#and i'm like. god you're so right

[lizstiel]

Dean’s sitting at the kitchen table eating meatloaf when it all sort of hits – and he’s desperate to remember it exactly how it happened.

With his fork raised halfway to his mouth, a dollop of meat and sauce perched precariously on the tines, his eyes wandered over to where Cas stood by the sink in a pair of ratty pajama bottoms and one of Dean’s old t-shirts. (One of Dean’s old t-shirts, because once Cas gets his shoulders into them they never really sit the same way.)

He’s got soap up to his elbows, scrubbing methodically at the dishes Dean just dirtied, his brow a taught, concentrated line. He’s bringing the same kind of meticulous focus to the dishes that he used to bring to leading the armies of Heaven; that singular kind of attention, both unnerving and admirable. (Dean had once tried to explain that he didn’t need to wash them quite so vigorously, to which Cas had deadpanned, “Do you know how many food particles remain on the dishes you wash, Dean?” It quickly became his job, after that.)

It’s early July. About 6:30pm. The window over the sink is cracked, and the front door is wide open, letting the sound of cicadas and crickets drift in with the summer breeze. The sun’s starting to set behind the field, casting the world in that particular orange glow that has always made something in Dean ache. In the other room, the record player Sam got them for Christmas plays a beat up Janis Joplin record he’d found at a secondhand store in town. The opening chords of Me and Bobby McGee have just started, and the cicadas are humming, and the crickets are singing, and the sun is setting, and Cas is standing in old pajamas washing dishes Dean just used to make them dinner and –

Cas tilts his head.

This isn’t revolutionary. He does it a lot. A very ingrained behavior, some might say. But he isn’t confused, he’s reacting. To the song. He doesn’t react to music the way Dean wants him to, never has, but in his own way, it’s almost like he’s leaning closer to hear it. An infinitesimal thing. The smallest gesture. The corner of his mouth twitches, and Dean has never loved him more than he does at this moment: backlit by a summer sunset in their house in the middle of nowhere, hand washing dishes and listening to Janis Joplin.

Cas turns when the sound of Dean’s fork clattering on the plate sounds, but Dean just scoops him into his arms, chases any worries away with a kiss, and then another, and then one more for good measure. Cas laughs against his mouth, desperately trying to keep his soapy arms away from Dean’s dry clothes. “Dean,” he chides, squirming and chuckling, trying to extract himself from Dean’s grip. “I’m not finished.”

“I’ll get ‘em tomorrow,” Dean promises, peppering sweet little kisses down the line of Cas' throat. He hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. It tickles all the way down. “Love you so much,” he says, because he wants to. Because he’s so full with it he’s overflowing. Because if he doesn’t tell him right now, in this moment, and every moment after this one, he might die. He needs him to know. It’s vital that he knows.

Cas’ laughter warms, and he slides one soapy hand to the back of Dean’s neck, eyebrows raised in challenge when he shudders at the sensation. When Dean doesn’t immediately shoo him away, he slides the other soapy hand up Dean’s arm. “Dean?” He’s not worried, the timber of his voice is honey-smooth and light, but he’s confused. Not that Dean doesn’t tell him often, and loudly, how much he loves him, but to be fair this did kind of come from nowhere, so he understands. It’s just much too much. It’s not enough and it’s everything. It’s everything in the world Dean has ever wanted.

Janis Joplin is singing freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, and Dean’s arms are loose around Cas’ waist, and he loves him, god he loves him so much, so he kisses him on one corner of the mouth, and then the other. Janis says, nothin’, don’t mean nothin’ hon’ if it ain’t free, no, no – and he rocks their bodies together, slow, to the beat of the music. Cas’ arms come to wind around his neck automatically, and his smile starts to sprawl into something reserved for only the really good moments. Wide and gummy and for Dean – and feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. He presses his forehead to Cas’ and they just sort of sway there like that, smiling at each other like this might be the last chance they ever get.

Cas says – “I love you, Dean,” just as Janis is singing, you know feelin’ good was good enough for me – and it occurs to Dean that he’s dancing in the kitchen with the love of his life. He thinks back to the longest, loneliest nights he spent staring up at the night sky, believing wholly he’d die bloody and alone on the backend of some random hunt, and how the smallest (but loudest) part of him had wished for exactly this. For someone to hold him and see him and dance in the kitchen with him, barefoot and covered in soap.

He kisses the tip of Cas’ nose, the lines under his eyes. Doesn’t realize he’s crying until Cas is wiping tears away with the pads of his thumbs and soothing hands through his hair. He’s crying, too. Laughing and crying and telling Dean he loves him, he loves him so much, he’s loved him from the first moment he saw him.

It settles in Dean then – really settles deep, and true, and good – that he was meant for this. He wasn’t born to be a weapon. Wasn’t born to be a son, or a father, or a brother. Wasn’t born to save the world or to end it – was just meant to dance. His arms were meant to hold. To sway them both around the cheap linoleum floor, to sling low around Cas’ waist and spin them both ‘til they were dizzy with it.

They laugh and kiss and Janis is saying – good enough for me and Bobby McGee – and Dean is thinking – Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

#i'm sorry god. #mine #my fic #this literally. listen. #this came to me like a premonition #i was playing stardew valley and then it was like #if I don't write this incredibly self indulgent sappy shit I will EXPLODE #trying to get better about listening to that voice instead of ignoring it #bc i'm not like. great at writing but it makes me feel good. or it used to #and i wanna get back to that #anyway. #love how every few months dean and cas come into my life like ;)))) hey. #remember when everything you made was about us #and i'm like. god you're so right #destiel #deancas #spn #gonna try not to re-read this a thousand times until I hate it too so if it's like #trash that's why lmao #why am i so afraid anyway #ANYWAY

[mamawasatesttube]

timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done

#rimi talks #it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it #god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics #but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting #tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend! #and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :) #GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD #GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............ #its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other #its not a romance but it IS a codependency #bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash. #bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok #not his circus. not his monkeys. #well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it #but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other. #tim #cassie #timcassie

[fooltofancy]

good morning, may i interest you in some giraffes

#'i'm gonna learn ff proportions' haha bud. no you're not. day 400 something of struggling to draw aymeric #do like the estinien though have decided he's good shapes #vindraws #.... when i get to the lalafells it's over for all of us. #day many thousands of being so fuckin right handed good god send help

[arctic-hands]

For real tho health freaks who scream about how sugar and salt will kill us all and try to push for restrictions on things like candy and chips for SNAP recipients or politicians who try from time to time to replace food stamps all together and give out Government Approved Staples like bread and peanut butter and Government Cheese are gonna kill a whole lotta sick and disabled people like

Diabetics

POTS sufferers

Hypotensives

People with peanut allergies

People with celiac disease or wheat allergies

The lactose intolerant

People who can't eat solid food

People who are undernourished for any reason and need all the calories they can pack on

So-called "picky eaters" who can't tolerate certain tastes and textures without getting violently ill

A myriad of other human conditions that cannot be neatly tallied into categories because the human body and human experience is vast and infinitely variable

But I don't think ableds really care about us and our health like they like to claim so they can harass us about it, do you?

#tag yourself I'm five out of ten #health food is gonna kill me one day i swear to God #vasovagal syncope/POTS was actually a fun disease to have since the treatment is honestly junk food #to get my sugar and sodium levels up quickly so i don't pass out #but then the United States government in their infinite compassion slashed my food stamps in half #and now i can't afford 'luxeries' like enough chips and candy i need to not faint and concuss myself. again #add the celiac and to a lesser extent the lactose intolerancy and now two fruit allergies... #and I'm paying three times the amount for like fifteen food items and that is accounting for the food inflation even ableds are facing #whatever food shortages ableds are going thru right now i swear to you it's much much worse if you're sick/disabled #stop policing what food people buy with the money their given i don't care if it's a paycheck or welfare #SOMETIMES I'll get a pitiful and defensive 'well how was i supposed to know?!' when i confront people bugging me about this #you don't know so shut your trap about it in the first place #most people just ignore the reason and accuse me of making up excuses to eat 'unhealthy' foods tho #health nut #ableism #systemic ableism #food #Salt blessed Salt

[kyouka-supremacy]

That fic from Akutagawa's pov that remarked how although Dazai had left a bomb under Chuuya's car, at least that showed he had thought about him before going, while he never cared enough to spare a thought for Akutagawa.

#I think about it a lot... Something something the opposite of love isn't hatred but indifference #I can imagine Akutagawa and Chuuya fighting over Dazai when he left #“AT LEAST HE THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!” “HIS THINKING ABOUT ME WAS A FUCKING ATTEMPT TO MURDER ME AKUTAGAWA!” #... #It was supposed to be funny it shouldn't hurt me as much as it does......... #Trust me chuu/aku angst actually hits the hardest and you will never see it coming. #Because it’s not the kind of angst of “oh no my boyfriend has been beheaded by this magic sword that cuts through space and time ://”. #Chuu/aku angst hits right close to home when you least expect it and it’s so real in its inherent humanity it leaves you defenseless #ryūnosuke akutagawa #osamu dazai #chūya nakahara #bsd #bungou stray dogs #mine #q. #23/11/22 #I'm sorry I don't remember the fic of course I'll add the link if I find it again #It's just that sometimes you will read something in a fic and go “oh my God” and it feels like you've been run over by a bus #And other times you read a fic and it seems like nothing happened– #and then two years after you realize you're still thinking about that tidbit of lore and you'll be like “oh... oh.” #Like fics that rewrite your entire belief system without you even noticing for real

[rotisseries]

tired of people who want pjo movie references in the disney+ show. "logan lerman should've been-" i don’t care. "poker face in the casino-" actually i hope ms. gaga keeps her entire discography miles away from it. i don't care move on

#peace and love🫶 #this isn't even to say I didn't like those parts of the movies or that I can't see the appeal in having references in the show #I'm just tired of HEARING about it oh my god #the pjo movies are getting all of the loving looking back they could need #just in the fact that people's opinions of them are clearly shifting #like people look back on them more fondly now they were VERY bad adaptations but fun movies overall with some good scenes #I think the shift in public opinion is also due to the d+ show btw I think the fact we have a good adaptation now #means people no longer feel the need to spend energy publicly and viscerally disavowing the movies anymore #but we still don't really need references to it!! especially when it's shit you're so clearly not getting I'm sorry #they're not putting logan lerman anywhere in there you know this look inside yourself #and they're DEFINITELY not putting poker face in the lotus hotel scene COME ON NOW THAT WOULD JUST BE STUPID #the lotus hotel scene is already going to undeniably get compared to the pjo movie version #and they. kind of have a lot to beat. the lotus hotel scene was so much fun #there's already going to be a bunch of “which was better?” discourse about it #using poker face would honestly probably not help. also then it's not gonna be a fun scene in it's own right #it's gonna be a fun and good scene to people just cause it references some bad movies #anyway I hope they pick a different song I saw some people say hotel room- #pjo #pjo tv #pjo disney+

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Yeah, people like to think that (adult) Jason’s snarky, cutting, and unapologetic post crisis characterization and the (mostly) “watered down”, docile personality he’s had from N52/rebirth onwards are irreconcilable, and that the shift was just an editorial decision with the intent of marketing him as a “likeable” hero.

While that last part might be true, have they considered that textually it makes perfect sense that being consistently in contact with an abuser just does that to a person. Wears them down until they feel like nothing but a husk, without any discernible direction or opinions of their own. If it isn’t completely burnt out yet, they (consciously or unconsciously) suppress that part of themselves that thinks independently either for self-preservation or to keep the peace. Considering anyone, even “mentally strong” people could fall victim to mental abuse, it’s actually pretty realistic imo.

#kelseethe #like what do you mean the shift ‘makes no sense’ #have you even met Bruce #he is a hell pit of darkness that sucks the life out of everyone who cares enough about him to put up with all of his problems #okay maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but #even the most headstrong of people would wither away if they spent years trying to love and care for someone as volatile as him #that much is true #in other words I think Gotham war should be a wake up call for Jason and he should start doing everything in his power to fuck with Bruce #And then cut him off entirely #though nothing he could come up with would hold a candle to Bruce ‘God of torture’ Wayne #Bruce’s actions actually make perfect sense #You become so obsessed and fixated with torture and you genuinely glorify it #To the point that’s all you know how to do even when you’re trying to do good #this is magnificent I love it #and will continue to so long as Jason is fucking fuming after this #anyway even at his most extreme Jason was never a terrorist-level threat lol #like you know there’s a difference between #‘I'm going to do what I want and you're going to accept it. you can keep doing whatever it is you convince yourself is right though’ #and seeing someone who disagrees with you then spending years wanting and trying to destroy their ability to disagree as a whole #right? #and yikes. with the power and resources someone like Bruce has? so dangerous.

[gregoftom]

what do you mean you don’t think you’re gonna be buried at my side

#I CANT STOP LAUGHINGGGG AT TOMS EXPRESSION IN THE THIRD SHOT HES LIKE. AND THATS THAT ON THAT #HES SO RIDICULOUS!!!!! I LOVE IT WHEN HE'S UNHINGED #greg you DUMMY if I get fired if I die you are coming with me!!!!!! #greg: he likes me so i'm safe tho #tom: huh???????????????????? how is that relevant???? we're one and the same????? if i die so do you ??? you're my soulmate? lmfao #the only mf you can trust is ME or did you forget that. idc if he likes you you're MINE and only i will take care of you #WHO HAS EVER LOOKED AFTER YOU IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY #ALO THE WAY HE LOOKSA T HIM WHEN HE SAYS THE HIGHEST PAID ASSISTANT GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #he can't even talk shit any more without looking at him like he's everything to him TOM YOU ARE SLIPPIIIIIING #''its the family death march'' stop SAYING that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 WE GET IT YOU COUNT GREG AS YOUR FAMILY!!!!!! YOU COUNT HIM AS #YOUR EVERYTHING!!!!!!! I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!11111111111 #tomgreg #yall just. just ANNOYING #also alsooooo the fact that tom was like did i do good? did i sound good? like greg was his little spouse brought along to a #work meet thing. that sounded good to the boss right? what do you think honey? sounded okay? #i hate them fr #ALSO SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! S

[lightofjedi]

I wish people understood that a female character being written by a dude who objectify and sexualize her is not her fault but the writter's, and that going on about the importance of not sexualizing female characters while simultaneously using said sexualization as a reason to sprout misogynistic remarks about and dehumanising sexualized female characters just shows your hypocrisy and how little you actually care about women.

#just to be clear i'm not defending ''people's right to sexualize women'' #i'm complaining about people who are misogynistic towards female characters for being sexualized instead of criticizing the author #you can hate a female character all you want #but stop acting like you're defending feminism or some shit while calling sexualized female characters ''c-md-mpster'' and shit like that #or selectively distort canon to make said character seem like a villain or a monster #that's disgusting and even more disgusting when yall be talking about an honest to god teenage girl #just ranting #this is about inoue orihime btw #people need to stop being creeps about her fr #tbh this post goes to all shonen anime fandoms #the writers and yall be so fucking weird about girls #english not my native language so apologies if this makes no damn sense. i'm too moody right now

[buckttommy]

random blogger: yay buddie canon season 6 i'm so excited! :)

the fucking happiness police: actually? i don't even understand how you guys could even think this is a thing, buck and eddie are so distant it's never going to happen, kristen clearly hates eddie and thinks he should die this is sterek / destiel / mcdanno / etc all over againfmgkslldgjldkdlf

#like OH MY FUCKING GOD #ok i'm being normal again but jesus christ you guys don't give it a rest #and the condescension!! be so serious right now. it's a fucking fox show. you're blogging about a fox tv show and you're trying #to be condescending..... gag !! lol #anyways

[stranger-chichka]

The same mirror behind Nancy

#'that's my sister nancy' 'pretty' 'i guess' #'pretty. good. you look pretty good.' 'pretty. good.' #'still pretty?' 'yeah. really pretty. el?' 'yes?' 'i'm happy you're home' #'mike! i was so worried about you! is that my dress?' #'miss you. love el.' and just like that nancy comes in with 'the hell are you doing? it's ten after!' #just like after the kiss in s1 mike immedeately says 'nency. hold on i'll be right back' #or in s2 nancy is in the frame while mike says to el 'just be careful okay? i can't lose you again' #or when in s3 'i love her and i can't lose her again' is called just a family discussion and nancy is also there #god these familial parallels #stranger things familial parallels #anti milkvan #stranger things #byler #<- target audience

[ducktracy]

okay. i still have to actually compile the vast majority. but i HAVE clipped every single Mel Yell. round 1 will probably wrap up within the next few weeks. and let me just put it out there that binging the entire Speedy and Daffy filmography twice in 2 months is one of the most demoralizing things i have ever done. i sighed after i saved every single clip. i can't even think of a funny one-liner to end this on. these polls are the best and only way you're ever going to be able to watch these cartoons. I Am In Hell

#i'm being a bit facetious here obviously but like. oh my god i am seriously depleted of spirit right now LMFAO #ignoring any actually problematic cartoons these shorts are the worst for me because i just feel so depressed anytime i watch them #if you're someone who enjoys studying character assassination then watch Speedy and Daffy cartoons to see every bit of integrity from Daffy #go down the toilet

[leavingautumn13]

y'all are lucky it's an emerald kick i'm on right now and not an oras one because i get weird and feral about how characters in oras are aware of the narrative they're in and react differently to it depending on which game you're playing

#pepe silvia meme dot png #listen. listen. if you're playing alpha sapphire then you're the antagonist in archie's story. #if you're playing omega ruby maxie's the antagonist in your story and he leans into the role with glee. #(also he's much friendlier than people give him credit for. he has a whole monologue in seafloor cavern about how #happy he is to see you even though he knows you're about to fuck up his plans #and archie does NOT have equivalent dialogue in alpha sapphire he just gets right into kicking your ass) #(i'm so normal about maxie you guys) #when zinnia asks if you've ever had to hold back your grief... if you answer ''no'' she LAUGHS #and says ''don't you know you're supposed to agree? and then we can share a touching moment of pain?'' #i'm also totally normal about zinnia #god #''don't you know you're supposed to agree'' fucked me up so bad and all i did was read about it on bulbapedia #there's no place like hoenn #<- resurrecting this old tag #edited to add: ALSO ''s/he's the hero. right?'' #GOD I LOVE ZINNIA #broke: zinnia did nothing wrong. woke: zinnia did everything wrong while speedrunning the five stages of grief

[tokidokifish]

also yeah the plagiarism is horrific in its extent and the damage it did to fellow queer creators but honestly one of the biggest indicators of james somerton's fuck-ass stupidity and almost fucking admirable refusal to do his own research was him saying that serial killer fangirls only like jeffrey dahmer because he didn't kill women

#an INSTANT #like a single solitary SECOND of research #would have shown that for some reason some women are attracted to serial killers #and have been for decades #no matter the nature of their crimes #like fucking richard ramirez ALONE #and then he goes on to contradict himself! #just so he can continue bitching about women! #god i saw a comment somewhere that was like #'james somerton is like ''you're gay because you love men. i'm gay because i hate women. we are not the same.''' #and they are fucking RIGHT

[vaguely-concerned]

the thing about growing up undiagnosed high-masking autistic is that it feels a lot like being expected to spontaneously develop, nay, somehow autogenically manifest from somewhere deep in your soul, a perfect understanding of ancient greek. and you scrape by for a long while on route memorization of established texts and sneaking looks in dictionaries while people glance away and frantic spiritual google translating and you form a tattered highly specialized vocabulary and some exceedingly hazy theories of grammar. but then one day the world will be like 'wonderful, you've really got this down huh! now it's time to go out there in the world and compose your own poetry! have fun!' and then you sit there like ':) oh no!' and in your cobbled-together desperate lingo it's very hard to find a way to tell people 'my nervous system has been burning for so long that there's only electrified ash left in here to carry the signal and all that greek ate every other language I may have known at the beginning so now I don't understand anything at all anymore I don't know how to truly speak and I don't know how to truly listen it's all greek to me' without them going 'but don't be silly you're so eloquent!' and/or 'well have you tried to spontaneously be a fluent latin speaker instead that worked great for me!' and then I want to go lie down at the bottom of the deepest ocean forever and never get up

#my brain feels like scrambled eggs mixed in with sewage #the idea of having to -- as it were -- sit down with duolingo and start to learn again in this state fills me with despair! #the metaphor is imperfect b/c what I'm trying to capture seems so... ironically outside of the realm of verbal language lmao #hey @ god you tuned me wrong at birth I don't take in the right wavelengths apparently could we look into that? (he's left me on read) #you're listening to radio depression and this has been a vent post

[lgbtlunaverse]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex #god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood #that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets. #but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society #i don't know what to say i'm just so tired #politics #culture #queerphobia #lgbtqia #misogyny #<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy #patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights #so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized #purity culture #i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr