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alltheboysandgirlsiloved · 4 days

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The more I think about Ben's girlfriend the more shady and off it sounds. This whole thing is rotting my brain so hard that... Welcome to ✨ Ben's character breakdown in Chaos Theory and "Ben's GF" theory✨

Here is what we know about Ben in Chaos Theory that may or may not be crucial:

- he used to be in a college but is currently taking a break

- he keeps all of his necessities in his van

- he is obsessed with conspiracy theories

- he occasionally keeps in touch with the rest of the campers (knew where Darius lived, received at least one parcel from Sammy)

- has a girlfriend from Europe and it's a long distance relationship

- gets paranoid easily (refuses to use the phone because it's trackable, believes that he is followed)

Here are things we don't know for sure but are assumable:

- his obsession with conspiracy theories is at least one year old (Ben talked about it with Brooklyn when he was still in college and it sounded fairly fresh)

- he spends a lot of time traveling in his van (very possible that he has been living there for a while)

- he didn't tell anyone about his girlfriend prior to events in CT

- Brooklyn was most likely (to some degree) infected by Ben's obsession with Dark Jurassic

Other things that I noticed:

- Ben talks about his girlfriend twice and his sentences about her can be roughly divided into two categories: normal speech bubbles and awkward hesitance.

- Ben was the one who told Brooklyn about Dark Jurassic

Theory under the cut:

A lot of things about Ben's behaviour tick me off. Don't get me wrong - everything is still in character but at the same time... It feels slightly off. The girlfriend thing is what set the alarm inside my head but the more I thought about it, the more things just didn't quite click.

As I mentioned earlier, how Ben talks about his girlfriend can be divided into two categories: normal speech bubbles and awkward hesitation. When he says that he has a girlfriend and doesn't behave like Sammy it sounds normal and casual, the same when he mentions his girlfriend to Yaz - I doubt he would lie to Yaz about that. So, I think, in general, that this person (his GF) does exist, or at least Ben believes that she exists and is his girlfriend. However, it would be foolish to ignore the very awkward "she's from... Europe" - it sounds hesitant, it sounds like a lie, or even (what I'm leaning towards nowadays) sounds like a bashful admittance that Ben doesn't know much about her. Keep that in mind for now.

One of the first things we learn about Ben in CT is that he is obsessed with Dark Jurassic and conspiracy theories. While some part of it can certainly be explained by lingering trauma ("the more you know, the safer you are"), I feel like that explanation alone isn't enough. What is even more interesting is that it seems that this obsession is strong enough for him to take a break from college and move to live in a van. Not his mother (who, as far as we know, is very loving) but a van. Almost as if he wanted to reduce contact with other people to the minimum - and we actually have proof for that because he doesn't use a phone. We also have evidence that it is both a fairly new and not-that-new development. From his flashbacks, we know that Brooklyn visited him in college - which, according to my very rough estimations, probably happened around a year ago (assuming that Ben entered college at 18 (he is 20 in CT) and Brooklyn died more than six months ago)), and we also know that this is when Ben mentioned Dark Jurassic to Brooklyn.

I think the bit about Ben mentioning Dark Jurassic to Brooklyn is a very interesting detail because Brooklyn was introduced to us as someone whose presence is very rooted online. And yet it is Ben who tells Brooklyn about Dark Jurassic. Ever since he spoke to Brooklyn about that, his obsession started to expand (surely, Brooklyn's "death" only fueled that), slowly consuming every aspect of his life – he took a break from college, he decided to spend a lot of time on the road, he dedicated a lot of his time to checking conspiracy theories. He became paranoid in a sense (which he used to be prone to as proved in season 1 of Camp Cretaceous) to the point when he considered suspecting Sammy. ben double-checks everything, he tries not to stay too long in one place, he is afraid that he is being tracked (rightfully so), and yet... he is in a long-distance relationship with someone "from... Europe".

This is where my theory enters. I tried to consider every aspect of Ben's personality and also the flow of the story in Chaos Theory - where the plot is thick and full of twists and turns.

I think that it was Ben's girlfriend who nudged him in the direction of Dark Jurassic. Or even – potentially he was the first "victim" of the anti-nublar six agenda. What's the best way to keep track of all the campers? Have an insider. Ben suspected that Sammy was spying, he didn't even consider that he could be the unknowing insider. It could have played out like this: when you're in college you come across many people who know other people etc etc. One way or another Ben got into contact with his current girlfriend (I doubt they have ever met in person but I don't completely rule out this possibility). They got close, when she showed his Dark Jurassic - a website brimming with mysteries - knowing that he would be interested (Ben has trouble establishing what is "normal", he is a little lost - the more lost you are, the more desperate you are to find out "what is real, what is true", reaching even for things like conspiracy theories). The deeper Ben fell into the rabbit hole, the more anxious he was, suspicious of others too – but not of his girlfriend. Why? Because she was the one who showed Dark Jurassic to him. She showed him where he could learn more, so naturally - naturally - she is beyond suspicion, right? Because (I doubt Ben has ever even voiced those thoughts but he didn't have to voice them out, the feel them) if she had something to hide, she wouldn't encourage him to explore the world of "I should be suspicious of everything/nothing is real".

At the same time, Ben is a smart boy - but he started to realize "some things" when he was way too deep. For example, with time he realized how little he actually knew about his girlfriend. By then, he trusted her a lot so now it would be awkward to admit that there are a lot of things he doesn't know like the fact that he's not even sure where is she from. It is also important to note that considering the timeline, they have been in a relationship for a while, and yet only now do the campers learn about her - strange considering that he stays (more or less) in touch with some of them. Perhaps, one way or another, at the beginning his girlfriend suggested him to... not mention her. Just in case. In case Ben's friends wanted to know more and encouraged Ben to start asking questions – questions that could be "uncomfortable" for Ben's girlfriend. No, I think she wanted to know everything about the Nublar Six but remain mysterious in return - at least until the plan (her plan? their plan? who are they?) was in full swing. Notice how Ben doesn't use the phone right now, but I'm pretty sure that it is a new development (I'm talking months news). Why new? Because earlier, it was crucial for his girlfriend to know everything (what are his friends up to, where are they) and to fuel Ben's anxiety and paranoia. Now when the atrociraptors are actively hunting the Nublar Six, when the plan is already in development, Ben isn't as needed as he used to be (that also explains why it was Brooklyn, not Ben who was lethally targetted first – Ben was literally needed alive because he was an active naive insider + because Ben trusted his girlfriend and wasn't suspicious of her presence around the conspiracy, whilst Brooklyn could be suspicious in more dangerous ways).

So yes, right now, this theory seems to more or less tie up most of the loose ends and weird things that surround Ben. To put it briefly – Ben was manipulated - his girlfriend is real but has some sort of ulterior motives.

(and oh wouldn't it be a dramatic plot twist if the person who suspected everyone turned out to be the one who was, ultimately, delivering a lot of information to the "bad guys"?)

if you got this far - congrats tbh hahah

#camp cretaceous #jwcc #jurassic world camp cretaceous #ben pincus #jwcc ben #jurassic world #jurassic world chaos theory #jwct spoilers #chaos theory #jwct

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gwenllian-in-the-abbey · 4 months

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What do you think of Grrm's portrayal of religion?

Hi anon, this is a really interesting question, and it took me awhile to put together what I hope is a coherent answer.

For context, I think GRRM's background is important to keep in mind. George is almost exactly my parents' age and belongs to the same demographic of American anti-war ex hippies who aged into broadly liberal baby-boomers. Their radicalism has largely mellowed over the years, they may not be the most up to date on the appropriate terminology, and they tend to prioritize nonviolent solutions to systemic problems (my mom often tells me the younger generation needs to do another March on Washington). One thing liberal boomers also tend have in common is that often they grew up religious but, as they entered their 20s and went to college, broke away from the churches of their childhood. My family is full of ex-Catholic liberal boomers like George. They might have dabbled in Buddhism or Hinduism in the 70s, New Age mysticism in the 80s or 90s, and ended up settling into statements like, "I'm spiritual, but not religious." Almost invariably, they have a sort of disdain for organized religion, which they associate with a kind of yokel mentality, a place for anti-Choice anti-LGBTQ traditionalists. Although they will profess "to each his own," to the average liberal boomer, the church represents regressive values and they cannot imagine why anyone would willingly return to it. Even those who did remain religious take great pains to make it known they are not like those Christians. And to be fair, liberal boomers have a good reason to feel this way. The churches of their childhoods were not fun places for people whose own ideas and values went against post-WW2 broadly white middle class values. Unsurprisingly, SFF authors tend to fit into this category.

And this sort of bleeds into a lot of 90s SFF. You see a lot of worlds that have religion, but rarely do you have characters that are religious, and even more rarely do you have sympathetic young protagonists who are religious. You might have the occasional kindly priest or nun type, but far more often these characters will be abusive, mean spirited, or narrow minded (think of Brienne's childhood septas). Religion is often treated with the same disdain by in-world characters as it is by the authors themselves. You might even have worlds that are almost entirely secular, with vague references to "The Gods," but without any real religious traditions constructed around them (Robin Hobb's Realm of the Elderlings series, which features two vague dieties, Eda and El, who seem to have no religious traditions surrounding them whatsoever). You might have cultish religions that are actively dangerous and must be stopped, or you might have Catholic church analogues, existing in opposition to everything cool and fun. Protagonists tend to be cynical non-believer types, or they might start off as true believers and lose their religion along the way. Rarely are they allowed to have sincere and abiding faith.

And you can see a lot of this in George's writing, in the way he portrays the Faith of the Seven and other religions, and the way the fandom receives them. The Faith of the Seven is Westeros' answer to the Catholic church, but there are also the Old Gods, the faith of R'hllor, and others, often presented in opposition to each other. George himself sees religion as a divisive force, and in ASOIAF, we see religions in conflict with each other, we see them weaponized to fuel vendettas, we see them used to drive prophesies and start wars. There's a clip somewhere, of George at a panel, where he's talking about religious conflict and his take is very reminiscent of George Carlin's-- you can tell he knows the bit. "Are you really going to kill all of these people because a giant invisible guy in the sky told you too? And your giant guy in the sky is different?" George asks, receiving a round of applause from the crowd. It's a very modern view on religion, which is fair, I think. He's writing for a modern audience who have modern conceptions of the church, and he is making a deliberate point about the harm religion can do. .

What I do think is missing, or at least downplayed, are the ways in which the medieval church was really a driving cultural and social force in medieval Europe. We live in a secular society, so we have the luxury of disregarding the church in a way that medieval people did not. This is one major way in which the worldbuilding of ASOIAF departs from the real world middle ages. To portray the medieval church as a primarily regressive institution that mostly drove conflict is too simplistic. The Catholic church is what culturally unified most of western Europe into what was known as "Christendom." The clergy served political functions, such as providing an important check upon the power of medieval kings, and when the power of the church declined, despotism grew. Socially, for most western Europeans, the church was also the center of day to day life. Insofar as medieval peasants had any opportunities for leisure time and celebrations, most of these revolved around the church. The church was for centuries a driving force behind art, music, literature, and architecture, and it also performed important social functions, such as operating poorhouses and leper-houses, and providing educations for children.

And all of this was just extremely normal. Most people prayed multiple times each day, and sincerely believed in heaven a hell. The state of one's soul after death was such a real concern that the sale of indulgences-- a way that you could pay to get your dead loved ones whose souls were in purgatory into heaven more quickly-- became a major racket for the Church. I've seen the HotD fandom react to Alicent Hightower's level of devotion calling her a religious "fanatic" and I cannot stress enough how absolutely normal Alicent would have been in medieval times. This is where I blame the framing of the show more than George, because it does set Alicent's faith in opposition to Rhaenyra's seemingly more modern values, but does it in a selective way. For instance, Alicent comes off as prudish, and modern audiences hate a prude, but we never see how her faith would have certainly inspired her, as queen, to take other more progressive actions such as giving alms to the poor or bestowing her patronage upon motherhouses. In another post about the fandom perception of Valyrian culture, I talked about how this modern view of devout belief, particularly Catholicism, tends to cast anything that is presented in opposition to it as an unequivocal good, and I see this sort of rhetoric slung around the fandom a lot, "why would you defend the pseudo-Catholics who hate women??" But the pseudo-Catholics are really just normal medieval people, and they didn't hate women, they simply lived in a patriarchal society and the material conditions did not yet exist which would allow them to challenge that in any meaningful way.

#asks #faith of the seven #alicent hightower #grrm #asoiaf and religion #asoiaf

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writerblue275 · 6 months

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Songs that make me think of each Heartsteel member [and Alune] (with minimal explanation).

Inspiration: One of the things I do to inspire myself while writing is listen to music. I’ve always been musical (piano, viola, and singing) and music can really set my mood/make me think of a scenario. Occasionally when I’m just listening to music in my car, a song pops up and I’m like…"Oh that makes me think of (enter character here)!"

Genre: ?? I have absolutely no clue how to classify this?? Mood music??? Headcanon inspiration??

Category: I guess fluff, but some of these songs are indirectly or directly suggestive/explicit so 😬. But nothing explicit actually in this post.

Tw: None for this post besides swearing, but again some of these songs are directly or indirectly suggestive/explicit so listen at your own discretion. 🤷🏼‍♀️

(Each person gets at least 2 songs. Sett and Kayn get three because it's my post that's why. 😂)

Aphelios:

“Thnks fr th Mmrs” - Fall Out Boy (Lmao if you think I wouldn’t have some emo/alt for Phel on this list, you’re sorely mistaken.)

“Levitating” - Dua Lipa (“I got you, moonlight, you’re my, starlight…”💃)

Ezreal:

“Hey Mama!” - EXO-CBX (Did you really think I wouldn’t have Baekhyun for Ez in some way? Yeah fucking right! I associate him with my fav EXO sub-unit song.)

“Hyperfixations” - Catie Turner (I actually had this for Aphelios initially but then I realized it fit Ez WAY BETTER. I LOVE THIS SONG.)

Kayn:

“Met Him Last Night” - Demi Lovato (Feat. Ariana Grande) (All I have to say is listen to the lyrics, especially the first verse through the chorus, and tell me it’s not a fucking POV of meeting Kayn.)

“Gives You Hell” - The All-American Rejects (This is absolutely Kayn’s response to his old band.)

“S&M” - Rihanna (😏 Makes sense with one of my prior ranking/headcanons.)

(I have so many alternate options for Kayn omfg. I really struggled limiting it to only one more for him since I’m not doing that for most others. What does this say about me and my taste in music? 😂)

K’Sante:

“Physical” - Dual Lipa (Thought of our gym bro duo and then the lyrics made me think of K’Sante!)

“I’m Not Sorry” DEAN, Eric Bellinger (The confidence in the lyrics and then energy/vibe of the song just SCREAMED K’Sante to me!)

Sett:

“Confident (Rock Version)” - Demi Lovato (“…I’m the boss right now…” Damn straight Sett is the boss.)

“Watermelon Sugar” - Harry Styles (Again, makes sense with one of my previous rankings/headcanons.😏)

“34 + 35” - Ariana Grande (🫣 LISTEN I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 😅).

Yone:

“Black Swan” - BTS (What the lyrics talk about fit really well with Yone’s known backstory before Heartsteel.)

“Home” - Catie Turner (I just think it fits secretly soft and romantic Yone very well!)

EXTRA - Alune (because we love her and she’s a baddie):

“God is a Woman” - Ariana Grande (She sure is, especially when she has to be the manager of Heartsteel and deal with these six. 😂)

“%% (Eung Eung)” - Apink (the vibe of the song fits her well and I like the lyrics with Alune’s vibe too.)

Thanks for reading/vibing. I feel like I might have to do more of these. Maybe make it a series as I realize it's happening with more songs! Music is my biggest inspiration when I write.

#heartsteel #heartsteel headcanons #Heartsteel headcanon inspiration #heartsteel aphelios #heartsteel ezreal #heartsteel kayn #heartsteel k'sante #heartsteel sett #heartsteel yone #heartsteel alune #headcanon #league of legends

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dhr-ao3 · 27 days

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A Hard Row to Hoe

A Hard Row to Hoe https://ift.tt/Ruh3isp by blessdtoaster It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion. This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift. When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way. How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)? Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE! Words: 1752, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M Characters: Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Charlie Weasley, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy Additional Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Slow Burn, BAMF Draco Malfoy, Depressed Draco Malfoy, Hermione is still the only one who knows what's going on, Eventual Happy Ending, More plot than I intended honestly, Post-Hogwarts, Fluff and Smut, Some Humor, you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it, Angst-lite with a Happy Ending, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Hermione Granger, here be dragons, Draco in Muggle-land what could go wrong, I hope the exit is joyful, And I hope never to return via AO3 works tagged 'Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy' https://ift.tt/CGOTm19 May 07, 2024 at 09:24AM

#IFTTT #Dramione #Draco x Hermione

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bonelessmatcha · 4 months

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Purrfect Apawcalypse Headcanons

Pulled out of my messy fanfic notes + random stuff I came up with while making this post

Just a heads-up: the headcanons have more to do with the setting then specific characters.

-There are a few students in Hachiko High that immigrated from places where cat-dog relations are generally better. Places where their specific populations are low enough to easily ignore each other, or places where they're lumped in the same category as the "weaker/more sheltered" carnivores. These students mostly keep quiet, though, due to how mean some of their classmates can be about things associated with cats (Ginger's bullies, for example). Patches is one of these students (or at least 2nd/3rd gen. would totally explain why he doesn't have a lot of "dog personality traits" and was easily accepting of Angel at first)

-At least one other classmate at HHS had seen Patches's locker shrine. Said classmate didn't get a good enough look to recognize Angel was a cat, nor were they gossipy enough to go around telling people the specifics, but it did add on to Patches's reputation as a weirdo.

-Deuteranopia (red-green colorblindness) is a lot more common for sentient dogs, but still less than 25% because they're anthro. Olive has it, and it's why their favorite outfit is yellow and blue.

-Adoption is actually super common for dogs in this world. Due to the average lifespan for PA dogs being at ~27, most don't live long enough to see their biological kids reach adulthood. Usually when puppies are born, they get socialized with an older cousin or parent's younger sibling or family friend who can watch over them when the bio parents die. (RIP Patches for not being socialized properly, and RIP Sparky who'll be expected to provide for his younger siblings when he gets older.) (If I didn't make this headcanon then other stuff would have to be true instead)

-(For cats the socialization isn't as important due to solitary nature, but when it happens it focuses more on siblings/cousins in the same age range.)

-Food with caffeine (in areas with less animals that can digest it, at least) is viewed as an addictive and dangerous drug. Doug is considered a dealer by both Kemono Town & Woods standards.

-Before the massacre, Brownie was one of those students who jumped between friend groups but wasn't very close to any of them (on account of only having 2 months to get to know them since she's a freshman). It's why she has good social skills yet wasn't too upset at Coco for killing everyone.

-Other factors leading to the Claret family's downfall was 1) how divided it was due to cultural clashes and 2) health risks (from mixing different animal biologies) when magic failed. Also 3) a few of the past family heads were literal dictators/mass murderers, and They Were Remembered more than the nicer ones (with related family lines like the Wichiens quietly burying their history to fit with their respective species).

-Occasionally when resources are running low and their usual delivery methods aren't available, a cat will actually enter Kemonotown to restock from one of the local stores owned by one of the 10% non-dog species living in the area. It's pretty uncommon, though, and the cats who do so make sure to carefully calculate their arrival at a time when most dogs won't notice.

-During PA2, most of the zombies didn't have their souls inside their bodies. Their motivations were heavily reliant on muscle memory and what was left of their biological brains.

#worldbuilding notes #purrfectapawcalypse #purrfect apawcalypse #the devs made this game as a joke but F if I'm not hyperfixated on it

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jakowskis · 2 months

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Day 7 - Do you have any all-time favorite scenes? You can bring up multiple - an objectively good scene, a silly scene that makes you smile, a sad scene that makes you cry, maybe a scene that just sort of stuck with you… your choice!

i have a bunch ok i tried to put em in categories. under the cut bc i think torchwood's entered spin territory by now and i still cant seem to shut up about it. pls help

scenes that rot my brain

when they mutiny against jack in the s1 finale. that whole bit, from gwen with rhys’ body in the autopsy bay to owen shooting jack to when they trigger the emergency protocol and open the rift. ill never get over how it first felt to watch that whole scene for the first time, it drove me insane. it still drives me insane. ive watched it 300 times it's sooo 😩 MY scene. g-d.

well, that’s my scene, and so are all the owen & ianto scenes in s1ep12. those two make me feral. ive gushed about theose scenes before, so ill spare u this time. my otp 4eva. and also owen having a villainous breakdown wahahaha. my fucked up little guy of all time

the scene where owen’s patching gwen up in countrycide drives me nuts. it’s such a clever seduction scene + it’s so intimate. i love it. (i also enjoy the two separate scenes where she chokes him fdhskjfdsf. countrycide tree scene makes me BLUSH and nothing makes me blush fsdkjfdshfkjdshfjkd. i am very very bi <3)

owen begging diane to stay in out of time... don’t touch me. every time i think of that whole scene i wanna cry. i have never seen such sad eyes in my life. (see my tags here for more of my thoughts on this topic fkjsdfhs.) burn pay my fucking hospital bills

that moment between jack and owen at the end of combat... “for a few seconds i felt totally at peace... and then you blunder in. do you always know best, jack? is that what you believe?” “i want you back at work tomorrow.” that scene has always driven me crazy. there’s a few scenes in the show where jack’s monstrous and the others yell at him over it, but that one hits the hardest. owen just seems to actually cut through him in that moment, and it kills me.

the scene at the conference table in s2ep5. i’m not the biggest fan of that ep, i talked abt it more the other day, but that scene drives me bonkers, for a number of reasons… the insight into the characters (owens mommy issues!!! tosh n ianto’s need for purpose!!! gwen loves rhys AND jack!!!), for sure, but especially the way jack’s relationship with all of them is presented. ill talk about it a lot more when i discuss his character, but jack… reminds me of a cult leader, in a lot of ways, and it’s most prominent in that scene especially. the show doesn’t realize it’s framing him like that, and the fandom doesn’t seem to pick up on it either. but i do, and i think it’s fascinating.

gwen drugging rhys in combat. it just kind of blew my mind when i first saw it - there's a moment with every character where i went “oh wtf theyre fucked up. ok im obsessed now” (owen's was ghost machine, ianto's was actually ‘pray they survive’ in meat, jack & tosh never had one for me which is probs why they dont rot my brain quite as much fhdskjf) - that was gwen's. also important to note burn gorman agrees w me bc on the commentary of this ep during this scene he was clapping n laughing n probably kickin his feet HFDKSJFHDSJKFDSK he gets me

all of fragments tbh esp owens portion but specifically ianto crying when he walks away from jack at the end of his segment, and owen crying when he's talking to the doctor + him n jack walking thru the cemetery. aaaa.

(yes those were almost all owen scenes. im the deranged owen guy rmr.)

scenes that make me smile

the very first scene in the hub in the pilot :) it just feels a little bit magical in an industrial, bleak, kitchen-sink sort of way, which is what i love sm abt tw, the way it occasionally strikes that balance. the way stepping into a big base in a sewer manages to still feel magical… that’s special.

in episode 2 when theyre having lunch + in episode 4 when theyre at the bar, when they’re all gathered around and laughing. ohh i wish we got more of that

every time gwen n owen are dumbass giggling besties, or teasing each other… twice in s2ep10, and in ep 7, and then when theyre fooling around at the beginning of s2ep2. i love themmmm those two are my idiots they make me smile

jack & john’s fight in kkbb heheh

owen n martha gorillaz scene in reset. wahoo! shicka shicka shicka shicka feel good

bernies apt in ghost machine ep :) i just like the way they go through his shit, steal a bunch of it, n then leave, it always makes me giggle. “so call the cops” JACK.

scenes that stuck with me / made an impact

john and his son in out of time. that was rlly rlly emotional.

also jack helping him off himself. g-d that episode was heart wrenching.

“captain my captain” in tkks, suzie on the ground covered in blood… things i think about. “it’s all your fault, jack." ahhhh

in ghost machine, when gwen holds the device and sees herself crying and covered in blood, and afterwards she’s all dazed and she looks at owen and he stares back and he looks dangerous. i loveee that scene. will never get over s1 owen. he’s a ticking time bomb and when he explodes he nearly destroys the world. character of all time to me. i love that he redeems himself in the end but ohhhhh sometimes i think of a world where he becomes a proper antagonist. he rlly walks the precipice

g-d and the scene where he had the knife held to ed morgan, when i first watched it i didn’t know what he was gonna do and it was so tense.

when lisa was first revealed in cyberwoman and mogwai played…. transcendent. the outfit was silly right off the bat but the vibe + reveal was cool enough i was rlly excited. i love the concepts in that episode i wish they took it more seriously. no metal bikini + no pteradacyl fight and we could’ve had it all. but also. would it be torchwood without metal bikini + pteradacyl fight.

“it made me happy” scene in countrycide. a lot of people seem to find that ep upsetting, i wasn’t really affected by the subject matter, but That got me. chilling. you go into torchwood expecting evil aliens, so the episodes about evil humans really hit.

the resurrection scene in s2ep7. i’m getting tired so im not gonna babble as much but agh. i wanna eventually do an analysis on owen & jack’s dynamic - i’ll talk about it there.

also, it’s a little moment but in the same episode, when gwen calls rhys crying… it reminds me of that bit in succession, during connor’s wedding, when tom calls greg, which is one of my favorite moments in that episode too. taking the time in the middle of a tragedy to step aside and privately call a loved one for support, bc u need a minute to break down when uve been doing ur best to stay strong. i think torchwood is bad at handling grief and letting their characters experience it, so it’s a nice little moment that actually lets her grieve. that, and the glove clearly triggers her, so she got double whammied with the death of a friend + the reminder of the time she nearly died. again, in a show that doesn’t typically frame moments of weakness and pain very sympathetically, it’s refreshing.

idk why, but in ep7, when it goes back and forth between owen figuring out the murders + tosh crying to mary while she looks unsympathetically down at her… it’s just a well-filmed, cool scene, and i enjoy it. thrills me, heh. also owen adhd icon

aditd... maggie’s wedding… we’d been married less than an hour. scenes that got me. i think of maggie a lot. i think of that scene a lot. i think ‘the woman on the roof’ is my most listened to torchwood ost track, fff. it’s very special to me. that song reminds me of a thomas newman score.

tosh n owen’s deaths. of course. both of owens deaths actually, the second one is more impactful but the way nobody held him when he first died bc they were all in shock haunts me ;-;

#tdot #txt #I AM TRYING SO HARD TO NOT DO THESE SO LATE BUT. ARHGHGHHGHGH #me when i give myself a fun lil fandom challenge n it tURNS OUT TO BE CHALLENGING #ARGH!!!#but. here. take it

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rotp-on-ao3 · 4 months

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Okay, My Psych Lovelies

I understand that this isn't Bury Me or my Untitled ABO Fic, however! I have a feeling this ficlet will tide you over until I can bang out Bury Me's ending. It’s set similar to my ABO fic, but might not be part of it. Keeping that vague as an option in case I wanna put this in.

(P.S. As a stylistic choice, anything italicised is either remembered dialogue or dialogue layered with the voices that once said them. Also, if you happen to spot any errant crocodiles [ > < ], let me know. I'm sure I got them all, but crocs, man[gender neutral].)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: How We Fucked Up So Bad/We Were Teens

Category: M/M

Fandom: Psych

Pairings: Brief Shawn/Gus, Pre Shassie

Characters: Shawn Spencer, Carlton "Lassie" Lassiter, Burton Guster (Mentioned), Henry Spencer (Mentioned), Unnamed Motel Owner (Mentioned)

Warnings: Mentions Of Underage Sex (The Shawn/Gus), References To The Shitty American Sex Education (Burn In Hell Reagans), Mentions (And Brief Statement) Of Abusive/Sexist Language

Summary: Shawn talks about the why Gus is painfully straight in a universe where everyone is inherently bisexual.

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"Did you know I'm the reason that Gus is straight?" Shawn asked as soon as Carlton stood next to him on the practically abandoned pier. "Of course, Gus would never say it was, but then again, he's a fantastic friend like that."

They stood in silence for a few beats before the omega turned around to gaze at the people instead of the water. "But then again, I'm sure the trauma of that day had blocked it from his memory.

The alpha stayed silent, assessing the younger man out of the corner of his eyes. He wondered where this was going.

"You know that male omegas basically function the same as women, right? So even guys that say they only go for women will occasionally go for a male omega. Not Gus." Shawn's hazel eyes took on a faraway look, as if living through the memory. "We were just clumsy teens, trying to figure shit out before we ended up having what could've been meaningless sex. Henry had to ruin that."

The alpha's head jerked around, so he could gaze at the omega in confusion. Shawn huffed a wry chuckle at the movement. "Hard to believe that kind of thing happened, right? Because we treat each other like brothers? That treatment only happened after that day."

Blue eyes softened. Guilt was faintly layered in the brunette's words. The older man finally spoke. "What happened?"

Shawn gave a faint humourless smile. "We were, oh, 16 or so. Knew next to nothing about sex, beyond using condoms, yay public education!"

It would be very easy to imagine the day alongside the retelling. To see it play out. A couple of teens on a childhood bed. A pack of condoms between them. Embarrassment colouring their cheeks. Easy to hear what was said that day in a more younger voice layering over the older voice.

"Come on, Gus! It doesn't have to mean much. Wouldn't you rather have a safe environment where we can laugh at each other? Instead of being laughed out of the backseat of your own car? It was a rather persuasive argument for a couple of teens. We fumbled, we laughed, and then found a rhythm. I'll spare the details." The imaging faded to just seeing a teen's door. One could imagine the various 'Keep Out' signs and warnings littering the space. One could suspect they went largely ignored. "Henry was supposed to have been working late. He wasn't even supposed to be home. Still don't know why he was home."

Watching in his mind's eye as Henry entered the house, pausing at the strange sounds, and silently creeping up the stairs, Carlton could almost understand much of Shawn's disdain for the man. "Really says a lot about him that he didn't clock what was going on before he barged in with his weapon drawn. Or maybe he did and just thought- I dunno."

"What the hell is going on here?!" (Faintly, carried on the wind.)

"Thankfully, Gus wasn't reckless and stalled any movement. That wouldn't have been a fun ER visit." Shawn gave another humourless smile. "Jesus, dad! Learn to fucking knock! Closed doors mean something to people, you know?! Gus was careful and I know any girl he gets with will be lucky to have someone so considerate."

And Carlton could almost see it clear as day: The teens, only partially visible over a younger Henry's shoulders, were using the blanket to preserve at least some modesty. "It was super weird to hear Gus' actual name after integrating the nickname into daily life."

"Burton. Get dressed and haul ass home." (Harsh, like a particularly icy breeze.)

"The first and only time Gus ever hesitated at what my dad had told him what to do. It took Henry barking out a 'Now!' to get him moving." It was small, but a fond smile found its way on the omega's lips. This was the easiest to imagine. A young Guster unsure of leaving his friend with a visibly upset father. The man snapping at the boy, getting him moving. A heartbroken smile on a teen Shawn's face as he watches his friend go.

"Henry yelled at me for hours. Flinging all sorts of slurs and epithets at me. Told me that I shouldn't rope Gus into any of my sick games like that and 'Thank fuck you were at least using protection so you couldn't tie the poor boy to you in some irreversible manner!' Eventually, he exhausted himself and I could go shower."Carlton could see the tears on the teen's face; expression set in cold fury, even as the tears kept rolling. He wouldn't rage after, no. He'd lock it away.

Carlton could see that, just watching as the omega recounted the event. The smouldering embers of a long banked rage, flared to life in those beautiful hazel eyes.

"Then came the start of my long list of ever changing careers. I left that night, once I was sure that Henry was well passed out." Shawn paused as he mulled over his words. "Don't know why he didn't alert every cop in the area after he was notified I wasn't in class."

From what Lassiter could suspect, it was a pride/ego/image reason. It would say to his colleagues, 'I can't keep my child in line.' It said, 'How can I do my job, if I can't keep my home life in order.'

Leaning bodily on the railing, hesitatingly, Carlton asked, "Where did you go?"

"Walked my bike a couple of blocks before riding off aimlessly. Ended up at an omega-run motel just north of town." Shawn lent his head back, gazing vacantly at the clear sky. (Seagulls swooped in and out of his line of sight, though he barely noticed them.) "Seems just yesterday, I was pleading with the owner to let me work menial jobs in exchange of lodging."

And the older man could see it. A young Shawn, duffle strapped across his body, walking his motorcycle a few streets down in the dead of night. Driving around, until exhaustion started to hit. Finding a motel and hoping they would look the other way, only to realise he didn't have the cash to stay.

"Please! I can work for lodging! Housekeeping, desk work! Just… please…" (Fervent pleading turning to a whispered beg.)

"The owner took mercy on me. Let me stay, as long as I completed all the busy work set for me. Stayed for a couple of weeks, until I felt okay enough to go back. The owner made sure that's what I really wanted." The barest of smiles flashed on the brunette's lips.

"You're running from something, honey. You sure you wanna go back?" (Concern was clear as the day they were having. Bright and confusing.)

"Told 'em, 'Can't run forever. Gotta face it at some point.' Turns out, I never had to face it." Shawn's face was worryingly blank, as if emotion fled from him. Carlton shuddered. "Went to class that day, late. Gus was asking if I really should be at school. Citing that I'd been recovering from a bad case of the flu. Not even a hint of what we'd done when I asked later. Just a 'What're you talking about? We never did anything that night. You were coming down with something and I didn't want to catch it.' And Henry…

I'm sure Henry knew something broke that day. We never had a normal relationship and from that point, we never would. He covered for me by telling the school that I had the flu, so he must've felt something." Blinking, Shawn put his head in his hands and scrubbed them down his face. His gaze locked onto the pier's planks. "Didn't even yell at me for up and leaving in the middle of the night. Just told me, 'I'm glad you felt well enough to go to school, kid.' It was something."

The two detectives stood in silence after that, unsure of what to say. The sea breeze gentle as it moved past them.

#rotp ficlet #psych #psych ficlet #shawn spencer #carlton lassiter #alpha beta omega #rotp update #burton guster #henry spencer #sexist language #pier talks #chats at the pier

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sometipsygnostalgic · 10 months

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Time for more salt and violence :DDDD

7. Which character did you begin to hate not because of canon but how the fandom acts about them?

15. That one thing you see in fanart all the time

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

7. Which character did you begin to hate not because of canon but how the fandom acts about them?

I find myself VERY RESISTANT to this kind of shit so when the universe makes me feel like I want to hate a character I kind of go the opposite direction and love them harder than any of their fans.

For example I see so many infuriating takes with Catra and Hordak but I REFUSE to hate them. I insist on loving them more for all of their flaws, to be the one who loves them most for their character. I fucking adore those characters.

Maybe my opinion would be different if I was saturated by fandom like all the realtime watchers were? Like I'd be worn down.

I'm trying to think of other characters this DOES apply to.

For a show I'm genuinely obsessed with - The closest might be Lemongrab in AT fandom, he was super woobiefied by some people and some of those people were not particularly good to me or to the AT crew (talking events that happened over 10 years ago). I will be real it's nothing on the scale of what happened in shera fandom, and I still love Lemongrab as a character, but I avoid making anything with him in it because I don't want his fans to speak to me. Hoping the situation is different now.

There's also Simon Laurent from Infinity Train. I never particularly LIKED Simon, I find him interesting, but FUCKING HELL. TAKE ALL OF THE ABOVE CHARACTERS AND MULTIPLY IT BY 100. I was still getting messages from the "Simon Anon" A FEW WEEKS AGO SAYING THAT I NEED TO BOYCOTT INFINITY TRAIN because the creators said some stupid ableist about Simon, which they did, BUT IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY LEAVE ME ALONE. Anyone who is a Simon stan is usually completely terrifying, and is occasionally racist or sexist depending on their stance on Grace while defending their precious white boy. Once I entered a server and someone IMMEDIATELY asked me what my thoughts on Simon were, they were completely ready to start a fight with me over it and I've never felt more terrified in my life.

I also got sick and tired of Hunter quickly for pretty much the same reasons as Simon, though he's not written to be an evil incel like Simon, he REALLY IS the woobie boy that everyone considers him to be adn that's why I don't like him. I appreciate his character arc but ehhhhhh I couldn't stand him until the end of season 2 and during season 3 where it finally got past the "im going to be MURDERED by BELOS if i dont do EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY" phase. The reason Catra never falls into this category for me is because she had supervillain energy and tried so so hard to regain agency and she kicked Hordak's ass and opened the Portal. Hunter meanwhile takes every hit, and I just... it is painful to watch, especially having been in situations of fear and psychological abuse. I don't enjoy it and I don't enjoy the fandom's TERRIFYING OBSESSION with him.

Zuko is almost a character I don't like. There is no anti-fandom for Zuko so I have no reason to stubbornly love him. People always compare every redemption arc to Zuko and I am fucking sick of it.

15. That one thing you see in fanart all the time

If it's a group it's ALWAYS Best Friend Squad 4 man, which makes sense I guess since theyre The Main Group but like... Q_Q i just want to include Entrapta and Scorpia and make it a BFS/SPT combo. Is that self indulgent of me? Especially when it's S5 fanart, I want more Entrapta because she was basically with them the entire time! Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I have a lot of thoughts on "4 man BFS" as an entity and why it works as an answer to s1, and why it doesn't work so well in s5, and why I am sad there was no s5 closure to sPT even if that is a dead sPT i just wanted one more scene--

wait that's not really what this question is about, we are crossing into canon wishlist but also fanfic modern AU territory and ALLLLL of my annoyances with how Adora and Catra's friend groups are treated in those. Like how Bow, Glimmer, Scorpia, and Entrapta are supposed to be their BEST FRIENDS but all become irrelevant and straight up absent once Catradora are together. Uhhh...

Okay more about Entrapta, a pet peeve is when people give her Normal Hair. Like, not absolutely insanely long rapunzel hair. Just normal hair. IT'S NOT RIGHT--- i guess people find it hard to draw her hair if they're going for a more realistic style?

I actually like most She-ra art I see though. It's very rare I see something that annoys me. There's not enough fanart posted in this fandom recently for me to have seen something that grinds my gears. All the catradora art is fucking gorgeous. I don't look at nsfw so I have absolutely no thoughts about any weird tropes like I would for other fandoms like AT where the fandom was a lot straighter and drew more demeaning stuff including the girls.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I can hear Kan yelling at me to post Entrapdak under this heading. Fuck you, Entrapdak is great!

I don't have any really wild out there crackships, I don't have any "problematic pairings", but I usually get self conscious and cautious when I post Catrapta, or any Entrapta x a member of BFS stuff, LMAO. Even the normal fluffy stuff but especially the sex headcanon post yesterday with Catrapta. The issue is a lot of the time people are like "she's way older than the others???" and either I have to say "actually, that was a post by a character designer with no evidence in the show--" and I look like an idiot trying to justify something wrong, or I just say "theyre both somewhere in their 20s" and get it over with.

But I ship all of the princesses with each other, I especially think Entrapta x Everyone is fucking hilarious, just go off girl. I'm not ashamed of that per se, it's just some people in this fandom have a stick up their ass with anything that isn't a Certified Canon Pairing.

Now if you want something I do enjoy and am mildly disturbed by that, it's Seadak. Sea Hawk x Hordak. And also x Micah. Just pair the dads together. They have never interacted but isn't it fucking brilliant????

#she ra #spop

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tessiete · 1 year

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One Hell of a Fanfic

youtube

So, completely unbeknownst to me, the podcast One Hell of a Fanfic took the time to read and discuss my fic The Eternal Spring. It’s an older fic – I think my first real foray into SW as an author – and it shows. But the wonderful hosts, Steph and Lauren, found it, read it, and talked about it here.

This new podcast focuses on SW fic exclusively, and is an absolute delight to listen to. As a reader, it gives you insight into the experience of reading the story and introduces you to work you might have missed. And as an author…wow.

It’s like when someone leaves you an essay in your comment section. Chef’s kiss.

Anyway, because I love to talk about process and intent, and because I love to talk about stories, and because while listening to this episode I had so many moments of “YES BUT DID YOU SEE THE BIT WHERE I –” I’ve decided to write up a little response going into detail about what Lauren and Steph discovered while reading The Eternal Spring.

I’ll try and organise it, too, by sort of keeping to the five categories they break their episodes into. So here goes:

CANON

Right off the bat, this section made me question everything about myself, my writing, and what on earth I was doing. Both Lauren and Steph mentioned how incredibly deep the lore is, how many Easter Eggs I included, and how I blended canon, Legends, and fanon into a unique lore of its own.

This is wild to me because I’d never thought of that.

Listen, I’ve got a very complicated relationship with canon. I treat it as equal to Legends, and fanon. To my mind, it’s no better, no more real, no more accurate than Legends is, or even fanon. In fact, I’m of the opinion that fanon occasionally has the absolute best take on a character.

For instance, Obi-Wan having precognitive dreams. Sorry, that’s real to me. That’s true.

And you’ll see this come up as a given in my work all the time. I hardly even think about it anymore. So that’s one way in which these different sources are pulled together – unconsciously.

However, I won’t deny there was conscious reference to two fan works specifically. Those being Tatooine Slave Culture (created by fialleril), and more significantly the Lineage series (Jedi Apprentice rewrites by ruth baulding). I am a huge Jedi Apprentice fan, and a huge ruth baulding fan. I know JA especially has its haters, but I love it (for reasons I will not go into here for the sake of HA! brevity).

I know TSC especially has faced controversy in the past for appropriation and insensitivity, though admittedly, I was unaware of that at the time of writing this story. I had just entered the fandom much like a bull enters a china shop. I made a lot of missteps. That said, I don’t think I use TSC culture with any significant overstep in this story (as it is largely only referenced by people outside of the culture), and so while I probably wouldn’t do it again, I don’t feel it’s detrimental in this case.

Ruth Baulding, however, is perfect. While the Lineage series is extremely whump-heavy (heads up should you go looking), there is one story in particular where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon visit The Stewardship of Terajon (StewJon) and encounter Obi-Wan’s birth family. While Qui-Gon handles it with a quiet and permissive grace, Obi-Wan is reflexively defensive and hostile, especially when he finds out that SPOILERS his family is on the opposite side of the conflict. They do no support the Republic, while Obi-Wan has dedicated his life to it. Qui-Gon recognises that their reasons are legitimate and ideologies are not so black and white as good and evil. Obi-Wan, however, cannot reconcile the idea that his family are so-called traitors. They end up finding an uneasy peace where Obi-Wan tells his parents that Qui-Gon is and has always been a father to him, and Obi-Wan’s mother makes him promise that if he ever needs help he will ask her for it.

I really wanted to write a story where he does that.

Partly because I wanted to depict an Obi-Wan who had grown into a maturity that could handle shades of grey, especially in politics, and partly because this story is so much about parents and their children, absence and presence and legacy, that I felt Ue, his mother, needed to be there for it.

Side note: I will forever cling to ruth baulding's conjecture that Obi-Wan is named for the obiwan flowers that grow on Stewjon. IRL our obiwan flowers look similar to how she describes them!

As for Qui-Gon and his love of plants – I don’t know.

I think this is a blend of fanon and Legends that I’ve once again just taken on board as fact, and only with this podcast am I compelled to examine it.

Though recently contradicted by LFL canon (In CG’s Master&Apprentice), fanon loooooong held that Obi-Wan was the one with a connection to prophecy and Qui-Gon was Master of Living in the Moment. I really love the tension this creates between them, and that’s why I keep it.

To that end, Qui-Gon is very frequently depicted in fanon as being Super Into Plants. He’s like, the Order’s #1 Plant Dad. His rooms are full of plants, and he is deeply connected to the Living Force.

In the Jedi Apprentice novels, Obi-Wan is almost sent to live as a farmer in the AgriCorps, and he is convinced he’d be a terrible farmer.

I kind of connected these two dots to suggest that much as Obi-Wan still ends up on Tatooine, he also still ends up a farmer. Qui-Gon taught him the horticulture he was so afraid of finding on Bandomeer, and Tatooine sees him eventually relying on those skills for survival.

This ties into one of the things I wanted to grapple with in this fic. Free will vs. Destiny. I think, ultimately, this story’s perspective on it is that destiny = destination. You are always going to the same place. But the journey itself is free will. How you get there, which path you take, and what you learn from it – that’s all on you.

And if we believe that it’s not about the destination, but the journey, then isn’t that the same as free will after all?

Anyway.

That said, Steph and Lauren point out several times that this complex mingling of lore leads to much confusion AND that if you’re not acquainted with even something as (to me) ubiquitous as The Clone Wars, then much of it won’t land.

On the one hand, this is intentional. I love Easter Eggs, but I’m staunchly of the opinion that Easter Eggs aren’t meant to be found by everyone. They’re for the dedicated readers, the hyperfixaters, the deep-divers, the re-readers. I think Easter Eggs aren’t PointingLeos so much as they are sly winks, and things that make returning to a story rewarding. Every time you come back, you find something new. They’re meant to increase the longevity of novelty. And that’s how I try to use them.

THAT SAID I 100% TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THAT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME KNOWLEDGE BASE AS I DO.

In retrospect, that’s ridiculous. This is what I mean by saying they made me question my whole approach to fic. I didn’t think that TCW was a deep-cut. I didn’t think that Siri Tachi and her mandrangea beans were unknown, or that Obi-Wan loving muja fruit was obscure.

And that’s on me. That’s my bad. Because objectively, Lauren and Steph are absolutely right. That is so much information to expect a reader to have as a baseline, and dramatically decreases the size of the demographic I’m reaching.

Do I regret it? ….nnnooooo?

But I will absolutely be more mindful of that in the future. I think that’s a hugely important lesson for me to take from this. It’s not just a “My perspective isn’t everyone’s perspective” but a “Not everyone has been hyperfixating on the exact shade of orange in a Tatooine sunset since they were five, please provide some context thank you”.

EXPANDING THE LORE

Okay, I really wanted to address this, because in a previous episode, Lauren and Steph discuss World Without End by disasterisms. Specifically, they mention their love of mythology and how interesting it is that WWE is a retelling of the Hades/Persephone story.

And it had me frantically raising my hand like a pick-me!

So, fun fact, The Eternal Spring is also based on a Greek myth. Specifically, the myth of Psyche and Eros. In the original story, Psyche marries Eros but swears never to look on his face. She can’t deal with the curiosity however, and one night as he’s sleeping, she holds her torch over his head to get a look. He’s beautiful. But oil from her lamp drips onto him and he wakes, fleeing until she atones for her crime by completing a series of Impossible Tasks.

I love Impossible Tasks.

And more, I loooove hanging my stories on the preexisting structures of other works.

The Forlorn Queen is a long-form poem I wrote that is meant to be a Nabooian version of Psyche and Eros. In it, the unnamed Queen is assigned four Impossible Tasks that all correlate to the tasks of Psyche.

Sort seeds from sand

Retrieve the Golden Fleece

Collect water from a sacred spring

Steal the Beauty of Perspephone

In the fic, these are played out by Padme in variously metaphorical ways. In the first, she literally has to sort the seeds from the sand after a sandstorm destroys their burgeoning garden. But more than re-enacting this myth, each task is meant to explore some emotional challenge in how she copes and reconciles her grief.

Sorting seeds from sand is a metaphor for her sorting out her priorities. What is alive still? What is worth saving? How closely she has to examine the sand, how long it takes, how tedious it is – this is all a reflection of her looking at her own life, her own struggles, and sorting out what she needs vs. what she wants.

Likewise, she retrieves the Golden Fleece/Golden Scale (saves Boil from the chip and his own lack of purpose, his transformation symbolised by him painting his armour [his scales] gold and taking on Padme’s commission, which is also the Mandalorian colour for vengeance). By sending Boil after Obi-Wan she is bringing water to the goddess (relief to Obi-Wan). And finally, the task that Psyche fails is the one Padme fails, also – at least, she cannot do it alone. This is about the acceptance of death and the loss of youth. This is Padme not joining the rebellion, and Obi-Wan reconciling with Qui-Gon.

Greek myths don’t directly correspond with symbolism as we understand it today, so yeah, I had to do a bit of research and even more extrapolation to get these tasks to mean more than simply Things To Accomplish, but that was always the intent. This story was always a myth – just as Revenge of the Sith (esp. As written by Matthew Stover) is explicitly Greek in its framing as a tragedy.

WHEW! Onto the fun stuff!

CHARACTERS

The thing that struck me most here was Lauren and Steph’s breakdown of small action vs. big action, and how they both agreed that it was sometimes difficult to follow and occasionally off-putting. Small action is the emotional conflicts deeply examined, while big action is like, the pew-pews.

They are totally correct in their assessment.

I could say that I think this is something that the OT and PT especially do. A New Hope, especially, spends what modern audiences would consider a loooong time without any significant Big Action, and the PT really struggles with pacing. It’s something sort of inherent to SW, and I really wanted this fic to feel like SW. It wasn’t entirely unintentional on my part to give you a lot of small action and then suddenly drop in big action…

Buuuuuuut it wasn’t entirely intentional, either.

You know, in writing this fic, I was constantly, constantly afraid it was incredibly boring. You can see it in my ANs. The small action is what I live for, but I was scared no one would want to read it if I stayed there.

So I think this is honestly more a reflection of my own insecurity than it is a deliberate reflection of Star Wars itself.

Again, a lesson. And something to keep in mind!

OMG ALL THAT NONSENSE! If you’re still here, well, I got more!

FAVOURITE SCENES

Qui’s ghost

I am so happy Lauren loved this scene. This was the scene that I first envisioned, this was the scene that I was always writing towards, this scene, to me, is what Star Wars is all about.

And yes, I am actually George Lucas.

For more wild speculations of mine that have since been canonized by LFL please see Only Hope (including, weirdly, Mandalorians being super into culture soups…so…HMU Kathleen!)

But yeah, I love Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. When I was writing this story I was deep into the QuiObi fandom, and I just really loved any and every expression of love and intimacy between them (platonic or otherwise).

Again going back to Legends, for me, I always loved the idea that Obi-Wan is frequently driven by his desire to be good for Qui-Gon. A good padawan, a good knight, a good Jedi. A good person. In JA he has to beg to be his padawan, and never really seems to feel like he measures up to Qui-Gon’s expectations. He wasn’t wanted and he worries that Qui-Gon’s disinterest in him never changed.

To me, it’s very obvious that Qui-Gon does want him. Very early on. But to a young teen, and someone so deeply insecure as Obi-Wan, it’s hard to see.

I LOVE THAT TENSION.

And I felt Obi-Wan really needed his dad to give him a hug at the end of it all.

The idea that Qui-Gon has always been with Obi-Wan is…I mean, I think that’s just intrinsic to their story. It’s weird because I can see how it looks like I “Just Knew” but I think everyone knew because it’s sort of the inevitable conclusion to their journey together. Qui-Gon literally defies death in order to be with Obi-Wan. I can’t think of any greater expression of love and devotion than that…and yet, Obi-Wan still needs it spelled out for him.

ANYWAY I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM ALL DAY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I’m very happy it made you two cry.

KORKIE IS A KENOBI

Look, I’m not even being ironic about it anymore. I love Korkie Kenobi. I believe in Korkie Kenobi. Korkie Kenobi is the best, most under-utilised, over-disparaged, misunderstood storyline that Star Wars never took.

As I briefly mentioned before, this story is really about parents and their kids. It was not an indulgence but an acute necessity that Korkie be a Kenobi in this fic. I’m not saying that because I love the theory (though I do), but because thematically it is imperative that Obi-Wan sees himself as a son, a brother, and a father. That he understand he is part of a family of blood, of duty, of choice, of circumstance. That he knows he is connected to the Force, to the world, and to the people around him. That we all are. That we owe ourselves to the people around us. That nothing ends, and everything continues.

That absence is not oblivion.

And Korkie specifically fits into that theme in the way he and Obi-Wan are connected despite Obi-Wan’s own ignorance. He is biologically present (by blood), he is spiritually present (in Korkie’s Force sensitivity), and he is emotionally present (in the way Korkie was raised watching him, being inspired by him, holding him up as a model of bravery and integrity – despite Obi-Wan not physically being there to parent him, he still was formative in Korkie’s emotional development and, to me, that’s massively important).

I really, really dislike the notion that Korkie being Obi-Wan’s son inherently frames Obi-Wan as a neglectful and dead-beat parent. What a small way to look at someone’s impact on others. What a cruel way to frame purpose, duty, and obligation. What a sexist way to ignore Satine’s importance and capability. What a mean way to dismiss the experiences of so many readers and people who grew up in single-parent homes for whatever reason.

My mum works in medicine. She missed a lot of school concerts, a lot of bedtimes, a lot of birthdays because she was SAVING LIVES. My dad explained this to me as a small child, and even as a small child, I understood. I got it. Kids aren’t dumb, and I knew a lot of kids in similar situations – we’re not traumatised.

Never mind the kids who had a parent die, or deployed, or transferred. It’s hard to be a parent, and yes, some parents are uninterested and dead-beats. But that neglect is not defined by their absence.

PERSONAL PET PEEVE EXORCISED THROUGH KORKIE

I tried to really connect things here by having Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mirror Obi-Wan and Korkie. Just as Obi-Wan was simultaneously present and absent in Korkie’s life, so too is Qui-Gon present and absent in Obi-Wan’s.

There’s a little moment where Obi-Wan’s mother, Ue, reassures Korkie that he’s wanted. Obi-Wan will not reject him. She tells him, “You are not a consequence, or a punishment, aso-aso,” she murmurs. “And I don't see that any parent could hold you any less than the very best of all beloved things.”

Then, at the end of the story, Qui-Gon uses the same words telling Obi-Wan, “Never think, my dearest Ben, that you are anything less than best beloved of my very heart.”

(“Best Beloved” btw is very much stolen from Kipling)

As for him taking the Kenobi name – hey man, we need more Kenobis.

But I love the bravery it takes because, as the hosts mention, it puts a big target on his back in a galaxy where the most powerful Force user is constantly on the look out for Kenobi.

And, in fact, if you’re curious, I explored the possibility of Vader finding Korkie first here: Or Else I Shall Be Lost

HERE there was also another lesson:

Steph and Lauren discussed the revelation of Korkie’s Force Sensitivity, and how it was confusing until the very end when I explicitly commented on it.

I TOTALLY DIDN’T REALIZE THIS WAS CONFUSING because mostly, I didn’t realise that I was writing a mystery.

BUT I WAS! Holy heck! I’m honestly surprised. Another like, surprising reframing of my own intentions and process. Because looking back, they’re totally right.

Kind of in line with using lore I like without explanation or justification, I also like referencing things I as the author know to be true but without actually telling the audience. In this case, I used wild coincidence as a thin cover for Force sensitivity, not revealing that had been intentional until the end.

Of course, in my head I was like, “Ha! Another clue! They’ll be putting this puzzle together by now” without accounting for the fact that I never told anyone there was a puzzle to begin with.

Not sure how I’ll address that in future fic, but it’s…it’s really something to think about. Is it a mystery if you don’t tell your audience something needs to be investigated?

NUMA REFERENCE

I honestly can’t remember, but I think Kano is canon….or Legends…and was there on Ryloth. I love using clones that make sense, even if they’re lesser known. It makes me feel less like someone’s got plot armour and more that they were lucky which was also why I used Boil. I know, having been in fandom for ages now, that fandom would’ve preferred Cody be the clone to find Padme on Tatooine and go after Obi-Wan, but like…

Look, I’m super proud that fandom has made Cody the character he is, but canonically, most of that doesn’t exist.

Canonically, the clones assigned to cover Obi-Wan’s back are Waxer and Boil.

And I think Waxer dies, right? So the only clone that made sense to me, as a fandom newbie, was Boil. It had to be Boil.

And his relationship with Numa cemented that. Because Numa is – in a way – his daughter. The same way Leia is. She is the inheritor of whatever is left after the war. Numa lives, but what of Ryloth? Did she survive the rest?

I think that moment is the one, uncomplicated victory that Boil looks back on to ground himself. He can look at Ryloth and think “We did the right thing” because after that, everything gets complicated. And that’s the thing that convinces Kano to help them, also. The desire to believe they’ve done good. Simple, uncomplicated good.

QUESTIONS

Okay, I really wanted to address this next part – Lauren and Steph were so unconvinced that Padme would stay on Tatooine and not join the Rebellion.

You guys, I was SCREAMING!

And again, they weren’t wrong. I can totally see how they came to that conclusion, how Padme’s choice felt OOC and wrong, and how it does contradict everything we know of her from canon.

And while I have no intention of changing their interpretations of canon, or of my fic I sooooo want to discuss it from my POV. And you know what, again – my bad for not articulating it in a clear enough way. I would probably rewrite this scene if I were to do it again.

Because that contradiction is the point.

This isn’t what Padme would choose. Like she says, she thinks about it. She thinks about going to Bail. That’s her first thought.

But, this fic is meant to show why she can’t.

It’s not that the destination has changed, but she has.

Technically, this fic takes place over the course of a full year. It’s vaguely charted in the growth of the twins (again, tess, you can’t just assume everyone knows baby milestones). At the beginning, Padme is in a state of shock. And so is Obi-Wan…

Let’s get into the kiss.

In a fit of just, complete upset, Padme slaps Obi-Wan. And then she kisses him. She says she hates him. And he does nothing.

This takes place about thhhhhreeeeeeeee??? Months into their time on Tatooine, and for this whole time, Obi-Wan has really done nothing but exist on a cursory, polite surface level. He smiles because it is expected. He farms because he must. He wakes up and functions but he says absolutely nothing about what they’ve gone through.

And Padme cannot stand it anymore.

She feels like she’s on her own. And she tries to make him react. In this, I really wanted to show just how well suited Anakin and Padme were to each other. She likes Obi-Wan. She’s glad he’s with her, but she needs to see him hurt. Because she hurts. She absolutely takes it WAY TOO FAR.

Obi-Wan turns inward in his pain. Padme explodes outward.

Well, she wants to.

But she CAN’T. Because she has the twins.

Obi-Wan gets to be an automaton, but Padme has to be a mother. She has to engage with Beru and Owen. She has to negotiate at the market. She has to feed, and clothe, and raise her children. She has to BE PRESENT ALL THE TIME. She doesn’t get to be numb.

Is it a comment on the division of emotional labour between men and women? Yyyyyes? But not in a derogatory way. Obi-Wan went through the same thing when Anakin was little and Qui-Gon died, but the difference is this time, Obi-Wan doesn’t have the purpose Padme has. She has the twins. Obi-Wan feels he is entirely superfluous.

This is all related to those messy emotions Lauren and Steph mentioned and which I really love to write. People – even good people – can be ugly. I love it. I truly believe there are no bad emotions, no bad traits. Everything evolved to keep you alive, to protect you. Obi-Wan protects himself with little cruelties. Padme lashes out.

I’m so happy the I hate you moment hit! I thought it was so sick. Had to do it.

And emotions are also inconsistent, even if motivation or ideology remains stable. So like, the part where Padme looks at Obi-Wan sleeping and is very empathetic – she’s still centering herself. She’s looking at him from the perspective of a mother, and imagining his mother. She is kind and generous in her assessment of him and his suffering here, and at other times, but…

She’s very conscious of it. Obi-Wan is vulnerable in sleep. It’s easy to be kind then. And later, she has all of Anakin’s insight into Obi-Wan, and a lot more patience than Anakin ever had. She understands how Obi-Wan copes. She lets him do what he needs to.

But MONTHS pass. And she’s so tired of carrying it all. She runs out of patience.

Anyway.

Anakin betrays them. And Padme can do nothing.

Obi-Wan leaves. And Padme can do nothing.

Padme is so frequently stripped of agency by circumstance, and you’re right – in canon, she fights that! She leaps into the fray and takes control.

But she has twins now. Her purpose, but also her burden.

She can’t join the Rebellion. Where would they go? How would they live? Who would take care of Luke and Leia?

If they go to Alderaan, they put a huge target on Bail and intense scrutiny on the Rebellion. They also bring themselves into direct contact with the Empire. If Vader got even a hint that Padme lived he would not stop until she was in his custody. If he knew he had kids? If he knew they were with Obi-Wan? It’s way too dangerous. They are a huge liability. She is a huge liability.

As Luke says, if there’s a bright spot in the galaxy then Tatooine is the place that’s furthest from it.

Tatooine is SAFE. Vader won’t go there, and the Empire doesn’t care about it. Is it run by the Hutts? Yeah. But better Hutts than the Empire, especially because the Hutts don’t care about the little people living day to day. Padme can give the kids a quiet, boring life on Tatooine. She can keep them safe.

And as she sorted the seeds from the sand in chapter one, THAT is her priority. Her kids. They have no one else, and furthermore, if their existence were known they would be targeted, captured, and killed – or worse. She wants to join the Rebellion. She would. But she can’t because she needs to keep Luke and Leia safe.

While Obi-Wan’s reason for staying on Tatooine is a passing on of legacy, and setting down the burden of war (he’s done his time), Padme’s reason for staying is a reassessment of her priorities. Hers is a maturation of responsibility. Sometimes, we can’t do what we want. It sucks. But we’re adults.

“Living in Squalor” though made me LAAAAAAUGH! You’re so right.

Oh my gosh, she’s tandem carrying! That’s the term. Hahahaha, yeah, poor girl. Lots of tandem carrying, but once Obi-Wan’s back, they’re basically a two-parent household. Plus, the fic sees them building that community. There’s Korkie, there’s Boil, there’s Beru and Owen. Padme screams at Obi-Wan that she’s alone, but by the end she’s not.

And like, in terms of practicality, I think Owen? Obi-Wan? I think there’s mention of them “digging out the cellar”. The idea is that more than half the house is buried, but once they dig out the cellar and reinforce the walls down there, there’s a significant chunk of living space they can utitilise (ie. at least one, if not two bedrooms underground where it’s cooler like we see in the Lars house in ANH).

But yeah, babies in the haffa chest for now!

QUAINT CABIN NOT SQUALOR!

Lastly, Owen and Beru! Ahahahahaha, I’m so happy Lauren and Steph were charmed by them. And I love their insight on the inversion of protection. In canon, Obi-Wan is there protecting them, but in Eternal Spring, the Lars’ are very much protecting Obi-Wan (and Padme). I thought that was really insightful. God, I love clever readers!

I just quickly wanted to touch on Owen’s grudge against Obi-Wan because yeah, it’s totally silly. I imagine Owen as being very typically masculine, and Tatooine culture being pretty big into gender-roles, though the expression of those roles may not fall directly in line with gender presentation (but that’s another topic).

Anyway, Owen is a dude’s dude. A guy’s guy. You know - a Man™.

And Obi-Wan is………SO SOFT.

This dude comes into Owen’s house with Trauma. He’s soft-spoken, and polite. He doesn’t speak much, and when he does it’s with a cut-glass accent that sounds so out of place. He listens without interrupting, he doesn’t make ribald jokes.

And he’s got magic powers.

There are ten thousand Jedi in the entire galaxy. Owen met Anakin once, and he went off the deep end.

Obi-Wan freaks him out. He’s so weird. He is not the kind of person Owen knows how to deal with, and he’s certainly not the kind of guy Owen can relate to. And Beru says to be gentle. Gentle? On Tatooine?

As we see when he’s coaching Padme, Owen doesn’t believe that gentleness or mercy have any place out here.

The secret is, Owen’s SUPER SOFT underneath. And Beru knows this. Hence why she keeps encouraging Owen to take care of Obi-Wan, to bring him out to mingle with other people. Beru sees that Obi-Wan is collapsing in on himself, and is trying to get Owen to draw him out.

When he nearly dies, Owen is more angry that they almost died. Not at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is just a convenient punching bag because he doesn’t punch back. If he did, Owen would know how to respond – he’d buy him a drink, and shake his hand.

I think, underneath, Owen really likes Obi-Wan (and we see this at the end when he’s jealous that Obi-Wan went to visit his blood brother, AtasOWEN – an alternate Owen, and also a reference to the old Legends lore that Owen Lars was Kenobi’s half-brother). Owen wants to be Obi-Wan’s family, and he gives him the gift of brotherhood (he tells the whole town that they’re related to protect him, yes, but also because he’s claiming that title). It’s very much one of those “Hey! No one gets to pick on my idiot brother, except me!”

The same way he is gruff and blunt to Luke in ANH, Owen is the same way with Obi-Wan. “Too much of his father in him.” Too much of Anakin in everyone for Owen’s taste.

But that, again, is on the author to make clear! All these lessons. I’m so thankful that I had this opportunity to listen to such a generous and in-depth analysis of my fic. It’s been fun, informative, and genuinely really instructive in the most supportive and uplifting way.

I highly recommend everyone check out One Hell of a Fanfic here, or on Spotify. Thank you so much for reading my fic, and until next time…

May the Force be with you!

#my fic #podcast #star wars #fic rec #process and stuff #indulge me #padme lives au #Youtube

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athenacodes · 6 months

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Automatic Jcink Awards Via IB Store

Please keep in mind this was originally created in 2020, and is being moved as is from Caution as it closes. That said, feel free to read it below.

Keep in mind: All images are now defunct, I'm sorry.

Okay so the very first thing you're going to want to do is go to your ACP. Go to System Settings, to Modification Enabler, and enable the IB Store.

Refresh your ACP so that the IB Store drop down shows. From there, you have the option to add categories for your different awards (which is what I do). This can be character related, thread related, zodiac signs, posting awards, literally any way that you want to sort your awards. Once you add all the categories you want, if you want to, this is what it will look like on your store front itself, with each category empty. IMAGE HERE.

Next you'll go to add item still under the IB Store drop down. You'll want to add a Self Changes Item, Award/badge in profile and submit. This will look like this. IMAGE HERE.

Fill out this form however you want, noting that item name and item description is what shows up in the store itself while award description text is what will show up on hover. Once you've submitted this for every award you want, your categories will no longer be empty and should look like this. IMAGE HERE.

From there, members will need to go into your store on site and purchase these awards as they want them. Then they will have to go into their inventory and use them. Once they are used, they will show up as awards on their profile.

They will do everything once you have it set up, minus the occasional mistake where you can go in and delete awards from a member. This you do by going to your ACP, Users and Groups, Member Awards, Search Awards, and then just enter the member's username and it'll give you options to edit or delete as necessary should they make a mistake, which in my experience has been rare.

Please remember that you have to enable rewards in the ACP, system settings, and user profiles to get them to show up and that you need to have  where you expect these to show up for this to work.

#coding #mine #rip caution #caution to the wind #caution #cttw #guide

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squeemcsquee · 1 year

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TFCon Chicago 2022: Saturday

Saturday started with @shbumi and I off to the Exhibition Hall and @lechevaliermalfet off to get an autograph from Peter Cullen. Now, despite not being a huge Transformers fan, I won’t lie – the dealers there have some super impressive stuff. Like, I completely understand why people drop a lot of money on some of the Transformer stuff on display. And the artists there are just as talented as at any other con.

But because I’m not the target audience, I probably burn out in there faster than in the dealer/artist space at anime cons or general pop culture cons. That’s not to say I didn’t find stuff – I did, over our multiple visits to the room. With my first purchase being energy drinks. I think I was feeling caffeine-deprived at the time and when you add it subtle pressure to buy from a polite but persistent pair of vendors…yeah. They actually taste pretty good though, so I might grab some again if I see them at another con. We’ll see.

I did find some other stuff, of course - my favorite purchase of the weekend was a page from one of the MLP/Transformers crossover comics.

After that first trawl through the available merchandise, we went to a panel on G1 Transformers with Sue Blu, Paul Eiding, and Ron Friedman.

I missed a chunk of what was being said thanks to the guys sitting behind us who were having a very active discussion on photography. And no, they didn’t bother shutting up when I politely let them know they were being too loud. *sigh* I get that not every moment of every panel is going to be fascinating to all attendees – but in that case, if you must talk to kill time, whisper. Or just message each other on your phones in silent mode, if there aren’t rules against phones in the panel. Better still, walk out. Let someone else have your seats.

Yes, I was very grumpy over this.

I did walk out of that panel with a greater love for the character of Arcee though, so there’s that.

We took a food break after the panel. @shbumi headed to the autograph area after her lunch, since she also purchased a ticket for Peter Cullen. Compared to the reasonably well-organized experience @lechevaliermalfet had in the morning, @shbumi reported clusters of people, line confusion, and delays during the afternoon session.

@lechevaliermalfet and I opted to check out the costume contest that afternoon. It started a little late but otherwise was just fine. Just like with their panels, TF Con had video monitors up and filmed contestants as they entered, so that as many people as possible would get a good view, no matter where they sat in the room. We were actually seated right on the edge of a row, which was an excellent view – even if I also occasionally got a wonderful view of other people’s phones and cameras while trying to take my own photos.

The energy for the cosplay contest was pretty good – a very appreciative crowd. And the MC also kept things going at a decent pace. As is usual with costume contests that have age categories, the kids went first. The highlight for everyone was the youngster whose costume allowed him to actually transform between robot and car mode.

Among the adult contestants were a Starscream and Megatron who stole the crowd’s affection easily. You had your small handful of folks cosplaying the human characters, but let’s face it – folks are there for the ‘bots. The last contestant, cosplaying Ratchet, was nearly forgotten – and wisely noted that you’re screwed if you forget your medic!

A note on the emcee for the event, though – I was entertained by what I took to be over-the-top sarcasm and lighthearted jabs at characters. However, there are also those who viewed the commentary as being too mean and also leaving contestants awkwardly trying to determine how to respond. I can’t say which side is right – since I’m far more casual within the fandom, it’s possible I missed some subtext in what was said.

There was a small amount of downtime in the dealer hall after the cosplay contest and then it was time for Peter Cullen’s panel. Or rather, it was time to get in line for Peter Cullen’s panel.

TFCon does do a tiered badging system, which meant there were concerns that many regular attendees like us would be left out in the cold and unable to access Peter Cullen’s panel. After all, hotel ballrooms can only hold so many people, and we figured with such a high-profile guest, most of the seats would be taken by the VIP and Premium badge holders. So we were in line roughly 50 minutes before the listed start time of the panel.

The line got shuffled around and moved between three and five times before anyone ever got into the panel. There were issues with the sheer number of people in line causing blockages for the dealer’s hall. And allegedly the line stretched through the hotel and toward the doors out to the parking lot.

We were lucky enough to make it into the panel and get relatively good seats. And all I can say is, Peter Cullen is a treasure. He seems genuinely touched at the love the fans show him and eager to return it. He’s an excellent storyteller and made us all laugh several times during the panel. Especially during his reenactment of the moment he discovered Optimus Prime dies in the 80s movie, during the script read.

TFCon has the entire panel on their YouTube page and I highly recommend it.

After Peter Cullen’s panel, we were done with official TFCon events for the day. But @shbumi managed to drag us to a room party that night. Which is greatly outside the norm for us, but it was a fun experience. There were a few games, including a Madlibs-style bad fanfiction.

The hostess had set her bathroom up as a mini-bar and was mixing drinks up – I tried a couple. Neither were exactly what I would order for myself normally but I’m glad I tried them.

They were strong! Our hostess was mixing drinks for free, though tips were happily accepted and we all made sure we tipped for the night. All in all, I spoke with some cool people, had some laughs, and it was a good couple of hours.

Oh, and @shbumi got a 3D-printed tiny robot dick.

All TFCon Chicago 2022 Coverage

Friday

Saturday (current post)

Sunday

#tfcon chicago #tfcon #tfcon 2022 #prose and cons #convention review #convention report

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mask131 · 1 year

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Cold winter: Gollum

GOLLUM

Category: Tolkien's Legendarium / Fantasy literature

Gollum first appears in Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”, as a strange and bizarre creature living in an underground lake under the Misty Mountains. The narrator himself admits to not know what he is or where he comes from – his very name, “Gollum”, isn’t his real name, he is just called like that because between his sentences he tends to produce sounds heard as “gollum”.

He is a small, slimy and hissing creature, with large feet and webbed, long fingers; he is “as dark as darkness” except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face, and has an habit of sharpening his fangs on a sharp stone. He spends his days in the cold and wet dark of the underground lake, eating blind fishes out of the dark waters – or from time to time the goblins that occasionally visit the area. He did not live in the lake itself, but rather in a small, slimy rock-island at the center of the lake, using a boat to cross its waters. He is encountered by Bilbo as he flees Goblin-town, and Gollum would have eaten him on the spot if he wasn’t driven by curiosity, wanting to know what exactly Bilbo was and how dangerous he was. Instead, Gollum offers him to bring him back to the outside world if he wins a game of riddles – and in this game, we have hints at Gollum’s own past, as the questions trigger blurry and distant memories of a long gone time where he lived with his grandmother and friends in “holes by the riverside”, before he lost everything and was driven away under the mountains. Bilbo wins the riddle-game by asking Gollum “What is in my pocket?”, as he picked up from the tunnels nearby a golden ring. Gollum can’t guess… but then suspect Bilbo has the ring and promptly tries to kill him. Because that is his ring, or rather “his precious”. The novel explains that the ring Bilbo found is actually Gollum’s most precious belonging, a “ring of power” able to turn its wearer invisible and that Gollum keeps jealously as his “birthday-gift”. In fact, interestingly, Gollum calls the ring “my precious” – while also calling himself “my precious” or “precious” (because Gollum has been living alone for so long that he took the habit to regularly talk to himself). Gollum tries to hunt down and kill Bilbo to regain his ring, to no avail as Bilbo uses the blinding lights of the outside world and the ring’s invisibility power against Gollum.

Gollum might seem to just be one of many secondary threats and dangers Bilbo has to face in his quest, but as it turns out he is a much more important character… As proven by his return in “The Lord of the Rings”.

We learn in these books what was merely hinted in “The Hobbit”: Gollum used to a Hobbit, of the Stoor kind, a long time ago. He lived by the side of the Anduin river, in a family dominated by his grandmother, and his tragic story starts on one of his birthdays… Gollum’s Hobbit name was “Sméagol”, and he spent his birthday alongside a friend and relative of his, “Déagol”. Déagol had a “mean little spirit” and so he gave Sméagol a present for his birthday… but a cheap one, and he gave it begrudgingly (not that Sméagol was better – he was also a bit greedy, though said greed mostly lied from an insatiable curiosity and desire to know and explore). The two went fishing by the riverside, and Déagol caught a large fish – before finding inside the fish a golden ring (the ring of power of Gollum). Sméagol, finding the ring much prettier and interesting than Déagol’s cheap present, demanded it as his birthday gift. Déagol refused to give the ring, claiming it for itself, and Sméagol entered a bitter rage, to the point he strangled Déagol and then hid his corpse to cover his murder. He then used the ring and its invisibility power to spy on the other hobbits of his community and learn their most shameful and secret things – which only led to become disliked and rejected by his friends, neighbors and peers. Gollum started to become lonelier and weirder, biting those that kicked him and starting to produce his strange “gollum” sounds. Eventually his very own grandmother, to establish peace in the community, banished her grandson. And so he left…

For you see, the ring of power Gollum found wasn’t just any ring of power. It was the One Ring, the most powerful and dangerous of the rings of power, the one that was owned and tied to Sauron, the Dark Lord, himself. Hopefully for him, Sméagol was a Hobbit and so had a form of resistance to the Ring’s dark power (so he didn’t lost his physical body or turned into a wraith), plus, with Sauron not being here anymore the ring was quite “dormant” (and so Gollum didn’t become a servant of the Dark Lord). But it was still a powerful artefact of corruption, that offered Gollum invisibility and an extended life, but in exchange slowly corrupting his mind and body… The very reason Sméagol and Déagol had ended up in a deadly fight was because of the ring’s power playing on their greed and avarice, and as Sméagol ended up banished and alone in the wild, the ring’s corruption only became stronger. He started eating only raw fish, and the light of the sun started to hurt his skin and eyes – seeking the comfort of shadows, he lived in caves and holes of the Misty Mountains, only going out at night, and then settled deeper and deeper under the mountains, until he finally found the underground lake we first met him by. And there he stayed for more than four hundred years, in loneliness and darkness, his mind slowly breaking from both the guilt of his murder, the regret of his hobbit life and the ring’s corruption – to the point he developed a true obsession with the Ring, that he repeatedly called his “precious” and “birthday-gift”.

An obsession and desire for the Ring that grew so strong that, after Bilbo “stole” it from Gollum, he dared go out of the Misty Mountains to undergo a quest to regain his “precious”, tracking down Bilbo – but not knowing that Bilbo hadn’t so much “stole” the Ring as was “chosen” by it, for Sauron had started to return into the world and the Ring, awakening, sought to regain its former master. Free of the Ring’s corruption and living in the surface world, with fresh food and fresh air, Gollum grew stronger and healthier. Despite his wiry and bony appearance, he proved himself extremely agile and strong, able to kill men if he wanted and to hang from trees and cliffs like an animal. He started to eat eggs and small creatures of the wild, to spy on various human communities, and even snuck near cradles (potentially to eat babies), giving him a reputation of a “blood-drinking ghost”. While he grew closer and closer to Bilbo, he then suddenly changed his path and went towards Mordor – for Sauron had fully returned, and Gollum felt attracted by his power. When Sauron captured him, he forced Gollum under torture for several years, obtaining from the creature all it knew about the Ring and those that owned it (it was the first time Sauron ever heard of “hobbits” or the “Shire” they lived in). Then, after obtaining all he could, Sauron set him free.

Gollum was then caught back by Aragorn, and brought to Gandalf the wizard, who interrogated him for several days to learn everything about Gollum’s own history and what he had revealed to Sauron – before placing him in the care of the Elves of Mirkwood (who already were spying on Gollum before he went to Mordor). Unfortunately, the Elves eventually lost Gollum when they were attacked by a group of orcs – and the creature slowly found its way towards the path of the Fellowship of the Ring, answering the call of his “precious”… And when two of the hobbits, Frodo the ring-bearer and Sam his companion, underwent a travel to Mordor alone, Gollum was there to follow them, stalking them, waiting for the best moment to regain what was his… Until he was actually captured by the pair, and after solemn oaths to serve the Ring-bearer in exchange for his life, became the third member of their unlikely party…

I am not going to recap more of the story, but the interesting thing is that, after Gollum being just one of the various monster/perils of a journey in “The Hobbit”, and then a shadowy, frightening, distant figure in the first part of LotR, as he travels with Frodo and Sam we get to know him as a full, complex, deep character – and quite tragic. Gollum lives in a constant persecution syndrome, as he keeps complaining and weeping over the fact that everybody mistreats him, is harsh or cruel with him, and that he only receives beatings and false promises while being “robbed” of what is rightfully is. And it is such that when Frodo shows him kindness and offers him some sort of gentleness, trust and comfort, the “good side” of Gollum comes back and manifests itself, seemingly splitting his personality into two fighting sides. One, the old “Sméagol”, “Slinker” for Sam, the good side of Gollum, which seeks to please the Ring-bearer and keep his vow of servitude, and strives to have back a normal Hobbit life and some form of friendship, but is overall constantly sad, whimpering and favor-seeking ; the second, the new “Gollum” persona, “Stinker” for Sam, being a manifestation of the bitter, jealous, hateful side of Gollum, convinced everybody is a greedy traitor and a lying thief, and who is obsessed with getting its “precious” back. When Slinker is in command, his eyes grow rather of a soft yellow light ; when it is Stinker, they burn with a green fire. This duality represents Gollum’s own strange relationship with the Ring, that he simultaneously “hates and loves”, feeling better when he doesn’t have it and yet obsessed with getting it back – he spent so much time alone with it that he grew a strange relationships and symbiosis, to the point even Sauron is said to “know less about the One Ring than Gollum”. Overall, it turns out that Gollum is truly a pathetic and childish creature, who is quite miserable and not so much evil as aggressive, bestial and completely insane – he doesn’t even want the Ring for its power, and even after learning its true nature, the only use he can think of is having the Ring bring him ”fresh fish every day”, which shows that he kept the practical and down-to-earth, even narrow-minded, hobbit mindset. He is even compared to a dog by Sam – acting like a leashed pet eager to please towards Frodo, constantly whining and begging while usually walking on all fours, and tracking things and people by smell while eating raw meat. But he is also much too deep in his own corruption to have any true return to who he once was – having forever lost the taste for any kind of cooked meat, constantly being gnawed at by various forms of envy, jealousy and mistrust ; and being doomed to die if the Ring was ever destroyed. It is to such a point that anything related to the Elves has a toxic effect to him: elven ropes burn him while elf bread almost chokes him to death.

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Of course, Gollum seems to have been inspired by various mythological and legendary characters, from Grendel to the various dwarves obsessed with the cursed ring in the various Siegfried/Sigurd legends. Interestingly, in the first edition of “The Hobbit”, the character of Gollum wasn’t as fleshed out as he is in today’s present editions of the book. He was much more of a random monster with no hint at any potential backstory in the “above world”, just being an underground creature met by Bilbo during his quest. It was only after, as Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings, that he realized that, thanks to the ring of power becoming “The One Ring”, Gollum needed to become a much more important character.

As with everything in Tolkien’s world, names have meaning: Gollum’s original name, “Sméagol”, meant “creeping in/penetrating ; burrowing, worming in”. A name that originally reflected Sméagol’s curiosity and obsession with “roots and beginnings”, as he kept digging and searching everywhere in hope of finding various things – but as he turned into “Gollum”, this name took new tones and meanings.

#cold winter #gollum #tolkien's legendarium

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