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hes-writer · 4 years

Text

Halo

Summary: y/n feels guilty for missing harry

Warnings: angst, slight fluff, mentions of vomiting and nausea, mentions of implied smut

Word Count: 7648 words

A/N: @devilinbetweenthesheet-s : don’t cheat and don’t do drugs, kids.

inspired by one of my anons. some parts are real and some parts aren’t :)

Tarnish (1) . Halo (2) . Reign (3) .

Reign Taglist

___

When the relationship ended, Y/N imagined being bed-ridden. A lack of motivation to do anything casual such as standing. Watching the television seemed to be a task that required all of her energy and full-attention to be able to understand the subtitles on the screen. Her friends would knock continuously on her door to be met with no response because she was asleep or Y/N couldn’t be bothered with pitiful conversation asking her if she was okay. She would be too tempted to ask how Harry was doing when she could easily pull out her phone and search his name in a few quick taps. These used to be easy; as easy as breathing and loving Harry was easier than loving herself.

How was he doing? Y/N hoped that Harry was regretting his actions. She was yearning for the vibration of her phone to restart her heart like an AED stuck to her chest, sending her pulses to remember that they were not what they used to be. Or maybe the snippy ringtone Y/N had set specifically for him and only him would ring through the air as she wallowed in a burrito blanket. Frankly too emotionally worn out to even move an inch as she watched her phone face down on the bedside table of her new apartment.

Life doesn’t wait until Y/N is capable of being back on her feet before thundering down with the foundations of living. Five days into the breakup did she realize that the money she had saved up would be spent faster than she can replace it if she stayed any longer at the hotel near the heart of downtown. It was a spur of the moment decision to ‘treat herself’; she thought she deserved it after being called names and thrown aside like a used toy. And on the fifth day, she was on the lookout for places to live in as she adjusted to her new life without Harry.

It wasn’t like Y/N was completely dependent on him. She had a well-paying job; just not as good as his. And she could afford a nice apartment, just not as nice as his mansion. Nor did it have the same toasty feeling that enveloped her when she walked through the doors. Y/N told herself that she would give it a few months; that maybe it was just the change in setting that misplaced every bone in her body because everything she did felt off. Deep down, Y/N knew that things weren’t the same without him. She could either live a life reminiscing how she--they--used to do things or she could change and adapt to this ball thrown at her.

The decision was in her hands, yet she hesitated with every gambling thought crossing her mind. On one hand, she was used to a routine. It was a routine that never got boring to her, solely because Harry found a way to make things interesting; refreshing. On the other, Y/N would be in a never-ending comparison of how much she missed him or pat her shoulders because she was able to compromise the old parts of her that existed when Harry was around and to integrate it with a new version that was wary of anybody getting close to her.

The challenge was not easy when the media got hold of the news. It seemed as if everywhere Y/N went---mixed reactions and judgement attacked her with doe eyes offering the best of luck or disgusted snickers telling that she deserved it and that they--Camille and Harry--were perfect for each other. But when Y/N quite literally was carrying a piece of him and her inside her stomach did she step up to what she had to become to raise her baby.

It seemed like yesterday when Y/N stared at her reflection in the en-suite bathroom of Harry’s home, pinching at a subtle layer of fat that she was sure wasn’t there a few days ago. Bloated cheeks that added a fullness to her face were substituted as the result of a bright smile plastered on her face because she Harry had pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead before she left for work that day. The sudden aversion to fragrant foods she absolutely adored flew right over her head and excused as a bad batch.

And the most painful memory was the day Harry and Y/N’s relationship ended. The beginning of something new, something beautiful was right under their noses. Y/N wondered what could have happened if she didn’t find the letter. When the symptoms of pregnancy became more obvious each day; would Harry notice the change in her physique? The crinkle of her nose when met with a sandwich containing pickles that she used to love?

Y/N couldn’t help but envision holding the stick with a tiny ‘+’ pixelated by dark colours. Sitting on the closed toilet seat as she contemplated delivering the news to him in the early hours of the morning after she was awoken by a flush of morning sickness. Y/N daydreamed about watching his sleeping face smooth out of any lines as he dreamed peacefully and wondered if this was still a part of what he wanted with her. Maybe she would jostle him gently, rousing him with a poke as she kneeled on his side of the bed, flailing the pregnancy test between her fingers until he blinked the sleep out of his waterline. Harry would present her a doozy smile before realizing what she held--to which he would sit up faster than he had ever done, gazing at her with a pleading stare. For Y/N to confirm that yes, she was pregnant. Yes, they were going to have a baby and yes, Harry was going to be a father. A little family in the works.

But that daydream was reeled in like a fishing hook in grave waters as reality grounded her. She was apparently two months into her pregnancy when Y/N had mistaken the sickness as an inevitable reaction to finding out his infidelity. Hearing him say the term of endearment as if he had not used it with another person made Y/N want to grab him by the shoulders to hold a steady contact, jostling him until answers spilled out of his mouth. Answers that Y/N deemed justifiable but was there ever a good excuse for cheating? She wanted to strip him out of the apologies filling his mouth and get straight to the question of why he had done it. But even then, Y/N knew that there was no way she was going to be satisfied with his answers. It was just a matter of her accepting that the idea of ‘what could have been’ would live inside her head because she was the only one that knew about the life inside of her.

Harry had not made an effort to speak to her besides arranging the dates to pick up her things. She had to wear large clothes to hide her growing belly because Y/N wasn’t sure if she even had the right to tell him something so personal anymore. It fit well with the narrative that she was a depressed homebody that craved the touch of his fingertips on her skin, the taste of his lips on her tongue and the weight of his arms around her. Albeit that he was the father, Harry had obviously moved on way before they ended; a little over a year ago now to be precise.

Y/N was almost one-hundred percent sure that Harry had blocked her number. Scratch that, she was certain if the way her messages failed to send were anything to go by. She could handle seeing the handle of ‘read’ on the bottom of a message because at least she’d know that Harry did read it and that he was aware. But watching the encircled, crimson exclamation point appear was just another reminder that he planned to erase four years from his life to start anew.

____

So what if at four months, Y/N was attending another doctor’s appointment by herself, trying to amount to as little attention as possible? Well, today was the day that she was going to find out the baby’s gender. Her bump was definitely noticeable now and extremely uncomfortable especially sitting on a plastic, grey chair in the waiting room. The device in her hand felt like stone perceiving the icon of blaring red that indicated yet another failed message to the contact previously named ‘My Love’, now to just ‘Harry’.

Y/N: I’m finding out the gender of our baby today

Y/N: I’m hoping for a girl but either way, I just want the baby to be healthy.

“Y/N? Dr. O’Sullivan is ready to see you,” The nurse clad in scrubs walked out with a clipboard gripped in her hands.

Y/N stood up, pausing to retrieve her items. She took a breath before entering the room, catching sight of the doctor in his stereotypical white coat focused on the computer screen that showed her information.

“You know what to do. Good luck today,” The nurse mused, handing her a folded hospital gown to change into as she pointed towards the direction of the room with a little nook to change privately. After struggling a bit with pulling off her top, Y/N tied the strings of the hospital gown.

“Hi, Y/N. How are you today?” He asked, standing up to gather the items he would need. Y/N made herself comfortable on the small bed, the white paper crinkling as her weight shifted.

She sighed deeply, “I’m alright. Really excited, actually,” A grin appeared on her face with just how close she was to find out the gender of the baby, “How about you?”

“Good as always,”

Connor O’Sullivan was the name of the doctor. They met when Y/N was in search of the top-tier family doctor’s around the city and instantly had a connection. He had a trustworthy aura that Y/N deemed acceptable to guide her to a healthy pregnancy. A friendship had definitely blossomed around the doctor-patient boundary but they stayed within their limits. Inside jokes existed but it had never crossed the line. And sure, touches to the shoulder happened once in a while but nothing had escalated further.

Y/N’s baby bump was exposed to the cool room. She shivered when a gloved hand applied the gel on her taut skin. Stretch marks were littering the sides of her tummy. It was itchy and uncomfortable. However, it was tolerable especially after applying a combination of creams and oil to soothe the ache. It was also another reminder that she really was about to become a mother.

“Cold?” Connor teased with an easy smile. Y/N rolled her eyes upwards in response, “You’re the doctor here,”

He chuckled, directing her attention to the small screen beside them. The static fizz of black and white slowly morphing to a more discernible image as he attached the device to her skin, finding the perfect angle to produce a clear picture. The first time Y/N saw her little baby; it was the size of a lemon. The next couple of visits showed progression in their growth; tiny baby feet, stubby legs, and sprouting fingers could be seen on the ultrasound.

They looked more and more like a proper baby now--like the ones one would see in the clinics and Y/N really couldn’t believe that she was about to find out their gender. Y/N couldn’t tell just by inspecting the picture because of her lack of expertise.

“You’re having a. . .” Connor began, edging his voice at the last word. He wiggled his brows as Y/N’s eyes widened.

She balled her fists, “Oh, hell. Just spit it out, C,”

“A girl. You’re having a little girl,” He peered up at the patient, watching tears fill the brim of her waterline as she gasped, palming her slightly open mouth.

“A-a girl?” Y/N craned her head to look at the square image, blurrier because of the tears but beautiful nonetheless. “I can’t believe I’m having a girl,”

The doctor wiped the gel off of her tummy with a cloth, switching off the machine as he waited for another reaction out of her. Y/N tossed her legs to the side, putting on her slip-on vans to fully-comprehend the news. “I’m having a baby girl,”

Connor nodded, releasing an ‘oomph’ at a sudden pressure around his middle. Y/N wrapped her arms around him, feeling the tube of his stethoscope dangling against her cheek. Her lashes fluttered, happy tears streaming out. He returned the gesture with soft rubs on her lower back.

“I’m sorry, I’m so emotional,” Y/N pulled away with a huff, using her fingertips to rub the wetness towards her temple. “I’m so happy but I just wished that he was--,” She cut herself off, pursing her lips as an image of Harry carrying their baby appeared in her head.

“I understand, Y/N.” Connor mirrored her distraught expression as he really did feel sorry for Y/N. However, he couldn’t explain the extra twinge in his heart at seeing her frown over a lost love. “You’re doing great on your own,”

She sighed for possibly the tenth time that day, “We both wanted to name her Halo if it’s a girl or Arlo if it’s a boy. It reminds me of what an angel she will be,”

“Wait until she gets older,” Connor joked to lighten the mood, receiving a glimmer from Y/N. “What d’ya say you get changed and I’ll print out this ultrasound, sounds good? A few more months then we can meet baby Halo,”

Halo.

___

Harry’s relationship with Camille was a dream. It was everything he imagined, maybe even better. The first time they dabbled on getting together was four years ago, before Y/N was even around in his life. There could be so many things right about a relationship and it could still be wrong. Maybe it wasn’t the right place, the right time, or they simply had too many disagreements and flaws that both parties were unwilling to work it to make them--work.

Usually, the third time would be a charm but Harry felt that he and Camille didn’t need a third time. As he said, the past couple of months felt like a dream. He could close his eyes and still feel the soft skin of the woman he loves grazing his fingertips. He couldn’t help but transpire into a new chapter of their love; one where it wasn’t just them tumbling in the sheets. When the squeals in the kitchen while making breakfast were paired with pleads for whipped cream on their pancakes; a child.

Harry was old enough to know what he wanted--at least, he thought he was--and a family was in his books. He finally found a partner who had the same mindset in their future; Camille. At first, he was absolutely sure that Y/N could not be erased from; but her name wasn't set in stone and once he found someone better--no way in hell was he going to let that be a missed opportunity.

Camile sighed softly, laying on Harry's bare chest as he pulled the sheets over their clammy bodies. Their orgasms settled in their veins, the rush and panting breaths calming down with each blink of an eye.

With her finger swirling patterns on his skin, Harry stared at the ceiling in hesitant contemplation, “Babe, have you ever thought of getting off the pill?” She paused.

“Uh, sure, but then we would have to use a condom?” Her voice raised at the end in curiosity.

Harry released an awkward chuckle, gently swivelling her body off of him so he could sit up. Reaching over, his fingers found the flip of the light switch that turned the bedside lamp on. He smiled at her appearance, mirroring his stance as she sat on the bed, a sheet clung around her body.

He shook his head, “No, no. No condoms, no pills and, y’know. . .”

The confusion was evident on Camille’s features, “I don’t exactly understand what you’re trying to say, H--,’

“‘M asking if y’wanna try for a baby, love.’

Silence overtook the room. Harry held his breath in his throat, seemingly trying to swallow down the lump that had formed because of her lack of response. She cleared her throat.

“A baby?” Harry nodded with excitement despite the flat tone whipping past her lips. “I--don’t know how to say this, Harry. I’ve never wanted kids.”

His face fell, the words lingering around his head like a flock of birds. The dizzying epiphany rattled his head clear of any other thoughts besides the fact that there was a hole in his book; burnt and toasted with sparks inkling his skin.

“W-why not?” His palms fell flat on the silky sheets, fisting the fabric to keep him settled. “A mini you and a mini-me running around the house. Won’t that be fun, baby? Don’t you want that?”

It almost hurt Camille to see the grin plastered on his face, hopeful eyes practically begging her to change her mind. But she couldn’t.

“Harry, that part will be fun. What won’t be fun is getting huge, morning sickness, weird cravings, hormonal imbalance, the aftermath of labour, the sleepless nights, the puke, the changing diapers, the back pain, the headaches, the fights when they’re older and so much more” Her accent rippled with each explanation rejecting the idea.

Harry huffed, crossing his arms subconsciously to shield himself, “But it’ll be worth it,”

“It won’t be,” Camille scooted closer to him, situating herself on her knees so that she could look into his eyes clearly. “Look, I made up my mind ages ago and I thought you felt the same since you haven’t settled down yet”

“I was jus’ lookin’ for the right person,” His head dipped down, dropping his gaze their intertwined hands. “It’s gonna’ be okay, Cam. We can make it work. We’ll have our own family. We’ll be okay,”

She shook her head in refusal, “It will be okay for you, H.” Harry could feel her hands itching to slip past his. He held her tighter. He didn’t want to lose her. “You can get back to work immediately. I’m a model and it takes time to lose weight. Even when I do--I won’t look the same. It’ll take me months, if not years to even resemble my present body.

“I don’t care how your body looks. You’re still gonna’ look amazing. You think I won’t love you after birthing our little baby?” With brows pressed together, he pouted his lip in curiosity as she rolled her eyes.

Camille sighed exasperatedly, “I don’t want children, Harry. The sooner you understand that the better. It’s MY body. I’ll be carrying the kid around for 9 months. No thank you.” She stood up, stumbling slightly as the sheets tangled around her feet.

He followed suit. His height towered over her as she crouched down to collect the pieces of clothing strewn around haphazardly in a rush to have each other. “But it’ll be MY baby, Cam. OUR baby, don’t you want that?”

Fingernails dug into the skin of her palm, holding her clothes as she spoke, “I don’t, Harry. Why can’t you just accept that?”

In the heat of the moment, Harry couldn’t help but quell the ache in his chest with a memory he thought he had thrown away, “Because Y/N and I planned to have a family. A-and I thought you and I could have one too,”

Camille huffed, keeping her distance. She walked to the bathroom, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have fucking cheated on her then,”

___

His fight with Camille left the both of them on edge, barely able to handle the thick tension surrounding the house. Even though she took refuge in the bedroom and Harry wandered to the kitchen to cool off; it was impossible for them to stay in one place without having another argument.

Harry didn’t mean to let the memory slip past his lip. He hated it when he found himself comparing his past relationships to his current one. He felt that there was no need to do so, especially when the point of all of it was to start anew. Harry guessed that his desire to have a family was too powerful to keep his thoughts in check. The ache bubbling in his chest rose to a boil with each rejection that Camille answered with.

It wasn’t like he didn’t respect her decision. He really did. But Harry didn’t know if he was going to be happy being with her without progressing into something more through the years. What he was asking from her is just as difficult as what she was asking from him. Camille didn’t want to have children and Harry didn’t want to not have kids. There was no room for compromise if they both, mutually, wanted to respect each other's' decisions’ to the absolute fullest. However, the chances of him living a content life were zero to none.

And that was how Harry ended up at a bar, alone, at nine o’clock in the evening. They were invited by his friend, Kora, to a birthday celebration. Harry was reaching the limit of his threshold having to fake a smile and a chuckle while saying, “Camille’s feelin’ a bit sick tonight. ‘S just me,”

The thing with this celebration was that Kora was initially Y/N’s friend. He and Kora had become close friends while he was with Y/N and he guessed that that was the reason why he was invited. Although, it made him wonder why one of Y/N’s best friends invited him when she was aware of what happened between them. Surely, there was no way that Kora would invite Y/N, Harry, and Camille to the same crowded space, would she?

The sudden nervousness swirling at the pit of his stomach came with a quick neck as Harry scanned each premise of the bar. It was difficult considering the dim lighting and endless amounts of heads moving against each other. He hoped to see Y/N; just to see how she was doing! But he also felt like puking the alcohol he consumed because--as much as he wanted to admit it or not--he missed her.

After a half-hour of being vigilant, Harry willed himself to relax by the counter. Leaning one elbow on the wood as he spoke to another person regarding his upcoming album.

‘Yeah, yeah. It’s goin’. ‘M really excited for it cause’ I’ve got a lot of inspiration for some reason,” Harry answered with unyielding precision.

“We both know where that came fro--Oh hi! Sorry, H. Gotta check in on, Johnny,”

He rolled his eyes under closed lids, sipping on his drink, eyeing Kora when he heard a quip of Y/N’s name. Harry inconspicuously moved closer to her, making sure that he didn’t catch her attention.

“You’re not here,” Kora yelled with a whine to her tone. Her drunk self was still coherent enough to embark on the bartender to make another drink for her. However, Harry guessed that her senses were obscured with the way she yelled through the phone despite it being held to her ear and the function tapped to ‘speaker’.

“I know. I’m sorry. I promise to make it up to you, Kora,” Y/N’s gentle chuckle rumbled through the speaker, making Harry smile. It was the first time he heard it in a while. He sometimes wondered if he had the right to feel relieved when Harry was the one that blocked her number in the first place.

“It’s my birthday! Why aren’t you here drinking with us?” Kora quietly thanked the bartender.

Harry’s curiosity spiked; why wasn’t Y/N here tonight?

“It’s because I’m pregnant, silly. Can’t really do that when I’ve got a bubba in my tummy,” Both women giggled, Kora, making a sound of acknowledgement, “Ohhh right!”

He really wished that he would have stuck by long enough to hear more of their conversation but Kora’s boyfriend was approaching her and he wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything if he was honest.

She moved on fast, Harry thought. He was definitely sounding like an entitled jerk. Hear him out though; Harry was happy with Camille. Yes, he had been cheating on Y/N for a whole year and yes, she had to find out through a letter but Y/N was pregnant.

Did she really move on that quickly?

___

Despite the guilt gnawing at her for missing her best friend Kora’s birthday, Y/N was also looking forward to getting some sleep. It was a couple of hours after their phone call together when the nauseating tightening of Y/N’s chest woke again and had been for the past three days.

It was a horrible feeling that spread from the confines of her stomach. The bile rising up from her throat that left a burning feeling from the acids that escaped her mouth as she quickly threw the covers away from her legs, running towards the direction of her bathroom where she emptied the remnants of her stomach from last night’s craving of pickles and hot Cheetos. Her chest heaved with exertion as she draped her arms over the white porcelain of the disinfected toilet, hunching over as her stomach seemingly pumped away toxins.

Y/N wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, visibly shuddering as she pointed a finger to flush the toilet. She had a feeling that she won’t be getting any more sleep despite the time being three o’clock in the morning. Halo was insistent on staying up past normal bedtime hours. Y/N sighed, walking lethargically towards the dresser to retrieve her phone before heading to the living room nearby.

Y/N: You up, doc?

The blue loading bar swooped to the right as Y/N sent a message to Connor. She was at the peak of her pregnancy and her due date was occurring within a few weeks. A lot had changed since the day she found out the gender of her baby. Between the emotional trauma of having been broken up with--the hard-hitting fact was that Y/N was pushed into a direction of pregnancy that wasn’t exactly her ideal path. She pretty much preferred the dream-like sequence of having Harry accompanying her to her ultrasounds.

Just as Y/N was about to delve into another imaginary scenario of Harry sending her cute baby onesies that he would absolutely need to purchase for their little one, the humming of her phone pulled her from drowning in pathetic wishes and desires.

Connor: What’s up, Y/N?

She jutted her lips as she typed out a response. Contemplating whether or not to send the message as Y/N’s thumb hovered over the arrow, she paused to wonder why she was feeling so guilty in texting another man months and antecedent her break up with Harry. He was happy with someone else, yet Y/N felt as if her feet were planted in a puddle of sticky glue; unable to move on from the life she built in her head. Although it hurt to admit that Harry only existed in her memories now, reminiscing the spoken words they have discussed was another stab to her already bruised heart.

Y/N: Halo’s keeping me up again..

Connor: Want me to come over?

To keep you company

The reply was instantaneous and she could not deny the flutter of her heart beating subtly despite the extremities it had endured. And Y/N couldn’t help but notice the jitter of her baby bump morphing a plump bulge where Halo had kicked it as if it was a stamp of approval of the man coming over.

It wasn’t the first time that Connor drove to her place at the brink of dawn to keep her company in case the sickness became too much for Y/N to handle. The first time was simply a desperate action because she was rattled by the sudden spike in dizziness and incoherence of her sickness that Y/N wasn’t confident in herself to handle it alone. Times after that were more for his comfort when Connor said that he would ‘rather be safe than sorry’ while he rubbed his palm up and down her back.

Minutes later, a knock on her door sounded, forcing Y/N to haul her plump body to the comfort of the sofa, pausing the rerun of a television show. She waddled towards the entrance, the fit of her pyjama waistband snuggly wrapping around her mid-belly. A stretch of skin exposed between her bottoms and her tank top.

“Hi, thank you for coming,” Y/N greeted shyly, widening the door to let Connor in as he chuckled, toeing off his shoes by the closet door.

He waved her off, “It’s no problem, really,” Connor assisted her back to her couch, aiding her by letting his hands stabilize in the air in case anything happened.

The moment their bottoms hit the cushions did Y/N realize the gravity of the guilt spiralling in her chest. Connor laughed softly, his back resting on the couch with his right arm resting on the top, fingertips barely brushing over her shoulder. He reached over the coffee table to obtain the bowl of freshly popped popcorn, picking one to munch on but not before looking over at Y/N.

“Want some?”

She snapped out of her daze, cheeks heating profusely at being caught blatantly staring at how Connor fit naturally into her home both physically and metaphorically. He couldn’t have appeared at a better time when Y/N not only needed medical assistance and a support group by her side. However, she asked herself if he could be anything more than a friend. She shook her head ‘no’.

“No thanks. I’m quite full,” Y/N pressed a palm to her belly when a kick halted her breath. ‘Okay maybe a little,” She rolled her eyes, scolding Halo. “She’s a hungry one,”

“I’m gonna pop some more popcorn, kay? Be right back,”

Y/N heaved a sigh, watching Connor’s retrieving figure. Her admiration was cut off by the ringing of her phone.

___

Harry wasn’t so sober when he opened the door to his car. He wasn’t in his right mind either when he unblocked Y/N’s number and tapped on her name, switching the screen as it rang. He threw his head back against the headrest, biting his lip when the dial tone rang and rang.

“Hello?”

Harry’s breath hitched, losing his voice momentarily before his slowed brain caught up to move his tongue.

“Y/N? It’s Harry,” He spoke quietly, “Don’t hang up. Hear me out,” His ears stretched to pick up the click of a dropped call but he didn’t hear any.

“Heard from Kora that y’were pregnant, yeah? And I was wondering, whose is it?” The venom in his voice dripped. His drunken stupor rendered him unable to grasp reality.

“I’m not answering that,” Y/N’s tone was firm and direct. Harry could imagine her pursing her lips inwards.

“Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?” The parking lot was filled with cars yet Harry could see that he was the only one currently occupying one. If there was a better metaphor of feeling alone in a crowded place; then he would love to hear it.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Harry? You cheated on me! You slept with another woman while we were together. You loved another woman while we were together. For an entire year, you lied to me and deceived me,”

“Jus’. . .answer the question,” He pinched his nose bridge, a headache pounding from the bottom of his skull.

“How dare you speak to me this way? You have no right calling me up out of nowhere,” Y/N lowered the volume of her voice, “and asking all these ridiculous questions,”

“S’not ridiculous,”

She gave a smile to Connor who entered the room with a bowl of delicious smelling popcorn. Y/N clutched the phone to her chest. Connor situated his body beside her with a glimmering smile, his mouth twitching as he eyed her bump, “Can I talk to her?” A gentle question breezed past his lips, moving closer when Y/N gave him approval.

The man kneeled down on the floor, leaning his head downwards to speak to Halo, “Hey little one, y’gotta be nice to momma, okay?” His fingers waved when her feet kicked out. Connor looked up to Y/N with a proud smile, “Did you see that? She responded!”

___

Harry felt his heart clench as a new voice filled the speakers. His neurons were fried with each thought firing endlessly, “Who’s that?

“Don’t call me again,”

The dial tone rung in his ears, echoing in the quiet space of his Range Rover.

___

Pressing the power button for a few seconds, the device turned black and was left on the arm of the couch. The excitement in Connor’s voice brought a dreamy smile to Y/N’s face, chewing on some popcorn. The beating of her heart seemed to double at the sight of him being so thrilled with her baby.

“We can’t wait to see you. I bet you’re gorgeous,” Connor dropped his volume to a whisper to prevent Y/N from hearing, ‘’Like your mom,”

Y/N’s relaxed and comfortable state of mind mindlessly worked her hands to thread the hair on top of Connor’s head. Just like she used to do to Harry. Her expression dimmed at the thought, painting a faint simper when Connor looked at her in surprise before shrugging it off, continuing to talk to her bump. She shivered when a warm pair of lips attached to the skin of her stomach. Gentle pressure planting a kiss as Connor said his goodbyes to baby Halo.

“She’s a smart one, that much I can tell,” He confirmed, moulding his body to the lingering shape he had left behind in his previous position. And Y/N was flustered to say that she might have scooched a little closer to his body, snuggling her head at the junction of his shoulder.

“Can I?” She asked, doe eyes raising a question that would allow them to cross the boundary they had limited themselves to. He nodded reflexively as if he was awaiting this moment. Connor took the initiative to pull Y/N closer to him, subconsciously kissing the top of her head. The scent of the woman’s shampoo wafting through his nose and invading his senses in a sweet smell that he would gladly immerse himself to.

It was the most pleasant feeling for Y/N to completely let go of her former worries about starting anew when Connor was as cozy as a heater. He made Y/N feel safe and secure with his body shielding her and his actions hinting at a subdued attraction he hadn’t fully shown to her.

And Connor was proud of himself for not quite literally freaking out when Y/N smothered her face to his chest as time passed and the sun rays filtered through the blinds as she fell asleep. Her words mumbled in a jumbled mess about how she wished that morning sickness wasn’t called morning sickness.

It wasn’t totally accurate, she complained. She thought that it was a misleading name; catfishing perhaps. He had chuckled in response, tracing his fingers up and down her arm and feeling goosebumps rise on her skin.

The orange hue of the bright star painting the sky lighter and lighter until the pitch-black sight morphed into a mixture of shades that could only be described as beautifully grandiose--just like Y/N’s sleeping face when the sun casts a shadow to highlight her nose, scrunching with the slight graze of the back of Connor’s finger rubbing the tip. Or the way the luminescence caressed the apples of her cheeks where her lashes rested, mouth puffing breaths of air as she allowed herself to be vulnerable for the first time in months.

___

A heavy feeling had settled into Harry's chest after Y/N hung up the phone. The new voice he had heard had unmistakably been a man's. Who was he? Was Y/N having that man's baby?

Before he could help it, Harry was seething. He saw red, and if he were in a children's movie there would be steam coming out of his ears right about now. How dare she move on so fast? How could she have a baby with another man so soon? But when he thought about it; Harry couldn't even recall how long it had been since they'd broken up. It made him feel somewhat guilty. He hadn't meant to forget her. It had just happened.

His guilt soon manifested into frustration-- her being pregnant was a constant reminder that she had moved on with another man. Insecurity clawed at his insides- did he really mean that little to her? 'You cheated on her', his conscience pricked, but he brushed away the thought. He hated being reminded of his infidelity to his fiancée.

His defence mechanism kicked in like clockwork, using aggression to shield his insecurities. He opened his messages app and clicked her contact, typing drunkenly.

Harry: 'Your a whore'

'You're*'

'Diid yu cheat on me? I bet youu did'

'Do u sleepp arond a loot?'

'fck u'

He smiled smugly at his phone screen, satisfied with what he had sent her. He shut his phone off, and started his car, ready to drive back home. He knew he was being irresponsible, but between his current girlfriend not wanting a child and his ex being pregnant with one; he couldn't bring himself to care. He drove himself home, only to find a terribly worried Camille waiting for him to arrive.

He glanced at the huge clock on the wall behind her. 1:32 am. He shrugged his shoulders and brushed past her to their bedroom. In his drunken gait, he knocked over a metal tray. The loud 'clang' made him hiss and clutch his temples, a headache pounding in his skull.

Camille sighed and made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso and muttering a "come here, H" Despite his sour mood, he found himself craving affection. What he wouldn't admit was that he didn't crave Camille's affection in particular. He just wanted to be held and feel safe in someone's arms. Anyone's arms. But despite himself, he mumbled, "m'sorry I left like tha'. Should'nt 've spoken to ya that way,"

She nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "It's okay, Harry, you're back home now. C'mon, let's get you changed and then let's sleep."

He bobbed his head up and down, willingly letting her drag him up the stairs to their shared bedroom, "Love ya,” Camille helped him out of his trousers.

She smiled softly, "Love you too, mon Cheri,” He giggled drunkenly at the showcase of her accent.

___

Harry woke up with a pounding headache, whining as his alarm rang at eight am in the morning. He opened his eyes to see that Camille wasn't in bed with him. His lips fell into a pout because of waking up alone.

There was a note on the bedside table.

'got called in for an emergency meeting for the show next week. be home by 5pm. love you!'

He sighed and reached for the glass of water she had left him. His brows furrowed when he didn't see Ibuprofen next to the water. Y/N left him ibuprofen beside the glass of water. Always. Harry snapped himself out of his daze, reprimanding himself for even thinking about her. Why is he thinking about her?

After a hot shower, Harry made his way downstairs to make himself breakfast. 'Eggs and toast', he thought. Placing 2 eggs in water and setting it on the stove before loading the toaster. He looked mindlessly through the drinks in the fridge, settling on 'Organic Orange Juice'. Y/N had introduced him to this particular brand after he had complained that all the others had too much sugar to be 'healthy'.

___

"This has no added sugar, H," she mentioned, "They sweeten it with honey."

___

Harry groaned, snapping himself out of the daydream, ashamed for thinking about his ex. Again.

He placed his breakfast on a plate and poured himself a glass of juice, sitting at the dining table alone. He chewed slowly with a mouthful as he unlocked his phone, beginning to go through his notifications.

Camille sent him a text. It was a selfie of her at her meeting, smiling and holding up a peace sign. He mirrored the expression, sending a text back

Harry: "stop being so cute"

He clicked the ‘back’ icon.

The second he does, his heart positively skips a beat. Not in a good way, either. Y/N's contact was just below Camille's, suddenly remembering the nasty things he had texted her the previous night.

"Fuck," He whispered under his breath, opening her contact. 'Read' was plastered under the messages he had sent. Y/N had seen them.

Connor had left a few hours later because he had morning rounds at the clinic the next day. Y/N had bid him goodbye with a shy kiss to the corner of his mouth,

“Thanks for coming, C,"

He smiled and pulled her into an embrace "Anytime, angel," into her hair. A warmth spread through her chest--one that she hadn’t felt in a long while.

After Connor drove off (with a final wave from his car window, of course), Y/N walked back in to settle on her couch again. Halo kicked a few times as she sat down, making Y/N squirm and giggle.

"Hi, you little goose! What's got you all excited, hm?" She rubbed over the area where Y/N felt the kick. As if, in response to her mother's voice, baby Halo kicked out again, right where Y/N's palm was. "Are you trying to high-five me, precious girl?"

Y/N cooed at her swelling tummy, a huge smile plastered across her face. "Or are ya just excited about Connor coming over to spend time with us? Got a good feeling about him, have you?"

She feels a gentle kick, it was almost as if the baby in her tummy wanted to say 'yes'. Y/N hummed softly, caressing her tummy, "Me too, angel. I've got a good feeling about him, too."

A few minutes later, Y/N reboots her phone her previously switched off phone so that she could see if Connor had texted her. He had.

C: Thanks for letting me spend time with you and Halo tonight. I loved it. I have a bit of time off on Sunday, do you want to get Pizza?'

Her eyes gleamed, but she hesitated for just a second. Connor had texted her. But so had Harry. He had sent her five messages, and Y/N wasn't sure if she wanted to see what he had to say.

She wanted to make sure before texting Connor back. Y/N was not sure what she was expecting or hoping for, but what she saw was certainly not it.

Harry: 'Your a whore'

'You're*',

'Diid yu cheat on me? I bet you did

'Do u sleepp arond a loot?'

'fck you'

She felt tears stinging her eyes, cursing at the pregnancy hormones that have gotten her feeling this emotional about drunk texts from her ex. Her body ignited with fury quicker than she realized she could. Y/N doesn't hesitate to click the 'block' button to his contact.

She didn't need a man like him around her or her baby. Or her potential boyfriend.

Y/N: 'Hiya!,'

'it was great having you over, and I'd love to hang out! Down for pizza anytime. Halo loves it too :P'

The reply was instantaneous

C: 'Great!'

'See you Sunday, then! What are your favourite toppings?"

Y/N smiled brightly, finding his curiosity incredibly endearing. She typed back a response, gleaming with joy at the fact that she finally had someone she could rely on.

___

"Fuck. fuck fuck fuck," Harry repeated, clicking the call button to Y/N's contact. He needed to apologize. Desperately. He needed her to know that he didn't mean any of those things; he was just drunk. Not that that was an excuse.

'The number you are trying to reach is not in service', an automated voice said.

Harry groaned in frustration, opening her message contact, typing out;

Harry: "I'm so sorry, I don't know what had gotten into me. I was drunk. I'm very sorry, Y/N xx H."

He took a bite out of his toast before looking back at his screen to see if she had read the message yet. He almost wished he hadn't. Harry’s heart plummeted. His chest constricted as tears stung at the back of his eyes. Throwing up the meal he just scarfed sounded like an option right now.

A flaming red exclamation mark met his startled glance, and his chest heaved as he read,

'Not delivered,'

___

As usual, let us know what you thought!

Reign aka pt3 is already up on Patreon (link in bio!)

Reign will be uploaded on Tumblr on Monday, August 31. ___

Series Taglist: @harrysthicccthighs @olsenholic @ghoulsonline @shexgal @neonaquariumgravel @prettylovley @ursogoldenshan @riley-moon @malstumblr1 @sunflowervol6iselite @luviewoo @pessimistic-her @babyprunstatesmanjudge @sapphire-m-rose @apples2019 @havingoodtime @parkersroses @bbymichelleee @addagin @technically-holland @bri-lovett @sunguines @trustfulhaz @novembersangels @explicitroses @toolazymyguy @luvelyhs @leftdragonfarmland @gbserion @wxn-drlst @breathingsoft1y @istudyoccasionally

Permanent Taglist: @splendidsunsetx @swagmoneymaya @loviewoo @textingharry @arypesanchez @theresthingsthatwellneverknow

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction

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life-rewritten · 2 years

Note

Hi 👋

Oh, as if my profile picture wasn’t obvious already! 🤣 No, but I really like the DanYok dynamics. I can’t exactly say why: maybe it’s because of the strangers element, or perhaps it’s because I liked Fluke Gawin already a lot in DBK and I’m curious what he’ll bring to the table. I think out of the three ships, DanYok might be the most surprising to see pan out. (Not the fact THAT it’ll happen, but HOW it will come about.) That being said, it’s my toxic trait to heavily root for the most minor, least likely ship in a show, in order to be disappointed afterwards that nothing really happened. 🤡 (Yes, I briefly was a strong WaiKorn shipper. 😳) So I hope I won’t put too much hope into this.

As for which ship I feel the most certain about, that would have to be SeanWhite, mainly because their psychosocial interactions are just so strong. (Ugh, me being wordy again: what I’m trying to say is that they don’t just exchange a lot of words and emotions –by nearly killing each other for example 🥲– but also a lot of feelings and experiences – things that aren’t said out loud, which in the end will make them richer than the other in that they not only “merge” romantic feelings but also standpoints/ ideologies/ visions on life -> which are the things that will hopefully rub off on the audience the most. Which is the main reason why I watch this show i the first place. Not to primarily consume the political aspects of the show, but to see how those aspects are conveyed through the dynamics of story and its characters, which creates a synthesis of the same problems from different povs. How those characters present their own views and experiences, but at the same time “discover” different ways of looking at the world around through this, as does –by extension– the viewer.

And we discussed GramBlack already a bit. I predict (but what do I know lmao 🤷‍♀️) that this ship will be the richest in terms of symbolism and visual aspects. Varying from the Black-White dichotomy ☯️ to the childhood toys and the motorcycle. And even though I’m originally an English lit major, I’m an absolute sucker for imagery (symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile) in books, but in also in television. It shouldn’t be too in the nose, but gosh, it can enrich a storyline so much if they do. And my neurodivergent brain just loooves the details! 😍

I will be on the lookout for more significant details! 🧐

Love,

— Thel. 💚

Hi again :)

I also was a WaiKorn shipper so I get you. I actually think GramBlack is the least likely because there were no hints shown a lot about them. But I think you're allowed to put hope in YokDan because this show isn't just about the realities of activism, it's still a BL/Queer piece, it's going to still target the BL audience and give the couples all growth and a happy ending or open ending. Because Nuchy has made YokDan very different from what they are in the book, I think they will get one too. But I'm always optimistic and tbh the trust I have in this show terrifies me, but here we are.

Yes I agree with SeanWhite, I honestly think they will end up getting more love by the time they switch to full romantic, right now they have to overcome so many obstacles but once they do that passion they have will be just as loud as the other couples. They already act obsessed and lost in each other, it's mostly about them in their perspectives, so yeh we're gonna see more of them and be even more certain of their chemistry and passion which will make the show amp the BL aspects and add the ideologies and activism as well to the center of the narrative when they have to finally defeat Tawi and find out who hurt Black. Everything will merge together, the romance, the message, and the narrative will all join to form a big explosion of feelings. And I can't wait.

As you know by now with me I am also obsessed with imagery, symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile, and literature devices being used in media. So this show has me hooked and obsessed. Like the fact I can write 10,000 words on just the way the characters are written and the purpose and effort put into that is insane but here am I happy that this show proved what I thought it could do. I am very pleased with all the couples of this show and I am stunned at the whole production and team behind it.

Let me know what you think of the YokDan essay then since they're your favorite, I think they're so great and I can't wait to see how they tackle both Sean's hate for cops, and also just Dan letting himself join the gang and trust them. Let me know if you noticed anything else in the show because I love seeing your perspective and hearing from you :)

#not me the series #not me #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #asks

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twentiethcenturymoviesandtv · 3 years

Text

The Princess Bride: A Product of the Times

The 1980s were an age of surplus in terms of just about everything. From the music and clothes to the explosions on screen, the 1980s were a clear example of excess, of wealth of ideas and resources, and nowhere was it more obvious than in the movie industry.

From teen films to comedies to blockbuster action extravaganzas, the 1980s movie industry, led by directors like Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, Richard Donner and more, brought a combination style of ‘throwback’ + innovation to many of their films. Movies like Star Wars and Indiana Jones directly imitated and updated sci-fi and adventure serials from Spielberg and George Lucas’s youth, whereas films like Joe Dante’s Gremlins poked fun at ‘50s B-Movie horror movies. John Carpenter’s The Thing provided an updated look at a classic monster flick, and his The Fog called back to plenty older ghost stories, while making something new of his own. Although the 1980s was a period of exploration in film, with new genres being pioneered and explored in different directions, part of that exploration included looking backward and experimenting with previously existing genres, with the up and coming generation of ‘Movie Brat’ directors choosing to play with elements they’d grown up knowing and loving themselves.

That extended to the fantasy genre.

From the pulpy style of the Low Fantasy Conan the Barbarian films to the magical feeling of movies like Labyrinth or Willow, the 1980s theaters experienced a major boom in terms of fantasy films, experiencing varying levels of success. From Excalibur to Legend, these new fantasy films took risks with special effects, methods of storytelling, and styles of characters (although lots of them became known as Cliche Storms). These movies utilized unique spins on fairy-tale stories and legends, updating and modernizing aspects of them and either making them darker, or finding new ways to acknowledge the fantastical elements of the story.

Most interesting is that, in the 1980s, the fantasy genre didn’t have a whole lot of history to draw from.

Unlike the B-Sci-Fi flicks from the ‘50s or the Creature Features, or even the adventure serials that would go on to spark Indiana Jones, there wasn’t a lot of previous canon in the fantasy genre. Films like The Wizard of Oz, which were landmarks in the genre, didn’t have a whole lot of obvious influence on the sword-and-sorcery films that came afterwards.

Now, you may be asking why all of this matters. Or why any of it matters, in fact.

Here’s the thing: no film is an island. Every movie, (some more than others) is directly influenced by the culture it exists in, and the pool of resources that have come before it, especially in the cases of the films directly designed to emulate genres or specific movies that have already been made.

And that certainly seems to have been the case, at least partially, as far as The Princess Bride is concerned.

Despite being released in the 1980s, with the original book by William Goldman written in 1973, The Princess Bride doesn’t wholly read like it’s contemporaries in the fantasy genre. If you watch it alongside the likes of Ladyhawke, Labyrinth, and Legend, you’ll find that more about the film stands out other than not following my alliterative pattern.

In many of the other fairy-tale-esque stories populating Hollywood during this decade, the characters talk and act very much like they are in a very grand story. There is gravity to the situation and most of the characters, (exception being some of the creatures in Labyrinth) and the story is typically an epic one.

The Princess Bride, on the other hand, manages to avoid this tone and story structure, by including a very traditional fairy-tale plot: save the princess from the evil prince, but by going about it using styles more typical of a different era entirely.

Rather than using the fantasy, action, or even adventure styles traditionally used by the 1980s, The Princess Bride utilized something a little earlier: the swashbuckling style of the 1930s.

Due to the way that the story and characters are written (with a sharp, sly, tongue-in-cheek edge), The Princess Bride cannot be played as a straight fantasy film (check out the Genre article to hear more), and while it does retain plenty of the 1980s charm about it, it also uses the fast-dialogue and witty humor found in stories like The Adventures of Robin Hood and other swashbuckler stories from that decade of adventure films. Watching the fencing match between Inigo Montoya and Westley is eerily similar to many such fight scenes in older action-adventure movies, and listening to the dialogue during this and other sequences, the humorous tone with dry, quick wit, is also an echo of older screwball-style dialogue.

Whether this was intentional or not, the fact is, this makes The Princess Bride’s style very fresh and new in the middle of the fantasy boom of the 1980s. It also had a very interesting side effect:

It made The Princess Bride ‘timeless’.

The idea of something being ‘timeless’ is an interesting topic in the film world.

The word ‘timeless’ is best defined as ‘not affected by the passage of time or changes in fashion’. It carries the implication that, applied to film, a ‘timeless’ movie would be one totally understandable and relatable years after the culture has changed. Carried further, the ideal ‘timeless’ movie would be one with no cultural identity of its own, completely orphaned from the original context that the story originated in. In other words, this is a story that can be enjoyed no matter how much time has passed. Typically, this word gets applied to period stories, sci-fi films, or fantasies: stories not set in the contemporary time period.

In direct contrast, of course, the word ‘dated’ is simply used to apply to anything created in a discernible time period. This word typically carries the connotation of ‘old-fashioned’. This word’s connotation is that, (applied to film) a ‘dated’ film is one that is less understandable by those looking from outside that particular culture or time period. This would be a film that hasn’t ‘aged well’, most often describing contemporary films of the day.

So, here’s the thing.

These definitions, while technically correct, are far more complex than this in the film world.

By the dictionary definition, no film is truly timeless. Every film is a product of the times they were created in, because people who lived in those times created them. Every movie, every piece of media are products of the times they are from, but they are not defined by them. A film is not ‘dated’ because it shows the culture, or the technology of its time, or uses that technology when trying to create the world of the movie itself. A movie is not dated because it uses puppets instead of CGI.

As I mentioned, a film is considered ‘dated’ in a true sense if it is less understandable or enjoyable in hindsight, from a place outside of that specific culture. Less easily overlooked are ideas, and here’s what truly does date a movie.

It really doesn’t matter if a film is made in the ‘70s and set in the far future, or made in the ‘50s and set in the distant past, because quite frankly, the movie is still being made in that decade. As a result, even period films end up carrying the thumbprint of the contemporary ideas of the people who made it. Indiana Jones is best remembered as an ‘80s style action hero because although his films are set in the 1930s and made in the style of adventure serials from that time period, the style of action and characterization was very current, in order to update the genre.

The ideas and thematic core of a film, how certain topics and characters are treated and viewed, both in universe and in the narrative, can be what truly dates a film, even if it has none of the recognizable trimmings like a tie-dye shirt, and here’s where we can tread into good vs. bad territory: because while in some cases, the ideas can be pleasantly positive, in others, the opinions presented by the filmmakers can be rather uncomfortable to modern audiences.

So, all of this is to lead us to an important question:

Is The Princess Bride timeless, or at least, as timeless as movies can get?

Well, some would argue no.

A glaring problem with modern movie-goers is the character of Buttercup, who, as I mentioned in the ‘Characters’ article, really doesn’t do much apart from getting passed-around, fought over and protected. Admittedly, especially to a generation used to Princess Leias, Marion Ravenwoods, and even Lilis, Buttercup seems largely useless, relegating the only woman of the film (aside from Valerie, Miracle Max’s wife) to a plot device, an object without much personality.

To a lot of moviegoers, this is pretty blatantly bad representation: there are two named women in the movie, and one of them has less than five minutes of screen time, and the other essentially exists as nothing other than the title of the film. The film also employs a distinctly monochrome cast, another element that can lead to people pointing to a different era of Hollywood, one that didn’t tend to focus on that kind of representation, or in the case of Buttercup, borderline problematic representation.

There are other moments of issues: Westley’s line about ‘there are penalties when a woman lies’ and his berating her for ‘moving on’ and getting married when she’d long thought him dead might rub modern moviegoers the wrong way.

In the end, though, is this…a problem? A detriment to enjoyment of the movie as a whole? Do these elements actively work against the movie in a modern environment?

Well…yes and no.

It is true that now, films are making an active step towards more diverse representation, and that is certainly a good thing. Many movies now are also including more female characters with stronger characters than the distressed plot-devices of old. Heck, even other movies of the 1980s were instituting more ethnic diversity and female characters with more agency in films like Aliens, Baby Boom, The Color Purple and Willow.

Looking back, it can be easy to wince at those moments in The Princess Bride and make the assumption that the film was just being outdated because of when it was made, or due to the ‘fantasy’ period, or even because it’s deliberately utilizing story elements from 1930s films, but in the end, those elements don’t actively hurt the narrative.

Female characters don’t have to be sword-wielders like Sorsha from Willow, or Silk-Hiding-Steel like Isabeau from Ladyhawke. Princesses don’t have to always take over their own rescues. In the end, there’s more support for female characters in the variety offered by the 1980s rather than the eradication of any weak female characters whatsoever, because as it turns out, some women are weak, just as some are strong. (It would have been nice if the weak character wasn’t the only female one, though.)

Is The Princess Bride progressive? Well, no, not really, but it’s not regressive, either. It doesn’t actively serve as detriment to the film to notice these things, not in the same way that other movies experience backlash for outright sexist and racist content. As it stands, The Princess Bride is an excellent movie that manages to stand the test of time because it is so ridiculously fairy-tale-esque. As I said before, the old-fashioned story and dialogue paired with the budget and technology of a 1980s film (except for the ROUS, which is charmingly unbelievable) manages to create something similar to George Lucas’s Star Wars trilogy: a film that is as removed from its cultural context as a piece of media can be (aside from the Grandson’s bedroom decor).

It is potentially largely this element, this aspect of borderline ‘timelessness’ that has allowed The Princess Bride to stand as a forgotten, overlooked classic for over thirty years. That, combined with the genuine warmth, humor, and passion of the film itself, will allow it to continue to stand for far longer, as long as we keep telling our children fairy-tales.

Don’t forget to leave a comment, like, or some other form of love if you enjoyed this analysis, and please, follow for more articles like this! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope to see you in the next article.

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relishredshoes · 3 years

Photo

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello DeepShadows2 and welcome to Behind the Quill, I am pleased to have this chance to chat with you.

Many of our group’s members will know you as part of our Mod team but they might also know you as the author of Peculiar and of Good Night, Sweet Prince (written for our last Prompt Week of 2020!)

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name?

I grew up in the martial arts and my 'warrior name' was 'kage urufu' or Shadow Wolf. When I was in Creative Writing in high school, someone else was writing under that pen name, and they were more popular, and I was told I 'wasn't allowed to copy her name' by our teacher. So I went back and forth between some names and finally came up with DeepShadows. It is because during karate Kamp's ninja night games I would find the darkest spots in the camp and wait to sneak attack my enemies to steal their flags. The 2 comes from the fact that my first ever FF.net account got deleted because I put up lemons there instead of AFF.net.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Honestly, it is a mix between Severus, Draco, and Minerva. Each in their own way was in positions they would have rather not been in at one point in time, but made the best of those situations. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) Strangely enough, I am really into my 70s Feminist Sci-Fi. Like Darkover and Tanith Lee's 'Don't Bite the Sun' Series. As for Fic, I am into many scenarios and it changes according to my mood. Recently I've been into fluff slice of life.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

Oof. Asking me to pick solely one is a crime. I have always loved Gone with the Wind. If I had to point at one, it would have to be it. But I honestly went over 15 titles in my head trying to decide which one would be the winner.

At what age did you start writing?

I have been telling stories and writing them since I was young. I could read and write at age 4 because my grandmother wanted me to be ready for school. My first written story was at 5 ish and I still have my Crayola blue five-line story about a Unicorn named Pepper.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I got into fanfiction when I discovered that ff.net existed. My first fanfic is still up there under this pen name, but it is miles and leagues from my current quality. Spelling is still atrocious though.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

Honestly, hard to say. I love post-war fics. I love when the narrative is close to canon, but uniquely not, so it handles like it is an extension of the world and not a separate world.

Theme wise, I am a sucker for hard-hitting drama.

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I was into Kingsman, but not as a fic writer, but a Tumblr role-player. It's been a while, so mostly now I'm just back to being a Potterhead. It's where I began and where I always come back to.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Snape lives! You cannot tell me that a POTIONS MASTER who spends ALL DAY every day keeping students from POISONING themselves and who personally makes BLOOD REPLENISHERS for the infirmary would not have been prepared for an attack from Nagini. It is not secret knowledge that Drama King Voldy likes to have her do his dirty work and Severus would have been prepared for the off chance he was discovered and attacked. He lived.

My favourite piece of Fanon.... hmm... I like a lot of Fanon. It's hard to put my finger on just one piece that I enjoy.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

Music! Nearly all of Peculiar was written to Folklore by Taylor Swift.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

Cake and a Cup of Tea by Cybelle Somewhere I belong by .... I can't remember Not Only a Granger by my friend Ferporcel

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I am a Pantser. I have beats and thematic key points I know I want to hit, but the characters sort of fill out the story as I go. Sometimes I surprise myself with where I end up and I love that. Example: Draco/Krum was a total accident in Peculiar, but I love everything about it.

What is your writing genre of choice?

Hurt/Comfort and Drama/Angst

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Peculiar and Good Night, Sweet Prince.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Oh, my goodness, the unexpected cropped up. Peculiar was only supposed to be a 25 chapter post-war, post-divorce AU that turned into this beautiful beast. Characters were created as I went, and some side characters became major plot devices or turning points. I learned that sometimes my brain knows what it is doing before I know what it is doing. There were hints and notes of what was going on that I wasn't even aware.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

There are points that are special to me. It made it easier and harder to write. Having experience with some subjects Hermione goes through makes it easier to translate the emotions into words, but simultaneously, some of those factors are trauma-based and I had to navigate myself through.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I draw influence from everything I read. That is a key reason I don't read anything similar to my current work while writing because I don't want to accidentally lift from someone else.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Two of my roommates are readers and I get people barging into my room after a post a chapter yelling 'OH MY GOD'. I also have a typed and printed review handed in person to me by my roommate that is on my inspiration board where she says 'Fuck you, but with love'. My entire friend group knows I write fanfiction and I get some of them to read it from time to time. My mom won't read peculiar until it is finished because she doesn't want to nag me for chapters.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

YES! I started Peculiar because I couldn't find what I was looking for. I wanted a high emotion, high stakes, drama and background rich fanfiction in which Hermione has completely broken and has given up on herself. Where she has nothing and no one and has lost that spark in her. I wanted Ron bashing where he is a villain and yet isn't the same time. I wanted Severus to be indifferent to her at first and slowly discover her suffering and set out to help her for the sake of the school, and it develops into more through feelings severed early on just after the war. I wanted her to have to overcome trauma and recover for herself, not for Severus, but instead with him and that they heal from their past together while facing continuous challenges that attempt to tear them apart. Along with other factors that haven't come to be yet, so I won't want to spoil.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I love my audience. It actually brought me here. Shout out to Geek and Tattoo for bringing me to this group’s Discord server. I answer every comment, I respond to any statements or comments I notice on social media. I'm an open person with my audience, which is why when I had to go on hiatus, I told them exactly what was going on.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Write what feels best. If you don't like what you are writing, no one else is going to. If you don't want to write a certain scene but you need it, write an article or a letter about it.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

I cry. Then I put on the music that inspired the story/scene and I pace my room, going over the potential dialogue and basically acting out what I think should happen until it sounds right.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yes. Many of my OC characters are modelled after some of my real-life friends. And some other events have easily transitioned into events that Hermione and Severus have gone through.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I am currently writing the next chapter for Peculiar. I won't give a teaser, but I will say that Hermione and Severus give Rita Skeeter a delicious taste of revenge.

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Don't stop, but also be kind to yourself. Not every writing session is going to be your best, but you won't have better days if you give up. Also, if someone doesn't like what you write, forget them, as long as you are happy with it, that is what matters.

Thanks so much for giving us your time.

#fanfiction #fanfic #snamione #writing #ss/hg

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teganberry · 5 years

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The Disney Princess Dilemma

Kingdom Hearts 3 has been a game filled with massive highs and devastating emotional lows. And while the game is both a critical and financial success for Square Enix, the opinions of dedicated fans have been rather divided. Overall the game is an amazing piece of entertainment, but there is one aspect of the narrative that most fans seem to agree is the game’s biggest flaw, the rather weak portrayal of it’s female characters, in particular Kairi.

Now before I dive in any deeper I want to make a few things clear. Kairi is one of my favourite characters in the Kingdom Hearts series, and has been since I first got into the series well over 15 years ago. As such this post is intended as a character study and discussion, not an excuses to bash on Kairi’s character or Nomura’s ability as a writer. I adore Kairi and I’ve got far too much respect for Nomura as a creative to so thoughtlessly throw hate around. Secondly, while I will be referring to certain character’s as being “Princes” and “Princesses”, shipping has got nothing to do with this, they are simply Disney character archetypes I want to explore. There is no hidden agenda here, just an honest discussion. Alrighty, this is going to be a long one, let’s jump in!

As it stands we have no idea what the future plot of the Kingdom Hearts series holds, the only person who does know is Nomura. Perhaps everything we’ve seen so far is all part of a bigger master plan that will one day blow all our collective minds away. But until then when it comes to the problem surrounding Kairi’s portrayal in Kingdom Hearts 3, the best way we can find the answers for where things potentially went wrong is to look back.

Since I completed the game and begun to see many of the complaints surrounding Nomura’s writing of Kairi, I begun to wonder how had it all come to this. A lot of people have concluded the main issue is that Nomura just doesn’t like Kairi anymore and he no longer knows what to do with her. Personally I don’t think that’s the case. If Nomura really was tired of her and she wasn’t working into his long term plans then he would have written her out of the plot a long time ago. But he didn’t. Kairi has continued to make significant appearances in a majority of the titles in the series. She has been front and centre in the promotional material for Kingdom Hearts 3, a great deal of the the game’s opening was focused on her, (even more so than Aqua which really surprised me), and the ending of the game seemingly sets Kairi right at the heart of whatever is about to come next in Sora’s journey. So then what went wrong? If Nomura doesn’t hate Kairi and isn’t bored with her then why was she relegated once again to the role of the damsel in distress? Well I believe it all comes back to her original role in the Kingdom Hearts series, Kairi is Square Enix’s Disney Princess.

One thing we have to keep in mind whenever you consider the development of a Kingdom Hearts game is that Disney is always at the heart of development process. Not just in the creation of the Disney worlds, but in how the original characters are designed, how they act, and how the overall story progresses. Kingdom Hearts is this weirdly impossible mix of JRPG and Disney storytelling that somehow works to create an utterly amazing greater whole. As such each character by design, especially in the case of the original Kingdom Hearts, can be seen as fitting into a number of well known Disney archetypes.

Most classic Disney films have three main character types the plot centres around, the Prince/Hero, the Villain, and the Princess. As the first game in the series, the developers wanted to make sure every aspect of the game was filled with that beloved Disney Magic. We see that Sora, Riku and Kairi were all purposefully written to embody these three classic archetypes. Sora is the daring Prince, he’s our hero and the one we know will save the day no matter what. Likewise Riku comes to embody the role of the Villain, as we constantly see him attempt to get in Sora’s way and undermine his journey. Now before any RIku fans jump down my throat, Riku obviously isn’t the true villain of the game as he also embodies that age old JRPG role of the rival to Sora’s hero. So we always knew Riku would be redeemed by the game’s end, but that doesn’t change the fact that for a time Riku was one of the bad guys. That of course means Kairi is the Princess, but not just any princess, she is purposefully written to embody the traits of a classic Disney Princess.

In Kingdom Hearts lore the original seven Princess of Hearts were comprised of Snow White, Aurora, Cinderella, Jasmine, Belle, Alice and Kairi. The Disney Princess are all very recognisable, and considering they are now the 7th highest grossing media franchise of all time (I’m not kidding! They make more money then the entire Harry Potter/Wizarding World franchise), it makes sense to see them grouped together in Kingdom Hearts. In comparison, at the time Kairi was a brand new character that the player knew very little about, and had never been associated with the Princesses before. So in order for her inclusion as a Princess of Heart in the narrative to work, Nomura needed to develop her character in such a way that the player would see and accept her as essentially a new Disney Princess. The best way to accomplish this then, with perhaps the exception of Alice in Wonderland, was to have Kairi’s role in the game unfold in a similar manner to what we often see occur in the other Princesses’ films, the often helpless Princess being captured or tormented by the villain, then eventually saved by the Prince. That’s why every time we see Kairi’s lifeless body throughout the entire game we can’t help thinking of Sleepy Beauty, because that’s exactly what Nomura want’s us to see. The game directly draws on the plot of Sleeping Beauty, Kairi embodies the sleeping Aurora, Sora is Prince Phillip charging forth with enchanted sword in hand, while Riku is being manipulated by the central villain of Sleepy Beauty herself, Malificent. Nomura’s narrative cements the subliminal suggestions in our minds and archives his goal, Kairi becomes a new kind of Disney Princess.

The narrative of having Kairi saved by Sora worked quite well in the original Kingdom Hearts, because the overall intention of that game was to create an experience reminiscent of the classic Disney films everyone grew up on. And while she was relegated to the role of damsel in destress for a large portion of the story, Kairi does get her moment to shine and show us that there’s more to being a princess than simply waiting to be rescued. Kairi represents the inner strength that balances out Sora and Riku’s outward power. Its a theme that has come to be associated with her character throughout all the main entries in the series.

So what was next for Kairi? Well as it turns out more of the same it seems. Kairi unfortunately finds herself being kidnapped by the villains once again in Kingdom Hearts 2, likely due to Nomura again wanting to make it clear that Kairi is the Princess of this story. But first lets take a look at the development of Kairi’s design over the course of the series. While initially being presented as a rather normal teenage girl in the first game, during the development of Kingdom Hearts 2 there was a conscious push to make Kairi even more Princess like than she had been in previous games. Her hair is longer, she wears a pretty pink dress now rather than shorts and tank tops, and her overall appearance is much more elegant and mature. In a cast interview with Kairi’s then english voice actress, Hayden Panettiere, it’s mentioned that she was often asked to raise her voice a few octaves to make Kairi sound more like a Princess. Kairi’s physical Princess evolution is pushed even further in Kingdom Hearts 3 when she is given a new battle dress and a hair cut that is somewhat reminiscent of Snow White. While this new outfit does appear hardier then her previous design, unlike her fellow Guardians Kairi does not wear any form of gloves or gauntlets to protect her hands, instead only wearing a few bracelets. Comparing her Kingdom Hearts 3 outfit to that of Sora and Riku’s does bring into question it’s overall practicality, but she is a Princess and the design makes that very clear visually.

For the sake of character development and future plot progression it makes sense to bring Kairi’s role as a Princess of Heart to the forefront, as it would soon come to play an even greater part in Kingdom Hearts lore. Having been born with a heart of pure light makes Kairi very unlike any other character in the series. But it seems in order to press upon the player that yes indeed Kairi is a Princess, In Kingdom Hearts 2 Nomura fell back on the old Princess needing to be saved by the Prince plot device in order to drive that home. Thankfully though things are changed up a bit this time around. Kairi is sick of waiting around, and whenever she gets the chance to strike out on her own to find her friends, both before and after being kidnapped, she does so without hesitation. She’s even given a Keyblade and is finally able to fight for herself this time! Hurray! Overall it isn’t great that Nomura chose to make Kairi the old school Disney damsel in distress again, but despite this we do see determination and growth in her character. Perhaps not as much as we see in Sora and Riku, but there is development none the less and by the end most fans were excited to see how she would continue to grow as a character in future instalments.

For a good while it did seem that Nomura was hinting at Kairi taking on a much bigger role in the highly anticipated Kingdom Hearts 3. It was revealed in Dream Drop Distance that Yen Sid intended for her to be trained as a Keyblade Wielder, ensuring she would become one of the Guardians of Light and take part in the second Keyblade War. And as I mentioned previously, Kairi was quite often front and centre in most of Kingdom Hearts 3’s marketing material. Her line “This time, I’ll protect you” was constantly used throughout said marketing for the game. It all looked promising for Kairi! But then we all know what happened.

Now before we jump into Kingdom Hearts 3 itself let’s take a step back to the years following the release of Kingdom Hearts 2, and consider what was happening over at Disney Animation at the time. After nearly a decade of creating films that were mostly considered not up to scratch, Disney decided to go back to their most tried and true formula for creating successful animated films, adapting fairytales, specifically Princess movies. While this was the most sensible choice to make, Disney were also keenly aware that their older brand of Disney Princess film would likely no longer appeal to a modern audience. Today young girls want to look up to brave, strong and charismatic heroines who aren’t afraid to carve out their own path in life. Watching a movie about a Princess waiting to be saved just wasn’t going to cut it anymore. So Disney adapted and ever since then we’ve been introduced to an all new kind of Disney Princess, Tiana, Rapunzel, Elsa, Anna and Moana, Princesses who are the hero of their own stories.

This is what audiences have come to expect of the Princesses, to stand proudly on their own two feet, no longer being relegated to position the damsel in distress. So when it was announced that Tangled and Frozen would be brand new worlds in Kingdom Hearts 3 it set an exception in the minds of fans. Here we had two beloved Disney films that feature strong and brave Princesses as the central characters. It only makes sense then that we should expect the same strength to flow through to the wonderful ladies of Kingdom Hearts. But that didn’t happen. Instead nothing really changed for any of them, and instead of pushing Kairi to grow into the modern Princess we all want her to be, Nomura held her back.

Now the question we need to ask here is why? Why did Nomura choose to not follow the new Disney trend when he has stuck so closely to their lead in the past? I suppose the only person who can truly answer that question is the man himself. But lets try and think about this logically, as I can see two likely reasons why this occurred. The first is the fact that overall Square Enix and many other gaming companies still don’t do a great job when it comes to writing realistic and truly relatable female characters. Not to say there are none, but it is still a prevalent problem none the less. Case and point Lunafreya from Final Fantasy XV. The fact that in order to get a true understanding of Lunafreya as a character and her true feelings, we’re going to have to read a novel that acts as an alternate happy ending to the original game says a lot. But I’m getting off topic here! The track record for the development of female characters in games isn’t great, that’s not an excuse and game companies really need to start doing better, but it is a possible explanation for why the plot of Kingdom Hearts 3 unfolded the way it did.

The second and more likely reason to have Kairi play the Princess in distress to Sora’s hero once again was probably due to time constraints. AAA video game production is a massive undertaking with very strict deadlines. As a result developers are often forced to sacrifice interesting story elements and mechanics in order to make sure that a game is able to reach said deadlines in a solid and workable condition. Final Fantasy XV is again an excellent example of this and what can go wrong. In the time since the game’s release it has more or less been confirmed that due to the incredibly strained production of the game a vast majority of story content was cut out, and the game was left in a rather obvious unfinished state narrative wise. We know that the engine swap during the development of Kingdom Hearts 3 from the Luminous to the Unreal engine had a big impact on the game’s development time, and pushed it’s final release date back significantly. So it goes without saying that things would have been cut in order to make up for lost time. The fact Nomura has confirmed that we will be receiving DLC fleshing out Xion’s role in Kingdom Hearts 3 more or less confirms this. At the end of the day Square Enix is a business and sometimes sacrifices need to be made in order to ensure a product can be developed properly and efficiently.

There is every possibility that Nomura had planned a number of different ways for Kairi to develop and grow as a protagonist in Kingdom Hearts 3 before her tragic death occurred, perhaps even fighting back as much as she could before being captured. But the problem lies in just how many loose ends needed to be tied up in the game with the limited development time they had. So much attention need to be paid to as many characters as possible to wrap everything up that you run the risk of the game becoming bloated, or things feeling rushed and unfinished. I’m not saying it was the right choice to cut out Kairi’s potential character growth, but we can see why it was easier for Nomura to fall back on having her be easily kidnapped again to move that part of the plot forward as quickly as possible so the momentum didn’t slow down. She is a Princess after all, right? Well no, that reasoning isn’t an excuse anymore, audiences expect far more from the Princesses and its time for Square Enix to follow Disney’s lead.

So what can be done? If the reason Kairi is being held back is due to her role as a Princess then can it be fixed? The simple answer is yes, it can. Disney have already clearly laid out what they now expect of female heroines and Princesses in their films. With the less than positive critical response to the development of the female protagonists in Kingdom Hearts 3, Square would be crazy not to jump at the chance to give fans what we want to see. Nomura clearly understood what it meant for a character to be a Disney Princess during the development of Kingdom Hearts 1, and I’m sure he’s very aware that audience expectations have changed. What needs to be done now is for Square to take that step forward alongside Disney and allow Kairi move on from her role as a Classic Princess and finally grow into a Modern Disney Princess, not simply fall back on old writing habits out of convenience. By voicing our opinions in an honest and constructive manner on social media platforms such as Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram ect. Square Enix and Nomura will hear us. We need only tell them that not only do we want to see more from Kairi, but that we want her to stand proudly as one of the new Princesses of Heart alongside Elsa, Anna and Rapunzel, a positive embodiment of the new bread of Disney Hero.

#Kingdom Hearts #kairi #kingdom hearts 3 #Sora #riku #disney princess #we just want to see her grow!#That's all we ask!#Please Nomura!

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trashyeggroll · 4 years

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Look at you getting analytical on the ARROWs Professor Trashy. :) Next please do why not shipping a queer pairing on a show and or pointing out flaws about it doesn't make you homophobic! Sitting patiently for your class.

😘 I would be a terrible professor anon bc flattery would make me buy fyre fest 2 tickets

PARAMETERS/DISCLAIMERS:

1. So you said queer pairings WHICH I accept as a blanket term for LGBTQ+ on my blog, but I think based on how simplistic gender identity is almost exclusively depicted in US media so usually this just means canonically only knowing a character’s pronouns and I’ll come back to that. Basically, let’s assume for the sake of this we’re talking specifically about mlm and wlw ships.

2. I’m also going to assume you don’t mean where a character has canonically identified with a monosexual queer label, eg lesbian, and under the fairly narrow way sexual orientation is typically defined in media. Because yes, it is typically homophobic to ship a lesbian with a cishet man over litch rally any woman in the general setting, but more on that later too.

3. This would be a much less fraught issue if we had a robust catalogue of queer stories told by queer people with all kinds of endings (happy to sad) and genres (war movies to romcoms), but because that’s not how capitalism and moralistic censorship in media works… we know that our attention and dedication to a franchise/ship is what the studios want from us to get that content.

This topic is another one where people tend to focus on individual examples, but the real issue is the big picture and repetitive behavior as experienced by queer folks. Western media and the male gaze love a “lesbian finds THE RIGHT man” storyline, and it’s not a coincidence that that also is a line delivered in abuse to lesbians: “you just need to try some dick”. I’m sure lesbians are not the only ones who’ve experienced this but because lesbians are women, the element of misogyny adds an extra twinge of violence to that outlook.

But a less basic and depressing approach to this, the Captain Marvel/Thor v Captain Marvel/Maria Rambeau example is a fairly decent example where one meaningful look between m/f characters can set off an Internet shipping lovefest but then folks gets real “friendship is the truest love” re: someone with whom a woman has a substantive relationship that isn’t given a romantic label. But that argument will never be resolved by Discourse, right, because the canon is the only place that can clarify, and MCU never will, so we’re left to our own devices. That’s just one example among a repetitive behavior that makes mlm/wlw ships feel inferior. Please don’t @ me, ya’ll know this is a Space Wives house no matter what anyone says 💆🏻

OK, now—

Most of the time, we are left to infer a character’s identity the via relationships they have, rather than any spoken identity. And most of the time, we are put through some heavy handed coming out reference for wlw and mlm characters, but it seems like we are increasingly getting some actual, spoken identities, ex: Grace Choi says the words, “You do know I’m bi, right?”

But IRL and with media, straight people still are just there, right? That’s why the coming out narrative belongs to queer people, and straight people “coming out” ain’t cute solidarity. The absence of words is what makes characters straight (and sometimes it’s queerbaiting), and we are right to demand the actual language we use to form community is used in the media representing us, in a substantive and respectful way.

Also IRL, when we are kind and at our best, we know that someone who has identified as a lesbian for years entering a loving, healthy relationship with a cishet man is OK. Nobody’s being invalidated. It’s not commentary on my marriage to my wife. It has literally no impact on anyone but the two people in that relationship, as long as we on the outside aren’t trying to be the Sexuality and Gender police… which we humans are much more prone to doing with thousands of strangers on the Internet 😬

So keeping in mind that people get so worked up at least partially due to #4 above, I think the question isn’t even about the ships necessarily, but how this friction in fandom is occurring. First and foremost, we should listen, without defensiveness, to everyone who tells us that the things we say or create make them uncomfortable in some way, and that doesn’t mean you have to agree, because it’s up to you to decide to hold yourself accountable what you feel is right. And if you’ve ever been the person trying to hold someone else to account, same applies to listening to the answer (including not accepting half assed apologies or whatever you have the emotional bandwidth to do after saying your piece). I think that if someone is going to someone else’s blog, commenting on their content, essentially proactively taking steps to let someone know you don’t like their ship for reasons other than problematic ones… you’re just stirring the pot for no reason. Make your own posts. Keep it out of the main tags. Filter and block content and blogs that make you angry.

Anyway, how’s that for the windy lead up to my answer to the question, which is: When we’re dealing with labeless characters, no matter how they present or who they date in canon, I think everything is fair game for fanon, and there’s a weird demand for performativity in calling someone homophobic for not supporting a wlw or mlm ship. In a general sense, and given the disclaimers above.

The most important questions to me are: Is the construction of this fanon relationship healthy? Would they be happy?

Outside of that, if we don’t have any indication otherwise, what’s the harm in shipping a “queer” pairing, a straight pairing, or both? Or neither? Or, why are we playing into the baseline assumption that no label = cishet? And, isn’t it at least partially bi/pan phobic to call a m/f ship hetero by default? 🤔 Same for it being transphobic to call the characters cis by default? The “phobic” words aren’t really right here: It’s more like passive reinforcement of heternormativity.

HERE’S THE THING THOUGH: That’s where I feel like Tumblr discourse (and I don’t use that word as a pejorative) has full speed lapped Hollywood and Western media bc no fucking way do they get to make that argument at us. Not until they have given us the utopia world of #4. We’re still getting your Call Me By Your Name’s and MCU patting itself on the back for that one dude referencing a husband. They get no benefit of the doubt until they make real steps toward inclusion and giving as many people as possible the opportunity to feel seen and understood and well represented on a worldwide stage.

So what I’m saying is, I just don’t think there’s any reason to fight each other when identity is left in the air, amongst the fandom worlds. We turn to fellow fans and content creators for the rep we want, the ships we want, and to commiserate on the sins of canon. The real enemy is scarcity, specifically a false scarcity created by the capitalistic media world, and we should be together in demanding to be seen by culture as fully realized human beings with just as much of a spectrum of experience with the world as cishets.

#asks #fandom stuff

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myaphelion · 5 years

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On video games, Children’s Lit, and the hatred of new media in academia

"On the other hand, television, movies, and video games have eroded what is expected of children in terms of both language skills and attention span. What these visual media have done is provide watered-down and even simplistic renderings of many classics, as well as privilege plot over characterization, style, and narrative point of view. Video games are the most bastardized of these visual media because the focus lies exclusively with what happens next. Thus, although making children more aware of the world around them has resulted in their beginning to read texts in a different way, the same means by which children have become able to challenge the existing paradigms make it more difficult for them to read those texts."

- William Thompson, ENGL305, Literature for Children (rev. C4)

So. About this part of the Children’s Lit course I just completed.

I’m not much of a stranger to people crapping on new media—it’s been happening since the beginning of time, and I’ve read about and seen it time and time again. First music, then books, then film, then television, then more new music, then music videos, and now video games and various forms of internet media. Still, in an academic setting, especially in a school that offers courses on gaming, I didn’t expect to see this. But here we are I guess??? (Academia is garbage, don’t ask me.)

Anyway. This gives me an excuse to compare the history of children’s lit to the history of video games directed at children, along with explaining why this quote bothered me so much in a bit greater detail.

Okay, so let’s start with the quote itself and pick it apart a bit. I can agree with the author’s assertion that more easily accessible media makes it harder to sit down and do something like read a book cover-to-cover—I know for a fact it’s happened to me and several other people. On the other hand, having media that’s more easily accessible like movies, TV, and (some) video games can lead people towards reading the source of their favourite things. Not to mention that some stories can’t be told in books—choose your own adventure stories are little substitute for the programming of a game where you can see your actions have consequences in real time rather than just reading about it on a page, which may not have as immediate or as harsh an impact.

“Watered-down and… simplistic renderings of many classics [that] privilege plot over characterization, style, and narrative point of view.” What, course author, have you been watching, besides the oldest of Disney movies, and even then—even then!—they have a style all their own. Just because something is different from the original ‘classic’ that you may love, does not necessarily make it ‘watered-down’ or ‘simplistic’. I do agree that some movies, TV shows, and video games bastardize the works they’re based on. But—and this is an enormous but—books can do the very same for other universes. Have you read some of the worse Star Wars Extended Universe novels lately? God knows they didn’t help the SW canon when they were still considered canon. And your comment about ‘plot over everything’ is just… ridiculous. Some of the books I read in the course, and some of the stories you pointed out from the early days of children’s literature, by your own admission, heavily favoured either plot, characters, style, or narrative POV to the exclusion of one or all of the others. It’s not just new media that do this—any poorly-written or poorly-conceived piece can lack one or more of these things. Even good media can have problems with one or more of these things that are made up by the strength of the other areas. Some media isn’t meant to have amazing characterization, or style, or narrative POV—some media really is all about the plot, and that can be very much a positive thing.

Now, the final bit of the quote that’s relevant. Let me remind you again what it says. “Video games are the most bastardized of these visual media because the focus lies exclusively with what happens next.” As… as opposed to what, author? Do you think that people just pick up books in order to analyze the absolute crap out of them until they can only enjoy them on that level? Hell no! The ordinary person, and especially the ordinary child, will pick up a book because they want to know what happens. Nobody except the person with their head so far up their ass they can see the sun out their own mouth is picking up a piece of media to just see what the writer’s intent was—unless they’re doing an academic course, I guess. Generally, however, if a book or other piece of media is boring as sin and the reader or watcher doesn’t want to see what happens next… they’re going to put it down and not come back. Yes, style is important, and yes, authorial intent and all the rest is important too—but those things are not exclusive to the realm of literature, and they are there in video games, too.

The real point of this, however, is that the author of this course seems to believe that video games are a form of media that can never reach the heights of literature, even children’s literature. Not so. Video games are a very new medium as opposed to any other media that’s current, save for internet content, which is a baby medium even compared to video games. This means that video games are still going through the kind of growth that children’s literature went through, albeit slightly more accelerated given just how many games are pumped out per year.

When literary works for children were first introduced in medieval times, and pretty much up until the eighteenth century, they were intended merely to educate and instruct. These books tended to be directed towards literate young boys, especially in the earliest ones, and were often Christian in nature, urging young lads to follow God’s word lest they be punished in the fires of hell. As such, children’s literature didn’t really exist as we think of it today, and kids were more prone to reading whatever interesting adventure stories or tales they could get their hands on, such as Aesop’s Fables or Robinson Crusoe. These stories were never intended to be read solely by children, but rather intended for an adult audience first. However, given that they weren’t objectionable by nature, kids devoured them because of their adventurous content, and loved that these stories were fantastical and jogged their imagination.

It wasn’t until the mid-eighteenth century and John Newbery’s printing company exclusively for children’s literature that kids finally had books to call their own that weren’t just moralistic or educational. While Newbery wasn’t doing it out of some saint-like desire to provide books to children, but for monetary gain, it allowed authors who really did feel like they wanted to write books directed at children that were just for fun to finally have some precedent for their publishing. I could go on from here, but suffice to say that by Victorian times, children’s literature had finally become a full-blown genre of its own. No longer were children forced to read books that could be dry and dull, or books that weren’t really meant for them. Instead, they had books that were all their own, with stories they could relate to and sink their teeth into.

Like I said, though, video games are still new media. Kid gamers haven’t yet had their own John Newbery, but there have been companies and solo developers that have tried. During the 70s, when gaming was the hot new thing, kids’ games didn’t really exist. Everyone played Pong and its ilk, and the educational games on the Magnavox Odyssey were the closest things to kids’ games that existed at the time. Again, a pattern begins to emerge, as we see that the earliest video games either weren’t directed at children, or were mere educational games, intended to serve as teaching tools and nothing more. However, when the video game crash happened and Atari was taken down, Nintendo rose from the ashes in North America to become a video game juggernaut that still exists today. While much of their marketing was directed at kids, with ROB selling the Nintendo Entertainment System as a toy rather than the dreaded ‘video game console’, most of Nintendo’s games weren’t directed solely at children either. The developers who focused on kids in the NES days, again, were primarily educational developers, making games like Mario is Missing! that used famous characters to try and teach kids everything from geography to counting.

The PC and home computer market wasn’t much better, though this is where things begin to get interesting. While console gaming soon almost entirely dropped games directed at children, save for a few titles that were mostly tie-ins to existing children’s properties and sold on name brand alone, even if they weren’t very good, computer gaming was more concerned with appealing to children. Given that home computers were sold as devices that were meant for the whole family to use, of course kids were gunning to play games on their new computers. When the multimedia and CD revolution happened in the 1990s, several big companies rose to the top of educational software, as well as true games for children that were not intended to teach, except as a good side effect. Let’s talk about a few of those now.

Knowledge Adventure, Broderbund, and The Learning Company were three game studios that primarily focused on educational games for children. However, each of these companies tried their best to make learning fun instead of dull, like most educational games had been beforehand. One look at KA’s Jumpstart series, or Broderbund’s Living Books, or TLC’s Reader Rabbit, and it’s hard to argue that these games aren’t fun as well as educational. As a kid, I played all three of these series, and while each of them was arguably intended to educate as well as entertain, I hardly noticed. I was having too much fun learning fractions by measuring out ingredients in Jumpstart 2nd Grade, or reading about D.W. The Picky Eater, or trying to find the Math Magician in Interactive Math Journey.

However, the reigning king of children’s software in the 90s and early 00s was undoubtedly the late, great Humongous Entertainment. Their business model was to create point-and-click adventure games for kids, games that educated on the periphery, but were primarily intended to entertain. Putt-Putt, Freddi Fish, Pajama Sam, and Spy Fox have become icons of children’s media from this time period, and each of them is fondly remembered by kids of my generation because of how fun these games were. Sure, they didn’t tell very complex stories, but the down-to-earth problems of Pajama Sam, the detective antics of Freddi Fish and Spy Fox, and the kooky adventures of Putt-Putt and the one-hit-wonder Fatty Bear were all relatable for kids, and took place in worlds that children wanted to explore and visit over and over again. These games had an art style that was instantly recognizable, with animation often rivaling the cartoons of the time, or at least comparable to them. Thankfully, they’ve been rereleased on mobile devices and on Good Old Games and Steam—they haven’t been lost to time.

Still, after Humongous’ dissolution, no companies have come up to take the reins of kid game developer. While kids have been playing games intended for everyone, or even games intended for adults, games directed primarily at kids that aren’t educational have become few and far between again. The 90s had a glimmer of hope that we might get the Newbery of kids’ games, but that glimmer was shattered when Humongous went down. With independent developers and the continued presence of companies such as Nintendo that are willing to publish games for just about anyone, however, it’s pretty much only a matter of time until entertaining kids’ games can take their place neatly in the pantheon of video games.

So what am I trying to say with this whole thing? I don’t know. I guess I’m just trying to dissolve the idea that games are a less important form of media than anything else. Just because they’re new, doesn’t mean that they have no merit. They haven’t had the time to grow like most new media has, and especially in the department of entertaining children, they’re lacking. I say that given a few years—maybe a few decades—we’ll see the Newbery of gaming rise, and children will finally get games of their own that adults want to play too.

Also that that quote is still crap. I’m not going to let that go ever.

#video games #new media #children's lit #children's literature #big ol' essays #i am so sorry this got so out of hand holy fuck #blue's writing shit

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chromemuffin · 6 years

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Quan Zhi Gao Shou / The King’s Avatar Novel (Vol. 1, Ch. 1-10)

How these liveblogs work: I read five chapters of the manhua at a time, then the equivalent chapters in the novel. This is probably going to take forever seeing as there are 800+ translated chapters available as of the time of writing this post and over 1000 chapters total, buuut at least each chapter is short.

Fair warning: I always sound as if I don’t like what I’m reading or I’m criticizing it (just read my captive prince liveblog lol...), but I am actually enjoying it immensely.

Volume 1: Banished Battle God

Chapter 1: The Banished Battle God

My first comment of the entire novels: What is with the “eccentrically-shaped ashtray”? It doesn’t specify what this ashtray looks like, only that it’s unusual. Why include this detail in the first place if you’re not going to tell us what it’s actually shaped like? Now I need to know!

This was also in the manhua, but I didn’t bother bringing it up then: Why was the first bit of dialogue translated as “Arrived”? I’m pretty sure it’s this character: 来. I never managed to learn enough Chinese to be worth a damn, but I do Japanese to English translations on the side and I’m pretty sure a loose translation would work better. idk, it just bothers me. Don’t mind me, though. I like nitpicking over translation stuff. And I won’t get to do much more of it.

Anyway.

“He gently removed the card from Glory’s dedicated log-in device.”

I love this description, a little throwaway word ‘gently’ tells so much about Ye Xiu as a guy who really loves and respects this game. I think he already know what is in store for him to some extent, but he doesn’t take it out on the game. In fact, he was playing right up until it was time for the meeting. The novel states that the manager didn’t even him any advanced notice, I’m assuming of their decision to remove him from the team, but that Yu Xiu also wasn’t surprised.

“Only they quickly recovered because there was another important person that deserved their attention.”

Hm, pretty girl or new team leader asshole? Tough decision indeed.

Ah, ok. So that’s the deal with his pseudonym. It’s so close to his real name (in English lettering at least) that I confuse the two. But it’s far easier to tell the difference when I look at the characters 叶修 / 叶秋.

It’s kind of confusing because (at least in the translation), he is referred to as his alias Ye Qiu in this chapter, whereas the summary and other places refer to him as Ye Xiu.

lol “Mine!” How shameless.

“After one year, even if he wanted to return again, for the elderly, without a year of intense competition to maintain his skills...”

‘for the elderly’ is just...hilarious because he’s only 25. that’s not old. (well, in this game’s context it is, but geez is that an early cut-off age)

Chapter 2: Area 3 Number 47

“As tactful as he is, he wouldn’t think to blame the club for retiring him.”

But that’s?? exactly?? what happened??? You’re already kicking him out after all he did for the team over the years. I mean, it’s a sound business decision, but no need to be so nasty about it. The stuff Ye Xiu pulls off in-game aside, he seems to be a relatively decent person, even going as far as helping out his friends to the point where he doesn’t have enough left to pay the penalty fee, whatever amount that is.

Ah, Su Mucheng, I like her the more times I read these opening scenes across the various media...She has a cute character design in the animation, which I watched when it came out, but she actually turns out to be quite mature and adorably worried/supportive.

Icicles also formed on his head. If he didn’t take shelter, he would die.

Seems a bit dramatic, but so is icicles forming on your head!! It must be really, really cold out, huh...

Su MuCheng was always gentle and serene. Even during in an intense PK confrontation, she always held a smile. Speaking about her, Ye Qiu sometimes watched as she smiled while causing her opponents to explode into pieces. When she then politely said sorry, he would always inexplicably tremble a bit.

ah, yes, I’m pretty sure the animation skips this observation, which builds a bit more character for Su Mucheng since we don’t see her again for a bit. Ye Xiu, also, seems a bit more “alive” in a sense in the manhua/novel, because of little comments like these.

Chen Guo is also a fun character ^.^ “She slammed the keyboard directly shutting down the game.” definition of a rage quit, huh.

Chapter 3: Special Duty: Night Shift

“My hands were frozen cold or else 30 seconds would’ve been enough.”

show off. Though he doesn’t really come off as showing off. The poor opponent must have been so confused, though. Wins 52 times in a row and suddenly gets beat in 40 seconds flat haha.

“Ye Xiu… … Ye Qiu? It really is him!” Chen Guo excitedly thought. It looked like she really had uncovered his hidden identity! This showed that he really was Ye Qiu. If she had seen the name Ye Qiu written, then she wouldn’t have believed it.

This part confused me a bit in the manhua, but it’s clearer here. At least the Ye Xiu/Qiu mess is clarified early on. Still don’t know why the narrative refers to him as Ye Qiu in the beginning if his name is actually Ye Xiu (and is the one used in the summary)...??

She had been prepared to use everything she owned to get his signature. Ye Qiu’s signature, ah! Who had it? No one!

Chen Guo’s thought process is just fun to go along with, haha she’s so dramatic. And also works well narrative-wise to show how popular Glory is. I mean, she works at an internet cafe but that doesn’t mean she has to be into Glory herself; but she is, played for a long time, and is up to date with the professional scene to some degree if she knows the names and faces of all of Excellent Era’s members.

...she [had] a strong urge to change the word Xiu into Qiu.

haha.

“Oh, so it’s like this… … how generous.” Chen Guo sighed with sorrow. This person’s strength was powerful, his account definitely wouldn’t be weak. Powerful accounts were extremely valuable. Gifting it away so easily was very valiant.

The irony in this part never fails to amuse me.

Later, in Glory’s fifth expansion, a lot of experts obtained the qualifications to complete the Challenge skill becoming the first ones possessing access to all servers.

This is an interesting tidbit. I like the novel, where it’s easier to absorb all the rules of the game/professional scene.

Ah, so the account card Ye Xiu uses is actually one from 10 years ago? And he held onto it for this whole time, not using it. That’s...pretty amazing, I would have lost mine after 10 years.

His hair looked as if it hadn’t been taken care of in at least half a month. His face didn’t look too healthy. Although it was white and clear, it was that sort of sickly pale. His two eyes gazed at her listlessly...The guy in front of her didn’t look too young, but was unexpectedly also so dejected and disdained.

I remember people being upset that he looked more handsome in his other appearances. He’s the sort to not care about appearances, and I guess he doesn’t get out much, stuck inside playing Glory all day. But, well, if he looks dejected and disdained it’s probably from what just happened.

“full-time night cat“ AH this is why the manhua drew him as a cat when he said he likes nights. I guess it’s an expression.

His approving attitude made Chen Guo feel very apologetic. This small storage room truly wasn’t a place for living.

lol not to mention Chen Guo drops a bucket of paint on top of the bed along with a whole shelf in the manhua. She didn’t seem as apologetic in the other mediums as she does here, though.

Even after all this, he had never asked for his boss’s name.

haha kind of important don’t you think.

Chapter 4: Mysterious Expert

“If you also want to go out and eat, don’t ask my employees to go on an errand for you.” Chen Guo said.

“Next time, could you tell us in advance? Can’t you help deliver it to us?” A person said.

“The Internet Cafe only has so many people. How could we deliver it all back? Enough of this nonsense, if you really want to eat so much but are too lazy to buy it, go ask for their phone number. Wouldn’t they be willing to deliver it?” Chen Guo said.

“Sister Chen do you have their number? Lend it to me so I can copy it down.” A person said.

“What would I do with their phone number? I have people to run errands for me. Why would I inconvenience the restaurant?” Chen Guo said.

Chen Guo is pleasantly vicious. I wasn’t overly fond of her in the animation, but she has great expressions in the manhua, and her dialogue is just great in the novel.

lol “it looks like I’m forcing him play.”

This Heavenly Domain wasn’t a single map. It was another world. The map was as big as the combined worlds of five other servers. This place had difficult instance dungeons, powerful equipment, precious materials, and also freedom. All experts would meet up there. The Heavenly Domain was a player’s final destination.

So that’s what the Heavenly Domain is...I don’t know if I ever quite figured it out casually watching the animation.

“Don’t fake it. You actually haven’t retired. It’s just that you were unable to win a seat, so you were kicked out right?” Chen Guo said.

Ye Xiu was speechless.

“No offense… …” Chen Guo realized that her words had somewhat stabbed at his sore spot.

Way to hit it where it hurts! Unintentionally, of course. I seem to like manhua Ye Xiu for his expressions, and novel Chen Guo because it actually gives some more depth to her character.

“Oh so it’s like this?” Tears streamed down Ye Xiu’s cheeks. Ye Qiu was currently chatting with you face to face, sister.

lol wait is this just an expression or- he’s not actually tearing up in this scene is he.

“Oh?” when Ye Xiu flipped to the last page and looked, a sudden wave of shame hit. Thinking about it, this hand guide hadn’t changed much over ten years. This was something players couldn’t update any further. For missions that veterans would choose, how could no one have come up with this type of strategy already? Right now, he needed this type of strategy. Just as Ye Xiu was ready to follow this strategy to take missions, tears immediately began streaming down his face. He was once regarded as textbook level figure! Now with a beginners guide in his hands, how could he endure this shame?

Ye Xiu’s a lot, ah, more expressive than the animation gives him credit for. I’m sorry, I laughed. He’s just so thrown off by having to start from scratch.

Chapter 5: Skill Match

But at this point everyone was still level 0. Their jumping abilities were too poor and there was no way they could jump high enough. Everyone repeatedly bouncing up and down was truly a cute and beautiful scene.

WHAT LOL Ok this wasn’t in the manhua was it, it’s indeed a glorious image. I like how the narrator even describes it as a ‘cute’ scene haha.

Aah, I appreciate the little break away to explain the mechanics of the game. It’s not terribly useful seeing as the game doesn’t actually exist in real life, but it’s decently interesting.

But if this skill set that had been picked by peak-level expert like him was seen by ordinary players, they would definitely laugh.

And an area where Ye Xiu doesn’t have to feel ashamed of, haha.

Chapter 6: Thousand Chance Umbrella

It’s not as if it wasn’t explained in other mediums, but the novel definitely has the time to go through all the details like the evolution of Glory’s class system and why no one would suspect anyone to play the ‘unspecialized class’ anymore.

Soon after, he directly headed to the storage chest in the warehouse and opened it. An equipment unexpectedly lay inside.

Accounts that transferred servers should be empty...

But Lord Grim, which had just transferred to the tenth server, unexpectedly had an equipment inside.

No one knew how this happened, but it seemed as if Ye Xiu had been expecting it. He knew that he would find an equipment here...

This, too, is interesting! Because it seems as if the warehouse pops up out of nowhere in the other mediums, and you’re not really sure if it’s something that everyone else can access or not if you weren’t paying attention to the fact that the umbrella is a ‘silver’ weapon and thus a unique item that no one else would be able to acquire.

...there wasn’t a trace of happiness in Ye Xiu’s expression. On the contrary, it was filled with grief. A rare tremble once again emerged on his right hand.

but then, there’s this. ;-;

The customizable/self-made weaponry is actually quite smart. Reminds me of the custom furniture you can make and add to the Sims... (look, I really am not a gamer haha, I have no clue how many real life games have similar features) I didn’t really understand what was so special about the umbrella before (I probably wasn’t paying 100% attention...).

Only, it could be a unique surpassing peak Epic equipment or it could also be a unique piece of trash.

Or it could be a unique piece of trash. hahaha

Ye Xiu gently retrieved the Thousand Chance Umbrella and placed it in Lord Grim’s hands.

Also the fact that he, gently, places a bunch of pixels into his inventory/avatar’s hands is telling how much this game and this item in particular mean to him.

Damn, reading about playing a game really puts me in the mood to play a game, too. I don’t really play games like this one, though...

Chapter 7: Midnight Phantom Cat

You saw clearly, spoke well, planned well, but in the end because of a single unexpected accident, your dreams and hopes all disappeared into nothing leaving only this incomplete Thousand Chance Umbrella to me.

“You originally had talent in Glory, a successful talent… …” His fingers gently wiped over the keyboard. With a quiver, Lord Grim cast a heal onto Sleeping Moon’s body. When Sleeping Moon promptly praised him again, Ye Xiu’s mind was no longer in the game.

More sad hints of the past. .-.

“It’s here.” Ye Xiu saw that typing might have been slow, so he immediately yelled vaguely. His mouth still held onto the cigarette!

Ooh! He spoke! Or, ahem, ‘yelled vaguely’.

He was even a little skeptical thinking that his healing might snatch away the enemy.

Don’t you hate it when you’re minding your own business, not even fighting, and the monster goes to attack you anyway? lol you know how many times my teammates died from that in Final Fantasy Type-0...the worst part is that you can only control one of the 3 party members at a time, so to save them you have to keep switching between characters. or deal with having no one to heal you and only bring 1 character. idk I really liked that game.

Beautiful! Ye Xiu couldn’t help but praise him.

lol lots of praise going around in-game. everyone’s still playing nice-nice. Well, in Ye Xiu’s case I guess he is genuinely praising him.

Ah, so Ye Xiu was actually going to warn the others, was he. He just didn’t get the chance. I wondered if he purposely didn’t say anything even if he knew Sleeping Moon’s plan, I can’t remember what happened in the animation.

Chapter 8: A Life and Death Struggle

In these seven seconds, not only would the mage die but Fallen Sun would die too. He might as well try to save one of them.

Ye Xiu had lost faith in Sleeping Moon and directly abandoned the mage to heal Fallen Sun.

I do like how they handled the back and forth for the battle scene here, it doesn’t have too much of a lag between action while explaining Ye Xiu’s thought process.

He couldn’t tell if Fallen Sun had bad luck attached to him. Right when the Bleed status wore off, the Midnight Demon Cat swiped at him again causing him to Bleed yet again. These types of status inducing attacks only had a small probability to appear. But it seemed as if someone added a 100% percent probability halo around Fallen Sun.

Don’t you hate it when that happens. I don’t think anything fishy is up? He just had bad luck. It’s also totally relatable haha.

Could it be that this guy had seen through his own own plan at that time?

Sleeping Moon sure manages to get a lot of musings into the space between attacks here. This is funny though, because the novel gives confirmation that Ye Xiu only realized this recently, when Sleeping Moon purposely let the others get attacked. He isn’t that godly that he realized it from the start.

“50%? I like 100%!” and “...be at ease and drop dead!”

lol and there the shamelessness comes out. Well, Ye Xiu also lost all respect for this guy so.

Furthermore, he opened it extremely exaggeratedly and the umbrella actually flipped the other way. He retracted the umbrella a bit...

Um, so this is possible with a real umbrella of course, but a virtual one too...?

Chapter 9: Ye Xiu’s Two Hands

A pair of hands that made people’s cheeks stream with tears appeared in front of her eyes — Ye Xiu’s two hands.

Those must be some pretty impressive hands.

The hands were beautiful hands.

And in case you didn’t get it the first time: Ye Xiu has beautiful hands. Well, that is in the chapter title after all.

lol and Chen Guo examining his speed, I guess he must be taking it easy since the boss isn’t a difficult one.

Their banter is also so fun to read~

Chapter 10: Shameless Novice

lol did you really get out of the dungeon just so you could switch computers to get a smoke. I don’t think he particularly cared about finishing it, since it just provides exp probably.

Haha “the shameless novice” but what does Sleeping Moon gain from labeling him a novice? Shameless, yes, to discredit him.

These identical messages mixed together with other anger and hate. Although the system automatically blocked profanities, people’s intelligence were boundless. They used same sounding words to complete their mission.

ah, yes, the ways people get past profanity blockers, particularly fun in languages with hanzi! (hanzi right? Chinese characters?)

“Just because I’m angry doesn’t mean I have to show it.” Ye Xiu didn’t look angry. He was even smiling. While doing so, he logged out of the game and shut down the computer. Changing over to the smoking area was still his current ambitious dream.

Ah, I love this series. He just really wants a smoke.

But I can relate, I’m fairly expressionless most of the time, even when I’m excited.

Only players over level 20 could leave the beginner area. When that happened, PK’ing would be opened up. In the meantime, those level 20 and under could only point fingers and argue.

lol just...lol

But now that he couldn’t form a team, his leveling speed would only increase.

HAHA joke’s on you, it apparently works out better for him, they can’t even start PKing so there’s really no use getting into a tizzy over it...not that that stops people from creating drama. ever.

Lord Grim was equivalent to three people. Furthermore, with Ye Xiu’s skills, he wouldn’t be slower in clearing a dungeon than a five man team. He might even be a bit faster.

The video game context really gives validity to Ye Xiu’s ability to breeze through the early stages of the story as well as his strength being far above the others. Plus, it’s true. There are some games where teammates slow you down, you might as well go at it solo.

“Hello hello.”

What a nice way to end this part! I’ll be bouncing back to the manhua now.

So, yeah, like I said. I’m actually having a lot of fun, the novels don’t linger on the mechanics long enough to become boring. Plus, Ye Xiu’s background - being 25 and already on the pro scene for 7 years - makes all of his overpowered-ness not just believable, but expected. Reading him go through the early stages of the game is sort of like watching a let’s play - relaxing.

#quan zhi gao shou #king's avatar blogging #qzgs novel blogging #qzgs vol 1

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 9 Review: Crisis Point

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This Star Trek: Lower Decks review contains spoilers.

Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 9

If you had to pick one Star Trek thing to represent the entire franchise and put that piece of media on a Golden Record, would you select an excellent Trek movie or a fantastic Trek episode? This division is at the heart of “Crisis Point,” a brazen episode of Lower Decks that brings a fresh perspective to the basic differences between Trek movies and Trek episodes.

And though this episode is startlingly on-the-nose, it paradoxically makes an argument that maybe, the very best of Trek can exist as both episodes and movies, but with wildly different narrative methods.

One of my favorite lines from the TOS episode “City On the Edge of Forever,” is, while trapped in 1930, Bones says “Well, I know what a movie is.” The thing is, within the future context of the 23rd and 24th centuries, it’s tough to really know if people actually do know what a movie is, at least relative to how we think of movies. Yes, Trip made everyone watch old movies on the NX-01 in Enterprise, and Tom Paris subjected the crew of Voyager to vintage movies projected on the holodeck, but for the most part, when we see characters experiencing fiction in the 24th century, they’re doing it by participating. Picard and Data had their interactive Dixon Hill and Sherlock Holmes programs, while Janeway and the Doctor had their holonovels. Lower Decks uses this conceit — fiction as an interactive simulation — as a jumping-off point for the entire conceit of the episode. After Boimler creates a holodeck simulation that recreates the crew of the USS Cerritos in perfect detail, Mariner sees an opportunity to create an…interactive movie!

From that moment on, “Crisis Point,” plays out like a greatest hits album from all the Star Trek films. From the J.J. Abrams lens flare to the iconic opening credits of The Wrath of Khan, to the saucer section crash from Generations, this episode makes it clear that what you’re watching is LOWER DECKS: THE MOVIE, and that you should be very much aware how different — and bombastic — Trek movies are from their TV episode counterparts. It’s not exactly a diss on the concept of Trek movies in general, but as Lower Decks makes clear, you can get away with things in Trek movies that you couldn’t do in a random episode of the show. In other words, the Genesis Device is awesome and everything, but the colossal power of that technology is something we easily forget about because The Wrath is basically a character piece, rather than a piece of episodic science fiction.

In this way, “Crisis Point,” makes a second, slightly more subtle point: Trek movies might be more over-the-top and simplistic than Trek episodes, but the character stories in the best Trek movies sometimes tend to be more memorable than even the best episode. For Mariner, this is especially true in “Crisis Point,” because, when she’s confronted with her holographic self (who is also her true self) we get a deeper layer of her psyche, which just builds upon the great character work from Episode 7. Basically, this episode covers the same philosophical ground: Why is Mariner a slacker? Does she hate Starfleet? Does she hate her mom? The answers to all of these questions are no, and, it’s complicated. But the essential difference between this episode and Episode 7, is that in the former, she was having a normal conversation about this with a friend, and in Episode 9, she’s arguing with a holographic duplicate of herself who she is trying to kill. Of the two parallel conversations, we’ll probably remember this one more, and that’s because the hyperbolic conceit of Mariner versus Mariner has as more of a cinematic impact.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

In the end, the message of Lower Decks Episode 9 is to say that when it comes to Trek films, the medium — film or TV episode — might very well inform the message. But, if the message is a good one, that might be just fine.

The post Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 9 Review: Crisis Point appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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vroenis · 4 years

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Notes On A Conditional Form

I need a break from games writing, and I guess playing video games I’m not entirely enjoying. To be fair to the Uncharted series, I was also briefly dipping in and out of Battlefield V and that’s just not been going well for a long time. I’ll just sit quietly and wait for the new maps.

Today’s title is the most obvious and terrible of puns, for which I should be fired. You’re fired from your own journal - pack your shit and get the fuck out, Vee. Fine, I never liked this job anyway. Who am I kidding, I love this job - I’ve been writing consistently again since the 16th of February this year and really enjoying it.

For once I’m going to use something topical as a springboard for today’s discussion, so as I say on Twitter - Saturday is writing day.

The 1975′s new album Notes On A Conditional Form is out now, available on all the usual distribution platforms except for the good one that counts (Bandcamp) so go get it.

I’m just finishing up my first full listen-thru in the studio where I do my writing as I begin typing out this piece - actually Guys has just started up so it’s the final song. It’s the second time I’ve heard this track, the first time was last night when my week ended and I finally got a chance to sit down on the couch in-front of YouTube and the promo was in my recommendations. What an adorable video.

For the duration of this writing session, I’ve queued-up Telefon Tel Aviv because it suits my mood better - NOACF will play after Dreams Are Not Enough and it’ll probably play if I write for long enough.

I joked around on Instagram yesterday that I bought NOACF Friday morning but wouldn’t get a chance to listen to it until today. I could have listened to it during my work day but there’s no way I’d have had my first listen on the shitty UE Booms that have transducers made of stale bread I have at my work-from-home desk, plus I don’t want to have distractions for my first listen - be talking over it while I work and have to stop-start music during teleconferences and video-meetings etc. Friday was a particularly hectic day for me, but even if it wasn’t, the speakers alone are enough of a reason for me to not want to engage in critical listening in my work-space. I can’t use the 535s or 555s even, because constantly swapping from music to teleconference headphones would be a nightmare.

It’s fine - I just have to be patient. At some point you just stop having to listen to everything the minute you get it. Years ago, I absolutely would be slamming tunes as soon as I would download them - or back when we bought CDs from stores, R and I would be in the car, peeling plastic wrap and jamming them into the slot and cruising around having a listen. Even then, tho, I made it a practice of setting aside time for dedicated listening. Music has always been important to me, I don’t know if it’s tied intrinsically to being a musician, I don’t think it is but it could be, hard to tell. For as long as I’ve been recording things onto cassette from the radio and then buying CDs with my own money, I’ve spent time just listening to music - not while reading, not while doing chores or homework or recreational things like building Gundam kits and Lego, play board games or entertaining guests with other people altho it has its place backing all of these things.

I’ve always wanted to spend time having music as the main focus - the specific activity I engaged in.

When I studied Audio Production and Engineering, it was taught as a subject called Active Listening, albeit as a pragmatic subject of analysis both sonically and musically and I still appreciate it being taught this way. It engages students to perceive musical listening as something you should do as a verb the same way that it’s taught in psychology and social studies. While there are some specifics you can probably educate yourself with regards to the physics of audio and music theory, at some point it begins to become about what’s subjectively pleasing to your ear - this much is absolutely also taught - that much about sound is about perception and is subjective, and the industry of music (the actual course is literally called Music Industry: Technical Production) is about honing technical skills and combining them with understanding your own subjective perception and successfully marketing them.

The real art of active listening is simply paying attention - it’s rudimentary - it’s just not being passive. Most folks aren’t participants in their appreciation of music and that’s not a facetious statement - there’s nothing wrong with people who don’t take a greater role in their digest of music in general, it’s perfectly OK because it’s probably not that important to them. The point at which they feel they want more from what they hear is when they need to do something about it, but they don’t owe it to anyone else to do anything before that. You’ll get no soapbox ranting about pop-music from me.

What’s perhaps less OK is if an individual regularly expresses discontent at a generalised lack of quality or availability of good art but does nothing to seek it out. Good art has never been more accessible. “Oh Vee,” I hear you cluck, “Are you here fixin’ to tell me The 1975 is good art? Cos we gonna throw down.” If you disagree then firstly that’s fantastic. I mean, you’re wrong, but I’m happy for you. But also you’re already in a good space to know what you do and don’t like and should already be good and finding good art.

I’m getting distracted again.

As meandering as my writing seems to get, hopefully some of it is still healthily circular in some ways - and coming back to the reasons I’ve stepped back from other platforms and am finding it comforting to write regularly here on tumblr is that observation of the longer form. Here I get to set aside more time and give myself more consideration to a topic. I sit in the studio and get my thoughts out over a few hours, then over the next few days, I revisit and re-read snippets or all of what I’ve read, in part to proof-read and correct it but also to go over the subjects I’ve written about in review. Sometimes reviewing inspires further notes in my phone that may or may not turn into journals in the future, but that doesn’t have to be a thing, I’ve not decided yet, but I’ve long ago abandoned the need for every action to bear fruit; it’s a very capitalist way of thinking, this framing of return on investment, that a thing is only worth doing if it’s profitable in the future. The action often has value then and there, it’s the act of doing it, but there has to be an action beyond just the thought, because if I don’t write it down, I know a day later when I want to summon the thought again because I liked it, it’ll be gone from my brain and I’ll hate myself for not noting it. This is how the brain works - it’s immensely capable and sometimes, when everything is important but there are a lot of things, it can’t keep track of them all so at some point it starts discarding them, especially in the short-term.

I watch a lot of YouTube. I really enjoy Rooster Teeth videos and I’ve had a First subscription for almost two years now. Oddly I still watch almost all their content on YouTube simply because it’s more convenient to do so across all devices, but the point of having a premium subscription for me is to support them as content creators, not to access content earlier or really to access anything exclusive - I’ll be honest, I’m not watching any exclusives at all and couldn’t tell you what that content is. I’m also super glad that they opened up First access free during Covid, so right now you can sign up for First and watch everything thru their web portal and see all that exclusive stuff plus watch everything early and it won’t cost you anything. Yes - part of the point is the marketing benefit that after Covid, they hope you’ll see that First has economic value for you and that you’ll pay for it afterwards, but they transparently, plainly and frequently acknowledge this in their shows which I suspect is more than other companies are doing.

Outside of Rooster Teeth - which do create a lot of content at 30 minutes and above, often 1 hour shows but often 10 to 15 minute episodes, I still do watch a lot of typical 10 to 20 minute YouTube clips, especially after work. My reasons for watching these are probably similar to a lot of people - after an arduous day of office admin, often it’s easier to watch smaller, more easily digested pieces of media instead of material that takes potentially more psychological commitment. How that commitment takes shape is different for everyone - for some people, heavy narrative is more demanding. For me, if you’ve taken any cues about my tastes, you’ve probably figured it’s a little different.

Some of the short clips I watch are video gamers arsing about being funny; a lot of Funhaus (under Rooster Teeth) falls into this category, but a lot of my watching is comprised of Synth Tubers and musicians. There’s some stuff in the periphery - because of Gavin Free’s adjacency in Rooster Teeth, I might watch the occasional SloMo Guys clip that might appear in my recs, as well as the odd 1975 promo because I’m subbed so their single releases appear in my feed and Dirty Hit and adjacent artists will hit my recs too, so again once in a while I might try them to varying success - I bought half of Wolf Alice’s Visions Of A Life but couldn’t bring myself to pay for the full album. Maybe next time.

YouTube is a bit like the thumb, heart and like. It’s the short-term hit, the low-level engagement for my visual and auditory senses. I’m not knocking it, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s not entirely like but not entirely unlike sugar. Does the analogy carry all the way thru to if I consume too much of it, it’ll give my brain virtual brain diabetus? I’m not entirely sure but it could be worth being cautious of. I don’t think that’s a real thing but one thing I certainly have been missing is real cinema, and the other night I finally turned everything off and put on a bluray I’d bought of a film I’d as yet not seen, and was really glad I did;

I don’t often get to watch films that are for me, as egotistical a statement as that might sound. When J is home, I try not to subject her to my film taste, or at least some of the more rigorous sides of it. There’s a decent amount of crossover in our tastes which is plenty fine for us to share, but for some things I’d wait for her to go to bed or be out or away. I’m not sure how she’d take something like The Favourite, there’s a lot to like about the narrative as a whole, but I certainly can understand how people might not like it.

Nevertheless I adored the film, it’s almost perfect for me with the exception of some of the editing - Yorgos Lanthimos edited it himself, it would seem, so that’s ah... a thing. Anyway, alas were I here to discuss the film because it’s an absolute smashing delight.

I really do miss sitting down and just being able to be immersed in good cinema. It isn’t because I don’t want to, either - it really is because I find it so difficult to find film aligned with my tastes. If you want to know what those tastes are, there’s a page full of it, and yes, David Lynch and Terrence Malick are on it so I’m one of thooose people. Whatever, I so don’t fucken care. I’m not a snob, tho - I’ve talked about it before, can’t be arsed digging thru the journals but they only go as far back as Feb so have at it - but I dug the first John Wick, Michael Bay has his place, I mean, he’s a cock, but I respect and admire the cinemacraft - I totally talked about that (maybe I should go find it). I really *really* love action and stunt-craft a lot - there’s a lot of hard work that goes into that - not just sets and props but personnel, stage-craft, lighting, vis-fx and camera. It’s good industry, it looks great and it’s simply fun to watch.

Anyway.

I have action films on bluray, I just don’t talk about them. Instead I keep a list of my weird shit because they get less attention, less money and I feel like they speak more to my experience and there are fewer things in this life that speak to my experience. The list of video games in the journal before this one speak more to my experience, that’s why there’s a list of them. Uncharted speaks infinitely less to my experience, and that’s probably why I hit it with a stick so much, because dear lord jesus fuck look at how much money it gets, and yet look at how poorly the people who made it are being treated and how much fuck-all is being done about it, so fuck that shit, unite and unionise, and support your fucking indies. I’m getting distracted again... it’s not hard to do at the moment...

A dear friend had a birthday recently and they asked for some music - actually let’s roll back. Once our state went into lock-down and we couldn’t go visit one-another, one of my best friends K and I started talking over video-calls instead of our normal phone-calls. We’d normally speak over the phone because we’d see each other when she’d come over and have dinner with J and I, or we’d all have lunch etc. So me being me, there’s no way I’m going to be happy just using my phone - of-course I can run Zoom from my PC and use my webcam, but run all my audio gear thru my interface - meaning a nice condenser mic instead of a shitty phone or hands free, plus all my synths. This is how our video-calls go - I play music for her while we talk. It’s an absolute blast.

On one particular call, she told me the music I was playing at the time would be really great to help her with the work she was doing (also working from home). I was only just playing a Rhodes patch thru the reverb unit with a massive tail but she did have some decent bluetooth headphones on and it sounded great. That weekend, I spent a couple of hours recording a few pieces of simple music, just one instrument and fx direct - no sequencing, straight into audio - lightly normalised - topped and tailed, encoded to mp3 and sent them to her.

I haven’t had a lot of studio time at all over the last two years - J and I have had a really rough year - not with one another, but challenges that we’ve had to face. If you read back thru the journals, you’ll see another one of those which has further flow-on effects for us that we continue to deal with. That’s life. Both she and I have been dealing with these kinds of challenges for most of our lives from a very young age. Sometimes I spend a bit of time noodling, as J calls it, on a piece of gear here and there, and in the past I’ve taken a few bits of gear out of the studio down into the kitchen and recorded videos for Instagram that have been fun - usually for a weekend or week while she’s been out of state with family.

There’s that thing again with only doing things in short bursts and hopefully I’m able to illustrate this pattern of shortness, of us having to live our lives in short bursts. I’m not going to hook it into the evils of YouTube (I like YouTube and use it) or Spotify (I hate Spotify and don’t use it) - as always, these things seem to follow people’s patterns of behaviour rather than shape it - but there are probably some other evils that have shaped our patterns of behaviour and the consumer services have simply followed. Are we being over-worked and is the quality of our life out of balance? Probably. Are we losing touch with a better sense of engagement with one another, activity, focus and art? Very likely. Do we point a furiously waggling finger at Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and yell BAD and run to the hills to farm organic vegetables and hide from 5G (couldn’t help it) for the rest of our days? Not at all because that’s clearly stupid.

I like Twitter. I really like Twitter. I really like YouTube. I really like the Wire and the accessibility and ease it’s brought about. Just because we haven’t quite figured out how best to utilise it doesn’t mean we have to set it on fire and huddle in the dark. I don’t get that approach - we are astonishingly intelligent beings, yet our reaction to not being able to fully process complex things always seems to be SHUN AND RUN. Don’t credit me with that, I’m sure I read it somewhere - I wish Mamoru Oshii’s external memory (or wherever he shoplifted it from) was a real thing and I could check it (NB: I did exactly that, but couldn’t find anything culturally remarkable enough as a source).

Dedicating time to recording those pieces of music for K was really amazing. I just listened back to them and I’m really happy with how they came out. If you ask nicely I might post one of them up here but you’ll have to ask really nice and understand they’re super ambient so they might put you to sleep but that’s one of the desired effects, I guess. Watching The Favourite was amazing, and I have to try to dig out more cinema to dig into. I’m really hoping Ghost of Tsushima reviews well for PS4 because I’m pretty much sold on it - I’d like a game I can play for long periods rather than short bursts because I value enduring video game experiences that aren’t frustrating. And writing here every week has been the most positive step I’ve taken this year, super beneficial and I hope at some point I can get around to discussing some of the other artefacts of art I keep mentioning in greater detail, or at least more about my engagement with them. That list of films has a lot going on in it as far as how it’s influenced my life. I say that it’s listed in no particular order, but Ishikawa’s Tokyo.Sora remains to this day my most favourite film by a long way, no other film has come close, but there are a lot of films that are almost as special and that leave everything else a long way behind. Most of Lynch’s films are pretty special to me, so too most of Oshii’s, but I’d love to talk about why films like Polgar’s Exit and Fliefauf’s Womb are there for their tone and feel more than their content.

I think that’s coming. For the moment I’m still writing as a capture of my mental state in time. Barely anyone uses the term microblogging in reference to Twitter any more but that’s exactly what it is - it’s a granular timecode of people’s pragmatic and emotional reactions to their experience of life - usually too granular to be useful without strange barely accessible tools to process. For me a return to traditional writing has been both immensely useful and satisfying. I enjoy both cataloguing and documentation, but I also love the mechanical process of such. Sitting down and spending time writing has given me perspective on how and when to use a granular tool like Twitter - even for shitposting - and Instagram too, tho shuttering Instagram is still on the cards - and it’s amplifying every activity I dedicate time to.

More and more I’m getting down on the floor with our dogs and playing with them - I did this anyway but I do it more, to bond with them and enjoy a sense of play and place at their level in pack harmony. There’s nothing overly spiritual and wanky about that, they’re just our dogs and we love them, it’s just about understanding canine behaviour and enjoying it.

This isn’t a puff piece about the perfect life, far from it. I’m not just trying to be positive either. There’s still an immense amount of shit happening around me, never you mind. It’s hard to contextualise everything all at the same time, so don’t be tempted to believe I’m here doing a HASHTAG BLESSED post because you can fuck right off. Go back and look at my taste in films damnit and tell me a positivity-only person digs those films get fucked. You wouldn’t know what we’ve been thru and I wouldn’t know what you’ve been thru either. Let us talk about shit sometimes and don’t do that whataboutism shit. You should be more mature than that. If there’s anything granular media has done it’s make you a lazy thinker so shake yourself out of it. You know better. You *know* you know better. Come on.

I might draw some art for you to steal, come back and insert it but I’m happy with ending here.

#Notes On A Conditional Form #NOACF #The 1975 #writing about music #chrono #2020 #Rooster Teeth #youtube #Funhaus #The Favourite #Cinema #work from home #life balance #film #writing about film #writing about writing

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landofsomethingsomething · 7 years

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how did you get so good at character & story analysis? like you only started homestuck near the end, and in that short time you've developed a deeper understanding of the characters and themes than people who have been involved for years (i.e. me, a dumbass who only figures this shit out after people like you talk insightfully about it).

I honestly & truly believe that I benefited TREMENDOUSLY from starting near the end, actually. When you start at the end of Homestuck, you get to read the entire thing at once, the way you would experience most types of heavy narrative focused media. You get the whole story in one (months long in my case but at least continuous) bite.

When you are following any media update by update -- this goes for like, everything, comics, TV, etc -- you tend to be more easily distracted and misled by both intentional and unintentional red herrings. Like, so many Big Historical Homestuck Fandom Arguments were ROOTED in tons of significance being attributed to things that, on a fresh archival read, were completely inconsequential. When a 10 page update ends on a cliffhanger and you don’t get another update for a week, that’s a week that the entire fandom has to tear itself apart over every tiny little detail in those ten pages, because that’s all they had. And they did.

And some of those little details mattered, of course, but MOST of them didn’t. It’s that old adage about “can’t see the forest but for the trees.” When you’re following something bite by bite, the bite in front of you is the Most Important Bite, repeated for every new update, forever, and it completely skews your reading and perception of something because it’s so much harder to plug This Piece into the bigger picture. You don’t really care about the bigger picture, because the whole story is years or months or whatever away from being done, you in fact don’t know if it will ever even truly finish, and what matters is what you have in the moment.

More importantly this leads to just like. Rampant fanon. Just rampant, rampant fanon stuff completely based off hyperfocusing on individual updates and taking every little thing from them and going hog wild. In the spaces between updates, the fandom gives the canon a new layer of meaning. The fandom fills gaps with its own interpretation of what’s going on without the benefit of knowing what’s next. The fandom decides what it WANTS to come next and huge swathes of dedicated, passionate people are either disappointed horribly when they’re wrong or vindicated when they’re right or somewhere in between.

So you get like... I guess the biggest example of this is the Retcon.

I have never met an archival reader, someone who did not start homestuck until the ending or just before the final updates, who hates the Retcon. I have met some who will talk about what it could have done better, and the ways in which the device succeeded or failed, and some with mixed opinion, but I have never ever met an archival reader that HATES the Retcon with the passion that so many of those people who read update by update do.

I know people who I otherwise respect and regard highly who like, for example, can’t get into Davekat as a pairing because it’s representative of the Retcon to them and it ruins it completely because they cannot connect to it or see it as “real.”

Because a week between updates is one thing, but eight months? an entire year? That was a LOT of time for people to get attached to things the way they were in those pre-pause updates. That was a LOT of time for people to pore over every piece of canon that came before those pauses over and over and over and over and decide what they wanted and become SO attached to the characters and story and plotlines how they were.

My wife tells me stories about how everyone did a “homestuck ending bingo” right after the update that kicked off the long pause before Game Over. Everyone was so excited to see what would happen next, how the characters they loved so much would overcome this insane trial, how it could possibly continue, how the plotlines would resolve.

And instead, everyone died. John came in and fixed it all by branching them to another reality, where suddenly, these things that people had spent a literal year investing in so utterly were just... gone. Erased. In some cases almost literally never mentioned again. They never got to see the resolutions they wanted and they felt it was unfair and they were duped and etc etc etc the backlash against the retcon is something every homestuck fan is familiar with.

But to circle back to my original point -- Archival readers just absolutely do not GET that. The version of Dave and Karkat and Terezi and Rose and Kanaya and Jade and John and EVERYONE that existed right up until Game Over were characters hurtling to an obvious Bad End, and the way it went down, archival readers have an easier time processing and understanding and accepting, because we didn’t have the time to get attached to point-in-time versions of things.

My wife tells me stories of the days when Kare//zi and Joh//nKat were heavily shipped and it’s surreal to me, because from MY perspective, those were blips on a radar. Kare//zi was so early in Karkat and Terezi’s story that to me it was just like, oh, interesting, a failed relationship that informs things about both their characters that they moved on from naturally into other things. (I don’t mean to pick on that ship, btw, it’s just a good example of something that was EMBLEMATIC from a point-in-time perspective that an archival reader would never really hang so much weight on, because it’s there and then it’s gone and we didn’t have weeks and years of space between updates to ruminate on them as a couple or assume that the relationship would continue to be a flagship and how it would evolve in that role.) There are so many more examples.

I find this with the Alphas, too -- Archival readers overall seem to genuinely love the alphas more, on the whole, than people who read episodically (who tend to favor the betas, or the Act 5 trolls.) Archival readers tend to leave the experience MOST attached to characters and relationships that survived to the end, because when you read it as a full narrative beginning to end, that’s just kind of a natural thing that happens.

Anyway this post is already way too long, but my point is basically, the experience of reading homestuck from beginning to end all at once with very little knowledge of it going in is COMPLETELY different from the experience of reading it episodically. The emotions you have and the things you care about and just the FEEL of your entire experience is so different.

And yes, I think the archival experience is “better,” when it comes to like, an understanding of the work as a whole? I don’t think this just with Homestuck, btw. I feel this way about, for instance, episodic television shows that tell ongoing continuous stories too. I much prefer to binge watch an entire series on netflix in a week than to watch every friday because I just GET things better. I feel I come away with a more complete experience.

It’s a trade off, obviously. Reading episodically is better for like, having the FULL homestuck as an explosively popular fandom experience. Us archival people will never know what it’s like to have been around in the full swing of Homestuck’s popularity, never be able to roll around in the absolute GLUT of content that was out there, never be able to engage with SO MANY diverse voices and opinions, never be able to ride the high that comes with caring a lot about one of the most popular fandoms around. We’ll never have memories of this update or that update or what arguments and discourse and fanwork and other stuff spawned from this or that, we missed a lot of cool stuff I’m sad to have missed, and a lot of terrible stuff I’m glad to have missed, but yeah.

But an episodic reader will never get to be able to read Homestuck from beginning to end with no preconceptions or biases formed from their earlier experience or the hopes and wants and theories they had the first time around, update to update. They’ll never get as clear a picture of the Whole Story.

It’s a tradeoff. Idk. I’m glad I came in when I did, overall, but I think that most people feel that way about their own experience with it.

All this to say, I think that the things I and other archival readers are able to connect over the course of the long narrative are less because of any outstanding individual ability in analysis (although I mean, obviously there is some of that or we wouldn’t be meta blogging in the first place) but rather just a simple raw advantage of extra clarity because of our late arrival.

#homestuck #text #asks #sorry this got real long #but i think about this a LOT honestly #Anonymous

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #183 - The Fault in Our Stars

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #297

Format: Blu-ray

1) This film has a strikingly strong voice throughout.

Hazel: “I believe we have a choice in this world about how we tell sad stories.”

John Green’s original novel similarly has an incredible voice throughout, as it is narrated by Hazel who is always consistent and clear about who she is as a character. This film works with that character/narrative style well, allowing Hazel to be as strong as she is in the book throughout different narrative devices.

2) Shailene Woodley as Hazel Grace.

Hazel is the voice of this film, much as she is in the novel (in that case a little more literally). To start, Hazel is exceptionally honest. She is not stepping on egg shells but she’s also not being a jackass. Woodley is able to play Hazel’s jaded personality in an empathetic and relatable way. Throughout the film Woodley is nothing short of excellent with the ability to be funny, heartbreaking, vulnerable, angry, loving, and whatever else the story/character needs her to be. It is a phenomenal performance from a great actress and I think one of her best. This film needed a strong Hazel and I don’t think they could’ve cast a better one.

3) Remember how I said this film is strikingly honest?

Hazel: “The only thing worse than biting it from cancer is having a kid bite it from cancer.”

4) Angel Elgort as Augustus Waters.

Elgort is able to take a character who could’ve easily been kind of a creepy guy (a guy who works really hard to get with a girl who says no) and makes him wonderfully charming. Augustus could also easily have been a one dimensional pretentious boy toy. But author Green was able to make him more than that in the novel and Elgort is able to do the same in his performance. He infuses Augustus with a crazy amount honesty and heart, while also being able to play his fear and flaws (namely that of oblivion) in a way which makes him human.

5) A key aspect to this film is not only making sure Hazel and Augustus are strong on their own, but also that they have strong chemistry with each other. The key thing is that you are able to see why they’re friends first. There’s this immediate trust, shared sense of interest, shared sense of humor, and an immediate investment they have in each other. Also Woodley and Elgort are just GOOD together, because of whatever the x factor is that results in sexual chemistry.

6) Augustus’ whole thing with the cigarettes is REALLY extra. I kinda dig it.

Augustus [about why he uses cigarettes but doesn’t lit them]: “It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing. A metaphor.”

7) I’m probably going to talk a few times about how wonderfully honest this film is. There is no tiptoeing around cancer, it’s not glorified or romanticized or traumatized (it’s already pretty freaking traumatic). It just is what it is and these kids know what it is.

Hazel [about Augustus getting his driver’s license even though he sucks]: “Cancer perk.”

Augustus: “Total cancer perk.”

8) This is SUCH an important distinction.

Augustus [after he asks Hazel her story and he gets her cancer story]: “No, not your cancer story. Your real story.”

Knowing from first hand experience how easy it is to let cancer define your life, I think it’s important to make sure cancer does NOT define you. That when someone asks you about your story, your mind doesn’t immediately go to cancer. I love that the filmmakers and author John Green included this moment.

9) Laura Dern is remarkably strong as Hazel’s Mom. She is able to be positive, honest, but still plays the conflict of being a parent to a kid with cancer in every scene. It’s a great performance from the veteran actress and I think her relationship with Woodley comes through wonderfully. There’s an honest mother and daughter relationship there. They clearly love each other and are able to joke around with each other, even if they’re not being fully honest (which is how most parent/child relationships are). But when they are honest with each other, it’s a wonderful honesty.

10) Nat Wolff as Isaac.

Wolff (who rose to fame early on with “The Naked Brothers Band”) does a fine job in the supporting role. He fits nicely with Elgort and Woodley, feeling like an honest friend as opposed to a third wheel. His sadness and heartache comes through well, he’s able to be surprisingly funny at times, and it’s just a nice addition to the film.

11) Okay, so when I saw this in theaters I just KNEW who had read the book. And you wanted to know how I knew? Because they started crying when Augustus and Isaac were playing video games. That’s it. NOTHING SAD HAD HAPPENED YET! But still from the back of the theater all I could hear was:

12) I geek out whenever they show the “Buffy” scene in this movie. Because it’s a Fox film, so they use things Fox owns like “Buffy” and Aliens instead of like V for Vendetta from the book (although a poster for the film does appear in Augustus’ bedroom). And there’s a parallel: the scene they’re watching in “Buffy” is one of great intimacy for eventual earth shattering heartache.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

13) This is sweet.

Augustus [after saying okay with Hazel a few times]: “Perhaps, ‘okay,’ will be our, ‘always.’”

Hazel: “Okay.”

(GIF originally posted by @oliversqueen)

14) This film plays remarkably well with visuals. There’s a lot of texting and email correspondence between characters which end up being important to the plot. This could’ve been boring but they use a nice doodle visual AND phantom images to keep our interest. It’s a nice touch.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

15) Oh Gus, look at you being all poetic. Subtle.

Augustus [at a piece of public art of a giant skeleton]: “They’re using a skeleton as a playground. Think about it.”

16)

Hazel [after a great day with Augustus]: “And then this happened.”

[Hazel wakes up in the middle of the night because she can’t breathe.]

Can I just say, from personal experience, cancer sucks. It fucking sucks. It seems like someone is doing well, that they’ve reclaimed some semblance of normalcy. Then cancer shows up to beat you down again. Fuck cancer. Cancer can go fucking die in a pit.

17) Well, this is heartbreaking.

Hazel’s Mom [in a flashback to when Hazel was 13 and dying]: “I’m not going to be a mom anymore.”

This is very key to Hazel’s primary conflict in the film, but more on that later.

18) A film is a story told in cuts.

Augustus: “Well, I demand to see this swing set of tears.”

[Immediately cut to Augustus and Hazel sitting on said swing set.]

19) This is very true of the attitude I have known some cancer patients to have.

Hazel [trying to push Gus away]: “Gus, I’m a grenade. One day I’m going to explode and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And, I don’t know, I feel like it’s my responsibility to minimize the casualties.”

20) Nice to know that Augustus is being honest with himself though.

Hazel [after her mom says she and Augustus are cute together]: “We’re just friends.”

Augustus: “Well, she is. I’m not.”

21) The date night between Augustus and Hazel on the town in Amsterdam is very cute and the connection they’re able to portray with almost no dialogue speaks greatly to the chemistry between Woodley and Elgort.

22) Augustus’ declaration of love is done VERY well.

Augustus [almost out of the blue]: “I am in love with you. You heard me. I am in love with me.”

This scene is very organic and honest. It feels like the most natural next step for not only the scene but their relationship as well. It doesn’t feel forced or awkward it makes sense. And I think both Elgort and Woodley play the scene wonderfully.

23) I kinda realized half way through this film is effortlessly feminist. We make a big deal sometimes out of honest female representation in the media but honestly it hardly comes to mind with this film because all the characters - male and female - are easily honest. You don’t even think about it, they just are three dimensional characters throughout. It’s surprisingly refreshing.

24) Willem Dafoe as Peter Van Houten.

I’m not one to say to never meet your heroes, but if you do make sure your expectations are considerably low. This way if they’re a raging asshole like this guy you won’t be too disappointed. Because that’s what Van Houten is. An asshole. A raging, pretentious, alcoholic douche bag who thinks he’s SO above everything. Literally no part of the meeting Hazel and Augustus have with him goes well, leading to a very expected and very cathartic blow up. Dafoe plays the asshole well, making him a character we love to hate and a nice aspect of the film.

25)

Van Houten: “How familiar are you with Swedish hip hop?”

If you want to avoid vulgar lyrics in your music, do NOT google the translation to the Bomfalleralla. It’s worse than you might think.

26) This is SO key to Hazel’s conflict.

Hazel [asking Van Houten about his characters’ lives after the book]: “But that doesn’t mean her family and her friends don’t have a future [after the narrator dies], right?”

As Hazel will observe later, this is her biggest fear. It seems she has made her death with peace and dying but she is so terrified of how she is going to hurt the people she loves. That is the most key internal conflict she has in the film and one which will be consistent until the end.

27) The Anne Frank House.

More than anything else, this serves as incredible show of strength for Hazel. She is fighting to live, and choosing life over death by deciding to be with Augustus even if it’s only for a limited amount of time. The setting of the Anne Frank House drives home the idea of life’s unfortunate impermanence. I’m sure the use of Anne’s narration underscoring the scene acts as some grand literary device but it is difficult for me to analyze it because I am so invested in Hazel’s struggle in the scene.

28) The love scene between Hazel and Augustus is incredible. And not because it’s sexy or because it’s hot or anything. It is because it is honest. There is this incredible comfort they have around each other. They’re comfortable with their scars, with their tubes, with their limitations. They don’t worry that it will turn the other person off. It is a vulnerability born out of complete and utter trust, a trust which is not abused but respected by both parties. It is incredibly tender and just very loving.

29) Did I mention cancer sucks?

Augustus: “I felt an ache in my hip.”

Okay, Hazel just fucking KNOWS what he is about to tell her. As soon as he says, “I felt an ache in my hip,” you can see it on her face. She knows where this is going because she is uncomfortably familiar with how cancer works. And it’s heartbreaking.

30) According to IMDb:

Soon after the film's release, the street bench on which Gus and Hazel had their embrace was stolen. A few months later, it was replaced by the city of Amsterdam.

People suck.

31) It’s nice to see that this film still has a sense of humor and life to it in the face of death.

Augustus [after Hazel says they should wait until after dark to egg someone’s house]: “It’s all dark to Isaac.”

Isaac [after a second]: “Dude, I’m not deaf. I’m just blind.”

32) One of Ansel Elgort’s standout scenes is his breakdown at the gas station. Hazel even observes that she wishes she could say he’d held his courage and sense of humor to the end, but that’s not how life works. This is very honest. This kid is freaking dying of cancer! Of course he’s going to breakdown! And Elgort plays that sadness totally honestly and in an utterly gut wrenching way. It’s his standout scene in the entire film.

33) I love that Hazel calls him out on this.

Augustus: “I mean I was supposed to be special.”

It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you as long as one person loves you. If you’re important to someone it doesn’t matter that you’re not important to everyone. Just because we’re all not famous or infamous or historic does not mean we are not special.

34) Hazel’s biggest fear is that her parents won’t have a life after she dies, because her death is a fact to her. But when her parents tell her that they’re being productive, that her mother is studying social work and that they will have a life after her death, she is just so freaking happy. This incredible weight has been lifted off her shoulders, she is not the grenade she thought she was. It makes me tear up, honestly.

35) Hazel’s eulogy.

This is the climax of the film. The moment the rest of the movie has been building up towards, the moment their relationship has been leading to. It defines that relationship. Woodley shines in her monologue and Elgort shines in his quiet reaction. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once and just totally incredible. And this line emphasis the impact they have had on each other’s lives:

Hazel: “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

36) There was this analytical post when the movie first came out that pointed out the shirt Hazel is wearing when she learns Augustus died is HIS tee shirt. I just can’t find any post about it because anytime you google, “Fault in Our Stars Tee Shirt,” you get a link to the song by Birdy that’s in the film. If you guys have this bookmarked anywhere I’d love to hear about it, but the fact that Hazel is wearing Augustus’ shirt when she learns he died is heartbreaking to me.

37) Hazel realized something quite important here.

Hazel [after making up a eulogy on the spot different than the one she read for Augustus]: “I didn’t believe a word. But that’s okay…Funerals, I decided, are not for the dead. They’re for the living.”

38) “Not About Angels” is still one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. It breaks my heart every time. I feel like breaking down and crying whenever I hear it. Here, share in my pain:

youtube

39) Augustus’ final letter to Hazel is a perfect resolution the film. It speaks greatly to not only Augustus’ character but also the relationship he and Hazel had. It is a wonderful emotional resolution which I think just work beautifully.

Augustus [at the end of his letter]: “Okay Hazel Grace?”

The Fault in Our Stars is a moving and honest film supported by a great cast and a wonderful method of adaptation. The spirit of John Green’s source material is alive and well in the film, with performers like Shailene Woodly and Ansel Elgort breathing incredible life into these characters. The film can be funny and heartbreaking all at the same time, but it never falters in its honest approach to these characters. Absolutely wonderful, I suggest everyone see it.

#The Fault in Our Stars #Shailene Woodley #Ansel Elgort #John Green #Hazel Grace Lancaster #Laura Dern #Nat Wolff #Willem Dafoe #Birdy #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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canvaswolfdoll · 6 years

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CanvasWatches: Violet Evergarden

Ugh, I hate writing about good shows. It’s always so difficult to find something to talk about. With bad or average material, it’s so much easier to point at weak points and say ‘Yes, that wasn’t good. Here’s what I would do.’ Which is my favorite exercise when watching things.

But Violet Evergarden is good. Real good. The only complaint I could imagine lobbying is that Netflix didn’t simuldub it stateside. The villains.

I mean, it’s a show with a blonde protagonist who, out of love, lost limbs and had them replaced by mechanical prosthetics, with the actual story happening in a quasi-european setting approximately after a WWI analogue. Somehow, it’s not Fullmetal Alchemist, nor does it try to be. Freaking Magnus Bride had less superficial similarities, and it still fell into that trap.

It’s laudable.

What Violet Evergarden does do is done amazingly.

Spoilers, by the way. Go watch the show now, it’s that good.

I don’t cry for fiction. This isn’t a macho claim, I honestly view it as a minor failing of mine. I can identify sad and tragic parts of a piece, and I have emotions,[1] but when it comes to fiction, there’s just too big of a separation for me. I can see the strings.

This remains true for Violet Evergarden, but there are some real strong attempts to coax tears. Strong and original.

I like the ‘Girl learning to be Human’ trope.[2] Well, Person learning to be human, but, well, cute girls make everything better.

Point is, there’s a charm to watching someone who, through their personal circumstances, has zero idea how to operate in society, and approaches everything with naivety and a hunger to learn.[4] It’s a good character premise that gives ample comedic potential (Faux Pas, satire, general oddity), dramatic potential (lost time, awkwardness, satire again), and fanservice if you feel the need to provide it. It’s a great tool for side stepping ‘As You Know’ exchanges and still actually teach your audience about your fantastical world![5]

Violent is given this status by, initially, being raised as a tool for war. She doesn’t know her family, her age, nor have a name when she’s gifted to The Major by his brother, and from there begins her journey to learn to be a human.

It’s not until she’s finally removed from the context of war and loses the man she devoted herself to that she can truly begin learning the hardest part: empathy.

And you thought my ‘don’t cry at media’ tangent was unrelated! Ah-ha!

Up until Violet begins her job as an Auto Memory Doll[6] people existed in one of three categories: Enemy (people to kill), Allies (people not to kill), and The Major (Person to take orders from). Sure, The Major gave her a name, and taught her to read and write, but on the battlefield, where most people have to be broken down into a state of “Kill or be Killed”, it’s hard to teach a young girl to be a person.

We begin the story right at the point of transition: Violet has lost both her arms, hasn’t heard from The Major since their last operation, and the war’s pretty much over. And her broach is missing. A lot’s happening suddenly, and she’s being taken off by a retired officer turned postal company president, Claudia Hodgins. It’s a confusing time for those involved.

Here’s a fun trivia fact I had to have explained to me: you may ask yourself ‘Why does Violet bite things? It sure helps make her seem alien, but why did she develop the habit?’ Well, Violet doesn’t have hands anymore, so that leaves her sensitive lips to feel things with![7]

Anyways, per The Major’s wishes, at first Hodgins attempts to leave her with some of The Major’s relatives (The Evergardens), the matriarch of which expresses hope that she and Violent can help comfort the other after losing family to the war.

Violent, of course, misreads the intent and explains she won’t be able to replace to Ms. Evergarden’s son. Violet is also generally uncomfortable with this prospective life of not doing anything or receiving orders, so runs after Hodgins, rejecting the Evergarden home.

She does, apparently, have no qualms taking the surname, which seems like a weak justification for it. She’s closer to The Major, shouldn’t she have adopted that complex noble name instead?

Speaking of which, an anime trope grosser than Student/Teacher relationships: The Usagi Drop![8] It’s a romantic relationship where one of the participants (literally or essentially) raised the other! Ah-ha, what a disgusting abuse of a power structure.

Now, to the anime’s credit, there’s at least ambiguity to Violet and The Major’s exact feelings towards each other. The Major isn’t around to clarify if he views Violet Paternally or Romantically, and Violet’s still working through being emotional stunted. However, it’s ambiguous enough to make both options equally likely.

During the first couple of episodes, the meaning of The Major’s ‘I love you’ being a romantic confession could’ve been kosher, and even expected. But as Violet’s backstory is revealed, and we learn that The Major pretty much raised Violet, romance ceases to be charming and instead shifts into worrying.

This isn’t helped when a parallel is drawn with a diplomatic engagement between a 14-year old princess and a prince at least 10 years her senior.

Surprisingly, when it comes to royal pairings, I find myself a bit more forgiving about more squickier elements. Yes, the massive difference in ages isn’t an ideal depiction, and the princess being underaged by modern standards doesn’t help, and the fact it always seems to be an older man courting the younger woman is troublesome.

However, what the situation does have is extenuating circumstances. It’s not just a precocious crush being exploited; it’s years of bad tradition, diplomatic planning, and the fact that it’s two individuals obviously trying to make the best of a bad situation.

The princess is going to get married off to someone for diplomatic gain, might as well be to someone who’s shown empathy for the princess and the situation.

But for Violet and The Major, I would hope the final call comes down on The Major viewing Violet as an adopted daughter

There’s a second major point of ambiguity surrounding The Major to drive the plot: is he dead? Most of the cast accept that his Missing in Action status after a major bombing of the building Violet was found in means the man’s likely dead, but Violet holds out hope.

In most stories, if The Major was still alive, there’d be more hints than provided by the anime, or they’d just accept he was dead and continue forward.

The Major being dead provides a stronger break and arc for Violet. Not only has the war she’d been existing for ended, but the man she’d been devoted to entirely is also gone. At the start of the series, Violet has nothing and must rebuild herself. To deny closure of that chapter by letting The Major be in hiding would just undermine the entire opening premise.

So, of course, the last shot of the series is an ambiguous shot of Violet arriving at the house of an unseen client and stumbling with her well rehearsed introduction, giving the audience a winking ‘Is he?’.[9]

If he is alive, it’d be a massive jerk move because it’s not just Violet’s life he’s derailing and introducing tragedy to. Major Gilbert Bougainvillea has a family, after all, including a mother who mourns him and a brother with undirected rage over the loss of his younger brother. Also friends probably. We’re not given any real reasons for The Major to crawl out of that final battle, put his fists on his hips and say ‘Sweet. I’m gonna abandon my old life!’ Admittedly the backstory of The Major is very light in the anime adaption, but that lightness also paints a lack of past tragedy.

The rules of ‘show don’t tell’ and ‘write the story about the most interest point in the character’s life’ also implies that which is not depicted is not interesting.

Thus, The Major should be dead and should stay dead.

Which concludes my… review of a single character…

Let’s talk about the show proper.

Much like Isle of Dogs, it ticks off a few items on my favorite things list, but more of the narrative devices.

It’s a series of vignettes with a reoccuring protagonist acting as bridge, set in a light fantasy world that is much closer to modern day than is traditional, and has major emphasis on writing as a narrative device. And alsi fantasy prosthetics, a fondness that will go unexamined today!

Also, one of the other Auto-memory Dolls wears glasses.

It’s produced by Kyoto Animation, which I think is tying with Studio BONES for my favorite studio (based solely on the works they produce), which is a major plus.

The individual episodes are very character-driven, including one about a playwright that made me really want to get back into writing plays myself.[10]

Most episodes explore Violet from the perspective of the episode’s client, while offering some world building. Episodes one and two, as a pair, exist to introduce Violet and the world, and thus don’t have much for Hodgins (who gets his development through the rest of the series) and Erica (who doesn’t actually get much besides explaining the origins of typewriters and the term ‘Auto Memory Doll’).

Episode three is when the series rolls up its sleeves and says “Ah, we’re learning what it means to feel emotions? Get ready to choke!” and sends Violet to school, where everyone’s soul goes to die!

While trying to earn a coveted accreditation, Violet meets Luculia, who lost both her parents in the war while her brother returned home with an injured leg and a chip on his shoulder. During the course, Violet shows she can get the practical skills down easily enough, but when it comes to putting any actual soul into her letters, she turns in only tense reports.

Luculia graduates top of the class while Violet does not. Still, Luculia has decided she’s friends with Silver Arms, and sets to help Violet do better. Luculia’s attempts fail, and instead the two have a short heart to heart. Luculia’s brother has fallen to drink and hasn’t come to terms with coming home from war to find his parents gone, and Luculia doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s nice that they still have one another.

Violet takes that in, writes a letter for the brother, and repairs the relationship! Yay!

But that’s the formula. Everyone knows those beats! Got to earn the heart-wrench.

Episode four, Violet escorts her co-worker Iris back to Iris’s hometown for a surprise birthday party. Iris isn’t happy about this turn around, due to a rejection of her feelings and her parents not really supporting her life path.

Again, Violet writes a letter, makes everyone feel better. As you do.

But we also learn the origins of names: Iris got hers from the flowers blooming when she was born, and Violet… got hers at the training center when The Major awkwardly realized Violet didn’t have a name. Thus strengthening the parent/child relationship of The Major and Violet and they better not make this gross, I swear!

Then we reach the royal engagement. I mostly discussed that in the relationship dissertation, but episode five is a strong examination of making a relationship work, despite distance, age, obligations, and other fragile matters. The episode also gently nods to the fragile state the continent’s in after the war, with dissidents to the results of the war still out there, waiting to take center stage.

Episode six is fine. It is. Massive library, Violet meets a reclusive nerd scared to follow the path of his parents. Reclusive nerd crushes on Violet. Violet is ignorant of his feelings because of course, and she accidentally inspires him to change jobs from researcher to Action Archivist! Roaming the world searching for lost texts! Good world building, not heavy on the emotions.

And so we come to Episode Seven: probably the closest I’ve arrived at crying in years.[11]

Violet is hired to transcribe a famous playwright’s newest play. He’d been out of the public eye for a while, but he’s much lauded. However, his house is a mess, he’s slow to get the work started with Violet, using her as a maid for a bit and inspiring her to try cooking.[12]

Anyways, Oscar Webster is writing a children’s play. His first, I believe. Which is a dead give away for his emotional problems. Still, the snippets we get really showcase the creative writing process and hit me with nostalgia for the Theater for Young Audience class I took once, and the child’s theater summer camp I worked for.

Then we get flashbacks to Oscar and his daughter moving into a new place after his wife’s passing,[13] then watching his daughter progress through what is one hundred percent cancer as we get the snippets of what inspires the play.

And Violet meets him living alone in his ill kept house.

Which is where I’m ending my summary.

Violet Evergarden is a good anime. Beautiful visuals, distinct characters, strong world building, and amazing writing.

Go watch it now.

Though, on your way over, consider supporting my Patreon. Then, after you watch all of Violet Evergarden, come talk to me about it. And maybe check out the other things I’ve written and drawn and otherwise created. Especially since I’ve decided I’ve procrastinated long enough on a certain project.[14]

After all, August 1st is coming. Sounds like a good day to go camping and/or catch a wave.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Often strong ones! [2] A specific variant of the Fish out of Water trope that, unfortunately, TV Tropes doesn’t seem to have an entry for, as it hasn’t been applied to Violet.[3] [3] Wait, found a video essay. “Born Sexy Yesterday”. Which, admittedly, examines the trope’s problemsome aspects, but,eh, I stand by its strengths. [4] This is why Starfire is the best character on Teen Titans. fight me. [5] I keep meaning to use it myself, but the concept I have would spoil a major setting secret for my current project. [6] A scribe with a typewriter. Anime has an ability to give fanciful names to things at a level I hope someday to emulate. [7] Why she did it during the flashback when The Major got her the broach is anyone’s guess. Maybe it relates to that anecdote about a kid eating a letter from Maurice Sendak. [8] Named for a manga that was apparently pretty cute until it suddenly really wasn’t. At all. I haven’t read it, but reputations do flourish. [9] The light novel isn’t as ambiguous, but I won’t spoil it. Also, totally looking forward to picking it up once it gets translated. [10] I guess I do have that play about tabletop rpgs that needs another draft with a better plot… [11] Since I came downstairs after bedtime at exactly the wrong time of a medical drama show. Was like, four or five. Saw a man coughing up blood. Good times. Before my soul froze up and withered to the merry husk I have now. [12] I really like seeing cooking used as a narrative device. [13] Moving after a spouse dies is a very sad and subtle trope. [14] Though a Three Leaves, Three Colors review may pop up first. It’s the current bedtime anime.

#CanvasWatches #violet evergarden #anime #netflix #CanvasReviews

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