometimes and unpredictable and at very first meeting till few months , you won't be able to read me much or realized . I am just like that . I am darkened at mind also heart or soul at times but I promise I will treat you better more than I ever did to myself once I cared and loved you . I will try to change myself from being not able to be unapproachable to quiet approaching also etc . It won't be easy but I'll try to . I'll love them best . Especially if you are ended up as my lover , you will find that my violent or anything dark quality in me has nothing to do with it . Like it's been separated through fully or been cut , just for you . I'll just show you the softness and kind things to you . Love over there and etc . I am simply mysterious but we'll try to see what I can do about it . My darkness will still be showing behind of me but I won't be using it on someone's I love or cared about . I do brought it to everywhere I go , like shackles and chains or wounds that burning quietly , I choose to suffered in a very high degrees more than anyone ever does around me . I am used to pain and you won't realized it . I can bring 10 kind of pain + sadness and problems with me but for some certain people or someone I loved , you might won't realized it , I will leave it in front of the door of your places and erase every dark or etc things inside of me or problems for a while before dealing and meeting with you in that process . Once I finished , I'll be wearing all of it back , like armor and etc . It has became part of me . I hope you still want to be near and close to me even I'm with all of the darkness , mixed with evilness or in everything hurt you can think of and seen some cruelty in me because the world has forcing me to transformed into it . I will try not to "bite" or "claw" you or consumed you out while you are standing right in front of me with that dark transformations of mine . Please soothe me down if you ever see me in that way , my hearts needs it , I need it . Don't hurt me . I had enough of pain and sadness been lingering around me for more than decades . I am powerful yet I can be at the most weak when I can't take it . I'll try much for the sakes of others .

#p #.txt #tw #about #irl #vent #thought

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gammaprimesmw · 3 years

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All My Worthwhile SMW Hacks - Now on GBATemp

For those who have perhaps wondered where the SMW in my screen name comes from, it comes from my long history in the Super Mario World ROM hacking scene. It's something I originally discovered all the way back in 2006. Back then, I quickly fell in love with the ability to change levels. I could make the most annoying levels of the game a bit more bearable. (Looking at you, Tubular!) Before long, I had joined Acmlm's Board and attempted to pass a collection of blatant level edits off as my first SMW hack, only to be shot down rather quickly. I briefly quit, only to start again. This time, I tried to make my own levels, only to eventually break something in my ROM. I almost gave up yet again before finally producing my first passable (at the time) hack late that year. I intended to follow that up with another hack called Super Mario Bros. 5, but ended up burning out sometime in the following summer. I then left hacking behind until late 2010. That's when what I consider my real SMW hacking journey began.

By late 2010, a lot had changed about the scene. New utilities now existed, and new custom assets could be inserted that the average user wouldn't dare to mess with in 2006. Custom music, blocks, and sprites could be inserted whether or not one knew 65c816 Assembly. Meanwhile, I was getting better at pixel art, allowing me to make my own graphics from scratch. Before long, I had decided to resurrect Super Mario Bros. 5, recreating the whole thing practically from scratch. The result would be Super Mario Bros. 5 Roborn. It wasn't easy to pull the hack off, even with new skills and tools. I'd suffer from bouts of Hacker's Block, which is like a writer's block or artist's block, but it affects the ability to create new levels. I'd also run into technical problems and the inability to find the right resources to do everything I really wanted to do. Learning to make my own custom music helped somewhat, but I would still be dependent on the ASM people to either code what I needed or fix bugs involving whatever custom code had already been inserted. Sadly, requests for custom bosses were seldom, if ever, fulfilled. This fact would eventually kill a sequel to SMB5R known as Mecha-Bowser's Revenge. I wanted custom bosses that didn't exist and lacked the patience to learn the necessary ASM skills to make them myself. After canceling that hack and honing my level design skills a bit, partially thanks to a great tutorial written by AxemJinx. I entered my first Vanilla Level Design Contest in late February of 2012. While my level didn't win or even place in the top 5, it didn't place at the bottom either. A very critical hack reviewer called XKeeper, who I remember being one of the people to lambaste my earliest attempts at SMW hacking, gave the level a 4/5 when he played it during a Twitch stream. The time was fast approaching to try for another full-length hack. I tried my best to manage my ambition with this one. I'd keep the story simple. Bowser kidnapped the Princess (again). Koopalings would be the World bosses, and the existing bosses and boss templates made custom Koopalings feasible. I decided to draw all the foregrounds and backgrounds for this project. Only one thing really posed a threat to this project: Hacker's Block. It would get so bad sometimes that I'd question the morality of ROM hacking, believing the blocks came from God/my conscience trying to stop me from promoting the "sin" of downloading ROMs. Thankfully, friends like imamelia would reassure me that it wasn't. The hack was finished just as 2012 came to a close. This is the oldest hack that I felt worthy of going on GBATemp.

It was game on from there. I'd produce several more hacks. Each one would receive mostly positive reviews. The most frequent complaint I'd receive would be that my hacks all felt the same. I was, and still will be should I return to hacking, a traditionalist hacker. I tried to make my hacks feel like official Mario games. I eschewed the typical ROM hacking practice of making something significantly harder than the base game. I'm the first person to test the levels, and I'm not the greatest at video games. Lost Levels-tier difficulty curves aren't my thing, and Kaizo definitely isn't my thing. The latter fact suited me just fine. Up until about 2015, Kaizo hacks were banned on SMWCentral. That would start changing that year. A little thing called Janked Up Mario Party (AKA JUMP) was released, and it began changing the very culture of SMWC. Kaizo hacks were now permitted, thanks to them being popular with Twitch streamers. I kept going for several more years, even as popular opinion began turning against my "safe, homogenized" hacks, and Streamer Kaizo hacks began taking over the hack database. Let's Plays and streams of my hacks became more and more sparse, and my overall motivation to hack slowly dwindled through 2019. I burned out so back early last year that, for a couple weeks, I became thoroughly convinced that ROM hacking was a sin, regardless of what people like imamelia said. That conviction would bring me to tears every time I thought about everything I had created. I was still proud of it. These hacks were still available. I could've very easily asked a staffer on SMWC to take them all down, along with all the other resources I created. Being seen as crazy, and the fact that I could never truly erase what I'd done, ultimately held me back. Eventually, I gave into temptation, popping into a friend's stream while he was streaming a hack called Return to Dinosaur Land. That night, I also had a chat with Daizo Dee Von, and he finally convinced me that I was wrong about the whole "ROM hacking is a sin" thing. I salvaged some levels from the canceled Chocolate Collection I was working on since late 2019, threw in a few contest entry levels, and built a few new levels to create a much smaller collection hack simply called "Ten." I could've been done there. That could've been my send-off to the world of SMW hacking. Then COVID-19 happened, inspiring me to start another project inspired by the various conspiracy theories surrounding the pandemic. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough inspiration and motivation to see said hack through, and it was canceled. I decided then that I was pretty much done with hacking. I'd been doing it for a decade straight. That was probably the real reason I was burning out, rather than some divine intervention. I was burned out, and SMWC's culture was no longer one that really supported my style of hacks. I was no longer the one whose hacks could generate hype in large swaths of the community. I was now known as someone who just put out a string of very similar hacks. I even wondered if a sufficiently-trained AI algorithm could make hacks like mine. Maybe that thought can go two ways. I could see it as meaning I'm more like a machine than a person when it comes to designing levels, or the hypothetical AI could be seen as passing the ROM hacking equivalent of a Turing Test.

Anyway, here are the rest of the hacks. You will need a Super NES emulator and a Super Mario World ROM to play these. I can't tell you where to get the latter, but I can recommend using snes9x as your emulator of choice.

KAMEK'S ISLAND (2013)

MARIO & LUIGI: KOLA KINGDOM QUEST (2014-2015)

SUPER MARIO WORLD: BOWSER'S CATACLYSMIC TRAP (2014-2015)

SUPER MARIO LAND 3: TATANGA'S RETURN (2015-2016)

MARIO IS MISSING DONE RIGHT (2016)

SUPER MARIO BROS: THE EARLY YEARS (2016-2017)

SUPER LUIGI LAND (2017-2019)

SHORT BUT SWEET This is a collection of 4 mini-hacks I made during this time. These were usually side projects I did to keep my skills sharp and still do some hacking without burning myself out on the larger projects. Often, these would incorporate levels I had made for various hacking contests. One of them, Oiram's Invasion, is actually a contest entry itself, created for the 2013 12 Days Before Christmas contest. It's my highest-ranking contest entry on the site, having made it all the way to 3rd Place.

#gaming #rom hacking #super mario world #snes #retrogaming

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