#and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much.....

[lissilvsrev]

Heyy, i already made a request abt a Aonung x Albino Navi/Navi from a cold region and u wanted that the request were more specific so im just going to give u more ideas:

Like i was thinking the reader is like a messenger (i think that its the word) from her clan for the exchange of materials between the two clans, so Aonung and the reader saw eachother before and it was like love at first sight (u can change this if u want tho but i imagine like aonung felt so attracted to them bcs it was like something new to him and he was curious 😭💕) so when they finally talk they pass a lot of time together learning about each other and their clans

And idk if u wanna write this but i also imagine like when Aonung try to court reader probably Ronal would be a bit against that cuz the reader definitely doenst look like any other navi and also they are from a very different place and she wants someone good for her son and the clan, but this its optional tho 💕

FRIENDS DON'T ;; AO'NUNG

summary ;; maybe only three days of five at your side were enough to gather courage.

pairing ;; ao'nung x fem!albino!cold-region!na'vi! reader

warnings ;; none

word of the day ;; herwì [ˈhɛɾ.wɪ] n. snow

first a/n ;; i really like the idea because it kinda remind be of that movie of tinker bell ?? anyways, i tried my best !! hope to get your expectations ¡!

As the rain came down hard you couldn't help but give a yawn at the horizon. The afternoon had passed too quickly for your liking and, having arrived at Awa'atlu and set things up for the next few days, there wasn't much to do anymore. You began to count down the times for tomorrow, where you should first talk to the younger ones, or perhaps the boys your age, so that they would learn how to conserve the medicinal flora.

"I thought you preferred to hide" the voice of that boy made you smile and you denied.

"Only when the sun comes up."

You had met Ao'nung maybe seven years ago, the first time your parents allowed you to accompany them. It was a cold winter, before humans could approach the snowy mountains of your clan where at present, they were already settling. You remembered how you had run your hands through the water, excited to smell new scents and meet new people. You remembered the warmth inside your big coat that tried to cover you and also, of course, you remembered the faces of those who welcomed you to their lands.

"She is our daughter, we hope that in the future she will be the designated messenger for these islands, Tonowari" your father spoke, extending his pale hand to yours which despite being covered, was the same shade. Looking up you bumped into the one who was the chief, with his partner and hidden behind the Tsahìk were their eldest son and the youngest daughter.

You didn't really like it when your parents introduced you to other clans in the mountains. Not only because they might see you as weak or clumsy due to your moon-shiny skin, but also because they often wanted to get their hands on the 'gift of Eywa'. However, from Ronal's gaze you immediately picked up that your physique was not something that caught her attention in the least and even, she seemed to disown it, looking at you with disdain when she passed by you those five days you stayed as a young na'vi.

"The previous winter you didn't come. I thought--we thought you wouldn't come this time" the boy corrected himself ominously, positioning himself to one side of you, feeling how the rain was gradually lowering its intensity.

"You missed me?" by the way he looked at you, you noticed he was surprised by your comment, but when you laughed he could only roll his eyes.

"Please, you?" he grumbled, smiling. "You people teach slow, that's all. I had a hard time understanding them. I needed my designated teacher" he gave a false explanation to which you added other words with derision.

"Or maybe we are too fast for you" you started to walk back to the marui, but he took your hand. It felt warm, unlike yours which was always cold.

"Where are you going, are you planning to hide?"

"Show, actually."

...

Ao'nung wasn't an idiot. He knew that since the first winter his feelings for you had begun to blossom, ironic as it seemed. Though there was always something that made him recoil when he sought to express himself to you. Perhaps the idea that by having a beauty beyond perfection -according to him- you would be paired with someone from the snowy mountains, maybe because he belonged to the water and you to the snow or simply, the voice of his mother and friends was stuck deep in his mind and heart. But there was always something that stopped him from showing you his true personality.

His sister called him childish, but for him there was no other way to express himself to you. Give you a necklace? Not at all, he'd rather you find it and he'd just tell you that when you found it it was yours. Express directly how he wanted to court you? Those words would never come out of his lips.

"Why are we here?" he asked, escorting you to the marui where there were some furs.

"You told me my people teach too slow, so I'll teach you from now on" you shrugged to the side and began to speak.

But while, your voice was calm when you spoke and it was one of the things he admired most about you, he couldn't help but notice your braids, adorned with brown feathers that highlighted your colorless hair. You pointed and traced with your pale fingers the animal skins you brought from your lands, but now he looked at your eyes, similar to his, blue, no, yours were the color of the water between his hands, light blue.

"…Over there they don't grow, but here they do, so with them you can adjust them and they will remain as the drums for the return of the tulkun" you finished explaining.

The rain had returned and with your poor vision, you could only see things sharply from up close. You wondered if it was his hair, maybe his eyes, but something made you notice that the boy's presence was much closer than before.

"You understood, didn't you?" you preferred to believe it was just your condition about bad view and noticed that the boy nodded. "Well, would you rather I talk to you now about-?" but he interrupted you.

"Customs. Tell me about the customs of your clan" you blinked a couple of times and cocked your head.

Customs? It wasn't necessary. Nothing had to do with them in that winter's delivery.

"What, did I speak like an animal? Come on, tell me" at his insistence, you had no choice but to explain.

First you named the ways of hunting you had, explaining with a smile how unlike the forests, there were animals with thicker skin and even fur, so they were used for clothing, especially for you or your parents, who had to take more care of their skin.

Then you talked about the artistic expressions, showing him the designs of the baskets, then telling him about the tattoos of his clan, comparing them to the face paintings in your clan. You continued to explain to him for so long that the freedom felt incredible, at least until your mother walked in, surprised.

"Oh, it's time for dinner" she reported, putting on her best smile.

As you both made your way to the place, the boy couldn't help but notice that you were attentive to everything around you and whispered, behind your mother's back.

"If you want, tomorrow I can show you a couple of things about my clan" and your smile was enough to make his heart pound, almost silencing the insecurities deep inside his body.

...

"It's not funny!" you spoke once you surfaced, having been knocked down by the ilu you had tried to hold on to and which, because of your nerves, shot out. Ao'nung's laughter was impossible to mistake and that alone made you give a grunt as you returned to his side.

"You said it was like going fishing, but you don't look to me like your fish are the size of an ilu" he put a hand on his waist, amused and quieting his laughter little by little.

"Apparently you listen to my words, huh" you folded your arms.

The day was for Ao'nung to allow himself to show you around and explain his clan to you every time you finished teaching your classes to his people. This he told his parents and, Tonowari, happy to see that his son at least once in his life was doing something for pleasure and not by command, decided to assign him that task. Besides, soon both he and you would be village chiefs and this tradition would have to continue for several generations so that the exchange of goods would be normalized.

Now, his mother was more… careful with the change in the boy's personality, after all, she was his mother, especially when she heard her son's arrival so late after the first day. Then the second.

By the third day, the two were debating methods of courtship.

"Competitions? Really?" he questioned when he came in from the hunt to your marui. You nodded.

"For example, if you have three suitors, they must face various tests. Sled races, fire dancing, there are several" you listed. "My favorite is the Säwem!"

"Säwem? Like… Fighting?" he grimaced in confusion, but you could tell how interested he was.

"Not with each other, of course. But with yourself." you clarified. "Do you consider yourself good for that person? How would you rate your efforts? How far would you go for that person? It can be internal or external factors, and you can also struggle with it spiritually or physically."

You continued with the explanation and Ao'nung felt a pain in his chest as his mouth went dry. What he felt could be a form of courtship? He even found it funny.

"…My father once stayed under a blizzard to try on mom" you recalled, laughing. "I mean, they were paired up, but still, he wanted to prove to her that he was worthy."

He wanted to consider himself worthy. Him. Just him. He didn't want someone else from your clan to try any of those things. He didn't want to know that other boys were fighting over you, even if it was at races or dances. He wanted to-

"I would do that for you" his words came out matter-of-factly. You were surprised, but his own face showed you that he was much more shocked to say it out loud.

You looked away and felt your cheeks blush a little. You felt annoyed that your own skin could give you away so easily. "Friends don't need that kind of courtship" you tried to push the idea away, embarrassed, but right now, the boy had already screwed up and there was no way to take it back.

"No, friends don't" he acknowledged, moving a little closer to you. "Friends don't" he arranged one of your albino braids carefully and looked at you. He wasn't the Ao'nung that teased you as a child. He wasn't the boy who stuck his tongue out at you, hiding behind his mother. He wasn't the one who laughed at you with his friends.. It was Ao'nung. Your Ao'nung…. "May I-" but you didn't give him time until you moved closer and kissed the corner of his lips.

You both looked at each other for a while and your cheeks were already between a very strong purple and pink.

"Sorry. I forgot my vision wasn't the best. I wanted to kiss your lips" you admitted, covering your mouth with one of your hands.

He pushes your hand away with his, laughing, and intertwines your fingers. His laughter surrounded you and so did his arms.

For him, 'Moon skin' as his mother used to say with unpleasant voice matched perfectly.

a/n ;; I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT RONAL BUT I THOUGHT THAT JUST LIKE THIS IT WAS PERFECT BECAUSE THEY ARE HAPPY OKAY IM SRRY 😭😭😭😭ALSO, I INVENTED SO MANY THINGS??? james cameron squirms on the set of Avatar 3 istg i was listening to "calling after me" by wallows while i was writing this btw

#aonung x reader #aonung x you #aonung x y/n #avatar x reader #atwow #avatar fanfiction #avatar 2022 #avatar 2 #avatar #avatar way of water #avatar x reader fluff #avatar x y/n #avatar x you #aonung avatar #ao'nung x reader #aonung x female reader #aonung x albino reader #aonung x na'vi reader

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to be weirder. I need to hang out/talk with more intensely weird and deeply genuine people, and more frequently

#franposting #apropos of me being weirder and more terrible and more honest lately #and it feels. good? mentally clearer. more at peace #this isnt some oh small talk is bullshit nonsense #it has a place! we need socisl scripts to be polite and function sometimes! #i am simply saying that i personally have spent far too long being the idea of a person. the mask of one #that i want to start being a real person. my pinocchio ass out here like #people pleasing out of fear needs to stop. you can be unsettling. babe. babe its okay. you can laugh ugly and loud and be strange #and too intense and think too much and say strange things #and the world wont end. you can be a person warts and all #it is so weird. and also lowkey pathetic that i am only realizing this now aged 27 #like. my fear didnt make me more palatable or more loved. #it just made me lonely AND more depressed #i might still be isolated and lonely and offputting. but at least i can laugh at myself in joy in the meanwhile #idk if that makes any sense but it does to me so maybe thats all that matters for this post #ANYWAY everyone who ive been talking w lately #(yall know who u are) #im like. thank u. thank u

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM #god help me #i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD #like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone #but man oh man is it... A Lot #and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much..... #and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im #just... like ... o #bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just #the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much...... #and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue. #i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........ #im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND #but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good #like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle #bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary #i dint think itd be scary with him #but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just.. #idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭 #like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk. #getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new

[star-girl69]

Love Song

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader

—-

a/n: just needed to do some general hc’s to get all my thoughts in order i hope you all enjoy!!

Love song - Lana Del Rey

warnings: the formatting is weird idk why i can’t fix it but y’all will live, swearing, a little itty bitty bit of violence, every facet of clarisse finding its way here and i love them all, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

i’m sure we all agree on this

but clarisse is very protective of you

even if you’re a very capable fighter, even if you’re even better than her, clarisse is still so protective of you

i mentioned this in one of my fics (maybe so it goes…????) but like the reason behind this is the fact that clarisse is just SCARED

she is terrified of losing you bc you are the only one she feels like she can be herself with

like clarisse is insane!!!!! in a good way!!!!! but also she’s a 17 year old girl…. she wants TO BE LOVED

she tries to talk to you about how she feels about her dad and about everything else in her life, but even though she doesn’t want to be, she’s locked up like a vault

she knows her emotions are always super intense and she has big reactions

major anger issues but they’ve gotten better with age

the problem is she spent her entire life being told that she needed to calm down, that she couldn’t feel like that all the time, and she just tried to shut down

obviously that did not work

but it still makes it virtually impossible to talk about her feelings

when it comes to you tho she’s an open book

she’s a daughter of ares she’s headstrong she’s proud and her fatal flaw is PRIDE

i mentioned this before but she wants everyone to know that you’re hers and she’s yours

your relationship is partly very public

she’s not afraid to touch you or kiss you

she’s not afraid to show you off and (needs to) show everyone that yes your beautiful self belongs to HER

so naturally she gets very jealous

even when you’re like clarisse you are INSANE

there’s been a few times when you first started dating and you were still getting comfortable and weren’t that public yet so like someone would flirt with you

it went like this

boy: hey what’s up you’re kinda fine

y/n: oh! oh yeah no….. no…..

clarisse: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU—

then she started attacking him

lost dessert privileges for a month, she proudly declared that it was worth it (besides you would sneak her bites of yours like)

now that everyone knows you’re hers her jealousy is rooted a lot more in delusion and insecurity

you’ll be like in a group talking someone and she’ll pull you closer and be like “i think that guys staring at you a little too much.”

“clarisse no the fuck he’s not what”

b/c of the fact that she isn’t a son for her father she gets insanely jealous if specifically a MAN gets even an inch too close however innocently

she doesn’t want to think it but she thinks you’ll eventually realize her father is right and she’s not as useful or good bc she’s a girl

most of the time when she gets jealous bc of her insecurities she just becomes extra clingy

but also any emotion she feels she gets extra clingy to you so sometimes it’s hard to tell LMAO

she isn’t really a big hand holder but that’s only because she’s actually holding you CLOSER to her by your waist

also one more note about your relationship publically

everyone gets whiplash bc like she’s a BULLY fo everyone else and then you walk over and she’s all heart eyes

i hate everyone but you trope save me

save me i hate everyone but you trope

THIS HAPPENED IN IN A GOOD WAY

clarisse: pushes percy over

you: nuh uh clarissseeeeeeee

clarisse: omg hi beautiful gf

you: touches her shoulder, looks at her disapprovingly

clarisse: fine i’ll go, *scares percy*, bye bye beautiful ily

like she’s just being a bitch and then all of a sudden you come around and she’s like hiiiiiii babyyyyy how is my gorgeous gorgeous girl today??

so outwardly clarisse is just very proud and touchy

privately she lets herself be a little more chill

this is where she really touchy you thought before was worse nah

idk if y’all have noticed but in my fics clar’s always holding on y/n’s hips and that’s just me self projecting bc i have the most horrid hip dips but my point still stands

SHE LOVES YOUR HIPS

would totally call them “love handles” IM SORRYY

but she just likes having a place to hold where she can just like kinda actually physically grab you with her hands

like yeah she can wrap her arms around your waist but she likes to GRAB you

cuddling w her is fun bc like this girl cannot get ENOUGH of you there’s only like three ways you cuddle

you on top of her whether just like completely on top of her (one of her favs) or just with your head on her chest

this is what happens whenever you feel scared

like there was a monster attack just near the barrier and you’ve all been feeling uneasy all day

TRUST you are sleeping in her bed tonight

wraps her arms around you so tight it’s like she’s crushing you

also she’s running your back or caressing your head whichever you prefer

she keeps her spear right next to her bed and makes sure you can see it so you know however subconsciously NOTHING can hurt you bc she’s right there (nothings gonna hurt you baby vibes)

or she’s on top of you this one usually happens when she’s feeling a little extra insecure and jealous and it’s like no one can see you if she’s on top of her so then you’re hers

she isn’t the smartest one in the bunch but she has good intentions!!!!

also she lays on top of you if you get hurt

like after so it goes for example when y/n got that little cut on her hand

you’re like “clar pls you’re crushing me”

“um ok you scared the shit out of me today tho you need to LET ME do this fuck”

third option

you’re both laying on your side and facing each other legs tangled together and she’s probably whispering to you

she’s a big whisperer i feel it in my heart

like tracing her hands on your face and saying your so beautiful or telling you how you make her feel

oh lord take me now

also she loves you the way hozier loves

“someone asked me in the end i’d tell them ‘put me back in it’ // darlin’ i would do it again // if i could hold for a minute”

“when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth no grave could hold my body down i’d crawl back to her”

like she BREATHES for you

if she died and then you were like “i miss you” trust she would find a way to come back to life

totally daydreams about going on such a fantastical quest that the gods offer both of you immortality so you can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever

like if the world ends y’all would still be there having a little picnic date

devotion is the only word that comes close

anyways

ok nicknames she calls you:

baby, angel, gorgeous, pretty thing/girl, beautiful, lovely, dummy (lovingly)

(recently saw a few posts abt clarisse saying mama/mamas i may be swayed)

dates she takes you on:

forces you to train w her even if you don’t like it but she lets you win OBVIIIII, under the stars in the woods, take your dinners to go and sneak back to either hers or your cabin to eat together, secret makeout sessions in the bathroom her cabin your cabin anywhere she can get her hands on you

this is so random but i get horrible migraines and i am ADDICTED to these like headache relief frequency sounds on youtube i swear they work and i was like omg you can’t have electronics at chb I WOULD NOT SURVIVE

so if you are a real one like me and get horrible migraines but this goes for being sick in general she’s like a little puppy pretending to be a wolf barely holding it together

she’ll be like at the foot of your bed begging you not to go into the light while shouting at someone at the same time to refill your water

you like have a cold

she would rub your temples if you had a headache and she would literally be like a doll for you to move around like oh you wanna lay on her chest? by all means

you wanna lay upside down with your feet in her face? as long as you get better you can do whatever you want!

you don’t wanna touch her at all? that’s where she draws the line

you’ll be like “ugh i’m hot get away from me”

“okay ☹️☹️”

“why are you touching my feet with your feet”

she places you above everyone else

like yeah other people are ok…….

but you 😍😍😍😍😍😍

this is slightly cringe but she would fr burn the whole world down and not let a flame touch you

LIKE HAVE YALL SEEN THE ANONS IVE BEEN POSTING AND THE CAPTURE THE FLAG THINGS 😱😱😱😱 (y’all always check my blog im always posting the funniest shit bc i’m funny)

“you’re one opposite teams blah blah blah you get hurt clarisse drops EVERYTHING to help you even if just a paper cut” (i have no chill fic coming soon)

THEN THEN the other one that was like “ok but what if you ACTUALLY get hurt like broken leg”

clarisse just goes crazy when you’re hurt

in so it goes: “what if that cut gets infected?”

you’re her WORLD she literally can’t stand the thought or something happening to you or else she starts literally shaking in anger and sadness

but when clarisse gets hurt it’s a whole other story

LIKE FUCK YOU JUST WANNA CARE ABOUT HER AND SHES ALL LIKE “it’s chill.”

NO ITS NOT YOURE GONNA BLEED OUT 😭😭

clarisse never let’s anyone but you see her true emotions

like yeah when you’re in public and you’re being cutesy she starts smiling and everyone is SO confused

but still

she never lets anyone see her as WEAK

so she always downplays her injuries in terms of how much they hurt, but flaunts them off proudly at the same time?? yeah that makes sense

after a capture the flag game you march her to the bathroom with a first aid kit “ok baby take off your shirt”

she always makes some flirty comment like SHUSH NOT RN

then she has all these bruises and every once in a while a cut from someone’s sword

you’re like 😔😔💔

you’re the only one she will let clean her up

unless she like breaks a bone or needs stitches (which has never happened) no way in hell she’s going to the healers

if you’re a child of apollo or smth she’s like “i literally have my own person healer right here…..”

anyways i think that’s all but i will probably be updating this when i think of more stuff bc as we know i have no chill

thank you all sm for reading and reblogging and liking and commenting and sending all of your WONDERFUL asks they make me so happy i’m always giggling when i get one

anyways bye bye 😘

—

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x you #pjo tv show #pjo x reader

[mushroomnoodles]

this ask may sound fetishist but it ISNTT 💀💀💀 is just an ask about candy's body biology.

Can candy simon carry, idk sextuplets? and be alright? normal human body would struggle and have miscarriages or premature birth, also conditions like back pain or bad breathing in the mother. Would candy simon being just candy be able to experience the struggle of carrying or would he just do it normally?

do candy bodies have limits? like pregnancy it's taxing on the body –most when you pop baby after baby— judging by the fact that Betty and simon have like 7 children with apparently different ages, I'm gonna guess that is a maybe.

can candy simon experiment any miscarriage? maybe by a miscalculation of candy's witch beans idk.

this is a very good ask and i love these kinds of genuinely curious questions! makes me think. you're all good! tw/cw for non kink mpreg mentions and birth defect/miscarriage talk. also.. candy simon reproduction (since he's the only candy person even equipped to carry a child)

no, candy simon cannot carry sextuplets. that he would not survive. the way his body is now designed to work is to prioritize the growth of his unborn baby, which means his body uses its own sugars to grow the fetus. the most he could theoretically handle without some serious detriment to his health is triplets.

with, for example, quads, candy simon doesn't need to breathe, and he can't feel pain, but he would be extremely weak and low-energy, along with showing signs of malnourishment (and he would die, if candy witch didn't care for and monitor him closely. he would not be able to get up and feed himself.)

candy simon, as long as he is properly eating, can essentially go through pregnancy with minimal issues besides intense cravings (his body replacing the sugars) and mood swings. the weight of being pregnant is something he notices but it's a trivial issue that just makes it harder to manuever.

his organs are very simple (and don't entirely mirror a human's) and with each pregnancy candy witch keeps a close eye on his physical health. it helps that candy simon can just.. physically replace parts of himself with caramel. hell, it helps that candy simon is caramel- he's very sturdy and resilient, and easily mended. candy simon could get squashed and be fine.

like i said, his main (and pretty much only) danger is.. well.. giving too much of himself to his fetus. malnourishing himself.

candy simon's children are all at least a few years apart, and in between children candy simon is given enough time to physically recuperate (not that he needs much) he can keep going as long as he's healthy and in one piece.

and yes, candy simon can experience a miscarriage, but only by defect of candy witch's jelly beans. when eaten by a candy person, they're meant to sort of burrow through and "take root" in a place to grow. for candy simon, who is specifically now built for this, the bean will take root in his. er. candy womb, where it will begin taking sugars and other minerals needed to become a candy person.

if the jelly bean isn't produced properly or is "off," one of three things could happen:

the bean acts as a normal jelly bean and never "fruits"

the bean ceases growth shortly after implanting and is reabsorbed into his body

the bean continues development but creates a candy kid with defects/deformities

if, for some reason, his body did not absorb a partially grown, but failed, jelly bean, candy witch would remove it. she keeps tabs on his body once he eats a bean, so she knows if something's gone wrong with the pregnancy.

#a #cw mpreg #nothin but words #cw miscarriage #mushspeaks #headcanon posties

[stonerzelda]

genuinely idk about this job shituation I will probably just try to tough it out and deal with the intensely uncomfortable days going forward knowing that my fears have been confirmed and my coworker Does in fact hate me, and everyone there Does in fact fully believe me to be a legit idiot apparently unworthy of basic respect or friendliness 🫠🥴

Like I cant! I Cannot just quit ANOTHER job because I'm disliked! I tried so fckin hard, I finished my training and filled an entire notebook TO THE BRIM with every single miniscule detail of it in there thinking I would study this job like it was a fckin class so this specifically wouldn't happen!! But honest to god I did not see this coming and its making me question if maybe they're all right about me.

Like IM tired of making excuses for myself. It HAS to be me. I have to be the problem. It just doesn't make any fckin sense to me bc it's not like I'm not trying!!!!! Am I really just stupid? But then again like even if I was, is that a conceivable reason to treat someone like they're the bane of your existence when they've been nothing but kind despite that???

Idk man. Sorry for venting on main so much big time but I am soooooo lost. Like I feel so completely defeated. I'm 26 now and I have fuck all to show for it. My aspirations aren't realistic and going back to school at this age sounds like a nightmare for 1, and for 2 even if I did I really don't think it would actually yield me any results. That's just not how it works anymore.

Fack lol..

#i was once super competent and hsrd working and i wknder if its an environment thing or if im really just...diminished #maybe i HAVE become dumber. maybe ive just deteriorated without realizing #stranger things have happened ig but oh my godDDD

[primaviva]

so any news on carmilla since you returning to the gwen girlies? *does fuck boy hand rub to rizz you into confession*

*does that one pinterest emoji smirk back* ??? LMAOOAOA BUT YES LEMME GIVE YOU GUYS AN UPDATE

for starts yes i AM working on it, i actually started recently and it’s so much easier writing for girls since i have more fun so i feel it maaayyyyyyy get done quicker. but i also want to come on and say that yes, while i will be posting it to tumblr, i think i might make it on wattpad too. its only because i feel like it might be easier for people to read if they read it on wattpad to just scroll and also people usually read series on wattpad and come to tumblr if they wanna read oneshots (beside like oneshot books). and also i like how i can just brainstorm it all together on wattpad and make it look all pretty so… anyways with my AMAZING graphic design skills lemme start showing sneak peaks 😒😒

you can see a little peak of the cover 🤭 BAHAHAHAH but yeah this is what i have going on so far. im also an extreme perfectionist and because i made the wattpad cover start with the capitalization i refuse to not make the titles or writing be lowercase.

ANYWAYS! to start, i usually write gwen with spider gwen in mind so her age is usually between 16-18 in my stuff with the acception of the fics i do that specifically link to spiderverse but she usually is her comic 17-18 version. but for the plot i am gonna take HEAVY inspiration from one of the gwenom comics but its also gonna be based on the comic where she is starting college but when the plot starts she’s already been like a student maybe like a year in.

and secondly….this will NOT be the gwen we know and love or should i say the gwen YALL know and love. i kinda want to mess with her characterization to make it interesting like yes gwen is gonna be the awkward but nice girl but also like because i want this au version of earth 65 to be a little melancholy or dark vibes to it she WILL be a bit of an asshole at times, real cocky, and so on- like it’s gonna be so fun UGH!!

thirdly, im not sure if there is gonna be downright smut in this. like again, ik i have written “suggestive” content like my makeouts because i don’t necessarily write for strictly spiderverse gwen but just a whole amalgamation of it and its always based on comics so she’s like 17-18. i’m bringing this up because if you read carmilla- CMON NOW😭😭😭 there will be the suggestive scenes but idk if imma do it because while this will be the college version of gwen from the comics around 18-19 like i never wrote stuff like that and also don’t wanna perpetuate or feed content to the predator gwen fans on ANY platform. not like carmilla is heavy in sex i just wanna preface that because it’s always weird when people utilize au from something heavily sexual so it implies that the content WILL be sexual and not that that’s wrong in this case i just wanna let yall know you can expect content but not THAT content.

LASTLY the plot is lowkey short like i haven’t fleshed it out yet because i haven’t been having fun on tumblr when i write for guys so i wanna have fun with this and take my time writing the chapters before even releasing them so i don’t worry about dates for theme. but it won’t be like an intense lead rn it’s looking like MAYBE 15 chapters? possibly 20. i want a good balance of plot heavy and also gwen content in it that is sub plots to intensify the main plot (someone break me out of ap lang im gnawing at the enclosure) but i’m still working on it.

so yeah this is just little teasers for now and y’all can tell me what you think. im making little notes and stuff and im gonna woke on the plot and then just get straight to writing so i can just post a chapter weekly until we at the end so it gives me time to sprinkle other stuff in as well. i been over astv and just wanna write for my favorite women so this is me taking my stand on business 😒

#👑 — dalia’s speaks! #gwen stacy x reader

[daylighteclipsed]

My straight (homophobic at that time) older brother watching me play kh II 15(?) or so years ago on the ps2: 'these dudes are gay, wtf' 'why are they holding hands?'

My brother watching me replay the kh games at the start of the pandemic: 'Damn, I remember them being gay, but not this much. Good for them.'

I literally didn't even remember how extremely gay they were, cause I was 10 at the time but fr. If my brother saw it aged 15, I don't get how so many people keep saying it's a reach to ship them.

dshhdhefidhdhsg

See the thing is like. Holding hands is not always romantic, you know? Idk if I even consider Sora dropping to his knees crying and clutching Riku’s hand in KH2 “romantic.” Not on its own, at least.

It’s a very intense reaction. Imo it’s still the most emotionally bare we’ve seen Sora thus far. Because he’s not trying to hold anything back. In KH3, when everyone except Riku dies, I get the sense that Sora’s trying to keep it together but can’t and feels (even more) pathetic because of that. But, in KH2, when Sora finally finds Riku, his heart’s just unashamedly spilling out of him and it’s so raw you can feel it, and Nomura is so insane for writing Sora and Riku’s reunion like this. (It’s going to take a lot to top it, and I’m really excited to see him try.)

But it’s not the kind of gesture you can slap a romantic label on and be done with. Rather, it shows this profound, overwhelming love in general. You could label it a lot of things, but Nomura’s choice to make this Sora’s most vulnerable moment communicates This is the person I feel the most for. This is the person I love the most. (And even if we do consider Sora’s vulnerability here on the same level as the KH3 scene, what does it say that just finding Riku, just seeing him again, is as overwhelming for Sora as witnessing the deaths of almost all of his closest friends? Opposite sides of the emotional spectrum, but the same level of intensity, bringing him to his knees, reducing him to tears. That’s a choice.)

My straight boyfriend played the games along with me and even he picked up on Sora’s love for Riku being stronger than his love for any other character. We commonly associate “the person I love most” with a romantic partner, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. And I’m quite a big fan of stories where it’s not, where the heart of the story — the love story — is between family or friends. So I won’t be hugely disappointed if KH ends with no confirmed ships. (No ships would be preferable to… other things.) That said… when viewed collectively, in the context of the other games, I don’t think it’s a stretch to argue Sora and Riku’s KH2 reunion could be romantic.

Every game makes the love between these two boys more and more pronounced — they are clearly the heart of the story — but the last few installments arguably have slid into more romantic territory. We’re seeing more romantic tropes, dialogue, parallels. We’re at the point where Riku’s feelings for Sora are directly paralleled to Hercules’ romantic feelings for Meg. I mean, that’s pretty in your face gay. Among other things. So while on its own the KH2 reunion is not “romantic” imo, the increasing romantic nature of Sora and Riku’s bond can re-contextualize it as such.

If you didn’t pick up the gay shit CoM was putting down (which is highly probable because the EN dub butchered the JP so much), 15 years ago, was the ship a reach? Eh, maybe. I didn’t consider a romance between Sora and Riku until I hit Coded and DDD. (And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a noncanon ship, as long as you’re not hurting anybody — which is something a lot of people seem to forget.) Is Soriku a reach nowadays? No way. It’s written as a logical direction their characters could go in. If you don’t see anything between them, not a single romantic undertone, it’s because you don’t want to.

#soriku

[piracytheorist]

I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT SHADOWS OF ROSE SO BAD AGHHHHHH

Can we just talk about the amazing use of contrast when it comes to Michael's written words in the dlc??? Everything is so dark and distorted, meanwhile with Michael's words you feel the warmth despite the lack of a voice.

It helps too that they use golden yellow! A warm color, a color that represents happines, optimism, and friendship. The light that guides Rose to her journey to the crystal.

They really could've went and made Ethan a cool, badass, still sane mold monster but they didn't, they made him something that literally look like it came from the heavens. He really is an angel sent from heaven 🥺

Also I'm glad they didn't fully make Mia bad here, though there was the weird plot hole where she didn't tell Rose anything about Ethan... And from what me and my friends discussed it appears Rose has gone into a boarding school, resulting in less time to visit Mia. Probably why she mentions "I haven't seen Mom in ages."

Its super cool Rose is hella smart, though it ended up kinda kickstarting the bullying for her :( they're just jelly she's tons smarter and cooler than they'll ever hope to be.

The whole Winters home sequence wa soooo fluffy and cute it just made me giddy inside!!! :3 and when Ethan says "You have me." when Eveline screams that Rose is no more than a freak who has no friends made me break UGHH

And as usual, Ethan puts other before himself even willing to fight Miranda and possibly suffer a lot. But it wouldn't matter as long as his daughter was safe.

And what does Rose do? She sacrifices the only chance she has to be normal, all just to save her dad. Like he did for her back then!!!!

This DLC dude, i swear.... It really made my heart soar...

That's a good reaction pic for this DLC. Just looking at the void screaming inside.

Ethan's words were like a soft light guiding and supporting Rose through the dark and creepy nightmare. It's not just what he said, but the way his words were shown was so on point. I was so excited to see what he'd say and at the same time felt relief every time he appeared, cause after all the creepy and intense stuff, he provided Rose with support and a moment to breathe.

I feel it's once again them not caring about making Ethan a macho badass. He's just a dude and he cares so much for his daughter, prioritizing her over anything else. And his appearance with soft, glowing words really accentuates that. He's just a soft dad 🥺🥺 and really, it's what Rose needed in that case. It helps build up their relationship up to the end where they hug and say they love each other. It wouldn't work as well, it wouldn't hit as hard, if for most of the game it was just a cool badass portrayal of Ethan who at the end suddenly shows a caring, soft side. I mean, I'm not implying anything about real life; but since this is a fictional story, it worked so well to have "Michael" guide Rose and help her while being portrayed as calm and reassuring, for us to invest and be touched by their final scene. I mean dude they really went for the feels and they wanted us to cry even harder than we cried at the end of the main game.

The boarding school idea is kinda good, although I wonder how and why they decided to send her away. They had seen how Eveline ended up when she felt that she didn't have a family to love her; why did they repeat that mistake with Rose? And yeah I'm wondering too why Mia didn't tell her anything about Ethan. Maybe Rose was too young to remember when Chris took her? But still like, there should be something, idk. And if they do leave it there and don't explore the Winterses' story in any future games, then the reason Rose didn't learn anything about Ethan will stay a plot hole.

Oh I feel that about her being bullied. I was bullied a lot at school too, and it always comes from kids that have something going on with their lives and just take it out on an easy victim. Though that kinda goes to show that Rose had received enough care by that point that she didn't turn full-on Eveline and never burst out using her powers to hurt other people. Or like, you know Stephen King's Carrie? That second doll puzzle where they prepare to throw something on the Rose doll from a bucket could have easily ended up in Rose losing it and killing them on the spot. And now I'm thinking, when K in the beginning cutscene tells her "You're not a freak!" or whatever, it feels like it's the first time Rose hears something like that. And it would make sense, considering it's a fake, only Miranda manipulating her. Geez Rose really doesn't have anyone to support her through this huh. Once again, Chris wants her to join his operation, but god forbid he supports her emotionally and helps her accept that she's not a monster.

No, only Ethan is there for her, and he's not even THERE. That "You have me" breaks me too, I'm going through Maxylobes' first time playthrough and seeing it again makes me wanna scream. My sweet Ethan! He really doesn't care if Rose has her powers or not, he only wants her to be happy in whatever way she wants to be. And he invests in it. Rose wants to remove her powers and is stubborn about it? Imma help my daughter out! Rose accepts her powers back in order to defeat Miranda and have a moment with me? I'm so very proud of my baby T_T

And yeah when Rose breaks the crystal, it's like she's at once and full-force reciprocating her dad's devotion. Like, it means a lot to me that in the main game, Ethan could have left the village at any given moment, yet he stayed and fought in order to save his daughter, even dragged himself back TO LIFE to complete that. And again, Rose has the chance to get out of the megamycete consciousness at any given moment, but she's determined to get rid of her powers… and it's a case of "the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" because she realizes that what she really wanted was not to get rid of her powers, but to embrace and accept them, and feel LOVED with OR without them. And Ethan's guidance, and support, and protection, and LOVE throughout the whole nightmare she was going through, no matter whether she got rid of her powers or kept them, is what helped her do exactly that. She didn't want to feel "normal"; she wanted to feel loved. Her classmates hated her for her powers; Chris seemed to only value her FOR her powers. And instead, Ethan shows her unconditional love, that powers or not, he loves her to death, literally.

Bruh I'm… I'm… I need a moment. I had so many reservations about this DLC but GOD did it give me so much more than I could ever have expected.

#don't get me wrong there's still a lot I'd like answered #but what we got was huge by itself <3 #Ethan Winters #Rosemary Winters #Resident Evil #re meta #Shadows of Rose #shadows of rose spoilers #resident evil spoilers #mushroomwithsomeink #ask and ye shall receive

[pearlsofthec]

What do u mean in your recent insta story that the yoga place is low vibrational? (If u feel like elaborating)

p.s. love uuuu u are def high vibrational and i love ur vibe and aesthetic u inspire me to be my best self!!

I preach positivity but I'll never not take an opportunity to be a hater when it comes to superficial wellness. Let's gooo: The blue-ish lights, for starter, drives me crazy. I don't know if you can can see in the picture, but the gym I go to has blue/ violet lights all around, and I don;t understand it: it isn't natural, it isn't calming, and it's so intense in the weight/ hard gym part of the establishment, it bleeds into the yoga room. So instead of having my mind wander and float, my calmness is disrupted by this crazy lightning.

THEN we have the issue that it's not even a strictly yoga room. And that's normal for many places, I know I know. But it's frustrating to see the space we're using is literally just and improvised setting, with step exercise seps mounted, crowding the walls, ankle weights all around, no natural light... I don't know, space is so important for me, and I feel like when you need to do grounding work, it's crucial to feel embraced, and somewhat connected to nature. We're in 25, huddled in a tiny room, and I think the medium space between each person's mat is about 30 cm tops. That's just insane!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to do my prasarita padottanasana with the fear that when I unfold my head will meet the butt of the middle aged man in front of me, that's not what yoga's about...

Let's not even talk about the fact that they don't offer different lessons according to the different yoga types. They practically just separate the lessons in two: intense and non intense. So I have no way of knowing whether what is being taught is going to be hatha, vinyasa, astanga...

I love love love yoga, i go to class 4-5 times a week when I can, and I won't stop going despite all of my complaints. But I feel like all of those things are a reflection of a deeper problem, that runs deeper, into Milan's inner workings: it's simply not a city of nature, and its people are not people who, in their majority, have any interest in leading holistic lifestyles. Coming from a family, and a country, that values natural health, mobility and wholesomeness, this is still something I'm learning to navigate. And when this problem manifests into unassuming activities... idk, I feel a bit disheartned. Maybe the problem is that I signed up to an unfortunate gym, but honestly, I think the mentality of this city is not accomodating to the real yoga yet. The teachers are so willing, and some other students are as well. But the problem is institutional, unfortunately...

I am so sorry for going on a crazy vent AHAHAH I think I have just been reminiscing about the awesome vinyasa seshs I'd have back in São Paulo and that set me off...

I hope you have a good night though, your words were so kind, I hate to think I might have set the vibes off with my complaint, but it's good to take some weight off before sleeping

#asks

[penguin--person]

Alík happy ending?? Oh my god???? Never knew such words could be spoken into this world…wow. I’m giggling so joyfully at this

hehe!!! tbh shes gone through so much angst she deserves it... !!!

so, gabriela kozlova: you may not know her !! but ive posted some (like, two) art of her on my art blog.. shes a high ranking scientist at the facility, involved in a bit of everything. shes nastyas primary handler, too! sometimes involved with alík, but not all the time. only sometimes, and only ever since alík became an 04. not as close to her as she is to nastya, or even just other 01s and 04s she gets to see on a more regular basis. the some times she does see alík are often when alík's in wolf mode

gabriela doesnt wish bad things to happen to the mutants. she doesnt think they deserve to be killed or smth just bc theyre mutants - shes a mutant herself, after all, and so is her brother (she only has to sleep like 4 hours a day, kozlov doesn't feel pain) - but she does see they hold scientific potential. and, well, science is the whole reason she moved to pafl city from poland city!! she doesnt see the experiments she performs on the subjects, no matter how brutal, as immoral, cruel, or any kind of evil. she sees them as subjects. theyre living, sure, they breathe, they feel, she knows that. but they hold scientific potential.

she Does also experiment on herself, sorta, by only sleeping 2 hours a day at most ever. her mutation isnt that big tho so she cant all too much. her brother, tho, he lets her inspect him and shit. if he gets a wound he lets her take samples and such. shes patching him up for free, after all, and his only alternative is going to the hospital - and well. they could figure out hes a mutant there, And a stalker. Not Good. also he trusts gabriela

i think kozlov dies in quite a few timelines. theres a bunch of different ways this could play out. he could die in the zone, he could get caught as a mutant and get sent to the facility, he could get killed by a rival stalker gang, he could just do something stupid - the list goes on and on. i Promise this will tie into alíks happy ending. he doesnt care for his safety all that much, is very carefree, and a silly goofy guy! alík and he would get along if they ever met. they're similar in many ways, after all:)

i think that similarity would matter to kozlova so so much, if kozlov died. she'd be sooo sad. tremendous grief. maybe angry? a whole bunch of emotions, too ugly for her to unwrap without her brother, her twin, with her around.

she's not close with alík. but she knows enough about her to project the image of kozlov onto her, esp young kozlov. again, i'll reitarate that kozlova holds a high ranking position - she's not above temnova, or even same rank as her, but she's well respected - and that shes involved in a bit of everything.

"Sheltering mutants and possession of anomalous objects without special governmental permission is illegal." extra emphasis on "special permission" this is from the google doc. what's in it also, though, states that mutants who are deemed too dangerous stay at the facility, and ferrys said before that most ever 02s get released, with 03 releases being even rarer. 01s are too important and 04s are too dangerous.

as we know, alík is an 04.

as we know, alík didn't start out as an 04. she started her stay at the facility as an 03. i dont remember her exact age when she gets it changed, but its lke.. 12? so shes been an 04 for about five years when kozlov dies. if he dies. maybe he just goes missing. idk. wouldnt it be fucked up if he like, died at kozlova's? comes to her bc hes injured and she fails to save him. that could drive her to try and save alík even more

so, i think... kozlova, in this universe, would get more.. intense? protective? she'd spend more time with AT004-212. she'd argue for better living conditions for the subject, that if she gets more free time that her mutation will grow easier to control, if her hypothesis is correct. she argues she can traint the subject. and, bc of her position and connections.. i think she could make it happen. little by little, at least.

and i think alík could get better, yea. i think she could develop a bond with kozlova. shes like Wowww miss youre so nice to me thank you for getting me a bigger room and a better bed and giving me excersicing time:))) and such.. and i think kozlova would eventually realize alík and kozlov aren't that similar, at the core. but i think she'd get too attached to stop at that point. to give up on the subject. or she'd lie to herself idk

so. it might take a year, might take half a year, might take two years - but, i think... kozlova would eventually argue that alíks scientific potential is no more. not much more to do with her... so, let her take the subject home. if she hurts anyone, she'll bear the consequences. if she breaks any law, she'll go to jail too. and i think she knows how to forge some documents:) i thinkshe knows how to lie:)

so i think that's how alík could get legally free. well. she'd probably be legally 'owned' by kozlova, but ahh technicalities. theres still the societys great . um. uh. hate? for lack of a better word. or fear. of mutants, and since alíks such a visible one.. maybe she'd wear a collar with a nameplate or smth to signify shes allowed out

i dont think it'd be easy for either of them. but i think she'd be happy. she'd have someone that loves her! that sees her as not human, sees what she is, and accepts it! she'd have a home, food, a whole city to explore.. itd be hard adjusting, and even harder not going wolf mode all the time.

maybe there'd have to be monthly reports, even. who knows? all i know is kozlova can forge and fake, and ithink if she really had to, she'd forge alíks death.

and i think alík would be happy. and i think kozlova would be, too. and i think she'd learn to overcome kozlovs death with alík. maybe. she'd accept it. and i think it gets better:)

andddddd i also i think alík would go by ája. as we know, alík is the nickname the scientists gave to her. so i think... as a treat, ája would give herself a new name:) to symbolise shes her own (as much as she can be..) wolf, that shes no longer a subject, that she can decide things for herself. i think she'd be happy:)

(you can refer to her as alík, ája, at, whatever you want! all are a-ok)

heres a filterless version of the alík art

#alikcore #nonymous #gabrielacore #kozlov #unsure if hes just kozlov like volkov or kozlovcore... #kozlovcore #ill figure it out later #ur getting ALÍK'D TODAY

[starsarefire824]

rewatching season 1 and its confirming my bi mike truth. for real.

• he goes out of his way for her

•he speaks to her with the same Will Voice™️ in a lot of the scenes.

• he tried to kiss her unprompted in the bathroom. (she has literally no idea what he’s doing)

• when he says she’s pretty especially the second time, he really means it. I read his confused face more as I can’t believe I said that kind of thing and not a ew gross kind of thing

•his speech at the end is definitely him trying and failing to say that he likes her romantically (as romantic as a 12 year old romance can be anyway)

Now, she’s very androgynous and sure that can he explained as he prefers her when she looks like a boy (like Will), but that’s a moot point in my opinion cause bi people have very differing tastes usually when it comes to different genders. (Something he would be totally unaware of at that age and also is something that evolves/changes)

I think watching season one and two combined has really confirmed this for me. Season 1 is El and his feelings for her. Season 2 switches to Will and his feelings for him. Season 3 is when they are all finally thrown together and how he can’t balance them in his life because the feelings for both are romantic. (I don’t think he’s self-aware enough there to realize that though in regards to Will). I think that there is a lot of what actors’ and creators’ have said going on there. Mike is trying to be this picture in his head of what “normal” looks like.

Then season 4 imo is the fallout of that struggle (which i also think continues in a more adult/direct way but it sort of is really putting even more pressure on both of his relationships). He’s a bit older and the two most important people in his life are thousands of miles away. Like he said himself, “his other friends are great, but they aren’t Will). I think that hug scene was the culmination of him realizing how much he’s missed Will isn’t “normal”. I think he’s realizing that those feelings are equal (or imo overpower) what he feels for El. I think maybe, painfully slowly, he’s realizing that he’s attracted/wants to be with Will in a way that isn’t “normal”. I don’t think he’s thinking romance per se (yet), but I think he’s thinking “why the hell am i jealous?” “why is it weird to touch him?” “why am i so upset he never called me?” why do i want that painting so badly?” “why can’t i tell my girlfriend i thought i loved the three words she begged me to say?” To me, that is a very queer experience, but specifically a bi person who hasn’t quite realized that they’re bi yet. The confusion can be astounding at times, and emotions and reactions to things tend to be intense in a way that leaves you reeling. Or floundering in Mike’s case.

Idk these are just a lot of random thoughts, but I firmly believe that season 5 will address whatever is happening in Mike Wheeler’s brain regarding his true feelings for Will and El.

I also think that El already had an inkling of “why” Mike couldn’t say I love you. (And no it’s not because his parents didn’t show him how 🙄) And she’s slowly realizing in season 4 that “why” is her step-brother. I think that was made very obvious with the thought bubble imagery and how she was responding, or lack thereof to Mike in the monologue and back in Hawkins.

Miscellaneous thoughts about season 1: people must be thick in the head about Will if they think him being gay came out of nowhere. There are at least 10 instances of characters referencing that in conversations. And damn, if that Ted Wheeler comment, “you see Michael, you see what happens” wasn’t insinuating something. Mike misses it cause he’s too little, but any adult can see he’s saying, “you see what happens to queer kids?”

Then season 2 they spent the whole season building up how different and strong Mike and Will’s relationship was, and how Mike was there for Will no matter what. He was so unwavering in his love and support for Will. And in season 3, I think is when Will actively realized just how different he was and what his love for Mike actually meant, like he was looking it dead in the face in that season in a real, grown up way. And the person he realizes he loves is pushing him away and just not understanding him and what do you do when the person, that you’ve been told your whole life is unnatural, not “normal” to love, is constantly choosing another person over you. That they aren’t even able to make a friendship work let alone something you might daydream about. I’m probably repeating myself but the writers have made it very plain that Mike cannot for the life of him balance his time, attention or emotional availability between Will and El. And if season 3 didn’t make it painfully obvious that Will was having complicated feelings about Mike. Like yeah, they didn’t spell it out directly, but the fact that some people were like wow this whole Mike love thing for Will came out of nowhere??? Like are we watching the same show? I could see that on a first watch years ago.

#byler #end rant #bi mike wheeler #will byers #el hopper byers #mike x will x el #side note: if i see one more person say it’s not a love triangle im gonna scream #stranger things #stranger things thoughts #the actors and duffers are right… #mike does miss it #but thats because he hasnt even figured himself out yet #boy is confused #el is 👀👀 #will is convinced mike loved el and is forcing their hand because he somehow thinks hes helping

[lucysweatslove]

10.29.2023 // I still don’t have a word for it.

Reality: I still don’t feel like my body is mine, and I don’t have a word for it. It isn’t quite depersonalization, as I don’t feel outside of my body. And it’s not gender specific so it’s not gender dysphoria either. It’s not body dysmorphia, because I know exactly what my body looks like, and that’s part of the problem- I understand how I look, it just doesn’t “feel” like me. But the second part of the problem is that I don’t think there is any way I can create congruency.

I get this feeling every so often. Usually it’s pretty fleeting, maybe a few hours of intense and distressing disconnect, then I sleep, and I just kind of move on. This time it’s just a little different- I don’t feel significantly distressed like usual, but I can’t move on from it. Every time I see my face or body, I KNOW it’s me and can feel physical sensations and emotions from my body. But

Maybe this is just the reality of getting older since I’m almost 30, though I also think a lot of it has to do with recovering on my own through this time as well. Like, maybe I disconnected from my own body a little to make recovery easier/less emotionally taxing because I didn’t have help navigating the emotional toll of a body that went from sick but socially acceptable to healthy but socially unacceptable. When I eventually got to a position where I could appreciate health in an “unacceptable” body, my health deteriorated and my body became even more “unacceptable.”

And now I’m in an aging body that is both socially unacceptable in appearance AND physically falling apart, I’m once again not sure how to accept it. I think part of this too is grief. Just thinking about the last 4 years of my life, when my health started falling apart to now- I’ve done a lot but haven’t really accomplished anything.

Nobody tells you how fast 4 years go by when you’re mid-20s. You wake up one day thinking you have time to figure your life out. You do some hard work to be okay with the fact that your life isn’t working out the way you planned, that it’s okay to be set back a little, and you’re dedicated to doing what is needed to get where you want to be… but then you blink, you’re almost 30. You may have successfully done a lot, which deserves celebration, but you aren’t caught up because time moved the same for you as it did the fresh faced 20 year old.

I AM proud of myself for navigating life the last several years. Recovery was hard on its own, but I also got a master’s degree, got married, adopted a pug, supported my husband through TWO hip replacement surgeries, applied to medical school, got into medical school, and have already navigated a couple blocks. It just took me a lot longer to navigate all of these things than I thought it would.

I think I’ve always felt like I’ve been playing catch up in some way. Sometimes I wonder if this is a common autistic or “twice exceptional” experience or if it’s just… something a good proportion of the world experiences… or maybe it’s just something those who have experienced severe mental illness experience idk.

I don’t really know what is going to help me feel reconnected. My instinct of course is what I always do- major diet and restrict, try to drop as much weight as rapidly as possible. Sometimes I think, if I were back to X size, I’d like the way clothes fit again, but I know that another huge part is that I do NOT feel like me at all in the kinds of clothing I’m expected to dress in- though I also know that the clothes I like are more “socially acceptable” on smaller bodies. Seriously, I see the clothes my peers wear and look amazing and professional in, but I know if I were to try the same outfit it just wouldn’t look right on my body. Every time I try to wear clothes that feel like me, I feel like I look wrong in them, even if the clothes fit.

Normal people can probably just go on a diet for a little bit, lose some weight, bounce back into their bodies (thought efficacy of keeping that weight off may be variable). I, however, have to worry about going back to my own personal hell every time I so much as consider how many grams are in my breakfast banana.

So anyway, no actual resolution. I’m stuck in this meat sack wired to interact with the world via electrolytes (sodium, calcium, potassium, chloride) and neurotransmitters. Attempting to change it could be Very Bad for me. Attempting to be “health minded” could also just be thinly veiled attempts to change the meat sack, which again, could be Very Bad. Soooo idk.

I guess next week’s therapy session will be interesting and worth the $25 copay.

[vanillatalc]

anyway in other news

today was pretty decent - ben got a case of the sads at about 9pm but actually recovered p fast and without any crying that i saw but he was in the bath for a bunch of the evening so i cannot verify this. the sad attacks are definitely getting more spread out + (i think from an outsider perspective) less intense. i genuinely think as well that we hadn't had sex in ages (ofc the week ana was away my period started so we didnt really bother) which made us both kind of :(

we had sex :) + read to each other. ben asked if we could do more reading out loud to each other at bedtime bc he really liked our matsuo basho reading. i liked it as well - i think i focused much better on teh words than i usually do - so ben picked a shortlist of books to read next (i haven't read a book in like 10y so there's no point me picking one) + i picked one from that + anyway we're reading "this is how you lose the time war" and im reading all of red's bits + he's doing blue. ill be honest... not fully sure about teh writing style... ben used the word florid as a compliment + i would use the same word, but as an insult lol. (very very representative of our characters i think) some of the sentences i really like but so far i cant feel much of a difference btwn red + blue - like if one of them wrote very floridly + one of them wrote very starkly i feel i'd appreciate that more bc you would be getting some insight into the characters but as it stands, the entire thing feels a bit like a creative writing exercise to me. we're not that far in tho so maybe it will capture me more as we go i should send ben some of my fanfic (look it's just a hobby) + see what he thinks lol

we played chess next to each other in bed :) he's been making some tentative little steps into learning / playing the game :)

i had intended on doing more work than i ended up doing but i think sometimes just spending hours and hours with your partner doing not much is the best way to spend a saturday

ana is back now! i forgot to say yesterday but they are back :) i did miss them a lot! whenever we're apart i yearn and pine

god, also! i forgot to say the other day but i needed something to watch while i cleaned my alpaca the other day + settled on red white and royal b lue + it was the tropiest shit ive ever seen in my life. i dont know if it's bc the author (it's an adaptation) comes from fanfic or bc the fanfic style has become indistinguishable from YA style more generally these days but it was kind of nuts to me how much the film could have just been a collection of AO3 tags?? im not even bashing fanfic bc i ahve written it since i was a kid and some fanfic is better than some published work and it's all a rich tapestry. HOWEVER this film was just crazy in its ... nothingness?? it was a perfectly fine watch i guess if you're looking for a princess diaries-y gay romance + god knows there are enough sugary romance films about straight people and those cut from the rainbow cloth also deserve their fair share of merry dross but yeah i was just surprised!! idk

[professor-pants]

You guys! SamBucky AU where Sam is the original Captain America. So instead of Steve proving himself by jumping on a grenade you have Sam: kind, intelligent, strong, driven. Easy choice. Sam and Bucky meet in the army they annoy each other at first but begin to get along. Maybe they bond over having a younger sister. Sam is chosen for the program but instead of getting super strength he gets wings. And maybe some other bird themed super powers like good eyesight or something idk what birds do. It takes him a while to get good with his wings maybe they are weak at first or it takes time for all the feathers to grow in and Sam and Bucky practice together in the evenings. One day Sam takes a dive and gets hurt. Que protective Bucky, hurt/comfort, homoerotic bandaging of injuries, all the good stuff. Eventually Sam gets good at flying and does shows like Steve did. Theres some angst cause Sam feels like hes being treated as a freak show. Sam and Bucky make out a few times or start sleeping together or whatever. Then Bucky gets caught like in canon and Sam looses his mind he absolutely needs to find Bucky cause hes kind of falling in love with him and Bucky doesn't even know. So Sam finds Bucky and the crash into each other and its sweet and angsty and everything! Then theres the fight on the train and things go a little differently because Sam can fly. So i imagine Sam fighting and seeing Bucky fall and hes about to fly after hiym but he gets knocked out before he can so the last thing he sees is the love of his life falling to his death. Sam makes it out of the fight somehow. when he wakes up the first thing he does is try to find Bucky even though he probably has a concussion. So he flies back to where he thinks Bucky fell and he looks for ages and he doesn't find him. Sam is heartbroken and he blames himself. Bucky becomes the winter soldier same as in canon. The serum they give Bucky is the same stuff he gets in canon maybe it was inspired by Sam's super serum instead of a direct copy idk.

So Sam gets frozen and he wakes up in the 21st century and he keeps working for the military or whatever Steve did idk i dont really remember that movie. In this AU Steve lives in the 2020s instead of the 1940s. He and Sam meet where Sam did his counseling they are both there for help with PTSD. Steve wouldnt have had the serum but maybe modern medicine worked well enough for him to enlist idk. Anyway they become besties instead of Steve asking Sam about Riley he asks him about Bucky. Sam wears a lot of loose fitting clothes to cover his wings when he's not on super hero duty.

Ok so now for the fight with the winter soldier! Sam is so relieved to see Bucky: his best friend, the love of his life, the last familiar face in the world. Bucky obviously remembers none of this their fight is super intense and angsty. Instead of ripping Sam's wing off he breaks it so Sam can't fly until it heals. Sam is super confused and sad and hopeful that he can save Bucky. Sam failed Bucky once he wouldnt do it again. Sam tracks Bucky all around the world like in canon. He doesn't give a shit that hes supposed to be Captain America he has a duty to his best friend. He doesn't spend to much time trying to jog Bucky's memory. He does his best to meet Bucky where he is and get to know the person he's become. Sam does his best to answer Bucky's questions as his memories come back. He decides not to tell him they were in love quite yet. Maybe Bucky and Sam fall in love all over again maybe Bucky remembers that they were in love already. If you really want slow burn Bucky remembers but the both decide not to pursue any kind of relationship until Bucky feels more comfortable/has his mind back fully. Then everything with Thanos happens Sam and Bucky fade away together and reappear 5 years later they are both really sick of losing time. Sam never gives up the shield so they go into all the flag smasher stuff as a solid team. Joaquin Torres sees Sam's wings and decides to make wings of his own using his sick engineering skills. Joaquin becomes the first Falcon. Sam and Bucky live in a little house in Louisiana. Sam's family isn't there anymore but it still feels like home. Steve is good with computers so he gets to by the guy in the chair Joaquin, Sam, and Bucky are the Captain America team. They kick ass. Personally im a fan of Sambuckytorres so yeah Sam and Bucky get married and Joaquin is their boyfriend and they all live together in a cute little house with Alpine the cat.

The End

#sambucky #fanfic #real wings!sam #Sam Wilson #bucky barnes #joaquin torres #sambuckytorres

[randomkposts]

Would a female light assume girls crushing on her just have really intense admiration for her?

E:-Ohhh girl crushes!! Lets doooo!

Jealousy, admiration and all that good stuff!

K:-I would think that as Light is part of a conservative family, she wouldn't really openly assume girls have crushes on her. 

Maybe she feels girls think she's awesome enough to want to be her, but closeted enough to not express that. 

So the intense admiration is welcome, expected and food for her large ego even, but crushes would not be something she would openly accept, as Light cares a lot about how she looks to society as a whole.

What's your thoughts on it, Eclipse?

E:-A great start K. While the intense admiration is a welcoming moment for Light, just as her male counterpart she would see it as another trivial thing at some point maybe even annoying.

And seeing as this is still early 2000's she probably wouldn't assume its romantic. At least, unless its very obvious and then she's going to decline. Politely, of course, as still has her image to consider, but does her ego grow from knowing she can also influence the same gender. Yes. But there's that low key homophobia she would have under it-- aimed at another girl or herself.

There will always be restrictions in her social life, romantic life and in some point academics with it.

K:-Yah early 2000s time plays a big part in it. But even without that, I still feel that the Yagami's are a conservative family. And Light is very image conscious. 

E:-Though just like with male admirers she's careful to accept any Valentines gifts, as its not uncommon for a girl to give one to a girl she highly admires in Japan, not assuming at first it may be romantic.

True true.

K:-Accept the gifts for the admiration. 

E:-Yes she would accept gifts of admiration. Because that's how it 'will' be seen. Social wise, yes Light would have plenty of girls admire her romantic or just intense admiration of a girl of their age being so 'cool' 'smart' 'good-looking' 'popular'.

There is no doubt Light would be an ideal partner

K:-on paper

E:-Good family, great grades, 'personality', good social life/standing, strong. Lol yeah on paper. Crazy was not expected. 

K:-Nor would she show that offhand. 

E:-No it's the kind of shade that doesn't hit someone until they really think about it. 

K:-Or she decides to kill them with confrontation.

E:-True. Imagine being confronted by Light alone with no others to see how it goes down. Must be terrifying.

Girl fights. They're social, cunning and use public image to destroy another. 

A public one with fem Light would be so scary.

K:-And then there's the warehouse. Though I don't think it would go down the same way. 

E:-Oh no it would not. The real crazy would come out. There is a quote about how Woman think they're going insane or are insane from anger. 

K:-You think that endgame from the wearhouse would be avoided? Idk...

I think Light would have Misa go instead. If it came down to the same endgame. Somehow

E:-Would have yes, but it would scream desperate. Light is Pride. She wants to see Near dead with her own eyes. 

But we're going off with topic.

K:-happily so

E:-I know! Its fun going off road with you 😭😩🤚

K:-And that's what appeals with the death note. The stealth. 

Light can kill people and not get caught, because its names being written. Ranting in a diary.  Who suspects writing to be the downfall? Not even L naturally guessed that one. 

E:-But we gotta stack on track!!...for like 3 more sentences at least

Exactly!

Imagine the flinching seeing that now off hand after the whole showdown. Oh my God!

K:-If Light really wanted to be there in person just replace paper into another book, and write the names and time of death down beforehand. Then give the book to A Kira with eyes to write it in. or accept the eyes  to write the names down in the wearhouse in front of everyone without being suspected. 

If Light has enough pride to want to be there to see it all down then she should have the pride to end it with her own hands eyes or not. 

E:-True true. This is me assuming with a male Light ego than fem Light. 

Who knows social links are more powerful than a guy would be. And more on understanding prepare for the unexpected. 

K:-And male Light already had a good understanding about the power of social connections. 

E:-Also we dived into this territory but never touched the jealousy side of admiration of Light. Or Light having girl crushes.

K:-So jealousy. I can see that being a thing for male or female Light. 

But Light also probably has more then enough social clout to avoid confrontation from most. Takada is probably kind of an exception.

Takada is her school rival, so that's acceptable, sorta.

E:-Yeah true Takada would be seen as her rival. Mm… Bullying even bright students like Light in Japan is mostly done out of sight. Mostly.

K:-And Light having girl crushes? 

IDK, I kind of see Light on the greyscale personally. At least romantic wise. 

E:-But like you said her own clout and her  clout with teachers would scare off must bullies. 

K:-Light is also super popular. So yah, I can't see most pulling it off, or wanting to.She's elite and scary for it. 

E:-Is Light crushable from a "normal" persons perspective.  Yes

K:- does that mean it is smart? Nope!

Hey, I think we just raised the stakes in the rivalry. And Takadas popularity. Lol 

E:- Lol

#always a diffrent gender #a conversation with my friend #random k #female light #female l #rival takada #l death note #death note light #light yamagi #kiyomi takada