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#and got disheartened and haven't finished it
foxx-queen · 7 months
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its really starting to bother me that theres so little to be done for karlach in act 3. like when you first meet dammon he seems so hopeful about finding a solution. he runs through a bunch of ideas and says he cant do anything with the tools he has but he'll keep looking. and then when you meet him in act 2 hes says he cant think of anything but he'll keep trying. and then in act 3?? all he says is that he cant find a solution. theres no way to ask him what research hes been doing. no way to try and do any research yourself.
karlach's companion quest basically ends in act 2. you get that second upgrade and it doesn't make a difference to the way her endings turn out. yeah you can touch her, but that's it. theres still only two 'good' endings for her character.
and it feels like theres so much we should be trying to do? the steel watchers are made of infernal iron. every single watcher has a piece of infernal iron you can collect. some of them even have enriched infernal iron. and apart from the armor dammon can make... there's nothing else to be done with those pieces? even the enriched infernal iron doesnt seem to serve a bigger purpose.
i feel like i should be able to talk to the gondian gnomes for help. they built the steel watchers, which are made of infernal iron and can blast hellfire at you. we can literally go to hell and theres no way to look around or ask about a solution. theres a magic tower with a locked vault and no way to look for magic to nullify/contain the heat.
also we cant talk to karlach about going to stay in the house of hope? i know one of the endings is that she can go to avernus with wyll but shouldn't we be able to suggest she can stay with hope? who's literally trying to make a place of hope in the middle of the hells? theres even portals in one of the rooms to a bunch of places. she could come and go as she pleases. we already have the means to visit if we want.
like i get it the whole point is that shes doomed from the start tragedy etc etc but it still sucks that we can't at least try to do more when it feels like theres so many ways we should be able to
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ikyw-t · 2 years
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this is a moodboard for how my brain has been feeling the past couple weeks. yes i spent like 10 minutes organizing these pictures if that tells u anything about how im feeling
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#not that anyone asked but it's bc my adderall rx changed a month ago from extended release to short release#bc the extended release was making me feel super anxious in the afternoon when it would start to wear off#which is obviously counterproductive and i am already anxiety-inclined if that's even a phrase#so ive been on the short release version of adderall for the last month and overall it was going a lot better#the anxiety in the afternoon pretty much disappeared which was nice#the past like three weeks tho ive been dealing with being unable to stop picking at my skin and cuticles too#which is something ive struggled with since middle school in various degrees and tho it was getting better in the past couple years#ive never struggled with it LESS than i have since starting adderall in like march. and my god. what a joy and relief that was#so now that it's started happening again it's honestly pretty upsetting bc it's kinda physically painful and also just rly embarrassing#like i dont even have that bad acne probably but being unable to stop picking at it makes it like ten times worse#like i haven't had acne on my back in like three years since i finished taking accutane#and in the past three weeks i have but it's rly only bc i can't stop scratching at it and so there's gonna be scarring too#it's just very embarrassing and also disappointing nd disheartening since i was finally able to NOT have to deal with this for a few months#it's appalling and upsetting to realize that this was just my life for like a decade before i got treatment for adhd#and once i did it a lot of my impulsive and unconscious skin picking pretty much disappeared.#like damn bro the amount of times my mom and everyone in my family told me how nice my skin would be if i could just leave it alone. yeah.#anyway. im gonna talk to the doctor about this next month when i get my refill obviously bc i am not having a good time#even tho this was working rly great for the first three weeks. like whyyyy can't medicine just work. whyyy#anywayyyy if u read all this no u didnt bc it's embarrassing for me lol#i just felt the need to talk about it cause it's been upsetting me today
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katiemcabeswife · 7 days
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Awkward Conversations Outfits
Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader || Alexia overhears a conversation and assumes the worst, leading to a confusing and awkward conversation.
she wrote something! i apologise for the lack of fics but i don't want to give you guys some half-assed writing that i'm not proud of, and i haven't written anything anywhere near my own standards lately (not that i've been able to finish anything) so i hope you enjoy this and that i can get back into the grove of writing and give yous some more fics x
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"And then once I think I've figured it out, I second guess myself and think it's too ugly and that I'm going to be judged and then when I look around, there's just clothes everywhere and all I wanna do is out on my frumpiest sweats and cry into my pillow! I don't understand how you guys do it!" Alexia was stunned to hear you rant so freely about a subject she had never heard you utter a word about.
She walked through the door halting your conversation, "Hola, chicas!" She announced herself and watched you slump back into your chair while Ingrid and Frido shared a glance.
"Hola, Ale," You grumbled out, disheartened.
Ingrid struck up a new conversation between the four of you as the rest of the team began to trickle into the changing room. Alexia remained silent though, trying to come up with a reason as to why you wouldn't come to her about this sort of thing, why it had to be Ingrid and Frido you chose to confide in. While it would definitely be an awkward conversation, Alexia would be more than happy to have that sort of talk with you. After taking you in at a young age, you had both bonded so well your relationship resembled that of mother and daughter.
You noticed Alexia seemed to be a little distanced and quiet so you made a move to check in on her when the team started to head out to the pitch, "Hola, Ale," You greeted, wrapping your arms around her and pressing your cheek to hers.
Her arms came to hold yours but she moved her cheek away from yours to lay a quick peck to it, "Hola, bebé, everything ok?" She rested her cheek on yours once again, relishing in the closeness and comfort it provided.
Your brows furrowed slightly, "Of course, I actually came to check on you," You giggled.
Alexia sighed as she saw this as you deflecting. She pulled away from you wholey before holding your face between her palms, "Well thank you for thinking of me, I'm fine, thank you," She pecked her lips against your forehead, filling your soul with warmth, "You know you can always talk to me, right? About anything. No judgement, sí?" She was looking deep into your eyes for any sign of sadness or lies.
All she could find was confusion, "Sí, you sure you're feeling alright?" You jokingly placed the back of your hand on her forehead.
Alexia responded by shoving your head in the opposite way, "Enough now," The lightness in her tone assured you that she was only joking.
Training went on, as usual, you were paired with Keira for drills meaning that you never got the chance to speak directly to Alexia until you were heading out to her car. You spent the drive home with a furrow in your brow uncanny to the one that rested on Alexia’s face as the older woman remained quiet and seemed lost in thought.
Once you arrived home Alexia haphazardly threw the keys onto the kitchen counter before turning to you who stood awkwardly between her and your bedroom, “You can go shower, Cari, dinner should be ready in an hour,” The small, tight smile she wore forced you to reciprocate but filled your mind with anxiety and guilt that came from an unknown source.
After showering, unpacking and repacking your training bag you shuffled out to the living room stiffly to find Alexia resting on the couch, watching some trashy reality tv. Her head raised from its slumped position, “Hola, Princesa,” She tapped the seat next to her, signalling you to join her which you did instantly.
She wrapped her arms around you and ran her hands through your freshly washed hair, “Are you sure you are feeling alright?” She spoke softly but her tone was heavy with concern.
You shrugged your shoulders, admitting defeat, “I feel like you’re upset with me,” You mumbled into her chest, limbs tense and eyes trained on the tv.
You lowered your head as Alexia manoeuvred the two of you so you were facing one another, “Why would you think that?” She lifted your chin with her fingers.
“You just seem…off, and I can’t help but think that I had something to do with it because you seemed fine in training laughing with ‘Tana and stuff.” You unknowingly jutted out your bottom lip, reminding Alexia of your youth.
She shuffled apprehensively in her seat, “It’s just that I accidentally heard your conversation with Ingrid and Frido and felt a little upset you didn’t come to me about it,” She was shy to admit she had basically eavesdropped on your very private conversation.
“Oh,” Alexia was too busy looking everywhere but your eyes to notice the relief in your tone.
“So,” She shrugged now feeling awkward and uncomfortable, “Is there anything you want to ask me?”
“I guess just how you manage to feel sure of yourself and confident with whatever you’re wearing?” Alexia’s eyes bulged out of their sockets and her mind began to run 100 miles per minute.
She turned pink at the question, her reaction throwing you off significantly, “Wearing!? I didn’t think you- I thought-” She was stumbling over her words and by now you were in a state of total confusion. She managed to get herself together and forced out a string of advice, “Well, everyone looks different but everyone is beautiful and there is no one way to look and if you are truly scared your partner is going to judge you, you shouldn’t be with them, let alone trust them with your body,” She had you in the first half but your brain completely melted by the second.
You cut her off instantly, “Ale, what are you talking about? That whole conversation was about how I never know what to wear before games and going out to dinners, stuff like that. I was frustrated with how you, Ingrid, Frido and the whole team to be fair, always look so cool and confident. What are you thinking it was about?”
“¡Oh, gracias a Dios!” She looked to the ceiling as she fell against the back of the couch, “I thought it was a whole other conversation about something way more uncomfortable,” She laughed to herself.
“Oh, Ale! Gross!” You whacked her while joining in on her laughter.
She took a deep breath before continuing, “You just have to own what you’re wearing, you are gorgeous and will look good in anything! Trust me,” She emphasised when she saw you roll your eyes, “How about after dinner, we go look in your closet and pick out some outfits so this weekend you have options for before the game? Sí?” 
You nodded with a smile on your face, “Gracias, Ale,” You moved over to her and she wrapped you in her arms, laying a kiss on your temple. You stilled for a moment before taking a deep breath, “I think dinner is burning,” You said calmly.
Alexia hummed before taking in what you said, “¿Qué?” She yelled and pulled away, running to the kitchen as you doubled over with laughter.
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starful02 · 2 months
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Life is wild sometimes. I made a small decision almost a year ago, based on a recommendation of one of the most positive individuals to ever grace my life so far, and I firmly believe that it has changed the course of my life. The decision was to sign up for a class about fantasy writing and publishing that my university was offering, which is the exact genre I so desperately want to have a career in (I want to be a writer you see). That fall I took the 8 week class and it happened to be taught by none other than the absolutely wonderful, utterly amazing fantasy author Alex Rowland (aka @ariaste). If you asked myself or any of my peers, we will happily tell you that this class was one of the comfiest, kindest, most encouraging academic experiences we have ever had and that it has changed our lives. Anyone who has taken at least one creative writing class in their life will tell you of the horrors that ruthlessly plague them and all sorts of traumatic incidents endured. This class was a soothing balm to a disheartened soul with trampled ambitions. You might be wondering where I'm going with this? Well, when you take a class with an author, they tend to gush rather happily about their work. It did not take long for me to know in my heart of hearts that I NEEDED to get my hands on Alex's latest book, A Taste of Gold and Iron (aka ATOGAI). And when I finally got the perfect chance to read it a little over a month ago, when I tell you, it was chapter five when I became undeniably aware that this book had snatched my heart and I would gladly let it have it for the rest of my life. If I hadn't already bought all of Alex's books on a strong hunch that I would absolutely, completely and utterly fall in love with ATOGAI, I would have definitely right after I finished that chapter. This is inarguably one of the best books I have ever read, checking all my boxes (including ones I didn't even know I had). I don't think it's possible to praise it enough because it deserves it all. The wait I endured before I could read it was so worth it and I will be forever grateful for the sheer chance that it and it's author entered into my life. It shattered my high expectations and I will never be the same and couldn't be happier about it. Now, I still have to read the other books that Alex has written (and I will savor them like a piece of the finest of desserts and I haven't the slightest doubt, despite that I tend to be more on the quiet side, I will be absolutely mouthing off about them to anyone who will listen), but I want to specifically highlight their upcoming book, Running Close to the Wind (aka RCW). Because I was in their class and a part of their Discord, I have been treated to several chapters of the book and I can very firmly tell you that you need this in your life. It's terribly funny, utterly vibrant, very queer, full of gremlin chaos and pirate shenanigans, all good and wonderful things, right? I knew I needed it in my life half way through Alex reading chapter two to us. It comes out in June of this year and I so highly recommend you give it a look see. You can read an excerpt in the link below!
And if you too decide that you need this book in your life, go preorder it and then come join a Discord full of awesome queer pocket people that are also terribly excited for this book to be in our hands! I will also be posting fanart of ATOGAI and RCW if you also want to keep an eye on this little habitat of mine. :) Either way, best wishes and happy reading!
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shinjisdone · 4 months
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Extra: To Soften a Warrior’s Heart (Vinland Saga; Thorfinn; Alternative to Part 8 - When Thorkell Takes You Hostage)
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Ok, so I've been *Sharp inhale* fixated on this scenario and just to let u know IT IS NOT CANON - to my headcanon of an canon series 💀 it's just a silly lil "what if" and a stand-alone on its own. Thorfinn and Askeladd have been dueling in my head.
Tag list: @luopenis , @jinsecho , @mitsureigen , @theknightssecrets
[TW: Thorkell and co taking you hostage, raging Thorfinn, MANY female-leaning to straight up female examples and therefore many icky moments from the men 💀, physical fighting, killing, physical harrassment, sexual harrassment, bodily harm, torture, insults, sexual comments, stealing, taunts and threats, physical restriction, Thorkell's band being cruel and just ew, mentions of women being sold off - the whole spiel, Askeladd is not the hostage this time]
Hoooooh okay
This whole shenanigan must have happened accidentaly - after all, Thorkell wanted to take Askeladd the leader and not...one of his kids.
Still, the giant does not grow disheartened. He realized quite quickly your bond with the son of Thors and he eagerly wanted to fight him. If your safety being endangered meant that Thorfinn would come racing down the hill to fight him, Thorkell will gladly throw you to the bloodied grasps of his men.
His band may be confused...they don't want anything to do with a kid. They're here for the prince and Askeladd - not for some wannabee viking.
Still, you certainly must have something valuable on you. As long as they don't kill you off, Thorkell wouldn't them stealing from you, right?
So, you can imagine that your person is throughuly examined, taking everything that could be of value. Weapons, belts, helmets, trinkets...
Though you may be let go - or killed - what is sure is that you will be left as poor as a beggar.
Unfortunately, this would also mean that one or two men - and then soon the entire band - will scream out that they got a woman among them. There's a possibility that they could only find out if they get close if you do not present yourself as female but unfortunely, no matter how well you hide yourself, through examinating your person, everyone would sure to find out.
So in a case like this, the band will not kill you (unless Thorkell commands so) because this is a win for them! They can kill Askeladd and the rest, take the prince and sell you off! Oh, this day has been blessed by the gods for sure!
And if not, they can still kill you off if you cause them too much trouble. Women are like fish in the ocean.
The scene is set - Thorkell waves his axe as he calls out to Thorfinn. Lookie what we got here! Not your boss but that friend of yours! Don't you want to help them?
You're being held down by your head, a knee on your back as a blade is dancing across your neck. The men taunt and threaten you, definitely causing a few bruises in just minutes. They go along with Thorkell's plan to see if this really might work or not!
They wave your precious possesions in front of your eyes before tucking them into their own pockets or throwing them into the snow.
And in the case of being female, they unfortunately will also touch you. Let out comments while hovering near in a way that makes you gag.
Thorfinn sees all this. He screams out before racing down the hill. His screams are first akin to mindless noises before he finds his words and spits out insults and threats at every single one present.
Dont they dare hurt you, touch you, be near you! It's the most pure, basic insults he throws their way. Nothing they haven't heard before.
Thorkell offers to duel for you. Yet only if he really, really fights him. Thorkell wants to truly fight against the Son of Thors - the child of the strongest man he has ever known.
If he refuses, Thorkell wouldn't mind a single thing his men might do to you.
"I'll kill you, I'll kill all of you!" Thorfinn interrupts the man before he can even finish his demands. His daggers out with his back hunched like a predator. His face is as dark as thunder.
He sees you in the grasp of a small group and yells out again before speeding towards where you were - only to be kicked back by Thorkell. Come now, you didn't even let him finish. He's being serious when he says he wants to see him fight!
The men laugh but the young lad doesn't care. He doesn't care about the 'honor' nor about Thorkell and his band. He only needs to get you out of there.
Thorfinn fights with the intent to kill. Like all of this isn't a duel of honor, like Thorkell isn't even an enemy but something beyond that. Something beyond deserving his hatred. He is focused and quick, each swing of his dagger going for every single vulnerable spot he can find. His eyes seem...not there. Darting and empty as he just has the giant in his sight.
He is covered in bruises, snow and blood but he does not relent.
The men surround the two and watch in awe and laughter. Betting and cussing, clapping along the way. The small group that holds you down watch as well but some might end up bored if they have to keep on watching you, hands on you to keep you low, knees in the cold snow...they can't even properly watch the duel! They have to stick their heads up to the sky to even see the flying blades above the heads of the others...How boring they have to play watchmen.
So some try to ease their boredom with you.
Some might take more of your possesions than they were told, some torture you, cutting ever so thinly into your flesh, while others want to just have a feel of your flesh. They taunt and laugh at your misery, their awful breath poisoning you as they mutter all kinds of ideas on what they could do with you.
However, there are two possibilities that could happen for Thorfinn to truly freak out and abandon the duel.
One of these things is when you are severly hurt. He'd have to hear you scream out and he'd whip his head into your direction. You could be stabbed, strangled or hurt in any other way. Thorfinn screams like a banshee, like an animal mother watching her children get hurt. He drops Thorkell here and there before running to the perpetrators and killing them on the spot. He jumps onto them, stabbing them several times to death before holding onto you. He is out of breath and needs to collect himself first before he can escape with you. But Thorkell will be sure to get in the way of that.
The other possibility is when you are harrassed. It gets him especially when it is done to you as a woman.
Any kind of action, any kind of comments make him roar like a beast and he also jumps on them to kill them.
Thorfinn doesn't care about the duel or Thorkell, no matter how many times he drags them back to the fight. He has to get you back, he has to.
The many men laugh and mock him. How could anyone be so foolish to fight against the Thorkell the Tall and risk their life for some kid? It's entertaining as well as embarassing.
Once Thorfinn wins however, he will shout to the sky in victory and rush towards you, scream at the others to let you go.
He hugs you tight, with his daggers still in hand and panting like a dog. Blood is all over him.
He would need a few minutes, the men distancing themselves in awe and fear as this...lad killed his way through to you. After calming down he asks as you are okay before getting the hell out of there.
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zapreportsblog · 9 months
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The Secret Revealed
➥ summary: Mash didn’t think anyone would find out his secret, too bad someone did
➥ a/n: someone once asked me to disclose where I’ve gotten all of my art from for my stories, as well as tag the artists. Sadly, all the pictures I use for my stories, or even the gifs I use come from either Google or Pinterest. Also, I just finished watching this anime so hopefully I got something correct . I appreciate the unwavering support you all have shown me so thank you for reading :)
➥ mashle magic and muscles / mash burnedead x reader
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On the outskirts of the majestic city of Evervale, nestled amidst the lush greenery, stood the prestigious Magic Academy, a school renowned for honing the magical abilities of young witches and wizards. Among its students was a young man named Mash Burnedead, who, despite coming from a long line of powerful sorcerers, found himself burdened with a dark secret.
•••
On a bright morning, the school's training grounds were buzzing with students fervently practicing their magical arts. Mash was amidst the crowd, his brow furrowed in concentration as he attempted to conjure a simple levitation spell. But no matter how hard he tried, the faintest glimmer of magic eluded him, leaving him frustrated and disheartened.
As he practiced, a mysterious figure caught his eye. A girl with captivating eyes and a determined expression was making her way toward him. Mash recognized her as (Y/N), a fellow student he had often seen around the campus.
Feeling a knot forming in his stomach, Mash couldn't help but wonder what she wanted. He had always been a reserved and introverted young man, preferring to keep to himself and avoid unnecessary attention. The prospect of being confronted by someone, especially about his secret, sent his heart racing.
Approaching him, (Y/N) stopped a few paces away, her gaze locked onto his eyes, making him feel exposed and vulnerable. He tried to smile, but it came out more like a nervous twitch.
"You," she said, her voice carrying an unusual mix of curiosity and confidence, "I know your secret."
Mash felt the world around him momentarily freeze. His secret was something he had kept hidden from even his closest friends and family. Panic gripped his heart, and his mind raced through possible scenarios.
"W-What secret?" Mash stammered, his voice barely audible.
The girl's lips curved into a knowing smile, adding to Mash's anxiety. "Don't play innocent with me. I know you have no magic," she said, her tone unwavering.
His secret was out. It felt like the ground beneath him had disappeared, leaving him adrift in a sea of uncertainty. How had she found out? Was she going to expose him to the entire school, ridiculing him for his inability to wield magic?
Feeling cornered, Mash tried to think of a way out. "I-I can explain," he stammered, his mind searching for the right words. "It's not what you think. I just... haven't unlocked my powers yet."
(Y/N) raised an eyebrow, seemingly unimpressed by his explanation. "Really?" she retorted, her voice laced with skepticism. "You've been at this school for years, and you still haven't unlocked your magic? Come on, it's time to be honest with yourself."
Mash's shoulders slumped, defeated. The weight of his secret was crushing, and he felt a mix of shame and vulnerability. He had always felt like an outcast, trying desperately to fit in with the magical talents that surrounded him.
Before he could muster the courage to ask her what she intended to do with this newfound knowledge, (Y/N) surprised him with her response. "But I won't tell anyone," she said, her expression softening. "Your secret is safe with me."
Her words were like a lifeline, pulling him from the depths of his despair. Mash was taken aback by her unexpected kindness. He had prepared for the worst, but her understanding and assurance gave him a glimmer of hope.
"Why would you keep my secret?" he asked, unable to hide his astonishment.
(Y/N) gave him a small smile, her eyes full of empathy. "Because I believe that people should be defined by their character, not just their magical abilities. I see more in you than the absence of magic. Let's keep this between us, alright?"
Gratitude flooded Mash's heart, and he nodded earnestly. "Thank you," he whispered, overwhelmed by her generosity.
As she turned to leave, (Y/N) looked back at him one last time, her eyes filled with a newfound respect. "You're welcome," she replied. "But remember, secrets have a way of shaping us. It's up to you to embrace who you are, magic or not."
With those parting words, she walked away, leaving Mash to ponder the unexpected encounter. Little did he know that this chance meeting with (Y/N) would change the course of his life forever, leading him on a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and the realization that true strength came from within, magic or no magic.
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shakks · 2 months
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Hard-light Heartline
(2024-02-20) MSPFA | Eagle Time
(Check below the break for some important information!)
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you are a RIGHTEOUS ROOMIE. you're chillin. in your ROOM. things are pretty good! no problems here.
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This week's been great! You spent it eating takeout and messing with your GUITARS. It's what you do every week, but that's never bothered you before. It's been a good night. What day of the week is it again? Oh right, it's the day where you're expecting a PACKAGE! That's definitely something that's happening now that wasn't happening last week.
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Well, hello there! It's Waterworks' 14th anniversary, and I was thinking it might finally be time to try something just a little bit different.
Eagle-Time came back (as https://eagle-time.org, so update your bookmarks if you haven't deleted them yet); I'll be watching for suggestions both there, here, on MSPFA, and generally wherever my eyes happen to be. Additionally, I will need to update the information on all three sites and ensure they link together properly. I'm not going to post full updates here on tumblr, but I will post a link to MSPFA and Eagle Time just like before. I also need to take the time to design a logo/thumbnail, and figure out an issue with my webhost that's preventing images from loading 100% of the time. I suppose some cobwebs have built up.
With all that out of the way, there are a few key points.
This isn't Waterworks. I don't intend for this adventure to be comparable in size or scope to Waterworks. I've been yearning to just sit back and tell a story, so that's what I'm going to do.
There will be no Flash animations and gif output will be limited. As much as I love Flash, fighting with the pressure to turn every cool idea into an epic animation has taken its toll on me. I'm going to nip this in the bud and say that there will be no Flash animations at all. There will be gifs, but they will be toned down to keep stress at a manageable level - The adventure will run locked at 18fps, and I will not use any colour gradients. There's some cool stuff you can still do at 18fps. If you're disheartened about the lack of full animations with sound, I'd like to direct you to a musician named Nstryder. I'm a fan of his music and have listened to a lot of it while scoping out the adventure. His music has been an excellent inspiration and I'll try to call some of it out when I hit relevant points in the adventure.
Regular updates will be attempted, but not guaranteed. The adventure itself will also have a set lifetime, whether or not it ends up finished. This one's hard for me. Life has happened. As much as I would like to update every day, it simply isn't possible. But I'm still going to try. I've set a weekly quota for myself to meet (but I'm keeping it to myself for now). If I can't make a day, I will communicate the delay on tumblr as soon as I am able. Additionally - I don't want this adventure to stretch out way past its prime. I've got a tentative end-date in mind for when to shut things off (regardless of the adventure's status), but I'm not willing to commit to it just yet. I'm gonna see how these next few weeks go and build some confidence before settling on a particular date.
I think that's it for now. I've gotta go fix that network error. I'll try to shape up everything else as the week progresses.
Welcome back.
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Overwhelmed by Publishing Goal
Anonymous asked: Writing no longer feels free or easy anymore now that I have dreams of publishing. I’m trying to hone a technique to learn to finish a book a year to be ready for the industry but also like writing at the same time (and with the way I’ve devoured so much writing advice and gotten overwhelmed it feels fun less and less). Like I’m not even sure if I’m meant to be a writer. I don’t even know how to tell. Yes I can come up with an idea but I’m not sure that’s enough to determine that someone is meant to do something. Writing feels like something you have to be “spiritually” or emotionally connected to and I have found that I don’t always feel connected to the entire process. I’m rambling now but I’m just kind of disheartened. Any thoughts?
How to tell if you're a writer:
Do you write? x Yes No Congratulations! You're a writer!!!
Can you imagine if people who spent time knitting weren't allowed to call themselves knitters unless they finished, wore, or sold the things they knit? Or if people who loved to bake weren't allowed to call themselves bakers if they kept what they baked for themselves? Or if loved running and ran two miles every day, but couldn't call yourself a runner unless you'd participated in a marathon?
It's weird that we put all these constraints on being a writer that we don't put on other things.
Now, being an author, on the other hand, does require publication. Whether you self-publish, traditionally publish, or publish on a fiction sharing site, having your work out there for the world to see is what makes you an author.
Do you still get to call yourself a writer if you're overwhelmed and frustrated by the work it takes and the publication process? Um... YES, friend! I think most authors would agree that feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by the publication process is just part of the natural gauntlet one must go through on their journey to becoming an author.
As far as your situation goes, while it's admirable that you're trying to get yourself up to industry speed before you've even hit the publish button or gotten a book deal, you're putting the cart before the horse a little bit. Right now your only focus should be putting together a manuscript that is ready for querying or ready for an editor and publication. That's it. The writing you do in order to get to that point is going to do a lot of the heavy lifting as far as getting you to a place where you can plot and write faster. And you can tweak that process with each book you write.
And the reality is that while traditional publishing does "expect" a book a year, many traditionally published authors who are actually hitting that goal are doing so with a ton of help from others. And they're more likely to be able to dedicate more of their time toward writing. So it's a bit unrealistic to hold yourself up to that goal if you're not even published yet.
Finally, I honestly don't think I know a single author who feels spiritually or emotionally connected to the entire process of writing and publishing. I mean, yeah, ideally we should all feel some level of connection to whatever it is we're working on, but by no stretch of the imagination does that connection extend to every single day or every aspect of the writing and publishing process. So, please don't feel like you're falling short just because you're not having some sort of sacred kinship with every stop of the process.
If you haven't already, you might spend some time reading through the relevant-sounding posts on my Motivation master list. It's got a lot of posts that deal with the different reasons behind burnout and frustration, plus solutions, and some things you can do to make writing fun again.
I hope that helps! ♥
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blackmageeljin · 2 months
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I haven't posted in a long time.
My anxiety and depression have backslid a lot in the last year. My social anxiety and agoraphobia are particularly out of control.
I have fallen out of producing fandom content, frankly because I have been too afraid to. Fandoms have become a lot more charged than they were when I was younger. I keep trying to get into new fandoms that I hope are less problematic only to stumble across the same patterns, up to and including someone being harassed and told to 'kys' repeatedly over fandom drama to the point of ending their own life.
But being isolated is hard. I haven't stopped making content I just... Stopped sharing it. I don't really know what to do, or if any followers I have here are even still active. I got back into JoJo's and expected most of the discourse to be more 'gay vs not gay' type stuff but some parts are... Really, *really* bad. Worse even than KH. And inconsistent! Censoring myself to fit some fear mongering anti's agenda seems like an anathema, so I just haven't posted anything, even the stuff I have I know isn't problematic.
To me the 'right' thing to do would be to post anyway and stand up for a censorship free Internet and community, but I'm afraid that, especially right now, I just don't have the resilience.
I guess I'm asking people more in touch with a 2024 Tumblr what they think. If it's even worth it. What tools there are. I've spent half the day blocking hate in a tag and trying not to panic about it. As an actual abuse survivor, seeing some of these accusations fly over such inane things is just... Disheartening. Especially knowing my abusers will never be prosecuted, but I'm getting accused of those crimes by trying to cope through artistic expression.
Also if there is anyone interested in some of the 'problematic' ships I've tagged, please give me a ring. I might try finishing and posting some stuff after all of it will actually make people happy. But after seeing witch hunt posts calling for people to haze or blacklist certain crators? It's just... Really scary.
But I'm so tired of being alone.
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thedevilinherself · 6 months
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So I finished the BG3 after doing every side mission I could find. And.... I have feelings
So I played with the poly mod, so I romanced everyone but Lae'zel and Shadowheart who I couldn't get the romance to start for. I also had the mod that lets me have all the companions with me, so I don't know how or if that changes the ending cut scenes.
But first off, the endings were way too short. I heavily dislike endings that have you fight the final battle, give you a cut scene, then end. Give us a little something after to come down from the high of the victory and see the happiness of the ending we fought so hard for.
Speaking of happiness; I can't say I'm happy with anyone's endings. I told Lae'zel she should go back to her people cause I know that's what she's wanted this whole time, so she left to free her people. This was in my opinion the happiest companion ending I got, even though it's still bitter sweet and doesn't feel like theirs closure cause she still has to fight to free her people with no time to rest.
Astarion just started to burn in the sun and ran off, then Shadowheart was like "poor guy, no more sun for him" then I never saw him again. Kinda shitty considering everything he fought for and the fact I was in a relationship with him. And it's not like the ending just picked one of my love interests to give the ending for, since all my other partners acknowledged me as their partner in their cut scenes (more on that in a moment).
Gale just stood at the edge of the doc and was like "the crown fell into the water. Guess I gotta find it" and then talked about his ex some more before saying we'll do it together. Didn't like that his arch was left open ended as well with him still afflicted with the orb AND wanting to return to Mystra who is terrible for so many reasons.
I got nothing for Shadowheart, and I don't know if Wyll can have his own scene, but his was lumped in with Karlach's for mine. Karlach is dying, her engine burning up, and she says she loves me and is glad we could be together. Wyll was really upset and yells "my love, we have to get her back to avernus! It's the only way to save her". Karlach didn't want to go back, but we convinced her and tell her we will be there with her and will protect her till we find a way to cure her. The three of us go to avernus and it ends with us about to fight imps and I guess I'm in a poly with the two of them, which I didn't know was an option, but them both referring to me as their love in that cut scene was a scripted thing so I don't think it was cause of the mod. Either way, I hated that at the end of the game, we haven't cured Karlach and now she's back in avernus. All her endings seem to suck as, spoiler, she either dies, returns to avernus, or becomes a mind flayer and has to live in hiding. So all of her endings suck.
I hated how none of the characters felt like they got a good resolution or much closure. There wasn't a sense of happiness or real victory. That kinda thing can work in DND cause the campaign can keep going, but in a video game, where there is no way to move forward, it seriously sucks. I put 300+ hours into this game, made so many choices to ensure my companions were safe and happy, tried to get them each the best ending I could without looking up too many spoilers, and in the end, they each get 3-5 minute cut scenes where their main character quest is unfinished and left in limbo? That just feels really crushing and disheartening as a gamer. In my next playthrough, why bother trying to help Karlach? She'll still be uncured by the end. Gale's just going to go back to his abusive god or maybe still blow up. Who knows. Astarion will still be hiding in the shadows, stuck as a spawn forever.
Over all, it just kinda sucked that not one of them felt like their arch got wrapped up/resolved.
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(this is late because I was super busy yesterday but idc)
Webby Week Day 2: Vacation/Sleepover!
Planning a vacation, Webby had realised, was far, far different to planning an adventure.
Scrooge certainly enjoyed it less, for a start. All the hassle of preparing, but with no death-traps, ancient curses or lost tribes - and no treasure to show for it at the end, either.
Donald, quite on the other hand, was revelling in it. He had his suitcase all packed, and he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt that looked like it was from 1996, and a pair of glittery sunglasses.
Huey was all packed too, as he had been for the last three days ("A Woodchuck must always be prepared", he had said when Louie was confused why he was packing so early)
Dewey couldn't wait. He had a travel playlist all picked out, with requests from some of the others (Della had suggested some of her favourites from Powerline, and Dewey just couldn't say no) and was more than ready to make this the most epic vacation in all of history.
Even Beakley was excited (though she still insisted on bringing survival gear and weaponry - the main advantage of having Launchpad and Della as pilots was that airport security wasn't a problem).
Now the day had arrived. They would touch down in Madrid, and have the most relaxing week of their lives.
But something - no, someone - wasn't here yet.
"So, is Lena coming, or are we just gonna wait here?" Louie asked, as Webby tried not to look too disheartened.
"Well, I haven't heard anything from her yet today," Webby answered, "Can we just wait a couple more minutes?"
"It's ok, Webby," Della said, kneeling to meet her eyes, "I'm sure she's just finishing getting ready, that's all."
"But what if she forgot?" Webby looked anxiously at her, "What if something came up and she never told me? What if she's sick, or hurt, or-"
"Whoa, calm down that brain of yours," Della put a hand on her shoulder to bring her back to the present, "I understand you're worried, but I'm sure she's fine. How about you text her again, and see?"
Webby opened her phone.
Sure enough, a message popped up on the screen.
"On the way, sorry I'm late, I got caught up with Violet, see ya soon Pink 💝" the message read. Webby smiled.
"See? What'd I tell you?" Della ruffled Webby's hair, making her giggle.
A few minutes later, there came a knock at the front door.
"I'll get it!" Webby bolted down the foyer, and opened the door. There, with a backpack on, and looking very pleased, was Lena.
Webby ran up to her and hugged her.
"Hey," Lena said, "I'm so sorry, I woke up late, and Violet insisted on trying to teach me some Spanish..."
"It's ok, you're here now," Webby replied, "But I was kinda worried about you."
"I still can't believe your family's letting me come on vacation with you," Lena looked around, "I mean, sleeping over is one thing, but I guess this kinda feels weird, like I shouldn't be here."
"Don't ever say that," Webby told her, "You're the best, and we're lucky to have you."
"Besides, if anything crazy happens, it'd do us good to have a sorceress around," Dewey pointed out.
"Nope, nothing crazy is happening this week," Louie said, "We are going to Madrid, and I am going to sit down, sunbathe and eat churros!"
"Ah, you're here!" Scrooge smiled when he saw Lena, "Let's get going, shall we?"
Lena nodded.
"To adventure!" Della cried.
"No," Webby responded, "To vacation!"
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decolonize-the-left · 9 months
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In 2016, I went balls to the wall for Bernie - was a registered democrat for the duration of the primaries, became a state delegate for Bernie, went to the Philly DNC in support of Bernie. I saw first hand how broken the system was - counting delegates by hand raising, expecting people to physically be in person and take off work without pay, providing no child care services or transportation assistance, how lifelong democrats walked through the delegate aisles to tell all Bernie supporters "when Bernie loses, you're still gonna vote blue." I canvassed houses of registered democrats in Iowa to talk to them about Bernie, and the responses were either: "Bernie is way too radical, Hillary is getting my vote" or "I can't afford to take off work/I don't have someone to babysit/I'm too disabled to get to the caucus, but Bernie has my full support and I wish I could participate." People seem to forget how hard folx went for Bernie, how he and Hillary were neck-and-neck. They seem to forget that the superdelegates chose Hillary - despite seeing a massive swell of voter turnout and participation in the system because of a candidate that was finally outside what the establishment was wanting to prop up. Despite seeing how much Bernie stirred and lit up the voters, they fought against the very demographic that they constantly try to win over. The establishment will always pick their people, regardless of what The People want. The experience was disheartening, it was eye opening, it was cruel, it was rigged. It still is all of those things.
And instead of reading your frustrations, your needs, your real pain, people will just... blame you for how the system is set up? They really think non-voters are the problem? That is telling me that they don't really know how the system is set up beyond the ballot - they haven't actually gone through the state delegate process start to finish nor have they even educated themselves on what the process looks like and what obstacles were put in place (that the establishment, by the way, doesn't want changed). The established parties don't want to digitize the process - they still want people to physically show up in spaces (and a candidate will LOSE state delegates if people who sign up to be delegates don't PHYSICALLY show up on a specific day, at a specific time, for several hours to be counted), but they won't offer child care services, they won't pay for travel or work missed. They would rather blame non-voters rather than make the process accessible.
This is by design, this is not a fluke.
I don't know how many of your anons actually have been inside or around Republican circles, but damn a lot of what they're spouting at you I have heard straight up in Republican dominated spaces. "We don't like Trump, but we can't let a democrat win - we will get killed, our families will be broken, the country will collapse. Life as we know it is under attack and on the verge of destruction. You have to vote Republican no matter what."
I say all of this also as an indigenous, trans, queer activist. I say all this as someone who puts together rallies, workshops, protests, and spaces of healing. I say this as a trans refugee, displaced due to hostile legislation, still working out housing. I see you, I hear you, and you are not my enemy. You are not the reason why things are as they are. The system has failed us all, the system is rigged, thank you for all the on the ground work you're doing outside the state. I think these anons are cowards and punching down - they need to direct that anger towards democrats and republicans. They should read your posts, get angry (about what the system is, how you've been treated by it, and where it is now) and tear into the establishment that has done you (and all of us) wrong. The victim blaming has got to stop.
Agree
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vanillacreambunny · 5 months
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I've been thinking more about my Genshin self-insert 🥺
In the game, I named myself Faith (middle name) since there's already a Noelle. But I kind of want to use my first name when it comes to my own lore. Noelle and Neuvillette sounds cuter hehehe.
She comes from Mondstadt but moved to Fontaine. In Mondstadt she worked at the Angel's Share. I was thinking she got a job opportunity in Fontaine; nothing fancy, but enough for her to take up the offer. Maybe even an internship of sorts? Or I go a different, more angsty/dramatic route where she moves to be with her then partner who ends up leaving her afterward, so she's stuck in an unfamiliar place.
Either way, ends up working at the Palais Mermonia; something administrative. It feels like a step up from working at the Angel's Share, but it's not easy being at the bottom of the ladder. She is determined to prove herself and ends up working long hours and late nights. She runs on caffeine and is often making stops at Café Lutece (it's really a shame we don't get recipes for coffee there!!!). Has fallen asleep at her desk more than once (after hours, of course) which hasn't gone unnoticed by Neuvillette.
Early on she feels disheartened being in a new place with no friends or family. She doesn't feel like she fits in and after a while considers leaving. Neuvillette can understand feeling like an outsider and says something along the lines of she's a good worker/he likes her working there, he would hate to see her go because he thinks she can make a name for herself there, which motivates her and she stays.
I haven't fully fleshed out their relationship. I just see them slowly becoming close over time. Maybe she ends up helping him around his office eventually. They're both kind of awkward, but the silence between them is always comfortable. They don't feel the need to keep up appearances. There's a bit of tension between them because he understands humanity better after 500 years, yet still isn't good at showing or understanding his own emotions (also his job/position), and she is too shy and doesn't want to burden him 😢
I think when they are together romantically, he kind of feels guilty because his job takes up so much time and he doesn't think he has what it takes to be a good partner, but she reassures him a lot.
While in Mondstadt she found an injured baby anemo slime. She couldn't leave it there and brought it home where she nursed it back to health. The little guy never left her side and wants to go wherever she goes. Some people don't take kindly to her slime, but she will defend them with her life!!! She would trust Neuvillette enough to show him 🥺 I need to give them a name.
I think a lot of her friends end up being Melusines because they're easier to talk to 💀 Maybe she becomes friends with Navia (meets her through Neuvillette). I like Navia a lot!!!
She loves romaritime flowers (I fell in love with them the moment I saw them!!!).
She has a cryo vision and is a sword user; catalyst is tempting but I can't resist the sword fdlksjflkdsa.
That's all I have so far. My Obey Me self-insert is pretty much fleshed out, but I was never able to do so with my Genshin self-insert. Fontaine really helped with that!
I started his story quest. I need to finish it!!!
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arleniansdoodles · 7 months
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Hello there! First, let me say that your story idea is so amazing and well thought out! I am craving more content involving these characters and to see someone trying to address one of the biggest loose threads of the new God of War duology while also building up the worlds and letting the characters shine through? Astounding.
I did have an idea i wanted to run by you in this case. As we see in the games (and history) , the Nodic people have a tradition of their last names showing their parentage (prime example: Thrud Thorsdottir). I was wondering if Atreus, being Nordic and this never being brought up in the game, travels the realms stating he is Loki Kratosson (or even Laufeyson if he's either feeling a bit disheartened from his father's secret past that he kept from him or simply trying to be discreet and not let people recognize who his father is). Another thing that would absolutely shatter my soul (in a good way) is that after getting to the 8 realms and reconciling with Kratos, Calliope took up the surname Kratosdottir. It may not need to happen because you mentioned how strained their relationship is and fixing it will take a lot of work. I just thought it'd be a nice addition. Whenever you can, let me know your thoughts
Heyo! Thank you so much for your kind words!! <333 Even though I haven't finished the story yet (and I do have a writing update to share after this) I'm glad to hear you like the route I'm taking with it so far! :D
Interestingly (from my loose research), Loki in the Norse myths uses the name Laufeyjarson instead of taking after his father's name. From what I've heard, using a patronymic is the general custom, so Loki kinda stands out because of that. In the case of GoW, I'm honestly not sure which one he'd go with because he has a good relationship with both. I could see him using either name in different situations - for example, with the Giants, they might be more comfortable using the name of someone they've known and lived with, so they call him Laufeyson (like with Angrboda often referring to him as Loki instead of Atreus). To other Giants, he may be called Loki Faurbautison (using Kratos' Giant name), and to others in the Nine Realms in general, just Kratosson if they're not familiar with the Giants' name for him.
On the other hand, if Atreus were to interact with people in Greece, I think it'd be safer if he didn't use Kratos' name at all. From what I've seen, Ancient Greeks' surnames could include patronymics, occupations, descriptions of the person, etc. In my story, Calliope always introduces herself as "Calliope of Sparta," and Atreus is known as a Northman (or a northern barbarian to unkind folks). So I honestly think which surname they pick just depends on the situation ^^;;
As for what Calliope would pick, I think she'd stick with "Calliope of Sparta" for now. She may even refer to herself as "daughter of Lysandra" or "sister of Atreus," but it may take some time before she starts using Kratosdottir (or Faurbautisdottir to the Giants). I agree with you though, it would be a very nice addition to the story! Thank you for sending me your ask, it was lots of fun to think about <333
In addition, here's my update on the fic's status, if people are interested (and asking for my GoW followers' thoughts wrt to the fic):
Unfortunately, I believe I have officially burnt myself out on GoW T_T I haven't been able to write anything new for this fic since my last update, approximately - and I'm also back in university on top of working full-time. I thought I got my motivation back, but it went right down the drain soon after (and honestly, I think it's just how big the fic has gotten that's overwhelmed me, plus the expanded cast of characters, so I only have myself to blame for that loll)
So here's what I'm wondering: should I just post all the chapters I have now instead of waiting until I've finished the whole thing (which I don't know when will happen), so would y'all prefer that I stick to my original plan and wait? Chances are, if I start posting now, I might get the motivation to continue writing, but currently I can't say for sure.
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kanene-yaaay · 1 year
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Sooo, Heya Heya, everyone!
I am actually quite not sure if I already made a post like thus because I think I just wrote this intro around 5 times already and never got to finish so ahwfywgeue idk hope I am not sounding like an old scratched vinyl but I wanted to share some stuff for the beans who read my fics!
Long short story: college is kicking my butt a LOT and lately (and by that I mean the last three months ahfwtwfwjge) I haven't been able to have a free moment to spend by writing and creating, which is,,, boring, but something I expected. Honestly I don't really know when I will have some time and energy to write (July is coming by w the holidays but aaaa energy and inspiration are hard auywfwffw) and that is quite disheartening that I can't just show up w a date to come back w posting fanfics but I didn't want to...just disappear w my writing and not explain anything.
About my reblogs! They are being affected too! However I still think I still can rb a good fic or a lovely fanart here and there when I get some time to breathe. So probably I will come back w them earlier than my fics ^v^)
Thank you for your patience if you read until here! Please accept this cookie 🍪
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spock-smokes-weed · 8 months
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Re: worrying about manga/anime Sanji, here's my thoughts on Sanji as a longtime Sanji-liker:
Sanji has some of the highest highs and lowest lows in all of One Piece. His status as a romantic, a dreamer, and a gentlemen are all great, and he also has further hidden depths that haven't been touched on yet where you are, and some moments he gets in certain story arcs are big highlights of those arcs. The simplicity of his design and fighting style also make it so that Oda gets to draw him looking really really cool.
The perv stuff unfortunately absolutely overshadows that at times. Sanji hits his absolute nadir near the middle of the story and it takes a good long while for him to climb out of it. Instances of actual reprehensible behavior are rare enough that I can count them on one hand, which considering theres >1000 chapters isn't the worst batting average compared to some Jump manga, but their rarity can make it even more annoying when they actually happen. By my recollection Sanji's worst moments include one case of breast groping (while body-swapped), two cases of peeping, and one extremely annoying, too-long transphobia joke (Oda's own track record of writing explicitly queer characters is spotty and IMO trends toward the positive, but god damn that sequence sucks).
tl;dr Sanji's a big mixed bag but comparatively tame compared to a lot of perv characters and has enough good points that i can call myself a Sanji fan with only minimal embarassment. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same. Glad to see you checking out One Piece and I hope you enjoy it!
That's such a relief honestly.
I was so utterly charmed by Taz Skylar's Sanji and Sanji being a dreamer and a caretaker really endeared me to him. I also LOVE his fighting style so once I finished I knew he was my fave straw hat. Buuuut then I learned about his whole *thing* with women and got disheartened cus it really is one of the worst tropes in anime.
However, as an anime fan I have come to terms with the fact that there will always be a certain level of Anime Bullshit in any anime I like, so if Sanji is tame compared to other Jump characters he shares the trope with I will take it.
I read all of Naruto and clawed my way through Jiraiya. If Sanji is not nearly as bad as him I can deal with it.
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