#and from ableism as someone who is not (as far as i know) physically disabled/chronically ill

[khizuo]

I think there’s a lot more nuance to your f1nn5ter take that’s missing simply because it doesn’t really take into account… how and why people use tumblr?

most people don’t use tumblr to try and advance queer liberation or promote social justice and mutual aid…. they use it for entertainment first and foremost. they want to post/see things that they enjoy, instead of focusing solely on real life issues. hell, tumblr can also be an ‘escape’ of sorts from the shitty reality around them (or that they personally experience)

so they just… don’t want to make their entire feed about those real life struggles, and doom posts about those trying to kill and erase them, and people asking for help to escape their shitty lives. it’s distressing and sad and not what they come to tumblr for. instead they focus on things that are more simple and lighthearted and positive, like a popular gnc streamer.

the point I’m trying to make here is that…. I don’t think you can accurately judge someone’s moral beliefs or actions based on their posting/reblogging habits, because for them this isn’t the moral beliefs website— that’s not what they’re here for. It might be for you, and that’s okay! but that’s not how it is for, id argue, the majority of users. they want a safe space away from that and i don’t think pressuring or shaming bloggers for doing that (/for not posting about [X] issue) is going to help anyone.

hi anon! if anyone out there following me uses tumblr as an escapism site™, then good for you. i'm commenting less on the moral character of individual people as i am on a general culture i've observed on the site as a whole. and the fact is: posts about how "revolutionary" f1nnster are get tens of thousands of notes while trans crowdfund posts struggle to get to a thousand.

the thing is — very few people on tumblr are completely removed from the reality of queer oppression. posts on the topic are frequently reblogged, because such a large part of the userbase is lgbtq. this is why f1nn is so popular on tumblr rn — people are upholding him as a shining example of gender-noncomformity. the problem comes when people (mostly tme queer people) start legitimately calling him more "revolutionary" than trans women because he's "challenging gender norms" or something. this completely ignores context — f1nnster is a popular wealthy white streamer, while transfemme folks often face disproportionate levels of violence and poverty, often as a direct result of coming out.

a lot of tumblr activism is performative. i'm not saying this in a "this makes xyz a bad person" kind of way, what i mean is that posts about social justice and hating capitalism and shit will blow up with the people reblogging them doing nothing to actually build material solidarity, which, yes, involves mutual aid and uplifting marginalized voices. now, i don't know everyone on tumblr, so I'm sure there are people who do mutual aid/organizing work offline and then come on here to exclusively fandompost. but i'm also sure there are people who don't do any mutual aid/organizing work and who then come on here to reblog a few social justice-y posts and then never think about concrete actions to take to actually live up to that which they say they care about. and these are very often the same people who will reblog a post about how "revolutionary" f1nnster is.

I know of plenty of people on tumblr who could participate in mutual aid but don't. this popular tumblr idea that crowdfunding posts are evil or whatever needs to die. it screams of liberalism and a "not my problem" attitude that is actively harmful towards goals of liberation. my complaints are about the performative leftism that I observe a lot on here, and how this culture of performative leftism has chosen f1nnster to uplift as its newest hero. and honestly, I'm more worried about trans poc and multi-marginalized folks who are struggling to get their basic needs met than i am of white and/or class-privileged queer people feeling bad about their escapism site™.

#my answers #and like!! i will always bring up my own privilege!!! #i benefit from anti-Blackness as a non-Black person #and i benefit from my class-privilege #i benefit from colorism as a fair-skinned person #and from fatphobia as a straight-sized person #and from ableism as someone who is not (as far as i know) physically disabled/chronically ill #i try to materially support folks who are more marginalized than me #because tbh it's the least i could do #and i'm by no means perfect. i don't say all of this to put myself on a moral pedastal

[idyllic-affections]

invisible disability? it's rather visible to me.

summary. baizhu knows the struggle of maintaining a job while being chronically ill; as such, he is willing to offer an accommodating work environment for others who struggle like he does.

trigger & content warnings. angst (at first... it gets better i swear /lh), ableism, etc.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort. baizhu & chronically ill!teen!reader, qiqi & reader. 1.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. he's out of nonplayable prison ygs!!!!! can't wait to see his character stories for..... personal reasons..... anyways i want to specify that i am chronically ill. i am constantly fighting with my genetics to be healthy, its ridiculous LMAO

imagine baizhu employing a chronically ill, visionless teenager.

baizhu can easily say he's known their family for a long time, so he of course knows that they have trouble keeping a job. they often mention little things like that about their life during their visits with him. never once has he found anything wrong with them; they're always in virtually perfect health.

that doesn't change the fact that they're very clearly struggling. he's observed just how much they overexert themselves in a desperate attempt to actually keep a stable job, simply to help support their family, but all the exertion only seems to make their invisible issues worse.

also... they've been in his care for heat stroke more than once in liyue's warmer seasons. the heat is just far too much for their body to handle if they aren't careful.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

Their voice was so quiet and whispery that if Baizhu hadn't been attuned closely to them at that moment, he might have missed it. They half wished that he would have. Based on the brief glance he spared in their direction, they knew he was listening. Oh well.

"I mean... really. This is ridiculous," they murmured, knees drawn up against their chest. "Everyone thinks I'm just dramatic. I'm not. I do fine for the most part, but then it just... gets bad for no reason at all... how am I in perfect health?"

By that point in their rant, his undivided attention was on them. Though his gaze was thoughtful, musing, they interpreted it differently and winced slightly.

"...Sorry. I really shouldn't be complaining like this in front of someone who's chronically ill."

"No, it's quite alright. You shouldn't minimize your pain. Your struggles are as valid as mine. I find your trust, your ability to confide in me, quite endearing, even," he reassured, unbothered, to which their shoulders seemed to lose some of the tension they harbored. "In fact... I've been thinking about this for quite some time now. Chronic illness may show itself in a variety of forms. Sometimes it may show itself in the form of your symptoms. Would you like to learn how to manage your energy better?"

the liyuean doctor basically hired them right then and there, but they don't really realize that for the first few weeks.

in the beginning, they're just... spending time at bubu pharmacy, learning how baizhu manages his own limited energy and applying those techniques to their own life (it works shockingly well). that's all!

it slowly turns into them helping out where they can—packaging herbs, learning what exactly each one of them does, delivering prescriptions to those who cannot physically get the medicines themselves... even when people start to question if they've found a new job, they remain oblivious.

it's one day while helping mince herbs that they realize they're basically a junior herbalist.

A soft hiss left their lips when the knife nicked the pad of their finger. They were quick to put pressure on the little cut, pulling their hand away from the countertop to prevent any blood from dripping onto it.

"It's best to get rid of those herbs," Baizhu reminded, stepping away from his own work to gently bandage their wound.

A small pout graced their lips. "I didn't get any blood on them, though..."

Amusement and the vaguest hint of fondness twinkled in his gaze. "We don't know that for certain, do we, now?"

"...Wait a minute." Their eyes narrowed suspicously at him, drawing their freshly-dressed hand back once he was done. "This isn't about energy management anymore, is it? Have I been... I've been working here this entire time. These tasks are very employee-like."

"Come, now. Don't look at me like that. You were looking for a stable job, and I am more than willing to accomodate your needs."

"You could've at least said something to me. I've been doing free labor all this time, and as a child, no less! Hmm... now, I do believe that is illegal in this part of Teyvat~ It'd be shame to get Ms. Yanfei involved~"

in the spirit teaching them to manage their energy, he often takes them on house calls with him, starting off to just homes in liyue harbor and later to homes all the way in qingce village. it's a good way for them to gain stamina and get a better understanding of their job.

baizhu has a tendency to smile through his own pain for the sake of his patients.

this habit slipped by unchecked until [name] came around.

whenever they feel like he isn't doing very well, they'll take over for him regardless of what he has to say about it.

herbalist gui is very thankful for them—baizhu hardly ever listened to him, but he does take better care of himself for [name]'s sake.

(he swears that baizhu is oddly parental when it comes to them, but he wouldn't dare mention the doctor's blatant affections to his face.)

"welcome to bubu pharmacy," they'd greet with a kind smile after unceremoniously shoving baizhu towards the back of the pharmacy where he could rest undisturbed, "unfortunately, dr. baizhu is currently out of commission, but herbalist gui and i would be glad to take care of anything you may need."

sometimes changsheng can be seen wrapped around their arm! usually it's their dominant arm, which is terribly inconveniencing. still, it would be an honor to be Chosen™ by their loved one's pet... if only she wasn't so mean to them.

"Hmph. You're terrible at cutting herbs. It pains me just to watch."

"Okay? Go back to Dr. Baizhu then? I'm not holding you hostage, Changsheng. You came to me," they huffed. "Also... maybe I'd be able to cut better if you weren't strangling my dominant arm. Just saying."

It's a few moments later that they're sulking, murmuring curses as Baizhu disinfected their fresh snake bite. Changsheng completely neglected to apologize until Baizhu had prompted her to.

(They would complain that he found that incident a little too funny if anyone were to ask them. It really hurt, you know!)

changsheng bullies them lovingly <3 she bites them affectionately <33

(not that she'd ever say that, though. baizhu knows. he just chooses to let her believe he doesn't know.)

qiqi becomes very attached to them very quickly, i think. she'd like having a nice older sibling around and would address them as such without even thinking about it. "jiějiě," "gēgē"... she can't really tell what gender they identify closer with and doesn't remember to ask, so she tends to bounce between the two terms of address.

she has an entire page in her journal dedicated to little things about [name] that she deems to be important. she notes down things they seem to like, things they seem to dislike, their birthday, other important dates, defining features...

she also keeps important warning signs related to health episodes of their's jotted down, like how when [name] stands still a little too long, qiqi should urge them to sit for a moment because they're probably either dizzy or having vision issues, or how when their hands begin to tremble, qiqi should share a sunsettia with them.

she does miss these signs sometimes... she does her best, though! qiqi only wants to help the sweet junior herbalist that braids her hair and accompanies her on her herb-picking trips and hugs her and says "i love you, please stop this task, you might get hurt" with so much genuine affection that it often overwhelms her :(

it's rare, but sometimes, there will be a customer or patient that has little tolerance for their disability-induced weakness or slowness.

because their illness(es) is(/are) invisible, very few people take their struggles seriously.

some people take this as an excuse to verbally and even physically abuse them.

baizhu does not take kindly to people abusing his employees, especially not his chronically ill teenage employee. especially not them.

"Is there an issue I can help with?"

They didn't mind being the only one at reception during the days Herbalist Gui was out, Qiqi was herb-picking, and Baizhu was otherwise occupied. It wasn't a big deal, really.

At least... not until someone particularly impatient decided to make their job difficult.

Baizhu never took kindly to such incidents; this one was no different. Based on his tone of voice alone, it wasn't hard to guess that he was livid, golden irises alight with rage. Even Changsheng had hissed in their defense at the sight in front of her eyes.

He'd come back just in time to see them flinch away from the raised hand of some foreign adventurer.

"This one—"

"And who said I was asking you?" he scoffed, sliding behind the counter and checking them for wounds. They were shaking, he noted, gingerly supporting a fraction of their weight in case they were to collapse. "I was asking my herbalist, [Name]."

Baizhu was a man of patience and, really...

He wasn't all that confrontational. Despite that, any semblance of the supposed cowardice he harbored was gone in an instant.

His scarred fingers drew soothing shapes on their upper arm as he led them into the back of the clinic, guiding them to sit on one of the beds before their legs could give out.

"Are you alright?"

baizhu takes very good care of them after stressful encounters because he knows very well that such high-stress emotional experiences will take a toll on their body.

whenever a wealthier patient comes in, they've learned to overcharge them on purpose even if it's for the most ridiculous of ailments; oh? you say you have been sneezing quite a lot and are having a hard time breathing? no, no, it's not springtime allergies, who told you that? it's quite dire, in fact, and the treatment price will be awfully expensive... oh? you'll pay it? wonderful!

^ herbalist gui says that baizhu is a terrible influence on them sometimes.

in their defense, they get hefty bonuses every time wealthy people pay ridiculous prices for typically rather inexpensive herbs (like a certain ginger harbinger did one time! they still giggle at the memory of him paying so much for so little). the more wealthy people pay, the bigger their bonuses (fatui harbingers are very wealthy...).

simply put, they make more mora than the majority of their family put together because of this morally dubious behavior.

baizhu, gui, qiqi, and [name] are a chaotic found family but yk what? they all make it work <3

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion's headcanons 🌸 #: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ] #baizhu x reader #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin x reader #platonic genshin impact #baizhu x you #baizhu x y/n #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #qiqi x reader #platonic qiqi x reader

[linked-through-the-centuries]

Hey! I was looking through the information about your Links, and I really like the direction your AU is going :D I'm always a fan of some HW brothers content and I love the potential of having totk/botw Link with AoC Link :D

I do want to let you know though, that some parts of the character information can come off ableist. I'm confident it was never your intent, but I highly encourage doing research before representing disabled people--mentally and physically. (Pardon, this might run a little long, I'm rambly and I'm very passionate about doing your own research before you represent communities, since we're a system with BPD, PPD and chronic pain. Misinformation only hurts the communities you try to represent, and disability is NOT an aesthetic).

With that in mind, I would like to point out that Tears "traumatising the others by taking off his arm" can come off incredibly misinformed about Prosthetics. Amputees do not wear their prosthetics all the time, they aren't surgically attached to their bodies and "traumatises" implies that the act of taking off an assistive device can be scary/unsettling when it should not be. Many amputees will actively go days without wearing their prosthetics, and a lot of them even have wheelchairs or canes to suffice :D wearing a prosthetic all day every day without taking it off can be extremely unhealthy.

The other thing I want to point out is Tune answering with "for the aesthetic" when asked why he wears an eyepatch and that he actually didn't lose an eye. Respectfully, but partial blindness is not an aesthetic 😭😭 I understand that its the "pirate" aesthetic but...those pirates...usually actually have lost their eyes. For light sensitivity, there are real assistive devices called "Blackout Glasses" which are used to reduce incoming light to the sensitive eyes. Though, I can also understand that since this is his answer and not a narrative excuse, it's possible it's just ableism that the character displays but the narrative doesn't excuse but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

That all being said, I don't think you were intentionally ableist and I'm not calling you ableist either /clar I mean no disrespect and I love your AU so far, I'm interested to see more of it, but I'm coming from a place of care when I say that there's aspects of it that can seem misinformed. Disability is already so vastly misunderstood in the internet sphere and it's a serious problem that inhibit millions of people; not an aesthetic or something you can put into stories to make characters more interesting or push traumatic backstory.

(Also, feel free to Not post this, there's no obligation to! My tumblr is just heinously broken and I can't send DMs.)

Thank you for sending this! It was absolutely not my intent at all to cause harm or misrepresent. As someone who is disabled myself, I believe representation is so so so important and I try my best to do as well as I can. I’ve done a lot of research to write characters with experiences different from my own correctly and as respectfully as possible.

I fully acknowledge I was in the wrong by using the word ‘traumatized’ to describe how Tears suddenly taking off his arm makes the others feel, and I deeply apologize for that. The word I meant was ‘startled’, and I have fixed that. Thank you for bringing that to my attention! I struggle with tone and words and that is no excuse, and I definitely used the wrong word so thank you so much for pointing that out. I know it is uncomfortable to wear prosthetics for long periods of time which is why Tears takes theirs off, however the reason I said it’s a bit startling to the others is because they had no idea it was a prosthetic the first time it happened. Tears wears a lot of long sleeves, especially at first, and the prosthetic simply isn’t visible, and he didn’t warn the others, he just simply took it off. It can be quite shocking to see your friend suddenly remove their arm. The others also often forget he has a prosthetic and worry if that arm of his gets ‘hurt’ before remembering Tears is completely okay. Again, I am so sorry, I did use the wrong word, that is my fault, I have fixed it.

As far as Tune and his eyepatch goes, I haven’t had the opportunity to write out a full post about him, but he is based on me. To explain it further: one of his eyes is very sensitive to the light, the other is fine, hence why he only covers one. It is very hard for him to see in bright lighting with his right eye, so he covers it to protect it. There’s nothing “wrong” with it, it was never injured, it’s just always been that way. He takes the patch off when he’s in dimly lit rooms or areas because his eye can handle low levels of light, so he’ll take it off when he goes below deck in order to see because that eye is adjusted to darkness. Again, his vision situation is based solely off of myself and the way I experience highly and lowly lit areas, though I have also done some research on the situation in addition to using my own experience. I’ve had to wear eyepatches, I know how uncomfortable they are. He wears it for a functional reason, but he doesn’t like to explain that to people because they don’t tend to understand, so he jokes around abut it. He may say it’s for that pirate aesthetic, but without it, he’s in immense pain. His eyepatch protects him

If I have upset anyone by Tune still having an eye and wearing an eyepatch I am truly sorry /gen. It was never my intention to cause harm or make anyone upset. Thank you for bringing this to my attention though, if you have anything else, please let me know and don’t hesitate to reach out, /gen, I know you said your dms weren’t working

I try my best to do research on the things I am unfamiliar with, but for the most part, I tend to write about things I have personally experienced :)

#jes talks #linked through the centuries #lttc tune #lttc tears

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me to my doctor's office: "Hey can I get a letter stating I need working AC (under 75F inside) as a reasonable accommodation because it keeps flaring up my POTS? It also worsens my allergy-type symptoms if that helps."

My doctor: "Sorry, since you don't yet have a mast cell or histamine disorder diagnosis, my hands are tied. Talk to your allergist."

Me: Hey??? I know someone fucked up in the quite likely literal game of telephone here but I VERY SPECIFICALLY mentioned POTS as the main reason. You know, the flareups caused by dysautonomia making internal temperature regulation near impossible which acts as a vicious cycle to worsen the dysregulation of the ENTIRE nervous system and therefore cause stronger and more frequent tachycardia and presyncope episodes? The diagnosis YOU literally gave to me after doing the testing yourself that even if you misunderstood which diagnosis I was asking to be accommodated for could have suggested if you bothered to do your job for ONE SECOND?

...

This is the same doctor though (well, PA), that refuses to prescribe any mobility aid, even so much as a fucking CANE, unless I go to physical therapy, despite me being VERY OBVIOUSLY too SICK to go to physical therapy from my other chronic illnesses AND needing a mobility aid to actually successfully fucking GET to physical therapy most fucking days.

Like I've been defending that until now because she actually like... knew what MCAS and POTS were and actually listens to my symptoms and believes me but like... that's barely the bare minimum of what a passable doctor should do. I was just accepting the rest of the bullshit because I've dealt with far worse medical abuse and neglect for years but... all the other doctors at the practice are at least as competent so I'm fucking switching doctors.

And inb4 "well maybe she's trying to do her duty to make sure mobility aids won't make you more unhealthy:

1. that's ableism because it's not trusting patients to know their own bodies and stop using a mobility aid if it's hurting them

2. that's ableism because I could walk into a Norco and BUY any of those things if I had any money but I don't because I'm disabled so this is really about not charging insurance for something without having concrete proof that the patient will severely suffer without it - which is what I was using to defend her that her hands were tied but also doctors have an incredible amount of leverage and justifications they can make with my insurance specifically - but it's still ableism in the system regardless...

and 3. that's ableism because it's literally not a bad thing to be less healthy but ALSO in less distress, and forcing people with chronic illness to meet an arbitrary standard of health that causes them fucking pain because "being disabled" is viewed as worse than "existing in a constant state of agony" is WILDLY ABLEIST.

I fucking hate doctors. Like don't get me wrong, we need medical care, but current medical professionals don't even fucking give it. The pharmacist who vaccinated me at Walgreens has given me more medical care than my entire team of primary care providers and specialists. At this point all doctors are, functionally, bastards.

[lubdubsworld]

Perfect Imperfections.

Jeon Jungkook x OC 

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content. 

Rating : 21+ 

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so ) 

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism . 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ This is nothing but me indulging my love for writing bad cliches. That is it. Its literally a fest of cliche k drama tropes] 

Chapter 1

After the accident, my life had become something of a stagnant pond. 

Everyday began much the same. 

The alarm, mild but not jarring. Not very shrill but definitely insistent, sweeping away any lingering traces of sleep. I blinked awake, cobwebs of exhaustion still marring my vision but a few deep breaths, a few more blinks and I was awake .

And now came the harder part.

Getting my legs to work. 

It never got better, despite the many years that I’d spent in physiotherapy. All it really did was stop it from getting worse. Or maybe I’d just gotten used to the pain at this point. 

Deep breaths helped. Sometimes. 

But not today. 

“Mrs Jeon?” The familiar voice made me jump a little. 

“Sana...” I said, relieved. “ Could you come over? Seems like I’m going to need some help today.” I laughed nervously, gripping the sheets harder.” Could you help me sit up?” 

The girl moved closer, feet nimble and quick and sure and i felt my throat clench in envy. I swallowed it down though, just the way I swallowed every bad thing that came my way. 

It had been eight years ago.

 A fall from a fifty feet ravine. Cuts and scrapes all over my body, abrasions all over my torso. And legs that had absolutely shattered on impact. Multiple fractures. Motor Nerve Damage on my left leg. 

The skin stitched together. The bones grew back. 

But the nerve damage stayed. 

I wasn’t completely helpless. I could walk with the brace. Slowly and with a mildly awkward gait but I could walk. Even better if I was using crutches. 

But it wasn’t something I could hide. 

People looked at me and that was the first thing that they noticed. 

The girl who couldn’t walk. 

I sat still, gripping the edge of the bed as Sana carefully grabbed the brace and helped me put it on. I watched as she carefully set the loops in place, fixed the velcro and finally helped set my toes in place. 

“Thank you.” i whispered and she nodded.

“Mr. Jeon left early. He said that he won’t be home tonight.” 

I smiled a little. 

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to be caught between us. It must make you feel uncomfortable.” I said . 

She looked surprised but quickly ducked her head

“No, Mrs. Jeon.” 

I sighed.

“You may leave. I’ll come down soon.” I said quietly. 

How handsome he looked, in that beautiful dark suit. How strong and handsome and ...whole. 

Right next to a framed article about us from a magazine.

Jungkook ran  marathons and trained as a boxer. He worked as the managing director at a steel manufacturing unit . Spent his days overseeing workers in the smelting units, and everyone knew that it wasn’t uncommon to see the Jeon heir, shirtless and sweaty and covered in dirt and getting down and dirty with all the other workers as the ore got delivered. 

Someone like that... Someone that perfect.... Deserved a woman who would be an equal. Beautiful and graceful and perfect. And he had had her. My sister. For three years, I’d watched my sister and Jungkook be the perfect couple . Deeply in love and so happy. 

I watched her leave, gently closing the door behind her, before shifting my gaze to the large  portrait on the opposite side of the wall. It was a picture of my husband and I taken on the day we got betrothed. 

What they hadn’t counted on was how greedy our parents could be. 

Jungkook was the younger son. And his father had long written him off as unreliable. He was wild and headstrong. Had his own ideals and morals. Wouldn’t really bend to his father’s will. So his brother was the one who would be set to inherit the company. 

And my father , with his billion dollar empire wasn’t going to give away his precious daughter and all of her inheritance to a paltry second son. 

Jungkook’s brother had married my sister. And Jungkook had been forced to marry me. A comedy of errors , except it wasn’t really funny and no one was laughing. 

I swallowed. That was seven months ago. The first few weeks had gone in stony silence and hushed whispers. I knew he was talking to my sister. Knew she was sobbing in despair on the other end. My sister and I had never gotten along. And now, she had a genuine reason to despise me. 

Three months into marriage he had a small accident at the Manufacturing Unit.A small fall, not that far. Ten feet or so, but he’d crashed into a steel structure on his way down. He had a dislocated shoulder and some flesh wounds. Not that bad. 

But my entire body had gone ice cold at the news, when i first heard it. 

It was a brutal sort of realization. 

That perhaps I wasn’t as indifferent to him as he was to me. Six weeks, with him had changed things. He didn’t talk much, other than the bare minimum but I didn’t hold it against him. I helped him anyway I could. Typed out emails for him. Helped him eat and change. 

Hands brushing and time spent together meant tension. And a shift in the way he looked at me, sometimes. I noticed, wasn’t sure if I could act on it. But he was still my husband. And I didn’t really want to spend the rest of my life celibate. 

So, even though it was so unlike me... I’d made the first move. Linked my fingers with his. Brushed my lips across his. A gesture that meant a hundred things. A touch that invited more. And he must’ve wanted it, at least physically. Because he indulged me. Gave me a glimpse of heaven on his bed. 

And yet, six weeks of being as close as two humans could be didn’t change much.  

We were strangers who slept together. Who appeared in public together. Who did everything our family expected of us. And I wasn’t sure how to bridge that awkward gap between us. Jungkook was a fiercely physical person. His free time was spent in the gym , or cycling or hiking. 

I couldn’t walk across the room without having to grip the walls for support every few minutes.                                                              

Could anyone blame him for being bitter? For being distant? For not knowing what to do with me? 

And in all this time , I’d only learnt a handful of things about my husband. How he felt on top of me. How he sounded when he came, how he looked eyebrows furrowed as he talked into his phone  and of course, how little he cared about me. 

Yes, we would have sex. Yes, he bought me a couple of gifts when he was overseas. But otherwise his heart belonged to my sister. It wasn’t something he hid. 

As the days passed, I realized that it was time to keep myself safe. That I couldn’t show him all of me anymore. He was careful with me, guarded and secretive because he was smart. He didn’t want me to know anything about him. 

There was a reason. There had to be. 

So the best thing to do would be to do the same. Build that distance between us. This was going to crash and burn someday and I had to 

And the past few weeks, he’d been busy with more deals. Some kind of MoU with some supplier had gone south and they were looking for different suppliers. Jungkook was busy. I hadn’t seen him in ten days. 

And now apparently he had come home and left without so much as seeing me. 

Sighing, I moved to the garden, walking slowly to the marble bench set under the large sweetgum tree. I settled down , sighing. I ran a palm over my belly, soft and hesitant. 

I was two and half months along. It didn’t show...thanks to the oversized clothes I wore. But it wasn’t the kind of thing you could hide forever. I wasn’t sure why I started hiding it in the first place. It was just that.... I knew that no one would be happy for me. My family would be ecstatic but for the wrong reasons.

I could already imagine .

 Finally. Now he can’t leave you. 

I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of it. At the thought of someone talking about my baby like some sort of handcuff to lock Jungkook in. 

I would have to tell him. Of course. But I didn’t know when or how . I didn’t want to hide it from him. There was no point. But ... I wasn’t quite sure i wanted to see that look of helpless disappointment in his face. 

The sound of his car drew me out of my reverie and I startled, glancing over at the wide driveway. I glanced at the time . It was a little past eleven in the morning. What was he doing here? 

“Leah! Get inside!” Jungkook’s voice rang out and I jumped. 

“Jungkook?” I stared as he all but jumped out of the car rushing to me. 

“Come on.. get up.”

“What’s going on..?” I asked, heart pounding as he gripped my elbow, drawing me into his arms. 

“Dad fucked up. Got mixed with some shady bastards and apparently, they’ve put a hit out on me and hyung.”

My heart dropped.

“What?!!” I choked out, stunned. “ Jungkook...” My fingers curled over his chest, clutching the 

“Don’t worry... we know who it is and we have guys of our own. They’ll take care of it. No one comes for a Jeon and lives to tell the tale. I just wanted to make sure you stayed in. Don’t go anywhere. there are guards all over the place. but i want you to stay home. Okay? Just till this blows over?” 

I flinched, legs aching fierce as he led me up the stairs and he stared at me, eyes dripping with worry. The look was so foreign....so unlike the indifference I was used to that I could only stare. 

“Are you alright?” He asked urgently and I nodded quickly, hands curving over my stomach instinctively. 

“You’ll stay here right? With me...?” I asked softly and Jungkook hesitated. 

“I... I need to go check on Lisa.” He said stiltedly and I froze at my sister’s name.

“She’s with her husband, right?” I asked sharply, anger building out of pure fear. “ Why do you-”

“Don’t question me. Go in. Now.” He said quickly and I frowned. 

“You don’t have to go there. She has a husband of her own.” I said quietly, voice shaking. 

“I have to. I... I have to just go make sure she’s alright.” He snapped angrily and I curled my fingers into fists. 

Apparently, even when there was a very real threat to our lives, he would rather risk my life and his than let go of his obsession for my sister. i wanted to vomit. My skin felt clammy and my heart raced. I imagined him doing this when we had a kid....risking our child because he can’t stop thinking of her.... And he would do it..... Of course he would. 

“Then go.” i snapped, tears filling my eyes .  I yanked my arm out of his, stumbling a bit.

Jungkook looked shocked. 

“Leah...” He reached for me but I pulled back and away. 

“Go to her and don’t you dare come back here.” I screamed. Jungkook stiffened. 

“Leah... enough.”

“You’re right. I’ve had enough . Of your dirty pining. Of you. She’s married for god’s sake. To your brother. They’re together. Its over and done with. Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!!” I choked out. My chest hurt. 

“You knew I loved her when you married me.” He snapped back and I laughed in disbelief.

“Yes. And you knew I’d break someday. That I’d someday have enough of you treating me like I was disposable. Isn’t that why you kept at it for so long? You wanted me to be the one break things off right? So you could get out of your father’s anger...unscathed. Well, guess what. You got your wish.... I’m done!! “ 

He didn’t reply.

“Go inside. I have to go.” He said softly. 

I watched as he turned on his heel and stalked back down the driveway. 

Was it supposed to hurt this bad? My heart felt a bit like it was cleaving in two. Had I really just told him I had enough? What did that mean? Was I going to leave him? I felt my head spin , worry and fear laced with disbelief.

 Someone was out to kill him? How could he be so flippant about it? 

I shook my head. The Jeon’s were  a weird bunch. Although they were one of the richest families in our society, they lacked any of the charming social graces that came with it. For years, everyone had kept them at arm’s length because while all other families had aristocratic roots and beginnings, the Jeon’s came from a background of mining iron ore and making steel : a rugged and dirty business.

The only reason my father had agreed to 

And was I really going to leave him? where did I even begin? I couldn’t leave. I had no home to go to. My parents would take one look at me and send me back to Jungkook. I felt like a prize fool. I was stuck here. For eternity. That was all there was to it. 

A decade ago, I’d had a future. But that evening on that mountain trail had changed my life forever. I was , for all intents and purposes disabled. I couldn’t just walk out of here and build a life for myself. I wouldn’t last a day. 

I dragged myself to the living space, stopping when i saw how deserted the place looked. 

There were usually people bustling about. Especially so close to lunch. 

“Sana!!!” I called out, only to be met with the echoing silence of my own voice. And then a few seconds later she appeared , 

“Mrs. Jeon.... Is Mr. Jeon here?”

“He just left... Is everything okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Where is everyone? Are all of you busy?” I asked nervously. 

She bowed. “ Yes, ma’am.... The rest of us are cleaning out the pantry and Cook’s in the kitchen. Seul and Leejin are out in the backyard cleaning the statues near the koi pond. Mr. Jeon’s asked all the footmen and guards to stay around the perimeter. Will you need anything else?

“No... I’ll just rest till lunch.” I said gently, waving her off.

She left. 

The eerie silence that followed told me there was nothing to do but embrace the loneliness and I hesitated, moving slowly to the window and peering out. I couldn’t see any of the guards either. 

My fingers shook a little as I moved slowly to the entryway that led into the dining space. It was dark in here, the light from outside only illuminating the west wall which had large windows set in. I moved to the windows and stared out into the Jeon estate. 

Although Jungkook was the younger brother, he had been taxed with maintaining and caring for the family estate. Not because his father trusted him but because the old man knew just how much Jungkook hated the place. 

I played with my wedding ring as i remembered the countless times I’d watched the two of them fight, Jungkook coldly still while his father hurled abuses at him. Jeon Jaesook considered his son to be incompetent and disobedient, which made little to no sense to me. 

As far as i knew Jungkook had helped increase production and had cut down operating costs significantly over the seven years that he’d been working as the managing Director at Jeon Steelworks.

But it was obvious the old man favored Jihyun, Jungkook’s older brother. Jihyun worked in the air conditioned offices located in Gangnam, the CEO taking care of all their sales and marketing while Jungkook , who had an actual degree in Business spent his days slaving away at the smelting Units, a job that was physically and mentally exhausting. 

And while it always made my stomach twist, this unfair treatment he got subjected to, there wasn’t much i could do. My father had made it clear that he wouldn’t agree to the investment, unless both his daughters married the Jeon brothers. And Jungkook’s father had made it clear that if Jungkook didn’t agree , he would be out on the streets without a penny to his name. 

My leg began aching and I turned back around ready to go settle into my workroom where I usually worked on my writing when I heard his footsteps. I glanced up, frowning. 

Jungkook stood in the doorway staring at me with an unreadable expression on his face. 

I stared at him for a few seconds, waiting for him to say something. 

When he didn’t, I sighed.

“Did you think I was going to leave?” I asked bitterly.

He sighed. 

“I’m not going to cheat on you. “

I nodded.

“I suppose you want me to thank you for that?” I shook my head. “ You don’t have to keep your worthless vows. Go sleep with her. Why would it make a difference to me?” 

He exhaled sharply. 

“I thought you understood.” He said sharply.

“I did. I do.” I said curtly “ I understand that my parents screwed the two of you over. I understand that you had to do something you absolutely did not want to. But there’s something you need to understand too. Just because I’ve accepted this, it doesn’t mean I enjoy it. It doesn’t mean I have to be happy about my husband being in love with another woman, much less my own sister.” 

Jungkook nodded. 

“Right. Got it. “ He said curtly and I flinched when another muscle twitch told me I’d been standing for too long. 

“I’m going to go lay down.”

“Do you need me to get you a heating pad? For the leg? Or send one of the girls to massage your legs?” He asked softly, stepping closer and lightly gripping my elbow when my knees buckled. 

I didn’t have much choice than to grip his forearm, because the pain was intensifying from pins and needles to proper muscle spasms. Sweat began to bead on my upper lip and i felt just a little faint. 

“Yes. “ I said , feeling pathetic. I should have used the crutches. It had been a bad day even when I woke up. I should have sensed it and taken the proper measures.

“Leah... Should I run a warm bath for you? “ Jungkook's lips brushed my ear when he leaned to hold my weight up and i stiffened. 

“That won’t be necessary. I just need help back up to the bed, thank you.” I said shortly. He looked uncertain and shook his head. 

“ okay, but I’ll get Sana to run you a warm bath and make you some willowbark Tea.” He said quietly, and when I stumbled a bit on the first step he swore. 

“This isn’t going to work.... Come here.” He said gruffly and before I could protest he bent low, gripping the back of my knees and pulling me up into his arms.

i swallowed, head spinning as I cradled the curve of my lower belly. 

 Tell him... Tell him... Tell him...

 I felt my head throb as I kept my arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. 

“I’m pregnant .” i blurted out. 

Jungkook stumbled , nearly sending the both of us tumbling down the flight of stairs and i clung to him in terror. Okay, maybe the timing could have been better.

“What?” He looked ashen. Like he’d seen an actual ghost. 

“Just thought you should know.” I muttered under my breath. 

We reached the landing and he didn’t say anything, looking away from me, his jaw taut and lips set in a  thin line. I felt my throat go sandpaper dry. He waited till we were safely in the confines of our bedroom, placing me down on the bed gently and moving to close the door and lock it. 

I stared up at the ceiling, refusing to look at his face. 

“ Leah-”

“Its fine. You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t know till a week ago myself.” 

Silence. 

“Have you told your parents?” 

I exhaled sharply.

“No.” 

“Mine?”

“No...”

“Then would you consider.... “ He trailed off and i finally stared at him. 

“No.” I said softly. 

He sighed. 

“Alright. Should  I book an appointment with Dr. Lee?” 

I laughed. 

“How very practical of you..” i said. 

“What else do you expect from me..”

“Not even an ounce of support, that’s for sure.” I snapped and he growled.

“You want me to lie? Fine.. I’m happy!! So fucking happy that we’re bringing an innocent kid into our fucked up family. ” He shouted.

 This was why I didn’t want to tell him, I thought bitterly. 

“You’re the only one who’s fucked up, Jungkook. I’m perfectly fine with myself and my choices. I can give my baby all the stability they might ever need.”

“ That’s not hat I'm talking about. do you know what its like to grow up with parents who can’t stand each other?” Jungkook shouted. 

I gaped at him. Can’t stand each other? Is that how he saw us? 

“As long as you don’t walk out on us, we’ll be fine.” I muttered despondently. 

“ Don’t worry about that. I’m not going to run away from my responsibilities. ” He said quietly.

I finally turned to look at him, placing both my hands on my stomach.

“Do you want me to leave you?” I asked honestly.” Have you ever thought about it?” 

He didn’t say anything.

“So you have.” I smiled sadly. It wasn’t surprising but it did hurt. 

“Of course I have. You’re Lisa’s sister and Lisa is my... “ He paused, shaking his head, “ But, I know you can’t. I don’t expect you to either.” He said gruffly, grabbing the intercom.

I watched as he called the housekeeper, firing off instruction for Sana and then to the cook to send some tea for me. He hung up and turned to me again.

“Lisa and I are going to go to Japan for a week. She has a conference there and I’m going to scout for locations just in case we open up a distribution office there.” 

I turned away. 

“ You don’t have to tell me all that. You didn’t before, i don’t want you to start now.” I said firmly. 

He didn’t reply and i turned back to stare at the ceiling. 

Jungkook hovered for a few seconds before moving closer to the bed and grabbing the comforter and a couple of pillows. I felt a lump in my throat as he carefully picked my leg up, placing the pillows underneath. i was almost numb from the thigh down. 

i closed my eyes as he carefully pulled the comforter over my waist, folding it over my chest. 

“Rest well.” He said quietly before walking away. i heard the door opening and then closing. 

i waited till I heard his footsteps fades away before opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling. 

I should probably put some paintings up there, I thought. 

Author’s Note : This entire fic can be summed up as me not having any self control. 

#jungkook arranged marriage #bts arranged marriage #bts fic #bts arranged marriage fic #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkok fanfics #bts famnfics #bts fanfics

[gatesofember]

can you expand on the canon and fanon ableism in solangelo? I sort of picked up on the infantilisation of nico (hes dealing with ptsd and i guess chronic fatigue, hes not a baby) but i always thought that was handled better in canon than in fanon? But then i havent read ToN i admit

Sure! I don’t know that I’m the best person to ask this because while I am disabled, I’m still unlearning a lot of ableism myself. But I’ll try my best to explain! Maybe some people could recommend some good posts about this if they know any?

Infantilizing—like you mentioned, this is one of the biggest problems with ableism in the fandom. There isn’t much of this in canon, but in fanon Nico’s often characterized as helpless and he’s not taken seriously. Will often plays the role of caretaker rather than boyfriend to an infantilized Nico, which creates an inherent and unhealthy power imbalance.

Will being portrayed as a savior—a common and dangerous trope in romance is that one character is saved by the love of another. It’s especially damaging when the character being saved has mental health problems or physical disabilities. I think most people realize nowadays that this isn’t okay, but you’ll still occasionally see things that portray Will as a savior. Nico entering a relationship because he’s healing and accepting himself is great! But Nico being saved by a relationship? Bad.

Victim blaming—honestly most characters who interact with Nico in canon engage in some level of victim blaming, but by far the worst one was Will (aside from like. Hades and Minos.) In BoO, Will went on an entire rant telling Nico that he was responsible for his own problems and that he manufactured his own abandonment by pushing people away, when really, Nico was the victim of bullying, rejection, abuse, and serious mental health problems—and he already blamed himself for all that so Will’s rant only would have made him feel more invalidated. Later books definitely pulled back on the victim blaming, but it was such a prevalent part of the foundation of their relationship that it’s been ingrained in the ship. It shows a severe and dangerous misunderstanding of mental health on the part of both Riordan and the fandom.

Will being Nico’s healthcare provider—What makes Will being portrayed as a savior even worse is the fact that Will is a healer. Doctors shouldn’t date their patients. Much like the caretaker issue I mentioned above, it creates a power imbalance which is usually satisfied because the doctor is paid for doing their job, but things get messy when any kind of personal relationship is involved. Will should not be in charge of Nico’s medical care. Of course he can act as Nico’s healer in emergencies, but Nico’s primary medical care provider should be someone else. If Will acts as Nico’s medical care provider out of necessity (eg, because he’s the only healer at camp halfblood), then they need to set up clear boundaries and rules. Will being Nico’s doctor should never be spun as a good thing.

Will abusing his authority as a medical care provider—most notably the “doctor’s orders” and “doctor’s note” scenes. Will was extremely overbearing in BoO, from forbidding Nico from using his powers to ordering him to stay in the infirmary, and that kind of pushiness isn’t okay. He was abusing his power, doubting Nico’s judgement and capabilities, and denying Nico’s right to make his own decisions (again, infantilizing). Disabled people’s agency is often denied and autonomy is so important. Nico should have been allowed to make the choice to stay in the infirmary on his own (or not to stay, or to follow through with his plan to leave chb; he should have had the freedom to make those choices, too), and frankly, it would have been a much more powerful ending to Nico’s pov if he had. He should have chosen to go to the infirmary because he decided he wanted to get better, not because he wanted to be around Will (see previous point about Will being portrayed as a savior) (although it would have been fine if Nico thought of Will as an added bonus). I said in the previous post that Will writing a doctor’s note to allow Nico to sit at the Apollo table doesn’t bother me, but that’s because I imagine that situation being like, Nico was denied accommodations so Will and Nico hatched a plan together to use what little leverage they have to get adults to listen to Nico’s needs and take him seriously, but both of them fully understood that Will should not act as Nico’s doctor again unless there were serious medical reasons. Other people interpret that scene as Will abusing his power as the head medic to sit next to his boyfriend. And I’m not saying that my interpretation of that scene is necessarily the correct one, just that I don’t interpret it as Will being ableist.

Nico faking his disability to get things—I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone bring this point up, but it’s something that really bothers me. The ableism regarding the “doctor’s note” for me isn’t the scene itself, but when the fandom portrays Will and Nico constantly using the doctor’s note excuse to get what they want, often having Nico fake some sort of symptom. Besides the abuse of power I mentioned before, promoting the idea that disabled people fake disabilities to get certain privileges is not okay. This is the sort of thinking that leads to stereotyping disabled people as lazy and it’s so prevalent that it makes a lot of disabled people wonder if they’re really disabled or if they’re making it all up (which ties in with the victim blaming point again).

Sometimes I agree that canon Solanagelo is less ableist than fanon, but sometimes fans do a better job than Riordan. It really just depends. I definitely think that both Riordan and the fandom have gotten better though! Will’s character and his relationship with Nico was very different in ToN than it was in previous books (different for the better but also to the point of inconsistency, but that’s a different critique). There were a lot of things in ToN that made it clear that Riordan was listening to the responses of disabled people. Some fans seem to be listening, too. There’s still rampant ableism in the fandom, but people are getting better at responding to criticism and realizing that a lot of tropes that used to be popular just aren’t ok.

Thank you for your ask! I’m glad you reached out to learn more. Again, if anyone knows good posts to read or blogs to visit for further information, please reply with them!

#anon #tw ableism #ableism tw

[mimzy-writing-online]

How do you handle casual ableism especially ableism that’s said to be “a joke”? I am blind and I get this all the time and it’s so annoying because I can’t win.

If it’s said by someone I know I probably won’t talk to much, if ever again, I just grin and bear it. If I’m invested in this friendship or know I’ll be working with them a lot, then I’ll say something. But I do have some personal pet-peeves.

“Oh, so you’re blind, but not like, blind-blind.” 

Whenever I explain to someone new that I’m visually impaired and what I see, I sometimes get the “oh, so you’re blind, but not like, blind-blind.” and I just... *internal screaming*

I hate it because it reinforces this hierarchy of “who has it worst in the world” that abled society has. It’s like saying, “oh, you’re blind, but at least you don’t have cancer.” That is insensitive to both people who are blind, people who have cancer, and people who have both. 

Everyone is going through their own stuff, and sometimes it feels debilitating and sometimes it feels normal. Undermining someone’s experiences by saying/implying someone has it worse is terrible and even worse is using that idea to say “oh, then you don’t need this accommodation that badly, you’re not disabled-disabled.”

I am blind. Just blind. I have a condition that highly affects my life and just because there are a few settings where I can pass for sighted, does not mean that I am not blind.

And those people feed my internalized ableism and imposter syndrome so that I begin to think “I’m not that blind, people have so much less sight than me” and begin to feel like I don’t deserve any of my accommodations, even my cane when my worst days hit. My cane, that thing I bought myself that affects no one apart from warning them I can’t see them, but means everything to me.

What I would like to say: “I am blind. What I’m describing might sound like no big deal to you, but it affects my life every day and I will never, under any circumstances, see as much as a sighted person. Please stop comparing my disability to other disabilities.”

“Can you use your cane as a weapon?”

It was funny the first 3-4 times I heard it, but strangers say it to me constantly and it’s just like... “oh, them Lakers” or “How’s the weather up there” or some other cliché joke that has been told to death. And these strangers don’t realize how unoriginal it is because they probably never interact with other blind people, but I hear it all the fricken time.

I’ve explained to friends that I don’t like this joke. And I have an example of it in A Witch’s Memory, specifically Ulric’s second chapter. But like, I cannot control what strangers think is funny.

What I would like to say: “I cannot. Canes are much more fragile than you think, and each one has cost me $50 each. And I’ve had... six? Over the years. And they take weeks to ship to me. I would be terrified of my cane getting damaged.”

“I bet you’re looking forward to robot eyes.”

No. I’m not. I’m really not. Leave my eyes the fuck alone.

This was waaaaaay before I was diagnosed with Visual Snow Syndrome, which is a neurological problem, not an eye problem, even if the symptoms that affect me most are visual.

And as for the ableism, there’s soooo so much in that statement:

“Oh, I bet you’re looking forward to getting cured”

“I think being blind is terrible, I would want robot eyes immediately”

And if I said that I didn’t want robot eyes ever, I’d almost always get:

“I bet it wouldn’t be that bad, you’d be a cyborg. How cool is that?”

I said no the first time. Respect that answer. It’s my body, my eyes. I’m so tired of this debate.

The only form of this conversation I will ever accept is from my best friend who admitted that he personally would jump at the chance for cybernetic enhancements, especially something that reduced chronic pain. There are some more personal issues I won’t disclose, but from his perspective I understood and we came to the acceptance that we had very different stances and that was okay so long as we respected each other’s choices.

What I would like to say: “I have considered this and personally decided that under no circumstances would I ever want this kind of surgery done to me. Please respect that choice and don’t joke about experimental surgeries with me.”

“Just consider me your personal human guide dog.”

Only one person has ever said this to me, but he’s said it several times while acting as my sighted guide and I hate it, not because there is any ableism directed at me, but because he’s calling himself less than human and I wish he treated himself better. He deserves better. My solution is just saying nice things to him every chance I get about how much I care about him and how he is good.

“Fuck you! I love you! Don’t you dare call yourself a dog. You’re amazing and I love you.”

“Well you’re able-bodied.”

Said to me by another person with a disability, specifically a chronic illness, while complaining about why I couldn’t do something for him.

It was my father.

and I just...

I have literally never not been disabled in some capacity.

I remember my ADHD affected me from the early age of six years old and how much that affected my self esteem. I started having chronic health problems (mostly due to anxiety) as soon as I entered my teenage years. The worst was when I was 19. And then I went blind.

I am in no way able-bodied. Do not throw this hierarchy of who’s more disabled at me. I physically cannot handle the task you asked me to do without physical pain following me for the rest of the day. It’s either going to have to get done by someone else, or I’m going to need help. Why do I need to be in pain all day for this?

You’re young, therefore you are able-bodied.

You means nothing in terms of disability! Lots of people are disabled, visibly and invisibly. And if your kid needs disability aids to perform normal tasks like walking safely outside, you shouldn’t be calling them able bodied.

What I would like to say: “I am not able bodied. I am far from it. What you’re asking me to do will either risk serious injury to me or will cause me serious, lasting pain. Please respect my physical limitations.”

“And on your right you and hear, smell, taste, touch the ocean.”

It was a joke by a close friend when we were on a road trip. Also, we were in a car on the freeway, literally, none of those things would be possible from that distance because all I would hear and smell would be car fumes. 

Like, okay, I know I can’t enjoy the scenic view the way sighted people can, but I am enjoying this drive in my own way. Even the visuals I can see are nice(ish). It’s stimulation, something different for my brain. I’m having fun listening to the music and your story while we move and there are shapes and faded colors passing us.

I’m experiencing this amazing road trip.

Maybe it’s not the way you would experience or best enjoy it, but I am having fun, don’t spoil it by reminding me that I’m different from you and that my experience “must be less enjoyable.”

I told him: “I don’t like those jokes. They aren’t funny to me. I don’t need to see it to enjoy it.” And he stopped. He never made another one after that drive.

(He’s also one of those people who has serious anxiety around making someone uncomfortable, and me telling him “hey I don’t like this, can we do this instead” actually helps us both, because I’m no longer uncomfortable and he can trust that I would immediately tell him if he ever did something I didn’t like. If I’m not speaking up, then I am good. And I can trust that he will stop as soon as I tell him to, and that I can always speak up if I need to.)

#Anonymous #disability #actuallyblind #cripplepunk #ableism #ableism tw #blindness #mimzy things #there are probably a dozen or more reoccurring jokes but my brain is tired #I'm gonna make myself go to bed... #eventually #adhd is being a pain #just end the task already #but I have music playing and I like this playlist #long sigh

[chaotically-cas]

29 Things I Think Allistic People Need To Hear

From an autistic person

Not my usual content but I felt it needed to be said.

Saying “everyone is a little autistic” is really hurtful. Yes, everyone has their struggles but these struggles are far different for autistic people. Saying everyone experiences it is invalidating & harmful.

Being graded on eye contact & standing still is wrong. I’m pretty sure at one point or another we’ve had a project we were graded on & one of the grades was eye contact & not fidgeting. These things are extremely hard for autistic people & they are practically second nature. It’s like holding in a sneeze.

Stim & figget toys in schools. Of course fidget spinner’s & stim cubes can be bought & should be bought by anyone. If you want one, get one. But the way schools are banning them is crazy. They are very necessary for autistic people & it’s so much harder for them when schools ban their use.

QUITTTTT BABYING US!! We aren’t ‘uwu babies’. We are humans. We are perfectly capable of functioning without allistic people’s pity & looking down on us. We are our own people that don’t need a hand to hold in every damn situation. We aren’t cute because of it. 

Listen to autistic people. Everyone is all for advocating for people until that group of people want to advocate for themselves. So shut up & listen once & maybe you can learn something you didn’t know.

Creative writing in class is difficult. You don’t know how many bad grades I’ve gotten on because I can’t think of a good story out of my ass. It’s extremely hard for autistic people. Please give us a prompt it’s more helpful than you know.

Role playing in class. I think we’ve all had to do something where we research a famous person & have to assume their identity. This is again, so hard for autistic people. It’s hard enough for us to be ourselves. Most of us can’t understand these actives enough.

Slurs. Quit saying retard. It’s not an insult. It’s not funny. It’s offensive & every time you use it you’re hurting a disabled person & spreading harmful stereotypes. It’s not just a word. It’s not just a bad word. It’s a slur. Same as the f word or any other slur. Don’t use it.

People talking over us. No I dont mean just in conversations. Although that is another issue. I mean organizations like autism speaks that put words into autistic peoples mouths instead of letting them speak for themselves.

Stop making fun of our special interests. Whether you find anime cringey or think an adult loving Aladdin is childish just stop it. These things being extreme joy to us. They make us happy in a word that we don’t understand. So just leave us alone & let us be happy.

Don’t stare at us if we’re stimming. Especially in public. If you see me flapping my hands. Don’t stare. If you hear me humming quietly, don’t judge. These activities aren’t for your viewing pleasure. They’re for autistic people to regulate & express how they’re feeling.

Normalizing ableism. It’s so normalized. Whether it’s phrased like “suffers from autism” or how regularly ‘retard’ is used in classe; ableism is so often over looked especially by adults. There are no many micro aggressions they are just passed off as us not having a thick enough skin. When in reality it’s really damaging.

People first language. If you ever correct someone by saying “no, they’re a PERSON with autism. Not an autistic person”. Literally shut up. We’re autistic. We’re people. Being autistic doesn’t make us any less human so you don’t need to make it seem like it does. We’re still human no matter our disably. People don’t have to be reminded of this.

Using words like psychopath & sociopath. Calling autistic people these things just because you don’t understand us is disgusting. If you don’t understand these terms don’t use them. Just because we aren’t good at showing empathy in some cases doesn’t make us ‘psychopaths’.

Tone indicators. This is both the over use & not using them that’s an issue. Saying things like “/j /hj /sarcasm /srs /lh” all in one post defeats the whole damn purpose of them. & not using any at all especially when joking around or using sarcasm can lead to a lot of misunderstanding. It’s not that hard to use one or two at the end of a post. /srs

Picky eating. Literally stop making fun of autistic people for not liking a lot of foods or ordering the same thing at every restaurant. A lot of textures & flavors are very bothersome to autistic people. They can cause overstimulation or even panic. Just let us be. So I eat mac & cheese 4 times a week. I didn’t know it effected you so much.

“Ugh you’re so annoying you can’t ever get a joke”. No hearing that is what’s annoying. Tones are hard for us to understand so while most people pick up on it autistic people are more likely to read too much into it or take it seriously. It’s simple to use tone indicators in text or even to say “I’m joking”. It won’t make your joke less funny. It’ll just help us understand more.

Be specific if you want things from us. Don’t just say “hey I need a pencil”. Or “the dishwasher needs put away”. Most likely we’ll just be like, yeah, ok, and? Be specific please. Say things like “can I borrow a pencil?” or “can you undo the dishwasher?”.

Faces seeming to look weird. A lot of us having facial stims that can alter our faces. Whether it’s excessive blinking, eyebrow raising, or face scrunches. Don’t ask us what’s wrong with our face or what we are doing. For me, because of my facial stims & tics my eyes/eyebrows are permanently uneven. Don’t bring it up.

Classroom behavior charts are horrible. Autistic people don’t behave the same as allistic people. Simple as that. What they see as ok behavior, others don’t. & some times they don’t realize these behaviors will get them in trouble.

Police brutality. Especially in black or brown autistic people. It’s so common that people call the police on autistic people stimming in public because they are seen as dangerous. & when these autistic people can’t understand what’s going on or can’t make eye contact they are labeled as more suspicious. Especially black autistic people. Just look at Elijah McLean.

Feeling dumb. Especially in schools or other scholarly conversations. Some autistic people aren’t able to keep up or fully understand everything that’s being said or presented. Which leads to us feeling dumb. Give us time to process or aso questions please.

Feeling robotic. You’ve most likely heard autistic people being compared to robots at one point or another. Whether that’s for the impaired ability to establish empathy or something else it’s an extremely negative & hurtful stereotype. Especially in media.

Saying ‘I forgot’ is a valid excuse. There is so much going on in our heads. So much to process & remember. We forget things. Everyone forgets things. Especially autistic people. Please don’t yell at us for always forgetting to do the dishes. It’s not like we chose to forget.

The harmful effects of the vaccines cause autism jokes. Aside from the whole anti vaxers debate, perpetually the idea that we shouldn’t be vaccinated because it causes autism is disgusting. It’s treating autism like a disease. Like the person who has it isn’t worthy. Or that autism is so chronic it will ruin everything. It’s like people avoiding cheese burgers because it’s rumored they make you ginger. It’s preposterous. 

Yelling at autistic people for struggling to want to learn new concepts/concepts at all. This not only goes for in school but in just normal conversation. It’s hard for autistic people to grasp things they don’t have an interest in learning. So please don’t yell at us for not understanding everything about a band that we don’t care about, we would if we could. It might not seem like a big issue but it happens more than you’d think.

Intrusive thoughts. (Tw: rape mention & violence) Most of the time autistic people experience extreme spells of intrusive thoughts “omg he’s going to rape you image him raping you” or “stab yourself in the side right now” or much worse. & when autistic (and other) people try to talk about it they are labeled crazy or insane. It’s a normal occurrence to have these kinds of thoughts. We don’t want to. But they happen. That’s why they’re called intrusive.

Executive disfunction. This is basically when autistic people are views as lazy but we physically & mentally just can’t. Where tasks as seemingly simple as going to get a glass of water feels like a mountain to autistic people. It’s not that we are lazy. We physically & mentally can’t work up to it.

Class rank & graduation requirements are unfair. Autistic people socialize differently. It’s just a fact. Our brains work differently in classes & outside of it. We could be working our asses off to understand our English class book, but we get an F. Not to mention how most schools require community service hours to graduate. Yes community service is good but it can be very hard for autistic people.

Please feel free to add on but a lot of these are drawn from personal frustrations. Please listen to autistic & other disabled people more. All these also applies to those with ADHD/ADD or any other mental illness where the situations apply. You’re all valid & amazing.

I love you all. 💕

#autistic #actually autistic #autism psa #listen to autistic people #rant #the outsiders

[graffitibible]

How do you think people in the zones deal with disabilities??

it’ll really really vary imo. “disabilities” covers a huuuuuuge umbrella so i dont wanna generalize too hard. however i think as a whole theres a lot more acceptance of that kinda thing than there would be in battery city.

cw: discussion of in-universe ableism

--------

the zones have had war living in them for god knows how long. the analog wars were definitely fought in or around the zones in canon, and we dont know how long ago that was. and war is a pretty grisly thing. war vets from the analogs are gonna be carrying around serious injuries like missing limbs or bad hearing or chronic pain. nerve damage from burn wounds. blind from too many blitzes going off in their faces. so i think its not really out of the ordinary to see people who lived through the wars to have missing hands or needing prosthetics, etc. and since living in the zones is a pretty rough life, i dont think itd be too far out of left field to think that killjoys and zonerunners who live out there post-war might have to deal with that kinda thing too.

we do have a little basis for what the attitude for this might be in canon. canonically dr death defying (who imo is criminally underrated) is in a wheelchair and has a leg brace and a big deals never really made out of it. he mentions losing his legs in the wars in the comics and then hurting his leg in the listening party, but thats about it. no one else comments on it. while being physically fit and able-bodied might be a boon in the zones, i dont think it is a necessity the way that, say, battery city would consider it to be.

battery city’s general take on disabilities, as far as i can perceive it, has more to do with appearances. they dont really give a fuck about whether youre actually doing better and recovering and improving. they want you to function in society. they want you to look “normal” and fit into their preconceived notions of what is acceptable. hence why their medications, i think, are such a bad tactic - theyre not trying to treat anyones illnesses. theyre just trying to eliminate the symptoms that they deem to be unpleasant, uncomfortable, or not Useful to the better living machine. their priority isnt making you happy/healthy, its making you more objectively useful to their capitalist dystopian hell.

now ofc theres gonna be jerks in the zones and outliers but by and large the feeling of “community” and “accommodation” is gonna be better than what youd get in the city imo. like for example if you get your leg blown off at the knee, there are a probably few junkpunks in the zones you can find who can piece together a prosthetic out of droid parts and scrap metal. i like to think the zones have their own sign language dialect - ive touched on that before in some of my works, though i havent ever really elaborated on what that is. its not straight up ASL though, it is very much its own zone-specific variant of sign language. i imagine that it’s commonplace enough for it not to be too weird - especially among older generations of killjoys who might have had war buddies who were deaf or hard of hearing, or are themselves.

in my read on the universe i have a lot of zone-rats who are wandering around with prosthetic legs and stuff and that’s not really out of the ordinary so much. also a ton of zonerunners who gotta deal with the long-term effects of living in such an irradiated part of the world (nine-volt rocket and haywire from jet’s backstory both had to deal with the terminal repercussions of this, and this was seen as pretty much standard as far as jet was concerned). poison’s a little surprised to see prosthetics but they’ve got a more limited exposure to the zones compared to almost everyone else in the fab four except kobra. a few canon characters have prosthetics and such too, though i haven’t gotten into that just yet so i’m not gonna say which ones. yall might be able to figure that out though lol

now when we get into psychological disabilities, thats a lot more of a gray area. i suspect a lot of zone mentality settles into “just fukcin cope with it bud” cause i imagine there are a lot of anti-medication mindsets and people Paranoid about pharmacological solutions due to better living industries being What They Are. which kinda sucks tbh cause medication can be a great thing for navigating bad brain stuff and also for handling chronic/terminal conditions. thats a hard line for me to walk personally, cause i do not wanna demonize medication out of universe but i recognize that, in universe, that mentality is probably gonna be pretty common, which sucks.

so my general take on it is that the attitudes in the zones are generally more accommodating of disabilities of all kinds, but low resources might make it hard to actually find suitable accommodations. depending on the era/part of the desert that youre in, youll either see a lot of community in the zones and people who dont mind helping you out, or youll just have to....Handle it on your own or pay someone to give a shit for you (i.e., i suspect the desert was way more unified when the fabulous four were at their peak and way more fractured after the analog wars happened, and so on).

i know im probably overlooking a lot wrt diversity in disabilities here. if other people with more knowledge in this area wanna chip in, please do!!

#ask #anon #danger days #ableism mention #*spec #idk what else to tag. lmk if you want me to add anything else #id written poisons pov first so i hadnt nailed down what the zones were like yet lol #so that inconsistency is definitely there #theyre like :o!!! a CYBORG #when that really is not all that uncommon lmao

[astoriias]

{ cisgender woman, she/her } ❝ Thank god women learned to whisper / though I crave a megaphone. ❞ huh, who’s CAITRIONA BALFE? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually ASTORIA MALFOY (NEÉ GREENGRASS). she is a 47 year old PUREBLOOD witch who is CHIEF WARLOCK OF THE WIZENGAMOT. she is known for being JUDGEMENTAL, DISHONEST, COLD, RIGID, and CALLOUS but also PRACTICAL, DRIVEN, INNOVATIVE, STEADFAST and DISCIPLINED, so that must be why she always reminds me of the song TOMORROW - MINER and BLACK LEATHER BRIEFCASES, THE CLICK OF HIGH HEELS ON TILE FLOORS, THE LINGERING TASTE OF FAIRY FLOSS, BURGUNDY NAIL POLISH, AND PEARL HAIR PINS. i hear she is aligned with NO ONE so be sure to keep an eye on her. 

BIO

Cursed with a blood malediction that left her and her parents preoccupied with maintaining her health throughout early childhood, Astoria grew up without direction, without passion, and without much to do or think about other than staying alive. She did what she was told and completed what was asked of her by her parents: mostly swallowing thick potions that made her head spin and remaining in bed when all she wanted to do was tumble through the lush gardens of the Greengrass estate and scrape her knees like other children. As she grew older and defied Healers’ expectations — making it past 5, then 10, then 15 — Astoria grew weary of the half-life she’d been prescribed. At Hogwarts, she followed her sister Daphne into Slytherin because she didn’t know where else to go. 

It took Astoria almost a year at Hogwarts before she would speak up in class or acknowledge anyone with more than a handful of words — and each time she did her heartbeat would quicken, her face would flush. If she was called on by a professor and — Merlin forbid — got the answer wrong, her eyes would fill with tears, her gaze would shift to the floor, and she wouldn’t be able to breathe. One day, outside her second-year Transfiguration class, an annoying boy named Colin saw her heavy breathing and told her about panic attacks — Astoria’s irrational fear of social situations and new people now made sense.

That same annoying boy became her close friend not long after. It was a month into study sessions by the Black Lake that Astoria Greengrass learned that her Colin, the boy who kept a camera slung around his neck at all times and was so nice to her, was Colin Creevey, yes, that Colin Creevey, who was petrified by a Basilisk a year prior for being MUGGLEBORN. Astoria found that didn’t bother her very much. Sure, she never advertised that they were friends and didn’t freely associate with Colin in public places, but he understood her position or in the very least, didn’t protest it. She even got him to join Herbology club — though she insisted that they enter and exit the greenhouse at different times and never spoke directly, his presence was a comforting balm.

Colin tried to get her to join up with the student resistance that was brewing in her third year — but Astoria knew she wasn’t the type to stir up such trouble. She couldn’t stand with the muggleborns and blood traitors no matter how right they were; she couldn’t risk losing her family. Unlike those in Dumbledore’s Army, Astoria didn’t see this conflict in terms of black and white, good vs. evil — there were plenty of others like her, struggling to find themselves in the midst of conflict, battling tradition and family expectations. She kept out of Umbridge’s way during that time. Kept out of her father’s way during that time — while he had no Dark Mark to speak of, his entrepreneurial hands passed cursed objects and ingredients for poisons to any Dark Lord-aligned wix who wanted them.

Through her friendship with Colin and her time in Herbology Club, Astoria learned she was a talented witch in her own right. Formed an identity outside of being the sick girl everyone doted on. Quietly realized that her muggleborn classmates  — despite what her pureblood indoctrination taught her — were fully-fledged human beings. To someone who didn’t grow up feeling trapped in the (sometimes socially constructed) confines of a blood illness, perhaps her time in Herbology Club wouldn’t seem so transformative. But for Astoria, it was everything.

Nowadays, Astoria is still defying life expectancy estimations and is perhaps best known for her robust political career. She joined the Ministry as a pupil/intern in its Wizengamot Instruction in Magical Law Program (W.I.M.P.), and in the span of twenty-five years has climbed the ranks to barrister’s assistant, barrister, then Wizengamot member, and finally, the youngest Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot in the last hundred years. She is extremely opinionated about the runnings of the legislature and judiciary, and her past two years as Chief Warlock have been marked by her love for procedure, due process, and fairness -- essentially meaning trials are very thorough and very focused on making sure the Ministry doesn’t overstep its bounds. 

BLOOD MALEDICTION

i’m truly on my bullshit and this needs its own section..........,,,,, i’m sorry

I originally started writing Astoria out of pure spite — it enraged and continues to enrage me that all we’re given about this woman is a few lines about her and an off-page (or off-stage, I guess, but Cursed Child is its own beast) death. It makes me mad that she is only defined by her role as a mother and wife to Scorpius and Draco, that she doesn’t get her own ambitions and a life of her own. The racist and sexist underpinnings of the blood malediction/Maledictus concept are par the course for JK but still, bad!

And while I can’t choose for Astoria to have this particular chronic illness and completely divorce it from those origins, I can at least eschew parts of it I don’t like and give a Astoria a rich and fulfilling life with a chronic/potentially terminal illness — not in spite of the blood curse, but because those of us with illnesses and disabilities are people with rich and fulfilling lives, wants, desires, and ambitions.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE:  I try to be really careful about ableist language when I describe this blood malediction and its effects on Astoria’s life — I think that there is so much to explore regarding chronic illness and what, exactly, we constitute as ‘health’ — but I know that I can fall into the traps of my own internalized ableism. If there are terms or concepts here that make players uncomfortable and/or have harmful effects, let me know! I’m happy to make changes.

So anyway!

— origins of the blood malediction

I don’t have this fully worked out, but I think the Greengrass blood malediction stretches back a good ten generations to a very vindictive-in-her-righteous-cause-Muggleborn-witch cursing the family for their refusal to let her marry their son. It’s not limited to just the girls in the family, because I hate that, but it does affect at least one child per generation, so long as the family continues to marry exclusively purebloods — which they have continued to do, not knowing that their bigotry (though in some cases, real love!) is the reason for the curse’s spread. Astoria’s parents mistakenly believed that since the last few cases of the curse had cropped up in different branches of the Greengrass family — distant cousins living on the Continent — that their children would be spared.

— astoria’s symptoms and treatment

Since it’s a blood curse, I figure Astoria’s symptoms manifest as issues both with her blood and with her cardiovascular system at large. I’d compare it to haemophilia. Her blood itself is thin and cannot clot without healing spells and thickening potions, meaning that nosebleeds are frequent, bruising is easy, and bad cuts can be fatal. She’s at high risk for internal bleeding in her joints, and  a big — though often unvoiced fear — of hers is a brain aneurysm that ruptures into a haemorrhage.

(miscarriage tw) These symptoms have waxed and waned her entire life, with particular incidents that have brought her close to death; an accident falling from the garden wall at five, a wayward spell hitting her across the face in second-year DADA, trying for a child. She doesn’t regret that last one — not at all — though it was five weeks after her miscarriage before she was able to stand unassisted, and her Healer’s face when she said “I strongly advise you to not have any more children” haunts her to this day. Scorpius’s birth, possible due to a wonderful surrogate, was alternatively the happiest day of her life. (end miscarriage tw)

Then there come the potions — a barrage of them, to be taken at specific times of day, with extras if she’s bleeding externally or feeling pain in particular areas — that come with side effects like exhaustion, headaches, and nausea. She visits St. Mungo’s once every three months to ensure that the potions are working as intended and has learned to accept her Healers chastising her for the times she skips parts of the regimen or pushes herself too far physically.

PERSONALITY

astoria!!! my love. clearly i have a lot of thoughts and Feelings about her lol,,,,,,,

there isn’t any world or timeline in which astoria would be rushing to join the death eaters -- lol, i’ve always envisioned her being extremely inquisitive and Critical of other people, their motivations, their methods -- this makes her extremely Good at Lawyering and Suspicious of Bullshit. i also have always thought that it was important for her to make a muggleborn friend or two just to really hammer the point home that pureblood nonsense is just that.

still, again, she’s not really motivated by niceness, she doesn’t have a bleeding-heart-sense-of-empathy, she’s kind of snarky and mean. her friends describe her as an acquired taste. 

has a massive sweet tooth. her family is regularly concerned she does not eat enough vegetables.

adores her son. just, absolutely thinks he can do no wrong. she and draco agree that most parents think their child is the most perfect and amazing child in the world, but scorpius actually is the most perfect and amazing child in the world, so. 

a note on astoria and draco: i think draco doesn’t treat her with pity or kid gloves, and has never underestimated her capacity to get shit done in light of her blood curse. and they have an honesty and rapport with each other that astoria hasn’t been able to cultivate with anyone else. they may not be very great people but they’re great partners and great parents. i luv them ok bye

STATS

GENERAL

name. astoria céline malfoy (née greengrass)

nickname. aster (reserved for use by her sister only!)

birthdate. 1 january 1982

place of birth. greengrass residence via midwifery

family. daphne greengrass (sister), draco malfoy (husband), scorpius malfoy (son)

residence. malfoy manor, wiltshire

occupation. chief warlock of the wizengamot

gender identity. woman

romantic orientation. biromantic

sexuality. bisexual

blood status. pureblood

relationship status. married

pets. a scottish terrier named hades

HOGWARTS / MAGIC

house. slytherin

extracurriculars/leadership. herbology club

allegiance. neutral/no one

n.e.w.t. grades charms (o), transfiguration (o), herbology (o), d.a.d.a (a), potions (a), arithmancy, astronomy (o), history of magic (a), ancient runes (e).

wand. willow, nine inches, unicorn hair core

boggart. tbd

patronus. also tbd! my brain hurts 

magical strengths. nonverbal casting, herbology, transfiguration, ancient runes

magical weaknesses. flying, defensive spells, domestic spells

#potterintro #////this is so long #i regret nothing

[crippleprophet]

hello! i was wondering, as a disabled person, what do you think about representation (or, imo, lack thereof) of wheelchair users in pop culture? also, if someone were to write about them, what should they avoid and what should they add? (anti-ableism fantasy writer who wants to learn more here)

hey! i recommend checking out @cripplecharacters if you haven’t already, idk if they’re active rn but their archive has a lot of useful input from disabled people about portraying disability in writing. my main advice / first thoughts about wheelchair users in fantasy writing are:

- include us! so often, if disability is there to begin with (which is rare), it gets “cured” (aka erased) by magic. just having a character who’s a wheelchair user to begin with who isn’t “cured” or killed is frankly revolutionary, the bar is that low. but make sure disabled characters are fully included, have agency, and add to the plot; we aren’t just props for abled characters’ stories. i’m pretty sure my “mobility aids” tag, which i’ll add on this post, has some posts about magical/fantasy mobility aids, which is a super cool opportunity, but a standard mobility aid is good too!

- that being said, make sure the info about the mobility aid itself and the character’s attitude towards it are accurate. while internalized ableism is definitely something most people have to work through, in my opinion that falls under the category of experiences that it would be inappropriate for someone who doesn’t share that marginalized status to write about. ultimately, the majority of mobility aid users think of our mobility aids as a good thing - they free us to be able to engage more with the community and do things we care about; they heighten our mobility, not limit it. another really damaging trend in pop culture is disabled people who hate themselves for being disabled and hate their assistive technology, which is incredibly ableist

- learn about what other forms of assistive technology your wheelchair user characters might use. i’ve been reading some house md fic recently (the main character of the show is a cane user due to chronic pain) and something that’s always annoying for me is that in writing that mentions him taking a shower, nothing is ever said about a shower chair. his shower when shown in the show doesn’t have a chair either. based on my experience, that’s just ridiculously inaccurate; i have a mobility impairment due to chronic pain, and based on how long he can safely stand in the show, it’d be pretty much impossible for him to safely shower standing up. seemingly small things like that can really make or break the suspension of disbelief for disabled readers and indicate how much effort the author put into accurate representation

- from my perspective, it’s inappropriate and offensive for abled writers to depict disabled characters using slurs about themselves. to use house md as an example again, the actor is able-bodied and as far as i know there weren’t any physically disabled people in the writers’ room, but many characters including house himself refer to him as a “cripple” and a “gimp.” while these terms can be reclaimed by physically disabled people, no one can reclaim them for us, which is to me what it feels like is happening when able-bodied writers have physically disabled characters use those words for themselves. i identify with the word crip, but an able-bodied person writing bucky barnes making a joke involving calling himself a “cripple” will always read to me like a joke at our expense, not a form of self-empowerment

- familiarize yourself with the basics of disability justice and ableism. it sounds like you’re already aware of these topics and are an ally, which is great both irl and for your writing - reading material by disabled people and learning about different perspectives in the community is really helpful for writing 3-dimensional characters and avoiding ableist stereotypes. i highly recommend Mia Mingus’s work (available on her wordpress blog Leaving Evidence) if you aren’t familiar with her already

my other main issues with disability representation are the lack of diversity and the portrayal of relationships. i can think of literally one disabled lgbtq+ character who had a disability other than hiv/aids, and that was written by a gay disabled man (check out Special on netflix). most disabled characters in relationships are treated as burdens on their partners and are only dating abled people, because there’s usually only one disabled character to begin with. as with many marginalized groups, though, we find each other and build community—all but maybe one of my friends have some form of disability, and a lot of disabled people predominantly or exclusively date other disabled folks

i hope that’s helpful! other wheelchair users feel free to add your input!

#asks #representation #disability representation #wheelchair user #mobility aids #fantasy #mac.txt #long post #faq

[all-chickens-are-trans]

on having a body, “unfortunately”

tw for mentions of fat shaming, implied transphobia / ableism / racism, pain

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I wanted to express some thoughts about this phenomenon. In my years on tumblr, I’ve seen many text posts about “the mortifying ordeal of having a body” or “inhabiting a physical form, unfortunately” and I vibe hard with these concepts, but I’ve been thinking about them in terms of queerness, disability, and oppression, too.

As someone who is trans and also deals with chronic pain on a daily basis, I don’t have a great relationship with my body. I wouldn’t say I hate it, but it’s definitely been difficult for almost my whole life. Put fat shaming, growing up afab (with the expectations of female beauty standards put on me), and religious shame on top of that, and there’s just a lot going on - most of it unpleasant.

For years, I’ve been fighting for my right to not hate my body, to have ownership over my own body, to have the rights to my own body (both as a trans person and as someone with ovaries). I never wanted to go as far as loving my body, that felt too far out of reach - and every time I attempted it, it was more out of spite than out of the actual believe that ‘love’ and ‘my body’ belong together.

Last year, I started participating in an all gender inclusive dance project, and at the same time, I started reading both academic and non-academic literature on gender, bodies, and dance. And more and more I’m deciding that the whole “I have a body, unfortunately” thing won’t work for me anymore. 

Bodies are framed as natural only for thin, white, able-bodied, cis men and women (that conform to gender expectations). Bodies are framed as wrong, as broken, as traps and prisons, as disgusting, for pretty much everyone else. 

And I’m sick and tired of it. For myself and for all of us. I inhabit a body. I am a body. And I deserve to take up space. My body and me are not two separate entities - if my body hurts because of chronic pain, I hurt. If I’m nonbinary, then my body is nonbinary, no matter what it looks like, no matter how I change it. If I neglect my body, then it’s not just my body that feels like shit - I’m the one who suffers from it. 

I don’t want my body to be my enemy anymore. I want to work with it, I want to fill up space and piss off people with it. I want to stop separating myself from my body, and find some unity there, not even in a spiritual kind of “I need to connect my body, my mind, and my soul” kind of way, just. I don’t need to conntect those, they are connected. I know it’s a whole process and I know it takes time, but I just hope we can all make peace with having bodies, with being bodies.

My body and I are the same.  My body is not my enemy.

#my posts #i just needed to get this off my chest #okay to reblog

[scripttorture]

Hi! I’m writing a character who, at one point in the story, is tortured by having hot oil dripped into his right eye (which was previously scarred but not a whole lot). How might that physically and mentally effect him, realistically? Thanks!

Well it would cook his eye. I know that’s not the technical medical term but that’s effectively what you’re talking about. Denaturing the protein structure with heat until it can no longer function as it did originally.

 He’d lose the sight in that eye, as a minimum. He’d probably have severe burns all around that side of his face.

 So far as I know this has never been a common torture and I can give you an educated guess why. Dripping very hot oil on to anything is a hazardous activity. When the character is trying to drip hot oil on to a person, who will be struggling and lashing out even if he’s restrained, the chances of spilling that oil increase. Also oils are flammable.

 Essentially I think that doing it like this dramatically increases the chances of the torturer either burning themselves or outright setting themselves on fire.

 Which, don’t get me wrong, I would love to see you write that. Because I don’t think there are enough portrayals of torture backfiring on the torturer.

 If you don’t feel that fits with your story I will be slightly disappointed at the loss of burny fail torturer I’d suggest using the methods torturers did historically. In India they would blind people by inserting a heated needle into the eye. You could also use a more general burning torture and have the character target that eye. A piece of heated metal held against the area was the most common method globally. It wasn’t commonly used to blind or targetted at the eyes but it would give you the effect you’re after.

 Getting back to the victim character-

 I am not a medic or a burns expert so I’d recommend doing your own research on facial burns. With the kinds of severe burns you’re suggesting there’s a significant infection risk.

 There’s a lot of scar tissue, and this shrinks the skin. Around the face and neck this can have a very detrimental effect. If the burn covers large areas of the neck it can restrict breathing. If it goes over the mouth it can restrict movement there, effecting speech and the ability to eat.

 I would generally suggest avoiding the neck area if you’re giving your character burns or scars. Realistically speaking the risk of death from serious complications afterwards is very high.

 I think that if the character is lucky and the angle of the oil is right he could avoid large scale burns to his neck in your original scenario.

 If you do stick with the oil idea think about where the oil will drip after it’s come off the character’s eye. Think about where it will flow.

 That’s the limit of my knowledge when it comes to the physical effects.

 The long term mental health effects are more or less the same regardless of what kind of torture someone survives. I’ve got a post about the common effects here.

 Survivors don’t tend to experience everything on the list. The list is more- what’s possible. What an individual survivor actually ends up developing isn’t something we can predict or control though. We don’t know why some people get some symptoms and others get different symptoms.

 Because we can’t predict symptoms I suggest approaching the problem as a writer and picking somewhere between 3-5 symptoms from the list that you feel fit the story best.

 If you can use a symptom to create interesting obstacles and problems for the character that’s a good pick. Symptoms that fit with the theme of the story or give you chances to show the readers more about the character as a person are also good picks.

 Memory problems are very common generally. I have a post about them here.

 Chronic pain is more likely with severe burns. I don’t know enough about burns to say more then that though.

 Torture that causes big obvious scars and obvious disabling injuries like these are rare nowadays. There has been some discussion about the difference that makes but be aware that I have less sources from survivors who were left scarred and obviously disabled.

 Survivors often have a lot of intense feelings about their scars. Scarred survivors can report feeling that their scars are more obvious then they are, that they’re often being stared at and that it’s easy for people to ‘tell’ what they survived by looking at them.

 I particularly remember hearing an interview with a survivor who had undergone plastic surgery to ‘correct’ a- facial scar I couldn’t even see in his ‘before’ photos. After he’d healed he reported great dissatisfaction with his surgery. He could still see the scar. I still couldn’t.

 Feelings of shame and anger surrounding scars appear to be common. These are also really prominent when injuries cause a physical disability.

 These feelings can be tied to internalised ableism but I think it’s important to acknowledge that there’s more going on here. Survivors struggle to find and keep jobs any way. Trying to support themselves and their families when they’ve got a disability they don’t know how to navigate yet, which serves as a physical reminder of what they experienced- it’s a big ask.

 However- there’s an argument that when it comes to social reintegration people with obvious scars and disabling injuries have an advantage now over people who don’t.

 This is because there are major problems today with survivors being barred from accessing help or services. It’s also because a lack of obvious scars is sometimes used to create doubt within a survivor’s community, to suggest that victims were not ‘really’ tortured.

 Having obvious scars is suggested to reduce rejection by the community, lead to better access to medical care and more charitable support.

 This was not necessarily the case historically. A lot of historical cultures used scarring tortures with the intent of making it ‘obvious’ a survivor had been convicted of a crime. If that’s your setting then there’s unlikely to be much of an advantage to having scars.

 Unless you’re writing a story with significant resistance to the group that tortured this character. Opposing groups might take obvious signs of torture as a sort of- badge of honour, a way of identifying that this person is a fellow opposition member. This functions in a similar way to the idea of a community seeing scars and taking that as a sign the character has suffered ‘for’ them, hence lending all possible assistance.

 Social rejection of acceptance has a profound effect on a survivor’s chance of recovery. People need communal support in order to lead full, happy lives with their symptoms.

 I think I’ll end this by stressing that torture survivors can have happy, fulfilling lives afterwards. Symptoms don’t vanish, but people do learn to live with them.

 I hope that helps. :)

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#evelynvenus #writing advice #tw torture #tw scars #tw mutilation #burning tortures #blinding #effects of torture #writing victims #writing torturers #scars #scarring torture #clean torture #schadenfreude

[marinsawakening]

You know who would’ve been way better suited for the ‘waiting for soldiers to come home’ storyline than Winry? Izumi.

Hear me out.

I goddamn love Izumi’s involvement during the Promised Day, but strategically speaking, it’s really fucking stupid not to have even a single human sacrifice flee the country. I know Arakawa tried to explain it away because something something human nature, but honestly, it’s just a bad strategy. Any logically thinking person would’ve come to the conclusion that at least one human sacrifice needed to get the fuck out of the country. If anyone (probably Mustang, let’s face it) had actually come to that conclusion, Izumi is obviously the one who would’ve been at the top of the list; after all, Izumi is the only human sacrifice with health issues severe enough that it limits her fighting abilities (although she’s obviously still terrifying).

Now, I’m not saying that she’d go quietly. She’d obviously fucking LOATHE the idea. But she’s not unreasonable, and honestly? I think that it would’ve made for some great character development if she did, eventually, decide to leave.

I’ve praised Arakawa before for keeping her disabled characters in the heat of the action, and I stand by that, but I also want to point out that, in many ways, ableism is a double sided sword. On the one hand, we have people who continuously believe that we’re incapable of doing anything at all. On the other hand, we have people who expect us to be able to do everything abled people can do without help, and who refuse us accommodations when we need them.

I have the feeling Arakawa would be the second.

While I think Arakawa’s disability rep is a very mixed bag, I think she mostly does great with keeping her disabled characters actively involved in the story and giving them agency. But, at the same time, I can’t help but feel like there’s a glaring flaw in her rep when every single disabled character pretty much refuses to acknowledge their own limits, pushing themselves far beyond them (Lan Fan), or somehow getting healed so that they don’t really matter (Izumi, who, after Hohenheim rearranges her organs, isn’t shown to have any physical issues whatsoever). The only character who arguably ends up accepting and working within their own limitations is Havoc, whom we see precious little off after he gets disabled. 

I think FMA would’ve benefited from at least one prominent disabled character who, in the end, accepted their disability, and tried to work within the limitations it set, instead of constantly being forced beyond them. Izumi would’ve been a prime candidate for that, because she starts the story off by being introduced as an absolute badass who, despite her title of ‘housewife’, has no desire whatsoever to sit the action out. 

I think it would’ve been a much more interesting arc for Izumi if she hadn’t ended up being magically healed by Hohenheim (functionally, at least), and if she had, as her health kept deteriorating, ultimately ended up completely incapable of fighting in a large-scale fight like the Promised Day, and if she would’ve been forced to accept that. Izumi never really accepted the limitations that her health forced on her, and I think it would’ve been a major step forward for her if she actually had done so, and if the narrative hadn’t treated this as a loss, but as a victory. 

Admitting to yourself that you simply can’t do all the things you used to be able to is hard, but its a tough lesson that chronically/terminally ill people needs to learn, and I think a narrative that would’ve celebrated the acknowledgement of your own limitations as a personal victory, if a bittersweet one, would’ve been extremely powerful. Izumi’s existing character arc is already primarily about forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and I think that forgiving yourself for not being who you used to be would be a really neat fit. 

While I’m not sure whether it would’ve necessarily been better than how she was portrayed in canon, progressing Izumi’s character from someone who is actively involved in the action to someone who cannot be involved in it anymore and needs to come to terms with that would’ve been a logical and fitting development, that I think could’ve been very powerful in its own way.

#getting meta in this chilli's tonight #also yes i checked izumi does not cough up blood or show any sign of weakness post-hohenhealing #meaning she's functionally magically cured #STOP DOING THAT ARAKAWA #izumi curtis #fma #my posts #fmableism #fullmetal saltchemist

[momkiddies-blog]

Update https://momandkids.fun/2019/03/17/viral-thread-highlights-how-able-bodied-people-treat-people-with-disabilities/

Viral Thread Highlights How Able-Bodied People Treat People With Disabilities

Image via Twitter/Imani Barbarin

People with disabilities took to Twitter to share all the strange ways that able-bodied people have treated them

There’s currently a trending hashtag labeled #ablesareweird and it highlights all the very strange, rude, and downright disrespectful ways that able-bodied people have treated people with disabilities. A lot of the encounters described below are…really something else.

It all started with @Imani_Barbarin’s tweet. “I think about the time an abled random stranger threw my crutch into the pool ‘to help me swim’ a lot,” she wrote, and tacked on #ablesareweird.

I think about the time an abled random stranger threw my crutch into the pool “to help me swim” a lot. #AbledsAreWeird

— Crutches&Spice♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) March 15, 2019

Her tweet racked up more than 8,000 likes, 1,300 retweets, and a whole lot of responses. She was far from alone when it came to wildly inappropriate encounters with able-bodied people. First of all, some noted that they can’t even go to the bathroom in peace. One woman literally crawled under the stall to try to help out.

FEATURED VIDEO

That time I was in the accessible bathroom stall & without warning a woman crawled under the door & into the stall with me to ask if I needed help. I’d given no indication that I needed help (because I didn’t). She just saw my wheelchair & assumed incompetence. 🤷🏻‍♀️#AbledsAREWeird

— Katy ♿ 🌊 (@Katydid516) March 16, 2019

You too?!?! I’ve had this happen to me.

Or, my teachers used to send OTHER STUDENTS after me to check.

It takes me longer, Susan. #AbledsAreWeird https://t.co/hbWP7tobHv

— Crutches&Spice♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) March 16, 2019

Others recounted the many times that they were treated like children because of their disability. One particularly repulsive example: “I was in a gov office yesterday & my mum (who is my carer) was helping me with paperwork, proof of ID, etc & the man serving us made jokes about me ‘being a mummy’s girl & child,’” Twitter user @Montanalsabella wrote. “When i got back in my wheelchair he said in a baby voice ‘are you spoon fed too?’ #AbledsAreWeird.”

i was in a gov office yesterday & my mum (who is my carer) was helping me with paperwork, proof of ID, etc & the man serving us made jokes about me “being a mummy’s girl & child” when i got back in my wheelchair he said in a baby voice “are you spoon fed too?” #AbledsAreWeird

— Montana (@Montanalsabella) March 16, 2019

@Imani_Barbarin Once I was at the grocery store with my service dog, buying frozen broccoli, and a woman came up to me and asked if I needed help “Finding my adult…” because clearly disabled people can’t select vegetables on our own? She also called me brave. #AbledsAreWeird

— Annesley Clark (@AnnesleyClark) March 16, 2019

According to the Center for Disability Rights, “ableism” is defined as is “a set of beliefs or practices that devalue and discriminate against people with physical, intellectual, or psychiatric disabilities and often rests on the assumption that disabled people need to be ‘fixed’ in one form or the other.”

Ableism is intertwined in our culture, due to many limiting beliefs about what disability does or does not mean, how able-bodied people learn to treat people with disabilities and how we are often not included at the table for key decisions. Ableism often begins with good intentions but can have dangerous and hurtful consequences.

That one time someone asked me if I could just move out of my chair bcs the chair was taking up a lot of room. I was pissed and responded with, “I’m not in this wheelchair bcs it’s fun.” And she literally responded, “Ok. Why ARE you in the wheelchair then?”#AbledsAreWeird pic.twitter.com/bSMAY45I0H

— Marybeth♿♀️🏳️‍🌈 (@poeticdiction) March 16, 2019

One time at Moe’s, when the restaurant was completely empty except for my table, a worker came up and, without interruption or eye contact, took my walker and rolled it behind a door. #AbledsAreWeird

— Cassie Strickland (@cpwithcp) March 15, 2019

Or called people with disabilities an “inspiration.”

Me when someone say you inspiration #AbledsAreWeird pic.twitter.com/1IaZIwCqGT

— Debra Bamidele ♿♏ (@Debrabamidele) March 16, 2019

Then there were the incidences when able-bodied people didn’t understand that not all disabilities can be seen. “All those times that people try to guilt trip me into giving up my seat in the bus/metro because ‘i don’t look disabled’ while i literally cant stand for more than 7 minutes because my legs will give out on me,” Twitter user @jjklovebots wrote. “#AbledsAreWeird.”

all those times that people try to guilt trip me into giving up my seat in the bus/metro because “i don’t look disabled” while i literally cant stand for more than 7 minutes because my legs will give out on me#AbledsAreWeird

— rose (@jjklovebots) March 16, 2019

I used to have to use the handicapped spots and would always get dirty looks before my mom took out my wheelchair for me to sit. Like yes, I looked very healthy while I walked to it but I was struggling not to collapse.

— Mia Sage (@DivergentMare) March 16, 2019

I also knew a girl who was yelled at my some lady for taking a handicapped spot while being perfectly healthy who then pulled up her shirt to show a tube sticking out of her stomach which promptly shut her up.

— Mia Sage (@DivergentMare) March 16, 2019

Or thought that someone was “too pretty” to need a face mask to breathe outside.

Apparently I’m “too pretty” to wear the mask that allows me to breathe outside without going into anaphylactoid reactions #AbledsAreWeird

— Max Fisher 😷♿ (@OuchMouse8) March 16, 2019

And then there’s just the complete, complete lack of common sense.

Living in New England, it’s fun how every time it snows the handicapped spots are where they conveniently pile all the snow. Because apparently ableds think people with assistive mobility needs have no problem scaling ten foot snow banks. #AbledsAreWeird

— April Resists ♿️ (@AprilDelRario) March 16, 2019

There’s also the people who don’t quite understand that disabilities just magically go away.

When you meet someone you haven’t seen for five years and they say “you’re still on crutches when are you going to be better?” 🙄 a spinal injury is for life not just for Christmas #AbledsAreWeird

— CathybAFC 🇮🇪 (@Catblack04) March 16, 2019

When my grandma calls me and asks me if im better yet and when i say no she says “well this is taking forever, why are you still sick?! Im ready for you to just be better”

Idk? Maybe its my chronic illness? #AbledsAreWeird

— ? ¿ ? ¿ ? (@napqueen__) March 16, 2019

Twitter user @twitchyspoonie summed up all these awful, baffling stories by explaining that this is indeed a universal experience. “I feel like you can never fully guess how ridiculous people are unless you’re disabled, especially if your disability is visible. Like, I don’t know any disabled person without a crapload of stories of people behaving absurdly.”

#Working Parents

[stimtoybox]

So I'm planning on talking to my therapist about self-dxing and getting a diagnosis/screening. The problem is if I do get a professional diagnosis I don't know what I'd do with the information. Do I tell people? Do I have to?

Anon, I’ll say straight up that this is a hard thing to completely answer because it is so situational. Age, occupation, study, family, other diagnoses … these factors all impact so much on whether you tell someone else and why. It’s going to be a personal choice as to whom you tell and how much you tell, and chances are high most people are going to be like me - out to some people, not out to others. That’s pretty normal, since most of us have people in our lives with whom it isn’t safe to openly possess a neurodiversity diagnosis.

The short answer is this: you do not have to tell people. The choice is yours.

(There are medical exceptions to this, which I talk about below.)

There are advantages and disadvantages, though, to being open about a diagnosis.

Advantages include (depending on where you live) some degree of support in school or work. Things like using stim toys in class or the provision of a quiet space to go to in sensory overwhelm or the understanding that you might at times be non-verbal - all of these things are much easier to negotiate when you have that diagnosis to hand teachers and bosses. If you have other diagnoses or health problems, letting everyone know about your diagnosis can also be important. I can attest that doctors trying to treat my chronic pain without treating me as an autistic with chronic pain aren’t going to get very far, since autism is writ large in my pain (and why mindfulness meditation makes me meltdown). They need to know.

Please note that specialists you work with may or may not have access to information about this diagnosis. Here in Australia, a GP generally needs to have their patient’s permission to refer information provided by one specialist to another specialist, but there’s a whole bundle of exceptions when it comes to mental health. (For example, all my mental health records are on file with the local hospital, despite my never having been a patient there, which they cite as necessary in case of emergency for people who self harm or experience suicidal ideation. You can refuse to consent to this, but if you do you’re not treated, so it’s not actually a choice.) If you’re dealing with a hospital (inpatient or outpatient) as opposed to private clinicians, you will also have less control as to who has access to your diagnostic history. Nor do I know how this works outside Australia. Just keep in mind that in medical situations, the choice whether or not to reveal may not be wholly yours, and there may be downsides (because medical professionals are as ableist as anyone else) to having a certain diagnosis on your medical record. I’ve had pain specialists make derisive comments about my being “difficult” because I was only assessed for BPD.

Other advantages include authority in communication and dialogue - something more significant in online interactions. For example, I couldn’t do this blog in the way I do without being openly autistic, mentally ill and physically disabled. People come to these spaces because they want the thoughts of actually [diagnosis] creatives, and in a world where so many people not us speak over us and for us, we really need to seek out our own. Being open about our diagnoses gives us that connection and ensures we aren’t seen as those many folk speaking over us, which can be so important if we’re talking about issues close to our hearts.

Disadvantages include medical ableism like the above and people using your diagnosis against you. For the latter, everything from poor or othering treatment in the classroom, dismissal of your abilities, babying, ableism and abuse. I’ll tell you a little of my history, because it’s very much a case where disclosing went horribly wrong: a few years ago, I told my parents that I was being treated for depression. They agreed that telling my (bullying) sister would be bad, so they’d leave that up to me. Not even a month later, when my sister was upset over a conversation, Mum told my sister, making the decision that it would be better for the family if she knew … and my sister sent abusive text messages telling me to “get over my issues” for the year following. She has used my diagnostic history in other ways to harm me since. For this reason, she doesn’t know, and won’t ever know, that I’m autistic.

Having a diagnosis, too, won’t always protect you, even if it explains some of your behaviours: I had to quit a retail job because I apparently wasn’t making the customer-approved facial expressions and the boss didn’t see autism as a good enough reason for my not perfectly copying all allistic behaviours 100% of the time. I’ve seen bloggers on Tumblr hounded for their communication styles, to the point where an autistic wordiness was declared the reason a particular autistic blogger should stop blogging. It is very often not safe to disclose one’s diagnoses, especially when it comes to personality disorders and other incredibly pathologised disorders. Ableism is everywhere.

So, anon, it’s really up to you, which I know is a difficult answer. Will you gain more by disclosing? Will you find connection and community by doing so? Is the risk of the ableism you may or will experience too high? It depends so much on your situation, a situation that changes from space to space, and the best I can do is lay out possibilities.

Don’t forget that you absolutely get to pick and choose to whom you reveal your diagnosis. You get to reveal it on Tumblr and never mention it on Facebook. You get to be openly your diagnosis on one side Tumblr blog and not on another. You get to mention it to one friend and ask that friend to never mention it to your other friends. There is a huge level of trust involved when you do this, so you will need to consider how much you trust the people you do tell, but you absolutely do not have to be known as your diagnosis everywhere. I’m not. Many people in my offline life don’t know and won’t know because it just isn’t safe to let them know.

You have every right to look after yourself. You are no less an activist for your diagnosis when you do so.

And if you never want to tell anyone, ever? Totally valid. In this ableist world, utterly reasonable!

I hope your assessment goes smoothly, anon, and you get everything you need from the experience.

- Mod K.A.

#ask #anon #not a toy #text #discussion post #ableism discussion #neurodiversity discussion #long post #very long post #mod K.A. #diagnosis discussion