#a specifically bad trip

[charmwasjess]

You know, if you think about it, Dooku did technically die at a ripe old age, doing what he loved, surrounded by his grandchildren. And if you think about the fact that his headless, handless corpse got sucked out into Coruscant’s atmosphere during the breakup of the Invisible Hand, it’s not NOT dissimilar to the Serennian death rites where they place their dead on funeral moons that orbit Serenno, AND if you think about the fact that Coruscant and the Jedi Temple was really the only true home he ever knew for most of his life AND IF YOU THINK ABOUT…

#by doing what he loved I mean lightsabers #I do not actually think RotS Dooku was um doing so super great you know... overall? #that whackass Stover novelization literally has him CRYING in front of Sidious and needing to be told to compose himself before the duel #“I’m just so happy to lose on purpose to this kid I hate and go into whatever the fuck an honarable captivity means it’s soso fine” #Oh no okay I'm back to sad again #Being a Dooku stan is such a trip #a bad one #a specifically bad trip #count dooku

[rottmntrulesall]

Even when Blitzø tries. Even when he doesn’t run or push those he loves away, he is told he would just ruin things by being around

#I know we dont have context to their specific past but damn— #And then he goes and finds her.... And manages to lose her her job #It really takes him back to what Fizz said to Blitzø from his bad trip #helluva boss #vivziepop #unhappy campers #helluva boss barbie wire #helluva boss blitzo

[shorthaltsjester]

honestly as someone who has been in various fandoms for a long time now and who also watched campaigns 1 and 2 without really getting into cr fandom it isn’t Shocking but it is annoying how often people will look at the stories that cr tells and make absolute claims about the goodness of characters (goodness here meaning Moral goodness, not I Like This character and think it’s well made goodness, which is a separate post entirely). particularly regarding the gods and pc parents. and honestly like, typically in fandom i get annoyed by people bending over backwards to woobify characters who are active in their choice to be unkind and generally horrible but in the cr fandom it’s tended to be the opposite where like. a character is just. a human being (in the sense of being Average not in the sense of Fantasy Races) and huge swaths of the fandom act like that’s the most unforgivable thing someone can be. and maybe it is, but one of the most powerful things about fiction is that it tends to encourage people to expand their empathy and exercise their ability to forgive. because fictional characters, no matter how much people like to project onto them, tend not to cause anyone harm, so it’s easier to learn how to forgive and accept things you don’t understand without also villainizing them.

this is mostly prompted by the recent 4sd and the fact that matt’s response to what’s up with the dawnfather was a very insistent “He’s not bad!” and also seeing the online reaction to the mention that the matron would punish vax for saving keyleth that has taken the as usual completely bonkers tune that the raven queen (Who When Met With A Brother Asking A God To Kill Him In Favour Of His Sister, Gave Him A Job, and Later Extended His Natural Life To Help Protect The World And Have More Time With His Family And Allowed Him To Visit His Sister On Her Wedding Day) is a horrible evil abusive bitch of a god. like. can we grow up? can we understand the world and fiction that represents the multitudes of experiences found in it in shades of grey? is that too much to ask (i know it is).

but also specifically the like Extremely Adamant way that both matt and laura were like no no no no relvin isn’t Horirble he’s average. he’s not good he’s just. he’s A father, not a good or bad one. and on the surface it’s hilarious that they’re both so like. enthused to point out that he’s Average because typically when people respond to a claim of a characters badness with the level of immediacy they both did it’s a rebuttal of “no, this character is good actually.” but it was just to affirm that relvin did harm imogen, but not because there’s some aspect of his character that is inherently cruel or especially Bad. and like. yeah actually. yeah you should react like that to a claim that this average person who Has hurt someone, the way that nearly every single person has hurt someone in a way they cannot repair, with immediacy to say this person is a Person and thus imperfect and capable of great harm, but that isn’t some all encompassing judgment on their morality or capability to also do good or be fine.

anyway this is kinda just a rant post but also is just me saying i’m very grateful that when surrounded by a fandom that tends to paint characters as Good or Bad and even while using a game that can encourage that with its alignment system, cr has always told stories that see goodness as a persistent choice that might sometimes falter and that can be chosen even after a lifetime of Badness. i can’t remember exactly what the quote was so forgive me if it’s incorrect but when jester is talking to caleb after he claims he’s not a very good person and she says “good people do bad things sometimes. even bad people do good things.” that’s it! that’s one of the most consistent themes across campaigns. and yet.

#on fandom #cr tag #i just. maybe it’s the philosophy major in me but. good grief the shit some of y’all say about morality and then turn around and ignore #what you’ve just said. good grief #lately it’s specifically been the people who support liliana (i too love evil women) and act like she tripped and fell into her current #position. and then turn around and call relvin an abusive devil #like. sorry which one has been manipulating imogen. which one abonded her? #that’s besides the point. my point is. the words good and bad are meaningless. #the good placeism. is this character trying to be better today than they were yesterday #this is the imogen temult problem actually. like yes she Chooses to be good. but that is only a choice because we have Seen her be selfish #and cruel and manipulative. if i had to choose to call imogen good or bad i’d of course choose good. but that undermines so much of #what makes her ‘goodness’ actually compelling. #honestly same with fjord. like his character as a charismatic paladin who fights for Good™ is comtextualised by having seen his journey #like. otherwise he’d be boring. #like. if any cr main character was just Good or just Bad. i promise it would not be as popular as it is #critical role

[bizlybebo]

hyperfixations have you associating the most random fucking songs with the Characters.

#HOME BY PHILLIP PHILLIPS. PRIME DEFENDERS SEASON 2. #SPECIFICALLY EARLY SEASON 2. THE ROAD TRIP VIBESSS #I ACTUALLY FEEL ILL. #I MISS THEM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOSSOOSOSOSOSOSOSO BAD #vixen rambles

[gibbearish]

kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it

#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you #youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying #and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away #like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right? #like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine #peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that #in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids #by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to #which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering #things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much #idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it #like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch #so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling #like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right? #and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression #bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad #and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn #so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference #idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough #just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more

[wavernot4love]

fob @ fanfest recap, post-my living vicariously through people's live updates since i cannot get over my last minute resentful decision of not being able to pull off the (admittedly 650+ total mile) drive 2 philly today and perhaps feeling devastated over having missed

- patrick: "so! i'm patrick and i know nothing about sports" and also just MASSIVELY feeling the show based on all the videos i've seen!?

- pete making a warped comparison (!?! could it get more wavernot4love coded than this)

- joe chant that he successfully heard :]

- i don't care debut of late (finally!!)

- pete being self aware about the tennis new york incident (calling fobbies "monsters" in a vaguely affectionate way... HELP)

- honestly such an expansive setlist for an event like this?? FIFTEEN SONGS!? sixteen candles? fake out? grand theft autumn? headfirst slide? HELLO

- pete doing his saturday thing??? i honestly didn't think that was a thing they did @ these sports event kinda things w shorter sets

- you could really tell they Knew they had hardcore fans there

and man i wish i could have made it but here's to hoping leg 2 comes next year because i will 100% be traveling for multiple shows again <333

#this is quite possibly the biggest “i should have been there” moment wavernot4love has ever had #because i was ALMOST there #to be fair my decision to not do it was based on the fact that my car is not very new #and i have already gone on so many trips this year (most recently JUST driving 2 philly for tourdust camden) #+ still have a couple more coming uo this fall #but regardless i feel like i missed out and i miss them Bad #if only it had been a couple hours closer 2 me or i had been able to find affordable doable public transit #have unfortunately been having a perpetual it's joever moment all day in my room rotting with the shades shut #but it will all be alright in a couple weeks when i see thursday and i'm finally back into the swing of things w my handful of shows #i've got planned for september #also all of them are in my general area except one in toronto and even that is only a three hour drive so that's optimistic #fobposting #fall out boy #fob #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #i feel like i should be tagging andy but also i didn't see/hear about any particular events specific 2 him

[noirsongbird]

man, sometimes you start plotting out an AU, and you realize that it is going to be of interest to basically no one, so you sigh and decide that it stays on the discord forever

#specifically I’m playing with a gortash redemption postcanon #but it comes from a sort of ‘bad timeline’ ie on my very first run I fucked up Astarion’s romance and never got his act 2 scene #moved on to act 3 without realizing I had done this #got COLD dumped #and just started extrapolating how fucking miserable my Durge would be about it #like Ryla would still slog through and save the world #but I’m durgetash garbage so part of saving the world #in the end #meant killing the only person who ever loved Ryla #and he regrets it. and he’s miserable #and alone #so he goes to withers like “please just one more resurrection #Enver deserves the chance I got #to try and be better #and withers is like well. This makes my favorite mortal happy AND it will make bane SOOOOO MAD. #I see no downsides #so gortash gets a lil true rexzy and he and Ryla get to go on a life changing field trip #but NO ONE wants to read this and I fear for the wank that might come #since Astarion looks kinda. Bad. in this AU #and I’ve had people get mad in my comments over characters that haven’t appeared onscreen/had a chance to speak for themselves yet before #and it was really frustrating and upsetting #and I just don’t wanna do that again

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :') #way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh) #my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?' #and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy' #and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!! #which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!! #and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me) #'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that' #fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut getting that snout facing right at the camera #camerupt #early 2000s animation cow‚ apparently. that's what someone just said about the bonus image. i honestly never understood this thing's name #i always thought it was pretty obviously a cow. but then its name implies camel. camel erupt. camerupt. is there a specific kind of #camel that just looks like a cow?? or. what. or am i just misremembering what camels look like #either way‚ i still think this pokémon is pretty cool‚ but i don't really use it ever in my own playthroughs. i don't think i *ever* have #not even in pokémon colosseum where i'm pretty sure you can get a shadow numel at some point. bc i already had a fire-type #not sure which one it was but it was definitely one of them. maybe cyndaquil? because of the dudes with the johto starters #that you fight near the beginning in pppp uuuhhh the PHENAC city i couldn't remember the name. for a second there. #i wasn't aware as a kid that their outfits corresponded to the type of the starter they had and also that you could only fight one of them #i think as a kid i was under the impression that there was only the one. for some reason i remember fighting the green one #oh wait they have the second-evos yeah. cuz he had bayleef. and the red one would've had quilava. not cyndaquil #ugh my memory is not very good evidently. i'm writing these tags after work. normally i do them right when i wake up but this time i just #do not have an excuse for not being able to remember shit. this is just on me. maybe it's amplified by the fact that i have yet to eat today #which i have a very bad habit of doing. forgetting to eat all day and not eating until like 5 and then that being my only meal for the day #i'm trynna get better about it but it is Not easy for some reason. for something that should be decidedly very simple #but my brain doesn't often let me eat until i've completed all of my silly little Tasks. so. idk. this will however post the day after i've #arrived back home from my trip which is nice. the first time future me will be sleeping in her own bed again. good luck again future me #you might need it

[slav-every-day]

#today was fine ig #for me specifically #but #my brother had an accident on a ski trip and broke his face #which I know I’m saying kinda flippantly #but it was pretty fuckin scary for a sec there apparently #my mom is on her way to northern Wisconsin now to go see to him but he’s spending the night in the hospital anyways #not telling yall this for any particular reason other than I use this blog as a faux diary #so I appreciate you reading this far #but I’m good and my brother will survive and all that #just thanks for listening 🙂 #if you want the details of what a ‘broken face’ looks like #it’ll put a few detail after the slav tag #slav #slav every day #voltron #he broke his eye socket bones #fractured his sinuses #knocked some teeth out of alignment #and has a concussion so bad he got knocked unconscious and couldn’t stop throwing up #he also has a minor brain bleed from said concussion #so that’s enough to get you in the hospital over night ig lol

[captainsjack]

pls someone talk me out of adopting a cat i am so tempted😭

#i was talking to my mom abt how it’s not that feasible and she said we’ll figure it out! like. girl !!?? youre supposed to talk SENSE INTO #ME BE A VOICE OF REASON #i just…. want a kitty so bad #i have one at home but she’s so old she won’t make the trip out here to live with me 😔 #i WOULD get one in an instant but my kitty doesn’t really like other cats so idk what i’d do with the new one during summer & winter break #:/ idk!! and i shouldn’t be spending money! #technically i can afford it but i SHOULD be SAVJNG it #helpppppp #and i already fell in love with 2 specific ones at 2 different shelters :( #😭 #*

[la0hu]

love my housemates for unanimously being "yay go to japan!!!!! :)))" and also being like "don't tell your family until you are literally there because they don't deserve to know. power to emma"

#p #i'll tell miles obviously that boy never did me wrong #i mean i'll have to tell my family eventually bc i want to get them presents lol #tbh i also feel like they broke my trust like crazy and they need to see that i honestly don't trust them to tell them now #i'm worried i'll tell them and they'll try to talk me out of it or something #or make me feel bad for going more likely. and i'm just so fucking sick of that. it's so horseshit #all this guilt tripping and pressure to do things this very specific way it's so suffocating #and it does hurt not being able to share things with my mom but she also did this to me. like that's a fact she didn't trust ME first

[zephyr-draws]

musings on insects, isolation, and how much can change when you're not looking

#i started this like a month ago #and finished it today because i was laughing at how much the sentence 'i'm going bug hunting with my partner' would kill pre-college me #but yeah. i'm still learning to accept that i'm not alone anymore. #learning to love insects was easy. it's a lot harder to learn to love myself #in the wise words of a fic my friend wrote: it sucks so bad sometimes. but even when it sucks it's better. #personal #insects #also all of the scenes in the middle two pages are specific memories that have contributed the most to why neither of those things are true #1. meeting my partner in an entomology class i took on a whim #2. the fateful 8 hour dnd conversation on a field trip for that class that started our friendship #3. trip to a museum (i also could have drawn the part of that trup where i got to hold a cockroach but i don't have a picture of it) #(and i really like that picture of her) #4. seeing a cockroach on the way to class and both of us yelling 'oh my god a little guy!' #5. working at an insect collection together (oh god the things our boss has probably heard) #6. seeing a boxelder bug on the way to see a movie together (we always saw insects when we spent time together) #7. seeing fireflies for the first time when i visited her over the summer :D

[girlscience]

the RAMPANT consumerism on the section of youtube I have ended up on recently is actually kind of disgusting to me. if I see one more video of a perfectly manicured hand with a hint of a sweater sleeve putting things in a target cart or using 100 bottles for a skin and hair self-care day or using 50 different cleaning products in an enormous, pristine, white home while a random pop song remix plays in the background I'm going to start destroying things.

#I know exactly how I got here #there is a specific crossover of decluttering/production hacks/workout plans/minimalism/motivational videos that leads directly #to very wealthy stay-at-home women doing sunday resets and target hauls and restocking and organizing the guest bedroom #and 4 hour pre-vacation self-care videos #but it is so BAD. I am not saying don't buy things or take care of yourself or anything like that #I literally have mentioned several times in the past two weeks that I was waiting on packages in the mail! #but GOD. the difference between buying a set of dvds I'm going to use until they fall apart #and literally having 4 bookcases of skin care products is ASTRONOMICAL #I cannot imagine a single reason anyone would ever need that much stuff #and it's All so sanitized and perfected and nothing can be out of place and it's just awful #that girl aesthetic/it girl/clean girl aesthetic/etc etc #and every single woman in these videos is perfectly shaped and tanned and hair done up #and they all wear these matching set workout fits #just oh my god girl!!!!!! what are you doing????!!!!!?? #I don't know. I don't know that there's a point to this besides me complaining and being upset #but it's just so antithetical to the way I want to live and I know it's so bad for the environment #and I know it is encouraging so many people to look and act just like that #and I hate it!!!! it feels like we are never getting out sometimes for real #maybe I'm being mean. maybe they are actually very conscientious of the environment #and maybe they are only showing a once a month shopping trip #and maybe they have just been sent a ton of PR packages that they have to figure out how to store #but. it really doesn't feel or look that way

[spikeisawesome456]

.

#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly #But like #The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking #I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally #got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it #I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But. #I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute #And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just... #I don't know #Not what I wanted it to be I guess #And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing #But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up #Even if they really weren't #I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way #I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm #And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along #But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute #But no #I still don't. Not really. #It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly #I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small #It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed #And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back #I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight #But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time #I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor #to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically #It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help #So I just... I don't know #It's just hard.

[gibbearish]

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit #and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While #like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days #we shall see #also ajr live fucks severely #the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience #like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad #like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go #so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times #notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with #and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what #idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath #much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck #so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb #the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares. #however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least #meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion #prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got #taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert #so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school #and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player #and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap #like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible #which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up. #the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow #her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated #like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most #and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills. #like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard #fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there