#aka being in love is a lot of fun but it's a bit painful too

[yaksha-lover]

i’m obsessed with the thought of vil falling for someone who’s ugly. especially if it’s a forced proximity trope. triple points if it’s enemies to lovers!

there’s just something about a guy obsessed with beauty is shown that beauty doesn’t equal to value that melts me

omg i actually was obsessed with this concept a few months ago and i wrote a very short unfinished drabble (set in medieval au) about knight!vil falling for ‘ugly’ knight!reader but i didn’t think anyone would want to read about an ‘ugly’ reader 😭😭

i definitely agree tho the concept is so perfect for vil imo. like the idea of this guy who’s so fixated and obsessed with beauty (especially one who’s potentially been told that much of his worth lies in his looks) who ends up falling for someone very unconventional completely unintentionally. like theres’s a whole internal struggle in him that he doesn’t want to fall in love with this person. they’re an enemy, and unattractive at that.

but then he just can’t help but falling in love with their character; when they give hope to him and represent a goodness that he’d lost. someone who is called ugly and unwanted everyday by the world and manages to keep their head held high even if tears are pouring down their cheeks.

i think that’s a quality he’d admire a lot; kindness even when the world has been unkind. he wants to be good like that too. in a way, you’re like a mirror of the kind of goodness he wants to see in himself. you’re made fun of and put down at every turn and yet you do not let that stop you from being nice. whenever someone mocks vil, he can’t let it go, he can’t let himself be kind because it hurts and that’s the only protection he’s found.

also the idea of consciously thinking someone is unattractive but unconsciously starting to notice their eyes and lips and desire settling in- help-

unfinished drabble under the cut 👉👈 (also its fem reader bc i think medieval gender roles and the idea of ‘ugly’ woman x hot man couple is kind of important to the theme lol - aka this is just jaime x brienne rewritten but anyway-)

Vil truly believed you were ugly when he first met you. He almost never truly meant the term, but in this case, it was appropriate. Most everyone you encountered agreed. He could tell by how you’d stayed stone-faced at his cruel taunts, apparently used to it. Your features were just a bit too extreme, too out of place, too different. He’d used your appearance against you, scratching at every insecurity you’d thought of and probably some you hadn’t. Still, you hadn’t gotten angry as he’d hoped. You didn’t seek to harm him, even when he knew he’d struck a sore spot.

He persevered, but you’d never given in, despite his hopes that you would become blinded enough by anger and pain to give him a chance to escape. He admired you, in a way. It seemed as though life had beaten you down long before he’d come along, but a hardened rock had emerged from the erosion.

Sometimes his words would cut too deep for you to ignore. You never did anything rash, to his dismay, but he could tell they affected you. He didn’t feel bad; why should he? He was your hostage, and you his captor. Even if you were performing your duty, you were getting in the way of his own responsibilities, his life.

Vil was surprised to learn that you were a high-born like himself. Well, not exactly born to a family of his status and wealth, but a high-born nonetheless. He’d realized that he should’ve been addressing you with your Lady title, but you’d fought at soon as he’d tried.

No matter my origin, you know that no man sees me as a lady, Sir Vil.

-

They came, and they cut off his hair. One of them taunted him for being a beautiful husk. So they’d cut a deep gash across his face. Now your outside matches your inside, ‘Sir’, they’d mocked.

Vil had wished they’d cut off his head instead.

Later, after you’d managed to convince them to let you treat his wounds, he’d bemoaned to you.

Now we’re both grotesque, he’d said, a pair of freaks.

You’re not ugly, you just have a scar, you’d replied. You turned away from your task to face him. You’ll never know what it means to be ugly.

Even with his bitter remarks, you treated his wounds all the same. When he was too afraid to face himself in the reflection of the lake, you’d been the one to peel away his bandages and force him to look.

See, you’d said, not a monster, just a man.

He’d wondered if you were an angel at that moment, a saint. Or maybe you were a witch destined to lead him astray. He hadn’t really cared either way.

#twst medieval au #twst x reader #vil x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit #twst #twisted wonderland #feverish-dove

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I Gave a 10/10 to a BL... me!

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Nov 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 4 of 8 - I love this show. I adore Tew's the simple backstory. No frills. No fuss. He got dragged in the way many do and he can kill so they kept him. They aren’t trying to make it needlessly complicated (which is rare for Thailand). That said, the pacing is way tf off, the emotional arc is rushed and then sappy out of absolutely nowhere. Before you ask, the kiss is not at issue, we halfway through they should be kissing, but the romantic life changes - too soon. But I don’t care. Finally, they left us this ep reminded of 2 v important things,

this pair kisses beautifully

in BL all mafia be gay

Fun fun!

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - It's official, I love this. It’s a classic caregiver/bodyguard trope where one of them is opening the other one up to the world, but sweetly. I’m enjoying the softness of JimmySea's take and I hope GMM TV takes its cues from the success of My School President and doesn’t push this particular show into rough or edgy territory. Stay on target GMMTV. Don't mess with my bias again!

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 3 of 10 - Finally, our adorable side couple has emerged! This show remains engaging without losing pace (despite the main couple being slow burn), which is all I want from a Thai pulp, and more I could ask for currently from a sports BL. 

(Note: when I dictate the computer always puts "Thai pope" instead of Thai pulp - this is hilarious to me.)

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 14 - I guess they didn’t strip the omegaverse out of this. Unfortunately, I’m not an omegaverse fan, so I find its presence extremely off putting. (But it’s kind of amazing that somebody finally put one on our screen.) Unsurprisingly, it’s a lot of alpha posturing and hyper masculinity, because that’s what this kind of worldbuilding is an excuse for (lazy writing and lazier characterization). This means I don’t like Babe AT ALL except that he’s smell orientated and a bit verse. Way is lovely tho, because Nut is a great soft screen presence amongst the testosterone haze. 

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 2 of 8 - I’m not gonna lie (when have I ever bothered to lie to you all?) I’m struggling with this show. The sound effects are getting worse. That is not allowed. Still I found this installment slightly more bearable than the last last, probably because there was more of the cast in play and less of Jade being too cringe to live. 

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - AKA temporal paradox of pain.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Friends Forever ep 13 of 24 - Ooo it’s a bit of a teacher/student (coach/player) thing. Linguistic negotiation and kinkification of phi. Also actually kinky. But not consensually. Gonna get dark. Bummer. 

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 1 of 14(!) eps - Whines. Must I? Gaga doesn’t have a skip ahead button. Sad sack main characters really do not work for me. But this was better than I expected. I wasn’t expecting much. 

Look: This is helmed by Cheewin (shudder) with screenplay by Den (Only Friends - shudder the second) under Copy A Bangkok (they deserve not my shuddders). It's gonna be a shizz show people. It's Thai dark War of Y style - my least favorites. Apparently, there is meant to be a "plot" but when has Cheewin ever bothered with plot?

On a completely different note does the blond look like that Korean actor/idol from At a Distance Spring is Green & Wanna One to anyone else? Or is it just me? (Park Ji Hoon)

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

A Breeze of Love (Korea iQIYI) eps 3-4 of 8 - I like it a lot. Dongwook is so obtuse and socially awkward and reserved and needy and Dohyun is so gay over and simultaneously wildly confused by this behavior. Fantastic. A bit stiff, even for Korea, btu I'm okay with it since everything else I'm watching right now is decidedly NOT stiff.

I finished it!

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo - Japan BL movie 1.5 hr

Best friends life together during university - cheerful sunshine loves to cook, grumpy tsundere loves to eat. Aki is a bit manic pixie dream boy for me (not my favorite archetype) but they’re cute and it’s one of those Japanese slice of life pieces like Our Dining Table that isn’t really a romance in fact it’s barely a drama. This isn’t friends to lovers because they’re basically already in a relationship (which everyone around them knows) they just aren’t fucking. I did spend a lot of time worrying that they weren’t eating any green things whatsoever. In the end this isn’t my thing when there’s no kissing at all, and this was a bit too dull even for JBL. Sorry Japan, one cannot trade on cute and cheese alone. I know, you want to. But that's not a BL or a personality. 6/10 

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan, maybe coming to Netflix) 8 eps - This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

I LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS. IT'S SO GOOD.

10/10

Let me be perfectly clear: I have watched 646 BLs and only handed out nine 10/10s.

I talk more about why this one made the cut, here.

It's Airing But...

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) 6 eps - adaptation of Harada’s manga (which I did not like) about a clerk who's stabbed, nearly dies, and returns home to find an angel waiting for him. With only 5 eps and a good chance this won’t end happy, I'm gonna wait and let you tell me how it goes.

SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 14 eps - I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all) even one featuring Singto and Fluke. I'm holding off on this one and if told it's good I'll binge later.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed. Waiting to be told if I should bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

Next Week Looks Like This

STARTING

11/20 Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 6 - trailer here, stars Ohm (of OhmFluke) opposite Guide (bestie from IFYLITA). This looks like an actually gay version of Antique Bakery (play it again, BL). I'm intrigued, it looks HELLA pretty.

11/22 7 Days Before Valentine (Weds ????) ep 1 of 10 - trailer here, horror-esk. Adapted from y-novel of the same name, directed by Tu (180 Degree) stars Jet (Why You… Y Me?). When you want your old love again, but fate sends you a reaper instead. All he can do for you is kill people. I'll likely give this a pass and wait to binge if safe.

11/24 VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Screenplay by Lin Pei Yu (WBL) about a chef who courts a shy writer with spicy beef noodles.

11/25 The Sign (Sat ????) ep 1 of 10 - trailer here, horror-esk, but with a suspense and adult characters. Special investigators who loved each other in previous lives reunite in new bodies. Stars Billy Patchanon (BillySeng) & Babe Tanatat (new). Includes other SCOY favorites as a special investigation team. I may give this a try (depending on distribution) because I'm into the non-horror bits.

11/26 The Whisperer (Sun ????) 1 of 10 - trailer here. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). He has dimples (My Ride) but I don't think even that gives me the will. You can tell me how this goes.

11/26 Cooking Crush (Sun YT) 1 of 12 - OffGun are back, trailer here. Adapted from the novel “Love Course! เสื้อกาวน์รุกเสื้อกุ๊กรับ” by iJune4S this is about Prem who runs a not-so-popular restaurant with 2 friends. About to go on a cooking competition with a huge reward, Prem gets involved with Ten, a stressed-out med student who wants Prem to teach him to cook.

Still Coming November BL

11/30 For Him (Thurs ????) ep 1 of 10 - high heat trailer, I suspect iQIYI will scoop this one up. From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night (please no) based on a y-novel, man nursing a heartbreak has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. It looks terribly trashy so I'm in! Maybe I'll do a trash watch?

Nov 2023 line up with screen caps here. Not kept updated.

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To be fair this was last week but I did get the screen shot until now. (You are Mine)

I Cannot Reach You serving all Japan's favorite tropes plus some very un-Japan decent kisses.

(Last week)

#this week in bl #bl updates #bl review #I Cannot Reach You #Japanese BL #You Are Mine #Taiwanese BL #Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru #Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru review #2023 bl #upcoming bl #My Dear Gangster Oppa #Thai Bl #Last Twilight #GMMTV #Twins the series #Pit Babe #Playboyy #A Breeze of Love

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

#hob gadling #the sandman #sandman meta #adhd #omg this got so long lol that's perfect fits the subject huh

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #38 | 2.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

How is it already almost March omfg.

Anyways Happy Valentine's Day month!!! This year, I was swamped with work, so I didn't get a chance to make Valentine's Day art. I did make a Valentine's piece last year though.

BUT we did have beloved @magunalafay make these Valentine's Day cards this year for the community!!! <3 If you missed it, well Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

She made these as a gift, and I love her very much. Maguna u r so talented

This month was pretty busy for me, but I'm super happy with the progress made this month ^^ I feel like I've started the year off in a pretty good groove after it being all over the place for a hot second, yay!!!

This past month, Etza and Druk's routes. With the revamped demo finishing its revisions, it left a lot more time for me to focus writing on full route development.

If you missed the announcement, I FINISHED Etza's first draft!!! YAAAYYY!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

That means 4/6 routes are finished in terms of the base writing, which is so exciting to MEEEEE. I've always seen Etza's draft as The Milestone because with their route finished, it would mean the four Central routes are done writing. And to me, while there's a good chuck of writing left, we are nearing the end of it.

There's only two routes left and that means it's about ~100k words which is CRAZY compared to when I had ~300k to write (:cries:). Even if that sounds like a lot, once I start chipping away at those routes, that 100k goes into the "double digits" aka 90k...80k... etc. and that makes me want to pee my pants

We also finished editing Druk's route, yay!!! So we reached a lot of milestones this month ^^

We are nearing the end of the Vui background commissions. It's very bittersweet; I'm so used to mentioning him in my devlogs now </3 There's only like 3(?) more BGs left for him to make, and then all of the BGs for the game will be finished. Very Wild! I think Alaris will have 25ish BGs, and they are all Stunning.

It's been a while since I showed you all a BG, so I'll give you all a preview of one I just got in!

Isn't it cozy? Guess whose house hehe

I personally have been doing a lot of sprite work this month to finish the final art assets for the demo. I added some expressions to Druk and Aisa that I'd been procrastinating (I don't even know why I was procrastinating them). And I finally finished Mom and Kimura's updated sprites! Patreon already saw them, but I'll show the new versions here too ^^

Preview of Mom (left) and Kimura (right) updated sprites. Now everyone's sprite styles are cohesive YAY!!

Aside from sprite work, much of my "art" time has been on finishing up/putting together the last of the screens for the GUI. Specifically, I got THIS BABY up and running. She is my crowning glory.

Memory Screen to Replay Unlocked Free Time Dates

Oh my god.... You all have NO IDEA how much of a pain this was to code. There is a transparency gradient going on in the left and right B&W previews (courtesy of community programming angel feniks/shawna).

And then the effort to have the Titles and Descriptions of the Previewed Date change tilted me on Multiple Occasions. But we finally got it to work thanks to bestie @siyo-koy pointing out I just coded one stupid "if" statement wrong LJAFSLIEFJIEJ. But the effort was WORTH IT because I'm so proud of her!!! I hope you all like it too as a way to relive Free Time Dates. I had a lot of fun with the Titles and descriptions.

I also put together the Stats and Affection Screens

Preview of Personality Stats & Affection Screens

So I coded both of them a bit differently from each other. The Personality Screen shows you a breakdown of your traits so far. Think of it like a pie graph! So in the preview picture, your choices indicate you are 33% Brave, 16% Charismatic, etc. I felt like this was a more natural way to portray personality rather than how many bravery points you've collected so far!

And then for Affection, it works in a more traditional way, where it counts it based on how many you've gotten out of the total amount you can get. This way, as the story progresses, how close you are to the person reflects how much your relationship as developed!

I've also added little descriptions underneath each that change depending on the percentage. So for example, if you have gotten 82% of the affection points for Kuna'a, the description of your relationship might change as well hehe

Other than that, I've mainly focused on getting the demo together. We released the beta demo earlier this month (? LOL). And the feedback has been so kind!!

A lot of this month was spent polishing so that the demo can be ready for early access and eventually public release. I updated sprites, made sure music crossfades with each other so that transitions between soundtracks feel smoother, I added/polished all of the screens I needed to (e.g., Memory Room, Full Credits, Cleaning Music Room, Adding Stats Screens), and I FINALLY as of yesterday added the Voiced Lines!!

One thing I added in the Extended Demo that I'm really happy with is the use of Extended Pronouns (courtesy of Angel Feniks). Below is a preview of how it works now!

Preview of Extended Pronouns Function. Credit to Feniks

Basically, you can choose multiple pronouns for yourself, including custom pronouns (e.g., xe/xem, fae/faer, etc.). On top of that, you can choose how often you'd like the pronouns to alternate (e.g., every line versus every scene) and what kind of terms you'd like to be used for you (e.g., neutral vs. masculine vs. feminine)!

Overall, the demo is getting closer and closer to release!!! Early Access will hopefully be ready by the end of this week or next, so if you all would like access to it, please feel free to subscribe to my Patreon for this upcoming month! Available to Wyvern tier ($5) and up.

I didn't have any time to really play any games this month because I was drowning in work LMFAOSLJIEF. I did play the Threads of Bay demo by @lavendeerstudios and it was GORGEOUS! Very cute game with lovable characters and charming visuals. Andrew, I will have your number

Every other section was really long, so I'm going to throw it here even though it's not market research. But Intertwine recently hit 600 ratings, which is crazy. Thank you for still enjoying that game even if it's not one that is my main focus anymore. I'm really happy people still like it :on the verge of tears:

Anyways, this has been a long devlog. Here's to continuing to Ball in March. Hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you soon! <3

#alaris #devlog

[justagirl-with-aphone]

First time requesting, hope I'm doing this right, but can you do a fic about Bakugo falling in love with his kid's teacher aka you? I would really appreciate it!

~Career day~

Of course! This was a lot of fun to do. I love this concept sm! tysm for the request!!

Bakugo x preschool teacher reader! (Not proof read)

Katsumi was so excited that her dad was going to come to career day. She was worried that he would be too busy saving the world to come, but of course, he could pull some strings and make room in his schedule for this. Plus, while he was mostly doing this for his daughter, he also wanted to see you. His daughter sweet teacher.

Showing up in his hero gear, let's just say he was the center of attention. Mom's fawning all over him and flirting with him.

"I wish my husband was as good-looking as you!"

"Are you free after this dynamite, I would love to treat you!" another woman swooned hanging off his arm.

He didn't really care about them if he was being honest, he only had one goal in mind. He wanted your undivided attention. So when it was his turn, he couldn't help but show off a little bit. He did some demonstrations of his quirk and showed some videos. And (With your consent) did a demonstration of his strength by picking up un and putting you on his shoulder. Katsumi was giggling the whole time, proud of her dad and happy he came.

When the day was over and Katsuki had to come back and pick up his daughter, he watched you. Locking eyes at you, you gave him a smile and beckoned him over to come to talk.

"I really enjoyed the demo of your power Dynamite! It was a lot of fun and the kids enjoyed it a lot!" You beamed, overjoyed.

"It was nothin' always happy to show off a little in front of squirts friends." He stated, ruffling Katsumi's hair and smiling to himself.

"Can you guys stop flirting, it's gross." Katsumi gagged, she was a smart kid, but a pain in Katsuki's ass sometimes.

"We're not flirting you brat." read in the face, you'd be lying if you said you weren't flustered too.

The next day when Katsumi came in, she dropped off a little note on your desk and walked away.

Opening it up the note read 'Thanks again for dealing with that brat for this long. Let me treat you to something.

-Katsuki

With his number messily scribbled on the bottom. Food tasted so much better when you didn't have to pay for it.

I'm so sorry this is shit, I'm so sleep-deprived it's not even funny, but I hope you enjoyed it! Thx again for the request! :)

#~girliewrites~ #requests are open #mha #bnha #bakugo #mha fluff #bnha fluff #bakugo x y/n #bakugou #bakugo x you #bakugo fluff #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #pro hero bakugo x reader

[uptonsgirl]

mad woman

summary: you and your girlfriend, hailey upton, get into a fight before a stakeout. what happens when the stakeout goes south while the two aren’t on good terms?

word count: 1230

warnings: being shot, angsty, happy ending, hospitals, arguments, swearing. not proof read !! first fic

27. That’s how many bricks went up the locker room wall, as you sat there, dissociating. Hailey, your girlfriend, and work partner had been getting on your nerves, and not in the fun way.

She would constantly only focus on work, spending long nights hunched over the laptop in the small apartment you shared together. Not only were you worried about her, but she’d been completely neglecting you as a girlfriend. Countless times you had tried to bring it up but were always met with a dismissive “I know babe, I’ll do better”, but she never did.

The locker room door swinging open brought you back to reality, as you saw the blonde you loved so dearly walk in… an angry look spread across her features. I really didn’t want to get into it with her right now, we had a stakeout in half an hour, but that didn’t stop her, clearly. “Babe? What’s wrong?”

Such a simple question triggered so many pent up emotions. She knew what was wrong. “Hailey are you for real right now? You know what’s wrong! You…” My voice shook a bit as I spoke, my voice raised. “You’ve been neglecting me completely the past few weeks!”

I saw her eyes widen in shock, I wasn’t the type to yell, ever. It seemed my outburst made her angry, she was always stubborn. “It’s not my fault you’re so fucking needy and work harder than you do!” She snapped; her tone sent a shiver down my spine. The moment the words came out of her mouth she knew she’d ventured too far. My face immediately dropped, as I didn’t respond, silently walking past her and out of the locker room, not hearing her faint voiced begging me to come back.

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

We arrived at the stakeout location, and everyone felt the tension between Hailey and I. You could cut it with a knife. Jay and Adam glanced at each other, seeing if they were picking up the same vibes, which they were. Our attention quickly turned back to Voight as he explained what exactly we were doing.

I thanked anyone watching from above with Voight paired me with Adam, instead of Hailey. He was like a big brother to me, plus he made stakeouts a lot less boring. He grinned as we walked away together, to our designated spot, aka an old, unmarked car, with no heater, in the Chicago winter. Fun.

“Y/N, you good? Been watching you stare into space for the last 20 minutes.” The chirpy voice pulled me back down to earth. “Yeah, just Hailey… you know how stubborn she is.” I sighed, as Adam chuckled lightly under his breath, nodding his head as we fell into a comfortable silence. Occasional small talk about a movie was all that happened for the next few hours, just wanting to go home and cry.

It was around 7:30pm now, been here since 3:30. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a man wearing all black, quickly radioing and signalling to Adam to slowly get out of the car. We crouched as we walked behind a fence, until I stepped on an empty chip packet. The crinkling sound alerting the man to our presence, as he spotted us and started running.

“Suspect is on foot heading down North of Main, officers following” I spoke into the radio, breathing heavily as Adam ran behind me, I had always been the fastest in the unit. We were running, and as I turned around a corner, I felt a red hot pain in my stomach, as I fell to the ground.

He was hiding behind the corner with a gun. Now, a bullet from that gun was in me. As I collapsed, Adam came around the bend, seeing blood seeping out of my vest, as he cursed to himself, before he dropped down and applied pressure, making me groan in pain. “50-21 Ida, officer down, roll an ambulance to my location immediately!”

Hailey was on the other side of the block, her heart stopping once she heard the call, jumping out of the car and sprinting to me, it felt like she was going to pass out when she finally made it. Tears grew in her eyes as she saw me, lying on the ground with blood around me, Adam holding my wound down. She kneeled next to me, holding my head in her hands as tears fell down her cheeks, Adam still trying to stop the bleeding.

“Hailey I’m- “My voice was weak as I spoke, and raspy from screaming. She saw that. “Shhh baby... don’t speak, okay? You’re going to be fine yeah? I’m sorry about everything, just hold on. Don’t close those beautiful eyes” Her voice was strained and shaky, trying to convince herself more than me, that I’ll be okay. We heard the ambulance sirens, music to everyone’s ears. Everyone was speaking, it felt like I was underwater. All I could feel was Hailey’s hand on mine, as I was lifted into the ambulance before I fell asleep.

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

No one had ever seen Hailey like this before. Pacing back and forth in the hospital waiting room, the rest of Intelligence watching her. Many had tried approaching her to try and get her to stop, but nothing worked. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, what if she never saw me again?

Everyone shot up the moment Will walked through the doors. He looked tired, his hair messy and his eye bags dark. This was hard for him; I was very close with both Halstead’s.

“She’s had surgery to stop the internal bleeding, and the bullet has been removed. We lost her twice on the table… but we got her back. She’s in ICU, probably going to wake up soon. But she’s okay.”

The collective sigh of relief from everybody was immense. Especially Hailey. Everyone was here primarily just to know you were alive, so they let Hailey go and see you, while they went home for the night, promising to come back in the morning.

My eyes blinked open, wincing at the harsh hospital lights. I groaned as I looked over, seeing Hailey staring at me. She was a mess, her face was red and dirty, her hair was all tangled, almost looked like she was the one who was meant to be in the hospital bed. Mustering up all my strength as I started to speak. “You need a shower Hails.”

She chuckled, her face lighting up. I was okay. “God Y/N, I thought I’d lost you. I’m so sorry about everything… you were right, I’ve been neglecting you and it’ll never happen again. I’ve taken a month off to be at home with you and help you heal… I was so scared.”

My heart melted as she spoke, even in my dazed, high on painkillers state, I knew how much I loved her. “It’s fine Hails, I promise you that. I love you, and I’m sorry I got shot and scared the shit out of you”.

Hailey let out a breathy laugh, knowing how much I loved scaring her, but not usually like this. She got up and moved the chair closer to me, leaning down and giving me a long kiss, as she held my chin.

“I love you more. Never scare me like that again.”

#hailey upton #Hailey Upton x Reader #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago fire #one chicago x reader #hailey upton imagine #hailey upton fic #gay hailey upton #one chicago imagines #hailey upton imagines

[thegamingcatmom]

Evil Dead Rise...but gayer

Okay but imagine Ellie aka Maggot Mommy clapping eyes on you and yes there´s this urge to chase and rip and eat your soul and all (she´s still an evil ancient entity after all) but there´s also something else. And she/it doesn´t know what it is because she/it is an evil ancient entity which absolutely thrives on being a lil shithead just for the fun of it (that´s what I love most about Maggot Mommy and it´s what makes her stand out from other deadites imo).

Anyhow, Maggot Momma sees you, sprints towards you, only to stop inches away from your face and start sniffing you. Like, really sniffing you. All over.

It´s starting to get a bit uncomfortable and weird af actually and maybe now´s a good time to get the f outta there but jokes on you - you´re already being carried off, none too gently mind you (Maggot Momma still gotta learn how to human aight so leave her alone) and promptly plonked onto the floor in Ellie´s apartment. And while Deadite Mommy´s still thinking about her choices here (those being: eating you now or later) you snap out of it and actually try to make a run for it.

Only, you failed to notice there´s a whole fucking family of undead…whatever they are. Leering at you, creeping closer, coming way too close and suddenly they´re on top, all snapping teeth and snarling in your face and JUST when you thought this is it-

Maggot Momma´s set her eyes on you first and she WILL start whoopin some asses if the family even thinks about touching what isn´t theirs to devour.

So as the family scuttles off with their tails between their legs (cause Deadite Momma rules) only you and Deadite Ellie remain. But you´re still alive and kicking (for now), so I guess that´s a good thing (kinda)?

I just really LOVE this concept of evil, otherworldly creatures absolutely thriving on wreaking havoc and committing murder left and right. I LOVE evil entities being truly evil and staying true to who they are and what makes them so ASDFNSADFLASDF. They´re just pure evil and long for utter chaos and destruction…except when it comes to a certain someone. When it comes to them it´s more like (not so) little shit mode activated with a healthy dose of “I licks it, I keeps it” and JUST the right amount of sweetness (that being: looking at you rather unimpressed when you reprimand them for brutally slaughtering someone, again.)

Also, they can be the biggest pain in the ass, my god- (you kinda adore it though, almost).

(Btw, Maggot Mommy trying to bring that eyeball back up looked JUST like my cats when they´re about to absolutely explode after they´ve eaten too much cat grass. it´s actually kind of…adorable? Lmao.)

So here you are and for some reason, this demon has deemed you worthy enough to keep around for a bit longer and maybe it´s your smell that ended up being your saving grace or maybe it´s something totally different. Either way, somehow you´ve found your way right into the clutches of this family of…undead beings (zombies?) and The Mother is quite pleased indeed…

So yeah, I guess you could see this as some kind of Tarzan/Jane story? Just really (really) fucked up? And Deadite Momma is trying (and failing miserably) to human.

But also, there would be lots of sniffing and licking involved, just saying.

But also also:

(Ahem...)

So, after some really, really, really long time has passed you´ve come to realize you might not get munched on after all. Maggot Momma still gotta learn the basics of human behavior though, like personal space wha-? (You indulge her moods most of the time though since you quite like being alive and all and you´d rather it stayed that way…)

And it´s even better when Maggot Momma ain´t realizing she´s doing it. With time, being neck-deep into whatever part of you has become sort of a natural response whenever her human is near. Which happens to be quite often since there´s only so much space to be had when you gotta share it with a family of evil ancient entities who hear and see it all. (Taking a piss has never been more uncomfortable.)

Most times, Maggot Mommy is being extra touchy feely just because she knows it makes you feel hella weirded-out (and some other things) though. She´s still a lil shithead after all and that´s why we love her.

Aight so, things have somewhat calmed down a bit (meaning: you´re not in danger of being eaten alive anymore) and the Deadite!Kids have decided that playing “pranks” on you is a good way to pass time. Pranks that give you nightmares. Like sitting in front of you. In the middle of the night. Unblinking. Wearing a grin rivalling Cheshire Cat´s. And what´s with their neck-

A head´s not supposed to do that.

But fear not, for Momma´s there to soothe your fears. And she´s trying, she really is.

But it doesn´t really help your case when Maggot Momma´s speaking to you oh so sweetly in her dark, sultry, demonic voice while the remains of some poor soul - foolish (or brave?) enough to wander her territory - are still sticking to her face, between her teeth, that breath my god-

So after attempting to calm you down, Momma´s decided now´s a good time for that promised ass whoopin.

Which doesn´t help in calming you down either since Deadite!Momma reprimanding her Deadite!Kids for scaring the absolute crap outta you (something only SHE gets to do) sounds like hell itself has opened up to swallow you whole. In other words: it does not sound pretty, at all.

The kids try to make it up to you though. They start to provide for you, even. Only, leg hasn´t exactly been on the menu for you (yet) and that severed head they brought you today didn´t do much for you either.

You actually excused yourself for a minute to go to the bathroom. You´re not planning on coming back out any time soon.

Meanwhile:

(Patience isn’t exactly Maggot Mommy’s strong suit though, so you better not keep her waiting for too long…)

(2 mins later:)

#evil dead #evil dead rise #ellie evil dead rise #maggot mommy #maggot mommy and kids #evil dead rise spoilers #spoilers #fanfic idea #alyssa sutherland #morgan davies #gabrielle echols #nell fisher #evil dead rise...but gayer

[cinderswife]

currently rotating rose red around in my brain so here's some outfits i designed for her (this is pre-meeting cinders btw)! bonus design notes under the cut :3

nude

i knew immediately that i wanted rose to be short and built like a brick shithouse. she is dense and compact and impossible to knock over. also, she gets to be a bear girl because everyone in my ouatis au is an animal eared person. its a fun concept i saw trawling the tumblr tag and i have decided it is very canon.

absolutely covered in freckles

yes those are top surgery scars. very recent in fact! its a cross between unrealized gender things and the pain of breasts that are just. too big. always.

her tail is usually too small to be seen from this angle but i wanted to show off her tiny red puff

most of her scars are from military combat with the exception of the top surgery scars and the one on her left hand which came from when she punched a window at the age of 15 defending snow from one of their dads getting super duper upset b/c snow was starting to date

she is 4'10" and so proud of it. will kick your ass if you're a dick about it

pajamas

nothing much to say here, she just. doesn't care all that much. tank top and sweat pants are the perfect combo of temperatures for her.

also she wears heart patterned boxers and we love her for that

military work uniform

do you know how hard it is to design a military uniform when you don't usually give a shit about the military. i spend so many hours going down worldbuilding subreddits and forums before i figured out something i was happy with. anyways! this is a non-combative officer's work uniform (aka the uniform rose wore when she was commander of the prison cinders was in). i picked red because it's the color most strongly associated with cole's army, but i figure that soldiers in combat would have better camouflage built into their uniforms.

the patch on her left shoulder (the one with the deer) is the symbol for colonel. it's also mirrored on a smaller scale on her breast. cole's army uses animals to mark higher ranks

the other shoulder patch marks her current assignment

i liked white as an accent color because of its prevalence in the album. also it looks nice!

the sleeve stripes and the chevrons both indicate that she is a very important officer

the other patches on her breast are the simplified coat of arms for her noble house (the house of grimm) and all of the medals she has earned in her 11 years of service

military dress uniform

the fancy version of her uniform for Events and Public Appearances. it's a bit darker in tone for the sake of visual interest and has a lot more accessories. this one was a nightmare to color i stg but i'm super happy with the way it turned out.

you get to see all her medals! she has complicated feelings on them but they are shiny and look very nice so.

the stripes, chevrons, and deer are all the same as the work uniform for some easy visual shorthand of her rank

the only time rose will ever wear a tie or any other neck decoration because it's regulation.

i liked the way a black undershirt looked over a white one, no other reason lol

the bear medal is because the bear is a symbol of her noble family. most people have a cougar of some sort instead.

the sword and the lion are both special awards granted specifically by cole. the lion in particular came from her first deployment where she accidentally changed the tides on the invasion of the perrault (cinders' planet) and became a war hero/propaganda piece at 19

the boots have buckles. they are never quite tight enough and its annoying.

casual dress

off duty, rose wears crisp, well tailored masc outfits. she knows how to dress herself to look effortlessly important due to being raised noble but she doesn't think too hard about it.

she wears shorts instead of full pants whenever she can get away with it. snow hates this.

no she is not buttoning up all the way. why would you make her put this much effort into it. she's hotter with it undone

fun fact: i initially made her vest and shorts green but i decided that blue looked nicer

fancy dress

i've elected to go with a 1700s inspired look for the nobility. it's very fairytale-esque and also allows me to have fun with it! i wanted to do more embroidery, but i wound up not having the patience for such a thing. ah well, what i've got looks nice enough.

rose usually wears cool colors in her formal outfits. this purple is a particular favorite of hers because it goes really nicely with her hair and ears without being obnoxious

once again, rose out here avoiding any sort of neck accessory or hat. accessories that annoy her for $10,000

the lilac undershirt is not connected to the off-white trousers it's two separate pieces.

the gold accents cut a very striking figure and also look very pretty <3

the boots are supposed to be longer and pointier but idk how well i pulled that off aha

she's very handsome and i love her

#the mechanisms #ouatis #once upon a time (in space) #rose red ouatis #planet's doodles #im really proud of this btw outfit design is not a strong point of mine but i think i really pulled it together for rose #please love and appreciate my blorbo #verse: dog star in ursa major

[mcufan72]

This oneshot got a bit long so I'm going to update it in three parts! I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading!

Caught you !

Loki x fem! Reader

18+, definitely/Enemies to lovers/idiots in love/some harsh language, some harsh actions/sass/ angst/hurt/some inappropriate behaviour/self-gratification; I hope that's it

Part 1

How much you loved the afternoon breaks from work, drinking some tea and talking with Wanda and Nat about anything and everyone and of course telling a lot of nonsense. It was always so much fun and it was the nicest time of your workdays. The three of you were sitting in the lounge area of the compound and enjoying your afternoon tea.

You didn't feel very good today, it was a mixture of a slight headache and an undefined feeling of pain in your lower abdomen that made you feel bad but there was also some kind of sexual desire lurking in your nether regions, between your thighs…but talking to your friends was the best distraction you could get right now. So you definitely enjoyed meeting your friends now and talking to them instead of being alone and close to crying tears of self-pitying.

And like every time when you thought nothing could disturb the peaceful meeting with your friends, he showed up. The thorn in your flesh, the final nail to your coffin, the nightmare of your sleepless nights, the overbearing nerve-wrecking Loki Laufeyson aka God of Mischief.

Trickster, Prankster, mischief maker, impeccable, insatiable and irresistible womanizer and world's best lover…if it was true what the women, who had shared his bed with him, told at party nights in Stark Tower. For you Tony's parties were just a vanity fair…so in your opinion it was the perfect place for Loki Laufeyson to get desired, admired and worshiped as he wished for.

You desired him too but he didn't desire you. From the first day on when you met him, there was this sexual tension between you two. You tried to ignore it but it didn't work. For him you were just a sparring partner when it came to exchanges of sarcasm, impertinence and dark humor …it must be like this, you were sure about that. He wasn't into you and why should he.

You couldn't keep up with the beautiful flawless women he surrounded himself with and as a god he could have the most beautiful women in the universe, so why should he choose you? And if there was something you definitely did not want to be then it was another notch in his bedpost. You decided to ignore your crush on him and to better not like him. It made things easier…battling him playfully was so much easier than to love him… definitely.

"Showtime, ladies" Nat snarled and sipped eye-rolling at her tea when she saw Loki entering the lounge area.

You sighed in annoyance and cursed him inwardly. Why couldn't he stay away? At least in the afternoons? Nothing nice ever comes from his mouth then.

"Ah, good afternoon ladies…enjoying your…little coffee gossip?" He asked mischievously. His deep voice sounded extremely erotic to you today.

An unmistakable, alluring scent lingered in the air… your scent, and it undeniably hit his senses and the urge to be close to you grew again. Your today's choice of clothes made him lick his lips, the black trousers hugged your wonderfully formed butt perfectly and your also black tight-fitting turtleneck shirt emphasized your beautiful upper body.

"Get lost, Laufeyson!" you scolded at him and left the chill out lounge towards the kitchen to get you another tea, Loki was on your heels immediately.

"Uhh, someone's in a very good mood today… don't run away, little one, don't you want to tell me what you were gossiping about… or did you rave about me?"

He ran around you once like a happy puppy and then he walked backwards in front of you until you both had reached the kitchen counter. You couldn't stop eye-rolling and laughing irritated.

"...and I mean… I wouldn't mind!" He built himself up to full size, straightened up the collar of his not completely buttoned up black tight shirt to give you a good view of his chest hair and a smug smile appeared on his much too pretty face. He knew exactly what he did.

"Doesn't it get tiring, being so self-righteous and arrogant, Laufeyson?" you asked him with faked kindness and batted your eyes at him. The sight of his chest nearly knocked you out today. You could hardly stop yourself from drooling and staring at him. If he would ask you to bend over the kitchen counter to fuck you, you would do it without any hesitation.

"Hmmm…no, it doesn't…it just makes me… thirsty…" he grinned at you and in a quick move he stole your cup with the fresh tea and with fast long steps he walked away from you, sipping the warm liquid…the tea you made was always the best.

"LAU-FEY-SON, that was my tea! We're not in Asgard here and I'm not your servant. Make your tea on your own…" you yelled angry after him and clenched your fingers to fists…and you wanted to bite into his perfect ass.

"Thank you, darling and have a nice afternoon…oh and I like the mug…I think I'll keep it!" he answered, turned his head to look and wink at you smugly and off he went.

"Aaarrrggghhh…this guy is driving me crazy…and now he had stolen my tea AND my favorite mug… I'll kill him one day…!" you bickered.

"Yes, yes…" Nat murmured smilingly over the rim of her cup. She and Wanda looked at each other, softly clinking their mugs and couldn't hide a knowing grin. Of course you heard and saw it…

"What? I HATE him, why can't he leave me alone?" you yammered.

You got yourself a new cup of tea and you three continued your chatting in peace. You didn't want to think or talk about him further. After one more hour of boring desk work you decided to go to bed early and to declare the day finished.

Of course you weren't able to stop thinking about this smugly guy. Loki didn't just annoy you this afternoon, he aroused you immensely. For you it was his tight black shirt today, halfway open, tucked into his also tight grey jeans that suits him so well, and the scent of his cologne mixed with his very own masculine scent…he smelled kind of animalistic for you this afternoon and you were so extremely turned on by it, you would like to jump at him and you wanted him to fuck you relentlessly. You accelerated your steps back to your room, you needed some friction between your legs. Your fingers, pillows, whatever…you didn't care, the main thing was a quick relief before you would combust of desire.

When you had entered your rooms, you hastily closed your door and got rid of your clothes as fast as possible. The only clothes that stayed on your body were your bodice and your panties drenched with your juices of arousal.

'Loki, you bastard!'

You couldn't wait anymore, you needed to touch yourself and you laid down in your bed quickly. You started with rubbing your erect nipples but it wasn't enough…so you let your hand quickly slip down further, into your panties between your wet folds and massaged over and around your needy clit with two of your fingers, Loki permanently on your mind. Soft moans escaped your mouth, you licked your lips in desperate need of getting kissed by him …how much you wished it was Loki who finger-fucked your dripping pussy with his beautiful long fingers, his thumb rubbing over and around your bundle of nerves…

"Loki.." …you melted away into boundless ecstasy …almost there, you were almost there… "I'm cumming…" and you had overheard the knocks at your door and almost too late you recognised someone came into your room.

As soon as Loki entered your privacy, you pulled your fingers quickly away from your wet pussy and put that said hand under your head, trying to pretend you were just chilling in your bed. You had been almost there and now you could barely hide your reddened cheeks and your heavy breathing. Hopefully he didn't see the thin layer of sweat above your upper lip and on your forehead. Hopefully he didn't hear or see anything.

How embarrassing! Getting caught during masturbation by the god of hotness…ahhh… mischief. How good that you didn't scream his name. You should better think of flower meadows and butterflies now …and..wait…how dare he enter your room? Did you allow him to come in? Nooo…you definitely did not.

"What are you doing here in my room?" you snarled at him with powerful indignation in your voice. Was there some insecurity in his gaze? No, you must have been wrong. He just would tease you further right now.

"Oh dear, the door wasn't closed properly so I came in after I knocked at it and I thought I …hmm the question is what are you doing right now? Did I interrupt something?" he asked, the familiar arrogance in his voice.

"Nothing of your concern…and no..you did not!" you tried to convince him.

Could it be that you hadn't closed the door behind you? Have you been that horny that you couldn't wait anymore rubbing your fingers through your folds and around your little gem that you didn't close your door properly? Have you really been that aroused?

"Did you just touch yourself, sweetheart?" he asked smugly.

"Nooo…no no…no I did not touch myself…and it's none of your business either." You answered way too quickly but still tried to convince him that you did nothing but chill. A pathetic try.

"Are you sure, darling?" He asked you sardonically.

'Note to me: never lie to the god of mischief and lies...'

"Yeesss …I'm sure. " you answered convinced.

"And I'm sure you did. I'm sorry that I disturbed you pleasuring yourself…by the way…did you think of me while doing so?" he asked you smugly while he crossed his arms in front of his chest..and you just wanted to punch him into his adorable face. How arrogant can someone be?

"Why should I've thought of you while I pleasured myself…you're not that hot and desirable that I…"

'...oops..of course I thought of him…shit I lied again…'

He walked over to you slowly, you were still laying in your bed under the duvet. He pulled your hand from under your head and took your index-and middle finger into his mouth and licked them clean while staring into your eyes, testing the waters how you would react now. His baby-blue eyes tried to seduce you and seemed to stare deep into your heart…he loved how you tasted and his eyes darkened and sparkled with lust.

'Oh god…why?…stop doing this…no..please don't stop…is there…something going on in his jeans?...nah, wishful thinking…'

You were so close to giving in to him.

"Mmmmhhhhmmm…" he hummed with his deep baritone and took your fingers out of his mouth again, licking his lips lasciviously. "Delicious…So you admit it, you just touched yourself…I knew it and I can smell and taste it, darling. You shouldn't lie to me, little one!" He still held your hand in his. It felt good.

"Stop calling me that. I'm not your darling, sweetheart or little one. And …let go of my hand! Are you serious? Who do you think you are, you jerk?" You shouted at him angrily.

"May I be of help with pleasuring you, darling?" he asked cheeky.

"Uurrggh no.…piss off, Laufeyson, get your pompous, arrogant ass out of here!" and you ripped your hand out of his grip.

"Your wish is my order, sweetheart." He took a step backwards and bowed down generously, his smugly smile never left his face.

He turned around and was already on his way back to the door of your room when you threw a pillow after him. He caught it out of the air without looking at it and before it could even hit his head.

"How rude, Darling! ..ah, I nearly forgot… " he turned around again to face you and pointed his index fingers into the air "…that's why I came to you….Tony wants to see us all at 7pm sharp…sooo, there's still enough time for you to…finish what you've started several minutes ago …and feel free to think of me while touching your sweet little gem …"

He wiggled his eyebrows and made a lascivious gesture with his hand, palm upwards, his thumb slightly raised and his index-and middle finger curled up in a 'come-to-me' motion.

"Arrgghh…get the hell out of here, Laufeyson. And give me back my pillow…"

You yelled at him, now sitting in your bed.

"Nope…you threw it after me so I think you don't need it anymore. I'll keep it!" He grinned ironically.

"You're an asshole, Laufeyson,'' you complained.

"I love you too, darling" and with that he nearly left your room but he shoved his head through the door frame into your room again and asked full of sarcasm: "…what exactly must I do to make you open your wonderful thighs for me? I'm sure you'd look ravishing, greedily waiting for me, with spread legs…"

"…uuuurrrgggh, Laufeyson, you damn stupid bastard! Go and fuck your whores…" you screamed in his direction and he left your room with a mischievous laughter right in time, closing your door with a dramatic gesture, before another pillow hit the door.

You nearly cried after he had left and you pulled the duvet over your head. You weren't aroused anymore, just embarrassed. How should you ever look into his beautiful eyes again? Now he would never stop making fun of you. Why were you so thin skinned, horny and angry when you were ovulating? …you just wanted to ease some of the physical pain and the sexual desire of your sensitive body…and now that…and why did you constantly respond to his provocations?

And worst of all, now he got the confession that you had a crush on him. But you couldn't help yourself, he was your beloved enemy and you couldn't live without him.

'What is wrong with me? … damn why can't I restrain myself?…I not only acted like the biggest asshole in town, I also acted like an animal in urgent need to get myself off, eagerly and desperately trying to fuck an ovulating female creature… to impregnate her or what…seriously?

She's so lovely and adorable. I must be disgusting and pathetic in her eyes…and I overstep her private boundaries permanently…if I were her I would hate me too… but she pulls me to her like a magnet, every single day…and she was too alluring today...and didn't she say my name and 'come in' ?...I really thought she did … I would've made love to her if she had asked me to do it. I really thought today is the day…She really drives me crazy…'

Besides his primal needs today, he truly wanted you. Of course he smelled you every time on your special days of a month, it's a part of his Jotun roots and it intoxicated him like a love spell, more than you did anyways every day but there was more than this basic instinct. Deep inside of him Loki knew that he had fallen for you. And after this long time living here together with you, you around him permanently with that constant sexual tension between you two, he really thought you wanted him to bed you today.

He interpreted the slightly open door as an invitation and he really thought you asked him in after he had knocked at the door. And of course he knew what you did in your bed under your duvet. He sensed it before he entered your room. As soon as he recognised that he misunderstood the whole situation, he felt embarrassed and he felt honestly sorry to have pressed you like this. He needed to hide his fault and remorse and so he began to tease you again as you are used to from him…but he couldn't stand the still remaining sexual tension lingering in your bedroom.

Everything about you made him love you since the first day he met you ….even your hate for him. He especially loved your sass, your sarcasm, your dark humor, the way you responded to his provocations. You had everything he loved about a woman. You were just right for him. Sometimes his provocations were a bit over the top and too much…but every day when he met you, you were willing to banter and fight with him playfully over and over again.

And he loved to play these games with you and he hoped instantly you loved it too. It was the old game of 'tease the ones you love.' It was the only way for him, to stay close to you, to talk to you. Could it be that he…no…absolutely not! He was sure you would never let him make you his, never and so he preferred to fuck around with random women to not think too much about you, it made things easier for him.

…and anyways, he wasn't the type for a serious relationship, was he?

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

@lokisprettygirl

@wheredafandomat

@fictive-sl0th

#loki #loki x reader smut #loki x female reader #loki x female reader smut #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki laufeyson smut #loki laufeyson x female reader #loki laufeyson fanfic

[bigsnaff]

This is super disjointed, but I have a lot of thoughts about charr and their horns! Sometimes on how charr horns are regarded in their culture, as tools, fashion, weapons, and how all of that varies from charr to charr and legion to legion. So here's a very disjointed rant and collection of headcanons I have about charr horns!

The different varieties of horns there are (that are, at least, shown in-game) brings a few ideas to mind for me.

Clearly, most horns there are in-game are true horns, being that outside of the horn is actually more or less a keratin sheath for a bone core (aka the "typical" kind of horns you'll see on ruminant animals, cattle, sheep, goats, etc. etc.) They don't shed like antlers do and they grow continuously through the lifetime of an animal.

Then there are antlers. These shed yearly, grow back yearly. These are entirely composed of bone as opposed to true horns, which again, only have the bone core.

Antlers seem to be far less common among charr than actual horns. And who knows whether that the charr that do have antlers will even shed them or not? I don't think I've seen anything in the game that suggests that they do, but it's an interesting idea: charr with antler horns shedding every winter and then growing them back the next spring, larger, stronger, more impressive than the last. It's not something I personally headcanon, but again, is an interesting thought.

Charr with true horns growing theirs throughout their lifetime. An old, grizzled charr bearing the most impressive, gnarled and spiraled and scarred, massive set you've ever seen. Being able to tell how old a charr is by how large or long their horns are.

But I've also thought about the idea that, after death, charr horns are often sawed off (or broken off if the situation is time sensitive) and given to the deceased's warband or their cub(s), though the former is much more common. Often the horn will may be turned into some kind of tool or accessory; the hilt of a blade, an honored drinking horn. Something useful. A piece of your 'bandmate still there, helping you, protecting you. Whereas keeping a loved one's horn as a simple piece of memorabilia to mount on a wall is generally frowned down upon, suggesting that you didn't really respect the charr that the horn belonged to.

This would only done if the deceased is cremated; if a burial is requested in advance of death then charr will be typically be buried with their horns in tact. I believe that charr typically cremate their dead*, so this would be a rare occurrence.

I've also thought about horns being sawed or broken off while the charr is still alive, as something of an extreme punishment among the legions. Perhaps the only alternative to death within the Bane; live with the symbol of your wrong for your lifetime or die at the hands of another by fighting in the Bane.

And to be fair, the former would still be a bloody, bloody mess too. Dehorning is an extremely painful thing. Charr experiencing a battle wound of this nature would have to be treated quickly, because it can be fatal.

I really, really wish horns were mentioned more in charr culture, because they can do and mean so many things! Charr actually using them as an effective weapon in battle. Charr settling a disagreement with one another via headbutting. Charr with an amputated horn having a false metal one in its place. Bone tools made of charr antlers.

Maybe the different varieties of horns varying from which legion a charr is from. Ash legion? Sleek horns, generally sweeping back, not intrusive, easy to conceal. Blood legion? Forward horns with sharpened tips, good for goring. Iron legion? Curled, broad, wide horns, maybe even good for hanging tools on.

I would love to see some of this depicted!! Obviously it's such a broad topic to cover because of how many different ways horns can be portrayed, and this is all probably a bit convoluted, but you know... it would be fun to at least have it acknowledged somewhere in the game that horns offer much more to charr culture than just visual value.

*I think that this is canon because I swear I've read it before, whether through in-game dialogue or some other canon source, but I can't find anything online confirming this, so I could be entirely wrong. I know that Rytlock burned the bodies of some fellow soldiers on a pyre in the Edge of Destiny book, but that may just be specific to that circumstance.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #charr #''true horn'' isn't an actual term or anything i'm just using it to differentiate between horns and antlers since they're both just called #horns in-game. #anyway cyna has the antler-type horns but I don't hc that she sheds them or anything. they grow pretty much like the true horns #but she'll probably gain some more points as she ages.

[mooifyourecows]

Can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them? Thanks....

Hmmmm let's see... I'll do top five. Generally I like ALL the fics that I've written (I wouldn't post something I didn't like, tbh)(even though some have been started and then completely abandoned RIP sorry to them) so it's kinda difficult to rank them, but here's my best whack at it:

Summer Rain- I really enjoy writing this fic. I love the massive cast and all the little storylines happening all at once. I know it's kinda on hiatus at the moment but I really do look forward to when I get back to writing it because I love thinking about how everything will eventually coalesce into the climax. Dropping off on cliffhangers is also a special indulgence of mine, even if it makes people angry 😈I started this one based off of an OLD original story idea i had once upon a time. I realized that it had a better chance of getting written if it was a daisuga fic, so here it is! Though it definitely went completely off the rails from the original plan.... (in a good way)

and the Emi goes to...- The DaiSuga dynamic in this one is probably one of my favorites. At this point everyone should know I LOVE slow burns and this one takes its sweet ass time. And as someone who hates the idea of being a parent myself, it's nice being able to live vicariously through the characters to get my fill of parenthood without ever having to have a kid lmao. My inspiration was "I want to write a single parent AU" and poof, there it was.

Let it Ride- Man I don't even know what it is about this fic but I adore it. I think Daisuga's relationship in it is just so... 😘👌 The childhood best friends who know everything about each other and are willing do to ANYTHING for one another, even give up the opportunity of a lifetime... just the sentiment of loving someone so much that you'd be happy struggling with them really takes me out, you know? It's about love but it's about like, too. They LIKE each other so much, what a pair! I got the idea to write it because I LOVE fake relationship AUs and I LOVE LOVE when the stakes are set at the highest setting, AKA Marriage.

Hard Times- Another fake dating AU because as previously mentioned I LOVE them. This one just checks so many boxes for me. Revenge? Crime? Sex? Comedy? Drama? More revenge? Closure? Catholicism? Sign me up! (as the writer I think I'm automatically signed up, but ya know.) I had a lot of fun writing it. And Radish made beautiful art for it so really, what's not to like? I don't remember what inspired it... I think I just wanted to write another fake dating scenario with a funny meet cute.

Open Tab- I feel like I'm obligated to put Open Tab on any list when it comes to my writing because it's the OG, ya know? It's the first fic that got me deep into the Haikyuu fandom and I gotta appreciate it for that reason alone. We've been through a lot together, me and good ol OT. The only hate mail I ever got was on Open Tab. The thrill of it all... I had so much fun writing it. And while right now it's definitely a bit of a pain in my ass, trying to get the motivation to continue it, I can't erase all the good times we had together. I owe it a lot! Someday it will finally be over and I'm both dreading and looking forward to that day. My inspiration was alcoholism. Drink responsibly, kids.

#daisuga

[one-strugling-bean]

DSMP Fanfic Rec List because I’m bored Part 2

(IF YOU READ ANY OF THESE, DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT - even a simple "great work" or "this was a lot of fun" suffices, just  comment)

Happy Duo & Egg Lore (the fluffy and the saddy)

OrphanDuo + Skephalo AU by cawthelesbian 

Techno discovers the Skeppy cage and remembers Skeppy's claustrophobia, which leads him unable to keep his anger and disgust in check.

-

This series is what made me love these three dummies. Seriously, there's so much unexplored potential here.

I love how close Techno and Skeppy are, how much Techno cares for Skeppy despite how different they are, and that Skeppy is considered one of the few that have always been loyal to Techno. It's just sweet, ya know?

Adding Bad to this mix just makes it all that much better. Techno and Bad aren't very popular together, but I personally love imagining their possible interactions and how they view each other.

I loved getting Techno's pov on the Skephalo relationship as well - how Techno trusts Bad to take care of Skeppy because he's seen and been proven that they are that important to each other.

I can only wish this series gets continued at some point, or someone else picks up on the idea because I'd kill to see more of this concept.

___

What's a Skeppy? by 42starsintheuniverse

When he has the capacity to, Bad uses higher order thinking. In those times, he is well aware that the Skeppy is as much of an individual as he is. That it presumably managed for a long time before him, that it was good at surviving, and he’d come to learn, excellent at fighting and defending itself. The Skeppy is very capable. But Bad is nothing if not flawed, and one of his flaws is that he is very eager, and very happy when he finds things to collect. So he’d sort of... Unintentionally taken the Skeppy. It wasn’t a plan, exactly. He’d carried it home that first day and assumed it wanted to stay with him.

-

"For a long time, Bad thought all he would ever be was a Bad. But when a Bad finds a Skeppy, suddenly a Bad becomes... A happy." If this quote doesn't make you want to read the fic, I'm not sure you're okay, I'm sorry.

This fic is literally the cutest thing, istg. I dare you to try and find me something that's more wholesome.

Bad and Skeppy are both not-quite sentient creatures - Bad is a Nether demon, Skeppy is a diamond golem - who find each other by chance and just, connect and stick together and do shenanigans.

The genius of this fic for me is the "not-quite sentient" part. They're not people, they're creatures, and it shows. They remind me a lot of the dragons from HTTYD, as in they possess a higher order of thinking than a dog or a cat, while still being somewhere lower than a human. Does that make sense?

They can't communicate with each other the traditional way - aka, through speech - and so have to find ways to get around that, which is a trope I love.

Also also, this author is amaaaaaazing at writing Happy Duo, I very very much recommend checking out any of their other works - Flickering Flame and Your voice: The Sound of your Laughter are two of my faves, but really, all of them are more than worth a read.

___

My sunshine by Redbug

There's something wrong with the world around Bad, and reality isn't making any sense. No one is, and it's starting to eat away at his mind.

-

This series is pure pain and yearning. I'm not even trying to be funny, it simply is. Maybe it's because Bad and his "predicament" reminded me too much of a family member of mine, but this fic really just hit me like a truck out of nowhere.

I don't want to spoil much, but i love what the author did with Bad's backstory. Who he is, his connections with XD, how he got to have the life he does in the present. He's so tragic, it's painful to read all that suffering (but in a good way, because it's also beautiful??)

The way Rain cloud ended threw me for a loop a bit, but I think that might've been the point - it also made me cry actual tears, sooooo, there's that :p

But yeah, go read this right now if you feel like BBH-centric angst with lots of worried Skeppy, some functional Karlnapity, and a kind of confusing but still very envolving plot.

___

dripping with red gardenia by kirichin

A sardonic smile tugs his lips up as he watches the petals curl up, catch fire, and turn into ashes. He was sure there is a metaphor there somewhere, between his love and the pathetic flowers turning into ashes.

-

or Skeppy gets blessed with Hanahaki.

-

Happy Duo writers really do love their angst. And Hanahaki too, apparently.

Techno is MVP. He and Skeppy continue to warm my heart with their brotherly bond. Skeppy and Bad deserve all the hugs.

It's been a while since I last read this one, so I don't remember the plot too well, but I do remember I stayed up 'til 4am to finish it and I hate going to bed late, so I hope this speaks for itself on how engaging the fic is. Go read.

so this is love by Isi_Khan_3000

You’ve always been a clingy person – always had a hard time letting things go.

It’s not really all that surprising that that was your downfall.

OR, the Skeppy POV we all want and need (featuring some extra commentary from somewhen else.)

-

(Yes, I'm self-advocating, leave me alone.)

This was written immediately after the Egg Lore finale. It's basically my personal take on what Skeppy was up to while Bad was busy building himself a cult. It spans from his death by lava bath to him killing Bad after the Banquet.

It's sad, angsty, and full of my fave headcanons for their DSMP characters (which means lots of happy duo family). It is also my first try at writing 2nd person, so yeahhhhh, please give it a read, and feel free to yell at me in the comments.

Anyway, go check it out if it sounds interesting, please and thank you.

#dsmp #dream smp #dsmp fanfic #fanfic recs #badboyhalo #bbh #skeppy #happy duo #skephalo #the egg

[chiquititaosita]

shikamaru w/ a latina s/o (tóxica edición) PART 2

part one

post type: Headcanon

context: tóxica doesnt necessarily mean a toxic girl who loves toxic relationships. in my eyes tóxica means a girl who has been hurt so many times, to WHERES she’s been giving everyone (that wants to be involved with her romantically) the same treatment she was given, toxicity. A tóxica is someone who is toxic but loves deeply. they have a good heart but can get ugly real quick if you push them to get very mad. Another definition is just a girl who loves deeply, and takes pain to a whole ass other type of crazy..as a Latina, I can tell you we all have tóxica traits within us. I honestly believe since Shikamaru is machismo (misogynistic), tóxica y/n will put this bitch aka my bitch in his place. but honestly she did change him. you can’t prove me otherwise.

- when it comes to women yes shikamaru thought you were easy to get on their bad side. (Hehe ino and temari

-ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS TROUPE I SAID IT I SAID IT! YOURE WELCOME

-“what a drag…you really think you can do that?”

-boy was he wrong

-“shouldn’t you be doing something else? other than fighting?”

-“shouldn’t you be coming up with better strategies, other than being a fucking smart ass and staring at my titties homeboy?”

-MANS WENT QUIET, 😳😨bestie stood up to the the smartest person in all of the hidden village.

- The minute you’re walking into the room he’s always got a smirk on his face.

-“Kiss my ass you know want to papi!”

-this bitch loves teasing you. A LOT

- “Aye that’s my man! Get the fuck away from him!”

-“No I’m not letting it slide! OYE PENDEJA!? YEAH YOU GET YOUR PINCHE ESUKINLA ASS OVER HERE!”

-“¡¿DE VERDAD PENSASTE QUE IBA A DEJAR ESO CUANDO HABLAS MIERDA DE MI HOMBRE?!” the fact you beat a girls ass because she was giving him a stink eye. and slammed her man on the ground too, never underestimate the power of La chancla.

-Shikamaru knew you were strong, he just didn’t see it. he doesn’t like to be proven wrong.

- he loves to fucking push your buttons with his sly tongue.

-“come here mamas.” His love language is quality time and physical touch. He’ll do what he can to make sure you’re alright.

-y’all making fun of each other is y’all’s main love language.

-“I love you.” He’ll bluntly say it even if he doesn’t say as much in public. He’ll say to it you often when y’all are with a couple of friends, or alone together.

- he protects you don’t get me wrong, he just becomes a little bit defensive

-EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE! it’s adorable to watch.

-when everyone’s finds out y’all are together it’s super funny. No one sees it coming.

-his parents love you. I mean literally

-his mom always considers you a daughter she’s never had.

-When you and his mom get on his ass it’s a sight to see for shikaku. Literally he won’t stop laughing til he’s on the floor crying.

-“hmph troublesome woman.”

- in conclusion he’s yours suck it up. Y’all are stuck with eachother

sanjismexicanaesposa.copyright 2023. please do not translate,plagiarize, or take credit. I don’t own any of the characters. neither do you grow tf up

#shikamaru headcanons #shikamaru x reader #Naruto imagines #naruto x y/n #shikamaru x y/n #shikamaru x reader smut #shikamaru x reader fluff #shikamaru nara #nara shikamaru #shikamaru fluff #shikamaru imagines

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Come. Gather round and listen to the legend of the Funny Vampire Director, AKA the Funny Nazi Director, AKA Taika Waititi.

Raised in the way of the director, Waititi was taught to make good movies, delivering the sort of funny and heartfelt films most can only dream of making. He directed, and he wrote, and he acted. He was sensitive, like a smile. And his love of filmmaking did not discriminate in what he could make. He once made a hilarious vampire mockumenatry that got a spin-off TV series. Another time, he proved that you could make Blazing Saddles in the modern day, except with Nazis!

But Waititi's greatest achievement was cameoing in The Suicide Sqaud. Oh, wait. No. It was making a good Thor movie, of all things. But sadly, in making a good Thor movie, he set himself up for failure with the sequel. In fact, he set himself up for spectacular failure. Mediocre reviews. Audience backlash. Criticism from the actors and directors. And bad reviews from all sorts of internet guys, again and again and again. And again.

Poor Waititi had to watch the internet’s respect for him explode. And then he said, 'What have I done?' It seemed that everything he’d worked for with Thor, he lost. And so he maybe got fired by Marvel and went back to making real movies for a change. But just because he was done with Marvel, didn't mean he was done with superheroes. He teamed up with James Gunn and set off to deliver the most powerful and thematic line in The Suicide Squad. He got in shape, putting in the hard yards to become a respected filmmaker again. Taking pains into gains and never skipping the chance to direct a movie based on Tower of Terror. He put in the work to go from the butt of jokes to a guy who would hopefully deserve an Oscar win.

But with all that being said, there was still a confused reviewer just trying to figure out if maybe the backlash to Thor: Love and Thunder was a bit overblown. Because really, this movie couldn’t possibly be as shitty as The Dark World, which committed the sin of wasting Christopher Eccleston. So he sat down and gave the movie a rewatch, accepting he was only good for one thing... Determining that age old question, 'Is Thor: Love and Thunder really that bad?'

THE GOOD

So maybe this is a hot take, but I really did enjoy Jane’s return and her romance with Thor and find it to be one of the film’s best aspects.

Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the writing here is clunky and poor Natalie Portman is saddled with a lot of really stupid dialogue now that she’s the Mighty Thor. But seeing her and Chris Hemsworth act off each other again in a less dull and restrictive fashion is so nice, and seeing Portman kick ass is a lot of fun too. She even wields Mjolnir in some pretty creative ways here! And her death is actually a genuinely powerful and touching scene that they don’t immediately fuck up with a lame joke.

The soundtrack, while not even close to touching the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtracks, is filled with Guns N’ Roses banger after banger. I grew up listening to these guys, so honestly I’m predisposed to like any scene where they play one of my favorite tracks by them.”Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “November Rain,” “Paradise City,” and “Welcome to the Jungle” are all whipped out at just the right time to keep my attention from flagging completely, so I’ll give them props for that. They aren’t the most inspired choices, but I’m a sucker for classic Axl.

The Axl above? Decidedly less so. Still, despite this film’s reputation for really bad effects and really bad costumes and just in general looking embarrassingly cheap because Disney abuses the animators, there are some extremely cool visuals here and there. The shot of Falligar the Behemoth in particular is so good they slapped it into every trailer, and a climactic battle on a monochrome planet looks way too good to be in this movie. But by far the most fantastic thing is the comic-accurate depiction of Eternity.

And of course, I would be remiss to not praise Christian Bale’s performance as Gorr the God Butcher. The man immediately has you hooked with the opening scene, which details his backstory and shows how he began his vendetta against all the deities of the Marvel universe. Then we have his fantastic climactic confrontation with Thor on the black-and-white planet, and then there is his final scene before Eternity. Each and every time he shows up, it’s completely clear that Bale is giving it his all and acting his pussy off, giving a performance that is honestly kind of astounding considering what’s going on around him.

THE BAD

Unfortunately, while Gorr is a fantastic performance, he suffers from the fact his character has absolutely no cohesion and is barely in the film. He shows up for maybe one big fight in the first hour, then completely disappears from the film until the third act, during which time he just sits around with a bunch of children and terrifies them. And despite being “The God Butcher,” we see him butcher precisely one single god in the whole film, and that’s in the film’s opening. Groot has as many onscreen god kills as Gorr. That’s fucking pathetic. Bale’s magnificent performance is strong when it counts, but so much of the dramatic moments feel unearned because he hardly does anything outside those moments. The fact they cut out so much material including him meeting with Peter Dinklage’s King Eitri and Jeff Goldblum’s Grandmaster, really stings. Would it have been a crime to cut out those annoying fucking goats and instead give Gorr more to do like, oh, butchering gods?

It doesn’t help that the story never actually refutes any of Gorr’s points. Every other god we see in the film is egotistical, hedonistic, a coward, or all three at once, with even Thor reverting into a corny blowhard for much of the movie. Zeus is pretty much emblematic of this problem; while I actually did enjoy Russell Crowe’s performance (even if it is, ultimately, a half-baked attempt at recapturing the magic of Grandmaster from Ragnarok), the fact that Zeus is nothing more than a blowhard more concerned with orgies and showing off to all the other gathered deities just kind of proves Gorr right. The gods don’t care, they are refusing to help their followers, and frankly the universe would probably be a lot better if it was littered with Knowheres instead of having these horny clowns prancing about.

Then we have the Guardians. The glorified cameo from the Guardians of the Galaxy that was hyped up in all the marketing. Despite being in the movie for maybe ten minutes and despite Star-Lord having 95% of all the lines between them, nearly every single one of them feels completely out of character. Star-Lord, on the other hand, actually feels like he was rerailed in time for Gunn to take the reigns back, but it doesn’t make up for how awkward and pointless it all feels. Although it is incredibly hilarious that after all of them spent Infinity War fawning over him they all now seem to barely tolerate him, with it being confirmed none of them kept in contact with him after the events of this film. I honestly don’t blame them.

A lot of returning characters really suffer. King Valkyrie gets it pretty bad since her subplot where she searches for love was dropped, leading to her feeling really superfluous in the plot. Lady Sif gets it even worse, with her barely even being in this movie; one has to wonder why they even bothered keeping her alive. Thor gets hit especially bad here, because he seems to have reverted from his post-Ragnarok characterization all the way to pre-Thor characterization, with all his hedonism, goofing, gallavanting, insecurity, and egotistical traits ramped up to maximum levels.

But the most divisive returning character of all is Korg. Korg became a fan-favorite due to his appearances in Ragnarok and Endgame, where he was genuinely a funny comic relief character who juxtaposed his intimidating rock golem design with a friendly demeanor and the chipper voice of director Taika Waititi. The thing is, both of those films used him sparingly, so that when he got a lame joke it wasn’t so bad because it’s one up against dozens of good ones. Here though he gets to be a main character and even the narrator, and boy does he get old pretty quickly. The thing is, though, that even if he’s not particularly funny here… I still like Korg. He’s just too damn charming, As lame as his jokes are, as lame as his fake out death is, as pointless as he ends up feeling to the plot, I just can’t hate the guy. I guess it helps that he gets to be Disney’s 52nd First Gay Character, but actually for real this time because in the end he gets to make a baby with a rock guy named Dwayne. I also really like the theory that the reason the whole film is corny is because Korg is narrating it, and he’s an unreliable narrator peppering the story with lame jokes and underplaying elements that should matter. Does it save the whole movie? No. Does it make Korg any funnier? Also no. Does it add an interesting layer that at least keeps me from wanting Korg dead? Yes, yes it does.

And really, every single problem here is something that was there in Thor: Ragnarok. Zany comedy? A terrifying, threatening villain with a murderous vendetta who gets weirdly underplayed and barely interacts with the heroes? A villainous character played entirely for jokes? Jokes that completely and utterly destroy the tension of any given scene? The big difference is that in Ragnarok, at least some of the jokes were funny, and Thor had more interesting characters to bounce off of. And maybe most importantly, that film knew when to dial back the comedy to let cool or emotional moments breathe. And maybe even more importantly than that, it knew to keep Korg to a minimum. This film doesn’t do that at all, with nonstop gags undercutting nearly every dramatic moment. It’s ultimately hard to give a shit about anything going on when the characters give so little of a shit about it that they’re cracking jokes.

And let me tell you, if you couldn’t already tell, the jokes are fucking bad. This is basically what would happen if you asked Seltzer & Friedberg to make Marvel Movie. This is the epitome of all those jokes about Marvel dialogue having the characters go “Well that just happened!” to the point where I’m shocked it’s not actual dialogue. The horrendously unfunny screaming goat meme is a pivotal plot point in this movie; that’s the quality of jokes we’re dealing with here. And while there are a few decent jokes here and there, there’s just too many fucking jokes to pay them any mind.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Somehow this is one of the most overhated and yet rightfully disliked films ever made.

Like, Schafrillas was right to call this the Shrek the Third of Thor films. It’s not funny, it derails beloved characters, it’s incredibly annoying, it wastes a good villain, and the writing is just so hackneyed and ridiculous. This is absolutely not a good film at all. But the way you hear some people talk about it you’d think this film killed their grandma.

Like I know bad comedies are some of the worst kinds of films out there, and this film is definitely horrendously unfunny at every opportunity, but it has just enough good ideas and just enough strategic deployment of Guns N’ Roses songs that it just barely manages to be passable in my eyes. I definitely think this is a mediocre movie, and it is emblematic of everything a bad Marvel movie can be. But at the same time, it manages to be unfunny in ways I didn’t think were possible from a director and cast this talented. I’ll be honest, on my second watch through of the movie I was more bored than infuriated with this film. It has its moments, but it’s absolutely one of the weakest efforts Marvel has ever put out.

This film is pretty much what critics once accused Batman & Robin of being: An overindulgent, campy, unfunny smear on a cool hero. As you well know by now, I don’t agree with them on that, but it’s a somewhat fitting descriptor for Love & Thunder. I don’t think it’s a smear on Thor, who has been way too inconsistent for me to get mad about him being taken in some wild direction, but overindulgent, campy, and unfunny are pretty apt. Still, I don’t think this is nearly as bad as a lot of people say. It’s not bad in a “crime against humanity” way, at worst it’s bad in a “I know the people making this are capable of better and I kinda feel like this is the fault of studio executives at Disney” kind of way. If you like it, sure, that’s valid! I don’t think there is no value in this film at all, especially compared to some stuff I’ve reviewed for Is It Really That Bad. But if I never have to see this movie again, I won’t exactly lose sleep over it, and I’m sure many people feel the same.

Still, I’d have to have a heart of stone to not find the ending, which features Thor and his adopted daughter (played by Hemsworth’s own daughter) becoming a cute little superhero team and getting a corny title drop right before the credits, really sweet. Yeah, it’s not a good movie, but at least it’s better than the first two Thor movies or the unseasoned oatmeal that is Eternals.

#Is it really that bad #IIRTB #Thor #Thor: Love and Thunder #Taika Waititi #Chris Hemsworth #Natalie Portman #Christian Bale #Marvel #Disney #MCU

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Korea is Doubling Down on BL

June 2022 Wk 5

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Unforgotten Night (Weds on GaGa) Ep 2 - Good lord. Side couple is gonna kill me on this one. TRASH WATCH REBORN!

KinnPorsche (Sat iQIYI) Ep 13 - VegasPete ya’ll, what more can I say? 

Love Mechanics (Sat WeTV) Ep 2 - As messy as Check Out is, LM is messier. It’s also a lot better because all the characters are realistically tortured. Also YinWar are really good at going off the rails while still pining about it. It is HARD to watch as a result. This is just boys in pain lashing out at each other. Also triggers all ‘round. If you don’t want high angst high drama don’t watch it. Also We all miss James. Did you notice Mark switch from phi to hia with Vee and then back again? Sarcastic his is a new execution for me. Cute. 

Even Sun (Wed iQIYI) Ep 1 - it’s a good cast full of fun familiar faces (and BounPrem of course) but I don’t really jive with any of the characters. I’m not really into buffoons, or good boys trying to be bad, or whatever. I mean I’m still watching it, but I’m not impressed. Prem’s orange hair is fun. 

Check Out (Sat IQIYI) Ep 4 - all sorts of wild rumors about this show. Meanwhile here are my thoughts: Just so messy+ sex work and Nine being just pretty much gay af but closeted. Thailand, you are out of your depth and in a hot tub. I don’t like Nine, he’s pretty irredeemable. 

My Secret Love (Sat YouTube Sat) Ep 5 - I might tap out on this one. 

Sky in Your Heart (Fri YouTube) Ep 5 - it committed probubly the biggest entertainment sin in my book, it got really really boring. I’ll finish it but honestly, I almost fell asleep while watching this week. 

Triage (Mon AISplay) Ep 9 - I’m still waiting.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Old Fashion Cupcake (Japan Mon Viki) Ep 4 - ONE TAKE, that final scene, holy effing chirst on a pancake, what? GAH. This show is so transcendently impossibly good. I do not know how I am going to make it to next week. Oh wait, no I do, by rewatching this ep every day until then. And also because Japan is also giving us... 

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japan Weds GaGa) Ep 1 - OMG it is so good and so cute and I don’t even care they dropped two of my least favorite tropes in the first ep (white towel sponge bath and heart knows). This show is just Japan doing its own heritage proud with some absolutely classic live action yaoi, and I just couldn’t be any happier. It is everything I love about BL. I’m so delighted we are getting 12 episodes! Yes it will be drawn out and messy tortured age gap, but I do not care. Shin is so beautiful and yet has that little bit of edgy sinister to him that only Japan can really execute well in their semes. He’s a little too good at flirting, and little too intense about it and therefore GREAT. 

To My Star 2 (Korea Viki) Ep 7-8 - This show is so painful. Like they took the first bit of WBL2 and stretched it out to an unbearable degree. We all knew and hoped the perspective switch would give Jiwoo reason, but it’s REALLY difficult to interface with. And yeah, I totally identify predominately with his character, I too run when I feel too much. But it is still SO HARD to watch. 

Love in Spring AKA Spring of Crush (Korea grey) Ep 9-13 I kind of do want her/him to just leave without anyone the wiser. Honestly, the best thing about this BL(?) is how many great female characters support there are. That’s so rare in this genre. And yes, they are stereotypical but I am happy for any representation of women at all. The female assassin is an interesting character, but her presence seems arbitrary until she finally fits in to the plot in ep 12. Episode 10 = the secret is finally out, and you know, the dude from B.A.P. isn’t a bad actor (Yoo Young Jae). “Knives and money are gender neutral.” is my ne fav quote. And finally (to no one surprise) he is a psycho but I still have a 2nd lead syndrome with this drama. Nice twist in 13, and quite the soap opera, everything but identical twins has now been trotted out: amnesia, secret identity, lost noble heritage. It’s all happening. 

Want to See You (Vietnam YT) Ep 5 - Catfight! That is fun. But the rest of it was boring. 

Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! (Japan Fri Viki) Ep 3 - no ep this week, resumes next

Gossip

The industry is certifiably crazy right now. I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Nothing makes sense. Like NOTHING occurring in BL makes sense on any level right now, especially industry. 

Not Thailand’s highest heat content going to (not going to?) a flipping Chinese distributor. 

Not Korea's kisses and seriously honest queer content allasudden plus casting multiple members of THE SAME K-pop groups in THE SAME BLs. 

Not the sheer volume of content coming from Japan (srs WHAT? where is it all coming from?). 

It's OPEN season, like WILD out there. 2022 might be the end of days for most, but clearly the BL universe is taking the burning of the world as an excuse ofr a goddamn rave. 

New Vietnamese BL Memory forthcoming. Maybe? I usually don’t track these well, if you want someone up on VBL follow @heretherebedork .

I’m struggling to keep up but here’s what I’ve got. Please add in the comments if I missed something, because I probubly did. 

BL Production announcements out of Korea:

Silkwood (studio behind Peach of Time) announced that Korean Thai colab project Love is Like A Cat to star Mew Suppasit. Yeah. Fucking-A. Korea scooped him. I am not surprised but also, fuck me what the hell is Korea going to do with that level of gorgeous? And guess who else is in the cast? Lee Geon Woo and Chu Ji Min AKA Geonu & JM of JUST B. It’s about a romance between a rookie star and a vet. I expect it to be mostly in Korea and Korean. 

This is Silkwood’s thing, they already have another one in production, Eccentric Romance starring former The Man BLK member Yoon Jun Won and Thai actor Save Saisawat (Ai Long Nhai). I begin to think every The Man BLK member will eventually lead out a BL at this point.  

Oh My Assistant has been acquired for BL adaptation, and rumored cast. This is a sexy one for Korea about an artist who draws adult webtoons and spends most of his time horny because of it, who hires an assistant that turns out to be his biggest fan. I guess we’re gone see how Korea handles thirst. 

The New Employee (from Watcha Light On Me & Semantic Error) rumored to star Choi Si Hoon (Netflix's Single's Inferno). Another office set BL. 

Unintentional Love Story to star Cha Seo Won and Gongchan (maknae of K-pop B1A4). All we know is it’s a “love story that started with a lie” about rebuilding trust. 

Meanwhile, Thailand announced Wish Me Luck starring my boy Fiat (Grean Fictions, SOTUS S, My Gear and Your Gown, Triage) who I’ve been waiting to lead a BL for a decade it feels like. About a boss and his temporary employee in an advertising company, based on Bittersweet's y-novel of the same name. Remember these are less likely to happen than the ones from Korea. 

In Case You Missed It

There’s movement on the next GMMTV offering Vice Versa, starts July 16 on their YT channel. I am excited for this one. 

Pappy & Daddy 2 (new cast for one lead) will start airing August 8 on GaGa. 

Plus & Minus is getting a special ep and some bts extras, which is why it still has open episode slots on GaGa and Viki. But it is a completed story arc at 12. 

In A Relationship TH, Thailand’s answer to Gameboys (a bit late, kids) seems to kinda be already happening. It’s airing on GMTV8′s YouTube. Is anyone watching this? I’m generally not a fan of lockdown romances, but I LOVED See You After Quarentine? Still 20 episodes is A LOT and the preview did not give me any confidence. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Nothing new is starting that i know of/remember, but Cupcake and KP are wrapping up. 

This week’s best moments?

Now THAT’S a confession. 

Hello my new obsession. Boy howdy does this one know how to flirt. Minato does not stand a (snow)balls chance in hell. The eldest of a big fam? He’s also used to getting his way. 

That’s one way of putting it. 

Ah, the Thai version of Netflix and chill. 

(last week)

#this week in bl #BL news #BL updates #BL update #BL in the news #BL episode recap #Thai BL #Vietnamese BL #Taiwanese BL #Korean BL #Japanese BL #live action yaoi #adapted from a manga #Star Hunter Studio #Studio Wabi Sabi #GMMTV #gagaoolala #rakutan viki #best moment of bl #upcoming BL #KBL #Love in Spring #VBL #Want to See You #Senpai Danjite Koidewa! #JBL #Senpai This Can’t be Love! #J-BL #Old Fashion Cupcake #To My Star 2

[thechaoscryptid]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for thinking of me, nonnie 🥰 This was actually a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, picking 5?? It was a good excercise in remembering I actually do like a lot of my past catalogue lmfao

The summaries got kinda long and I also wanted to do a little commentary on each so I'm gonna put the full post under a cut but the short list is:

Singularity (Shigadabi)

i've looked for love in every stranger (to get to you) (Sylvix)

Hello, My Name Is Human (Odazai)

Divinity (Matchablossom)

Blur (Sheith)

Singularity | ShigaDabi | General

Alpha Arietis dies in a brilliant storm, spraying billions of years’ worth of accumulated gas and matter through the cosmos as it collapses in on itself. Great fingers of dust reach toward the endless abyss, and cradled in the palm of the cooling nebula, a godling sleeps. His heart is white-hot and aching, all the pain of his progenitor’s end pulsing through him as he curls in on himself. The gazes of the other gods weigh heavily on him as the universe swims into focus. Their whispers ripple across galaxies to wash over his still-tender form, awakening in him an anger that beams into the darkness as his eyes open, twin crimson spheres cutting through the endless night.

This was such a fun style experiment!! I wrote it for a zine and it was by far the shortest fic bc I decided to go with the dialogue-less option; it felt better suited to the space vibe.

I looked up so many astronomy facts for this too, which was fun bc I'm a bit of a space bitch (even though I probably fucked it all up for the ~narrative~ lmao). Did you know! Beta Capricorni, one of the stars in Capricorn (Dabi's sign and mine - we share a birthday, and it is my favorite BNHA factoid), is commonly known as Dabih, derived from an Arabic legend saying Beta Capricorni and Alpha Capricorni, aka Algedi, were "the lucky stars of a slaughterer."

I really really want to dive further into the concept of gods being birthed from dying stars at some point - there's so much I didn't get to in this fic just bc of limits and themes and such, but I think it's fucking cool even if it's not popular.

i've looked for love in every stranger (to get to you) | Sylvix | Explicit

“Yeah. Listen, Fe, I’m sor—” “Don’t,” Felix says. When Sylvain opens his mouth to protest, Felix cuts him off. “Seriously, don’t. I don’t want your apologies.” Sylvain arches a brow. “I just want you—” (And oh, those words on their own are nearly enough to unwind that barbed wire, but somehow it hurts worse knowing it’s not what Felix really means.) “—to be better.” Felix takes a deep breath, turns to the kitchen counter, and fiddles for a second too long with the tabs on the pizza boxes. “I hate watching you hurt yourself.”

Man, where do I start with this one. I picked at this fic for over a year and a half before deciding to finish it for a bang, and I'm so happy about how it turned out. One theme that shows up a lot in my writing is "love is an action and a choice," and I think this fic showcases that beautifully.

Sylvain's so fucked up here and I love him so much. This timestamp from the middle of a breakdown and subsequent guilt about said breakdown just...really hits home. And Felix being there - CHOOSING to remain there - through that one and all previous ones? clenches fist They're in love, your honor.

I just think it's important to show that being kind of a shitty person doesn't preclude you from being loved, nor should it.

Hello, My Name Is Human | Odazai | Mature

“No need for sorry,” Oda says, the words automatic. “That’s not your place.” It’s the wrong thing to say, comes out nothing like he’d intended. Dazai flinches as though he’s been shot, curling up into himself and away from Oda before scrambling to his feet. There’s no easy grace in his movements today, only a quick, jerky retreat before Oda comes to his senses and darts after him. He wraps a hand around Dazai’s forearm to tug him back, and there’s nothing but rawness in Dazai’s eye when he turns around. “Let me go,” he says icily. “It’s not your place.”  “Dazai.” “Fuck off,” Dazai mutters, shrugging Oda’s hand away. “I’ll go die alone, then. In my place.” “Hey,” Oda says, soft as anything as Dazai’s turned half away. He holds his palms out, the same way he would for a stray or lost child. Dazai takes a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry,” he continues. “Your place-” “An executive doesn’t have a place,” Dazai says. “A weapon doesn’t need one.”

This was the spiritual precursor to in the morning i'll be with you, and upon rereading, I realized I wrote pretty much the same fic twice 😅 There's just something that hits EVERY time about softness in the face of bluntness about doing and wanting terrible things. I chose this one instead of in the morning because of one of the places the two fics diverge, actually.

In this fic, Oda actually says "I love you" to Dazai and Dazai does not take it well, and it feels important to me that not every I love you is received with an equally passionate "omg I love you too." But like I said for the Sylvix above, it's also important that it's expressed, even if it hurts or isn't received or reciprocated.

Divinity | MatchaBlossom | Explicit

“I don’t need anyone,” Kaoru whispers. He’s always been good at making bad decisions when it comes to Kojiro; this is another in a long line of failures and he’s not willing to admit yet that maybe Adam fucked him up past the point of no return. “It’s fine,” he mumbles when he hears Kojiro shifting. He’s too afraid to watch him walk away. “You can just go.” And instead of leaving, Kojiro shuffles forward and hugs him. Kaoru is surrounded by impossibly gentle arms and the scent of pine, and though he’s used to the latter, he hasn’t been touched like this in a long, long time. “I’m not going to go,” Kojiro says softly. His face is buried in Kaoru’s shoulder, lips warm where they brush across his skin. “I’d say sorry, but I’m not, Kaoru. I don’t want to.”

God this fic actually kickstarted my writing motor after being really burnt out and plateaued on skill for a while. While it's not my most technically skilled fic (I don't think any on this list are, tbh?), it was fun to write and it's still fun to read.

I loved being able to take a softer turn with Kaoru's anxiety as opposed to some of the harder mental health issues I'm used to expressing in my writing. And Matchablossom were really just out there on screen being Like That at all moments, huh? Their dynamic is just such a joy to play with, whether it's softer like this or harder like some of my other SK8 fics.

Blur | Sheith | Mature

“Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve made of myself, and it still isn’t enough. You know they always said shoot for the stars? I didn’t just shoot, Shiro, I helped save those stars. Where is there to go from there? There’s no coming back down to Earth after you’ve seen realities collapse around you. There’s no normal.” “It doesn’t need to be normal,” Shiro says. “I WANT normal!” Keith’s chest heaves, throat raw with the force of his insistence as his truth is birthed into the world. Twenty-five years’ worth of longing shake themselves loose from inside him and when they bleed out, so does his energy. He sinks to his knees, shaking as he repeats the words again and again. “I want normal. I want to be normal, Shiro, why can’t I be normal?”

This fic is just 9k of me bleeding my truth onto the screen, I'll be real (it should also be stated my self-destructive behaviors aren't physically harmful, that's artistic license). It hurt to write and it hurts to reread bc not much has changed in the years since I wrote it, but it's good, and I stand by the rawness of the narration. Dealing with a personality disorder and suicidal ideation (especially unmedicated and without therapy - bitches be rawdogging reality and I'm bitches) fucking blows. It's exhausting, and it makes you feel inhuman.

This scene especially knocked a few realizations loose for me, bc I don't remember writing it; my head just shut off, and then I looked at the page and went "ah. Oh dear. This feels like something I need to unpack, huh." And here we are, several years later, still unpacking lmao

#asks answered #anonymous #my writing #self rec #shigadabi #sylvix #odazai #matchablossom #sheith